#gifted kid syndrome was never about reading better than the rest of ur class when u were 8 bc u were a nerd
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i hate it so much when people try to tell me how to study because every single method feels like trying to shove a balloon through a brick wall
#i cant study. like actually#schoolwork isnt just not fun to me its. actual torture#i always start crying while doing homework because my brain is just so fucking foggy i cant ??? function???#i cant retain information im not interested in but let me do you one better. i cant even consume it in the first place#im not. a functional person#im in my final year and idk if ill make it literally BECAUSE im. i cant fucking do this?#personal#btw#and jts always 'well at least try to study its only one more year' I GOT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. BECAUSE OF COVID#I NEVER WOULD HAVE REACHED THIS POINT IF IN MY THIRD YEAR THE SCHOOL HADNT SAID 'ok everyone passes'#AND I NEED THIS?#DROPPING OUT IN THIS COUNTRY EVEN AT 18 IS NIGH ON ILLEGAL#gifted kid syndrome was never about reading better than the rest of ur class when u were 8 bc u were a nerd#its about always being fucking praised for every minor thing and then growing up to be completely useless#and its stupid! i KNOW my life is allowed to exist i KNOW im not useless i KNOW that i deserve better than what ive gotten up till now#but im so fucking sick of the constant 'oh you can do better' and my classmates going 'oh ur so smart ahaha' and just.#the dchool system wasnt made to support anyone ever#it supports the average child with average intelligence who works and studies and that child is so fucking rare#and its even worse when my sister is doing a level higher than me is doing a sport AND is looking for a job#and shes fine! she gets good grades! but i can barely manage to get through this and everything is just a fucking brick wall#and i keep smashing my head against it trying again and again to get through but all im getting is another fucking headache#i hate people who say shit like 'ooh videogames ruin ur school life' bc videogames are the only things in my life rn i can think about#without feeling like shit!#i csn ramble about videogame lore for 6 hours or i can sob uncontrollably there is no difference i am not a fucking person anymore#autistic burnout gang lmao i am losing my fucking mind#every time i try explaining it to someone its just 'well just try' IVE TRIED. FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS. ITS ENOUGH. IM DONE.#anyway thats the story of how i ended up crying about my french exam tomorrow#it is 2 am#i have to figure out a dessert for christmas i can barely fucking breathe and i am once again trying to make as little sound as possible#im so tired
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