#figured this would be a good follow up to the previous ask lmao
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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞: 𝐢 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐯𝐲, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢'𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐲
pairing: theo nott x fem!reader
summary: theo and you seem to be a pretty good match, until things go out of control
warnings: underage drinking, cursing, trauma (bad relationship with parents), sexual references, depression, fighting, mention of death
note: this is absolutely the most gut wrenching chapter so far! get ready lmao!! and for the people still wondering who leo is: you will find out in this chapter!!
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theo walked you both through a forest, taking weird paths that he claimed to be shortcuts. you giggled anytime he almost fell over a branch and he laughed deeply and almost lovingly as you stumbled against him a few times, because it was already dark.
at the party he walked you around, introducing you to foreign people and it made you heart flutter, that he did not introduce you with your name alone.
"curtis" he said when a blonde and tall boy entered his field of vision "this is my friend, y/n"
"hi, theo's friend y/n" curtis greeted and you smiled up at his tall figure.
"is your band playing tonight?" you asked and curtis nodded proudly.
"i'm the keyboarder" he explained "you will love it, i promise"
you normally hated boys with too big of an ego (maybe because of theo), but curtis was actually lovely and seemed like he meant it in a nice way. he reminded you of enzo and you instantely liked him.
"get your lady something to drink, theo" curtis patted the dark haired boys shoulder before he turned back to you "zero manners, huh?"
you giggled and curtis promised to come back and talk to you after the gig. theo walked you to a small table filled to the brim with different kinds of alcohol.
"what do you want?" he asked and you raised your brows as your eyes glided along the table.
you would rather not drink any alcohol, but there was nothing without it. also, you didn't want to explain why, so you just pointed to the bottle of sparkling wine and watched how theo filled a glass for you.
he took a bottle of beer for himself and walked you back into the crowd so you could listen to curtis and his band.
you had to admit that they were really good, but (and you did not say that to theo or curtis when he came to talk to you later) nothing in comparison to cursed legacy.
you sipped your sparkling wine as theo walked you around the party and talked so some of his friends. there were a few you found pretty funny, boys that reminded you of blaise and draco, as they were dancing weirdly across the dance floor.
and curtis' girlfriend was like a carbon copy of april. she joined you as you watched the boys and couldn't hold your laughter at their ridiculous dancing.
"friends like that keep your soul young" lily had said as she sat down next to you. "i'm lily" she added as she noticed your surprised expression "curtis’ girlfriend"
"y/n" you smiled "theo told half the people here to call me pixie, but don't listen to him, he's an idiot. and i know, i have the exact same friends on the other side of the town"
"so a few meters from here?" lily joked and you joined in on her laughter.
"something like that"
"are you theo's girlfriend?" she followed your eyes that were watching him as he was talking to curtis and another boy you hadn't been introducted to yet.
"no" you shook your head. theo turned his head and smiled at you, before he waved for you to come and join the conversation.
"they way he looks at you tells a different story" said lily as she followed you through the crowd.
you shook your head laughing. lily stepped next to curtis, who threw an arm around her body and you stepped next to theo, who, to your surprise, did the same.
later, theo and you started walking back home. you had said goodbye to the people you had met tonight, while theo had to promise both curtis and lily that he would bring you around more often. lily was so drunk that she almost cried as you told her that you were leaving, which made you like her even more.
you loved people that didn't get aggressive or angry when they got drunk, but rather emotional or funny.
"are you sure this is the right way?" you mumbled as you followed theo through the forest, your hand in his as he took paths that looked like they were not supposed to be walked on.
"trust me, baby" theo laughed and the nickname made your heart flutter. you were glad that he couldn't see your face.
to your surprise you came out of the forest right in front of your houses. the moon was shining down on the street, making it easier to see his beautiful face.
"so much music tonight and we didn't even dance"
"you're right" you smiled "what do we do now?"
"i have something on here" theo said as he took out his phone. "it's a song that was supposed to be on the album, but i scrapped last minute"
"oh" you said surprised "what is it about?"
"you"
you laughed unsurely "so pixie dream girl or daddy issues part two?"
"no" theo said quickly as he shook his head "it's not like that, it's not mean"
"why did you scrap it?"
"because leo was helping me to decide which songs were good enough for an album and i didn't want him to see this one"
you smiled up at him, before you finally nodded. "play it"
he set down the phone and pressed play, before he took your hand in his, one hand on your hip. the song was soft and gentle and you could hear the guitar and dracos keyboard.
"how did you record the guitar if leo didn't know about it?" you wondered.
"i played it myself" theo shrugged and you smiled as you heard his voice. "i wrote the song when you started hanging out with cormac and we stopped spending as much time"
i know a place
it's somewhere i go when i need to remember your face
we get married in our heads
something to do while we try to recall how we met
he twirled you around on the street, moving you away and then back close to his chest again.
the bridge was definitely your favorite part of the song, as you softly hummed along.
there was something 'bout you that now i can't remember
it's the same damn thing that made my heart surrender
and i miss you on a train, i miss you in the morning
i never know what to think about
you didn't want him to know, but you cried a bit. the song was so incredibly beautiful that it made your head hurt. right before the song was over, theo started singing along, supporting the theo from months ago.
about you
about you
do you think i have forgotten
about you? (don't let go)
he hugged you close to his body while you both swayed to the last few tunes of the song.
"that's how you felt? all while i was still there?" you asked him once he had pushed the phone into the back pocket of his trousers.
"it felt like you were worlds away" theo muttered "you were so obsessed with cormac that all i could do was write a song about how you were slipping away"
"i was sixteen and in love" you argued.
"i know" theo smiled "i was too"
you looked up at him in surprise and a bit of hope in your eyes. "and what about now?" you asked
"now i'm seventeen" he shrugged.
"and in love?" you asked carefully.
"deeply" his hands wandered to hold your hip, as you stepped closer to his body. your hands went to his neck. he drew you closer and slowly connected your lips. his lips were soft and warm and they felt like home in a place that hadn't felt like a home in a long time.
he brushed some of your hair out of your face as he deepened the kiss, softly pushing his tongue through your lips. you smiled at that.
as you broke the kiss, he softly leaned his forehead against yours.
"do you want to come inside?" you asked as you pointed to your house.
theo smiled as he nodded. you took your key out of your bag and opened the door. to your surprise, you could hear someone move through the house.
it was well past midnight, so you shrieked in surprise when your mum turned on the light. she screamed at the same time as you did.
you wondered what she was doing up here. normally she wouldn't come out of bed or up here in general. she would spend most days in bed, curled up under leo's bedsheets.
"y/n!" she screamed and you noticed the tears on her cheeks.
"mum" you muttered as you looked back at theo, who was still standing in the entryway, unsure what to do.
"where have you been?" she screamed. "you're soaked!" theo's and your eyes went down your body simultaneously. you were completely dry.
"i'm not, mum" you shook your head "maybe you should go back to bed" you tried to grab her arm but she moved away from your hold.
"i told you not to go out in the rain"
"mum, i didn't, really"
"where have you been all night?" she screamed and winced. "i have been sick with worry! you've been gone for hours, y/n!"
"mum, i-"
"i don't want to hear another word!" she grabbed your hand and pulled you closer. "leo, sweetheart is that you?" she only seemed to notice theo, now that you were not standing in front of him anymore.
you and him exchanged a look. "no, mum" you softly said "that is theo" you turned your head back at him "maybe you should better go"
he nodded at your suggestion.
"leo, sweetheart" your mum called as she saw him moving. theo froze. "where are you going?" you held her in place as she tried to move closer to him.
"go, home, theo" you said "i'll call you"
"where's leo?" the calm in her voice was suddenly gone and she was screaming again. theo turned around alarmed.
"go, i'll call you" you repeated.
"you shouldn't have called him" your mother screamed "why did you call him?" she sank down on the ground sobbing and screaming as she held her arms close to her chest. you sat down beside her.
you looked up and saw the sad look on theo's face. "please, go, theo"
he left and closed the front door behind him.
your mother calmed down quickly and you were able to bring her back down to bed. she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and you watched her for a few minutes as you wiped your cheeks to get rid of your tears.
you shared the color of her eyes and hair, the way she used to walk down the street and the sound of laughter, that you hadn't heard since that night a year ago.
you kissed her head softly, before you got up and left the room. "goodnight, mum" you mumbled before you closed the door.
then you walked up to your room. the curtain of your window was open and you saw theo sitting at his window on the other side. you saw him scribble something down on his blog, before he pressed it against the window.
is she always like this?
you shrugged, before you took your own blog and wrote an answer.
not always, but sometimes she freaks out and thinks it's that night again
what is she doing normally? it's the first time i saw her in a year
you weren't sure what to answer. you didn't want to lie to him, but the truth embarassed you.
she stays here
she doesn't leave the house?
no
you could see the same look of pity in theo's eyes as you always saw in april's. she was the only one who really knew how bad your mother had gotten.
i'm sorry you had to see that, you wrote
theo shook his head, he held his hand against the window, as if to touch yours, i'm here
you held your hand against the glass too, as you smiled at his gesture. i know
you sat there for longer than you should have, only going to bed as soon as you couldn't keep your eyes open and were almost falling asleep on the desk.
✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦
sunday was warm and thick and theo came to pick you up. all of you, the rest of the guys and april, went to the lake behind the garage to go swimming.
the sun was relentless but you were so happy that you did not mind.
april and enzo had arrived hand in hand, kissing each other all over their faces, before they announced that they were finally dating. you were more than just happy for them and exchanged conspiritorial looks with theo as they mentioned how they had spend their night.
none of your friends knew about your and theo's adventure from the night before, or the times you had spent in each others embrace. you were glad that they had stopped asking questions about the way you acted after the last time.
you hadn't been sure if you would have been able to lie, but your friends kept their mouths shut, silently smiling and fully accepting the new normal.
theo had send you the demo of about you and you had spent any free minute listening to it. this was your song, the song that was truly about you and you couldn't love it more.
and for now, everything that had happened between you just belonged to the two of you.
theo walked into the garage to get a few more beers as he ran into mattheo, who came back from the toilet.
"hey, mate" he patted theo's shoulder, as the latter bend down to open the fridge.
mattheo's eyes wandered to the window that overlooked the lake. blaise and draco were standing on top of the tree that was hanging over the water, while they tried not to fall down. april and you were loudly laughing as you tried to throw each other into the water. enzo came up behind the two of you and helped to throw april inside, before he pushed you in after her. mattheo watched as your head came back up and you began laughing.
"you have to tell her" mattheo mumbled "the concert is in a few days"
"i know" theo muttered, before he took a big sip from his beer. "but she's so happy" his heart fluttered as he watched you run across the grass as draco and blaise were chasing you.
"all the more reason to tell her" mattheo nodded "maybe she doesn't mind"
"i don't know" theo shrugged "i still lied to her"
"not if you just tell her" theo nodded at his friend before he left the room. mattheo bend down to get a beer for himself, as his eyes returned back to the glass. you were in the lake again and you face lit up as your eyes fell on theo.
you held your hand in his direction, before you dragged him in to the water. mattheo could hear you giggle, followed by theo's warm laughter as he held you close to his body and dipped you down in the lake. "so, that's how it is?" mattheo mumbled smiling as he watched the two of you.
✦•〰〰〰〰〰★🎸☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★〰〰〰〰〰〰•✦
monday came fast and so did the bad weather. it had been raining since the morning and you couldn't be more glad that april and theo both had their own cars so no one had to walk.
"good morning, baby" theo greeted as soon as you sat down in his car. he turned in your direction expectingly, moving his lips. you giggled before you kissed him and he leaned back with a satisfied grin.
on your way to school you picked up draco and blaise who were talking about a switch in the atmosphere. you and theo listened to their blabbering as you exchanged looks with each other.
"this was disgusting" mattheo said as he climbed from the backseat of april's car. she had driven him and enzo to school with her. "two people in love and i have nowhere to escape"
"yeah" draco nodded "i kind of feel the same" blaise and him exchanged confused gazes, not quite realizing what they were talking about just yet.
"should we head to english?" you asked before one of them was able to further think about it.
"sure" april took your arm as she dragged enzo behind her. theo stayed close to you, but did not hold your hand.
mrs walker was on time today and she even smiled as she noticed the friendly conversation you and theo were having. "war is over, huh?" she smiled and you softly nodded.
it was the first time in months that you did not mind theo sitting so close to you. you needed his warmth, as if his and your body were magnets of opposite sides, always pulling each other close.
during class, theo was drawing hearts on your hand with his finger and you wondered when you had forgotten how soft love was.
love was back, because theo was and you had missed him terribly, even before there was that wall of fault between the two of you. you had thought that there was no way to fix what had been broken, but maybe you had been wrong.
theo had felt the same, as he had told you. and he understood you, understood the way you could not have a relationship with your father, the way you felt sad anytime your eyes fell on your mother and why you had taken down every photo of your brother and put them in a box under the bed.
"i take them out when i want to remember" you had told him "when i'm ready to feel him"
"do you think you will be able to hang them up again?" theo had asked.
"i don't know" it broke a piece of your heart that you weren't able to really tell "maybe there will just always be something broken inside of me"
"and your parents?" he had pushed a strand of hair behind your ear "are they broken too?"
"more than me" you had said "that's why i can only be broken at certain times"
theo squeezed your hand before he had to take it away to write something down. you smiled at him, before you started writing too.
suddenly your phone buzzed in the back pocket out your trousers. there were only fifteen minutes of class left, but maybe it was important, so you took it out without mrs walker noticing and opened the message that had been send from an unknown number.
hey, peanut it read and you heart stopped beating. it's dad. how are you? dave called me to tell me about the record deal for leo's band, i heard they're making great music. theo messaged me too, is he your boyfriend? he told me that you needed to talk. call me!! xoxo dad
you stared down at the message and your whole body froze. dave fraser was the guy that was eventually giving the guys the record deal? you knew it had to have been leo who contacted him. and theo had messaged your dad? a thousand questions were running through your mind, but before you got a chance to answer them, another message came in.
i'm sure everything will work out with the deal. dave is obsessed with the guys and pixie dream girl! he told me i should come and listen to them play on saturday. will you be there too? didn't theo used to call you pixie? kinda funny!
yeah, you thought, funny.
"y/n?" mrs walker called "do you know the answer to number five?"
"what?" you muttered as you looked up from the phone in your hand.
"i asked if you knew the answer to number five" mrs walker repeated, but her eyes grew wider as she noticed the tears in your eyes "are you alright?"
you shook your head before you grabbed your bag and pushed your blog inside. "can i please leave?"
"ehh" mrs walker seemed to be caught off-guard before she finally nodded. you grabbed your things and ran out of the room under the confused eyes of your friends.
"excuse me" you could hear a voice call and quickly, steps were following after you. it was theo and you just quickened your pace.
"y/n!" he called. "are you alright?" there were another few pairs of feet running over the floor.
"you can't just all leave class" you could hear mrs walker say.
"it's important" april said.
"we will write an extra essay" enzo promised and you could hear both mattheo and draco groan.
"are you nuts?" blaise said loudly, before he was scolded by mrs walker.
you walked down the steps, theo behind you and behind him april, enzo, mattheo, draco and blaise.
"where are you going?" theo asked, but you ignored him. he followed you outside into the rain, where he finally caught up with you, holding your arm so you had to freeze in your step.
the rest of your friends waited under the little roof before the doors.
"what has gotten into you?" he asked.
"what has gotten into me?" you repeated laughing "what the fuck is wrong with you, huh?"
"what are you talking about?" you both were already soaked.
"you're playing pixie dream girl on saturday?" you asked.
before he could stop himself, theo had already answered "how do you know?"
mattheo hid his face in his hands and enzo groaned audibly.
"so it's true then?" you asked "and i bet all of you knew" you looked behind theo and into the guilt-ridden faces of your friends.
"we wanted to tell you-i mean i wanted to, really"
"yeah, you did? were you waiting for the right moment? taking bets when would be the funniest time?"
"no, you don't understand"
"oh, i think i do" you shook your head as you cried "you're still punishing me for everything that happened a year ago"
"what? no, i'm not" theo almost pleaded for you to believe him.
"did he tell you everything?" you turned to the other boys "how's your next song about me called, huh? y/n's psycho mother?"
"y/n, we don't know what you're talking about" mattheo said.
"oh you don't? well, let me clear things up as long i have the chance to do so myself" you clenched your hands together, you were already shaking from the harsh cold of the rain "what did you miss? my mother has gone completely off the rails since my brother died, my dad and i haven't spoken in a year and i think i have a lot of issues too"
you could hear april cry and the rest of the boys also looked like they were absolutely distraught.
"theo was a great friend" you said bitterly "while i went to him crying, he wrote a song that he knew would hurt me and he still put it on the album. and after i told him i how i felt about it, he claimed it was supposed to help me, while he aired out my dirty laundry to everyone in this fucking town"
"daddy issues" draco muttered under his breath.
"damn right" you pointed in his direction.
"daddy issues is about y/n?" enzo asked and he looked as betrayed as you felt.
"y-yeah" theo muttered "but i did not mean to hurt her"
"that's funny, theo" you laughed sarcastically "did you also not mean to hurt me when you messaged my father?"
"you did what?" april asked angrily and was ready to step next to you, but enzo held her back before she could walk in the rain.
"i know you don't want to talk to him, but i thought-"
"thought you knew my life better than i do?" you asked angrily "the night of leo's death, my dad spent hours screaming at me. my brother had just died and he stood in front of me while he told me how everything was my fault. he was the one telling me that he didn't want to see me again" you raised your arms "but who am i to complain about that, right? at least he's paying his child support, more than he has to actually, or mum and i would live on the street now. because she doesn't leave leo's fucking bed" you screamed in the direction of your friends "she never gets up" you added.
april sobbed and you noticed that all of the others had tears in their eyes as well.
"she's a mess" you muttered "but even she thinks it's my fault. you remember theo? that night in my house, when she thought you were leo? do you know how it feels to come home and she turns on the light and there's a flicker of hope in her eyes, because just for a short second she thinks i'm her dead son? and when she notices that it's me, just me, she just goes back to bed"
"we didn't know" blaise said softly.
"because i didn't want anyone to know" you said "but theo is running around telling people whatever he feels like and all of this will probably be featured on your second album anyway, so fuck it, right?"
"i'm so sorry" theo cried and you couldn't tell what was rain and what were tears on his face.
"sorry isn't cutting it this time, theo" your voice was a lot calmer now "you asked if i will be able to hang leo's pictures up again and the most honest answer i can give you is that i don't know if i could bare to look at his face while knowing that i killed him"
"you didn't kill him" theo argued.
"it doesn't matter to me how you see all of this, theo" you shook your head "just leave me alone, okay? but this time for real. i don't want to see you and i don't want to speak to you" you paused, before you added "because the real reason why we aren't friends anymore is that after everything that happened, you didn't even have the decency to come to leo's funeral. he was your friend, your best friend"
you send one last look in the direction of your friends, before you started to walk away.
theo called your name and you turned your head, but mattheo held him in place. you nodded at him, thankfully. april looked between enzo and theo, before she shook her head and ran after you.
she put her arm around you and let you cry into her shoulder as you both walked through the rain. away from your friends and away from theo, who you swore in that moment, had broken your heart for the last time.
taglist:
@7s3ven @madi-potter @shereadsandcries @getosbeloved @mischieftom @wolfstar-jpg @t00thfairy20 @chcrrysblog @aestramjackson @elina3011 @kr1nqu @hopeless-y @mitskiswift99 @fallingblackveils @ahead-fullofdreams @helendeath @schaebickel @chubbychasermattheotruther @punkprincess03 @subparslytherin @girlbooklover555 @sakanelli-afc @cobrakaisb @ellen3101
#theo nott x y/n#theodore nott x y/n#theodore nott x you#theo nott headcanons#theo x reader#theo nott fanfiction#theo nott x you#theo nott x reader#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott#hogwarts#hogwarts au#lorenzo zurzolo#lorenzo berkshire x april hart#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x reader#enzo berkshire x reader#enzo berkshire#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#draco malfoy x reader#draco malfoy#blaise zabini x reader#blaise zabini#harry potter au#cursedlegacy#lizzysdontblamemeseries#lizzyscursedlegacyseries#don’t blame me#taylor swift
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Lost In The Bitterness | J.T.
Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader
Request: @just-lost-inbetween-worlds : I was wondering if you could write a fic where reader kind of works for the titans helping with their medical stuff as she has her EMT certificate or something similar, and one late night she patches up Jason/red hood or Robin, who’ve had a crush on each other secretly but are also sort of enemies? And then when she patches a fairly hurt Jason like the feelings come out and they kiss and confess and such.
Summary: Patching up Jason Todd, Red Hood, at two in the morning on a Tuesday night was not exactly on your agenda. Especially given the history between the two of you.
Warnings: Descriptions of injuries, enemies to lovers, mentions of previous homelessness, bit of angst, hurt/comfort, fluff
Words: 3,323
A/n: Photo credit goes to the amazing @just-lost-inbetween-worlds !! Hello, I love injury tropes, especially this one lmao If you wanna be added to my tag list, click the link below, send me an ask, or comment!! You can also follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary !! If you like this, please reblog it and/or talk to me about it!!
masterlist | request info | tag list
You and Jason were friends previously, before Red Hood, before he died, before Robin. Jason and you were two street kids, just trying to make it to the next day. You'd met at one of the shelters, clicked almost instantly. Even then he was charming and funny, hot-headed as hell. A true menace to society. He got you into so much trouble and you lived for it. It was fun and he was your best friend. You were his. But he decided to try and rob the Batmobile and Bruce Wayne picked him. You haven't been friends since. Unfortunately, for you though, the Titans and Red Hood have managed to patch things up between them and Red Hood is in San Francisco helping with a case.
When you decided to get your EMT certification, you didn't think you'd be using it to work with the Titans. You got it so you could help people, sure, but you thought you'd be helping people who did not always put themselves, intentionally, in the line of fire. But, life is funny that way. It rarely ever goes the way you think will. And now you're here, working for the Titans because of one really random and chance encounter with an injured Nightwing a few years ago. You helped him and the rest, should have been history. But, your life can't possibly be that simple because then you found out the one and only Jason Todd was actually Red Hood.
"Did you wanna tell me what happened?" Your voice holds a harshness to it that makes Jason groan as you get your supplies ready to patch him up.
"Like you fucking care." Jason quips back, stripping his top half of the suit.
"That's true. I do not fucking care. This is a favor to Dick." Your words are harsh and it hurts.
Jason isn't sure exactly what he did to you to make you hate him so much. Jason isn't oblivious and he's far from stupid. It's not a coincidence that your friendship ended the day he went to live with Bruce. But, he can't figure out why you're so mad about that. Why you don't want him to be taken care of? It didn't pan out exactly how he thought it would with Bruce with the whole Batman and Robin thing, then the dying thing. But, it was good and safe for a while and he was happy being Robin and with Bruce. He doesn't understand why you would hate him for that. So, he's mad at you because you're mad at him. And hearing this is a favor to Dick, now that stings like a hundred hornets.
"Don't fucking help then. Give me the shit and I'll do it my-damn-self. I don't need you." Jason snarls, sticking out his hand for you to hand him whatever you're willing and for a second, you think about it.
Being around him is just difficult and it hurts. All you two do is fight which is partially because you start it a good portion of the time. But, he keeps it going and he hits low blows. Tonight, you're taking the first strike, before he even has a chance. And you think about letting him patch himself up because he's done it before and it would be easier for you. You wouldn't have to be around him and technically, that's still fulfilling the favor to Dick. You made sure Jason didn't die...again. But, you signed an oath and you don't hate him that much. Hate might even be the wrong word.
"No, I'll do it." You mutter, grabbing a pack of gauze pads, knowing you'll be needing to clean something.
"I'm not some dirty fucking favor to anyone." Jason grumbles and his words are hot, boiling in the air.
"You're so insufferable." You groan, tossing your head back in frustration. "Just shut the fuck up and let me help you so you can leave." You turn around and now you're getting a look at the damage.
The anger and annoyance you just had vanished in an instant. His abdomen is bloody, what looks to be a large gash is near his right rib cage. There's a spot below it that looks like a bullet grazed the spot. Shades of purples, blues, and maroons litter the rest of his abdomen. There are a few scars across his chest, on his arms, one up near his neck and you wonder how the hell that even happened. His armor is supposed to protect him. And it stings looking at him like this.
"I'm fucking fine." Jason spits, his eyes narrowed at you and he sees the worry start to stretch across your face. "Don't suddenly act like you give a shit now. I'm bleeding out, you wanna do something or let me do it?"
You suck in a deep breath and move forward. He knows exactly which buttons to press and just how to press them. And yet, you find yourself, not growing mad at the interaction. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him with plenty of bruises and cuts. Jason being a hothead, he's been in his fair share of fistfights but nothing like this. This is different, it's more dangerous. He's putting himself in the line of bullets and knives and fists on purpose. The thought of him dying, again, crosses your mind and you feel your heart skip and then thunder as if it's going to burst right out from your chest.
You weren’t friends when he died but you remember seeing it on the news. Jason Todd had been killed. And you remember how it hurt anyway. Your breath had been sucked from your lungs and every piece of you regretted ever being mad at him in the first place. But, then he came back to life as Red Hood and you fight with him anyway because maybe a part of you thought he was indestructible after dying. He seemed that way and believing that lie you told yourself was easier than facing him. Clearly, you’re very wrong.
"Just stay still." You drop the venom in your voice, kneeling down so you can see the wound.
Jason holds your phone's flashlight in your direction so you can see better. It's not a super deep wound luckily and he doesn't seem to be in too much pain meaning it likely didn't hit anything important. So, you get to work cleaning the wound with water, holding a rag under it to catch the falling water.
"What the hell happened?" You ask, glancing up at him and Jason's eyes are boring into you.
Dick called and gave you the heads up you'd need to help Jason. Jason is staying at the tower but you both have been actively avoiding each other. So, Dick calling you to give you the heads up for your own sake, to prepare yourself for the encounter. And you figured it would be bad for Dick even ask. You always patch them up, even when they can do it themselves. But you didn't think you'd be dealing with Jason. Dick knows you never want to. But, of course you do it anyway. And now you're stuck worried about him.
"A few lucky shots, I guess." Jason looks away from you, not wanting to give you any detail. You already said you don't care, he's not gonna waste his breath.
"Yeah, okay." You roll your eyes. "Former Robin, current Red Hood, just people getting lucky shots in. Sure."
"You don't fucking care." Jason's voice almost cracks with his words. "Just do whatever the hell you need to and I'll leave, alright?"
Hate is not the word for Jason. It was never the right word. Because he's mad at you for being mad at him. When you were kids, there were always those bubbling feelings in the pit of his stomach. He always brushed them away because who has time for that when you're just trying to survive? And the feelings went away because you weren't around anymore. But, then he saw you again and they flooded right back. Even with you being mad at him. There is still something stirring in his stomach when he's around you. Hate isn't the right word.
You let out a sigh. "I'm just mad." You shake your head, swapping the water out for a gauze pad to dry some of the water so you can start stitching it.
It's not the right word for you either. He left you and that hurt a lot. But, it also hurt because you did really like him. Jason Todd has always been charming and charismatic, funny. He's always had a way to get you to laugh or smile either with something that was actually funny or some type of innuendo that also made you cringe. He's always been very good at it and there was a reason he was your best friend. It was never out of a convenience or necessity. There is always something a little bit more to it. And then he left and it hurt a lot. Being mad at him for it was a lot easier than facing any other type of feeling you had toward him.
He knows you're mad. That's kind of the whole issue. Maybe a part of him doesn't want to know. He thinks maybe you'll tell him it's him. There's something he specifically did. He's done it to everyone else, done something to piss them off and make them hate him. The Titans hated him for long enough, Bruce wasn't thrilled with him. Bruce still isn't happy with him given their opposing morals. Everyone gives up on him eventually and he doesn't want to hear that. Not tonight.
Not from you.
You get up and grab the needle and thread, threading the needle before moving back to your spot. Jason is still watching you intently and it makes you feel a little uneasy. You're not really sure why he's watching you so carefully. He has a thing about him that always makes you squirm, he's always been good at it. And maybe you're a little tired of being mad at him. Especially right now because he's injured.
"You left." Your voice is so small, Jason barely hears you.
"You're mad because I left?" Jason questions, his brows pulling together.
"Mhm." You hum. "Stay still. It'll probably hurt." You state before you start the stitching with no warning and Jason flitches. "Sorry."
"It's fine." Jason says through gritted teeth.
You start adding several stitches up the wound. "You went to live with Bruce and you left me alone."
It's not that he left you alone on purpose. He didn't have a choice. He went with Bruce, to a home, or go to juvie again. The choice was pretty easy and simple. He also did go looking for you but you conveniently, forget that part of the story.
"I looked for you. You fucking avoided me. I checked all of our spots and you were never fucking there. What the hell did you expect me to do?" Jason questions and it’s so frustrating. And you can hear the hurt in his voice which makes you feel worse for being mad in the first place.
"I don't know." You groan back, pausing your stitching. "But it hurt, okay? You left me alone and it hurt. And I'm mad because you were my best friend and you got to be safe. I got the shit end of the stick." You shake your head and that’s first time you’re saying it out loud, realizing how horrible it sounds. “It’s...it’s not your fault. It just sucked.”
That's not his fault. It's not his fault you weren’t caught by Bruce. It was a chance encounter. A fluke. Jason was just ballsy to try and steal from Batman. That's all it was. It's not his fault but he feels bad about it anyway because he doesn't think he deserves it. He doesn't think he ever deserved the kindness that Bruce offered that day or deserved the chance to be Robin. Look at what he's become, Jason doesn't think he deserves it.
"I'm sorry." Jason states, his voice broken. "You should have gotten better, alright? You should have."
You shake your head and you know this whole thing is dumb and selfish. "No," You shrug your shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Jay. I’m sorry for being mad. You deserved better and it was selfish of me to be mad. I was mad at the world and I took it out on you because it was easier, I guess. I’m really sorry.” You wish you could take it all back. Every single part of it. It’s not fair to him and you know he always deserved the best.
Jason is someone who doesn’t hold many grudges. He can let stuff go and it’s pretty simple. Apologize and he can move past it. And he always had a hard time staying mad at you for anything.
“I was only mad at you because you were mad at me.” Jason lets out a soft chuckle.
A faint smile pulls at your lips. “That’s a very you thing to do.” You lets out a soft laugh.
You continue to patch Jason up as the silence of the room consumes the two of you. You meant a lot to him. Jason's always been a rebel with a cause, causing trouble for the fun of it. Just trying to survive and you got that. You always did and you helped him get in and out of trouble more times than he count. You were his best friend and he's missed you, even if he doesn't show it and he's been mean to you. He's missed you and he hates being mad at you. Jason doesn't hold very many grudges.
And in this moment, you're finding it hard to hold onto the grudge. He's riddled with scars and he's actively doing what no one else is willing to do. Baring the weight so other people don't have to. He never meant to hurt you and you know he didn't. You wonder if anyone has ever helped him, after Robin. Probably not. Jason doesn't let many people in to begin with and you find yourself feeling sad for him. He didn’t deserve any of the bad things that have happened to him. And all of those feelings you had for him, bubble back up to the surface.
"I did miss you, for the record." You state, letting out a breath.
Jason's abdomen flexes as a chuckle falls from his lips. "Bull fucking shit."
"I did." You defend. "You were my best friend, of course, I missed you."
"Sure as shit never acted like it." Jason spits but there’s almost an airy sarcasm to his words.
"Because of the anger I had covered it up." You glance up at him as you finish placing some gauze on one of the cuts.
"You gonna stay mad at me forever?" Jason offers you the smirk that used to get you into trouble and he’s so tired of being mad at you. It’s pointless. It never got either of you anywhere.
"No." You flash him a gentle smile.
"Good, holding grudges doesn't look good on you." Jason quips, a cheeky smirk on his lips.
You roll your eyes, getting to your feet. "Oh, and now you know what looks good on me?"
"I've got some ideas."
"Right." You nod your head. "Be careful next time." You look him up and down and you can feel your stomach turn with nerves as you watch the smirk turn into something cocky.
"So now you care, huh?"
"Just don't want you to die again." You state.
"Yeah." Jason scoffs, looking down to his lap.
"Mad doesn't mean I actually didn't care."
"Sorry for everything anyway."
"It's alright, I forgive you." Your eyes widen at him as a smile pulls at your lips. "Always had a hard time staying mad you, especially when you manage to apologize."
"Yeah?" Jason gets a sinister glint in his eyes. "And why's that?" A part of him is messing with you, just like he used to when you were kids. The other part though, is curious if your reasoning is the same as his.
Your eyes narrow slightly. "Because..." You shrug and decide you have nothing to lose at this point. You’re not kids on the streets anymore. And you’re done holding onto bitterness and grudges. There’s no harm in telling him now. "Had a little hit of a thing for you then."
Jason's heart thunders with your words and he can feel heat rush to his cheeks. "Not now though?" He tries to brush it off, admitting the same thing. "Had a thing for you, too.... back then."
"Not now though?" You repeat his words and Jason has a cheeky grin as his eyes look to the ceiling and back to you. Jason shrugs right back. "Oh, well, too bad.” Sarcasm drips from your words. “Could've seen where it would go now but if—"
Jason grabs the back of your thighs, pulling you closer to him. Your hands catch yourself on his shoulders, your eyes wide. And you feel your heart jump to your throat.
"You saying you still do?" Jason asks, his eyes hopeful and you always liked the color of his eyes.
"Is that going to be an issue?"
Jason can't help the genuine smile that comes to his face. He always felt the most comfortable with you, even when you were being mean to him. "Nope, not an issue." Jason's voice drops as he eyes your lips.
"Yeah, still have a thing for you now." You dip your head lower, resting your forehead against his.
"So, do something about it." His voice is low but taunting and you take him up on it, bringing his lips to yours.
The kiss is soft at first but then Jason's grip tightens on your thighs, pulling you closer and your hands tangle in his hair, pulling his mouth harsher against yours. The kiss turns hungry and desperate, his hands sliding up to your ass and then your hips. His mind pays no attention to the pain of the injuries from tonight and he focused solely on you. He's always wanted to be with you, since those days on the streets. It's complicated now, too but not like that.
You pull away first. Your breathing is quickened and an uncontrollable smile pulls at the corners of your lips. "Didn't know you felt that way, Jay." And truly, you never did. The jokes always seemed like jokes but the idea of him and you makes your heart nearly burst.
"Yeah," Jason chuckles softly. And he never thought you liked him, not like that. You always liked to mess with him and played the same jokes. He thought that’s all it ever was. Why wouldn’t it be? But, that never stopped him from wanting something more with you. So, now with confirmation, he takes his shot at it. "You wanna try this out? See where it goes?"
You nod your head, lowering your voice to just above a whisper. "Yeah, I'd like that." You close the distance again, kissing him deeply.
Tag list: @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @dgraysonss // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @vivian-555 // @kebonita // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover
#jason todd x reader#jason todd fanfic#jason todd fanfiction#titans#titans fanfic#titans fanfiction#red hood fanfic#red hood fanfiction#red hood x reader#requests
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𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓
priest!suguru geto x fem!reader. a part of JUDAS, a kinktober drabble series. (mdni)
tw: mention of child neglect, mention of cheating. religious turmoil :: a/n: will say that I’m sick atm so not edited rn + the prayer at the end is an example used from a pastor guidance website cause I thought it was fitting LMAO
wc: 1.7k :: masterlist :: previous part
TOSS YOUR DIRTY SHOES.
Sunday is meaningful to Suguru in a lot of ways. It was symbol of rebirth, to fill the coming days with righteous purpose and do it all over again. Sunday was the days the congregation would gather in the echoey church, sit in their pews, and listen to the scriptures to praise their one and only God.
Placing new Bibles onto the pew shelves, Suguru was surprised to find someone in the confessional one Sunday. A guy about his height, glasses, lean— seemed on the shyer side.
“Father?”
“Yes?”
“…I-I was wondering if…if I could give a confession?”
He chuckles. “You’re inside the booth, there’s no need to ask.”
“Oh..right, right.”
“Go on.”
There’s a long beat of silence, but Suguru didn’t mind it. He waits patiently for the churchgoer to find the words he needs to say. In adjusting his religious attire, the man on the other side spoke. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My brother and I are at school studying for A-levels. I…I’ve had to ignore the plight of my brother for a long time.”
“And why is that?”
“He…he was getting bullied. And I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t know how to stand up to justices that would suit the Lord. I was a coward. I am a coward.”
Suguru presses his lips together. “And your brother is..? You’re saying ‘was’.”
“Well, that’s the thing. I acted the best way I knew how but…it wasn’t the right way. I…I was waiting for him at the bus stop, and-and I see them coming down the corner chasing him. It made me so mad, Father. They wanted to follow him everywhere! The bus was starting so slow down and make a stop. I…I got on the steps, making sure my brother made a straight B line for the door. As soon as he did I heard all this yelling behind me. Next thing I know I…I..”
“Mhm?”
“…I socked one guy right in the nose. Then the doors closed and w-we got out of there.”
The pastor takes pause. “When was your last confession, son?”
“Uh…”
“Did your mother send you here?”
“…Maybe..”
His pressed lips hid an amused exhale. Suguru shakes his head, crossing his arms. “You were standing up to bad people.” That’s how he starts it off, genuine with his tone, but it falls flat as he goes into the words he was supposed to say. “Yet violence is never the answer. God will understand that you had the best of intentions, so as long as you’re learned from your sin.”
Sin? He’s just a teenager, young adult at best.
The guy sees to switch his tone to eagerness. “Oh I have, Father. I most certainly have. I really don’t want to go to Hell because of this! Please forgive me, let God forgive me-“
“Shh, it’s alright.” Suguru says in a low voice. “Next time, you know that you must act brave and alert your authority figures. To protect you and your brother from harm.”
“I will.”
“Good, please bow your head in prayer.”
The boy leaves after with a sigh he can still hear from inside the booth. Suguru exhales again, shutting his eyes as he was reminded of his younger days. He had never gotten into situations where he was the victim, nor the bully. Him and his best friend wouldn’t allow the other to become either of those things. They were on top of each other, because they were going to take on the world. He snaps his eyes open, cutting off anymore memories from appearing.
The door opens and closes again on a Tuesday afternoon. Someone gets themselves situated on the other side. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It is 8 months since my last confession.”
Suguru keeps his focus on the voice as they continue. “I am an aunt to the most— difficult child. My daughter was the sweetest thing when she was born. With this one, it feels like- the pits of Hell have opened up and created a demon just for my torture!”
The pastor’s brows scrunch together.
“I would never do ill to a child, I love all the darlings in the daycare that we have in this very church. But that one, someone needed to *show her* what authority was.” A pause. “I acted against what the Father would have wanted, but I was blinded by the Devil. Blinded by…rage.”
“What…did you do?”
“Tantrum after tantrum, kicking me, screaming my ears off, I had no choice but to place her in her room and…lock the door. I refused her dinner. She didn’t get anything for the rest of the night she was given to me.”
His eyes then slowly widen at her voice. Mrs. Kasaki?
The older woman huffs, causing him to snap back into reality. Even then he was to blink a few times to regain full consciousness. His lips part to find words but they were coming up with hints of bile that accompanyed the slow churning of his stomach. He swallows hard. “You should never act onto blood as you’ve done. To repent, you must tell the parent of your wrongdoings. Confess to them as you’ve done to me.”
“But, Father-“
“This is not a suggestion if you wish for your blood to remain pure. For you to…” His voice grows sour. “…begin again.”
A silence. “…Yes. Yes, Father I will do that. For the glory of his name, to sanctify.”
It releases a bit of tension in his jaw but not all of it. He has no choice. “Bow your head.”
IN MY WASHING MACHINE HEART.
“Father-“
“Father-“
“Father, forgive me, for-“
“-for I have sinned, disposed to the workings of the devil-“
“-I was lost, without faith and guidance-“
“-I’ve done terrible, terrible acts-“
“-I am need of your repentance.”
They cycle through like the seasons, constantly changing but always there. Days, weeks, it felt like routine. All for it drowning into a static that grew louder and louder in his ears. His eyes were distant in the booth, looking beyond the tiny holes of the decorum, past the church’s walls, and all the way out of the town. He wasn’t here, couldn’t listen to another faintly bad thought, another tainted mind, another corrupt member of his community he’d have to look in the eye and act as though he didn’t hear a thing. Hearing so many problems and sins, he was just one person. And yet they’ve poured and poured and poured, drowning him until it consumed him whole.
BABY, BANG IT UP INSIDE.
“Father, forgive me for my transgressions. It has been 5 months since my last visit.”
“You were here two weeks ago.” Suguru stated with little interest.
“Oh…was I? My apologies, Father. Back to the subject at hand-” The pastor leans his elbow against the slim wall’s trim.
“It’s about my marriage. It feels as though it’s falling apart.” You said that last time. “Before the slip up was over and done with, you know? But Gina and I were done after the motel, I went back to Willow no problem. But she’s been treating me like a dog in a doghouse and…I have needs, you know? And Father,” The man groans. “The ways in which Gina strikes me with temptation-“
Suguru’s mind trailed off, trailed off to you. Thinking on what he’s done. Lighting your smoke. His eyes shut.
He pulls away once the cigarette is properly lit. “Need anymore assistance?”
You chuckle, tapping the ash of its end. “Nothing that a priest should help with.”
You were so close, and so was he to get lost in temptation— a mere breath away. He felt your breath on his face, the way it hitched at what he did. How he *liked* hearing the sound. If he had taken any steps closer, your chests would have bumped, your noses would have grazed one another, your lips-
The pastor opens his eyes. Mere gazes? Troubled thoughts? Flirtation? How could that ever compare to the people he’s had to purify? The abstinence still held true, whose to say it won’t be if you both remain that way?
Suguru hears the man come back into the foreground of his focus once he finished up. The pastor sighs, punching the bridge of his nose. “You've been here before, and that is awfully troubling. This cycle must stop. If you’re ever to see Heaven and the Father, you have to be honest with your wife— honest with yourself. Enact in a prayer everyday to realize that your deplorable actions are sins that will get you nowhere. Spend your time serving others rather than yourself.”
“Yes, Father.”
A beat goes by. “…This is the part where you ask for forgiveness.”
“Oh— I am more than undeserving of forgiveness, but I am in need of repentance. How can I go on?”
Bearable. Insignificant.
“Bow your head.” The two do so. “Father, thank You that his sins can be forgiven through our Lord. Thank You for Your promise to put his sins behind Your back, to bury them in the depth of the sea, and to remove them from us as far as the east is from the west. Let the blood of Jesus cleanse him from every sin he prays.”
“Amen.” The men say in unison. The confessor springs from the seat, out of the door. Suguru catches the church doors opening and closing with an echoing boom. He sets his head into his hands, fingers in his dark hair. They tighten around fistfuls of it, so close to screaming. Even if he did, even if his vocal cords snapped from the mere force he’d belt out, he was sure that no one would hear a sound.
tags: @getousrep @indiecursor (thank you sm for the sweet reblog, literally made me so happy. I would literally love to read your dissertation)
#writing#jjk x reader#jjk#priest au#priest!suguru#priest!geto#getou suguru x reader#suguru x reader#geto x reader#jujutsu geto#jujustsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen
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perhaps my most insane collection of brvn thots yet
do we think lulu is from the moon. i think this for three reasons. one: when she told superbia she was going to ride him the moon was quite large and prominent in the shot. symbolism. two: when she got her fancy hairdo, she had two little buns that looked like moons. three: “lulu” could come from “luna” the same way it could come from the first syllable of smith’s name. why would she become spanish? don’t worry abt it. also if she’s from there then maybe the “final battle” which obari allegedly said would take place in an unexpected location will indeed be on the moon (pls dont ask for a source on this bc i don’t think i could find it again but it was one of the like. EARLY early interviews iirc. or it was just a rumor. this part of the post is a joke anyways LMAO). however this IS a super robot show so i feel like the moon in general is actually a more expected location for me than like. idk. cleveland
everyone pointing out the animation differences maybe indicating different timelines is so funny to me cause like. if it’s NOT intentional, the fans are putting together a list of fixes to make for the bluray on a silver platter LMAO. also god i hope we get a western bluray release, i honestly am considering getting the jp one if it somehow winds up w eng subs though just cause i know it’s such a long shot for CRUNCHYROLL of all motherfuckers to put one together 🥲 discotek ur our only hope………………
i keep thinking abt the like. pacing of the previous fight scenes being reused in ep9 in such a smart way…………like with smith/lulu v superbia - isami/bravern v cupiridas AND with smith/lulu v knuth - isami/bravern v pessimism/vanitas they kept doing the quick jumps between each of the two fights in a way that made it clear that isami and smith were in conversation even if they were doing completely different shit, and then bringing that completely to the forefront this ep while isami is asking smith why he died and at the same time smith is refusing to die bc of his promise with isami. BLEW MY FUCKIN MIND to see the pattern reused like that, i swear to GOD everyone talks about how fun and hype this show is but it’s so damn GOOD too 😭😭 and then after that the fuckin. symmetrical docking ass cut and then later the gattai which has been held off for SO long bc they are no longer separate conversations. JESUS
called my shots too early tho w smith not melting ppl’s minds in a kaworu manner where they convolute the story x1000 to try to make him seem straight 😭 congrats white boy, your days are numbered until ppl start saying you love isami like he’s your pet dog……….also in a related fashion the giant naked smith fanarts are taking me out LMAO
you can tell idk shit abt fuck when it comes to time travel fuckery cause i rly am just here like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ atp LMAO, the serious theorizing is GONE. i trust the show to finish out in a satisfying manner and also in a way that my pea brain can understand and i’m rly looking forward to savouring these last 3 episodes :] and then rewatching the whole thing from the beginning once the remaining twists have been revealed and i Know :3 like not to get way too sentimental w 3 whole episodes left but we are so lucky to be following this story in real time you guys 😭 like i’m just gonna put the same post i made back after episode ONE here cause it’s true but times a million with what we’ve seen so far, truly this is such a special experience to have and i’m so glad this show waited until i got into mecha to get made so that i could like. Understand it yknow. anyways good for january 14 2024 version of me, you are so excited andyet still have NO idea the kind of treat you are in for 😭
“lewis” jumpscare tho omg. i forgot it took me like a week to figure out what the hell was goin on with all the characters first and last names LMAO. anyways everybody go look at sumiisa sekiha love love tenkyouken right now i am no longer asking
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hansol: the lovers playlist
characters: hansol x female reader
genre/warnings: idol au, best friends to strangers, getting over a ‘breakup’, angst but it’s like fulfilling angst, mentions of sex but nothing explicitly happens, reader fucks lmao
word count: 1,210
summary: when you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
tag list: @anissanightyoung @aceofvernons @mythicalamphitrite @caratluvie @juliettechokilo @liemwantstosleep @rubyreduji @ohchangyu @mingyublues @kamalymaly @minluvly @honeyylin @miki-chi @heemingyu @noraehey @awkwardnesshabitat @floweryjessy @woozarts @anothershorthuman @shuabby1994 @vernxnsfool @ti--red @etaerealboy @plants-w0rld (if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!)
a/n: things in bold italics are song lyrics, things written in plain bold are in english, and things in plain italics are a flashback that takes place where the last part left off and then it jumps forward to a few months later
previous song | next song | back to playlist
“Can I let you in on a secret?” Kino smirked.
Hansol saw the way he was looking and he knew it was something juicy. He was never one to gossip -- neither of them were -- so this kind of piqued Hansol’s interest. They were best friends, after all. Kino knew Hansol wouldn’t tell a soul.
“Yeah, what’s up, man?” Hansol nodded once toward him.
The pair had been working on a song, and it was a bit more on the spicier side. Which was why Kino decided to bring this little ‘fun fact’ up.
“This song is about someone,” he admitted.
Hansol chuckled, “Yeah, I figured.”
“No, but like... Dude, I don’t think I’ve met someone like her in my life.”
“I’d take it she was good,” Hansol nodded, figuring it would be left at that.
“I haven’t stopped thinking about her since,” Kino admitted, letting out a breath of air. “And...I mean, I remembered you two were friends so I was kinda gonna ask if maybe she’s talked about me...?”
Hansol raised a brow as he studied his best friend, “Who is it?”
“______.”
-
Now, as Hansol looked at you, months after Kino’s confession, he didn’t even know what to think. You slept with his best friend -- not only that, but he now knew you were the best one-night-stand Kino ever had, which made him feel...things.
You, however, felt...not much. You surprised yourself as you walked into the venue, only feeling the typical nerves you got before performing and such, rather than the added-on anxiety of knowing you’d have to see Hansol. Maybe Mira playing various fuck-you-type breakup songs helped. Or maybe you were just...over it now. Maybe you were finally over Hansol.
The fact that you managed to walk by Seventeen on the way to your seats, bowing politely like you would to anyone else as you passed, would confirm that maybe that was it. Your eyes skimmed over the 13 boys as you passed, but that was it. You went to your seat and sat down between Mira and June like nothing happened.
So you didn’t see the way Hansol’s gaze followed you. But the few girls walking behind you did, and they smirked and giggled as they leaned over to tell the rest of the group the gossip. When it did finally reach you, Mira snorted as she listened it.
Despite not feeling anything about seeing Hansol, you were anxious about one thing that had to do with him: your group and his were both nominated for Song of the Year. You had to admit, you’d be a little salty if your group didn’t win, but you didn’t want to win just to beat Hansol. It was bigger than that -- it meant more than that.
So when it got time to announce the winner, your leg was bouncing nervously as you clutched June’s hand while she clung to you in anxiousness. A few members -- like Mira -- tried to play it cool and seem unbothered. But you couldn’t hide how tense you were about the results.
“And...” the announcer began as she opened the envelope slowly, “the winner of Song of the Year is...”
-
“Dude!” Mira burst into your room, sounding like she was amused about something.
You groaned as light from the hallway streamed in. You were planning on sleeping in since you didn’t get home from the afterparty until late, but Mira apparently had different ideas.
“Dude, wake up!” she insisted as she jumped onto the edge of your bed. “Look at this, I’m dying!”
You sat up and rubbed your eyes as Mira shoved her phone in your face. You had to blink a few times for your eyes to adjust, but then you could see a Tiktok was on the screen, specifically of you -- apparently. Your face was what it was paused on. Your eyes glanced down to the caption for some context, but all you read was ‘Victory is the sweetest revenge’ with a bunch of hashtags for you and your group, as well as...Seventeen and Hansol?
Like with most idols, there were rumors. The rumors used to be that you and Hansol were dating, but now that the two of you hadn’t interacted in months, those rumors had changed. Most fans seemed to suspect there was some sort of beef, and while some thought of it as some funny ongoing joke -- like the Jimin x Jeongyeon rumors -- others seemed to take sides despite not knowing what could’ve happened. The only context they’d gotten was that one time Hansol claimed both of you were just busy, but that wasn’t much to go off of.
“Ready?” Mira asked.
“Mm,” you hummed groggily, rubbing one eye that suddenly got gunky from the sleepies in your eyes.
Mira tapped the screen, and you recognized the song playing faintly in the background underneath the talking.
‘Tomorrow you'll be thinkin' to yourself; yeah, where'd it all go wrong? But the list goes on and on.’
The talking was Hansol’s voice, as various photos and clips of the two of you together flashed across the screen. His voice was from that fancall when a fan asked why the two of you hadn’t hung out as often. But then it cut off, and the music played at full volume.
‘And truth be told, I miss you.’
It played a slowed-down clip of you and Hansol together in your car, eating Mcflurries together. The two of you turned to look at each other, both of you with your spoons in your mouths as your faces started to break out into smiles.
‘And truth be told, I’m lyin’.’
You watched a somewhat-blurry video from the night before at the award show, zoomed in on Hansol bowing to you as you walked by before he turned his head to watch you walk away.
As the chorus kicked in, you heard the announcer call your group’s name into the microphone at the award show for Song of the Year. It flashed to an HD clip -- one of the cameramen must’ve gotten this shot, but you didn’t know that until now -- of Hansol and the two members on either side of him, looking at the stage and politely clapping with a small but genuine smile on his face. Still, something in his eyes seemed...off.
And then it flashed to a clip of your group on the stage to accept the award, but the person zoomed in so it was just you. You were grinning out at the crowd, and you looked so happy and amazed and proud.
“Look, I get you’re over Hansol now,” Mira said after pausing the video again when it started over from the beginning, “but like... I dunno, that video gave me chills.”
And while the award meant more to you than rubbing something in Hansol’s face or getting one-up on him, it did still feel kind of good to know that Hansol had to see you doing better again. He’d already seen you at your lowest, and that was the last time he had really seen you. You could finally show that you were okay, and he wasn’t going to break you.
That was also a win.
#k-labels#seventeen#hansol#vernon#seventeen au#seventeen imagine#seventeen scenario#seventeen oneshot#seventeen fanfic#seventeen x reader#hansol au#hansol imagine#hansol scenario#hansol oneshot#hansol fanfic#hansol x reader#vernon au#vernon imagine#vernon scenario#vernon oneshot#vernon fanfic#vernon x reader
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Y'all seem to like Nathan so have more, plus some stuff on his father-daughter relationship with Eko.
Eko’s relationship with Nathan varies across the AUs she’s in. In Hell. Pain Even, Nathan and Indy got together and raised Eko as a family, while in my personal AU, Indy passes away and Nathan takes up raising Eko on his own as his ward-turned-daughter.
Nathan is unusually tall for a Worker Drone, so he was taller than Eko for most of her life. She only started surpassing him once she reached high school, and she hasn’t stopped growing since.
Core Drones were given the AbsoluteSolver program, but it’s not nearly as body horror-y as the Disassembly Drones, and will just put a stop of Eko’s regeneration abilities until she eats enough metal, and Bunker 9′s fairly sheltered environment has allowed her to stockpile repair material for later. Nathan got quite a few scares early on when Eko would fall from a high ledge or cut herself, only for her to bounce back, unscathed and unharmed, and his toolbox would be missing a wrench. He started holding onto pieces of scrap metal for Eko to eat, just in case of an emergency.
Having known Indy for a while, a lot of people assume that Nathan only took Eko in because she reminds him of his long-gone “forbidden” flame. Nathan is quick to shut the gossip hounds with the glare, but the rumors have sadly reached Eko, and used to affect her a lot as a kid thanks to the cruel rumors and mockery from her classmates.
Nathan is the same age as Khan, but just chose to get himself hair and figured that aging like Keanu Reaves wasn’t such a bad idea. He’s a robot, his biological clock is non-existent. He would sooner disassemble himself than put on a mustache.
While intimidating, grouchy and sarcastic, Nathan is quite the heart-throb among the bunker’s unmarried women (and a few men, in secret) due to his looks, but his heart will always belong to Indy and he has no real interest in finding someone new (despite Khan’s well-meaning encouragement). Those women are also mean to Eko, so no dice.
In a previous version, Eko was being raised by the teacher guy, but a scrapped that. However, Nathan is also a teacher at the high school (he teaches mechanics/building), and the only one who can put up with Uzi’s antics without batting an eye, having acted as a pseudo-godfather of sorts before he and Khan had a falling-out following the death of Uzi’s mom. Nathan doesn’t voice it explicitly, but he greatly appreciates that Uzi is willing to be Eko’s friend, and sees a lot of his own relationship with his daughter in the growing bond between the two outcasts.
I don’t have a specific label, but Eko is 100% neurodivergent (yes I am projecting) and had difficulty focusing and studying during her school years, despite getting good marks. Nathan found strategies that worked best with Eko when he tutored her, and uses those when he teaches. His homeroom students, while intimidated by him, openly admit that they learn a lot and find his lessons enriching. Khan suggested putting Eko in the gifted kids program when she was younger. Nathan asked if the rust had finally gotten to his main servers.
Despite his best efforts, Nathan wasn’t able to protect Eko from everything, and the arrival of the Disasembly Drones only made things worse. For this, he is not fond of the company Eko, Uzi and Thad choose to keep, but trusts that N and V are more stuck out there with Eko than Eko’s stuck out there with them (and he is 100% right lmao).
The prom prank has heavily soiled Nathan’s relationship with the bunker, and he mostly just sticks around because he’s the only sharpshooter now that Eko’s started spreading her wings. He has little to no respect for the teens who were responsible or the teachers who turned a blind eye, even though a few of said teens become Eko’s occasional co-workers later on, and one of them starts crushing hard on his ward (this is canon in both AUs; Eko gets a boyfriend named Sam in HPE, and might end up with Sarah, the investigator lady from episode 2, although this is currently just a crackship).
A lot of Eko’s sarcasm and take-no-shit attitude was learned by watching Nathan. He is secretly very proud and internally wipes away a tear of fatherly pride every time she verbally destroys an insufferable co-worker or a know-it-all parent.
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okay with THAT dissertation done, the rest of the shit I've done so far, which is finishing up a lot of SLinks! I have now completed Temperance, Sun, Moon, and Death. Let's go over them.
GET READY FOR SOME CARTOMANCY TAAAAAALK
who me? what? don't know WHAT you could be implying Kawakami hahaha anyway how about this weather, btw i'm super happy for you. wow what a crazy random happenstance! you deserve it, i love you.
I KNEW IT, SHE KNOWS
When asked how she figured out, she points out that the thing with Takase's guardians worked out way too well for her and Reverie was the only person she told. Which... yeah, that makes it p5retty fucking obvious huh.
lmao as if Reverie going "I need their names," in the previous scene wasn't a massive flag. I am not playing this subtle but also Kawakami is smart and I adore her.
Her SLink is complete!!!! So far, she's the best one in the game, to my utter astonishment. I'm glad I muscled through the awful start because this SLink has everything: mocking the player's teacher-maid fetish, an incredibly mouthy cool millennial lady, a genuinely tragic backstory without being soap opera-y, sympathetic portray of sex workers. IT'S GOT IT ALL.
Kawakami was kind of a very Standard portrayal of Temperance. It's not a super interesting card, it's just about having the emotional strength to find the path forward and to find balance in yourself spiritually and materially. It's often portrayed as an angel passing water between two cups-- cups are the suit of emotional intelligence. And they're my favorite suit, personally.
Kawakami starts the arc solidly in a reversed Temperance, she can't balance anything, the goblets are overturned, and all of her emotional strength is just pouring out onto the floor because she is so overworked, there is no well for her to draw from. Through the arc, she actually shares her troubles with Reverie, which in of itself is a show of emotional strength, and with his help manages to rebalance herself. Finally, she can take her eyes off the cups and look ahead to her future.
TEN OUT OF TEN, SO FAR SHE'S MY FAVORITE CONFIDANT.
I haven't been recapping it because it's.... genuinely not a link that's easy to summarize bc its a lot of politics and small moments, but I finished the Sun too!
OH SO THAT'S THE JOKE OF EVERY LINK HUH, EVERYONE KNOWS WHO REVERIE REALLY IS that's pretty cute actually, I like it.
Yoshida was this failed politician who got disgraced twenty years ago in a finance scandal, now returned to try and take office again. His whole arc is about his new ideals of empowering the youth and taking care of the elderly, and with the rise of the Thieves, he acknowledges them as a symptom of a broken system that needs massive reform.
You follow him through some intra-party political issues and his recurring thing is that he sticks to running instead of being someone else's right hand man, even when doing so would clear his name from the finance scandal that ruined him.
I'm NOT gonna lie, his final speech is good. He speaks about Reverie, "a certain young man" he met who is aspiring to change the whole, and though Yoshida cannot follow the same path as this young man, he hopes they will meet again at the top of the mountain they are both climbing together, separate.
It's really good honestly. And for the curious, Yoshida is a very interesting Sun to me. The Sun comes at the end of the Star-Moon-Sun sequence and those three cards are basically their own mini-journey. The Star is the herald that the story isn't over and you must continue. The Moon is the darkness that follows, full of illusions and distractions and madness you have to navigate. And the Sun is the light that comes after, is exuberant and joyful, and more than anything it is certain in itself. In the light of the Sun, all is revealed and laid bare. (Which is why it leads into Judgement soon after.)
Yoshida works for the Sun really well because the twenty years of scandal and shame have already happened to him, and he has made it out to the other side. Now, his ideals and purpose are illuminated under the Sun and he never strays from his path.
It's good! Eight out of ten on him!
DEATH! Goth Doctor!
lmao she figured it out too. I guess that's just the joke of every max rank, huh?
Anyway, I loved Tae for The Unnamed Arcana. She's great. I love that she's actually a goth, actually has a very morbid sense of humor, actually talks about death a lot. They really leaned into the whole vibe and I appreciate that.
Also her look is impeccable obviously.
Tae's whole thing is that she's undergoing the process of Death, the transformation the card deals with. With the lost of her prestigious position at the research hospital, she is stuck working in a small back-alley clinic.
She definitely goes through a period of real mourning for her past self, resisting the forward motion of her life. But slowly she begins caring for the locals around her and builds a new patient base. Really, the drama with her past patient and the miracle cure for her is an afterthought; the Death aspect is definitely rooted in Tae herself. And by the end of the link, she is still dour and morbid, but there is life to her voice again.
She's great. Seven out of ten.
So Mishima.
SIGHS. Okay. I hate Mishima as a character and I think he represents everything that is bad about the Phantom Thieves and it's his actions (which were completely unasked for and unprompted) that leads the plot to the clusterfuck we're about to enter with Okamura's imminent death. Fuck the phansite and fuck this phuckboy.
BESIDES THAT
yeah he's a half-decent Moon? It's complicated, actually.
So his set up as the Moon is pitch-perfect. The Moon card is a place a person comes to after great upheaval in their life. It's a dark, quiet place for contemplation and reflection. Best case scenario is that it's a stepping stone in your journey towards the new dawn and the Sun.
But there are strange images in the reflection and the reflected light of the Sun in the Moon can lead a person astray and into madness.
Again: the Moon is an environment of possible madness. The Hanged Man is a risk taken that might led to madness. The Hanged Man goes into the deal eyes open, knowing the stakes. The Moon doesn't know the danger around them and has to keep from lingering.
So as the Moon, Mishima goes from being Kamoshida's punching bag into this dark, quiet place where he doesn't know what to do with himself, only that he needs a purpose. He settles on the Phansite.
Now, I think the game is arguing that running the Phansite gives Mishima direction and purpose, letting him move forward in his path.
I think that's undercut by how much the game itself points out Mishima's actions led to various fuck ups. Remember when Reverie had to be the one to tell him to give back the fucking money he'd collected from "donations"? Honestly, most of the conversations in this SLink are just trying to drag Mishima away from his worse impulses.
Which... also kinda works! I say the game's intended portrayal of the Moon is dumb, but my own is just as valid. I don't think Mishima has moved on and grown at all. I think he's been dazzled by the false, reflected light of the Moon (metaphorically, the allure of his nebulous fame re: the Phansite and his repeated misunderstanding of how to use it without being a malicious prick) and instead of continuing on his journey, he is staring slack-jawed into the illusion.
Sooooooooooo.... Nine out of ten, honestly!
But also I hate Mishima.
ONWARDS, INTO IMMINENT DISASTER!
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Modern Warfare III Review:
Okay so, I finished my first play through last night 5 days ago and ngl… lmao i had to open a gameplay so i could recount what actually my thoughts were at those times because I was confused half the time if not more from the story.
So here’s my unfiltered, filled with spoilers, and honest review.
Before anything let me just say this; I was wrong, my theory was wrong (although a banger if you ask me. Hire me Activision), and nothing I said in that post mattered. I’ll swallow my words… But I am slightly annoyed by it.
Here're the points I had problems with:
The story: it was…. Idk how to put it other than it being super fucking fast and filled with plot holes. Like half the time I was confused as to what was going on or I would forget what needed to be done. I think I blacked out 40% of the playthrough, because I would go into an OCM (Open Combat Missions) and Graves/Laswell would be like “bruh you need to do this we don't got time for stroll on the park get to it” and I’m just running around like a headless chicken trying to figure out what are the obj. I think they could’ve made it a bit slow paced, like MWII or MW even. Those had perfect story pace, even after the fact MWII didn’t have good writing. I just thought, MWIII would be impactful in a way the previous MWs weren’t, the ending WAS, but it took them 5 hours to of dragging and stretching one fucking thing, literally one thing. Because if you see the campaign in a way, even the bad guy, Makarov, wasn’t THAT impressive. I legit didn’t give a single fuck about Makarov or what his motives were, I just followed with 141’s intuitions.
Speaking of Makarov’s plans, he just appeared out of nowhere, and he has some beef with Farah and Urzakstan for some reason. Why? They didn’t specify other than he wants to “bring Russia to its old glory”. And of course they had to put fucking Farah into middle of this fiasco because why wouldn’t they. I hate the fact that she’s STILL to this day the center of the fucking MW storyline. She didn’t have much of a role to play in MWII campaign but the Raids took the center part. And that annoyed me tbh. Alas, we can’t have everything we ask for. (I would’ve stanned Farah in the long run but her holding hands with Graves in season 5 REALLY annoyed me but that's for another day).
Operation 627: Misleading. That's what I have to describe this mission, when i read the mission name, I was expecting it to be Price centered mission. I really wanted it to be a Price centered mission because the number 627 is Price’s identity. So to just take the number away and give it to Makarov really irked me if I’m being honest. And the whole marketing for it was misleading too (I’m looking at you barry). Gameplay wise it was okay I guess, typical CoD campaign mission.
Open Combat Missions: now here things gets fucked up. I was not expecting to be thrown right into OCMs right away. And by the end of my 400th try I was just running around and shooting without any care. I tried to do it stealthy, and with the enemies standing around the objectives that you CANNOT avoid it's almost impossible to even go undetected. It’s like a mixture of campaign and DMZ, which BTW is a really bad combination. And also, whenever I try to restart from the checkpoint it starts from the TOP! You have to do it all over again. I just wish they added the checkpoint thing it would’ve made so much easier. I know they want to make it feel like DMZ but it just SUCKS. And I wish it would've been at least a choice that you could make before the mission starts. Basically either you go OCM or just a regular mission, but in this case you’re forced to go to OCM.
(Also Farah’s Arabic sucks ass. At least they casted a good VO for Dena who knew how to speak Arabic properly.)
Reactor: again, another OCM. But this time, it was Price I played as. Now here everything felt off for me. Normally we would be playing as Soap or Gaz in ANY scenario because that would be the logical thing to do. But when the camera angle shifted to Price’s perspective, everything changed. And following this mission, every mission we got to play as Price just gave me a fear of sorts. Same as before, hard not to go undetected but more manageable than “Precious Cargo”. By the end of the mission Price almost gets incapacitated by the toxic gas, and that's what we see in the trailer. And from it we knew someone’s gonna die but it was not Price for sure, because he lives and kicks ass left and right.
Price being an errand boy: there’s a cutscene before mission ‘Payload, where Price and Farah get together to infiltrate an underground bunker to stop some rockets. In that cutscene it felt like the roles have been switched between the two. When Price was this leading figure in Farah’s life that had an enormous impact that changed the course of her life, now she’s acting like he owes her? It’s the other way around if you ask me, and she owes him fucking big. I don’t know man, I just hated the way she treated him the way she did. They keep giving her a piece of the story bigger than she could chew, and Price is left with crumbs (even with the amount of cutscenes and gameplay we have with him), he almost felt like he was being LED by everyone around him instead of him LEADING the team (and Farah). He felt like what Soap felt like in MWII, even Soap had a major ass role in MWII. That cutscene, as much as he looked good in it, felt really undermining Price for me. And the audacity Farah had when she said “do you trust me” to Price. Girl, after what you pulled with Graves, I would never trust you with anything. And Price giving his utmost loyalty to her just didn’t feel like he would do something like that. And I mean that in the most respectful way. When Price told her about Shadow company calling a hit on 141 and Shepherd being a bad man, I legit thought she would actually be shocked and side with Price, but what did she say? “My weapons are my business” fuck you Farah, and fuck your weapons. In conclusion, yeah Price felt more like an errand boy than the Captain of 141 task force. The mission that follows that cutscene was almost standard campaign mission. I say almost because it still felt like OCM.
Yuri Volkov: I’ll be honest, I was not expecting Yuri to make an appearance, I was expecting ‘Roach’ to be there more than anything. And we finally got to see Yuri’s face. I liked how they took Yuri’s story and twisted it around so he never 'betrayed' 141 by keeping the fact that he worked with Makarov from them. I guess Laswell is indeed useful sometimes. The fact that they made him be useful to 141 without having him take one in the face from Price was indeed surprising. (I was screaming in discord chat about it to Mari when he appeared.) Though we don't know what his fate is, but I'm 100% sure he's still alive and I have a feeling he'll be joining 141 in the next installment if not in the upcoming seasons of MWIII. I just hope he got away safe. That man sounded like a rascal lol, he definitely has some stuff up his sleeves.
Oh and special mention about Nikolai, am I happy to see Nik again. That man deserves every bit of love. No MW or 141 would be complete without Nik.
Stealth: For some reason this game was made to be played as ‘go big or go fucking die’ because in “Deep Cover”, you play as Laswell trying to sneak into the Arklov base, to meet up with Yuri, and i got caught like at least 10 times before I had to restart all over again, and again and again. The fucking stealth in this game is horrendous. Whoever made it IMPOSSIBLE to stealth, I hope you choke on water you drink and recover so you know how I felt all those tries I had to restart. It’s the same case even in regular missions, you either get caught even in fucking desguise, or they start shooting you for no fucking reason. I walk far, I'm too far from the obj, I walk close they shoot me. Fuck me man, I just had to fucking power walking through the first half of this whats suppose to be a 10 minutes walking simulator, took me 3 minutes of multiple tries because of that. Not gonna lie, I was kind of expecting Laswell to meet her demise in that mission because of the unavoidable missiles (maybe I was little bit of hoping it too who knows), but she survived, yaay.
Alex & Farah: then comes in the Master and the Lapdog duo. At this point I’ll never get tired of complaining about Farah and her personality. They tried so hard to make her into a girlboss, and they would have succeeded if they just left her story as is after MWII. But no, they had to drag her and her lapdog into this story and make something out of it.
I am just annoyed by everything she says. She keeps secrets from Price, the man who basically saved her life to become the commander she is today, her motives are unclear, she says she does this to protect her country and that she doesn’t get out of it to protect but stays INSIDE it protecting it (her words not mine), extends hands with a war criminal when she said that she doesn’t work with people who kills civilians for no reason, she compares herself, 141 and PRICE to the Shadows/Shepherd by saying “we’re all dangerous”, and the icing on the cake, her Arabic is horrendous. I know because I speak Arabic fluently. You might say “but Jay thats her accent you can’t judge her like that”, I know how Arabic accents sounds like, and this bitch’s is fucking incoherent half the time if not all the time.
And Alex… oh boy, this man is a fucking idiot lmfao. He had good intentions in MW2019, and I liked him there, but they should’ve just killed him off. But no, they had to bring him back. What are they gonna do now with Soap huh? They're gonna bring him back too? Also didn’t Keller say “he’s tired of getting told who his friends are” and didn’t want to follow the CIA blindly anymore? What’s he doing now with Farah, hm? I’ve never seen a boy so delusional like him before.
So many plot holes in these two characters only, I hate how they’re written.
Makarov lives: we… never got to learn the reason. Yes I went back and watched the gameplay today just to make sure I was not wrong, they never say why Price stopped Soap from killing Mak in that heli. “John he’s in custody he’s not going anywhere. Stand down.” FOR WHAT?! If they knew Makarov had this much power in the world, they should’ve just executed him. But noooooo they had to keep him alive for plot progress. If he died then and there in that heli, Soap would’ve been alive at the end. Was it because Shepherd said “bring him out ALIVE”? Or was it because Price wanted a win so bad that he threw his moral ambiguity out of the fucking heli he was riding? Man, I miss the MW2019 Price. But we’ll get to Price’s personality section later.
Yeah, we never got to learn the reason why Makarov didn’t die, why he is still alive. They just made it so that he’s the only villain that had the balls to do what he did. Bitch please, he looks like a whiny rich child that thinks he can do anything he wants to do. Literally that's how I saw Mak in the reboot. His character legit sounded like a spoiled child, not the evil man we knew and hated from the og MW series. And I can’t believe that I’m saying this but I kind of miss that Mak.
Like, who would look at this face and say “oh he looks intimidating shiver me timbers”
Yullian is too adorable for this role, and he did a good job to bring a villain to life, it just wasn’t enough to be "The" Makarov.
Soap & Ghost: now that brings us to this broski duo. Watching that heli scene made me realize two things, 1. Either Ghost and Soap were friendly before MWII and Ghost was never a lone wolf to begin with. Or 2.141 was tight as knit before it was even formed. Because if you actually go back to the mission itself these two sounded as close to each other as they were aftermath of MWII Alone mission. Like it doesn't make sense, bare with me a little bit as I go through the timeline of the campaign.
Ghost was introduced in season 2 of MW2019, he was in the 141 just immediately after Price had formed it, and rumors say Soap was too, but we never saw him until the very last season of whatever game that was released before MWII (I think Vanguard), as a character bundle in the store itself. Mind you the bundle was leaked long before Cold War was out (it came out right after MW2019). And in MWII we get introduced to Ghost as this lone wolf/rogue esque soldier that only takes orders for solo missions. So when he was told that Soap would be assisting him in that first mission we played, he sounded annoyed to say the least.
Now, up until the “Alone” mission and aftermath of that, it's as if they were only on acquaintance bases, then they became close after the hardship they went through in that mission. And it makes you sympathize and understand why they became close all of a sudden. They were betrayed by the people they trusted, they were in this together. But I digress.
Now in ‘Flashpoint”, the mission that was supposed to take place 4 years prior to MWIII where they catch Makarov, Soap was WITH Price, and Ghost was in overwatch with Shepherd in that heli. When they spoke with each other they sounded very close to each other, mind you this was before MWII took place. I kept thinking long and hard about it. Did they tell us what took place in between? Why do they sound like bffs in that mission when Ghost was not fond of Soap in the beginning of MWII? Did I miss something?
It’s one of the two, either they are not telling us the whole story of 141 and how Soap and Ghost know each other, or this is a massive ass yet another fucking plot hole.
Ghost: I have to talk about him, because as a character that had been glorified and milked to the brim, his presence in MWIII was so fucking underwhelming. Even as playable, I nearly forgot it was him we played as in that mission. And his dialogues felt kind of… dry… normally he would actually have a smart reply or he’ll talk very bluntly but it just felt dry from him this time around. Like… who asks “what’s the rest of your plan?” to the big baddie plain and simple expecting them to reveal everything? Man they made him sound dumber than MWII. Literally reduced to this emoji 🧍🏻♂️. He had almost no impact on the story if you ask me, he was just… there… I expected more from him.
no words....
“No Russian”: well, that was a lame ass “No Russian” mission if you ask me. Now bear with me if I keep comparing this game with the og one because it can't be helped. This is a reboot, this should be BETTER than the og, it had to be but instead we got this. If you compare the og ‘No Russian’ mission, as brutal and raw it was, it left quite the impact on the series. It told us how savage Makarov can be, it showed us the brutality of the world, and that the world has some BAD people with no remorse. In MWIII, the ‘No Russian’ we got was extremely underwhelming, it didn’t make us feel bad for our actions, it did not hold any sort of impact except feeling sorry for the woman because she was forced to do what she did. It wasn’t us following Makarov’s plan and orders, it was plain and dumb if you ask me. Now, I understand in the political climates we live in today, it would be controversial to remake that mission with the player being one of the gunmen that… mows down a whole airport filled with innocent people and civis, but that is what made the og game/mission so good. It didn’t hold back on brutality and the reality of villains, the truth of characters who want to play gods, their motivations, how the player is tied down to the villain no matter what they want to do because it’s inevitable. And It had an impact on the player, the game and the story. We needed the necessary evil so the game could progress. But instead we got a woman trying to save an airplane filled with innocents, disarm the bomb that was strapped on her chest, and clear her name at the same damn time, which was like 3 minutes. Could’ve done better if you ask me.
Shepherd: how the fuck did this cunt get captured in the first place? Wasn’t he supposed to be in Shadows and Grave’s protection? The man weaseled out of 141 and CIA’s grasps but somehow was weak enough to be captured by the Koni group? What is even the plot anymore? And they didn’t say how or why he got captured. Maybe it was that one Shadows soldier that Mak and his right hand man Nolan interrogated? How does Makarov get his intel? We don’t fucking know. He’s just a prophet at this point :)
I can’t express how much I dislike this man, I don’t hate him I just really really really dislike him. There’s a difference.
His character was, again, weak af in the reboot. God… why do they keep making me compare the reboot with the og games, I hate doing that for real. BUT, og Shepherd being as fucked up as he was, still had a strong personality. And if you just put these two side by side, no one would believe they’re the same character. I’m glad he got offed by Price at the end, no one likes loose ends after all. And he was a massive one, and a liability, and someone that no one can trust anymore after what he pulled on 141 and Laswell. Especially after he threw Graves in the fire when he was in trial when Laswell and 141's condition for helping him out was to confess everything. But of course, as the fucking weasel he is he didn’t do that.
Graves: oh man… Can this guy be any more pathetic? I love Graves, as he is, as a whole, pathetic or not, Warren’s acting made me love this character. But again 😭, reduced to nothing but a pathetic man who looks for glory. Stabbing his handler in the back to save his own ass, although he got stabbed in the back first.
They legit took everything good and cool about any character we like (Price, Graves, Ghost, etc) and gave it to Farah, a character that should not have an impact as much as her.
Price: that point brings us to John Price himself. I cannot describe how angry I feel towards sledgehammer’s writers now. I’m so pissed at them for writing Price like this.
real img of me reacting to the way they wrote price:
In MW2019, his actions were so RAW, he was brutal, blunt, calculated and honest about his work and what he does. And he took pride in what he did and how he did. He didn’t give a fuck about what the upper management (Laswell, Shepherd) thought about his work. He was THE Captain that everyone respected, even CIA agents and the U.S General were at his feet asking for help from him.
Laswell: “What can you brief?”, Price: “We just did”- LIKE WHO ELSE CAN SAY THAT SO CASUALLY AND SOUND SO FUCKING BADASS LIKE THAT. NO ONE, thats fucking who. Now even Price doesn't sound like that AT ALL.
They reduced my man into a puppet that ‘trembles’ in front of Farah whilst she calls him “Old Man”. That scene annoys me every time I think about it. Why would they do this to him? Where did that man that said “they were leverage” to Gaz when he questioned Price’s morality about the hostages, disappear. MW2019 Price would never be this mild, or he would never be gentle or compromising when it comes to civilian lives. That heli scene? It should’ve been HIM instead of Soap, grabbing Mak and pointing a gun at him. MW2019 Price wouldn’t even hesitate to cut out Mak’s tongue for talking too much. Killed Shepherd where he stood in Frozen Tundra. It's as if Price was not there anymore, it was Gaz telling him, reminding him what HE would do, it wasn't just once when Gaz advised him to what to do. Price is losing his mind for some reason.
In MWIII, he looked like he was too scared to be cancelled if he said or did something out of the line. That’s you’re fucking job Captain! To step out of the fucking line when no one would!!
Price is a morally grey character, a necessary evil, and that is what made him so good as a character. MWIII took all that away. I want to cry at how badly they wrote him. I wanted them to bring back “Angry Price” from MW2019, and add even more rage in him because of Makarov, but instead they pumped “Fear” into him. Price was scared shitless in MWIII for some reason, and it made it look like it was because of Makarov. He didn’t take risks anymore… he was not the same Price that we got to know from the beginning of the reboot. It's as if they keep having to change his character in every game he’s in, they can't keep it consistent for some reason. And it cost them dearly.
All in all it felt like Makarov and Price were having a personality mid-off the whole campaign.
Gameplay: 87% of it was ass. And short. And annoying af. I actually prefer the fucking driving mission from MWII than this bullshit.
The necessary death: I get it. I understand what they were going for, someone had to be the sacrificial lamb, the motivation for 141 to keep going, for Price to get angry and drag everyone to hell as we went there himself. But did it have to be Soap? They just introduced him like a year ago… and they took him out just as fast. In that scene Makarove appeared out of fucking nowhere to fight with Price and Soap, like… where did he appear from? Why is he here if he just armed the bombs? Did he REALLY want to take a body count with him that badly?
We were playing as Price, and again, I had a bad feeling, I couldn’t tell what it was but it was there. Then Mak was pointing a gun at Price, I honestly thought he would die then and there, and I was so scared that it would actually happen but Soap, my man Soapy boy, saved us. When Mak shot him I thought he was incapacitated but stood up and saved up, for like 5 seconds it reminded of the og MW gameplay, just for a short time.
And then, instead of shooting us (Price), he deliberately shot Soap, in the fucking head. And ran like a fucking pussy… I keep remembering his run, it was so stupid. Mari mentioned this to me the other day, in the OG we see Soap struggling to live, to breath out the last words to Price so he can know the truth, he was bleeding everywhere, there were seconds to at least say goodbyes, here his soul left his body before it even hit the floor. And after everything went quiet I thought Price would fall to his knees and grieve. But he just stood there like 🧍🏻♂️.
I guess I felt just what Price felt because, I didn’t feel anything at first, because it felt surreal, seeing him take a shot in the head like that. Instantly wiping the light from his eyes like that, it shocked me that I didn’t even react at first. Took me to the last scene where they were spreading Soap’s ashes. And when Price said “Who Dares Wins. sleep easy soldier”, I lost it.
Again, I get it, a major character death motivation was necessary, but did it have to be Soap?
What I liked about the game:
Frozen Tundra: I liked this mission for one reason only. Okay maybe two… Reason one being that it's a classic cod campaign mission, reason two being that it was in Siberia, Russia. And Icy and snowy environment… thank fuck that they did this in the classic style mission. Also sneaking, and actual stealth that worked, because we were wearing white suites IN the snow. *chefs kiss*.
Wish we had a bit more options and choices, where we would be able to ride vehicles, like snowmobile, or idk maybe snowboard? Some creativity would’ve been nice. Because dammit it’s a snow map. A lot could have been done tbh.
The Cinematics: if call of duty is good at one thing, it’s making good ass cinematic cutscenes for their games. It was filled with eye candy; Price, Soap, Gaz, Nikolai, Graves, Ghost, every single person looked amazing in the cinematics. And yes I was swooning over Price every shot he was in (although his personality was meh).
Yuri, Nikolai and Gaz: the only characters that I actually liked in MWIII. It seems like the less presence you have in the story the better your character can be. (not you Ghost and Graves). These characters were actually tolerable if anything compared to the rest of the cast.
The After Credit Scene: oh that was satisfying. Killing Shepherd before he became danger to anyone else ever again, and Shepherd was like “I ain't begging for my life” and Price was like “I know” and just shoots him. Price was not taking risks anymore.
Now this scene, here we saw the RAW Price. Now after losing one of the closest 141 members to him, Price was in for blood, he was on his way to hell, and he was going to take every. single. poor and pathetic bastard that inflicted harm to his task force. You can see the pain and the guilt in Price’s eyes in that scene, he blames himself for Soap’s death for sure. I loved that emotional part of him, I just wish he was like that the whole campaign. RAW and unfiltered. This was my favorite scene in the game, period.
Conclusion: they had good intentions… but making what was supposed to be DLCs into a fully fledged campaign was not the way to go. I wish more creativity was thrown into the story, the points were good, yes my theory was good, (shut up im biased) but it had some solid points, but the plot holes and the poorly executed story was the demise of this game.
Like Mari and I had a better fucking story written out WITH this storyline WITHOUT anyone dying, and to prepare for MWIIII. They could’ve used the “Price going MIA” from the og games and implemented it in this game, instead of killing Soap like that. Maybe kill him off later on after recovering Price back like they did in the og MW. so many potentials, yet very poor and bad execution to the story. Man Sledgehammer writers were not fucking cooking at all. I hate them all.
I would give the game: 6/10.
also I'm still expecting apologies from the people who theorized Soap was a traitor. yall better be so fucking sorry about it. even the people who entertained the idea of it even if you didn't come up with it. shame on you all.
#jay talks#cod#cod mwiii#mwiii spoilers#mwiii#cod spoilers#holyshit it took me almost 5 days to write this shit#my neck hurts my shoulder is in pain#but i finally finished it#i would've sat 10 more days to write it out#here it is#i dont care if you disagree with me#this is my review and my opinion#and im a mess because of this game
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I always love how you manage to stick ‘working in a lab’ references into your fics and posts, and as a bio student trying to figure out wtf I’m going to do after college, may I please ask what it’s like to work in one, whether at school or elsewhere? Thank you!
P.S. I love your fics, omg. Tori is the chaotic little shit I dream of being in my everyday life (though preferably without the psychotic ninjas that could, and would, kill me. Even if that builds character lol). You make every character HILARIOUS and awesome to read. And I would def read that Tobirama fic if you ever released it, love how she is falling in love cause he’s hot and cool and her soulmate while he’s like ‘omg finally another semi-logical human being within all this b.s.’. And you know what, both completely valid, I also want a hot and awesome person who is also (mostly) well-versed in logic 🥲😂.
Hmmm I'd ay working in labs can be a really variable experience! For academic labs, they're usually set up in a way where you're just in one little group of people so lab culture becomes really important. In the lab where I worked as the lab manager, everyone mostly stuck to a strict 9-to-5 schedule with not a lot of socializing, but the lab I'm in now is more chaotic with people fitting their schedules to whatever else they have going on and we try to plan more social outings.
What you actually do in lab can vary a lot too. I've always been in a position where I do a shit ton of different tasks over the course of a week (including boring stuff no one talks about like making new reagents, or quizzing everyone on what supplies they're going to use this month so I can tell the PI what I think we should order because I never fully turned off lab manager brain), but some people end up doing literally just the same thing over and over. Like if you're really good at one type of assay a lab runs a lot? You might just get put in charge of doing it for everyone's experiments, or you might have your own experiment that literally just that assay fifteen times. It really depends on the structure of the lab.
In my previous job, I did a lot of taking over experiments for short amounts of time while we recruited a new student or someone took time off, and I did a lot of prep for experiments and follow-up assays (because I was the only one who knew how to use this one machine LMAO) and never had my own project, which was kind of frustrating but ALSO I never felt super bothered when experiments didn't work. Now I do have my own projects that I run, which I like, but I feel a lot more pressure to make those project succeed. If you go into a lab as an undergraduate, you'll probably start off helping someone on a project (and doing a lot of grunt work, like autoclaving trash lol) and then get more and more independent. Depending on how that goes and what you and your PI feel is best for you, independence might mean getting your own project, or it might mean you continue on in a similar role but now you're allowed to do more and more things unsupervised.
I like lab work a lot! I get to switch up my schedule a lot, so there's not a lot of monotony across the weeks, but I will add the caveat that a lot of bench work is really, really boring. There's a lot of repetitive tasks that are just "pipet a tiny amount of liquid into another liquid; repeat and repeat and repeat." There are a lot of tasks that are technically challenging. There's a pretty bad culture of bad work-life balance (my boss is super chill with me taking random time off, but I go in on a weekends a LOT). In research, you have to get used to and comfortable with failure, because for every successful experiment there are tons of failed ones. Yes, even if you're a super smart and high achieving student-- you will mess up, you will have everything fail, and you have to just clean it up, restrategize, and keep going. The upside is that you get to figure out cool things that no one knew before......!
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Loving reading all these Esper answers! For the second part of the Dark Urge ask game: 7 and/or 9 (or any other questions you haven't been asked about yet, but want to answer!)
~ @bardicomen 😊
<33 happy to provide!
under the cut because it's long:
7. Bane once sacrificed all of Bhaals assassins, a mistake that caused a great rift between them. Did Durge ever plan to get revenge for it?
esper personally never saw much of a point. after all, murder is murder, and the only way they would get up and start planning revenge for something from the time of troubles would be if bhaal himself asked them to initiate such a plan. they do feel spite and disdain toward bane and his followers, and refused to work for or with gortash (because it took a while for gortash to get past the paradigm of employer/employee when they collaborated, he kept trying to tell them what to do and was shut out for it) for a while because of an innate disgust stemming from recreating the bhaal/bane service dynamic that once existed.
the vibe between them was weird for a while lmao. neither of them is used to the concept of an equal partner for different reasons. they did figure it out eventually, though.
9. The Feast of the Moon is a Bhaalian ritual where priests told the stories of particularly interesting or unique kills. Was one of your Durges deeds ever discussed, or perhaps even turned into a beloved and often retold story?
i love the bhaalian holidays. esper is, in spite of everything else about them, a fairly natural host -- they're very good at the kind of light connective-tissue conversation that introduces person to person and gets them talking, and they enjoy the process of checking in with people and getting them back involved in the festivities -- and events like the feast of the moon are a good excuse to host. but part of why they're good at it is because they don't like talking about themself as much, they like starting conversations and then listening to them go. they don't really like talking about their murders, either, preferring to let their actions speak for themselves and embrace the lack of glory associated with being a properly silent killer. they need sceleritas to start telling their stories on their behalf, but they continue when prompted.
esper's exploits get repeated by the other bhaalists in the way that stan twitter reposts images of a guy smirking, but the series of murders that led to their being anointed a deathstalker in the classic style (16 deaths in 16 ways, magical proficiency) as well as an unholy assassin in the modern style -- most of esper's magic is self-trained, as they're not really a cleric, but a lot of their abilities intersect handily with the deathstalker abilities -- it's one of the few things they're inclined to brag about. they're an overachiever.
and because you offered, and it's one of my favourite things about esper:
8. Being the head of a temple comes with lots of tedious work, did they truly manage all of it or did they try to outsource the best they could?
esper delegated for sure, but they do take a great amount of pride in their ability to manage the temple rather than just sitting on the big skull throne and giving orders. they're more used to receiving direction, so they do find admin work a welcome escape from being puppeted around in a blood rush by bhaal. plus, a well-run cult is an efficient cult, and an efficient murder cult means more people die and become scared and donate tithes (protection racket money) to the temple, more people speak and spread and respect the name of bhaal, gods damn it.
esper is a lot of things, but they are a type-a overachiever on top of all of it. they have an uncanny psychic ability to detect lies, uncertainty, insecurity, or anything else that gives away that something is wrong, before it even comes to their direct attention, especially if someone is particularly worried about what esper is going to do in response. if someone does something wrong in their cult, they are ruthless and terrifying in re-educating people, or disposing of them if need be (thanks, menzoberranzan upbringing). esper runs a very tight ship and they're not afraid to do things themself if they can't rely on someone else to do it, no matter how small or stupid it is, there's nothing they see themself as "too special" to bother with. they do find something meditative about running cult errands.
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hi i would like to rant to u if thats okay because i saw ur rant u wrote like 6 days ago and it just kinda made me think so i hope u don't mind.
i love writing. i always have and when im writing i always get excited, except then i started posting on the internet. at first i got some attention which actually pushed me to write more and then i wrote this fanfic that blew up and got a lot of attention which dont get me wrong was GREAT like im proud of it, but it also changed my perception of writing
all of a sudden this silly little thing i wrote was now something people were talking about with their friends and reccomending and that was great but it made me feel different about my own work. it changed how i percieved writing, and more often than not i catch myself writing for them, not for me.
recently i started writing this fic that made me giggle and kick my feet while writing it. i wrote it SO fast because i could not get enough of it, and then i started publishing and it didn't get much attention. i've had other fics that didnt get attention before and it was like meh, but after the work i wrote that blew up, it felt like my fics NEEDED to become popular to be good, which is like,,, shit
and whenever i posted a chapter of my new fic or talked about it, i'd get comments on my fic asking about my popular one, if i'll make a second one ect.
it made me lose interest in my story because i'd gotton hooked on others approval and i didn't want to write something they weren't interested in, because then they wouldn't read it and it would all be for nothing.
i forgot the original reason i started writing. for me. and its been so hard to try and just get back into that headspace of writing for me and not others because of the attention i'd gotton from my previous stories.like how i felt now that i had a fair few followers i owed them stories THEY wanted to read.
i'm not sure how to get back into writing for myself, because i don't want to delete my works or stop posting, because i do enjoy it when people say nice things and help my motivation, but at the same time it also makes me feel like i have to write what they want and not what i want, because if i write it and they dont like it ive failed
anyway thats my little rant, i dont know if u even understand what im talking about but it was nice to get off my chest
thank you <3
no i feel u i can def relate 2 a lot of that experience! it can be a weird experience 2 have a fic go viral & it is definitely not always entirely positive. honestly think the only reason i've escaped a lot of the harassment + hate i've seen directed towards other people who have had fics go viral is that my fic that went viral was a rewrite of someone else's story, so most of the discourse remains centered around the original story + writer which honestly. feels like i managed 2 dodge a bullet lmao
but i can def relate 2 the sudden pressure of abruptly finding urself in a situation where tons of people are reading something u were just casually writing 4 fun, and suddenly feeling like u need 2 meet certain demands or live up 2 expectations. honestly feeling this pressure to keep up w those expectations led to some burnout 4 me last fall/winter, which is why i stopped posting for a few months. and like obviously i can't say what would be most helpful 4 u--that's something u kinda have 2 figure out 4 urself--but i do know that for myself + for some other writer friends who i've talked to, taking a break from posting can be really helpful in like...reframing ur mindset. i think getting some distance from the constant expectations + demands + feedback can help sort of clear the air and strips away both that pressure + that attention + sort of makes it easier 2 focus on writing just to write for urself. 4 me it helped me figure out that while i do love sharing my writing + getting nice comments + messages + talking 2 people abt it etc, that's just icing on the cake, and writing still brings me a lot of joy even without any attention. and once i was able to like...center that attitude + ground my writing in personal enjoyment rather than the online attention economy, it made me feel steadier abt coming back + posting again, and also helped get rid of some of the anxiety of meeting people's expectations, bc i realized that at the end of the day i genuinely don't really care if someone dislikes my story so much that they need to stop reading it; in fact, i think it's better for everyone involved if someone who feels like they're not getting what they want from my story goes and looks for what they want somewhere else! it's not a failure on my part to sufficiently like...entertain an audience or provide a product, because that's not what i'm trying to do in the first place, y'know? and i think that shift in mindset helped a lot, and continues to help when i start 2 feel that pressure again from posting my writing online. it's counterintuitive at first bc i think we're all sort of conditioned to think there's no point to making art unless you're making it for an audience, but once u realize that The Audience is not the be all end all of creating art, i think it makes the process of creation a lot more freeing + fun.
anyway hope u are able 2 navigate the weirdness that can come with sharing ur writing online + find a way 2 write that brings u the most joy!!
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idk why but i thought of sam and fear play. i guess those yandere!sr headcanons and your dark!sam post are getting to me.
anyways, dark!sam x reader hcs?
— @staif-and-broulderbeans-anon
@staif-and-broulderbeans-anon
as the ceo of sam simps i formally apologise for taking so damn long on this ask lmao. i hope u can forgive me because this is so long and also i learned tumblr has a character limit whilst writing this which i did not know
tw: sam is a disgusting creep and a massive stalker in this, noncon/rape, assault, threats of murder, actual fucking murder, knife play, fear play, kidnapping, somnophilia, dacryphilia, possessive behaviour, general scumbaggery, yandere!sam, dark!sam, afab reader, i think this one is WAY more fucked up than the other one and i am SO SORRY
the time you think you met sam for the first time and the actual first time he saw you are very different. it was in passing at your workplace, a shitty 24/7 chain convenience store that you always managed to have the night shifts for.
it was getting late, but you still had quite a few more hours before the next guy came in to take over, and with no customers you found yourself drifting off at the counter, slumping in your seat as you took a much needed nap.
thing is, you did have a customer. sam's just far too good at being silent, standing off in the corner as he tries to figure out which iced coffee he's going to buy.
he peers around the shelves, spotting you, peacefully drifting off, messy hair framing your pretty face. you are absolutely adorable.
since there's nobody else in the shop, he spends a good few minutes walking around to make it seem like he's browsing the goods, when in reality he's watching you intently, drinking in every single detail of the scene like he's a man dying of dehydration
here's the thing about dark/yandere!sam. sam knows what he's doing is incredibly fucking creepy and weird. he just doesn't care. boundaries are a myth to him, but at the same time he has no illusions about what he's doing. he enjoys the feeling of power it gives him, the way he could scare someone into isolation with just a few well timed encounters. he's a massive sadist.
sam, having figured out where the cameras are by now, stands in a spot where he knows that he wont be spotted as he begins to take photos of you, taking a short video of the way your chest rises and falls.
he leaves without buying anything. why would he disturb you when you so clearly need it?
when you wake up, you can't shake the feeling that you're being watched. which you are. you very much are.
sam starts to stalk you online. he finds out every single detail he can, your social media accounts, your previous places of employment, everywhere you've lived, everywhere you've ever attended school or university, the works. he creates an entire batch of dummy accounts with false identities to follow you on accounts and to drop seemingly innocuous comments to record your responses.
within a month, he knows more about you than you could've ever possibly imagined. and you still don't even know he exists.
another thing is that he's done this to others before. but they rarely ever get past this first stage because they stop being interesting to him. not you, though. you're not so lucky.
the stalking escalates soon after to real life. you never see him, not once, as he slowly begins to map out your entire routine and lifestyle by following you.
he takes lots and lots of photos, and every single one goes up on the walls of his spare room. it's getting hard to see the original paint, and he's started having to layer photos on top of each other in some places, which upsets him.
you're taking over his entire life. you're all he thinks about. you are everything he's ever wanted and ever needed.
it goes on like this for three months before he finally 'meets' you, and even then it's been set up entirely for his own benefit.
you've just gotten some takeaway from this one place you really like when it starts pouring outside. you groan, knowing that you've got to walk home and your umbrella mysteriously vanished from your workplace just a few days ago. (sam has it.)
like a guardian angel, sam appears. he's got a big enough umbrella for the two of you and just so happens to be going in the same direction as your house. how convenient! he offers to walk with you.
you're suspicious of him at first, because it's some stranger who's come out of nowhere, but he seems to legitimately be going in the same direction as you and you really don't want to get your food wet. you agree, but keep one hand on the pepper spray in your pocket the whole time.
you chat to him on the walk back and he seems... actually quite nice! somehow, you end up with his number, and the two of you start messaging.
slowly but surely, sam begins to worm his way into your life. he doesn't rush it- no, he knows that this is a process that takes time. you need to trust him, and he is willing to wait his whole life for you.
despite all of this, he doesn't introduce you to sr. yes, he is an incredibly patient man, but if he has to take... drastic measures, he doesn't want them asking about why you've gone missing.
don't worry, you wont be dead! you'll just be tied up somewhere super safe where nobody can ever hurt you :)
sam's got a big house in a remote area. he slowly renovates one of the rooms into a perfect place to hold you, just in case
after all, he's hoping he wont ever need it. if all goes well, you won't need an introductory period where you get used to your new life, you'll just be sleeping with him from the get-go
still, he is patient. he waits. he wants everything to be picture perfect.
one day, though, you manage to test his patience a bit too much.
you don't mean to. it's just that for the very first time in the two years you've known him, you've decided to go on a date. you tell sam about the guy you're seeing, not knowing that you've given him enough information to find him.
sam is patient, but sam does not like competition. it doesn't take him much to abduct and kill them in the small apartment he rented to pretend he lived in for when you came over (he was intending to pretend that he'd just purchased his big house later down the line to convince you to move in with him)
unbeknownst to him, you already trust him far more than he thinks.
you've made your way to his apartment to ask if you can spend the night with him watching shitty horror movies instead because you're not actually too comfortable with the date and you're regretting it, only to find him halfway through butchering the man, covered in blood.
you don't even get the chance to scream. he knocks you out then and there, lamenting about how all his well-laid plans have gone to waste.
when you wake up later, it's to pleasure. you moan slightly in your half-awake stupor, too tired to really realise what's going on. is this a wet dream? it feels good, gentle hands touching you just where you want them to be.
it's only when sam laughs softly that you wake up fully, panic overtaking you.
you're tied to a wooden chair, all of your clothes having been pulled off. sam's hands rest on your thighs as he buries his face in your crotch, kissing and licking you as you squirm. you've only just woken up, but you already feel so incredibly overstimulated, his every movement sending shocks through your body.
sam takes his time. he wants to savour every single part of you.
you dont know how long he spends inbetween your legs, his beard brushing up against your skin and making you shiver. you do know that by the time he's finally has his fill you've cum at least thrice, legs shaking uncontrollably.
when he does finish, he crawls up onto your lap, kissing you gently, running his hands through your hair as he grinds his hips slightly, bulge incredibly visible in his tight pants. he's still fully clothed.
you sob uncontrollably, begging him to stop. your crying only turns him on more, and he leans in to lick your tears off your cheeks, an action that stuns you into horrified silence.
he unzips his pants, pulling out his erect cock and letting it rest on your stomach so you can see just how much you turn him on. precum begins to slowly leak down onto your skin, and you whimper pathetically.
he pulls a knife from his pocket, and slowly begins to trail it across your skin.
you yelp, telling him that you'll do anything as long as he doesn't hurt you. he coos at you, leaving hickeys on your neck.
this knife isn't to ensure your compliance. it's because sam wants to watch you bleed.
gently, he begins to leave shallow cuts along your body. they wont scar (too bad), but they will sting and they will most certainly bleed. every time he starts to drag the blade across your body you can see how his dick twitches in excitement
he begins to move, cutting away the ropes binding your legs before lifting them up and gripping onto them tightly so that he has better access to you, positioning himself at your entrance
you dont get any warning when sam slips his cock inside of you, beginning to thrust into you. again, he wants to take his time and drag this out as long as he possibly can, but it's so hard when you feel so fucking good.
it's like a switch has flipped. he becomes aggressive, grabbing you by your hair to force you to lift your head and look at him as he holds the knife to your neck. his thrusts become rougher, making the wooden chair creak with the force he's exerting.
the knife is right above your jugular, ready to drain the blood from you in one swipe. you know he can do it, too. you've already seen him murder another human. what's one more?
"beg." he hisses into your ear, grip tightening on your hair. "beg for me to fuck you, you fucking whore, or i'll slit your throat right here." the knife pushes harder into your skin, breaking the very top layers of skin and allowing a tiny amount of blood to run down your neck. "beg for me. tell me you want it, baby. i know you want it. let me hear you scream, or i'll fucking make you."
you beg. you plead for him to fuck you harder, to keep going, to be as rough with you as he likes. he listens, grabbing your jaw and forcing him to kiss you before biting down onto your shoulders, grip so tight you feel like you're going to bruise
you can't stop the broken moans that spill out of you as he slams into you over and over again. he laughs. "you're so much tighter when you're scared, darling. it's so fucking good"
you shudder as he finishes inside of you, warmth flooding in. he pulls out, grabbing his phone and taking a photo of his cum spilling out, bruises beginning to form on your body as cuts scab over
the switch flips again and he goes back to gentle and caring, brushing your hair from your eyes as he gazes at you with so much love in his eyes that it feels like it will burn you, slowly starting to take care of your superficial wounds
sam's so happy to have you, and you've got a very long time to learn to love him the way he loves you
#ngl i wanted to add some more but i thought i'd be crossing a few lines since it was very dark#smut headcanon#smut#sam x reader#broulder x reader#dark!sam x reader#dark!broulder x reader#yandere!sam#noncon warning#this one. yikes
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for the tarot asks: the emperor, wheel of fortune, temperance, and the moon!!! 💖
thank you so much for sending these! it always brightens my day seeing you in my askbox 🥺 and i love doing silly ask games such as this one, so!! that being said, let's get right into it
the emperor: what are some names that you like?
that's such a tough one!! there are so many names i like,,,, especially of greek, hebrew, italian, and japanese! other than that, i'm a basic ass bitch, so i'm fond of names such as cyril, leonidas, or lewis lmao
wheel of fortune: first three songs that come on shuffle?
RATTLES HERE WE GO HERE WE GO HERE WE GO first to spawn in is drifting off in a sports car by wishing! (very relaxing music, but looking at this guy's songs' lyrics, alongside some titles, makes me wish —no pun intended— him therapy), followed up by on the line by faded paper figures (this whole album is very good, would totes recommend), and finally, gods bound by rules by square enix music (hate them or love them, but square enix always makes such banger tracks)
temperance: can you describe a strange dream you've had?
i don't think i've dreamt all that much this past week!! i mostly remember bad dreams i've had these previous months, and even older ones— but those are kinda embarrassing to write down, wheeze a fun fact about my dreams, though, is that i hear my own voice often (loud and clear, too) when things start getting intense during nightmares, telling me that we're not doing this, or to wake up
the moon: have you written a love letter?
i don't think i've written that many letters, period— last one i managed was waaay before the [shudders] pandemic, and it was most likely sillier more than anything,,,,, at any rate, i don't think i'd be all that good at writing serious letters, let alone a romantic one, haha!
#nans speaks#again thank you so much for this! 💜#y'all feel free to send more of these#or of any asks under the same tag#or in general lol
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Hey I saw your tags on that reblog about the Armand casting and you said that you were upset after hearing a talk by Anne. As a fellow AR hater, do you mind me asking what she said? I'm just curious, no pressure tho
Hey! oh yeah I could give you the run down. She didn't specifically say anything about Armand but...yeah, it just wasn't a pleasant experience. I'm so sorry I feel like this is going to be a whole long rant full of run on sentences--
It was awhile ago so I don't remember it all completely and totally but I do remember being disappointed that she hardly talked about the Vampire Chronicles.
She actually didn't speak all that much (maybe 20mins out of the hour or so). Her publisher (or editor? Someone from the publishing house) spoke a lot on their relationship as collaborators and Anne played into it but basically implied that she did all the hard work and only took notes when she thought it was important to. And the editor laughed and said that she stopped giving Anne notes because she knew Anne wouldn't take them.
Mostly she went off on tangents about her jesus series which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me as this was a Prince Lestat event and I personally had no interest in any of her other series except VC. And she threw quite a bit of shade at people who didn't enjoy any of her other works.
If I recall correctly this was the release day event- meaning nobody in the audience had read the book yet. We were all expecting a sort of return to normalcy in the books (not TotBT/Memnoch type plots) and she talked about how in all her previous books she was closing doors on characters and she was shutting down good things from happening, so with PL and the following books she wanted to open things up again. Which I was all for!
However, it was at this point that I think I cracked open PL just to skim for Louis (I needed to see if this poor man had at least a footnote) and I remember coming across Lestat attacking David in a forest or something? Something about it didn't sit right with me. (Totally understand that this bit was personal and had nothing to do with Anne herself or her interview but it just set the tone for the rest of the evening, I think.)
One part I have hammered into my brain is when she said how she has a separate computer screen in her office with all of the characters summaries, names, etc. SPECIFICALLY SAYING that she keeps it open to spell the characters' names correctly. Someone call my boy Daniel MOLLOY because I think he has a bone to pick.
The movie was discussed and she said that Tom was horrible but also amazing and he was fantastic but he also wasn't Lestat and didn't look enough like him but also that he had a deep respect for the material and transformed into Lestat....like. Pick a side, did you like it or nah.
OH- the more I'm writing the more I'm remembering omfg
Her editor said that she asked Anne to cut gay sex scenes because it wasn't right for the 'age' they were in. I interpreted this to mean the AIDS crisis-obviously implying that gay sex was to be avoided in literature. I understand this because at the time it was groundbreaking and could have stopped the book from getting published at all, but the fact that Anne nor her publisher would even say HIV/AIDS in the year 2014 gave me the ick. They skirted around the issue when I thought it could have been a really interesting conversation discussing publishing a 'controversial' novel. In short, they laughed off a serious issue that fundamentally changed the books and her vampire lore.
So. Her talkback alone wasn't TOO bad. Mostly boring, if I'm being honest. I just figured she had a bit of an ego and was an out of touch older woman. (This was before I had done any research on her. This was my first exposure to Anne. Oh god if I only knew what I know now lmao)
But what really made me an AR hater was how she interacted with people at the meet and greet.
I remember walking into the room and still being on line so I could watch her talk to people and take photos. Everyone there was lovely. The whole crowd was buzzing.
What charm Anne had on stage at the interview was completely gone. She was cold and really seemed like she didn't want to be there now that she had her say up on stage.
She was cold to me, but I got my signed copy and photo. I told her that the books meant a lot to me and that Lestat taught me that it's okay to be unapologetically myself at a time when I was still learning who exactly I was. No response. Ouch.
What really floored me was when my friend (who was next in line) told her how the books had been a safe haven for him and ultimately inspired him to come out. She gave a half hearted laugh and said 'as if I haven't heard that before'
I'm just happy Armand wasn't brought up because I think that would have been.....yep. And Louis's name was not mentioned- not even ONCE the entire evening.
Anywayyyy, my signed copy of Prince Lestat sits on my bookshelf still unread, collecting dust, because she put such a bad taste in my mouth.
#aaaand that's it#sorry for the ramble#it all just kinda came out in word vomit#vc#asks#maybe it wasn't THAT bad#like shes said worse for SURE#but ouch. i think the meet and greet just hurt
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enha for the ask game 🕺🕺🕺
🕺🕺🕺🕺
first bias:
sunghoon!
current bias(es):
sunoo <33 (and also jungwon 🐈)
album/era ranking:
title track only ranking: blessed-cursed -> drunk-dazed -> given-taken -> tamed-dashed -> future perfect (pass the mic)
full album/era ranking:
DIMENSION : ANSWER (+ DILEMMA) | tamed-dashed definitely isn't my favorite enha title ever, but blessed-cursed definitely is (or its one of them anyway), and since these albums both have some of my favorite ever enha b-sides (and enha songs in general) with answer being a repackage, i figured i could just join them! attention, please and go big or go home are two of my top songs off any enha album ever, and THEN answer added polaroid love, my top ever soft enha song, into the mix-- so yes, answer is definitely favorite album material! (i would have felt a little guilty putting dilemma lower JUST because of t-d when several of my favorite tracks would not exist without it KSGDJFH). the actual song aside, though, the CONCEPT of tamed-dashed and all the promotions, teasers, concept photos and etc before it were absolutely stunning (and i do still like tamed-dashed a lot-- it just ranks fairly low among the other enha titles)
BORDER : CARNIVAL | ABSOLUTE queen. not only does this album have drunk-dazed (my other top enha tt) as a title track, it has fever, not for sale, mixed up, AND one of the sickest enha concepts to date (that mv??? PLEASE.). this is a particularly potent one for me as it's when i really got into enhypen-- when i was really active in the community, when everyone was coming up with so many crazy theories about the lore and writing out equally-crazy "what-ifs".
BORDER : DAY ONE | honestly just a really gorgeous debut. i loved given-taken, and i loved let me in, 10 months, and flicker just as much. i feel like this era has gotten king of forgotten/overshadowed with everything enhypen has come out since then (which. valid), but it was such a nice intro to enhypen's whole deal (spoken affectionately)!
MANIFESTO : DAY 1 | still a fairly new era, so i might feel a bit different after letting it marinate a bit. this is, similar to something i mentioned in a previous ask for this ask game, yet another instance of me adoring literally every track in an album except for the title track. kpop. why. LDHFJFB i didnt hate future perfect or anything, but it felt significantly less... enhypen-y than usual. the b-sides, however? NOT SO. tfw and shout out very quickly climbed their way into my list of favorite ever enhypen songs along with foreshadow, and paradoxxx invasion, while less dramatically alternating to my life and mindset, was absolutely a bop. points deducted for not having shout out as the promoted bside tho (/j)
how i got into them:
i was on tumblr when, somehow, i followed one person who was in the "eggie family" (people watching i-land; called ourselves eggies because that entrance dome thing was shaped like an egg LMAO) and suddenly i was friends with like all of them. i wanted to be in on the i-land fun and i thought sunghoon was incredibly pretty so i downloaded viki and started watching it HDJFHFJ (altho i never got passed episode 8 because my phone died </3). i watched them debut as enhypen with given-taken, which slapped, then stuck around kind of casually until border: carnival came around, at which point i did the engene equivalent of falling into the ocean and drowning when previously id sort of just been sitting on the peer with my feet in the water. i fell irreversibly in love with sunoo and have been stuck here ever since!
who would be my best friend:
sunoo probably, or maybe jungwon (i chose my biases in this group according to how friend-shaped they were apparently). jay and/or jake also seem like pretty good bestie material!
things i associate with them:
vampires (and also just supernatural stuff in general) because of their lore, for sure. theres also a good number of songs i associate with their lore counterparts due to the abundance of theorizing and writing that happened circa border: carnival HSJFHFJ
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i just watched ep 41 and got literal chills again ugh, probably one of the best eps of the season because it offers so much even beyond the crazy good bey battle we get between free and sisco and lui and drum
the ep starts of with sisco scaring the asahi brothers into stop wasting their time fighting lol my first thought was that damn thats so in sisco's character he says the right shit without holding back lol, but looks like im proven wrong later on in the ep lol
then its drum and lui discussing their tactics for the battle! these two get along well and i think we all enjoy it coz its kinda unexpected? lui like this angry short stack lmao while drum's this wholesome cinnamon roll but i realise what brings them together is the intense way they deal things related to blading HAHA like please lui for real sent a heli after drum and brought him back to the his island JUST to ask him to team up LOL that was too much for me. my personal favourite was when lui squatted down to talk to drum lol like please would the?? shirasagijo?? lui?? squat down to talk to anyone? nah man i dont see it. but its really these little details throughout the show that shows us glimpses of how the legends that we use to follow so fervently in the previous season have changed and grown, just found it rlly sweet.
and then comes sisco and free talking while they ride the lift to go to the stadium. sisco opens first with saying "that was kinda out of character for me" which had me thinking wait isn't it actually like you?? but then i realised that i think evo sisco wouldn't even have bothered to talk to the asahi brothers, and he was actually helping them out in his own way, which was really cute haha. then he goes on to say that he didn't expect them to grow so much and that he was looking forward to battling them. when he asks free whether he felt the same free just went "hmm maybe, maybe not" (ISTG THIS CLOWN🤡🤡) and sisco laughed and went "acting all cool as per usual eh" UGH so nostalgic i can't take it
AND THEN the actual epic battle comes and the animation was great, they really know when to do it right. the way lui and free use the same lines against each other gave me chills man i'm really happy they explored their rivalry from evo more in sparking, from pairing them up together in the legend festival and stating that they were a legendary pair up, to making them face off against each other now, all their moments really delivered.
CHILLS MAN CHILLS
i actually didn't remember who had won this one and to me i realised it doesn't really sit well with me if either free or lui won, because their rivalry is so neck to neck i couldn't even imagine any of them winning. and i was right thankfully, because they knock each other out of the stadium at the same time, (they showed the audience watching with anticipation in slo-mo right before the beys touch the floor simultaneously, i was literally at the edge of my seat ahhh) with satan still standing after they do so, slowly coming to a stop. so glad to see sisco win after his entire arc earlier in the season.
and finally we have the lead up to the asahi brothers vs rantaro and valt (ok side note but i finally figured out why it felt so weird typing out rantaro i realised no one uses his name in the show HAHA its always kumicho, also this season is just an excuse to give us the most epic battles of all time lol i remember in the previous set of match ups when it was valt and rantaro vs lui and drum at the end it was just lui and valt facing each other which gave me deja vu of the nationals back in s1 :') but surprisingly they didn't put much emphasis on this one as compared to other legendary face offs, hmm i wonder whyy, do yall got any idea?)
OK that was way off tangent but tbh they didn't really start that battle this ep and i didn't watch 42 yet so i don't have much to say, except for how pumped rantaro was for the match, he even said that he was the most pumped amongst all of them and the bombers was like shookt about how hyped he was, sisco even called him an idiot for grinning so much LMAO (but sisco was also smilling ur ass of when u were saying that hMMmMm) can't wait to see how that battle goes because i have short term memory and forgot who won👌
anyways thats my review of sparking ep41! when i was looking through my posts around the end of last year and realised i said i would analyse this i thought nahh i probably won't be watching that ep anytime soon, so i'm really glad i did! and since this is probably my longest post(or maybe the one on rantaro that i posted recently now that i look at it, but these two are def my longest) i wanna thank yall for reading through my stuff! i'm not sure if yall like this kinda content and honestly i started this blog so i could read through my own favourite moments in bbb, because it's something that's really close to my heart, but i decided to tag it anyways since i realised we don't have content anyways, so i wanted to contribute some myself too? either way, thanks so much for sticking around!
see yall soon!
#beyblade burst#beyblade burst sparking#sisco karlisle#free de la hoya#shirasagijo lui#kiyama rantaro#also this is my 50th post! took nearly 2 years lol
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