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heartkyeom · 1 year

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putting my results under a read more so it doesn't clog the dash but thanks for supporting me this year y'all! <3 (also took some things out so people aren't tagged hehe)

I posted 1,093 times in 2022

That's 1,093 more posts than 2021!

418 posts created (38%)

675 posts reblogged (62%)

I tagged 965 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#seokmin - 119 posts

#seungcheol - 115 posts

#soonyoung - 71 posts

#mingyu - 62 posts

#wonwoo - 52 posts

#jeonghan - 41 posts

#heartkyeom - 39 posts

#vernon - 37 posts

#joshua - 36 posts

#minghao - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#if you think you’re above wearing a mask so svt can stay safe you have build a bear stuffing for brains

My Top Posts in 2022:

everyone loves you but i think you're so obnoxious au

kwon soonyoung x fem!reader

warnings: smut, angst, slight description of female anatomy; enemies to lovers

notes: AHHH this is the au I've thought about for the longest time and it's finally done!! I wanna hear all your thoughts about bratty hoshi <33 pls enjoy!

soonyoung is a famous soloist who is beloved by the korean public and most of his staff too... except the stylists

he’s run off 12 different stylists at this point and it frustrates his team so much

why is it the stylists and no one else??? no one knew but you got hired as a last resort, as you were known for working with notoriously difficult celebrities

those celebrities were famous but soonyoung is FAMOUS famous, definitely the most notable celebrity you’ve worked with but it didn’t intimidate you

you were used to bratty celebs and them acting out, so it couldn’t be that bad? right?

wrong. he made you do the most tedious shit like making you go through 100 fabric swatches for him to possibly approve for his tour costumes only for him to like none of them, creating a shit ton of revisions for his costumes only for him to prefer an older version of it

just subtle ways to keep you working on meaningless shit

he fought you on so many small things and for what reason? none except to make you upset and get under your skin

he probably enjoyed seeing his stylists stressed and crying but you wouldn’t let him see you break, you weren’t some crazed fan- you were there to work

soonyoung knew you probably hated him and he expected to hate you too

after dealing with so many stylists who were clearly only there to get clout and not do their job, it was hard to think of you as an exception, at least at first

the first month he treated you quite terribly, even by his standards. once you stayed past the first month, he knew you were quite different- he decided to see how much you could handle

he notices that you don’t buckle under pressure and adapts to that, starts calling you byeollie (별이/star) instead of your name since he spotted a childhood photo of you in your office with star printed pajamas on- he teased you relentlessly after this

you think about quitting but the money is consistent and it’s so much better than what you’ve made before, you were known in korea and could keep a roof over your head

but the industry was still so fickle that you were only needed as a stylist for idol comebacks and assorted projects- not a full time position anywhere

so you had to stay. plus you’ve been trying to pay some debt off and this was getting it done much faster than before

even though soonyoung was insufferable, you wanted to style him in a way that made him feel seen and understood as an artist

even if he was a pain in the ass, his style clearly meant a lot to him

you always watched old videos of clients to see their style evolution and study where their styling had ended up by the time you started working with them

his personality was so sweet and you could see that in the way he interacted with his fans, you didn’t ever see this side of him so it was a bit shocking

he seemed very confident around his peers but ultimately he was shy, he just knew how to hide it through his work

a part of you knew he was never gonna show you this side of him, but he was genuinely a charitable man who wanted to help others and connect to them through music

yet there was clearly a wall up with him, so you kept yours up too

soonyoung saw the care you put into your work, he just didn’t know how to express any feelings about it. it felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for you to betray him in some way but it never happened. you were always going above and beyond for him

there was a casual intimacy in the way you remembered what fabrics made him uncomfortable, how you picked up on the styles he liked and put them aside for him without him even asking for it

the notes you left with his costumes were always detailed and you were committed to making things right despite how much trouble he gave you

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661 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

now or never pt. 1

xu minghao x fem!reader

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 (finale)

word count: 7k

synopsis: when you make a chance encounter with your ex, you end up saying that you're engaged to your estranged neighbor xu minghao. when you find out your ex is coming to your friend's wedding, you've only got a month to become a convincing couple.

warnings: (almost) strangers to lovers, fake marriage, shitty ex!joshua, scenes with enclosed spaces (only in this part), angst, a tiny bit of fluff.

notes: hi omg! my first series!!! i repurposed this first part from something I was writing for another fandom forever ago and it inspired me to make it into a series! hope you enjoy it!! tag list: @venusdaisies @mangogyu @idyllic-ghost

You didn’t want to admit that you were having a terrible day, but it was getting ridiculous at this point.

You managed to almost miss the train, get stuck on said train for an hour, and break a heel the moment you arrived at work. Luckily, you had a pair of tennis shoes on standby at your desk, but that pair of heels happened to be one of your favorites. You silently mourned your shoes and questioned your will to live throughout the day, praying that your luck would turn around.

However, that wouldn’t happen.

When you were sure the day couldn’t get any worse, you somehow lost your train card on the way home. Of course, you didn’t notice until you stepped into the station. You internally cursed yourself for fucking things up once again today, but you had to focus. You didn’t want to give up any more money for a new card, so you begrudgingly made the 40 minute walk back to your apartment.

Naturally, you weren’t expecting any more obstacles. You wanted the universe to spare you so badly and your body was spent from all the mishaps you handled throughout the day. You felt as if your body was floating as you walked into the apartment building, closing your eyes the moment you stepped onto the elevator. The ride to the 5th floor wasn’t nearly long enough, and the chime signaling your destination jolted you awake. You were almost at your apartment door when you heard a voice call your name.

“Y/N? Is that you?” The man’s voice called out excitedly, convinced that he knew you despite your back being turned.

You slowly turned around, your eyes widening at the sight of the man in front of you. It was your ex-boyfriend, looking almost exactly the same as when you two dated. With the exception of a different hair color, his presence brought you back to the tumultuous points of their relationship.

“Joshua! Hi! Yeah, it’s me,” You clutched your tote bag tightly out of instinct. Of course you see your ex when you looked and felt like shit.

He still looked like the human embodiment of a golden retriever and now he had sandy blonde hair to match. It was actually unfair that he looked so well adjusted, so normal after all this time. He was just so happy and it lit a fire in the pit of your stomach.

You watched his eyes scan your body up and down, taking in the sight before him. “It’s crazy, I haven’t seen you since everything happened.”

“Yeah, since you cheated on me,” you responded with a sly grin. There was no reason to pretend with each other, especially since things ended so abruptly. You had spent too much time crying over him to not enjoy this moment.

“Yep,” Joshua replied quietly, clearly not prepared to be confronted with his past behaviors.

“So I assume you’re still with her, then?” you asked.

“Yes, we actually moved into the building a few months ago,” Joshua softly smiled, seemingly trying to cut the tension between you two.

“That’s great,” You mustered the smallest bit of compassion for him, trying not to let your resentment rise to the surface. His new girlfriend was pretty enough, and it didn’t surprise you that Joshua had moved on to someone who eerily looked like you. If you had learned anything from that disaster of a relationship, it was that he definitely had a type.

“How have things been for you?” Joshua asked, giving you almost no time to make a plan to respond.

Would you tell Joshua the truth about your life? How you had been single ever since the breakup and hadn’t been able to quit your dead end job? Absolutely not.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted your neighbor Minghao. You didn’t want to resort to anything crazy, but the situation required it. If you were going to lie, you would have to go all in.

“I’m with Minghao,” you said it loud enough to catch the man’s attention. He stopped next to you, the confusion evident on his face.

“What?” Minghao took out his headphones, staring at you as if you had two heads.

“We’ve been together for a few years, actually,” you looked at him with a mix of desperation and kindness, silently hoping Minghao would play along for a few minutes.

He seemed to catch on pretty quickly, leaning on your shoulder and smiling fondly at you. Despite the minimal amount of contact you had with Minghao in the past, he was quick on his feet.

“That’s great! Are you getting married?” Joshua pointed to Minghao’s silver band on his ring finger. He smirked at you, clearly interested in how you would dig yourself out of this.

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918 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

1:02 am

kim mingyu x gn!reader

word count: 1k

warnings: alcohol, slightly stupid drunk antics, fluff

notes: did I just sit here and write an entire 1k word piece based off the pics mingyu just posted on instagram? yes. yes I did. and it’s cute as shit! not proofread at all sorry about it

tag list: @bfwonu @thetigeragenda @lavenderautumnx @husbandhoshi @soffrine @sapphichui @dokyeomblr @mangogyu

dinner dates with mingyu were always lovely, especially after a long work week. over big bowls of pork noodle soup, you both talk about the highs and lows of your week.

yet, this time, mingyu didn’t have anything to do the next day, so you both indulged in too many bottles of soju. by the time you were done with dinner, you were both a little too far gone to appear composed.

it didn’t help that it was pouring rain for most of your time in the restaurant, so you had both prolonged leaving for as long as possible.

“shit, is it still raining?” mingyu turns his head to look out the window, squinting his eyes a little too hard. it wasn’t hard to see the rain droplets stuck to the window, but everything he does while drunk is somehow more endearing than he already is.

you glance to see for yourself, but the rain seems to have stopped. “no, I think we’re good,” you exclaim. he gives you a slightly more exaggerated nod than usual and stands up from the table easily.

thankfully, you both organized your bowls and bottles before paying, so you didn’t feel too guilty standing up from the table and nearly stumbling. mingyu rushes to your side, catching your waist and helping you to the door.

“please don’t fall, we can’t bring more attention to ourselves,” he whispers not so quietly into your ear and it leaves you laughing a little bit too hard as he pushes the door open with his free arm.

you knew the elderly patrons were already staring at you before you left, but you couldn’t be too concerned.

you both make it outside and the smell of fresh rain hits your nose immediately. the large trees that lined your path back home were dripping, and you hoped the wind wouldn’t blow any of it on you.

you both walked a considerable amount before you realized mingyu was still clutching onto your waist, but his weight started to crush you.

his chest was exposed, so you took the chance to hit his skin with your hand to grab his attention. he freed his arm to clutch his chest in fake pain.

“you hit me!” he gaped at you, suddenly stopping in his tracks to face you.

“your grip was so tight that you were gonna break my waist in half!“ you exclaim, breaking into laughter before you could finish the sentence.

you keep walking without him by your side, you don’t wait for him to catch up and you start to think something is wrong before you turn around.

you see him take off running toward you with a devilish grin on his face. you scream in fake surprise and sprint away from him, you can hear the heaviness of his footsteps behind you but you’re convinced that you can outrun him.

you almost think you’re in the clear until you hear him right behind you.

“I’ve got you,” he snatches you up with a low growl, his arms are tightly wrapped around your middle while spinning you in a circle.

you’re only scared for a brief moment when your feet lift off the ground, but you screw your eyes shut to stop yourself from getting too dizzy.

“kim mingyu!” you scream his name over and over, each with a bit more laughter than the last until you can’t stop yourself from laughing.

you can hear his laughter ringing in your ears, it sounds so sweet that you want to sit in the feeling forever.

he finally places you down, taking a deep breath. you finally open your eyes to see that he’s beaming at you.

“you’re so pretty,” he says suddenly. he always has stars in his eyes while looking at you, but the way he stares at you tonight feels even more precious.

“you are too,” you reply.

“I love you,” he says it before he can catch himself. his eyes widen and he puts his hand over his mouth.

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987 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

pretty party favor

kim mingyu x fem!reader

word count: 3.7k

tag list: @onlymingyus @junkissed @maijunejuly @hyucks-rose @freakyfriedrice @aceofvernons @fallinwoozi

warnings: not really enemies but they know and hate each other lol, gendered nicknames, reader has vagina, reader receiving head, overstimulation, squirting, slightly fluffy

a/n: hi this is halloween-esque but not necessarily spooky. just tension between idiots which I love to write! shoutout to june giving me the title to this + getting me to finish this with her comments on my google doc <3 pls enjoy

“get in the car.”

“fuck you,” you muttered under your breath.

“what was that?” mingyu spoke up again, clearly trying to push your buttons. he’s always done this, always acted as if he’s entitled to an answer even when it was none of his business.

you stopped in your tracks to look at him. “I said fuck you, prick,” you spat out, quickly facing your attention toward the path back home.

you were coming back from a friend’s Y2K themed costume party which unfortunately meant taking the short walk back home in a denim miniskirt, a baby tee with a stupid saying on the front, and a pair of sneakers. it was a fun night, you drank sufficiently to the point where you felt light on your feet while walking home.

sure, your feet were comfortable, but it was still an inconvenience to walk back when it was cold and dark, but you typically never encountered any trouble since your apartment was located on a quiet residential street.

however, tonight, mingyu had other plans. you thankfully managed to avoid him the entire night at the party, so much that you almost forgot he existed for a few hours. you spent the night catching up with friends that you hadn’t seen in a while because of work, gossiping a bit too much over red plastic cups, but you still spotted him occasionally doing the same thing.

despite your friend group’s best efforts to help you make amends, you two didn’t get along one bit. there was too much tension for them to cut through as a collective group, so they eventually let it go in an effort to keep the peace.

“get in the car right now. cheol’s gonna have my head if I don’t take you home, especially since you were drinking. I know you were taking shots all night,” he responds with that sly grin of his, you don’t even have to look at him to know.

“that’s not true and cheol should know better than to expect me to ride with you,” your words slur slightly, exposing yourself a bit too much. you subsequently trip over your feet on a crack in the sidewalk, losing your balance momentarily.

you hear him laugh a bit too loud at the mistake and you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. of course, he saw it and he’s not gonna let you forget about it either.

“you can’t even walk in sneakers right now! get in the car, princess, seriously,” he objects. you look over and you’re shocked that he’s still bored enough to keep up with you, it’s actively starting to piss you off.

“fuck, just let me fall on the pavement and die,” you yell into the air with your head tilted back, “you’re not even supposed to care what happens to me!” you turn your head to him again with a bewildered look.

“stop before you wake up the whole neighborhood,” he warns. “you know what, enough,” you hear him shut off the ignition and get out of the car, shutting the door behind him and meeting you on the sidewalk faster than you expected.

“you’re being ridiculous,” he points at you with an accusatory finger.

you scoff. “do you think you’re gonna fuck me? is that why you’re doing this?”

it feels wrong the moment you say it, but what else were you meant to say? he has notoriously only been friends with girls just to have weirdly long situationships with them, never establishing a proper relationship due to a lack of commitment. he thought it was convenient, you thought it was irritating.

“what? are you fucking kidding me?” he seethes, running his hands through his hair. you’ve really done it now, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him this flustered and angry at the same time. yet, it was the truth.

even when the rest of your friend group teased him, mingyu always took it without too much resistance, that’s just the kind of guy he is.

“am I wrong? you think every girl you come into contact with wants to fuck you,” you insist, you cross your arms in front of your chest and stare at him intensely.

“i’m doing this because you need to get home, whether I like you or not,” he clenches his jaw, not breaking eye contact for a second. it would probably scare you if you were less drunk, but you were feeling testy.

“what happened to princess? hmm?” you smirk.

he barely lets you finish before he picks you up by the waist, doing his best to place you in the passenger seat despite you hitting his back with your fists.

“put me down!” you scream into his ear over and over until he’s somehow opened the door and clicks your seatbelt across your waist. you immediately shut up the moment he throws your discarded purse in your lap, you clutch it while looking down at your feet.

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1,313 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

fine line

figure skater!joshua hong x f!reader

synopsis: as a joshua fangirl, getting the chance to interview him as a teenager was an absolute dream. 10 years later with a flourishing career as a writer and a strained relationship with him, he wants to do a 10 year reunion interview about his path to the upcoming Olympics. there’s only one problem: you’re staying at his house and trying not to address your old feelings for him.

word count: 19.9k

tag list: @junhui-recs @bfwonu @huiranghaes

warnings: figure skater!joshua, writer/fangirl!reader, best friend!jeonghan, dad!seungcheol, smut, fluff, angst, some occasional skating jargon, this is a lot about the Olympics

a/n: y’all. this fic has been reworked over and over and over since spring 2022, it’s the longest fic I’ve ever done. it’s given me so much trouble and seen me through so many changes in my life. doing my final undergrad dance show, writing my undergrad capstone, finishing undergrad, and finding my first apartment. it is my baby and has grown as much as I have since march. thank you to the sports au discord for being so lovely <3 I hope you enjoy it as always and I hope you can feel how much heart I put into this! this is for @gyukult’s sports au collab + this is loosely based on the plot of the book “funny you should ask” by elissa sussman which I can’t recommend enough! title also inspired by the harry styles song ok bye lmao <3

Work isn’t particularly difficult, in your opinion. You’re used to hearing the people around you complain about how much their workload consumes them to a point of no return, but as you made your way into your first adult job as a writer, you tried to stop that from happening.

It’s not exactly easy when you have to navigate the entertainment industry while writing, but the idea of trying to craft new narratives about celebrities that the public is convinced that they know inside and out still excites you.

Even if you’re not exactly fond of whoever you’re writing about, the challenge still intrigues you. Thus, the conversations surrounding ideas for new profiles are always equal parts captivating and nerve-wracking.

“How do you feel about Joshua Hong?” Your manager asks. You look up to see her balancing her weight on the side of your desk, a neutral expression paints her face.

She knows this is a loaded question, all things considered.

“You know how I feel about him,” You blink at her before facing your computer again.

“I do, but I need an updated response considering the anniversary,” She persists. You sigh, swiveling around to face her again before responding.

“He’s great. I like him,” Your voice trails off, you try to nod to convince her, but it’s not working.

Your life has been so intertwined with Joshua Hong’s career as a professional figure skater that it’s hard to delineate life before and after him. He wasn't there, then one day he seemed to consume your life completely.

Before your start as a journalist, you ran a very well-known, albeit secretive, blog about Joshua Hong as a teenager. It was relatively harmless and safe for work, spare the occasional thirst posts sprinkled in. It mostly contained updates about the then emerging skater’s career, offering illegal torrent links for broadcasts of his performances that weren’t available worldwide and communicating with other fans about your love for him. Yet, some random post about him qualifying for the Olympics went insanely viral when you were 17, garnering over 1 million shares in under a week.

It was substantial enough to get his management's attention, and you had the opportunity to interview him not only for your blog but for a major publication for their Winter Olympics coverage series.

With two opportunities to write about him, you were able to fulfill the fan service pleas from your fellow fans for the blog and write a serious piece that made the general public interested in him from the perspective of a fan that knew the general timeline of his career.

The quick success felt like a fluke, but it led you to an undergraduate degree and a dream job as an entertainment writer at one of your favorite companies almost immediately after graduation.

He technically made your career, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

You’ve been trying to forget about the anniversary, but everyone in your life seems determined to bring it up whenever they see you.

“Well, we want you to do a 10-year reunion interview piece with him. That’s only if you want to,” Her voice was sympathetic, but you’re mainly focused on the number. It really had been 10 years, hadn’t it?

You were both incredibly established in your respective careers, him as a 5-time gold medalist with appearances at 3 Olympic Games, and you with a prolific image as a relatable yet incisive celebrity interviewer. It completely makes sense for you two to meet again, considering how much the first interview changed the trajectory of your lives.

It would feed into the nostalgia of Joshua fans that grew up alongside you as readers of your blog and new fans that clamored for any new Joshua content.

Yet, you weren’t exactly convinced.

“I mean, his team could’ve had anyone else write a big profile on him. We’re not the only website in the world with an entertainment section,” You fight the urge to bite your nails and instead choose to wring your hands together.

“He asked us to do it,” She admits.

You try not to look too shocked, but that definitely changes things. You were not close with Joshua whatsoever. Sure, he’d occasionally like your social media posts and wish you a happy birthday every year, but that was the extent of your relationship.

Your teenage self thinks it might be him looking for closure, wondering what might have happened if you stayed in touch.

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1,656 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#I'm so grateful for y'all seriously #the fact that I had multiple posts hit 1k this year is fucking bonkers #so thank you thank you thank you ily #blog updates

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aizenat · 1 year

Note

Not you saying there's nothing about you being negative when you search your name as if posts about you dismissing male victims of abuse just to support a problematic white woman and other users calling you out pls 💀

Listen, this was really fun for a while, but you're making me have to be serious, which obviously isn't fun. So let me read you a bit.

First off, you're lying. Your "posts about you dismissing male victims of abuse" claim isn't a thing at all. The closest thing to a call out post re: me that you'll be able to find in my tag is someone putting me on a block list with random people and ZERO explanation of why. On top of that, that very person has a reputation of making random blocklists for people, and putting them on there despite them being generally left-leaning social liberals who would agree with them on anything. Searching that person's url will bring that up in two seconds. These posts you're pretending to say exist literally don't.

I also know you're lying because never have I ever on my page "dismissed male victims of abuse." If you're trying to reference how I speak out against how Amber Heard was publicly harassed by her abusive ex-husband last year, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, you're trying to defend a loser drunk who has a long history of preying on young and vulnerable women/girls, as well as abuse and violence, who literally texted his friend how he wanted to violently murder her for giggles. I've seen abuse victims deal with that trauma in a lot of ways, and never have I seen one do something like that. Seen plenty of abusers do that, though.

Whether or not Amber Heard is "problematic," it doesn't mean she is incapable of being a victim of abuse and/or misogyny. Implying her being "problematic" immediately means she can't be a victim of these things plays into the perfect victim mindset that literally kills women because, remember, a perfect victim is a dead victim. If a cop racially profiled Kanye West tomorrow and shot and killed him, we would still be upset over the racism of that action despite Kanye being...like that. Someone can hold disgusting views and you can still be disgusted with the way they are oppressed. If Amber not being a perfect victim means she can't be a victim of abuse to you, then that really shows how immature and unintelligent you are. Someone can harbor disgusting views and still be part of a marginalized identity and be a victim to being marginalized. The only way you can say that's not the case is if you believe women are not oppressed. And if we can't even agree on that, then please leave my page because I don't deal with anti-feminists in any capacity.

And to my last point, I really want you to think long and hard about why you decided to take this here over a tag on a fucking gifset. I didn't add to the post, I didn't find the man (whoever he is) to harass him, I didn't go on twitter or online sites where he'd likely see these comments to say this; it was just a random thought I had and wanted to share. The man obviously had work done, at least botox. That's just straight facts. If that annoyed you, a simple unfollow or block would do. If you wanted to send one "hey, that was shitty of you" ask on your way out, then fine.

But you spent all day basically going through my blog looking for things to criticize. You talked about wanting to see what I looked like, obviously so you mock me. You're in my inbox lying about what is being said about me in order to make it seem like I'm some monster. I'm just a random person on tumblr, the least influential social media site, shitposting in my spare time. That's it. There was no reason to take this to this point.

And this is what I mean about the way kpoppies make this not fun. I couldn't reblog something and add something cheeky in the tags without being harassed? All of this over "#idk who this man is but his plastic surgery is very distracting and ugly looking#you get work done then wanna load up on Botox why?" Really? I said a man's botox looked ugly and that warrants you trying to make me look like some horrible person who hates abuse victims or something? Does that even make sense? "Oh, this person dunked on my bias' botox: SHE MUST HATE AND DISMISS ABUSE VICTIMS!"

Like, hello? It's just kpop. It's a billion dollar industry that fuels overworking, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, depression and anxiety, capitalism and consumerism, racism, and misogyny. It doesn't need your defending. And if you decided you didn't like me just for insulting him, that's fine too. You don't need to do that thing where you try to make me "problematic" (I'm not lol) so you can justify it; it's okay to just not like people sometimes. My feelings are not hurt. You are not the first to dislike me, nor will you be the last.

I get that it's the internet and it's easy to not consider the problematic thinking and action patterns that you're engaging in, but when you find yourself rabidly going through someone's page to find "dirt," making up lies about people talking about/calling them out, and sending out hate messages after hate messages, then it's time to log off and take a step back. If you believe yourself to be a good person, and I'm sure you do, then now is a time for self reflection. Be a little self aware. Is this what good people who wish to spread positivity do? Do they send hate anons to strangers all over someone wanting to be a hater for a minute?

So I'm going to turn off anonymous messaging and put you in a bit of a time out so you can calm down and think about how inappropriate you're being. I don't take abuse lightly as I am very familiar with it, and so I will not tolerate you trying to use it as a gotcha all over a fucking gifset of a few kpop idols. One day, I hope you remember your actions today and cringe at how ridiculous you were being. And I really hope you're currently at an age where you'd be able to laugh and think "what a dumb child I was."

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