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help-im-a-gay-fish · 3 years

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It's A Long Road to Recovery.

(post Dark-Cream story)

"How's the water my Love? " Cross asked, dipping the tips of his fingers into the bath.

"perfect" Dream replied sinking slightly deeper into the water. The warmth wrapped around his bones and felt amazing on all the aches and pains.

"you got it just perfect"

The guard smiled wide "I'm glad to hear that, soak as long as you want, you deserve it"

The two had returned to the place they called home and Cross had drawn his beloved a bath. If Cross had it his way, he would have attempted to create a full spar treatment to pamper the bruised guardian. However, Dream had been more then happy to have something simple and the way he sighed as he relaxed in the water filled Cross with warmth.

It was so good to be home, even if it was mostly just a void with some rooms and things, it felt like home now. Though Cross wondered, with no anti sanses did that mean that him and Dream could settle down? They were engaged after all.

That thought make him smile wider. it had definitely been a long journey, but now that it was over him and Dream could finally be together. A family.

The gloopy mass had mostly washed off him now, though his joints where not completely free of it. Sadly, the lack of gloop now revealed just how damaged Dreams body was. There where huge cracks running across many of his bones and many bruised and stained areas. Then there was his eye.

Cross was trying hard not to look at it, but he didn't want Dream to know he was. Of course Dream was still beautiful, he always would be, but that didn't make it easy.

The wound was large and caused Cross to think about how it must have felt for him during the transformation. He hadn't seen the whole thing, but the sounds of Dreams bones splitting and his cries of agony became present in his mind whenever he looked at the eye.

It made him shudder to think of the pain he must have, and still was in.

"how's the" he started glancing away "the.... Eye?"

Dream sat up a bit.

"it's fine.... Mostly numb really"

He could sense his partners concern and didn't want to tell him the whole truth. It was painful and throbbed slowly, especially when touched. It threaten to hurt for a long time, not that it was a punishment he didn't deserve.

As soon as he was done in the bath he'd have to bind it.

Dream felt no shame in Cross being there while he bathed. He knew he wanted to stay in the water for a few hours, and those where hours that he wanted to spend with Cross. So therefore he'd asked Cross to join him.

The guardian stretched, wincing slightly as his back bones slid together. It ached and probably would for quite a while.

He pressed his fingers into the crook of his elbow joint, sighing in relief as more of the gloop stuck there gave way. The slime had dried and jammed up most of his joints, making him feel stiff and useless. It would take hours to clean, but it seemed like the warm water was helping it give way.

Taking a breath, he ducked his whole head and body under the water. Laying there under it for a few moments to soak, before resurfacing for air.

There was a trickle as Cross continued to flick the surface of the water with his fingers. Dream lent forward to shake the water from his skull and felt a sharp pain in his back. It didn't last very long but it was quite a surprise so it caused him to suck in air quickly through his teeth. Cross looked up straight away.

"Dream!?"

Dream took a breath and slowly moved his body back so he was lent against the bath again. The pain stopped.

"j-just moved to fast.... It will be fine, Nightmare said the first day was the most painful"

"right" Cross said, still concerned but with a slightly harder tone. "Rest...."

"I will Crossy, if Night was able to run, I'll be able to take care of myself" Dream replied, trying to sound reassuring.

He scooped up some of the bubbly foam from the waters surface in his hand and blew it in Cross' direction. Cross batted it with his hand in a playful cat-like fashion.

Dream smiled, seeing Cross acting playfully with him, it had been a long time since they'd been able to just exist as a couple. He would have continued to blow bubbles at him, but an intrusive thought ruined the momentary joy and it made him freeze.

" ¿Estaba él en este dolor?" he asked quietly. Cross glance sideways at him.

"hm?"

"Nightmare..." Dream clarified "......was he....is he in this pain?" Cross sighed.

"Dreamboat, you need to focus on your own recovery" he said, once again flicking the bath water with his fingers, though slightly more aggressively.

His tone was firm and slightly bitter "I know you worry, but he has Killer"

Shifting his legs around a bit, Dream sighed. He knew his partner was right, he shouldn't let himself worry about Nightmare to much, they would be in contact in a few days.

Yet he just couldn't help it. If he was in this bad of shape after a few months, then how bad would it be for Night after hundreds of years.

"but what if he-

-just drop it!"

Startled at Cross' tone, Dream flinched slightly. He wasn't used to Cross speaking to him like that and he didn't like it.

He narrowed his good eye at him and the soldier sheepishly looked away. Dream sensed shame from him, but also anger. His emotions were a mess.

"sorry i just meant-

-You're still thinking about what he did to you....."

Cross' shoulders tensing confirmed to Dream that he was right. His expression softened.

"Cross..."

"it's not just what he put me through" he said, still avoiding Dreams gaze "it's what he did to you... And heaven....." his voice trailed off and his eyes watered slightly.

Dream felt his soul twist as the memories flooded in. Feeling suddenly very cold, he lowered his legs deeper in the water.

Cross squeezed his eyes shut and shook the tears away. Before opening his mouth to keep speaking, but closing it again.

"oh.. Cross" Dream said, reaching forward in an effort to comfort him. But he soon lowered his arm when Cross continued to speak.

"I know he's your brother... And I know you want to reconnect with him...." he swallowed and turned back to his lover. "I'm not gonna stop you... And I'm not going to hold a grudge, I just need.....

".... time" Dream said finishing Cross' sentence. Cross nodded in response.

He felt selfish just saying it

Even if Dream seemed to understand he still felt bad.

The reality of everything was still catching up with him and it was a slightly rough reality.

He'd been on happy to see his beloved gloop free and happy, that he'd completely pushed aside any kind of confrontation he'd had in mind for Killer or Nightmare.

Both had serious partaking in his pain and he hadn't realised how much he resented them until now.

But the reality that had just hit him was that Dream was going to reconnect with with his brother and if Cross was going to be Dreams husband then Nightmare was going to be a part of his.... Family.

"........"

That thought hurt.

Dream stared at his partner for a long time, as Cross watched the water flicking under his fingers. Cross' emotions were very negative, Dream knew he needed to say something.

"it's ok Mi Soldado, you aren't the only one. .."

Cross looked up at him again.

"I may have forgiven him in my head, but I still need to forgive him in my heart". He struggled to keep his voice steady.

"I-it's been so many years"

he bent over his knees and hugged his legs tightly.

"just like my face, there are a lot of cracks to heal..." he'd sighed "it's not just you"

Cross' emotions calmed slightly and he relaxed at Dream's reassurance.

"Its going to be a long road to recovery Crossy, for all of us"

Cross gave him a soft smile, and reached forward to cup his soapy cheek.

"I'll be here every step of the way" he said in a gentle tone.

Dream melted.

He leaned over to catch Cross in a kiss and the soldier happy obliged. It was a soft and affectionate kiss. Something that they had both been needing in that moment.

After pulling away Dream sank back into the water with a sigh. For the first time in a long time, he felt that things were going to be OK.

So here I am was another little bonus Dark-Cream scene. I came up with this recently and sketched it out. I wasn't originally gonna finish it but @zu-is-here asked me to so I did. I'm not really 100% satisfied with it you know? The bubbles was horrible to draw, I'm proud of the water and the bones though. The writing was just a cute Scene I came up with. Because it can't just be all fine and dandy can it? Nightmare put them both through hell and everyone needs time to heal. Idk if that makes sense? But I hope you enjoyed.

Original cross and dream belong to jakei95 and jokublog

Original shattered dream belongs to @galacii-gallery

Based off the Dark-Cream ship by @zu-is-here and the comic by @zu-is-here

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myaekingheart · 4 years

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103. Sage Advice

Sakura chewed her lower lip as she focused hard on her chakra. She could feel it pulse beneath her hands, growing unsteady, as her vision blurred in and out. She hated how off she was today. She could not afford any setbacks. Beside her, Ino rambled on.

“…and so I said ‘of course that’s not your job! And Sakura, when I tell you, he got so red in the face!” Truthfully, Sakura had hardly been paying attention but it wasn’t very hard to figure what Ino was on about. It was the same subject every day: the further adventures of Ino Yamanaka’s love life. The only thing that changed were the names and faces.

It was hard not to notice Ino, for better or for worse. As the pair traversed deeper and deeper into puberty, it was clear that Ino was far more physically mature. Sakura tried not to be bothered by it. She tried not to focus on what she lacked but it was so hard to ignore. Sakura snuck a glance at her colleague and her heart leapt into her throat. Ino’s hair was always shiny and straight. Her skin was lucid and clear. She had curves in all the right places and her clothes hugged them flawlessly. No wonder she captured every boy’s attention.

Sakura huffed a stray lock of hair out of her face. Her skin, in contrast, had grown far greasier than she preferred. She could already feel a third pimple forming on her broad forehead. Her strawberry milk hair was long and unkempt, her bangs constantly falling in her face as she tried to work. Her chest was unbearably flat an her sides were too straight and her arms and legs were growing too muscular to be lithe and feminine and beautiful. Deep down, Sakura yearned to be beautiful. She wondered if anyone would ever think of her as such, but quickly swatted away the thought. She knew they wouldn’t. Not when girls like Ino were around. And besides, she knew she only really cared about one person’s opinion of her, anyway. Someone whose heart she would never get to hold. But Sasuke meant nothing to her now. Not anymore. Sakura’s focus faltered. She cursed under her breath, knowing that she could not lie to herself.

The door creaked open just as Sakura’s vision blurred again. Tsunade stepped inside with a proud smile. “You girls have really been busting your asses in here” she commented. “Why don’t you both take the afternoon off? Go get some fresh air, relax for a little while. You definitely deserve it.” Here, she glanced to Sakura specifically, who stared back at her with wide, uncertain eyes.

Normally, Sakura would protest and insist she needed to continue working but all things considered, today she felt far too dizzy and chaotic. The room was caving in and her mind refused to shut up. Before Tsunade could say another word, Sakura had already shed her lab coat and raced out the door.

Ino blinked, brow cocked and eyes wide. She met’s Tsunade’s equally confused gaze, pondering, “I wonder what’s gotten into her.”

Sakura’s feet pounded against the ground as she weaved through the afternoon crowds. The ache in her chest urged her further, overflowing with a desperation to catapult into bed and cocoon herself within her blankets. To completely disappear from the world. Become an effervescent cloud of vapor, invisible and fleeting. She could feel the weight of a thousand eyes, a thousand passerby, scrutinizing her. A million invisible ants crawled across her body at their fictional stares. She needed to get out of here. She needed to go home.

The people around her suddenly became a blur as a thud to her chest snapped her out of her daze. It took all of two seconds to realize she was on the ground with someone else’s groceries scattered around her. “I-I’m so sorry!” Sakura stammered. She automatically crawled over to help pick them up, cradling onions and carrots and cups of instant ramen. All the while, she kept her head low, unable to look the unfortunate victim in the eye. It was for the best, anyway. Her overgrown bangs helped to hide the fact that she was on the verge of tears.

“Hey, it’s alright” a voice, strangely familiar, replied. The woman reached her hand out for the same pack of wasabi peas that Sakura had reached for, and that was when she saw it: an engagement ring. Golden and delicate with pearl inlay. Sakura understood in a moment. Rei.

Ever since that night she had stupidly tried to woo her sensei, Sakura had felt an overwhelming anxiety toward Rei. She wondered if Kakashi had told her what happened between them and if that disaster had influenced Rei’s opinion of her. She was embarrassed to have ever thought that what she was doing was okay or healthy or helpful at all. She was embarrassed because Rei was strong and capable and within the appropriate age range—all qualities that Sakura knew she would never possess.

Truthfully, it was not that Sakura was in love with her sensei. Rather, she was in love with the idea of being loved. The idea of being desirable by someone, of being thought of as beautiful and capable and strong. Kakashi just so happened to be the easiest target. He had proven himself skiled and knowledgeable and therefore his judgment was unmatched. Sakura was jealous, she quickly realized, not because she wanted Kakashi for herself but because she wanted to be the type of person that someone like Kakashi could admire. She wanted to be loved in the same capacity that they loved one another, committed to and protected and revered. She wanted maturity and respect. The ideal romance.

Sakura willed her heart to steady as she croaked out a halfhearted, “Your ring is beautiful.”

Rei’s cheeks immediately blushed, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Thank you” she replied wistfully. “To be honest I’m still trying to get used to it all.”

“I can imagine” Sakura whispered. As happy as she was for them, this did not excuse the fact that this all seemed so abrupt. She wasn’t sure why, but it had felt like someone had punched her in the gut. Hard. “Well, congratulations” she blurted, jumping to her feet. Her hands were beginning to shake. She needed to get out of here as soon as possible. “I wish you both a lifetime of happiness.”

Rei stood alongside her, cocking a brow. Sakura’s anxiety was nearly palpable. “Hey, wait, before you go” she said, reaching out to gently brush Sakura’s forearm. Sakura froze and that pesky lump rose higher and higher in her throat. The ring glinted in the sunlight and for a split second, Sakura wondered if she would ever be the type of person to get married herself. If anyone would ever love her so much as to commit themselves to her for the rest of their lives. The thought nearly made her vomit. Rei’s brows furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

Sakura blinked and then swatted at the air dismissively, recoiling from Rei’s touch. “What? Of course! Everything is just dandy!” she lied.

Nodding slowly, Rei replied, “Alright, I just wanted to make sure. You, uh, you look really tired.”

Sakura’s cheeks burned. Yet another imperfection added to the list. The fact that it was Rei pointing it out made it that much worse. “I’ve just been working a lot lately” she said. “At the hospital.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Rei exclaimed. She shifted the weight of her grocery bag to the opposite hip. “How have things been going with that? I’ve overheard Lady Tsunade talk about how dedicated you’ve been. Seems she’s really proud of you.”

Proud. That word didn’t sit right with Sakura. She wasn’t sure why. “It’s really not that big a deal” Sakura said, dropping her eyes to the ground. This conversation was dragging on for far too long. She felt the weight of it all caving in on her, trapping her. There was no escape in sight. With a sharp sigh, Sakura finally snapped. “It’s just a lot of hard work and and takes tons of concentration and I’m on my feet all day and my head constantly hurts and it all wouldn’t be so bad if my stupid hair wasn’t constantly falling in my face and distracting me so much that at this point, I’m about ready to just shave my stupid head!”

Sakura’s outburst had, unfortunately, attracted the attention of various passerby. She was growing deranged and unhinged. She was transforming into a metaphorical beast, claws sharp and mouth foaming. Hugging her groceries to her chest, Rei blinked as she processed the situation. Then, after a few moments of awkward silence, replied, “I could cut it for you.”

Sakura froze, brows furrowed. “…huh?” she murmured. At first, she didn’t evn comprehend Rei’s response. When it finally hit her, it didn’t make an ounce of sense. Sakura could not bring herself to believe that there was any reason for Rei to be kind to her, especially in a moment like this.

“Your hair” Rei replied. “I can cut it for you if you want.”

“A-are you sure…?” Sakura asked.

Rei grinned and gave a confident nod. “Mmhmm. I’ve been cutting my own hair for years” she said, huffing the long bangs out of her face.

“I mean, I wouldn’t want to impose” Sakura replied, wrapping her arms across her abdomen. The thought of being within Rei and Kakashi’s home almost felt unclean, as if she was invading some sacred adult space where children like her were not welcome. Glimpsing their domestic life terrified her.

Rei chewed her lower lip, picking up on Sakura’s uncertainty. “If it means anything to you” she said, “Kakashi is away on a mission for the next few days so it would just be the two of us. Not sure whether that scares you more or less, though.” Here, she added an awkward little laugh—the kind that attempts to lighten a steadily intensifying mood.

Rei was not going to lie and pretend like her and Sakura knew each other deeply. She didn’t expect Kakashi’s pupil to feel comfortable in her presence alone. Yet in such a vulnerable state, being around a man may be just as uncomfortable if not moreso. Besides, this presented an interesting opportunity. Deep down, Rei wanted to grow closer to Sakura. If Kakashi was her mentor in the technical aspects, Rei felt compelled to be her mentor in the womanly aspects. In how to navigate this rocky, horrifying journey of adolescence within the ninja world. How many others did Sakura have to depend upon? Her parents were happily married, yes, but if Rei knew anything about teenage girls, it was that their mothers were the last people they confided in. Or at least that was true of Rei and her own mother, but perhaps Sakura was different. Perhaps she didn’t need anyone else’s support. And yet Rei was smarter than that. She could tell in the way Sakura carried herself, the anxiety pulsing through her aura, that she was alone and insecure. That she could use a confidante, a sister, a friend. If Rei was capable of fulfilling that role for her, then so be it.

Sakura chewed her lip as she considered the proposition. Rei’s eyes were so unkind, her voice so soft. The way the sun shone upon her, Sakura could argue that she almost even looked angelic. Some shinobi savior come to rescue her from her petty, adolescent depression. And then an “okay” was spilling from her mouth before she could further overthink it. They set the date for that Thursday at two in the afternoon.

Sakura retreated home in a daze, barely saying hello to her parents as she floated upstairs and flopped into bed. She would have three days to chew over her circumstances and consider backing out. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure if she even wanted to. But she was never really sure of anything anymore. Burying her face in her pillow, Sakura sucked in a deep breath and broke down.

Rei rested a hand upon Toshio’s head as, the following day, they strolled through the village. Overhead, the cherry blossoms were on the verge of blooming. All the while, Rei thought of Sakura. Rei had a responsibility to her now. She knew that Thursday was going to be about more than just hair. But how was she supposed to guide and assure a young girl? Rei had no experience. She wanted to do this right, to ensure that she was providing Sakura with the best possible support and resources. The longer Rei chewed over the matter, the clearer the solution became. There was only one person she could depend upon for help in this. She patted her thigh and picked up speed as she raced toward the old apartments on the other side of town. In a second story window, a stained glass lamp flickered.

Chikara was just settling down for her afternoon tea when Rei knocked on the door. No matter how times she stepped foot in her sensei’s apartment, Rei was consistently taken aback by how unreal the aura of the place always felt. The windows were adorned with heavy brocade curtains turned back by thick, golden rope and large armchairs upholstered with lavish florals were angled just so in front of her round wooden table, set with a lace cloth and fine china. A fancy little teapot whined on the stove and the whole place smelled like lavender.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to stop by” Chikara replied, ushering her student inside. “It seems your engagement is the talk of the town.”

“Apparently so” Rei blushed. She slowly sank into one of the armchairs as Chikara poured her a cup of Earl Grey. It wasn’t necessarily Rei’s favorite but she sipped it as a courtesy anyway. She knew that for Chikara, it tasted like home.

“Well, let’s see the ring then” Chikara said, taking a seat herself. A small smile touched her lips as she poured her own tea. Rei extended her hand out across the table, the ring glinting in the afternoon sunlight. A satisfied smile touched Chikara’s lips. “Who knew Kakashi had such fine taste?” she jested. “It’s truly beautiful, Rei. I’m incredibly happy for you.”

Rei drew her hand back and smiled sofly. “Thank you, Chikara-sensei” she replied. “It’s so weird to think how far him and I have come. I never thought this day would happen.”

“I know you didn’t” Chikara replied. She set the teapot down on a dainty potholder and took a small pastry from the platter in the center of the table. Raspberry jam oozed from the center as she took a bite. “I always did, though” she added.

Rei blinked, pausing as her teacup just reached her lips. “You did…?” she asked.

“Mmhmm” Chikara nodded. “You know what they say about that red string of fate” she hummed. “I knew Kakashi’s life was far too intertwined with yours for you to ever end up with anyone else. It was bound to happen. Besides, Minato and I were very close friends once upon a time. You’d be surprised what senseis say to each other behind closed doors.”

The thought of Chikara knowing something that Rei didn’t heightened both her anxiety and her curioisity. That suspicious smile on her face sent shivers down her spine. “Do I want to know?” Rei croaked.

Chikara chuckled and swatted at the air. “Don’t get so panicked, Rei” she dismissed. “It was nothing you wouldn’t expect. Just the relaying of some childish gossip.”

“Like what?!” Rei exclaimed. Despite Chikara’s casual demeanor, this realization did not help quell her nerves. Her curiosity was far too strong. Not that it even mattered what Kakashi had said about her ten years ago, but he had been so distant back then. She was not involved in that part of his life, so to know of whatever fleeting thoughts he may have had about her made her feel desperate. Toshio rested his head in her lap, and Rei fed him a crumb of plain cake.

Chikara wiped a smudge of jam off her lip and shook her head. “If you must know, I only really remember one instance in which a young Obito Uchiha mentioned something about you to him during an argument. Minato had said that the minute he heard your name, Kakashi’s face turned red and he got rather defensive. Told Obito to never bring you into things, that he had no business and that you were not a part of this or something to that effect.” She tried to remain as casual and flippant as she could, to make it seem as if it wasn’t a very big deal, but it was to Rei.

At first, there was shock. An uncertainty. And then that warm, tingly joy bubbled up from the center of her chest. Rei’s cheeks blushed as she clutched her left hand to her chest and giggled softly. “Well, thank you for telling me that” she said. “I know it doesn’t really mean anything now, but it’s still nice to know. I’m glad he still cared about me back then as much as I did him.”

Nodding, Chikara smiled and replied, “It was exactly that sort of thing that made me confident that all of this was destined to happen.”

A wistful expression crossed Rei’s face then as she swirled the tea in her teacup. “But god, there was no way of really knowing back then, you know?” she laughed. “I know I definitely didn’t have any faith in it. I was so annoying back then…fuck, how did you ever put up with me?”

“A lot of patience and faith” Chikara replied. “You girls were certainly not easy to raise.” Here, she laughed softly to herself, getting caught up in her nostalgia. She thought of Naru and her incessant gossiping, of Sekkachi and her quick temper, and of Rei’s physical weakness. They were up against so much, and yet they all had a dream that they worked so hard to reach. “I think I did as good a job as I could have” Chikara gave a definitive nod.

“You did an amazing job” Rei reassured. “That’s actually part of the reason why I wanted to talk with you, by the way.” Chikara cocked a brow, her curioisity piqued. With a flourish of her hand, she urged Rei to continue. “The next generation needs some of your wisdom.”

Approaching Kakashi and Rei’s apartment was daunting. Sakura stood before the front door for five minutes contemplating whether to knock or run. Even if, physically, Kakashi was absent, his presence still loomed over the whole place. He was there in the books on the shelves, his dirty clothes in the hamper, the way he’d leave little pieces of himself scattered around the house. Sakura sucked in a deep breath before rapping her knuckles against the door—fast, fearful, frantic. Toshio’s rabid barking only further heightened her anxiety.

Rei answered the door with a soft smile, tender and cautious enough for treating fragile young hearts. She ushered Sakura inside, apologizing under her breath for Toshio’s enthusiasm. “Just let him sniff your hand and get used to your scent” she suggested. Sakura limply hung her hand out in front of her so the dog could take a whiff. He moved slowly at first, as if studying her every move, then pressed his nose to her palm. His whiskers tickled against her fingers, his nose cold and wet.

As her and the dog got acquainted, Sakura looked around the apartment. For such a small space, it was filled with incredible light. Rei spread a large sheet out across the living room floor, then dragged a kitchen chair into the center. On the coffee table sat a brush, a comb, a pair of scissors, and a regular shaving razor. The kitchen counter was cluttered with various snack bags, half empty and fastened shut with clothespins. Puffs of fluffy white hair were scattered across the floor—an unavoidable hazard of owning a large dog. A blanket was draped carelessly over the couch with a small stack of books and an empty mug. Rei smiled sheepishly back at Sakura. “Sorry for the mess” she said. “Kakashi usually keeps me in check when it comes to housework.”

Sakura laughed nervously and gave a single nod. It was jarring to see just how messy Rei was. Not dirty, but cluttered in an almost cozy, comfortingly imperfect manner. She had never expected Kakashi to be attracted to someone like this but if anything, this was the first of many frays on the thread of her expectations. This, of course, then slapped her with the realization of what she had expected for him: someone who was flawlessly domestic, almost plastic. The novel housewife. She wasn’t quite sure why. And yet in the moment, this made so much more sense. Of course Kakashi would love someone like this. Someone who was relaxed and peaceful, who could make a house into a home simply by living there.

Once Toshio was finally comfortable with Sakura’s presence, Rei motioned for her to sit down. Sakura obliged, settling in with hands folded in her lap. “So what kind of cut do you want?” Rei asked, grabbing the scissors. “Not that I’m super experienced at this or anything but if you had something specific in mind, I can see what I can do.”

“Just a trim is fine…” Sakura replied quietly. She shifted slightly as Rei grabbed another sheet and draped it around her shoulders, clasping it at her neck with a clothespin. Then, with a single nod in understanding, Rei grabbed the scissors and began assessing Sakura’s hair.

Sakura watched as Rei circled her, pursing her lips and furrowing her brows. She felt like a specimen in a lab and began to wonder what parts of her, specifically, were under scrutiny. Rei held up a lock of hair between her middle and index finger and asked, “Is this length alright?”

“Um…sure…” Sakura replied.

“Because if you want it longer or shorter, don’t hesitate to tell me” Rei said. “It’s your hair, you have the final say in it.”

“Well, um…” Sakura stammered. She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact. “What length do you think would look good? I want something that can flatter my, um…figure.” She wrapped her arms insecurely around her flat chest and Rei quickly got the idea.

Nodding once, she replied, “I think something short would be good. I know you said you got sick of your hair getting in the way when you were working. Maybe shoulder length would be alright? Something kind of like how you had it before, maybe?”

Sakura’s eyes grew frantic as she asked “But isn’t that going to make me look younger?” The last thing she wanted was to look like a child.

“I don’t think so” Rei replied. “From what I’ve heard, a lot of people say that short hair makes you look more grown-up. I mean, if that’s what you’re going for.”

“Then chop it all off” Sakura abruptly replied. Rei chuckled under her breath before getting to work. Sakura watched as each lock of hair fell to the floor, long strands cascading down onto the bright white sheet. With each sharp snip of the scissors, she felt herself spiralling deeper and deeper into her own internal madness. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. Maybe she didn’t really want her hair cut. Maybe she wasn’t prepared for this kind of change, for the exposure and vulnerability that came with a transformation like this. “That’s a lot of hair” she whispered, voice shaky.

“Don’t worry” Rei smiled. “It’s not as bad as it seems.”

Sakura tried to believe her but with how much mess was on the floor, she feared she would be bald by the end of this. She regretted lamenting a few days prior about shaving her head. Bald really wasn’t a good look for her. “Hey, Rei…?” Sakura asked after a few more moments of silence. Rei peeked around at her, cocking a brow in curiosity. “Can you leave my bangs kind of long?” she requested. “I just, you know…would rather cover up all of this.” Here, she awkwardly pointed to the patch of zits on her broad, shiny forehead.

Rei gave a single nod in understanding as she finished carving out layers into Sakura’s hair with a razor. As she skirted around to the front, she replied, “You know, I heard azuki beans are good for acne.”

“Really?” Sakura asked.

“Mmhmm” Rei replied. “I tend to break out a lot during, you know, that time of the month but a friend of mine told me about how exfoliating with azuki beans can help. She’s chock full of weird home remedies like that. She’s always been super organic and shit when it comes to food and wellness.” Rei chuckled softly at this, wondering what Sakura thought of that sort of thing as a medical ninja herself.

As Rei stepped back to survey her work, Sakura dropped her eyes to the ground. The scrutiny made her anxious. And then, with a melodic hum, Rei disappeared through the bedroom door. She rooted around in the bathroom cabinets for a moment before reemerging with a handheld mirror. “I hope I did alright” she said, handing the mirror to Sakura. The young kunoichi took it carefully and held it up to view her new hairstyle. It was practically the same as she used to wear it, and yet there was something distinctly different this time. Perhaps it was that her face no longer looked as round and childish as it did before, or that her cheeks were no longer as cherubic and blushed. Or maybe it was the way her eyes had already grown weary and dull. Regardless, something seemed off and she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

“It…it looks great” Sakura croaked. She could hardly bring herself to lie about it. And truthfully, it wasn’t the haircut itself that was bad. Sakura was actually quite impressed with how skillful Rei was with a pair of scissors. Sakura’s general displeasure was impossible to hide from Rei, though. The redhead immediately spun around, a look of quiet panic in her eyes.

“You hate it” she deduced. “What is it? Is it the length? Should I have kept it longer? Or did I mess up the bangs? Maybe I can fix it. I really don’t want you to leave here unhappy.” The thought of having upset this young girl terrified Rei. She knew there was a reason why she didn’t cut other people’s hair. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Sakura shook her head, swallowing back the urge to cry. “No, it’s fine. Really” she insisted. “I guess it’s just…a big change.” Rei’s face softened as she sunk down onto the arm of the couch, reaching the threshold of relief. Sakura unclipped the sheet from around her neck and let it fall to the floor, running her fingers through her hair so as to shake away the stray pieces. Feeling how short and light it was brought her right back to those days of her youth and a sob forced its way past her lips.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry” Rei replied, clapping her hand over her mouth. “This was a dumb idea. We never should’ve done this. I knew I’d fuck up. I’m so sorry. I never meant to upset you.”

“I-It’s really not that!” Sakura frantically assured her. The look of panic in Rei’s eyes was jarring. Sakura had never expected her to be so self-conscious. And knowing she was at fault for such distress only worsened Sakura’s mood. I really can’t do anything right, she thought to herself. “It just feels kind of weird” she muttered. “I’ve always felt kind of weird about the short hair.”

“Then why didn’t you say something?” Rei asked. “You were allowed to say no.”

“I-I don’t know” Sakura replied. “I didn’t know what else I wanted but…I never know anything anymore. It’s just all messed up.” With a soft sob, she buried her face in her hands. “I just…I don’t know, I never feel like myself anymore. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Rei cocked a brow, nodding slowly. “I think it’s normal for girls your age to feel like this, you know” she said.

“Well, if it’s so normal then why is stupid Ino always flawless and confident and beautiful?” Sakura suddenly snapped. “Why does she have so many guys falling all over her and asking her out? Meanwhile I can’t even get one boy to look at me like that! Not that he’s even here to begin with!”

And then suddenly Rei knew exactly what was going on. She fought the knowing little smile threatening to creep across her lips. “This is about Sasuke, isn’t it?” she asked.

Even the mention of his name sent Sakura spiralling. She froze, her heart pounding in her chest, before slowly staring back at Rei like she had just ripped the head off an infant. “W-what…?” she finally whispered, her voice hoarse and strained. Was she really that transparent?

Rei leaned her elbows on her knees and replied, “Kakashi told me what happened at Ichiraku. I know how much you’ve been struggling with Sasuke’s deflection and honestly? I understand what you’re going through.”

Sakura blinked, unsure what to do with this information. At first, she was furious. How dare Kakashi-sensei tell others of what happened that night. But of course he would tell Rei. They were engaged, after all. They likely told each other everything. And then her fury transformed into defensive confusion. Her mind lingered on that one sentence: I understand what you’re going through. Sakura recoiled, frowning. Rei could never. How could she? She had everything she could ever want. She was strong and attractive and had won the heart of the man she loved. She was one of the lucky ones.

“You don’t believe me” Rei said, catching on Sakura’s offense. A light chuckle broke past her lips and in that moment, Sakura could’ve punched her. Or at least she would have if she could.

“I’ve seen the way Kakashi-sensei looks at you” Sakura muttered. “He’s always loved you.”

“And what makes you so sure about that?” Rei smiled. “Things haven’t always been that simple, you know.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “I doubt that.” Rei pursed her lips as she watched Sakura reach up to toy with a lock of hair. She twirled it around her finger and tugged at it so that a few individual strands floated down into her lap. “I’m so stupid” she whispered. “You could never understand.”

With a determined grin, Rei leaned forward. “Try me.”

Sakura hadn’t expected Rei to suddenly become so fiercely confident. That glimmer in her eyes told Sakura she had challenged the wrong person and she considered just running right out the door. But, again, there was also this magnetism. A little voice telling Sakura that it was okay, that Rei was safe. Toshio scooted nearer and rested his massive head in Sakura’s lap. She stroked his silky ear and sighed. “I’m just…so tired of wasting my time trying to impress other people” she murmured. “I should be doing things to impress myself, but…but I don’t even like myself to begin with. Everything just feels so messed up in my head and I’m constantly so self conscious and scared and uncomfortable in my body.”

Rei frowned, her eyes brimming with sympathy. “It’s so easy to compare ourselves” she said. “I’ve fallen into that same exact trap and it fucking sucks.”

Sakura cocked a brow in suspicion. “You have?” she asked.

“Only every day of my life” Rei laughed. “I mean, do you think I wake up every morning and think of myself as some sort of love goddess? Absolutely not.” Here, a small laugh escaped both her and Sakura’s lips. Despite the ring on Rei’s finger, the thought of being sexy and desirable to someone—espeically Kakashi—still seemed outrageous to her. It didn’t feel real. Rei locked her gaze on her left hand and sighed. “I wasted a lot of time comparing myself to other people, too. People I thought were more beautiful or skilled or worthy than I was. I mean, I’ve got crooked teeth and messy hair and this dumbass scar across my face. I always thought I looked like some ugly hag. I couldn’t imagine how anyone could find me loveable. Sometimes I still don’t.”

“Well, whatever. That doesn’t matter anymore” Sakura replied sourly. “No matter what you might think about yourself, you have Kakashi-sensei. Clearly he must find you loveable if he’s asked you to marry him.”

“And what makes you think you’re such a lost cause, hmm?” Rei asked.

“Because no one will ever see me as desirable and I know it!” Sakura replied. “Especially not Sasuke.”

Rei nodded slowly. “I mean…for what it’s worth, Sasuke is…well, he’s kind of going through something right now.” And you are likely the least of his priorities, Rei thought to herself but she knew better than to say so aloud. It would only make Sakura feel worse.

“I’ve been trying so hard not to think about him” Sakura replied. “I honestly hate him. I hate him so much. But then I say that and I feel so dirty and disgusting inside because I know that’s not true!” Sakura furrowed her brows and groaned in frustration. “I’ve tried to pour all of my energy into training so I can distract myself but that just leaves me even more tired and moody than I was already was. I just can’t get him out of my head. Why did he have to leave? Why couldn’t I make him stay? I can’t stop wondering where he is and what he’s doing and if he’s okay. Hell, for all I know, he could be dead right now! I just…I just want him to come home. I just want him to come back to the village and for everything to feel normal again. I don’t even care if he never loves me back. I don’t think he ever would, anyway. I’m nothing. I look at people like Ino and I just feel so ugly and disgusting. She was going on and on the other day about all of these boys who are interested in her and of course they are! She’s beautiful and charismatic and kind. Why can’t I be all of those things, too? Why can’t boys look at me that way? And want me? Is there something wrong with me?” Sakura brushed the hair out of her face and sucked in a deep breath, her voice growing shakier with each word.

“Hey, look at me” Rei insisted. “There is nothing wrong with you, okay? You have so much going for you, Sakura, and if a guy can’t see that then maybe he’s not the right person for you because you deserve someone who thinks the world of you, you know?”

By now, the tears were streaming down Sakura’s face but she didn’t even care. She had held back for so long, she couldn’t be strong anymore. She felt pathetic. “Kakashi-sensei told me that I shouldn’t measure my worth in the opinions of a boy but it’s so hard to not feel worthless compared to people like Ino, and it’s not even just that she has guys falling ove her, either. She’s so gorgeous no matter what and I just…I don’t understand. I want to be beautiful, too. Why can’t I be beautiful, too?” Sakura’s sobs overtook her again and this time, they were too strong to let her continue speaking.

Rei’s heart broke for her. It was clear that Sakura was truly in so much pain but not only that, she was also incredibly lost and angry and scared. “Oh, Sakura…” Rei murmured, rising from her seat. Then, without even a second thought, she approached to wrap the young kunoichi in a big hug. In any other context, Sakura probably would’ve felt uncomfortable and uncertain but now, so vulnerable and distraught, she fully accepted Rei’s comfort. She buried her face in the crook of Rei’s neck and held her tightly, sobbing into her shirt. Once Sakura had calmed down a bit and was able to breathe, Rei leaned back and brushed the hair out of her face. “Sakura, I’m sorry that you feel the way you do” Rei replied. “But Kakashi’s right, and I’m not just saying that because I’m his fiancée. Your worth is not defined by a boy, nor is it defined by anyone but yourself, for that matter. And you need to believe that you are worth something no matter what. I know that’s easier said than done but…but it’s true. You have so much potential, Sakura. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. I just wish you could see yourself the way that I know so many other people see you: as a strong, beautiful, talented young ninja.”

“Do you really think that?” Sakura asked, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

Rei grinned and nodded. “I really, truly do” she replied.

Sakura shook her head. “You’re being too nice to me” she said. “I don’t deserve it. Why are you being so nice to me, anyway?”

Sucking in a deep breath, Rei huffed and tried to organize her thoughts. “You know, you kind of remind me of myself when I was your age. I guess I’m telling you all the things I needed someone to say to me back then.” Sakura pursed her lips and averted her eyes, sniffling as she tucked her hair back behind her ear. “Can I tell you a story, Sakura?”

Sakura looked back at her with a confused but curious gaze. “Y-yeah, I guess…” she muttered.

Rei settled onto the edge of the coffee table and gave a single, definitive nod. A part of her was actually terrified to open up to Sakura like this but if it could help her feel less alone, then the anxiety of her own vulnerability was worth it. “When I was six, I enrolled in the academy. No one wanted me to become a ninja except for my grandmother and Kakashi. They supported me when no one else did” Rei began. She could tell Sakura was unsure of where, exactly, this was going. “I became a genin when I was ten and by that point, Kakashi had been through a lot of sadness and heartbreak. He completely rescinded his support, would tell me I was too weak to be a ninja and that I should just give up. He pushed me out of his life and barely spoke to me for over ten years. I was heartbroken. I couldn’t wrap my head around how he could do this to me. It didn’t make any sense. I was so angry, so you know what I did?”

“What?” Sakura asked, eyes wide.

“I channeled all of my energy into my training. I thought that if I wasn’t good enough for him, then I was going to bust my ass to prove to him that I had a place in this career. And honestly, it was for the best. If I had never worked as hard as I did, Kakashi and I never would’ve been reunited and we never would’ve gotten to where we are now. And I think you should do the same. I’m not saying to better yourself for the sake of Sasuke, but you need to put yourself first no matter what and take care of what you have going on with yourself. Once you take care of yourself, everything else will fall into place exactly as it’s meant to. I promise.”

“R-Rei, I had no idea that all of that—” Sakura started, but Rei stopped her before she could finish speaking.

"I know” she said. “But that’s all in the past now. It’s not important. I understand now why Kakashi did the things he did and as much as it hurt in the moment, I respect him for it now. He was only trying to protect me. The ninja world…sometimes things can get very complicated.”

Sakura laughed sarcastically under her breath, muttering, “That’s the truth.”

“But, Sakura” Rei continued, resting a hand on her shoulder, “I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, I’m here for you no matter what. I support you and I care about you.”

“Well, thank you…” Sakura replied. Then, after a moment of silence, “But…why?”

A soft smile touched Rei’s lips then. “Because being a woman in this profession means becoming part of a sisterhood. We kunoichi have to support each other and take care of each other. No one else is going to do it for us.”

Sitting there, face to face, in the dusk sunlight of that cluttered little room, Sakura felt within herself something she had never quite known before. She couldn’t put a name to it until she was returning home, shuffling through the evening crowds as merchants closed up shop for the day. She wondered if this was what it was like to have a sister, a mentor not necessarily in trade like Tsunade but in life. What had she ever even done to deserve such unwavering support? All of the thoughts and fears that Sakura had previously felt toward Rei had completely vanished. In their place, all that was left was warmth and comfort and light. As she settled into bed that night, Sakura drew the covers up under her chin and let herself appreciate the softness of her bed, the plush of her pillow, the hum of the fan above her. A soft smile touched her lips as she closed her eyes. For the first time in a long time, Sakura was at peace.

#kakashi hatake #rei natsuki #the scarecrow and the bell #naruto #naruto oc #fanfiction

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therealdragonnerdagain · 7 years

Text

To the people who wanna talk shit about this blog in the forums . . .

Couple years ago, I said that Mass Effect 3 would have been perfect if not for that shitty ending.

I said that because I would have been willing to overlook the garbage that was in the rest of the game if the ending hadn't been such shit.

But anyone who actually read most of my Mass Effect 3 posts here would know that I complained A LOT about the whole of Mass Effect 3 -- specifically Shep's auto-dialogue, the botched Mass Effect 2 romances, and Kai Fucking Leng.

Mass Effect 3 also had some really gross stuff in it, like FemShep taking advantage of her rank to basically rape Vega (because I guess the writers thought male rape was funny) and all this other shit.

Yeah. Mass Effect 3 had its fair share of problems. The Ending was just the icing on an already sour cake.

Also, I understand what a "protagonist" is, asswipes who love talking shit about this blog.

I didn't mean that Solas was actually the protagonist. I meant that he stole so much of the story, he might as well have been the protagonist.

This was done to the point that Corypheus wasn't our enemy, he was Solas' enemy -- we and Corypheus just didn't fucking know it.

This was done to the point that it was never our Inquisition -- it was Solas' Inquisition. This is something the Inquisitor can even SAY during Tresspasser "Was it ever MY Inquisition?" Of course, Solas denies that he was ever really in charge, but he was in the background pulling a lot of strings, even if he didn't have the final say.

Also, people are saying Solas won't even be important in DA4, so we Solasmancers should stop bitching.

Well, if Solas isn't important, then why weren't we given the option to deal with him in Trespasser and end his story there?

We are given the option to murder knife, join, or spare Morrigan and Anders (the other "evil" apostates) but we are not given the option to deal with Solas in a similar fashion? That's bullshit.

And if Solas isn't that important, it will just be a symptom of yet more sloppiness on Bioware's part.

See, all this happened because

1) Bioware did not have a plan from the beginning. They didn't plan for this series to be more than one game, then couldn't decide whether or not to bring the Warden back -- because some people had a dead Warden (myself included).

They got around this by inventing Hawke, who was then supposed to pick up the rest of the series as the main protagonist, leading the Inquisition and so forth.

But things changed AGAIN. Probably because lots of fans didn't like being forced to play a predefined, human character. Dragon Age 2 was nothing like the first game we all loved. Dragon Age 2 was basically Pseudo Final Fantasy, with it's own Cloud (Fenris) and everything.

So Bioware tried to go back to its roots with Inquisition, scrapping Hawke as the protagonist and inventing the Inquisitor, yet ANOTHER human noble character.

People didn't like being forced to play another human noble. Most of us (myself included) got into this series because we loved choosing who we were. I have always identified with oppressed outsiders (because I am an oppressed outsider) so I always play elves. I did not wnat to play a human again.

Bioware listened and added multiple races, but by then it was too late: the series had become a butchered clusterfuck, a thin shadow of what it had been.

2) The second reason all this happened? EA thought it would be great to take an rpg with depth and maturity and water it down into some streamlined mess. Somehow, they equated butchering a story with appealing to a wider audience and gaining more money.

So we have this MESS before us today that is Dragon Age (god, I fucking HATE EA), where every protagonist after the Warden has a clusterfuck story where they never defeat their own arch-nemesis and instead pass them off to some other hero.

I'm sorry, but Solas DOES belong to the Inquisitor as a villian. Just as Corypheus *really* belonged to Hawke (because Inquisition was originally a continuation of Hawke's story).

Just as we would have been pissed had Hawke stepped in at the last minute to kill the archdemon, thus stealing the Warden's enemy (who we worked so HARD to defeat) from them.

The Inquisitor is *not* coming back as a protagonist. Bioware has denied the arm has anything to do with it (they don't want to look ableist but being anti-indigenous is fine and dandy!) but no matter the reason, the Inquisitor's story is over and they are not going to be the protagonist anymore.

This means I don't get to end Solas' story as the Inquisitor.

That SUCKS.

That's like . . . ending Morrigan's story as Hawke, even though I romanced Morrigan in the game before and had history with her (and I did on two playthroughs romance Morrigan, so I waited for Witch Hunt just like everyone else).

That's like . . . ending Anders' story as the Inquisitor, even though Hawke had personal history (including betrayal) with him.

Remember what it was like after DA2 dropped? Remember all the gamers who HATED Anders and were foaming at the mouth about his betrayal? Imagine for one SECOND if they were not given the option to deal with Anders as Hawke and he instead carried over to Inquisition? As will Nerd Rage, the outrage would have been perpetual and unending.

And yet, I, a Solasmancer, am expected to just accept the way the story was handled, without criticizing it or even lamenting it. I, a Solasmacer, am expected to just . . . quietly accept something I don't like.

I suppose Nerd Rage is purely reserved for straight white homophobic dudes who want to kill Anders because he hit on them once.

Why are Solasmancers ridiculed and mocked for wanting to end Solas' story AS Lavellan? Why in FUCK is that such a god-awful thing?

It pisses me off because I already decided -- long before Trespasser was released -- that I would no longer be buying anymore Dragon Age games. Their anti-indigenous hate-screed (on top of the over-all sad dumbing down of the game into an MMORPG) had already convinced me to quit the series. So learning that my character would not get a proper ending to her story until the next game was beyond annoying.

But whatever. Go on mocking me on fextralife and bsn and whatever forum you like.

What I can't understand is why people even pay attention to my blog. I am just one fan ranting bitterly to myself about how a video game disappointed me.

I'm just one fan. I'm not hurting anyone.

And I'm allowed to have whatever fucking reaction I want to these games.

I'm allowed to have an opinion.

Hard to wrap your head around, I know.

EDIT: And to Steel Can.

I have watched for years as you behaved on the forums like a racist asshat about people of color, hiding behind your hatred of the Dalish to justify it. I wish you’d just shut the living fuck UP.

NO. The Dalish don't expect nor force city elves to worship their gods when they join them. Play a Dalish in Origins sometime. You might actually learn something -- not that you care to learn that you’re wrong.

You're trying so DESPERATELY to justify the religious oppression of the elves. You're trying so DESPERATELY to justify the shitty way Lavellan was treated for her beliefs by everyone in the game -- even her friends -- by building false equivalences (the white man’s favorite passtime) and pretending the elves are just as bad as the humans.

But they're not. This is something Manifest Destiny, racist white men, would have you believe. They need you to believe it in order to justify history’s crimes. They need you to believe that indigenous people were violent savages who warred upon each other, so this made it “okay” and even “good for them” to be invaded, enslaved, and oppressed.

I mean, it’s not like white people didn’t treat the Irish and the Scottish like garbage or anything. White people were always good to each other. They never tortured each other in dungeons and beheaded each other over loaves of bread . . .

Dalish elves were not forcing anyone to their religion when they joined their camps. Pol never gets vallalsin in the ten years he’s with the Dalish. Because he doesn’t have to. When you meet him in Origins. he is being taught to hunt and survive. The Dalish Warden tells him to just make himself useful, and he is welcome. No religious conversion required. He is not forced into elven religion.

And even if Pol was forced:

Nothing can justify what was done to the elves.

Nothing can justify imperialism, invasion, genocide, cultural genocide, and slavery.

Just as nothing can justify what was done to real indigenous people.

I bet you hated the Thalmor in Skyrim and sided with the Stormcloaks to protect their religion even while hating the Dalish -- a people facing religious oppression -- in Dragon Age. Because only white men are allowed to have cultural, religious freedom, and any culture that’s not white isn’t worthy of respect, right?

But why am I wasting my time, Steel Can? Your sorry racist ass will never understand. You enjoy shitting on real indigenous people and using Dragon Age to justify it. Because Bioware's racism gave you the tools to do so.

That does not make you or Bioware right.

Also, Red Crossing started when two HUMANS killed an elven woman while trespassing on Dalish land.

#kiss my ass #dragon age #solas #bioware critical #dalish rant #solas rant

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