#except. she avoids me and all of our friends for weeks bc she is (rightfully) stressed abt school
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i want to speak into the void so bad rn
#fuck it we’re doing it in the tags if u see me oversharing no u don’t#mari is irrelevant#basically. for a lot of first semester i thought i had a small crush on one of my best friends bc she was being very touchy w me#and i liked it and objectively she’s hot and has a great personality and was recently single so i was like this is great#but i didn’t say anything to her abt it bc she had been dating her ex a long time so i wanted to give her time plus she kept talking abt how#she wanted to do casual stuff with all of these people and i was like oh i’m one of her best friends it will be Weird if it’s me#but then she almost hooked up w another one of our best friends. it didn’t happen but it was close#and i was like oh ok cool shoot my shot time maybe?? maybe not??#and again every time we would hang out as a group she would be very physically affectionate to me more so than anyone else#aside from her roommate whom she is very very close to but is straight#but i didn’t do anything again bc she started seeing this guy around halloween#so i was like ok let me be respectful she literally stayed with him over holiday break#plus i had met a couple other people that were hot so i was like this is fine i’ve got options#but then like for the superbowl another friend through a party and she said it was an open relationship and i was like Oh Cool#and then. she gets very drunk and ends up kissing multiple people at the party#i am one of the people. it is my first kiss#and i freak out bc i’m like oh my god i did not like that why was it so wet why don’t i like it more if i have a crush on this person wtf#so i’m like ok cool crush over back to friendship#except. she avoids me and all of our friends for weeks bc she is (rightfully) stressed abt school#and then the next time i see her again she is Very Very physically affectionate w me#like sits on my lap hand in my hair stroking my cheek w her thumb saying she missed me and she loves me and it was very overwhelming#and i was like oh. ok crush not gone bc we could literally kiss rn#AND EVEN ONE OF MY FRIENDS POINTS IT OUT AND MAKES THE JOKE LOL ARE U GOING TO KISS AGAIN#and then throughout this party she keeps bringing up the fact that she was my first kiss#and at one point i think she even said something abt “if u ever want practice let me know” which. GIRL.#and then. AND THEN. she announces AT THIS PARTY that her relationship is no longer open.#meaning i have again waited too long and fucked around too much and now i have to wait for them to break up.#which i have no idea if that will even happen any time soon given her track record in relationships.#AND IM SUPPOSED TO HAVE A COFFEE DATE W MY HOT NEIGHBOR TOMORROW BUT THIS IS ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT.#god FUCKING damnit.
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