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#even for sixth form I really thought id be allowed to buy some new shirts or trousers or anything but guess what. nothing
thursdayg1rl
ยท
10 months
Text
i WILL have waist length hair by next year . no matter what
#im still angry she made me cut it in april
#a trim would have been fine but she made the hairstylist cut so much
#like I said 4 inches to her and then she was done but now she had to come and tell the poor lady to cut more
#actually think the hairstylist was on my side bc it really did not look like she cut that much
#it makes me so ANGRY like why does she feel entitled to control every part of my appearance
#I literally don't even feel like a person anymore
#saw this tiktok of a brown girl cutting her hair to her chin bc she was never allowed to cut it bc long hair is considered a sign of beauty
#and like. that's kind of messed me up ngl. bc while I feel bad. at least her mother wanted her to be beautiful...
#I can't even explain it but
#I can't wear nice clothes (the last time I was allowed to buy clothes was 3 fucking years ago) I always have to wear my cousins old ones
#even for sixth form I really thought id be allowed to buy some new shirts or trousers or anything but guess what. nothing
#there is nothing in my school wardrobe that hasnt been worn by 3 people before
#and like I can't style my hair differently than what I always do and im even judged for new outfit combinations
#she never gets me hair stuff even though I have the least manageable hair in the fucking universe
#and the only makeup im allowed to wear is what she gets me (tinted moisturiser that is actually awful)
#and then I look at my cousin and I have honestly never felt worse
#bc she literally goes out w a face full of makeup and she can get highlights in her hair and wear whatever she wants
#its crazy. and I can never say anything about it
#its so fucking embarrassing as well
#I just have to act like I don't care abt these things
#when we go to Azerbaijan for my cousins engagement im the only girl in the family who isn't wearing a dress
#bc she just had to insist that 'oh Alisha doesn't REALLY want a dress' and I just looked at her like. what.
#so now im wearing the ugliest trousers and weird smock type shirt imaginable god I feel sick thinking about it.
#lmao I can't stop crying abt this literally the stupidest thing in the world to cry about
#my ammi would never do this to me
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