“#@!*!%” — max verstappen, 2022

my kyman headcanons (18+)

i love others' headcanons so i thought id share my own <3 these are mostly 18+ but not all of them are!! if you dont agree w some of them its ok its mostly for fun!!

hey there's a part 2 !!!!

kyle would mostly call eric cartman and eric would try to secretly find ways to get him to call him eric more

when kyle does occasionally call cartman by his first name it's when they're getting intimate so eric associates kyle calling him by his first name with sexy times and then gets ...excited anytime kyle says his name which makes for some very funny situations

they would hide that they're in a relationship for the first few weeks but their friends would have their suspicions anyways bc they're not fucking blind and the way eric looks at kyle just says it all (not stan tho, mfer is blind af)

they would tease each other, name call each other in front of their friends and their fights would get very heated but for different reasons than others have in mind

cartmans a little brat and enjoys when kyle gets angry so much he purposely makes him angry in front of their friends, just for them to dissappear and angrily make out in a closet or somewhere secluded

stan would be oblivious to that and call cartman an asshole for getting kyle mad and then he'd worry ab his best friend when he suddenly dissappears w/o a trace

kyle doesn't want to admit it but he likes it when eric tries to get him riled up and sometimes he even exaggerates his angry reactions just to see eric get those excited sparks in his eyes

when they finally tell their friends they're together stan throws up (mf was oblivious the whole time), kenny asks them VERY personal questions ab positions they've done together, butters is happy for them and congratulates them, craig says he had known the whole entire time ('you guys are so blindingly fucking gay it's making my eyes hurt'), tweek would hand him 5 dollars (mfers made a bet out of it), clyde would say to tolkien that he's worried ab them checking him out and tolkien would just tell him to stfu bc 'being gay doesnt mean they wanna fuck you, no one wants to fuck you, clyde'

now that everyone knows, eric would brag to everyone ab not being a virgin anymore and jokingly try to go into details ab their sex life which kyle would VERY QUICKLY shut down and blush the entire time

eric now calls stan a virgin million times a day, asks him if hes jealous that hes 'getting that sweet sweet jewish ass' and constantly remind him that hes 'fucking his best friend nya nya nya hahaha' while kyle tells him to stfu

eric gets a stupid fucking tattoo 3 month into the relationship something like a fucking arrow pointing to his ass saying 'kyle was here' or i dont fucking know, anyways kyle would hate it and call him fucking insane

when kyle finds himself in a deep convo w anyone else thats not their friend or eric himself, eric always interrupts to make SURE they know kyle's HIS man so 'don't try to steal my man bitch' while he snaps his fingers and leaves w a dramatic hair whip (nonexistent long hair)

eric would be very veeeeery clingy while kyle would get slightly controlling sometimes just to quickly realize and get mad at himself (eric loves it when kyle's controlling and jealous so he doesn't mind)

eric would cry and whine about the dumbest shit ever ('mom said im not allowed my xbox bc i keep yelling at others in the game to kill themselves waaa khal, isnt she such a fucking bitch?') and kyle has to comfort him bc 'that's his boyfriend duty', kyle would call him a fucking crybaby which would only cause cartman to cry louder forcing kyle to shut him up somehow (maybe with a kiss)

⚠️ SPOILER Warning⚠️ (if you wanna play SOR blind then don't read this)

Shadows of Rose is an objectively bad DLC. You're free to have your own opinions but this is mine. It's a garbage DLC with horrible pacing, exposition, and energy.

I'm gonna start this off by saying one of the first things that stood out with this fucking thing--the Duke. What? The Duke is evil in this DLC?! Woah, why? Literally why, Capcom?! Was he upset that Amazon was running him out of business and took it out on the only able-bodied person around? Motherfucker went from being a tasteful NPC that entertained you with his small one-liners and timing to "Evil Pillsbury Doughboy with a shitty Halloween mask." It baffles the mind as to why he's evil in this for no fucking reason.

Also, why all the Rose's?! WTF? I would've loved to know why there were infinite Rose's just mulling about in this Megamycete Hellscape.

Also, also, Rose is a really annoying protagonist. It might just be because I genuinely don't care about Ethan Winter's and his "saga" anymore but I digress. Her motivation for wanting to get rid of her powers is that she doesn't have friends-- motherfucker, I don't have friends. Deal with it. They haven't posed a serious issue besides being a point of complaint like legitimately this girl's horrible past with her powers boil down to her having "white sweat." Her sweating milk like a platypus is what drives this bitch into going into the consciousness of a being dubbed the "Black God."

Ethan is also really dumb in this. "I called myself Michael because I didn't want to shock you." Omfg dude, she's already in the BLACK GOD'S consciousness and freaking out about dying to these deux ex machina Dementor ripoffs. Tell your fucking daughter who you are??? It really makes me laugh that Capcom still doesn't show his fucking face on screen too. Is he really that ugly? WHEEZE

Okay... the only thing. THE ONLY THING that I semi-enjoyed was seeing Eveline in this--and it's still not a very good encounter. Like, you deal with fighting Eveline specifically for like a minute and then you're done. It's just a repeat of Ethan's bit in RE7 where she shockwaves you backwards a bit and you deal damage to her after. No difference. It's lazy.

I kind of liked the Beneviento house for the horror aspects, I'm personally really terrified of mannequins. I hate them with a mf passion so the dolls and mannequins were a really nice touch.

I didn't like that none of the lords were there, we don't even get a mf backstory for any of them and yet this fucking character that was an infant in RE8 gets her own 3 hour DLC?? Cool. Awesome.

Speaking of the lords, Miranda's back! She also looks just... weird. It's barely noticeable but like... she doesn't look all the way like her normal character design; they fixed how fucking shiny she was from the RE8 game though so that's... good? Girl ain't greasy no more. One thing ticked right then, Capcom.

The final battle. Ooh, the final battle. Hah! ...I actually kinda liked the final battle because I like the animation for Miranda's wings but that's mostly it. I don't care for the speech that Ethan gives Rose about never giving up and all that jazz. Also, despite you only being able to use a certain amount of Rose's power throughout this DLC, because of the power of Moldy Papa speech and plot armor, she now can throw full as fucking trees at this bitch, absorb projectiles, and teleport. Not a joke. Where was this like 40 minutes ago??? It's just... annoying.

Y'know what really annoys me also? The ammo in this game. You actually get less ammo found and given to you in this game then the ammo drops around the Baker house in RE7. Like, "Michael" gives you some because even the game devs know they didn't fucking put much.

And one of the biggest things for me--Mia Winters. Where the actual fuck was Mia fucking Winters? Rosemary Winters mother, y'know, the woman who raised her and loved her?! She is mentioned--guess how many times--fucking once. She is mentioned once in this whole fucking thing. It's mind-boggling. I get on the Wiki for this game, it's established that Rose doesn't see Mia much now that she's grown up and shit. Does that eliminate the right to her having a relationship with the woman though?! Does Capcom just hate this woman?! Mia is mentioned once in a diary entry of Rose's from when she was a kid, it wasn't even directly about Mia. It was about her white fucking milk sweat and her wanting to have friends. Bitch, I could care less about your friend problems and milky skin. I waited this entire DLC for a flashback, a scene, a story with this woman and I got a paragraph from a elementary schooler complaining about side effects of mold puberty and mannequins that resembled Mia slightly that scared the shit outta me. Great work, Capcom. God, I hate this fucking game.

This game is really fucking irritating like... I actually am seething in vc right now with @highlifeboat. Capcom said they'd deliver and they did.

Fucking dogshit.

Absolute fucking dogshit

Anyway, my favorite part was when I got to turn off my Xbox and forget I ever touched this piece of shit.

*is still avoiding making day 5* (*this will be queued for later*)

one of my projects (1/2 main ones) is going to be the end of me (Dx)

[TLDR: history interspersed with modern era psychological horror]

where do i even start. one of the reasons i make my pru begin with the order (instead of as baItic), besides straight up kinda make him cartoonish evil [/half-joking...], is to make the contrast deeper between the order/prussia and the freaking gd.r for fic reasons (so less contrast in other fics/ideas), and for gil to doubt if some of his changes are from being deleted then renamed, and/or remembering things different—perhaps wrongly—since being "reformulated".

in my version, when the common people from the pru.ssian tribes outlive the crusades, it includes the heta-people representatives (semi-unfortunately for gisel). some of the avatars join the order, others keep finding ways to continue antagonizing gil (esp the one that was THE baItic pr.ussia). but, over the years, each death, each resurrection, each reincarnation, changes them, making them forget. after the black death, nothing is ever the same as before (germani.zation + the mass death from the plague), aside some sort of atavistic dislike towards gil--who was younger than then during the crusades, so it was complex for all. at some point, at the end of his childhood, the fanatic kid began to understand the reality of his existence. without exchanging spoken words, he turned blind eye to the paganist rituals, while the prus.sians who joined the knights stepped forward to protect him when needed... all of this doesn't mean gil didn't think like a mf imperiaIist nationaIist during the xix century until the 19.18 rev, while later, as much as he somewhat begins to think things different during the post-war, he always liked the taste of revenge... [i'm gonna write the fic: enough explaining].

so, *the* teuto.nic order, *the* pr.ussian kingdom and subsequent incarnations, to the (in the most idealized version) internationaIist dd.r?? was the change of heart genuine, or the result from literally dying? nobody was really the same after the wars, yet somehow that's truer for him. how someone like him (and ivan) dare(d) to call themselves revoIutionaries...?

to this mess above, add gil in the modern days beginning to lose touch with his time perception. nothing is working how it should be, and isn't going away no matter what. he deals with the psychological horror bullshit mainly alone at first, until he can't hide it anymore from lud, his younger brother, who has mixed feelings towards his older brother (after everything). this brings another layer of psychological mess to the story, that develops further in the next part (including canondivergence).

i'd love to tag these with the title of the fic, but it ties with the ending. edit: #potatocest angst works for now.

[the other fic is a crossover, set right after the war, but the tone is different...]

edit 2: kinda moving some of the tags here. after years of daydreaming, i'm fond of my baItic pru oc + kaIinin... oc. but, those appear in *another* project that scares me lol (high expectations Dx). the dude (my gil) basically got uprooted after doing the same (oversimplified i know)