I love making a character and then them immediately morphing into a knockoff of my dad. Like haha u were a guy but now you're just like my dad in particular and I'll never forget about that how does that make you feel

Also I noticed, mom's engine is kind of fuel proof.

And when I say engine, I mean her temper. Thats why Dad would always break it down to me when I would ask "What's wrong with momma?" And he would break it down to me like a list of groceries, and where everything else would hidden under a car hood. But I think mom would prefer the word table. Because she wouldn't like the idea of being compared to a car.

In Daddy's instruction manual, he was in coach mode. He figured her out. And it took awhiillllleeeee for him to get to understand her fully on why she would do the things she said, and acted and reacted the way she would do or wouldn't do....especially had she not have drank around certain times of the day when she was upset, frustrated or just having a headache.

I know this sounds like my mom is an alcoholic and I would tell you she's not. But she still has this thing like one would do, but she would probably suggest to me that its just stress and wine, and that I don't know what I'm talking about. Because any type of criticism, and I mean aannnnnnnnyy type of criticism from me, my dad, or family in general....hurts her.

And she hates that thing about me where I can just know what's going on and what I need to do to not get hit or lashed out at by her words. I don't need to her to tell me what to do. Because I hate talking to her when she's upset and don't wanna see her get triggered again. There's been times where she would put the foot up on the gas and blast right through us like we weren't there listening to her every word, every comment and not being able to block her words killed me every time. So I would just zone the fuck out, to not be mean back to her. Either that or leave the room. Because lets be honest. I don't wanna endanger myself by adding fuel to the fire by reacting to an adult who sometimes does/sometimes doesn't has control over her temper. I'm even having a hard time typing this out because it makes me paranoid to even say anything bad or wrong about her. Because she wants to be seen as perfect, even in front of her friends, family members we don't know, and company.

I know neither of my sisters like putting on this facade of fake smiles and everything...and I think maybe my sisters thought I was over exaggerating when I would tell them "hey you need to clean this up before your mom sees it" and then they would say "like yo, just chill. I got it" and I would get cranky, upset, and confused so much for tolerating this big sister role, that I would go in my room to confront my emotions about this alone. Because if the reason why I was upset or crying didn't make sense to my mom, she would look at me like I was stupid, "Like what's the point in crying over that. What's the big deal?" Because even after I told her I was dealing with grief because I had to cut off some friends with whom I was deeply attached to (and loved) she said "What grief? You didn't lose anything?"

Daddy had to reassure me that she just wasn't the innocent-playing control freak who was insensitive to her daughter's emotions. She hated seeing me sad all the time, going up to my room, not wanting to spend time with my family because I was depressed. She thought I was just being rude and irritable for nothing. When I finally told them why after having a panic attack about me just being depressed and I wasn't getting back to happy fast enough for mom and them, it stressed me out. Because they wanted to feel better, when all I wanted to do was cry, (cringe warning) white cake icing that had been sitting in the pantry for like a year, and compulsively watching anime and korean dramas. And of course thats when I started doing music as a coping mechanism.

But any who back to my original intention to say...

Mom has a fuel tank, with an engine light, and a reader.

The more things that trigger, it gets added to the pot. Like she's not over the top neat-freak, but things add up. And Daddy was making a lot of sense about why momma cried when I told her the chocolate chip cookies she made were too crunchy when I was maybe 6 years old. I shut my mouth after he told me. He didn't yell at me, but I kinda wish he did. I told her I was sorry and she hugged me for understanding. That's probably how I started using context clues a lot better in most english literature classes. I had to survive my childhood with my mother. Escape the belt, escape the "whoopens" escape control, escape everybody telling me to do this and this right the first time or else.

Momma is sensitive too. Just like me. Cause I'm her daughter. And I think I became more entitled for her to take care of me and my emotions as I got older. Because I blamed her lack of care for my emotions and attention, when all I was doing was keeping myself out of harms way. It was either by feeding her negative emotions with kindness. Problem and solution. More compliments, complimentary breakfasts, cooking for something new or especially different, talking to her to make sure she was in a good mood first to talk, because I know she gets uninterested and cold if she talks. Kinda whatever I saw my Dad do for her to make her feel better, I would try to mimic that. He was like my calm down, cheer me up kind of guy. He would listen, understand, be patient with me if I was upset or just emotionally frustrated. But tantrums he would get more aggressive to get me to stop embarrassing him if I was upset in public, so I had to be quiet then and just let the teardrops drop and shut up. Because I hated disappointing my father too. Especially if mom had already made me feel bad for not pleasing her or not looking pleasing enough to go out to eat. She was very picky on clothes, and my taste was different from hers. I think maybe we were just too similar on wanting things the way we wanted things to go. Maybe I started turning into her, once I started dating these other people who I thought reminded me of these little piles of quarrels and abc debates with my mother. I don't like to argue, but I guess I have a fiery engine too. The little things add up and it gets on my nerves after awhile. Sometimes I can't think straight and just talk it out if I'm so damn frustrated. So I have to leave the room and handle the way my father would have wanted me to. Which was to not fight, to not lash out, don't let nobody get in your face, don't put your hands on them unless they put your hands on you. He made sure of that when I was going to school. He didn't want me to end up like him with a bad record of getting into fights with kids in elementary. This guy was a beast back then. He even challenged the big dudes, because of his height at the time. Especially if it was for justice for somebody talking shit to him. He wasn't taking no bullshit. A lil bulldog with aggression, that later on turned into passive as he got older dealing with the workforce. He probably saw some shit with corporate and certain types of people that he had to deal with. Dealing with people like that to pay bills and you got kids at home, I could see why he would find another better way to talk over someone who thinks less of them, because he figures people out too at work. Once he does, you can't fuck with him. He won't give you a reaction. He tries to see the logic of it so he never ever lets his emotions about something get to him. He moves forward and turns his heart off. Brain on. Like a robot, coming to an absolute conclusion so he never has to face that again.

That could be why I say I'm like a cool blend like my mom and dad. When Im hot, im like hot, coffee, acid,aggressive, passionate, fiery like my mom. Dad, he's cool guy, people smart, cold, blue, smooth, fast, speed, control, logical, offensive linemen, defensive line. He's a football guy, quarterbacks think in sight and what they observe. They have to learn to be on their toes. You can't fool him or lie to him, unless you changed. Like I did.

Oh, can we call it a night?

What’s the most played song on your iPod? I don’t iPod anymore these days, but theres a site that will aggregate your Spotify listening, and the song I’ve listened to the most all time on Spotify is In Your Atmosphere by John Mayer. What is one quality you admire most in others? People who know what they want to do with themselves. What would you do with a million dollars? Invest it, maybe? Buy a new car. Start a non-profit that will save the world. Or just a small part of it. What’s your favorite song to dance to? All of them. What would your ideal birthday party be like?

No idea.This year I went to my favorite pizza place with a couple of friends, my mom and husband. Was pretty good.

If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I’m not sure I believe in any of that. What talent would you like to have? I wish I was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC at something. I’m good at most things, and can get by, but I’m not outstanding at any singular thing.  Are you ticklish? Nah. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 3 days or so. I basically had the flu and felt like I was dying. Not like the real flu either, theres this illness you get when your body hasn’t slept in too long. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? None. What are three songs that mean the most to you? Mayonaise by the Smashing Pumpkins, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton and Bornand Raised by John Mayer. Someone else used these italics and I’m just running with it.

Who is the one person you miss the most? No one? What do you think of your parents? They are flawed people. I make the best out of my relationship with my mom, but I’m just not sure I want to bother with my dad. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? Instill a sense of community. People would be so much better off if we all gave a shit about the other people we are on this planet with. What is your favorite kind of sandwich? Hot, cheesy, some kind of sauce. Other than that, I’m flexible. If you had a puppy, what would you name it? I got a puppy 2 years ago and his name is Finn. We wanted a Star Wars name and Supreme Leader was the runner up name. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? I can’t think of anything I’d wanna see. What people do behind closed doors is their business lol. How much cash do you have on you right now? None. I’m in pjs, but beyond that, I rarely use cash. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? Humor or personality? Would more money make you happier? I don’t know. We have a comfortable amount now, minus paying for healthcare. Steve may have a job offer that would cover the healthcare, but would I be happy not working? Would I just turn into a loser slug? What is one of your favorite memories as a child? I really don’t know. My parents pretty much screamed and threw things all the time until my dad moved out. Then they played horrible games with me in the middle. There’s a lot of stuff I don’t even remember about being a child. I’d say the good stuff started happening when I was a teen and could seek refuge in my friends and their stable houses. I had one friend in particular, Andrew, whose mom and dad were super nice and he had a fun little sister- every time I was over there, which was VERY often, it was like a slice of the good life. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? This was on another survey and I didn’t know how to answer it. I think once it’s done I just move on, I’m really a dweller. How do you measure intelligence? Unsure. I guess you just get a feeling for someones intelligence as you’re interacting with them.

What cartoons do you watch? None at the moment. I did just get Disney+, so that may change, but there aren’t really any cartoons I’m planning on watching. Have you ever used drugs? Nope. If you were a Skittle, what flavor would it be? The purple one. Sleeper hit. How would you describe your style? Hmmm. Casual indie bohemian with a side of lazy fat person. If you had to spend $1,000 in one hour, how would you spend it? The internet. Generally, my money goes to clothes or Halloween decorations. I really wanna buy some regular decor for the house though, so maybe that. What’s your favorite smell and why? I don’t have one. Something not flowery or overbearing. Something fresh and natural. Where do you buy your clothes? Anthropologie, ModCloth, Target, Gap, Old Navy, Loft. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Birthday cake? Funfetti? Does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe? I have absolutely no idea. I used to think that it was just statistically impossible that there wasn’t, but fuck I don’t even know how any of this got here, so I no longer have an opinion. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? MilkBar birthday cake. Are you into tattoos? I guess so? I like the art of them, I follow a lot of tattoo people on instagram and keep up with their work. I just got my first tattoo a week ago and I’m 35, so it’s not like something I do a lot, ha ha. Do you like photography? I do. I have illusions that I’m a photographer sometimes. I should be currently editing a wedding right now, but here I am. I’m just not sure I’ll ever be the kind of photographer I’d like to be, so I don’t know what I wanna do with it going forward. If you were a holiday, which one would you be? Halloween 100% Do you have any siblings? Nope. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of? I just got one. It’s a bat pusheen. I really wanted a bat of some sort and pusheen is my favorite so I just went for it. I always thought my bat tattoo would be a little more dark, but it is what it is lol. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? I hid behind a dumpster when I was like 14 and 3 of the Backstreet Noys walked right by me, ha ha. I have some photos with me and the guys from Good Charlotte from when I was a wee teenybopper. How many pushups can you do? Absolutely zero. What person in history do you admire most? None? I don’t think I admire anyone. These surveys are quickly informing me that I don’t believe in anything or look up to anyone. Am I inert? Who is your favorite actor? I don’t have one. Ha ha, see above. I like most of the stuff Chris Pratt is in. Robery Downey Jr as Iron Man is iconic, but I’ve never seen any of his other movies. I like Adam Driver in Girls and Star Wars. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? Spoke. Have you ever lied about your age? I don’t think I’ve ever had cause to. Have you ever cried while watching a movie? If so, what movie? For sure. Everything makes me tear up in my old age. Last movie was probably Endgame, though. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Not like huge, life changing fears, but I’m always afraid a bug will get caught in my hair and I can’t touch drains because they freak me out. Where do you see yourself five years from now? I’ve never been one to make plans. Hopefully happy with more direction. What is your favorite candy? Fun Dip, Nerds, Starburst. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Not someone suer close, but there are lots of auxillary people I know that have and do. Who do you look up to for your style? No one in particular. I see things on the internet I like and try to incorporate that, but its always varied sources. Who is your favorite sports team? I don’t follow sports. How often do you drink alcohol? Once every two weeks? Even then, its usually just one drink with dinner. I don’t much care about drinking. It seems like a lot of work to fill myself up with something I don’t really like the taste of just so I can potentially feel bad later.  What is your life in three words? Evolving yet bland. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? I knew that, I’d be working towards it. Would you have a pet dragon? If so what color would it be? Sure. Whatever color dragon is fine with me. What’s your favorite sport? The only one I even kind of pretend to care about is baseball. Do you believe that homeless people are dangerous? No.  If you could be skinny and miserable or fat and happy, which would you be? I’d always pick happy. If your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would have done? Hmmm, I don’t know. I don’t have like any huge regret at the moment so probably just wish I’d have enjoyed myself more. If you were to invent something, what would it be? Hopefully something that makes the world better. Some kind of climate change related thing?  Who would you like to get to know better? This wholesaler real estate guy that has been selling us properties. Maybe if we knew him better, he would give us better deals, lol. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Near drowning when I was seven. Do you fear death? Yep.  What is the strangest food you ever ate? Hmmm. I like food with interesting combinations. Like smelly cheese or beet pesto or something, but I’m not on board with weird meat and I don’t eat seafood. Do you think you’re cool? Nah. What reality show would you like to be on? None. I don’t watch any of them. The only show like that I ever watched was the Osbournes, ah aha. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Whatever is gluten free. Ususally no choices for me at most chinese places. PF Changs has pad thai and general tsos I can have and another place nearby has general tsos too, but thats about it.

I loved lo mein and crab rangoon in my former life, though. Are you happy with your life? For the most part. If you could name your own planet, what would you call it? I’d need some plantary details before coming up with a name. If you could live another 200 years. What would you hope to see? People learning that we need to work together. Would you rather be hot or cold? Well, I’m cold like 90% of the time and that sucks, but at least you can do something about it and layer up and get blankets and such- if you’re hot, you’re just stuck. How would you rate yourself? What am I rating here? I’m like a 0 at makeup skills, but like an 11 if you need someone to pick you up in an emergency. 10 at playlist making. 1 at doing the dishes. Would you ever move to a different country in an attempt to start over? Maybe not to “start over”, but I would definitely consider a dream job in another country if all the details worked out. If you could be a character from any book, who would you be? No idea. I read a lot of Stephen King and none of those characters are alright.  Do you prefer taking baths or showers? I’d love to take a bath, but I’m a little big for the tub. Do you still collect toys from Happy Meals? Nope. I never ate happy meals even as a kid, so I never did. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? I drove two states over for a sandwich once. It was like a 15 hour round trip. In your opinion what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? People being willing to fuck over every one else if they think it will benefit them in any tiny, miniscule way. You are destroying everything by being an asshole and letting the people that really have all the money get away with it. Do you like dogs or cats better? I was 100% cat until I got a dog 2 years ago. I’m mostly dog at this point. Don’t tell my cat. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Hmm, I don’t know. I’m a lot better off than my parents were. I just kind of thought the constant worrying about the car breaking down or the bills being paid was grown up life, so its nice to get here and know that I worked hard to not have those problems. If an ex texted you out of the blue, how would you respond? I don’t think I would. I’ve been with Steven for a decade, so theres def nothing that needs to be said to anyone that far back. Do you have a favorite poet? I don’t. I really like some poems I’ve read randomly in my internet travels, but I’ve never really been able to sit down and read a book of poetry. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Eating too much food? Would you rather go on a shopping spree with $200 or put it in the bank? I’d rather go shopping. I might save it, though. What was the last rumor that you heard? No idea. I don’t really have rumors around me at this point in my life. My friends aren’t like that and I’m not working anywhere at the moment. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I don’t really know who any of them are. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. One of them happened when I was like 15 and it pinched a nerve in my neck and half of my left hand went numb. My mom didn’t believe me for a really long time that there was something wrong until she watched me try to pick up a glass of milk with my left hand and it just fell to the floor. Are you an organ donor? Yes! What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Unsure. I’m fairly adventurous, but I don’t do super dangerous things. I guess just trespassing in old abandoned buildings when I was younger could have been dangerous. What is the meaning of life? Moments of joy. For you and others. What word do you like the sound of? Nothing in particular jumps out to me. Isn’t Cellar Door supposed to be lovely? What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Hmmm. I don’t know. Its more about the brand I think. I usually get Jeni’s or the other fancy ice cream brand when I get the chance. 

I always get the cake flavored froyo, though.  Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? Cupcakes. Are you an athlete? Ha ha, no. What did the last text message on your phone say? From my brother in law. He’s doing the work on the house we just bought, getting it ready for a renter. He wants more money, lol. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? Man, I don’t know. I think maybe Grandma’s Boy was the funniest I had seen at the time. I usually don’t even like movies like that. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? I had this dream when I was a kid that I left the scissors out and they flew up and cut my moms fingers off and the whole dream was dark and black and white because it was night, but at the end, she picked up the phone (landline, because cell phones weren’t a thing then) and the only color was the green light coming from the phone that illuminated the numbers and she was trying to dial 911 with her fingers that weren’t there. 

I probably had that dream close to 30 years ago now and it’s still clear in my mind. 

What do you know how to cook? Lots of things. I’m especially good at carbonara or alfredo. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? I fell down the stairs and broke several bones, severely sprained both ankles and ended up getting surgery to fix the cartilage in one ankle. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Any that my fat ass can fit on. What do you wish you were doing right now? Well i’m doing this instead of things I should be doing. Who are your musical influences? I don’t play music, so I’m not really influenced? What was your favorite band or musician when you were 12? The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and the Back Street Boys, ha ha. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don’t think anyone has ever given me one. How many drinks can you handle? I don’t really know at this point. Getting older changes things. I know that if I have one drink and then stop, I get a headache, lol. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Hours and hours. Like 7 or 8 probably? Back in my day you could only talk to boys on the phone because we didn’t have cell phones or text messaging and you only had dial up internet. What’s your favorite candle scent? I got one from Anthropologie called Riviera that was my favorite candle scent ever. I bought two, but they are sold out now and I am very sad.

Re-watch of Veronica Mars & Movie

“I used to be cool” -keith   “when” - veronica

lol veronica putting a bong in logan’s locker

“i suddenly feel like I’m in a scene from the outsiders” - wallace

“be cool soda pop” - veronica 

I love that my favourite book is referenced

“the people you love let you down” - veronica

I forgot paris hilton was on veronica mars 

Duncan and his antidepressants and side effects and hallucinations of lily, I never liked duncan but please never go cold turkey off prescribed meds!

the fashion 😂

when veronica was 12 and logan first saw her he said he thought she was hot - love at first sight ? 😜

dude where’s my car joke

“change had a tendency to walk up and punch me in the face” - veronica

you can tell logan is afraid of his dad straight away 

his mum sits on the couch drinking wine while her son is getting belted cool cool cool cool....

Never underestimate the size of my cahoeneys😂Logan is my fav

“what is so great about living?” - Logan

Mac is awesome, I forgot her name was cindy, I named my cat after my favourite barbie doll whose name was Cindy r.i.p beautiful ❤️

“I guess we remember it differently” - Logan, me to my brother about our childhood

leighton meester, monique coleman from high school musical, Adam Scott!

logan put his gum under a chair in the police office! yuck

“there is also a tribe that worships Donald trumps hair” - veronica

“what, did he loose a puka shell?” - weevil about logan😂

when logan starts crying in the lobby after he mistakes his step-sister as his mum😭

meg with her pretty in pink dress up for the 80s valentines day dance and duncan is ducky❤️

I wish my school had an 80s theme dance, but I would be too indecisive about who to go as tbh.

“whoever said it’s a mans world, didn’t know how easy it is to be a girl” - veronica, you can tell a man wrote that line

horned mascot from riverdale - veronica and calls herself betty when she goes to the other school

kinda forgot how relatable veronica is, loner, pushes people away

that black beanie with the flames

the flashbacks or hallucinations that show lily speak to people/mostly veronica, remind me of allison in pretty little liars

aussie guy - from home and away i think

never really liked duncan

logan punching the fbi agent

love how mac and keith both say “earth to mars”

logan step-sister trina when she asks him for money reminds me of my brother

veronica had a slider and so does wallace in the second season, my sister had a purple one and i wanted it so bad

logan’s smirk at veronica when she found his step-sisters boyfriend

wow aaron’s father being an abuser, then himself, glad the cycle stopped with logan

thats amore playing whilst aaron beats up his daughters abusive boyfriend

I always felt bad for leo as much as I love LoVe. Veronica basically just used him

sean from degrassi is on veronica mars

“i like what i see in him when he’s with you” - aaron echolls

I think i could love her plays as veronica stands logan up on his boat

“the thought of you breeding? ugh” - logan to dick

logan’s allergic to shell fish

“All i care about is you” - logan

“just evaporate or something” - logan

why didn’t aaron get rid of the tapes? did he not think someone would find his secret ?

sucks that veronica spent her savings for college on her mum to go to rehab and her mum didn’t even last

logan on the bridge where his mother committed suicide, about to jump

when keith saves veronica from the fridge and his on fire and his in a gurney and says “who’s your daddy?”

I’m glad she realises her mum as much as she loves her she is better off without her, that’s what alcoholics do, they are liars.

“don’t forget about me veronica” - lily

greenhouse academy has the same cliffhanger as season 1 of veronica mars

logan shows up at 3am beat up and framed for stabbing someone, then he hears on the radio that his father killed his girlfriend and that his father was sleeping with her

it’s was always duncan right? breaking up with logan making any excuse, all because you finally find out your not brother and sister. ugh

like logan said everyone in his life was gone, the one person he opened up to. also left him. Not cool veronica

the bus crash reminds me of degrassi

“you must chill” veronica says to a girl that has just lost her father in a bus crash and is being bullied and blamed just because her dad had mental health issues and the good ol sheriff feeds the press that it might have been a suicide attempt

curly dude washed up on the beach with veronicas name on his hand, is that like twin peaks, or the guy in australia that was found on the beach with something on his hand but they he had no ID and all the tags were off his clothes

PLL writers should take notes on veronica mars on how to tie up loose ends

“what conspiracy have you pulled out of your ass today”- logan

“my day is complete veronica mars has accused me of evil” - logan, as he twists the ends of his imaginary moustache

veronica is very selfish if you think about it, she asks for favours all the time from her friends but she is never there to hear their problems, she thinks the world does actually revolve around her.

lol logan in the line-up

eye roll aaron blaming duncan and then saying he snapped

cameo by that chick off of america’s next top model

aaron got a psychology degree in jail lol

omg able coonz dying thinking his only daughter is alive but she got killed and shoved into an ice machine holder thingy at a stingy motel

lol when veronica lays down onto logan thinking its duncan

“3rd wheel beginners guide” - logan

“nobody likes an eager beaver” logan to cassidy, was rob waiting a whole season to make that joke and thats why the nickname beaver was given to him?

singer maybe billy idol?

I feel like megs death was a crappy ending, like did she just die so that once again duncan and veronica are split up because of circumstance and they are star-crossed true lovers (eye roll)

“whats your poison” - veronica (breakfast club reference)

“sorry we are all out of liquid evil” - veronica to logan

michael cera

when logan pretends to get burned by the bible when interning for woody

gia says logan uses humour and sarcasm to something something, dance episode

we used to be friends along time ago, but i haven’t thought of you lately at all

logan not taking any of his fathers bull shitting when he was on trial on the stand

“So, apparently, if you're handsome and famous enough, you can just lie under oath, and that's cool.” - veronica

when woody finds veronica on the computer he is creepy af

can we just talk about how much logan went through and how mentally that would fuck you up, yet he never resorted to violence

“it was worth getting taped to a poll” - wallace

lol veronicas dad when she graduates

dicks “trust me I’m rich” shirt

keith says “Carol channings still alive isn’t she?” and I’m like no she died 6 days ago

season 3 

don’t like the new intro

“Back ups in charge? what about the bitch he’s been seeing” - V

WHY THE F IS KEITH HELPING CASABLANCAS WHEN CASIDY HIS SON RAPED HIS DAMN DAUGHTER

MAC “hey i know that guy’ (wallace)

there is no one else, i only want you - logan

fracking

victoria from twilight is in a sorority

I love when logan comes over for dinner and he just smirks at keith and veronica’s banter

i forgot logan had a brother

lol the clerk calls condoms “raincoats” so does my great aunty

diana from glee is on here

veronica is pretty selfish, like her dad was in a car accident and she is annoyed and disapproving of him having a relatioship , she can’t just trust logan?!? ugh

but for logan to run away from the burning motel, it’s just what douchebag pukashell wearing logan would do, not the actual logan

holy crap veronica was SOO damn lucky logan was there at that moment she would be baled and raped, like is once not enough for gods sake?

guy from the nanny

when logan calls veronica from the other side of the cafeteria and she ignores it and he is basically crying :(

logan and i broke up , “are you okay?” keith, “it was unexpected” -v wtf bitch you didn’t trust him, you had a fight, how was it unexpected

dude from waynes world

I love the hooker story line, max & wendy aww

I’ve always hated maddison far out she is a piece of work

ep13 “where are your heads?” basketball coach, me “Obviously not in the game”

lol how dick locks logan on the balcony

logan is yoshi in mario cart!! so am i

“how is it you have so many friends? you don’t even like people” v to l

Lafayette from true blood is a child solider

why did logan invite parker to be with him over break when he obviously wasn’t happy or didn’t want her to go, was it just to prove veronica wrong that “that’s just the way he is” like v said is true, to prove that he has changed.

like it just seems logan and veronica are denying their feelings for each other

that writer from once upon a time is in here, he is in everything

mars uses venus razor

oh the logan piz fight…

such a crap ending to an amazing show

movie

I just love the scene where logan is leaning up against the car like jake from 16 candles (i did post a comparison of the two ages ago)

I like how logan went out with the crazy chic, he was so nonchalant about it, because he wanted to pay veronica back for coming back to neptune when he called even though they hadn’t spoken like 10 years.

kind upset that it wasn’t leighton meester that played carrie

comeback always

logan isn’t supposed to remember the epic quote because he was drunk?

I have so much love for logan, I relate to him so much and it was honestly the best day of my life when I met Jason ( i also met percy and michael) he was so kind to me and I gave him a letter I had written and he was just so down to earth.

How else is pumped for the return?!? 

one of my favorite worst things to Think About are the ways herb’s casually neglectful childhood sometimes just....surfaces in the every day world of his life now. and since his whole shtick is my childhood was perfect my father is basically god and i have absolutely no parent issues idk what ur talking abt, he winds up having to flail, having to learn on the way down, and try to keep up a cover that he knew all along. which, usually, doesn’t work, and just makes it all the more sad. here’s a few examples i’ve thought of because i don’t love myself:

someone around the station gets stuck with something metal and comments they might need a tetanus shot. herb was definitely never taken to the doctor’s for a checkup and regular vaccinations as a child, and since he works daytime hours lucille takes the kids while he’s at work, so he literally has never had a shot and he doesn’t fully understand what vaccines are, aside from cultural osmosis, so he asks in telling confusion, “what’s that supposed to mean?” @piper-aileen-lenox specifically, thnx for making me think of this and ruining my life xx

when herb and lucille moved in together (i imagine they were engaged but maybe not married just yet) lucille made it clear to her rather sexist fiance that she was expecting him to tow the line around the house just as much as her, which he agreed to, except when she asked him to do the grocery shopping thinking that was a harmless thing he could do (not like she’d trust him to actually get the dishes clean or fold her clothes so they don’t wrinkle). they almost never had food consistently in the house growing up and if they did eat full meals, they only had the food for THAT MEAL around because 1. herb sr. and ruby (herb’s parents) lived an erratic lifestyle of little to no money or a whole lot of money but only for a second because it was burning a hole in herb sr.’s pocket, and because 2. ruby quickly learned spending money on food ahead was pointless because either herb sr. hecked off somewhere w/o warning and it went bad, or his deadbeat friends hung around and ate it all, so she only bought for that day if they had the money for anything. but since no one was ever around to TEACH herb anything and he figured most things out on his own, herb doesn’t understand all this and he literally thinks you’re not supposed to by food until you run out or that you have to throw out whatever you have left at the end of the week because....... who knows ???? that’s just what he thought. it caused multiple arguments early into herb and lucille’s relationship before she figured it out and explained it to him because he didn’t know well enough to ask.

when herb and lucille’s first child, bunny, was born, he had to be shown how to hold a baby by the doctor. he had literally never held or even interacted with a baby before until that moment. he had no siblings (that he knew of), he had no friends as a child because if he wasn’t the bully he was the target and he was an ass just like dear old dad so no one liked him anyway, and he had 0 other family. lucille realized in that moment as she watched his palpable confusion when she extended their newborn child to him that he was going to have a lot of learning and growing to do. she hoped he was ready for it.

god that time there was a station fam barbecue early into herb’s wkrp career and someone, maybe mr. carlson, is like ‘WHO WANTS TO BE THE GRILL MASTER’ like its a big deal and everyone is like oh it has to be herb bc he’s the newest out of us and hes aware all the men see it as a status symbol and he CAN’T be less of a man than another man bc Ego (tm) so hes like of course im the grill master !!! and then panics for the next thirty minutes because he’s literally never even stood next to a grill let alone used one HOW DOES IT WORK the first fifteen minutes he doesnt even have the gas on rip

when herb was, like, 15, he taught himself how to drive a car because one of his “friends” (peers who was a bully that he called a friend and hung out with to stop also getting bullied but who was still bullying him anyway, herb was just brainwashed into thinking that’s what friendship is) wanted them to go out cruising and herb wanted to be a Cool Guy and not look like a chump so he lied and said he could drive. they got pulled over, because of course they did, and herb got in big trouble for you know, driving w/o a licences. the kicker though is that herb didn’t fucking know you can’t drive without a license or that licenses and road tests and drivers ed were even a THING because he literally raised himself and no one ever  t a u g h t   h i m   a n y t h i n g. anyways his dad got called home to deal with it from wherever he was away at at the time and he got in big trouble for interrupting dear old dad’s work anyways so :) what a healthy family

surprisingly, herb DID know how to cook the basics. grilled cheese, pasta, stir fries, a couple casseroles. lucille asked him about it because he was always such a Gender Roles (tm) type of man who wouldn’t even wear a brighter shade of red than like. maroon. in case it got loosely contaminated with the concept of the color pink and he’d have to change his name and move to alaska. so why was he doing a “ womans job “ (cooking) and herb just looked confused and said “what, guys don’t cook?” she told him that no, they usually didn’t and would have laughed at her if she tried to make them, and he laughed awkwardly and absently stirred the pot on the stove and shrugged in mild confusion. “that’s weird. if i didn’t cook i’d have... starved, i guess.”

the bad news is his cooking wasnt GREAT and lucille was happy to take over because again.........self taught. and he has one (1) brain cell so. not Great

LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW ALL CLOTHES DON’T HAVE TO BE DRY CLEANED. his dad literally wore clothes that had to be dry cleaned Every Day (and we wonder why the tarlek family was short on the food budget god) (and they were ugly clothes too akdhfjfg) and ofc if ruby washed her clothes, it was while herb was at school. he dry cleaned so many clothes that do Not Make Sense to dry clean in college before he slowly figured that out.

did not know what an allowance was. bunny asked him for one and not willing to seem stupid to his swift daughter he told her to ‘ask her mother’, who thought it was hecking weird that her money obsessed husband would say that, so she asked him why and after several long minutes he just shrugged helplessly and said “what’s an allowance?”

don’t even get me started on herb and lucille planning their wedding ( ‘what kind of stuff should we put on the gift register?’ “put on the WHAT?”  ‘what are we going to put on top of the cake?’ “there’s gonna be CAKE?”  ‘i can’t wait for daddy to walk down the isle with me, it’ll mean a lot to him’ “your DAD is gonna walk you down the isle....?? but you’re marrying ME, right?”   ) also herb not knowing the wedding look of the bride is supposed to be a Secret and barging into the room w a question or smth while lucille and her bridesmaids are getting ready, and everyone is hella miffed and he’s like WHAT i’ve seen her naked before and theyre all like THATS NOT THE POINT HERB

herb did Not Know about seasonal allergies. he just........didn’t know. he just thought god hated him and every spring and fall his head sprung a leak. and the whole time he was growing up no one A. listened to him complain about them and put 2 and 2 together, nor B. just taught him about basic first aid stuff in general for that matter he doesnt know shit. anyways, then lucille was like why are you such a tough guy just stop complaining and take some medicine for your stupid allergies and he was like take some what for my what now

ANYWAYS herb’s mom left while he was v young and he doesn’t remember much about her. herb’s dad was literally   n e v e r   home. the people herb’s dad left him with would work for obscenely low amounts of pay or owed herb sr. money and largely used all the money for their own food, drugs, alcohol, or other more unsightly business, and left herb alone to fend for himself. this is the disaster human that that produced, thanks, family dynamics! don’t abandon your children, kids, thanks for coming to my ted talk

platonic relationship

i have a bone to pick with plato. see the socratic method is basically the scene in montynpython in which a woman is weighed against a peice of wood to determine if she is a witch. and this is pretty much also the measurement system women use for me judge a cardio junkie by his ability to withstand smoke fumes. ive been up all night listening to eminem because i wish that i had the mysogny that he had because logically i should be mad at these females who lie to me but apparently developmentally theyre limited. 

so pretty much i just want my neck not to hurt and my side and platonic love isn really the kind which could support my lumbar spine but if you think im angry you are right and maybe if i rhyme my brain will work this time and ill finally be able to explain was never targeted at my objects of affections at all i like to walk around the mall see a cutie with a skirt on and she sees me looking at her tells her grandmother to leave her there because this place looks fun as she smiles at me there comes abu my friend who judges me and judges you and as i stare at her i can tell she wants me too probably more emotionally mature than my mom and a virgin with her skirt on and its workun but i have the confidence of a plastic bag floating in the wind shes cheesing while i hide behind her even though shes 4 11 and im 6 4 and because he was there i didnt pass because i dont cross paths but even thinking about having a girlfriend makes him mad. if shes too young for me i would have figured that out but it doesnt help that no matter how young or how old even the weather lady im told shes not right for me so will you make up your mind please can someone define maturity because apparently there is a reverse correlation between it and age and socrates was no sage im not really impressed that he drank poison similarly i smoke weed which takes me back to age three and birthday parties then i think about how much my life failed but only because everyone always stood in front of me. so snitch on me when i talk to you when youre in front of me at your desk and say your story about butterflies is the best begging middle and end. meawhile i havent even gotten to the first page of my legend of the sword it had a much more compliated plot which was cut off. then tell me i didnt count to tenthousand while you were listening to the teacher say the is spelled t h e and put me in a remedial reading class with a bunch of girls and address us as the girls so we can read books about a mouse who lives with his family in a house but if girls and boys are the same how can you explain i was the only one in that group to be bumped up to the advanced on by 2nd grade. i guess reading the encylopedia of animals wasnt a wase memorized their latin names bufo sativa phylobates. so by third grade i was getting so good at math that they took me out of class and had me testing material meant for 5th graders and it was really lame how can i explain all the flaws in the system to all the other people who were also ruined by it.

finally one girl who was definitely old enough for me waved at me when i looked at her and i got a boner and walked over to the ladies at the tea shop who looked at me with a disgusted look on their faces then some gangster looking dude older than i am replaces me with his hand on her shoulder.

before i was 18 i could beat up my dad and ever since then i knew not many people in my generation had much of a chance against me but i looked so thin they were not understanding. high iq causing depression have anothe smoke session even though you have athsma everyone remember to complain that i prefer to get high off one big hit i stayed in high school till i graduated but i left.

unfortunately with brain damage i could still make straight as which made me think i was ok gpa jumping above 3.68 when i only show up an agerage of 3 days.

practice your sky hook do your pushups get embaressed when an asian princess sees you do them 20 hanlaps perfect form and im not even a jock wow id better stop. next thing the girl i like is sitting on my lap in class telling me she likes me back shes sitting on my desk shes rubbing my face my life isnt gay justnsaynsomehing and youll get laid.

nah ill let some kid with adhd steal her seat and ill help him with math instead because i didnt tell her this but im alread braindead. my soul probably died with my pet lizard or my kitten perhaps it was internet addiction. 

what makes you think youll be make it as a porn star? you know im hot. well maybe i just didnt want you to act like a slut. i still remember the blonde who waves at me and smiled my freshman year it was clear that the world was my oyster the only problem was i couldn make my own choices.

i wanted to be an actor but i was so good at acting nobody got it. was so good at debating everyone liked to argue. was so succinct couldnt get the last word. so fast nobody would pass me the ball so dominant in wrestling i had to pretend i couldnt win just to have a friend.

pretty much i feel like the last cro magonon stuck on an island without charlotte saisselin bounce baby bounce three story house you look so cute in a blouse. hey look theres charlottes stalker i think il wave my arms around.

bounce baby is a reference to eigth grade i was watching a 100 meter race and then some black guy said that she never raced again. weed turned her from a goth into a wigger and after that i figured id become one too but it wasnt till 2009 i started to dress like you. what happened was i got some clothes from olympia sports to wear as warmups on the basketball court and to work as a salesman i shaved my head smiled knowing i was dead but still i couldnt even say i wanted to kiss  girl without that not being cool enough for my nephew and her bowl broke too

it fell from her car on the pavement and she said that he didnt even get to hit it.

so now im living in my dads room on the floor and finally my back isnt sore i have a well paying job im away from mom i have iron lungs and dad still doesnt approve because now i play too much basketball.

hi im interested in going to california. i meant connecticut but califonia will do since its warm there. sure steve come on out west but read the fine print your 20s are dead.

prove you wrong shame on me. dont prove you wrong brag proudly. stay out west and let your dad die. watch him act like an asshole at home back east one more time. your reward for having surived on the street for years as a middle clas kid

your friend says he thought you were dead. by the way he has this girlfriend in connectiut. oh you were the one who set him up with her? theres a whole website or three centered around her? 

better get you to spend your money on heroin and make you seem like a jerk in front of my dad. my excuse is im skitzophrenic.

all because my dad shamed me for growing up even crazier than him. thats why i called up my friend and asked him to date my girlfriend. 

there must have been something in those amphetamines which made me keep stopping at her house. i found them up on the shelf years after i tried to spill them out.

it was the first time an adult had ever called me immature. he also said my handwriting was bad and i needed a cure. talking to him i began to get red where even to begin? i have a lot of prblems at home and this isnt fair. see my dad camps in the yard and gets drunk watches us through windows andmy sister punches me in the head. mom pretty much works till shes in bed.

every day she watches the same soap opera and oprah which i record for her on tape. my sisters friends call me gay so i go over and play with the kids from the other neighorhood all day. 

one of them listens to a lot of eminem. his favorite song is if you dont like it you can suck my dick. hes in reform school and proud to be off his meds. when i talk about biking down a steep hill and blending into traffic he thinks i meannliterall blend in.

two gay twin brothers end of the road honor roll kids. play baseball and have alcoholic parents. hey ill tell the girl steve likes he likes her then she will never talk to him again. accept his chalenge to a fight and he will bang my head into a tree which is the same thing i did to another kid who tried to jump me but got sperated from his friends. 

refuse to dance with the only girl in middle school who has hips. make fun of the girls intelligence who sits next to you in math and has giant tits. refuse to eat candy off the first girls tounge then your science teacher who pushed pills on you flips on the tv its 911

stare at a girl all day and say you dont like her. girls think youre gay if you have a boner. telll me a calculator doesnt mattrer for a test but i do worse without one. make a flag pencil it isnt cool enough for the other kids.

sit with the retarded kids timmy and jimmy. watch nick all night fresh prince and bill cosby.

your sister wont stop torturing you so hold her at knife point. buy knives at school try to resell them and for the first time ever the kids you sold them to ge caught witth knives.

stay in the program with three teachers who gave up on you. one leaves to become a dean suddenly your grades go up. kids are jealous because you dont do homework. girls smile at you knowing that your test scores are high despite that.

throw shotput as far as a high school kid without any exercise or practice. run around the track dozens of times in pants you still arent good enough yet.

go to an alternative program reluctantly in high school its sort of like jail. everyone smells like cigarettes the air is stale. this isnt good for you but we will make you think if you leave you will fail.

I’ve been going through the stuff you guys leave in the tags lol

Y’all are funny. (Long Post)

I literally probably went through about the last half of this blog and read through all your tags, newest to oldest.

On the recent van gogh joke @star-eyes-sunshine

#AMY WHY OMG

I just thought that was really cute? more on that later

On the the8/jun pictures spilling out of pockets post, @siirdber said

#me abt any kpop idol

Like, me too?? same

Then on the jun/coups “who did it” post, @leapmonthdance called svt “memeteen” which i thought was hilarious

And then @merrilywefall said

#It was probably actually Joshua

while @thewintersobber decided

#spoiler: wonwoo did it #youll just never find out

Fight fight fight fight

But also a contender: On the “boy’s night done right” post @bangtanbombdotcom called svt “sevenmeme”

...

Fight fight fight fight

(I’m just playing lol)

@justsomekpopstuff tags everything these days with “net neutrality” and I dont really get it because i dont really know anything about net neutrality because i’m australian, so it doesnt affect me. Sorry to all my american followers?? but also, thanks for the compliments on my sister's little svts

@teagirl9501 gave a compliment in the tags too

I also appreciate @michi-mischka using the lenny face on a verkwan post lol. me too, babe, me too

And on another post, @multifandomstruggles saying

#yall im ded #this is funny as shit

was just so hilarious to me?? I dunno. hilarious

and then! AND THEN! On the Seungkwan spagetti post @jeonscheol said

#who toucha my spaghet

like?? why do this to me? lol

Anyway, it seems that the most common tags are always along the lines of the following with varying spelling success:

#i'm fckn screaming

#i'm dying

#lmao

#accurate

#same

also, I really love it when I see tags like

#tag yourself im...

Through the tags I've also discovered that @stanleyvincentwrites is jeonghan's bday twin, which is cool. Mine is Exo's D.O lol

On the “McDonalds/In the car with....” post @andytrackable (which tumblr wont tag, i’m so sry) told me only mingyu and jeonghan confirmed licenses, thanks bro. And on the same post @we-live-the-fandom-life said

#god every member of seventeen is so pretty

I didn’t think it was relevant, but its definitely true ahaha

Then with the Wonwoo edible arrangements post @goinggoing17 tagged

#why is this literally something wonu would do #love his emo ass

And I’m like

same

Also, @sominbiased i saw you tag that verkwan eloping post as

#fic ref

umm, imma need to see that if you write it lol

And then with dark quotes aka quotes about alcoholism and shit, yall taggin yourselves and im just like??? yall okay???

And on the "Z is just a sideways /pls stop it/Zo" post @memesoltrash said

#this might be funnier to me because in dutch zo means ‘that’s how’#or ‘like that’

which i think is preeeetty coolio

On another verkwan @divaaboo said

#honestly story of my life #I’m such an awkward kid

i feel ya, boo, i feel ya

No context needed, @dreamingwishes said

#id hug tf out of jihoon

same

On a jun/the8 post @moon-minghao said

#this is possibly the most accurate junhao thing anyone could ever create

And i’m like "oh! that makes me happy to hear!"

And yeah, like i was saying, @star-eyes-sunshine is so nice? they're the only one who refers to me by name in the tags. When i put all the svt answer time answers together they said,

#amy's a blessing for compiling these

like, thank you so much? you're such a sweetheart omg

@yellowsweater-wonwoo once said:

#coups only has dr pepper and milk @ the dorm n thats it

I dont know why that seems so right but it does???

Oh, and @woazi feels me on the no aju nice dance version if their comment "BITCH IM STILL SJHSKSJSIS" is anything to go by.

Also shout out for @1bias-12biaswreckers and @daegu-bois for both giving their amens of the post that was like "Joshua: My love for Jesus Christ, can I get an amen."

On the "Seungcheol: I'm dad inside" post @jhnhui said

#this isn't even a shitpost this is just. the truth

um? Nothing on this blog is a shitpost?? they totally said these things?? Is says so in the bio?? lol

And y’all tag your friends! Which is cute! So cute! Like, I dont know who abby and dea and aurora and seamus are, but i hope yall are doing good? I dunno ahaha

And @poro-liv once tagging a minghao post wiht

#A THUGHAO CLASSIC

Yes! I forgot that THUGHAO was a thing lol. Like, I always make minghao a bit of a thug but i forgot we had a name to go with it lol

And btw, I’m really bad with ship names so i always forget them but yall always use them in the tags, so that’s pretty helpful.

On the “He is a fucking salty bitch. There’s definitely a shank in his bag.— Chan about Seungkwan, probably” post @norwegiankpop said

#ME about seungkwan tbh #he's my bias for a reason

SAME

(also, I dont remember posting half of these quotes lol)

And @fabulousfoxes and @piercethejavo both got excited over a supernatural ref once upon a time lol

@adoretu​ had this to say about badboy Josh:

#support Hong Jisoo ur local badboy

While @mans-ayyye​ thinks:

#josh no #u is a sof smol #stay gentle boo

Same with @guksuu​:

#josh you're too much of an angel

2 v 1 FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Once agian, no context needed with @see-bun-teen​ saying:

#i live for verkwan

Sameee

Anyway, after going through about half the blog, I’ve given up. Maybe one day I’ll do this for the first couple hundred posts on the blog though. Dont hold your breath lol

(Admin Amy)

Survey #134

“i got detention ‘cuz i made a face; nobody believed me that it’s stuck that way.”

If you were to die today would your life be complete?  No. How good is Coca-Cola?  It's my second-favorite soda. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
  My niece Aubree <3 Do you have a bad temper? 
 No. Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now?
  One acquaintance, one old friend off the top of my head. Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground and carry you?  Mom when I passed out. If you were in the hospital, do you think any of your exes would come see you?  Girt probably would, and he's the only one I wouldn't have a problem with visiting. If you were kicked out of your house, would the last person you texted take you in?  I'm sure they would, but it's more realistic I'd live with my dad. If you were immortal for a day, what would you do?  Skydive. What fictional place would you most like to go to?  Yo can I go to Azeroth. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished?  UHHHHHH.  I'm honestly not quite sure.  But Mark is like super high on the list, if not #1.  I'm not well-informed on a lot of people's accomplishments lajsfdaowe. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way?  Hmmmm.  Good question. What is one thing you really want but can’t afford?  Lmao dude I want so many expensive things atm. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do?  I almost snorted reading this question because like do you honestly expect something impressive of me.  I... guess I understand Sony Vegas well? What are some of the turning points in your life?  Uhhhh meeting my ex, the divorce, discovering my passion for photography, the breakup, re-uniting with Dad, r e c o v e r y. What’s your cure for hiccups?  NOTHING.  NOTHING WORKS. Don’t you think it’d be cool to see a colossal squid?  FUCKING NOPE THEY ARE SPAWNS OF THE NIGHTMARE REALM. What kind of steak do you prefer?  When I ate meat, I liked medium well. Has anyone ever cheated on their significant other with you?  Yes, allow me to (not) tell you about my stupid 12-year-old self. Are you fascinated by outer space?  *cue the Mark "Space is Cool" mix* Do you answer your phone when it’s a number you don’t recognize? Never. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first?  Put the soap on. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance?  The night of the breakup.  I had left the house to walk to Jason's, and Mom got in the car and kept driving in front of me to stop me (I was too practically catatonic to run).  Eventually gave up, she drove me home, and when she opened the door, it was my goal to run to the kitchen and slit my throat, but the moment I made the action to run, she pretty much tackled me and I sobbed my lungs out for like 30 minutes.  Fuck that entire night. Who were your last 3 Facebook messages from and what do they say?  "lol but hey thats the world we live in lol well goodnight honey and i hope to speak to u again" from Leslie, "How quaint O:" from Girt, "Its okay :)" from Amanda. Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? What does the comment say?  Sara saying "YEP" when I shared a picture of straight people dating versus lesbians and it was spot-on. Which do you use the most, smiley faces, kisses or hearts?  Faces, probs. Do you like sweet or salty popcorn? Ohhhh both.  But I've gotta side with salty. Have you ever had to put your hand over someone’s mouth to keep them quiet?  Once. Have you ever fed a wild animal?  Yes. The last time you packed, where were you going?  Sara's. Do you believe in astrology?  Definitely not. Do you have an accent?  Not really, but you can pick up a southern tone with some words.  Example, my "your" sounds more like "yer," usually. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?  No. Do you sing in the shower?  I have been a tad bit lately...  I used to never. Are you satisfied with your current camera? My phone camera is SHIT, and I need a new actual camera.  55-200mm lens is broken, the other one's automatic focus setting is and I'm not great at manual focus. Have you ever been in a choir?  In Catholic church, yes. Does it bother you to have dirt on the bottom of your bare feet?  Y E S Has anyone ever told you that you have a big butt?  I literally have the flattest ass of any female you'll ever meet. Do you often skip breakfast? Pretty much daily now, yeah.  I'm fasting and don't eat until 11, so breakfast's passed. Last person who drove you somewhere (besides your parents)? Nicole. Who last grabbed your behind?  I'm sure it was Chelsea being her crazy self. Do you eat raw cookie dough?  Yeah dukes up salmonella. Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?  No. Would you survive in prison?  No.  I would find one way or another to kill myself. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?  Rarely, no, no.  I drink usually in celebratory settings to loosen up some and sometimes just because I like the flavor of weak, fruity alcohol.  Smoking's gross, drugs are ew. What was the first cigarette you ever smoked?  Never smoked. Are you scared about the end of the world?  If I'mma be in it, hell yeah.  But it's not something I actively worry about because I don't think it'll happen in my lifetime. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?  Landmarks.  I don't know street names for shit. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?  Yes. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in?  Never be caught dead in, ever... uhhhh... nothing's coming to mind right now.  Oh wait.  Probably a strip club. Apple Jacks: yay or nay?  YAY. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie?  Yeah, but I don't remember which one. ;-;  It's that one where the girl says her name is Mary Jane and Shaggy goes, "That's, like, my favorite name."  Totally went over my head as a kid lmao. Have you ever met a guy for coffee?  No, I hate coffee anyway. Who is your pet most attached to in your family?  Teddy's most attached to me, I'm the only one who has any physical contact with Venus and she trusts me, Bentley is bonded with Mom, and Mitsu is still apprehensive of anyone. Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you?  The whole world and more. What do you normally do when you’ve had a really bad day?  Cry, have a shit attitude occasionally, a nap is common, talk to Sara, binge my favorite Markiplier videos. When is the next time you will wear a dress?  Hm.  Maybe this summer if I'm confident enough in my body by then lmao. On the main page on YouTube, what’re the three recommended videos? 8-BitGaming beating SCP: Containment Breach, a DanAndPhilGAMES video of Golf With Friends, and then an 8-BitRyan vid of the full release of Raft. Do you know anyone from Canada? Yeah, my former roommate's ex. Are thongs sexy? Yeah, but oml I know I couldn't wear one. Did you grow up in a healthy environment? I wouldn't say "healthy," no.  My dad was an alcoholic at the time, parents always fought, and our neighborhood was dangerous. Heavy rain or heatwave? Heavy rain, easily.  Fuck the heat. You have a choice to shoot your father or die, what would you do?  I hate these damn questions, but I'd rather die.  My father deserves the longest and happiest life possible without the betrayal of his daughter. If killing yourself meant saving the world, would you?  Yeah.  It's a lose-lose situation for me; if I didn't, I'd still die if the world's gonna end. Who knows your most darkest memory or secret?  Jason and Mom should know, and whoever read those specific surveys. Who was the last person you almost went out with?  Meh.  Juan.  We talked and hung out once in... late 2016 I think and I was pretty confused as to how I felt about him.  Meanwhile, he hasn't kept it a secret in the least he's liked me since freshman year.  He's always treated me like a gentleman should, but I know the dark and disgusting parts of him.  Glad I decided against it. The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, or The Beatles?  Stones. What does your grandma call you?  Just my name. And what do you call your grandmother?  Grammy. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub?  Pool. Do you think ‘everything bagels’ are disgusting?  No, but I have to be in the mood for one. Do you find serial killers fascinating?  I wouldn't call them as a whole fascinating, but what has to be going on in their brains to create such grotesque desires and creativities. Do you have high blood pressure?  No. Have you ever pumped gas?  No.  I'm 22 btw lmao. Have your parents ever caught you drinking?  I mean Mom's seen me with a drink when she didn't know I'd gotten one, but I wouldn't call it "caught" since I'm allowed to and I made no effort to make it secretive. Do you prefer writing by hand or typing? Typing.  Writing makes my carpal tunnel act up quickly, and besides, typing's way faster. Think of one of the biggest decisions you've had to make in your life. If you made a different choice, how different would your life be now?  Panicking and telling Mom when I overdosed.  I took way more than what I should've taken of a cold medicine I can't even look at now, but I don't think it would've killed me based on how I felt, but then again, the fluids or whatever I got to purge it could've saved me; however, I feel like I would've killed myself through another method if I didn't tell her.  It all led to the psychiatric care I needed. Have you ever taken a course on CPR?  No, but I should. Do you wear a watch? No, I don't even own one. When are you at your most energetic? A little after waking up.  Just gotta get over the initial drowsiness. Do you like playing cards? If so, what's your favorite game?  I don't really enjoy card games.  I liked Magic: The Gathering tho when I was with Jason, but I wasn't that good at it considering it's got like a billion rules.  I'd still play with someone who knew how to, though.  I loooove the PS3 version that was made for it, it was much easier and I found it relaxing.  And I adore the artwork like jfc. What are your parents’ natural hair colors? What is yours?  Extremely dark brown, black, dirty blonde but turned to brown. How do you react to random strangers suddenly trying to make conversation with you?  I get nervous. Do you like Slim Jims?  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS MAMA. Have you ever been in a castle? The Disney World castle, if that counts? Would you rather write a mystery or love story? A love story. Are you afraid of getting shots?  No.  I don't like them, but. What do you currently hear?  "Pour Some Sugar On Me" cover by Ninja Sex Party. What’s one text that you saved?  Two texts from Sara that I love way too much. Have you ever cut your own hair?  No. What’s your favorite color combination? Probably orange and black bc Halloween. Did you share a locker at school? No. Have you ever sang karaoke?  No. How old were you when you went on your first date?  Huh, I dunno.  Just the guy and myself?  Probably dinner with Jason at 16? Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yeah. Would you rather have strep throat or an ear infection?  Holy fuck, after my last ear infection?  Strep. Where was your first job?  GameStop. Have you ever been to a night club? No. Do all good things really come to an end?  No, not all. How many people do you trust with your life?  Three. Are you too kind for your own good?  Don't think so. Have you ever held a baby? Yeah. What's your favorite '90s TV show?  The Nanny. What are you favorite book series? Warriors. Favorite superheroes?  I know he's technically an anti-hero, but does Deadpool still count?  If not, uh.  Batman I guess. Would people consider you more immature or mature? Mature, probably. Would you say most of your friends are older or younger than you?  Younger. If you have a significant other, do you get jealous of people a lot? She knows I was insecure as fuck in the beginning.  Now, nope. Who was your best friend in the fifth grade?  Ummm I think Quiata? Do your parents still help you financially?  I don't have a job.  So. Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? Don't think so. Do you have a preferred brand of bottled water?  Essentia.  Thanks for not having it, NC. Are you more prone to overthinking things, or being too impulsive?  Hunny I overthink if I have to pee or not if it's not a massive need. How bad are your worst cramps on a scale of 1-10? Eh, maybe just a seven thanks to the pill. Have you ever thrown up from cramps?  No. List three people you had a hard time forgiving.  JASON, Dad, Mom multiple times. Who was your first celebrity crush?  Jesse McCartney. If applicable, what form of birth control do you use?  The pill.  But it's for cramps. Are you happy with your gender?  Yeah. What gender do you identify as?  Female. What gender were you born as? Female. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication?  No. Have you ever used a tampon?  Yeah. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty?  I don't think it's something we ever properly "talked" about, but rather indirectly when Mom taught me how to shave and told me when to start wearing a bra. How many people have you known who were suicidal?  Sadly, I think MOST people I know/most friends. What's your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Who has the cutest baby/babies you know? My nephew is literally the cutest child I have EVER seen. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Actually yes, but most because Mom instructed me to block them when I was younger.  A few are of my own volition. What color is your razor/shaver?  Orange and white. What's your boyfriend/girlfriend's sisters name? She doesn't have any sisters. Do you like the sound of violins?  YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Would you be interested in going on a blind date?  Even if I was single, no. If you formed an unhealthy habit, would it be smoking or drinking? Oh boy, idk.  I think an alcohol addiction is more dangerous, but smoking has disgusting consequences. Have you ever bought a video game expansion pack? No. Do you wish YouTube had been around when you were a kid?  Nah.  I wouldn't want the risk of an earlier technology addiction. Do you remember preschool?  Yes. What color(s) was your backpack in high school?  Browns and black.  It was a Ouija board design. What health conditions do you have?  Physically, baaad dry scalp, dry af skin in general, inactive MRSA.  I've been over my mental ones enough. Have you ever collected seashells at the beach?  Yeah. Did you ever take dance lessons?  Yeah, for many years. If you took dance lessons, what was your favorite style of dance?  Modern. Have you ever worn a tutu? No. What was your favorite vacation that you went on as a child?  Disney World. Have you ever had braces?  Yeah. What is your favorite photo editing site? (or what do you use?) I don't use editing sites.  I use Photoshop, Lightroom, or PhotoScape. How many times did you take your driver's test?  I haven't yet.

Cacti, Gratitude, and Always Love.

As I write this I find myself filled with so many emotions that I can hardly figure out what I want to get out or what I want to say. Do I even want to say anything any more? Do I even feel anything matters anymore? When I created this page specifically to start a blog about my last year in Tucson, I created it with the intent of fulfilling out my AZ/Tucson Bucket list while also spreading the love I have for Tucson and its community. It was before my last few markets of the season, after I decided to get a newsletter going for my website and then before I left last week for my AZ camping trip to the Grand Canyon, Antelope Canyon, Horseshoe Bend, then solo dispersed camping in Flagstaff and Sedona. I figured I’d have this great time to finally get some nature, breathe, step back and figure out my next steps in Tucson before I leave to NYC next spring. 

My nine year old nephew passed away suddenly wednesday night. 

What was life like before this nightmare I find myself currently in?

Before all this, I was going through eight months of sobriety from Alcohol, trying to find spiritual guidance, dealing with financial issues, trying to adult as much as I could while also trying to find balance with family and friends. I realized I was being a hermit as well. I am not known for being a hermit. The Adela I know is social and doesn't let fear stop her. Fear of being financially stuck, fear of taking on work and then not get paid like I have experienced twice this year aleady, both by local companies in the community I really enjoyed and believed in. I noticed I was also supplementing food in place of binge drinking. I binge(d) on food, Netflix and somehow still kept doing the work towards goals knowing things would get better if only I was more focused on work and less on myself. Or maybe less on work and more on myself. I’ve done sobriety before, why is it so much harder this time around? I stopped going out. I decided to continue not dating since being back in Tucson from my Alaska summer. (This was more so that I can find balance within myself again). I found myself hustling like I do. Trying to create and get paid for it. Taking on as much as I could to pay the bills while also picking up shifts at the bar. It might seem like I have my shit together from the outside but on the inside I have no idea wtf I am doing. I’m just trying to learn as much as I can from other people that are doing what I want to do but I keep finding myself lost, stuck and then fear takes over. Tucson has been wonderful to me so I of course feel the guilt that if I leave, I leave my home, support system and friends. I’ll leave a place I am passionate about and yet if I don't leave I’ll never be able to financially support myself in the arts the way I want to. I keep thinking, “Someday, if I can just get enough regular clients, creative work and income to pay the bills, keep a roof over my head with clothes and to travel on a frugal budget to support my inspiration for the work I do then I will have made it.” This is what success would mean for me. No fancy cars, no condo or property, not even a love of my life by my side. I just want to be able to support myself and my dreams in the most minimal way without financial stress.  

These were all my concerns, fears, and selfish thoughts before I found myself here. 

On Monday May 21st, I and my family buried my nine year old nephew. The Wednesday before he had been playing, enjoying life until he no longer was and left this world in a way I can't help but hurt for him. I can't imagine what those last moments were like but I would hope that he knew that he was loved. Braxton was loved so much. Hearing the news while I was in Page, AZ I still couldn't grasp what had happened. I kept thinking that I would wake up. That I was still in my shitty sleep and life would be okay again. Life is not okay and it won't be. Not now anyway. On my trip back from Page, Thursday after I heard the news from his Tia who was at the hospital the night before, I kept thinking of ways I can do my part to help my family, the guilt I had for not seeing him as often as I wanted to, or even just sometimes brushed off and thought I’d just see him another time when I am not as busy. The last time I saw him was on his birthday in February. Its been killing me that it wasn't sooner. A seven-ish hour trip back home. A seven-ish hour trip of mindfuck, “If only I had a car to pick him up when I wanted. If I had stopped taking on too many things I could have seen him more. I should have been more patient with him. I should have been more present with him. I never got to take him out on a one on one outing that I wanted with him.  I didn’t get to say goodbye or that I loved him since his birthday. I should have...” Everything else went out the window. I needed to be there for my sister, my mom and the rest of this family and his. I needed to be strong. To put in the work where I was needed. And thats what I did. My back from the trip ‘To Do’ list went from emailing clients to emailing a best friend to proof read a child’s obituary. I created the Prayer card, obituary, and helped type up a eulogy for my sister, his Auntie to read. I helped pick out his flowers and clothes for the funeral. These tasks are unlike any other. 

The heartbreak, anxiety, sadness, loss is truly unlike any feelings I have ever felt in the 31 years of being on this earth. You expect death to happen but you don't expect it to happen to a child. Your own nephew, grandson, brother or son. God didn’t give us time to accept this. Didn’t give us time to process this. He was taken from us. Just like that. 

Mi familia is a big family. I have seven siblings. Five of them have kids. Four of their kids have kids. And that’s just within the immediate family. If there is one thing that god was showing us, is that this family is strong. This family is everything to one another. This family comes through when the time comes. This is the first our hearts have been broken in such a way. My sister’s son was like a son to all five sisters. We all had our love and stories to share. We all set our differences aside and showed all the support and love. My sister lost her son, we may never know that exact pain but we do know that we love her to the moon and back. She is everything to this family. We all are everything to this family and I saw that clearly this week.

Braxton’s support system is not only through immediate family (His Dad and  dad’s family is also just as loving and supportive) but also through the community. There’s a GoFundMe page created for his funeral starting at $9,000 and it raised over $11,000 and still going. I reached out to the community on FB and even found that my own friends and friends of friends in Tucson, Florida, California, etc gave what they could in support of this family. My best friends, co-workers and even the lady at Fed-Ex whom printed the obituary, cards and photos were all super supportive in ways I didn't know I or my family needed. And for this I find myself with more gratitude in life than I have ever thought I did. I am so grateful and appreciate every single text, comment, call, and hug. My love for the Tucson community and online community will always be great.

Throughout the most difficult time I have ever experienced, I didn’t drink. I wanted to be sober and present (although I felt zombie-like). At the service I mentioned to one of my sister’s, “This, right here is the moment I want a bottle of vodka. I big fucking bottle of vodka. No other time, just right now.” I had seen my nephew and said good bye. He was so cool and stylish with his cute outfit we picked out for him with the Avengers t-shirt showing through his dress shirt. I wanted him to wake. I wanted him to just be sleeping. I wanted him to call me the face painting lady again. I also wanted to drown this away with a bottle. I wanted to join others and partake in numbing the pain. But I knew that black outs weren't the only reason I become sober nine months prior. I wanted to be a better person for myself and for others. My best self for my family and friends. For my munchkins. I wanted my nieces and nephews to see their independent, hustling, Tia sober and some day go on adventures with. To be an example for them. To know and share the struggle for them so they wouldn't have too. To be a good example, a mentor, a supportive friend. The only way I can be those things is if I abstain from alcohol. 

My landlord sent me a text the morning of the funeral with a photo of a blooming Queen of the Night Cacti. Just one that bloomed in the night. With the photo the text read, “The Casita had a visitor last night... your nephew came by to tell you he is ok. I also saw a palomita underneath the flower...” My favorite cacti flower. It blooms at night and only lasts through the morning. I miss you Braxton. I miss you so much and love you, always.

This blog will be as I intended it to be but it will also not be the same as I thought it to be. I am not the same I thought I’d be driving back home to Tucson this week. I do not have the same heart I once did. My family, my sister, my ex-brother in-law, and nieces, sisters of Braxton will never be the same. The world, to me, will never be the same again. I hurt and I know I will need to get back to work and life because I am sure it carries on just the same but today, right now nothing matters to me except my thoughts of missing him and wishing I had more time. 

1. Last beverage: canada dry?

2. Last phone call: my mama :]]

3. Last song you listened to: Fat lip - sum41

4. Last time you cried: I’m not a wuss :/

5. Have you dated someone twice: No...

6. Have you ever been cheated on: Uh, no?

7. Kissed someone & regretted it: That fucking cat...

8. Have you lost someone special: My cat Mr.Whiskers :[

9. What are your three favorite colors: Red, Brown, Black

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month: Deon!

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list: >_> 

12. How many kids do you want: A pack!!

13. Do you want any pets: Wish I had a dog

14. Do you want to change your name: Hunter is the best name and Bacon is the best nickname! How could u emprove?

15. What did you do for your last birthday: Spent it at mom&dad’s with Nora!! I also had some of the guys from the team hangin’ out.

16. What time did you wake up today: 5:45 am, bright eyed and bushy tailed :]

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for: School to fucking end.

18. Last time you saw your mother: Over the weekend-

19. Most visited webpage: This one

20. Nicknames: Bacon, Coolest dude around ;]

21. Relationship status: Single.

22. Zodiac sign: Aries

23. Male or female: Alpha Male!

24. Height: 6′3 and growing.

25. Do you have a crush on someone: :’]]]]

26. Piercings: 2 per ear, my nose, my tongue. Plan on getting .... :] 

27. Tattoos: None yet!

28. Strong or Weak: The strongest around!

FIRSTS 29. First surgery: Eh, I’ve never had a surgery

30. First best friend: Eggs! He still is, but also Deon is too now :]

31. First sport you joined: Football.

32. First vacation: The family cabin up north!

33. First school: Clarence-Rockwell Elementary,

34. First pair of trainers: Converse

WHICH IS BETTER 35. Lips or eyes: Eyes. I have a thing for pretty n cool eyes :]]

36. Hugs or kisses: Cuddles??? 

37. Shorter or taller: Not taller than me!

38. Older or younger: Older

39. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic? But I’m p spontaneous :]

40. Sensitive or loud: wtf does this even mean lol?

41. Hook-up or relationship: Hookin’ up is fun, but i’d be down for somethin’ more :]

42. Shy or outgoing: Outgoing

HAVE YOU EVER 43. Kissed a stranger: No.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket: On the highway once-

45. Lost glasses/contacts: Don’t need em.

46. Sex on first date: hahahahaha

47. Broken someone's heart: I dunno?

48. Been arrested: No

49. Have you turned someone down: Yes

50. Fallen for a friend: I am not 100% sure yet. :{

51. Moved out of town: Not out of town, but into a forest :]

BELIEVE IN 52. Miracles: No that shit bogus.

53. Love at first sight: I do :]

54. Heaven: No

55. Santa Claus: No. How the fuck would he fit in a chimney? And that is a LOT of cookies for one man to consume in one night. He’d be too heavy for the sleigh even w the reindeer pushing it. Plus I know for a fact that santa has the same hand writing as my mom. >:/

56. Kiss on the first date: Yes

57. Angels: Like the team? 58. Yourself: I’m the best footbal player & alpha in town!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY 59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No I’m loyal like a woooolf

60. Been in love with someone you couldn't be with?: damn.

61. Ever cheated on somebody: No

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: Oh to be a little guy runnin’ around without having to worry about shit like paying for his car, wifi, and when the next full moon is gonna come....

63. Are you afraid of falling in love: Nahw

64. Was your last relationship a mistake? I think that people do things for a reason, and even if you move on... It isn’t a mistake. It happened that way for a reason, and you probably learnt something from it.

65. Do you miss your last relationship? No

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to? Nora

67. Have you ever been depressed? Haha nights at the cabin is rough :’]

68. Are you insecure? I think i’m pretty confident?

69. How do you want to die? Something really epic like a brawl to the death protecting someone I care about. 

70. Do you bite your nails? No 71. When was your last physical fight? Oh! At school the other day I got into a fight w someone in the change room for saying i’m hairier than big foot. FIrst off i’m only a size 13, and secondly IM NOT THAT BAD-

72. Do you have an attitude? The school counselor, principal and coach all seem to think so.

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti? SUCK IT ALL UP IN ONE BIG BITE

74. Do you tan a lot? I naturally have one.

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving? Yeah, I hit up mcdicks or BK and grab a bite and eat it on the road all the time. Maybe i should clean out the back of ol’ sandy-

76. Ever made out in a bathroom? hhahaha :]

77. Would you take any of your exes back? Why?

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? I don’t feel any actual need to.

79. What are your plans for this weekend? Hopfully a party with lots of liquor!

80. Do you type fast? I have big hands so that is kinda hard.....

81. Can you spell well? yeah of caurse i can!

82: What are you craving right now? Deer steak

83. Have you ever been on a horse? No

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them? Yeah why not???

85. What’s irritating you right now? A white haired little bitch-

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? yah. :{

87. Does somebody love you? My family does. Especially my lil sis Nora!!

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car? I’ve had to-

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate? Milk chocolate all the way

90. Do you have trust issues? Nope!

91. Longest relationship? Haha;;;;

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? :]

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs? By accident yeah. Good thing I live in a forest alone. Cause my PJs are often just me being naked.

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Yeah kinda?

95. Did you have dream last night? Yeah! I sometimes have really epic ones

96. Have you ever been out of state? Sure

97. Do you play the Wii? I have a DS for pokemon and animal crossing. 

98. Do you like Chinese food? Yeah it’s p good. Who gave em the right?

99. Are you afraid of the dark? That’s when I thrive! 100. Is cheating ever okay? No.

101. What year has been your best? I’m hoping 2006 cause I want this to be the best : ]

102. Do you believe in true love? Yes.

103. Favorite weather? Fall, nice and brisk.

104. Do you like the snow? Yes

105. Do you like the outside? I LIVE TO BE OUTDOORS!

106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? Uh, Maybe :L

107. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Nope.

108. What makes you happy? Sports, Nora, My friends :] being active.....

109. Ever been to Alaska? No

110. Ever been to Hawaii? N0

111. Do you watch the news? Sometimes, but like they say all kinds of fucked up shit. Not easy to take lightly when u live alone.

112. Do you love MTV? I like MTV cribs-

113. Do you like subway? like the trains or the sandwich? Because yes.

114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? eh, no.

115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I don’t know that I have one of those.

116. Why did you decide to do this quiz? I’m bored!!!! This cabin is lonely at night :[

117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? Yeah. Charlie &Piper....

118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Just my little sis. or my cousin Cass!

119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? I texted Cass-

120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Deon.

121. Ever bought condoms? LMao yeah.

122. Ever gotten pregnant? I’m a guy?????

123. Have you ever slipped on ice? Yeah, but we don’t talk about that. For most people it’s called a ‘tail-bone’ that gets cracked. For me it’s more like a whole tail cracking.

124 Have you ever missed the bus? No, I drive.

125. Have you left the house without money? I always have whatever is in my account from workin at the shop.

126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? Nope! I like healthy lungs-

127. Have you ever smoked a cigar? NO.

128. Did you ever drink alcohol? Yeah, I’m always the one who has to go buying it. 129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”? The one where the dude gets the girl and fist pumps the air on the football field??? Yeah thats my fuckin’ goals!

130. Have you ever been overweight? No i”m just heavy cause muscle weighs more than fat! :[ 131. Ever been to a wedding? Yeh

132. Ever been in a wedding?  don’t think so.

133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Naw, not unless I’m in a intense convo w someone.

134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight? That’s TOO LONG!

135. Ever kissed in the rain? I want to....

136. Did you ever shower with someone else? Nope.

137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test? No, I’m basically a car expert

138. Ever been outside your home country? No

139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? Yes with my family going up to the family cabin.

140. Ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, who do u think ur talking to!?

141. Have you ever broken a bone? When I was younger I broke my arm a few times.

142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life? HELL YAH!

143. Ever get engaged? Noooo.

144. Have you ever been on a diet? I don’t need one!

145. Have you ever been on TV? When the team goes into finals-

146. Ever ridden in a taxi? Who needs to when u have a car.

147. Ever been to prom? Not yet!

148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more? Yeah, full moons can be rough on the bod.....

149 Have you ever been to a concert? Yes

150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work? Ew on the old man at the shop? No thanks....

151. Have you ever been in a car accident? Kinda, I wound up in the ditch-

152. Ever had braces? No

153. Did you ever learn another language? hablo español e ingles

154. Do you wear make-up? NO???

155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out? Nope! My strong teeth all stay put!

156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself? Yes

157. Ever dyed your hair? No, but my hair did start turning grey recently...

158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes? They wouldn’t fit lmao.

159. Ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, and I  got to ride first class on the gurney! : ] 

160. Ever ridden in a helicopter? Nope!

161. Ever caught the stove on fire? Yes, almost burnt the cabin down! Don’t tell mom!

162. Ever meet someone famous? NO :[ 

163. Ever been on an airplane? Yes

164. Ever been on a boat? Ye

165. Ever broken something expensive? My mom would get mad if I reminded her of this-

166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14? No.

167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground? I found a dead pigeon once. I often find cool animal carcasses

1. What’s one thing thats heavily weighing on your mind? I guess my apathy towards my relationship, my confused feelings. and all these friendships of mine that have pretty much gone down the drain. People are a bit crap.  2. What’s one thing you’ve learned from a good friendship gone bad? If someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, or can’t be bothered to make the effort, there’s not much point chasing after them, because it can’t have been a very genuine friendship to begin with. I don’t think you should give up on people easily, or get offended if someone clearly doesn’t have the time to hang out. But there’s a point where you know...you don’t really mean that much to them. So fuck it, let it go.  3. What’s one thing you’ve learned lately from love? That if you don’t nurture it, keep it interesting, it can fade away.  4. Is there anyone special in your life in general at the moment? Isabella my flatmate, we are very close. and my mum, dad and sister.  5. What’s a happy time you’ve had in the past week? I had a wonderful time in Italy with Isabella. One moment stands out, on the 12th when it was a beautiful cloudless day in Florence and we were trying to find the gate to get into this fucking garden that had a huge stone wall surrounding it. After 40 minutes of walking we finally found the park entrance, and discovered it was 8 euros to get in; money we didn’t want to spend. Anyway we were really tired from the walking and the wall was so obnoxiously large that we found the whole thing rather ridiculous and couldn’t stop giggling. Especially as the park had a big sign indicating you were allowed to bring your cat for a walk, but not a dog. We ended up finding our way to a nearby piazza which gave us views of the whole city. I felt very content. 

6. Is there anything in your past that you’d like to try again? Hm. I want to try more new things, there’s nothing that comes to mind right now that i’d like to try again (though I’m sure there’s something) 7. Who do you like to spend your nights with? My friends 8. Are you an emotional person? I am quite an emotional person in the way I express myself, but thankfully my moods are not particularly extreme.  9. Are you self conscious? I’m not as much as I used to be, but recently I've been feeling more self-consciousness in front of other people again. Like ...awkwardness? How? I thought I’d GOTTEN OVA DIS.  10. Do you think of others before yourself? I tend to think of myself as more selfish, so no, I believe I think of myself before others. But I’m definitely becoming more considerate...I don’t think I’m as self-centred as I used to be 11. What’s something that can always make you feel better? Sleep, unless I’m really depressed sleep usually does the trick.  12. Who was the last person you had a crush on? This guy called Paris who I met in the summer.  13. Where do you see yourself this time next year? Doing dissertation prep, in the same place I am now, hopefully just working hard and making moneys for travelling and getting ahead with my life. 14. Do you tend to make relationships complicated? I don’t think so, but I’m not very good at articulating my feelings when I’m confused so that can make things more complicated.  15. Who do you feel the most comfortable around? My best friends or my boyfriend.  16. Is there something that you’re waiting for? I guess there’s something, but I probably won’t get it.  17. One thing you’re not looking forward to? Looking for a job again, fml.  18. How do you feel about change? Change really scares me, I usually take a while to adjust. But it is a good thing, and a natural part of life, and I’m beginning to learn to accept the transience of it all. I just need to embrace it. 

19. What are you most looking forward to? Right now? Nothing specifically.  20. What are your plans for your next birthday? I don’t know, I have a bunch of deadlines around my birthday so I’ll probably be in the throes of essay writing. I’d like to throw a house party. 21. Do you even care about your birthday? I do care about it but I’ve become more apathetic as I’ve gotten older, I mean it is just a day like any other. If people make more of a fuss of me on my birthday then I tend to be more excited about it.  22. Do you think anyone in general out there loves you? I know some people love me, yes.  23. When do you think the world will end? I don’t think the world will end for a while yet, maybe not for billions (millions?) of years. As for life on earth, or humanity, vell dat is it a different question.  24. What’s the most expensive piece of clothing you own? Not sure, I don’t really buy myself expensive items of clothing. I have a pair of louboutins but they are secondhand from my aunt.  25. Why do you drive the car you have right now? I do not have a car.  26. Do you still talk to the person you LAST kissed? Yes  27. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? yep 28. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? none  30. Did you get any compliments today? I was called very pretty, and someone said I looked nice today, and another person complimented my outfit :)  31. Are you friends with your neighbors? some of em? I live in student flats so it’s hard to know everyone.  32. What were you just thinking about? My Celta application and skype interview tomorrow.  33. Name the places you have lived in? Athens, Stirling.  34. When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes? In the summer when I was in Greece 35. Have ever had a crush your on your sister’s/brother’s friend? Nope, my sister is 3 years younger than me so her friends were all young and spotty when I knew them.  36. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? That my skin looked pretty clear despite spending yesterday with a fever and my head down a bucket.  37. When is the next time you will make out with somebody? Next time I see Jiggles I guess...sometime this week.  38. What’s a word that rhymes with “LUCK”? MUCK 39. What’s your favorite planet? Neptune is cool :3  40. Who’s the 2nd person on your missed calls list? Padre.  41. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? I don’t have a favourite, at the moment it’s a harp.  42. What shirt are you wearing right now? Blue shirt from Andros that says ‘one ouzo two ouzo three ouzo floor’ 43. What do you “label” yourself as? I don’t really fit into one definitive category. BITCH U CANT CONTAIN ME 44. Name the brand of shoes you’re currently wearing? I am shoeless, toes are bare.  45. Bright or dark room? Well the room i’m in right now is relatively bright.  46. What do you think about the person who last took this survey? I don’t know them, apart from their answers I read. They seem like they could do with a hug.  47. If you’re alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep in? The bigger bed? the warmer bed? the comfier bed? 48. What were you doing at midnight last night? watching cartoons with Nick and Isabella 49. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say? ’How you getting on darling?How’s your first day at uni been?’ 50. What just so happens to be the best song in the world? radiohead- pyramid song 51. What’s a word or phrase that you say a lot? I say ‘just’ a lot, very unnecessarily. also the word ‘traditional’ ahhaha 52. Who told you he/she loved you last? Isabella  53. Last furry thing you touched?  blankey.  54. How many drugs have you done in the past 3 days? four, if im counting the md, weed, alcohols, and flu pills i took :D  56. Do you have any film that needs to be developed? yes actually!! got my disposable photos to develop :)  57. Favorite age you have been so far? 20 was a pretty grand year.  58. Hats or beanies? hats, i don’t suit beanies much.  59. Your worst enemy? I don’t really have enemies, never really have :P 60. What is your current desktop picture? a snowy mountain