#hi doug jones sorry you had to find out i was using your name and likeness in bloodborne this way
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How do your OCs feel about secondhand embarrassment ?
Zogar: This is a flavor that I do not seek out, but on occasion it can add a nice little sour.
Neru: I'm usually the source of it to be quite honest.
Aethel: Cringe is dead.
Alexandro: Cringe is an undead monster that haunts me day and night.
Teresa: Please, just, wear a mask when there's a plague. It doesn't have to be full of potpourri or have a beak, but bloody hell.
Swan: I must not cringe. Cringe is the mind-killer. Cringe is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my cringe. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. There where cringe has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Veldesette: Oh god he's doing a Dune bit. I am so sorry on behalf of my cousin. 😬
BLOODBORNE OC BONUS ROUND
Nice Lady: I'm more embarrassed for myself, really.
Cruel Aristocrat: LMAO EAT SHIT YOU UNCIVILIZED HOG
Learned Youth: It's sort of an interesting phenomenon, but it makes sense evolutionarily. We see our peers making negative judgements on people who have made some sort of faux pas, we internalize those judgements in order to avoid repeating the mistakes. But it's tricky, because our peers don't necessarily judge correctly, so you really should examine what and why you're feeling whe-
Abe Sapien: My name is Doug Jones. I'm an actor and I'm stuck in a place called Yharnam. There's werewolves and things here and it's really freaking me out I need help please get me the hell out of here!
#asks#asks answered#oc talk#oc zogar#oc neru#oc aethel#oc alexandro#oc teresa#oc swan#oc nice lady#oc cruel aristocrat#oc learned youth#oc abe sapien#hi doug jones sorry you had to find out i was using your name and likeness in bloodborne this way#second hand embarrassment#hobo-rg#thank you for asking darling!
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Howard Lovecraft 5: Yes, This Is The Last One
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4
Alright chums, let’s do this, home stretch!
- Alright everybody, welcome back to Eldritch Wipeout!
- We’ve had a pretty uneventful day so far, but that might turn around with our next contestant! Standing three feet tall and hailing from Rhode Island, let’s give it up for Howard “Hard R” Lovecraft! *air horns*
- He’s gonna need to keep a level head for this, Tim.
- That’s for sure, Jack. Always keep your wits about you!
- That is, if you haven’t already lost your mind from revelations no man should bear!
- Looks like he’s already running into some trouble with the first trial- And they’re past it already!
- But let’s see how well they do in the second trial!
- We pulled out all the stops on this one...
...and by “all the stops”, I mean ‘ripped the hell off of Indiana Jones’!
Don’t forget Howard...in the Aklo alphabet, ‘Jehovah’ begins with an ‘I’!
- Pretty straightforward, Bob, just gotta find the right tiles to step on --
- Ooh! Do you think he realizes that the words “my father” in that inscription DON’T refer to his father?
- I’m sure he does, John. If the inscription had meant that, it would have said “your father”!
- Appears he does NOT understand this, Rick.
- You know kids these days, Bill, they just don’t got the grammar too good.
- Wait, looks like he’s got another idea...could it be?
- I think it is!
- Looks like he’s spelling out ‘Azathoth’ which IS the correct answer!
- Terrible animation as always, of course.
- No argument there, Dick.
- Just the worst.
- Anyway, it’s on to the third and final trial! This one’s gonna require a lot of creative thinking...
- Looks like he’s planning on reflecting the light from his glowy blue friend, definitely an unconventional solution!
- I’m not sure that’s how physics works, Fred...
- Well, it’s working, Don!
- Well, fuck me in the ass with a Honda, Paul, so it is!
- Just goes to show you can’t trust physics in a place like this.
- No you can’t, Ron.
- I think our boy Howard might just be home free - OH! LOOK at that! A mob of Deep Ones!
- Copy-pasted, by the looks of it!
- Earl, this might be a pickle they’re in now.
waaait a minute...Deep Ones don’t blink!
- Actually, Mark, it seems like they’re cool! They’re just letting him walk out of there.
- Come to think of it, Ted, I think those might just be some set technicians. They’ve been waiting to start disassembling the course, I think.
- Well then, that’s our cue! We have a winner, ladies gents and assorted entities! Thanks for tuning in!
whew, doing those voices was murder on my throat. Now back to the hostage situation:
Nothing much to say here, badguy seemingly wins, activates the ritual, yadda yadda.
oola ooh couchez avec moi, c’est soi?
You can’t really tell from the screencap, but at the crucial moment the book stops working because...
...yeah. I’m not sure ‘deus ex machina’ is the right term for a situation involving actual elder gods, but it sure is a convenient development that in no way hinged on the protagonist’s actions, isn’t it? (also wow. They...just did not bother to give that book any texture here, did they?) Anyhoo, the evil plan fails, miserably,
(I think this was Pepsi’s slogan back in the ‘90s.)
Abdul has finally Outlived His Usefulness™, although he manages a few more lines after being set on fire so I wonder whether that dorky outfit was actually flame retardant.
And there’s Dagon, just standing there awkwardly because this is his place and he actually has people coming over tomorrow so if you all would please hurry up?
The goodguys actually left before Nyarlahotep had even begun soliloquizing back there, and now they’re back safe and sound (except for Ma Lovecraft who is still dying).
Oh, look who it is! Yeah, they’re safe, no thanks to you. Hope you had a nice cup of tea while everyone else was almost dying.
He binds the three journals together into The Necronomicon, which is the only thing that can save Howard’s mother (apparently that requires a higher level of magic than awakening freaking Cthulhu).
Speaking of Mark Hamill, that new Dark Crystal show has been pretty good so far (he’s one of the skeksis in that). Anyways sorry I called you useless, Doc.
lol that bitch is FADED!
*ding* Turkey’s done!
Howard reads from the book to save her. BUT WILL HE BE IN TIME?
My God, she looks like she’s made of vinyl! SHE’S BACK TO NORMAL, EVERYBODY!
There it is, the ONE GOOD BIT in this whole sordid affair. And I’ve capped and posted it, so now you can safely not watch the movie without missing anything.
So Spot (...is he Cthulhu for real now? I don’t think so but...) Must Go Back To His Home Planet Now, His People Need Him. By the way, I am increasingly sure that this is supposed to be R’lyeh:
(sorry, Ruh-LAY)
So the baddies didn’t kill these guys. Ah, too bad, I guess.
Howard shares some meaningful last words with Armitage:
- And they return (via portal) to their home. Yes, their quiet, peaceful home, with its cozy beds and its tranquil garden and their little cat, Ni-
...why, who could THAT be?
I will say this about the animation: it stayed shitty right up to the end.
...
So...not Nick Fury, then.
Right now, I feel, the joke is very specifically on me.
Roll credits, including this bit here about how this was actually adapted from a graphic novel:
Notice that director/producer/voice of Spot/father or husband of half the cast Sean O’Reilly is there, but notice how many other people there are who seem to have had little or nothing to do with this movie. Wonder what that’s about?
If it’s one of those guys that did this credit art - orders of magnitude better than the animation for most of the actual film - it’s nothing short of a travesty that not only were they not involved with the main project but also that we get to see their stuff now just to taunt us with what might have been.
I mean, LOOK at all that! Damn!
“Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental”, says the movie with the child version of a famous horror author as the main character. SURE, WHY NOT.
WELP THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE - well, all she wrote, maybe, but I still have a bit more to add. So yeah, this was on the whole pretty dismal. Not quite as bad as it could have been, I’ll grant, but it missed most of its major cues. I DID like some things - Doug Bradley played a decent Nyarlahotep, the stuff with Azathoth was neat, and Winfield Lovecraft’s character was actually kind of engaging - even funny - at times. AT TIMES. And I will say that, perversely, Abdul Alhazred’s lackluster character design actually kind of stood out - I don’t think you’ll find very many other depictions of him where he’s Just Some Guy (who happens to be a powerful sorcerer). If nothing else, they pretty diligently avoided racializing him (not even a turban!) - yeah, it’s still true that the one evil human is also the only one with any nonwhite identifiers whatsoever (really just the name, in this case) but considering the source material if that’s the most problematic it gets then we got off SUPER easy.
Bad news is, basically everything else about this blows. The animation only hurts if you have eyes, but even the blind can hold O’Reilly accountable for the decision to cast all his kids. Then there’s the fact that the movie tries to bait us with big names, even though two of the top-billed stars (Plummer and Perlman) have probably less than a minute’s worth of lines between them (and ‘lines’ is a bit charitable in Perlman’s case [no disrespect to Ron, you’ll always be my Hellboy]). Seriously, did you even remember Dr. West until I brought him up just now? Wait, no, don’t actually try to recallAAUGH
AAAAAAAHH!
And now the Nyquil’s kickin’ in so I’m gonna have to bow out - but fortunately I’ve said pretty much everything I could think of to say anyway. Perhaps one day, when the stars are right, I might recap the other movies, including Howard’s Mother Eats A Whole Chicken. The future is full of mysteries!
...OK, bye.
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Gronk’s Basement Week 1/2 Recap
WHAT IS UP fellas. Alright so here’s the deal. ESPN ruined it’s platform and I’ve been forced to find a new method for posts. Super unhappy about it. For however many years I’ve been working the same shitty platform, trying to be funny, and it’s worked to some degree. I am all out of sorts now and I am going to try something new. The new platform won’t even allow you to post a video or a link. I think this tumblr is something the kids are using these days so I am giving it a shot. Seems pretty sweet so far. No idea if it will work but let’s give it a whirl.
Before I get into the action, I would like to start off by ranking the 2019 team names. If you did not change the name of your team, you tied for last and I hate you.
KT, Tuck, Ease, Macero, Pickett, hate you all, change your team names.
Tight End Luvr 87 - God I miss Gronk.
Purple Cobras - Doug went with a classic movie team name and I don’t hate it. Doug I hope you walk into every NFL Sunday watching location doing this:
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Gronk’s Nation Can’t Hang at CF - Steve, I have absolutely NO fucking clue what is happening here. First, this isn’t Gronk’s Nation, it’s the damn basement. Second, CF? CrossFit? Cumberland Farms? Central Falls? Where you going with this name? Need some explanation, please elaborate.
Nuts on the Table - Great name, if this was 2018. Get a new thing Jmart. Also we all know there’s not enough room on the table for your giant disgusting nuts because you already filled the table with 48 empty beer cans.
Devil Without a Koz - DIGGING THIS ONE! A great reference to a timeless classic by Kid Rock. Is it also a nod to the big G-O-D for welcoming Koz into the family? Now that Koz is Jew-no-more, he’s throwing his Kippah in the air, praising the big guy upstairs and shunning the Devil. Koz, little tip from a lifetime Catholic: You only need to go to church once a year (or just tell people you do) and as long as you donate a little money when you do, you’ll get into heaven. Don’t buy into the every Sunday going to church hoopla.
The Vaginas - Honestly do not know if I love or hate this one. I will cut Branch some slack, he’s had a lot on his plate lately so a new team name was probably the least of his worries. So he did the least creative thing he could do and kept his yearly vaginal efforts on par and named his team, The Vaginas. Such a guru move.
Gay Lords - Govey is gay, Lord Jeff’s, all that stuff. Not giving the rest of the league much to say about him here by just admitting to what we’ve been saying all along. I can appreciate the humility here. Well done Gov.
Now I will jump right into the action with some recaps. I may not get to every game due to time/lack of fuck’s to give.
Week 1
**Jmart vs Hurley - **well here we have an ex-roommate battle. For those of you who don’t know, Jmart and I do not live together anymore. He up and moved to San Diego one day, it was the strangest thing. I came home from work one day and all his shit was gone, and all he left was a note on the kitchen table that said he had to go see about a girl.
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At any rate, I refuse to let Lamar Jackson help me to a win for the first time in two weeks (foreshadowing) and started Carson Wentz. Losing Tyreek Hill killed me really. Jmart had a pretty solid outing with 16 points from Steven Gostkowski and 31.6 from the Goat, ultimately beating me by less than 8 points.
Branch vs KT - Well this was an absolute slug fest. Branch had 36.7 from DeSean Watson, Jacobs rumbled for 23.8, and Barkley with 16, but he fell just shy of KT’s performances including 38 from McCaffrey, 33 from Mahomes, and 28.4 from Derrick Henry. KT certainly has some studs on his team and will be a tough out this year. KT notches one in the win column and the GURU one in the W.
Keach vs Koz - This one was not even close. Koz notched his first weekly points prize of $25 throwing up 151.7 with strong performances from Mark Ingram scoring 22.7, his random tight end Mark Andrews who added 20.8, another 30 from Bell and Fournette and Alshon scoring 19.6 to top it off. Keach had strong weeks from Keenan Allen who fucked me all year last year, as well as David Johnson and Emmanuel Sanders, but not too much to show from anyone else including a dud from his kicker.
Govey vs Hammy - Hammy of course took his boy Dak and boy did it pay off as he scored 41.4 week one. Relatively modest weeks from everyone else except Harry Butker who scored 17, Steven racked up 119.6. Govey’s team struggled to get much going with the only notable performances coming from Kamara with 20.4 and Tyrell Williams with 19.5. Look for Govey to make some moves to shake things up!
**Tucker vs Pickett **- Pretty close matchup here with each team having some really down weeks from their QB’s. Cam Newton absolutely is a shell of himself and only scored 5.4 points. Jared Goff struggled across the field from him only gaining 11.4. It was performances from Dalvin Cook and Evan Engram that gave Tuck the win over Pickett here, as Pick’s team struggled to get anything going from anyone but Delanie Walker and Austin Ekeler and Amari Cooper.
Macero vs Easley - Ees, Eeees, I don’t want to butcher your name man is it, Eas-i-lee? Fucking Scal! Anyway this was a low scoring match between one perennial contender and a guy who loves trying to sabotage this league with bad roster moves. Easley’s team got 22.6 from Matty Ice and 15.5 from Damien Williams but not too much from the rest of his NFC dominant team. Macero started Melvin Gordon who doesn’t plan to play till November. I can’t sit here and say it ultimately lost him the game given that although he only lost by 4.5 points, three out of the six options on his bench scored less than that. BUT he did have Sammy Watkins on his bench who scored 42.5 points, but that is what you get when you start players who are not playing.
Thought 1: Fuck I forgot how much work this is.
Thought 2: Really hope this tumblr shit saves and works.
Thought 3: Had a dream last night I was training Carson Wentz in some footwork drills, except he looked like John Mulholland. I love this shit so much I do it in my sleep.
Week 2 - gonna be a bit shorter
Hurley vs Guru - Again, I sat Jackson at QB and it bit me in the ass. Note to self: Start Lamar Jackson. Branch got a modest win with 83.5 points with solid weeks from his Vagina stars Barkley, Brown and Jacobs. My team needs help but I am not panicking yet.
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Branch is 1-0, I am 0′for.
**Keach vs KT - **This one wasn’t very close. Mahomes scored 39.6, Tyler Boyd with 17.2, Derrick Henry with another strong week, KT cruised past Keach who rolled with the Baker Mayfield which net him 17. Honorable mentions: Sanders and Chubb totaling 40 points. Keach falls to 0-2, KT is undefeated.
Jmart vs Koz - Koz, love ya buddy and sorry I couldn’t make it to your bachelor party but I will let you know that if I wasn’t in front of my TV wearing my Gronk jersey the Pats D may not have scored 40, which helped you get another $25 weekly points prize. You’re welcome. This was a slaughtering and Mark Andrews once again showed out with 21.2. Jmart had a decent week with 28.7 from the GOAT but just barely broke the 100 point mark. Koz is 2-0, Jmart 1-1.
Tuck vs Macero - Actually a pretty tight game here. Cam Newton once again sucked, and the 26.6 from Dalvin Cook couldn’t help Tuck’s team past Macero, despite Macero losing Brees early on. A strong showing from Odell on Monday night pushed Macero past Tucker here pushing both teams to 1-1.
Govey vs Pickett - Another blowout as Govey is learning why the ‘stache may not have been such a hot pick after all. 18.4 from Rodgers, 13.1 from Tyrell Williams and 13 from the Houston D and Govey barely broke 90 points. Pickett’s team notched 125.4 behing Julio Jones and Austin Ekeler. Pickett is 1-1, Govey is 0-2.
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Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 11 Review: Su’Kal
https://ift.tt/3gYLntQ
This STAR TREK: DISCOVERY review contains spoilers for Season 3, Episode 11
As the season finale looms on the horizon Star Trek: Discovery attempts to begin pulling together its disparate Season 3 plot threads into something like a cohesive story. “Su’Kal” brings the villainous Osyraa and her Emerald Chain back into the picture, investigates the mysterious Kelpien ship that sent the distress call a few episodes back, and finally gives us an answer to what likely caused the Burn in the first place.
If this all feels a bit crowded and overstuffed, that’s because the hour tries to do too much, cramming in a ton of primary exposition alongside its more action-oriented B plot. Plus, if you had “the Burn was somehow triggered by a radioactive Kelpien child who lives in the holodeck version of Plato’s cave” on your Discovery Season 3 bingo card, well – you’re a smarter viewer than I am.
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But, hey, at least Tilly gets to sit in the captain’s chair at last. (In the Prime universe, at any rate.) Take joy in the small things, folks.
The crew of the Discovery is surprised that there’s a life sign emanating from the abandoned Kelpien ship discovered in that mysterious nebula, but we shouldn’t be. This season has been extremely interested in interrogating whether Saru is the right leader for this brutal new future, and for weeks his arc has been foreshadowing a critical choice at a point when he clearly cares more about the needs of the one than the many. The moment of that test is upon him, and it may very well end up costing him his life, or the lives of his crew. (I suspect it will at the very least cost him his captain’s chair next season, but that’s just a shot in the dark.)
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Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 10 Easter Eggs & References
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There was never any real question of whether Saru would jump at the chance to rescue the child that’s still trapped in the wreckage of that Kelpien ship. And, naturally, Michael can’t resist the opportunity to find out the truth about the Burn she’s been obsessed with since she arrived in the 32nd century, since she blames that event for the downfall of the organizations she most loved. It makes a certain amount of sense for Hugh to tag along since he’s at least a medical professional, but this is another of those installments where it feels as though Discovery simply enjoys constantly putting him – and Stamets – in mortal peril, for no other reason than because it can.
As noted last week, we were always going to miss Philippa Georgiou’s presence on this show, but I didn’t think the weight of her absence would be felt so completely this quickly. Truly, this episode would have been vastly improved by the presence of anyone willing to argue the more difficult points of the situation: That Saru and Michael’s trip into the nebula was actually kind of a stupid plan to begin with and that the smartest decision they could have made once they recognized Su’Kal’s abilities would have been to kill or otherwise incapacitate him in the name of preventing countless more deaths.
This is Star Trek, of course, so that plan would have rightfully gone nowhere, but the fact that no one even mentions the hard truths to Michael or Saru now is kind of a problem. (Except for Tilly, a little bit, as she at least tries to leave Michael and jump Discovery to safety – just a minute too late.)
What emotional heft there is in this story comes from Doug Jones who, thanks to an oddity of the program that protects Su’Kal that cloaks all visitors in skins that will be familiar to him, is for once allowed to convey every moment of Saru’s emotional conflict on his own very human face. The lack of the prosthetics he normally wears allows for a degree of performative nuance that he is not always afforded, and Jones sells every second of Saru’s personal grief and devastation over the things he sees.
The child Su’Kal – now grown to a young man – exists in a world populated entirely by holograms and computer simulations. He’s never been outside the ship he was born on and doesn’t even really understand the idea of “outside” as anything beyond the vaguest of concepts. He seems to spend his life trying to avoid the literal manifestation of a monster from one of his childhood storybooks and is painfully excited to meet Burnham, who he believes to be something new in a world that became stale long ago.
He is also, apparently, the source of the Burn. Which, admittedly, is not the answer to this season long mystery that I was hoping for, particularly since the planet he is trapped on is essentially made of dilithium, a twist which pretty much solves everything that was interesting about this season’s space politics in one fell and largely dull swoop.
Thanks to the combination of extended exposure to subspace radiation and the nearby dilithium nursery that has transformed him into what is essentially Star Trek’s take on Dark Phoenix. (The episode was not tremendously clear on the explanation for any of this beyond Hugh’s insistence that life forms adapt when they have to, so hopefully more exposition is coming, both about what happened 125 years earlier and what Su’Kal is capable of doing now.)
As the final credits roll, Sa’Kul remains a threat that no one knows how to neutralize; Saru, Hugh and Adira are trapped and slowly dying of radiation poisoning; and Michael and Book are left watching Discovery disappear, her spore drive now in the possession of the Emerald Chain.
Now what? We’ve got two more episodes to find out.
Additional Thoughts
If I were going to take my ship into a radioactive death trap, I would definitely take my amazing cat off of it first, Book! Protect Queen Grudge at all costs!
The fact that the Discovery now canonicallyhas what is essentially a veterinarian on board is the best thing. (This must mean that more people have pets, yes?)
Michael Burnham lecturing literally anybody about allowing their emotions and desires to distract from the needs of the larger mission is r i c h.
That said, Michael’s pep talk to Tilly about sitting in the captain’s chair in Saru’s absence was the sort of ladies supporting ladies stuff I always want to see in this franchise.
Tilly’s threat to self-destruct the Discovery before allowing Osyraa to have the spore drive was hardcore. I hate that her determination was undercut by the Emerald Chain just…apparently transporting straight onto the ship with no problem?
Sorry about the mind control, Stamets. You truly have the worst luck.
The post Star Trek: Discovery Season 3 Episode 11 Review: Su’Kal appeared first on Den of Geek.
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And then you let me down. Unlike IMDb, I give this one a solid 6. It’s not terrible, but it’s not great. It’s a solid OK. There are a number of reasons for this, including but not limited to having something great and not using it to its fullest potential.
Always Watching is an adaptation of Internet creepmeister Slenderman. That has potential right? Except it’s an adaptation of Marble Hornets, which is an adaptation of Slenderman. This can be like playing a screenwriting version of Chinese Telephone.
Something that got garbled between scripts was the creep factor of Slendy himself, called the Operator in the Marble Hornets universe. Being that Slendy came to be in a photoplasty, his initial iteration doesn’t move--or at least his initial iteration doesn’t give us insight into how he moves. Sometimes not knowing is 12000 times more terrifying than knowing. Well, Always Watching imagines him as a sort of blip; that things that moves way faster than it should and when you’re not watching. Like a weeping angel. This is definitely creepy, but my qualm with it is that you bothered to put Doug Jones under that suit and failed to his potential range of motion. Jones has the ability to contort in ways many actors can’t and this can make watching him move absolutely terrifying. The Operator that we get, though, could’ve had anyone under that suit because he doesn’t really do much moving that we get to see. It’s not that their choice was a bad one. Like I said, it’s still a creepy method of locomoting. It was just disappointing knowing Doug Jones was under there and we didn’t get to really see him do his thing. I spent the whole moving waiting for Doug Jones to scare the crap out of me and it never really happened. He also goes from being freakishly tall and thin to only being Doug Jones tall and thin. Now don’t get me wrong, if you have to pick an actual human height to be eerie, Doug Jones is your guy, but the bizarre proportions of the original Slenderman could’ve been achieved. It’s not like he hasn’t done stilt work before. And it would’ve certainly added to the creepy factor.
So synopsis time! A cameraman meets a reporter at a New Years’ party. They hook up. I’m not sure why we needed this information. Somehow months later they end up working together at a news station. A new guy shows up and tells them they’re going to work on an otherwise lame story about home foreclosures when they discover a box of family videos tucked inside a crawl space in an eerily quickly abandoned home. New guy decides they’re going to use this to put a face on the housing crisis and show the lives of people affected by the constant string of foreclosures. Instead the cameraman finds fucking creepy shit on the tapes. The Operator--who never gets a name but has one in the credits--appears to have been stalking this family. In their fear they fled their home, leaving most of their possessions and also this box of creepy tapes behind. Once invested in these tapes, The Operator starts to fuck with the cameraman IRL and integrates himself into the lives of Reporter Girl and New Guy while he’s at it.
Like Marble Hornets, they opted to present Always Watching as a found footage piece, which can easily go horribly wrong. I don’t normally like found footage, but this one worked for me. Of course, they had to give Cameraman a creepy fixation with Reporter Girl to explain why he’s filming literally all the time even before finding a creepy mother fucker in his camera viewer. This creates some added character relationship issues during our adventure but more about that later. Unlike Marble Hornets, The Operator in Always Watching can only be seen in a camera viewer. In my opinion, this makes him creepier because whoever sees him in the camera can’t point him out to anyone without handing over the camera and losing sight of him. Also it makes them look crazy when they try to convince somewhere there’s a 6 foot guy in a suit with no face in their yard.
One thing I really appreciated about this movie was that there was a sense of the characters being genuinely scared. Something I miss in a lot of horror movies is what fear does to people in the dark. If something fucking creepy is going on, pretty much everything starts to scare you. If you’re afraid of the dark, every shadow is creepy, every unaccounted for sound scares the shit out of you. That happened in this movie. Cameraman is wandering around a dark garage and something falls, he freaks out. His power goes out, he starts talking himself through finding the breaker while reminding himself that he’s not going to die. I was really happy to see that.
[SPOILERS]
So now that Cameraman is fully terrified, he goes to Reporter Girl, who has now hooked up with New Guy, to inform them that the previous homeowner was not in fact crazy and that there really was a creepy mother fucker in his yard that has now started to live in Cameraman’s yard. Of course New Guy thinks this is a way to get back into Reporter Girl’s pants so he breaks into Cameraman’s house and discovers his stash of stalker videos. So this creates a whole new problem that’s only resolved when The Operator makes an appearance, as if to say “Hi guys, remember me! Oh, sorry, you wet yourself.” So they all crash at a hotel together, recording every moment so they can go back and look at it eventually I guess. The Operator brands them all without anyone noticing it until after the fact and New Guy gets some help from a friend at the FBI to track down the runaway homeowners. Then they road trip to Colorado with Cameraman’s dog to track down the owners and see how they escaped the clutches of creepy guy.
On the way, Reporter Girl wonders what would happen if they just turned all the cameras off. The answer is someone kills the dog. Slendy makes the statement that he will be watched creepily through video cameras. Dammit. More tension builds in the group, but they continue on their trek. They reach their destination and find a smouldering pile of nothing. And also a bunker. The bunker reveals video footage of Runaway Dad murdering his child and trying to kill his wife, who bashes him in the head and sets the house on fire. They track down Murder Mom at a local psych ward where she flips her shit because “fucking shit, you brought him back”. They then crash in a cabin, set up their cameras and try to decide what to do.
Clearly their only option is death or death. The Operator’s end game is to make everyone kill each other. The downside to this reveal is that it comes too late. The build up to this discovery doesn’t have the sense of impending doom you want to see in this kind of story. Up until we see Runaway Dad do the deed, The Operator could just get off freaking people out. We don’t find out that he’s more sinister than that until about 15 minutes from the end of the movie. If his end game had remained to drive his victims mad, I might’ve been more satisfied with it. Anyway, the Operator appears and Cameraman decides to take one for the team. Since Runaway Dad’s death seemed to end the Operator’s hold on the family, maybe offing himself will save his friends. He hangs himself amidst protest from Reporter Girl, but not from New Guy.
Apparently the Operator is able to take over dead bodies, so he takes over dead Camerman and beats New Guy to death. Then he beats Reporter Girl to death. Then he just sort of re-dies. Then we find out that the footage will probably re-release the Operator when someone new watches it. Yay! A Revolving door of death.
So aside from my disappointment with their use of Doug Jones, the acting was pretty ok. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t “sold my soul to SyFy years ago” either. It was solidly ok acting, especially for the genre. Unfortunately, lower budget horror movies have a tendancy to get stuck with shitty actors. This didn’t suffer from that. The camerawork worked for the found footage idea, but there were times I really hated the angles. Found footage also gets no score, which had its ups and downs. You didn’t know from the score when the Operator would make an appearance, but you did know based on the “distortion” his appearance caused in the camera. The upside to that was that you didn’t have a startle reflex based on the score, you had it because he fucking showed up. They didn’t trick you into being startled when he wasn’t actually making an appearance.
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