Tumgik
#everytime I draw something my brain worries might be too dumb I have to tell myself 'well I thought it funny'
jeeaark · 5 months
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Greygold: Hey Shadowheart, do you know a way I can get Lae'zel to be more open to sharing? In general o-of course-
Shadowheart applying another layer of lipstick: Say no more Bu, I gotchu
But look. LOOOK. As a first playthrough, sometimes the insatiable need to explore and experience as much as possible happens. So let's just say that became Greygold's uhhhhh. Let's call it ~a character flaw~
Nobody is perfect, not even Greygold. Sometimes. Relationships can get bumpy! and confusing!
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dangan-imagine-plus · 3 years
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kokichi x Curvy! Tall! reader pt2
kk so this one is looong overdue, i kinda didn't have the energy to finish it after 5 paragraphs, but I finally got it done so sorry anon, and it might not be as fluffy as imagined but mind imagines this situation the most. -mod ouma
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Would it really be worth it to go, would it be safe, with Kokichi you could never know. Right now you were thinking of whether or not it's actually practical to go. He didn’t even give a time, when you were supposed to go, you really can’t tell. Doubts flooded your mind, was the master of deceit just playing with feelings, going so long without reassurance was playing on your brain.
That however was a thing no one would ever know. Kokichi is someone you can never be sure about with anything, nevertheless you got ready to go to his lab the next day, curious but still on guard. You did your hair, got changed and made sure you smelled nice. 
The hallways seemed longer than usual, time slowing as all possible outcomes played in your head. Kokichi was all that was on your mind- *bamn*, you ran into tenko. Tenko held her head and slightly growled at the pain, “Stupid degenerate ma-, Y/N!! Oh I’m so so sorry, my fault. You look amazing by the way, stunning!!” 
“Ah, Tenko! Thank you, are you ok?” You said. “O-of course, I’m sorry for making you feel worried. Where are you going? let me protect you from degenerate men.” This was a dangerous topic, surely if Tenko knew you were going to Kokichi’s ultimate lab, she would do something to avert you, and either lecture you or try to hurt Kokichi.
“It’s okay Tenko, why are you out anyway?” changing the topic. “To see Himiko of course, I wanna learn how to do cute mage girl spells like her!!!” This conversation was dragging on a tad bit, so you had to wrap it up with a clever closing statement. “I’m sure you’d be an amazing mage, thank you for trying to protect me but I am not going far and am confident I’ll be safe.”
Tenko, happy with that answer, let you go and you two went your own separate ways. With her gone, your mind was left back to wonder what Kokichi had planned for this meeting. That was until someone pulled you round one of the pillars and pulled you along, your hand in theirs, it didn’t take long however for you to recognise the dark to pink ombre hair. “Kokichi, what the hell! You’re going too fast, slow down.”
He turned around for a second, “Nah~” and then upped his pace. You two stopped outside Kokichi’s lab, he let go of your hand, turned around and lent on the wall “I’ve been waiting forever, geez took ya long enough, slowpoke.” like the male had never dragged you along and instead stood there the whole morning.
You were in a slight shocked state and also breathing heavily, so you couldn’t talk. Kokichi took this to his advantage and opened the door with an overly exaggerated butler-like pose. You walked in and took in the sight of his lab, you’ve never seen before. “W-wow, This is so… COOL!” You ran around the room looking at practically everything, leaving a laughing Kokichi, although he got slightly frustrated when you paid no attention to him.
As you were inspecting the throne He grabbed you by the hand and spun you around to face him, making you both fall onto the chair, him sitting either leg besides you in your lap. Kokichi got up real close and personal, finally addressing why you were there. “Not gonna lie ,for once, I didn’t think you’d care enough to come, well I kinda dragged you, but I knew you were headed here anyway, nishishi.”
He paused “Look, I like you, believe it or not~ that’s your choice, I’m afraid. The biggest issue with that is, you don’t like you, so I brought you here to show you everything I love about your body.” he got your face in his hands and slightly smushed your cheeks. “Your face is beautiful and your eyes draw me in so much, like freakin’ magnets. I like that I can squish your face between my hands, it’s just soooo god damn cute!!!”
Kokichi got up and pulled you with him to a hidden mirror in one of the walls. Both of you were seen him pointing at your body in the mirror “Look, sure (sarcastic voice incoming) You’re taller than me and you think that I don’t like that.” He turned you towards him, “but let me tell you crackerjack, I really don’t care and if you ask me-” leaning up to whisper in your ear “I think it’s super sexy~” getting back down changing expressions extremely fast and walking aimlessly around the room.
“It just makes me soo sad when I hear that you don’t like your perfect body…” stopping at a halt and turning to face you. “I mean, we can’t have a potential candidate for my partner in crime, my second in command being unconfident.” then he walked back to where you were still standing, letting him talk. “Y’know if my secret organization were here we’d have a whole meeting about how amazing you are, all 10.000 of us nishishi.”
“Kokichi, I’m not amazing, I mean I’m fat, and especially in a country where being skinny is an extremely important beauty definer. Aren’t you embarrassed to be seen with me?” Kokichi seemed unsurprised yet, his head dropped shadows now covering his hidden face, and he grabbed your hands. “Nishishishishi” His head popped back up with a big smile on his face. “Are you fucking dumb? No no, you’re Kaito, Miu or Gonta, you think I care what people will say nishishi.” “I love it, I love all of it. You are like a human pillow, do you understand how many people strive to be beautiful only to not realise that nobody’s opinion actually matters but their own.”
“Kokichi…” but he wouldn’t let you speak. “If I have to do it I’ll go through EVERY body part and prove to you that it’s beautiful. Crackerjack, let me make you a deal, everytime you say something bad about your body, I’ll pull a prank on you, buuut if you say something good I’ll reward you.” you got kind of confused “what’s the reward?”
His face slightly burning up but nonetheless pretending that it's not happening. Kokichi put his hands on your hips in a suggestive manner (idrk) and said “That’s a special surprise crackerjack.” He pulled his scarf up to hide his face. His and your face darkening. “Anyway I think I should do supreme leader stuff now, doesn’t mean I’ll leave you alone, just means I have evil plans to get on with.” He ushered you out the door, still trying to hide the evidence the thoughts he was having were less than family friendly and sent you on your way, half confused, half hot and bothered and fully ready to try to love yourself despite what the world had to say.
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amnachil · 5 years
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The College Society Chapter 2 Part 2
And the next part is here !
Liam Sunday December 3
"You're free handsome, you can leave."
These words were sweet to his hear. After several hours serving customer, Judy finally let him go. (Of course Liam was glad to be serving and not taking care of the dishes anymore, but he met an old lady really strange who tried to touch his ass and he got a little scared). (She tried twice at least).
"You did well by the way." continued his boss. "I mean you only forgot five orders... That's a day to remember !"
The young lad frowned. He did not. (Ok, maybe he did). His coworkers called him "the lost waiter" for a reason... By the way, he wasn't sure to be useful for business.
"There's someone waiting for you outside." she concluded. "See you next week."
Kinda curious, Liam changed and headed towards the door. Surprisingly, it was Nick. That's new. Usually, he's playing video games at this hour. The dark-haired lad was wearing a fluffy jacket and black jeans. When he saw his roommate, he smiled.
"Hey bud'."
"Hey." greeted Liam. "What's going on ?"
He knew something was odd. The geek never went out of their flat without a good reason. And he just smiled, which was unusual since Rebecca and him had argued. And he got this little twitch when he wanted something. (Liam felt proud of himself. He was a real spy when he decided to). (Or just a good friend, but whatever).
"Nothing in particular." answered Nick. "Let's walk for a bit, please ?"
"Uh, okay."
Then, they became silent. At start, Liam just watched his friend. But then, his eyes got caught by a weird trash can on the other side of the street. It looked broken. I wonder who did that... Maybe Nick ? (He then remembered what he did, like three months ago, and he just blushed). Anyway, they  arrived at their building, but Nick just continued straight ahead.
"I'm not in the mood to listen to Rebbie and her boyfriend fuck." he complained. "Come on, let's go to the fastfood at the corner. I'm hungry".
Liam was honestly sleepy (like almost every night). (Or maybe everytime ?). However, he had also zero willpower. (You could ask him to dance naked in the street, he would do it). (Thinking about it, maybe not).
"Dude, are you coming or not ?" asked his roommate. "Stop looking at the sky like this, it's freaky".
Once inside, Nick ordered two burgers and some fries, and they sat far away the other customer. For a short time, they remained silent again. Liam nearly fall asleep. (Once he started to close his eyes, he had a really hard time resisting).
"So what's the deal ?" asked suddenly Nick. "Between you and this girl ?"
"You mean Judy ?"
"Not your boss silly, Colton's girlfriend. I saw you watching her. I mean, normally you're not looking something or someone in particular, just... dreamin'. But each times she's around, it's different. Have you a crush on her ? Cuz Nate let me thought you weren't... interested in girl anymore ya know ?"
Liam's brain took in the information. He's talking about Barbara. Dude his friend was more observant than he believed. He's always playing with his gameboy, but he saw that... I wonder if everyone else know too. But the truth was... Liam just failed to talk with Barbara. He just chickened out and ran under his blanket each time he tried to approach her.
"I'm not in love with her." belied the young lad. "I just happen to know her from highschool... But can we not talk about it ? Like we're not talking about you running away from our appartment because there are zombies in it."
(It was Liam's conclusion. Nick would only left if he mistakenly summoned undead). (But the unicorns would save the day). His friend stared at him, stunned.
"Man, you're so weird. I honestly don't understand how you're functioning. Anyway, I was just a bit angry at myself for stuff... But now it's ok. Let me finish this and we can go back, I can tell you're dead on your feet."
Rebecca Monday December 4
All the weekend, she had sensed something bad would happen. She had thought it was about sport, and couldn't find what the hell she had been missing. But now, she remenbered. The fucking group project. It was due for today, and they didn't finish it. Rebecca woke up panicked. She barely noticed Emilio who was still sleeping, and got dressed hella fast. Then, she rushed her neighbor's flat. Please, be awake. It's in one fucking hour. Please be awake. She couldn't afford to have a bad grade. Rebecca knocked so hard on the door that she probably woke up the whole floor. But Liam and Nick weren't answering. Those bloody sleepy heads ! She rushed towards the closest library. Let's hope I can do something by myself. She tried to call Colton, but he didn't ansewer either. Damnit. Rebacca was almost there when she ran into Matthew.
"Hey girl !" he shouted. "Where are you heading so fast ?"
"I forget to finish a group paper. I'm sorry but I need to go."
"Oh come on, that's no big deal." he replied ironically. "Stop being so serious about everything. You're already a star athetle, why do you need to study in the first place ?"
She stopped for a sec and looked at him. What a dumb question. My parents want me to. It's for my future.
"C'mon girl." Matthew laughed. "I mean, wouldn't you be better if you only trained ? And you really could use some free time for yourself. You got a bad reputation in the campus to be honest."
"What ? Why ?"
"Well, you're trying to be the best runner, the best swimmer, the best student and all... It's kinda obvious people don't like it. Oh, and your boyfriend got a lot of women after him aswell. They hate you."
Rebecca didn't knew what to say. People hated her... because she tried to be perfect ? What the hell ? Maybe that's the reason why Nick is so raging lately... He simply was jealous of her success.
"Anyway, it's always nice to talk with you, but I should hurry." stated Matthew. "Chelsea's waiting for me at the coffee shop."
Rebecca nodded and watched him draw away. Weird. After everything he did, I thought he just hated me but... now he's nice. Maybe he's trying to make it up on his behavior.
The young girl tried her best on the group project. Sadly, it wasn't enough at all. She headed towards the class quite depressed. Matthew's words were still making her think. And she feared the bad grade incoming. When she entered in the room, she looked at Colton, Liam et Nick. The first one looked a bit stressed too.
"We are screwed guys." he admitted while she sat. "We didn't finish the paper. In fact, we barely did it at all."
"We had a paper ?" asked Liam.
They all looked at him. That guy will turn me crazy one day. Did he know they had exams coming soon ? How the hell he managed to go to college exactly ?
"In fact, you're worried for nothing." assured Nick. "Because while you were all doing god know what, the genius I am did the project. Alone."
He gave it to the teacher with a smile.
"Don't thank me fellows." he added. "I know Rebbie doesn't like to thank people who saved her ass anyway."
She opened her mouth, but nothing came to her mind. He had all the rights in the world to be mad. And she should say something, she knew that. But his provoking look enraged her. Damnit. The runner girl was too proud. She just ignored him. And felt hella bad about it.
Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Wednesday December 6
The lad moaned. On the screen, the girl just pronounced his name in such a positive way. Bloody hell she had a sensual voice. With the remote, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey rewound. Oh damn, that was so hot. Yeah, Amber, the chearleader captain, had a beautiful voice. He sped up the video until he saw Zack Jonhson. This one murmured his name. Hell. That's something. Zack had a special tone. Especially when he said "Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey". He just whispered each syllabe with so much passion. The Dean's grandson listened it again. And again. Eventually, he came with a satisfied grunt. That was so good. A bit awkward, but so good anyway.
"Hey Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey !" hailed Summer through the door of his appartment. "Are you in there dude ?"
Well, she didn't pronounced his name like in the video, this bitch. She was way more submissive in bed. The blond lad adjusted his boxers and closed his zipper. He didn't bothered put a shirt, and opened the door.
"What do you want ?"
Stupid cow. She had gained some weight since she had become the head of the student. Just, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey had nothing against some chub. In fact, he could like it in some people. But this dummy ? She was uglier everytime he saw her.
"You asked me to tell you when the swimmers started their training." she reminded him. "Well they just started. And wow there are some cuties among them. Theo kept his card close to his chest."
She was definitely lusting after those guys. Such a pathetic predator. She was a collector, she couldn't handle the "break-up phase". And that was why she would be in troubles one day. But he didn't care, since he had already fucked her enough. He finally took a shirt, and headed towards the pool without even a glance for her.
When he arrived, he first heard Theo. That man had a strong voice. An unctuous one. He's a sneaky little bastard, but we had our greet time together. They ended it on a mutual agreement. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey then remarked Laura. The loyal girlfriend. That was a lovely weird story, honestly. Laura was deeply in love with Theo, even if she knew what he was doing. They had a sort of agreement, because he helped her back in times. It's cute, he loves her and fuck chubbies in the same time.
"Uh... Sorry but I need to get to the pool please. I'm already late."
Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey turned over and stared at his prey. Oh god, I'm in luck. It might even be too easy. He had done some research, and knew the boy's name was Liam. He was from the middle of nowhere. He had achieved highschool with an A-, and was now studying economics. He wasn't a scholarship holder, and he lived in a flat outside the main campus with one roommate. I also noticed he's from the same town than this cute soccer player... Muller. I like that boy, he's gifted. Anyway, it was time to start the hunt. And this braindead freshman didn't move yet. He was just looking... What the hell is he lookin' at exactly ?!
"I'm Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." the Dean's grandson introduced himself. "Nice to meet you."
The boy didn't answer. How come ? Is he that stupid ? Liam was tall, and ripped. Ripped as hell. Broad-shouldered, he had an impressive chest, and a blossoming six-pack. He was probably doing some cardio and muscle-development exercises as well as swimming. His face was kinda sexy. With chestnut hair, masculine feature, he had deep grey eyes, with a glint of blue. And his ass, that fucking ass made the hunter's cock hard in a second. But Liam seemed completely lost in his thoughts. I'm not being ignored by a little shitty swimmer. No way. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey kicked the lad in the leg. Gently of course. The freshman landed on Earth.
"What ? Did you say something ?" he asked.
"I'm Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey." repeated patiently the hunter.
"Hello. I'm Liam Strucker. Nice to meet you."
There was something really, really odd about his tone. He sounds completely high, but he isn't. In fact, he didn't seem stupid either. I thought he was but...
"Can I go to the pool now ?" asked Liam. "I should be doing lenghts by now."
"Yeah, just go."
The hunt would be harder than the Dean's grandson expected. I think I understood why Theo failed to pick up this guy. It'll be fun.
To be continued
Some develpment without weight gain I know but we’ll come to it ! So Liam and Damian finally met ! Let’s see if the hunter will succeed to have our dreamy boy in his bed !
Nick is an important character for the story, even if he hasn’t his own pov. He’s a nice guy, doing all the work alone and all. But what’s in his mind ? Maybe it is related to the little belly he’s denying ? ;)
In a month or so, I’ll start to post another long story at the same time (probably every saturday). It’s called To the perfection and the main characters are Thomas Muller and Dan Vince. It’ll feature a lot of pining, kinky desires and weight gain.
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activatingaggro · 6 years
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needle in the thread (trying to get you out of my head)
NANAKO BONJOU | 8.3 sweeps / 18 years old
lang kheh, red light district
(3,070 words)
The air is heady with incense and the scent of too many trolls when you duck inside the small building.
This is the one thing you'll give it: past that doorframe, the ceiling is high enough that your horns don't go scraping on the rafters. But that's the only thing. It's mood lighting as far as the eye can see, little bulbs of red too dull for the empress's blade bobbing in the darkness, and drawing it all the deeper for their efforts. There's stalls as far as the eye can see in the plaza, stretching from wall to wall, and the owners eyes glint red as you walk by each.
You hate going into places like this, for a hundred different reasons. There's too many bodies, for one - it feels like there's a hundred smells tugging at your nose, sweat, and salt, and blood all bandying to be heard, the rank smell of too many people in one space barely covered by the candles burning at each stall. Every time someone jostles you, or touches you, it feels like the smell lingers, just a little more. There's too many bodies.. and there's too many people, because it's all you can do to draw your coat tighter, pull your sleeves longer.
When someone comes close enough that their horns scrape against yours, without even so much as a pardon, you have to grit your teeth not to lash out.
There's too many people, here. There's too many smells, and there's too much noise, washing over you like a gust of the simoom, a thousand little sounds digging into your patience and flaying it raw. There's just too much of everything, and you're scarcely a minute in, but your breath is already trying to catch. You hate coming in here. The red light market of Lang Kheh is one of the worst places on the planet, and you're not even allowed, anyway - if your instructors knew where you were right now -
They'd slap a nullifier on your hide, just to flay you alive.
But they don't, and it doesn't matter how much you hate it, because you're not here for you. Hdijah loves the market, more than she loves anything else in the entire world, and Hdijah is the one that forgot the both of you have an exam in the morning.
Luckily, there's only a handful of stalls she goes to, and at this time of day, only one of them is still open.
Your stomach curls when the stall vendor smiles at you, ears lifting in recognition. "Morning, lah," he says, pleased. He's got a rickshaw spot across half his face, bloomed blue with blood colour just short of teal. It's the sort of thing you shouldn't care about, not really, and you wouldn't of, before the academy. But things rub off, no matter how bad you feel about it later. "Back again so soon? Was not expecting -"
"Not here for me, abang. Looking for friend." You don't bother to smile. He knows you by now, and the last time you'd tried, he'd laughed at you, asked if you were going to get sick on him.
His stall is one of the largest ones in the market. The shelves reach higher than he can, and he's not a small man. Even with his horns shaved down to the scalp, he's bigger than you. (And you'd been so surprised, the first time you'd spotted them. Thought only criminals did that, you'd whispered to Hdijah, later, and she'd laughed, and laughed, and laughed until she'd wept from it.)
You make a noise to stop him, but he doesn't pay you any mind as he scrambles on his step ladder. There's bottles stacked on the shelves, each labelled in a variant of Standard that you can't read in this poor lighting, but the one he grabs is small, nearly flourescent. When he drops back down to the counter, he holds it up with a flourish, and it shines in the red light. "Have something for jades," he says, grinning at you. He's got flat teeth like a hoofbeast, unnaturally even, and when he sees the way your eyes linger on them, his grin widens.
"Ha! Like them? Had them filed, mah jie. Cousin down row." He leans forward, klacks them together with a sound that makes you flinch. "Could bite right through bone, now," he says, smug. "You want stall number? Could give discount -"
"Going back now," you say instead, and dart past him, and behind the curtain to the rest of his stall, ignoring his forlorn okay lor behind you.
There's curtains separating each little room of his business. You have to push past three, murmuring apologies and keeping your eyes ahead of you, before you find Hdijah.
She looks different everytime you see her. The only way that you can recognise her, sometimes, is the way that her psionics make your horns itch, like a burr right in their bedrock: her psi is strong enough that it aches when it latches onto your pan, but the irritation's a familiar one, by now. She'd told you it was worse for lower castes, once, and you could believe it. There's a reason you're the only lowblood who'll talk to her.
Several reasons.
She's lying on a bed, a troll half asleep, and sprawled across her. She's been braiding their hair, fingers tangled in the middle of a weave, and she scarcely looks up when you come in. Then her face brightens, all at once, and she practically jerks. "Nana," she cries, pleased. "What're you doing here?"
Tonight, her face's as jade as your own. Her nose is sleek and broad, her lips full, and her eyes are soft, heavily-lidded, with eyelashes so thick that you can barely see the colour underneath them. She's pretty, in short, and suddenly you feel awkward and under-dressed, despite the fact she's in little more than a t-shirt.
You can't keep your eyes on her face. So you settle them on her horns, instead. They're curling out tonight, in a big, spiral mess that'd cause her neck to snap, if they were real. You're not sure if it's the troll in her lap that's drawing that image out, or someone else in the building, but..
"Came to get you for exams, leh," you sniff, "but see was wrong. Fuck files, should have brought file. Someone watching too many vids?"
"i thought they were cute," she protests, mild. "Look at them. You could hang dangles from them!"
"Could stab eye out with them, yeah?"
"If you want to get gory. I don't know why you scimitars are always like this. But - ah - come here! Sit down!" She shifts, pats the side of the cushion next to her. You squint at it, and then her. "You might be a little in my lap," she says, apologetic, "but I've still got this room for another two hours. We could get some honey - well, no, I could get some honey, and you could get some juice - and just talk, this fellow's not waking up for a few hours, I think -"
You huff, running a hand through your hair. You'd cut it, recently, and the new shortness still bothers you: there's no strands to work your fingers through, really, just.. tufts. "No can do," you tell her. "Why act so blur, girl? Said already, exams. Need to go hive, get some sleep, lor."
"I'm still going to exams. I'll be there before first bell, don't worry -"
"Stinking of honey?" You lean forward, give a sniff. It's not as bad as you'd expected, but it's still there: the chemical tang of mind honey, so sweet that it borders on painful. "Will hit you with hose, lor, then put in brig. No good, Hdijah, no good! Who I cheat off of then? Have me copying Tuyuut?"
"Tuyuut barely literate, siao," you sniff. "Lusus write better than him, eh, each one!"
When she laughs, no matter what she looks like, it's always the same way: the skin bunches under her eyes, her cheeks push all the way up, and she cackles, in a ripple that goes all the way from the bottom of her belly up.
"You could manage without me," she argues, when she's done. "And don't be cruel to yourself, Nana, I love you. You know you're not dumb."
Easy for a torrent to say, you nearly sniff, but you hold off. You don't want to fight with her, no matter how much the scent in the air's starting to get to you. You've never wanted to fight with Hdijah, not even when it's so easy to prickle your other program members. It's just this place. You've never liked this many people around! It's better here, in the markets, then it is in the institute, at least: it doesn't really matter if people judge you, here. But it's one thing to know that, and another thing to remember, when there's a hundred bodies pushing in.
The curtain doesn't quiet the chatter of the other stalls that much. Or..
"Hdijahhh." Time to try another tactic. You pout at her, biting your lip. "Came all the way here to get," you say, just short of a whine. "Come with, yeah? Can come back to shady stall later, liao, listen to people, um - pail?" You glance side-long at the farthest curtain.
She does, too, wrinkling her nose as she takes it in. "Pile," she tries, but there's enough doubt in the word that even she pauses. ".. pile?"
"Pail," you huff. "Listen to shady strangers pale, pile with weird fellows, can do all that on own time. Could do at home, too. Come to my dorm, leh, stay day, have to listen people pailing all time, have special broom just for it. And not dumb, maybe, but not smart as you! Need to go home, study," you emphasize, "but look this, am out retrieving you, instead."
"I have make-up exams, least. Doesn't matter if study! Am not here for brains, leh, what they care if dumb? But you all brains. What you got, if you go failing? Will have to leave the program, Hdijah." You jam your hands in your pockets. "Not good," you finish up. "Not good at all."
You don't usually have to convince her like this. Usually, she's not hesitant at all; by the time you come to get her, the handfuls of times you've had to, she's been agreeable enough. Hdijah doesn't want to fail, anymore than you do, even if her reasons run different than yours.
You think. She won't tell you too much about herself. You don't even know what she looks like, under her psi, but that's fine: sometimes, you're not sure she does, either.
Usually, you don't have to convince her.. but she's hesitating now, looking down at the fellow instead of at you. Her hair's too short to fall in her face, but the candle on the table nearby is finally banking. The red light flickers on her, deepening the yellow of her face, turning the shadows darker.
"I think," she says, carding her fingers through their hair, ruining the braid that she'd only half-made, "maybe I want to leave, Nana."
She gets dressed readily enough after that. In silence: she doesn't have much else to say, no matter how much you nudge her. And you try. Her face's pale, though, and her lips are pinched tight.
By the time the two of you leave the marketplace, her psionics have shifted. She's back to the way you usually see her: violet-skinned, with rickshaw spots spackling her hide, with the long, tapered features that always make you pause. Her coat resettles on her thinner frame like it was made for it, the fur collar still tucked meticulously under her chin, and you know if you reached out to touch it, your pan would tell you it was real.
It's not, of course. None of her features are. Her pan tells you what you should see, and yours does all the work of fixing things until she fits.
But when you take a hold of her hand, you know the way her fingers twine between yours is real. "Hdijah," you plead, "talk to me." The air is cleaner out here. The fresh salt breeze feels like a blessing, after nearly an hour inside of the cramped marketplace, and the streets are nearly empty at this time of day. "Why you want to quit?"
Torrents can't quit. Even you know that.
She doesn't answer for the longest time. But it's a lengthy walk back to where you'd parked the ship. Lang Kheh is a fine enough city, for the area, but.. there's no point in leaving an IPC vehicle out, this close to the Hanhai, and Port Mina. No one looks fondly on imperial programs out here, not with Temasek looming in the distance like some great squid.
It's fine. You just have to wait for her answer, and take it in stride.
"Don't you ever want quadrants, Nana?" is what she finally says, though, and you do pause.
"Me?" You wrinkle your nose at her. "Why we talking about me?"
"Because I want them," she says, and pulls up short, tugging your hand so that you pause with her. Her eyes are very, very violet in the darkness, bright as the moon above. "I want quadrants, and I want a clade, and - and - I don't want it in, oh, what did you say? A shady market stand, where I'm listening to people pail." Her laugh is strained. "If you think I like that, I'm afraid I have to correct you. It's awful."
Hdijah's your closest friend in the corps. She's your only friend, in a lot of ways! You've always chafed at getting too near anyone else: you joined to get out of the caverns, not to form some new unit, and the idea that you had to, just because you'd joined, was one you'd fought against. You'd have your battery, someday, but until then, you didn't need anyone else.
But Hdijah had wormed her way into your affections, through bringing you perfumes, and dropping by with books, and stealing your lunch when you weren't looking, because she'd sat down at your table when you were gone. And..
It's striking you that you might be her closest friend, too, if she's telling you this. Because torrents can't have quadrants. You barely pay attention to the other branches, but even you know that.
"But you like the work?" You thread your fingers through hers, clasp your other hand on top of hers. It doesn't matter what temperature she really is. Your brain says that violets are cold, and so that's what you're feeling, radiating through the thin leather of her gloves.
"I adore the work," she says, thin. "But I like people more, Nana. That's the problem. The proctors can go pail my exambooks, because I can't -" She takes a shaky breath, runs her tongue over dry lips. "If it's people or work, I can't do it. I thought I could, but I can't."
".. don't see why you can't have quadrants, anyway." You squeeze her hands. "They say you can't, yeah, I know," you add, "but - go to markets, all shady, do your thing already. How they gonna know if you do it elsewhere? Say they're friends!" A beat. "Really close friends! What they gonna say, eh? Can't have friends?"
"Gonna hide cameras in apartment, prove you pailing? Nah. Creepy! Too creepy." She's too serious. You lean in, tipping your head to bump your horns against hers. Or bump them where they should be: you've seen her with them short too many times for the illusion to hold, and your horns cut straight through them.
Just like you'd hoped, she laughs.
"They might have better hobbies than that," she agrees, and your pumpbiscuit does an unhappy little lurch at the way it sounds clogged. "Do you think that'd work? Because you're not allowed to have quadrants. I don't think you're even supposed to pail, unless it's their choice."
"Don't think they care," you tell her, firm, and you're not sure if you're right, but it's what she needs to hear. She can't leave the program, anymore than you can. There's only one way out, even if your pan skirts every time you try to think about it, and you won't let her, no matter what it takes. "Just for appearances, yeah? Making a point! Don't flaunt it, leh, why they bother? Could pail me, could pail proctor, could pail half of campus, long as it not on lawn, or flashing rings, dunno why it matter."
She blinks at you.
"I mean," you add, "don't do that, leh. Unsanitary! For every reason, yeah? Catch diseases, spread diseases - give lawn diseases - no good, no good. Stick to third of campus, pass proctors. Better that way."
"And you," she says, tilting her head to the side. She's got a strange look on her face. "Don't forget that part."
".. um." Did you mis-step? Maybe you mis-stepped. From the way she's looking at you, you absolutely did, and you - oh, this is why you don't talk to people, on average, you always get it wrong. "Am part of campus, yeah? Just turn of phrase! Could have said lusus, said nah, girl, too gross, too much, but can take it back. Could pail Tuyuut? Don't pail Tuyuut, too mean, probably bites, leh, but - um - Alsike --"
She tugs her hand free. Your pumpbiscuit gives one big, great stutter, but then she's wrapping a hand around the back of your neck, pulling you in, and -
- oh.
Okay.
You didn't mis-step at all.
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