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otherpeoplesheartachept-2 · 6 months

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day 6: That Sort of Love

Agatha's trying to figure herself out, and why she can't seem to love like others do.

Rating: T

Length: 921

Warnings: none

Read on AO3 or below the cut :)

I thought that dating Niamh meant I was normal.

She's handsome and smart and wears her heart on her sleeve even when she's trying to be a tough prick. She's great at kissing, and sex, and she stopped holding doors open for me when I told her I hated it. I thought I could love her.

I should love her, but there's something wrong with me.

I thought dating Niamh, and wanting to kiss her, meant the rest would come to me. But I was right when I said I don't have the right kind of love inside me. I didn't love Simon in the way I was supposed to, and now I don't love Niamh in the way I should.

It's worse because I know she loves me. She hasn't said it, but she's fixed up a leak in Ebb’s barn roof. (I guess it's my barn now). And she told me she's drawing up plans to fit the bathroom with a claw-foot tub, after I mentioned I’ve always wanted one of those. And who else would Niamh leave the clinic early for just to get a bite to eat?

I don't deserve her. I try to pay her back: I bought her hair-styling products, I put kissy emojis in my texts even though it makes me feel like I’m lying, I moan extra breathy when she eats me out because I know it turns her on.

But I don't love her.

People speak of romantic attraction like it's this huge, magical (Normal type of magical) thing, and I just don't get it.

What's a girlfriend beyond a friend you like to fuck?

(I know there must be more to it though, asexual people exist, and they can have romantic feelings).

I asked Keris once how she knew she wanted to be with Trixie. She said things just felt different with her. But I don't feel different about Niamh. I like her like I like Penny. (Okay that's a bad example, I definitely like her more than Penny.) I like her like I like Ginger; like I liked Minty. Except I’ve never imagined what it’d be like to sleep with either of them.

I told Niamh we should break up, because I can't seem to love her in the same way she can love me. She was pissed about that. I know she's insecure about ending up as nothing but an experiment for straight girls. I’m not straight though, I don't feel romantic towards men either. And after trying once with Simon I think it's safe to say I don’t ever want to sleep with a man.

We didn't talk for two weeks after I said we should split.

And I cried for most of it.

I felt so stupid. After all, I’m the one who called things off, I’m the one who said I don't love her. But Niamh’s still my friend, I do enjoy her company. I wish I could be normal for her.

I turned to Penny, (because who else do I have? I’m not about to go to Simon with my girl problems), told her what was going on with Niamh and I, how I want her, but I can’t make myself love her the right way. I don’t want to build my life around her and get married with two kids, I don’t want to feel like we have to go on dates often enough or we’re failing, I don’t want her to treat me like a girlfriend.

Penny’s American asked why there had to be a right way to love. I wanted to slap him. I refrained though, and he asked another question: if I’d ever considered I was aromantic.

And well, no… I hadn't. Seven Snakes, maybe I am. But what does that solve? I can’t very well tell Niamh I just want to use her for sex, can I?

The American tried to tell me that’s not how it has to work. He’s annoyingly emotionally mature and knowledgeable about ‘alternative’ relationships.

I thought about what the American said for a bit. And I tried preparing this big long explanation to give to Niamh, but then I got scared and deleted it off my phone. And then one of the goats got a rusty nail stuck in his hoof, and I thought it was infected so I had to go to the clinic. And of course Niamh was the only one that could help.

She didn’t say anything about us while she examined the hoof. It hurt a bit how coldly professional she was.

I tried to play along, I wanted to, coward that I am. But I thought about going home alone and feeling the loss of my closest friend for the 14th night in a row. I didn't want Niamh to be a stranger again. So I made myself say something. And then I was saying too much. I started rambling on and on like: I’m not straight and I do like you but I might be aromantic and it’s great when we fuck, and I worry I can’t give you what you deserve but it’s not that I never want to see you it’s just I don’t know exactly what I do want. I know I want it with you though, is that okay? Can you trust me? Can you follow my lead on this?

Niamh said she had to think about it. And she let me kiss her when I left.

Fair enough.

So, I guess, now we wait.

#I wrote this very quickly bc I didn't have anything for the wlw prompt and I'm not sure it's any good #but I tried to do aromantic agatha justice #aromantic agatha wellbelove #carry on countdown #coc 2023 #agatha wellbelove #Niamh Brody #brobelove #fanfic #corascrap

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adamarks · 3 years

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I haven't seen anyone in the fandom talking about it but I'm pretty amused that Agatha found a girl who is like Simon (a bit socially awkward, sturdy build, strong sense of duty, first instinct appears to be FIGHT ME) just like Simon ended up with someone kind of like Agatha. I know the prevailing conversation is compulsive heterosexuality, which yeah of course, but I think it's more entertaining that they weren't entirely wrong about what they liked.

Hey sorry if this comes off rude, but I wholly disagree with what you’re saying. If not just from a personal opinion, but a literary view.

Starting off, I literally wrote this meta on why Agatha is a Simon mirror. Which means that she is there to reveal things about Simon to the reader. So from this standpoint alone, her falling for another Simon mirror doesn’t make sense. The point is that she’d fall for a BAZ mirror and continue to reveal things about Simon and snowbaz through that relationship. That’s just baseline literary analysis.

Secondly, I’d like to debate your description of Niamh. “A bit socially awkward.” Perhaps, but A! Simon is described as being much more personable in everyday settings. Baz is a diplomat but Simon is a lad. And B! Agatha is way way more socially awkward and antisocial than Niamh. Who’s the one with absolutely no friends at Watford? Who hated parties at college? And who wanted to become a vet because she hated people.

“Is that why you became a veterinarian? Because you like animals better than people?” That’s why I want to become a veterinarian.”

“No,” she says.

[…]

“Fine.” She’s fed up. “Why did you want to become a veterinarian, Agatha?”

“Because I like animals more than people! Like a normal person!”

“I also like animals more than people!” she says. “That just wasn’t the deciding factor!”

-Chapter 62

Literally if anything this just proves they’re both assholes honest to god.

Ok next descriptor:

Sturdy build.

Ok she’s gotta sturdy build but let’s just take this apart.

In this book especially we learn that simon never got to a comfortable weight. He keeps calling himself fat but everyone else is just like “yeah you can’t see his ribs anymore.” Even AGATHA goes oh look he doesn’t look a starving child how nice. We’re not getting true sturdy build plow you over Simon until after the events of CO. Rainbow herself has said that CO Simon is a twig.

As for Niamh’s physique, a major part of Agatha being like Oh A Woman, was her remembering her from lacrosse. She was a great player. Very aggressive. One… could…. Say……… ruthless.

You know who else is “ruthless on the field”?

Lastly for this section, I DONT think that Niamh’s instinct is FIGHT ME with anyone except for Agatha. At worst she just comes across as tactless and mildly autistic-coded. It’s literally only Agatha that she goes WHATS UP YOU STUPID BITCH YOU SUCK!!!

And before I get into my last point, Agatha literally did Simon’s thing of not knowing she was attracted to Niamh until the moment they kissed in the woods during a life or death situation. It was a very obvious parallel to chapter 61. (But softer. Bc the point of this book is learning to be softer and vulnerable.)

Ok also one more thing: Agatha isn’t really like Baz except rich and dress fancy. But maybe that’s just me

Finally, and I hope I don’t come off too rudely, this ask just puts a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. It’s not fair to compare “what you liked” when you thought you were straight to what you want in a partner when you figure out you’re queer. Agatha’s whole story is not wanting to be defined by her relationship with Simon, and yet you’re doing that right now. One of Simon’s main trope flips is that he was never actually attracted to the fair maiden. He never had any feelings. If we put compulsive heterosexuality aside like you said, then they are basically siblings. Simon is pretty much Agatha’s foster brother.

I can tell you didn’t mean this in a bad way anon, and maybe you yourself are a lesbian, but from my own lesbian perspective, I know very very few lesbians that wouldn’t be at least uncomfortable with someone saying this about their possible past entanglements with men. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything or trying to be rude. I just feel uncomfortable at best with this take. Let’s not compare the butch lesbian to a man. That’s all I’m saying.

#sorry if this came off shitty I just don’t like.#like don’t quantify lesbians by their relationships with men I guess?#maybe someone else will be more willing to play in this space with you Anon #it just makes me uncomfy #awtwb spoilers

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forabeatofadrum · 3 years

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Seal the darkness

Summary: Simon has a new sword and he needs equipment. When the Bunces ask him and Baz over for dinner, he decides to bring his sword with him so that he can ask Professor Bunce for advice.

He did not expect Professor Bunce to recognise it as the Salisbury family sword.

Notes: I love the semi-open ending of Any Way The Wind Blows. It fits with the trilogy’s whole idea that someone’s life isn’t over when a book is over. That all being said, give me all the fanfiction about Simon and his family!

The title of course refers to the Master Sword, because I am Zelda trash and it’s the only other cool sword I can think of.

AO3

SIMON

I’m familiar with swords. I’ve had the Sword of Mages for years.

But I could magically summon that one. Susan, on the other hand, is an object that always must be carried around. (Yes, I called the sword Susan.) (It was an accident, because when Baz asked about the name again, I blurted out ‘Susan’.) (But now I’ve grown to love that name.)

Since Susan has to be carried around, it’s stayed in my flat for most of the time. It would look weird if a bloke rides the tube with a sharp sword. I could get away with it when there’s a geek convention in the city, but that doesn’t happen enough. The Renaissance Fair in America really felt like a different world.

Susan needs care. The Salisbury family has also always kept the sword indoors, so its scabbard is old after lying around for years. I need to find a place where I can bring a magickal sword.

When the Bunces ask me and Baz over for dinner, I decide to bring my sword, since the Bunces definitely know where I have to go with a magickal sword. Professor Bunce has connections in the entire World of Mages.

I’m weirdly excited about it. God, I didn’t know how much I missed having a sword till I got Susan and the best part is that I don’t even need magic to yield it. If it hadn’t been for Baz sleeping in my arms, I probably would sleep with this damn sword. It’s a safety hazard, I know, but when has my life ever been safe? Do I want to carry Susan at my hip, or on my back, or maybe both? Can I even wear a leather baldric with my wings, or should I keep it on a leather belt? The Sword of Mages always got summoned near my hip.

I really hope Professor Bunce can help me out. I want to carry Susan around as much as possible. I leave my sword at the entrance together with my modified coat. I still have the wings. I can’t wait to reschedule with Niamh, but she’s been busy with the Watford goats. I think Agatha is helping out. It’s kind of ironic if I get my wings removed around wintertime when it gets cold again. Back to the coats!

“Smells amazing in here!” I yell as I enter the living room.

The Bunce house does smell amazing. According to Penny, Premal is the one who does the cooking these days. They say that no Bunce loves to cook, but Premal showed them wrong. I think everyone’s just happy to see Premal motivated about something again.

Shepard and Penny’s dad are inside, talking a lot. Shepard and Penny have just returned from Omaha. Apparently, he’s applied for university in England. Professor Bunce has gotten over her grudge now that she realises that Shepard makes Penny happy. That, and she’s a scholar at heart. She can’t get enough of Shepard’s stories about America’s magickal world, just like her husband.

Penny is setting the table together with Priya. Pip and Pacey are nowhere to be seen, but they’ll show up eventually. Premal emerges from the kitchen and when he starts putting food on the table, my mouth starts the water.

“You’re such a glutton, Snow,” Baz says affectionally.

Can you blame me? Premal’s really into Indian food these days and he has made pakora, kofta, white rice and some crisp papadum. I am so glad that there’s finally someone I (vaguely) know who can cook.

When it’s time to eat, Professor Bunce calls for all her children. We can hear Pip and Pacey come down the stairs. Then there’s some rummaging. It’s always loud in this house.

“Pip, Pacey, now!” Professor Bunce says.

Pip and Pacey finally show up, but to my surprise, Pacey is holding Susan.

“Mom, look at that!”

Pacey is trying to swing Susan around, but the sword is heavy and Pacey almost slices through Pip. Professor Bunce is already on her feet to calm her kids down. I beat her to it.

Without thinking, I take the sword from Pacey and I stick it in the Bunce’s lounge table.

Everyone stares at me in shock. I realise how this must look.

“It’s a magical sword,” I quickly say, “The damage will be magickally fixed when the sword is removed. Oh, yeah, it’s my sword.”

“Simon,” Penny says in shock, “Is that the Sword of Mages?”

Oh. Right. I forgot that that’s another reason for shock.

“No.”

I don’t elaborate. Penny has her thinking face on and I know that she’s itching to ask more, but I turn my attention to Premal’s cooking. Pip and Pacey try to pull the sword, but they can’t. Eventually they give up and they join us in the dining room.

Dinner is wonderful and I compliment Premal so often that Baz jokes: “Snow, should I be jealous?” Everyone laughs and it’s wonderful to just hang out with the Bunces and Shepard, relaxed and without a care in the world. I am still new to this feeling and I’m trying hard to find moments like this.

After dinner, we move to the living room for some drinks so that Premal can get started on dessert. Priya helps him out. The sword is glistening in the light and Pip and Pacey once again try to get it out.

Out of curiosity, Shepard tries too. Penny also gives in. I hide my smile when I see everyone’s confused and frustrated faces.

“Damn Baz,” Penny says when she sits down, “What kind of possession charm for Simon did you use?”

“An ancient one,” Baz lies easily, “I found it in my parents’ library.”

Penny, for once, doesn’t question it. It’s a great lie.

“Why do you have a sword?” Pacey asks.

I cast a quick look towards Baz. He’s the best liar.

Baz takes his cue and says: “Because Simon missed having a sword. So we got a new one.”

He says it with a matter-of-fact tone, as if it’s a completely normal thing to just get a sword and that you shouldn’t argue with the logic. Penny narrows her eyes towards Baz, but it makes Pacey shut up.

“Why did you take a sword with you?” Pip asks me.

Baz checks in with me by lightly touching my elbow, but I can answer this one myself.

“To ask your mother for an address of a magickal locksmith or something,” I answer honestly.

“Or something,” Pip mocks me. I don’t mind.

“Well then,” Professor Bunce gets up, “Follow me to the study, Simon. I might have the contact information there. Take the sword with you.”

I’m sitting in the study. Professor Bunce is looking around.

“Oh, where did I put that address?”

She casts a spell and a little piece of paper comes flying at her. She catches it and then hands it to me.

“There you go,” she says, “Give these people a call. They are in London. Ealing. They have equipment like scabbards and leather belts. They can also fix magickal swords if needed.”

I don’t think an Excalibur breaks easily, but I don’t tell her that. She doesn’t have to know the origin of this sword. I’m lucky that everyone buys the lies.

“Tell them Mitali sent you. There might be some discount,” she says with a wink.

“Thanks, Professor Bunce.”

I get up and I put the paper in my pocket. I start to leave.

“Of course, Simon,” Professor Bunce says, “The Salisbury family sword needs to be handled with extra care.”

I turn around in shock and my wings knock over a pile of books, but Professor Bunce doesn’t seem bothered by it.

“You know the sword?” I ask.

“I haven’t seen it in a a few years, but after seeing it through most of your childhood, you can’t easily forget a sword as majestic as this one.”

“Susan,” I blurt out.

“What?”

“I called the sword Susan.”

Professor Bunce looks amused. “Of course you did.”

“But if you know what kind of sword Susan is, then you know what this means. For me.”

Professor Bunce nods slowly. “I am not sure about the details, but when you pulled the sword from my lounge table, I got the gist of it.” She tilts her head and she looks at me. “I can see them in you. I can’t believe I never saw it before.”

Everyone who knows about my new family status keeps saying that. Lady Ruth has shown me photos of Lucy when she was younger and I see it too. No one knew what to look for, but when they did, it became obvious. Professor Bunce must’ve had the same realisation.

I look like Lucy Salisbury.

I look like-

I fall down, back into my seat. Susan is stuck into the ground and I hold on to it. My wings automatically close around me.

“I’ve known for a month,” I say silently, “I don’t like to think about it.”

“Oh, Simon.”

“Penny doesn’t know yet. I can’t tell her. I can’t think about it!”

But I have to. One day, I have to. I must face the realisation and I think this might be the moment. I didn’t expect Mitali Bunce to be in attendance. She hasn’t witnessed one of my breakdowns before.

“The Mage...” I trail off. I look up to see Professor Bunce smiling sadly. I can feel the tears in my eyes. Her eyes are watery too. Mitali Bunce is not known for being a patient woman, but now she waits patiently for me to find her words. “... is my father.”

It’s the first time I said those words out loud. To myself. To anyone. Jamie, Lady Ruth and Baz all know, of course, but no one’s ever said it, since I didn’t want them to. The Mage is my father.

My shoulders sag and I lean onto Susan even harder to prevent myself from falling. It’s a good thing I’m already sat down. My wings fully close around me.

“I killed my father.”

“Oh, Simon,” she says again and then her hands are on my wings. They automatically open and Professor Bunce puts her hand on my shoulder in support.

She pulls me close and I sob. I’ve never been held by an adult like this. The Mage, the closest thing I had to a father, my actual own father, never treated me with such delicacy and the closest thing I had to a mother was Ebb, who also was too rugged for it. I never minded, but now that I feel Professor Bunce’s arms around me and I sink into her embrace, I realise how much I’ve longed for this.

Lady Ruth has held me, but I never wanted to revel in it. I didn’t think about what it would mean. I didn’t want to.

“Lucy, your mother, was my best friend. I miss her dearly.” This explains how she knows Jamie. “I never stopped wondering what happened to her.”

I let out a long teary sigh.

“She’s- she’s passed.”

Professor Bunce’s grip tightens and I hear her breathe sharply. “I was afraid... yeah... yeah, I think I knew. But Lady Salisbury and Jamie were so adamant that she was alive. That candle...”

I tell her that the ghost of my mother kept the candle burning. She burnt it for me, not for herself. Now that I am found, the candle’s gone out. I also tell her that the Salisbury's haven’t told anyone about my heritage, at my request. They understand.

After the two of us cry for a little bit longer, I ask: “Can you tell me about her?”

Jamie and Lady Ruth have told me countless stories already, but Professor Bunce is a school friend. I never really had family, but according to my friends, everyone’s different with friends than with family.

“Sure. I’d love to.”

The two of us are sat on the floor. We’re surrounded by photos and other memorabilia, like letters and objects. Susan’s lying between us. Over the years, Professor Bunce has given a lot to Lady Ruth and Jamie as a comfort, but she’s also kept some of her own memories for herself.

Professor Bunce and my mother met in their first year at Watford. At a class, Lucy got into trouble for spelling a boy’s shoelaces together. Professor Bunce jumped in to defend her by pointing out that that boy was harrassing my mother. They’ve had each other’s backs ever since.

They were great friends. My mother and Professor Bunce are both incredibly powerful. Other Professor Bunce, Penny’s dad, joined the clique and I hear a lot of great stories about their time at Watford. That decreased when the Bunces started dating each other and when the Mage appeared in their lives.

I’ve always known that the Bunces hated the Mage for political reasons, but now I know that Professor Bunce has also always hated him for taking away Lucy.

We don’t talk a lot about him, though. This is about my mother.

I have no idea how long we’ve been holed up in the study, but at one point, other Professor Bunce comes in to check on us.

“Mitali, love, you two have been gone for an hour. Premal’s waiting to serve dessert.”

Then he does a double take when he realises that he’s seeing me and his wife on the ground, surrounded by photos and other documents. His eyes fall on a photo of him and Lucy, taken by Professor Bunce, and then he looks at me.

He now knows what he can look for. He sees it.

“We’ll be there in a minute, Martin,” Professor Bunce says with a serious tone. Other Professor Bunce nods. He understands that there’s something going on that we can’t talk about outside this study. At least, for now.

“Actually, Professor Bunce-” I yell out when he turns to leave.

“Martin,” Professor Bunce reminds me. Even after all these years, I still call both of them the Professors. It can be confusing, but I just can’t seem to call them Martin and Mitali.

Still, I make an attempt and say: “Martin, can you ask Baz to come here?”

“Sure thing, lad.”

“Baz knows,” I say when the door is shut, “He was there when I pulled the sword. He half expected me to be a secret king of England.”

“Or Wales. The Mage was Welsh.”

“I’m Welsh?”

“Half. Your mother is English.”

“I’m half Welsh?”

The door swings open. “Who is half Welsh?”

Baz takes one look around the room. Just like Professor Bunce (Or Martin. Still weird) he immediately understands what he’s looking at.

“I’m half Welsh. Did you know that the Mage is Welsh?”

“David Cadwallader is a Welsh name, boys,” Professor Bunce (Mitali. Nope. I’m sticking to Professor Bunce) says kindly.

Baz tentatively kneels down next to me. He touches my shoulder gently. “Are you okay, darling?”

I shake my head. All this stuff about my mother is a lot. I know I asked for it, but it’s overwhelming.

I want Baz to be here, though. He’s been so patient with me this past month. I’m still trying very hard to communicate, but this was all too much. It means so much. Baz understands that. Baz has been waiting for me to do this, so I want him to be here in this moment.

“I...” I trail off. I try to answer, I’m not sure. I look around and photos of my mother’s smiling face greet me. I still can’t believe that I have a mother and a father. And that I killed my father.

But now I’m focusing on my mother. The whole Mage thing is another can of worms.

“She’s beautiful,” Baz looks at a photo of my mother lying in the grass surrounded by roses. He reaches for it. “May I?”

“Please do.”

Baz inspects the photo.

“Keep it,” Professor Bunce says. Both Baz and I look at her in shock. “Simon, you deserve to have something of your mother.”

I can imagine it. We can put it in my flat next to a photo of Natasha Grimm-Pitch. Baz practically lives in my flat, so a photo of his mother has appeared. Our mothers together in the flat. I can see it.

“She’s always loved roses,” Professor Bunce laments, “Davy, that’s what we used to call him, always brought her roses. I hated him for it, but Lucy loved it. I tried to nip those roses in the bud once, literally, but she only loved them more. Rosebuds.”

“My rosebud boy,” Baz says to me. We share a private smile. That’s what his mother called me.

“Yeah!” Professor Bunce suddenly says and lets out a teary laugh, “She used to say that all the time. Once she mentioned that it’d be a cute pet name for a kid. Did Jamie tell you about that?”

Baz’s grip around the photo tightens and I also feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.

But that-

Does that mean-

How can-

I almost fall backward in shock. I think about the nights of the Visiting. Natasha’s ghost did sound different when she returned.

I can’t sit up straight. My body is giving up, so I lean against Baz. I don’t- I can’t- I know what this must mean.

“No. Jamie did not tell us that,” Baz says, voice raspy.

Professor Bunce looks puzzled, but I must look harrowed, since she doesn’t press the issue.

The mood gets interruped by Premal screaming: “Mum, Baz, Simon! The kulfi is ready!”

Professor Bunce scambles to her feet and Baz has to pull me up, since my legs are shaking. He has one arm. The other one leans on Susan to help me get up.

“On our way, Premal!”

She looks back to us. “I’ll give you two a moment.”

She leaves without looking back, to give us privacy.

“Baz,” I cry out. I try to stand tall, but I crash into him. Susan falls to the ground as I wrap my arms around him and I just cry.

“It’s okay, love. It’s all going to be okay.”

“Baz!”

“I’m here, love, I’m here,” he says. He sounds like he’s crying as well.

“They came back for us.”

Natasha and Lucy. Our mothers. I met them both. I just didn’t know. This is once again too much. The two of us cry.

I probably look like shit, but no one says anything about it. I stick Susan in the lounge table and Premal excitedly gives us kulfi.

Penny looks at me.

Are you okay, she mouths at me.

I give her a thumbs up. She looks at my like she doesn’t believe me, which is fair since it is a lie, but she lets it slide. I want to tell Penny. It’s kind of amazing that the two of us are best friends, like our mothers. Who would’ve thought that bringing Susan to the Bunces would lead to all of this?

We eat dessert and I let myself forget about everything that I’ve just learned, just for now. It reminds me of the lunch at Lady Ruth’s house after I just found out that I’m a Salisbury. It’s fun and Baz is once again thriving and I am definitely not thinking about the ghost of my mother coming back for me. Instead, I focus on how we’re all together. Maybe when I’m ready to tell people my news, we can do this more often. Maybe I can invite them at the Salisbury home if I feel more comfortable.

I can see it: me, Baz, Penny and Shepard all around Lady Ruth’s giant table. Penny and Shepard know the truth. Shepard is demolishing the sandwiches. Baz and Jamie talk about soccer. Penny and I banter. Lady Ruth looks at all of us with adoration. Maybe the Professor Bunces will join us.

All of that will happen one day. Not yet, but that’s okay.

When we leave, Professor Bunce hugs me tightly and she tells me that I can always call her if I want to know more. I take Baz’s hand and I hold Susan in the other. I promise to call.

“Come along, Snow,” Baz says as we walk towards the front door, “My rosebud boy.”

#carry on #awtwb #snowbaz #oneshot #holy fuck I wrote #2021

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otherpeoplesheartachept-2 · 2 years

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Date Night

Pairing: Agatha/Niamh

Rating: G

Warnings: AWTWB spoilers

Summary: Agatha and Niamh go on their first date. Agatha's still adjusting to her new feelings, but she doesn't want to let go of this new thing that's forming between them.

Read on Ao3 or below !

I meet Niamh at a pub near her flat. It’s small but not too crowded. I order some chips; she orders an ale, and we find a small table near a window to sit at.

It’s awkward at first. I think about kissing her as a greeting but I’m not sure that’s a good move. Niamh tries to pull my chair out for me, but I don’t notice until too late and sit in the other chair. I tell Niamh her dark v-neck shirt looks good on her and she tries smiling at me. It’s awful on her face; her lips were not made to turn up. The gesture is nice though, I think we’re both trying to make this work but don’t quite know how.

I’ll admit I’m not great at flirting with women. I got some practice in California when I was bored and trying to figure out what/who I wanted (or if I wanted anyone at all), but men are just so much easier. I’d simply have to sit there and look pretty. (At some points in our relationship Simon probably wouldn’t have noticed if I replaced myself with a realistic cardboard cut-out propped up at our dining hall table.)

It’s also harder because I want to be with Niamh. I never cared about any of the people I flirted with in America, and I never loved Simon in the way I thought I was supposed to. So for the first time I feel like an active participant in a romantic relationship. I care about us working. (Not that there is an us, we haven’t even finished one date together).

It’s been a couple weeks since we kissed. (Great snakes, we kissed). (It makes me fuzzy thinking about it). We haven’t spent much time together outside of my father’s clinic and caring for the goats since then. A lot of things shifted for me that day in the wood—I needed time to figure it all out.

I ask Niamh about the scoldfish that was brought in the other day and thankfully that gets the conversation going. She tells me about this woman who brought in the fish and her son, who was in tears.

“It’s like they wanted their kid to have low self-esteem,” Niamh rolls her eyes before taking a gulp of her drink.

“Yeah,” I nod, laughing at the situation. “Who in their right mind thinks a fish that constantly criticizes people would make a good birthday present for a child?”

“That’s exactly what ’m saying,” she exclaims, “And then Mrs. Barnes tells me I was wrong about the behavior of scoldfish. Ma’am, it does what it fuckin’ says on the tin!”

I snort laugh, and Niamh frowns, but it’s an amused frown.

We joke about pets we’d give to certain people if we hated them—and then talk about our childhood pets. Then Niamh sidetracks to talk about the important of keeping the oceans healthy, for magickal and Normal aquatic creatures. She so passionate about everything—I don’t know how she isn’t exhausted by it. I don’t know why I’m so invested in what she has to say about these things. (Well, maybe I do know why).

We both start to relax, and the date seems to be going well. Niamh’s sitting with her chair pushed away from our little table, she’s got her legs spread wide, boots firmly planted on the ground. She’s not wearing tight jeans but they still stretch obscenely over her thick thighs. It should be ridiculous, but I can’t deny it’s hot how unafraid she is to take up space.

Niamh looks at me with her blue eyes like she’s enraptured by what I’m saying, even when I’m poking fun at her. I’ve been smiling, genuinely smiling, for so long my cheeks are starting to ache. I never want to stop.

After she gets a couple pints in her she starts explaining to me all the best ways to fix the World of Mages. I don’t think I care enough to decide if I agree with her or not, but she loves talking about it, and I love pointing out when her ideas sound absurd.

“I know it sounds bad. The Mage’s reasons were complete shite, but Watford should be more inclusive. Magic will die out if we try to keep all our knowledge in this bullshit secretive exclusive club,” Niamh says, crossing her arms over her chest.

It makes her biceps look even larger, I’d complain about that but I’m too busy staring. It makes my stomach do flips.

I’m leaning against the table with my elbows, absent-mindedly eating chips.

“If the headmaster had refused to let me into Watford for whatever reason I’d have though good fucking riddance,” I say half-jokingly.

“Agatha, just because you don’t appreciate magickal education doesn’t mean it’s right for us to deny people access to magickal knowledge and community,”

And I figure she’s right. I just raise the chip I’m holding in a touché gesture before taking a bite from it.

“It still doesn’t seem like a good idea to go around telling people you think the previous insane megalomaniac Mage had some valid points. You’ll sound ridiculous, if not as power-hungry as him.”

“Well obviously I won’t phrase it like that when I run for a seat on the Coven,” she says exasperated. She runs both her hands through her short hair. Her arms flex. Dark armpit hair peaks out from the short sleeves of her shirt. I probably shouldn’t be staring.

I think she’s upset.

“If you don’t like me arguing with you, I can stop. I don’t really care about these things enough to give you shit for it. Plus, they say you shouldn’t talk about politics on the first date.” I offer. I don’t want to upset her.

She considers me for a moment. “I’ve always thought that was a stupid rule.” She smiles a small downturned smile. “I like that you argue with me, it’s good to know what you really think. Besides it helps me figure out what I could improve on, and how I could reach different groups of people.”

I nod, relieved she wasn’t too bothered by my comments.

“Plus,” she says in a lighter tone, “I got you to care about the goats, I’ll figure out how to get you to care about the whole World of Mages one day, Agatha,” she says the last bit with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

I sigh and roll my eyes. “You merely told me about the goats, I would have cared about them any way if I’d known.”

“Sure,” she says drawing the word out.

I scoff, then flick some hair out of my face. Niamh follows the movement with her eyes, then gulps. Something shifts between us. It feels like electricity buzzing through me.

I stare into her blue eyes. Then flick my gaze down. Niamh’s lips are plush—I can’t help but watch as she takes another drink from her pint. She’s started talking in a low tone about the importance of staying involved in the community, even if other mages suck a lot of the time, but I’m having a hard time taking in her words. She knows this; I can see it on her face.

It’s late; the pub closes in a few minutes. That should be my que to drive home, but I don’t want to. I want to listen to her opinions for hours. I want to kiss her again. I want to scratch my nails against the nape of her neck where her hair is the shortest.

Niamh leans forward, closer to me, but she’s stops to yawn. It snaps me out of whatever was happening.

“Do you want a ride home?” I offer, not wanting this date to be over yet.

“I only live a few blocks away,” she states.

I can’t tell if that’s a yes or a no. I stare at her, hoping she’ll elaborate.

“Okay,” she says.

I smile wide.

The short drive to her flat is silent, but it’s not a bad silence. I’m all jittery, trying to figure out where to go from here, what I want out of tonight.

I walk Niamh to her door. We stand there for a moment, she fiddles with her keys.

She starts to speak but I lean up and press a kiss to her lips before I lose the nerve.

“Good night,” I mumble, pulling away.

Niamh’s places a hand on the back of my neck, strong and warm. I don’t want to leave with just a peck.

She leans down to kiss me deeper. She’s so strong, so confident without being pushy. It turns my insides to melted chocolate. He lips are so soft, a little cold from the night air but quickly warming up against me. Her arm wrap around my back, her fingers press against the elastic band of my skirt. Her other hand runs through my hair.

I lace my fingers against the back of her neck. I’m still not used to kisses feeling like this—like electricity poured into my veins. It turns my legs to jelly, but Niamh’s sturdy enough to keep me upright. She could pick me up with little effort if she wanted to. The thought sends a rush of excitement though me.

“You’re beautiful,” she says quietly, breaking the kiss for a breath of air. And it means something to me, hearing that from her.

“You’re… something else, Niamh,” I respond. I can’t find the words to describe what she is to me.

Niamh frowns, and pulls away a little.

“I mean, you’re stunning,” I say moving my hands to her shoulders. “I want to keep doing this, if you do.”

It’s strange telling someone I want them and truly meaning it.

Niamh nods—then says, “I should get some sleep.” She glances at her front door. “I want to keep doing this too.”

A smile breaks across my face.

Niamh ducks her head in embarrassment. “Well, night then,” she mumbles.

I place a peck on her cheeks and say goodbye again, before heading to my car. I’m left with this fuzzy feeling the rest of the night, and the next day.

#carry on countdown #carry on countdown 2021 #coc 2021 #agatha wellbelove #niamh brody #brobelove #agatha/niamh #niamh by love #carry on #the simon snow series #carry on fanfic #awtwb spoilers #my writing #corascrap

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forabeatofadrum · 2 years

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e pare stella che tramuti loco - chapter four

Notes: Don’t mind me. This chapter is just me reveling in the fact that Simon, Baz and Rosemary have all these people around them!

AO3

–

BAZ

In hindsight, we could’ve picked any other location for this baby shower, but no, Simon thought it was impolite to decline this offer. Simon and Shepard are honorary Lob members, with Shepard frequenting the Jewelled Claw and Simon visiting La Vongola in Gondola when he has the chance. When Don and his wife found out that Simon has a daughter, they immediately offered La Vongola in Gondola as an accommodation, but luckily, Simon was in the right mind to decline that. Don then called around. Ever since the zona morta started shrinking, the Lob decided to expand to magickal places as well.

That’s why we’re now holding our baby shower/welcome party for Rosemary in a Lob-owned private playground in between Milan and Salò. We really should’ve looked further than this, but at least it’s free and the Lob has provided food and drinks.

Don and his wife, Donna, are invited as well. (Yes. Don and Donna.) (Donna, not to be confused with Emma and Angelo’s daughter Donna, who’s currently napping against her father.). We tell our few Normal friends that they’re people wearing realistic lobster suits, because how are we going to explain two life-sized crustaceans welcoming people in? If they ask too many questions, I’ll spell them stupid. Or not. Simon and I already have a reputation of being the weird ones and we gladly let them believe we’re just into weird occult stuff. (Technically, it is true.)

There are already a lot of guests. My family is here. Daphne is running around to find Simon, since he’s currently the one carrying Rosemary around. Mordelia is a grown woman now, at twenty-two years old. When did that happen? Merlin and Morgana, the twins are also adults! They turned eighteen this March. Swithin is constantly on his phone, but I don’t mind. I don’t think he really cares. We’re brothers, but there’s such a big age gap between us and I moved away after his birth, so we never really bonded like I bonded with my sisters.

Speaking of sisters, Agatha is here with Niamh. Niamh, as usual, looks like she wants to leave as soon as possible. Agatha is talking to Donna (the shrimp) and they’re comparing their pink sundresses. Agatha’s spelled flowers in her hair and Donna is clearly jealous.

There’s a whole bunch of Bunces here. Penny took her entire fucking family with her. She’s here with Shepard and their three kids, but so are Martin and Mitali Bunce, and all of Penny's siblings with occasional partners and children of their own. Even Premal is here. He’s found a new purpose in life after he got out of prison and he's now started his own restaurant. I still can’t forgive him for being a Mage Man, but Simon likes talking about cooking with him, especially about Indian food, since Simon wants to learn for Rosemary.

Ms. Snow, Jamie, Beth and Anna are all sitting together. The Salisbury sword is sticking out of their table after Simon put it there. I wish Lady Ruth were still around to see this.

Alexandra and some of my colleagues are here. There are multiple friends from the CoMa roaming. Mateo gives me a thumbs up every time I pass them. We’ve asked everyone to keep the magic under wraps, since we have some Normal friends around.

Lastly, there's a whole bunch of vampires in the vicinity. Emma, Angelo, Mario and Donna spread the news in Casalotti and now the entire hub is here. I’m closest to Emma and her family, but the Casalotti hub will always have a special place in my heart for showing me community. There was a small problem, since the lobster on greeting duty left his post for an unwarranted smoke break, so a lot of vampires couldn’t be welcomed in. Lan Xu texted me so I let them in and the lobster in question was promptly demoted in his ranks by Don.

“Well, that’s a bunch of fucking people,” Fiona swings her arm around me. Yes, she’s here too, together with Nicodemus and Luigi. Just like Premal, I tried to ban Nicodemus from coming since I still think he’s an arse, but Simon won the argument. Nicodemus better not smoke any pot around Rosemary, though.

“Where’s Luigi?”

“With Mario,” Fiona answers. She takes a sip of her non-alcoholic drink. (She’s stopped drinking excessively since Luigi’s birth.). “I wish Natasha were here.”

“Same.”

Fiona finishes her drink and she goes back to the banquet table without another word. I don’t mind. I know she just wanted to acknowledge my mother. I did the same thing when Luigi got born. Neither of us are in the mood for a heartfelt conversation, so I let her go.

No one’s approaching me, so I take this opportunity to look for my snowfield. (It really does need some work, but I’m already used to saying snowfield.) (I never expected to be so tacky about anything.)

Simon’s holding Rosemary and he’s talking to Niall of all people. He’s also here with his family. Niall’s also holding his daughter. They are in deep conversation and I focus on my vampire hearing.

“… not really a rule,” Niall says, “But you also have the advantage of raising her bilingually. I use daidí. I do think it’s important to discuss it to avoid confusion. It can lead to annoyance when Dev and I don’t know who she’s referring to.”

“She keeps saying ‘mama’ to me,” Simon says, “And I was fine with that, until Baz and Emma pointed out that it’s unfair to Trishna. We need an alternative.”

I’ve already looked into it, but we just had other stuff to deal with. Rosemary doesn’t speak much, and we both say ‘dad’ or ‘daddy’ when referring to ourselves, but it’s true that we might want to distinguish between us, for Rosemary’s sake.

“Niall!” I say loudly to indicate that I am here.

All four of them turn to me.

As on a cue, Dev emerges from somewhere with a plate of food. Their daughter, Caoilfhionn, is one year old by now and she’s saying some words so she immediately describes the food. Rosemary hasn’t said anything yet, except for the occasional ‘mama’, which is probably why Simon and Niall were talking about it.

I’m a sentimental bastard these days, especially now that I am a dad. I never thought Dev, Niall and I would be friends for this long and yet here we are and we’re all parents. Why does time go so fast? I had childhood friends before Watford, but contact waivered when we left for different schools, which means that Dev and Niall are my oldest friends. We’re not as close as we used to be. They’re not family like Agatha. (Okay, Dev is a Grimm so he’s literally family, but you what I mean.). But we still keep in touch and the fact that we’re all here right now makes me almost tear up.

“You want some vegan lobster?” Dev asks Niall after giving him a little kiss. Niall shakes his head.

Niall must be going through a similar emotional journey, because he has tears in his eyes when he looks at his daughter.

“Can you believe we’re all here, with kids?” he says.

A lobster passes us with a tray of drinks. I take two and I hand one to Simon before doing a little toast. “Living the charmed life, Mr. Kelly.”

Dev follows my lead.

The four of us raise our glasses. We really are living a charmed life.

Rosemary, Caoilfhionn and the youngest child of Penny and Shepard are all playing together in the sand. It’s such a shame that our friends live in another country. It would’ve been nice for them to grow up together.

Simon and I do have friends in the area, but we’re the first with a kid. (It was kind of unplanned, but no one’s complaining.). Mateo and their partner already gave us a lot of shit for it, but it’s all jokes. I laughed along. It’s true that we can no longer unexpectedly go out for drinks with the gang.

Merlin and Morgana, do we have to seek out other parents in the neighbourhood? How does all of this work?

“You have your thinking face on,” Simon wraps his arms around me and he leans his face on my shoulder, “Stop pouting. Our daughter is being celebrated.”

“This is just adorable,” I gesture towards the playing children, “How do we find friends for Rosemary?”

“Don’t ask me. I never had friends growing up,” Simon says casually, as if that isn’t incredibly sad. I don’t want to shelter Rosemary from the world like Ms. Snow sheltered Simon. Besides, we don’t really have to worry about a totalitarian dictator showing up to upend our lives. May The Mage rest in piss.

“When does asilo start again?”

We don’t want to bring Rosemary to asilo nido. We can afford it, obviously, but both Simon and I know that Simon wants her to be home with her.

Yes, I’ve already looked into the Italian school system and whatnot. I am an academic at heart. She’ll go to a Normali school for scuola primaria and then she’ll go to Pratello.

“Three years,” Simon answers.

Rosemary picks up a plastic trowel and she dumps a whole bunch of sand on Caoilfhionn. I’m about to scold her, but Caoilfhionn just laughs and returns the favour. We’ll have to spell them clean later.

“Maybe we’ll see Dev and Niall more often now,” Simon says. We always try to meet up when we’re in England, but I shamefully admit that I prioritise the Bunces and the Wellbelove-Brodys over them when we’re pressed for time. I think about the affectionate rush of earlier this day.

I nod.

“I overheard you and Niall earlier,” I say.

“Did you?”

“Yes. Niall had a point.” Maybe we should’ve thought about it. Sure, Rosemary doesn’t speak, but she can clearly listen. But the two of us just refer to each other as ‘dad’. Honestly, I don’t think that Simon thought about this at all. He was completely fine with ‘mama’ until recently.

“We can do the classic papa and daddy approach,” Simon suggests.

I watch as Caoilfhionn now proceeds to hit Rosemary with a bucket, and Rosemary hits back. They’re quite a pair.

“Niall says that he speaks Irish with Caoilfhionn,” I remind him.

“It still works, then. Papà and daddy.”

“Are there other words for dad in Italian?” I ask. I try to go through my own Italian knowledge. I’m a fluent speaker, but I can’t think of anything else than padre, which is a big no go. That makes me think of father in a religious context, which I know is inaccurate, but it’s weird. Rosemary will also have to act like a militant atheist since she will get hurt by those crosses.

“There’s babbo, but no one uses it up here,” Simon answers, but the moment he says it, I know I want it. Babbo. It makes sense. It’s perfect.

“Papà and babbo?”

Simon’s head moves away and I look over my shoulder. He has a surprised and curious look on his face.

“You want to ditch the English?” Simon asks, “Her first language will most likely be that.”

“Let’s always ditch the English, Snow.”

“Niall would be proud to hear that,” Simon says with a smile. Then his smile grows even wider.

“What?” I raise my eyebrow.

“Babbo Baz! Oh my God, babbo Baz, this is brilliant!” Simon sounds absolutely euphoric and I also feel my heart soar when he says that, “You’re so right, we have to do this now!”

Babbo Baz. I can get used to that.

SIMON

Becoming a parent means receiving so many gifts. Our guests have been piling all the gifts near the bar and now that everyone’s been settled, it’s time to open them. Everyone’s eyes are on us. Baz and I are sitting in the middle with my mum and Daphne around us. Rosemary is playing with my mum’s curly hair. She really likes hair, doesn’t she? Daphne is clearly jealous, so Baz let her sit next to us during this big moment.

There’s a lot of essentials. Cute baby clothes galore! But some gifts are really thoughtful.

Mitali Bunce gives us a book on Indian history. Penny and Shepard gave us books on magickal parenting. Don gives us a romper with a cartoon lobster on it. Emma and Angelo have some cute handmade art for her future bedroom. (We’re currently scouring the real estate advertisements for a new place.) (I fear that we might have to leave Salò.)

I specifically love my mum’s gift, which is a big sunhat. Rosemary would completely disappear underneath an 80 centimetres sunhat, but 40 centimetres is already too big on her. Baz looks like he’s about to lose it. It’s so funny.

Mordelia has the best gift, in my humble opinion. She insisted on giving a gift of her own, since Daphne and Malcolm disappointed (who gives a baby a fountain pen?), and she gives Rosemary a stuffed toy that’s clearly a bat.

Rosemary lets go of my mum’s hair and she makes grabby hands towards Mordelia. When Mordelia hands it over, Rosemary clutches the stuffed animal against her chest.

“That’s a bat! È un pipistrello.” I tell her.

Rosemary lets out some random delighted noises and everyone coos.

“Say thanks, Rosemary. Grazie mille!”

She doesn’t even try, but no one minds.

When do babies start talking? I should’ve looked into it some more, but then again, Baz can do the linguistics shit. I’ll add this to my growing pile of insecurities about fatherhood.

I don’t want all our guests to see that I am freaking out, so I put on a convincing fake smile. Baz’s shoulder moves against mine, which means that he’s noticed, but he’s decent enough to keep it a secret.

After all the gifts are unwrapped, the guests continue their own conversations and the kids continue to play. My mum hands Rosemary to Daphne, with our permission. Daphne looks like she’s about to cry from happiness. Baz scoots closer to them.

I let them be. Baz looks positively radiant. I know this is surreal to him. He’s living a life he never allowed to dream of. If you could tell Baz Pitch, aged sixteen, that he’d have a husband, daughter and a supportive family, then that Baz Pitch would probably curse you on sight.

All this family stuff is making my head spin. Is this what parenthood is like? So far it’s been one hell of a rollercoaster. One moment I feel at ease and the next moment I feel like I am going to fail.

My mum’s at the buffet table and I tap her shoulder. She smiles when she sees me.

“That was lovely, wasn’t it?” she says. I nod.

“Baz absolutely adores your gift,” I say silently.

“Should I also gift you one for your birthday, love?” my mum jokes.

I shake my head. She doesn’t need to give me anything.

My mum tilts her head when she realises that I’m being silent and I curse myself for being so obviously upset about something. Like Baz, my mum doesn’t need to feel my magic to know what’s up.

She leads me to an empty table and she casts a silencing spell without her wand. It’s always been mum’s speciality.

“Simon, dear, what is it?”

I tell her what’s going on.

“How did you do it, mum?” I ask her at the end, but I feel more words coming. As always, once I’m on a roll, I can’t stop. “I am losing my mind. I am questioning everything. There are so many things to take into account when it comes to raising her. She’s a part of everything. She’s Italian, she’s English, she’s Indian, she’s a mage, she’s a vampire, I want to raise her Normally… Like, how do you even raise a kid bilingually? I did look it up. Apparently the best way to do it is to have one parents speak one language only and the other parent another language only, but Baz and I both have English as our first language. I learnt my Italian mostly at school, but do I do the same for Rosemary when we have the option to speak Italian fluently?”

“For starters, you’re not me.”

My mum puts her hand on my forearm. She gives me a warm look.

“You said it yourself. I let you learn Italian at school. It worked out well, but you don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t want to fuck this up, mum!”

“What does Baz have to say about this?”

“He says he understands and that he’s just easier at hiding it,” I sigh. He’s so good at hiding it, it almost makes me question his doubts, which is incredibly unfair.

My mum’s other hand is stroking my hair. It’s still so comforting. Baz and Fiona have the shoulder thing and my mum and I have this. I wonder if I’ll find a way to comfort Rosemary.

“Simon, I don’t need to remind you that this happened out of nowhere. It’s always normal to be nervous, but you and Baz got dropped in the deep end.”

“Everyone keeps saying.”

“Because it’s the truth,” my mum says, “And even then, I think it’s never going to be completely zen and that is fine. Hell’s spells, I still worry about you, so don’t get me started about your childhood. I often felt like such a shit mum.”

I frown at this. She’s never been a shit mum. I tell her that.

She smiles knowingly. “See? Did you ever notice that I felt like absolute garbage? I was so insecure. I had ran away from everyone I know and loved to raise you on my own in an unfamiliar country. Can you imagine my nerves?”

“I…” I can’t say. I can’t imagine it. The thought alone feels wrong. My mum couldn’t have ever doubted her parenting. She’s the best mum one could ask for.

“The doubts will never leave, I’m sorry to say that,” my mum whispers, even though we have a silencing spell around us, “There will be more moments of insecurity and inadequacy, but Rosemary’s well-being is the most important part.”

I hum in agreement.

“My rosebud boy,” my mum says and she presses a kiss on my forehead. Then she breaks the silencing spell.

Baz’s walking towards us and he’s carrying Rosemary. He raises an eyebrow, silently asking what is going on.

“Enjoy your day, love,” my mum says, “It’s a celebration of your daughter! I’m going to find Jamie.”

When Baz’s in front of me, Rosemary makes grabby hands towards me. I am a bit shocked for words. It’s the first time she actively makes clear that she wants me.

“Here you go,” Baz hands her to me.

I’m kind of caught in the moment. The three of us are doing this, and some days will be hell, but Rosemary pats my chest (I can’t win at everything in life) and I hold her closer. I love her and I want to give her all the love I have, like my mum did for me.

Notes: I don’t know who started Irish Niall Kelly (is it banon?), but it’s canon in my heart.

#snowbaz #e pare stella che tramuti loco #carry on #simon snow series #holy fuck I wrote #2021 #multichaptered #story: paradiso

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