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bendgineer · 7 months

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What happened to Rapinoe is actually all Ashlyn Harris's fault. You see, Pinoe has never won a NWSL championship, and absolutely deserves to. It would have been the perfect way to send her off into retirement. And the universe intended that originally. BUT then Ashlyn went and cheated on and divorced Ali. Incredibly cruel and tragic for that to happen to Krieger. So the universe had to compensate for that, to have some things go incredibly Ali's way. Enter Ali Krieger Revenge Tour. It's more important for the universe to balance out what happened to Krieger than to give Rapinoe a fairytale sendoff. We go to the final. The Reign are too good. Their mentality is sharp. Their game has never been better. They are going to win. So the universe has to knock them down. So that Gotham and Ali Krieger can win. But the Reign is so special. They've endured a lot of difficulties. They can handle a lot. Taking out any other player won't do. They have a deep bench and will adapt. There is only one player whose loss will affect the rest of the team wholly enough to tip the scales. They are all playing for Pinoe, they all want to send her out with a ship. Pinoe going out in her final game in the cruel and tragic way she did hits the whole team hard emotionally. It's like a punch to the heart. They aren't as sharp as they could be. They aren't as focused as they could be. They still look like a team that deserves to be in the final. But they don't look 100% like what they looked like in their end of season and post season runs. Championship games are often won on thin margins, and these are the margins that allow Gotham to separate themselves, to EARN their own Championship win. The Bats and Ali Krieger take the trophy home.

Pinoe had to go out like that so Ali could win. It's weird universe karmatic balancing. But just as the universe repaid the cruelty debt to Krieger, it will be obliged to repay to same debt to Pinoe.

#file this under “wholesome shitpost”#nwsl #megan rapinoe #ali krieger

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dirtyoldmanhole · 7 months

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time for analyzing the absolute most freak-ass set of supports i have ever seen nintendo handle (affectionately)

A-support first since this got overly long, and i also touch on the JP versions as well.

half meta analysis, half lengthy shitpost because.

well ~

Last time in the Gunter/Corrin support train, we learned that Gunter used a little toy ball to coax Corrin out from her shell post the mind wipes when she was as skittish as a kitten, and then in the B support, Gunter/Corrin played catch again for the first time.

A little odd, but fairly tame. Here though ..... :')

(pardon me for the different "Corrin" look -- i ripped these screenshots off of a youtube version b/c i was lazy about not getting into the game proper) god do you know how many random ass files i have as reference for gunter JP/EN voicelines, JP/EN my room bits, transcripts, sprites, etc ... after this fic is done i'm totally making that fanshrine if only to stick all this shit in one place lol

anyway, corrin starts this bright and peppy and eager for more.

eyebrow waggle-/shot

cute. :D

(the stretching's cute, too. like, more seriously, this isn't just wind-down/playtime, you can tell he's always incorporated this subtly as part of her training, likely modifying some soldier's training in a manner a little bit more befitting of her.)

they keep going...

Corrin: Ready as I'll ever be! There's no way I'm missing one of your throws! Gunter: All right, then. Here we go. Corrin: And easily caught. I have to say, Gunter, you have excellent form and follow-through. You know, I just remembered… Wasn't this ball made from a whip? Gunter: It was indeed. A pretty odd choice for material, I know… Corrin: Gunter… Would you be willing to tell me a few stories from when I was growing up? I still have a lot of holes in my memory from when I was little. Gunter: Of course. But you'll have to pay attention to the ball at the same time!

i do find it interesting garon was keeping tabs enough on corrin to have opinions on how she was being raised, but not close enough that she has any recollection of him.

now for an absolutely wtf level of fridge horror: there's a part of the same JP lines above that made me sit way the fuck up.

Gunther: Of course. Then, as we’re playing… On that day, King Garon was in an incredibly terrible mood… He handed me this whip. He told me that until you were obedient, I was to continue whipping you.

"continue whipping" [record scratch] wait what the fuck

... i think that implies that garon was whipping corrin before she was she was sent to the tower?? man what the hell kind of life did corrin have between being kidnapped out of hoshido and before ending up in the northern fortress under gunter's aegis.

gunter's no saint, not in the least bit (i have sooooooo many issues with the side of fandom who thinks he's just a sweet wholesome old grandpa lmao lol looooooooooooool no), but damn did he sure protect her from the worst of krakenburg.

okay this is interesting

a) she doesn't trust her memory like, at all. it's wild to think that gunter's literally likely the one dude that remembers her early lived life the best considering her other retainers (jakob/flora/felicia) were kids even slightly younger than she was, the hoshidan siblings were really young as well, and no other playable nohrian character was around much other than the occasional visit, post her kidnapping.

it's a little terrifying to think about how (i guess, if you interpret the game that way?) anankos was possessing him way back when and had free reign around corrin. that's kind of why i'm not totally in love with that interpretation (that'd be the perfect time for anankos to take out/corrupt corrin. why didn't he?).

anyway

b) that 'closed off' line says a lot from him, considering Gunter's hardly a socialite, either. in fact their whole support chain was framed around corrin seeking him out because he starkly seeks out alone time so much that it's a little ... isolating.

so like, if mister 'nah i don't need to be around people' is saying that, sheesh. i dabble in it with this slowburn fic, but i could almost see corrin being selectively mute at times, and hiding from people days at a time.

their dynamic ain't normal by any means but you can see how that kind of early-stage trauma bonding on both of their sides would influence [gestures at] everything, you know?

gunter's not just a father("figure"). or just a combat instructor. or just a mentor, or later, just a lover -- he's something that's more, even all combined. there's a hardwired sense of trust and codependency that's seared into them from the get-go.

(it's fucked up! god it's fun to write though.)

so i ambled away from my computer at this line while screenshotting these and only afterwards realized that this out of context sounds like a goddamn porno LMAO

[whispers] what in the fuckity fuck nintendo

corrin, sweetie.....

...................how in the fuck are we supposed to read that with a straight face sjkhshajhjhjjh

lol. lmao.

okay [drags hands down face and cackles]

so this is right about where i really have to say i genuinely cannot see their (romantic) relationship being anything but a kink relationship. (and i say this in the fic notes but it's not the 'bdsm acronym pasta garbage' sense, and it's not in the 50 shades of grey cliche 24/7 M/s sense either, god i cannot fucking stand the cliche version of that shit. shoot me if i ever write that.)

and i say that for several reasons.

one - if you're shipping them, their mutual power dynamics are so hopelessly tangled between them and it's the one language -- in a way -- that they both "speak" later on that is uniquely equipped to handle a lot of that and the trauma junk from both of them in a private, loving, dignifying way. i genuinely mean that, too. rev's possession arc with him, corrin recovering from the mind wipes, etc. they're gonna have to face a lot of unpleasant shit together, and actively grappling at and mutually playing with those realities is, in a complex way, hell of a lot healthier than simply pretending it doesn't exist in the first place.

(two - metatextually i think nintendo intentionally encouraged a kink flavor to gunter/corrin because this ship does squick the fuck out of most other people and i'm not totally unsympathetic to that, so i think it's a way of quickly weeding out everyone except the folks who are genuinely here for this in an unironic sense. )

three - i already wrote up kink analysis re: gunter here lol (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ

four - and sorta on this note, what's interesting is... with a lot of kinksters i know, they knew they vibed differently in that way really early on, even as kids. like even in stupid silly make believe play games they'll tie up barbies in random ass ways or discover in a genuinely innocent way that they like specific sensations of pain they can control. later on as adults, a lot of times the brain wires go [bzzt] and suddenly the world of power or sensation play makes a hell of a lot more sense, and frankly, is a lot more fun in certian sexy arenas of life. sometimes it comes along with trauma junk, sometimes it doesn't, it's not a binary thing (as basically everything isn't).

THAT IS A LOT OF WORDS TO SAY corrin also inadvertently being wired that way and having these little semi-accidental lines doesn't actually surprise me that much. (i can also see this specific line being a little bit of a 'hrmm' flag for gunter in that she's not going to run away instantly screaming at the idea of playing these specific kinds of games, later on once when/if they're romantic)

am i projecting a little? fuck yes, that's what we're here for

Gunter: Indeed. I knew that striking you wouldn't ever get you to open up to anyone. So I came up with a different method - one that used this ball. I returned to your room sometime later, and I rolled the ball over to you. Corrin: Which I immediately picked up, examined, and threw back to you. Gunter: Oh, you remember this part? Good.

that actually is incredibly wholesome she remembers this part. ;a; you know gunter was always probably lowkey sad at her not remembering key parts of her childhood, regardless or not if it was moments between them or not.

wheeze

so did you know, treehouse actually neutered this down from the JP version which was straight up, i shit you not:

Gunther: …It’s nostalgic… It really is. Kamui: …How long has it been since? I’ve always considered you like my real father, Gunther-san.

l u l "real father"""""

i'm dying man

every single goddamn time i think this ship can't possibly get more fucked up IT DOES

YOU STRAIGHT UP MARRY YOUR DAD IN THE JP VERSION LMAO

it would be hilarious enough just knowing the whole existence of a (married) S-support coming up but coming right after the heels of that THE BALL WAS A WHAT realization.... hee

anyway here's the last chunk:

Gunter: You… You are much too kind. Ah, now look at what you've made me do. Corrin: Gunter! It's rare that you miss a catch. Gunter: My sincerest apologies. There was… something in my eye. Corrin: Getting sentimental in your old age? Hang on, I'll get you a handkerchief.

damn girl, 'sentimental in your old age'. you vicious! :D

it is horrible of me but every time i think about the end of this support i bust out HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING for a completely different reason since if you headcanon Gunter as always holding a flame for/romantically harboring feelings for Corrin-

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT HIS THOUGHTS WERE TO THAT ""FATHER" LINE LMAO

on one hand: 'i'm special to her :'))))'

on the other: [ O H K O ]

anyway half of what makes the A-support peak fridge-[everything] is the S-support right after ~ coming soon!

#krad loveblogs revelations: electric boogaloo

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spicy-mbti-memes · 5 years

Conversation

How the Types Dump You

ESTJ: As you walk into the room, he is sitting at an office desk. He motions for you to sit down. (This confuses you greatly, because you don’t even have an office desk in your house; did he buy one just for this occasion?) He takes out his reading glasses and pulls out a file folder that you can see is extensively tagged with color-coded index notes. He opens it up and begins reading from a double-spaced, 5,000-word essay written in size 12 Times New Roman with in-text citations and a bibliography written in APA format. His essay lists every way in which you’ve ever failed to live up to his expectations in the relationship; the report concludes that there is no other rational choice but to fire you as his companion. He thanks you for your time and writes you a severance check (aka first and last month’s rent) before leaving. You shrug casually because, well, hey, it could’ve been worse: you could’ve been broken up with the way that the ENFP girl’s boyfriend on this list did.

ISTJ: ISTJs don’t break up with you. If you end up with an ISTJ, you’re either going to have to do the dirty work yourself, or you’re going to be stuck with them until you die.

Either that, or they’ll e-mail you from work while they’re on their lunch break (because they can’t send a personal e-mail during work hours, obviously).

ESTP: You walk into your apartment to see your ESTP boyfriend in the middle of having a literal orgy in your living room. “What the fuck are you doing?!” you scream at your ESTP boyfriend (and the twelve other people in the room, too, I guess), who seems genuinely confused somehow. “But I don’t even love them!” he continues to insist, not understanding how you could be so upset about this. “It’s just sex, what’s the big deal? Here, how about this: why don’t you join us? Would that make you feel better? The bowl of condoms is over there. They’re just for decoration and we’re not using them, but I thought I would show them to you anyway.”

ISTP: Sends you a letter in the mail from a clinic advising you to get tested for STDs.

ESFJ: You’ve been talking about starting to try for a baby for a while now, so you and your partner begin to make some preparations to help protect your future family - stashing away money for the down-payment on a house, trading in your car for a family van, filling out life insurance policies; routine stuff. But then, little things started happening; things so small that you only noticed in hindsight. The new lock on her phone that wasn’t there before. How often you caught her smiling to herself as she was texting. How much more often she was suddenly going on out-of-town work trips, or going out for a lady’s night, or having to stay late for work. How irritated she always seemed to be with you, and how little you were having sex despite actively trying to get pregnant. You were in denial at first, but slowly, you’re starting to put the pieces together. You make up your mind to confront her on the weekend, in case anything goes wrong and you suddenly have to go stay somewhere else.

Except you never get a chance to, because one morning, you wake up and your world looks completely different. You aren’t in your bed; in fact, you don’t seem to be anywhere at all. And that’s because you’re dead, because your wife poisoned you so that she could move overseas to be with her new hot 23-year-old boyfriend from Spain, and the money she got from your $250,000 life insurance policy.

ISFJ: Does it the proper, old-fashioned way: by sitting you down and explaining to you why it just isn’t working out. Fuck ISFJs and their wholesomeness and perfection preventing me from shitposting about them. =/

ESFP: Sends you a picture of themselves flipping the bird while sucking your best friend’s dick. Afterwards, texts you a detailed play-by-play of everything they did, and how much of a better lay he was than you. Oh, and how much bigger his dick was than yours, of course.

ISFP: Breaking up? Us? Oh, honey. Honey, no. You’re not going anywhere. I will murder your entire family if that’s what I have to do to stop them from being able to take you away from me. The police? Lmao, that’s cute. Let them come and watch me win the Oscar performance of the year as I cry about how you beat me, and drag you away to jail instead. No, baby, you’re not going anywhere. We’re never breaking up. We’re always going to be together. Forever.

ENTJ: He’s a wildly successful entrepreneur who ended up becoming a multi-millionaire. You’re the beautiful philanthropist and socialite trophy wife and stay-at-home mom who takes care of the kids. Together, you own homes in four different countries (one for each season, and several in Aspen and Montauk - just for the weekends, of course), a yacht, multiple sports cars, an entire room just for shoes, ties, and handbags, and a chef, a housekeeper, and a full-time, live-in nanny. Everything he owns is shiny, new, the latest model - everything, that is, except for you. So he cheats on you behind your back, divorces you when you find out about it, and then replaces you with a hotter, younger replica of yourself.

But hey, at least you got half of everything in the divorce. At least he was gracious enough not to have you assassinated, I guess.

INTJ: Calmly and rationally explains to you why it just wouldn’t work in the grand scheme of things. I mean, for one thing, having a wife (or even a serious girlfriend) just wasn’t a part of the life plan that he created for himself in the first grade; hell, it wasn’t even a part of the ten-year plan that he drew up for himself on the first day of high school. He’s not trying to be rude or insensitive, but he just doesn’t have the time to waste on pursuing empty, meaningless pursuits like social relationships or having a girlfriend. How is he going to meet his goal of becoming the youngest PhD holder in his state if he has to waste time doing things like talking to you?

Joke’s on him, though, because this is exactly how the movie Legally Blonde started, and doesn’t he know how that movie ended for someone like him?

ENTP: ENTPs don’t break up with you, because ENTPs don’t date anyone seriously in the first place. If, by some stroke of (horrible) luck, you actually did manage to get an ENTP to agree to hang out with you often enough under a context that could reasonably be construed as the two of you being “in a relationship”, they would probably get bored and cheat on you within weeks. But hey, if you’re a masochist and getting your heart broken repeatedly is your thing (lookin’ at you, INFxs), then do what makes you happy, man. I’m not judging.

INTP: Meh. Doesn’t really bother to break up with you. Continues to co-habitate with you while ceasing to continue putting any effort into the maintenance of the relationship, and just kind of letting it die a natural death. By the time it’s over, neither of you have cared for months.

ENFJ: Leaves you a length, caring, compassionate, “It’s not you, it’s me” goodbye letter on your bedside table in an attempt to soften the blow of gently explaining that she has decided to leave you and your life together in order to pursue her dream of cultivating relationships with multiple wealthy Sugar Daddies who fund her extravagant, globetrotting lifestyle.

INFJ: INFJs never truly break up with anyone. They keep the door open just the tiniest sliver, so that they can keep you around as their potential back-up plan in case their current relationship falls apart. After all, where are they going to get their identity and sense of self from if they’re alone?

ENFP: You come home after work and she isn’t there. None of her stuff is missing, so at first, you aren’t worried - she must just be running late, or made an impromptu decision to go see a friend. By 10 PM, you’re riddled with anxiety and the fear that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. You call her friends. You call all the local hospitals and jails. You file a police report. But nothing ever comes of the investigation, and no one can figure out what happened to her - it’s like she dropped off the face of the Earth. The whole ordeal is emotionally devastating for you, but eventually life goes on, as it inevitably must.

Years later, you turn on your computer and have a new friend request on Facebook. It’s your ex-girlfriend. You find out that she’s been living on a hippie commune in the Costa Rican rainforest for the past three years. She felt “stifled and trapped” by her old life, she tells you, and felt like she “needed a change from the oppressive grind of daily life”. She can’t understand why you’re so upset about it; shouldn’t you be happy for her for finally getting to live out her dream?

You hang up the phone and never think about her again.

INFP: Ghosts you.

That’s it. That’s literally it. You’ll never hear from them again. It’s like they just never existed. After a while, you start to wonder whether they ever really did, or if they were just a figment of your imagination.

(If you’re an INTP, then this is probably true. Your caring, squishy uwu INFP senpai girlfriend was all a product of your lonely imagination.)

#mbti #memes #shitpost #intj #infj #intp #infp #funny

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