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#his danhausen impression that one time KILLED me
homoeroticgrappling · 3 months
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I adore when Ricky and Danhausen interact
Also Danhausen is 100% correct, that is a nice arm
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aerodaltonimperial · 11 months
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(y’all lack imagination this is so easy to rationalize. PLATONIC JungleHook)
“Okay, what was that,” Hook says, as he pushes open the door to Jack’s room. He’ll never understand why the guy keeps his room so damn warm. It’s like walking into a sauna. Is this a jungle thing again? Ugh, he’s already sweating.
“What was what?” Jack asks. He’s playing nonchalant at looking down at his phone, but does an absolutely terrible job at faking the keyboard mashing. As if Hook is going to really believe he just sent a text that says IIIILLLLL9999991113FFFJS.
Hook wants to smack him. “The hugs.”
“It’s normal for tag partners to hug when they are friends, Hook,” Jack says, with the most obnoxious preschool teacher voice Hook has ever heard.
“One hug is normal, Jack. That was three.”
Jack shrugs. “I just wanted to make sure they got the footage. For television. In case they missed it.”
“In case they...” Hook stops. Narrows his eyes. “Oh. Oh, I see. This is about earlier in the show. This is about the end of Orange’s match.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“God dammit, Jack, don’t put me in the middle of this.” Hook sighs.
“Don’t put you in the middle?” Jack repeats, eyebrows hiked. His voice goes high, that thing it does when he’s starting up into one of his rants. “Don’t put you in the middle, Hook? Are you serious right now?”
“Oh my god.”
Jack waves his phone in the air. “I’ve been getting death threats for months, Hook. Months.”
“You’re being dramatic, those aren’t death threats.”
Jack stares at him, and then opens his phone with exaggerated flourishes. While glaring. It would be a little impressive if Hook wasn’t annoyed by the whole thing. “May 24: Remember when you were mute? Good times.”
“Not a threat,” Hook says. “Plus, it’s nice that he remembers so much about your past.”
“May 15,” Jack continues reading. “Have you tried the blowfish in catering? Supposedly they can kill you. You should eat one. Or ten.”
“Trying to expand your culinary palette. That’s friendly.”
One of Jack’s eyes twitches. “May 2: Self-driving cars are having terrible accidents. One just drove off a cliff! Danhausen will buy you one as a gift.”
“Look at that, he remembered your birthday.”
“My birthday is in two weeks,” Jack says.
Hook waves a hand in the air. “Better early than late, right?”
“Hook.” Jack’s got that tone.
Hook groans. “Oh my god, okay. Maybe...maybe I’ve been doing the same thing to you.”
“Yeah, since January.”
“Well, then let’s just hope your hugs were visible to the right people, because I gotta feeling you’re gonna have to turn your phone off tonight with all the messages you’ve invited.”
Jack rolls his eyes. “Fine, fine. Look, I’m turning it off, see? Hurry up so we can finish season 3 of Grey’s Anatomy.”
“There are like 18 seasons of this. I told you we should have started with the West Wing.”
“Oh, you wanna switch now?” Jack asks.
“No, I’m invested,” Hook snips, tugging the unpopped popcorn package out of his bag. At least these hotel rooms have microwaves. They’d had to bribe Adam Page with like twenty bucks worth of vending machine food to use the one he bought at Target in Vegas. “And I hate you for this.”
“No, you don’t.” Jack settles onto the mattress, clicking on his laptop to cast it over onto the hotel’s smart TV. “We’re learning valuable things here.”
“I don’t think any of these medical procedures are correct,” Hook says.
“About ourselves, not surgical practices.”
“Whatever. Don’t you dare start it until this is done, I don’t wanna miss half the dialogue again when the popcorn goes.”
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itjazzbicch · 2 years
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All That Matters
Pairing:  Dahausen x Fem Reader
Summary: The reader follows her fellow members of Team Taz, watching Hook's new partnership with Dahausen, but hiding the fact that she is actually attracted to him. During a night at the gym, Ricky, Hobbs and Hook find her journal, learning her true feelings about Danhausen and having emotions exploding everywhere...
Warnings: Bit of angst between Team Taz, Swearing (First time I ever wrote Danhausen, so I hope I did well!)
Requested by: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch (I hope you enjoy it!)
Word Count: 1.4k
Tag List: @demonqueen29 @peachy-satan00 @new-zealand-chic   @crowleysqueenofhell @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @thatpanpal @damnnhausen @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @linziland13 @xxx-jazz-xxx @writtingrose @whenimakeitshine1234 @cuzimacomedian
I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF: 
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“I still can’t believe Hook is hanging out with that clown,” Ricky walked into the gym with disgust on his face, Hook standing next to Danhausen as he was doing ‘pull-ups’ and by pull-ups, I mean hanging by one arm, body twirling around slowly.”
“Clown?” I laughed while watching just to groan, “He’s the whole damn circus. A big ass joke.”
“You can say that again,” Hobbs followed, all of us putting our gym bags on the bench next to Hooks.
It was so hard not to laugh at Ricky and Hobbs’s faces when Danhausen, still hanging by an arm, waved over, smiling wide:
“Hookhausen is alone no more! Team Taz in full force, Danhausen loves to see it!”
I had to walk away, breathing hitched from holding my laugh, hearing Ricky mumbled:
“What the fuck is wrong with that man?”
I kept my distance from all the guys and started stretching, having a more unique workout compared to them. At one point I was so zoned out, upside down hanging from a bar, doing sit ups and startled when I heard next to me:
“Wow! Danhausen is impressed! That’s very impressive!”
Seeing that it was just Dahausen, I settled, stopping for a moment when I took the time to see how pretty his eyes actually were in the light, feeling a small smile starting to form, till I saw Ricky and Hobbs in the corner of my eye, looking in our direction.
All I did was nod, then went back to my sit ups, fighting that smile again and hearing Dahausen saying to Hook:
“Hookhausen should train with her! Look how impressive she is!”
There was tension all around me and I could feel its massive energy radiating from the guys, making me workout quicker with a racing heart. I was going to wrap it up after those sit ups, but I noticed them all going to the locker room and I needed to be away from them, so I went to the treadmill.
“Hey, we’re wrapping up,” Ricky scoffed, looking to me.
I had to have been going max speed, yelling to Ricky:
“Go then! I won’t be long!”
He walked off with an eye roll, finally having some peace to myself and having to run so hard, pushing myself, it made me focused on that solely and by the time I was done, I felt exhausted.
Popping out my airpods, I headed over to the bench to get my bag, but when I picked up my bag and opened it, it was all of Hooks stuff.
Hook accidentally took my bag instead of his. I instantly rushed into their locker room with Hook’s bag, saying quickly:
“Dude! Can’t you ever pay attention? You took my bag!”
Completely ignore what I said, Ricky alongside Hook and Hobbs, held up my journal, saying:
“What the fuck is this?”
My body went stiff when my heart dropped, staring at my journal and noticing where my bookmark was, Hobbs looking along and reading out:
“I even caught him without the face paint one day, so handsome, but I love that face of his regardless. Getting to see his tattoos was a woah too, being a sucker for guys with tattoos. He always makes me laugh and smile and it’s so hard to put on this show because of the guys and Taz. They would totally kill me if they knew that I liked him.”
“Are you talking about that fucking clown?” Ricky snapped, pointing back to the bathroom.
None of them turned around to look, but Danhausen actually took a step out of the bathroom, foot halfway out, but stopped and stood still, watching and observing the situation.
“You got one thing right, I’m ready to kill you for this!” Ricky was pissed, Hobbs also expressing:
“What happened to him being the whole damn circus and a joke, huh?”
I was on the verge of tears, going over to take back my journal, but Ricky held up it up high so I couldn’t reach it.
“We asked you a question, Y/N! Answer it!”
“It’s obvious how she feels,” Hook mumbled, glancing up to me then the journal.
Again, I didn’t answer, going to get my journal again just for Ricky to keep it away, snapping, “I’m not gonna sa-“
I was so infuriated that I slapped Ricky across the face, the smacking noise echoing in the room, all of them freezing while I snatched my journal back, throwing Hook’s bag in the corner like a football and taking mine.
“So, you all think it’s just okay to invade peoples privacy?!” I roared, feeling a throb in my neck that grew, “Learn how to mind your own fucking business!”
I stormed off, slamming the door shut hard and when I got outside, I realized that I rode with Ricky and Hobbs and there was no talking to them after I smacked Ricky like that. I went around the building, looking to the full moon, plopping down on a set of stairs and trying not to cry, but failed horribly.
Pissed off, upset, feeling a bit betrayed by them going through my things like they did; I just couldn’t believe it, wiping the tears away and looking up when I heard a soft voice:
“Is it okay if Dahausen joins you?”
Still in sweat pants and cape, he took the time to come check on me and there was no way I could reject him after all of that, nodding to him, keeping our gaze as he sat next to me softly.
There was a small silence that began to feel awkward and all of my feelings and thoughts were obvious now, going to speak but he said first:
“So, you actually like Danhausen?”
I wasn’t sure if he was nervous or just really needed to believe it; Either way, what was the point in lying or hiding anything?
“I do,” I whispered, looking down at my fidgeting hands, admitting, “I just- you’re really one of a kind. You’re always yourself, don’t care what people think, truly kind, and I can’t help but have this attraction towards you. I like you a lot actually.”
Leaning to my knees, I started to cry again, overloaded with emotion, but still listening when he leaned down along with me, expressing along with his hands:
“Danhausen knows how Starks and Hobbs can be, believe me, I’ve been wanting to curse them, BUT; Like you mentioned, I don’t care what people think of me. Maybe you should do the same.”
Reconnecting a gaze, I knew he meant that with his heart and good intentions, trying to help me in the best way he could, doing just that when he said quickly:
“Just do not ever smack Danhausen like you did Starks. Jaw still hurts watching, my goodness! Dahausen has never seen so much force in a slap before!”
I instantly started laughing when he rubbed his jaw at the same time, settling down and watching a pure smile grow on his face, placing his hand next to mine on the stairs.
“Is it okay if Dahausen tells you something?”
With a nod, I was watching his hand, heart beginning to race again when he took my hand carefully, soft in mine as they interlocked and he admitted to me:
“Dahausen likes you too. A lot.”
His smile was super contagious, all of that anger and sadness wiped away now knowing that we shared the same feelings, squeezing his hand and whispering:
“You sure? I know I’ve said some things and-“
“Oh those were lies,” He swatted his free hand in the air, squeezing my other hand back, “It was quite obvious you only did those kind of things in front of them.”
Man, he sure was observant, hitting that nail on the head, making me smile more:
“Never mind what they think. If Dahausen and Y/N are happy, that’s all that matters.”
For someone that people may have found goofy, weird, or plain crazy, he sure was smart and had a good way of thinking, keeping me smiling.
“Y/N agrees,” I giggled, hugging as he opened his arms up wide, then latched around with a little shake, keeping me snug and tight in his arms, a good hug that I needed.
“Y/N-Hausen, what do you think?” He suggested and when I nodded, his eyes lit up, “Ah! Marvelous!”
I went to speak on it, but was left speechless, having to lean his head down to press his lips into mine, not trying to just make me happy or anything, truly meaning it with his spirituous heart and did kiss back, a hot heat in my cheeks, obviously flustered when he pulled back with a small pop.
“Don’t worry, Y/N,” His arm wrapped around my shoulder, laying his head on top of mine, truly believing every word he said, hand waving up and past all the stars and moon, “We can take on the whole world if we have to.”
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