Finally decided to make a new Tumblr to document my life of using Fent, my mental health episodes, life stories, and just shut I wouldn't tell people in real life.
Would love to make like minded friend!! FaceTime or text and nod with each other and just vibe 😶🌫️
Welcome to my messed (and sometimes funny) up life!
i want to slip and fall deep into the comfortable destruction of active addiction. i miss the feeling of liquor singing in my veins, making me feel real. i miss the warm feeling in my stomach that makes everything feel ok. its not real but god alcohol makes me feel safe like nothing else. when i drink its like I'm finally someone i like. someone without all this bullshit trauma and pain and anger. the world narrows down into a bubble of me and my bottle. i miss my gin sticky sweat becoming a fucked up baptism into the church of him. of a guy i never saw again. a guy who treated me like the broken boy i am. a guy who really only wanted my pliant, drunk body. he let me cling onto him for a while.
i want to relapse on something I've only done once. i want to feel the deathly silence of fentanyl. (haha deathly bc it kills) i want to float again. i want to flirt with accidental suicide. i wanna go somewhere where even narcan can't reach me. i want to join the lonely masses blotting out their existence with opiates.
i know I can't though. i have to stay sober. for my sister. for my future. because maybe it wont always be like this. maybe i could get a glimpse of that peace and serenity they all talk about. or maybe im just tired of waking up hungover, wishing i never woke up at all.
finally got some “h” (pretty sure it’s just fetty) oh how I’ve missed this, h and fetty are truly the only things that make me feel like I can bare living without it I spend every waking moment thinking of how to get some or how to off myself and thats truely not an over exaggeration