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jaymesyourplaything · 28 days

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TRANSPARENCY

ver they/them is sherlock he/him mod

john he/him is johns mod.

all purple are links.

hello,, i think to start this, i will have to be very transparent. this is going to push a lot of my comfort zones, and... well, writing this is going to... be very difficult for me. i'm sorry. if i give too much leeway, some friends may be upset. if i speak at all, i fear i'm losing some automatically.

but, i wanted to speak up. push myself. my friend gave me the okay, and along with bewitched they are both giving me the courage every day. 🥺🥺🥺

i struggle with speaking up. my co-mod was always the one who, spoke for me. in my life; i am very much a wallflower. in my personal life, people don't like how i am so very willing to see the good in people, even if they hurt me. this is because i was abused and neglected started from a young age.

due to my abuse;

i have a dissociative disorder

it makes it very hard for me to interact with people around me in my day to day life. whenever i am stressed, whenever i feel i should be quiet-i was conditioned well-or if anyone so much as changes their tones, i'll be gone. it's questioning when i come back, but it's often when i'm more comfortable.

so, when someone is out of line, or otherwise mean to me, i would dissociate, and often forget about it. my caretaker once commented on how i wasn't there mentally, i didn't have the ability to hold a grudge. it was not because of a mental deformity, but the neglect i suffered.

i was only ever "real" during happy moments. i would lose focus during un-happy moments. it was easy to create false memories, especially if all i had to go on was my (caretakers) retelling of any story.

my memories, my thoughts and feelings on people, are based entirely of whatever i can remember of them at that moment, and what other's tell me about the memories/people. my reality is easy to be altered. (which is why i stepped back so long, all my thoughts are based on my partner of 10 years, childhood friends who do not interact with this website or anyone in it, or some of my friends who have been helping me correct my behavior who have all stayed out of it for their general lack of like of drama and also it helps me tremendously to interact with the world "alone" and learn how to proceed in my life/process. alone as in they don't interfere, other than advice i ask for. mostly i'm saying i purposeful stepped back from ver and bewitched -and john- anyone involved and spoke to those not involved for my opinions here. )

the best coping mechanism we found is to be extremely grounded. the last year has become the best year of our life after we became aware how severe the abuse was and why i've been the way i have. (we as in my partner and i. we have been together for 9 years now. )

this is why i struggle keeping a narrative for long. i'll lose it, i'll go through various stages of understanding, or memory loss. my narrative is based on those around me and what i see, and other things i can trust. it takes awhile, so i can gather what other's think of what's happened around me, so i can base the truth off it.

(i stayed out of this because i couldn't just, listen to everyone when this is /my/ experience. hence why i talked to my partner, or other -childhood friends not related to anyone here in this space- about such topics for so long, or other trusted friends, until i could gather an idea that isn't biased from my friends. because i trusted john, it hurt a lot for this to happen, it was hard to believe, hence dissociation and why it took so long. heughhh... )

also, yes, co-mod

i co-moded this blog once. if you know who the co-mod is, please keep it private. we have since talked and he has agreed to stay out, he's leaving me to handle the experiences on this account. he has remained quiet by my request. he now has only commented on his own experiences on his blog, only. john never knew the identity of this other person, in fact i don't think i told him my identity either. we spoke as "i" or "we".

edit: gdi pookie i said keep it private wts

my co-mod quit the fucking whore

thats a joke i don't mind they quit. poor communication, i would dissociate and he disapproved that i was continuously supporting him [john] even though i was clearly, by my own mind's definition, in discomfort talking to him. i wanted to be a good mod, keep contact with the other mods. ): i didn't like how he treated people behind the scenes, gossip and stuff. devaluing sherlock for a long time.

my friendship and thoughts on john and ver

i don't think ver is emotionally manipulative, but i didn't think john was abusive either. john has certainly shown he has been abusive since the split at least, but it suspects he could have always been abusive.

john planned replacing sherlock with his friend, from early january at least, but i suspected it back around august 2023

he said early on ver would deserve being replaced. said mine would be a better sherlock once, said he was tired of ver's sherlock, supported the idea of the other sherlocks popping up since jan but said they were also crazy and not to talk to them.

but anyway, here's wonderwall

aka my statement

there are boundaries. revealing personal information about ver, at first in private (with me, who else could he have? ) and then later in public, or messaging them after they (publicly ) told him to stop. then slander, or public harassment (public attempts to communicate, or throw accusations at, or now accuse of sending anon asks without proof -turn off anon asks then john. ) i don't know what happened in private, but publicly john has continuously escalated a situation that ver has attempted to be quiet and respectful on continuously.

i ended my friendship with john because of his continued abuse towards ver since he abruptly and without warning replaced ver.

uh , last thoughts? and a message from me

john was a mean girl who decided to fully bully and harass ver now that ver was free.

ver is just emotional and reacted to johns /empty/ threats of quitting.

which again is mean of him, empty threats, he knew he wanted to replace ver, not quit lol

since he kicked ver out and cut them off, he has continuously reached out, even after ver requested he stop. he has no even made a new account (sherlockbbc-rp blog ) so that he could interact with us (we all had to re-block him, or otherwise ignore him ) since we all have been trying to move on

he is obsessed with ver, which is weird when john is the one who wanted ver gone. ver even tried to help john every step of the way (and wanted the same respect and help. ) which john refused. i believe ver and believe john blew them off until he replaced him, since he's refused my help in similar ways countless times.

i hope ver can move on and recover, they do seem really shaken up and shy because of this event, and john continuously just, escalates. now that we've all done statements, i want to help ver move on. i want to plan and plot more interactions, i want to help cheer them up. i hope johns friends continue to watch and take care of him too, but i honestly am happy i'm not one of them now. it's stressful. i don't need to be friends with someone who puts that much thought into slandering and harassing someone and has no intentions of growing as a person and stopping that behavior. i've been trying, and i'm sure most of my friends would agree i'm doing so much better. i am proud of my improvements, and i am so very proud of ver for moving on and taking all steps i would have. i am not proud of john. i am proud of me for leaving john. my friends are proud, it was difficult for me, very very difficult.

this was difficult to write. as said, in my personal life, i am too soft, too nice. last ex, i remember we talked it out and ended with me saying (so us agreeing ) we were both too immature for the relationship. in reality they were cheating and petty lol. i.. i am often harassed for, not... speaking up, for taking blame, for ending so many things on good terms. two people i respected a lot even judged me when it took me so long to cut john out of my life. it hurt a lot. i've withdrawn a lot, since then. i am excited to move on from this chapter of my life, and continue growing as a person, from poor behavior to just being more assertive.

thank you for reading this, i... i feel no one really cares, but a close friend comforted me, and reminded me that even if no one else cares, that my friend ver appreciates me helping. i was silent so long, partially their request, some was a mutual agreement between me and my co-mod, and a lot was processing... what was going on with john. please be respectful, please be patient with me. this was my friend too. this was ver's friend once too. thank you to my friend, thank you to my continued friends for always helping me in correcting my behavior, or just remaining patient with me during this journey the last year with my own personal growth, and thank you to bewitched and ver for giving me the courage and help to speak out in the first place. i love and appreciate all of you very much.

john, please stop trying to contact me.

#jay #a scandal in tumblr #mod

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shugokairifatewin · 2 years

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I was going to wait until Chapter 116 released to give a full length rant, but it's been eating at me the last few days and we really need to talk about Chapter 114 and 115 of Seraph of the End. As always, spoilers ahead, be aware! Unpopular opinions also ahead; I'm pretty heated about this one, just a warning!

*~*~*~*~*

Let me start by saying I am hurt. I am offended. And I am betrayed. Because Kagami really over here hyping up this whole family-always-sticks-together BS with Guren and Yuu and the rest of Squad and even Mika jumping in there like yeah this is my family, and it's great and it's wholesome and we're making progress-

Only to turn around one (or two? I can't recall) chapters later and plunge a sword through Yuu's heart - and mine as well.

Mika has always always always been my favorite character. He has suffered. He has died, he's come back. He finally freaken started finding peace of mind as Yuu's demon. And I would fight wars and burn worlds for this man to have some damn peace and happiness with his boyfriend best friend and family. And Kagami TEASED US with that glimpse of happiness and acceptance and then CRUSHED IT.

And frankly it makes me sick. I'm so done with the greedy ass manipulative people who have been twisting knives in the backs of my favorite characters for YEARS of this story now.

This whole damn time, Guren KNEW that Mikaela was going to have to die AND HE HAS MANIPULATED THE EVER LIVING SHIT OUT OF YUU KNOWING THIS. This whole fucking time, he's been saving this kid, keeping him alive, feeding him false hope and bullshit about family this and keep living because some day you'll find a reason again that - ONLY FOR THIS INGRATE TO KILL THAT VERY REASON OF EXISTENCE FOR HIS OWN ENDS! I am hot mad about it.

Guren has always been a rollercoaster character for me, love and hate and despise and love again and pity, but this shit is unacceptable. Sure, he wants to save all of humanity and that's a noble goal but the means to an end he's used is absolutely unforgivable.

I'm going to feel terrible for saying it but I hope Yuu razes them all to the ground. He has been used and manipulated, treated like crap left and right and frankly I don't blame him for going off the deep end. In fact, I'm cheering you on my guy.

Moving on from my intense, undiluted fury at Guren and the crappy way he's treated Yuu and Mika, who literally just want to live their best lives in peace, I am broken and in pieces over Chapter 116. I haven't cried this much since Mika died and turned Demon.

To see this expression on Mika's face while Yuu is crying is literally enough to rend my heart in two.

And then when Mika started crying too, I LOST IT. I almost threw my phone I was so emotional. KAGAMI WHY

I FEEL PHYSICALLY UNWELL. My boys are crying 🥺 they are hurting and I cannot handle it.

And can we talk about how we got to see Mika grow from suspicious, angry Vampire who only cares about Yuu and making sure he's okay to caring, compassionate Demon who would give up his life for all of humanity? Only for Guren to not even bar an eyelash at killing him? I just can't.

AND WHEN MIKA TELLS HIM THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER -

MIKA DESERVES HAPPINESS. YUU DESERVES HAPPINESS. SHIKAMA DOJI AND ANYONE ELSE BE DAMNED THESE TWO DESERVE A FREAKEN A CHANCE TO LIVE THEIR LIVES.

IF GUREN SURVIVES THIS SERIES AND MIKA DOESNT I'M GOING TO RIOT IN THE STREETS.

THEY HAVE BEEN HURT ENOUGH. LEAVE MY BABIES ALONE.

This has been weighing on me for weeks now. I needed to get it off my chest.

That is all.

#ons chapter 115 #ons chapter 116 #i will riot in the streets if Mika becomes a sacrificial lamb #save mika 2022 campaign #Mika and Yuu deserve better #I'm still furious at Guren and his manipulative ass BS #family my ass get out #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #mikaela hyakuya #mikayuu #ons #sote #yuuichirou hyakuya #furious #a rant i needed to get off my chest #seraph of the end rant #be right back I'm selling my soul to save Mika's because he deserves it #the next chapter bettywr fix some crap.

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grossrottie · 2 years

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YOO got an idea.

✨ Brat Fireheart surprisingly behaving himself through most of the gathering which leads Tigerclaw into a false sense of security snjssn ✨

Seeing that Fireheart is being a good boy dispite the journey to the gathering (no teasing, keeping his paws mostly to himself and actually listening to what his Daddy is saying for once kddnsm) Tigerclaw feels confident enough to leave Fire alone while he talks to other deputy's or something

Tigerclaw: Daddy is going talk to some important cats, can you behave yourself until I'm done?

Fireheart: hmmmm ok Daddy

Nrksjs Big mistake, Tiger leaves to talk to others but he still keeps Fireheart in the corner of his eye, you know just incase.

And Fireheart uses the opportunity to talk to Onewhisker (who is very much aware Fire and Tigers..."thing" and does not want to be murdered by the tabby) and he starts borderline flirting, giggling, being closer then needed and just smirking cause he can feel Tigerclaw glaring at him and knowing that he can't do much about it without causing a scene hdksns

Meanwhile Onewhisker just awkwardly standing there every once in awhile looking up at the tabby only to look back down, Tigerclaw is giving him the death glare (cause Tiger is very much so protective/possessive towards his brat)

Tigerclaw excuses himself, and marches up to his brat (Onewhisker seeing him coming dips) and Fire is just calmly sittin there not bothered the his huge Daddy glaring down on him.

Tigerclaw: Hope your proud with yourself Kittypet cause the second we get home there is going to be a punishment waiting for you

Fireheart battling his eyelashes: but I have been a good boy all day Daddy 🥺

Tigerclaw: oh really? I saw a different story

Fireheart pouting now: I was just taking to a friend.

For a second Tiger is worried that he misunderstood the situation but then sees the mischievous glint in his brats eyes and immediately understands what's doing on.

Tigerclaw: don't play innocently sigh all this just to get my attention tsk

Fireheart grinning like a cheshire cat: hmm you caught me Daddy ✨

Tigerclaw: tsk you really are a attention whore (he ignores but notices the way Fire squirms at his words) serves me right for spoiling you so much...you need discipline and I already have a punishment in mind kittypet.

Fireheart: what kind of punishment 😳?

Tigerclaw: You'll see 😏 now i have to go back to the other deputy's, i would recommend being good and maybe I'll go easy on you

Fireheart: o-oh ok Daddy 😳

(no surprise Fireheart was not good for the rest of the gathering nsssjsss)

Anon: oh I have an idea

Also anon: *drops this bEAUTIFUL piece of fiction in my ask box and gives uncontrollable serotonin out for FREE???*

THIS IS SO MFING GOOD AJDHDHAJDHDHDJDHDHDBDBDB

Onewhisker being stuck there talking to Fireheart, glancing over at Tiger every few seconds thinking “Ooooooh no I’m in danger” whenever he sees that amber gaze locked on them.

AJDHSHS AND HIM JUST DIPPING AS SOON AS TIGER STARTS COMING OVERRRR “I don’t get paid enough for this—“

It’s so mfing sweet that Tiger took a moment to second-guess himself and make sure he was reading the situation correctly, and I loVE DADDY TIGERCLAWWWW SO MUCH!

Him using certain words to get a reaction out of Fireheart, and both of them knowing that the tables would turn as soon as Tigerclaw was in a situation he couldn’t act out in. They love teasing each other almost as much as they love loving each other.

Akdjdhdhdhbdh that last line got a huge chuckle from me

Fireheart: Yes daddy, I’ll behave. *doesn’t*

#age gap tw #ask to tag #nsft warning #Fireheart x Tigerclaw #firetiger

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ijustwantedt0read · 4 months

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OH THAT'S NOT,, TW SELF HARM MENTION

Well dexter thank you for at least admitting that you literally are spreading false information while also saying his full name with the attention of getting him doxxed/hurt

May I remind you that /you/ literally started this? Not only did you brought it up you lied against thinking that I wouldn't find out. Then, instead of growing up and apologizing , you block me , delete your post , and change your username like a lazy squirrel hiding nuts for hibernation.

Then you have the audacity to post after. " Listen, everyone makes mistakes, leave me and my buddies alone. I just wanna be a happy wittle fella 🥺" as if you didn't wish death on someone you manipulated and being one of the main causes he Hurt himself.

I'm going to say this as calmly as I can so we don't have this discussion again. Unless it's a sincere apology from you , which I know you won't do , I don't ever EVER wanna see you on ANY SOCIAL MEDIA SITE (tumbler , pintrest , YouTube, whatever) speaking ill of my boyfriend or anything of him ever again. Have a good day

#drama #be careful #liar #trolls #helluva boss #exposed and outed #keep his name out of your mouth

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maximotts · 3 years

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♡ 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 || 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚 𝐱 𝐟!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 ♡

a/n: I don't know what else to say about this except enjoy soft caretaker Wanda! This is just pure fluff

request: 'Wanda taking care of a sick reader but it's so cute because readers all drowsy and whining and out of it "i want my girlfriend i want her to hold me i want her to be here" cue a reader crying because she wants her girlfriend (wanda) but readers too sick to realize that wanda is here so wandas just like "im here princess, mommy's here" and wanda is so gentle and soft with reader 🥺'

warnings: light mommy kink in which r calls Wanda 'mommy' as well as Wanda referring to herself once; reader is sick with the flu

summary: you've been working yourself silly with missions and the stress has finally caught up with you. Now you've got the flu, but your ever caring girlfriend, Wanda, is there to help

words: 1.4K

masterlist. || navi. || request rules/info : open

Everything hurt.

Your favorite blanket scratched against your skin painfully, itching and trapping you in a too hot cocoon of needles. In some hellish twist, you’d come down with the flu after your most recent mission and you were of course benched until you could be cleared as fully healed. Technically you needed the rest, having gone from mission to mission with little down time for the past month. Most likely the hard work and long hours is what left you vulnerable to the virus, but did it really count as time off if you were facing an entire week suffering in bed?

You tossed and turned to free yourself from your prison, whining when you couldn’t muster the strength to break out. Exhaustion forced you to give up for the time being, but you could swear you could feel your skin melting off with the heat. The quiet bedroom left you alone with no distractions. To make matters worse, the one person you wanted was gone, seemingly having left for an unforeseeable amount of time. You thought she'd been there earlier, but the day was so hazy, it hurt to even try to string together what you’d done earlier. Either way, you wanted her right now. “Wand-!” It was meant to be a shout for attention, but something choked you and sent you into a coughing fit. Your throat was like sandpaper, there was no chance of calling for her louder. It was hopeless.

“Eh…” You turned over onto your stomach with a heavy flop, feeling pathetic and depressed with how sick you’d grown. It was worse without Wanda; she was so caring and gentle. You wanted her comforting aura to come and kiss away all your aches and pains. Dealing with sickness alone wasn’t new obviously. Years of life on the run and false aliases meant you were no stranger to taking care of yourself, having dragged yourself out of bed to brave the walk to the pharmacy for medicine way too many times to count. For better or for worse, you’d gotten used to Wanda’s nurturing presence and expected her to be around or nearby most of the time to help you through and now you were dependent. With a grimace you realized the witch had trapped you without you noticing. You needed her.

“That meaniebutt.” If you were less delirious maybe you’d have a better insult.

✣ ✣ ✣

Deep in your sulking and slumbering state, you missed the sound of your door creaking open, an anxious Wanda creeping through as quietly as she could manage. “Y/n? I’m back, detka.” She had as many things as she could carry on her makeshift nursing tray- flu medicine, water, orange juice, tea (she couldn’t decide which beverage would help you best), tissues, and a damp rag; maybe she’d gone a little overboard. She dreaded leaving you in such a state, having been stuck by your bedside since last night when you first started sneezing, and wanted to bring as much as she could at once to reduce how long she had to be away. Securely placing the high-piled tray on the nightstand, Wanda kicked off her shoes and crawled onto the bed. She would’ve worried about disturbing you by sitting so close, but doubted you even felt the mattress move with how you somehow managed to take each layer of blankets from your shared bed and become a fully realized burrito.

After allowing herself a laugh with how your sleeping form wiggled like a worm, she took pity and worked on untangling you as slowly as she could so as not to startle you. “How’d you get so caught up, hm? I was only gone for half an hour.” Freedom allowed Wanda to take in your face, puffy, red, and sniffly. Her poor darling. She saw your eyelids fluttering and thought maybe she could keep you awake long enough to take your medicine. You’d fought her on it earlier, something about ‘medicine is for squares,’ but she won by promising you juice and forehead kisses once you cooperated. If all went well, she’d win this afternoon match. “Wake up, love. It’s time to drink your medicine.”

A cool hand was brushing sweat-laden hair from your face as you roused from sleep and you instinctively leaned into the touch. But then the dreaded word: medicine. “No way.” Your cheeks puffed out and you tried to snuggle back under your quilt, preferring the irritation of your plush cave to any possibility of icky cough syrup.

Wanda sighed, preparing to bribe you again, but all too soon you were rolling away from her. “Ah ah, come back here, you,” she reached out to pull you back from the mattress’ edge and tried to bring you safely into her arms, but you resisted. “Don’t be fussy, I promise it’ll be quick if you get it over with and then you’ll get all the cuddles you can possibly stand.” The promise of being held by your girlfriend almost never failed to change your mind, but this time you continued squirming in her grasp. “Baby, what’s the matter? Don’t you want me to stay with you?”

“No!” Your fists hit the mattress with surprising strength, taking almost all of your energy to raise them and kick at the air. “I want my girlfriend! I want her to hold me and stay with me!” This was all too overwhelming; first you were sick, then you’d been woken up after finally getting to sleep, and now Wanda was nowhere to be found. You were miserable, sleepy, achy, and you missed your girlfriend, this sucked. You were crying before you realized it, but being too weak-willed to hold back, quiet sobs turned into all out bawling, still tossing and turning in the unfamiliar hold that just would not let up on your shoulders.

Oh. Her girlfriend was really that out of it… you didn’t recognize that she was right there, that she hadn’t left you alone with an unfamiliar caretaker. It tugged at her heartstrings more than she liked to admit. Wanda set you back on a pillow, ensuring you wouldn’t hit your head in your childish tantrum. Satisfied for the time, she readjusted and tried a new approach: moving your head into her lap. Thankfully you’d tired of fidgeting for the most part, settling for pitiful whines and pleas for the girlfriend who you hadn’t yet realized was taking care of you this whole time. Wanda was determined to soothe you one way or another, whoever you thought was looking after you. “I’m here, princess. Mommy’s here.” She grabbed the cloth she’d brought, hoping the cool wetness would bring you back to your senses even a bit.

You welcomed the relief of the cold compress and although still grumpy, your body relaxed atop soft thighs to accept the help. After a time, you grew aware of sweet singing from a voice that could only belong to one person. The song was accompanied by a lone finger brushing back and forth over your overheated cheeks and your spirits lifted instantly. “Mommy…?” God, you were so tired. Opening your eyes fully felt like pulling apart jail bars, but you needed to see her. As soon as you met those kind eyes you melted. She was there; she didn’t leave you. Comfortable as you were, the distance was too much for you. Wiggling away from the compress on your forehead, you scrambled to sit up only to force yourself into Wanda’s lap. The sudden movements left your foggy head dizzy and you slumped against your girlfriend, head laid out on her shoulder, arms heavy around her waist. “You came back.”

Wanda shook her head; the sick version of you apparently came with an endearing silliness. “My love, I only went to the store to get stuff for you. I expected I’d get back before you woke up, but you must’ve been awake for a little while I was out. I’d never think of leaving my sick little girl all alone to fend for herself.” The tip of her finger poked your stuffy nose, eliciting a soft sneeze. In typical Wanda fashion, her sweet words left you putty in her arms, helpless to argue that she could’ve left a note even if you wanted to. “You’re the one who didn’t recognize me. I should be offended!” Her tone held no real anger, only teasing, but still you pouted in protest.

“I’ve got a fever, you can’t be mad…” You put on the saddest puppy expression you could muster and Wanda arched a disapproving eyebrow. “I’m sorry, mommy,” you gave Wanda a tight squeeze as apologies, hugging her for comfort much like you would your favorite stuffed animal.

“I’m not mad, but you do have a fever, baby.” She craned her neck to kiss your cheek before whispering in your ear, “so you’d better be a good girl and take your medicine.”

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fic #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch x reader #marvel imagine #my writing #wanda maximoff x f!reader

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