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toasttz · 5 years

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How to make games: MMORPGs

Hey, you! Does your current job not fill enough of your life with soul-crushing misery? Have you ever stopped to consider 'man, I wish I could get into a line of work that involved me wasting more time away from home and friends but I would have to pay infinity dollars for the experience'? I have to say that's a very particular set of tastes, but I play Mei in Overwatch too, so I understand having a weird sadist/masochist relationship with our gaming experiences. I'd also say that it sounds like you're in the market for an MMORPG, which is good because that's what we'll be talking about today! Making an MMORPG is easy, since it requires literally less effort than the last two genres we've covered: no one actually expects you to innovate past the good-old WoW standard of gameplay. So steal the most generic Tolkien stereotypes you can bring together, but leave out all that "Jesus" and "patriotism" stuff that accompanied Tolkien's work, because our primary market is going to be east-Asian countries and 13 year olds with money burning holes in their pockets. Making a character creator is as easy as going through the process of making one yourself, as you start with the obvious stuff like species. Species should include, but never exceed: Humans who are neither good nor bad at anything (but called some kind of stupid fantasy name), Elves for sissy magic users, Dwarves for your tanks, some kind of dragon hybrid for the fucking furry degenerates, and the obligatory Sexy Race which you'll slap all over your ads that show up on the sides and bottoms of webpages when viewed by morons who don't know what AdBlock is for. If the above doesn't address it, you should also pick a class, so just steal them from early D&D: Fighter, Mage, Cleric, Thief, etc. No more than that - gotta save room for those sweet, sweet expansion packs so you can fleece your players for "Monthly Server Maintenance Fees" in addition to the price of the game. Never mind that 'sever maintenance' is just ripping out old HDDs and putting in new ones and that HDDs are dirt-fucking cheap, you need to fleece these fuckers for gold like your name was Jason. (That's a smart joke.) Your art style should revolve around the most generic mono-themes you can steal assets for, preferably in the Unity engine since that won't make it look like unabashed shit or anything. For music, just hit royalty free music websites, because everyone's just gonna put Youtube in the background when they play anyways, so fuck it. We got money to earn and gameplay to digest, so let's get what your players can expect. Remember, making each class distinct is important as all members of a given party operate like different members of a family unit. For instance: DPS Roles are the family dog. They get excited easily and rush into situations without regard for life or limb, usually making way more noise than they have earned any right to make. They think they're the leader of the party since they insist on being front and center of every encounter even though they are not. Tank Roles are the Asian helicopter moms. They feel the need to live vicariously through their DPS compatriots because the damage they dish out is, frankly, paltry and any time the situation isn't about them - they make it about them somehow. They believe they are the leaders of the party, though they obviously rarely have control over the most immediate threats, let alone the entire party of sociopaths. Support Roles are the stern fathers. They can't immediately intervene on the behalves of the above roles no matter how much they want to, so they stand back and grant all the help they can muster and, at best, will be largely ignored despite the fact that their movements will dictate the pace, flow, and results of combat above all others. They will only be recognized for what they do when they fail in their tasks, which makes this metaphor hit a bit too close to home for most. Just remember: Supports who aren't active in their party are every Raid Boss's future wingman. Don't come crying to me when your DPS Daughteru comes home dating one of those degenerate dragon-people! Anyways, the pacing of the game is paramount, since making an "end" of an MMORPG is essentially illegal, so you need to make it so it's easy to get to somewhere between levels 30-50 before you just start scaling things on a logarithmic basis. For those who don't math good like what I do: your first three level ups should happen more or less instantly upon completion of the tutorial and the players should be able to make good progress over the next few dozen levels as they play with their friends and make larger parties for stronger instances. However, you're not gonna be wringing any monthly server fees out of these plebs if you make it that easy on them, so around level 40-ish or so, just start slapping higher multiplier values on the Exp. required to level up to the point where solar eclipses happen with greater regularity than the "LEVEL UP" chime. By the time players hit this wall, they'll make one of three choices: that they will persist through the grind because the game is literally all they do outside of work now, they will ragequit (and hopefully forget to cancel their credit card subscription to the game with some luck!), or they'll resort to the premium cash shop. What, you didn't know your MMO needed a premium cash shop? Well it does, wake up and smell the lack of ethics, game dev! For some paltry sum between 1 and infinity bucks, your players can buy some kind of in-game premium currency, as mentioned in my gacha explanation. In fact the comparisons here are apt as this, too, is morally dubious and really is for trying to wrench even more money out of your players for something that they can rest more or less assured that you aren't gonna update meaningfully until Halley's Comet passes through the solar system again. However, for some amount of this premium currency, they should be allowed super powerful weapons and armors that completely invalidate any sense of pacing up until the low 70s level range. This will help them play further into the mindless grind until they are playing at least for a few months (worth of fees) time. Once hopelessly addicted, they'll slog through the remaining 30 levels or so of grind, ideally. All other premium currency items should be cosmetics - preferably cosmetics with expiration dates so you can fleece them for their fashionista tendencies repeatedly. If you have any pangs that make you think this might be "not exactly on-the-level", hey, you're right! You're really getting the hang of modern game design! After that, it's time make expansion packs! The beauty of this is that not only have they paid for the base game and monthly fees, but now they get to buy the game ALL OVER AGAIN! Slap on a few extra islands and some quests to populate them and sometimes raise the level cap. The design is the easy part. The name is where you will likely struggle. However, using our advanced scientific algorithms, we have deduced that the ideal title should follow the template: "Adjective Noun Adjective" plus or minus a definitive article and a couple of "Of"s. Do you not know what those are? That probably means you're at the right IQ level to actively make MMOs! Or to play them! Oh yeah, every second expansion pack you should add an additional class - preferably one that invalidates the classes of an earlier build, so as to subtly 'encourage' making a new character. But the prereqs for getting these should be difficult to the point of patent absurdity. After all, you can't class change to a "Bumtickler" until you get that level 85 Pirate! Congrats! You're a soulless monster who cares naught for their fellow man. You are now a living example of gaining the world and losing your soul. I hope the Faustian bargain was worth it. You're welcome.

#satire #video games #games #MMORPG

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furiousharmonykryptonite-blog1 · 6 years

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Good car insurance price for teens?

"Good car insurance price for teens?

Im 16 and I just got my license. My dad told me the insurance agent said its going to cost $130. I dont think that is including drivers education discount and good grades discount. How much discount a month you think Ill get and is that a good price? (Im getting a Nissan Xterra)

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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it think its only the opposite way, good grades make your insurance cost less if you get the good student discount. but if you have bad grades does it make it cost more?""

How much does insurance usually pay off if your car is deemed totaled?

Ok, so, my car incurred some damage due to the recent flood waters of hurricane Ike. A person from Safe Auto insurance company is coming out tomorrow to assess the damage. When we spoke to him over the phone, he said it sounded like our car would end up being deemed totaled. There is still amount owed on the car. If we were to pay it off tomorrow it would be $3100. The value on the car varies from tprivate party value in good condition being $3900 to retail value being $5600 in our area. We have a $500 deductible. Now, if the car is infact totaled, how does the insurance pay out?""

What is the cheapest Insurance available for a 21 year old?

I've been looking at cars and quotes for about a month now, and I can find nothing affordable, so I thought I'd ask on this website and see if there is anyone who has had the same situation and found a solution. I'm 20 years old, turning 21 in September and I have not drove since I passed my test 2 years ago. I have never owned a car or been a second driver on anyone's policy. Insurance is ridiculously high, so I was wondering if anyone in the same situation knows a cheap insurance company. I'm also okay with being a second driver on my parents policy, although this is still usually to expensive. Thanks!""

What is the cheapest insurance in north carolina on a car thats financed?

Is it mean to cancel the kids' health insurance?

I pay for all of the health insurance through my job, including his. I told hime that he has 15 days to some for himself and 30 days to get some for the children. He thinks that is a horrible mother because it would all cost me $300 a month but it will cost him $1200 per month. He make 260K per year. I make $70K He he moved out and got involved with someone else. Why should it be free to destroy your family? I really should have done this four months ago when he moved out.""

Good car insurance price for teens?

How do I get auto insurance without getting my parent involved?

I got my license in June and i turned 18 last week. My dad is trying to find a cheap auto insurance plan but the cheapest one he claimed to find was $6,000/6 months and he's not willing to pay that. I'm thinking of getting a part-time job at my college but idk how the process of getting insurance works out.""

What type of car insurance do you have? 10 points will be given!!!!!!!!?

as a sixteen year old who would like to get a used car, i would like to know what type of car insurance is the best. i have tried to do online quotes, but they always ask for too much personal information. is insurance real expensive for a sixteen year old? what type of insurance do you have or recommend? thanks""

2012 mustang gt vs 2009 bmw 335i coupe for insurance and reliability?

im am wondering what would be cheaper on insurance but most off all what would be the most reliable please no bias, although i am a ford fan boy you cant argue with a bmw but i hear they arnt to reliable being twin turbo v6, and also because if they arnt reliable i dont want to be stuck with expensive a## parts to buy... im 19 with a clean driving record""

Best first car for insurance?

What car at 17 will have the lowest amount to pay on insurance?

Cheap health insurance? Im a middle 30's single male. Is there a place I can compare quickly like car insuran?

I filled out one thing but it turned out to be almost a phishing scam. Im about to do COBRA, but I think I can get something cheaper. Im also in SC if that matters. Any guesses?""

How does car insurance work for teenagers?

Im 18 and I took Driver`s Ed last summer, so I know that was supposed to save some cash when it came to the insurance. I also heard that depending on the engine of the car, the insurance changes. How do you determine the insurance on a 6-cylinder and an 8-cylinder car? Thanks""

Insurance policy that's actually affordable?

I'm 18 and I have a 2006 mitsubishi GS that I have financed. It's value is around 10,000. All the policies I've checked out are over 300 a month. That's ridiculous, I have great grades and no traffic violations what's the deal!!""

Taken out insurance?

I am 63 years old own my house with a mortgage, I'm disabled and on benefits which I don't like. I can't get lower than that but I can afford insurance on my contents so why should the goverment bail out those people that haven't got contents insurance what do they want from the goverment new furniture what a cheek I say. If they do get that it is not fair for the people that pay for insurance's. After all they have to get it on there cars and when they travel abroad.""

Range Rover insurance for a young new driver?

A friend and I where having a debate about whether or not, a new young driver could actually get insured on a brand new Range Rover? We decided to do some research on the subject and we have seen many cases where for example Andy Murray paid 100,000 to insure his Ferrari shortly after he passed his test. Can anyone provide and examples or rough estimates on how much it would actually cost to insure a new young driver on a Range Rover or if its even possible?""

What effect does a minor ticket out of state have on insurance rates.?

A few months ago I got a ticket in Maryland, where I go to school, for going the wrong way down a one way street. The ticket was only a small fine and I don't think any point were given. Recently I just got another ticket for making a wrong left turn in New Jersey, where my permanent address is. Normally, my insurance company, geico , would let one ticket slide but I'm not sure if they would even know about the Maryland ticket. I would appreciate any information.""

Asking all under 25 female drivers in uk- whats a cheap car insurer?

Asking all female drivers under 25!! Does anyone know of or have been with any cheap car insurance companies? Ive already checked quite a few but they seem really expensive...Please help!

Monthly car insurance?

I've got my driving test in September, and if I pass I would love to buy a car. I was thinking about getting monthly car insurance as this would be easier for me. Now I know that you need insurance before you can buy a tax disc. My car would also be parked on the road outside my house. My question is, if I decide to not use my car for a month do I still need to buy insurance for that month. I know if the vehicle is parked on the road you must have a valid tax disc, but I was unsure whether I need to be insured as well even if I'm not using the car?""

18 Year old car insurance.?

Hello, I am looking at car insurance and the cheapest I can find is between 2,800 and 2,999 based on a corsa and the price changes depending on the year I put. I do not want a fancy car just something safe, secure and that I can drive. That quote only changes by about 50-100 by adding my mom and it goes up not down by doing so. This quote is tracker based with insure the box. Please can you advise on cars that may be cheaper or ways to cut the cost. I have had a licence 4 months but will be 5 in the new year so i am basing it on that. When just trying quotes based on 6 month licence (coming up soon) and with a 1 year no claims (can do with no claims accelerated insurance but not may companies and they say they not quote me) and the price was 1,8500. Thanks""

Do I need car insurance?

I am getting my permit in a week. Do my parents need to add me to the car insurance policy?

Car insurance... Who are you insure with/best quotes. Will choose quick best answer.?

Who is the cheapest insurance company o go with for a 20 year old male whom has been driving for 3 years. Getting insure on a mazda 6. Thank you

If i lease a car do I pay insurance?

I am thinking about leasing a car, do I have to pay insurance?""

California: Smogging an older car?

I have a 1983 Datsun 280zx, and I just got a letter in the mail saying I have to smog this vehicle. I thought there was an age bracket for classic cars that didnt need to be smogged ...show more""

How much does a full cover car insurance cost in north caroline ?

trying to move to NC but want to know about the price of a nissan altima 2005 4 door , the price for a full cover on my car how much would it cost me > I have it lease anyone knows ????""

Car insurance question?

Rough estimate on how much the insurance would be for a 17 year old boy learning to drive with provisional license on a 1.6 litre car

What does Obama mean by affordable health insurance?How can it be affordable for everyone?

Car mods and insurance premiums?

Hi, I'll give quite a bit of background first. I'm an 18 year old guy and I've been driving a 1.2 clio for about a year and a half now. Paying 1600 (CHEAP & completely clean license) my next insurance premium is around the 600 mark. I'd like to upgrade my car to either a 1.6-2.0L MK2 or a MK4 golf,(1100-ish annually) BUT I'd like to make modifications to it. Body rather then performance. Does it make a difference in the premium inevitably raising if I first insure the car, drive for a few months THEN modify and contact insurance, rather then, buying, modifying and insuring it before I've driven it? Hopefully that makes sense to anyone reading it. Thanks.""

Where is the best place to get cheap car insurance?

Me and my girlfriend are new drivers and are looking for cheap car insurance on our first car, what is the best place to go just so we can legally drive?""

Will my AT&T wireless insurance cover eBay phones?

I can't stand my Tilt2, and I want to get a different phone without paying the outrageous prices on the AT&T site. I was just wondering, will their insurance plan cover a phone I buy off ebay? any help is greatly appreciated. (p.s. the phone I want is also sold by AT&T, and their insurance covers it if you buy it from them.)""

How much is flood insurance in texas?

Do I really need Car Insurance?

I live in Kentucky. My car is not drivable at the moment and has not been for months. Since I can't even drive the piece of ****, do I even need Insurance? I'm paying to much for it anyway and I don't think I should be paying for something I'm not driving!""

Good car insurance price for teens?

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