its not a side effect and pete calling patrick love the day after all that stuff w jimmy cannot be a coincidence like patrick absolutely railed that man in their bus last night. and this morning. i know this in my heart

when you've taken your meds and your favorite driver starts looking at little less pookie and a lot more european man....

ok the last post i reblogged sent me on a minedai spiral and i wrote a massive textpost i didn't actually finish and watched like 30 mins of cutscenes including the whole finale rooftop stuff [yakuza 3 spoilers to follow] and god WHAT THE FUCK I'm actually crying like multiple consecutive tears over fucking. MINE YOSHITAKA. not that he's not worth it but i Did Not Care That Much when i first saw that scene but after spiralling over his emotions i am apparently DEVASTATED. cannot stress enough that i do not cry very often at all. this is a rare event. but it's just so fucking sad. when you know what's happening and what's going to happen and how mine feels the atmosphere is so fucking miserable and mournful. god. fuck. the way he looks at kiryu when he's like what are you going to do to daigo you bastard. THE GUILT THE HESITATION. HE'S NOT WELL. the love of his LIFE got hurt under his protection and he is NOT HANDLING IT WELL HE'S HANDLING IT SO FUCKING BADLY that he's decided to kill him because he's basically dead and he can't stand waiting for the other shoe to drop. he's losing his mind over this he's actually losing his entire purpose and ideology and he's fucking. gay as hell. and the way he says "oh yeah you know how it was growing up as an orphan. no one trusted or loved me. i had nothing" when, frankly, kiryu DIDNT have it that bad. but he did lose those people, one of whom's death has a striking resemblance to mine's in a minute. idek how i wanna unpack that rn. like he just assumes it's universal and it's not. but if they grew up in the same circumstances who's to say kiryu wouldn't have ended up like him? and when he collapses after the fight and his secretary calls him and he tries to open up to her about the shallow but meaningful (to lonely ass mine) relationship they have and she starts talking about stock exchange bs and he's like kiryu do you ever feel like your world is falling apart around you. he's been worried sick he's been agonizing he almost killed his dead beloved chairman. and the way daigo uses the same gun mine used to shoot at kiryu and was gonna use to kill him to save mine and kiryu. how his first lines are that he's not ready to die yet. how mine cowers and falls to his knees when daigo wakes up. fuckkk dude. and how mine starts all rational and explanatory and calm in tone and when kiryu starts pressing him he starts freaking the fuck out and when daigo wakes up he finally has a mournful tone. him saying he doesn't deserve to live but not admitting he betrayed daigo. he never even told him he loved him, as far as we know. (god the fact that it still manages to be devastating even with richardson's CHOICE acting and daigo's coma trickshot is insane.) and how he tells kiryu he hates those who always try to help others even when that's the trait that drew him to daigo, and when he lets kiryu help him (read: beat a moral into him) he wishes he'd met him sooner, as if the belief that there wasn't only one person who could care about him would have saved him has set in, as if he realizes now that he never accepted help and that's why he was wrong about those do-gooders, and that perhaps he was wrong about them and himself, that it wasn't because they were lying to him or because he was unlikable, but that he did not let them in. because that's literally what's happening. AND I FUCKING. FORGOT DAIGO ASKS KIRYU IF MINE WAS THE TRAITOR AFTER HE WATCHES HIM FUCKING KILL HIMSELF AND KIRYU SAYS NO HE WOULD NEVER BETRAY YOU. HE LIES TO COVER HIS ASS BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS HOW BROKEN HE WAS ABOUT THIS AND CANT BEAR TO RUIN HIS IMAGE IN THE EYES OF THE ONE PERSON MINE REALLY CARED ABOUT, REALLY LOVED. FUCKS SAKE.

not to be cursed but hualian as old men is literally just

SEASON FINALE TRIVIA !!!!!! this includes 23 and 24. i hope youre having fun :)

- yakko does the intro and says "welcome to just rolled with it the show after the show where we talk about how awesome i am :)" and hes right for that

- JUST GENERALLY PRAISING YAKKO FOR HIS PERFORMANCE AS ASHE. grizzly goes "i honestly forgot you were a guest player i just want you to stay here forever now"

- bizly and yakko the night before they recorded this episode were up late thinking about just . goofy scary things for the trickster to do. like what if the floor is lava but REAL. what if his ARMS GOT LONG. shit like that

- BIZLY WAS GETTING EMOTIONAL DURING THE SCENE RIGHT BEFORE ASHE FULLY TURNS INTO THE TRICKSTER. which is HUGE because its a running joke in riptide that bizly never gets emotional during character moments and grizzly is like. the big crybaby about it. polar opposites of the getting emotionally immersed in roleplay spectrum

- grizzly: "i know out of character we had to leave ashe here because it works for the story and also youre a guest and cant stay forever but in character, dakota would NEVER do that willingly. if circumstances were just a little different i think william and vyncent wouldve had to physically drag him out of there" :(

- OVERLORD WAS NOT ORIGINALLY AN ALLIGATOR. HE WAS NOT AN ALLIGATOR FIVE MINUTES BEFORE HE WAS REVEALED . OVERLORD BECAME AN ALLIGATOR THE MOMENT BIZLY SAID ".... i gotta do it"

- yakko: i kinda feel bad that i just one punch deleted the big supervillain thats been hyped up for the whole season

grizzly: no, look. we've been joking for like 5 episodes now about how our characters could never beat an alligator. and we were right!

- "it took a god to beat a gator" "i feel like youd see that on the front of a church in florida" "whats a king to a god. whats a god to a gator"

- condi: "hey! so the beginning of the episode! pretty wacky! remember when we fought whirlwind?"

charlie: "no. no i dont."

- grizzly: "i almost find myself sympathizing with the villains sometimes because we're just so annoying"

yakko: "every villain we've gone up against is just thinking 'man, these kids are LOSERS'"

- grizzly: "i genuinely never want to speak to mark again"

charlie: "if he breaks out of prison i will go to every length to put him back in. i hate him. i hate him so much" THIS WAS LITERALLT UNPROMPTED?!?!?!?!! WHY DO THEY HATE HIM SO MUCH. FREE MY MAN !!!!!!!!!

- when they first got into the room, charlie condi and yakko thought thetubes were gonna open and 4 regular gators were gonna come out to fight them. grizzly thought it was gonna be wavelength betraying them with the other lieutenants (AGAIN. WHY ALL THE MARK WINTERS HATE. I DONT UNDERSTAND)

- QUICK BACKSTORY RECAP BY GRIZZLY. basically verbatim to how hes saying it.

vyncent: is from another world. looked up to an adventuring party. (condi: the important part was the whole "monsters that dont look like monsters" thing)

william: theres a bunch of ghosts spirits monsters in deadwood and he and his friends were investigating them until one day he followed a wisp into a forest and fell down a hole and died and came back as a wisp and now all the monsters and ghouls are out to get him so he had to leave deadwood so his friends and family wouldnt be in danger (charlie: well when you put it like that it sounds so much lamer)

ashe: had a trickster book and the trickster killed his mom. idk why he thought that was a good idea. actually, when you got possessed by the trickster the first time, howd you get him back in the book? (bizly: theres more to that story you guys havent learned yet so im not gonna just tell you. you have to figure that stuff out in character)

- dakota: (from charlie this time) uhh your parents died and you take risks and jump off things and then one day a girl jumped off a thing with you and you grabbed her but then also died like william wisp because we like falling off of things and getting superpowers apparently so you fell off something and got superpowers and then you left the hospital before they coukd tell you anything and you ran into the woods where you met a strange old man that taught you how to fight stuff i guess (grizzly: i never actually wrote what happened to the girl in my backstory. bizly: because you wouldnt KNOW)

- dakota adrenaline junkie........ (grizzly: its worse now because he has powers and he can do all the things he used to and MORE. and SURVIVE)

- they all believe tide was mind controlled from the time he went to talk to whirlwind by himself after they beat him. bizly says he misspoke and described some things wrong, tide wasnt actually mind controlled until they were actually in the building. he kept rolling saves for him and every time he just rolled like garbage so he never broke out of it

- its a 2/3 split on how theyre planning to react to the heroes. vyncent and william are bitter about it because neither of them are used to living in a place with a lot of heroes so they dont know how all of this is supposed to work. theyre angry that the heroes never showed up when they needed them and the one time they actually do come its just MINUTES too late after their friend had to basically sacrifice himself to save them instead. dakota, who grew up in and around the city basically worshipping superheroes, doesnt understand why theyd be so angry.

- the reason overlord knew they were coming is because the gunman from the whirlwind fight got away. he instantly came back to overlord and told him to expect pd soon because they beat whirlwind

AWESOME TRIVIA FOR THESE!!!!! holy shit... trickster the floor is lava but real ^_^ horrifying thanks!!

ALSO REAL. THIS IS YAKKOS WORLD WERE JUST LIVING IN IT!!! genuinely probably i would have figured out the setup in 24 so much quicker if i hadn't just. Forgot ashe was a guest. i was like yeah man four of them. he just lives here now. i wonder what theyre setting up for because i dont think some big setup for one of the main pcs 2 have an insane sacrificial moment would happen!! ^_^;

I LOVE THE WIWI STUFF. fucked up x files gravity falls ass hybrid. head in hands. ALL of the backstory stuff actually esp. vyncents which is still the vaguest shit ever. shaking himmmmmm why is there an adventuring party in ur brain !!!!! head in hands.

web weaving or whatever

the things they carried is a WILD book,, it makes me feel things i wonder if the authors other works r similar rollercoasters

Gripping the fucking blanket crying screaming throwing up rn.

I have no idea about his other works but I’m gonna try Going After Cacciato next, its fiction but based on his experiences (the best books imho). I might try his other Vietnam stuff and maybe July, July (ensemble cast) and In The Lake of the Woods (seems to have the same non linear linked stories style). But man if you want war books that make you feel wild I cannot recommend Catch 22 (Heller) enough- its the same nonlinear timeline with different characters and its an emotional rollercoaster but more absurd and more of a darker comedy tone. Thin Red Line (Jones) is shorter and has more of a moral conflict- property property all for property- that sticks with me to this day. Sgt Welsh is absolutely fucking unhinged. And the last line hits like a punch. But Things They Carried just had insane emotional weight like even as it starts telling you how it ends and who dies you get to the scenes of things actually happening and its not like a “spoiler” or anything. And how he keeps repeating the same scenes he’s seen from diff POVs or as a different Tim. Rainy River chapter was insane it felt like a confessional. I believe a lot of the “i’ve never told anyone this before” stuff tbh. And all the little side stories like Mary Anne and scaring the medic who nearly let him die. Man. Good read, thank you!

Coworker who is late by 5-20 minutes every fucking day: I'm a creature of habit!

Me: I noticed.

the amount of media i have consumed in one week of being sick . . . . i am horrifying myself thinking about it

.

its not a lake

its an ocean

..... so i’ll be taking 8467747846 business days to recover from this

You put him in my path.

this was as much a style challenge as a frantic attempt to process the full range of human emotion for me, i wanted to challenge myself to a really limited palette and draw off a simple sillouhette and try to make the piece dynamically interesting still. this is the first time i’ve done colored lineart, and it was really fun! i think it helped everything really stand out, and it provided good contrasrt for the minimal shading.

lines+symbolism breakdown under the cut!

now, onto the ludicrous amount of thought i put into this:

the five of swords as a card represents conflict, disagreements and regret, its mains themes are about winning at a cost, and comes up when youve done what you thought was right or ultimately got what you wanted but ending up hurting yourself or others in the process. it comes up when you need to be told to pick your battles, or when something you did had unforseen consequences. sort of a yeah you did what you wanted, but at what cost, and i picked it bc it really fit the scene that inspired me to make this the best.

i pulled symbolism from the 8 of swords and the 10 of swords as well, because those both fit the emotions of the scene as well, but not quite completely. the stars reflecting off the ring and covering hadrians face are meant to imply the blindfold from the 8 of swords, which represents feeling trapped in a situation or in your own head. more importantly it represents self imposed restrictions and self limiting beliefs, which fits rly well with hadrian as a whole, and especially how he is Right Now.

the four swords in his back were placed there as a reference to the ten of swords. typically in five of swords artwork, the subject will be holding 2 to 3 swords, with the others lying on the ground as they walk away victorious from the battle. however, i really couldnt figure out where i would put all the extra swords and have it make sense composition and symbolism wise, so i mashed the two together bc i also really like 10 of swords for hadrian. the 10 of swords represents painful endings, resisting inevitable endings, betrayals/loss, crisis, and regeneration. invoking the 10 of swords here serves as both foreshadowing for something i know happens at the end of this season, and to represent the betrayal that was yet another chip in hadrians metaphorical armor that is his relationship with samothese

also, its a little hard to tell with the lighting, but his gauntlets are the only part of his armor thats silver. theyre the same color as his sword, and my thoughts are a little jumbled but its along the lines of gold being the color of the sun, and that not being the color he wears on his hands or his blade, which are the parts of him that actually deliver the action. the sun coming throught the stained glass making them look gold is an interesting effect that i didnt intend, but i think it makes the piece more interesting as a whole, something something thinking samothese guides his hands, but ultimately theyre his

and as a reward for reading all of that, heres my lines by themselves, because i really like how they came out

My town is fucking haunted! And it's utterly consuming and feels so impossible to escape it's genuinely insane. It's dying and dead but it's beginning to thrive. Everyone hates it here and wants out but nobody wants to leave. I don't know what to make of it.

happy wednesday i cannot wait until friday ~9p <3