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thelordofdarkreunion · 3 years

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Magnificent Scoundrels- We’re the Best

“This is Unit Delta-5-9! We need immediate reinforcements! We’re getting torn up over here!”

“Copy that, Delta-5-9. Who are the hostiles in your area?”

“Commander Shepard is here! Repeat, Commander Shepard is here!”

“Copy that. Anyone else?”

“There’s one guy in some sort of silver armor. With a spear! He’s tearing up our guys like it’s no problem!”

“...repeat last.”

“Yes, he’s got a spear! And there are these two guys in trench coats, too!”

“What are they doing?”

“Uh… dancing?” “...”

“And there’s some other guy, too. He’s moving too fast for us to track, and… where did he go?”

“Hello.”

“Wha-” [Several gunshots are fired. Transmission ends.] -Transmission Intercepted from Attacking Force Delta by combined Quarian/Starfleet/Mechanicus operatives

“The elevators in this place are so goddamn slow.” Shepard shrugged at Drake, a move which made him bump against Vir.

“Yeah, I know. Cramped, too.”

“Got that right,” muttered Quill as he jostled for position with Cooper. Drake sighed and activated his wrist computer.

“Might as well do something useful. Ordelphine! Saul! Whoever the hell’s up there. You might have heard, but we have problems down here. Every available crewmember is to deploy with full… everything. Heavy weapons, heavy armor, tell Garang to wear the power armor, and get Kraiker, Mark, Oliver, and Muelka to get down here with all their stuff.” He paused for a moment, then pressed the transmit button with almost indecent haste. “And tell Muelka to not set anything on fire!” He shrugged at Shepard and Quill’s curious expressions. “I think it would be best if my crew and I were remembered for saving the Citadel, not blowing it up.” Vir shrugged and nodded.

“Makes sense. Actually, I ought to get my crew down here too.” He tapped the communications button on the side of his Iron Eye helmet. “Simone! Cannon! Get the Marines, Valhallans, and Drev clan down here! This is a full battle. Extended combat operations, so be ready for that.”

“Understood, sir. I… uh… Conn wants me to tell you that… “A vampire masturbating in front of a mirror. Bet you didn’t see that coming.” What the hell? Conn, you little-” Vir shook his head.

“It’s fine. So as long as he stays there. We don’t want to freak too many people out.”

“Yes, sir. Although that means I’m stuck with him,” responded a slightly put-out Simone.

“Have fun!” replied Vir with a bit too much cheerfulness than was required.

“I’m sure I will, sir.” Vir released the comms button on his helmet and shook his head again.

“I’m not so sure I want to meet Conn,” intoned Quill.

“Take my advice and just… don’t,” replied Vir. Quill nodded.

“Fair enough.” he rubbed his chin for a moment. “At least I don’t have to contact anyone. Everyone from my ship is in the other elevator.”

“Maybe you should have gone with them,” muttered Cooper as he jostled against Quill once more.

“No. Drax is there, and he takes up way too much space as it is.” Shepard shook his head at their banter, and activated his comms as well.

“Miranda, get the ground team down here. The entire ground team.”

“Should I come along as well?” replied a woman’s Australian-accented voice. Shepard considered for a moment.

“Yes. Tell Joker not to get the Normandy too beat up while we’re gone.”

“Understood, Commander.” Cooper looked over from where he was pressed against the glass.

“So, we have that down. Now what?” Shepard activated a button, and a glowing orange hologram sprang to life around his left arm. He pressed something else, and a map of the Citadel came up.

“We’re here.” He tapped near the Council chambers. “There’s a pretty hefty attacking force outside, fighting C-Sec officers and Turian shock troopers outside. We clear the attackers, set up a space where shuttle reinforcements can land, and proceed from there.” Everyone nodded.

“Well, that’s a better plan than most of what we do.” The group looked at each other speculatively.

“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” said Quill. “Reminds me. Have I ever told you about the time where I saved the galaxy with only 17% of a plan?”

Elsewhere on the Citadel

It was decided that Master Chief would take up the rear, as eight feet of muscle and Mjolnir armor would be a reasonable deterrent for most pursuers. There had been a short but intense argument over who would lead, but Kirk had suggested a combined force of bodyguards to placate everyone.

Now, a group of various bodyguards led the delegates through the under-tunnels of the Citadel to safety, with Cain, Kirk, and Solo sprinkled throughout the formation. The delegates murmured to each other, careful to not let their words be overheard. Each had groups of powerful special forces soldiers at their command, and each was wondering what to do with them, or if and when to deploy them.

“Councillors! We are under heavy fire! Some of the C-Sec officers have turned traitor, and the attackers are taking more of the Citadel. We need reinforcements!” came a desperate cry over the communication systems. Sparatus, the Turian Councillor, replied immediately.

“Hierarchy soldiers are currently on the ground. We’ll send more, but it will take a while for their shuttles to get there. You’ll have to hold,” he replied curtly. Several other diplomats heard the exchange. Normally, many would not have lent their forces to the fight, but if it meant the difference of getting out alive or dead, it wasn’t even a question.

“Captain Faro, this is Thrawn. Deploy our troopers immediately. Have TIE’s escort the shuttles. Keep the Destroyers in a holding position.”

“Captain, this is Agent Omicron. Have the ODSTs ready to drop immediately.”

“Watch Captain, this is Inquisitor Vail. Order the Scions to deploy in high altitude grav drop. Have the Kill Team and the Assassins ready in the teleportariums.”

“Captain, this is Marder. Have the Pilots stand ready in their Titans and be ready to deploy.”

Elsewhere on the Citadel

The elevator sounded a clear, high ding! and the doors slid slowly open.

“Fucking finally,” muttered Drake. The next elevator over sounded a similar chime and disgorged Quill’s crew, looking none happier than the Scoundrels over the slow ride down. The sounds of gunfire and screams filled the air from just beyond the indoor plaza at the foot of the Council Chambers. “Well, back to something I know better. Actually…” Drake’s face turned into a sly grin. “Tali! Scotty! Can you two give me control of the P.A. system?”

“Why do you want the P.A. system?” came Scotty’s, well, Scottish bur.

“Uh… psychological warfare?” There was a pregnant pause on the other end. Drake tried again. “For funsies?”

“...fine.” There was another pause. “You have control Drake,” came a very tired sounding Scotty.

“Wonderful!” replied Drake, utterly delighted. “Now, here comes the fun part.”

------------------------------------------------

Major Viter of the Turian Hierarchy cursed as a bullet chipped the wall he was kneeling behind. The Cerberus attackers and traitor C-Sec agents had his combined forces of Hierarchy soldiers and loyal C-Sec agents pinned down in front of the Citadel Tower. They had held well enough for the past ten minutes of grueling firefights, long enough to give the Council and the other delegates enough time to escape. Viter didn’t care much for the other diplomats, but he had been ordered to hold, and death was a preferable alternative to disobeying those orders. Another volley of fire raked the wall, and he shrank back from it. Cerberus was getting crafty. They knew the Hierarchy shock troopers were far superior to the C-Sec agents under his command, so they endeavored to keep the Turians pinned down for as long as possible. Not good. He turned to his left and yelled at his communications officer.

“Where are those reinforcements? We can’t hold the tower without them!”

“They’re still ten minutes out! And that’s not including the time it’ll take the shuttles to find a safe landing zone!” Viter cursed. “But someone said we have additional reinforcements en-route. Some kind of special team,” added the communications officer. Viter calmly shot down a traitor C-Sec agent who was stupid enough to poke their head in the open before turning back.

“What kind of special team?” But before the comms officer could replay, the Citadel’s P.A. system fizzed to life. Cerberus, C-Sec, and Turian soldiers looked up with confusion as an unmistakably human show tune started to play.

“Yippie yay! There’ll be no wedding bells for today!” There was a flash of electric blue, and a Cerberus trooper took a shot to her head, which promptly melted, complete with horrifying screams from its wearer. Viter looked back to the Tower’s entrance. Standing there was a black haired, black coated human wielding a silvery, triple barreled rifle. Flanking him was another masked and trenchcoated human, a small (about up to viter’s knee), rodent-like creature holding a full-sized machine gun, and… Commander Shepard. Back from the dead? To borrow a human expression: Oh boy. This just got interesting.

As the abominably cheerful tune continued to play, a figure clad in solid grey metal armor and some massive, bare-chested, grey and orange humanoid alien ran past Viter at speeds he didn’t think were possible for a biped to produce. He did a double take. They were holding a spear and two knives respectively. Did they have a death wish? The Cerberus and C-Sec attackers seemed to think so, as they stepped forward as one to cut the running figures down.

With no warning, a man wearing a strange set of advanced-looking armor materialized beyond a Cerberus trooper wielding a machine gun, drew a pistol, gave a cheerful “Hi!”, blew the back of the trooper’s head apart, and disappeared. Farther down, a Cerberus combat engineer looked down at his chest, where a lithe blade appeared through his breastbone. A green-skinned alien woman gave him a surreptitious wink, and, before his comrades could react, faded into oblivion.

Within the space of a second, the attacking line devolved into panic. The gunmen behind the running figures opened fire, forcing the Cerberus personnel to keep their heads down as the two sprinting figures collided with them at full tilt.

The grey figure’s spear slid through a trooper’s neck armor joint, producing a gurgled sigh as he crumpled to the ground. The silvery figure spun around, and with pinpoint precision, impaled another Cerberus trooper through the joints of her armor. The massive grey humanoid went flying into a group of traitorous C-Sec agents with reckless and utterly terrifying abandon, stabbing wildly.

The green-skinned woman appeared once more, and gracefully cut down two Cerberus soldiers with just as many strokes of her keen-bladed swords. The Turians and loyal C-Sec agents were now all firing at the disorganized attackers, Shepard was killing with horrifying, lethal accuracy, the rodent-creature was cackling maniacally as it fired it’s huge machine gun, the two trenchcoated men were dancing along to the music over the P.A. system while firing off precise, perfectly timed-to-the-beat shots, there was a walking tree now that was impaling people with wooden growths from its arms, and the man in advanced armor, who had been appearing and disappearing was now running on the walls, almost horizontally, supported by only thrusters on the back of the suit and a hand held out for balance. In short, utter mayhem.

The man hopping from wall to wall jumped down and kicked a Cerberus trooper with enough force to crack her helmet. The grey armored man and green-skinned woman impaled two more opponents with perfect synchronicity. Viter overloaded a Cerberus soldier’s shields, then shot him in the head. The last enemy, a panicking traitorous C-Sec agent, turned and ran, only to be gunned down by the black coated human.

The grey armored figure removed their helmet to reveal the cheerful face of a green-eyed, blond-haired human man. Shepard and he walked over to Major Viter, who turned and stared at them with an expression that was equal parts confusion, shock, and gratefulness.

“I’m assuming you’re the team that was sent to assist me?” he asked. “Pardon me asking, but who exactly are you?” Shepard opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the black coated man.

“We’re the Magnificent Scoundrels, and we put the laughter into slaughter!” Shepard’s mouth moved spasmodically for a few moments before the blond haired man stepped in.

“Don’t… don’t listen to… him.” The black coated man shrugged.

“Yeah. I get that a lot.” Shepard rolled his eyes.

“We’re a team made up from a variety of different governments present, and we’re here to help take back the Citadel.” Shepard looked around, experienced eyes taking in the mayhem around them. “What now?” he asked Viter. Viter’s mandibles moved in an expression that Shepard recognized as turian thoughtfulness.

“Well, we press on and clean up the Citadel. But we,” he gestured at the group, “Can’t do it alone. We’re going to need help.” Shepard and the blond man shared a knowing glance.

“Don’t worry, ‘cause help you’re going to get.”

If you have any comments, questions, concerns, criticisms, questions, or requests, feel free to tell me. For the curious, the song is called “Jingle Jangle Jingle.” I recommend finding the Fallout New Vegas version ‘cause apparently it’s the only remastered version on the internet.

#story #writing #my writing #crossover #magnificent scoundrels #mass effect #guardians of the galaxy

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