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dysfunctionalnerd · 5 years

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prof lay zelda au??

i,,,, dont know how to add a cut so like,, sorry if this gets long I'm making this up as I go

I guess hersh is link cuz hes like courageous? and hes got like main character syndrome

or maybe zelda cuz hes wicked smart

fuck it hersh is zelda

uhhhhhhhh luke is link?? whacking all this moblin bastards cuz some power crazed thot decided to kidnap hersh cuz hes smart and got a yellow triangle

London hyrule I guess (lorule lol)

it's like hyrule except big Ben and bricks but like castles too I guess

hersh is like a prince but like only in title bc he actually gives all his money away and just lives in this little flat I guess and tries to live his best life despite having this lil yellow mark on his hand

and one day he comes across this like kinda roudy luke kid who at first hes like g od this kid is rude but like then luke brings him like a cuccoo egg bc somehow he learned that that's his fav produce ???????? point is he sees this kid has a big heart and grows fond of him and like adopts him I guess

but then Ganondorf!!!

but it's not ganondorf its ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, uh,,,, don Paulo

except hes like a fake ganon (think zant) but regardless he thinks he can rule everything and he wants that triforce!!

hersh feels the disturbance when don Paulo is like at it and hes like luke I'm gonna go see what's up cuz like technically I'm still a prince

but luke is like i!! wanna go with you!! and BAM yellow light and holy shit hes got a triforce piece too

and hersh is like wHAT

and like idk hersh is like u cant get involved I dont want u hurt so he like,, leaves without telling luke

turns out his fencing skills fall short of don paulos nast magic given to him and he get Kidnapped like a Loser

and the adventures of luke begins I guess

so like luke is out there solving puzzles and fucking up ancient temples n shit I guess and he meets emmy!! who gives him his horse!!

but it's a donkey

anyways they're best friends now

oh along the way he meets some random ass dude called randall?? luke nonchalantly tells him everything bc hes a roudy kid and suddenly this weirdo is super interested and worried?? weird

luke noticed randall is like Not So Suddenly following him but by the 3rd temple he figures this guy isnt actually getting in the way so it's like whatever I guess

but still creepy so he confronts the guy and hes like Hey!!! What the Fuck!!!

and randall confesses that when hersh and he were kids they lived in a big castle together and were best friends!!!

but then hersh hated the bougie 1% castle life and left without telling randall. bummer!

and Randall's been like searching for him since

now we know why hersh always absolutley refused to give his name to the papers!!

also hes a prince that would totally suck if the media knew it was him

anyway so luke and randall team up now and face don paulo

turns out randall ain't shit at fighting but he does know where some cool ass sword is (think of him as like navi or midna. he provides info)

luke has some generic but kinda powerful sword now yay ! time to fuck up some temple bc randall thinks that's smart

in the temple luke gets some kind of magic violin then??? and he can like,,,,,, aquire the power of the animals r some bs like that

time to head to don paulos

theres this big dialogue where luke is like gIVE ME BACK MY BEST FRIEND and don paulo is like Haha u ain't shit kid

turns out he is and don Paulo gets fucking destroyed

but????? no clue to hershs whereabouts when this fool falls???

and suddenly BAM luke gets taken by the hand by this weird but oddly familiar guy in this funky top hat and top hat man just fucking tears luke away from the now crumbling castle room place

luke is like hey What The Fuck

and top hat man is like you have a terrible fate ahead of you but you must save the prince

did I forget to mention luke doesnt know hersh is a prince

so luke is like prince????????

and top hat man is like yea so now u gotta go to this one shithole village nobody knows of and speak to the one the call buffoon

and the top hat man vanishes in a cryptic wave of leaves I guess

randall was there I guess but he only saw top hat man for like 1 second at the end and just fucking sCREAMS

and luke is like what the fUCK is going on

and randall is like do u not know??? r u serious??? but figures it's best he not know yet if this is what top hat man intended

so they go to shithole village and ???? it is not a buffoon, but flora!!

and this time flora is IMPORTANT and VITAL to the plot

flora is like hello they call me buffoon but I'm actually just a lesbian girl everyone here is just home of phobia

and luke is like wow hey cool literally the rest of London hyrule doesnt care pls leave shithole village

and flora is like I cant!! I'm protecting the master sword!

the master sword

floral like dont fcking touch it

luke touches it like an idiot

so luke pulls that shit out and darkness sweeps over the place

and oh dear heres the root of don paulos power!! turns out is Descoganon behind it all

luke tries to fight descole but like too powerful so he gets a Defeat

descoles like buahahahahaha u fool this isnt even my final form and he fuckin dives to finish off luke

but!

top hat man!

he like appears in front of luke and is devoured but descoganons darkness

but before that his top hat falls off and !!!!!!!! wow what a surprise its hersh

luke is like NO I was a FOOL I was too BRASH!! I am not courageous, but dumb!

and Randall's crying I guess but hes like it's not ur fault

and floras like I'm mad at u for pulling out that sword but I mean hes right in order to defeat descole u need to strike him with that sword

so of to descoganons we go!

oh yeah flora joined the team bc turns out shes a fucking BADASS magician

also she constantly gives randall shit for not being able to fight

you thought you heard the last of Emmy but no!! shes back again bc I said so!!!

she wants to join the team too and luke is like cool more horses

everyone's has a cool ass horse except luke who has his dumb lil DONKEY

hes pissed but also grateful he doesnt have to walk by foot but also a fucking donkey???? seriously???

and emmy's like fucking deal with it you whiny ass man

so yeah master sword and magic violin in hand luke calls upon the animals to aid him in battle and it's off to descoles we go!!!

wow this place is DARK

and also the iconic castle that everyone cherishes is now in ruins

and in the most concentrated area of darkness is hersh trapped, glowing just a little bit but fading fast

and luke is like FACE ME DESCOLE U COWARD

and he does

and hes like boutta lose again and flora is like NO! I awaken ur full power!!

and his triforce glows!!!! he is powerful! full of courage!

but descole starts fucking tearing appart in laughter

hes glowing too! he has a triforce too!! he has them all

if you've ever played any zelda game ever this is when descole turns into some pig

but alas by the power of the magic animal violin and the master sword he is defeated

flora dealt the most damage and at the end she was like luke u gotta stab him now and he was like uh ok I guess

voila!! hersh is no longer trapped in darkness!! nor is the rest of London

oh yeah Randall's gay for hersh duh first thing he does is run to him being like remember me???? doesnt matter I'm nursing you to health now

bc I SAID SO

oh but first luke runs to him crying and hugs him and is like pls dont ever leave like that again dad

and hersh is like did.... did u call me dad??? and he cries too and they hug

(except halfway through hersh collapses and luke is struggling to try and keep him from falling. how did this weak boy defeat such an all powerful being?????)

yeah hersh and randall get married flora gets a gf and happily ever after

oh and claire is like the goddess of London who made the damn triforce bc why the fucking hell not

so anyways yeah uhhhhhh someone tell nintendo to fucking hire me

#long post #professor layton #the legend of zelda #zelda au #hershel layton #luke triton #emmy altava #flora reinhold #randall ascot #ranlay #sorry its 6am i havent slept yet and i got struck with a goddamn stroke of fucking genius #im not making this fanfic tho someone else can do that if they want i guess #claire foley

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j-esbian · 6 years

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night terrors and sweet dreams - chp. 1

it’s @adrinino-november and NaNoWriMo, so of course that means i’m going to do a ninoir longfic. buckle in kids (it’s been...... a While since i’ve done anything longer than a oneshot)

on ao3

Words: 1.7k

Adrien and Nino had a policy to tell each other everything. It started after Nino chewed Adrien’s dad out one too many times without telling him first, but it stuck because they agreed it was just good policy to be open with your friends. Secrets aren’t a good foundation for any kind of relationship.

Of course, Adrien hated it, but he did have to keep one secret from his best friend. And he was really regretting it now, because it had landed him in one hell of an awkward conversation.

He and Nino were video chatting, under the guise of helping each other with homework. It was one of those rare Sunday evenings when Adrien had nothing scheduled, though his father was busy downstairs, running around like a madman and breaking the souls of his interns in the rush to plan their spring line. Adrien was quite happy to stay in his room and do nothing for a while.

They actually were working on homework for a few minutes. When Nathalie came in to check on him, Adrien hurried to look busy, but then they stuck to it even after she left, and lapsed into silence, with the rapid tapping of Nino’s pencil on his desk keeping time.

“Hey, dude?” Nino asked after a minute. His voice sounded strained, and Adrien figured he was having trouble with the math problem they were on. He definitely was.

“Yeah?” Adrien asked, not taking his eyes from his paper. Nino didn’t speak for a moment, so Adrien looked up. Though his face was trained towards his phone’s camera, Nino’s eyes were clearly fixed on a spot on the wall above it. “What’s up?”

Nino wetted his lips nervously. “I, uh, don’t want to be that guy, but is it okay if I ask you about… gay stuff?”

Adrien chuckled. “Yeah, man, I don’t mind.”

“Right. Cool. Thanks.” Nino took a deep breath. “It’s just--I kind of wanted some… advice? Because I-I think I might like guys, too.”

“Really?” Adrien exclaimed. “I mean, dude, that’s great. What did you want help with?”

“I don’t really know, I guess?” Nino scratched the back of his neck. “I’ve kind of been thinking about it for a while, and I just wanted to… talk about it?”

“Sure!”

“I mean,” Nino continued, more confidently. “I feel like I’ve always kind of thought dudes were hot, without realizing that’s what it was, you know? And lately I’ve been just sitting with the thought of, like, dating guys or even just, like, letting myself be into them?”

Adrien nodded, and took a drink of water to try to suppress a smile as Nino gained momentum.

“I mean, for a while, I guess I just thought I was jealous of those dudes?” Nino shrugged. “Like, Kim’s just popular. Chat Noir’s just a superhero. You know what I mean?”

Adrien was glad he’d finished swallowing already, or he would have done a spit-take. “Yea--Wait, what about Chat Noir?”

Nino scoffed. “Yeah, come on, bro. Everyone knows you’re in love with Ladybug. Don’t tell me you’re not a little in love with Chat Noir, too.”

“I’m… not?”

Nino blinked. “Oh. Well, that makes one of us, I guess.”

“I--you, uh…what?” Adrien tried to seem casual, but he couldn’t help gaping.

“Dude, I’ve had some pretty good dreams starring Chat Noir,” Nino grinned.

Adrien rubbed at his eyes, still trying to process. “Wait, what does that mean?”

Nino flushed. “You know, the kind you might need a cold shower to wake up from.” Adrien squinted in confusion, and Nino sighed. “We banged, Adrien. I was trying to be discreet.”

Adrien made a choking sound and had to pretend to drop his pencil to have an excuse to duck down and hide his bright red face. He let his face take its journey through whatever emotions flashed through it while it was hidden from view, which mainly involved various degrees of shock and him silently mouthing, “What the fuck?” a few times.

He took a deep breath, and straightened up. Nino was looking anxiously at him from the other side of his phone screen, and Adrien forced up a smile. “Sorry, dude, I know this is a bad time, but Nathalie needs to see me for something, so I gotta go. Thanks for telling me, really, and I’m totally free to text if you need it.”

Nino’s face cleared, and he beamed. “Thanks, bro. See you tomorrow.”

“See you,” Adrien agreed faintly.

The moment Nino’s face disappeared from his phone screen, Adrien whirled around to face Plagg, who was stifling snickers on the bed. When he met Adrien’s eyes, he let himself be as loud as he wanted, cackling gleefully at Adrien’s conflicted expression.

Adrien’s phone buzzed; it was a text from Nino.

From: Quentin Tarantinino

Hey, sorry if I made things weird at the end there

Like I totally wouldn’t have mentioned the dream thing but like

Idk that was a big help in figuring it out bc it was just one of those things where u wake up and ur like “huh. Cool.”

U know?

Adrien had to laugh. He did know. But…

Chat noir? Really?

Why what’s wrong with him

Dude he’s so lame

U didn’t just say that

I’m offended for him

I’m offended for me

I’m offended for everyone???

LisTen

Every time I see an interview w him

I want to die

It’s embarrassing

Ok he can be kind of a dork but

It’s Endearing my dude

My bro

I’ll convert u mark my words……….

One day you’ll accept that chat noir is hot

Adrien snorted. “I doubt it,” he said aloud.

Plagg looked up at him. “You know, he didn’t hear that.”

“Yeah, shut up. I’ll show him how lame I can really be. Plagg, transform me!”

As Chat knocked on Nino’s window, he had the belated realization that he hadn’t thought this through. At all.

But there was no turning back; Nino had already caught a glimpse of his silhouette framed against the streetlights. Chat wiggled his fingers and grinned awkwardly.

He was off to a great start.

Nino’s face flushed as he scrambled off his bed, searching madly for something on his floor. He found a sweatshirt and pulled it on, pulling his headphones off his ears in the process, and they dangled down from the neck of his shirt, bouncing against his chest when he rushed across the room again. He cracked the window and casually tried to sling his headphones to their normal position around his neck.

“Ch-chat Noir! What’s up?”

“Oh, you know.” He stuck his legs through the open window, and sat down on the sill. “Just… chilling?”

Nino bobbed his head. “Yeah, cool. Cool. Uh, so is there anything I can… help you with?”

Chat shrugged. “Not really. I was just out for a walk. Saw your light on. You know how it is.” He kicked a pile of papers and watched them scatter across the floor.

Nino grimaced, but said nothing.

“So, what’s up with you?” Chat continued. “Staying upbeat, and all that? Well, I mean, I guess you’ve gotta.” He grinned and tapped Nino’s headphones with his foot. Nino had backed up pretty far from the window, so it was a bit of a stretch, but he managed to keep his balance by bracing both arms against the top of the window pane.

He was sure it looked ridiculous, but that was the point.

“What?” Nino looked mystified.

“Up beat,” Chat repeated. “You know.” He tried to touch Nino’s headphones again, without stretching this time, but ended up just sticking his leg in the air and wiggling it in Nino’s general direction. “Beats. Your headphones.”

“Oh!” Nino chuckled, but it wasn’t fake or forced, to Chat’s surprise. He had purposely made the worst joke he could think of in the moment. And he was used to Nino’s fake laugh, from the number of times he’d taken pity on Adrien’s horrible sense of humor.

What was he doing?

“Yeah, no, I’m good, man. Uh, h-how are you?” Nino crossed his arms nervously, hugging them against his chest. “What’s going on? Besides, like, shaving the--saving the city all the time. Man, do you even have any free time?”

Chat shrugged. “Sometimes. I do need to eat and sleep and stuff.”

“Oh, cool, you eat!” Nino flushed. “I mean, of course you do. I mean, I was going to ask if you wanted something to eat. You know, while you’re here. Or another time, maybe, if you’re not hungry now?”

“Oh, strange, nameless boy, you read my mind,” Chat said.

“Uh, it’s Nino. We’ve met before. You don’t remember me? I’m friends with Alya, and--”

Chat closed his eyes and held up a finger. “I’m doing a thing.”

“Sorry.”

“See,” Chat continued. “I came by here for one reason tonight, and I haven’t been totally honest. I stopped by tonight, because when I looked in your window, I saw something I want, and I wanted to ask you…” He paused for dramatic effect, and then said. “Can I have some Doritos?”

Nino stumbled back and snatched up the open bag of chips from his desk. “Yeah, sure,” he said breathlessly. “Take the whole thing, if you want.”

Chat stuck his hand through the window and grabbed as many Doritos as he could hold, before stuffing them all in his mouth. “Thanks,” he mumbled. “See you around.”

He left Nino standing dumbfoundedly at the window, his arm still outstretched and holding the Doritos bag out to no one. Chat ran home as fast as he could, and dropped his transformation.

He kicked back on his bed, and Plagg settled down beside him. “I think that went about as badly as it could have,” Adrien said triumphantly.

He had left his phone behind, and it buzzed from its place on his night stand.

From: Quentin Tarantinino

DUDE

YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS

Chat noir

Just came by

He stole my dorites

And my heart

I DONT KNOW HOW BUT DID YOU DO THIS

SHOOK

Yeah I’m Definitely into him

Lol

Adrien pls

My dude

Answer ur fcking phone I’m dying

Plagg looked over Adrien’s shoulder at the messages that continued to roll past. “Yeah, sounds like you did a great job, kid.”

#miraculous ladybug #ml #adrino #adrininomonth2k17 #ninoir #chickenscratch #a tiny chapter at first while i figure out what the fuck im doin

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