#fundielegacies godsmiracle
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Simon and GodsMiracle Eaten had 16 children: Rocky, Cliff, Clay, Azalea, Zinnia, Ash, Hunter, Holly, Jasmine, Rowan, Willow, Magnolia, Buck, Petunia, Primrose, and Olive.
Simon completed his Country Caretaker aspiration and outlived every other parent, including his twin and his wife. He died at home.
GodsMiracle completed her Big Happy Family Aspiration and, like her husband, died at home.
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"Hey, mom, I got a job! I'm a conservationist."
"You're a what?"
"A conservationist is a-"
"No, no, I know what that is. So-called 'conservationists' are just hippie liberals lying about so-called 'climate change' and 'pollution' just to trick us into eating bug meat so the elites can reduce the Christian population! I can't believe a son of mine could be indoctrinated like this!" GodsMiracle begins to sob.
"Mom, no, that's not what this is! I'm saving God's Earth!"
"God can save his own Earth! If God didn't want us to use oil, then why did He put it in the ground? We sent you to a Godly school, they must have told you about Satan's lies about dinosaurs and carbon emissions!"
"They did! I know dinosaurs don't exist, I'm not stupid. And I'm not a liberal! We're ruining God's Earth-"
"Climate alarmists are always liberals! Real Christians know that this is how God designed the planet to be used-"
"I'm not a climate alarmist! I know climate change isn't real! I'm worried about the oil and plastics in the ocean, the forests we're-"
"That's the gateway talking point! First they lure you in by telling you we're destroying the ocean - which we aren't, when I was a kid we went to the beach and the water was fine! - then they tell you that driving a car down the street will set fire to a forest a million miles away, and next thing you know you'll be destroying your reproductive organs because you'll think it's 'cruel' to bring children into a world about to combust! It's all a big scam by the Satantic Temple to trick young women into not fulfilling God's command to have children! They want to get rid of all the Christians, and you're feeding into it!"
"I'm not! I'm trying to save-"
"What? What are you saving? It's not your own people! They want to kill us all because we 'pollute' the Earth by seeing through their lies! Why can't you be like Clay or Zinnia, who are pure Christians, instead on starting down a path of sexual intercourse for fun and smoking the weed?!"
"I don't-"
"Go to your room! When your father hears about this, you'll really be in for it!"
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As night falls, Simon finds himself down with the sickness.
Although GodsMiracle gave him some essential oils, she didn’t object when he decided to go to the hospital.
Maybe it’s because the moodlet expired before the exam was done, but the doctor was absolutely fucking useless. But the sickness went away, so he’s still going to visit the doctor the next time it strikes.
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While Candace deliberately tried to steal one of the boys, GodsMiracle was doing it by accident.
Although they rarely spoke - what are they, whores? - Simon had been ~noticing~ GodsMiracle. Mostly noticing that she was hot and, very unlike GodIsParadise, loved farming and animals.
Fundies, of course, don’t see women as people, but any moron would realize that marrying a girl that shares your interests is better than marrying a girl that doesn’t. So Simon went to Jason and asked to drop out of the competition to court GodsMiracle instead.
Jason, who wanted all of his kids out of the house ASAP so he can finally live in peace, was only too happy to agree.
Sue promptly made a much-too-long video about it, trying to get as many views as possible from the situation.
#fundielegacies#generation 2#smiths#fundielegacies simon eaten#fundielegacies jason john#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies sue linda#simon will still live in the penthouse though
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And to nobody’s surprise, Simon and GodsMiracle continue to pop out kids like pez candy.
#fundielegacies#generation 3#s gm eatens#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies zinnia rose#fundielegacies ash river
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“Hey, Paradise. Heard about the birthdays - congrats.”
“Aw, thank you. How are things with you?”
“Oh, just wonderful. The twins are children now, and it’s such an honor to be raising them into strong men of God! Clay gave us a little scare - he’s been talking to a girl at school! I was worried female friends would make him... that it would take him off the straight path, if you understand me. But he promised he isn’t friends with her, he’s just trying to bring her to Jesus! The poor girl said she has two fathers, so if nobody steps in then the little lamb will burn in Hell forever!”
“Oh, gosh. That’s horrible. I’m glad our kids will know what real families look like. How’s Simon?”
“Oh, Paradise, I’ve never been so happy. He’s the perfect man to lead me. I’ve never had to question him, because he always makes the best decisions."
“Aren’t you supposed to keep your head down even if he’s wrong anyways?”
“Yes, but it’s nice to not have to.”
“Right. Happy to hear that. I need to go now, so...”
“Okay. God be with you!”
“You, too.”
#fundielegacies#generation 3#eatens#s gm eatens#fundielegacies godisparadise#fundielegacies godsmiracle
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GodsMiracle births the first baby of this generation, Rocky Dale.
...then Simon goes into pre-baby panic. Better late than never?
#fundielegacies#generation 3#s gm eatens#fundielegacies simon eaten#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies rocky dale
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The next day, Simon and GodsMiracle Eaten’s litter expands. Cliff (green, short hair) and Clay (blue) join Rocky as toddlers, then GodsMiracle births Azalea Autumn Eaten.
#fundielegacies#generation 3#s gm eatens#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies rocky dale#fundielegacies cliff jay#fundielegacies clay linnett#fundielegacies autumn azalea
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The next day, one comes out of the bassinet...
...and two come in. Their names are Cliff Jay Eaten and Clay Linnett Eaten,
and they did fuck all to stop these two from wanting to breed like rabbits.
#fundielegacies#generation 3#s gm eatens#fundielegacies simon eaten#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies rocky dale#fundielegacies cliff jay#fundielegacies clay linnett
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To ease the transition from “each Sim day is one Real day” way of telling time to the "pregnancy last three days” way of telling time, I’m going to do a timeskip.
TL;DR The married couples this gen are Samuel Eaten/GodIsParadise Smith, Robin Mills/Candace Nixon, Jasper Flanagan/Dorothy Talbert, and maybe Simon Eaten/GodsMiracle Smith if I feel like it lmao. All four wives are expecting their first child.
Simon and GodsMiracle were the first to marry. After the wedding, they moved to the countryside and established a small farm. GodsMiracle is currently in her third trimester.
As an excuse for me to kick their asses out of SanMy, the Talberts decided to relocate to Del Sol Valley to further pursue Brona’s acting career. Their penthouse was left to son-in-law Jasper Flanagan since Westley eloped to Oasis Springs with HeIsTheLight Smith mysteriously disappeared and their other sons already had homes.
GodIsParadise married Samuel Eaten in a lavish ceremony. Once the Smiths moved out, their fancy penthouse was passed down to this branch of the Eaten family. GodIsParadise is in her second trimester.
Jason and Sue Smith moved to Sulani shortly before their Elderhood birthdays and plan to live out the rest of their years there.
Candace got what she wanted when Robin Mills married her in a ceremony that was, thanks to her father, exaggeratedly expensive. After the wedding, once again thanks to Mr. Nixon, the Mills bought a fancy apartment in the Uptown area. Candace is currently in her second trimester.
Nobody was expecting Jasper Flanagan and Dorothy Talbert to court or get married, but they did. Jasper officially inherited the Talbert’s old apartment and the Flanagans are residing there now. Dorothy is in her first trimester.
(Note: to distinguish between Simon & GodsMiracle Eaten and Samuel & GodIsParadise Eaten, they will be tagged ‘s gm eatens’ and ‘eatens’ respectively.)
#fundielegacies#generation 2#generation 3#smiths#s gm eatens#fundielegacies simon eaten#fundielegacies godsmiracle#talberts#eatens#fundielegacies samuel eaten#fundielegacies godisparadise#fundielegacies sue linda#fundielegacies jason john#nixons#mills#fundielegacies robin mills#fundielegacies candace ruth#flanagans#fundielegacies jasper flanagan#fundielegacies dorothy fran
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Sue, voiceover: Here’s a neighborhood I never thought I’d see again! This is where I spent my earliest years, before my whore mother stole me away from my virtuous father, may he rest in peace. The house I grew up in now belongs to my half-brother, Deighleighveighhraunsse (a/n: Deliverance). But that’s not why we’re here!
Sue: Jasper chose to take Paradise on a romantic date to a demon-infested Hell lot!
Sue: As always, I’m coming along to preserve purity! And Miracle’s here as an extra camera.
Sue: My father told me that, before I was born, a fire killed the people living in this house. But I stopped by this neighborhood a lot as a teenager, and it wasn’t trashed like this back then! This is what happens when there aren’t Godly residents of a home - it becomes a filthy mess! But, apparently, nobody wanted to buy the house because of demons. Imagine, good Christian residents of Bunch Creek being afraid of demons! If you were truly Godly, you wouldn’t be scared of the enemy - you would defeat him! Can I get an amen?!
Sue: ...oh, they’re inside.
Jasper: Stay behind me, girls. Your weaker bodies would never survive if a demon lunged at us.
GIP: So, how are you planning to perform the exorcism? I thought you needed to be a priest?
Jasper: No, anyone can cast away demons. First, you grab the Bible and...
Sue, running in: I’m here! Miracle, have they been pure?
GodsMiracle: You were only gone for a minute.
Sue: A minute is all you need to commit pre-marital hand holding - or worse, kissing! In a house of Satan like this, the sexual temptation is thick and heavy. We need to be on our guard!
GodsMiracle: Sorry. No, nothing has happened.
Jasper: ...and post!
Sue: Post what?
Jasper: My #exorcism selfie.
Sue: I thought I would be the first to share this with social media?
Jasper: Sure, sure. Think of it like a teaser. I’m getting people hyped for your show, Mrs. S. You wouldn’t have half your views without me.
Sue, tensely: Maybe. Maybe not.
GodsMiracle, quickly: Let’s go explore the building!
Jasper: Still no demons? What kind of lame haunted house did you bring us to?
Sue: Excuse you, my father swore that this house was reputable for its demonic-
Miriam: Pardon me, but you’re in my home. Is it that my father invited you here?
Jasper: Your home? So that means-
Sue: -this little girl must belong to the squatter atheists that trashed this place! Hey, kid, where are your parents?! I need a strong word with them about how to keep a tidy home, even as homeless filth!
GodsMiracle: Hey, mom, the camera’s acting up. It’s just a bunch of fuzz.
Sue: Then fix it. Paradise, be a doll and use Miracle’s weird old camera to take some pictures. We need something for the video! Now, girl, where are your dirty hobo parents?!
Miriam: My mother told me to only speak with Godly folk. Women of sin like you rot the spirit.
Sue: Women of sin?! I’ll have you know that I’m a highly pious woman, and-
Jasper: Looks like I’m exorcising the little girl.
GIP: You don’t have to. We can’t film it, anyways.
Jasper: No, I’m going to. You guys hold her down and I’ll banish the demon from her.
Sue: Hey! Stop running! Guys, go after her!
Sue: Looks like she ran off the lot. Good riddance! I hope her disgusting, slobby parents learn from this. Let’s go home, kids.
Jasper: But I never got to exorcise anything.
Sue: With reception like this, you won’t get to! If you want to play priest, do it where I can film it!
Jasper: ...fine, whatever.
#fundielegacies#generation 2#smiths#fundielegacies jasper flanagan#fundielegacies sue linda#fundielegacies godisparadise#fundielegacies godsmiracle
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Sue: Time for our next date, and this time Edward chose to bring Paradise back to the karaoke bar! Jasper may be banned, but all three of us were allowed in without question!
Sue: Edward had to drag Paradise to the stage, but as a submissive girl she got there in the end!
Edward, singing poorly: Humbly, You came to the earth You created, all for love's sake became poor~
GIP, silently bobbing her head along:
GIP: I didn’t have to sing after all. But that’s okay! Edward is... I don’t like singing, anyways. I’m glad he did it for me.
Edward: ...and then we’ll use your inheritance to go to Del Sol. That’s where real stardom lies! Nobody ever got famous in a big city.
GIP: ...No, of course not.
Edward: My debut album, Top Ten, is almost done. I take secular songs and change the lyrics to be about God.
GIP: And it’s not copyright infringement?
Edward: No, ‘cause I changed the words a little.
GIP: You’re the man. You know best.
Edward, loudly and forcefully: Mrs. Jason Smith sure knows how to raise a daughter. Paradise is one of the women I have ever met- was there supposed to be a word there?
Sue, off camera: Da- Darn! Uh, yeah, the word is ‘Godliest’.
Edward, normally: Cool.
Edward, loudly and forcefully: Paradise is one of the Godliest women I have ever met. I pray that her attractive and wealthy parents will give her to me.
Edward, normally but quickly: And my debut album will be dropping on Soundcloud in just one month so hit up guccigroovesforjesus and listen to my Godly covers-
Video abruptly switches back to the date.
Edward is droning on, but it’s Sue’s muttering that’s most audible.
Sue: The nerve of that whore! Everyone can see the back of her knees! Now I need to censor the video.
Edward: ...and if you play it backwards, you hear a Satanic ritual chanted in dead Latin! Most say it’s gibberish, but I know the real truth. That’s why I will never listen to my atheist grandmother sing, even at birthday parties.
GIP: Incredible!
Edward: I sure am.
Sue: And that’s it for today’s video! You know the drill - comment, like, subscribe, and pray! Bye for now!
#fundielegacies#generation 2#smiths#fundielegacies edward mcwilliams#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies sue linda
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Sue, voiceover: Hello again, SimTube, and welcome back to Godly Bachelorette! After the last episode, where George accidentally smashed the front window at Christ-Fil-A - good luck winning Jason over after that one, George! - we went back to our apartment for lunch! (a/n: in reality, going to a restaurant was actual free will hell so I sent them home.)
GodsMiracle, in the background: You’re so embarrassing. This isn’t how the Bachelorette goes!
Sue, whispering: Shut your mouth, these Godly men are listening - what would they think if they thought that I raised opinionated daughters?!
GodsMiracle: ...
Sue, continuing her voiceover: But that doesn’t matter, what came after lunch does! We did a speed dating session, where each boy had 10 minutes alone with GodIsParadise - with Jason and I there to monitor, of course - to really let her know who he is as a person and what she can expect if God binds her to him forever! We went alphabetically - God created the alphabet, after all!
Edward goes first, but instead of talking to GIP he stares at the camera and talks at length about his “upcoming” music career, complete with impromptu singing. He’s not as good as Jasper... or good at all.
Jason: What does this have to do with Paradise?
Edward: I believe my creativity is best displayed by this song, and I’m sure Paradise would love to marry the genius behind ‘Christ-alicious’. Now, where was I?
Paradise: ‘His wrath stay vicious, He be up in the clouds just working on His judgement, I’m His witness.’
Edward: Right, thanks. He put His boy on Cross, Cross-
George decides to go on a 10 minute ramble about how he forgot to pack his toothbrush and had to buy a new one last night.
George: ...but brown and tan and white and beige and the occasional spicy blue are the only colors that a man can associate with-
Jason, quietly: He’s leaving this week.
Sue, quietly: Let’s see how the other days go, dear.
George, too invested in his own story to realize other people were talking: -so finding that toothbrush was a very frustrating demand! But I’m sure a girl like you appreciates a man with teeth, good ones especially. I found a sturdy brown one in the end. All a man needs is a stick, no fancy ‘vibration’ or ‘bristles’ needed!
Jason: And ten.
George: Wow, Paradise, you didn’t say a word this entire time! You sure understand God’s design for women to be silent when a man is speaking.
GIP’s head jerks up and her voice is dazed: Oh, huh? She yawns. Thank you?
Jasper takes a seat. I’m going to summarize because I’m not writing out 10 minutes worth of dialogue: his Bookworm trait and Self-Absorbed trait mingle to create someone who thinks highly of himself and has the words to convince an airhead like GIP that he’s exactly as great as says he is. He would have done well if he hadn’t decided to end it with a story that totally happened.
Jasper: ...and then the homeless man sunk to his knees and repented on the spot after hearing my testimony! The entire bus started clapping and several attractive women asked me which church I went to.
GIP: ...
Robin goes next. His Nerd Brain aspiration and Genius trait shine through, leaving GIP hopelessly confused.
Robin: I can try to explain the solution-
Jason: -but don’t bother. It’s beyond a girl’s understanding. God created women with inferior brains that cannot understand Logic or intellectual pursuits. That’s why “educated” women become liberal Satanist feminists, it’s inherently against God’s will. No daughter of mine will receive more than the basics of education!
Robin, nodding: Of course.
Samuel: ...and, because your mother kept mentioning during the house tour that your future husband will inherit the penthouse when your father dies, our kids will grow up here as well.
GIP: I’m glad. I like the city.
Sue, quickly: But she’s obedient and would follow her husband to any location, wouldn’t you, Paradise?
GIP: Yes, mother.
Simon: ...and when we're married, we will move to the countryside.
GIP: I will follow my husband to any location.
Simon: Okay? That’s good to hear. We will also have a farm and animals.
GIP, trying to mask her disappointment: ...Great.
Westley: ...and then the Lord uses the pull of gravity, a dear enemy of mine, to rip me from the dark, moist comfort of the womb and into His Earth. Seeing that I was no longer in His arms, I cried. Ah, but my mother was not yet finished suffering on Eve’s behalf! After me, from mother’s dark tunnel of life, came my sister-
Jason: Time’s up.
Westley: But has it not only been three minutes?
Jason, hiding the timer: Time’s up. Stop talking.
Sue, face in the camera: And that’s it for today’s video! Thanks for sticking through all 75 minutes, and leave a comment down below to let us know who your favorite boy is! And don’t forget to like and subscribe to keep updated on Paradise’s Godly journey to wifehood! Goodbye, God bless, and amen!
#fundielegacies#generation 2#smiths#fundielegacies sue linda#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies edward mcwilliams#fundielegacies george walters#fundielegacies jason john#fundielegacies godisparadise#fundielegacies jasper flanagan#fundielegacies robin mills#fundielegacies samuel eaten#fundielegacies simon eaten#fundielegacies westley talbert
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“Ok, mom, we’re filming.”
Sue grins broadly and walks through the door, seven boys trailing behind her. It’s their first time seeing the interior, and many of them look around in interest while Sue babbles. “Now that I’ve introduced you to the seven bachelors - a number chosen for its Godly nature, of course - it’s time to introduce them to my modest home!” Sue’s home was not modest. It was a Fashion District penthouse worth almost 250k Simoleons.
Sue continues talking, but in the SimTube video her words would become a voice placed over footage of several cameras. “Sweet GodsMiracle, my second youngest and, note to the boys that don’t win Paradise, currently single daughter will use our main camera to film the big moments, but she can’t catch everything! So we’ve placed cameras everywhere except the bedrooms and bathrooms. Don’t think you boys can take advantage of that to commit sinful acts! We’ll be watching your doors, and we’ll know if you take my sweet daughter behind them!” What Sue doesn’t mention is that many of the boys being under-aged was the only reason she didn’t place cameras in vulnerable areas.
“And speaking of my daughter, GodIsParadise has agreed to wear this Girl Robot costume! That way, we know that her man is attracted to her Godly countenance and servant’s heart, not lusting after her body!”
Several boys exchange glances. Between Paradise’s appearances on Sue’s older videos, her 6 sisters, and generally seeing her at church, most of the boys had a good idea of what she looked like. They were just smart enough to know not to mention it. And idk what the fuck Robin thinks he’s doing
Sue continues. “Before I move on to the tour, there’s something very important I must mention!
The secular Bachelorette has the woman make the decision of who she will or won’t date, which is blasphemously unBiblical! We do things by God’s Word in this house! So Jason will monitor each of Para’s interactions and dates with the boys, and he will decide who isn’t good enough for her!
But don’t think that means you should spend all your time trying to butter up Jason! We want our little princess to be happy with the man leading her for the rest of her life, so pay your attentions to her!” That was bullshit. Sue knew that most Bachelorette fans were women, so she wanted a ““““““““romantic”““““““““ show to draw them in, and there would be no romance if Jason was the focus. And if that meant pushing aside her belief that relationships were a business transaction between father and suitor, so be it. Sue was used to moral compromise.
Sue continues talking, sounding much more confident than she had the right to. “The TV method of elimination is the ‘Rose Ceremony’. I’ve never seen the show, but the name alone makes it obvious that it’s when the girl strips nude and shows her ‘rose’ to every man but one, and then the winners celebrate with an orgy ‘ceremony’! It goes without saying that we will not be throwing an orgy every week! Instead, Jason will pass on a Jesus statuette as a way to say ‘Jesus Approves... This Week’!”
“With that out of the way, let’s talk sleeping arrangements! Our home has 8 bedrooms aside from the master’s, and I’ve color coded each one! Each bachelor has been given one at random. Returning viewers will know I still have three of my twelve Godly children still living with me, and you may wonder where everyone is sleeping! Well, my considerate and servantly GodsMiracle was willing to move in with her big sis so her old bedroom could be freed up! And she’s so pleased to help, aren’t you, Mir?”
“Thrilled.”
“That’s the spirit! Because one of the boys will move out in a week, there’s no point in building an extra bedroom! So one of the bachelors will be rooming with my wonderful son, HeIsTheLight, until the first elimination. These men are our honored guests, so I refuse to degrade any of them by making them use the butler’s room! Westley has the shortest stick, so he’s the lucky guy that gets to sleep with my son! Now, to the tour...”
#fundielegacies#generation 2#smiths#fundielegacies sue linda#fundielegacies jason john#fundielegacies godisparadise#fundielegacies heisthelight#fundielegacies godsmiracle#fundielegacies westley talbert
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