#geralt says fuck the entire time he cooks it to give it extra hate out of spite
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The Grass is Greener Pt.1/3
Summary: Jaskier's mother is coming to stay and his garden is an absolute mess and his lawn mower has seen better days... luckily for him his ridiculously hot neighbour is there to lend a hand.
Geraskier
CW: Shitty parents being shitty.
(Prompted by @alwenarin and based on this post by @infinite-mirrors)
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Jaskier stared forlornly out at his garden. His mother was due to come over on her yearly visit and the next few days of his life were going to be hell. His mother was the sort to blast into his life like a fucking tornado, pull apart everything that he had built for himself and leave him broken, shattered into a thousand shards of glass. He wasn’t even sure why he still let her in, probably some childhood trauma that meant he was desperate to please her, to make her proud, but what did he know? He wasn’t a therapist, much to her displeasure. Anything would have been better in her eyes than a musician and occasional bartender.
He didn’t make much money. His band hadn’t taken off yet and only really had a small but dedicated following online that donated pocket money in exchange for small previews of new tracks or little poems that could be given to lovers or in greetings cards. Most of his rent was paid for in the tips he made at the bar. He was lucky to have the house at all really. He shared it with his housemates: Priscilla, his bandmate and ex, Essi, her younger sister, Valdo Marx, his former schoolmate, professional rival and absolutely twat face who lurked in his attic room and never really came out to talk to them, and last but not least, Regis, a kind scholarly type who had been living in the house before the other rooms had become available and most importantly made excellent homemade gin.
Said housemates had agreed to fuck off for the weekend so he could pretend that the house was his in a last ditched attempt win over his mother.
Of course, none of them had helped to tidy up before leaving and he’d spent the last twenty-four hours deep cleaning the house, and bolting the door to Regis’s bathroom shut. The gin in the bathtub wasn’t ready to bottle yet and he wasn’t exactly going to drain the tub of his elixir. He’d moved the furniture in his friend’s rooms around enough to make it look like they weren’t extra bedrooms, more… rooms that just happened to have beds in case he had company. Priscilla’s room now resembled a music room, Essi’s room had been turned into a makeshift study, Valdo’s he’d left a mess and claimed it was just an attic, and Regis’s room was sort of a library if you squinted hard enough.
That just left the garden.
“Bollocks!” He moaned.
None of them really cared much about the garden, apart from the box down the end which housed Regis’s herb garden for cooking. The rest of the garden a mess. The grass was practically a wild meadow filled with weeds. He quite liked it. He enjoyed looking at the dandelions, daisies and buttercups but his mother would have a fit.
Where was he even going to start?
Lawnmower. They must have one. He stumbled through his back door onto the patio and made his way to the shed that honestly barely lived up to its name. It was falling apart and leaked horrendously, but luckily inside was one rusty looking lawnmower.
“Bingo!” He grinned and pulled the mower out of the shed. It was heavier than it looked but luckily Jaskier was also stronger than he looked. Even so he wasn’t entirely how he was going to start the damn thing.
Perhaps Geralt would know…
Fuck.
Geralt.
Geralt had just adopted a newborn baby. Her name was Ciri. Most of the time Geralt just called her ‘Cub’ which Jaskier found to be incredibly endearing, a fact that had nothing to do with his teensy little crush on the mechanic.
He pulled up Geralt’s number in his phone. He’d been delighted when Geralt had given him his number, yes maybe it was because Jaskier kept turning up at Geralt’s doorstep after shifts at work because he’d forgotten his keys and none of his bastard housemates were answering the door and Geralt just happened to have a spare key, but the main thing is he had Geralt’s number.
After that they’d conversed a few times over text. Mostly if one of them was running to the shops and wanted to know if the other needed anything. Occasionally Geralt would text to ask Jaskier if he could watch Ciri for a short while if Geralt needed to leave the house. Once Geralt had even given him a lift to work because Jaskier’s bike had gotten a flat tire and he didn’t have enough time to walk all the way to the bar. So they weren’t exactly strangers but he wouldn’t really call them friends.
In fact Geralt was still listed as Hot Neighbour in his phone. He meant to change it, it was just that you couldn’t argue with the truth. Geralt was his hot neighbour.
J —Hey Geralt! Is it ok if I mow my lawn? I don’t want to wake Ciri if she’s asleep. :)
He stared at his phone intently until about an eternity later, Geralt replied.
G — The child must not be an obstacle.
Jaskier snorted as he read the response. He read it aloud a couple of times trying to mimic Geralt’s rough husky voice and managed to give himself the giggles.
His phone buzzed again.
G — I can hear you laughing at me.
“Oh shit!” He almost dropped his phone and his cheeks felt like they were on fire. “Sorry Geralt!” He called into the air.
G— Hmm.
Jaskier scoffed. Who text back “Hmm”? And why did Jaskier still find that so attractive?
But never mind that! He had the green light. Operation Finally Make His Mother Proud, or FMHMP for short, and yes you could absolutely say that if you tried hard enough, was go! He was going to mow the lawn like a proper adult!
He tried for about six years to turn the mower on but without any success. He kicked the lawnmower in frustration and the whole damned thing fell apart.
“Fuck it!” He yelled as he hopped about on his good foot that hadn’t been battered by lawnmower.
He sulked back into the house and flopped down dramatically on the sofa. It was over. His mother was going to hate him and he would die as a disgrace to the Pankratz name and the Lettenhove estate.
He was half way through his pity party when the doorbell rang. He grabbed his phone to check the time. Strange, his mother wasn’t due for another three hours.
“What the fuck?” He mused and padded over to the door. To his surprise Geralt was standing on his doorstep with Ciri tucked safely into a baby sling on his chest and behind him was a shiny lawnmower. “Ah. Geralt!” He grinned.
Geralt turned to the lawnmower and back to him. “Thought you might need some help.”
Jaskier blushed. “Right. Yes. Of course. Come on in!” He stood back to let Geralt through. “Oh, actually do you want to come round the side gate? The lawnmower probably shouldn’t come through the house. I’ve just cleaned up.”
Geralt grunted but followed Jaskier around the side of the house and into the back garden.
“What the fuck, Jaskier?” He grumbled when he saw the state of the lawn. “I thought you said you were mowing the lawn, not trying to find it!”
“Ah, yes, well. That is an excellent point.” Jaskier stammered, pulling at the hem of his shirt nervously. “You see my mother is visiting.”
Geralt raised an eyebrow. “Your mother, how old are you? Twelve?”
Jaskier gaped at his neighbour. “Geralt!” He whined. “I’m twenty-nine! Mother is just a cow.”
“Hmm. Fine. Let’s do this.” Geralt pulled Ciri gently out of her sling and passed her to Jaskier. “Hold her. I need to grab her stuff. This will take longer than I thought.”
“Oh hang on!” Jaskier called after Geralt but it was too late and Ciri began to cry. “Umm. There there.” He cooed and rocked her gently. “Shall I sing you a lullaby, cub?”
She didn’t answer, babies rarely did, so he decided a lullaby would be fine and began to sing in hushed tones as he rocked her in his arms. Geralt wasn’t long but he seemed surprise to come back to Jaskier rocking his daughter to sleep in his arms.
“Hmm. She likes you.” Geralt noted.
He was carrying Ciri’s car seat and a bag was slung over his shoulder. In his other hand was a large electric contraption with some nasty blades at the end. He dumped the scary looking monster and placed the travel cot on the patio table. Once Ciri was safely asleep they got to work.
Or more accurately, Geralt got to work. Jaskier mostly just watched and made sure Geralt had all the refreshments he needed. He also kept the conversation going by listing all the grievances his mother had with him from her last visit, Geralt hummed and grunted but didn’t offer much in return but it didn’t matter. Jaskier was more than capable of holding an entire conversation by himself.
“And then she starts wittering on about how my sister has a perfect husband and a darling little angel.” Jaskier moaned. “So of course then it’s ‘Julian why don’t you have a wife?’”
“Julian?” Geralt asked.
Jaskier glared at his neighbour. “Don’t ever call me that, I beg of you.”
Geralt shrugged. “I won’t. Just asking.”
“And I tell her, for the hundredth time, to say partner or spouse or lover or you know… not gender specific because she knows! Geralt! She knows. I don’t know how many times I have to tell her.” Jaskier sighed. “Oh, umm I’m bisexual just to give you some context there.”
Geralt nodded. “Right.”
“So of course she starts complaining that I always have to make everything gay, and I’m like… ‘Mother, I am gay!’” Jaskier announced with wide arms.
Geralt looked up at him, pausing halfway down the lawn that was now starting to resemble a lawn. “So why not tell her you’re seeing someone?” He asked. “Solve both problems if you say it’s a guy.”
Jaskier put his hands on his hips and tilted his head. “Yeah.” He scoffed. “Until she asks to meet him.”
Geralt shrugged. “I could do it.”
Jaskier’s heart jumped in his chest. “You what? Geralt!”
“My ex has been bothering me about finding someone.” He grumbled. “Two birds, One stone.”
Jaskier narrowed his eyes at his insanely hot neighbour who was now apparently suggesting they… fake date??
“What exactly are you suggesting here?” Jaskier asked slowly. “You pretend to be my boyfriend for my mother’s visit and we what? Send a few photos to your ex to prove you’re moving on?”
Geralt smirked. “As long as you promise not to fall in love with me.”
Jaskier’s jaw dropped.
Well fuck.
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Next
#the witcher#geraskier#geraskier fanfiction#geralt of rivia#jaskier pankratz#geralt x jaskier#jaskier x geralt#geralt/jaskier#cirilla fiona elen riannon#ciri#dad geralt#surprise fake dating#I could be persuaded to write a second part#let me know if you want part 2#Update there will now be three parts#ask and you shall receive#the grass is greener
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The Bean Chronicles : Part 19
Henry Cavill / Reader
Things with Henry had been perfect. He had resumed filming The Witcher before he got injured on set while doing stunts. While waiting for the doctor’s final word on the matter Henry had been soaking up and enjoying every minute of you nursing him back to health.
“Babe! Do you know where that extra HDMI cable went?!” He hollered from his office.
You walked in to find him in his usual place, leg propped up on an ottoman next to him, headphones cocked off one ear. You stood in the doorway watching him.
“Babe!” He yelled before turning around to find you standing there, holding the cable in your hand. He had draped it on the doorknob. Men can never find anything. “Oh! Sorry. But you found it! Thanks babe!” He craned backwards reaching for the cable.
You shook your head no, and held the cable behind your back, puckering your lips. You leaned down and kissed him. You could tell he expected a quick peck, but you deepened the kiss, while running your hand down his chest and into his lap. Splaying your fingers you gave his manhood a gentle grope. He groaned into your kiss before you stood up, dropped the cable into his lap and walked out of the room.
You knew in an instant you’d either hear his headphones hit the desk or him start shouting at the game. You hoped for dropped headphones.
Banking on that little display of affection getting his attention, you quickly pulled your tank top off over you head and shimmied out of the pair of Henry’s boxers you were wearing. Throwing them into the hamper you grabbed an apron and tied it around your waist just as Henry quickly came limping into the kitchen.
“Holy what.... Baby.... hot damn...” the sight of you kept him from forming sentences.
“Hi honey! Dinners almost ready.” You kept cooking as if you weren’t only wearing an apron.
“Can I skip dinner and go straight for dessert?” He whispered as he leaned against you, his hand grazing your ass cheek.
You quickly slid away from his grasp and continued cooking, bending over to grab something out of the fridge, knowing the sight of your bare bum would drive him wild. Sure enough when you turned around he was licking his lips.
“Darling... you have to eat dinner first. THEN you can have dessert....”
“You know what happens when you tease me babygirl...” his voice slightly deeper and rougher like his character Geralt.
You lowered your face and looked up at him through your lashes, “I must have forgotten.”
Henry slowly reached out and turned off the stove. Grabbing your waist he turned you and pushed you against the kitchen sink. He gripped your ass hard before sliding his fingers between your legs.
An excited yelp slipped out of your mouth. Henry’s other hand slipped around your neck, pulling you against his chest as his hand continued doing work between your thighs.
“I think you’ve forgotten who this belongs to...” he snarled before biting your neck and sucking. “Tell me who this belongs to.”
You pursed your lips, holding back moans, quietly gasping as he beckoned an orgasm. He quickly pulled his hand from between your legs and gave you a hard spank.
Grabbing your face he turned it towards him, “Behave and tell Daddy who you belong to.”
You pouted. Jutting out your bottom lip and scowling, you glared at him for removing his hand.
He positioned himself behind you, pinning your hips against the counter, pressing his erection against you. “Tell Daddy...who you belong to.”
“I belong to you, Daddy.”
He kissed the nape of your neck sending goosebumps over your entire body. His hands slid up the center of your back, unsnapping the neck strap of the apron, letting it fall, before cupping and caressing your breasts, your nipples already hard were now tingling at his touch.
You reached back, tangling your fingers in his thick curly hair, gently pulling.
“Fuck I love you.” He growled.
“Mmmm I love you Daddy.... why don’t you go sit on the sofa so I can show you how much...” You whispered over your shoulder.
He smiled with a low growl and smacked your ass. He hobbled to the sofa and sat down. You followed and knelt down on the floor in front of him. Being mindful of his leg, you turned the coffee table so he could prop his leg up on it.
“Thank you, my love.” His eyes changed as he thanked you. His expression softened from the lust fueled intense animal to a dear sweet gentle man. “Darling, come here...” he patted his lap.
The mood had changed instantly. Suddenly you almost felt ashamed that you were naked. You sat down on his lap, his eyes locked on yours, as he pulled the throw blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around you.
“Darling... I love you more than words can say. You know that, don’t you? I’m so grateful for you. I need to say thank you for taking such amazing care of me... for putting up with me. I know life with me isn’t always easy....” he hung his head, “But I don’t want to go through the rest of it without you.”
Your heart swelled as he continued, “I realized this before, when I saw you with Chris... it absolutely killed me every single time I saw you two together. I’ve hated him since the day he introduced me to his fiancée. Because the moment I saw you at that party, I fell in love with you. I know I need to be a better man for you... but if you give me the chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life doing my best for you. I don’t deserve you. You’re amazing. You’re smart and sweet, thoughtful, gorgeous.... and I didn’t anticipate doing this with a hardon, or while you’re naked in my lap...” he laughed a small laugh as he strained to reach his jacket that was slung over the arm of the sofa, producing a Tiffany blue box.
“Darling, my love.... My Queen... would you be my wife?” He opened the box to show a massive diamond ring.
You sat there, perched on his lap, eyes locked on his, mouth gaped open in surprise. You couldn’t even look at the ring, all you could focus on was the man you loved with tearful eyes, as your own begin to fill.
“Yes. A thousand times, yes. I love you so much....” you were about to continue but were interrupted by Henry grabbing you and kissing you. He dropped the box, and held you tightly as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You felt the kiss through your entire body, it was such an intense soul felt blinding light joyous moment it rivaled the orgasm you would have had.
“I love you Y/n... I can’t wait to be your husband. You’ve made me the happiest, proudest man in the universe.” He smiled that incredible smile that always melted you, before adding, “and the horniest.... I’m still very aware that you’re naked.”
You laughed and bit your bottom lip trying to stifle the grin that was plastered across your blissfully happy face. You reached over, leaning far, as Henry held onto your waist. You scooped up the ring box and held it out for him, wiggling the fingers on your left hand.
“It would be my honor.” He beamed as he opened the box, removing the ring, taking your hand, and sliding the ring onto your finger.
It wasn’t until now that you viewed the rock he placed upon your hand. “Henry! Oh my God!”
“Do you like it? I wanted everyone within a two mile radius to be able to see that you’re taken.”
You couldn’t take your eyes off of it: it was beautiful.
“I love you! I can’t wait to be your wife! Let’s just get married! Let’s elope!” You excitedly blurt out as you straddled Henry’s lap, holding his face in your hands.
“Don’t you want a wedding?” He furrowed his brow. You couldn’t tell if he was offended or not.
“I just want to be married to you. We could do a big reception some time.... but the only part that matters to me, is marrying you.”
“Well my love... I can’t wait for you to be Mrs. Henry Cavill.... but I’m only getting married once... and I think it’d be nice to have all of our family and friends there....”
“You’re so sweet Hen. If you want a wedding, then we’ll have the biggest wedding ever.”
“I know it sounds silly... that I want a wedding and you don’t.... but...”
“But nothing. We’ll have a beautiful wedding.” All of a sudden you were very aware of something poking you in the stomach. You raised your eyebrows and smiled, leaning forward to kiss Henry, you lifted your hips, positioned him, and began to lower yourself onto him.
“Oh my God” he growled through gritted teeth, throwing his head back, “Fuck I love you.”
-
After spending the rest of the evening naked with your fiancé, making love all over the house, the two of you finally made it to your bed. Your last stop had been the shower and although you don’t usually go to bed with wet hair, you were too exhausted to do anything about it.
—
You woke up in the morning to an empty bed. Your first immediate panicked thought was that you had again said Chris’s name in your sleep. Although Henry hadn’t mentioned you doing that for the last few months. “Hen! Honey!” You hollered into the empty house, no response. You swiped your phone off of the nightstand, no messages. Grabbing one of Henry’s tee shirts, you threw it on over your head to check his office. Surely he wasn’t already gaming.
You checked his office, no Henry. You had just walked back into the bedroom and picked up your phone to call him as you heard his voice behind you.
“Good morning, my love. I went and got us some breakfast. I was hoping I’d get back before you woke up. Leave it to you, to wake up early on the one day I want to surprise you.”
“Of course.” You laughed. “I thought you had panicked over proposing and took off.”
“Well... the flaw in that plan is that A) I would never. You’re my life. B) this is technically my house. C) I spent entirely too much money on that rock to walk away from it.”
“HENRY!” You shouted and laughed.
He set breakfast on the nightstand and walked around the bed wrapping his arms around your waist. “I’m never going anywhere without you my love. It’s you and me, forever.”
-
The two of you ate breakfast in bed, turning on the tv to watch a movie. As soon as you finished eating and cleared the remnants, Henry pinned you to the bed. Hovering over you, he smiled, “Can you take off this shirt now? I want the only thing you wear today to be that ring.”
You laughed and shook your head, “Whatever you want my dear.”
His hand slid down, tracing the hem of your shirt across your stomach. His lips quickly followed and kissed a trail across your skin. You sat up as he lifted the shirt over your head and tossed it to the floor. In one swift movement he rolled onto his back pulling you on top of him.
“You make me the happiest man in the world.”
—
Two weeks had passed since Henry’s proposal. The two of you had told all of your family and friends the happy news. But a trip to town had spilled the beans to the rest of the world. Paparazzi had photographed the two of you hand in hand whilst running errands. And just like Henry had planned, everyone within a two mile radius had seen the ring.
TBC
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