The Glass Scientists webcomic is that EXACT “messy gay story” that I’m looking for. It involves two men from the earliest century, one of them (Henry Jekyll) has internalized homophobia and spent years convincing himself that any gay or LGBTQ+ relationship is doomed to fail due to the heartbreak he personally experienced in college at the time of meeting his lover, and the other (Robert Lanyon, the POC one) is a stubborn self centered yet deep down caring man who’s afraid of commitment and emotional attachment. Even after they separated after having a fuck buddy fling in college that supposedly on the surface meant nothing to them yet EVERYTHING deep down, they remained close friends as they grew older, Jekyll opening his science society and continued with his work, only this time he has a counterpart, Edward Hyde, who brings out everything he doesn’t like about himself, everything he’s afraid to be. Having Hyde be this unhinged openly sexual person yet someone who paints himself as not having any deep emotions makes sense for the story. Hyde doesn’t need to be this big bad murderer because this is a different adaptation of Jekyll and Hyde. It’s not about a man who wants to do whatever he wants so he creates a potion to get off scott free for everything including murder, it’s about a man who suppresses not only his emotions he feels like he dare not feel, but himself, keeping a perfect gentleman facade in constant fear of what others would think of the real him.

Not that too recently in the webcomic, Jekyll has started to question if Hyde truly is “evil” since that’s all Jekyll saw him as. He doesn’t see Hyde as the suppressed version of himself, being in denial and thinking this is black and white. That’s what I love about this webcomic. Characters like Laynon and ESPECIALLY Jekyll are flawed people who need to be bonked on the head about their emotions and how to deal with them in a healthy way, and the comic doesn’t shy away from that. It opens different perspectives, different beliefs on why the characters act the way they act and the hardships they’re going through. Many of these characters are engaging and likable, even if they are flawed and make mistakes or have not the best beliefs, including a trans character named Jasper, a day manager with a dark past named Rachel, and even Dr. Frankenstein. Recently Jekyll and Lanyon are currently in a clash. Laynon never cared about science, that was Henry’s passion, and yet he still stayed by his friends side. Lanyon was at first thinking about quitting, giving up after trying to help Henry in whatever was going on with him (since no one knows about Hyde) but now due to the fear of losing Henry, Lanyon wants to shut down the entire society before it slowly kills his best friend completely. Henry on the other hand doesn’t react so easily.

I love how both characters are in the wrong, and yet you can see both of their perspectives as well. Lanyon has been worrying about Jekyll since the beginning of the comic, only for Jekyll to keep his “perfect easy going” facade and push him away. Lanyon is just done, and meanwhile with Jekyll, all those repressed emotions are starting to come out. As readers we learn that Hyde held resentment towards Lanyon, but he never knew why since in his eyes, Jekyll handles the “emotional” aspect of themselves. It’s clear to say however, that despite Jekyll caring deeply of his friend and even putting him up on a pedestal in his brain (something that was revealed in an earlier chapter) he deep down hates Laynon for what he did, leaving him after Robert had to get married and acting like it was nothing. Jekyll spent years hiding everything from everyone, and Robert does have a point, he’s overworking himself and has been for so long, but Jekyll is a very stubborn character, and I love that. This is the most recent page and I have no idea what will happen next, but I’m all for this, these two characters have been bottling SO much up and I think it’s time they snap. Can’t wait for the next update.

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Favorite episode of community: GO

EPIDEMIOLOGY with no competition. on Halloween I watched it three consecutive times just 'cause

some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.

you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.

your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."

it’s obviously important for ppl to criticize misogyny particularly transmisogyny in trans male communities since thats a trans community issue but if ur also tme and the only thing u ever exclusively talk about trans men for is talking abt us as bigoted misogynists (usually there’s a ‘binary’ slapped in front of it) i genuinely think you need to put the phone down go outside and remember that whatever insane misogynist guys online are saying is not a necessarily a reflection of like things adult men outside of a weird fringe group of freak transmisogynist dudes on tumblr who think the boys should get our own word JUST like the GIRLS or its NOT FAIR!! or whatever (and one coined by a fucking terf at that..) are saying, or justification for behaving weirdly about an entire diverse community of trans people.

again i do not say this to like dissuade ppl from discussing legitimate problems but like a couple points- 'binary' trans men r capable of talking about it ourselves, and we do, and we’re not the ones whose posts get shared about it. and second: if you’re only bringing us up to talk abt how shitty particularly TRANS men are you might have a problem you need to deal with? this is not a shocking statement. like at some point someone has to point it out to you and sit there and take the shit and patiently explain to you it’s that the problem comes when its literally the ONLY thing you bring us up for and act like we're not capable of talking abt this ourselves, and that its a problem how comfortable ppl r for letting ppl speak over/for us if the only similarity they share w trans men is.. an agab and not being cis (yikes!). or if theyre transmasc and male aligned in some capacity but dont have any interest in engaging with or considering themselves a part of like trans men, THEYRE the ones who need to talk abt it, bcuz the (usually 'binary') Trans Men wont (not saying those ppl cant or shouldnt but they may be treated differently for doing so)

first ppl liked using transmeds existing to throw up justification for treating us like a bigoted monolith you (uniquely) Just Dont Feel Safe Around and its normal to make assumptions abt us being transphobic especially if we don't identify by labels deemed 'safe' and Inherently More Radical, and now its pretending we all collectively cant recognize our privilege thru our intense blinding hatred of women and its up to you to save us from ourselves and beat some common sense into the inherently bigoted stupid about gender patriarchy dicksucker boys. like i dont know im tired of it when trans men being accused of only existing bcuz we want to be patriarchy bootlickers i guess is always what radfems have thrown at us, so its not like this negative perception of trans men filtered thru a supposedly progressive lense is new. a lot of adult trans men dont talk abt like particular hot shit thats discussed a lot on here rn (the 'trans misandry' shit for example) bcuz its was not a problem in the spaces we're in and we knew it was stupid as fuck right away and barely worth talking about to say 'yeah you know that thing we all know is stupid and bullshit? its stupid and bullshit'. bcuz we're not fifteen years old or weird misogynists. we have brains, don't hate women, and we dont all know and hang around the same people.

anyway dont take this post as a stand in for serious discussion and calling out misogyny (again especially transmisogyny) w other men, those posts do need to exist, i am not trying to say this stuff shouldnt be talked about. what i'm specifically pointing out is a frustrating pattern in the perception of and discussion of trans men that ppl probably dont realize theyre participating in. i do think it is very important to talk abt community issues and criticisms but if its literally the one thing you bring up trans men for i think being aware of that behavior has no NEGATIVES here. also do have to bring up i specified other tme ppl early on bcuz this isnt smth ive experienced or seen from transfems and their position as like the affected party of transmisogyny is automatically like .. if they have issues w trans men it is pretty inherently coming from a different place than like, a cis womans, or a tme nonbinary person, or a transmasc person with issues with trans men, or a cis mans, etc. tme ppl who are on a very different ground here, whose behavior is straight up different anyway

i've said this elsewhere but more fic that involves one character just randomly calling their partner a slut in bed should end with said partner getting mad and storming off

i love reading but unfortunately my taste in books is stupidly specific and it makes it hard to ask for recommendations. like. man i dont even know anymore AUGH.

recently I've had a return to (childhood) form where I've been making an excessive amount of ocs for 1 fantasy world. and I mean 60+ characters, like a gacha game or something, so of course I start throwing pairings at a wall to see if anything sticks. in true fandom fashion most of the m/m feels shallow, the f/f is a goldmine, and the m/f that's canon is really good. but, I'm genuinely baffled at how hard it is to make m/m not boring asf. this one poor bastard named renaldi has had 3 potential boyfriends who each wound up getting paired with women/demi-women bc the vibe was off.

at this point fumbling and being lonely seems like a part of his character and I feel bad that I actually want this for him. RIP king.

Sora's so wonderful and sweet and I love him bc he always tries to make everyone feel better EVERYONE KNOWS THAT but no one acknowledges how he definitely at least partially does it for himself because his synesthesia.

Like Akira's comment about why Sora "can't see" Gatekeeper was "Rather than [he can't] it's probably closer to [he doesn't want] . Gatekeeper is surrounded by blood and violence which are the colors that Sora probably doesn't want understand"

So like if I were Sora I'd want everyone to be happy n good too because if they aren't I gotta experience the horrors? Someone in my vicinity is fucked up and now I have to see the goddamn Hat Man?? Liiike...

And of course this isn't even mentioning how Sora was a shut-in and had no friends until highschool, obviously that plays a role too.

Me personally I took the Margo “things aren’t great at home” to be about her universe and not her parents bc some of y’all wanted to call RIO AND JEFF abusive and now I can’t trust y’all

i was already aware that ppl don't like fantastical things that don't have a "logical" answer to when you question why it exists but even something like a movie about mermaids ticks people off

because tell me every table read I did for my film that was set underwater I had atleast 2 people ask me "why are they underwater? how did that guy get under water?" it's like can you suspend your disbelief for the 15 minutes we are going to read this screenplay please it's literally fantasy they are underwater because it's not real ❤️

lotsa people do say "no one can tell clark is superman" makes sense because there's been times when henry cavil was out in public and no one even recognized him bc he was wearing something different or whatever. and it's like true. but like REALISTICALLY SPEAKING. yeah - the average person is not gonna recognize clark as superman because they're not trying to find superman. like most people in the streets aren't in the streets thinking they're gonna see some big celebrity. they're busy people going about their own lives. however - if a super villain like lex who's obsessed with superman and finding out who he is - he's more likely to recognize clark's face as the same as superman. a man who torments him.

but either way it doesn't really matter because it's just silly cape fiction LOL. it's supposed be unrealistic.

Fantasy art + old paintings makes me feel nauseous just imagining walking through the fields or on the mountains or the possibilities of there being life beyond what is shown. Like everything looks large but is so small. When I was younger my mother had a painting of a waterfall in a leafy place; I would dream of being in that painting and feeling stuck- like everything was so large yet the scenery looked so small and close- there would be the thought of life but the inability to leave the painting- or at least not the foliage and reflections.

in my coming to terms with things era

Sometimes I think that maybe having my fantasy world be like 2 and a half continents all mostly connected to each other is unrealistic for a planet and then I remember Pangaea was something that happened in earth’s history

2/2 My one complaint is that they talk in euphemisms rather than saying ‘autism’ or ‘autistic’ and I’m just like. Spit it out. I think the actual depiction of autistic people is pretty good, but as always with these things, your mileage may vary.

Okay when I first read this second part I laughed at how disconnected they sounded to me, but that's not on you! My memory just reeeally doesn't remember anything like that in the game akshsk, this was so far back for me that I don't think I knew what an autism was despite y'know *points at all of me* peak trauma bullshit time as well so I had zero emotional intelligence to notice it in any way shape or form, like seriously I don't remember anything you mean the patient right? Don't think this would apply to Eva (?) or the other guy we play as if I remember their personalities right? Boi oh boi I wonder how I'm gonna feel revisiting this one could be one of those stories that make me cry now despite not having shaken me in the slightest when I was that age