#gonna make it one of those big story posts so prob lots of scenes n lore!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coramvobis · 3 years

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Imagine an South Korea!AU where Seo Dan and Seri are both chaebols... (part 1 because this is getting out of hand)

Obvs, Seri and Jeong Hyeok are married already bc this STORY IS ABOUT DAN AND HER HAPPINESS SO TAKE A BACK SEAT BINJIN.

Jeong Hyeok, pianist, whatever. Sickeningly in love with Seri. Seri is basically the same as CLOY, just got the man AND IS BEST FRIENDS WITH DAN EVEN THO DAN WOULD NEVER SAY IT OUT LOUD

My boy Seung Joon, a poor boy who’s living in a shitty small ass closet of an apartment. He’s just gotten fired from his job bc he prob gives out free shit or something to old ladies and loses profit or whatever that he did as a job

Now Dan is obvs CEO of you guessed it, her moms cosmetic department store but imagine it’s like a chain now and it’s big and international. That’s prob how she met Seri, two strong women in the business. Instead of competing they got together and TAKE DOWN ANY MAN WHO THINKS THEY CAN WALK OVER THEM

So Dan, workaholic, doesn’t take care of herself very well bc she wanna make her moms company the best she can. Doesn’t date v often and so her mom is like dan u need to go out more!!! You can’t just hole up in your office everyday, you’re at the perfect age for marriage and kids!!

Dan, not having it, bc single is the new trend right? (IM CRYING) basically brushes her mom off n was like I don’t need that kind of burden right now and was like I don’t have time to cater to a mans ego where they want to be the alpha and like her to be a docile housewife. And listed all the things that she doesn’t wanna deal with when being with a guy.

Mom, I swear she’s my fave, like second to seo dan. Mom being the smart ass bitch that she is, went and posted an ad, like discreetly Ofc, looking for a stay at home husband. And proceed to like list all the requirements.

Guess what. seung joon saw the ad and was like this sounds fun and totally replied to the ad. Not knowing it’s for like a fucking millionaire or whatever.

Comes the day of interview, mom went thru all the candidates, some were plain ugly (dan has taste and she doesn’t want her grand babies to b ugly), some were creepy (like srsly), and some just outright lied on their app and did NOT in fact want to be a stay at home husband but wants to “fix” her daughter.

So this is where our boy seung Joon comes in right. With his charming suave self and a killer smile, charmed the pants off mom and landed himself a trial period of 6 months.

U might be wondering. After mom set it all up, she went to see Dan and told her the good news. Dan was HELLLLAAA PISSED Ofc and was like MOM WTF DID U DO. Moms like I found u a suitable candidate! And bc nobody can out argue her mom, dan is like ok fine, I’ll try it for 6 months but if it doesn’t work out u can’t interfere in my personal life ever again. Mom Ofc agreed bc mom knows everything.

So fastforward.

Seung Joon is literally the perfect stay at home husband(fiancé???). He realized this is literally his dream life. He gets to live with a gorgeous woman and take care of her and don’t have to work????

Every day seung joon would cook her breakfast (which dan is like ??? Bc her breakfast was a cup of coffee), prepare her lunch with like a cute lil note about how he hopes her day is going well, or not to forget to take a break, or something cheesy n cute ok. Like it just shows he cares. When dan comes home he’d have dinner ready and he would b like the devoted husband and ask about her day n everything (Ofc at the beginning she’s prob like only replying with one word or two, then slowly she starts to say a little more when she realized he actually wanna hear about her day.) when dan stays late at the office, he would bring dinner to her and stay just enough to watch her finish dinner. Then one day he just shows up to pick her up from work BY WAITING OUTSIDE HER BUILDING UNTIL SHE COMES OUT. And so after that dan just sends him a txt when she’s about to leave so he doesn’t have to sit and wait. And SEUNG JOON BECAME HER DRIVER TOO. They just spend a lot of time together ok. Whenever Dan isn’t working, he tries to be with her. Bc he’s in love.

Lbr seung joon fell in love with her like at first sight ok. He just wants to know everything about her and wants to care for her and just make sure she knows she’s not alone and she can rely on him too bc he’s there for her and her only. He wants to be the person that she depends on, the person she shares her thought and emotions with. He wants to make her happy.

So they ended up with a routine of sorts. They started texting each other throughout the day (ok seung joon txts her and she just subconsciously smiles at it bc it’s always something stupid or flirty or just something so very seung joon, but she secretly like it even tho she doesn’t know why)

Seung joon takes her on spontaneous little dates when she’s free. He makes sure she’s having fun, he tried to teach her how to make food once and it ended terribly but it was hilarious and they were LAUGHING AND JUST CUTE.

I can’t.

Six month mark coming up right. Seung joon knew already like two months in or something when dan started warming up to him that he wants this. He wants this for as long as he can. He wants to marry her bc she’s amazing and literally a goddess. She’s exactly his type (TEARS R STREAMIMG DOWN MY FACE) so he used the little savings he’s got and went and bought this cute ring right. Not the biggest diamond. It’s nothing flashy but pretty. It’s pretty and sophisticated and it reminds him of dan. So he’s got it all planned right.

On the last day of the 6 months period, Seung joon made like this romantic ass dinner for dan. Decorated the place and all. Made it look a+. They had a rly nice time n they were so comfortable (dan even laughed at one of his jokes and he felt like he was on top of the world). The night was winding down. Seung joon was getting nervous but Dan’s fave song came on and it was Time.

So he reached for Dan’s hand and started his whole speech (you know the one. The one on the bridge where we all just died a little bc damn that’s cute) and at the end, he kneel in front of her with the ring between his thumb and forefinger. AND ASKED IF SHE WILL HAVR HIM AS HER HUSBAND BC HE WANTS TO SPEND HIS LIFE MAKIMG HER AS HAPPY AS SHE MAKES HIM.

Dan, not knowing that Seung joon was actually going to do this, was SHOOK. She thought they both knew it wasn’t gonna be like a Marriage thing after the 6 months but here he is. On one knee. Looking at her with those soft eyes.

She wrapped her hand over the ring and Seung joons hand and frowned. Ofc. Seung joon knew what that meant but a little bit of him still HOPED LIKE I HOPED THEY WOULDNT KILL HIM and dan said no. She can’t marry him. She was sorry but he’s like don’t apologise right. Bc even tho he’s like dead ass heart broken, he doesn’t wanna hear her apologise to him about this. So he got up, put the ring back into his pocket, and started cleaning up the dinner table like nothing happened. He told Dan to go rest n shower like it was just another regular night with them.

Ofc. The next day, Seung joon is GONE GONE GONE. he left a little card that says thank you on it but nothing else. All of his things r gone.

Dan’s mom called n was like SO HOW DID IT GO. And dan just tells her that Seung joon is gone. He proposed and she said no. And he left.

AND SCENE. tbc

#crash landing on you #seo dan #gu seung joon #gu seung jun #I literally don’t have time to write a fic but #fuck #the feels caught me off guard again #I’ll never be over how dirty they did to my girl seo dan #she deserves the world #and in my world seri n dan r bffs and not fighting over a boy #chicks b4 dicks #shit I wrote

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sanchoyo · 4 years

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Looks like you’re gonna have to gush some more cuz I meant in general uwu🌸

🌺😌🤟 Always happy to! Okay here’s just some General bnha Thoughts ™ Mostly Lov centric. You asked for them, and you said GUSH about them, so here’s. A Lot! :)

This isn’t a lov one but it’s really funny so I thought I’d put it out there:

-when bnha was first gaining traction on tumblr, it was all art of Tsuyu. I have no idea why. People were talking about the funky frog lesbian superhero anime. Maybe it was just the people I was following, maybe it was a general trend, but I LOVED her design!!! my fav color and frogs r super cute!!! And I already loved superhero media, so I was like. I’ll watch it. For Her. SO. FROPPY IS THE REASON I WATCHED/READ BNHA. I went in thinking she was the protag and I was sooo confused when Izuku was... tbh I still think it’d be more interesting if she was lmaooo aus where? ...seriously if anyone has good aus where this is the case send them LOL

-I don’t actually feel that bad abt what Shigaraki’s doing. I still feel bad for him. I’m this post. yes im an apologist. its not my fault hes sexy and has been running around shirtless. hes a lesbian icon like thor is. I want to touch his hair. hes never done anything wrong in his life. he could kill all might, deku, bakugo, whatever, I’d still be sayin this. I don’t feel bad for gt. like. was anyone genuinely attached to him? lmao

-well u know how spinner’s quirk is just sticking to things? We haven’t seen him use it in canon except like, (1) time iirc?? I think this is probably bc he’s embarrassed about it even in front of the league... I loooove the idea that he gets more comfortable with it around them :”) and also how shigaraki. um. does that falling asleep thing while standing up with his eyes open, canonly? (which I still love lmfao) Imagine someone in the league walking in a dark room, turning on the light n just seeing. Spinner upside down, stuck to the ceiling asleep bc heat rises and its Warmer Up There. (cold blooded thing like tsuyu?? come ON give him a big fuzzy coat and scarf...) and Shigaraki in the center of the room, slouched but still standing, eyes open and motionless. Theyre both sleeping. Whomever sees it just...slowly walks out. LMAO

-Toga roller derby au. No deep thoughts I just think she’d be good at it.

-Toga 100% is a social butterfly and could befriend anyone if they didn’t just judge the fact she was trying to stab them smh :/ (ok but seriously anytime I see cute friendships with her n the other kids im like :) aw. I feel like her and Camie...would be good friends. Camie feels chill enough to be like ‘ok whatever thats totally fine I forgive you!!’ LMAO we love airheads here)

-HOW DID TOGA GET SO GOOD AT FIGHTING? We know she’s been on the run since middle school or so, but good enough to pin Deku down after he’s been formally trained at a ~hero school~ for a while? (she pinned him TWICE I think, once when his arms were messed up, but, the other time as Camie, so? AND THEN WAS ONE OF THE 100 PEOPLE TO GO THRU TO THE 2ND ROUND OF THAT? even tho she didn’t bc she had to leave) good enough to beat Aizawa in a fight and stab him? A professional hero and teacher for YEARS? Is that seriously just street training??? Can people acknowledge how amazing her combat skills and reflexes are??? More Toga appreciation when?? Also her backstory??? SO subversive and incredible, hate when people reduce her to just a ~typical anime yandere~ :/

-Tomura doing stuff with his hands/fingers to train his quirk!!! And to learn to be careful with it!! obv I’m a Big Fan of him playing piano to do this and video games are prob the canon answer, but like, guitar or any stringed instrument that requires Hands would work too. Or knitting/sewing? EMBROIDERING? ??? Please, let me give you the mental image of him knitting aggressively while mentally scheming, watching a twitch streamer or smth too while doing it. (Doing stuff with your hands is a great way to let your mind come up with creative stuff, that’s how I come up with writing/drawing ideas 70% of the time)

-Tomura actually PREFERS cutesty, relaxing games. I mean, he does fighting and bloody stuff irl, games are a way to relax...he’ll play shooters and gta type games with The Lads, but. on his own?? animal crossing. pokemon. kirby games. mario. zelda. BIG ZELDA FAN (not saying this bc I, personally, am biased, but,) slime rancher, stardew valley, funny simulator games... he really enjoys those :”) God forbid he has a kid bc they’re 100% getting named after a viddy game character unless someone can talk him out of it LOL. Toga and Tomura are that animal crossing /doom meme where she’d be asking for doom and him asking for animal crossing :”)

-Bits and pieces of Before are kinda stuck in Kurogiri’s brain, but like. mostly useless stuff the doctor didn’t care about removing. Like, types of clouds. So Tomura kinda picks up on stuff like that. He can just look at clouds and tell you what type they are because Kurogiri used to take him up to high places in the city and point them out to calm Tomura down from a panic attack when he was younger. He can tell you if the sky looks like it’ll rain with a 80% accuracy rate too.

-Kurogiri left food out for kitties in the alley beside the bar. They weren’t allowed in for Health Reasons (it IS a bar with sanitation standards!!) And Tomura really wouldn’t stop it or encourage it either way so long as Kurogiri did his job, but occasionally would stand outside with Kurogiri and just watch the kitties from a distance. If any approached he’d go back in (lowkey afraid he’d hurt them by touching them :( ) They kinda kept that between them tho, bc they both Know AFO is a big bag of dicks and no fun

-people have pointed out how similar aizawa and tomura look. this was 100% the intention. tomura has a hatecrush on him. THIS IS SO FUNNY AND HORRIBLY AWKWARD FOR KUROGIRI LMAO

-Sako??? Mr. Dramatic?? Opera fan. Drama kid. Like, obviously, but. Really. He is. I feel like he can speak a dozen languages. I also feel like he used to be an overachiever but got too ambitious. He was def some kind of leader at one point of a diff Group or something that fell apart. I LOVE how creative he is with his quirk and the magician theme??? incredible. I don’t show him enough love but I Love Clowns :o)

-I don’t care what their canon heights are. Spinner and Dabi? short kings. My height hcs are (tallest to shortest) Kurogiri, Twice, Sako (who also has heels on his boots and a tall hat, keep in mind), Tomura, Magne (Tomura and Magne are about the same height imo) Toga, Spinner, Dabi. LISTEN. Dabi has short energy. Sorry. it’s true tho

-This is a semi-popular hc I think bc I KNOW I’ve seen it before, but Dabi having Terrible Vision and needing glasses is so so good. (seriously, with burns THAT close to his eyeballs, how could he not?)

-he tries to be a tough loner coolguy. you’d think he’d smoke, but I hc his ‘weak constitution’ comes with weak lungs (esp from years of a flame quirk?? inhaling smoke over so much time is SO bad for you, most people who die in fires actually die of smoke inhalation...) so he’s got like, an inhaler, can’t smoke, actually gets carsick, needs glasses, overuses quirk to save friends constantly, likes napping, a little awkward and rude. Tomura put him in charge of the vanguard so he’s smart, and good with strategies too, like a nerd. this is the Dabi I wanna see, not the popular fandom version of him tbh also step on hawks one more time sir :”)

-I wish all the lov fics weren’t?? villain!deku like I said earlier, but also, chatfics? I have nothing against them but most of them are just a bombardment of Memes with NO PLOT!!! Listen. text/chatfics CAN have plot and be an interesting way to tell a story. I almost want to write one just to show what I mean...

I know I’ve said I like spinaraki and blackmagic, but I am a multishipper, so a few ships I don’t talk about that I like that involve the lov in some way:

-toga/any of the 1A girls??? or Camie??? super interesting. ALSO in the radio drama, bakugo’s voice actor said Toga was his favorite girl??? so?? bakugo/toga ?? I WANT TO SEE IT. but specifically my fav dynamic with her is when someone ELSE is the one to like her first, it’s what she deserves.

-Kurogiri/aizawa/mic?? any variety of that is also 👌🏻 I also kinda wanna see kurogiri/all might bc. Dads. COME ON. they bond over ‘well, I raised him, and you want to have a part in his life now?? ok. earn it. prove it. I’ll screen you first’ or something LMAO they’re both genuinely concerned for the boy, and SOOO biased. let them bond.

-WAIT WHERE IS THE MIC/COMPRESS CONTENT. THEYRE BOTH DRAMATIC. ENEMIES TO LOVERS?? HELLO??? SOMEONE?? ANYONE. rarepair hours

-giran/twice is cute. like he was hyping him up so much and so ready to go save him...

-dabi/magne where is the content. when. why not everywhere??? I’ve also seen magne/compress which was cute!! or twice/magne? they’re the big sibs of the lov...

-dabi/spinner?? come ON dabi could get over his learned biases and spend time with him and they could hold hands. I want them to.

-dabihawks. Obviously bc the Drama. yes even still, don’t @ me. (also, shigahawks, seen some REAL interesting fics with it tbh) or spinahawks?? adding hawks to a ship is like adding extra chili powder. makes it SPICY dramatic)

-nine/tomura don’t @ me once again. both kinda afo’s playthings, nine obviously was the test for tomura’s new upgrades...they both love their friends...That Scene in the Flower field </3 hmmm tragicships are fun.

-tomura/mirko. more enemies to lovers. big fan of her and bunnies. remember when he wore bunny ears in bnha smash. (ok its crack but. CUTE.)

-I’ve also seen shiganatsu and shigafuyu and I’m like. these are cute, but also Dabi’s reaction always makes me cry laugh. so good.

-MOST EVERYONE IN THE LOV IS LGBTQA+!!! heres my personal headcanons:

Toga: pan or bi (CANON BASICALLY)

Magne: transwoman (CANON BABEY) bi, leans towards men. (her crush on dabi in bnha smash... uwu content where)

Shuichi: gets sooooo flustered canonly, I think he’d go for the first person Who Hit On Him (I can see him being the target of those mean pranks where someone says ‘my friend likes you!!’ and the friend is like ‘eww!!’ :(((( ) he’s super hesitant for romance, lots of repressed stuff. gay but takes sooo long to realize it bc he thinks most women are conventionally pretty Aesthethically, feels obligated to Like Them, but has bad self esteem so never goes after them, then only likes (1) guy so hes like?? is this allowed?? is this allowed???? (HES LIKE. IN LOVE WITH SHIGARAKI)

Dabi: bi but rly hasn’t ever gotten to date anyone, so he’s actually more reserved about it and while he’ll tease, he absolutely is absent and kinda oblivious (again, I KNOWWWW bnha smash isnt canon, but. my god. when magne is hitting on him and he Just Doesnt Understand.) also hes ace

Tomura: doesn’t care. (just prob says ‘its whatever’) trans/nonbinary (i’M NOT PROJECTING, BUT. :’/) probably goes with like, the label queer if any but doesn’t care much for labels

Kurogiri: bi??? kind of??? I say kind of bc well, I hc U Know Whom as bi, I feel like thatd carry over but he’d be really avoidant to date anyone bc hes gotta Watch His Kid u know? this is gonna sound surprising but I think he’d be the type to be like ‘ok we can have a one night stand/fling BUT it cant get personal bc I have a Job to Do for my Son so don’t get up in your feelings’ and act a little coldly at first or very ..not personable... depending on who it was he’d prob turn around eventually, esp if that person valued his feelings/job :”)

Sako: that mans Not Straight. I hc him as gay and also trans :3c

Twice: Bi and HAS dated prob more than anyone else in the league imo, super comfortable with his sexuality and supportive of everyone else’s :)

ok that’s about all I can think of atm, come back in 5 minutes and my brain will refill with lov headcanons :3 thank you for asking!!

#bnha manga spoilers #bnha #sanchoyoanswersasks #league of villains #lov #i am NOt tagging all of them im so sorry its Too Much #but ask to tag #for triggers #if anyone needs them tagged #?#long post #word wall #bananaapplewaffle #im pretty amicable to most ships n stuff and love rare/crack ships lmao #also if anyone has their own headcanons #and wants to share #feel free!#love hearin them too

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madebycoffee · 3 years

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if nobody has asked for all of them yet i am here to do that with 1 brain cell (also sorry if this is a lot of work i am genuinely curious skdjfbd)

Oh hey let me finally answer this 💀💀I had written half and then i exited out of the window and gave up. ily paige. answering for gianlerette and the simblr lol

1. Do you hide any secrets in your stories that only a few people will find? G: In the Behind the Scenes posts I do hint at things. Most of the time it’s just vague dialogue that I throw everywhere. I love being vague af. S: And same with the Simblr. Vague dialogue everywhere. but in general I figure no one is paying attention close enough to notice anything huehuehehue

2. Sims writing has a visual component. How do you utilize color/objects and settings in your stories? G: I don’t do that too much as far as color. I mean, there are specific cc creators that I use for specific contestants (sentate cc is Val and Savnannah thru and thru lol) (oh and darte for gian but more so keith) Mostly I just use what looks ~aesthetic~ to me lol. S: I use photo filters in editing more for a visual aspect! Cool toned things for things that either are set at night, or when things get Sad(tm) Usually I always use a magenta one for Whitney. That’s really the most that I do. (For those interested, the Gianlerette also uses a magenta photo filter for all posts and the Behind the Scenes posts don’t have a filter.)

3. Which process do you dedicate more time to, editing visuals or editing your writing? Why? G: I take a lot more time editing the photos with the writing on them. It takes me so long and it makes me hella understand why on my simblr I put the text in the tumblr post lol. S: And for the Simblr I spend more time writing as well. Editing visuals are p simple if I’m not putting text on them lul.

4. What scenes do you find hardest to write? G: R O M A N C E. It’s really hard for me to feel like I’m actually writing a believable budding romance. It always takes me the longest, and I always write and re write. It’s a struggle. I often feel like I’m just writing some nonsense from a romcom.... The longer this goes on the longer it’s gonna take me lmao. S: Same as above, but also anything that gets close to technical. Medical stuff, technical stuff. I do my best to research but I still struggle with it.

5. Are there any scenes in your story that you enjoy re-reading? G: So far I haven’t gone back and read anything, I’m sure that when this is all over I’ll love to go back and read through all of the beginning surrounding the winning ladee. S: I love going back to the very beginning, and then I also love re-reading from the beginning on any character I’m really vibing with. Currently it’s Whitney. She’s my fave on my leggo, and the other night I scrolled back to the beginning of her tag and reminisced.

6. Are there any scenes you wish you could go back and re-write? G: So far no! My original plan for the fitness challenge in posts, would have been dodgeball (and Trina def would have taken a dodgeball to the tit lmaoOOOO) But rn everything looks good to me. S: YE, it’s from a long time ago but my Gen 2 heir finally ~getting together~ with her man I wanted to have it set up on the beach in Willow Creek over in the area where the two big lots are. Those lots were where they grew up and such. At the time I didn’t know how to pose couples off lots so I ended up staging the scene at a nightclub. But that’s oki.

7. Do you have any characters you believe might be misunderstood by your readers? For both: IDK I don’t think so.

9. Are you writing with a deadline in mind to complete the story? G: Oh yiss, there’s an end in sight. Granted It probably won’t be for a year from watching how long it’s taken other people to run these kind of challenges, but still. After the GIanlerette is wrapped, IDK how much I’ll post concerning him after that yknow? We’ll see tho!! S: Hooooo on my first post on my simblr it says “10 generations” I’m currently on 3 after 3 years.... so we’ll see on that one too lmao.

10. If you could choose to be one of your characters for a day, which one would it be? G: Let me be Rochelle pulling all the strings and knowing e v e r y t h i n g about everyone. I mean that’s essentially what I’m doing but I’d like to do it in a nice pantsuit. S: I think I would opt to be one of the kids that are not yet born in my leggo lmao. Give me some truly ignorant bliss lololo.

11. What are some elements you think are becoming cliché in the genre you’re writing? G: OOF. Going on vacation to Sulani with the final contestants lmao. For the record that’s not where any of the top ladies will be traveling. What with Snowy Escape coming out soon AND the fact that I wrote it into the story that Gian wants to go to Selvadorada. There’s probably others but :shrug: S: Unknowing Pregnant Person Throws Up and Then Realizes What’s Up. Am I about to run that cliché again in my legacy soon??? You’re DAMN RIGHT I AM. I love me a good cliché tbh.

14. What is something that you think most of your readers might miss? G: I think people probs miss the dynamic trio of Noor, Magnus, & Gian. And sometimes I feel like I’m not writing Gian as good as Cam did lmaoooo. There is something magical about how you wrote my boi. S: So far no one BIG BIG has died yet, so there isn’t much to miss. But also i now no one is as invested as I am lol so it’s not a big deal.

if u got through all of that congratulations

#asks #FINALLY #I felt like such a dumbass when i exited out of this #lol #thenks paige #galakzee

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spacejew · 4 years

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oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry

#personal #capn whitey #tw death #i guess

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ham-lin-ton · 7 years

Text

Post hamilton feelings

okay so i just got back from NY today and hamilton was AMAZING! ngl i was a little afraid it wouldn’t live up to the hype, but the hype is Real y’all!! my full hamilton #Review is below and feel free to shoot an ask or a msg if you have questions or just wanna Yell with me about it, i still have a lot of feelings and Opinions. and besides for hamilton, NY in general was ofc amazing! it’s so big and loud and bright and beautiful!! the buildings were so cool looking i felt like such a tourist taking pics of all the buildings and shit but i couldn’t help it, i loved the #Aesthetic so much. i had so much good food and cocktails! we toured the morgan museum and library and it was so cool to see all these old documents and abstract art. the strand was so cool, i bought a second hand vintage aesop's fables book and a cool hamilton themed canvas bag, i honestly could have spent all my money there. we p much walked from midtown (our hotel was in hells kitchen) to lower manhattan (west village) all day on the 31st and the rooftop party on new years eve was so cool! the empire state building was all lit up and was right there. if you got my snapchat you probs saw the pics and the following drunk snaps... there was an open bar, so i had a good time lmaoo

okay first of the theatre is beautiful, and i had front mezzanine seats so i was on the 2nd level. my view was great, i could see everyone clearly and i only had to lean forward a little bit because of the dude in front of me and his fat head.

okay im gonna get my criticisms out of the way first so i can get back to gushing. now some parts i wasn’t quite sold on was thayne jasperson as laurens/philip and seth stewart as lafayette/jefferson.

now i’ll be honest i love jordan fisher okay so im maybe a bit biased here lmao. he’s a babe and i love his voice so much (if you haven’t heard lin and jordan fisher doing your welcome, 10/10 would recommend), so when i saw that jordan wasn’t playing my boi john laurens that night i was disappointed, ngl. i really wanted to like thayne, i really did. but. he just.... did Not do it for me. his voice is very...young and boyish sounding. higher pitched and almost squeaky in parts. it suited him well as philip when he’s playing a child but as john laurens?.....ehhhhh. he just could not sing out those smooth crooner melodies like anthony ramos and i kinda felt like he trying too hard to sound like anthony. also thayne is....very white. and tbh the line “but we’ll never be truly free until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me... wait till I sally in on a stallion with the first black battalion” just did not have the same bite coming from a little white boy.

as for seth stewart.... his lafayette was a bit forced. the accent was kinda jarring and distracting. during my shot he was really rushing it. i felt like he was trying to take it too fast and bust out those guns n ships level raps right away. when the whole point is that lafayette is unsure with english at first so he’s a bit slower and more hesitant but then by guns and ships he busts out with that IMTAKINGTHISHORSEBYTHEREINSMAKINGREDCOATSREDDERWITHBLOODSTAINS! and you’re like whooooooa! character development!!! and that did not quite happen. i was impressed that seth actually managed to pull of those guns n ships raps really well tho. so his lafayette didn’t quite do it for me, but his jefferson was amazing! jefferson has moves and swagger lol! you like him but you kinda hate that you sort of like the guy cause he’s an asshole, but he’s also charmed you a bit as well. you’re kinda sitting there like WAIT i don’t wanna like this guy but i sort of do!!

keep in mind that i have no other comparison other than the soundtrack and watching the bootleg a couple times. i was overall impressed at how true to the soundtrack it sounded!! the voices that really stood out to me were javier munoz (hamilton), brandon victor dixon (burr), nicholas christopher (washington), andrew chappelle (he’s a switch for p much all the parts but that night he played herc/madison), and mandy gonzalez (angelica). everyone was amazing but these people just really jumped out at me

javi is really enjoyable as hamilton, like i do enjoy lmm’s voice but let’s face it y’all he’s a rapper and a writer at heart, he doesn’t have those traditional broadway pipes. he still moves you and hits you right in the gut with his voice, but it is unique and distinctive, especially on broadway. so hearing javi, a objectively better singer, do hamilton was very refreshing and enjoyable. he also brings so much passion and intensity to the role and almost like a mischievous? quality as well.

dixon as burr was also very good... the burr songs (wait for it and room where it happens) were def like the highlights of the show. dixon kind of has more of a rapper quality to his voice than leslie odom jrs’ burr, who has that velvet and smoke jazz singer kind of voice. wait for it utterly took my breath away. he starts off so calm and controlled and by the crescendo he is passionate and intense, enraged even. it’s the most worked up you see burr and it’s amazing to see him go from 100 to 0 and bring it all back down to the burr like calm and control that we see all the time with him.... dixons voice was so strong and intense and when it ends and he’s standing there in darkness with just the lone light shining on him and quietly whispers “....wait for it”... ahhhh! one of my fave burr moments was how during aaron burr, sir at the line “you wanna get ahead?” burr grabs hams plain brown jacket he’s wearing at the time and like gestures and looks at it like really? you expect to get ahead looking like THIS

nicholas christopher had such a stage presence! and it’s amusing to notice that he is literally the only person in the show who can seem to say no to Ham outright. i also loved his Look, hes bald and has a big beard and when he comes out in right hand man banishing the sword it looked so badass. one last time was so intense and i was impressed that nicholas christopher managed to pull of those chris jackson runs, he sounded almost exactly like chris jackson on the soundtrack

andrew chappelle is also one of my faves, his hercules was amazing and he pulled of the swagger and presence really well but he really shone as madison. he adds so much sass and exasperation to madison, especially when it comes to jefferson. you really get the sense of him just humoring jefferson

now someone who REALLY blew the roof of the place with their voice alone was mandy gonzalez. she also played Nina in In the heights, and now she plays angelica. satisfied was one of the best parts and her voice just filled the whole theatre til it was bursting!! and the choreography and use of the turntables during satisfied was impressive, they literally rewind everything to how the scene is set during helpless when angelica, eliza, and ham meet.

speaking of hamilton and eliza omg, they were so cute??? like they’re so sweet with each other and are almost always constantly touching hands or touching in some way when near each other, which makes it that much more sad later when during non stop he tears his hands away from eliza (and angelica too) and during quiet uptown when hamilton tries to hold elizas hand and she jerks her hand away from his. another thing about quiet uptown was that when eliza decides to forgive him, hamilton is pretty much breaking down. like his shoulders are shaking and he’s openly crying and eliza is standing there impassively coldly ignoring him until she holds his hand and they turn to each other.

rory o’malley is delightful as king george, he is so petulant and ridiculous that you can’t help but laugh he had the whole theatre cracking up.

alysha deslorieux and peggy/maria was amazing! she has the same smooth low quality to it that jasmine has and say no to this was actually quite sexy. the soundtrack does not do it justice. hamilton and maria kiss pretty deeply with a lot of heat for like 10 seconds and during that part where hamilton is practically moaning “yes! yes! yes!” yea maria is essentially giving him a lapdance at that part, it was a very sensual scene.

parts i cried/teared up during (yes i am weak and emo okay)

-helpless

-satisfied

-wait for it

-that would be enough

-dear theodosia

-the laurens interlude

-one last time

-hurricane

-burn

-it’s quiet uptown

-best of wives and best of women

-who lives who dies who tells your story

#alex speaks #nyc #hamilton

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