Tumgik
#don't talk to me actually i'm sick thinking about this
sen-ya · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
part 5/7
is it silly that this is my favorite in this series? i really enjoyed writing kaya and I wanna do it again at some point :')
[op comic masterpost]
[pg1] panel 2: Kaya: Oh! Dr. Law! I didn't expect to find you in our library.
panel 3: Law: K-Kaya-ya!
panel 4: Law: Uh. Ahem. Excuse me. I hope you don't mind me borrowing your books.
panel 5: Kaya: Oh of course not! I'm just shocked to hear we have books you don't! What are you studying?
panel 6: Law: UHHHHH
[pg2] panel 10: Kaya: Oh! Is someone on your crew pregnant? Ikkaku??
panel 11: Law (thinking): She doesn't know Ikkaku is trans. Does she not know that I am?? I just assumed Nose-ya would have mentioned it. But that makes sense. If Straw Hat didn't already know Nose-ya was trans it's not like I would have told him.
panel 12: Kaya: ...?
panel 13: Law (thinking): Fuck, I've been quiet too long. I can't throw Ikkaku under to bus. Just say something.
panel 14: Law: No. Kaya: Oh. Then why...? Law (thinking): Wait, shit
[pg3] panel 15: Law: My, uh...brother...'s...wife. Yeah, we're taking him back to Zou soon...because his wife is pregnant...and I...want...to help...?
panel 16: Kaya: Oh, how sweet! Congrats "Uncle Law" hehe. If you have any questions I could help with let me know!! I specialized in traumatic injury, but I did deliver a few babies in Syrup Village! On smaller islands like that you wear a lot of hats.
panel 17: Law: And you've...been pregnant. Kaya: Well, yeah, but I wasn't my own doctor! Could you imagine if I had tried to deliver the twins myself? Even a doctor needs a doctor, you know that.
panel 18: Law: ...right.
panel 19: Law: ...what...what was it like?
panel 20: Kaya: Oh, my pregnant patients were actually pretty fun! I suppose it makes sense that as a pirate ship doctor you wouldn't have had to know obstetrics. But it was always so lovely to hand a parent their--
[pg4] panel 21: Kaya: ...newborn...baby...?
panel 23: Kaya: ...I'm sorry, Dr. Law. If there's context I need you'll have to give it to me. I'm not good at guessing.
panel 24: Law: What do you mean, I just gave you context. Kaya: With all due respect, you're full crying. It's a new sight for me!
panel 25: Kaya: You can tell me what's going on! I'm told I'm a very good listener
panel 26: Law: ...You Straw Hats sure are a pain Kaya: Sorry, hehe
panel 28: Law: ...I...ahem...so number one, if you didn't know...I'm...I'm trans.
panel 29: Law: But not like your husband. He got the works from Ivankov-ya...I never felt the need to seek that out.
[pg5] panel 30: Kaya: ...I see
panel 31: Kaya: How far along are you? Law: ..12 weeks, give or take. Kaya: Well, I've provided obstetric care of all kinds. So whatever questions you're researching here...why don't you ask me instead of being your own doctor?
panel 32: Law: ...Same question. What was it like?
panel 33: Kaya: Being pregnant was a horror show!
panel 34: Law: A glowing review. Kaya: Oh, sorry! I can lie if you'd prefer!
panel 35: Kaya: I was just so sick my first trimester! Law (speaking over her): KAYA-YA I THOUGHT I WAS DYING FOR TWO WEEKS WHEN WILL IT STOP I CAN ONLY EAT RICE.
panel 36: Kaya: It's different for everyone. By the end it wasn't quite so bad for me, though. And I love my kids so much. They were such cute newborns!! So I was alright being uncomfortable for awhile. Because that's what we wanted, you know?
panel 37: Kaya (off screen): What do you and Luffy want, Dr. Law?
[pg6] panel 38: Law: ...We haven't decided yet. We're giving it to the end of the week. I'm trying to think about it rationally. But I just keep getting emotional any time I talk about it. It's strange.
panel 39: Kaya: An emotional decision and a bad decision aren't inherently synonymous, you know.
panel 40: Law: ...your bedside manner is impeccable, Dr. Kaya-ya. Kaya: Well, thank you! Next time let's meet in the infirmary, mine or yours.
panel 41: Kaya: I'll be your doctor through this, okay?
panel 42: Law: ...Okay...Thank you. Kaya: Of course!
118 notes · View notes
Note
Idk if you're still taking requests but imagine one day Kazuha finds Creator's death note diary and finds a bunch of names. Realizing those are the people who killed the Creator before, he went "Ykw, I'm giving Our Holy One some therapy with the help of my friends" and kidnaps grabs Fischl, Mona, Xinyan, and finally you for an adventure-therapy or something something-
*cutely inserts Tomo breakdancing in Celestia*
PFFT that would be obviously hilarious and adorable.
I can definitely see the group having so much fun, probably telling stories of their lives that aren't mentioned in game. Maybe the creator also gaining information on how these specific characters views others. Like Mona's views of Fontaine or something.
Bonus if where they went was towards those summertime event islands.
But if we're considering Death Seeking Creator (I should probably make it known if those who send in asks don't want me to talk about Death Seeking please just tell me cause otherwise I'll just assume and we know what happens when assuming) though I don't think it would be possible considering he also was someone who killed the creator. Now I don't think he did it out of pure religious reasons, he's more level headed than that. He's someone who only kills "imposters" out of mercy, like Kaeya actually.
He makes it as quick and painless as possible, sometimes having done sneak attacks (so in the diary, the entries would only mention what the day as like before they write about them suddenly seeing darkness and then waking up in another nation). Not too mention the creator would use every single opportunity to experience another death.
They definitely would question Kazuha on why he's doing this, maybe even have some small breakthrough of where they're screaming at him and hurling insults that were thrown their way. Just absolutely trying to beat a dead horse essentially of why they have to die and that they don't understand why everyone is suddenly saying the opposite.
Tbh this makes me think of how confusing any therapy would be for Death Seeking Creator, because I can imagine them as this childishly stubborn person who refuses to see it as any other way purely because everything they did, they tried to do to change the outcome, always resulted in death no matter what. Peaceful talks? They couldn't get a word in before being sliced down. Fighting like a wild animal? Like they could defeat a god with their bare hands. Hiding and never greeting another person? They're always found out somehow, it's like the characters are drawn to them. Disguises? Even that doesn't work. Nothing they did work. So it had to be destiny right? They had to have this role of constant death? Why? Who fucking knows? They're not a god, they were never supposed to be a god. Why question the ways of a being they have no comprehension of how they think? It would be better to just play the role given, to be the the target every hunter wants. To be that white rabbit that gets chased by Alice throughout the story. But how they go? Well that'll be up to them, if the gods want some sick entertainment, why not make it more interesting?
23 notes · View notes
kaida-beifong · 2 days
Text
Magic Happens? (Part 2)
Awkward conversations and Panic. ------- Lucius: Okay so what did you want to talk about? Charlie: I'm about to ask a question that's going to be very uncomfortable for us, so I need you to answer me honestly and quickly so it doesn't get anymore awkward then it needs to be. Lucius: Okay. Charlie: Who of you in this hotel had sex in the past couple weeks. Lucius: Charlie the fuck. Angel: I don't kiss n' tell dollface. Husk: The fuck you talking about, that's all you do. Angel: Well way to make it less fun. Cherri: Yeah I fucked, I can't recall when or with who. Mostly out of it Charlie: Okay thank you Cherri for being the only one to give me a straight answer. Angel: I mean you know me babe, I'm always fucking with someone. So yeah more then likely. Husk: Probably but I don't have the best record of it so apart from last night, no. Charlie: Lucius please don't make me ask again. Lucius: I am not answering that because I love you too much to admit I've had sex. Angel: I can answer that. He snuck off the Carmine place last night. Vaggie: How the fuck do you know? Angel: He texted me, let's see he said "If Charlie asks, tell her I am fucking Compound Pussy." Then it autocorrected to which he kept trying to write Clara's name but it came weird before he said "Fuck it, you know what I mean, just say I'm smashing ass n' that my phone will be off until tomorrow." Lucius: Ugh.. Bees fuckin honey, stuff makes me share too much Angel: Husk fucked me last night. Husk: Angel the fuck?! Angel: She wanted honesty, don't have a lot of details but I have the claw marks on my back to prove it. Charlie: I don't need visuals, just a confirmation. Husk: *Sighs* Can I ask why? Charlie: Uh.. Well so I was letting dad know the baby news, he asked how? Husk: Please don't give us a play by play. Charlie: No, just anyway I explained that I tried the creation spell and it overloaded and kinda blew all sorts of fuses in the hotel. He asked me if anyone was in the hotel aside from ya know me and Vaggie. Lucius: Weird question to ask. Charlie: I thought so too, so I asked him why and he said and I quote "Nephilim magic is new, stronger and unstable in new hands so the effects could be far bigger and far more.. Uh. Wild in the hands of someone whose still learning." Lucius: What'd he mean by that. Charlie: That I have to keep an eye on everyone for the next couple weeks. Lucius: Why. Charlie: Nothing serious- Lucius: Charlie please just spit it out! Charlie: There's a risk the creation spell might have worked on everyone in the hotel.. Whose been intimate in the past couple weeks. Lucius: What the fuck does that mean! Vaggie: It means that there's a risk that if you've had sex, unprotected especially, that there is a huge chance your fertility odds have doubled.. and tripled in some cases. Cherri: I thought we couldn't have kids in hell. Charlie: In normal standards yes but.. my magic may have reversed it on accident. Cherri: Please tell me this is some kinda sick joke. Angel: Yes please tell us it's a sick joke. Husk: Why are you panicking, you're a guy. Angel: No-No reason. Charlie: Gender is irrelevant, the chances are high regardless. Lucius: Fuck! Charlie: It might not work on you Lucius. You're a Nephilim too, it's possible the spell didn't even effect you. Lucius: Well I fucking hope so Charlie. I just got with Clara and Carmilla will kill me if in the first two weeks one of her daughters ends up knocked up. There's only one place and person she'll be looking for and that's me! Vaggie: Well it's too late to complain now. Charlie: Lucius it might not even mean anything. It could be completely false and nothing could happen. Lucius: R-Right.. Charlie: But.. Yo-You still gotta tell Clara. Just in case. Lucius: I-I can't. I can't fuck this up more when we're actually in a good place. Vaggie: You think she'll like you if she finds out on her own and finds out you knew and said nothing. Lucius: ..I fucking hate you so much.
21 notes · View notes
spotforme · 1 month
Text
you know, Lister was born on the Red Dwarf, and that's where he's always destined to end up spending the rest of his life. it's a loop he can't escape, just another layer to why he's doomed on the Red Dwarf forever
115 notes · View notes
transmechanicus · 1 month
Text
Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
59 notes · View notes
boyfridged · 1 year
Note
You may have already mentioned this in some of your other metas, and I just missed it, so please ignore this if it's redundant.
Do you think Bruce is projecting onto Jason by pushing him as a Robin? Obviously, Jason wanted to be Robin and was excited about it, and Bruce let Jason do other things, but (if I'm not mistaken) before Tim came into play, solidifying the whole Batman needs a Robin/support to keep him upright, Bruce and Dick becoming Batman and Robin, in the beginning, was also sort of a coping mechanism.
I think there are a few examples of Bruce enabling this kind of mindset. Like in Gotham Knights #43–44 (sorry), every time Barbara brings up Jason's inner turmoil, Bruce refocuses on his ability as a Robin; similarly, when Jason finds out about Two-Face and his dad, he is hurt, and Bruce acknowledges that but then does the same thing, zeroing in on reassuring Jason that he made a mistake but is still a good Robin.
Like, Jason got it from Bruce, but he unintentionally encouraged that kind of thinking.
oh, i definitely think that bruce is projecting on jason and that it profoundly affected jay. and, while every single one of your observations is apt, i would add that what truly made it so tragic is that he projected his own worst traits on jason while being blind to the fact that jay already shared his best qualities.
tldr: bruce projects himself on jason in terms of grief (saying that jason needs vigilantism to work his grief through) and sees his own worst traits in jason (anger) but doesn't see his own best traits in jay (compassion, love, and sensitivity). ironically, jason does end up developing all of the (projected) worst characteristics of bruce (obsessiveness, and relentlessness in pursuit of the respective perceived idea of justice). this happens even though they were barely present in his early storylines, and only ever manifested when jason was scared or lost. later, they truly came to be because of his trauma relating to vigilantism.
and the long, long version, coming with panels and quotes: under the cut.
first i want to say that the following analysis focuses very specifically on bruce's mistakes, but i don't view the overall of jay's upbringing by bruce solely in these terms. from text it is also clear that bruce deeply loves and cares about jay, and that jay enjoys being robin. now that this is clear, let's get to particularities, and start with jay's origin story.
i truly never stop thinking about the significance of bruce meeting jay in the crime alley, the place of his parents' death. there's a lot to be said about it, but here the focus is, of course, on the fact that he sees a little boy, very much similar to himself, angry and hurt, in the same scenery that brought him so much grief. and jay in some ways does appear to be a mirror of bruce's own agonies, as well as a mirror of his own inclination for seeking justice; and somehow, bruce fixates on the first one, while almost completely dismissing the latter.
bruce looks at him and assumes that the remedy to jason's pain and anger is being robin; and he doesn't stop to think about it. (it has to be noted that there's also classism at play, classism that is mostly a result of writers' own beliefs – collins did state in a couple of interviews that that the motivation behind jason's background was to make his introduction into vigilantism seem less offensive, as jason has already been exposed to crime...)
i think, in this context, it's interesting to look at the two-face storyline even closer, and from the start too. in the beginning, bruce talks of jason's 'street' roots and assumes jay would go "down the same criminal road that took his father [willis] to an early death." he also talks of jason making a lot of progress. later, in batman #411, after jason learns that willis has been killed by two-face, bruce comments that jay "has never been like this...listless...almost pouting--"
Tumblr media
this all, along with jay's cheerful and diligent behaviour from the previous issue builds an interesting picture for us: because we essentially learn that jay has been overall an unproblematic child. bruce, of course, attributes this "progress" to the training. however, for anyone else, the logical conclusion would be that jay's quick adjustment was simply a matter of finding himself in a safe and stable environment and receiving continuous support and attention from a parental figure. i find it rather questionable that jason's personality softened down because he had something to punch in the cave–– the more intuitive explanation is of course that he was angry and quick to fight when they first met because he couldn't afford anything else and because he was scared. but months later, in a loving home, he can allow himself to drop his guard; and his cocky attitude disappears until much later.
so the rather unsettling picture that we derive is that bruce is training jay to become a vigilante in order to "channel" his (nonvisible at this point) anger into something useful and just. and he clearly links this to his own trauma in batman #416 (that’s already starlin btw), in his conversation with dick, explaining why he took jay in: “he’s so full of anger and frustration… he reminds me of myself, just after my parents were killed.” bruce also mentions that soon after their first meeting, jason helped him and "handled himself well" in the fight, but he doesn't mention that jay has ran away from a crime "school" and intended to stop injustice on his own only because he was ignored.
the theme of bruce comparing jay to himself appears again in detective comics #574 (barr), where it is approached with a much more... critical look, thanks to leslie's presence and her skepticism of bruce's actions. after jason has suffered nearly fatal injuries at the hand of the mad hatter, bruce reminisces on his own trauma and motives. he tells leslie: "i didn't choose jason for my work. he was chosen by it...as i was chosen." leslie replies: "stop that! (...) you do this for yourself... you're still that little boy (...)" then, the conversation steers to the familiar ground and the topic of anger. in bruce's words, again: “i wanted to give jason an outlet for his rage…wanted him to expunge his anger and get on with his life…” and finishes "and instead, i may have killed him."
the recognition that bruce's projection on jason and involving him with his work might have fatal consequences is, as always, fast forgotten once jay wakes up and proclaims that he wants to continue his work as robin.
but to circle back, i think there's something else worth our attention, something deeply ironic, that is showcased in that issue: that bruce has no evidence for jay's "rage." when leslie talks of bruce's past, she recalls his tendencies to get into brutal fights at perceived injustice as early as in school; when bruce talks of jason, two pictures that are juxtaposed, are that of jason fighting as robin and jason... smiling, playing baseball.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
so, in the early days of jason's training and work in the field, we see bruce talking of jason's anger a lot; but we barely see it.
that being said, jay is angry sometimes– and i think your observation about how bruce deals with it is incredibly interesting and accurate.
we first see jay truly and devastatingly angry in the two-face storyline. bruce focuses on jay's reaction as robin, which is, in fact, aggressive. but something that he barely addresses is that jason's first reaction is sleeping all day, and not beating anyone to a pulp; in fact, this vengeful instinct seems to arise only when he is put right in front of two-face. and his third instinct, once the rage (very quickly) dies down after the altercation with two-face, is crying, because bruce hid the truth about willis' death from him. jay, while crying, asks bruce: "you have taken me out into combat-- but you spare me this?" in response, bruce lectures jason about how grief inspires revenge, which is, again, deeply ironic, given that jay seeking out revenge seemed to be prompted and enabled solely by the role of robin. moreover, his question suggests that at this point he saw grief ("you spare me this") and fighting as two different things.
the final is, as you said, bruce focusing on making it into a lesson on vigilantism, or, in his own words, "tempering revenge into justice." personally, i think in this way bruce directs jason to bring his grief into the field as a powering force, something that he didn't necessarily have an own incentive to do. the flash of compartmentalisation between his ordinary life and being a sidekick that jay has shown by questioning bruce's decision is lost. emotions are now a robin thing, and they have an (informal) protocol, a moral code. and when jay is confronted with an emotionally exhausting case next – the garzonas case, i believe that the focus on "tempering revenge into justice" is exactly the problem– we don't see jay crying, we see him frantic about finding the solution. this, right there, is bruce's obsessiveness, that in my opinion, was developed in jay specifically as a result of how his engagement with vigilantism combines with his deep sensitivity.
and, needless to say, his sensitivity is all the same as that of bruce – they both can't stand looking at other people hurting, they both wear their hearts on their sleeve, caring way too much – the thing is, bruce never quite acknowledges how they are similar in this matter. instead, he focuses on his sparse bursts of anger, wanting to bring jason closure in his grief the only way he knows it – in a fight for a better world. so, as you said, he focuses on jason's ability as robin.
which just doesn't work for jason. at all. we know it from how his robin run comes to an end: in the first issue of a death in the family (batman #426) alfred informs: “i’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying.”  to that, bruce contends: “in other words, i may have started jason as robin before he had a chance to come to grips with his parents deaths.” he also tells jay that the field is not a place for someone who is hurting; a message that is the opposite of what he's been saying for years now, and something that i imagine was difficult for bruce to conceptualise, because then he would have to question his own unhealthy tendencies. it's a bit late to come to this realisation; bruce's self-projection that caused him to worry so much about jay's anger has already turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy that will fully manifest itself in utrh, when jason does the only thing he was taught to do with grief: try to channel it into justice.
220 notes · View notes
Text
I think it's time I change my bio to say it's been 11 years since I started to watch Ninjago.....
Gosh. Where's my senior discount on the lego sets, huh?
#I actually don't remember exactly when I picked up ninjago. I just know that it was april or may cause it was nearing the end of-#the school year#anyway this show feels like it's my best friend in all honesty. it's been with me for so long and at my loneliest#and to think that I've grown up alongside it. it's so weird#I have such a clear memory of like when just about anything happened for this show#s3 finale? I was sick but I still tuned into watch and CRIED#s5? I watched nearly every episode when it aired on cartoon network in my parents room cause my dad was using our other tv at that time#s8? watched it weekly in my grandparents basement and It Was A Ride#s11 finale? got to the episode at like. 6 am before I had to go to school and felt utterly disappointed there was no kai and zane fight#seabound? watched it weekly that one spring and IT WAS ALSO A RIDE#and that's not even touching the hours upon hours of fan works I've looked at#just. it's been such a long time. over a decade of my life that I've been attached to this show. and at the same time it feels like no-#time has passed at all#I actually first watched the show cause some classmates were talking about it and I wanted to be friends with someone so bad so I started-#to watch it and I Very Quickly surpassed their love of it#what a ride huh? now we're at a point where I can look this show and say it's genuinely good (THANK YOU DRAGONS RISING!!!!!!!!!!)#ok I'm done reminiscing. time to think about the newest scenarios in which to make kai suffer >:)#ninjago#phoenix prattles
15 notes · View notes
swordsonnet · 8 months
Text
i'm trying not to bitch too much about good omens fan theories on here, because while there are quite a lot that i really don't vibe with for a variety of reasons, i do understand that people have a right to interpret the characters and events however they like, even if their analyses don't appeal to me personally.
but that being said... if you're seriously trying to argue that maggie can't be human because she doesn't drink alcohol/didn't go to parties as a teenager/is [insert common neurodivergent trait here], then i'm begging you to think critically for one second about what you're implying there.
30 notes · View notes
horsemage · 13 days
Text
I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
8 notes · View notes
i-can-even-burn-salad · 4 months
Note
Happy STS Elli!
What inspires you to write? Are there things that you know that you can get inspiration from or does it just come randomly?
Happy STS!
For me, inspiration doesn't mean "to write".
There are, and always have been, a lot of stories floating around in my mind - ideas, scenes, vibes, outlines. I get inspiration from literally everywhere, from talking to my friends, and video games, and scrolling past images or prompts, and reading books, and spending too much time on reddit, and…
Many remain daydreams, or character backstories, eventually lost to time.
Now for actually being able to sit my ass down and get words on the page? I don't know. It comes and goes as it pleases. Having a beehive where a brain should be does NOT help, let me tell you that.
I just. Can't focus on shit lately. Can barely make it through a chapter when reading. Every day is just suddenly over, and I got nothing done, and I am so tired. I have a completely outlined short thing I have been trying to write since Nov, and it's like pulling teeth.
I could do with several months off work while everyone leaves me the fuck alone. How would that be.
12 notes · View notes
non-un-topo · 9 months
Text
Talking to my sister can be one of the most aggravating experiences
#just allowing myself a few moments of self-pity today#because i'm a little overstimulated/sick of people talking AT me#i have begun to notice that i'm never asked anything... not a single thing. no questions about my life or interests or how school is going#no questions about my partner or our anniversary and no acknowledgement of the big haircut i just got#no questions about my BIL's wedding. none about my health.#every day it's just people talking AT me. kind of tired at the moment...#and this is made worse by my sister's holier-than-thou attitude about literally the smallest and most insignificant things#like washing clothes? and cooking rice?? idk she talks like a housewife now.#and i get to listen to her complain about her 35 year old boyfriend and not say ONE kind thing for 2 hours straight#not a single question for me. not a single nice thing. and i'm talked over constantly#it's not like i don't raise my voice or speak my mind lol#it's just that. between my family and my partner's family. it feels like no one knows just how smart i am and how much fun i can be.#my partner is perfect in so many ways. my best friend and the kindest and most compassionate person i know.#but i really could brag and boast like my sister does over absolutely nothing. because i have actual achievements. but i don't#because who does that lol. fucking annoying and rude people.#maybe my family just thinks i'm okay and so they never ask me anything or call me. ever.#but see.... i don't talk to them because i want advice or help or money. i talk to them because they're my family#and i would very much like to feel cherished and loved by them#/ end angst and self-pity boo hoo
22 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
[ID: Two pages from Trigun Maximum. In the first, Rem cries as she passionately exclaims to Vash, "Don't throw it all away! Don't let it go! Don't say you'd rather die!" Young Vash seems shocked as she exclaims that she wants to see the world together, because it's made up of more than worthless people. Rem's face is scrunched up and flushed, tears beading at her eyes as she cries.
In the second, Marlin fondly tells Vash that Meryl and Milly worry when he leaves them and that he needs to learn to let people help him out, because they want to do so. Vash seems surprised, then begins to cry. He looks similar to Rem, with flushed cheeks and tears at the corners of his eyes, as he cries, "... Don't... Just... Don't tell me something like that now!" End ID]
Like mother, like son.... [starts bawling so hard I choke to death]
Tumblr media
[ID: Another flashback page with Rem and Vash. Vash smiles with contentment and says, "But... if you hadn't stopped me then... I never would have know that when you cry, Rem... you look like you're laughing." Rem is still teary, but she smiles happily. End ID]
Bonus :')
34 notes · View notes
rowenabean · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
#the wedding was lovely and i am so sad#managed to get most of the sad out of the way Friday and Sunday so i could be glad for them on the actual wedding day#but still. i'm going to miss her.#we always talked about living together and we never did and now we probably never will#i've got a model of married folk living together in community but i don't think they do and it has to be something you choose#her family are lovely and i was really glad to meet her friends and cousins that she talks about so often but they don't really get it#they get to have her!!! she's moving somewhere that's more convenient for literally everyone other than me! (this is not hard to do)#really good to get home and hug my dad and my little sister and have people who are my people around#was actually really good at the reception that there were a few other folk from my current town - i wasn't the only person who was#mixed joy and tears#i said something about us giving her over in my speech and they said yes that's exactly how we're feeling#but it wasn't till her husband responded to that in his speech that i started crying#everyone has been so kind to me but it has been SO good to get home#hoping i can get a bit more sleep as well. emotions are bigger when tired even though they're real still#(her cousins invited me to come stay any time and tbh i can see that living in Auckland could be actually really nice if you live where they#do. but i couldn't live where they do and do the work i want to do it is quite far away from the places in Auckland i could imagine working)#rowena adventures#btw no photos of me currently but probably some later??? not that we took many the groom had been sick the previous week and was#still pretty wiped so they got like two photos with the bridal party and ten with just them and that was it
13 notes · View notes
corset · 12 days
Text
Really feeling that experience of being an autistic person in an environment that's terrible for me where I'm basically trying to figure out really hard how to not be an emotionally unstable wreck all the time who throws "childish tantrums" over "dumb shit" because I hate feeling like my family always expects me to just snap whenever anything happens and whether or not I do just depends on how much Repression Juice I've got left in the tank or how Unshitty the circumstances have been for the last week or even few days
#I am literally doing the best that I can for myself but there's a lot of stuff that I communicate actively to other people in this household#that never gets better or that just gets scoffed at and my environment is horrific because we're very poor and everyone in this house is#disabled and my workplace environment fucking sucks and I spent 15 years of my life basically being completely unaware of just how high my#supports needs actually are and so I'm also trying to mentally juggle and figure that shit out so I can at least make an attempt to take#care of myself the way I need to but when so many things are basically looking at you trying to cope and laughing in your face and then#punting you down from the mountain you're climbing with a bat and basically saying 'how cute and stupid of you to think you could possibly#make progress or take care of yourself? don't you understand your circumstances dipshit?'#IT'S KIND OF PAINFULLY DIFFICULT HAHA.#I basically deal with this by holing myself up all the time just trying to keep my bullshit away from people#I'm very sick of it#Like even when I try to have a conversation when I'm getting really upset or angry about something#one person in this house is impossible to talk to at all because she's argumentative as hell about literally everything and anything#including stuff you didn't even say. Like I have no idea what she's even saying to me half the time and she almost never listens#the other one is my aunt who is so emotionally repressed she can't even have a conversation with a whiff of vulnerability in it#and then my mother just shuts down and ignores me ! Which Makes It Worse!
4 notes · View notes
skrunksthatwunk · 1 month
Text
found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?
#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now#sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him#no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my#best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh#he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to#say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am#and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him#and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken#but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him#and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not#like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her#and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all#the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess#like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.
4 notes · View notes
very-lost-hobbit · 1 month
Text
I'm so sick of dick measuring about carbon pricing in Canadian politics!!! I never want to hear the words "carbon tax" ever again!!!
2 notes · View notes