2008

while i'm thinking about haibane renmei i should put it out there that something specific i really love about it is the juxtaposition between reki's aesthetic - chain-smoking, scooter-riding, perennially-aloof Cool Girl - and her role as caretaker for old home's children (as well as her unofficial role as mentor and caretaker for all the old home haibane). she's so specifically presented as, on the surface, the sort of person who should absolutely not be in that position; her personality and demeanor are totally at odds with working as what is effectively a preschool teacher. she's a caretaker who disregards her own health and neglects her own safety; a mentor who can't communicate her own needs. she is not a natural fit for her job. but, y'know - she does it anyway. because it's what she has to do, because she can only prove (to the world; to herself) that she's worth anything if she does a good enough job at living for others. she doesn't naturally assume the motherly role of caregiver; she has to contort herself to fit into it, and even then she still doesn't quite mesh. but she still gives it everything she has, and does the best job she possibly can. that's the basic juxtaposition of her character - someone giving everything for others even though she's not naturally good at it, and even though she can barely take care of herself

and with that initially i think ABe is trying to signal to the viewer the thing that reki believes about herself - that she's not actually good at this, and that she fails at it over and over, and that she's a selfish broken person trying to use that role for her own salvation. that she isn't really meant for or good at the job that she has. but as the series ends, the two sides of the juxtaposition flip. both the viewer and reki herself realize that the role she's been performing is her "true" self. that she really is a caregiver, a healer, somebody who cares so deeply for others - that the image of a broken, jaded person is a veneer that she's been pushed to adopt. that the supposed contradiction doesn't really exist, because she is in fact wonderful at taking care of others, and does in fact genuinely care about their wellbeing

there's a sort of beautiful, restorative irony inherent to reki's character arc, which is that the actions necessary for her salvation were already being performed the whole time. she was already doing everything she needed to do in order to be a good person who makes the world around her a better place. she never needed redemption. the only problem was that she couldn't see it; that she couldn't recognize the authenticity of her own actions. she was already whole - she just had to stop thinking she was broken. and i think all of that is so neatly communicated in her character design and core personality. she's a complete person who's managed to convince herself (and the world around her) that she's damaged; she's a teacher and a healer who's managed to tell herself that she doesn't care enough and won't ever care enough. a caregiver who chain-smokes and drives too fast. her only necessary salvation is in understanding that those two sides of her are not mutually exclusive; that she is both, and that she is already enough

rakka

Interview with Yoshitoshi ABe & Yasuyuki Ueda

^°^

some reki drawings from a while ago

022

[ⁿᵒᵗ ᵃᵛᵃⁱˡᵃᵇˡᵉ]

roughness

The passing of the year

oh my GOD... i knew there was an official figure made of the art of rakka curled up but i didn't know there was also a garage kit made of it where the designer also made a matching reki for her to lie next to!? 🥹

haibane renmei