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#he's trying to had selfie
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#selfie bee#me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails#i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade#FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!!#did you have a lot of snow on christmas!#we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c:#do you have any plans for the new year?#i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun#this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ヽ(´∇`)ノ#I would also love to learn how to make a handstand#imagine if you could just make yourself upside down#but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either#but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( ᐛ )#maybe I'll finally finish that website!#new years are good and fun#it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :)#who knows what this year will bring!#I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car#I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact#I wonder how he is doing today#since that moment I think about pheasants a lot#I knew they were real but I had never seen one#just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling#right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet#get dry soon pheasants!!#I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either#I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts#also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅#I've finished it and its really really bad#but I love it
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markscherz · 9 months
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do you like tuataras ..
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Yeah they're okay I guess
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innytoes · 2 months
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33 for callexie (caleb/alex/willie)? ;D
Willie had the perfect plan, okay? It didn't matter that maybe he'd taken one too many Benadryl. He was sure Tomorrow Willie would absolutely agree with his flawless decision making skills.
Like that time he painted his entire kitchen red. Like sure, the next day he'd been kind of confused, but then a week later he tripped while holding a bowl of tomato soup and you couldn't even see the stains! Benadryl Willie was brilliant.
So of course he wouldn't regret crawling across the fire escape, jimmying open the window of his very cute neighbours' place, and all but throwing himself and his laptop (very important!) through.
"Oh hey, you're having dinner, perfect!" Willie beamed at the surprised faces. The lights were all off, except for some candles on the table, which was perfect. That would mean they could see his presentation all the better.
Alex looked positively angelic in the candlelight, his eyes wide and his hair like liquid gold. The shadows made Caleb's jaw look even more perfect, and his eyes seemed to be sparkling with amusement. Probably amusement, right? Willie was a funny guy. Which was point seven!
Focus.
"Anyway, you can keep eating while you listen," he said, dragging over one of the bar stools from the kitchen to their table. He propped the laptop on top, flipping it open so they could see the first slide.
"Anyway here is my Powerpoint on why you should date me," he started, jabbing the button. The first slide wooshed away with a fun sound effect. "Number one, I am very pretty. Case in point." He clicked again, and some shirtless selfies appeared.
"What the hell is happening," Alex whispered.
"Point one b, I also have very pretty and pettable hair. And abs. Unless I just ate pizza or something." The next slide showed off both. "And a cute butt." He hadn't been able to take a proper picture of that, but he turned a little so they could see his butt anyway. "See?"
"Let him finish, darling, he obviously put work into this," Caleb whispered back.
"Thank you," Willie said, before clearing his throat. "Point Two. You both keep inviting me over to dinner and smiling at me and when we bump into each other in the hall we can talk like forever and we just seem to click and vibe.'
The last slide with his abs disappeared, replaced by one that said VIBES in comic sans. Because that was supposed to be the most easy to read font out there. Or something.
"Number three, I am an excellent boyfriend. I will remember your birthday and get you flowers except I won't because I know Alex is allergic but I'm learning how to make origami flowers except don't tell Alex that it's a surprise for his birthday which by the way is July 19th," he rambled. He clicked the button again, because he was pretty sure there were more reasons he was a good boyfriend.
"Oh, right! I make a mean breakfast in bed and also I totally believe in fair division of labour meaning I will do the dishes because I know Caleb secretly hates them because they make his hands wrinkly but also you can't just put wine glasses in the dishwasher."
"You're absolutely right," Caleb agreed.
"Don't encourage him!" Alex hissed.
"Point... um..." He clicked the power point again. "Five. Right. I am amazing in bed. Ten out of ten ex boyfriends agree. Or they would if I had ten. I have four. They're all great, except for Joey Keaton, but I never slept with him anyway because we were both twelve and he dumped me because I wouldn't give him my shiny Charizard Pokemon card."
A picture of his shiny Pokemon Card, which he still owned (suck it Joey!) popped up on the screen.
"You skipped point four," Alex pointed out, and Willie blinked. He went back a slide. Then forward again. Then back.
"Okay point four is your eyes are very pretty and I want to kiss you," he said resolutely. "Anyway point six! If you date me you will always have a tie breaker. If you can't pick a restaurant? TIE BREAKER! Not sure what movie to watch? Tie breaker! Also you need like three people to play Twister which is also very important. Point seven is I'm very funny and eight is... oh that's a picture of the raccoon who comes by the dumpster sometimes to see if there's pizza. We're friends. He can vouch for me. Point nine is I'm great in bed and also very cute."
Was it just him or was the room getting all spinny? He swayed a little, and Caleb caught his arm.
"You're strong," he said, smiling. "That's not a point, though. I mean it's a point on why I wanna date you, but I didn't get to that PowerPoint yet."
"Why don't you sit down," Caleb said, gently settling him down in his chair. Alex looked even prettier from across the table.
"You're even prettier from this angle," he told Alex.
"I- thank you?" Alex said. "Are you okay?"
"Peachy!" Willie said. Oh man, this food smelled so good. He took a bite. "I'm not done though. I still have to get to point twenty four, which is super important. I give really good hugs. You like hugs don't you?"
"Willie, did you take something?" Caleb asked gently. His hand was on Willie's back and it was warm and he leaned into it. That was nice. He was kind of cold. And shivering a little. Haha.
"No, I don't do that anymore, I have a real job now," he said. "And an apartment. And I can buy my own food and clothes and treats for Throckmorton - that's the raccoon by the way, I'll introduce you if you want."
"Did you ingest any substances?" Caleb tried again.
"I took some Benadryl," Willie said. "And some of this pasta. It's really good, have you tried it? Anyway, point... point ten. I'm a good cook. I know how to make eggs like five different ways, and that's not even including French Toast!"
"How about you come lie down on the couch for a moment?" Caleb asked.
"I feel like you’re not taking this PowerPoint presentation about why you should date me very seriously," Willie pouted. He'd worked very, very hard on it.
"How about we go sit on the couch to look at the rest, huh?" Alex said. Alex was so smart. "I'll carry your laptop, okay?"
They sat down on the couch, and Alex put the laptop on the coffee table. Willie nodded, ready to go back to his presentation, but then Caleb wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and kept his arm there, and Alex gently brushed the hair off his forehead - and rested it there for a moment, which was nice. He leaned into the touch.
"You're burning up," Alex said.
"Yeah, I'm hot, that was like point one, do I have to start over?" Willie asked. He tried to reach his laptop with his foot. He hadn't bothered to put on shoes, so his fun socks were showing. "Oh, I didn't even include that on the PowerPoint. I have lots of cool socks. See, these are of cats in space."
"They're very nice," Alex agreed, gently tipping him over into Caleb. "Why don't you tell us all about your socks? How many pairs do you have?"
"Well, I have the cats in space, and dogs in space, and raccoon socks, and skateboards, and little hotdogs, and..." Slowly, his brain started to shut down, but that was okay, because Caleb was warm and comfy, and Alex was holding his hand, and he was pretty sure the sock argument was winning them over more than point twelve (I give great head!) and thirteen (I'm great at keeping plants alive! Look at my spider plant!).
And okay, when he woke up twelve hours later feeling like death, on a couch that was more comfortable than his own bed, with two very handsome and very doting neighbours willing to feed him soup and nurse him back to health, he had to admit that maybe Benadryl Willie had been right about something.
Because he did leave that apartment with two boyfriends.
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spookylilbimbo · 1 year
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Absolutely love the way his shirt fits me 🥰🖤
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jrueships · 5 months
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they Need to Kiss.
#yes lovie#( i love your name btw it's very cute#one of my best friends is named lovie )#(you are my best friend now)#anyways#yes lovie derek WOULD fit inside sauce best ty king for seeing my light#i will never forget sauce posting a selfie that he thought was cool and captioning it 'I'm the best in the draft.'#before getting drafted under another cb derek stingley#derek being surrounded by parental role models involved in football#having the training and skill to be known as a number 1 COLLEGE draft prospect AS WELL AS A NFL DRAFT prospect#thanks to his football loving family (coaching father wise retired football player grandfather)#vs sauce being raised all by his mother alone who had to work overnights at an automotive seating manufacturing factory#being the youngest of three of his siblings and never leaving his eldest brother's side bcs he was lonely and unsure and afraid#allante (the eldest) trying to draw sauce spreadsheets to help sauce understand the recruiting processes (and why he wasnt as high#as he wanted to be)#sauce fighting as an underdog his whole life in detroit then going to an underdog school that at least had the name 'King'#so he can feel like royalty as a wr/cb#promising his mom he'll be a college graduate no matter what so he'll always have something to fall back on so she wont worry#sauce's secret not so secret envy of derek and all his resources#his secret not so secret stuck up nose bcs he thinks hes had to climb higher hills than derek and therefore deserves the better recognition#then hiding behind 'im just working for my family' when ppl notice theres a lot more ego involved in his envious little nose scrunches#derek just smiling and being lively bcs hes just thrilled to be in his familys dream that a lot of ppl dont have the chance to obtain#even his dad played in the arena football league but not the nfl#im telling yall ppl with a chip on their shoulder... watch out 😭#it's like a beautiful giant marble statue with a bruise#i need to see them interact. i must.#sauce: you took Every. Thing. From. Me.#derek: ... OOH-- did I accidentally take a swing from your gatorade dude? aw#im so sorry man :( !! sometimes i just see shiny things and KABLAMMO! im on it like a silk bonnet! sorry bro u can have mine tho 🐶!#i didnt open it yet so it should be cool clean! AND refreshing 😁👍🏽!
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black-and-yellow · 2 years
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The Man Behind the Stinky.
For you, lil listeners. Another VRChat redraw (This is the part where you go ‘eeee’).
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[World: Uh Oh Stinky] (Pretty self-explanatory)
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seventh-district · 7 months
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it’s finally getting cold enough that i can bring my cardigan collection back into rotation without feeling like i’m gonna melt into a puddle the second i step outside!!!
#Seven.txt#my face#i have rematerialized back out of the void to once again make my once-in-a-blue-moon selfie & life update post#i’m running on 4 hours of restless sleep and the single banana i ate for lunch earlier today. let’s do this#hrrrrg i hate the lighting in my bathroom but i refuse to take pictures in the absolute Mental Illness Disaster Zone™️ that is my bedroom#anyways. got diagnosed with Mystery Pain Syndrome at the dentist today. so now i take ✨steroids✨#the less funny explanation is that my tooth still hurts with pressure nearly a month post-root canal and That’s Not Good#so we’re trying some new medications to see if that fixes it. and if not then who knows. root canal pt.2 the sequel. or extraction. sigh#and so the Dental Saga continues. todays visit went quite well in spite of the unforeseen mystery pain delaying the tooth-shaving plans#we had some time to kill so he managed to fill some of my other tiny cavities while i was there today so that’s good#okay moving on. what else. uhh. OH they finally came out and ran the fiber to the house last week!!! now i’m just waiting on one more-#-guy to come and finish the interior install and the long awaited fast internet will finally be mine eheheheheeeee#now i can feel my hours upon hours of unedited gameplay footage breathing down my neck :)#man i’ve got so much stuff piled up right now. i’m drowning in Tasks and it’s a lil overwhelming but i’ll handle it all! eventually#uhhhhm my current writing project is coming along well! i’ve never put so much time and effort into a oneshot before in my life#its a labor of love though and i think i’m gonna be really proud of myself (and the fic) once it’s complete#even if no one reads it bc it’s so goddamn self indulgent and kinda lowkey throws canon out the window but like. fuck it!#if i want Astarion to write a song on piano and perform it for me while mentally taking me on a trip down memory lane. then so be it#fr though i’ve never written anything quite like this and i rlly want to do it justice. even if its unrealistic i still want it to be Good#in other news i received word that one of the chickens i sponsor at my local Gentle Barn has passed away so i had a lil cry abt that#i feel so bad for his little tiny chicken wife. they obviously loved each other and it’s like. so sad when one half of an old couple dies#like. she pulled him out of his depression after his 1st wife died. now who’s gonna be there to pull Her out…#anyways let’s not get all sad about that again. in happier news my cat who i presumed died/got killed has returned home uninjured!!!#after that huge stray dog chased her into the woods i thought we’d never find or see her again#but then the morning after i started grieving her she showed back up hungry as hell yet completely unharmed like the enigma that she is#so that’s one definite highlight from earlier this month. uhh what else. rapid fire summary of the past few weeks let’s go-#Jersey turned 10! Bullet turned 10! my 6 year Veganniversary happened! i’m approaching 700 days on DuoLingo!#i’ve written more than 20 thousand words! i’ve been facing some fears! fighting my OCD! taking care of myself! (kinda!)#anyways things are far from being all sunshine and roses around here but i’m trying to focus on the good stuff for the most part#for now tho i have a headache and have reached 30 tags so it’s time to go shovel some mashed potatoes into my mouth :)
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karinyosa · 8 months
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one realization i’ve had is that a lot of the models for masculinity and/or manhood that i kind of gravitated to when i was younger were not the most typically masculine. it’s weird having things in common with other transmascs but also very clearly going for different things. like i feel a kinship with you but sometimes i think we’re not quite the same. also been a reminder of like what kid me was actually going for when i dressed and acted The Way i Did in middle school
#persolaise perfumes singlehandedly saved me by looking and acting like he does#the first video of his that i watched he was reacting to this scent that’d been marketed with the phrase ‘’for real men’’#he was like put off but trying to give it a chance#and he made this joke about having lost his real man card a long time ago or something#and i was like HAAAAA . love you#me.txt#anyway i was watching this trans guy podcast and they were like averagely masculine men and it was like#hm i think we have different priorities kind of. like i have a feeling we wouldn’t completely relate kfhdkfn#it wasn’t a feeling of exclusion just an awareness of difference#they were talking specifically about wanting to feel manly and like had mildly sort of touched on and laughed about that in sort of#an inside joke way. and i was like WOW i like would not care about that at all. like i don’t think i’ve ever worried much about manliness#passing certainly but not that as far as i can remember#and it took me back to being weirdly drawn to like. floop from spy kids and people like that and i was like hm. there’s something there#i say that and then dress the way i do in my selfies kdbsksh#for me it’s more of a mannerism and presentation thing than anything else i think#like persolaise truly was a reminder that like. oh yes i can speak and act like that and dress fun and still be a man#truly it’s just that i was drawn heavily towards queercoded male characters like i think that’s a lot of it#i guess i have worried about manliness in some ways but it’s never really been something i’ve aimed for#the closest thing would be like. gentlemanly fkdhdknd#or something along those lines#anyway some men just click for me in terms of people i can kind of reference myself to and it’s like#often a pleasant surprise when it happens#alan cumming and persolaise are very much on that list#another essay in the tags
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girlwithfish · 3 months
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bro i just experienced some guy from tinder being a full on asshole it made me so uncomfortable and also mad lolol i wanted to argue w him or talk shit but i didnt want him to be scary or somethin if hes like wack or something lol
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carmenpeach · 1 month
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found this old pic of high school me where i edited sonic.exe into it huh
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us failing algebra together ☝️
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spill-the-t · 10 months
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The struggle of knowing you aren’t ugly, you look good in a lot of selfies, your smile looks fine when you look in the mirror, but as soon as someone says “let’s take a picture” my face disconnects.
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m0e-ru · 9 months
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annoys me how people don’t get adachis shadow nor understand the way he works in ultimax and the fact he’s never accepted himself and neither will improve as a person than as genuinely as someone who does awaken to a persona hence why he’s still in pain trying to utilize it all the time and the words he thinks and says and the actions he does in ultimax should be taken with a grain of salt but also wholeheartedly after putting it under a microscope enough
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nectar-cellar · 2 years
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how i imagine amir’s gr*ndr profile looks. just a simple mirror selfie with his face semi-hidden because he feels awkward.
his username is “A.” and all the rest of the info is blank. yes he’s that guy.
i was gonna photoshop these screenshots into a proper template but i’m tired and i really can’t be bothered 🙄 lmfao
character/story rambling beneath the cut 😩 this is literally so cringe don’t read it!
after amir and dani have their falling out, which i need to work out exactly what happens and why, dani blocks amir’s phone number and social media and they both separately think they’re done with each other. dani thinks they’ll never open up to anyone ever again, and amir turns his anger inwards at himself, thinking it’s just his nature to inevitably hurt the people closest to him.
but sunset valley is a small town so he keeps inadvertently running into/seeing dani every so often, like at the cafe where dani works, in the town center, etc. he drives by the main library they used to volunteer at, and the small college they both attended, and all his memories of those places are of times spent with dani. have you ever had a breakup that just crushes you and leaves you with so many mixed feelings, things you wish you would’ve said, things you wish you could have done differently, events and conversations you keep replaying in your mind? that’s where he is at for the next several months following their fallout. he tries to move on but his introverted, guarded self has no desire to try and meet new people in a romantic way. he throws himself into his work and his workout regime. he tries to suppress his feelings about this devastating breakup and it obviously doesn’t work.
he feels too awkward to ever approach dani so, feeling lonely, he decides to make a grindr account. he promises himself he just wants to see if they’re on the app. he knows what the app is, but has never used it before. he’s just curious. he just wants to know how they’re doing. it’s not like he has to reach out. the radio silence has not stopped him from missing them.
he easily finds dani’s profile on the grid and saves it. he looks at it over and over. other than some pretty selfies, there is no information listed that he doesn’t already know. seeing dani’s profile stirs up a lot of strong feelings in him. how are you feeling now, months later? do you hate me? do you miss me? who are you talking to? who are you fucking? have you met someone else? have you moved on? what did our relationship mean to you?
eventually he works up the courage to send them a message. he can’t kick the idea out of his head. who is he kidding? this was his goal all along, whether he wants to admit it to himself or not. and the message function is right there. he takes some selfies and uploads a pic or two to his profile to show them that it’s him, to hopefully make their interaction less weird. he reasons that the worst thing dani could do is block him again, and if that happens, he’ll know for sure to give up on his hopes of reconnecting. it would be painful but at least there would be no more ambiguity. so he decides to take the chance.
--
i posted about how i wanted to write an xxx scene where amir fantasizes about dani and it got me thinking about the events that would precede that fantasy 😩
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nemuus · 1 year
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Its weird enough to have old selfies but i just got shown a video of me dancing at the club wearing a mesh strappy bra as a top and high wasted shorts and i nearly threw up
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usermoon · 2 years
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so i’ve mentioned once or twice that i work at a daycare and i “teach” kids ages 3 to 5,, well today was graduation day for the 5 year olds and got flowers from one of the kids 😭
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he handed them to me and i said “thank you matthew, they match my hair.” and his parents told me that while they were picking them out he chose these because “ms. grace has red hair” i nearly cried and i also learned he’s not coming back for the summer im gonna miss him 😭😭
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