#heather kessler
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Lady Heather and Catherine Willows
Slaves of Las Vegas || Immortality
#csi#catherine willows#lady heather#heather kessler#crimeshowsource#csi;cw#csi;lhk#gifs;mine#mine;csi#i love them so so much#they are both iconic#mine;cwillows#csi parallels
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Heather Kessler Smut Alphabet
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Heather is the aftercare queen. She does get Domme drop every now and again though, but she’s taught you how to help her through it.
B = Body part (favorite body part of their partner’s)
Honestly, she loves all of you, but she loves paying special attention to the parts of you that are the most sensitive, and trust me when I say she’s found them all.
C = Collar (do they mark you as theirs in some way?)
If you’d like her to, then yes. She’d get a collar for you. Several actually. One to wear out in public and a few different ones to wear only with her.
D = Dominant (who is in control? are they a top or bottom?)
She’s definitely the one in control like 95% of the time. But she can top or bottom, while still maintaining that control.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
She’s an expert, for sure. She knows what she’s doing and she does it damn well.
F = Fuck (do they prefer to fuck or make love?)
She can do both. She doesn’t particularly have a preference. Whatever the mood is between you, she just goes with the flow of it.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
She’s generally more serious. It’s easy for her to fall into the serious persona. Though with your less kinky encounters, she can let the mask drop a little and be sillier and have fun with it.
H = Hot (what turns them on, gets them going)
Hearing about the scene you want to try often gets her gears turning. She loves it when you’re direct in your wants and needs.
I = Insatiable (how do they act when they’re desperate to have you?)
She can control herself well, so it’s not like she’ll be all over you, but she’ll give you signs that she wants you. Usually subtle hints and behaviors that she doesn’t often do, like twirling her hair.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Heather is all about a healthy dose of self love, and engages in it often, when the urge so takes her. Some of your sessions have even been mutual masturbation.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
You name it, she’s tried it. She does have her preferences though. She loves a bit of bondage, and discipline.
L = Location (favorite places to have sex)
For softer times, she likes to stick to the bedroom, but of course she also has a designated sex room for more serious play.
M = Mood (what’s the foreplay like? how do you get them in the mood?)
Heather occasionally likes to use aphrodisiacs to ignite the mood. She likes to experiment with them to see which work with you. It can be very exciting.
N = Naked (how do they undress? do they like to watch you undress?)
She loves to put on a show for you when she undresses. She doesn’t mind taking in the sight of you undressing either.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
She has equal preference for giving and receiving, and she’s an excellent giver, there’s no denying that.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
It really depends on the scene. She is what she needs to be and she can do either exceptionally well.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Quickies can definitely scratch an itch for her, but she doesn’t love them as a rule. She prefers to plan ahead and be able to take her time.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
She’s always game to experiment and take risks. It can be thrilling for her, especially if you’ve fallen into a routine.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
She has the stamina of a god. She can easily go many rounds. Overstimulation isn’t something she’s afraid of and she can keep you both on the edge all night.
T = Tryst (are they into casual sex or one night stands?)
She’s had both, of course, but she doesn’t really prefer them. She much prefers having an established dynamic that she can feel comfortable within.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Heather LOVES to tease. There’s nothing she enjoys more than seeing you flustered and having you beg her to end it and give you your release.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
She isn’t afraid to get loud, and boy oh boy does she love it when you get loud. Don’t hold back your moans with her, she wants you to experience all of your pleasure in whatever way comes naturally to you.
W = Wait (how long do they wait before having sex with their partner for the first time?)
As long as she feels she needs to. She’s pretty good at reading people and she’ll basically know when you’re ready to take that step.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Heather is gorgeous. Light muscle tone and an overall incredible figure. And her lingerie collection is both extensive and impressive.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
You’d think it’d be astronomically high, but it’s just a little higher than average really. She’s not all sex all the time, but when she’s in the mood, she puts her whole heart and soul into it.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Depends on what’s needed for aftercare for the two of you, but once you’re both taken care of, it’s not usually long before she’s asleep. After sex sleep is the best, so she tells you.
For @sarah-paulsons-bottom-lip
Heather Kessler: @micheleamidalajedi, @melliemat3416
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Please appreciate how difficult most of these were to screenshot
#csi shenanigans#csi#nick stokes#henry andrews#gil grissom#catherine willows#warrick brown#david hodges#sara sidle#heather kessler#jim brass#greg sanders#george eads#jon wellner#william petersen#marg helgenberger#gary dourdan#wallace langham#jorja fox#melinda clarke#paul guilfoyle#eric szmanda#c-v-c-e meme
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Catherine and Heather 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
👀👀👀👀 I see you
Who's the cuddler? Both.
Who makes the bed? Heather. Tis her domain after all
Who wakes up first? Catherine
Who has the weird taste in music? Cath
Who is more protective? Heather
Who sings in the shower? Heather
Who cries during movies? Both
Who spends the most shopping? Heather
Who kisses more roughly? Catherine
Who is more dominant? Depends on the night, sister. Mostly H though
My rating 1-10? Literally never considered this but it is a fine thought I'll go 6
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Any thoughts on what would be the dark side of Grissom?
hi, anon!
so here's the thing:
gil grissom believes he has a "dark side."
heather kessler believes he has a "dark side."
but i don't really think he does.
—and neither does sara sidle.
more discussion after the "keep reading," if you're interested.
__
to me, the question of gil grissom's supposed "dark side" all comes down to definition.
gil grissom has one definition, which has to do with "having the capacity to be selfish and place one's needs ahead of others (even those one cares about)."
heather kessler has another that is close to his, though not necessarily identical, centered in "having the capacity to inflict pain on others (even those one cares about)."
however, i have another definition, which i think approximates sara's (which i'll explain later on).
suffice it so say, grissom doesn't fit it.
so let's take this thing piece by piece:
grissom's definition of "dark side"
the show directly links the term "dark side" to grissom in episode 09x05 "leave out all the rest," specifically when heather kessler reads both grissom and sara into the specs of the bdsm-related case grissom has invited her to consult on, i.e.,:
"he kept his dark side locked in a trunk, hidden away from her."
the idea of grissom's dark side (or at least his belief in his own dark side) is also strongly implied in episodes such as 04x12 "butterflied," 05x03 "harvest," 07x06 "burn out," and 09x02 "the happy place," where direct comparisons are made between grissom and violent criminals, both in dialogue and in the framing of the narratives.
as i talk about here,
throughout his time on the show, grissom frequently finds himself able to relate to the killers whose cases he processes. though he would never cross the same lines that they do, he feels he is in some ways like them: antisocial, obsessive, caught up in the details, frightened by his own mind. he sees pieces of himself in the paul millanders, vincent luries, kevin greers, and natalie davises of the world, and, when he does, it gives him pause.
though he never applies the term to himself directly, grissom seems to subscribe to the notion that he, like these criminals, has a dark side, as is evident from the disparaging way he sometimes speaks of himself and his own proclivities (such as in his monologue in episode 04x12 "butterflied"), as well as the way he passively accepts other people's assessments of him in that regard (i.e., he doesn't negate heather when she says he has a dark side, catherine when she accuses him of being antisocial/misanthropic, direct comparisons killers and rapists make between themselves and him, etc.).
for grissom, his belief that he has a dark side is seemingly predicated on his sense that he lacks some fundamental "human component."
his whole life, he's been told by various sources that he sucks at being a person—that he's too emotionally aloof, unempathetic, and analytical; doesn't relate to others well; stuck in his own head; overly obsessive, etc.—and he has very much internalized that criticism.
to his mind, his "dark side" is part and parcel of this "insufficient humanity" in him: i.e., he feels he has a tendency to use people to serve his own needs and also that he can do so relatively easily, experiencing little guilt for treating people around him like objects he can manipulate. he observes that he can and does keep people at arm's length, remain ignorant of their problems, put what is easiest for him ahead of what is best for them, derive pleasure from situations that cause them to suffer, behave in a generally selfish manner, etc. and keep things running smoothly this way for a very long time.
he believes he sees evidence to support this belief in his personal relationships—in the occasions when he's treated catherine or nick or other members of the team in this very utilitarian manner on a micro-level, certainly; however, nowhere more so than in his romantic dealings with sara, which, to his mind, is what offers the most damning indictment on him, considering she's the person he cares most about in the world.
for years, he keeps her in a kind of "emotional holding pattern" which serves his purposes but not hers, ignoring the damage he deals her along the way.
as i talk about here,
[for the first several seasons of the show,] sara is, essentially, grissom's work girlfriend, and that arrangement works for him.
he can flirt with her when he likes (as long as things don’t get too personal); he can occasionally walk arm-in-arm with her around their crime scenes; they can trade trivia and jokes; he can pay attention to her and make her smile; she can emotionally support him and calm him down when he’s upset (see episodes 01x19 “gentle, gentle” and 02x05 “scuba doobie-doo”); he can show her off to his superiors (see episode 03x02 “the accused is entitled”); they can share weirdly intimate moments; etc.; etc.
really, they can do everything short of going home together.
but when things get too intense, he can also shut their interactions down at a moment’s notice. he can maintain his space, go off by himself, even turn his attentions—fleetingly and superficially—to other women, like teri miller (see here).
nothing he’s willing to do with sara endangers his career. they toe that line between coworkers and significant others, and they keep everything relatively clean that way. furthermore, he’s able to to some extent “have her” without fear that he will lose her. if he never lets her get too close to him, she won’t see his flaws, and she won’t reject him; she’ll stay with him, almost happily, forever.
sure, in his heart of hearts, grissom very much yearns to extend his and sara’s relationship to all the spheres in his life (see his original monologue from episode 04x12 “butterflied”), and, certainly, on a subconscious level, he realizes that he is dissatisfied with the status quo between himself and sara, particularly when she dates hank peddigrew during s2 and s3.
in a better world, in a better life, where grissom could be sure that sara would love him forever and that he could know that he was actually good enough for her, he would want to be the man she came home to after shift. he would want them to share everything. to be everything for each other.
but in this world, their arrangement mostly works for him.
it mostly meets his needs.
—and, because it does, he remains generally oblivious to the fact that things aren’t working out this way for sara.
worse yet, even on the occasions when he becomes passingly aware that this setup isn't actually copacetic for her and is in fact directly doing her harm (like in episodes 02x15 "burden of proof" or 03x03 "let the seller beware" or toward the tail end of s4), he still makes the active decision to continue subordinating her needs in favor of his own, which, as he sees things, suggests that he is more beholden to his own fears than he is mindful of her well-being—a major mark against him not only in terms of him being a potential lover for sara but in terms of him being a human being with a heart and compassion for others.
while someone less critical of grissom than himself might point out that his selfish behavior regarding sara, while not awesome™, is more in line with him having a fear of intimacy and poor interpersonal skills than it is with him being some kind of heartless and depraved "creature of the dark," grissom, who is hypercritical of himself, views these failings on his part as a condemnation of his overall person, drawing connections between his own "willingness" to mistreat sara and the way the criminals in the cases he investigates do violence to the people around them.
the fact that he also shares with these criminals a tendency toward obsession further compounds his sense that he is like them, as does his notion that he could perhaps find it within himself to be violent (and even kill) were someone he loved threatened.
he sees in himself a capacity to cause harm in order to serve his own purposes and consequently believes he is by nature a cruel and heartless being, particularly unworthy of sara and her "light."
this belief grissom has concerning himself (i.e., that he has a dark side) is one that, unfortunately, other characters around him frequently, albeit often inadvertently, reinforce.
almost every member of his team has, at some point, accused grissom of being unconcerned with the emotions and needs of others on some level: e.g., catherine disparages him for having no personal connections (see episode 01x04 "pledging mr. johnson"), warrick calls him a robot (see episode 03x13 "random acts of violence"), nick harps on him for not caring about the human element in their cases (see episode 04x11 "eleven angry jurors"), and even sara on one particularly fraught occasion despairs that he has no feelings (see episode 01x16 "too tough to die").
while all of these statements are ones that his team members make in moments of personal frustration and are inaccurate to their true views of him—not a single person on that team actually doubts grissom's capacity to care about others; to the contrary, they all emotionally rely on him and turn to him as a confidante at the times when it really counts—grissom nevertheless takes these outbursts from them at face value, internalizing the messaging, believing he is, just as they imply, on a fundamental level, "deficient" (see episode 01x04 "pledging mr. johnson").
though he receives a thousand evidences otherwise that his friends feel his love for them and that they acknowledge his humanity, those positive assurances don't stay in his mind the same way their momentary negativity does, largely due to confirmation bias.
for all that catherine will willingly kill for him, that warrick praises his magnanimity as a boss, nick obviously looks up to him and craves his approval, and sara loves him unconditionally and thinks more highly of him than anyone, he still can't help but see "proof" everywhere that he is a bad person given over to his dark side.
something, something "autism rejection sensitive dysphoria." ahem.
—and, unfortunately, this belief of his is only furthered by the one significant friendship he has outside of his work team, i.e., with heather kessler.
heather's definition of "dark side"
now.
while there are a great deal many good things about grissom and heather's friendship—not only are they well-suited to each other in terms of intelligence, temperament, interests, etc., but over the years they are incredibly loyal to each other and stand by each other in times of crisis time and time again—one area where they are perhaps not good influences on each other is in how they both conceive of themselves and each other as "belonging to the dark."
whereas when grissom's other friends call him out for being "insufficiently human," they do so in moments of anger, when they're purposefully trying to say hurtful things to him either because they are frustrated with the case of the day or with him or both, heather tends to make her claims much more calmly and without intention to wound.
she doesn't so much level accusations at grissom as she does simply make what she considers to be observations of him, impassive in nature, framed as fact.
these observations are ones she offers not out of malice or with intent to disparage him but because she feels kinship.
of course, her intentions notwithstanding, they still exacerbate his sense of "otherness" and "unworthiness" in himself all the same.
she sees them both as people who have dark sides, and she often reminds him of this point because (to her) it is a basis of their friendship.
grissom doesn't necessarily agree that heather is as "irredeemable" as he is—he thinks much more highly of her than he does of himself and doesn't believe she has as much claim to "human deficiency" as he does, her profession and occasional criminality notwithstanding—however, since a) she has always been able to read him like an open book from their very first meeting anyhow, and, b) she is at least familiar with darkness by way of her profession/lifestyle, he does seem to feel that he is safe to be himself, forgo masking, and make no attempts to hide his darkness in her presence.
because she is comfortable operating in proximity to darkness, his sense is that he doesn't have to fear her disgust and/or rejection in the same way he might from his more "towards the light"-oriented friends.
he can just trust that she knows he has a dark side but won't disparage him for it.
and that brings us to heather's definition of what a "dark side" even is.
to heather, who lives in a world that is rife with violence and runs on dynamics of dominance and submission, having a dark side entails being comfortable inflicting pain (both physical and emotional) on others.
she views herself as having a dark side not only because of her profession but also (and even more so) because she is possessed of a very brutal approach to human relationships: building and enforcing sharp walls between people, being cruel when doing so suits her, knowing how to needle others and using that skill to her advantage (having little regard for what damage she might cause in the long run).
as i talk about here,
like grissom, heather fears that she is a creature of the darkness, unfit for the light, and that she deserves many of the misfortunes that befall her.
we don’t know exactly what brings about the end of her relationship with her ex-husband jerome kessler, but we do get hints that heather believes that she is a difficult person to love and be around—hence her comments to grissom that it must have been hard on zoë to have her for a mother.
heather has carefully cultivated her “lady heather” dominatrix persona, becoming a person who is surprised by nothing, beholden to no one, totally autonomous and aloof. she’s this person whenever she’s in situations where she feels uncomfortable, such as when she has to interact with men who disrespect her, like jim brass (see episodes 03x15 “lady heather’s box” and 07x23 “the good the bad and the dominatrix”), or people who deride her for her profession and character, like sara sidle (see the interview scenes in “immortality”).
she believes she is dark because she can push everyone away (including her husband and child) in order to make herself feel safer and more in control in an otherwise cruel and chaotic world and then go on living in this loneliness, almost as if nothing had ever happened; as if it were no loss.
she can draw strength from making others feel weak. she can make herself an island and still function that way, devoid of any real ties. she can permit even those she loves to suffer if doing so gives her some advantage.
she views herself as heartless. as lacking. as not having that crucial component that allows other people to connect.
when heather meets grissom, she very quickly surmises that he feels similarly about himself as she does about herself. she hones in on the fact that he withholds key parts of himself from even the people he's closest to emotionally ("[you fear more than anything] being known"), including sara.
she also suspects that because he lacks social and even sexual outlets, he may harbor some repressed tendencies toward relational violence (see episode 02x08 "slaves of las vegas").
the longer she knows grissom and the more she becomes aware of his relationship with sara, the more she starts to read what she views as his dark side into the relationship problems he and sara experience during s8 and s9.
as i talk about here,
heather believes that she and grissom are two of a kind: both creatures of the darkness, unsuited for domestic life.
in her view, sara is not like them. she is something different: a sweet soul who secretly longs for light—who, despite how she may protest to the contrary, very much wants for normalcy and the cookie-cutter life with the dog and the house and the husband.
though sara works the graveyard shift at a crime lab, she is, as heather sees it, vanilla, repulsed by that which is gruesome, violent, and twisted. she doesn’t share heather and grissom’s macabre side, and, by heather’s estimation, because she doesn’t, she can’t fully understand grissom, a man who lives in isolation, harbors misanthropic tendencies, and finds it easy to think like a serial killer. she’s too tame. too quaint. too afraid of the dark.
honestly, heather is probably reading a little bit of her own history into grissom and sara’s current situation here: as we learn in episode 07x24 “the good, the bad, & the dominatrix,” heather’s ex-husband, jerome kessler, is shocked at and repulsed by heather’s involvement in the s&m business, and his attitude towards her lifestyle influences his decision to keep her away from their granddaughter, allison. since heather sees herself and grissom as being similar, she perhaps thinks of sara as being similar to jerome. just like jerome couldn’t handle heather’s darkness, sara perhaps can’t handle grissom’s. that side of him might be a deal-breaker for her.
in making this assessment, heather isn’t necessarily disparaging sara; she’s just pointing out that sara isn’t built to wade endlessly through human evil in the way that grissom is. it goes back to what she said about the schism and grissom and sara having different roles and priorities: sara is persephone; grissom is hades. she was made for flowers and springtime; he was made for the underworld. they are fundamentally incompatible in this way, at least as heather sees things.
heather's views to this end only serve to echo fears grissom already has concerning himself and his and sara's relationship. he has always been secretly terrified that in addition to being too old for sara and too romantically inexperienced to be with her, he is also too dark for her; too much of a drain on her precious light.
he feels supremely unworthy of her, which is one of the major reasons why he not only holds back from being with her for so long during the early seasons of the show but also why, when she flees vegas in s8 and s9, he lets her go and does not (for the longest while) pursue her.
though he wants more than anything to be with sara, deep inside of him, he fears that he is ultimately too selfish for her, too cruel, too depraved, too macabre, too dark.
my definition of "dark side"—and sara's
but.
but.
but.
for all grissom and heather believe he has a dark side, here's the thing:
i don't really think he does.
and i don't think sara thinks he does, either.
not to get too philosophical, but here's my take:
all people have the capacity to take harmful actions, so just having that capacity is not enough to make someone a "creature of the dark."
neither is even taking harmful actions in itself.
that's another thing everyone occasionally does.
as social creatures, causing occasional harm is unavoidable—we all from time to time hurt other people, sometimes accidentally, sometimes purposefully; physically and emotionally.
it's just part of living together, of interacting.
of having competing needs.
that so, just occasionally causing others pain doesn't mean someone has a "dark side"—at least not in my book; not that way that grissom and heather mean it, anyway.
it's not a sign of criminality or depravity.
it's just humanity.
having a dark side has to go beyond just being capable of causing harm to others or even sometimes causing it.
to me, at least—and everyone is welcome to disagree—there has to be something more to it.
there has to be an orientation toward hurting others regularly, consistently, and even with impunity; toward harming the people around you and not caring (or even to taking delight in doing so); toward having no inclination to change or better oneself; toward inflicting pain and suffering without regard for others, never looking back.
and i don't think that's grissom at all.
don't get me wrong: the man makes mistakes.
sometimes big ones.
for example, his jealous, petty behavior toward sara at the beginning of s3 when she is dating hank is not great™.
that said, i think that, in general, grissom orients more toward taking beneficial actions than he does toward taking harmful ones.
he exists more in the light.
much—if not most—of the harm he causes, especially in regards to his conduct toward other people, is inadvertent on his part; a product of him flailing and not knowing how to satisfy his competing needs and wants as opposed to him purposefully lashing out or trying to assert himself over others.
while of course he can—and does sometimes—still cause harm even when he does not intend to do so (see, for example, how his mismanagement of sara contributes to her downward spiral in s4), his character is such that he almost never sets out to hurt anyone and is eager to change and do better once he realizes that he has.
he isn't inclined to be malicious at all.
he has occasional blind spots, yes. is sometimes selfish and makes mistakes, sure. he from time to time prioritizes his needs over those of his loved ones. every once in a while underestimates the effect his actions might have on the people around him. now and then behaves hypocritically because he is so deep inside his own head that he can rationalize behavior from himself that he condemns in others. at times makes poor judgment calls, the outcomes of which impact not just him but everyone on his team.
but gil grissom is not someone who goes about attempting to hurt others, much less someone who hurts others regularly, much less someone who does so with impunity.
flawed though he is, by and large, he is goodhearted, earnest, and willing and able to admit his mistakes. for the most part, his desire is to help and not to hurt, and he succeeds in enacting that desire.
contrary to what he believes about himself and even what heather believes about him, he is incapable of hurting others without feeling immense guilt for doing so if he is aware of the effect his actions have had.
in fact, i would argue that one of the primary emotions he experiences throughout the early seasons of the show is guilt, oftentimes of the undue variety.
while it does still sometimes take him time to change course even after he recognizes he has misbehaved, he always does change course eventually.
he never sits comfortably in the wrong.
he always strives to treat others compassionately and fairly, even often at the expense of his own interests.
that so, to me, there is nothing exceptional in his misconduct; nothing depraved in it; nothing to indicate it is his preferred or even habitual mode of action.
though he is able to think like a serial killer for the sake of his job, just the ability to profile does not a "dark heart" make. he could never bring himself to behave like these violent criminals do. he is far too concerned with others' feelings, far too compassionate and just, far too much of a humanist, etc. he holds life and personhood too much as sacred.
and contrary to what he thinks, even the fact that he could potentially kill to protect someone he loves isn't some grand indictment of his soul; that just shows the depth of his love. many parents would say the same for their children. lovers for their lovers. friends for their friends. (hell, catherine kills to save his life at one point, and he doesn't think less of her for doing so!) it doesn't make him a coldblooded killer by any means to have those instincts. it's not like he'd be violent without provocation or in any other circumstances; just to save the people he cares about. that's not a flaw! that's a sign of devotion.
he's just a guy trying to get by in life, and occasionally he futzes things up and ends up hurting other people.
but he is also someone who immediately apologizes when he is called out (see, for example, how quick he is to recant the inadvertently misogynistic statement he makes in episode 02x23 "the hunger artist" once catherine confronts him on it); who forgives others of their mistakes immediately and wholeheartedly (such as when he lets warrick keep his job in episode 01x02 "cool change"); who is a pacifist at heart; a poet's soul; someone who, despite working a job that puts him into contact with some of the worst elements of his society, still believes in truth, justice, and love.
he learns from his mistakes as he goes.
and over time, becomes far more open.
far less selfish.
far more willing to place the needs of his loved ones ahead of his own.
he is not some "creature of the darkness"—or at least no more so than most people are.
fwiw, i don't think heather is actually a "creature of the darkness," either.
even where sara and his past mistreatment of her is concerned, he isn't even half as terrible as he imagines himself to be.
for as much as he does give her the runaround during the early seasons of the show and oftentimes fuck up with her very badly, he is not "all awful to her all the time." he is oftentimes very supportive of and gentle with her. frequently a very good friend (albeit not a boyfriend in the way that she would want).
he isn't 100% some negative force in her life, some black hole draining her of light.
that's why she never ultimately "gets over him," you know?
because for as complicated and messed up as things sometimes get between them, there is enough that's positive between them to continue to attract her.
there's goodness and beauty mixed in with the confusion and heartache; in greater part, even.
he also seldom consciously intends to treat sara badly and never is comfortable doing so when he is conscious of the outcomes of his actions.
as i talk about here,
though grissom may sometimes appear callous, in truth, he very much isn’t.
he doesn’t like hurting sara’s feelings.
he doesn’t like making her sad.
though he is sometimes possessed of a very strong impulse to save his own skin and to do what is best for him, he also isn’t without empathy for her plight. when he fucks up, he feels bad about doing so. he kicks himself for being such a jerk every time he disappoints her. (look at his face after he declines her dinner invitation in episode 03x22 “play with fire;” that is not the expression of a man who feels good about what he’s just done.) he wants to make up for his inability to give her what she wants. he wholeheartedly desires to do better—to be better—though he may not know exactly how to overcome his more selfish impulses in order to meet that end.
but the thing is, he eventually sorts himself out.
his desire to do better does translate into action.
into improvement.
he changes his mo with her over time.
by s5, he makes the conscientious decision to prioritize sara's needs. he starts to be more transparent in his dealings with her, even though doing so scares him. he even puts himself and his job on the line in order to do what's best for her (see episode 05x13 "nesting dolls").
like sara says in the reboot, after he learns her story, he's consistently "just there for her."
though of course he doesn't do everything 100% perfectly with her going forward, the grissom of s5 on is so much more open about his feelings for her, so much gentler in his dealings, and so concerned with promoting her happiness.
and this willingness to change how he deals not only with sara but with all of his loved ones—see, for example, how he validates nick's emotionality by recommending him for the promotion in s4 and how supportive he is of greg throughout s7 after sara draws his attention to greg's struggles in episode 07x06 "burn out"—proves that, contrary to his misconceptions about himself, he is not some fundamentally evil person who always treats the others around him selfishly.
he is far more capable of compassion, empathy, and even evolution than he gives himself credit for—a notion which might come as a shock to him but which is no surprise to the one person who knows him better than everyone.
sara.
sara was raised the darkness. she saw extreme selfishness in practice every day while she was growing up. was both a witness to and victim of harm inflicted with impunity for years.
she knows what can happen when people orient towards harming others and don't seek to change.
and don't get me wrong: she doesn't think that grissom is perfect, and particularly not as someone he has at times done emotional damage to.
she knows he is capable of causing pain, just like anyone else is.
she's felt it.
but she also doesn't think for one moment that he has a dark side.
i'll go as far as to say: she wouldn't be with him if she did.
as i talk about here,
[sara] doesn’t just love [grissom] for his mind, you know—she also loves his heart and his humanity, two features which others often claim he doesn’t possess; two features which he often doubts in himself. listening to him rhapsodize about the plight of the victim in [episode 01x09 "unfriendly skies"] and empathize with the man, refusing to entertain the question of whether or not his murder was justified and instead arguing that he was owed a basic level of compassion, she is struck by what a good person he is. that genuine kindness in him is part of what attracts her. she loves that he is nonviolent. she loves that he is humane. she loves that his tendency is always to look for whom he can help, not hurt. he is the most intelligent person she’s ever met, but he also has one of the best hearts, and she adores him for it. for as much as he will later say in the series finale that she restores his faith in the human being, he does the same for her. he is so much of the softness and light she needs to believe still exists in the world.
to continue on from this post,
though he doubts his own goodness, she doesn’t for a second. in fact, she believes in it more than anything. she loves how compassionate, humane, and just he is; how much he cares about the people in the cases they work and his deep capacity for empathy. she adores that he is a champion of persons who are vulnerable, that he speaks for the dead, that he honors and protects women and children, that he allies with the marginalized, etc. though of course she never likes for him to feel sad, she finds herself deeply touched whenever she sees his sorrow for someone he couldn’t save or an investigation that ended badly. while he often thinks the worst of himself, she knows he is the best—that he has this deep-seated and unfailing desire in him to help others and to right wrongs; that he is compelled by his nature to try to better the society he lives in and to show kindness to the individuals he encounters. that he can’t see in himself the virtues that seem so obvious to her honestly breaks her heart, which is why she never misses the opportunity to remind him that he is so much better than he gives himself credit for. just knowing that someone like him exists helps her have faith in the world. he’s such a good man, and the fact that he is is so important to her.
to that same end, she also loves how inherently gentle he is. as i talk about here, “to my mind, part of the reason why she is attracted to grissom is because he’s generally very soft-spoken; is a committed pacifist; he’s not domineering; and even when he’s mad at her, he doesn’t yell at her.” coming from the background she does, she only ever could have loved a man who was soft, who seldom raised his voice (and when he did, only did so in defense of others or in the expression of righteous outrage over injustices), who treated others kindly, and who didn’t misuse power at times when he held it. that grissom is so fundamentally mild and never wants to hurt anyone or cause anyone to be afraid of him makes her feel 100% safe in his presence.
for a long time, grissom thinks of himself as a selfish, heartless monster, but sara never sees him that way, and, over the years, she slowly helps him to shed this poor opinion of himself, too.
scenes like the ones in episode 02x05 "scuba doobie-doo," where she encourages him not to be hard on himself, and episode 09x01 "for warrick," where she reminds him of how deeply warrick loved him at a time when she knows he is (unduly) blaming himself for warrick's death, speak to her unfailing belief in him and her desire for him to be able to see himself as she sees him, not as some creature of the darkness, unworthy of the light, but as a light to her and others.
grissom doesn't come around to this notion right away and suffers more than a few setbacks over the years (particularly at times when he feels as if he lets sara down); however, grissom does eventually start to trust in his own humanity.
the grissom we see in csi: vegas s1 is one who doesn't suffer from the same kind of extreme self-loathing and self-distrust as he did in his earlier years. he doesn't have those same doubts concerning his humanity and worthiness, as is evident by the way he allows himself to be comforted in times when he is in distress, accepting love in a way he previously could not bear to.
twenty years on, that grissom is one who has become very comfortable operating in the light, and it's a beautiful thing to see.
anyway.
rambling now.
sorry to go all philosophical here.
thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
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⭐ !!
heather mcnamara + jennifer check, livia cardew
millie kessler + carrie white, ellie mason (<3), bella swan
scott lang + wanda maximoff, natasha romanoff
william schenk + odelia kramer
benedict bridgerton + edward frankenstein, alicent hightower, helaena targaryen, persephone
guillermo de la cruz + wednesday addams, maeve nelson
joel miller + kari miller (<3), anna williams (<3), ellie williams, dina levitt
haymitch abernathy + katniss everdeen, willow everdeen
adam stanheight + odelia kramer, riley viktor (<3), wednesday addams, maeve nelson (<3)
steve rogers + wanda maximoff (<3), natasha romanoff, ellie mason
marc spector + wanda maximoff , death, enzo st claire
coriolanus snow + lucy gray baird (<3), livia cardew (<3), katniss everdeen, edward frankenstein (<3), helaena targaryen, death, harley quinn (thg based)
+ any and all of ur originals. hand em over.
send ⭐ for me to give some muse pairings for plotting/interactions !
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I was tagged by @luriddaze to put my spotify on repeat playlist on shuffle and post the first 10 songs that came on:
kill bill - sza
reckless driving - lizzy mcalpine (ft. ben kessler)
i know the end - phoebe bridgers
fight for me - heathers (the musical)
mother mother - tracy bonham
sloppy - king mala & upsahl
war of hearts - ruelle
school uniform - the wombats
i know what you did last summer - shawn mendes & camilla cabello
because i liked a boy - sabrina carpenter
Tagging: @gccdbyelovc , @hcllhcre, @sincityszn, / @ anybody who wants to!!
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The stamp art features a photograph of a corsage containing a spray of peach roses and a pink ranunculus, accented with deep-pink heather and seeded eucalyptus. A cream-colored lace ribbon entwines the flowers. Garden Corsage is similar in design to the Contemporary Boutonniere Forever stamp, and the two form a natural pair. The corsage was arranged by floral designer Carol Caggiano, and photographed by Renée Comet. Art director Ethel Kessler designed the stamp.
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Konzertliste Peter Brötzmann
Gerade schickt mir Bachi die Liste mit den Konzerten von Peter Brötzmann im Club. Hier ist die Zeitreise:
Konzerte mit Peter Brötzmann im club w71 (und im KULT)
29.1.1982 Peter Brötzmann / Willi Kellers
3.6.1983 Peter Brötzmann / Johannes Bauer / Keith Tippett / Willi Kellers
9.9.1984 Peter Brötzmann / Peter Kowald / Andrew Cyrille
(im Rathauskeller, der club w71 war damals abgebrannt)
18.2.1989 Peter Brötzmann / Jay Oliver / Willi Kellers
8.9.2000 Peter Brötzmann / Shoji Hano / Megumu Nishino
6.11.2002 Peter Brötzmann / Conny Bauer / William Parker / Paul Lovens
17.6.2003 Peter Brötzmann Chicago Tentet:
Joe McPhee / Jeb Bishop / Ken Vandermark / Mats Gustafsson / Mars Williams /
Peter Brötzmann / Fred Lonberg-Holm / Kent Kessler / Michael Zerang / Hamid Drake
(im KULT)
17.12.2005 Peter Brötzmann / Han Bennink
22.5.2006 Peter Brötzmann Chicago Tentet:
Peter Brötzmann / Mats Gustafsson / Ken Vandermark / Joe McPhee / Johannes
Bauer / Per-Ake Holmlander / Fred Lonberg-Holm / Kent Kessler / Michael Zerang /
Paal Nilssen-Love (im KULT)
23.9.2006 Sonore: Peter Brötzmann / Mats Gustafsson / Ken Vandermark
13.9.2008 Hairy Bones:
Peter Brötzmann / Toshinori Kondo / Massimo Pupillo / Paal Nilssen-Love
15.2.2012 ADA-Trio: Peter Brötzmann / Fred Lonberg-Holm / Paal Nilssen-Love
24.4.2014 Peter Brötzmann / Steve Noble
17.4.2016 Peter Brötzmann / Steve Swell / Paal Nilssen-Love
29.8.2017 Peter Brötzmann / Toshinori Kondo / Heather Leigh
(16.3.2020 Peter Brötzmann Solo: musste wegen Corona abgesagt werden)
16.1.2023 Peter Brötzmann Solo (sein 16. Konzert für den club w71)
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Куклы [FANVID]
Fandoms: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Natalie Davis
Sara Sidle
Heather Kessler
Gil Grissom
Drama
Canon-Typical Violence
Canonical Character Death
Murder
Fanvids
Angst
Dolls
Child Death
Obsession
Все мы чьи-то куклы
(Feed generated with FetchRSS)
source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43809132
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CRIME SHOW MEME (CSI EDITION) ☆ [1/1] Recurring Character
↳ Lady Heather Kessler ✦ Portrayed by Melinda Clarke
#csi#lady heather#heather kessler#melinda clarke#crimeshowsource#tuserheidi#purpleedit#csi;lhk#gifs;mine#mine;csi#csi meme#this sent me down a whole rabbit hole#i love her so much#what an icon
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vimeo
Virgin Holidays “The World Is Your Playground” from a52 on Vimeo.
Client: Virgin Holidays
Agency: AMV BBDO
Creative Director(s): Caio Giannella, Diego de Oliveria
Art Director: Dalatando Evans de Almeida
Copywriter: Michael Hughes
Producer: Anita Sasdy
Assistant Producer: Felicity Bamber
Senior Board Account Director: Alex Bird
Account Director: Rachel Dymond
__________________________________________
LIVE ACTION
Production Company: MJZ
Director: Dante Ariola
Director of Photography: Ian Foster
Live Action Producer: Natalie Hill
Production Designer: Christopher Glass
__________________________________________
Post Production
-------
VFX
VFX Studio: a52
VFX Supervisor: Andy McKenna
CG Supervisor: Manny Guizar
2D VFX Artists: Hugh Seville, Steve Wolff, Adam Flynn, Richard Hirst, Andres Barrios, Urs Furrer, Michael Vagilenty, Enid Dalkoff
3D Artists: Dustin Mellum, Miguel Salek, Mason Dash, Tim Kadowaki, Ariana Ziae Mohseni, Tom Briggs, Joe Paniagua, Michael Cardenas, Mike Bettinardi, Josh Dyer
Matte Painters: Jie Zhou, Heather Abels Raymond
Online Editors: Gabe Sanchez, Kevin Stokes
Producer: Stacy Kessler-Aungst
Coordinator: Andrew Rosenberger
Executive Producers: Kim Christensen, Patrick Nugent
Managing Director: Jennifer Sofio Hall
__________________________________________
COLOR
Colorist: Paul Yacono
Color Assistant: Corey Martinez
Executive Producer: Thatcher Peterson
__________________________________________
EDITORIAL
Editorial Company: Bread and Butter
Editor: Andrea MacArthur
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Gil Grissom + all fingers together and "I'll miss Sara"
7x11 | 16x02
#gsr#gil grissom#sara sidle#heather kessler#william petersen#jorja fox#melinda clarke#csi#7x11#16x02#c-v-c-e gif#flashing gif cw
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Kessom
Interesting. Very interesting
Who's the cuddler? Griss
Who makes the bed? Either or
Who wakes up first? Griss
Who has the weird taste in music? Heather
Who is more protective? Griss
Who sings in the shower? Heather
Who cries during movies? Heather
Who spends the most while out shopping? Heather, of course
Who kisses more roughly? Heather
Who is more dominant? Heather without a doubt
My rating 1-10? Like 6 I really don't see them as more than friends. But she obviously intrigues him
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hi aj! i'm still on that csi rewatch (just venturing into season 7 now... so good) and i was thinking about how csi was different with naming their characters. i.e. sara instead of traditional sarah, nick and warrick having (nick)names that rhyme, super dave and hodges having the same first name, hank the paramedic + hank the dog. do you think this is all on purpose or it's just stuff that happened? i actually like those details because it's stuff we rarely see on tv and we know it happens in real life. thanks 🤍 have a great week!
hi, rewatch anon!
good to hear from you again!
re: your question:
unfortunately, the only bit of trivia i have ever encountered regarding character naming decisions on csi is that anthony zuiker originally intended to call gil grissom "gil sheinbaum," but billy petersen dissuaded him from doing so. zuiker then selected the replacement surname "grissom" as a tribute to real life nasa astronaut gus grissom, one of billy's heroes.
—which is to say i don't know why csi so often breaks the "one-steve limit" rule most other tv shows tend to as a matter of course adhere to.
the sara instead of sarah thing i can understand, as "sara without an h" was at least a somewhat popular spelling variant for american gen x babies born in the 70s and 80s, but having nick and rick, dave and dave, and hank and hank—to say nothing of gilbert and albert, dr. jane gilbert and dr. gilbert grissom and the gilbert institute for the deaf, lou vartann and lou gedda, sam vega and sam braun and sam the dog, and all of the recycled oddly-specific surnames of perps and victims (e.g., the name "kessler" crops up a lot, and not just for people related to lady heather)—is a somewhat more eyebrow-raising choice, i admit.
while of course in real life, one will often find people who share names or whose names happen to rhyme with each other or otherwise sound alike in most sufficiently large groups—case in point: i currently have three students with the same name in one of my classes, and they all choose to sit next to each other every day; two of them even have last names that begin with the same letter—in fiction, that kind of "doubling up" is usually avoided for the sake of clarity (i.e., so both the characters within the universe of the show and the audience outside of it don't have to constantly keep asking, "okay, but which one do you mean—the asshole boyfriend or the dog?").
whether the csi writing staff actively chose to forgo that particular storytelling convention for the sake of veritas or just stumbled into the name reuse thing more accidentally—as, after all, theirs was a "rotating writing room" which saw dozens of scriptwriters come and go over the years, not all of them equally well-versed in the "show bible"—i can't really say, though i somewhat suspect the latter option.
after all, the nick/rick thing would be easy enough not to notice at the time when those characters were first being named. "nicholas" and "warrick" aren't similar to each other either graphically or phonetically, and even "nick" and "warrick" have different syllable counts despite the end-sounds being the same when spoken aloud, so the "nick" and "rick" thing might just have slid by them, particularly before they were at a point when they really knew the characters or had an idea that "rick" might be a nickname warrick would occasionally go by.
hell, "rick" might not have even been a nickname the writers came up with themselves—it very easily could have been an on-set ad-lib (perhaps a paul guilfoyle innovation, as brass is the first character to refer to warrick that way back in s1).
so that one, i can very much see being unintentional—something that just wasn't really on the writers' radars during the character creation phase.
as for the issue of two daves, i do know that shows will sometimes supply minor characters with the same given names as their actors in order to keep things simple on set (particularly when the minor character in question may or may not ever end up becoming a recurring one), which is very much the case with "david phillips" and "david berman."
why the csi writers would take that tack with super dave but then name a second character david/dave later on—particularly when that actor's name is wallace and he goes by "wally"—i can't say for sure, but i have a sneaking suspicion that timing played a role, as three seasons elapse between the introduction of the first character and the introduction of the second (i.e., super dave first appears in episode 01x05 "friends & lovers;" hodges first appears in episode 03x11 “recipe for murder").
especially since super dave does not appear in episode 03x11 "recipe for murder," methinks the episode's writers, ann donahue and anthony zuiker—who is notorious for not knowing a damn thing about his own show—just forgot that super dave phillips was already in existence when they originated david hodges.
the fact that hodges is most usually referred to by his surname may have also contributed to the doubling, as they may not have been thinking about him as "dave" when they first set the concept of him down on paper.
as a side note: i cannot imagine how confusing it must have been on set filming episodes written by david rambo in which david berman playing david phillips appears alongside robert david hall—whom i believe also often goes by "david"—playing albert robbins and then david hodges played by wallace langham is also there. all i can say is it's a good thing hodges seldom makes trips to the morgue.
i'm disposed to believe something similar may have happened in the case of hank peddigrew and hank the dog, though on an even larger scale.
bad boyfriend hank gets written out of the show mid-s3 and is never seen or heard from again.
goodest boy hank doesn't get his official name on the show until episode 08x06 "who & what" when sara is the first character to say it.
between s3 and s8, the vast majority of the csi writing staff had turned over.
that so, i tend to suspect "that one shithead sara used to date all those years ago" wasn't really on anyone's minds when they were deciding what to name her dog—particularly since richard catalani, the writer who penned the episode, hadn't even begun working on the show until s4.
—though, of course, all of the above is just conjecture on my part, which i have no way to actually substantiate, and i could very well be wrong.
as for why no one consulted the show bible regarding this stuff—i mean, maybe they did and just decided the repetitions weren't that big a deal?
however, again, i tend to suppose that most of the time, they just didn't care to.
some writers are more fastidious about maintaining continuity and internal narrative coherence than others are, and, honestly, the csi writing staff (and especially zuiker) were never, even in their heyday, particularly careful in that regard; they typically cared more about case details than character biographies.
in any case, like you say, regardless of why it happened, the fact that there are so many characters on csi who share names does lend it a touch of realism that not all primetime tv dramas have.
fwiw, per the us social security administration, "david" was the second most popular name for american boys of the 60s (when hodges likely was born) and the fourth most popular name for american boys of the 70s (when super dave likely was born), so the statistical likelihood of there being two davids working in the same lab in the early 2000s would have been very high.
anyway, sorry i can't give you a more definitive answer! thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.
and enjoy your rewatch!
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Italian Remix Vol. 2 Umberto Tozzi, Raffaella Carra, Pooh, Fausto Leali, Renato Carosone... CD-Used Like New $39.99
Italian Remix Vol. 2 Umberto Tozzi, Raffaella Carra, Pooh, Fausto Leali, Renato Carosone… CD-Used Like New $39.99
Italian-Remix Vol. 2
Video: Umberto Tozzi – Tu (Dance/Remix)
Tracklist:
1. Tu (RMX) – Umberto Tozzi
2. Rumore (RMX) – Raffaella Carrá
3. Lasciati baciare col Letkiss (RMX) – Gemelle Kessler
4. Cicale (RMX) – Heather Parisi
5. El Porompompero (RMX) – Cochi & Renato
6. Nella vecchia fattoria (RMX) – I Cetra
7. Stessa spiaggia, stesso mare (RMX) – Piero Focaccia
8. Canteró per te (RMX) – Pooh
9.…
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