#gotta be one of my favorite ‘my name’s Juno Steel and I’m a…’
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Shoutout to “My name’s Juno Steel and… I’m a… lovestruck moron.” for making the episode’s first attempt at killing me. (One of many.)
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1, 4 and 7 for the fanfic ask :D
ty Tani!!!!!!
1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.
Oh you know it’s gotta be like, fairly low-stakes character & relationship focused AUs that subtly adapt the character’s personalities to this new scenario that I’ve created and it ends roughly when they admit they’re in love. I love that shit sooooo much.
4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?
tbh last week I was writing a bit, then i was in a Sewing Mood, but sewing physically hurts me so it saps all my energy so now I’m in a doomscrolling and ordering things to Feel mood
but i would say there are 2 fics I’ve still been devoting some thought and energy to (other than En R which I am publishing). The one I feel like I’m more likely to finish is my Les Mis Old Guard AU which is an often angsty, “will-they-won’t-they, it’s the 1800s and we’re gay and one of us keeps leaving because he’s scared” fic and I do enjoy it.
7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
ohoohohohohohho. Okay. spoilers for my fic Juno Steel and the Undercover Vixen, I guess? It’s sort of the most emotive moment in the whole thing and out of context I’m almost worried it might seem lackluster?? but it’s after like 35-40k of development and Juno lying to Peter while Peter keeps him at arm’s length but now he’s really fallen for him, and really loved writing this part-
“Yeah, Peter?” I asked him. I gave him a little smile, trying to be encouraging, despite everything.
“My name,” he started slowly, “it's Nureyev. Peter Nureyev,” he said. My heart was in my throat.
His confession weighed on me like a ton of bricks. It was the softest, deepest declaration of love I had ever experienced. I smiled, my eyes watering.
He could have been proposing marriage to me then and there and it would be less meaningful, less significant, less intimate than what he just said.
“I love you, Peter Nureyev,” I whisperer back. Would it have hurt him less, in the end, if I hadn’t said that? Still, he smiled and cupped my cheek, wiping a tear with his thumb.
like hh i just love this part LOL.
thank you for the ask!!!
Send me questions about my fic~
#answered#taniushka12#the formatting on this is weird but i tried to fix it#also idk the definition of prose so i included dialogue
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RAPHAEL’S TWENTY-SEVEN HOUSE PLANTS (pt. 1)
PRESENTED IN ORDER OF APARTMENT APPEARANCE
1. devil’s ivy
name: henri with an i
horticutural fun fact: not only are devil’s ivy pretty to look at, but they’re also actively purifying the air around them, even when you cut off one of their stems and propagate them.
background: “up first is henri with an i, who’s a gentle soul with a love of 70’s disco. he’s had a lot of pressure on his back to live up to the devil’s ivy title, but the truth is there’s nothing demonic about him and he’s never even dabbled in satanism (except for that one time in college, but he was just experimenting, really). it’s ostracized him from the greater devil’s ivy community, but i’m happy to offer him a loving home with lots of diana ross. he’s a great dancer too - come over sometime when it’s windier, he knows how to shake those leaves like nobody else.”
2. chrysanthemum
name: jeanine
horticultural fun fact: both the flowers and leaves of the chrysanthemum are totally edible.
background: “this is jeanine, but you can call her jeannie. she’s a city girl, but she loves to romanticize quitting her office job and moving out to some ranch in arkansas with the cowboy boyfriend she’d pick up along the way. with that being said, she’s never actually seen a farm in her life, and i don’t think she even knows what a plow does, so it’s hard for me to be totally supportive of her aspirations sometimes.”
3. euphorbia ingens
name: greg
horticultural fun fact: even thought the euphorbia ingens looks like a cactus and has the pricklies to match, it’s actually a succulent in disguise.
background: “greg thought it’d be cute to grab onto my favorite sweater the other day and rip it up, so he doesn’t get a fun backstory again until he learns how to apologize. no, greg, stop, i don’t want to hear any excuses. honestly, your habit of gaslighting is starting to feel really toxic.”
4. sword fern
name: vienna
horticultural fun fact: sword ferns are also commonly referred to as the “christmas fern” due to a large amount of its fronds being used for wreaths each year.
background: “next up is vienna, who’s named after the billy joel song and not that measly city in austria, thank you very much. they’re weirdly into swamps, so if you’ve got any swamp-related trivia you need checked out, feel free to run it by them. i ask them sometimes, i’m like ‘hey vienna, if you like swamps so much, why not look into some swamp-based real estate? there’s gotta be some good stuff left after ‘08, i’ll find you an agent’, but they brush me off every time. vienna thinks some things are better left as just a pipedream, you know?”
5. orchid
name: piper
horticultural fun fact: even though orchids have been cited as one of the more difficult houseplants to care for, they can live for up to a hundred years if properly looked after. this plant was the only one raph ever got from his brother, and he’s managed to maintain it for the last sixteen years.
background: “piper’s very into the grunge scene, she loves to tell anyone who’ll listen that punk’s not dead. she’s a star on the bass guitar, and while she’s fine rocking out on her own, what she really wants is to find an all-female punk band to shout about the patriarchy with. piper’s also been trying to grow out a rainbow mohawk for the longest time, but her delicate leaf structure is making it hard to follow through on that.”
6. peace lily
name: reese
horticultural fun fact: the peace lily is named for its flower, whose white color symbolizes peace for many.
background: “reese is really trying to get a law degree and get involved with environmental diplomacy down the line, but they just can’t afford to go back to school right now. in the meantime, they work a lot of jobs to make ends meet, but they can’t seem to keep one for more than three weeks - something about being easily distracted with a bad temper. they’ve also got a small crush on piper, which i blame entirely on frankie and murph bringing over their simp influence.”
7. english ivy
name: lina
horticultural fun fact: when the english ivy is left to grow in the wild, it usually latches onto trees, which it then climbs and shades out the leaves of, killing the tree within a few years. raph’s made sure to keep this one away from all his indoor saplings.
background: “lina is the youngest of four, but she’s the only one who consistently remembers her siblings’ birthdays. she bugs them a little about it, too.”
8. anthurium
name: juno
horticultural fun fact: both the flower stalk, which contains calcium oxalate crystals, and the sap of the anthurium can be anywhere from mildly irritating to poisonous when ingested.
background: “juno’s just trying to law low for a while, if she’s being honest. she went a little crazy in her early-twenties, became involved with the wrong crowds, got some blood on her hands that she can’t take back now. when everything finally caught up with her, she got off with two years behind bars after a messy plea bargain. these days she’s taking it easy, just baking a lot of bread and embroidering sweaters in her free time.”
9. fiddle leaf fig
name: carmen
horticultural fun fact: unlike the common fig, the fruit that the fiddle leaf fig bears, when grown indoors or outdoors, is not edible.
background: “here we have carmen, who isn’t paranoid, they just have a lot of important questions. like, isn’t it peculiar that those footprints on the moon were so well preserved, despite the lack of moisture? and how the denver airport is so incredibly large for no explainable reason? and that jet fuel only burns up to 1500 degree fahrenheit, which isn’t nearly enough to burn through melt steel? carmen's just got a lot on her mind.”
10. rhapis palm
name: richard
horticultural fun fact: the rhapis palm is a strange breed of fan palms that actually doesn’t exist in the wild, but was created by chinese cultivators to exist as indoor plants.
background: “richard’s prone to being a bit cocky about how tall and green he is, but with how hard he’s worked to get here, he doesn’t think it’s arrogant to be a proud of his appearance. what’s his secret, you may ask? he’s about to release a self-help podcast this upcoming fall, but in short: cardio three times a week, cross-training with weights every day in between. plus a well-balanced diet of sunlight protein, high-fiber carbon dioxide, and lean chicken breast.”
11. lemon tree
name: amelia
horticultural fun fact: the latest addition to raph’s plant collection via eddie’s birthday gift, the lemon tree can grow up to 600 pounds of lemons when grown in the wild, but raph’s lucky if he gets a few teeny fruits.
background: “growing lemons isn’t just amelia’s profession, it’s her passion. she carries an advanced certificate in citrus cultivation from the university of toronto. she can talk all day about the ideal conditions for lemon development and the exact amount of sourness that separates an amateur lemon from an expert one. she even painted her entire home in a very specific shade of lemon yellow - somehow her wife puts up with it.”
12. monstera deliciosa
name: ludwig
fun fact: the holes in the monstera’s leaves actually serves an important purpose, which is to withstand heavy rainfall and wind as they let the elements pass through the holes. this is also the priciest plant in raph’s possession, clocking in at nearly a hundred dollars for this high-end monstera.
background: “ludwig likes to think he’s a tough guy, something out of a holywood sweatshop, but the truth is he’s a huge softie. like yeah, he rides a motorcycle and he’s got a dragon tatto on his back, but he also still sleeps with his childhood teddy bear, loves the smell of fabric softener, and is a sucker for jennifer aniston movies. his favorite is that one with adam sandler in hawaii, which i personally think is in bad taste, but ludwig won’t hear it.”
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yooo tagged by @nephritee
Rules: answer some questions and tag some bloggers you want to know better
Name: Spade’s the name, but folks call me Skittles online
Nicknames: I got a good amount of ‘em, but the most used ones gotta be Skittles and Bee. Spade is kinda nickname but eh
Gender: Nonbinary, non-bee-nary if you will
Sexuality: I’m not too big on labels, so queer, gay what have you.
Height: About 5′4″ish I believe
Languages: English, that’s all. French if you count a two year education in highschool, didn’t get much further than “je m'appelle spade, comment allez-vous?” and the wack number system of quartre-vingt-cinq, but it was a very fun language to learn for that short period, my favorite word has to be “oiseau” it means bird but it sounds like “wazoo!”
Nationality: American
Current time: 12:17pm babey
Favorite season: Fall, I gotta admit I love chilly seasons. I love sweaters and such, I still wear them during the summer but its not as comfortable. Plus fall is a very sweet season, I like fall scents and atmosphere.....plus I adore Halloween
Favorite flower: Mimosa for sure, we had a huge mimosa tree at my childhood house. It was very lovely and would spill onto our deck. Plus I like how the leaves close up at night, its just super interesting!!!
Favorite scent: Thats a tuffy, usually strong scents give me horrible headaches. But I do like lavender and orange scents, those are very nice and more calm.
Favorite color: OKAY, this is cheating but I have three with one big winner. Orange is 100% my favorite, but not a bright orange. More like a somewhat rusty orange??? But I also love green and purple, they all fit together well.
Favorite animal: uhhhhh hard choice,,,, but I really like octopi, they are very neat in how they move and how unique they are. Very intelligent and can squeeze through really small places. I went to the aquarium months and months ago and I adored the octopus there, watched him for a good 10 minutes. Very lovely lad.
Favorite fictional character: The one I’ve had the most emotional attachment to has to be Juno Steel, his story of self worth is too relatable and I adore characters that aren’t Pure Hero or Pure Villain.... or like Good or Bad. Because that ain’t realistic.... BUT, I do really like Peridot from SU, she was the first character I really ~vibed~ with, I think she had a neat villain to good guy story. Also shoutout to Carlos the Scientist because I adore his character so much
Average hours of sleep: wow rough, gonna call myself out. I’m not too great at the whole sleeping bit, so maybe like 4-5 hours, eh I’m not too sure.
Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?: Coffee gives me cramps, tea (certain ones) are a god send, and hot chocolate sometimes makes me feel icky. SO Tea in the long run, but I like all three.
Number of blankets you sleep with: whoops like two quilts and like 5 throw blankets. I adore blankets man
Dogs or cats?: Lowkey allergic to both of them, but dogs. I have a poodle that doesn’t shed and I love him very much
Dream trip: I like places with historical stories and museums. I love to learn about that stuff, so anywhere with that honestly. I adored my trip to DC, I went twice when I was younger. Its been like 8 years since I’ve been there, so I really really wanna go back sometime
Dream job: ah sheesh, not a clue really. Either something to do with character design in some sort or something with taking care of animals. But I don’t have stuff figured out at all, so we are going with the flow.
Followers: I don’t pay attention that too much, I think like 70ish. I just reblog stuff so eh
Blog established: Hmmmm, maybe about 2ish years ago????
Reason for my URL: I was using my internet name skittles (taste the rainbow....i think you can fill it in from there) and I wanted something snappy to go along with it. So yikes(z)skittles was born, probably change it when I’m clever for something new and not brand related.
Random fact: I own over 200 different beanie babies, my pride and joy at this point.
I don’t have many mutuals on here I regularly talk to, so I’m throwing @happy-lil-birb under the bus, but ya don’t gotta do it
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Ok, I'm also super loving the married in Space Vegas au, and I gotta know what happens next. How is Peter gonna navigate "we should really get this annullment" and "revealing my name to more people is going to end badly" and "ok wait but I actually really like this guy"?
Thank you all for being patient with me.
I’m still out of town, but now I’ve got a little more time to myself to get some writing done.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
For some reason, Peter assumed that his new husband would look a little more respectable after a shower. Instead he’s as surly and disgruntled as a wet cat, with the same uncanny glare that manages to be simultaneously wide-eyed and suspicious.
It’s only thanks to Peter’s tremendous skill as a criminal that he manages to maintain a straight face until he’s put the bathroom door between them. Only once he’s got the water running does he allow himself a smile and giddy chuckle. He always enjoys charming a mark, but there’s something especially fun about Juno Steel. He’s that perfect combination of grumpy and vulnerable that makes him a challenge without turning into a chore, and when Peter does manage to slip through that prickly shell, the little smile or soft half-chuckle he earns is so satisfying it borders on thrilling.
That’s why Peter foregoes the hairdryer waiting in the shower and simply emerges from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, hair damp and towel-tousled. His reward– a swallow, a sweeping glance quickly averted, a darkened cheek– is brief enough to be a treat, but one that he savors all the way downstairs to the restaurant.
Along the way Peter takes mental notes: Juno isn’t fond of Peter holding doors or pushing elevator buttons, and he’s too reluctant about touch to take Peter’s arm when it’s offered to him. An accidental brush of hands while they stand in the elevator is enough to make him fidget. But when Peter speaks, Juno’s eyes linger on his face and hands for a beat longer than necessary before he looks away. More than once he catches Juno staring at Peter’s reflection in the polished metal, drinking him in as if he’s committing him to memory.
By the time the two of them sit down to breakfast, Juno is significantly drier but no less grumpy, but it’s all a show. For all his grumbles and growls, there’s something apologetic in the way he slouches in his chair and the way he doesn’t quite look at Peter over the rim of his coffee mug.
“It’s quite the predicament we’ve landed ourselves in,” Peter says, spooning sugar into his own cup.
“That’s one word for it.”
“So where do we go from here? Do we have to fill out the paperwork jointly, or…?”
“I… think so.”
Peter raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Most of what I know about it is just hearsay and what made it into my secretary’s favorite streams, okay? I haven’t exactly done this before.” His slouch deepens, as if he’s trying to melt into the table. “This is my first time hitting rock bottom.”
Peter leans in with a coaxing smile. “Come now. Is it really so bad to be married to me?”
“You should be asking yourself that question,” Juno mutters, averting his eyes. “I’m more worried about what my secretary is going to say.”
Another raised eyebrow. Speaking of stereotypes…
But no. As soon as Juno catches his meaning, he grimaces. “What? God, no. She and I aren’t like that. But she’s not the type that’ll ever let me hear the end of it.”
“Ah.” That shouldn’t come as nearly so much of a relief as it does. Peter covers by cracking a smile. “I don’t see why she would have to find out. it’s as they say: what happens on Venus stays on Venus.” His grin turns conspiratorial. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”
“You haven’t met my secretary,” Juno says dryly. “She has a way of finding things out.”
Peter makes a mental note: it won’t be enough to simply remove the files. He’ll have to scrub them thoroughly.
“And what about you? I’m afraid I don’t remember if you told me last night, but what is it that you do? It must be quite impressive if you need a secretary.”
Juno lets out of a breath like a derisive laugh. “I’m a private eye.”
“Really?” Peter allows his eyes to go wide. “That must be quite exciting.”
One of those rare, tiny smiles crosses Juno’s face. “It’s alright.” He lets his gaze rise to Peter’s eyes. “What about you? What do you do when you’re not making terrible choices on resort planets?”
“Nothing nearly so interesting,” Peter waves him off. “I deal in art and antiquities. I thought the travel would be a perk of the job, but more often than not I’m too bogged down by paperwork to really get the chance to enjoy it.”
They’re interrupted when the waiter delivers their breakfast. Peter nibbles at his crepes as Juno pours hot sauce on his cloned beef hash. It’s potent enough that Peter can smell it across the table, and he can’t help but wonder how long the sting of it will linger on Juno’s lips.
“Is that why you’re so calm about all of this?” Juno asks. “You’re hoping to get in some extra sight-seeing while we’re stuck on this planet?”
“Is it that obvious?” Peter lowers his eyes coyly. “It may be a hassle, but it’s all a little bit exciting, isn’t it? Stranded on a far-off planet, married to a mysterious stranger– it’s just like an adventure.”
This time it’s Juno who raises an eyebrow. “You really don’t get out much, do you?”
Perhaps it’s meant to sound derisive, but there’s a note of protectiveness in Juno’s voice.
Ah, so that’s how it’s going to be. Peter’s delighted.
“There’s… ah… just one thing,” he says, infusing his tone with a flutter of nerves. “The company I work for didn’t exactly give me clearance to come to this planet. They think I’m… ah… sick.”
“You’re playing hooky from work?” Maybe Peter’s just imagining it, but the annoyance in Juno’s voice seems to be entirely feigned. “You gonna be able to stay out here long enough to get this annulment?”
“Oh, I’m sure,” Peter says. “It’s just– I’m a little worried that word of me being here might get back to my employers. Do you think– just in public– you could not call me by name? Anything else would do, really.”
“I can do that.” Juno shrugs, but he hesitates for a fraction of a second. “Just in public...?”
The smart thing would be to tell him to do the same in private-- to let repetition erode away the memory of Peter’s name in favor of some fake pseudonym until it disappears entirely-- but it’s been so long since Peter’s heard his name spoken aloud, and there’s something enthralling about the way Juno says it.
“Just in public,” he assures him. “Between the two of us, I’d rather be Peter Nureyev.”
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Jupeter bartender AU part 2
So, I thought maybe this would be better as its own post with a link. So, there it is, with a link to the first part right here (in case you haven’t seen it yet).
EDIT: Now with a 3rd chapter! (the link will be at the end as well if you haven’t read this part yet)
Juno didn’t show up for a few days. In fact, he didn’t even seem to be following Ernest anymore. Peter would have been relieved but at this point, it was hard to tell if the lady had gotten bored with him for some reason, or if he was, in fact, just good enough that he had slipped below Peter’s attention.
And as much as he would have loved to believe that Juno wasn’t on his trail anymore, it seemed like the PI was possibly the most stubborn person he’d had ever met. In fact, the only possible exception he could think of would have been Vicky. If - and it was a big if - something had convinced Juno to lay off, she’d probably been the one to manage such a feat.
Peter tried to tell himself that he wasn’t disappointed. After all, it would allow him to finish this specific job and get off this planet. All endearing lady asides, he could feel his feet and his hands tingling with the need to resume his bouncing around the stars.
Which is why he didn’t know whether or not he should be happy, relieved, disappointed, or downright annoyed when he began his shift to see Juno slumped on the bar.
“Here to interrogate me again, Sir?” Enerst began, taking a whiskey glass off the shelf.
The instant Juno didn’t offer him a witty comeback, Peter knew something was wrong, but he let Ernest the time to find the bottle of the lady’s favorite poison before he noticed the heavy silence.
“Sir?”
Juno didn’t respond, barely even twitched. His usually percing glare was hazy, lost in a half-finished glass of whiskey. He looked positively awful: his eyes were circled with deep, purple shadows, and his lips were dry and cracked. He quite obviously hadn’t washed his hair in at least a week, and upon getting closer, Ernest could smell an odor of sweat and booze coming from him.
Juno would not be first in line to win an award of the cleanest lady on th planet, or even the city, but this was unprecedented.
“Juno?” Ernest tried, and Peter was surprised to find his worried voice sounded genuine. It seemed even his fleshed out mask had began appreciating the lady.
Juno’s eyes snapped to his face, bloodshot but somewhat alert.
“Hey. Tried to kill Vicky yet?” It was obviously meant as a joke, but the words felt flat between them, and Peter immediately noticed that Juno’s voice was slightly slurred, something he had never heard before. Considering the number of drinks he’d seen him gulp without batting an eye, Peter could only assume that Juno had drank enough that it would have killed any other person, like, say, a certain master thief.
“You’re drunk.”
Juno snorted.
“T’s'where you’re wrong. ’M not drunk enough.”
Ernest frowned.
“I am not going to serve you any more tonight. You should go ho…”
“No.”
It seemed that even drunk, Juno was still unchallengingly stubborn. Currently, he looked like he was ready to plant his teeth in the counter if Ernest didn’t obey his whims.
Fine. Peter just had to get creative.
“Very well.”
He rooted around in his bar to serve Juno another glass. Full of apple juice.
“No more alcohol, then.”
Juno looked at the glass, then back at Ernest, and huffed a derisive laugh. He didn’t get up and leave, like Peter had half expected him to, so he took the liberty of innocently placing a plate of mini-sandwiches next to him.
Because Ernest had other clients, he couldn’t just hang around Juno all night like Peter wanted to, but he kept an eye on him regardless. Maybe Juno wasn’t getting drunker, but he wasn’t getting better either. His eyes half tracked the dancers on the other side of the room, but Peter could tell his attention was elsewhere. One more than one occasion, it seemed like maybe he was going to be sick, and Peter could see him going rigid and gripping his glass tight enough that he expected at any time to have to go clean up the inevitable mess.
“Walter.” Peter turned around, surprised to find Vicky herself behind him.
“Ma'am! I didn’t know you…”
She cut him off with an impatient wave of her hand, looking past him at her establishment.
“Shit. He’s here, isn’t he? Of course he is.”
She ran a hand through her hair, looking impatient.
“Walter. Steel likes you, right?”
Ernest looked at her, a bit bemused.
“He… thinks I’m a spy.”
“Yeah he’s like that. Walter, you’re a smart guy right?”
“Um…”
She pined him with an intense look, looking then exactly like the successful businesswoman she was.
“Listen. Juno Steel is an imbecil okay? He’s also not often wrong.”
Peter had to repress the urge to freeze.
“Ma'am, I don’t…”
“Save it. Enerst Walter or whatever is not your real name. Fine. You do what you gotta do, I get it. You do your job, you don’t make problems, I don’t care. That’s not the point. The point is: you’re a smart guy.”
Her eyes hadn’t strayed from his, and, not for the first time since he’d come to Mars, Peter felt as though his layers of persona, of lies, were shattered and discarded. Here was Vicky, ruthless, loud, overtly uncaring, and she looked at him like one would look at a lost orphan desperatly seeking a home across the galaxy.
Something hot and violent was crawling up Peter’s throat, and he fought the urge to swallow it down as he relentlessly squashed all emotions. There was nothing there, nothing but quiet surprise at his boss buying in a PI’s obsession. Maybe another young man shaking off his former life, but that was all.
Ernest nodded.
“So you know that lady’s life suck.” Vicky shrugged. “ I mean, it’s not like it’s hard to notice, and I don’t have time to deal with his bullshit.”
“Ma'am?”
“Make sure he gets home, okay? I need him in one piece for the job.”
Ernest nodded again.
“And drop the Ma'am, alright? You sound like a goddamn cow. Just call me Vicky next time.”
“Yes, Ma… Vicky.”
She gave him a quick smile.
“Alright! Can’t let a girl waiting! I’ll see you tomorrow!”
She went past him as he made his goodbyes.
“And by the way,” She threw over her shoulder once she was halfway out the door “his consos are on your tab!”
“Sir, we’re closing.”
Juno’s head turned slowly towards him. He looked even worse that he had earlier, and the way he was blinking made Peter think he was chasing away tears. He wondered if he had managed to sneak some more drinks under Ernest’s nose. With the way Juno’s movements seemed slow and sluggish, it didn’t seem entirely impossible.
“What time is it?” He asked, sounding small and distant.
“One am. We should get you home.”
Juno nodded, but he didn’t move, and his eyes drifting away as soon as Ernest stopped talking.
“Come on.” Ernest grabbed his forearms and pulled him up. Juno didn’t resist, and it seemed like he could stand up on his own, but then he would stay immobile unless he was stirred in one direction or another. Ernest had to drag him out of the bar, nodding at Todd as they left.
In the cab, Juno was silent, staring without blinking at the lights coming from the various buildings.
He stayed silent as they climbed their way up the stairs (because apparently, if someone didn’t have basic commodities in the 24th century, it was going to be Juno Steel), and spoke again only Ernest had managed to get on the bed, and was trying to get his shoes off.
“Are you going to kill me?” His voice was distant, disconnected.
Ernest rolled his eyes.
“Sure. I’ve been waiting all this time to get you in bed so I could kill you with my spying skills.”
Juno nodded slowly, as if that made sense.
“It’s my fault.” he mumbled.
Ernest finally managed to free him of his heavy boots.
“What is?”
It took a few second for Juno to respond, and when he did, his voice sounded ragged.
“Everything.”
“Juno, I’m quite sure…”
Peter cut himself off. Juno had turned away from him, curling into himself and hiding his face into a pillow. He was utterly silent, but his shoulder were shaking slightly, and Peter could see his hand, gripping the cotton like a lifeline.
Neither Peter nor Ernest knew the words that would have helped, and it seemed like Juno was either ignoring him or couldn’t hear him when he called his name, so Peter only had the choice to stand on the edge of the bed for the long minutes it took for Juno’s breath to slow down as he slipped into sleep..
Peter looked. Of course he looked. If there was something in common between a Juno Steel and a Peter Nureyev, it was their curiosity, insatiable, dangerous. Peter had more than once almost died because he’d wanted to know more, to know too much, and he probably will again.
So he’d looked. The previous time, his interest in Juno had been automatic, perfectionnary, a quick look to prevent himself from what he could expect. Now he looked to know, to discover, to understand this rough, kind, sad lady.
Benzaiten Steel was a surprise. Peter hadn’t expected Juno to have a twin. He tried to imagine him, a second Juno, just as quick, just as smart, capable of just as much snark. He tried to imagine them : it seemed like the world wouldn’t be able to handle the enormity of having two like Juno around.
Peter was quick enough to regret the thought. To regret ever looking.
That night, he dreamt of Mag, of reassuring smiles and protective hands, slowly overrun with slick, black blood. He dreamt of a knife that would never wash, of a body that would never rest, of two scared little kids against the big, mean world.
Ta daa!
Link to chapter 3
whoop dee woop EDIT: Chapter 4 (the last one)
<3
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JUNO STEEL AND THE DRAGON’S DEN (PART ONE)
SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.
CONDUCTOR:
Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra. Take your seat, please, take your seat.
MUSIC: STARTS.
SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.
The junction lies just ahead, Traveler. If you'll allow me just a moment.
SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, next stop? Hyperion City.
SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.
The Proctor’s final words have haunted Detective Steel ever since she died on her devious riddle. “A place of heroes, as far as the stars but as close as the heart of every child.” And apparently, the home of Ramses O’Flaherty, in some way. But where is that home, you ask? Well, Detective Steel is just about to find out. It’s unfortunate that he didn’t do earlier – if he had, perhaps nobody would have had to die.
SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES. DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.
Our next stop: Juno Steel and the Dragon’s Den.
ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.
***
MUSIC: STARTS.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
An election makes a lot of noise – and, after months of the rallies and speeches and the fights in the street, it’s nice to escape to the quiet of the Martian desert for a while. Because the history of politics in Hyperion City is loud: a bunch of corporations in a bidding war over the Mayor’s office, with enough money changing hands that it’s not a question of whether your candidate’s in some big corporation’s pocket, just – whether this pocket is cozier than the last one.
My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye, and I never thought I’d be helping one of those corporations’ candidates win, but… Ramses O’Flaherty seems like the first politician in a century who might care about people more than profit margins.
And even if he is funded by Northstar Entertainment, a company that mostly sells kids’ movies and cheap T-shirts? Compared to his competition, Ramses sounds like a saint.
VOICE (FROM RADIO):
In a move that analysts have been calling “inevitable,” Nadia Bellevue announced this morning that she will be dropping out of the Hyperion City mayoral race, citing poor polls and a drop in Armada Firearms and Fine Liquors’ stock price over the last fiscal quarter. That leaves only Ramses O’Flaherty and current mayor Pilot Pereyra on the ballot when the citizens of Hyperion vote just five weeks from today. Mayor Pereyra had this to say about their opponent:
PILOT PEREYRA (FROM RADIO):
Ramses who?
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard of Ramses. And I mean, he seems like a good guy. You don’t get as far as he has, doing all that philanthropy, and kids’ movies, and whatever without having some good rub off on you. And I respect that, to a point.
RITA:
Ooooooh, Mista Steel, are we there yet? I can’t wait another second!
JUNO:
Shh! I’m tryin’ to listen!
MUSIC: ENDS.
PEREYRA:
But the fact is that Hyperion’s a tough town, and it needs a firm hand. And all this junk I keep hearing about police reform, criminal rehabilitation? We don’t have time for that. In a city this covered in crime, we need the HCPD more than ever, and we need someone who knows what they’re doing more than ever. So, leave it to the Pilot, eh? I’ve gotten us this far, haven’t I?
RITA:
Mista Steeeeel? Are we there yet? Are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet, are we there yet—
PEREYRA (IN BACKGROUND):
And let me tell you, guys like Ramses… they think they know everything.
JUNO:
How the hell am I supposed to answer that? I don’t even know where we’re going!
PEREYRA (IN BACKGROUND):
But as soon as it gets time to actually do something?
RITA:
Oh come on, that riddle was so easy, boss! You gotta know!
PEREYRA (IN BACKGROUND):
All that talk shows exactly what it was: just talk.
JUNO:
Hey, driver? Just turn the damn radio off. My secretary’s decided she’s all the audio entertainment I need.
SOUND: RADIO CLICKS OFF.
Why did you come along, again? You have the day off, Rita.
RITA:
And that’s why I came! You’d understand if you’d solved the riddle, boss. It’s so easy: “A place in the heart of every child”? You don’t have to be a detective to solve that.
JUNO:
Brain’s full of about six hundred other mysteries, Rita. Who’s tryin’ to kill off Ramses O’Flaherty, for example. So just knock it off, and tell me where—
RITA:
Nuh-uh-uh, no way, boss. I ain’t tellin’ you until you figure it out yourself– WHOAMYGOD WE’RE ALMOST THERE!
JUNO:
Just tell me where we’re going!
RITA:
I can’t take another second boss I feel like I’m gonna burst! Just figure it out already!
JUNO:
Is that a gate?
RITA:
C’mon, I’m gonna EXPLODE! Pleaeaeaeaease?
JUNO:
“Northstar presents”– what the hell?
RITA:
It’s Polaris Park boss! Oh gosh oh gosh I can’t wait! I’m so excited!!!
JUNO:
Polaris… that Northstar amusement park?
RITA:
Mista Steel, you gotta be kiddin’ me! Did someone kill all’a the magic inside’a you or somethin’?
JUNO:
Yes.
RITA:
Polaris Park! The Place That Fun Calls Home, TM! You gotta know about Polaris Park!
JUNO:
I try not to pay too much attention to Northstar movies, Rita.
RITA:
Act tough all you want, boss; they might be kids’ stories, but they got all kinds’a things for adults, like jokes, and deep themes, and sometimes advice, like how to kill an evil goat-wizard if you meet one and—
JUNO:
Not kids’ stories. Just Northstar.
(SIGHS)
Let’s get this over with.
RITA:
Boss? Is everything—
SOUND: CAR DOOR OPENS. CARNIVAL NOISES IN BACKGROUND.
(GASPS)
We’re here we’re here we’re here we’re here!!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
Polaris Park was, I’ll admit, a masterpiece. The greatest minds in the solar system had come together to build ‘The Place That Fun Calls Home, TM,’ and the faces of the people we passed said they’d succeeded. They were smiling, every one of them, kids clambering all over their parents with sticky fingers and… stickier voices.
It made my stomach turn. Places like this have always given me the creeps. What people forget is that manipulation is always manipulation, whether you’re being duped into a big debt or a big smile.
RITA:
Oh, oh! There’s Orion’s Tower, they sell all kinds’a belts, Mista Steel – also insurance for some reason – and that ride is the Frozen Spinner, they make you put on real mittens before you get on and everything, and that’s—
JUNO (NARRATOR):
We walked down the park’s main drag, surrounded on all sides by bright buildings and cartoon robots and foot-long ice cream bars. I was ready to go home by the fourth step in.
That wasn’t on the menu, though. Before we left the parking lot, our driver gave me an entry pass and a letter which said, in Ramses’ rushed handwriting: “Keep an eye out for Lorenzo Vega.”
Whoever the hell that was. Thanks a lot, O’Flaherty. Just tryin’ to save your life over here, no big deal, really.
RITA:
I wanna go on a ride! No! I wanna have a hot dog! No! I wanna go on two rides, and have two hot dogs, just for me!
JUNO:
Rita, we’re here to work.
RITA:
Come ooooooooon, boss! What job could you possibly have to do here?
JUNO:
That’s what I’m trying to figure out. Ramses gets a lot of his campaign funds from Northstar. If someone wanted to really hit him where it hurts, they could try to strike here… or dig up some dirt here, at least. Security Office might not be a bad place to start.
RITA:
Well… if Ramses sent you here, that must mean security ain’t caught ‘em yet, whoever they are. We probably won’t find anything there.
JUNO:
Not a bad point. Might be worth snooping around a little on our own first.
RITA:
And while we’re at it, I was just thinkin’… a good place to snoop… might be… on… a ride?
JUNO:
You’re really not gonna drop this, are you?
RITA:
Never.
JUNO:
Alright, alright. One ride. Then we get to work—
RITA:
Got it Mista Steel okay thanks byeeeeeee!
SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.
JUNO:
Rita! …Lousy theme park. Lousy rides…
JUNO (NARRATOR):
At the end of the street stood a mountain. A big, red, craggy thing with molten lava holograms flowing down its sides. It was the centerpiece of Polaris Park, and everyone on Mars knew what it was called.
RITA:
Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak.
Mista Steel, I’m gonna ride that ride six hundred times today.
JUNO:
Good luck with that. Sign over here says it’s closed for repairs.
RITA:
What over what says it’s WHAT?!
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
Oh, you gotta be kiddin’ me, it can’t be closed! Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak is the whole reason to go to Polaris Park! It’s got everything, Mista Steel, music and big drops and real fast and everyone’s favorite chainmail warrior Andromeda and—
SOUND: CROWD SCREAMS.
JUNO:
That’s coming from the Dragon’s Peak, isn’t it?
RITA:
Y– yeah. But maybe, it– maybe it’s just some people havin’ fun, y’know? Screamin’ on the rollercoaster and—
SOUND: SEVERAL SETS OF RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.
VOICE 1:
Oh God, it’s horrible, it’s horrible! They’re all dead!
JUNO:
Sounds real fun. Rita?
RITA:
I’m comin’, boss!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
I shoved us through the crowd, up the long line to the Dragon’s Peak, until it all stopped at a wall of security two guards thick. The park cops had big grins across their faces, but the smiles were all a little too uniform and a little too green to be real. Whatever they were keeping us from wasn’t gonna be pretty.
VOICE 2:
I’m so sorry, sir, but you can’t come through here.
JUNO:
Pretty sure I could if you’d get that club out of my gut.
RITA:
Mista Steel…
VOICE 2:
No, I mean, um… visitors do not have access—
JUNO:
I work for your boss. Let me through.
VOICE 2:
I’m… fairly certain that I work for my boss?
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
VOICE 3:
Is there a problem over here?
VOICE 2:
Uhhh… I… uhhhhh…
JUNO:
No problem, I was just giving Officer Dental-Plan over here some orders from the top. Who are you?
VOICE 3:
The top.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
The woman in front of me was equal parts strong jaw, sharp eyes, and grit. Her badge said ‘Chief of Security,’ her eyes said that she didn’t have time for this, and her smile said that Northstar customer service training really was the best on Mars. The only times people smile that genuinely at me are right before they hit me.
But she didn’t. Instead she turned to her toadie and asked:
VOICE 3:
Who is this guy and why isn’t he out of my park yet?
JUNO:
Ramses O’Flaherty sent me. I have a hall pass, I promise.
SOUND: PAPER RUSTLING.
VOICE 3:
Ramses?
(SIGHS)
Of course he did. Let him through, Rick.
VOICE 2 (RICK):
But—
VOICE 3:
Did I ask?
RICK:
Of… course not.
Have a fun-filled day.
JUNO:
You don’t sound so happy to see us, Chief.
VOICE 3:
Simple reason for that. I’m not.
My name’s Yasmin Swift. I’m chief of security here at Polaris Park.
JUNO:
Juno Steel. And this is my secretary, Rita—
RITA:
(HIGH-PITCHED GASPING)
JUNO:
Who’s… maybe… deflating?
RITA:
Why, hello there, Ms. Swift. I like coffee, and squid cream.
JUNO:
Rita, what the hell—?
VOICE 3 (YASMIN SWIFT):
Breakfast, huh? I’m more of a dinner gal myself.
RITA:
(GIGGLING)
Oh, Yasmin!
SWIFT:
I’m sorry to rain on your day at the park, but, Ramses had pretty bad timing, sending you here this morning. We’ve had a little bit of an… accident. Come on, I’ll show you.
SOUND: DOOR OPENS.
RITA:
(GIGGLING)
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
JUNO:
…Rita? …What was that?
RITA:
She’s preeeeeetty.
JUNO:
(SIGHS)
I don’t have time for this. I do not have time for this. Come on.
RITA:
(GIGGLING)
SOUND: DOOR CLOSES. CARNIVAL NOISES FADE.
JUNO:
(SNIFFS)
The hell is that smell? I thought all the food carts were back on the main path, but… it smells like jerky or something in here.
SWIFT:
Yeah, about that. If you’re at all squeamish, I’m gonna recommend you close your eyes now.
JUNO:
Oh, no.
SOUND: DOOR OPENS.
RITA:
OH MY GOSH, THOSE POOR PEOPLE GOT COOKED!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
We found them in the loading area for the ride, sitting in a cart on a track facing a dark tunnel. The cart was looking nice and toasted around the edges, and inside it sat three charbroiled shapes that probably used to be people.
SWIFT:
I’m guessing this isn’t how you expected to spend your day.
JUNO:
I generally try to assume the worst, but somehow the galaxy keeps finding ways to surprise me.
RITA:
Who are those people? We gotta help ‘em, don’t we?
SWIFT:
That’s sweet, doll, but I think they’re a little past help. This was bound to happen one day. I’ve been saying that to Vega for years.
RITA:
Oh, it’s just too horrible! Somebody hold me!
JUNO:
Oof!
RITA:
(MUTTERING)
Not you, boss!
JUNO:
Bound to happen, you said?
SWIFT:
You know anything about this ride, Juno?
RITA:
No, he doesn’t. Mista Steel said all the magic’s dead inside of him.
JUNO:
Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak is a roller coaster that tells a story about Chainmail Warrior Andromeda trying to find her way home through Lion Village, has to go through Draco’s mountain for some reason, almost gets roasted, doesn’t end up going home. Just like all her other stories.
RITA:
Wha—? But you said– you didn’t know anything about it—
JUNO:
I said I didn’t want to know anything about Northstar’s junk. But sometimes not wanting to listen to stuff just makes you listen harder. No offense, Swift.
SWIFT:
Hey, to each their own. We don’t all have to enjoy the story, even if it is a modern classic and you’re a moron for not liking it. Want to take a guess where the barbecue went down? Because I have a theory or two.
JUNO:
I’m guessing the part where Andromeda gets almost-roasted dropped a word.
SWIFT:
The ride’s needed repairs for years, if you ask me. The carts on this thing barely outpace the fire by half a second. All it’d take is for one of the brakes to flip early and, boom. Instant fricassee.
JUNO:
Why was anyone on it if the ride was closed, though?
SWIFT:
One of the carts started acting up yesterday, so I shut the whole thing down this morning, sent the engineers in, and then… this happened. On their test ride, I’d guess. With a bunch of guests watching from the line, too.
RITA:
There are people who get to test roller coasters for their jobs?! Lucky!
JUNO:
Rita, are we even looking at the same crime scene right now?
SWIFT:
Crime scene? Honestly, Juno, negligence is the only crime I’m seeing here.
(SIGHS)
Why don’t you take in the park for a little while and I’ll find you later? HQ’s gonna have me behind red tape for a long time. They didn’t like me shutting down the ride for a few hours this morning, and I doubt they’ll like closing it for good.
RITA:
You’re closing the Dragon’s Peak?! You can’t do that! That’s the reason everyone comes to Polaris Park! And also I never got to ride it!
SWIFT:
Security’s got to be my number one concern, doll. Should’ve shut this ride down years ago.
SOUND: MECHANICAL, RHYTHMIC NOISES.
VOICE 4:
Over my soggy corpse, Yasmin.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
There was a man walking toward us on two metal legs ending in rusty boots, and his nametag said “Doctor Lorenzo Vega, Head of Resmirks and Developgrins.” Despite the title, he looked like he hadn’t smiled in about a century: age and anger had carved deep enough wrinkles into his face that I could barely make out his eyes, but from what I could see they looked about as greasy and mean as the rest of him.
VOICE 4 (LORENZO VEGA):
Yasmin. I see your attempted murder continues apace.
RITA:
Murder?! Not my Yasmin!
SWIFT:
He doesn’t mean the engineers, doll.
VEGA:
I don’t. If anyone mourns my staff it will be their own fault for leaving someone behind to mourn them. Marriage, children, friends… the Northstar work ethic has rotted off the bone. No, it’s not my staff I’m concerned about. Sir, I’d like you to arrest this woman, for the attempted murder of Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak.
JUNO:
That’s, uh… He knows you can’t murder something that’s not alive, right?
VEGA:
For all of Polaris Park, then.
JUNO:
Yeah, also, not alive. You… a little confused, doctor?
VEGA:
Perhaps not murder, in that case. But much is on the line here, detective. My life’s work, and probably someone else’s, somewhere, if you care about that kind of thing. This park won’t last a month without that ride.
SWIFT:
Maybe so, doctor, but the park doesn’t stand much of a chance if its star attraction’s deep-frying guests, either.
VEGA:
You’d best zip up your ego, Yasmin. Your ignorance is showing.
JUNO & RITA:
(IN UNISON)
Eww.
VEGA:
The Dragon’s Peak could not have burned my engineers for one very simple reason: there is no fire on this ride.
SWIFT:
I hope you’ll give Dr. Vega the benefit of the doubt here, Juno. This might not be very Northstar behavior he’s demonstrating, but he’s a good guy at heart. Probably. If you’re willing to dig down a few hundred meters.
VEGA:
Attempting to turn them against me. It won’t work for two reasons, Yasmin. First: I am naturally charismatic, and second: Ramses sent these two for me.
JUNO:
Ramse– what?
VEGA:
I received the message earlier – direct orders that I’d receive a private investigator to do whatever I say for one full day. Ramses spoils me so. Now tell me: what is your name?
JUNO:
You expect me to buy that Ramses gave me to you without even telling you my name?
VEGA:
I don’t need you to buy it, detective. Only lease it.
(CHUCKLES)
JUNO:
What the hell are you even saying?
SWIFT:
Look, do you have those orders on you, Vega?
VEGA:
Of course not. Do you carry all of your mail everywhere you go?
RITA:
I mean, it should all fit on your comms pretty easily—
JUNO:
—yeah, Swift, he actually has a pretty good point.
RITA:
Oh. Nevermind. Forgot who he was talkin’ to.
VEGA:
These deaths cannot have been caused by a malfunction, because the Dragon’s Peak couldn’t burn a fly, and I should know: I built it. Sabotage, detective. This must be sabotage. And you are going to prove it.
JUNO:
Sabotage… that’s a pretty serious claim. Should be worth looking into, Swift.
RITA:
Really, boss?
SWIFT:
Worth looking into? We’ll see about that. Hey, doctor? Can you prove the ride doesn’t generate real fire? Do you have the plans anywhere?
VEGA:
Of course I do. And it’s written into the most reliable storage available to humankind.
RITA:
Oh, I always wanted to see the plans to the ride! Might be some nice readin’ for bedtime or snacktime or—
VEGA:
My cranial fluid.
RITA:
Actually nevermind, not gonna take that anywhere near my bed or snacks.
VEGA:
I have the plans memorized. In here, no prying eyes can see them.
SWIFT:
Welcome to our argument for the past two years, Juno. I say this is a deathtrap; Vega says it isn’t. I try to close it down; Vega tattles to the managers of Polaris Park, they have a tantrum about ticket sales, and then the thing’s back on its rails again. This could’ve been avoided. It could’ve been avoided twenty times over.
JUNO:
But, I mean… come on, doc. You can’t really expect us to just take your word for it, right?
VEGA:
I can expect that, actually… but I’m beginning to suspect I’ll be disappointed if I do.
(GRUNTS)
There’s one other place I stored the plans for the ride: in its brain. Follow me.
SOUND: MECHANICAL STEPS.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
Vega led us over to a monitor on a stand overlooking the ride’s track. He flicked the monitor awake, tapped out a hundred-digit password in a second and a half, and we were in.
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.
VEGA:
The full ride is too complicated for any human mind other than my own to control it, so I designed it to handle all its own functions. Completely automated. The computer has uplinks throughout the track that my engineers can use to access and interact with all data gathered while the ride runs: power levels, terminal activation logs, security feeds of every room, roaming snack bar—
JUNO:
Wait, wait, hang on. What? You have security footage for every room in this ride?
SWIFT:
Yeah, doctor. This is the first I’m hearing of it, too.
VEGA:
The security footage wouldn’t be very secure if I gave it out to every Tom, Dick, and Yasmin who asked for it.
SWIFT:
I’m your Chief of Security!
VEGA:
Then I’m sure I told you at some point. I don’t bother remembering details like that.
SWIFT:
If I knew that, do you really think I’d have waited this long to shut down your stupid ride?
JUNO:
Just bring up the footage already, doc. If you’re so sure the ride’s innocent, your video should prove it.
VEGA:
(SIGHS)
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.
I’ll have you know that the last time someone ordered me around like that, they died.
RITA:
You– killed someone?!
VEGA:
Of course not. The two events were unrelated. It just means I have terrible associations with being told what to do that you should be sensitive to.
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEP.
What? The footage!
SWIFT:
What is it now?
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.
VEGA:
The data! It’s– it’s disappearing!
JUNO:
Disappearing?
SOUND: MORE BEEPS.
VEGA:
Self-deleting! This is impossible! My baby! My giant, metal, highly-intelligent baby!
JUNO:
How long has this been going on?
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.
VEGA:
How should I know? I don’t check! If it’s flawless, there’s no point in checking, because there are no flaws to check for!
SWIFT:
Well, what do you call this, then?
SOUND: BEEP.
RITA:
It looks like it just ate another video.
SOUND: BEEP.
And that musta been dessert.
VEGA:
It’s gone. The schematics, all the footage from the past ride, and assorted footage from the past week. Gone.
SWIFT:
Deleted? And you didn’t even do anything?
VEGA:
What do you think I was doing?
SWIFT:
Deleting it, maybe. Covering your precious baby’s tracks.
VEGA:
You—!
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING. MACHINE POWERING DOWN.
JUNO:
What are you doing now?
VEGA:
Shutting down the ride.
There. Everything but the audio cues and lighting, off. And now, Detective Whoever-you-are, you’re going to go in there and figure out who’s harmed my creation. Who has attempted to murder Andromeda and the Dragon’s Peak!
RITA:
He… is?
VEGA:
Ramses gave orders that you are do to whatever I say, didn’t he?
JUNO:
I don’t know. Did he?
SWIFT:
Hang on, doctor. If you think I’m going to let anyone run an investigation in my park without my say-so—
VEGA:
Then you go with him. Someone has to take care of my ride. I don’t care who.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
I remembered that letter that Ramses’s driver had given me: “Keep an eye out for Lorenzo Vega.”
If Ramses was suspicious of Vega, this might be the only chance I had to figure out why. Especially if he was trying to push the blame onto someone else.
SWIFT:
I’m sure Detective Steel has better things to do than—
JUNO:
I’ll go along. Rita, you stay out here and enjoy the park.
RITA:
Nuh-uh, boss! If you think I’m lettin’ you take a behind-the-scenes tour without me, you’ve got another thing comin’!
JUNO:
Rita—
RITA:
No buts!
Now come on, Yaaaaasmiiiiin. Do you wanna show me all the spookiest parts of the ride?
SWIFT:
If… that’s what we’re doing, I guess I don’t mind doing it with you.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.
Y’know, you don’t have to hold my hand so tight, doll…
RITA:
(GIGGLES)
Yeah, I do.
SOUND: METAL STEPS.
VEGA:
Just a minute before you go, detective.
JUNO:
Yeah, yeah, you want me to keep an eye on her. I heard you the first time.
VEGA:
It’s not that. What did she just call you? Detective Steel, was it?
JUNO:
Juno Steel, private eye. Finding it kinda hard to believe Ramses didn’t tell you that.
VEGA:
He did… it just didn’t sound familiar until I’d heard it.
JUNO:
Y’don’t say.
VEGA:
Steel… why does that sound familiar…?
JUNO:
Uh… probably because you build your rides with it?
VEGA:
No, no, that isn’t it. I was thinking about that name just this morning… but why?
JUNO:
Okay, well, have fun figuring that out, doc. I’m gonna go get murdered by your ride now. Bye.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
VEGA:
(DISTANT)
Steel… hmmm… Juno Steel…
JUNO (NARRATOR):
We walked along the tracks for a while because riding the cart seemed dangerous. After all, the last couple of people to do that were currently being scraped out of their seats with a spatula. After walking through the first tunnel, we found ourselves, weirdly, outside – in a big green plain, surrounded by stone huts and yawning lions lounging in the grass.
SOUND: DISTANT ROARS.
RITA:
Oh my gosh, look at all this stuff! It’s gonna take forever to explore all this! Hold my hand, Yasmin, I’m worried I’m gonna get lost!
SWIFT:
I’m already holding your hand.
SOUND: TRUMPET BLARING FROM SPEAKERS.
RITA:
(GASPS)
What was that?!
SWIFT:
Just the ride going through its cycles. Vega said he left the audio on – he’ll take any chance to show off.
NARRATOR VOICE (OVER SPEAKERS):
And so, after years of searching for a way back home to Polaris, Andromeda the Chainmail Warrior found herself in the Lion Village, where it was said a portal to her home opened once every thousand years.
SWIFT:
If we want to get onto the main track without a cart, you’re going to need a retinal scan from a high-ranking employee. Just give me a second.
JUNO:
Rita, what’s your read on Vega?
RITA:
Huh? Oh, I ain’t barely read any of him, boss. I been a little distracted today.
(GIGGLES)
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.
JUNO:
Yeah, I can tell. Come on, doesn’t it seem a little convenient to you?
RITA:
Hmmm?
JUNO:
Vega gets warned for years that someone’s gonna die on this ride; then, someone dies on this ride, and who does he send into the deathtrap but the people sent to watch him, and, the woman that’s been trying to shut him down for years? This is gonna be dangerous… whatever roasted those engineers could get us too, and with him at the controls, this one might not be an accident.
Rita, are you even listening?
RITA:
I mean, yeah, it seems convenient, boss. But you’re the detective and this is my day off, so you figure it out, alright?
JUNO:
(GROWLS)
SOUND: BEEP.
SWIFT:
Alright, we’re in. Should be the last lock.
SOUND: MECHANICAL DOOR CREAKS OPEN.
NARRATOR:
And so, after years of searching for a way back home to Polaris, Andromeda the Chainmail Warrior—
JUNO (NARRATOR):
The door led us into one of the lion’s huts. The lion it belonged to was musclebound and gray-maned and sitting on his haunches next to everyone’s favorite chainmail warrior, Andromeda.
NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND):
—found herself in the Lion Village, where it was said a portal to her home opened once every thousand years.
RITA:
(GASPS)
Andromeda!
NARRATOR:
“Andromeda!” said Leo, the lion-chief. “Our portal opens in one short hour, and then only for a few minutes. But if you want to use it, you will have to pay. On that peak lives the dragon, Draco, with all of his treasure. Bring me a treasure from Draco’s hoard, and you will have your way home!”
RITA:
She’s real! I always knew she was real! Mom said, and Mista Steel said, and even I said sometimes – but I always knew, Andromeda was real, even when I knew that was impossible, and, and, and, and—
JUNO:
Real, huh?
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZING.
RITA:
Oh. It’s a hologram. I knew that. Mostly.
SWIFT:
Everything here’s a combination of robotics, practical effects, and holograms, doll. Here, touch Chief Leo if you want. A mechanical skeleton covered in real lion fur, grown in a real lab.
RITA:
Wow, he’s so soft. Can we see him roar? And maybe pounce on Mista Steel?
SWIFT:
You can’t turn on the robotics without turning on the carts, too: they run on the same power source.
JUNO:
Sounds and lights on the same breaker? Robots and carts– this doesn’t exactly sound up to code.
RITA:
I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, boss, that’s basically how I got the office hooked up.
SWIFT:
I think being unsafe is part of the thrill for Vega. He’s good with holograms, but he doesn’t like them. He says they’re cheating. Anything safe is cheating with that guy.
Hope you’ve got hiking shoes on: this next part’s supposed to be the mountain, and the doctor went for authenticity.
SOUND: GATE CREAKS OPEN.
RITA:
Ohh, it’s so dark and spooky in here – how do we know where to go?
SWIFT:
I haven’t been on these tracks since my first trainings, but I’ve ridden it enough times to know the way. Just stick close to me, sweetheart, and you’ll be fine.
RITA:
Hmmmmmmm.
NARRATOR:
Andromeda said:
ANDROMEDA:
You’re making a terrible mistake, Leo. Anger Draco, and all the lions will pay for it.
NARRATOR:
But Chief Leo only laughed, and called her a fool. And so Andromeda climbed the mountain with a heavy heart.
JUNO:
So what’s up with you and Vega, anyway? Hell of a feud the two of you got going on.
SWIFT:
How do you mean?
JUNO:
I know you’ve got safety reasons for wanting this tilt-a-whirl closed, but he seems to think it’s personal. Granted, he seems to think most things are personal, but still…
SWIFT:
Just… different eras of Northstar butting heads. Call it a family squabble.
Vega’s old school – from back in the days when Northstar was just a little movie studio over in Hyperion City. Used to work on building fancy new cameras, now he works on ways to shoot people through a block of ice without hurting the ice. Back then, Northstar was cutthroat: scrappy little movie studio with scrappy little ideas. Great tech, great talent, but no investors. It meant everyone who worked there was… out for blood.
JUNO:
And they had plenty of ways to get it, I hear.
SWIFT:
Yeah, actually. How did you—
JUNO:
—doesn’t matter. You said you’re different. What’s the new era of Northstar like?
RITA:
Yeah, Yasmin! Tell us aaaaaall about you. Every teensy weensy little thing.
SWIFT:
Either of you have any kids?
JUNO:
Eugh.
RITA:
No, but I’m… very suggestible.
SWIFT:
Well, I do. A little lady, only five years old. Too young to remember the war. Too young to remember all the stuff humanity showed it could do to itself. And when I think about her growing up in a galaxy capable of all that…
(SIGHS)
Let me just put it this way: the old Northstar was all about making something great. But now? Most of us now… we just want to make something good. Something that the kids can look up to. Heroes that’ll risk it all for what actually matters… not some dumb new camera.
JUNO:
You sound like Ramses now.
SWIFT:
O’Flaherty might be an old-timer, but I always felt like he was one of us.
(CHUCKLES)
Call me a sap if you want, but… I think my Esta’s better off with Andromeda around. And I’d do anything for her.
RITA:
That’s so beautiful and perfect.
SWIFT:
Definitely makes getting up for work a little easier. It’s leaving her in the morning that’s the hard part.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, just be ready. Next part gets a little loud.
SOUND: DOOR SLIDES OPEN.
NARRATOR:
Then, at long last, Andromeda arrived at the Dragon’s Peak!
SOUND: THUNDERCLAP, RAIN.
RITA:
Ahh!! What was that?!
JUNO:
It’s just the stupid ride.
SWIFT:
The noise was, but… did either of you see that?
JUNO:
See what?
SWIFT:
In the lightning, that—
SOUND: THUNDER.
NARRATOR:
Then, at long last—
SWIFT:
There’s someone up by Draco’s lair!
NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND):
—Andromeda arrived—
JUNO:
What? I don’t see anything—
RITA:
Yasmin, save me!
NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND):
—at the Dragon’s Peak!
SWIFT:
You two, keep up with me! If someone really is sabotaging my park, I’m not gonna let them get away with it!
SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.
JUNO:
Swift! Swift!!
NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND):
Then, at long last—
SOUND: THUNDER.
NARRATOR (IN BACKGROUND):
—Andromeda arrived at the Dragon’s Peak!
JUNO:
Yeah, yeah, we get it! Come on, Rita, let’s go!
RITA:
Okay, boss!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
While we ran, I held onto Rita as best I could, but I couldn’t save her from her own clumsy feet…
RITA:
Oh!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
…or, uh, mine.
JUNO:
Oof!
RITA:
Get offa me, Mista Steel, get offa me! I wanted this day to go like this with someone but it sure ain’t you!
JUNO:
Damn it, where did Swift go?
RITA:
That’s what I said! She was followin’ the tracks, so hurry, boss, hurry!
JUNO & RITA:
(PANTING)
JUNO (NARRATOR):
So we ran up the rest of the way into the Dragon’s Peak. A set of big stone doors parted, and a set of big glowing eyes stared down at us.
SOUND: HEAVY SCRAPING.
NARRATOR:
And there, in all his rage and glory, stood Draco, the mighty dragon!
RITA:
OH NO OH NO! PLEASE DON’T KILL ME MISTA DRAGON DON’T KILL ME– oh hey would you look at that he listened.
JUNO:
Huh. …He did.
SOUND: SLOW FOOTSTEPS.
RITA:
Careful there, boss! You don���t know what that dragon might do! They’re tricky! Probably.
JUNO:
They’re not real, Rita.
SOUND: ECHOEY CLANKS.
This is just another robot puppet, like the lion at the bottom of the hill. Deactivated like everything else. …It looks like the track hugs the wall for a while – come on. Swift can’t have gotten that far ahead yet.
SOUND: DEEP WHIRRING, MACHINE POWERING UP.
What the hell?
SOUND: METAL SQUEAKING.
MUSIC: STARTS.
RITA:
M-m-mista Steel! The– the dragon, i-it’s—
JUNO:
—moving, I can see that!
NARRATOR:
Andromeda grabbed a sparkling crown as Draco unleashed its fiery breath!
SOUND: ROAR, FLAME CRACKLING.
RITA:
Boss!! That’s SO much fire! And boy, is it hot!
JUNO:
Step back! Hopefully that’ll be the last of—
JUNO & RITA:
(YELP)
SOUND: ROAR.
RITA:
Mista Steel! It’s coming closer!
JUNO:
And faster than I’d like, too. Rita, there’s a control panel on the wall by the tracks. Do you think you could hack into it?
RITA:
Okay, boss!
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.
The password– I was watchin’ Dr. Vega’s hands when he was puttin’ the password in—
SOUND: ERROR BEEP.
Oh no, oh no!
JUNO:
Rita, we’re running out of time, here!
RITA:
It’s like a billion-digit password, boss, you’re gonna have to buy me some time!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
So I did what I do best: I bought time.
SOUND: BLASTER SHOTS. METAL CREAKING.
RITA:
Did it work?
JUNO:
Made its head snap back a little, but it’s coming back. It’s getting kinda warm in here, Rita!
RITA:
You think I can’t feel that?!
SOUND: BEEPING. ERROR BEEP.
Arrrggghhh!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
The fire was close. We were backed up onto the tracks, now, and I swore I could feel the huge workings of the mechanical dragon rumbling in the walls and the floor.
Or… was that the dragon?
SOUND: SUCCESS BEEP.
RITA:
There! I got us into the terminal, boss.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
And suddenly it hit me. I put my hand into the fire…
SOUND: ROAR, FLAMES CRACKLING.
RITA:
Now I just gotta– Mista Steel, what are you doin’?! It’s gonna roast you alive!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
But it didn’t. I was fine – the fire was just hot air and holograms. The rumbling, though… that got bigger. And then, I remembered what was on the same circuit as the robots.
SOUND: WHEELS CLACKING ON TRACKS.
JUNO:
The cart.
RITA:
The what?
Hey, let go’a me, you– oooooaaahh!
SOUND: THUD.
JUNO:
Oof!
RITA:
Ah!
SOUND: CLACKING GROWS LOUDER. DULL CRASH, CLACKING STOPS.
MUSIC: ENDS.
NARRATOR:
And there, in all his rage and glory, stood Draco, the mighty dragon!
SOUND: RAIN.
RITA:
That rollercoaster cart… almost splattered us, boss!
JUNO:
Yeah. It got real close, didn’t it.
SOUND: ROAR.
NARRATOR:
Andromeda grabbed a sparkling crown as Draco unleashed its fiery breath!
SOUND: CLACKING STARTS AGAIN, FADES OUT.
RITA:
And now– it’s… gone.
JUNO:
Sticks around just long enough for you to think you’ll get roasted, but there’s never any real danger.
It’s not fire. Just like Vega said.
RITA:
But… then how did those engineers get all burnt up?
JUNO:
I don’t know.
Rita, didn’t Vega say the computer kept a log of whoever accessed it last?
RITA:
I think so.
JUNO:
Check the log, then. Hurry!
RITA:
Okay, okay, I don’t see what the rush is. First, I just gotta deactivate the carts…
SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS. POWERING DOWN NOISE.
There. Now I’ll check the logs…
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.
It… doesn’t say who used it, but… it says it was in the next room. D’you think it’s whoever Yasmin saw?!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
Aaaaaaand that’s when I figured it out.
JUNO:
Turn on the security footage for that room.
RITA:
Mista Steel—
JUNO:
Now, Rita!
RITA:
Oh, alright, alright…
(GASPS)
N– no… The one who activated the carts– was– Yasmin?!
JUNO (NARRATOR):
Yasmin Swift. Security Chief of Polaris Park. The camera feed showed her inspecting the cart that failed to crush us, and I saw Draco’s controls up on the terminal in front of her. Vega was right. Swift had been briefed on the security footage before, and in fact, she knew how to use it better than he did. She proved that about two seconds later when she deactivated the camera we were watching her through.
SOUND: BEEP.
JUNO:
What the…? Rita, bring it back!
SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.
RITA:
I’m tryin’, boss!
SOUND: BEEPS.
But… it’s just… deleted! Everything that camera’s recorded in the past twenty-four hours is gone!
JUNO:
So we have no proof. Great.
SOUND: DOOR OPENS.
SWIFT:
Oh…! You’re alright!
JUNO:
You sound surprised.
SWIFT:
Relieved is more like it. I’m glad you two are so hardy. Surviving what even our engineers couldn’t… I could’ve sworn you’d be charcoal briquettes by now.
RITA:
Y-y-y– Yasmin…
MUSIC: STARTS.
SWIFT:
What’s the matter, sweetheart? Aren’t you happy to see me?
JUNO (NARRATOR):
If she knew we knew, she wasn’t saying a thing; and unfortunately, it was going to have to stay that way.
She knew this ride better than we did. If we let her run wild in here, I’m sure she’d know a hundred ways to roast us, crush us, and fun us straight into our graves. But we couldn’t take her into custody yet, either, because we didn’t have any evidence, and unless she slipped up right in front of us, we’d never get it.
So for now, the safest place was just where I didn’t want to be.
SWIFT:
Did you see anyone come through here? I was chasing after someone, but they slipped away…
You two alright? You look a little pale.
JUNO:
I’m ready to keep goin’ if you are.
RITA:
What?!
JUNO:
If you want to go back, Rita, I’ll bring you back first. But we still have a saboteur to catch. And I’m staying in here until I catch ‘em.
SWIFT:
Like a dog with a bone, Juno. I like it. What do you say, doll? Coming with?
RITA:
I– I…
Yeah. I’m n-not gonna leave you alone, Mista Steel. Not again.
SWIFT:
Alright then. Let’s go, ladies.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
Yasmin Swift had gotten me, with that strong jaw and that bright smile. It costs nearly twenty creds to get a bottle of water in this stupid theme park, but the smiles, they say, are always free.
Ma wouldn’t’ve agreed. Good old Sarah Steel always said that there was only one thing in life that came free – and that was death.
SWIFT:
Keep your eyes peeled. We don’t want to let the murderer get away.
JUNO (NARRATOR):
And from the look of things, the alternative was getting more expensive by the minute.
MUSIC: ENDS.
***
SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.
CONDUCTOR:
If you've enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you'll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Kate Jones, Joshua Ilon, and Sarah Gazdowicz:
SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.
SARAH:
…to be manipulative, but I don’t think that that is true. I think that she thinks Rita is very cute.
KATE:
How—
SARAH:
And—
KATE:
—can you not?
SARAH:
I don’t– I don’t know.
JOSHUA:
You have to be around her all the time. [unintelligible mumbling – speak up, Joshua]
KATE:
Alright.
JOSHUA:
No that’s what we’ve seen! We’ve seen what overexposure to Rita does. That’s what this episode has shown us, more. It’s-it’s beginning– before and after. It’s ‘oh, that’s charming!’ and then, now ‘I can’t get rid of it.’
SARAH:
No, but you couldn’t live without Rita.
JOSHUA:
No, you couldn’t.
SARAH:
You can’t. Rita’s one of a kind.
JOSHUA:
Yeah. You can drown in too much water, though…
SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.
CONDUCTOR:
You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.
We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Lynné Herman, Gray, Jaimie Gunter, and the Princess and the Scrivener for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.
This tale, Juno Steel and the Dragon’s Den, was told by the following people:
Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel,
Kate Jones as Rita,
Sarah Gazdowicz as Yasmin Swift,
Bob Mussett as Lorenzo Vega,
Simon Moody as Mayor Pilot Pereyra,
and M. Sutherland as the narrator.
On staff at The Penumbra:
Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer.
Sophie Kaner is our director and sound designer.
Grahame Turner is our script editor.
Noah Simes is our production manager.
Alice Chung is our designer and financial manager.
Original music by Ryan Vibert.
Promotional art by Mikaela Buckley.
The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.
I'm afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.
ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.
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Here’s our next creator spotlight, @pumpkinpastas ! We’re coming up on the second deadline, so keep an eye out for wips reblogged onto @penumbrazine and make sure to check out all of our talented artists!
Name: Raven
Location: New Zealand
Role: Artist
Q: What is your favorite medium to work on?
A: I love drawing digitally above all else, but just straight pencil/pen in a sketchbook is so comforting and helps me explore ideas without stressing too much
Q: Who or what has influenced your work?
A: Honestly.. as I grew up, the covers of warrior cats books, followed by artists i follow on tumblr (i wont namedrop theres too many), i’m extremely drawn to interesting composition & unique coloring in comics&illustration
Q: What is your favorite thing to draw?
A: I love to draw people, but if we’re honest ever since dungeons and dragons its gotta be tieflings
Q: What was your favorite piece to draw?
A: I wrote a few comics based on danganronpa a few months back, exploring gender and the relationships you can have with it, i think they’re my best work in regards to “storytelling”
Q: What drew you to podcasts?
A: I grew up listening to them! my parents would let me listen to the podcasts they liked to help me sleep, and as i got older i found ones i liked to listen to instead, Welcome to night vale was my first introduction to fiction podcasts
Q: What is your favorite Penumbra Podcast episode, and why?
A: It’s really difficult to choose, but i have to say The Day That Wouldn’t Die (Part 2), what Sasha says to Juno is.. not something ive ever seen tackled in any kind of story as prevalent the type of person Juno is in fiction. i think about that conversation often
Q: Who is your favorite Penumbra Podcast character, and why?
A: the easy and most typical answer has to be Juno Steel, followed by yet another with saying Peter. Juno is just.. a very honest telling of a character, and you can feel how genuine the writing is through him? Peter is just such a fascinating character and the more I think about him the more i love him :,-)
Q: Any social media you want to promote?
A: twitter.com/pumpkinpastas!
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Rules: answer the 20 question and tag 20 amazing followers you would like to get to know better.
i was tagged by @knighting-vale! even tho i didnt follow you. but tbh idk why. we’re mutals now
Name: Riley
Nickname: don’t really have one
Zodiac sign: scorpio
Height: 5'6″. my gf would have you believe i’m 5′5″ but i’m NOT. fight me
Orientation: tbh i still have no fucken clue. i love my gf
Favorite fruit: banana
Favorite season: autumn!
Favorite book series: idk about series, that’s tough. i still have a deep, unending love for Septimus Heap so let’s go with that
Favorite flower: i love roses. i’m a basic bitch
Favorite scent: barbeque tbh
Favorite colour: look at the trans pride flag. that’s my colour palette.
Favorite animals: gotta love dogs
Coffee, tea or hot cocoa: hot cocoa. the white chocolate kind, and then as much whipped cream as i can before my brother looks scandalised
Average sleep hours: like 7
Cat or dog person: Cats. dogs! but i love cats too. when they dont bite me *eyes marilyn*
Favorite fictional character: you all know i have an astonishing amount of faves but juno steel honestly owns my entire soul. dumpster fire queen of my heart
Number of blankets you sleep with: one, unless its winter, then two
Dream trip: i’d love to go on a roadtrip in the states. it would be the most terrifying experience of my life
Blog created: in 2013. back when i was a dw blog *shudders*
Number of followers: 2,800
i tag: @junonureyev @tea-dominus-rex @angelofcrazyfandoms42 @pizzadeliverypriest @uselessgaywhovian @imhereandgenderqueer @terrifying-renegade-pol @tazmilyfarmboy @singingonthebarricade @buckyshenley @happyquinncurtis @moongorillas @jmberries @gildedbadger @ezra-m @briwhosaysni
i just realised that @greaterblogston follows me?? why??? omg??? well whichever of you runs the tumblr can do this i guess. wtf. also @iamzachvalenti while we’re tagging people i cant believe follow me for some reason
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20 followers I’d like to get to know better Tagged by @rivertamit Name: Brooke Nickname: Don't. My name is one syllable. I have a pretty strong aversion to nicknames due to kids teasing me in grade school. Gender: female Star Sign: Virgo Sexual Orientation: straight Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw and proud! Favorite Color: Green. I also have this weird obsession with orange-and-blue color palates. Favorite Animal: red pandas, foxes, owls, bears. Deer are pretty cool too. Time Right Now: 10:45 EST Average Hours of Sleep: lol. Cat or Dog Person: Increasingly Cat, but that doesn't mean I don't know a good boy when I see one. Favorite Fictional Characters: Juno Steel, Bucky Barnes, Alexander Hilbert, Luna Lovegood, Hera, Jessica Jones, Loki Laufeyson, Mary Watson, and tons more that I'm probably forgetting Number of Blankets I Sleep With: one but it's gotta have weight to it Favorite Singer/Band: Twenty One Pilots Dream Trip: I want to go back to Ireland so bad. Dream Job: Anything that isn't too stressful and/or has short shifts. Current Number of Followers: 360 (no scope) When did your blog reach its peak: uh, recently I guess? Once I got into podcasts, definitely. Turns out if you start making bad fandom-specific puns, good things come your way. 20 Some followers I’d Like to get to Know Better: whoever wants to do it
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Juno Steel and Second Citadel separately for the ask game thing
TuT Thank you for sending this in, it was very fun and actually made me think hard a few times LOL.
Juno Steel
(pls note that the favourite character questions are, like, enforcing a sex binary which is kinda uncool. just know Juno is my fav character but he is nonbinary so the questions dont apply)
my favorite female character - RITA!!!!!! I love Rita so much.
my favorite male character - Peter Nureyev, naturally.
my favorite book/season/etc - I think season 1, Juno was a disaster but I miss his POV and Season 2 was really good but Peter wasn’t around? Idk. Maybe it is season 2 tho because season 2 was really good. Damn.
my favorite episode (if its a tv show) - Oh God I don’t know the names of any eps umm........ hmm.... The last episode of season 1 even tho it broke my heart? OR the last episode of season 2, like, when Rita was saving everyone and Juno couldn’t remember her name- it also broke my heart but I loveeddddd how much it meant for Juno’s relationship with Rita (and also had Nureyev striking that fucking pose on the Ruby 7 which made it all worth it)
my favorite cast member - this is hard. I gotta say Juno’s VA though because I fucking love Juno and he’s really talented okay
my favorite ship - Jupeter ffhh is that even a question
a character I’d die defending - I’m prob gonna have to die defending NUREYEV the punk ass bitch. but I love him so.
a character I just can’t sympathize with - i was about to be like “none theyre all great” but then I remembered RAMSES that BITCH. i mean on the one hand, I come close to sympathizing because i understand where he comes from but the VIOLATIONS of Juno’s autonomy and trust are just too egregious.
a character I grew to love - Vespa. I was like in love with her bc of Buddy and then we met her and i was like Hmmmmm but then i was like actually i love her again, during her ep
my notp - Uhhhhhh I really don’t know? There’s no ship that I’ve come across that i was like “fuck no”, i mean, im sure there’s possibilities of terrible ships but I’ve not come across them.
Second Citadel
how about we do that thing where you give me a show/movie/fandom and I’ll tell you:
my favorite female character - Rilla. I loveeeeee Rillaaaaaaaaaaaa.
my favorite male character - Damien :hearteyes:
my favorite book/season/etc - Um season 2 because there were only like 2 eps in Season 1, and they didn’t feature Damien or Rilla. i havent caught up with s3 yet sghkjk
my favorite episode (if its a tv show) - hhhhhh. Um. The first one where we are introduced to Damien and Rilla, and Damien meets Arum. and also the part of the finale that was centered on Damien exclusively. Shout Out to whatever episode it is that Rilla’s on Monster Trial and she’s like “I accidentally fell in love with your Weapons Creator who is a Lizard and I would like to Kiss His Mouth”
my favorite cast member - Um.... I don’t know? They’re all very good actors.
my favorite ship - Damien/Rilla/Arum but I would die for Quanyii and Caroline
a character I’d die defending - I don’t know why I’d need to, but, Damien.
a character I just can’t sympathize with - hm............ Queen Mirra? Like, the Second Citadel has some REALLY fucked up ideologies and I’m sure they pre-date her, but, well, she’s obviously inherently complacent in that at best and she could be doing a Lot more to, yknow, have the Citadel be a less hostile place for, uh, Gays. and also monsters, though, I wouldn’t hold my breath on that much.
a character I grew to love - HMM. Okay, so, on the One Hand, I’d say I loved Caroline instantly but she TESTS ME EVERY DAY, so I’m just gonna talk about her for a second. especially when it comes to Rilla, Caroline makes me Mad. I am still pissed off at how she just........ forced Rilla to walk on a broken leg for days and showed her so little sympathy for, like, no reason!! “oh you’re a traitor to the crown” like whatever, that’s not even close to a good enough excuse for how she acted towards Rilla. She’s also a huge hypocrite. But still, I loved her as soon as we met her and I still do.
my notp - I haven’t really seen many things being shipped for this, either, tbh. I have been avoiding the tags because I’m still not caught up, lol. So as of now I have none!
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