(Source : https://www.instagram.com/softclox_official/)

ethoslab…. save me ethoslab…..

Pete Wentz and Jon Walker are NOT of this world

hiiiiii i know i wasn't really that active lately. things are piling in my head, which is in dire need of decluttering but the hands can't match the rhythm dictated by the mind and trip in the dance much too often. just wanted to let you all know i think about you and your guys daily. rotating them in my head. i'm not quitting yet alright 💥💥💥

If any thunderfam would like a collab, sketch art trade or sketch request, holla an ask or drop me a line.

(If it's stingray related I am looking at you like this)

I'm recovering from a busted wrist so its slow going. but let's make more art of my futuristic blorbos

Thoughts on music in the Hunger Games (trilogy + prequel)

After finishing the trilogy, and especially after Katniss sings again in MJ, I remember thinking of the Hunger Games’ story each time I was listening to folk, country and gospel songs. The lyrics sometimes reminded me of the story and I pictured Katniss singing these songs with her dad. Songs condemning war, songs about working class people, songs about wildflowers and birds. And when I read the prequel, I was so happy to see that music was a big part of it. So here are some things I’ve noticed and wanted to share, sorry if it’s a bit messy :))

1/ Everdeen’s family // The Carter family 

In Tbosas, Maude Ivory sings “Keep on the sunny side”, a song written by The Carter Family who come from the Appalachian mountains, where District 12 is located. Its original members, A.P, Sara and Maybelle Carter mostly sang ballads and mountain songs. Recently, I watched a documentary about the history and origins of country music, and learned that A.P. fell in love with Sara Dougherty when he heard her sing. He was from what was called Poor Valley while she lived in Rich Valley. I automatically thought of Katniss’ parents, her dad from the Seam, her mom, a Townie falling in love with his voice when he sang. Katniss was taught how to sing by her father, and if we consider Maude Ivory to be her grandmother, then the tradition sure has been there for many generations. 

2/ Unity through music 

We don’t have much information about other districts, but I have this headcanon that District 11 and 12 share some of the same songs. We know music is what Rue loved the most, and people there sing at work and at home. Considering that both districts are southern and quite geographically close  to each other, I believe they kept alive some old songs from bluegrass, blues, folk, gospel and country music. (I also hc District 10 as having country music). 

Also in MJ during Finnick and Annie’s wedding, District 12 refugees start to dance to their traditional music, “teach the steps to District 13 guests” and “insist on a special number for the bride and groom” (MJ, p.217). So Finnick and Annie from District 4 and the guests from 13 all “join hands and make a giant, spinning circle where people show off their footwork” (MJ, p.217). I’d like to add that I think they are clogging. Clogging originates from Irish step dancing and developed with Native Americans influences, especially Cherokee, and “was also shaped by African ‘buck dancing’, which originated during slavery.” Therefore this dance is already a mix between Europeans, African and Native Americans cultures. And in this scene, it shows unity between the districts, everyone gathers to dance together and Katniss states “Dancing transforms us” (MJ, p.217). The same way in Tbosas (p.28), Snow’s thoughts when seeing Lucy Gray on stage during her reaping were that “Singing transformed her”, and that he “no longer found her so disconcerting.” 

3/ Snow’s dislike for old songs 

Now in the prequel, we get to see that Snow doesn’t like the old songs, and prefers the recent ones : 

“Some of the numbers bordered on unintelligible, with un-familiar words that Coriolanus struggled to get the gist of, and he remembered Lucy Gray saying that they were from another time. During these in particular, the five Covey seemed to turn in on themselves, swaying and building complicated harmonies with their voices. Coriolanus didn’t care for it; the sound unsettled him. He sat through at least three songs of this kind before he realized it reminded him of the mockingjays. Fortunately, most of the songs were newer and more to his liking, and they finished up with the one he recognized from the reaping…” (Tbosas, p.286) 

Old songs, like “Clementine” or “The ballad of Barbara Allen” are older than Panem. They existed centuries before what caused the almost extinction of human beings in the story. Despite the loss of billions and the destruction of technologies, cities…and freedom, poetry and songs are passed down generation from generation. With them, a part of history. 

Bluegrass “was born from the creativity of working class and impoverished Southerners, Appalachians, and immigrants”, and how can I not think of District 12 when I hear Hazel Dickens sing about coal miners, and how can I not think of Katniss when I listen to country song “Coal miner’s daughter” now ? These old tunes (from bluegrass, blues, folk or country music) sometimes talk about slavery, poverty, workers’ life, hard times, but also hope and resilience. They show survival. And they also set an example of worlds existing before Panem. And in my opinion, this is why Snow doesn’t like them. 

Just imagine if thanks to the songs and lyrics, people knew some parts of what happened before Panem, if they knew the atrocities committed, the wars, revolutions, and struggles. They may not know a thing about the civil rights movement but still have songs about it, like “We shall overcome”. Even songs which have ancient names are rebellious to the Capitol, think of “Country roads”, “My native home”, “West Virginia, my home”, “Sunny Tennessee” or “You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive”. Think of all the songs and ballads telling the stories of people long dead like Joe Hill or Ira Hayes that may have survived. Cause as Rachel Baiman sings, “old songs never die, they just cry and cry out for you to sing them once again”

And it’s neither in the books nor in the movies, so it’s not canon, but in the fan movie where Katniss is a child and goes to the woods with her dad, there are these lines : 

Her dad (D) : “Because what’s in the woods ?” K : “Weapons, and food and mockingjays, and…” D : “All of it exists without the Capitol.” K : “Freedom.” D : “Freedom.”

And I believe that’s the reason for Snow's specific hatred for old songs. Also, the fact that when the Covey sung these, it made him think of mockingjays is telling. I keep thinking there must be an explanation for that, perhaps it's because the mockingjays are creatures who escaped the Capitol’s control just like traditional American music did ; because mockingjays represent a way out of the Capitol’s dictatorship later becoming a symbol of hope and revolt, and old songs can hold the same power.

What Shoes to Wear with Flares This Fall

vegan scones were made. dishes were not.

So uh... Starlo, huh?

Please Ryan just give me a chance 🙏🙏

Sunday girl

(Source : https://www.instagram.com/talariafootwear/)

so much has happened that I feel like we are super glossing over the I am my own muse debut

while only a minority share this view, i do find it somewhat tone deaf when people claim jay's ending is the best outcome for an abuse survivor -- either directly or indirectly implying everyone in the holt house was an abuser that jay, their sole little victim, had to get away from. for starters, none of his endings are happy ones. not even the fugitive path where he's holed up amongst nature, has a dog, and is bathed in solitude. maybe if you close your ears to what jay's saying during that scene you could see this as good for him, but his dialogue is stifled with an achingly loneliness, a sadness. this idea that he craved being alone in the wilderness is not one jay paints himself, it's only something that's said by tyler ; someone who clearly doesn't understand the younger on any level, much less grasps his desires. yes, jay wanted out, he likes nature, though no human can stew in their own space for years without this affecting them mentally. and that's not even taking into account that his entire life is over! he can't travel, he can't visit other countries or get lost in other areas of wood lands or plains, jay is infinitely stuck where he is. it's not a prison cell but it's a cage nonetheless, as the old saying goes : a golden cage is still a cage, after all. he tells zoe these beautiful sights have grown dull on him, laments about missing his family, vanessa, and is so chained by his want for connection he reaches out to a desert dream victim of all people. like, what about this muted cynicism, this barren home, seems happy? maybe he wanted this, some whimsical dream of this, before. now though? it's not what jay thought it'd be, and he lacks any power to change it. this is not some amazing ending for abuse survivors, it's still sad in a melancholy way, simply because jay is visibly unhappy with said circumstances.

but moving on to this, ah, ‘poor little victim in a lion's den’ narrative ... what? i think a lot of people fail to grasp how complex the holt household is in terms of toxicity and abuse. something that's very common nowadays due to how much people project rather than see what's in front of them. and don't get me wrong! projection is fine, you do you, we all consume and parse through media differently -- but this narrative is, by canon evidence, rather fictional. to be completely blunt, jay is not the only victim stuck in the holt house ?? the abusers have always been bear ( physical abuse, verbal degradation ) and sharon ( passive in the face of her kids' abuse, emotional manipulation ) ... and we are literally told point blank by the story itself and another character that these two favored jay immensely compared to their other children. now i'm obviously not saying that he has not faced trauma, he has! favoritism in a house like this does not shield you from the toxicity, sometimes that favor makes things worse, but he was protected to an extent, in ways tyler and dale were not. those two very clearly faced the brunt of bear's physical abuse ; for each other, for jay, and just overall caught their dad's ire more because they stood up to him. tyler takes a beating, a sight that's not at all new by his grim acceptance of this and the fact he states he's been doing this since young :

so, this is normal for tyler. getting beaten by his dad ( which isn't even mentioning the horror story bear can tell to ash, about how he literally threatened to cut tyler's ear or finger off ) and having his mom overall turn a blind eye to it, even going as far as to dismiss this fighting as childish behavior rather than what it is. and dale? we don't see much of him and bear in general, yet the second he steps up to defend tyler, with something as measly as a shove back, bear wastes zero time in hitting him so hard he's practically out of commission for the rest of the fight. he didn't even think about it, merely swung at dale as hard as possible on instinct alone before tyler hastily stepped up to defend him. what happens when jay tries stopping the fight, though?

both parties grab for him so they can toss him out of the way so he doesn't possibly get hurt. you can speculate bear was only doing this in order to finish his punishment on tyler, he'd deal with jay later whatever, although why not punch him like dale? why, out of all the moves on his belt, does he do the more merciful option? bear, who is nothing if not made of violence and has been molded to respect it? his fist that's raised in the air isn't for jay, since the next frame is jay shoved out of the way and him hitting tyler again ... hell, in dialogue where bear and jay are sitting on their porch, the youngest can even say bear beats on tyler and dale specifically. why not say “you beat on us”? like, the game is heavily implying that while jay is traumatized, there are some methods of abuse he simply did not face. one of them being the physical abuse prominent at home. and no, i'm not counting whatever pranks dale's pulled on jay ( like shooting him six times with a bb gun lmao ) because honestly? that's just older brother behavior, and we know that despite the morbid pranks, he still looked out for jay in the ways that counted. like protecting him from pa and to an extent tyler, something which, again, jay says himself!

back on topic a bit, the notion people seem to have of jay and his family seems overly simplified to me. people just looked at dale being his usual asshole self and went ‘abuser’, people looked at tyler's rather drastic and not usually like himself reactions to a high stress situation and went ‘abuser’, and that's a bit ridiculous to me. can't say i'm shocked! since so many people nowadays just see someone mean to their favorite character and decide woobifying said fave while demonizing their opposing force is exactly what canon intended. as dusk falls couldn't be a game more clear about it's main theme of family and the fact there's no purely good or bad people in this world, two statements that correspond directly to the holt family. are they bad for each other? probably! but that's a different discussion compared to, say, every single soul in that house violently abused poor jay and they should reap the consequences of that. dale and tyler, like their beloved younger brother, are also victims of abusive parents and a toxic home life. in turn, they both show signs of this abuse in ways that aren't entirely sympathetic or easy to swallow, especially when they've been dealing with it longer than jay and have never had their parents' favor the way he did. i see people get angry at tyler for the famous cabin scene, but nobody turns a critical eye to sharon ; who for all intents and purposes is watching this unfold without a care. she never physically stops tyler and her attempts to kill the fight are weak compared to her previously steely commands. and, honestly, the fact that tyler was that stressed about sharon getting on that bike so she can be protected, when she's the most capable out of the three of them, is way more strange than tyler's outburst -- when he's in a high stress situation, his baby brother's dead, and his life as he knows it is over. a life he didn't even have to begin with, since it was stolen due to his abusive upbringing.

whether this excuses what he did or not is entirely up to the player! i personally don't think it does, though i also understand where this is coming from and the game makes it clear this is not usual tyler behavior. throughout other people's views it's hammered into us that tyler has a cool head relatively, is the most sensible and smart out of his brothers. so, no, i do not think he was choking jay out all the time for his misplaced resentment -- i think his obvious disliking came from his stilted interactions with jay, and his lack of bond with him at all. we see in book one two times he reaches out to jay, demanding that he eats ( a minor, small thing to fret and worry about ) as well as panicking when he sees jay away from the rest of them during a shoot out. dale constantly looks out for jay as well, going as far as to take the heat from romero if they get caught and something as small as taking blame for jay's mistake in the barn scene. are his brothers more prone to violence and apathy? sure! yet they clearly love jay regardless. abusive households are not easy and see through. in fact in many cases the different levels of abuse the kids suffer does breed life altering resentment later on, envy that can damage these bonds permanently. honestly the holt family intrigues me deeply because of how well written they were as a unit, the effects of abuse and toxicity subtle and not overt in a ‘psa message’ kinda way. and these horrible relationships and ideals shared do not negate from the even more horrible fact that there is love in this messed up family, even bear clearly loves his sons, but that doesn't make it better. it almost makes it worse, seeing all the good intentions and care. knowing it doesn't excuse what they've done to each other nor does it make them better. they're a picture perfect family of an ugly wound! which is fascinating! i only wish more people saw that wonderfully shown depth rather than this bland and lukewarm take on the holts overall.

jay is a victim, he is traumatized, he deserved to one day spread his wings and put some distance between himself and his family ... but he was not the only one who deserved that ending, and he was not the only victim there. he was merely the only one with easy to parse trauma responses.

due to Certain Events (pipe leak in the basement) i was not able to post about this earlier but i will do it now

so in my dream last night i was in target (the version of target i see in my dreams anyway. it looks nothing like my local target) and i was looking around in the clothing section and there was a bunch of folie à deux merch there for some reason? i remember a purple shirt with a picture of the album cover on it and then a red shirt that also had the album art on it but the one that stood out to me was a shirt that looked a lot like a pajama shirt that i have except it was not meant to be a pajama shirt and also had a zip-up collar. it was off-white colored and it had thin dark stripes and there were song lyrics embroidered on the center of the shirt in green thread. i noticed that at least two of the words were comically misspelled. in my dream i recognized them as lyrics from a song on folie à deux but i couldn't remember which one (i think in the dream i might've thought it was w.a.m.s.??), and the only two words i can remember seeing in my dream were "angel" and "cjke" (cjke being one of the misspelled words)

idk i just thought that was silly. my subconscious-generated fall out boy merch with misspelled nonexistent lyrics

I think the time has finally come for me to re-enter my clog era.

*grabs the boys at my uni by the ear and drags them to the nearest restroom*: Okay, time for your restroom etiquette lesson!