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Wait, what?

It was happening before I knew what was happening. She was making noises (similar to the mockery in this npr article) that I could not comprehend. It was afterwards when I was sitting back at my desk that I was able to slowly connected the dots. 

She was mocking the Chinese language. She spoke the words, “Chinesen” the German plural form of Chinese people with disgust. 

We were at work. She was talking about vacation. How did she end up talking about this? Chinese tourists... she found them annoying. They did not know how to appreciate the nature of Bryce and Zion. She positioned her method of enjoying the national park as superior to their shallow experiencing. But, why did she had to mock them? She knew I was Chinese American. What was trying to do?

I had to leave. 

Did what happened actually happen? 

Digesting and dissecting the sequence of events with two of my colleagues, along with their validation and encouragement, prompted me to write her email. (She had already left for day. I had to settle for the second best option.) 

Perhaps, she didn’t know that she was being offensive and racist. Seeing ones bias and prejudice, which is unconscious, requires exploration and crisis. Perhaps, she has never been confronted with it. 

What a way to spend my Friday afternoon~

oy. sigh. bright side, I am applying my graduate education after the semester ended. I found some allies at work. I am learning to speak out against offensive acts, in hopes that she will learn to be more aware. 

We all need to learn to be more woke, to raise the unconscious to the conscious. yeah. 

– Joyce