#don't FUCKING come for me she's good for 10 minutes but has no lasting value it's pop music that's how it IS
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still thinking about that one time some dude put on Miley Cyrus at a group event and looked at me like “I bet Ang will know this song” and I looked back at him like “uh...I’ve never heard this in my life”
“c’mon you know this song!”
bitch no I’ve never partied in the USA, ever. don’t bring me into this. I didn’t hear that song and then connect that song to her until like 10 years after it came out and once I did I hated it.
like I’ll fuck with whatever but most of the time the only music I can reliably recognize is either something your dad listens to or a boyband from the 2000s. I don’t know shit. my music taste is “I threw a dart at spotify, listened to a queer folk singer from Leicester for three weeks, then told it to get wrecked and listened to Jimmy Buffet on winamp for no reason instead.” get your “you look like someone who listens to miley” comments out of here.
(important: listen to miley if you want. do whatever you want forever. I’m also doing that. by not listening to miley cyrus.)
#adventures in text posts#also taylor swift is violently overrated there I said it#don't FUCKING come for me she's good for 10 minutes but has no lasting value it's pop music that's how it IS#carly rae is the exception and I'll stand by that forever#MAYBE kesha lil nas and nicki minaj. MAYBE.#idk I should make real posts but I'm stuck on a picture of a heron and don't know how to make it good
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Heya! I'm a huge fan of Silence and I've been really hype about her alter, but actually I've been wondering of good she actually was? I've seen a lot of people or tierlists putting her very low, and it's worrying me that my favorite character's alter is going to be that bad (but I mean, I'll still play her anyway-)
So, how good is she, if you have any clue? What's the best way to play her? And would she be better in a Rhine Lab squad?
Silence the Paradigmatic is not very valued both because she's purely defensive, and people just hate Abjurers in general for their low numbers and lack of otherwise outstanding utility on top of their heals and shelter, such as Eyjaberry being seen as busted as fuck due to having a global range, 5x heal that also heals elemental damage.
However, when it comes to actually doing her job of keeping her allies from dying, nobody does it better than Silence. This is because of what her S3 does: give a temporary immortality buff to all allies within her attack range.
Purely from a numbers standpoint her S3 is wild. It has a humble +30% ATK buff to boost her heals and boosts her Talent 1 (10% shelter on allies in her range, scaling to 24% when they're at 30% HP) by 1.8x which is decent, but what is nuts is that it applies a buff on allies in range where, if they take lethal damage, their HP gets prevented from going below 1 for 10 seconds. The skill also lasts for a mind-boggling 60 seconds, meaning you have a whole minute where everyone gets a one-time get out of jail free card. If an ally uses it up early, they can still die later on even while the skill is ongoing, but still. You make everyone into Specter.
With an SP cost of 30 at S3M3 and a starting SP of 20, Silence can come in with the immortality buff just 10 seconds into deployment. It's so conceptually broken than HG tried to keep it in check by only making it usable up to 2x per battle (they knew this would inevitably take over the Contingency Contract meta otherwise), but due to its ridiculously long duration of 60 seconds, most stages are over by the time you use it twice anyway.
Counter AOE boss skills. Aak buff whoever you want without thinking about if they can survive it or not. This skill even works on allies she can't directly heal, meaning the immortality buff works on Juggernauts and Mushas.
Rather than break the game by ending a stage on her own, Silence instead increases the viability of other, less meta strategies, opening up way more ways to play the game than simply ungga bungga meta spam. It means that while she's never going to be high on anyone's tier lists, she actually accomplishes her intended job of being a support unit, all while being a free unit that you don't even have to roll for.
As for being in a Rhine squad, Silence's faction buff is a doubled buff on her S2, which heals allies constantly by 5% of Silence's ATK every second when they're below half health (so 10% if a Rhine Lab member). Not much on its own, but with Abjurer modules Silence ALSO gets a +10% max HP to all allies in range which means free fucking +20% Max HP for Saria. HELL yeah.
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How is Bethy doing? Regarding everything with the male adult "friend", is she dealing alright with it? School and being moved from one home to another and finally in a hotel with you guys? Is she feeling better?
(not that I don't wanna ask about you as well, but I'm worried about her mental health after being used like that)
I wish you guys the best, I'm sorry if it's too personal and if so just ignore it ❤️
Oh, it's not going well on her end. She keeps trying to be positive which usually involves keeping herself busy at all times, but there's nothing much to do beyond walking to nearby fast food places and being unable to get anything there cuz of no money. There's a Dunkin, a Popeye's, and something else within like 5 minutes of the hotel but no one can get anything.
School is boring as usual. She likes maybe 2 classes in total and is at least still passing everything but Algebra. Her entire grade is failing Algebra which just tells me the teacher sucks at teaching it and he needs a backbone.
I'm the most emotional person here, and also the most emotionally mature one. As such, I understand her violent mood swings best. I get why she's feeling this way.
Step-dad is a naïve idiot who just assumes that if he says some dumb shit that isn't backed by fact or even experience, everyone's just gonna take him at his word. So he says something while she's in the middle of crying her heart out about something, and thinks everything's okay. He was then pissed off 10 minutes later to find out she was still unhappy and still crying. Even though we're all in the same damn room and she spent that whole time sniffling and trying not to hyperventilate. Then he went and opened his mouth and it went from mostly-controlled to uncontrollable in an instant.
It's not a good situation. She's had maybe 3 breakdowns the entire time. 3 months of bullshit she's been hit with on all sides. She's not snapping at people. She's not being rude. She's just crying out of stress and frustration. She's allowed to be sad and unhappy and he's getting all pissy because she won't take him at his flimsy ass word.
We all know he's easily manipulated. He puts his faith in the wrong people. His friends of 20+ years have all promised to help him in return for all the help he's given them over the years. They then made excuses out the ass on why they couldn't here or here or even over here. Yet he meets Ricky at a food bank in later 2021 and he's been nothing but helpful. Let us use his trailers, raised money to help us stay in a hotel, paid for our room himself twice. Like, come on.
Step-dad's 'friends' are fine taking advantage of him and we have 16 years of proof of this. So no, Bethy can't just take is reassurances at face value.
The case worker told us last month that her supervisor was willing to give us $500 to use to keep staying in a hotel. But they would pay directly, not hand the money to us directly. Every visit since then she has made every excuse in the world for why they won't give the money over. The first excuse was solved when she got proof of all of the housing waiting lists we're on. The second excuse was then proven wrong because mom followed instructions on specific places to call for help and nothing happened. The case worker contacted those places to get proof we contacted them and it was given. The third excuse was lame as fuck but mom managed to settle that too. The fourth had to do with step-dad's injury and he already went to the doctor for and has to lose 50lbs to go into surgery for a total knee replacement. The fifth was him not having a birth certificate which we solved already.
So by now we've exhausted 5 different reasons for why the supervisor supposedly wants to help but doesn't trust we're trying enough, and now they just won't do it at all, claiming it's taking too long. This is Delaware. The case worker is currently dealing with 9 other homeless families with nowhere to go. She's the one who specifically said Delaware is behind on all of this and is encouraging people to apply for housing out of state. Anything to get a home as fast as possible. The supervisor should be aware that everything in Delaware is on hold for several months already. So basically, they never intended to actually help and were just saying that for no real reason. The 6th excuse came recently about me not having a state ID. I have a PA ID, but it apparently isn't acceptable and now I need a Delaware one?
Mom never trusted the claim to begin with, step-dad trusted it too much and is losing his shit every day about it. His tax shit is on hold. Apparently, there was this thing for parents to apply for last year. If you had an underage child during the pandemic, you could get financial assistance for them being a dependent. He got it for having Bethy and as a result, the IRS is holding the tax return of everyone who got that form of assistance. It's been exactly 5 weeks since he filed the paperwork and it went through. He's supposedly going to get $5K. He's been waiting and waiting for it. Everyone else we know who filed, even those who got that childcare financial assistance thing, have gotten their money. He's supposed to at least get it before March 28th but this is still looking terrible and despite being approved, they still claim it's also pending?
~.O.~
"I'm handling things to the best of my ability and and trying to do the best with my life." - Bethy, just now. She's been trying to raise her grades, apply for jobs because she's bored and wants to be able to buy Dunkin Donuts whenever she wants, and deal with her stress as it comes in. She says she's touched that y'all care enough to ask about her. ^-^
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Hey! Can you recommand me a good bl drama? I only watched 2gether and i really liked it but i don't know how to search for more? Thank you in advence ❤
hi anon!! yes, of course!! will be listing some of my favourites and will link where you can watch them. <3
Still2gether - Adding it in case you haven’t seen it yet <3 It’s a sequel to 2gether and it is just so lovely, so wholesome, absolute perfection all around, and i wish I could go back in time and watch it all over again 😭
A Tale of Thousand Stars - Do it. Just do it. A priviledged boy and a volunteer teacher’s lives collide when he receives a heart transplant and she’s the donor. To fulfill her last wishes, Tian travels to Pha Pun Dao village where he undergoes a life-changing journey (and meets a very stern forest ranger). It is stunning. The best drama I’ve had the honor to watch. There’s a beautiful, beautiful romance involved, but it’s so much more than that. It’s a story of healing, the beauty of what it means to be selfless and giving, and most importantly about valuing one’s life. 1000000000/10
Dark Blue Kiss - Absolute favourite! Petekao are toptier, there are a lot of important conversations surrounding lgbtq issues, and all supporting characters are so amazing and so well rounded. i honestly cannot recommend it enough. DBK is, however, a sequel to Kiss Me Again, but GMMTV graciously added a 3 part cut of all their scenes, which i definitely recommend watching since it explains how they got together. (1 | 2 | 3)
Gaya Sa Pelikula - It’s a Filipino BL masterpiece centered on Karl and Vlad, who become ‘accidental’ roommates and bond over their love for movies. It also includes a ‘fake-dating’ trope. 10000000/10
He’s Coming To Me - P’aof, who directed S2G, DBK & ATOTS, also directed this, so of course it’s amazing. A ghost befriends the only living person who’s able to see and talk to him; together they attempt to solve the mystery surrounding Mes’ death. 10/10.
Theory of Love (SPECIAL EPISODE) - Love crying? Then this is the show for you! *finger guns*. It’s a drama about unrequited love between two best friends. Both characters are film majors, so there is a lot of film references which is so, so cool. It’s one of my absolute favourites.
Until We Meet Again - Love crying EXTA HARD??? Well 😞✌... It’s a soulmate/reincarnation plotline. Two star-crossed lovers commited suicide 30 years ago, and years later their reincarnations meet again at University. It is very very very good, but it can be quite hard to watch at times. [ suicide tw ]
Ingredients - Two roommates - one a cook, the other a musician. Cooking is the language of love in this series and it is sooo cute!! The episodes are also very short and easy to get through. It’s just pure fluff and serotonin and amazing food.
I Told Sunset About You - Estranged childhood best friends who reconnect years later. Feelings happen. There’s honestly nothing I can say that will do this show justice. It’s poetic, so fucking stunning!!! The cinematography alone makes it a must-watch.
History 3: Trapped - OMG 😭😭 I recently finished watching a week ago and I want to go back. It centers around a police officer who has been investigating a gang related shooting that happened 4 years ago. In particular, he is after Tang Yi, the sole survivor. This leads them to become entangled in a deadlier game and they need to figure out exactly what happened years ago. 11/10
Where Your Eyes Linger - It’s 8 episodes that are less than 20 minutes each. Which is a tragedy because this show is amazing. It’s about a boy who comes from wealth and who lives with his bodyguard.
Color Rush - It’s the Soulmates of it all 👌. Main character sees the world in black and white until he meets his new classmate and through him, he is able to experience a world of colours for the first time.
Mr. Heart - THE CUTEST!!!! A marathon runner who is strugging to reach his full potential is helped by a pacemaker. He is a little bitch, but slowly warms up to his new friend and feelings develop. This drama should have been 45 minutes long because it’s absolute perfection.
*Links for dramas below are provided by the amazing MJ ( @phupha ) 💛 *
We Best Love - Enemies to Lovers with a little unrequited love sprinkled on top. I highly highly recommend it. It’s so sweet and lighthearted, and the scenes between the two leads are just soft. It’s so good, just so good. And there’s going to be a sequel next month!! So it’s the perfect time to watch it now.
Manner of Death - A medical examiner investigates the murder of his childhood friend. He is joined by Tan, also a friend of the victim. All signs point to him being the murderer but all is not what it seems. ... this show is... something (affectionately). This was the most fun I’ve had watching a drama in a long time, and there’s just many twists and turns. 10/10
**
Below are dramas I started watching and haven’t yet finished. But so far I’m absolutely loving them and recommend checking them out.
To My Star (summary) || Cherry Magic (summary) || Gameboys (summary)
I haave a feeling I’m forgetting a few I’ve watched ajksjda, but hopefully this is a little helpful!! This doesn’t even touch the surface of BL’s out there, and since I only started watching dramas a few months back, there’s many I haven’t yet seen ☹ if my mutuals have any recs feel free to add aswell <33
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Fresh Squeeze, Ch. 5
Pairing: Daveed Diggs x OFC Linden Marshall
Set in 2023, post-pandemic
Warnings: Cursing, Angsty Angst, drug and alcohol use, surprise flights, Anthony Ramos. Lots of Plot.
Word Count: 3.5 K
Plot: Linden Marshall just finished law school at Columbia University in NYC. Daveed Diggs is still creating magic with his platonic life partner Rafael Casal in the form of their Blindspotting musical, Bay Boys. Linden’s boyfriend WAS Mark Monaco, star of the superhero movie series Invincible. They were together for years, and her trauma and his addictions were toxic. She knows now that wasn’t love.
A/N: Keep in mind that this the same AU as Arrivals, with Holly Woods, but is BEFORE Rafa and Holly get together. And don’t come for me about Anthony.
Read the Previous Chapter.
===================
NYC, May 2023
Jasmine was blowing up your phone as you were trying to get dressed. You had to search for it under the pile of clothes on your bed.
You had procrastinated getting ready, trying to finish one of your applications for a summer internship at this law firm in Harlem that you were excited about.
You wanted to finally relax after finishing Columbia law in the top 10% of your class. You just wanted to relax and enjoy this weekend.
Craig, your mom and your uncle were the only ones to attend your graduation. They knew you didn’t want any fanfare, so your famous friends didn’t attend, and they had a show to do, but they’d sent you tons of well wishes.
We're coming up, get decent!
You chuckled and shook your head. Anthony usually raided the refrigerator when he came over. This time, you told him to bring his own snacks..
You slipped on what you were wearing for the night. Craig was in his room getting ready and you had volunteered his place, so you were playing hostess. You were surprised that he was so chill about it, actually.
“Pika Pika,” you said to yourself in the mirror then ran to answer the doorbell. It was almost 6 pm.
You opened the door for Cookie Monster and Big Bird. You burst out laughing. But you stopped when you saw Anthony's face. He had like five bags from Whole Foods that he was juggling in his blue arms.
"Jazzy!!!! There's my girl. Hey Ant! leave the food and your girl. We may run off together."
Anthony came in the door loaded down with bags and kissed you on the cheek.
“I love you Lindy, but fuck you man.” You punched him on the shoulder.
“Ow! Time to get this party started!”
Linden heard Jazzy’s Brooklyn accent turn into a London lilt as she started play fighting with Ant. They felt like family at this point.
=================
Ever since the launch party in January, Jasmine had pursued you as a friend persistently. You normally didn’t let anyone in because of the circumstances of your life, but Jas was oblivious to your awkwardness with normal human beings.
“Girl, you are fucking DOPE, and you are NOT gonna deny my love. I know your life has been a trip, and you don’t have to tell me all of it, but I’m not gonna let you shrivel up and be a little retiring wallflower. Life is to be lived.”
Jasmine telling you that during a Saturday brunch date in February was the key to your heart. She drew you out, and you didn’t see what value you added to her life.
But she loved you anyway. And you loved her, and of course, Anthony was part of the package.
He was beautiful, loud, talented, and reckless, but he reminded you too fucking much of Dell to be annoyed with him very long.
Your circle had certainly widened from just Craig. That was one thing for which you could thank Mark. You were working on him being a distant memory. He hadn’t lasted too long in Bay Boys, quitting soon after the musical opened in March.
Daveed’s hands and feet had ‘slipped’ one too many times during the scene when he was stomping his ass on stage. Mark cited health reasons, and publicly spiraled a bit. He was currently in rehab.
Again.
You had not heard from him and that was absolutely fine with you.
Because Jasmine was in Bay Boys and that was her life, the cast and crew became yours as well. Rafael was the type of chaotic creative genius that fascinated you; you could listen to him talk for hours.
Things with Daveed were more tricky. Ever since that awkwardness with him after the launch party, you’d kept your distance, but you hung out a lot, so you were trying to be friends.
When you and Jas and Ant and Rafa hung out and talked, Daveed was there, smiling shyly and sneaking glances at you, throwing in pearls of wisdom every so often.
He was so dope and so talented and intelligent and so freaking hot, but you were trying to get yourself together. You were convinced that night in January had been a mistake.
You needed some space. And time. Law school was no joke, and you were in therapy so entanglements was not what was up.
Daveed sensed your hesitancy and decided to stop pursuing you. But he couldn’t stop how he felt.
You were both a little wasted and keyed up the night of the launch party, and despite the way you were beautiful and intelligent and sexy as fucking hell, he was not going to press you.
Daveed was sure that you two could be something special if you would give it a chance, but he didn’t want to chase you, but he was so gone for you, that if you just nodded your head at him, he would be at your feet.
The attraction was undeniable. There was a crazy little dance you two did that everyone recognized and respected. This group seemed to know you were fragile, and that you didn’t need to be pushed too far.
But the more they persisted, the more you came out of your shell. The more you trusted, the more the old Lindy came back.
Craig noticed first soon after you started hanging with the crew when you were trying to find a place to live. He went to one showing with you and sat you down for a talk.
“Girl, I love the light in your eyes. I haven’t seen this Lindy since…well in a long time. Stay with me for as long as you want. I know you need to get through this last semester of school, you don’t need one more thing to think about. I’m proud of the work that you’re doing on yourself, Linden.”
You were grateful to Craig. His place on the Upper West Side was super convenient to Columbia, and not having to think about finding a place was so clutch. Third year was kicking your ass.
“Besides, I wouldn’t have this place if it wasn’t for…”
“Hush, I don’t want to hear that. Dell would have wanted this. I love you cuzzo.”
=================
Craig came out in a Sully onesie and immediately dragged Jasmine into a conversation about the Met Gala that had happened a few days ago.
You approached the kitchen where Ant stood, food all around him on the counter. You were whispering. He smiled a secret smile at you.
“I’m so proud of you doing this for Jasmine. It’s good for you all to get away. I’m glad that she got a little break. She deserves it all.”
Anthony had arranged for this little get together to be a surprise for Jasmine. This was going to be a kickback weekend.
The show was on a four day hiatus while the set was moved to a bigger theatre. It was a hit and was destined for a long run.
Ant’s green eyes lit up as you kept talking about Jasmine.
“Yeah, she does. And the woman of the hour deserves all the happiness in the world.” He lifted his beer to you.
They way he said that was weird and you were about to ask him what was up with that when the doorbell started ringing, you went to answer it and were stuck there for a few minutes as people started coming in.
The food and the drinks were flowing while all kinds of characters came in.
Now they also had Jack Skellingtom, and a Care Bear in the house to add to Big bird, Cookie Monster, Pikachu and Sully. It was an odd cast of characters who were jamming to 90's rap, eating chicken wings and basically tripping like only friends could do.
Then there was Toni, some tag-along chick who showed up with Rafa. She had on a plain gray onesie. What a downer.
You’d pegged her for a star fucker who only hung with Rafa because of who he and his friends were. The girl was too much in everyone's business.
"Sooooo. You and Mark ARE broken up for real for real. The tabloids say y’all are back together! I told my friend Susie you weren’t, but she wouldn't believe me."
You just smiled and didn't confirm or deny, treating Toni like the paparazzi. The girl was oblivious to your hate and just kept talking.
Daveed rescued you.
"Hey, Toni, show these folks how you can blow. They're setting up the karaoke machine over there. Show us what you're working with. Someone might hook you up with a gig."
Toni perked up and hurried over to Anthony and Craig, who were setting up the lyrics on the big screen to match the karaoke music. Some Bad Boy joints were up.
Rafa was behind them screaming, "Dylan, Dylan, Dylan!"
They were a scene. You breathed and relaxed a little.
"Don't stress. She's not coming with us to the island."
You looked up at the tall, fine Grumpy Care Bear who was nursing some of your special 18-year-old Chivas Regal that you had gotten for graduation. His beautiful smile shined out of his brown face and beneath the curls tumbling out of his hood.
“I’m not pressed. I’m chilling. You can do what you want. With who you want.”
“She’s not with me. Rafa brought her for the ride to the airport. And it’s not entirely true that I can do what I want. With who I want. Because what if who I want to do doesn’t want to do me?”
You knew what he meant. But you eyed his drink instead of looking at him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him. That was far from the truth. You didn’t want to get lost in him. And you could see that happening.
Daveed saw your wheels turning. You were over analyzing again. He’d spent three months observing you every chance he got. He felt like he knew your anxieties. So fucking smart, but here you were thinking too much.
"Hey Genuis Ass. Want some?" Daveed’s voice was softer as he grinned and offered you some of his drink. “Or, I could go make you something?” For some reason he wanted you to get loose.
"Nah, I'm good Diggs.” For some reason you needed to stay in control. You played it off by changing the subject.
“I still can’t believe y’all call me that.”
Daveed just smiled and nodded, chuckling a little. He craned his neck and looked at it, having to dodge a smack upside the head.
“That ass is genius, you know. That’s the one thing He Who Shall Not Be Named was right about. And you’re one of the smartest humans I know.”
You had to look at him then. The flecks of gold in his eyes tho. But you could tell from the slight redness that he was a little zooted. He didn’t get that way around you a lot, but you knew for the stories that he partied occasionally.
He and Rafa and that Toni chick must have pre-gamed. You remembered the last time you two were tipsy together.You cleared your throat and looked away.
“Why did you lie to that girl? She can’t sing.” You were shaking your head, scowling at Toni’s screeching from the karaoke machine.
He winked at you. D was well on his way to getting LIT.
"What? She can blow.” Daveed sipped his drink and watched her.
“She’ll suck your soul out and spit it back in your mouth." Daveed was loose. And so was his mouth. But he didn’t care.
Your mouth was hanging open at Daveed as you wondered what Daveed had done with Toni, what Daveed AND Rafa had done with Toni...
Shit, you were just going to ask.
"How do you know that she..."
"AWWWW SHEEEIIIITTT! THAT'S MY JAM! REMEMBER THIS LINDY??"
“No, I was like, negative 5..”
You raised your voice as he traveled away from you, smiling. He was not slick.
“Well you missed out being tardy to the party…”
He was backing toward the mic, knocking it out of Anthony’s hand and starting the rap. Rafa joined him, trading verses.
Now as the record spins around, you recognize this sound,
Well, it's the underground,
You know that we're down with wutchyalike
Yeah, with wutchyalike, yeah
And though we're usually on the serious tip, check it out:
Tonight we're gonna flip and trip and let it all hang out tonight,
We're gonna say what we like.
'Cause, yo, yo, we want to know how many people in the flow,
Would like to just let yourselves go
And doowutchyalike,
Yeah, well tonight's your night.
Just eat food, try not to be crude or rude,
Kill the attitude, chill the serious mood,
And doowutchyalike,
Yeah, and doowutchyalike,
Everybody doowutchyalike
Everyone was dancing and Daveed had effectively deflected your question. But you would never forget.
By 8 o’clock, Craig grabbed the mic and motioned for Jasmine to come with him. You had enjoyed some cocktails finally, and just figured they were going to duet Wind Beneath My Wings just like they always did.
You were actually moving to the music and feeling good.
"Ok guys, whew. I'm hot. Is it hot in herrrre?" Craig was fanning himself.
“Whoooo! Nelly!”
You yelled and everyone laughed.
Craig took his hood off and started to unzip his onesie. Jasmine did the same.
You kept dancing nervously, not realizing it, looking around at the others who were also disrobing. You did a double take as D’s abs came into view. What was going on?
Craig continued.
"Lindy, I just need a minute to talk, can you stop whatever it is you're doing?" He grinned at you from across the room. "You're still moving Lindy."
You blushed and stopped fidgeting.
"Ummm, Craig, what the..."
One by one people dropped their onesies, all except Toni, who had no clue what was going on. Soon, everyone was standing in Craig’s condo in their swimsuits, looking fine as hell.
You just looked around, then in your cup wondering if you were too drunk and hallucinating.
“Lindy, you’ve worked real hard, and this past few months have been crazy, so we wanted to do something special for you this weekend, for your graduation, and for your birthday, WHICH IS SUNDAY!!”
Everyone cheered as Jasmine took the mic. “You think this party is for me. Well the joke’s on you bitch, because you have been hosting your own party!”
You opened your mouth, squeaked a little, then spoke,
"But why?.. Everybody? But what..."
Daveed moved close.
"Damn, you fine," you whispered.
Your hand flew to your mouth when he smirked in response. Everyone was rolling because turns out, you didn’t whisper.
Daveed cleared his throat. "Thank you. You’re fine yaseif. Anyway, Anthony and Jasmine have a house there, and we’re flying out of JFK tonight. In about two and a half hours in fact. So we gotta get going.”
You still had only a part of a clue of what was going on. But you couldn't resist all of this.
"Okay? But... I don't have any clothes. And I don’t have a ticket..."
Craig came from the storage room off the kitchen with one of your suitcases. Others started getting their bags as well
"Everybody's shit has been in my house for a week. And girl, you know I got your information. It ain’t nothing but a thang. Your ticket is ready and waiting. Just sent it to your email.”
Your mouth dropped open and you stared at Craig as everyone pulled their onesies back up and got their bags together.
Your eyes filled with tears that you hurriedly brushed away. Craig came over and hugged you. Then every else joined in for a group hug.
"You deserve, Lindy. Let us celebrate you."
You looked like you didn't quite believe it, but you went along. You laughed, visibly deciding to go with the flow.
"I'm down!"
Toni was nearby. When the hug broke up, she started asking questions. Your patience was wearing thin.
"I don’t believe that all these people really roll like this. Y’all wild. Susie won that bet."
You just continued to look at this fool.
"But isn’t this dope? All these famous, successful men being so fearless with their love and appreciation for Black women, of all people. Who woulda thunk they didn't want white women?"
Toni just kept saying the wrong thing. It was the "of all people" for you.
You stared daggers at your houseguest. Toni caught the look.
"Wait, are you mixed?"
You narrowed your eyes and said, "Black mixed with Black."
Toni clutched her pearls.
"Oh wow. Didn't mean to offend. I just mean everyone knows Jasmine is mixed, with her dad and all, as black as can be. But her white British mom saved her from his skin tone. I mean, she has braids in now, so you can see it, but all she has to do is blow her hair straight and she can pass..."
Toni jumped when Rafa spoke. She didn't know he was there.
"Toni. Not Jas. She's the homie."
The look in his ice blue eyes could burn.
"And you are a Black woman, so you know how dope they are. Why would anyone NOT worship at your feet?"
Lindy just sipped her drink as Craig entered the chat. "Amen!"
"Maybe it is time for you to get going, honey. I might call you when I get back."
Rafa led Toni to the door as she protested.
"But I was going to take you to the air..."
"And I APPRECIATE you Black woman, but we'll get there. See you later."
Then Rafa shut the door in her face. Linden discovered she loved him eternally at that moment. She was rolling.
No one mourned Toni’s departure as arrangements were made for cars to take everyone to the airport.
"You and Daveed can ride with us, Rafa." Ant to the rescue.
"Yeah, Jasmine loves to look at my profile." Jas pinched him so hard he jumped.
“Fuck!”
Ant was screaming as he, Jasmine and Rafa went out the door.
"Peace! See you at airport security. If you get nabbed by TSA, you on your own!”
Daveed lingered. “I don’t know if all of us and our bags will fit in one car. Can I ride with you and Lindy, Craig?”
Craig smirked at Daveed, but didn’t say anything. “Of course...you good with that Lindy?”
You tried to keep it light.
“Sure.. no biggie,” you cleared your throat and headed to the bathroom to make sure you had everything you needed.
=================
By the time you got to your Uber, the traffic was horrible. It took over an hour to get to the airport. You felt both anxious about missing the flight and keyed up about sitting next to Daveed in the car.
His thigh and side pressing into yours in the dark in the back of an Uber Black brought back memories of that reckless night.
When he put his arm up on the seat behind you, “For more room,” he said, in that voice and flashing that megawatt smile, you were enveloped more into his scent and warmth. You had to control yourself not to melt into him.
Craig was sitting on his phone, sneaking glances at you and smirking the entire ride. He’d insisted that you be in the middle because you were so tiny.
The whole world was against you, you thought, as you and Daveed both stared straight ahead, both flashing back to that January night.
You were the last three people to run through the airline gate just at they were about to close it. All your friends in first class cheered when you took their seats, and Rafa popped a bottle of champagne.
"Talk about cutting it close," Ant commented as Rafa gave Daveed a high five.
Daveed looked at you. You shook your head at him. Somehow, you were sitting next to him. You just decided to let it be and have some time.
“Just make sure you don’t molest me under this blanket, Ms. Marshall,” Daveed intoned when you were settled and given amenities for the night.
The flight attendant had to tell y’all to keep quiet as the cat calls went up.
Welp, you thought. This will be the vibe the entire weekend.
You weren’t mad at it. You loved these people. And you were safe. You just smiled, settled down, and looked out of the window to watch the lights of New York fade away.
=================
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#Daveed Diggs#daveed x reader#daveed diggs x black reader#daveed diggs x ofc reader#Daveed diggs x ofc black reader#daveed diggs x you#daveed diggs imagine#daveed diggs angst#daveed diggs fluff#anthony ramos#jasmine cephas jones#Rafael Casal#Hamilfam#blindspotting#Daveed x Linden
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The Greatest Thing You’ll Ever Learn is to Love (A.I)
Pairing: Ashton Irwin X fem!Reader
Request: Yes!
Summary: Ashton is trying to propose, but fate’s not putting it easily
Warnings: Smut, oral (female recieving) unprotected sex in a stablished relationship (wrap it before you tap it, please) Language, maybe a few grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)
Word Count: 5.3 k
Author’s Note: Requested by the lovely Lizza @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof 💕 is my very fisrt attempt to smut writting (I literally have no experience with this) so please be kind. Reblogs, comments and feedback are always welcomed and encouraged so please, I would love to know your opinion 😊 You can find the rest of my work HERE. Hope you like it and Happy reading ✨🦋
@iknowyouthinkimbulletproof : hi, i hope i'm not bugging you (wow didn't know my social anxiety shows so much) , i wanted to ask if you could write some fluffy smut with ash or mikey. maybe they just got engaged or something. lots of love - lizza
Everything was going according to plan. At least that’s what Ashton thought 5 min into the date.
“What do you mean there is no reservation?” He asked the host, as calmly as he could.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Irwin. But I have no reservations under your name for tonight” Said the lady, trying to avoid any conflict “I do have one for the 24th but for the next month”
Ashton wanted to slap himself in the face. Did he really make the reservation and messed up the date?! Tonight, out of all nights, it had to be tonight. His mind was racing like the Lightning Mcqueen himself, trying to find any kind of solution for this inconvenience.He had to find a way to stick to the plan, even if the first step was already ruined.
“Is everything okay, Ash?” A voice snapped him out of his head.
Ashton looked at you and his eyes softened when he felt your delicate hand on his arm, he was thankful for this little comforting gesture you always do when you notice he was starting to get frustrated. He gave you a reassuring warm smile as he interlocks his fingers with yours.
“Yeah,” Ash said, thanking the host and guiding you out of the fancy restaurant onto the busy LA streets. “I'm just an idiot who can't tell June from July appart” He sighed.
Your mouth became a thin line as you tried to hold back the laughter. “Oh no, baby…” You said, barely holding in the giggles. Ashton rolled his eyes.
“Okay, let it out” He said as you burst out laughing in the middle of the sidewalk. Ashton briefly stops, but you kept on walking, allowing him to pull on your hand and make you turn around until your chest hit his “Well, now you´re just being mean” He pouted as you started giggling again.
“Aww I´m sorry, baby” You said pecking his lips “But that's what you get for always teasing me about not remembering dates”
“Yeah, I guess I deserve that” He sighed “You're not mad?”
“Why would I be?” You frowned confused.
Ashton looked at the floor, his hand still intertwined with yours as he played with your fingers. He didn’t try to hide his disappointment.
“Because! We’ve been waiting for this date for a while now and you spend a lot of time getting yourself all ready and gorgeous to go to that fancy restaurant and I just ruined by getting all wrong from the beginning and-“
“Ash!” You interrupted him, cupping his face in your hands and making him look at you “Nothing’s ruined and the date isn’t over! Maybe it was fate… think about it! I bet that restaurant didn’t even have fries and I’m seriously craving some right now” Ashton chucked “The important thing here is that I get to spend time with you, so as long as I do, I don’t care if it is in a five star restaurant with minuscule portions of overly priced food or in a McDonald’s parking lot”
Ashton looked at you and all he could see was how your eyes crinkled with your smile. He swears that if he were to die in the next 10 seconds then he would die a happy man, because your smile would be the last thing he’d see.
This was just a minor setback, he thought, just one piece of his plan that didn’t exactly stick to it, but he still had all night.
“I love you” He said, smiling as he brought his lips to yours.
“I love you too, baby” You responded, stepping back and tugging on his hand “But first, fries”
Ashton laughed, letting you guide the way to the closest fast food restaurant. And as he felt the weight of the small velvet box on his pocket, he knew that you were right, as long as he was with you, then everything would be okay. He only hopes the rest of the night goes according to plan.
In a matter of minutes, you and Ashton were sitting on the sidewalk in your fancy clothes eating fries and milkshakes, laughing and joking around without a single care in the world. Your head was resting on his shoulder as you both saw cars and people pass, trying to create narratives with complete strangers and laughing at the absurdity that came out of each other's mouths.
With every passing second, Ashton was even more sure about his decision. He was looking at you while you wondered aloud about the possibility of fate and he couldn't believe his luck. It seemed like yesterday where he got the nerve to ask you out on a date, palms sweaty as he blurted out the words, holding his breath until you smiled at him and said yes. He's hoping that tonight you would do the same.
Your words drift away in his head as he starts daydreaming about your future together. He can see you standing all in white in front of him, a house with a lot of rooms to let your friends crash whenever they needed to or to fill with toys for your children, oh he can't wait to start a family with you, knowing that that's what you want too, eventually, maybe in a few years. Or maybe not at all? You could´ve changed your mind and that would be alright by him, after all if he has you then that's all he needed. But maybe you don't want him anymore, maybe you changed your mind completely. What would you say then? Is he rushing this? You talked about this before, but you could still say no. Would you say no? You have all the right to do so. Oh God, is he ruining this by asking you? Would you break up with him? Wh-?
“Ashton?”
Your voice pulls him out of the trance, just like it did the first time he asked you on a date.
“Hmm?” He hums. His eyes find yours and it's easy to spot the worry in them, the anxiety of it all is consuming him, but he can't let it show.
“Where'd you go?” You chuckled, knowing he was in a different headspace.
“I'm right here” He said, sliding his thumb against your lip to clean a bit of ice cream that was left forgotten, pressing his lips against yours right after.
He knows he shouldn't overthink this instead of enjoying this moment with you. He loves you and he knows you love him, that's all that matters, that's all there is to care. You belong together and if fate wants it, then you´ll be together for all your lives and he wants nothing more. He couldn't be more grateful when he's holding you like that, kissing you like that. With you, he feels like home. You are like a dream come true.
He pulled away after a while, giving your forehead a little kiss and staying like that. You smiled.
“Not that I'm complaining,” You said, lifting your gaze to meet his eyes “But are you okay, baby? You seem… off”
Ashton just smiled and nodded “I´m good, love. Just thinking,”
“Penny for your thoughts?”
“Maybe later.” He chuckled, getting up from the sidewalk and offering his hand for you to the same “Now, are you ready for step two?”
“Ooh, there's more?” You teased, locking your fingers together as you walked side to side.
“I want you to have the best night of your life, dear” Ashton said, pulling you closer.
“I already do! Every night that I have you with me is the best night of my life” You leaned closer to whisper in his ear “Where I can have you all by myself,” You bit his earlobe quickly, wanting to tease him just enough.
“Careful, princess” Ashton warned in a low voice “Don't want to start something you don't intend to finish. We still have a long night ahead of us ”
“Oh, I'm counting on it”
*************************************************
“Excuse me, what?!” Ashton asked the security guard of the gallery. The man just stood there and shook his head.
“I’m sorry son, but the exhibition is closed until next week for reparations”
“Oh no, no no no no no” Ashton murmured, tangling his fingers in his hair “fuck fuck fuck fuck”
He was thankful that you needed to go to the bathroom, that way you didn’t see him freak out in front of a complete stranger.
The security guard looked at Ashton like he was crazy.
“Are you okay, son?”
“No!” He said loudly, but quickly lowered his voice when he realized more people were staring “That exhibition belongs to one of my girlfriend’s favorite artists, they have this whole collection of couples in different stages in life and intimacy and she just loves it so much and I already plan on asking her to marry me but the restaurant didn’t have my reservation and now the gallery is closed and I’m fully panicking because I don’t know if she’s going to say yes now that I ruined again just because I didn’t ask before coming in here and-“
Ashton was interrupted when he felt two large hands grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him slightly.
“Calm the ef down, chief” Said the old man “You are going to have seizure if you keep rambling like that without taking a breath” Ashton closed his mouth and just stared at the man who still hasn’t let go of him “Look, you love this girl, don’t ya son?”
“More than anything”
“You wanna marry her?”
“Yes.”
“She loves you?”
“She does”
“Then why the hell are you so nervous?! If she loves you and wants to marry you then just ask her! Believe me, women don’t care about the flowers or the chocolates or all that bullshit. If you are the one for her and she’s the one for you then that’s all that truly has value” The man gave a small, kinda ‘wake the hell up’ slap to Ashton’s cheek that made him blink in disbelief “Now, don’t be an idiot, puff your chest and stop being a little scared puppy and go ask her!”
Ashton nodded, kinda weirded out by the whole interaction but still understanding everything that man said. He thanked the man for the pep talk and walked a little too fast over where you were standing.
You had just come out of the bathroom when you saw your boyfriend walking up to you. You noticed he was a little distressed once again.
“Hey, Ash. Everything okay?”
“Uhh, yes? No, yeah. What?” He mumbled, trying to wrap his head on what he should do next “Sorry, it just seems like the exhibition you wanted to see it’s closed for the week”
“Oh no,” You said in a little disappointed tone that Ashton was quick to catch up, cursing at himself for making you sad, even though it wasn’t exactly his fault “Eh okay, that’s fine. Maybe we can just hang out on the other exhibitions” You smiled.
“Babe, we’ve seen the other exhibitions like a million times already, don’t you think it’ll be a waste of time?” Ashton carefully asked.
“Of course not! I love them,” You exclaimed, tugging on his hand and already walking to an isle full of portraits “And besides, time’s never wasted when you’re in good company and I so happen to have the best one there is”
Ashton returned the smile and wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to peck your cheek “I love you so darn much” he whispered in your ear “Why don’t we make this a game? You give me a list of things I have to find within the gallery, since we’ve been here before you need to make it clever so we don't end the game too soon, and I’ll do the same to you. Okay?”
Your eyes lighted up at the idea of a challenge. Both of you were very competitive and you knew this was going to be one of those times where it was all or nothing.
“What happens if I win?” You asked.
Ashton pulled you closer, his hand dangerously placed on your lower back, slowly traveling lower and lower, making you shiver under his touch “We can do whatever you want, baby” he whispered, leaving a burning kiss on the side of your ear.
“Mmh, whatever I want?”
“I’ll be at your mercy, my princess” He smirked.
You grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a kiss “Then let’s make sure I win, then”
You exchanged phones and opened the notes app. The goal was to find ten items, it could be people hiding in one of the pictures or portraits, sculptures or random pieces of art scattered around the gallery. To prove you have them all you had to take a picture next to it or of it. Once you finished writing the list on each other’s phones, you started your search.
You walked alongside each other, hands laced together as you took in the different kinds of art the gallery offered, stopping from time to time when one of you spotted one item on the list, making one of you take the picture while the other rejoiced in victory.
“Hold up!” Ashton said as you passed in front of a peculiar painting “If I remember correctly… yes!” He celebrated quietly “There’s the duck with a bow tie! That means I win”
“This isn’t fair!” You whined after taking Ashton’s picture next to the stupid duck. He had a smug smile on his face as he held two thumbs up to the camera “I can’t find the last item! You cheated!”
“Aww” Cooed Ashton “Someone’s being a sore loser”
“Am not!”
“That’s alright babe, you can win another time” Ashton chucked “What’s the last item?”
“The lady with the diamond ring” You groaned, rolling your eyes “It’s so stupid! I’ve been here before like a thousand times and I’ve never seen a painting or anything like it with a lady with a diamond ring. Diamond tiara yes, but ring?” You scoffed, clearly frustrated “Are you sure there’s a lady like that here?”
“Well…” Ashton started, but he was soon cut off by a loud, annoying sound.
Soon enough, droplets of water started falling down the roof. The sprinkles had been turned on, meaning there was a fire inside the gallery.
You looked at Ashton with fear in your eyes, the same fear you saw reflected in his hazel gaze. He grabbed your hand, ready to sprint out of there in a second when someone started yelling.
“Sorry! False alarm! I fell and pressed the button sorry! There’s no fire!” A masculine voice echoed through the isles.
Ashton was livid, once again his proposal suffered a step back. How could everything get so messed up? He had everything planned and yet none of that worked. He was always used to having at least some sense of control over things but now he just felt completely helpless. Everything was wrong, everything was-
“Pfft”
He snapped his face towards you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he saw you place a hand to your mouth, cheeks turning red from trying to stifle your laughter. But as soon as your eyes met his, you lost it completely.
Your laughter burst through the halls, crackling at the situation “You-,” You said through a fit of giggles and snorts “Your face! You-“ You gasped for air, trying to gain some composure but failing miserably “I- we’re soaked! Look!”
Ashton gaze followed to where your finger was pointing, finally stopping at a mirrored window in front of you. The image of both of your fancy outfits completely drenched, humid strands of hair falling on your faces and your make-up completely ruined except for the waterproof eyeliner was truly a sight to behold.
Ashton’s eyes were concentrated on your reflection the entire time. Even soaking wet you were the most beautiful piece of art he’d ever seen, your laughter filling his ears as a muse’s melody. He couldn’t wait to hear it every single day of his life.
He joined you soon enough, his giggles resonating along yours, finally accepting how ridiculous this situation was. That’s something you love about him, his laugh. You’d never get tired of it. It was so sincere and pure, you don’t know how’d you spend so much time without that laugh in your life.
He was truly the love of your life. You knew, as soon as you saw him, that you were done for. You remember waiting patiently for him to ask you on a date, almost giving up and asking him yourself when he blurted out the words one day, thankfully. You are so in love with him it hurts, and to know that the feeling is mutual is just… the greatest thing that could ever happen to you.
You pressed your lips against his, both of you smiling into the kiss as your hands played with the back of his neck, training the lines of the condor tattoo. His hands quickly found their way to your waist, rounding it as he lifted you off the ground and spun you around the soaked marble floor.
Ashton broke the kiss when he put you down once again “Wanna get out of here?” He asked, smiling.
You nodded as you let him guide you outside the building.
The cold air of the city made you shiver as soon as you stepped foot on the streets, Ashton quickly gave you his jacket, which was a sweet gesture even though it made no difference since it was soaked as well.
“Let’s head back home” He said, placing an arm around your shoulders.
“Thought you had a whole night planned?” You asked, not wanting to discourage him.
“Yeah.. but that already went to the dogs. We can’t go anywhere in this state” He chuckled, making you laugh as well “And besides, someone once told me that the most important thing is that we get to spend time together. So as long as we do that, every plan is a great plan, don’t you think?”
You hummed softly “Must be a very wise person”
“Very much so. And beautiful. And funny. And hot as hell…”
“Wow, really?” You asked sarcastically.
“Extremely”
“I must meet them someday”
Ashton laughed and pulled you closer to him. Never wanting to let you go.
*************************************************
The drive home was peacefully quiet, both of you content with each other’s company, the radio filled in the silence and the traffic lights gave the atmosphere an ethereal feeling. You knew this was one of the moments where words were unnecessary, one of those moments to put away in a little box and opening it for a rainy day. It was a moment of love and peace. A true treasure.
Once you are home, you open the door as soon as Ashton stops the car, expressing your dire need of a hot shower “Can I join?” Asked Ashton as he took the key out of the engine tab.
“Always” You winked at him.
He chucked, making the car keys fall from his grip “Aw shit, go ahead love. The keys are in the pocket of my jacket”
Ashton heard you mutter an okay as he bent down to grab the car keys from the floor. Realizing a moment too late that there was something else in his pocket that night.
“Ashton…”
Oh shit.
“A-Ash, wha-“ you stuttered, holding a little blue velvet box in your hand.
He rushed to you, quickly grabbing the object from your hands “Oh shit, uuh” he gulped, starting to panic “I-I, fuck. I didn’t- Oh fuck it”
In a matter of seconds, Ashton fell on one knee. He grabbed your hand delicately as he looked into your eyes. He took a deep breath and gained the courage he was trying to master since the beginning of the evening.
“I honestly didn’t expect to do this on the porch of our house. I had everything planned. The fancy dinner, the gallery, countless other romantic activities we could’ve done tonight… as you can see nothing went as planned. I tried so hard to find the perfect moment to say this, but there isn’t such a thing. There isn’t because I know that every moment that I get to spend with you is the perfect moment.
Y/N, I love you. I have loved you from the moment I laid my eyes on you, and I haven’t stopped since. I find myself falling harder for you everytime you smile or you laugh, god I would give anything to make you laugh every single day of my life. You are the smartest person I know and I love hearing you talk about the topics that make you happy, wishing I could be one of them. Y/N you are… kind, you are funny, you are the most patient and resilient person I’ve ever known. Baby, you are my everything and I don’t know… I don’t want to know what I’d do without you.
I want you with me, always and forever. I want to be yours in more ways than one. I want to cherish you and be able to call you my wife, my love, my world. Everything I have, everything I am is yours. You make me a better person and you just make me the happiest man on earth just by staying by your side.
I’m yours, Y/N. In every possible way. Will you be mine? Will you-“
“Yes.” You said breathlessly through the tears.
“Yes?”
“Yes! Ashton, yes! A million times, yes”
You pulled him up from the floor and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him like your life depended on it.
Ashton cupped your face in his hands and deepened the kiss, parting your lips as you both melted to one another.
“I love you” he said, breaking the kiss to slide the ring onto your finger.
“I love you more”
He chuckled “Not possible”
You barely make it through the door before you are kissing him again, not being able to stand even a few more seconds without being close to him. Your heart is beating faster than ever, almost bursting out of your chest as you tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling it slightly in a desperate need to have him even closer.
“Fuck, baby” Ashton groans, cupping your ass and squeezing it as you jump and wrap your legs around his waist “You don’t know what you do to me” he said planting kisses all over your jaw, marking up a trail down your neck.
You moaned as you felt his lips sucking your sweet spot. Ashton had you pressed against the wall, his mouth clashing with yours, feeling every inch of your bodies as you battled for dominance. You let one of your hands fall and travel to where your lower halves meet, palming his growing erection and earning a low moan from him. With your other hand, you tug on his hair and whispered in his ear “Show me”
In an instant, Ashton dropped you to the floor and picked you up bridal style, making your way to your shared bedroom. He gently put you down on the bed and kneeled down in front of you.
He slowly started to undo the straps on your shoes, kissing your legs from your ankles to your knees in an agonizing pace before moving to the other one.
“So beautiful..” He said, sliding his hands up your body, removing your clothes in the process.
“Ash..” you whined. Pulling him by the collar of his shirt and disregarding it completely, bringing your lips together. You moaned into the kiss when you felt his fingers brush through your sides, leaving a burning trail of goosebumps wherever he touched.
“Where’d you want me, baby?” He said, kissing down your body, leaving marks wherever he could, stopping just right above your hip bone. You shivered when his fingers traced along your panties, adding pressure where you needed him most “You’re so wet, my love” He whispered as he hooked his thumbs on the side of them and pulled them off completely. His fingers running up and down your folds collecting your wetness and using them as lube “All of this for me?”
“Yes” You breathe heavily, moaning as you feel one of his fingers slip inside you.
“What was that, Princess?” He teased, kissing the inside of your thighs.
“All for you, Ash. All for-“ You moaned as he inserted another finger inside your hole, setting a pace that already made you see starts “Ash… please” you begged.
“Please what, Princess?”
“I need you”
Ashton presses his lips to your clit, kissing and sucking it as his fingers curled up inside you. Your hand made its way to his hair, fingers locking with his curls as you tugged on them, holding him in place.
You let out a pornographic moan when his fingers brush your g spot, bucking your hips when you felt that tight knot in your stomach, but Ashton put his arm above your hips and held you down. You whispered as you felt him groan against your sex, sending vibration all over your body.
“You’re close, aren’t ya?” Ashton said as he quickened the pace of his fingers “I can feel you clenching around my fingers, baby. C’mon, let go. Let me hear you, baby” He attached his lips to your clit once again, sucking it hard as your orgasm hit you, moaning his name as you came down from your high.
Ashton kneeled down on the bed, bringing his fingers to his mouth “Mmh” he moaned as he tasted your juices “Baby, you’re exquisite”
You quickly sat up as well, smacking your lips against his. Humming into the kiss as your hands started to unbuckle his pants and lowered them down just enough to palm him through his boxers, already feeling the precum leak through the thin fabric. Ashton let out a low moan at your touch, dropping his hand to stop yours.
“But-“
“Later, Princess” He said, bringing your hand to his lips, kissing it softly “I need to be inside you”
And with that, he pressed his arm around your waist and flipped you over so you were on top of him. You quickly caught his idea as you started tugging down his pants and boxers, taking them off completely,
“You don’t know how many times I imagined this” Ashton hissed when you speed your legs to each side of his hips, starting to grin on his cock with your bare sex, coating it with your wetness and moaning with delight “You riding me wearing this” He said, grabbing your left hand and kissing your new ring “And only this”
Your eyes were fixed on him as you stroke his cock and lined it up with your entrance “And how was it?” You asked in a teasing tone.
He smirked “Just like this” Ashton said, grabbing you by each side of your hips and slowly entering you until he bottomed down “Fucking fantastic”
You moaned at the stretch, loving how every inch of him filled you up and made you feel whole. Ashton groaned when he felt your walls clench around his cock, letting you adjust to him before you started to move and setting up a pace.
You started rocking on him, lifting your hips up and down his length as your hands flew to his chest for leverage, nails digging on his skin and leaving marks for you to trace later, a faint memory of the night that Ashton would treasure forever. Your moans grew louder and louder as you started going faster, Ashton’s name became a mantra to your lips as you started chasing your own pleasure.
Ashton grunted and moaned praises to you, stretching his hands so he could cup your breasts in each one “So fucking right, princess” he said, squeezing your boobs while his thumbs brushed your nipples “So. Fucking. Good. And all mine”
You moaned loudly at his actions. The feeling of him suddenly becoming too much as he lets go of your breast and grabs you by the hips once more, meeting your thrust and fucking you harder.
“Say you’re mine” He moaned, digging his fingers into your skin, applying a pressure that will leave bruises later on.
“Ah- a I’m yours! I’m yours” You said between your panting and your moans. Letting your upper half fall onto him, placing your arms at each side of his face as you let him take control.
“Yeah, baby... Fuck” He groaned in your ear as he speed up the pace, feeling his release approach with yours “You’re mine. My wife. My princess. My everything.. Fuck”
“Ashton…” You whined.
“Come baby, come on my cock. C’mon, I’m right behind you” Ashton said, bringing his lips to yours for a messy kiss, sticking your moans as you came all over his cock.
You felt dizzy as Ashton fucked you through your orgasm, your whole body trembling against him as he chased his own release. Ashton’s body tensed, his thrusts became sloppier as your walls clench around him, making his cock twitch inside you and filling you with his cum.
You both sighed heavily, content in your own pleasure as you slowly started making out again. Soft kisses and touches mixed with reassuring words of love filled the room as your post orgasmic daze faded away. Ashton carefully pulled out of you and made his way to the bathroom, bringing with him a small wet cloth to clean you up, peppering kisses all over your body as he did so.
Once he was done he laid in bed next to you, pulling you to his chest and kissing your forehead.
“You make me the happiest man on the planet” He whispered, not wanting to break the comfortable silence between the two of you “Fuck, baby. I’m so glad you said yes”
“Was there another option?” You chuckled “Did you really think I would’ve said no?”
“To be honest, I was a little worried you might” He laughed “It seems stupid now but I was so pissed earlier, I wanted to propose on the restaurant but then I messed up, then I thought that the gallery would’ve been a better option anyways and it ended up beign-“
“One of the best dates of my life?” You interrupted him. Ashton looked at you confused “I had fun today, Ash. I had a great time just being with you and having our own little chaos. And even if you decided to proposed at that McDonald’s I would’ve said yes regardless” You said, placing a small kiss to his lips “Though I’m still pissed about the game”
Ashton raised his eyebrows “Oh! That reminds me,” He got out of bed and started looking through the clothes that were laying on the floor for his cellphone. Once he found it he came back up and took a picture of your hand with the engagement ring, turning to you with a shit eating grin “I win”
“What?”
“I found the lady with the diamond ring!” He said excitedly. You slapped him in the chest “Ouch!”
“So you did cheat!”
“In my defense I was going to propose right there and there” Ashton said in as a matter of fact way “I was trying to be romantic”
You rolled your eyes and curled up to him, placing a soft kiss to his chest. His arms wrapped around you and traveled along your back, caressing it softly as you drifted to sleep.
“Y/N?” He whispered after a while.
You hummed “Yes?”
“I can’t wait to marry you”
You smiled into his embrace “I can’t wait to marry you, either”
#ashton irwin#5 seconds of summer#5 sos#ashton irwin smut#ashton irwin fluff#ashton irwin imagine#ashton irwin fic#ashton irwin fanfiction#ashton x reader#ashton 5sos#ashton 5 seconds of summer#ashton irwin 5 seconds of summer#5sos imagine#5sos fanfic#5sos fam#suchalonelysunflower#request#CALM#five seconds of summer#5 seconds of summer fic#5 seconds of summer imagine
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star crossed
-chapter four-
*disclaimer: this work is entirely fiction, all scenes with real life people presented in this work are entirely fictitious.*
word count : 2.4k
warnings : angst! (af!) swearing ? charlie watts being unbothered as ever, did i mention angst?
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After a couple drinks in, the conversation of recording a track started up. Jimmy was actually quite excited, a Rolling Stones and Jimmy Page track was bound to happen sometime. Sure, Jimmy had played with them in his session days, but not anything to the extent of actually being featured and credited for the track. They decided to come back tomorrow to Bill’s home studio to record a track that might feature on the upcoming Goats Head Soup album. Two nights previous, he finished up the English leg of the 72/73 tour. In a couple weeks, Led Zeppelin would be embarking on their biggest tour yet - the 73 North American tour. There was plans to record a concert film and album, and Jimmy was really hopeful everything would work out.
“Lads I’m about to fucking pass out here, I’m out, see you all tomorrow yeah?”
“All right Jim, see y’a tomorrow, not to early mate right?”
After agreeing to come in the early afternoon with Bill , he bid goodnight to the rest of crew there, Charlie and the pianist for the album, Nicky. Sure, they weren’t as wild as the Toxic Twins, but they were still good company - better than getting drunk in his hotel room alone.
Walking back to his hotel room, the walk felt much longer than 10 minutes. Even though it was the beginning of February, and therefore the start of spring, he had to wrap his arms around himself to preserve body heat.
Reaching the hotel lobby, he was met with the warm air of the large room. Red carpets and gold accents adorned the room. It was quite late in the night - or early in the morning, so he decided to skip going to the bar in hopes of picking up a partner and instead, head straight to his room. On his way into the elevator, he passed two women, both wearing sunglasses. He thought that peculiar, and even more peculiar, he thought he recognised the woman with short brunette hair. After attempting to place the woman, he concluded he was in no state of mind to try.
Laying down on his bed, his thoughts wondered to Alice. He hadn’t heard anything about her since they were last together. He wasn’t even sure if she was still in the music business. He wondered would he ever see her again. He hoped he would, but a feeling in his gut told him it would happen eventually. Sooner, or later, he thought.
Waking up slightly hungover, he showered and prepared for the day of recording ahead. It wasn’t to be a serious session, more of a jam of sorts and hopefully produce a track in the process.
Strolling casually into Bill’s recording studio, he noticed that, as per usual, everybody was there expect Mick. On second look he noticed that Mick Taylor was not there either.
“Where are the Mick’s?”
“I think Jagger is just late, but oh, theres Taylor there now!”
Just as Keith finished speaking, Mick Taylor walked in, guitar case in hand. This would be the first time Jimmy and Mick played together, and he hoped they would get on well.
“Jimmy, great to see you again, ready to play?”
“Nice to see you too, lets get down to it shall we boys?”
Mick Jagger had finally arrived, so he and Keith were working on lyrics, while Charlie and Bill were working on rhythms and riffs, leaving Jimmy and Mick Taylor to work out the main guitar melody. They worked really well together, as they both had the same blues origins and both loved incorporating it into new material.
“So who's the sound tech here anyway” Jimmy asked, while in the process of tuning his guitar down.
“Allie, she's been with us for the album, she's great, have you met her before?”
“Hmm, the name doesn't sound familiar I don't think”
“Well she had an appointment, so she’ll probably be here within the next hour” Mick commented, a shy smile coming onto his face when mentioning her.
After around half an hour of messing around, the boys were finally ready to start the recording tapes. All that stopped then was the missing sound tech.
“Good afternoon boys, I, being your guardian angel have brought lunch for all of us” Alice said cheerily, bursting through the door with a bright smile.
Jimmy’s head shot up at the sound of her voice, suddenly connecting all the dots. The feeling in his gut about meeting her, the woman in the hotel, and the ‘Allie’ nickname.
“Oh thank you Alice, forgot to mention we invited a special guest to join our entourage, last night at Bill’s after you and Taylor left” spoke Mick Jagger with his usual eloquence.
“Alice!”
“Jimmy” Alice replied curtly, a hint of sourness in her blank expression. Jimmy was now in front of Alice, greeting her.
“It’s a pleasure to see you again, its been what, nearly four years! I didn’t even know if you were still an audio tech” Jimmy said warmly, excited to see her again
“I would say it’s a pleasure to see you too, but its not, so I wont” Alice casually said, blanking him, and moving further into the room. She set the bags of fresh food on the table, in the back of the recording section of the large hall. Jimmy watched her walk away casually, totally taken off guard by her coldness. The rest of the Stones all caught this too, extremely confused, but a little entertained by their encounter.
“Wait, you guys know each other?” Keith asked, a small smirk on his lips, pointing between the two.
“I would say used to know, I was on of the engineers on Zeppelin II in 69”
“Hold on, I didn’t know you worked Zeppelin II? That means you must have been a teenager when you worked on it. Blimey” Mick, asked, all of this coming news to him, as well to the others.
“I suppose you wouldn’t, after all I wasn’t even credited, nor my boss Tom” Alice said coolly, still not turning away from setting up the various soups and sandwiches.
Obviously, the teenage Alice that Jimmy once knew was long gone.
“God, Allie you look so old, what are you now? Twenty four, twenty five” Jimmy asked, sampling the new nickname, trying to break the stifling awkwardness that now infected the room.
“Still getting my age wrong I see, Jimmy. Im surprised you still know my name, after all the stunts you pulled over the last four years” Alice replied, walking directly towards Jimmy, accompanied with razor sharp glare. She now stood directly on front of him, slightly invading his personal space. She has grown taller and her face matured, loosing the slight roundness to her cheeks she once possessed. She apparently had cut off her long wavy crimson locks, in favour of a modern, dark brown bob.
“Uh, what’re you talking about?” Jimmy asked chuckling nervously as he scratched his head, hoping she wouldn’t notice his feigned innocence.
“Oh I’m sure you know, as does everyone else in this room. I don't really have the energy to continue this irrelevant conversation, or frankly, any conversation in general with you at this point. Also, it’s Alice to you” Alice stated sternly with a finger pointed to his chest. Jimmy could practically see the ice swirling in her cool blue eyes, the eyes he had come to miss over the years. He had never had encountered her true, red headed temperament. Now that he was on the receiving end, he desperately wanted to stay away from it.
“I’m not really hungry anyway, so I’ll be in the mod room if you guys need me” Alice said, directing her words to everyone but Jimmy, before leaving and entering the conjoining mod room. Mick Taylor quickly set his down his burnt orange Les Paul, then followed Alice out of the room.
“Woah, I haven’t seen drama like this since the last time Mick and Bowie had an arguement - which was last week, I think hmm” Keith remarked with a sarcastic finger on his chin, before moving to serve himself some soup.
“Actually Keef, I think this charade is a lot more entertaining than David’s and I’s little tiffs, as this is bit more of a lovers quarrel”
“Better not let Taylor hear that, or he’ll have to have a word with you Pagey” Bill commented, wide grin now on his face.
Jimmy was now the confused one. He turned to Charlie, silently asking him about Alice and Mick with the point of his finger. Charlie simply shrugged his shrugged his shoulders in response before going back to drumming a riff with the hi-hats and snare drums.
After everybody had ate or, cooled off, recording was finally underway. After a couple of takes, Alice interrupted to give some pointers.
“Look boys, I’m gonna be candid with you all. It sounds shit” Alice said into the mic. Ever since she had gotten more experience under belt, she became renowned for her no bullshit opinions. In turn, people valued her honestly and knew what she said was, more often than not, right.
“Yeah, boys let’s not sugarcoat it, we’re not exactly gelling as one” Keith commented, starting to become fed up with having to balance not only Mick Jaggers usual dramatics, but another egotistical lead guitarist in the mix.
“Okay, what do you think love?” Mick Taylor asked softly, trying to keep the peace before something erupted. He wasn’t wrong, the Stones, along with a quarter of Led Zeppelin, and a hot headed tech was a bit of a lethal cocktail. Fights often combusted quickly between the Stones and Alice, as all members were just as stubborn as each other.
“Well it sounds like there’s 5 Stones, and 25% Led Zeppelin playing. What I want, and what fans want to hear is The Stones featuring Jimmy Page. You five need to change your usual routine of recording for once and mix it up. And you” she looked to Jimmy “need to stop pretending you’re with the other boys. You both need to work with each others strengths and quit overcompensating. Stop pretending you’re something you’re not”
Everybody in the entire house probably could pick up that the last sentence was a direct jab to Jimmy. Another awkward silence passed, ultimately stemming from a staring contest between Alice and the famed guitarist.
“Oh my fucking god, kill me now” Mick muttered, pinching his nose, while Charlie just rolled his eyes and started drumming the start of the song. Eventually Keith started the riff with Mick Taylor,along with Bill and Charlie carrying the bass and percussion, and Mick Jagger singing the lyrics. Only when they reached the solo part, did Jimmy break eye contact with Alice and begin playing.
Finishing up recording, the boys all started to leave. Mick and Jimmy were the last to pack up their stuff, and an uncomfortable air fell over them. Obviously they both either had history, or were making history with Alice. Eventually Mick realised he should probably let the pair talk it out, so, as Jimmy toward the mod room door, Mick moved toward the hallway door.
“Alice, can we talk? Obviously things have become a bit strained between us, and I don’t want it to stay like this” Jimmy started softly. It was probably his choice of words that set Alice off, as immediately after his finished she whipped around from the sound board and kicked off.
“ 'Strained' Jimmy, are you serious?! Strained?! First of all, you didn’t even tell me you weren’t mixing the album with us, and then you just left after our night together. Then- don’t try to interrupt me James. Then, you barely even credit Tom for his songwriting tips on the album. You didn’t even mention me once, even whenever anyone brings up that Theremin part in ‘Whole Lotta Love’! You blush and go on to explain how it was your own fantastic brain that thought of it. The you had the audacity to diss Mystic studios in the papers! What was it you said again? Oh yeah, 'Mystic Studios was far from mystical and closer to meagre, and as a result, the workers were too.” Alice snarled, stream practically blowing out her ears.
“Okay, I agree that comment about Mystics’s capabilities was definitely wrong, I was extremely out of it in that interview- hell I even jibed Atlantic Records!” Jimmy was now getting frustrated too. Normally, no one put him in his place, or gave out to him.
“And then how cold you were about Tom!”
“Wait what happened with Tom?” Jimmy inquired, now serious.
“Oh my fucking god Jimmy” Alice shouted at him “you don’t even remember to you?” She said with a laugh. She searched his face, but all she saw was confusion in his light grey eyes.
“Tom had a fucking stroke last year. Peter told you, and don’t you dare deny it, as he told me he informed you all when I spoke to him on the phone. For Christ’s sake even Bonzo rang to see how he was doing! He didn’t even have my number, but he found it anyway! Robert and John joined the call after he finished speaking. When I asked for you, they said you were in a closet fucking a groupie!”
“Look Alice, I’m sorry, I don’t know what to sa-”
“I’m not surprised Jimmy, it’s a marvel you can play guitar at all, with having no fucking sense in your thick head”
“Stop being so fucking rude to me, you’re not perfect either! Don’t act so high and mighty! I know what went on in Geffen records! I’m mates with David Geffen” Jimmy was no shouting too. At the mention of David Geffen, Alice’s face immediately switched from red to a pale white.
“You do not know what happened between myself and David, if you did, you wouldn’t speak to him ever again” Alice spoke low and slowly, her face now white as a sheet.
Unbeknownst to the pair, all of the Stones were listening outside. When they heard Jimmy shouting about Geffen, Mick Taylor had enough and burst in. The rest of the boys tried to stop him, but he broke free.
“Jimmy, stop it. You don’t know anything about the Geffen incident. You don’t know Alice anymore. I suggest you leave her alone before I step in more. Al, let’s go, our driver is outside.” Mick stretched his hand out to Alice, her eyes now watery, trying to bite down her quivering lip.
Alice immediately joined Mick, and left without a second look to Jimmy.
Jimmy, now alone in the mod room, felt his gut twist with guilt. Had something bad happened with David Geffen and Alice? His mind wondered to Mick’s choice of words -‘incident’. He had heard rumours that were more damaging on David’s behalf, but being friendly with him, he thought he knew him better than all the tabloids and industry gossip.
Jimmy realised that both he and Alice had changed drastically in the last four years, how could he have expected everything to go back to how it was in the summer of ‘69? Now, they were even more distant than ever before.
Maybe they had missed their chance at eternity. Maybe the stars had uncrossed.
His heart nearly broke at the revelation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok so chapter four !!!
I wanna write angst more often it’s my guilty pleasure
anyway, I think this is my favourite piece I’ve written 😌
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star crossed masterlist
tag list : @rebel-without-a-zeppelin @princesspagey @dreamersdrowse
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so admittingly I don't know much about springsteen but your top 5/10 springsteen songs and why?
WELL THEN HERE WE GO (sorry this required a long answer) (also if I start going like ‘this is it bUT IN THIS VERSION NOT IN THAT ONE it’s because actually he has wildly different version of the same song XDDD)
*cough* *drum roll* videos for the first five + links for the others as usual xD
one: the ghost of tom joad
youtube
I once ranted about this specific song in detail so here if anyone’s interested, but: it took me years to decide on which one was my favorite overall but then I went for tom joad because it has all. it’s a heartbreaking song that updates one of my favorite ever novels (the grapes of wrath) to current days situations and guys I swear to god the fact that he put to music tom’s speech to his mother in the novel at the end after rehashing the themes in a new light in the rest of it killed me and I want it tattooed, so. tom joad now and always thanks guys. I love this damned song to levels that are embarrassing as hell.
two: no surrender (in the live 75-85 version)
youtube
so: no surrender is originally on born in the usa and actually it’s my favorite song from that record regardless - like, it opens side two and I remember that the first time I heard it was on a tape a friend’s dad (haha) had lent me bc he knew I was into bruce and he was too and I turned it to the second side of the tape and played it and I was like holy crap this is it but then I heard the acoustic live version from the following tour and guys. guys. if you ever had friends you fell out of touch with but still remember fondly and/or friendships you know that even if you don’t talk for a while you’ll always be close when you meet again this is.. just… idk it hit me like a punch in the stomach and it never left. I cried every single time he played it live when I went to see him. no regrets. I love this song sfm and the melancholy in the acoustic version just destroys me.
three: for you (acoustic piano version)
youtube
I 100% realize this is probably a weird choice for top three, but: this was on his first album and the version on there is pretty damned good - it’s about a guy whose girlfriend tries to commit suicide and reminesces about their relationship - and you’d go like why, but: first of all he has some of his best lines in this (my electric surges free I just sdgsldjl) and the entire last stanza where he goes from where I found you broken at the beach to the end is just a knife into your heart, but this goddamned version here just goes and tears your heart out and stomps on it and I swear if there is one thing I want from bruce is that he plays this in front of me next time I see him live because for now I never managed and just - the slow piano kills me. I love it. the fact that when I asked brian fallon in a tumblr q&a his fave bruce song and he said this specific one just confirmed he’s a true intellectual. ;)
four: drive all night
youtube
or: this is the love song. I just. the first time I heard this I fell off the chair or something and it was the studio version which is nowhere near as heartfelt as the live versions and I swear it’s just - it has very lovely lyrics that perfectly balance melancholy and hopeful and don’t make it saccharine, the fucking sax solo destroys me every single goddamned time I hear it and when you get to the end and he says that she has his love heart and soul it’s The Most Heartfelt Thing I Have Ever Heard In My Life Or Close To It and I just, I love drive all night with every inch of my atoms, bye.
five: badlands
youtube
I ranted about this extensively yesterday here so I refer you to it for long rant about it, but tldr: this was actually the first bruce song I ever heard knowing it was by bruce - it wasn’t what got me on that train but it still was the first and like… I didn’t understand it for a long time bc my first run-in with bruce was a hit and miss but then I did and like, this song is basically quintessential bruce because it has all his themes rolled up into one, all the good stuff, everything that is good about his music and most of all live it’s a goddamned religious experience.
so, that was for the top five, but top ten…
six: youngstown (click here for full rant from last year) which was a hard choice but this damned song slays me whether acoustic or electric and I love his use of language and how he built it and how he teaches you things in five minutes pretty much and how the music/mood matches the words in both versions and seems to mean different approaches but still doesn’t change the core of it, and is2g the last two lines and the second stanza and the line he recycled from the mahardige book he inspired himself with when he wrote this are just goddamned out of this world and like this one raised the ladder for years but I just, love it to pieces
seven: rosalita (come out tonight), or: bruce does serious and politics incredibly well but this one is just a delight from beginning to end, it’s fun, I could listen to it for a month without getting tired, it always puts a smile on my face and the entire last part where he tells her to inform her dad he has a record company now so no reason to hate that his daughter is with a moneyless musician is just… so… lovely and fun and lighthearted and I just really love this song a lot ;;
eight: highway patrolman or, there’s no way a top ten bruce songs has no nebraska material from me because nebraska Is A Damn Masterpiece and this one’s my fave off it, but tldr: the utter, absolute way this thing slays you with just voice and guitar and the way he makes you feel about the cop who ends up letting his brother with ptsd from vietnam escape after he accidentally kills someone is out of this world and I just, this one really has a way to make you empathize with the narrator and my heart ;_; (also the movie they made from it which is in that video is really good k viggo mortensen playing the brother with ptsd isn’t leaving me anytime soon)
nine: thunder road (rant attached to the link) or: this one is short and sweet but honest, it’s not The Definitive Love Song To Me just bc drive all night exists. this damned song is a masterpiece in itself. it’s flawless. it has the crescendo, it has the fact that at whichever moment in his life he sings it it works, ‘it’s a town full of losers and I’m pulling out of here to win’ is the most iconic line that ever ended a song or close to it and it’s exactly the kinda love song you wanna hear if you want realistic love song material and just, legendary. okay? legendary.
ten: american skin (41 shots), or: this actually is what got me into springsteen bc I borrowed the live album it was published on originally after my first try with darkness went so-so, I listened to it and was like ‘okay yeah he’s good’, then I got to this one and went like ‘wait a fucking moment this isn’t just good’ (count that I was twelve and understood maybe 1/5th in the english songs I heard), I actually looked it up, went like woah wait aaand listened to it for two weeks straight, bought the record, translated everything by hand, started reading about what the fuck was wrong with the circumstances for which it was written and here I am twenty years later dying over bruce and having been introduced thanks to him to 80% of his country’s societal issues or I’d have had no idea that early in my life. anyway: other than the sentimental value, it’s honestly out of this world good and the live version just nailed it way better than the studio that was released years later and I love bruce a lot, k? k.
thanks for letting me rant ;)
#bruce springsteen#springsteen birthday extravaganza 2k19#if anyone not from fandom clicks on the rants don't mind the anon hate i started them from ;)#jlannister#ask post
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My (24F) girlfriend's (26F) mutual ex (25F) called her abusive but I don't want to leave? via /r/polyamory
My (24F) girlfriend's (26F) mutual ex (25F) called her abusive but I don't want to leave?
Mel (25F), my (24F) first serious girlfriend, and I dated in college. We were together for a year and some change, lived together from very early on in the relationship, and were codependent. Our romance ended but we were on good terms before she moved away from our college town a few months after we broke up. We didn’t keep in close touch but were friendly enough that I answered a random call from her a few years later. Mel was calling to let me know that she had seen on social media that I had moved to a town nearby, eventually revealing that she was in a new relationship and wanted to have a threesome with me and her new gf, Sandi (26F). I immediately went along with it, thinking she was joking but politely declined when she insisted she was serious. When the call ended, I started to think more about what a great story it could be and reasoned that it was a pretty rare opportunity that I might never get again. After some consideration and talking to Sandi too, I decided to take Mel up on it.
Soon after, we met up for dinner with plans to go to their apartment after and have sex. It’s a little awkward at first, of course, but we quickly begin to have an overall good time. They eventually let me know that they are actually in an open relationship. This caught me off guard as Mel and I had been monogamous when we were together but I still thought it was really cool and expressed as much to both of them. They explained a little about how their relationship worked but we mostly talked about other things.
When we got back to their apartment after dinner, we had sex and it was great and I left the next morning. Mel texted that she and Sandi had a great time and that they want to continue dating me if I was interested. I immediately thought about how messy it all would inevitably be figured I didn't have much to lose so I did it anyway.
3 or 4 link ups later, we all make plans to go out together. Last-minute, something comes up with their babysitter and Mel has to stay home but Sandi decides to come anyway. After that night, Sandi and I hung out a few more times alone and I ended up not seeing Mel for a few weeks.
About a month before the pandemic got serious around us, Mel texts me essentially breaking up with me. She said she thought we worked better as friends but that she didn’t want to get between Sandi and I. I didn’t honestly believe that it didn’t bother her but decided to mind my business and said okay.
Once the pandemic started, Sandi and I began to talk a lot more often. While we had been dating for several months beforehand, we had seen each other less than 10 times total. Now we were FaceTiming every day and being much more emotionally intimate with each other. I found her to be extremely smart, funny, expressive, and all-around a great time. Often Mel would casually join Sandi and I’s conversations and we would sometimes send each other memes about shared interests on social media but didn’t speak outside of that.
I started to get a much clearer picture of Mel and Sandi’s relationship because of all the time I spent talking to them but mostly heard things through Sandi. She described their family as full of love and also described frustrations that led to pretty explosive arguments with Mel. Having been with Mel in the past, I could relate to how frustrating it could be to argue with her. She is very stubborn and does not always respect boundaries. However, several times during descriptions of their various arguments Sandi would say things to Mel that made me uncomfortable. Sandi also admitted that she hit Mel on one occasion, early on in their relationship. Wrong is wrong and putting your hands on your partner is always wrong which I told her at that moment, but she explained that they had gone to couples counseling after the incident and that they were both in individual therapy as well.
Whenever I heard them, I would point out how mean her words to Mel were. Sandi would appear unaware of how her actions were harming Mel at first, but was always very apologetic when things were mentioned to her, and seemed to be learning in therapy. I told Sandi that I thought the power dynamic in her relationship with Mel was unhealthy and that I would leave her the very first time she said anything like she had said to Mel, to me. I didn’t feel like it was my place to intervene in their relationship and never encountered that kind of behavior with Sandi myself. I did speak with Mel to express concern once which she acknowledged but largely brushed off, so I left it alone.
As my relationship with Sandi progressed, her other relationships began to deteriorate. Eventually, Sandi and her other long term partner who I had never met break up, so does she and Mel while they are still living together, and several members of her extended family get or die of COVID, including her aunt that raised her. Through these extremely rough few months, Sandi and I continue to get closer eventually sharing ‘I love you’s and planning to move into separate apartments in the same area in order to be closer together.
A few days ago, I go to a cabin with friends from college for a long weekend and don’t get the chance to speak with Sandi beyond a few texts for a couple of days. On the way home, I am scrolling through social media and went to send something to Mel but realized I was blocked from their account. Feeling hurt and surprised, I texted both Mel and Sandi asking what happened and if everything is okay.
Mel gets back first and explains that she left the apartment with Sandi after an argument a few days ago but that she doesn’t wanna make Sandi any angrier by talking about it with me. I try to push the conversation but Sandi calls before Mel responds.
Sandi says that she and Mel got into it and that while she is sad Mel left she is also relieved and feels like she’s really done. She then suggests that I should give Mel some space. I pointed out that Mel and I had a relationship outside of her and that I wanted to maintain that relationship regardless of what was going on with them. She reacted defensively, basically undermining the relationship Mel and I have and even sayIng that we couldn’t date if I talked to her (in the heat of the moment). I told Sandi I didn’t appreciate her tone and that she needed to chill out if she wanted to continue speaking, which she did. We concluded that while she didn’t want me to talk to Mel about our relationship with each other, because she didn’t want Mel to have access to information about her that didn’t concern their child, she couldn’t stop me from speaking to Mel in general. This conversation was the closest thing we’d had to an argument the entire time we’d known each other and was completely healthy in my view.
After Sandi and I got off the phone, I talked with Mel. During the conversation, Mel apologized for blocking me without saying anything first. She went on to say that she blocked a bunch of people because she wanted to create as much space between herself and her “abuser” (Sandi) as possible. I said that I understood, that I had no ill will towards her, and that regardless of my relationship with Sandi I would be there for her in any way she needed me to be.
On one hand, this was the first time that Mel had used the word abuse when referring to Sandi’s actions and I feel like I have a responsibility to act as a result. The proper next step to finding out someone you know has been abusive is to cut them off, right? If I continue to be in a relationship with Sandi, at worst I’m saying “Fuck Mel, my values, and victims of abuse everywhere.” And at best, I’m saying to Mel that I don’t value our relationship enough to end my relationship with Sandi because she was mean occasionally, gaslight her sometimes, in addition to whatever else happened that idk about. I’m supposed to center the victim's needs and I’m not supposed to empathize with the abuser. I know this.
On the other hand, Mel has already blocked me and while I value our relationship and meant it when I said that I am someone she can always talk to, we haven’t been as close as Sandi and I now are for years. While no one ever deserves to be spoken to cruelly by loved ones, especially not Mel who has a really great heart, there were certainly times in Mel and I’s past relationship where I thought mean things in anger too. I never said those things and Sandi shouldn’t have either, but I can understand how one gets to that point when arguing with someone who continuously demands a response, even when you try to take a break or end the conversation. I certainly acknowledge their relationship was harmful to Mel and Sandi is definitely the most in the wrong, but I want to acknowledge that she has taken steps to diffuse the situation as well.
There should have never been any physical violence in the first place, but does Sandi get any credit for not repeating the behavior and seeking therapy? Is cutting Sandi off mandatory if she acknowledged the harm, has taken steps to end the harmful relationship (outside of their kid), and is working to change her behavior? How much extra grace does she get for being in mourning of her family members? Am I allowed to see both sides or does Sandi's side matter if Mel feels she was abused? What if this is just a fight and I cut Sandi off but then Mel calms down and walks her language back?
Most meaningfully, do I have any ethical options outside of ending my relationship with Sandi? I definitely hear myself sounding very “I know she did wrong but I love her ☹️“ almost to the point of victim-blaming and will accept the read that I get and that I need to break up with her if you all say so, but really feel like this is more complicated than it seems... Maybe not though?
tl;dr I’m dating someone who used to be in a relationship with my ex gf. Our mutual ex is saying my partners abusive but I am not being abused and don’t want to cut my partner off.
Submitted August 08, 2020 at 09:12AM by lovetrianglewsomeDV
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