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curlyhairedbooklover · 8 months

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I have never watched a single episode of iasip but i've been hearing about macdennis for years so i just have to ask. What's going on there? Is it entirely a fandom thing? Is it a queerbaiting situation? Will it actually happen? I can't tell and i need to know!

Anon I thank you deeply for this question the short answer is all of them and none of them all at once…

The long answer is that these are two canonically queer men who have been in a sexual relationship and has multiple episodes dedicated to their relationship where it is framed as romantic but have never kissed on screen.

The EVEN longer answer is

that Mac has been intentionally written as a gay man since s8 (aired in 2012) and came out of the closet in the s11 finale (2016), went back in for 6 episodes and came out fully midway through s12 (2017) in the legendary episode Hero or Hate Crime?, which was partly due to backlash from fans during the break about Mac not staying out. They also did a seminal episode ifor the s13 finale (2018) called Mac Finds His Pride where they break from their usual format and made a very emotional episode culminating in Mac doing a dramatic dance expressing his feelings as a gay catholic man who has daddy issues in front of a prison (it is almost guaranteed to make you cry). Whereas Dennis was clearly written as queer in the early seasons, (2005-9) but as the show went on he started being written more as a man who values himself partly bc of his ability to sleep with women and he sees them as conquests, a famous example is the s5 (2009) episode The D.E.N.N.I.S System wherein he reveals to the gang his meticulous system for winning a woman (ofc it is ridiculous and would never work). And in later seasons (12-14) became especially stringent in emphasising he was a straight man (partly in reaction to Mac coming out and being open about being gay for the first time in their lives). HOWEVER in the most recent season, s16 (2023) it was revealed that Dennis Also has a S.I.N.N.E.D system, which was designed to get men to sleep with you, he teaches this to Mac and Dee and when they ask why on earth he has a system for sleeping with men, that he says is guaranteed to work because it has been tested, he merely shushes them and proceeds, heavily implying that he IS a queer man and HAS slept with men before!! So. Now both of them are canonically queer. It is also worth mentioning that they have been roommates for 20+ years (with a years gap in between s12-13 when Dennis left to go to North Dakota to raise a son he had as a result of a one night stand and had been keeping secret from the gang for two years) and have consciously chosen to keep living together even when their apartment burnt down and they had to sleep at Dee’s for a year (Dennis’ twin sister), after which Mac fully rebuilds their place down to every last detail. Also in the sinned system episode I mentioned earlier (called Frank vs Russia if you’re curious) Dennis reveals at the end of the episode that he had been catfishing Mac the entire episode who thought he was in a relationship with a man named Johnny who communicated with him via anal beads up his ass controlled by an app on Dennis’ phone…. Mac says he is in love with this man!! They do not address it again for the rest of the season!!! As mentioned there are multiple episodes where they are portrayed as a couple, the most notable being Mac and Dennis Break Up a s5 (2009) episode where well they break up, and in the commentary from the time show creators Charlie Day and Rob McElenney (with the latter playing Mac) literally state that this is an episode about two gay men who are in love with each other break up because they have been accused of being codependent…… and that is exactly how it plays! Another is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs, a s11 (2016) episode where they, well, move to suburbs and take on the roles of lonely housewife and frustrated husband in the spirit of a psychological horror movie from the 50s and Mac feeds Dennis dog.

The slightly shorter but still longish answer, the creators/actors have said on many occasions that all their characters are at least a little bit gay and have followed through with these two!! (especially Mac) There also have definitely been queer baiting techniques used in the past, etc posting a picture of the two of them in bed before the season airs (you’ve probably seen the meme it created tbh), but have never gone very far with that and mostly seems in good humour (note: that picture was posted by Megan Ganz, a writer on the show who joined in s11 (2016) and quickly became one of the main writers, and she is a known shipper of Macdennis, she had been watching the show for years before she started writing on it and it’s clear that she at least somewhat (but probably a whole lot) is on board with the ship). While I would never claim that the show doesn’t have faults and they haven’t fucked up things over the years when it comes to representation they have been pretty good at writing queer storylines and being respectful about it so I do have a level of trust in them!! There is also a Whole Host of other things I could mention in regards to simply how Mac and Dennis’ storyline makes the most sense when read as romantic (hell Mac openly had a crush on Dennis is s12-14, including dreaming that Dennis was going to kiss him and poisoning him so he could take care of Dennis!) and while I got back and forth constantly on whether I think Macdennis will actually become canon, I do genuinely think there is a good chance and currently we are at a moment where we have the best shot we’ve ever had of it succeeding!! Also to have a show that’s been running since 2005 have a genuine queer will they won’t they romance that has been building for 16 seasons would be a Momentous occasion and I cannot let that possibility go until either it happens or the show ends!! (Though hopefully we will not have a destiel situation on our hands, I’ve already had my brain broken in that particular way I would like a different way this time please)

In conclusion I did not expect to write Quite this much on this topic and hopefully some things have been cleared up for you, though they very much might not have….. but that’s what I get for writing about brain rot material in the middle of the night!! And the shortest answer to your question is Yes And No.

#I have nothing else to say. (that is a lie I have at least 10 more paragraphs to say but I will refrain for my own sanity)#iasip #my post

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etherylelixyr · 1 day

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Anyways. 10pm rant bc I can

#psych2 in 2 days. done. ZERO. revision.#gonna do a chem paper instead bc fuck that. and then another chem paper bc fuck doing psych ig #then watch some psych question tutorials/walkthroughs bc i honestly have No Idea how im structuring a few of the essays #yippee (screaming crying throwing upppp)#and X has left me 20 messages which i willnt read. for my own sanity and because i need to focus on work #and not whatever theyve sent in 20 messages #because ill definitely spend like an hour typing out a response to each of their messages #and i kinda dont wanna talk to them rn because stuff i wanna tell them is. personal #and nothings!!! set in stone yet!!!!#so i dont wanna tell them all my fun plans for the holidays and how im gonna change my name and style and hair and then none of it happens #bc i failed my exams-#because i dint think id b able to live after that #with someone else knowing i was. so close yet so far #yeah #so im chillin rn #also have some messages from their bsf which is nice but i think theyre normal ones lol #so plenty of time to respond to those #hmm i think ill text X back when im done w psych2 and finished the 3 chem papers #motivation to study ig...?#eurghhfhgh so tiredd thoooo #looking forward to talking to another human being tmrw bc im seeing one of my teachers to go over some chemistry papers

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n--n · 7 months

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I had a really great time going out to dinner with my mom and nana tonight at a nice restaurant but nana believes in conspiracy theories and my mom and I have to keep debunking the bs sources she pulls out in a joking way to keep her from getting too defensive about how we don’t agree and I’m so tired. God fucking help me.

And then they’re like. Both loudly and condescendingly agreed about the whole “men and women can’t be friends” thing and that men and women have completely different brains/ in general most men are waiting to fuck you instead of genuinely caring about you as a person (and they did that FUCKING CONDESCENDING exaggerated laugh w/ eachother over it. I know most men have misogyny and treat women badly. And that they talk about us differently behind our backs. No fucking shit. But it’s not everyone, and believing so stringently that it’s impossible to have a true genuine friendship without either wanting to fuck eachother annoys and hurts me. How can we ever move forward to a less misogynistic world if we ourselves refuse to build real friendships with the opposite sex regardless of gender.) and frankly that kicked the Gender Issues bruise in my heart and I just Was Not Having It at the end of the night

#still a great dinner and I’m almost cooled off from how annoyed I was and I was very fucking patient about it #but GOD DAMNNNNN IIIITTTTTT AAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH #my patience was unusually thin tonight because they both kept bulldozing over any attempt to talk I made #and they’re both LOUD #because my nana won’t STOP TALKING TO LET SOMEONE ELSE TALK #and she yells because she can’t fucking hear but refuses to acknowledge it and when someone yells it makes me aggressive #and she INSISTS that we’re BRAINWASHED because we DISAGREE WITH HER #this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to using my tumblr like a diary I’m that fucking close to my limit #I still have to wrap the presents and pack #but I really really need to decompress #and I fucking hate that they’re both like. staunch believers in gene essentialist bullshit to cope with the shitty men in their lives #because like. that perspective that men and women are totally different animals just.#always brings up the memories of every debunked sexist claim about women and men I’ve worked so hard to un-internalize for my own sanity #and self confidence #I’m a cos woman I don’t even have the added pain of questions/transition but it’s still excruciating when that hornets nest is kicked #because it makes me think like. if they’re right and men and women have completely different brains (not just some differences)#does that make every nasty cruel misogynist claim about women- and thus me as a person- true?#are all my male friends really just. not actually my friends then #it’s just our biology motivating us to keep our options open #might just kill myself if we truly are nothing but a set a of steps towards fucking (which we aren’t btw. if we were we’d be more like #cicadas #or those moths with no mouth.#and we sure as hell wouldn’t live so long beyond our reproductive years. we are built for survival #not just reproduction)

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raiderlucy · 1 year

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Right, okay, I wasn't originally planning on stopping taking requests for the 3k celebration until I'd completed all the requests received but I think I'm gonna have to. (that's not to say I won't fulfill the requests I've already received, I will just give me some time) I just didn't expect to get as many as I did and I've still l got a fair few to get through, so yeah I'm stopping requests from this point on and will try to get through the rest when I can (probably won't be finished with then until after Xmas but I'm in no hurry atm)

#this is for my own sanity if nothing else #it's not that i haven't enjoyed doing these requests #i have really it's just also been #i don't wanna say exhausting but something close to that?#also coming down with covid on my week off hasn't helped #and knowing it'll be a busy week when i go back to work is gonna suck and i won't have much time to gif then #so yeah #rant over?#idk?#it's 1am and covid is keeping me awake #although hopefully now it'll let me sleep?#who knows?#aimz talks

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archervale · 1 year

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I am not ready for this weekend

#jib radio company and whatever else and my birthday #fun #stupid posts #too much chaos lol do absolutely nothing for my own sanity

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im-no-jedi · 1 year

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I see fandom is misbehaving again 🙃

I am 👌🏻 close to shutting myself off from y’all so I can stay sane, I’m not kidding 🙄

#if I didn’t crave content so badly I would legit do it #but here we are I guess #mama’s gonna have to write up a rant post now huh #it’s come to that point #if nothing else for my own sanity’s sake #*sighhhhhhh*#star warz

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voidcat · 2 years

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Don't be shy. Be insane about your interests like the rest of us. SPEAK 🗣️ 🎤‼️

Last time I did it with CSH I got called a furry…..

SO LOOK ik technically the whole band and members are built on a story like Gorillaz and ykno what? that makes it even better easier less more shameless! Ive reached a point where I just wanna bully the fuck outta those crusty old men then go out drinking w the ghouls. I want terzo to sing “cant you see that you’re lost without me” in a soft smooth low voice and just stare at him w a resting bitch face like ‘wow this helps u get some?’ ‘Is this supposed to be ur impression of a yandere bc it sucks’ ‘oh and go look up what a skull looks like while u r at it that make up hurts my eyes’. I want to refuse him, I want to punch him and make his other eye white as well just like sister imperator did I want him carnally I need to step on his groin w high heels and watch as he squirms begs in Italian. I need to see it for myself if all those puns and gestures on stage are bc he’s a sad little virgin loser or bc he Knows how to use these fingers and hips. Oh and those god awful skull face paints stay ON the appeal of the crusty old men is stored in the kids bday party facepaint too. I’m not religious I wasnt even a Christian before I jsut want to join their stupid clergy for the fun and hot nuns and maybe steal some of the popes’ clothes. also I’d allow the keytar playing ghoul to break my back but that’s a talk for another day

Also on another note….. having knowing a lawyer in my life makes saul’s scenes all the fucking better I also need to go and try that heels thing on him too and maybe more. awful tv commercial bench ad lawyer man in tacky suits WHERE SRE YOU

#id rather be caught dead than call any of them ‘papa’ or ‘pope’ tho #a stupid silly nickname like Eme or idk just emo kid rat man etc etc the list goes ON #i need to be locked up for my own safety and sanity #IM SORRY DAN U SAID TO GO INSANE AND THSTS WHAT U R GETTING I DIDNT EVEN MESN FOR THRS TO BE THIS LONG #and Jane too… acting hot and cold and dressed up in one oversized tshirt and nothing else at home I want us to ruin each other #answered #dan !!

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clamorybus · 7 months

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i talked to my mom i feel calmer now.

#not happier but calmer #as much as it hurts there's only so much i can do #i won't turn away from what's happening but for my own sanity i will try to be 'productive'#instead of doomscrolling as much #like i'll do things like knit or bake more #or reorganize or smth #like things that command my attention without needing my phone #since even using my phone to look up drawing refs tends to lead me into doomscrolling #definitely going to make more of an active effort to spend time with my family #so mom and i decided that if im awake in time i'll attend my niece's halloween parade thing #if nothing else it'll be nice to get out of the house for a couple of hours #mickey.txt

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pixiehouse · 8 months

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moving every single piece of furniture in my apartment around because i am doing great in the head rn

#about to talk about recovering from my ed so please protect your sanity if reading about that would be bad for you #i feel like i'm finally snapping after about five years of trying my best to minimize how bad my everything is #probably because i've managed to eat consistently this month (a big deal bc every other time i've done this i've intended to give up and #i don't have that intention this time which is so frightening. it felt very safe being under the cloying control of disease frankly and i a #also very terrified that my stomach is just going to straight up explode or refeeding syndrome or what if i give up but #i woke up today and my skin was a normal color with no weird undertone of grey and my fingernails were pink and i felt goodweird about it.)#so now my stupid brain works and it turns out it's overwhelmed by having wasted five years of my life on trying to slowly kill myself #and all the other stuff. the reasons or whatever #meanwhile i have SO MUCH TO DO i don't have time to be recovering from anorexia!!! i have errands to run!!!!!!#i need to go to the dry cleaners and pick up my dress for the wedding i'm going to this weekend #which uhhhhh being seen. cool. cool!#i need to go to my friend who's getting married's apartment and retrieve the makeup i accidentally left there #i need to go grocery shopping #i need to go cleaning supplies shopping #i need to clean the bathroom #i have company coming and need to set up their room #all i seem to be capable of doing is moving my own furniture around #if nothing else i'm great at picking up a table and moving it to a part of my room and going 'no this is disgusting' and moving it again

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grumpyandbutch · 11 months

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not me on z*llow looking at three bedroom condos for me maple and the babies

#the babies are the ferrets #and im like six steps ahead of myself as usual #but this condo is sooooo cute #i think whenever we do end up getting a home together everyone should get their own room #for my personal sanity if nothing else #wow look at me #diving feet first #or whayever they call it #lil shh

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exhausted-eternally · 1 year

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god i'm so tired of feeling like a waste of space like i'm sorry i've got a jury-rigged pile of shit for a brain, i promise i am even less thrilled with it than you are

#can't get any new patrons #can't get any books to sell #nothing i do at work is ever enough #nobody else will even look at my applications never mind hire me #i'm barely making enough to pay the few bills i have getting out on my own is out of the question #and the lack of space available to me is genuinely driving me mad #somebody please end me #what's the point of continuing to try when no one else gives a fuck #starting to think people are only giving me empty platitudes so i'll keep posting shit for free #i'm broker than fuck i can't afford to keep doing this whether we're talking money or sanity

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thexsilentxwordsmith · 8 months

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Simon screwing you in the shower.

The warm water dripped over your bodies like rain, coating everything inside of the shower with a layer of wetness. Sealed inside the oasis, a thick layer of heavy condensation filled the air, making all that you touched from each other to the walls slick.

Simon's large hand dug into your hip, making sure he had a good, strong grip on your thigh that he held up against his side so that he could thrust inside you easily.

Your hand was pressed against the foggy glass of the shower door, using it as a bit of leverage to keep you steady while those wide, muscular hips of his ground into your own as they rolled his cock into your pussy over and over again.

"Fuckin' hell," that husky voice hit your ears over the sound of the running water. His raw lips had just disconnected from around the tender flesh of your neck to move higher up towards your ear as he left a trail of burning kisses all along the moist surface.

Head back as he worked his magic, you felt him hum into your skin, his hips never loosing speed as he kept that's delirious rhythm steady on. "Cannot get enough of ya," he growled. "Even when I'm inside ya, I need more. I'm fuckin desperate, luv. Goddamn desperate."

Two beefy arms shoved you back suddenly as Simon pulled out of you, making you hit the back wall with a light thud as your body bounced off of it, but quickly you were scooped back up as he wrapped those arms back around your waist to hoist you up, making you throw your legs around him to hold on.

"Goddammit, I can't take it, need more... now," the desperation in his tone made your legs vibrate. Your clit twinged as he moved in and caught your lips with his own, squatting down so that he could realign his cock with your entrance and strike back up into you in one smooth motion.

All this wet, all this warmth, all this tepid flesh at his disposal, that only made the primal part of himself gain full control. As your bodies slipped and slid across each other, your back pressed firmly against the shower wall as your tits were pressed into his chest, he could do nothing more that rut into you like some beast hell bent on getting what was his.

His pace caught right back up to where it was seconds before, not a moment to spare. "You've put me under a spell, ya bitch," he grunted with the force of his thrusts. "I can't stop fuckin' pining for this tight little pussy. Gonna go fuckin' mad."

Your forearms wrapped around his broad shoulders as you held on while he bucked wildly in and out of you. The muscles in his back contracted and released under your fingertips, another sign of just how desperately rough his movements were.

His flesh was on fire, burning for you and only you, and even the water from the shower head was no help in taming it's flames. There was a part of him that worried he would not be able to stop until he had completely devoured everything inch of you; that was how strong his need was.

"Mine," he claimed aloud as you whimpered into his shoulder, his cock hitting that specific bundle of nerve ending inside you. "You're all mine, sweetheart. Ya got that? I can't fuckin' stand the thought of anyone else havin' ya, ever."

"Yes," you breathed, "say it again baby."

He smirked. "You're mine, mine. No one else can ever fuckin' touch ya. I ain't ever sharin' all this beauty."

A blanket of steamy air surrounded you both as the hot warm continued to pour in, locking out the entire world from the inside of the shower so it felt you were a million miles away. To be in such a place, in the throws of passion as Simon declared his claim to you, it was all so overwhelming that your body ached lustfully for release.

Fingernails dug into his back as the last bits of your sanity had you clinging on for dear life, the raw lines across his shoulder blades stinging from the water pouring down the contours of his back. "Goddamn, I just wanna keep my cock buried in you foreva," he hissed at your delicious roughness as your hips rolled over him, the pressure nearly at its peak. You were panting like a bitch in heat and he was doing everything he could to push you over the edge.

Pumping in and out of you with everything he had, his head wandered down the front of your chest as he squat down a little more, his mouth hungrily searching for it's prize. Finally he is able to reach your tit and greedily he took the nipple into his mouth, sucking on the supple flesh as the tip of his tongue rolled around the silk smooth areola.

God your soft breast felt like heaven in between his lips, the damned flesh so juicy. He had to press his body even harder into your own to keep you from slipping, but it was worth it just to keep your tit locked in his mouth.

"Fuck, Simon," you moaned, your fingers running up the back on his neck to his head where you tangled them into his short, wet locks. That mouth was making you vibrate as the sensation of suction sent shocks of pleasure tingling down your spine.

Not one to ever leave any man behind, Simon unlatched from the first breast to give the other the same amount of attention. It was all too much, the pumping between your legs mixed with the tingling sensation at your breasts, and that heated pressure began gathering in the pit of your stomach, about to violently through you off.

Your hips ground more into him, he knows that telltale sign that you are close. Amber eyes met yours again as he moved back up to his full height; he needed to see it, the look in your eyes as you come.

"I know you're close, luv," he says assuredly. "That's it sweetheart, come for me. Come all over my fuckin' cock. Goddammit I need you to come for me...so bad..."

Simon had to have it, you orgasm; he needed to know that your body responded to his in that very precise way that would make sure you'd never stray. He desperately needed to be the one to get you off. And as he staved off his own orgasm, he would.

"Don't stop," you begged as your head fell back against the wall... as if Simon would ever even dream of such a thing.

"Not until your legs are fuckin' quakin', sweetheart."

His thighs were burning with shooting pain as he continued to squat under you, but he didn't stop; it was worthy any amount of discomfort to see you come completely undone.

Your fingers in his hair clenched down, yanking wildly at his hair as with a few more precise thrusts that warmth finally shot through your torso and you rocked forward against with a cry.

"A-ah... f-f-fuck..." you stammered as your orgasm shook through you.

"That's it," Simon coaxed you through it, "ride it all the fuckin' way with me, luv...almost there..."

And not even a few seconds more he followed suit, a gravely roar ripping through his chest as he milked himself completely dry, his body convulsing with the strength of his ejaculation; fuck did you always make him come so hard.

"G-goddamn..." he said through heavy breaths, his soaking head coming to rest with it's forehead against your shoulder.

He did not let you go until you had both calmed, just letting the sound of the running water and your breathing lull you both back down. Picking up his head from your body, he laid a breathless kiss up on your lips, his face resting against your own from sheer exhaustion.

"Told ya you'd fuckin' enjoy it," he said, playful smile plastered to those full lips.

Carefully he set you back on your feet, your legs wobbling tiredly from the exertion. "You could make me enjoy anything," you admitted freely. "We'll have to do it again sometime."

Simon's fingers twirled the loose, wet strands of your hair between them. "You got it wrong, luv, ya see it's you that could make me enjoy any fuckin' thing. My beautiful girl, I'd have a right ol time in hell if you were the one to take me there."

His large hand lingered against your cheek, his thumb stroking the soft, supple skin. "You've got me fuckin' whipped, sweetheart, and I am more than fine to keep it that way."

He held you close, peppering your cheeks with stray kisses as he moved you both back fully under the shower head, ready to clean up the delicious mess he had just made.

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feyascorner · 5 months

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until I come back alive

summary. in which you come back injured from a particularly unlucky battle, and Astarion realizes his feigned affections for you are not feigned at all.

warnings. angst, fluff, Astarion being bad at feelings

pairing. Astarion x GN!reader

a/n. this is super long omg ALSO TYSM for the love on my previous fic! It was my first post so I didn’t realize more than like two ppl would see it!! Kind of scary but also I can write more astarion so oh well 🙏

“The way they look at you is different from the way they look at us.”

Astarion raises a brow at this, glancing at Karlach who adjusts a log in the campfire paying no heed to the flickering flames brushing against her skin. She smiles to herself, genuinely, and he questions if she’s finally gone mad.

“So have you said the big ‘L’ word yet?” she asks excitedly, turning to him with a big grin. He shifts away from her, the increasing heat radiating off her body but she doesn’t seem to care, too busy staring at him expectantly.

“The what?”

“You know! The ‘L’ word,” she says the last part in a hushed whisper, as if it’d be a sin for anyone else to hear. Occasionally it baffles him how childish she can be, though he’d never voice these concerns out loud considering she could snap his poor body in half if she really wanted.

He also knows that she’s more emotionally capable in how she approaches these relationships (though one could argue it’s just innocence)—in ways he’s lost over the past 200 years. Though, he makes an effort to shove these thoughts to the deepest corners of his brain for the sake of his own sanity.

“If you’re speaking of ‘love,’” He emphasizes it with a strange accent. “No. I have not. Nor have they.”

She appears puzzled. “Why not?”

He sighs irritably, bringing a hand to adjust the cuffs on his hand. “Must everything be put bluntly? So glaringly obvious?”

“You love each other, don’t you?”

At this, he falters, just the slightest before plastering his usual grin that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Love is a wide spectrum, dear. Tav and I are whatever they want us to be.”

A late night partner would be the most positive thing he could refer you to. A fling, an amusement, or whatever words people described the arrangement between the two of you as, he didn’t care for it. He’d given himself to you, and you to him—-physically, at least, and you’d seem more than content with it. In return, he received protection, which was a sufficient payment in return for his hushed words of affection and kisses. A fair trade, he deemed.

Sure, he could’ve chosen anyone else in the camp. But he’d seen the way your eyes lit up at the sight of him, surely dazed at his flirtatious tendencies. You’d been an easy target. A survival tool.

And yes, maybe he’d played with your innocent feelings, but could you really blame him? He’d given you the nights of your life, for something so simple in return. It was a transaction.

Karlach waves a dismissive hand which brings him back to the present, propping herself on her arm behind her. “Life’s too short for that bullshit. Either you love someone or you don’t.”

“Fortunately for me, I have all of eternity,” he snorts. “Unless I were to suddenly lose the unwanted visitor inside my head and step into the sunlight, I’ll be here to watch the world fall and rise a dozen times over I’m afraid.”

“But they don’t,” Karlach frowns. “Tav doesn’t have eternity.”

He ignores the way his jaw clenches. He’s afraid, he thinks, of losing the freedom he’s just gained.

“Did you call me?”

Both the vampire and tiefling turn to your voice, where you stand blankly with an armful of logs clutched to your waist. Karlach opens her mouth to respond, but Astarion is faster.

“Nothing, darling. Just answering a few curious questions from Karlach here.”

“Oh,” you blink at him, shrugging before setting the logs beside the fireplace. “Well, Gale, Shadowheart, and I are going to the village across the forest tomorrow morning to check on the goblins appearing there recently. Won’t be back till noon so don’t wait up.”

“Don’t worry,” Karlach laughs. “I’ll keep the camp in order while you’re gone. If Astarion tries to bite Lae’zel, though, his fate’s inevitable.”

He rolls his eyes, opting to stand from his spot and take your hand. “Come along, darling. Any longer near this damned fireplace and my skin may melt.”

You nod with a smile, waving at Karlach before you follow him into his tent without a word of protest.

Easy, he thinks. Too easy.

He soon finds himself staring up at you from his place, laying his head on your lap as you read through a few scrolls you found throughout the day. He clicks his tongue and you look down, offering that sickeningly sweet smile again. “What’s wrong?”

“You have the most handsome person in this camp on your bloody lap and you want to read?”

You snicker at this, setting the scroll down beside you. “What do you suggest I do? Worship the very eyelashes on your face?”

“My body deserves much more praise than just the eyelashes.”

“Hm…” you pretend to be in thought. “That mole on your face is very obvious too.”

He gasps, immediately shooting upward as he grabs at his own face. “Tell me you’re lying.”

Your laughter rings throughout the tent, airy as you pull his hand away from his face. “I’m kidding, mostly.”

He stares at you as you recollect yourself, finding himself gazing at you far longer than he’d like to admit. Quickly, he adjusts, fiddling with the hand mirror he always keeps under his pillow as he watches you through it. “Karlach spoke of something ridiculous today. She said you were in love with me.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” he rolls his eyes. “That woman lives in a fairy tale I tell you. How she went through 10 years in Avernus is beyond me.”

There’s slight hesitance in your voice, and if he’d not learned your body language early on in your arrangement, he wouldn’t have even noticed it. “Astarion, have you ever been in love?”

He pauses at this, meeting your eyes head on now. There’s a heavier thickness in the air between the short distance between the two of you, and he immediately gauges what you want him to say. A lie readies itself at the tip of his tongue, his gaze searching yours for whatever fantasy that lives behind them.

Instead, your expression is blank. He finds nothing.

“No.” He’s not sure why he responded honestly, but it’s too late to take it back. “Have you?”

You look to the side. “I’m not sure anymore.”

“Anymore?” He shifts his head when you turn your chin further away, avoiding confrontation. “Has someone captured your impenetrable heart as of late? How intriguing—do tell.”

His teasing tone drops when you don’t smile at his usual antics. He’s not stupid—far from it. He knows you’ve begun to fall for him. It’s an obvious result from the 200 years of instinctive flirting he has tucked away in what remains of his soul, and it’s what he intended. What he needed.

The more enraptured you are, the longer he has protection.

He gently tilts your chin toward him, his fang visible through the grin that stretches across his face. “Tell me, pet, do you love me?”

Your eyes drop to his lips. “Do you want me to?”

A bunny caught in the fangs of a fox. It would be so easy to indulge—to go as far as to make you nothing but a puppet he toys with for his own personal gains. He can sense the way your finger twitches, itching to lace them with his own, and the crueler side of him forces his hand to stay put.

He wordlessly leans toward you, his lips grazing against the side of your neck. You shiver at the touch and he smiles wickedly to himself, drinking in the gasp that escapes you when he tilts your neck to the other side, where he usually drinks.

He doesn’t even have to ask. “Just—be gentle. Please.”

“Of course.” He unhinges his jaw, ready to plunge the knives of his teeth into where the sweet liquid gold rushes to your face, his shoulders finally relaxing when—

“I love you,” you whisper under your breath.

He stops.

Though unsure why, he freezes. Completely and utterly freezes.

“Astarion?”

He pulls away slowly, staring at you for a long moment before offering another smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

“You look exhausted, my dear. I think that’s enough for tonight.”

“But you didn’t even feed?”

“I can handle myself, darling, as much as I appreciate your worries,” he stands and holds the flap of the tent open, practically a silent demand for you to leave.

He should be ecstatic. Gleaming with joy from being offered a drop of your blood, but instead, he feels knots forming in his stomach. And the longer he watches you, the worst they seem the get.

Hurt flashes across your face and he ignores the sudden tightness in his chest.

“Okay, well,” you say, stepping out hesitantly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, my dear.”

And as he lies wide awake in the middle of the night with nothing to accompany him but his own thoughts, he finds that all of them are overruled by his endless need for warmth. Not just anyone’s but the one he’s become accustomed to the past few months. No matter how much he curls up in his bedroll, all he can feel is the chill of his own body.

And he hates it more than he expected.

——

By the time he awakens, you’re long gone.

He’s rather productive. Taking walks, gathering supplies, catching up on his reading, he refuses to sit and lie around as the others await for you and your companions to return from the goblin village.

He even entertains sitting through one of Karlach’s dances, which somehow ends up being more entertaining than he’d imagined. While she didn’t fall flat on her face (which he admittedly looked forward to), it burnt through time regardless.

The peace is broken when he hears footsteps rushing toward the camp. He’s memorized everyone’s intervals when sprinting or pacing, so he’s quick to identify Gale and Shadowheart. He listens keenly for your own footsteps.

There are no third pair of footsteps at all.

Shadowheart stumbles into the camp, in a panic compared to her usual self, as she points toward a spot on the ground and snaps at Gale to put something down.

He only sees when she moves out of the way that this something, is rather someone.

You’re writhing in pain, eyes shut in an unconsciousness that’s surely preferable to what you’re feeling. You’re sweating, groaning in your sleep and everyone is immediately rushing to you.

His face would’ve gone pale, if it weren’t for the fact that he was already as ghostly as a sheet.

“What happened,” Lae’zel demands in place of him, and he opts to mindlessly push Gale to the side, who doesn’t say a word from the expression on Astarion’s face. He doesn’t know what he looks like, but from Gale’s reaction, it’s better he never know.

“Damned poison arrows,” Shadowheart hisses. “I’m completely out of magic for today. I need to make an antidote by hand before their condition gets any worse than it already is.”

Astarion brushes the back of his knuckles against your cheek. The creases between your brows soften for the slightest moment before they’re back again.

Lae’zel and Shadowheart are arguing again—something about how one thing would’ve happened if another thing hadn’t. He’s not even sure what they’re arguing about, but in an instant, rage flickers in his chest.

“Do something!” He snaps, suddenly making the camp go quiet. “Or are you just going to stand there and watch them die?”

He suddenly feels a hand grab his, and his eyes shoot down to see your own. Even in your sleep, you reach out to him. Even in the deepest part of slumber, you search for him. It makes him feel like the shittiest and luckiest person alive, especially as the your hurt expression from last night flashes in his mind.

“Help them,” the words spill out against his will, his tone breaking down into something more desperate. “Do something. For God’s sake, anything.”

In the moment, he doesn’t care about protection. He doesn’t give a shit about any of that because the second he’d seen you in genuine pain, it was all he needed to completely forget about the stupid reasons why he approached you in the first place.

All he cared about was your life.

Everyone glances at one another knowingly, but even Lae’zel doesn’t break the silence. Shadowheart spares him a furrowed glare before rushing to gather the antidote.

You only awake hours later. Certainly during the middle of the night, to the ceiling of a tent that’s certainly not your own. You slowly urge yourself to sit up, a pounding headache ringing in your skull, but your worries about it vanish when you hear his voice.

“Quite the nap, darling.”

You snap around to see him on the other side of the tent, albeit only a few feet away from how crunched it is. Fascinating, he thinks, that even with your disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes, he finds you more beautiful than before. “What happened?”

“You nearly died.”

“…how?”

“Poison,” he’s fiddling with his dagger, refusing to look at you. He can’t. In fear of what he might say. “Caused a reasonable panic too. Seems like our companions have grown more attached to you than anyone’s expected.”

You purse your lips, and he quickly mortifies at the exceeding need to part them with his own. You don’t seem to notice. “You too?”

“I was certainly worried our esteemed leader may kick the bucket earlier than anticipated, yes.”

“No, I mean,” you scrunch your eyes sheepishly, and he thinks it’s adorable. Gods he must be going insane. “Have you…grown attached?”

He raises a brow. “You just woke up from a life threatening experience and that’s what piques your interest?”

Your cheeks turn a shade darker. He wants to touch them. “I just…I was worried all day. About us. I got too distracted and of course, that’s on me, but one of the goblins took advantage and—“

He wants to climb into a coffin, guilt eating away at what remains of his organs. But when you fidget with the ends of his bedroll blanket, he can’t tell if his stomach is churning from shame or something else.

You stop, close your mouth, then open it again. “When I passed out, I was just thinking about how I would hate for us to part like that. I didn’t want last night to be our last moment.”

“No,” he says firmly. “While you’d been asleep, I’ve had quite some time to think, darling. And more time to wallow in my self pity for being stuck with an actual weirdo. I mean, do you hear yourself? Worrying about such a stupid encounter while on your deathbed? You should’ve been cursing me with all the strength you had left if you were going to think about me of all people!”

You smile a bit, and he grits his teeth at the way his throat goes dry. “I’m just glad.”

“For getting poisoned?”

“No,” you roll your eyes. “I’m glad I didn’t scare you off by telling you I loved you. I was afraid we wouldn’t talk like this anymore.”

His body wills him to freeze up again. To push you away, and to force the fantasy that his feelings towards you were nothing but manipulative. That you were nothing but a way to survive to him. But no, he couldn’t stand such cowardice any longer. Not after nearly losing you.

You offer him a pathetic laugh. “I don’t expect you to say it back, nor for you to feel the same way. I just—felt like you needed to know. It doesn’t change anything between us I hope. It just felt wrong to keep it to myself any longer and the way you reacted just made me regret it so much-“

He wraps his palm in front of your mouth, his other hand pulling you closer to his side in an instant. With your faces inches apart, he sighs irritably. “As much as I’d like to keep hearing your voice, I can’t stand its contents any longer I’m afraid.”

He lowers his hand, staring straight at your wide eyes as he narrows his own. “I do. Like you, I mean. A lot more than I’d like to admit, quite frankly.”

You blink as if you’re staring at a miracle.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he mumbles with a scoff. “I’ve had these feelings for a while now, I just didn’t wish to face them. When you said that to me yesterday, I just didn’t know how to respond, and for that, I am sorry. But losing you—I’m not sure what I would have done, but it’s certainly not a pretty sight.”

Your eyes soften and he’s certain he can lose himself within them for years. “I’ve never heard you sound so—sincere.”

He raises your knuckles to his lips, keeping them close even as he speaks. “I approached you out of necessity, I’ll admit. But it seems you’ve grown on me in a way I haven’t experienced since I’ve turned into a spawn. What you are to me—it’s difficult to describe.” He pauses. “Sometimes, I can still feel my heart beating with you.”

As your fingers brush against the side of his face, he swears he can feel it again. He almost feels warm, maybe even safe. And he’s sick and tired of denying himself of your embrace when death is around every corner.

You’re soon curled up into his chest, with his chin atop of your head. He’s not sure how much time passes—maybe hours, or even days as he continues to observe your face, committing each and every detail to his memory. And when your breathing steadies, falling into deep slumber, he finally has the courage to whisper the words against your hair.

“I love you.”

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