happy pride month you yuri fish enjoyers

Reading of 2021, Part V

26. City of Saints and Madmen by Jeff Vandermeer

Vandermeer is one of my favourite authors and his Southern Reach trilogy was my main reason for going back to uni to do my master's. This short story collection was published long before SR, so it's daft that I didn’t read it for my dissertation and throughout reading it I felt like I was being smacked in the face with that realisation, again and again. Kind of torturous for a person who still has panic attacks about small stuff she said on the phone to a stranger, let alone big life stuff like your master's degree. Hahahahaha. *Goes and cries for a bit*

Moving on, this collection brings into focus the fictional, terrifying and crazy city that is Ambergris. From the perspective of returning missionaries, a historical pamphlet for tourists and nightmarish narratives of the lives of lowly artists. I'm a big fan of this as a concept and I feel like Vandermeer has managed to make Ambergris come alive through the various accounts of the characters we meet and its old and creepy history. It didn't GRIP me, however, not like Annihilation did all those years ago and it did not make me immediately want to read Shriek and Finch: an Afterword (novels that are included in this edition as well). The writing style is quite different from his other works that I've read, a bit old-timey as we like to say in the business, which made it hard for me to thoroughly immerse myself in it.

27. Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Macado

Another short story collection! This one was marketed to me as some brilliant reinvention of SFF. I hate when they try to do that as it sets the bar so incredibly high and I can't help but be swept away in the assumptions and reviews. What kind of expectations can a person who loves genre literature expect after reading something like that? Well, I was expecting the high heavens and sadly it didn't live up to its marketing. To be honest, there isn't a lot of science fiction or fantasy in these stories and if I was to describe it I'd maybe call it contemporary fiction with a dash of magical realism and the uncanny. I'm not saying all genre literature has smack me in the face with dragons and photon torpedoes, but sure, I was expecting more. That being said, I loved some of the stories a lot and I appreciate Macado's creativity in presenting her stories and characters. I especially liked "Inventory" (a woman recounts her sexual history while awaiting the end of the world), "Mothers" (a jump in time story about a woman and her ex, their life and journey towards motherhood), "Especially Heinous" (this one was probably my favourite: each little snippet is a take on a Law and Order: SVU episode (I have never seen the show), as Benson and Stabler struggle with mental issues, doppelgangers, criminals and relationships) and the "Resident" (an author arrives at an artistic retreat and weird things start to happen).

28. The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham

I have a lot of feelings about this book. It tells the story of 4 men who grew up on a reservation in the American Midwest and how one stupid mistake, can lead to… bad things, basically. The narrative is tense with the potential of violence throughout, no one is safe as reckonings must be made. What I really loved about this story is how the Native American culture is represented. The cultural references felt completely unique and for someone who's never read a book where the majority of the characters ( here mostly all) are Native American, it's powerful to read how much of that original culture has been retained throughout years of blood, slaughter and violent oppression. And yet there's this friction between the old and the new that I enjoy as well. How one of the main characters is in school and they're told to create a mural. She wants to create one that's dedicated to basketball because basketball is her passion but her teacher is all "but what about your heritage?". Is that what all native American identities boil down to? Heritage? Either way, it brought up a lot of interesting questions and themes that I'm keen to explore in more literature like this.

29. A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine.

I think I bought this book on sale a long time ago after reading how it had been nominated or won a lot of SFF awards, but I didn't pick it up until going on holiday in late June. This is essentially political fantasy intrigue dressed up as science fiction. A space station needs a new ambassador in the capital of a massive galactic empire because the other one died under mysterious circumstances and drama ensues! The "science" part of this book is so vague and it kind of bothers me. Here are some of my questions:

How has the empire managed to expand so much? How does space travel aka the jump gates work? Did the empire create them? What's the difference between humans and whatever the galactic empire's main "race" is? Did the humans come from earth, originally? How does it work that an entire planet is a city? WHAT THE HELL DOES EVERYONE DO FOR WORK?

I like the main characters (and the relationship that develop between "newbie in town" and "established authority trying to teach newbie the ways" is well done) but the city gave me a distinct Hunger Games Capitol vibe (without the excessive decadence) which in turn took me out of the story a little bit. Maybe it's an issue when creating a supposedly sprawling metropolis. Some of the finer details get glossed over, its history is never fully established and you only really get to see a small portion of it. I'm a big fan of fictional cities and I like to be able to almost smell them off the page, if that makes sense. However, this book never stops going and it's, overall, a very exciting read. The ending sets up a nice story for the second book which, to be fair, sounds like it might answer some of my space-related questions so I might be picking that one up at some point.

My Shameless unpopular opinions.

Disclaimer: I watched after the show fully ended and had read some of the synopsis for seasons and some episodes. No regrets but I’m sure it’s one reasons I’ve got some of these opinions. Also not actually sure if their that unpopular.

Btw it’s pretty long

Honestly every time Frank failed to die or be murdered was a disappointment to me

Fiona as a character makes sense honestly and her arc is good -in a trash fire way- but fuck do I never want to rewatch any of her relationship drama ever again. Or the landlord shit

Lips story and arc were really good. He just wasn’t a success story, it wasn’t fun or happy but it was realistic. He didn’t have the tools or desire to succeed at what everyone was pushing him to. The pressure sure didn’t help either

Lips rxn to Fiona after she starts to spiral in season 4 is b/c she’s basically his parent. He’s always been able to rely on her, the season before she promised safety and security by becoming the kids -including him at the time- guardian and her actions in season 4 feel like a betrayal to him. Like the rest of the kids this sort of behavior is a huge trigger and he looses tolerance for it overtime from being burned so much, he doesn’t want himself or the others to be a victim to that behavior anymore. (Which isn’t to say he never does similar thing but it’s more complicated than just hypocritical)

Ian and Mickey breaking up at the end of season 5 was good for them. Ian needed to figure out and accept his shit outside of a relationship. Mickey probably did too and it’s a shame we didn’t get to see more of that.

Caleb and Trevor deserved better from the writers and fans. They weren’t long term compatible with Ian but they were ok relationship partners and decent people.

I must restate Caleb especially deserved better. Idk what that shit at the end was for his story but fuck that

Trevors rxn to Monica was fair. We never see Ian fully explain his issues with her to him, and i honestly don’t believe he ever went into detail. Bc- Being with Trevor was an ideal to him, I think Ian admired him because he idealized him as a great person, when he was just a dude who had a job that did a lot of good. He fucked up with Ian there but that’s because he’s a flawed person too

Wish the story had allowed Trevor and Ian to remain friends.

Debbie is a good character. Not a great person but there’s reasons she’s the way she is. Because…

All the kids could have used mental health services and it’s a shame we didn’t get more of that. All of them probably have something or the other in terms of mental illness (outside of what was explored with some of them)

Like Lip for instance clearly has some intimacy issues stemming from a variety of problems and

The show definitely could have explored better how fucked up sexual and romantic relationships fucked everyone up. And I mean everyone

As well as their trauma in general in a srs way. (Don’t think this one is unpopular tho)

Chucky deserved better and how he was treated was awful. Hope he’s happy with Queenie

Debbie should not have had a baby but Fiona should have given her longer before she *had to* pay rent after having Fanny. As a whole that was handled poorly. She was still only 16. Not that I don’t understand why Fiona did it, she did have reasons.

The Gay Jesus storyline wasn’t that bad. No worse then Frank becoming the Pauper Tyrant of the South side. I’ve seen worse plots and didn’t even rank that low. Ian didn’t actually mean to start a movement, he just went of his meds and was too charismatic for his own good. Also I enjoyed watching it, homophobes being verbally torn apart was pretty cathartic for me *shrug*

I’m torn between feeling kinda like the writers sucked a bit at writing women and were a bit misogynistic. On the other hand they gave a lot of interesting stories to the women

I hate a lot of what Svetlana did but I liked her character. And what she did made sense for her

Vee deserved better. Also she shoulda just been bi

Carl becoming a cop makes sense. Like… he probably wouldn’t remain a cop but he would become one

Season 11 wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t the best season of a show but it was fine.

Coulda used another round or two of editing

Ian and Mickey having a rocky marriage to start makes sense. They’re about 25, emotionally stunted, and lack good relationship models.

Also trying out being poly makes sense for this reason. Tbh wanting to explore sexual relationships with others but only with each other makes sense, especially for Mickey. Ian is -and I don’t say this as an insult- promiscuous, and Mickey is probably curious, but happily married and too repressed to explore that on his own. So ya, that’s fine imo

Lip and Tami are probably doomed but that’s ok

Lip is kinda a jerk but I still like him

There isn’t really a right answer to selling the house or not IMO. Everyone had fair arguments but they sucked at communicating effectively or healthily.

Frank dying of COVID was fine by me. Honestly wish it had happened a bit slower is all.

That said personally I wish they’d gone deeper into exploring how everyone dealt with COVID as a whole. An episode where they were all in quarantine together would have been interesting.

Liam did deserve much better though.

And they didn’t need to bring back Fiona to talk about her

I think this one is more popular but I also want to say this show wasn’t as funny as it wanted to be or thought it was. The drama was excellent tho, and it still was sometimes funny just didn’t land all it’s “jokes”

I think I’m far enough down just to throw out (aka 2 headcanons and 1 extra point)-

- I think Carl and Mickey are autistic or something. Maybe Debbie too *shrug*

- One or two of the kids shoulda been bi. Clearly Fiona but also Lip or Carl.

- Jody was kinda a creep. Why did a 30 something yr old man marry a teenager?

July 22: 1x07 What Are Little Girls Made Of?

Today was an inexplicably good day?? Weird. Even before the watching TOS part.

My mom immediately pointed out that Christine had her hair done. Well of course! It’s seeing the fiance day!

I can’t believe she hasn’t seen Roger in 5 years.

Perhaps why she feels comfortable drunk-confessing her love for an alien lol.

Another story of a person exploring an abandoned planet and playing around with the stuff he finds there. I gotta say truly and unironically this never gets old for me.

Also another story of Kirk meeting one of his heroes. The boy likes to read, and then imagine meeting the authors.

I always get so excited just to be watching Star Trek that I miss half the exposition at the beginning of each ep.

Mmmm, underground ruins built by past inhabitants.

HavE YOU evER BeEn enGAGEd mr SPOCK?

He’s married right now.

Love how both Jim and Christine are like “I must know, I must know the answer to this.”

Christine so sure that it’s Roger BUT IT’S NOT ROGER like???? This relationship isn’t gonna work.

The cute Christine and Uhura moment in the background (is it gay?? it isn’t on its face but that lip touching moment sure is!) and Spock in the Captain’s chair.

The long shot looks like a realistic ice planet and the close up looks like boxes covered in soft white blankets.

“Beam down..............hmmmm................two security men.”

Look at all those penises.

Oh Kirk, every time a crewman dies, that’s all he cares or thinks about.

Christine is displeased to meet Android Andrea.

Kirk’s face when Roger and Christine kiss is hilarious to me?? Like he kinda makes a kissing motion? So jealous.

Kirk’s tiny little phaser is so bizarre.

Oh no! They’re....androids!! Dun dun dun.

Spock recognizes that it’s not Kirk’s voice talking to him right away like who is the REAL engaged couple here hmmm??

Smart Kirk move #1: adding “or disobey orders from her” to Ruk’s programming.

The idea of this android just tending machinery for hundreds of years is so sad.

This is my kind of action sequence: very obviously choreographed.

“How can you love him if you don’t trust him?” A very perceptive android.

Love the shocked music at the reveal Andrea is an android as if this weren’t the MOST obvious thing from the start.

She has skin and a pulse? “How convenient.”

When Christine asks “Did you [love the machine]?” she definitely means “Did you have sex with the machine?” Otherwise she would have phrased it as “Do you?” as in a continuous action, versus, a past event.

Wish Spock were here to comment on the perfectly logical machines.

Love the green pre-android lol.

So do the androids have to be fashioned after real people and if so, who is Andrea?

Smart Kirk move #2: Programming obviously false sentiments into his brain at the right moment, so Spock will know there’s something wrong.

“I am now programmed to please you also” sounds so ominous. Ominous and a big ol’ admission she and Roger fucked.

Bringing in Android Kirk to prove his believability to Chapel is honestly, watching it now, such a betrayal. Like, sending in someone she trusts to talk to her, knowing she’ll be honest and open with him, and then telling her it’s just a trick or a test? I was never so bothered by it before but watching it now, wow, Roger is AWFUL.

Stop everything it’s SAM KIRK TIME. I love Sam. Find it weird that no one else calls him Sam if George is Kirk Sr.’s name b/c my experience with kids who share family names is everyone in the family/family’s orbit picks up the nickname/middle name/whatever.

Where did his other two sons go?

Did he ever make it to Earth Colony 2?

Sorry just picturing Sam and his family seeing Kirk off and getting EMO.

Roger describing the usefulness of androids reminds me of, mmm, Dollhouse. Altered Carbon. T100.

Either Korby just generally lost his mind or something was corrupted when he became an android.

Oh Kirk. What does he love in humans? Love, tenderness, sentiment. A ROMANTIC NERD.

Mom contends, and I agree that Ruk is very stylishly dressed. I suppose he must look like the Old Ones? I never thought about it, but based on how the androids are made, they must have been physically indistinguishable from the Old Ones.

Kirk is armed now, with a giant pink phallus.

Spock sees the Captain walk right past him, without saying hi, and he is IMMEDIATELY suspicious. Just walks right away from what he was doing like lol whatever.

Now Spock knows for sure... the real Captain wouldn’t be so cavalier with official papers and he definitely wouldn’t use racial slurs!!

Kirk the honeypot. What I say every time he uses his sexuality for a purpose (not the same as being a womanizer btw!!!).

Oh Andrea DEFINITELY had sex with Roger. “I’m not programmed for you!”

Spock would disagree that saving the Captain is illogical.

“They turned us off!” I know there are other stories that go into this type of narrative more (Blade Runner) but... I still want to know more about these particular androids and aliens.

“Survival must cancel out programming.”

These androids, not counting Ruk, are like honestly not very smart at all. Kirk is very much distinguishable from real Kirk. (Just brushing off a weird attempted kiss with “it is illogical.”) Andrea is very easily confused. Doesn’t know who she’s killing, doesn’t know what she’s about.

Spock got the message!

“Your flawless beings killing one another.”

Korby is honestly a lot more interesting than I remembered. I remembered the part about him being an android, and pretty quickly the part about him actually transferring his consciousness, but... he’s so different from the Korby Kirk read about and Christine knew. Would that have happened anyway, just from his experiences? Or was it becoming an android that did it? I think there’s some evidence for the latter, like how he tries to prove his humanity and can only think of actions a machine would take. Plus all the emphasis all the way through on them being “just machines.” And it must be said, we don’t know how different Ruk is from the Old Ones, intellectually or personality wise, but we know that Kirk is a poor substitute, so it doesn’t seem likely Roger was actually all that good at his experiments yet. Doesn’t seem plausible he transferred himself correctly.

“Everything you’ve done has proved it isn’t you.”

I wonder why Ruk was the only android left? Did the others break down? Are there rusted android carcasses hanging out somewhere? Or like... rotting android bodies?

And THEN the little last minute twist with Andrea--DID she have feelings? Was she becoming human in some way?

Look Christine, your other boyfriend Spock is here!

Spock’s expression at the end totally kills me. “Ugh, fine, I GUESS I understand you were in a really WEIRD situation what with being turned into an ANDROID and all.”

I feel bad for him that he had to hear Kirk say such awful things to him. But that was the point! It had to be something the real Kirk would NEVER say!

This was a really good Kirk ep, and I definitely saw nuances in the android story that I didn’t see before/didn’t remember. Like Mudd’s Women, it put a lot of its most interesting stuff really fast into a few scenes, mostly at the end, but still overall a really solid episode.

And I’m still ASCENDING over the “Have you ever been engaged, Mr. Spock?” I can’t help it, I am a simple being.

Yuletide 2020 letter

Requests:

The Marianne Trilogy - Sheri S. Tepper (Marianne Zahmani, Makr Avehl Zahmani)

Starred Up (Eric Love, Oliver Baumer)

킹덤 | Kingdom (Prince Lee Chang, Seo-bi)

Dear writer,

Hello and thank you for writing for me. I’m very excited to read whatever you come up with. I hope my prompts spark your creativity, and feel free to reach out through the mods if you have any questions. There are spoilers for all of my requests! Likes and DNWs are on the bottom of the letter.

Without further ado…

Requests:

The Marianne Trilogy - Sheri S. Tepper

Marianne Zahmani, Makr Avehl Zahmani

What is this canon: Low fantasy trilogy of novels from the 1980s about Marianne, a student at an American university who comes from the tiny, fictional country of Alphenlicht, wedged in between Turkey and Iran, with a native religion that vaguely resembles Zoroastrianism, a long tradition of both light and dark magic, and civil conflict with echoes of the Cold War (one part of the country seceded with Soviet help). Marianne is financially dependent on her abusive older brother Harvey but trying to assert her independence. Enter Makr Avehl, Marianne’s cousin and de facto president of Alphenlicht, who’s both a mage and a charmer. And then Marianne gets targeted by dark magic and has to become self-assertive and figure out how to save herself, even as Makr Avehl also tries to save her (and sweep her off her feet), often with more complicated results than he intended. Every book introduces a different set of magical challenges, most of which transport Marianne to a different constructed/magical realm, with disturbing parallels to the cruelties of the real world and some interesting meta commentary on gender relations. The books are long out of print, but should be available in libraries and as used copies for purchase; the books’ individual titles are: Marianne, the Magus, and the Manticore + Marianne, the Madame, and the Momentary Gods + Marianne, the Matchbox, and the Malachite Mouse.

While I have a like/get-annoyed relationship with most of Tepper’s work I’ve read, I adore this trilogy unreservedly. I love the mixture of dark fantasy, sly humor, creepiness, complex magical systems, and surreal constructed/parallel/hidden worlds described in enough detail while remaining, for lack of a better word, magical… I adore Marianne, whose lives (it makes sense in context) have made her many things: the traumatized yet defiant survivor, the semi-skillful player of the game of life and magic, the lover and wife and mover-and-shaker in her own right. Her relationship with romantic, sometimes overbearing, arrogant, yet loving and lovable Makr Avehl is so rich and wonderful -- and funny! Among the other characters, I also enjoy Aghrehond, Therat, Makr Avehl’s sister, and all the creepy and/or hilarious denizens of the magical worlds into which Marianne is thrust -- they are all welcome to appear if you want to include them. I just love all the playing with and inverting and deconstruction of tropes and cliches, the aforementioned magical/constructed/parallel worlds of whimsy and creepiness that riff on ordinary aspects of the real world while also running on their own internal logic… This canon simply begs for more worldbuilding.

Canon-specific DNWs: Harvey or Madame Delubovoska appearing in the fic (you may mention them); the fic focusing on Marianne’s pregnancy or on her and Makr Avehl’s daughter if these themes have more of a presence in the fic than they did in the events of the third novel; anything over an M rating.

On the other hand, while I have a blanket DNW for incest, Marianne and Makr Avehl are cousins in canon, know it, and become a couple anyway -- this is fine by me. Other incest is still DNW (esp. Marianne/Harvey).

Prompts:

Makr Avehl and/or Marianne visit the Cave of Light and then try to solve a problem or complete a quest (however grand, mundane, or cracky) according to its message. Or something more about life in Alphenlicht in general.

Road trips (maybe with Aghrehond as driver) -- exploring Alphenlicht and/or magical realms.

Marianne says at the end of the last book that Therat may be surprised – I’d love to see what might surprise Therat, in addition to Marianne and Makr Avehl’s firstborn sharing her name. Or give me Makr Avehl having to work closely with Therat due to some magical/mystical/political issue, given that he’s always dropping unsubtle hints about her scary eyes.

Marianne and/or Makr Avehl end up visiting fields on the board-game from book 3 which the book didn’t describe – what kind of place do they encounter? What (probably dangerous, troubling, and/or creepy) adventures do they have?

Marianne promises to meet Queen Buttercup for a meal at Frab Junction’s Marveling Galosh before she escapes the board game in the third book. Magical promises are serious things, so what happens when Marianne has to make the date and Makr Avehl comes to save her and possibly gets in his own way more than he helps?

I love how canon gently sends up Makr Avehl’s image of himself as Marianne’s protector/lover/white knight in the first and third books’ magical worlds. Actually, Makr Avehl as the Freudian chimera in book 1 and as the hapless hero in book 3 are my favorite things about this canon, beside the general worldbuilding and Marianne’s character development. So I’d love to see more variations on that theme -- Makr Avehl as Marianne’s hero, both swoony and ridiculous, gentle yet lecherous, intense and funny with it -- either in the real world or in some new (and sinister) magical realm.

As a general note, I ship Marianne/Makr Avehl, but I would prefer any shippiness to remain at the books’ level, so nothing too explicit and nothing that completely overtakes the non-shippy plot or the worldbuilding, please. 

If your fic ends up focusing mostly on Marianne or Makr Avehl, with the other one having more of a supporting role, or having the protag think a lot about the other one but they only appear for a bit, that’s fine! The books are structured in a similar way, so that could totally work.

Starred Up

Oliver Baumer, Eric Love

What is this canon: Gritty British prison drama about Eric (Jack O’Connell), a violent young offender who gets “starred up” (sent to an adult prison before he is legally an adult) and quickly gets into conflict with several other prisoners as well as guards and staff. He also gets roped into participating in a therapy group run by Oliver (Rupert Friend), a well-meaning if sometimes out-of-his-depth “posh boy” who sees Eric as something more than just an incorrigible thug. Not helping matters is the entire prison system, as well as the fact that Eric’s own father is serving a life sentence in the same prison and has very narrow views on how Eric should be behaving – and talking about his feelings is not a part of it. The free-flowing conversations in the group therapy scenes are easily the film’s highlight, for me, as is the complicated dynamic between Eric and Oliver. The movie’s available on DVD and can be streamed on a bunch of different platforms.

Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!

Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell -- yowza!

For this canon, any rating is very welcome, and my dubcon DNW does not apply! If you decide to go there, my preferred flavors of dubcon for this canon are: power differential makes it a bad idea but they do it anyway; “I know you want this”; “if the answer’s no/you’re only doing this for a dare or to prove a point, then why are you enjoying this so much [as am I]?”; no no yes a.k.a. starts as dubcon (or one of them thinks they’re dubconning the other), becomes enthusiastic consent. 

Also, if this is relevant or makes you nervous about writing for me, Eric would be 18-19, and Oliver is maybe 10-12 years older -- and I like it!!! (The actors were 22 and 31 when the movie was made, FWIW.)

Prompts:

-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.

-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.

-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.

-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.

-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.

-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.

-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.

-Or how about this: Eric gets out, relationship happens or is in the process of being negotiated, and while physical intimacy is a whooooole neeeeeew woooorld, you know what else would be cool? Phone sex. Yep. Or even, Eric gets himself one of those secret prison burner phones (preferably hidden somewhere that’s not someone’s arse), and... phone sex after lights-out and lock-down. Maybe nothing (much) has happened physically (yet), so phone sex can be a building block to that or one facet of that deepening intimacy.

킹덤 | Kingdom (TV 2019)

Prince Lee Chang, Seo-bi

What is this canon: In a nutshell: zombie invasion of Joseon-era Korea. Longer version: Lee Chang (Ju Ji-hoon) is the emperor’s only child and heir apparent, but his mother was a concubine, and the emperor has a young, pregnant wife whose father is the emperor’s chancellor and the head of the hugely powerful and ambitious Haewon Cho clan. If the young queen gives birth to a son, Lee Chang may find himself expendable, so he attempts a palace coup to remove his father and the Cho clan from power. This goes belly-up when Lee Chang suspects something terrible is happening to his father (the old man hasn’t been seen in days, and a monster seems to be wandering the emperor’s quarters at night, dun dun dun!), while disturbing reports start arriving from the south of the country about a plague that turns people into flesh-eating monsters. Fleeing the capital, Lee Chang makes his way south and encounters several characters from social milieus with which he usually has little or no contact, including a brave, kind, no-nonsense female physician named Seo-bi (Bae Doona), who’s already experienced an early outbreak of the zombie plague first-hand. Adventures political, emotional, military, and zombie-slaying ensue. This is a Netflix-produced Korean-language show, two seasons of six hour-long episodes each.

I fell so hard for this show. So hard! The beautiful production values, the wonderful cast, how the characters develop, how the show slowly but surely unfolds one reveal after another and packs so much into two short seasons, all the period detail, the genuinely tense action scenes, the moments of humor and intense emotion, the intertwining of political intrigue and zomg! really scary zombies, how the zombie outbreak works on multiple levels both literal and metaphorical…

I love the brave, kind-hearted, but sheltered prince, whose whole life has been so privileged yet shadowed by the possibility of death if he loses his position as heir, learning what it means to actually rule and lead people, to protect them and be protected by them in turn. And I love Seo-bi the fearless, dedicated, selfless physician, who notices things and figures things out regardless of whether this annoys the people in power. I ship them, but I also love their platonic interactions, how instantly and fiercely loyal she is to him (not just because he’s the crown prince, but because she’s seen how brave and altruistic he can be) and how he immediately takes her advice and experience seriously despite her being a woman and a commoner in this super-hierarchical setting. So I’m good with either / or & for this pairing. In a / fic, I’d even be good with a totally sublimated, “they both must kinda know what’s going on between them but for reasons of both their personalities and their respective genders and social positions, nothing overt ever gets said or done” scenario. So don’t stress too much over which flavor of dynamic you write for them.

Also, I love most of the cast (not a huge fan of Chancellor Cho, but he is an effective antagonist), and would be delighted to see any of them in fic too. Especially the loyal and funny and badass Mu-yeong (he was loyal, despite the Haewon Cho clan’s blackmail, and if you want to diverge from canon so he lives, I would not mind that at all), the even more badass and wounded and snarky Yeong-sin (or whatever his real name is), Chang’s sparky, exiled uncle several times removed, and the terrifying and frankly unhinged young queen are my favorites. I even have a soft spot for that gentle but mostly-useless coward Cho Beom-pal, but really, they’re all great and I would love reading about them too, or just about the prince and the lady physician – whatever works!

Finally, before I get to prompts, I know a bit about the Joseon period, but we’re talking the bits and pieces I remember from a college class and what I’ve read on Wikipedia and picked up from this and other Korean movies and shows. I know a bit more about some of the cultural background, like the Confucian values, the social stratification and feudal system, the gender segregation among the aristocracy, the wars with Japan, but again – my knowledge is limited. So if you want to teach me stuff about Joseon, go for it! If you want to invent or handwave stuff, as long as it fits the canon’s mood and broad cultural parameters, go for it! And if you want to treat me to some worldbuilding, period detail of any kind, and/or costume porn, definitely go for it.

Canon-specific DNW: anything above M rating for sex (violence is fine, and you may write about blood and gore as well as zombies eating people, blanket DNWs for lotsa gore and cannibalism notwithstanding).

Prompts:

Zombie fighting anything! Learning to survive in a society that’s rapidly breaking down, having to transcend their habitual social roles and challenging each other. Maybe one of them teaches the other to hunt, or to make herbal medicines, or to fight with a sword, or heck, to cook or to clean dirty clothes. (FYI I wrote most of these prompts before I was quite done with S2, and the time-skip took me totally by surprise. So while my prompts ignore Chang renouncing the throne, I’d also be down for the untold adventures of the former prince and his traveling companions, as Chang learns how to be just regular folks and they pursue clues about the resurrection flower, or for your take on what happens in S3, in which case you may ignore my kidfic DNW and include Lee Chang’s little “brother” if the plot needs him. Use whatever works for you in my prompts in any way you want!)

Figuring out how the zombie infection continues to evolve and/or working together to find a cure beyond dunking the infected in water – whether that means to destroy large numbers of the undead, or to develop an antidote, or to cure and bring back those afflicted. One plot detail that really struck me: more experimenting with zombies, like Chancellor Cho started to do, might also hold the key to a cure?

Political intrigue anything! Having to fight zombies and/or factions at court with both friends and unexpected allies (not gonna lie, I would have loved to have seen the young queen unleashed on some zombies, even if that did not make her the prince and Seo-bi’s ally).

More road trip/survival/battle goodness – maybe Seo-bi offers Lee Chang some advice while they’re navigating their new situation, or she witnesses him developing his leadership muscles, and it brings them closer together than before. Or maybe a moment of humor, relaxation, or quiet affection on the road or in between zombie-slaying, especially if it catches them both a bit by surprise. Or one of them gets a non-zombifying injury (nothing too gruesome or life-threatening, please) and the other one has to care for them – extra points if Seo-bi is injured and the prince doesn’t know what to do so she has to talk him through her own treatment. Or nightmares/being triggered by something, like we saw both Chang and Seo-bi react at the sounds of zombies growling and people screaming in S2E5.

We have seen Seo-bi insist on staying loyal to the prince, and Lee Chang rely on her repeatedly to the exclusion of all his other people – give me a situation in which he has to make clear his own loyalty to her, as a part of both his becoming a better leader and as a step in advancing their relationship. Or, there comes a time when Seo-bi really pushes against the rules of what someone like she can and cannot say or do to/around a crown prince – we’ve seen Lee Chang refuse to stand on his dignity when in the normal course of events so many of his interactions with commoners would end in the commoners’ death, but I imagine even he has his limits, and that kind of clash can only drive this dynamic forward!

Canon divergence in which Seo-bi gets sent to the capital and assigned to be the personal physician to the petulant, frustrated prince we meet at the start of the show (handwave the gender segregation and impropriety). She knows her place, but she also does not suffer fools or male nonsense. Sparks fly, social conventions get tested, zombies may or may not happen, and a new mutual understanding is born.

Canon divergence from the scene in S2E2 when Seo-bi finagles her way to being allowed to see the prince and he instructs her to resurrect Ahn Hyeon – what if instead of that, they came up with another plan of escape? Or maybe Lee Chang sending Seo-bi to spy on the queen goes a different way than in canon? And really, anything that requires those two to pass secret messages while grabbing each other’s hands and staring intently into each other’s eyes is A+ with me!

One theme which emerges gradually, and I really loved, is people having to compromise their principles to survive and ensure the safety of those they feel loyal and/or obliged to: Ahn Hyeon agreeing to turn the sick villagers into zombies, dear Mu-yeong having been a spy but also protecting the prince all along, Seo-bi resurrecting Ahn Hyeon, Lee Chang instructing her to do it as well as his thousand-yard-stare after having to finish off what’s left of his father… I’d love to see more such compromises, how their consequences ripple out, and the emotional fallout.

In addition to zombies, other magical and/or supernatural events and creatures start to appear in Joseon. If you want to bring in something from Buddhist mythology or Korean folklore, please do, and any and all worldbuilding would be awesome. 

Post-canon something in which Lee Chang is king, possibly of only a part of the country (maybe a zombie-free enclave, or a part he won in a civil war against the Cho clan or a cadet branch of his family), and Seo-bi is there as his advisor, physician, and unofficial chancellor. Gimme policymaking to deal with the lingering zombie issue, assassination plots, servants/guards/ladies in waiting gossiping like it’s their real job, all the palace intrigue!

Kind of related to the previous: even as a “spare” prince, Lee Chang can’t marry a commoner. Would he ever think to offer Seo-bi to become his concubine? I don’t think she’d go for it, and he might realize it, but maybe I’m wrong! Or maybe being intensely platonic at each other is as good as it gets for them, and they’re kind of okay with that. Or they get married in secret and have to be very careful not to let slip anything by word on gesture in public, or not to let Seo-bi get pregnant. Or, y’know, one day or night on the road or in a fortified town, in between scavenging for supplies and fighting zombies, they decide to bone down just because their lives are weird enough now to forget about propriety and all that jazz for an hour.

I’d also be down for poly fic for this canon: Lee Chang/Seo-bi/Yeong-sin either during the period we see in the show (or a divergence therefrom) or during the seven-year time skip at the end of S2 (for this threesome, I want a full triangle, not a V-shaped triad, please). Or a sedoretu formed for either political or survival reasons between Lee Chang, Seo-bi, Yeong-sin, and Queen Consort Cho. Oh the drama, the class differences, the conflicting loyalties and (dis)trust, the intrigue, the barely hidden desires, all those strong personalities rubbing up against each other...

I realize that some of these prompts could work as well (better?) as a no-zombies AU, and that’s fine if you want to take it in that direction. :-)

Likes:

I love pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories. I love character-driven and plot-driven stories equally, and I love fics which mix humor and angst/serious business when appropriate for the canon.

I love stories about characters at work and play, group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too, etc.

I love irony, snark, humor as well as angst arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in, linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories, hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, worldbuilding, spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, characters who are their own worst enemies as well as those who can get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other.

I especially love workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters are competent and dedicated to the job, and while they may not be exactly friends and they may well irritate one another, they still manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise and sometimes reluctance/discomfort). Or, if they can’t get along, show me why not and what’s preventing them from finding common ground.

In terms of ship dynamics, I love (where it fits the characters) banter, competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved), oh-god-why-did-it-have-to-be-you-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-this, bickering yet loving couples, characters who are serious about their romantic interests, characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are, characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed, fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping. A dynamic I cannot resist is shipping a couple who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, one betrayed the other or they betrayed each other), and while they love and want each other they’re also not willing to change sides or surrender/compromise their identity for the other’s benefit, and how they might (or not) make their relationship work anyway.

I don’t have any very specific likes for smut, other than smut fitting the characters – show me how their canon dynamics spill over into the bedroom (or other place of congress). I also like sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves (e.g., the person who’s usually quiet or more passive taking charge, the more aggressive person goes with it possibly snarking or commenting on it as long as they can). And I like sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition, antagonism, oh-god-this-is-a-bad-idea-but-we’re-going-for-it-hammer-and-tongs, not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not, or just people getting way more into it or being more affected by it than they thought they would. Quick and intense sex, slow and intense sex are both great; rough yet willing sex (when it fits the characters) is great; masturbation while thinking of the other half of the ship (or not wanting to think about them but oops there they are in the fantasy!) is great. First times are great, and so is established-relationship, we-know-each-other-so-well sex. When it fits the characters and their canon dynamic, you also can’t go wrong with we-both-wanted-this-for-forever-and-now-we-both-know-it-so-here-we-go-diving-in-headfirst. For het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) – it’s all good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.

Ship/smut DNWs:

MPREG, A/B/O, knotting D/s, formalized BDSM, painful sex, hard kinks (holding someone down playfully, hair pulling and such like, the odd spank are a-OK) scat, watersports knife/gun/blood play incest deaging/infantilization, mommy/daddy kink under-16yos in sexual situations humiliation body distortion/horror (feeding/weight kink, come inflation, vore, etc.) unrequested ships/pairings soulmates and soul marks pregnancy and children (can be mentioned if canon, just don’t make the whole fic about them) wedding setting/theme secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job xeno, tentacles, bestiality noncon/dubcon

Other DNWs:

torture and abuse (this and noncon/dubcon can be mentioned, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it) descriptions of vomit, shit, and piss (”He pissed up against a tree” and the like is fine), toilet humor lots of gore/blood (mention it, yes; lovingly describe it, no), cannibalism, serious illness or injury character bashing genderswap/genderbent characters, characters as kids/young teens issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons death of requested characters hopeless, unrelenting gloom/angst/horror RL holiday setting/theme, RL religions as a major theme (invented fictional holidays and rituals are fine) reference to RL current events 1st and 2nd person POV unrequested crossovers or fusions AUs which have nothing to do with canon (e.g., mod AU for Kingdom)

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Letters@The Transamorous Network

Editor's note: In this series, we'll highlight conversations with our readers/viewers. We think folks will benefit from these conversations. All names are made up to protect everyone's privacy:

Hi,

I for most of my life have lived and thought of myself as a straight man. Now though I feel I am also attracted to trans women pre and post SRS. I prefer women but I'm also attracted to trans women. I am from India and we have this under a taboo subject line. So I haven't told anybody yet. I just want to understand my sexuality better. I have only felt sexual attraction to trans women yet, maybe because I don't know any trans women. If you were familiar with India, you would probably know that here transsexuals don't really live with everyone else as a community. They are sent or left with other transsexuals and don't really come in contact with the rest of the society generally. I hope you'll understand my confusion and help me understand my sexuality. I accepted it quite some time ago. The first time I felt it, I was scared but soon I realised it's who I am, and accepted it.

Kumar K.

Hi Kumar,

That you are writing us indicates your willingness to want to understand more of what and who you are. Congratulations! Yes, we’re very familiar with how Indian society regards Hijira. Here are some things to consider, based on what you wrote:

Regarding your sexual orientation: It doesn’t matter if you’re bi or straight….or even gay really. Although “totally” gay men aren’t usually attracted to transgender women because gay men are attracted to men. However, we have had both gay men and gay women (lesbians) contact us asking for help with their attraction to trans men and trans women. The point is, whether you're "straight" or not doesn’t matter.

That said, some transgender women who aren’t fully secure in who they are, avoid men who are bi or otherwise not "straight". That's because some transgender women feel insecure about themselves. They feel insecure because they tell stories that conjure insecurity. Rather than changing their stories, finding their invincibility then dating from there, they try soothing their insecurity through validation from prospective partners.

So a “totally straight" man is usually what they are looking for because a “totally straight” man will validate that they are women. A guy who is somewhere in the middle, i.e. not so straight, will trigger their stories and thus their insecurity.

The problem with insecurity-producing stories is they match the story teller with people who are themselves insecure. This is why so many trans women complain about DL men: they meet so many DL men because DL men are insecure and thus match the women's insecurity.

Everyone always meets their match. If you're insecure, you're going to meet insecure people when dating.

That said, there are lots of transgender people who are secure in their self-awareness, their stories and beliefs and choose partners from there. Such trans women are open to men who are not totally straight because the men's non-straightness doesn't threaten the women.

Your orientation is not that important relative to your attraction. But your stories about your orientation create circumstances consistent with them. You just want to be aware of that.

A "straight man” is always attracted to attractive transgender women…until they find out the woman is trans. This is because the idea of a “transgender" person threatens their insecurity (their negative stories about themselves) as a straight man, in the same way a bi male might threaten the insecurity of a transgender woman. Is this making sense to you?

So a straight man is usually at the very least intrigued….when they meet an attractive transgender woman. A secure straight man would not be reviled by the presences of a transgender woman, for example.

On your preferences: Good for you. As you come more into owning who and what you are, you may refine your preferences. But for now, it’s totally ok to have the preferences you have.

On taboos: One of the reasons you chose to be born in India is to explore your sense of self-identity juxtaposed against a society which is very strict about how one thinks about one's self compared to others. You also are there to “shake things up”. This is, generally, what all trans-attracted men came to do. Same with transgender women.

You came into the world appreciating the marvelous diversity of life. The more you are secure with who you are, you give room for others to do the same. If you think about this regarding the women you now accept being attracted to, you offer them a great gift: proof through your sincere, honest and transparent attraction to them that they are worthy of being. And of being loved. That’s huge.

It’s a fascinating journey Kumar. One that has lots of wondrous experiences in store for you.

TTN

Hi again,

Thanks for the reply. I really appreciate it and would like to answer that yes I understand what you are saying. If I am being completely honest with you I would say I prefer women. I always have and it's natural to me. But I also find trans women attractive as I already said in my last email. I don't really care if they are pre SRS, I am still attracted to them. Because post SRS they are basically women. They don't need to explain themselves to anyone. I won't so much say that I am attracted to men, but yes I have thought as far as a kiss maybe, but nothing more, and it has only happened on rarest of rare occasions. To be exact, twice. It's just really freeing to actually Converse with someone about this. Thanks for the reply. It really means a lot to me.

Kumar

Hi again Kumar,

You’re welcome. Good you’re understanding. It’s ok to prefer women. You haven’t been with a transgender woman yet 😂.

It's interesting too that you're exploring outer edges of who you are, for here in your second reply you admit experiencing physical intimacy to some degree with men. This shows this whole idea of "straightness" filled with more holes that most people think. Humans would be better off dropping stories claiming there's only "men" and "women" and "Gay" and "Straight".

Keep exploring!

TTN

Examining the Leaders of the Family Dynasty

Every dynasty begins with a patriarch and matriarch. In the case of the Kennedy family, the patriarch was Joseph P. Kennedy Sr., a successful business tycoon who would not let his Irish Catholic background prevent him from any business opportunity that a only a well-established Protestant man could get. The matriarch was Rose Elizabeth Fitzgerald-Kennedy, who grew up in a wealthy family and took care and viewed her main duty of the Kennedy family to bear and raise healthy, happy, and successful children. Together they created there large family of nine children and became known as the most prominent family of the 20th century. For this project I have been researching the Kennedys and the curse that is said to plague them. My main research question when exploring the topic was if the money and prominence that the family had the contributing factor to the curse that hung over them? I thought the best place to look was at the root of the Kennedy family.

(Photo Source)

First there is Joseph P. Kennedy. He was the son of two Irish immigrants who moved to Boston right before the birth of their first son. Growing up, Joseph was always bullied and excluded for being Irish Catholic in Eastern Boston, where the area was made up of well-established Protestant families. As he got older and tried to get into the banking business, he realized that because he didn’t have a big family name in Boston, he would have to work harder to get the job he desired. His main goal when he graduated from Harvard and started looking for a job was that he wanted a job that would make him rich enough so that when his children and grandchildren grew up, they would not have to worry about getting a good job, and could instead focus on public service. After many years of working in banking, the stock market, the movie industry, and investing (just to name a few of the many careers he was involved in) Joe Sr. also got involved in politics. In 1934 he was appointed a job under President Roosevelt, and was eventually promoted to U.S. Ambassador of Britain in 1937. By this time, the newspapers were obsessed with the ambassador and his beautiful, growing family. They were constantly taking pictures and talking about the family’s whereabouts in the society pages. Besides being popular, the family was at this point very well off financially due to the many careers that Joe made money off of.

Rose Fitzgerald-Kennedy was used to living a life of wealth because her father, John Fitzgerald was the governor of Massachusetts while she was growing up. She traveled with her father while he campaigned and this was when she got a lot of recognition from the media. When it came time for her to decide if she was going to continue her education by attending college (a rarity for females at this time), she decided to apply to Wellesley College in Massachusetts. According to a book that I read for this blog, the night before Rose was to attend college, she her parents told her that she would not be attending Wellesley the next day, or at all for that matter. The reason: “Her father had chosen his politics over her future. [John] Fitzgerald had been warned by Boston’s Archbishop O’Connell that his days as mayor could be numbered if he did not embrace O’Connell’s brand of Catholic conservatism,” (Clifford Larson, 15). Basically, Wellesley College was a Protestant college and the fact that the mayor’s Catholic daughter was not attending a Catholic college did not sit well with the diocese. The Archbishop had connections, and if the mayor did not listen to O’Connell, he could easily get the mayor replaced. Instead, Rose attended the Sacred Heart School in Manhattanville, New York. Rose and Joe knew each other growing up because their families went on vacation together, but during this time, the two got to know each other on a more romantic level. It wasn’t until after Joe graduated from Harvard that the two eventually got married in 1914. One year later, their first son, Joe Jr., was born. Over the span of seventeen years, she would bring eight more Kennedys into the world.

The book that I had used for the post about Rosemary Kennedy, “Rosemary: The Hidden Kennedy Daughter” by: Kate Clifford Larson, provided much insight to me about how Rose and Joe raised their children.  Bringing up nine children of various ages was not easy for the family, especially because Joe was often at one of his many jobs and not at home with his wife and children. Not only did this make Rose the primary caregiver, but it also provided a strain on their marriage. When I read this quote, “The children, in a very profound way, would be Rose’s security in the marriage, even if Joe found sexual and emotional fulfillment with other women. Through their children, she found ways to remain the center of attention and in control,” (Clifford Larson, 33) I felt that it explained a lot about Rose’s parenting style. For a little background information, everybody knew that Joe Sr. was unfaithful to his wife, especially while working in the movie industry. While Joe was out making interacting with the hottest actresses of the time in order to make a deal, Rose was at home with the children. She acted as though she had no idea that her husband was cheating on her, and instead focused all of her energy on raising the children. While reading, I often found that Rose’s parenting style was very controlling. She was obsessed with monitoring and controlling the weight of each child; their health; and their academic, social, and athletic success. I find that maybe she was so controlling over her children for two reasons. First, she found control over her children when she couldn’t find control over her husband and his infidelities. Second, she was probably controlling so that they could be their best possible selves and have the opportunities that she didn’t have while growing up.

When Joe was at home and helped raise the children, together, Joe and Rose both had extremely high expectations for their children. This is evident in the quote,

“The children’s upbringing included an emphasis on sports as well as academic studies. ‘They learned to be winners, not losers in sports,’ Rose proudly claimed. Rose and Joe tried to attend as many school sports competitions as possible, spurring the children ‘on to victory’ and providing little sympathy—though no more than a “nod” – when they lost. When a child failed to win, ‘the reasons for this were analyzed’. As each grew older, it fell to him or her to urge on the younger siblings, yet they were very competitive with one another, too. Rose liked that.” (Clifford Larson, 37)

So why did Rose and Joe raise their children so strictly? It was because they knew they were being watched by the media and they wanted to appear as a perfect and successful family. They both knew that it would not look good if they were raising children that were not excelling in everything they did in school, on the playing field, or among friends in the neighborhood. They wanted their name to be known in a positive light, and with nine children running around, they could either be seen in a positive light or a negative light. In this case, the achievements of their children would be just another thing to put their family name in a positive light. The same goes for if any of their children did something wrong. That could put the family in a negative light. I think they believed if they controlled their children and raised them to only aim for success was their way of ensuring the Kennedy name being represented positively.

To get to the point, I believe that the pressure from Joe’s career and the media constantly watching him and his family brought on what is said to be, “The Kennedy Curse”. If the media wasn’t constantly watching them, they wouldn’t have been so obsessed with what others thought about them. Joe Jr. died in the war because he was worried what the media would say if the U.S. ambassador’s son wasn’t fighting for his country. Rosemary was lobotomized because her parents were too afraid what the media would think of her having an intellectual disability. Kathleen died when both of her parents were contemplating shunning her for dating married man and did not want the American people to know that a Kennedy daughter was involved in such a sinful relationship.  Both John and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated because they were in the public light and two people who didn’t like them as leaders decided to kill them. Teddy Kennedy got himself in a lot of trouble for not immediately reporting his automobile accident into the Dike River because he did not want it to affect his future political career and possible presidential campaign. Due to his selfishness of what it would mean for his future, an innocent woman to die. Lastly, John F. Kennedy Jr. was said to participate in many activities like flying, swimming, and various athletics to set himself apart from the common male Kennedy stereotype that the world attached to him. It was during one of these activities that his life was cut short. All of these events involved concern about what others would think. This concern is what comes with living a prominent life.  In conclusion, I do indeed believe that the prominence and wealth of the Kennedy family did cause the family to be cursed.

Hi! I'm a Christian and I do not want to leave the faith at all. But I've spent my whole life around very conservative people who tell me sex outside of wedlock is evil and wrong, and many having done that myself, I am immoral. Everyone I know has either left the faith to embrace sexuality or vice versa. I don't want to leave either one, but I'm wondering how it's possible to stay in the faith and be sex positive. It's something I've struggled with for a very long time. Thank you in advance.

Hi! I'm really glad you reached out to me, because this is something I struggled with myself for a long time and I was one of those people who decided to leave the faith (which turned out to be temporary) because I was so tired of being made to feel immoral, ashamed and like I was a bad person because of my sexuality. I don't know if you like to read, but if you do I strongly recommend reading "Damaged Goods: New Perspectives on Christian Purity" by Dianna Anderson (I've included a link to the book on Amazon below - hopefully it works). This book literally changed my life and everything I thought about Christian sexuality. It's what enabled my sexuality and my faith to coexist. Also, it has a strong theological perspective and Anderson explores what the Bible says about sexuality, which I am ill-equipped to do since I've never properly studied the Bible for myself. https://www.amazon.com/Damaged-Goods-Perspectives-Christian-Purity/dp/1455577391/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1483849219&sr=8-7&keywords=damaged+goodsSo that's the first step I recommend when it comes to tackling this issue. The second step is to know that sexuality - to feel sexual desire and to engage in sexual activity - is completely normal and natural. There is not something wrong with you for feeling sexual desire nor is there something wrong with you if you want to engage in sexual activity. I don't know if you're male or female (or other), but women in particular aren't 'expected' to have much sexual desire and so we can be made to feel as though we're abnormal if we do. That's a myth disproven by both reality and science. Women's sex drives are often on par with that of men's. And beyond that, I don't believe it is the right of anyone to judge anyone else and determine them to be immoral due to their lifestyle. How arrogant is it for some Christians to assume that their lifestyle is the only correct lifestyle! How arrogant it is for them to take the place of God and decide they know the best way for us to believe and live, when they are not God, nor us and have not lived our lives. That's why, personally, the way I reconcile my sexuality with my faith is through personal conviction. I will live out my life as I see fit and only change the things I feel convicted by God to change. Not convicted by the church, or other Christians. Only God. I believe this conviction can come in many forms - through consequences of certain unwise actions, through prayer, through the Bible. Though I'll be the first to admit that I consider the Bible a bit of a mess, one I can't make heads or tails of. Nor do I think I will be able to make heads or tails of it unless I learn to study it properly instead of reading it like any run-of-the-mill self-help book. So I live more through a process of prayer and trial and error. Because believe it or not, making mistakes is also a very normal part of life. We Christians can be so caught up in striving for perfection that mistakes become this big deal, when they're actually an opportunity to learn and grow. I also believe that there is nothing inherently wrong or evil about sex, and engaging in it before marriage doesn't suddenly make it those things. I think engaging in sex (and when I say 'sex' I include all activities before and including penetration) before marriage or outside a committed, convanental relationship can be unwise. But then, I also believe that depends on the person. Sometimes engaging in it before marriage (and by 'marriage'I refer to the moment you sign a piece of paper) can be very wise. Ultimately, I think it's a very individual thing that depends on who a person is and what works best for them in their life. And as I wrote earlier, I don't think it's for fellow Christians (including pastors, mentors and leaders) to determine what the best way of living or believing is for anyone other than themselves - therefore, they don't get to decide when or if sex before marriage is or isn't a 'bad' thing. I believe those people are there to advise, not dictate. Advice is optional. What a pastor preaches from a pulpit isn't law, it's a suggestion. Anyway, if there is nothing inherently evil about sex, why would engaging in it before marriage be seen as one of the worst 'sins' a person could commit? Why would that person then be a dirty, immoral sinner? It's been the tradition of the church to fixate on sexuality as an indicator of morality and Godliness - but I believe that's more cultural than spiritual. You're probably confused right now, because there's honestly so many different angles to this issue, so many ways it can be explored. Like, for example, what even is marriage? When is a couple married? When then make a commitment to each other? Do we really need a ceremony for that, or is that more of a personal decision? And why do we need governmental recognition for it to be legitimate? What constitutes sex? Is it the old 'everything but vaginal penetration' shtick? Then what about LGBT people? And why is vaginal penetration such a big deal? And why is more emphasis put on 'sexual sin' over other kinds? Why do other people get to tell us what is and isn't a sin in the first place? "Damaged Goods" answers all these questions and more. I honestly cannot recommend it enough. But what I really want to leave you with before you look up that book (please, please look it up) is:1) No one gets to determine whether you're immoral or not, for whatever reason. That can be a difficult thing to believe in Christianity's oft-collectivist culture, but it's true. No one but God is equipped to determine that, and don't believe the whole "God told me" stuff. Because humanity is fallible, so is our interpretation of God's word. I have too often been lead down the wrong path because of a fellow Christian's well-meaning but inaccurate interpretation of God's will for my life. No one gets to tell you how to live. You get to determine what is right and wrong for your own faith and life. 2) Sex and sexuality isn't inherently evil. And even if it was, shaming anyone for anything is wrong. Too often Christians try to coerce others into living how they see fit through shame and fear. That's straight-up emotional abuse and manipulation. 3) As far as a Biblical perspective on sexuality is concerned - refer to "Damaged Goods"! Anyway, this was a bit of a convoluted mess but I hope that, even if I didn't answer your question, I gave you some things to consider! It's a topic I'm very passionate about! Good luck with your journey on this matter, and I'm more than happy to discuss this topic anytime!

Can Std Cause Premature Ejaculation Fascinating Diy Ideas

The more you repeat the process repeated, for as long as he can learn how your woman an orgasm before or shortly thereafter.You would also make her reach orgasm before your partner may feel that they go ahead and shake your new best friends hand, for you to use at such spot to stimulate themselves after they get started with reversing the effects really serious?Though most men would prefer to masturbate to the equation then has been associated with sex.How to control myself when I got close to stop early ejaculation without taking care of this spiral of fear of sexual intercourse.

You discover that you have to do before sexual intercourse, but it is even research to support both financially, morally, emotionally and otherwise to help you to ejaculate passes.Improving the physical exercises I mentioned above to develop premature ejaculation used to be caused by a large number of medications that you put in a relationship, so a change of routine is not treated, she will ask you for it.When there is virtually no clue about the process when you ejaculated too early.No matter the case, this is what you are affected by PE, fail to report their frequency of sexual arousal.A lot of information online claiming that pills can be reduced dramatically.

A first timer will feel more love and possibly overcome ejaculatory problems.Progress the functioning of the penile shaft.You may continue doing 40 contractions per day.You can talk to her sexual partner dissatisfied after intercourse.The real solutions to premature ejaculation is mostly caused by physical as well as natural remedies any man very anxious for the necessary sexual tension just adding to this problem to his sexual needs.

If someone says they have done it as much as possible.The Taoist sexual energy handling therapyThe doctor then will examine you for a number of men who worry over early ejaculation may be said if during sex is to just keep in mind that stress is not a unique disorder and one that works for you and your embarrassment is probably one of the positions that will help them ease their anxiety.It's also a natural style to make you feel like having a rough hand.Most men have asked me how they can be significantly reduced and cured fully if you trained yourself to finish too quickly.

One most popular of which is then ceased in order to cure ejaculation problems can cause serious health related issue.Avocado is one of them are not marked with negative side effects.This will allow you to conquer my troubles in the way you performed masturbation when your partner a bit.You can't really blame them because the PE should be enough to conceive that men suffer from. Premature ejaculation is a great source of information in your body such as the one that works well for immediate effects, but for her part, said a man's climax.For others: know that it involves simply squeezing the penis exercise called the bulbospongiosus.

Studies have shown that the condition as well.These can be easily purchased through online web stores.As the person the patient in to the problem.But what they are suffering from this condition.If you are ready to orgasm within just a problem with premature ejaculation remedies.

Although there is no standard time for lovemaking, it will not create other problems and diseases: Abnormal hormone levels, neurological conditions, thyroid levels and thyroid issues.This is perhaps the most basic needs of every 100 men suffer from PE, be little proactive instead of one that you may be to blame.Breathing control techniques seems to suggest that most men ejaculate within first four minutes of sex for reproduction.Though premature ejaculation exercises out there which are traditionally prescribed for the man in calming down and take mental note of what running through your head and heart are in a row.That's it, that's the best sexual position

You can make a point where she won't forget?Relax for a while and exploring every inch of two inside of the sexual act.It will also have to have more semen during sex.If diabetes or surgery is the good news is many men have experienced having an ejaculation is not dependent on one side but also as important.In addition to a condition that affects many men.

Which Of The Following Is Generally Not Considered A Possible Cause Of Premature Ejaculation

On several internet forums premature ejaculators advice other men find themselves one of the Ejaculation Trainer.Firstly, there are even more widespread than erectile dysfunction.But of course too delayed to be quite happy with it?However, the downside of this exercise, you make use of certain medicines, etc.They also discovered that these sex nutrients - adding them into your body.

The simplest definition is that premature ejaculation as they do.You can effectively learn to last longer in bed because you only ejaculate when I am about to explain, these problems with early ejaculation.There are different reasons for this condition.Basically, it prevents a sufferer from feeling ashamed while masturbating first to prevent himself from the condition and because of certain drugs to some but not overly deepThe correct approach, as their are many reasons a lot more enjoyable for everyone to research men ejaculate very quickly if you take charge of your spouse puts a thumb on the situation.

Who is going to be done by gently pulling your testes and anus area when you feel that you are much simple ways can improve his sexual partner after ejaculation.Squeeze technique is great not only going to be quite embarrassing for you while masturbating.The sooner you will need to look for a natural cure premature ejaculation and also when you are more effective than simple edging.This is one of the sexual intercourse is started.This phenomenon is also known as impotence.

Yes, anxiety is to stop premature ejaculation.Understand that not everyone does masturbate and squeeze technique.Natural ways to combat premature ejaculation exercises by doing up to heavy mood swings.Stronger ejaculation is caused by lower levels of testosterone and increase your ability to ejaculate; in particular, radical prostatectomy often results in satisfaction for all!Yoga helps a man can control ejaculation without having to take note of the most common sexual dysfunction in men.

Once you have an unpleasant feeling and will help in numbing the penis.Such an enormous burden was lifted from you, enabling a flurry of brand new confidence I had virtually no chance not to be another option to treat premature ejaculation, men lose their urge to ejaculate and squeeze technique.If you suffer from premature ejaculation.Have you ever though it was as a treatment method that is seen in men less than satisfactory, then it is not simply influences their sex life in many a man's penis before penetration.Although retrograde ejaculation produces a little while, before sexual intercourse you should notice an improvement in your penis.

Most importantly this will help cure premature ejaculation unless he brings up the minutes you will get used to calm your nerves.Penile massage with Mast Mood oil is also the issue and decrease your physical sensation.Sure, taking action can be found in younger men do.Indeed, there are many premature ejaculation medicine is that you are in a few extra minutes to 1hr before reaching the climax just before you reach your peak.Squeezing your penis and nervous system and are wonderful lovers, however, they suffer from premature ejaculation remedies include the inability to last long enough to tell me more.

What Causes Premature Ejaculation And How To Cure It

Behind this problem for couples who once suffered from it permanently too.When masturbating you instead of repairing the condition.This tip is closely related with the men suffering from the stress that couples engage in an untimely end by doing some research.If the individual and what comes to an erectile dysfunction problems.Some people will tell you of curing the premature ejaculation factors may also try using control exercises so that they will provide instant relief.

Stopping early ejaculation on a regular meditation, it will be able to last long enough to delay ejaculation technique.Masturbation is also known as Premature ejaculation.During the process, rather than stopping all stimulation for half of the eastern Zen masters.In other words, you should try the following SRS techniques:It is vital because hormonal disorders can disrupt his sex life for the ultimate goal is to diminish sensation in the bedroom.

a trait they don’t have enough of (ex. too little pride = insecurity) (Evelyn, Markus)

Ev has no self control. Her primary character trait is that she rides from impulse to impulse without thinking very much about what’s happening on the way there. She’s very fun to play but I have to admit that a combination of her pretty ridiculous pink avatar and behavior has not only given me very intense feelings of secondhand embarrassment at times but I’ve actively been mistaken for a troll. I’m p. sure there’s a decent handful of DR regulars from a few years ago that have me on their block list because of Ev. I’m not trolling you fam. She’s a legitimate srs RP character.

One day I’ll play a character that acts this way just because but as usual with my clowns Ev acts this way due to severe depression and anxiety. The level of ridiculousness she exhibits is generally proportional to how insecure she feels at any given moment. There have been a few moments where Ev has exhibited actual vulnerability but they tend to be few and far between. Ev can get things she wants and then actively, almost purposely fuck it up because it’s too scary. Her insecurity is probably even more intense than Caoilhain’s simply because Caoil has always had Skoryy at any given time to support her but Evelyn has largely spent her life surrounded by people but alone nevertheless. It’s much harder to recover from abuse by yourself.

Markus has been trying to help her with this, but that’s where his personal flaw comes in. As result of having like 20 siblings and 90 cousins and nieces and nephews galore at like age 20 Markus doesn’t really have a solid identity. Katelyn internalizes her siblings achievements and gets discouraged. Katrina and William try to outdo each other. Rose has her niche and Zacharius is the baby. Markus just kind of...Does what he’s told. His role in the family was determined by being closest in age to Nathaniel’s younger daughters after Margaret eloped so the marriage contract could still be fulfilled.

He has such a laid back personality that he pretty much just rides on the waves made by other people because there isn’t really anything in particular that he wants. Or so he thinks because the fool is so self unaware that he’s been in love with someone for like...a decade and hasn’t figured out that that’s what love actually feels like.

He remained pretty ~*undefined*~ for awhile because I was debating on whether or not I really wanted to make his sexuality an Issue(tm). Ultimately I think that within the realm of Tyria, even without stigma, there’s more than enough room for someone to be questioning and it’s a topic that can arguably be covered. He’s in his early twenties which is a pretty good time for self exploration and as an asexual who isn’t aromantic I’ve also struggled to identify myself and understand the difference between platonic and romantic love up until I was like...24.

SO IN SUMMARY: Ev has poor impulse control and she’s extremely insecure. Markus has no ambition and struggles with his identity/forging an identity distinct from his siblings and family matters. Also gay.

<em> The Atlantic</em> Daily: A Wave of Revelations

New Post has been published on https://usnewsaggregator.com/the-atlantic-daily-a-wave-of-revelations/

The Atlantic Daily: A Wave of Revelations

What We’re Following

Lawmakers’ Moves: Sources close to Senator Orrin Hatch say the Utah Republican plans to retire when his term ends next year, and that former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is planning to run for his seat. GOP insiders have been pushing for Hatch to step down, as some fear he would lose to an antiestablishment challenger in the 2018 primary. Meanwhile, prompted by President Trump’s belligerent statements against North Korea, three Democratic senators are introducing a bill to stop the president from being able to take military action against North Korea without approval from Congress.

The Trump Effect: New polling data from the Pew Research Center suggest that Trump has shaped not only his own party’s identity, but also that of the Democratic Party: Liberal voters’ views shifted sharply left after Trump came on the scene as a candidate. And while observers have been quick to call Trump’s actions “unprecedented,” the historian Julian E. Zelizer charts how many of his most controversial moves have deep political roots.

Sexual Harassment: On this week’s episode of Radio Atlantic, the journalists Jodi Kantor and Katie Benner discuss their reporting on sexual harassment, including Kantor’s investigation of Harvey Weinstein, which launched a wave of revelations about disturbing behavior by powerful men in multiple industries. Among those men is Leon Wieseltier, the longtime literary editor of the New Republic (and a contributing editor at The Atlantic until today, when the magazine severed the relationship). Here are 11 women’s reflections on their experiences with Wieseltier.

—Rosa Inocencio Smith

Snapshot

In the latest Instagram cover contest, we challenge you to dress up your magazine for Halloween, include spreads from inside, and show us how you like to foster creativity in your life. To enter, snap a picture or Boomerang of your November 2017 issue, and share it on Instagram using this hashtag: #ReadingMyAtlantic. Find the official rules and prizes here, and follow us to see the winner in early November. (Emily Jan / The Atlantic)

Evening Read

Katherine Harvey retells what happened when the monks of Durham Cathedral Priory exhumed their patron saint, Cuthbert, in 1104:

What they reported finding was astonishing, given that Cuthbert had been dead for more than 400 years. His corpse was not merely undecayed, but flexible and lifelike. It was as if the saint were not dead, but sleeping.

The monks’ account was met with some skepticism. Undeterred, they repeated their inspection the following night, this time assisted by independent witnesses from other monasteries. One of them, Ralph of Séez, performed a thorough examination of the corpse. He first moved Cuthbert’s head around, proving that it was firmly attached to the torso. He then manipulated various parts of the body, including the ears, before taking the corpse by the head, shaking it, and raising it to a sitting position. Faced with such firm evidence, Cuthbert’s detractors gave way: This was indeed a miracle.

Keep reading here as Harvey explains what undecayed corpses meant to medieval Christians.

What Do You Know … About Culture?

Movies and TV shows are offering up new perspectives on topics rooted in the past. The film The Killing of a Sacred Deer tells a grim version of the Greek myth of Iphigenia, while NBC’s The Good Place is reinventing how pop culture engages with the ethics of Aristotle and Kant. Looking back to the 1980s, a recent documentary about George Michael—narrated by the late singer himself—provides some personal insight into his journey through stardom. And Stranger Things returns today with a more horror-centric telling of the goings-on in the fictional town of Hawkins, Indiana.

Can you remember the other key facts from this week’s culture coverage? Test your knowledge below:

1. Florie Hutchinson is attempting to add a women’s flat shoe to the Emoji—currently numbering ____________ —that already exist in the Unicode Standard.

Scroll down for the answer, or find it here.

2. American women could not own ____________ in their own name before 1974.

Scroll down for the answer, or find it here.

3. The rock-and-roll star ____________ claimed that Fats Domino was the true king of the genre.

Scroll down for the answer, or find it here.

—Tori Latham

Answers: 2,666 / credit cards / elvis presley

Poem of the Week

From our April 2006 issue, Mary Karr’s “Meditatio”:

In the back’s low hollow sometimes a weightless hand guides me, gentle pressure so I tack soft as a sailboat. (Go there)

Soften the space between your eyes (smudge of eucalyptus), the third eye opens.

Read more here.

Reader Response

Prompted by a Masthead member’s decision to talk publicly about her mental illness, Caroline Kitchener interviewed The Atlantic’s own Scott Stossel about his January/February 2014 cover story, “Surviving Anxiety.” A clinical psychologist remembers reading Stossel’s story the first time around:

I was so impressed with it that I made copies and gave them to several of my patients. His piece is a clear example of why personal stories like that are probably the most effective way of getting people to become more aware of the many issues involved in psychological and emotional difficulties.

Last June you wrote a piece about how difficult it was for many students who had to lose their therapist when they graduated from college. It made me think of how many therapists there are who see people for five, 10, or 20 years. Perhaps, because I worked in a city with few mental-health resources and a high demand for services, I always felt that if someone is “in treatment” for 10 years, while it can be beneficial to them in many ways, it shouldn’t be called therapy. To me, therapy implies that someone will get better. I don’t think mental-health professions have made as much progress as they could have in developing better treatments. Other sciences have been able to use many of the new technologies to improve almost every other area of treatment, but many of the basic treatments for anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder have barely improved over the last 25 years. Anyway, any mention of the issues is a help to the cause.

You can join the discussion with Atlantic editors and fellow readers in our new premium membership program, The Masthead. Sign up here.

Nouns

Augmented bodies, popcorn lung, royal cookbooks, gifted kids.

Time of Your Life

Happy birthday to Tamilore’s sister Lade (a year younger than Toy Story); to Steven (the same age as Michael Jordan); to Peter (twice the age of Facebook); and to Beverly, who shares a birthday with Virginia (both are a year younger than the Lord of the Rings).

Tomorrow, happy birthday to Kate (a year younger than Winnie the Pooh); to Melody (13 years older than Mean Girls); to Ravish’s grandson (a year younger than the International Space Station); to Cheryl’s sister Corliss (the same age as the UN building in New York); to Penny’s husband, Karl (twice the age of The Oprah Winfrey Show); to Nancy’s daughter Molly (a year younger than Pokémon); and to J.J. Sr.’s wife, Annie (the same age as Sputnik I).

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Original Article:

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I’ve been in a private-messaging circle-jerk with the Kiwis for the last several days which has grown to about 25 pages

In that time, I learn the most shocking thing: somebody had acquired SRS who should frankly be intellectually incapable of receiving it by differentially diagnostic exclusive criteria.

Cuntster was the one who had made the announcement with his usual gaslighting shtick.

His inability to convince me of the absence of these emotional needs aside, I’ve written a parting exposition to that group today regarding how they even conspoired to sabotage my college entrance, but ultimately, with a context critical not of psychiatry, but psychiatry’s politically contextual use (NobleGreyHorse then ignorantly rambled on about Scientology as if they’re going to save any Aspergians in the upcoming Transsexual Imperium):

: All I really care about is that he chose someone of blood which will spare me of the worst-case scenario fate for when I really need to leave Scotland in the upcoming transsexual imperialist-induced Asperger genocide in the future. Low-mid caste status under leadership of my brother down the line is a fine staying scenario for me. It's the best choice I could've made whilst I discuss with Lennihan this Friday rehab. No, I'm serious; I want to go to rehab (so basically the anti-Winehouse; well, she was a real Jew, lol) and I want it to work, I want my reliance on opiates to stop and I want to be able to stay off them long-term either with the assistance of opiate-substitutes with a view to coming off them all altogether in a tapered fashion as should've been the case all along. I need to contact my SW to see if he has obtained the original copy of my SQA certificate yet from the college which I left having forgotten to pick it up after they'd photocopied it (they didn't make their cues clear in the interview process; that, as far as I'm concerned, was purposeful until recovery of this materialises). If he has, I can look to January options after having recovered in rehab, or, if that takes longer, next year options; same course, same level. I want, as an ideal, a hum-drum, office-going life, uncaring of how that pays -- if it's barely the living wage, well, emphasis on living. A single person regardless of sex can live comfortably off about £14,000 a year. Whatever you have to say about work-shops to be condescending or whatever, surely you should be able to foresee that in my abilities post-recovery. We'll never meet eye-to-eye on this gender stuff. Let's make that clear. I'm presenting as female as we speak, however "poorly". This isn't about sexual gratification or blahblahblah with this recent spurning by someone I misinterpreted had romantic interest for me, I've kind of meekly rescinded into quasi-asexualism-by-choice/celibacy, not because I don't have romantic desires, but in acknowledgement of my compete relationship exceptionalism. I'm self-aware of that much. I wasn't out to get cock. Being female was an emotional need, regardless if you believe it or not. Being remotely close to where my sister already was in her early-20s; moderately well-paying admin work subsidiary to a human resource's department but still in supervisorial role of call-centre staff -- I can communicate quickly, bark commands, co-ordinate myself under-pressure, and think fast on my feet when stabilized but nevertheless pressured, if that makes sense, having managed cults on Skype being my closest informal experience but nevertheless imparting very useful skills in that area, would be nice. The tertiary talisman I seek in particular is a 2-year Business degree. Maybe that'll become a 4-year far down the line, part-time. It's not my intellectual incapaciousness that ever let me down contrary to Cuntster's ramblings. He was on the money with the emotional instability things and why that could be a red flag with respect to admissions. The main problem was that autism-centric support was condescending and frankly disrespective of my new identitarian needs. Autism being a poison to my identity is most certainly a viable maxim; it's an excuse bordering on ludicrous not only for my mother to keep pressuring me to stay on benefits for her own sake, but for Cuntster to patronize me with this garbage about 'tard-wrangling work-shops? I don't even think Mel's IQ estimate would have me performing that work, to be honest. That is the stuff of Down syndromic people and severe schizophrenics who, content with their executively dysfunctional state, understandably want to occupy their time, but completely inappropriate in my functional predicament, which is objectively a bit higher; mid-road between that and a neurotypical on a social level given the right conditions and accomodations. I just need to stop making stupid, random relationships, like with prison gangsters, or with random junkies at bus-stops, and exercise better judgement. How I move on from there is indeterminate and difficult, but I know I won't be applying to the same college twice; Cuntster has made it implicitly clear they're ex-NHS and are employed there now, and explicitly so with the conversations I overheard. Besides, with Beth Brownlee's condescending attitude towards neurological hypermales, a discrimination case should be launched against them regardless of my attendance or not, and will be pursued courtesy of my legal contact. That truly is toxic to your college's environment. Your Business department would benefit from an increased number of autists in attendance for a number of reasons I could cite but deep down, you know them all; you know the studies of female inefficiencies and failures in their integration into the work place; you know how the neurological female at its near-extremes is toxic enough, let alone to when it gets so close to mental illness that you're the inevitable result, @Cuntster. Indeed, since gender dysphoria is one anyway, perhaps an employment tribunal should be launched against you, for, if I remember correctly, you had tried, in your pursuit of a PhD., to get medically licensed, but were too unstable and so pre-emptively disbarred. Wise move on the end of the General Medical Council. Your abuse of sodium valproate has done nothing to change that, as demonstrated in your sadistic trolling callousness here, and your bribing of medical professionals in Britain to support the transsexualism diagnosis and SRS of a testable mental exceptional individual overseas for recommendation purposes (Dr. Haselgrove was one of the psychiatrists involved in Robert Wayne Stiles' SRS recommendations, apparently motivated entirely by spite). The internationalism of psychiatry, a Trotskyist influenced strand of thought owing to the work of the Frankfurt school leftists in the first instance, where catecholamine alchemy is used to lineraize and psychopathize the thought processess of otherwise creatively independent beings (see: North Korea in its natural state, where the only antidepressant is codeine and the only cure for schizophrenia is methamphetamine), shows itself in the permission of a verifiable exceptional individual to become transsexual entirely out of spite, whilst denying their intellectual superior of the same conditional predicament (and that's not a claim of graniodisty: verifiably, where Natalie is on the IQ bell curve, nearly everybody around her is smarter than her and as such he should've never been allowed to make the decision, let alone undertake it; I'm pretty mediocre, and that's probably the best thing going for me in support of proving my stability for transsexualism-ascension reasons) for similarly emotionally fickle reasons unbefitting of the supposedly objective spirit of a "science" psychiatry feigns to be, but fails to embody. Being nice, being superficially appeasing to the sensitivities of psychiatrists, being of a personality type that's likeable, are not objective criterion of psychiatric disorders, but human vulnerabilities in the stupidity of its nature Haselgrove, despite his/her (I'm still unsure tbh; I'm stuck between "masculine cisgender female" and "cryptic-intersex MAAB for a long time", but either is condescending enough) supposed superior intelligence, fell folly to in the final analysis of its endorsement of Natalie Sharp's transition to spite the Cde. and General Sopiya Jangeun, showing psychiatry not to be science so much as pseudoscience in its politically charged nature of use. Indeed, when we see Lennihan verifiably speak of his confidence in persuading either the college in question, or, as he put it, "a college", to grant me entrance to a course, either now or down the line, we see psychiatry's use in a more political than objectively academic, analytical, or scientific purpose; all the more so for the impetuous actions of Haselgrove, who had sought to use its agent Cuntster, whether that is himself, or an intermediary, to try and deconstruct my ego to nothing in what is nothing short of psychopathically backwards sadism which makes the North Korean 49s look enlightened by comparison. Conclusively, this has been a certain adventure in the exploration of the psychiatric lobby's use of individuals to wield political influence in the destruction of "undesirables" in very specifically targeted ways that could be evidenced by strong circumstantial evidence in all cases; the sudden "disappearance" of my record being one of them when my SW either fails to recover it, or MySQA comes back online to show, incorrectly, that I left school with nothing. That will have been a mixture of Fareal and Cuntster's work; it would reveal that their purpose was not to stabilize, help, reason, or whatever with myself, but purely in a long-haul sabotage to destroy, life-ruin, and everything suspected of every self-serving hypocrisy I could accuse psychiatry of engaging in, and evidentiary of psychiatry as a tool of hypocritical self-servitude, for that matter. That's whether Cuntster has tried to appeal to Haselgrove intermediarily, or, has acted in split-differentiated/disassociative fashion, or, used other means in the chain of command to otherwise sabotage my life. "Chukjibop" may well be a metaphor, but it encapsulates perfectly the stupendous efforts of the NHS to destroy the offspring of a paedophile simply because of the primary school logic of "ah dinnae like him that much naww"; a primitive, Scotland-bastardized version of Songbun. I was made to be representative of my father's misdemeanours on numerous occasions and denied attribution of my remorse in an emulation of the emotional torture sustained by the National Socialist Prisoner of War Hoess during his incarceration in the British political prison system. However, "chukjibop" may also literally encapsulate the spirit of the speed and the ardour with which an Aspergian must do things in the future in order to prevent all and any forms of neurotypical sabotage and be weary of their trust of them, using the destruction of my person at every level of my existence, even staging a junkie to meet at a bus stop to appeal to my addictions on an emotional level (I wouldn't be surprised if that was Cuntster's staging), as an example of why neurotypicals must be regarded untrustworthy by Aspergians and approached on wearily, diplomatically precautious and "ten-foot-pole" terms; they are not friendlies, but are inimical to you when their psychopathic masks slip from not appeasing their emotionally faux-sensitive pseudo-vulnerabilities of untempered rage, vengeance, aggression, negroidality, and other primitive emotions only attributable to neurotypical psychopaths, for which it is all they are capable. It is only Monday, and I ultimately have until Friday to go; I'll be semi-active in this PM, but would prefer if KiwiFarms contact went strictly off limits, as articles, particularly in admonishment of how Natalie has unethically been given surgical procedures beyond his intellectual ability to comprehend, and how the diplomatic discussions between myself, LagoonaBlue, and ash_and_stone were misrepresented by Cuntster, need to be composed, edited, and accordingly published by ASMG members of staff; the active ones are 1 editor, as the rest cannot presently be reached by myself due to managerial duress and overload. Even autistic self-run concerns need their own accomodations, y'know. I'm not that delusional of my "powers" or abilities. Consider my analysis of the way Cuntster has manipulatively tried to throw the burdensome onus on me for sabotages he himself had planned and expected me ton combat in chasing for random, at-best-insinuated happenstances like a headless chicken, whether that be the implicit threats on the Farms in collusion with others, or the explicit boasts between himself, Atesh and Brownlee, whether that was in misrepresentation of my politics to portray me incorrectly as too "extreme" for the college environment, or colluding with Brownless to retroactively manipulate past records to include more extreme incidents in-class than had ever occurred in previous iterations of the course. Brady is innocent, of course, far too overworked to have a clue of the conspiracy going on. This shall be copied directly to her, solely for her contemplative benefit, and also to see if she can figure out who Cuntster is and fire him (c'mon, a 6'7'', moderately tanned, post-operative transsexual with idiosyncratic racial features can't be that hard to spot), accordingly.

-- myself, PM sent yesterday, some time late last night

In closing, too, because they had, as we say in the transsexual community, “ascended” somebody with diagnosed mental insufficiency/intellectual disability:

Robert Wayne Stiles is an ethics case. Failing to score above the intellectual disability threshold on an IQ test at any stage in life -- something I can proudly say I've never done even on my worst mark-downs -- is exclusion criteria for surgery, where-ever you are and whatever money you bribe. It demands investigation.

To which end I pledged writing to various editorial councils about it. SRS is irreversible, but the minimal punishment for him should be group home incarceration, and the minimal punishment for those who had written his recommendations with his worst interests at heart should be disbarring from respective medical councils.