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dawninlatin · 1 year

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Can I have a sketch with Manorian where Manon is pregnant and Dorian is taking care of her??😭 I love these vanilla

Hiii anon🌞

By sketch, I sincerely hope you mean drabble, bc I absolutely cannot draw🫣 I can write tho, so I hope you enjoy this teensy tinsy snippet since I’m currently on vacation in Copenhagen without my laptop😌 (yes i’m just typing on my phone so pls forgive all errors lmao)

Hi this is me again two days later, at home with my laptop:) As usual what started out as a drabble turned into a whole-ass fic, but I hope you still enjoy it:):) Also I've never been pregnant (and thank god for that) so I take no responsibility for any inaccuracies....

~~~

Manorian one shot, canonverse, 1,5k words

Manon slowly opened her eyes, squinting at the morning sun shining through the curtains. She wasn’t sure what had woken her up this time, but the sunlight meant she’d gotten a few hours of sleep, at least.

With a sigh, she tried to get comfortable, even if that was impossible these days. Next to her, a still-asleep Dorian shifted, throwing an arm over her middle and snuggling close.

He mumbled something Manon couldn’t make sense of, but she just shoved at him, hissing «Don’t touch me.»

«I just wanna cuddle,» he murmured, his lips caressing her neck in a way that usually would have had Manon wanting and ready.

Instead, she let out a huff, and gave a weak attempt at swatting him away once more, when he didn't move. Manon was usually strong enough to just push him away from her, but right now she couldn't find the energy to bother.

«Just cuddling is what got us in this situation in the first place.» Manon looked at her round belly as she spoke, the thing so big she resembled a beached whale. She couldn’t fathom how she still had a month and a half left to get even bigger.

Safe to say, Manon wasn’t particularly enjoying pregnancy. In fact, she hated it, and couldn’t wait for it to be over so she could have their witchling and her body back.

She was nothing like the insufferable ladies at court, though, who only spoke in hushed voices about avoiding strechmarks and staying tight down thereso that Dorian would still desire her.

Yes, she missed sleeping comfortably and moving freely, but in the end, the only thing that mattered was that their witchling was born alive and healthy.

And her current state did nothing to quell Dorian’s desire, it seemed, given by the stiff cock pressing against her thigh at the moment.

That’s his problem to deal with, Manon thought grumpily as she once more pushed his shoulder.

There had been a few months in the middle of her pregnancy, after she’d stopped puking all day and night but before the constant fatigue and body aches, where she’d been insatiable, jumping Dorian at any opportunity, but sex these days required too much moving on her part, so their couplings were few and far between.

«Dorian, move. I’m too warm and clammy for cuddling.» It sounded more like a whine than she’d like, but whining seemed to be her default mode for communicating lately.

Manon also really had to pee, but she always really had to pee, so the heat was the most unbearable at the moment.

They had arrived in Rifthold three days ago for the King’s upcoming birthday celebration, but given that Dorian had been born in the middle of summer, it had been three days of bright sun, no wind and a much too high temperature.

Already, Manon longed to return to the Witch Kingdom. Yes, it may be summer there as well, but it’s location on the western coast of Erilea meant a constant, cooling wind blowing in from the vast ocean. She would give anything right now to feel that wind on her face.

The plan had been to stay for two weeks to attend the royal birthday celebration, and then return to the Witch Kingdom together, where they would remain until well after their witchling was born, but Manon’s hips and pelvis had been aching for days now, the pain only increasing, and she wasn’t sure she could make the trip back to the Wastes if it got much worse. The mere possibility filled her with anxiety.

They had discussed this long ago, how important it was to Manon that their child was born in the Witch Kingdom. Both because she wanted the comfort of being surrounded by her own, but also because while the curse had been lifted, witches were still wary of giving birth on the previously barren land, fearing it would lead to a stillborn witchling, so if their heir was born on foreign soil, it would send the wrong kind of message.

Manon couldn’t lie still for a moment longer, so she gave the still-sleeping king one final shove, glad that he actually moved this time, then rolled out of bed and waddled her way to the bathing chamber, as she’d done so many times earlier that night.

After what seemed like an eternity, Manon returned to their bedchamber to find Dorian awake and out of bed, pulling on a shirt. It annoyed her to no end that he could look so good after just waking up.

How miserable she felt must have been written on her face, because the king gave her a look filled with sympathy. «How was your night?»

Stopping in the middle of the room, Manon sighed «Terrible.» The day had barely begun, but she could already feel tears trying to escape. That was another thing she hated with being pregnant. There were so many emotions. All. The. Time. In one moment, she could storm out of a room in anger simply because Dorian’s presence annoyed her so much, but then in the next she could come back crying, needing to be in his arms, sobbing that «she was sorry for being so mean».

It truly marveled her, how she’d gotten to this point. Standing in the bedchamber she shared with the King of Adarlan, her husband, whom she had married not for alliance or plotting, but love, wearing a loose linen dress, the only item of clothing comfortable enough and big enough to fit her enormous belly because she was so very pregnant, and trying not to burst into tears in front of said husband, which was no worry, really, since she did it all the time now, but she still tried to keep some of her dignity.

Sensing that she neared another breakdown, Dorian came over to her, standing behind her. Manon leaned against him, her back to his front, and his hands immediately went to her belly, caressing it. «How can I make it better?»

Manon didn’t answer him, only closed her eyes, savoring the comfort of his arms. How clingy she’d gotten had been one of the first signs of her pregnancy, as it was common for witches, along with the nausea.

Then Dorian did something incredible. He placed his hands underneath her belly and lifted it, taking almost all the weight off of her hips and pelvis.

Feeling her whole body straighten, Manon let out a moan, her head falling backwards to rest against Dorian’s shoulder.

When in addition, an ice-kissed wind summoned by the king’s raw magic caressed her face, the relief was so great Manon did start to cry.

«What’s the matter, witchling?» Dorian asked as silent tears trickled down her cheeks.

She merely leaned into him further.

Manon had spent 117 years of her immortal life locking every emotion, every fear, deep within herself, never showing any weakness or vulnerability, so getting to a point where she could be real and raw with Dorian had been hard, and she still struggled with communicating her needs at times.

Dorian pressed a light kiss to her jaw. «Talk to me, love.»

«I want to go home.» The words came out as a whisper, but Dorian heard them. He hummed, a phantom hand brushing her hair out of her face. The pure love in those simple gestures urged her to go on.

«I can’t take the heat here. I’m always uncomfortable now, but the heat makes it unbearable! It feels like I’m suffocating. And what if I can’t make it back to the Wastes in two weeks? What if I’ll have to give birth here?»

«Then we’ll go back now,» Dorian said, his calm voice grounding her, if only a little. «I need a few hours to arrange things, but if you need to go back, we’ll go back.»

Even if it was exactly what she wanted, Manon shook her head, feeling selfish for making him drop everything just for her. He was a king, after all, and while they had spent as much time together as possible throughout her pregnancy, he still had responsibilities here.

«We can’t just go back. You need to stay here for your birthday celebration, and I don’t want to go back alone.» She let out a sob at the thought. Witches going into labour early wasn’t uncommon, and the thought of giving birth to their witchling without Dorian there scared her more than anything.

«Fuck that. The people care more about the celebration in itself than what they’re celebrating.»

Manon was about to protest, but Dorian stopped her.

«What’s most important to me, is you, Manon, and our witchling,» a phantom hand stroked her belly at that, «and if traveling back to the Wastes is what’s best for you right now, that’s what we’ll do.»

Placing her hands over Dorian’s, Manon nodded once, feeling a little less scared, a little more ready for what was to come. «That’s what we’ll do.»

Taglist: @fireheartfaery @bookishwitchling @celestialams @darklingswhxore @onfma @ireallyshouldsleeprn@sayosdreams @rowaelinismyotp @rainbowcheetah512 @mirubyjane @zoyalovesbooks

#ask #manorian #manon x dorian #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #throne of glass

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tarabyte3 · 6 months

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I'm finally home from 10 days of traveling so I can post that

Dallas Fan Festival was last weekend!!

It was so much fun! 😭 I got to see Andy Serkis again and hangout with some of my dear friends (who are also some of my beloved mutuals 💕🥰). We all got autographs and to torment each other in line—some of us (me) more than others. 😇😈 We also got a group photo with him, which I absolutely adore! It's one of my favorite photos ever. He was SO excited when we all swarmed him! We all look so cute and he has a massive grin on his face.

(During the photo, I also rested my hand directly between his flexed shoulder blades and THE MUSCLES ON THAT MAN, DEAR FUCKING GOD, Y'ALL 🥵 trying to MURDER me)

Here are some photos I took of him in the autograph line

I had him sign the covers to Pandaemonium and The Accused 😍🥺 He was thrilled about Pandaemonium and said he really liked that movie. I told him I have a degree in English Literature and Poetry (which he seemed very impressed by 😎 My degree finally came in handy lol), so I really liked it as well. That it meant a lot to me to have a movie actually about poets—even moreso because he was in it. AND I finally got his signature next to Liam Black 🫠 There isn't a lot of open space on the cover so he wasn't sure where to sign it. I said, "We might have to sacrifice Sean Bean's head." He chuckled and, in a fake serious voice, said, "Sorry, Sean." HE'S ALWAYS SO SWEET AND LOVELY AND WONDERFUL 😭🥹

Sunday we went to the Perot Museum of Nature and Science in Dallas because they were playing Blue Whales: Return of the Giants. Which is a documentary on blue whales...narrated by Andy 😂 The lady checking our tickets said she liked our shirts because of course we rolled in there representing. (The documentary opened with him going, "Can you hear that? Can you feel that?" And we were all Very Normal 😌)

The panel was really good. I know there are people that don't like that actors can't talk about their projects with the SAG-AFTRA strike going on, but I LOVE that we get to hear him talk about himself. He talked about his acting and performance capture, theater, mountain climbing, his love of jazz, and his photography, which he doesn't talk about a lot and was very exciting!! The interviewer was fantastic and asked a lot of fun "this or that" questions (he picked art museums over history museums, vampires over werewolves, but struggled with plays vs musicals lol). Here's a link to the panel if you want to watch it yourself!

I got a Caesar Funko, a Snoke figure, and an OG Cornelius figure. We also ""acquired"" some of the photos you could get signed if you didn't have anything special for him to sign, so I ended up with a David Robey and a Caesar print 🫠😌🥵. (Bless you and your taste for crime, H. I love you.)

Overall, it was such a great convention and an amazing weekend. I loved Dallas. Huge thanks to @communism-bitches, @csboz, @the-eyes-of-andyserkis, and @tarrenterror25 for making the weekend extra fantastic and for being so lovely. 🥹 I love and appreciate you all so much. We're absolutely doing this again soon, hopefully with the rest of TNBF crew to make it EVEN better! 😍💖 Andy Con 2024!

#andy serkis #dallas fan festival #dallas fan festival 2023 #conventions #autographs #the next big franchise #tnbf #andy con 2023

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bloody-wonder · 4 months

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2023 reading wrap up

sort sort sort i love to arbitrarily sort😌📚

*i decided to get even more creative this time and named the tiers after different things from the books featured on this list. see explanation below🙃 **the following series i read in full are represented only by the first book: the aurelian cycle, the radiant emperor, the winnowing flame, sorcery of thorns, monk & robot, lilywhite boys

so in 2023 my reading was heavily curated: i challenged myself to finish at least 5 series i started a long time ago, to start at least 5 new ones, to read at least 10 classics, at least 5 dark academia books, at least 10 books not in english and to re-read at least 5 books i've been meaning to re-read for some time - and i did well at all of these challenges except for the last two (missed the goal by one book in each case). it's still difficult for me to find books in languages i can read other than english which i actually want to read as well as prioritizing re-reads over new exciting books😒🤷‍♀️

but overall i would say this was a good way to organize my reading year. i like planning, i like structure, i like crossing things off different lists so completing these challenges gave me a great sense of accomplishment. but more importantly, i feel like they achieved their respective purpose: i returned to stories i fell in love with years ago and finally followed some of those journeys to their end. i discovered new fun journeys - some of them so exciting i had to finish the series immediately and some that will last me for a few more years to come. i finally feel like i trained my classics brain muscle back to its glory days and i can't express how pleasantly surprised i am to see one of those dusty tomes i read by the dozen as a teen on my top 5 again. i rediscovered my love for dark academia. i did read books in different languages and some of them ended up quite high on my tier list as well.

at the same time i had plenty of opportunities left to mood-read. boy parts, my favorite book of the year, for example wasn't a part of any challenge. the same goes for semantic error which i picked up at random during the bl manhwa revival i experienced at the end of 2023. so my top tiers ended up being a mix of different genres, the new and the old series and books, the expected and the unexpected faves.

i wasn't trying to read a certain amount of books this year but surprisingly i managed to read even more than last year (when it comes to the page count). and as for the quality, i do have a better feeling than i had in 2022 too. while i didn't manage to regain the heights of literary enjoyment from the golden era of 2019-2021, i think i'm on my way there :)

here's another curious wrap up thingy @magpiefngrl tagged me in! very representative of my reading tastes, though i must say i have only 6 unread kj charles books left and i'm starting to get concerned about what i'm going to do when i inevitably gobble them up in 2024😬

what about you guys? please tell me about your reading year! you can do a tier list (if you're a virgo) or the my year in books overview (if you regularly update your goodreads) or just write a post, if you want to. or you can also ignore me and go have a fantastic year😉🍾🎉🎆🎄

@figuringthengsout @fugitoidkry @pinkasrenzo @fandomreferencepending @counterwiddershins @magpiefngrl @sugarbabywenkexing @weirdsociology @theodoradove @doh-rae-me @venndaai @sixappleseeds @oliviermiraarmstrongs @bookish-moony

goodreads │ old yearly wrap ups 2020 2021 2022

explanation of the tier titles under the cut (if you even care)

spermaceti is a precious substance derived from the head of the sperm whale that may or may not be the whale's sperm. these are the books i absolutely loved. the vibe is that scene from moby dick where they are all on deck slicking each other with spermaceti and chanting "sperm!🙌" (that's how i remember it anyways)

toy excavator is the source of his strongest positive feelings for the main character of semantic error chu sangwoo. these are the books that i loved too but not on the spermaceti level, you know. the vibe is that scene where sangwoo realizes he's in love with jaeyoung and is like,, damn. this feels exactly like that time they gifted me a toy excavator🤔😒 (he's autistic)

skyfish is the least cool type of dragon in the aurelian cycle. the hufflepuff dragon, if you will. but it's still a dragon so these were some good books i still enjoyed😌

defekta are sentient furniture in nino cipri's sci fi novella defekt. now, in this book the concept of defekta very much serves the purpose of questioning what things we see as defective and the ethics of of how we treat them. for the purposes of this tier list however defekta are the books which range from good to great but which at the same time have some big issue that made me want to throw them at a wall. that's why the radiant emperor is ranked twice lol it has to be on my top 5 bc i'm obsessed but also ragsghhjdsgjhjbbdsd

kerinne is a made up drink the characters of mca hogarth's cozy sci fi series the dreamhealers like to drink. in 2023 i found out that i am not immune to cozy sff but one genre-specific thing i will forever remain indifferent towards is foods & beverages - i don't care about them too much irl so when they're fictional i care even less. these are the books that were just whatever🤷‍♀️

holism is art's annoying coworker we're introduced to in system collapse. a totally overrated guy, just like these books🙄

green varnish is a resin-like substance a certain type of creature in the winnowing flame excretes after consuming everything it finds in its path so that entire towns together with their residents get entombed under it forever. it's also transparent so the areas attacked by these creatures basically turn into see-through graveyards brrrr. these were The Worst books i read in 2023😬

#book tag #putting boy parts into the spermaceti tier over moby dick & cackling maniacally #ugh both goodreads and tiermaker kept crashing on me but i persevered #also if you're one of my reader followers and you want to tell me about your reading year please consider yourself tagged!

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mia-vita · 2 years

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Extraordinary Attorney Woo Season Finale

As always, this episode didn't fail to make me laugh and at one point I felt so seen in this episode.

My highlights:

The Cat Analogy

(Jun Ho GIF by @namchyoon )

I FELT SO SEEN!!!

My cat hates me! I don't understand why since I got her when she was still a kitty, and I show nothing but love to her. 😌😒

I read in @freesiablooming post that the subtitles were wrong and Jun Ho said cat's butler no cat's owner. And that's what I call myself to my cat, I'm literally her servant.

She bites me first thing in the morning for her food if I wake up later than usual. If I don't feed her wet food for longer than I usually do she doesn't eat the dry food and lets me know by tapping me on my ankles with her sharp nails that she wants wet food. She ABSOLUTELY hates to be touched or seen by me. Lol if she is laying somewhere were she knows I can reach her she will move before I even walk by. If I grab her to hug her she would literally put her hands on my face or chest and push me away. I can go on and on about my cat signs of hate, but the point is that the analogy made me laugh because I related to it so deeply.

And I have thought sometimes about how lonely as a pet owner my cat makes me feel because I love her. I've had so many dogs and cats in my lifetime and they all loved me very much, so having her being like that towards me is a bit heartbreaking once in a while. But as Jun Ho, I still love her and she is mine until death do us part. I won't give her away and get another one just because she doesn't show me as much affection as I show her.

Also, when Woo said that cats love their owners, I questioned it a little for my case. Mine does come once in a while to be petted by me very late at "night", I'm talking like 3am, and I believe is because she feels lonely since everything is dark and off so I think that love is condinal. I don't know if she really appreciates all my hard work to keep her alive. Lol seriously, can you tell how good that analogy was for me.

The Brother

When the borther faced the mom telling her about Woo, I knew this episode was going to be great! I was like...

One thing, I do not consider Tae a bad mom for not wanting Woo. As a woman she had that right. My issue with her is the fact that she wanted to mess with her life after finding out she was her daughter. That was a big no no for me.

Jung

I loved when he tried to do the greeting 😂 that was so cute and funny.

(Jung GIF by @iamacolor )

And also him trying to wink at Woo. I would have given up at the first wink honestly 😂

Kwon

Lol this dude, I don't know... like I don't like him, but it wasn't like I hated him, I found him annoying. When he tried to get Woo fired, that made me pissed.

Also, when he called Jung pretty I laughed so hard, hahaha 😂

And then him trying to be part of the group and trying to fist bump Woo, lol that was funny too.

He needs to still apologize tho, but I think he is on his way there, I think he was showing he is trying to grow up a little. Although, that conversation with Tae, telling her that if there was a time that Woo wants to quit was now, that was showing he was still an idiot in progress.So I don't know, I'm conflicted, we shall see in season 2 I guess. 😅

Jun Ho

This man is so CUTE! Seriously, that's the only word that comes out of my mouth every time he is in the screen and does one of his things. He is soooo damn cute!! And his smile is pure gold.

When he clinked the glass with Woo 🥰 I love how that's his thing now! He makes me melt honestly. I love romance and he is the epitome of it for me, that speech he did telling her why being with her makes him happy, that was beautiful.

For the final thoughts, I loved that the episode ended with her successfully doing the revolving door by herself. It made me emotional.

I want to say that the struggle from episode 13 on was real. But at the end the whale made it out to breath the air. I was a bit scared after episode 15 that the end wasn't going to be good but I am very glad I was wrong.

Do we need a Season 2?

Honestly, I don't think so. I would love to see all the relationships of the drama develope further but I am afraid that a second season won't be interesting enough. The beauty of KDramas for me is the fact that it's mostly one season. But I'll definitely see it anyways because I honestly have one question.

How does Hairy make money? 😅

Why my guy doesn't have customers? Do we need to do some advertising for you? Let us know.

#extraordinary attorney woo #kdrama #netflix

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hiraya-rawr · 2 years

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Who would main who? Modern AU HCs

A somewhat-extension to my Modern Acting AU hcs where Genshin is a popular series made into a video game based on the actors (but you don't need to know that to read this). Now the actors have to play the game, who would they main?

HCS 1 || HCS 2 || MASTERLIST 1

Kaeya

Would main himself honestly. Doesnt even mind that he's a starter character.

Probably whaled for Character Diluc, now he's got his brother on C6 with wolf's gravestone and CRIT artifacts.

(wonders why it's so hard to C6 himself 🤔)

He's the type to show off his own build and Diluc's build on twitter and instagram

Probably sacrifices Diluc on Barbatos' statue whenever he does a 10 pull (he'd stream it too)

Has all the other characters but probably stuck with himself, Lisa, and Amber (+Diluc) just to support the starters 😌

Diluc

Gives me F2P player vibes at the start of the game 😭 He only played because he's the actor for the series

Kaeya probably had to carry him when he started.

Now he's kind of hooked. This man is loaded and doesn't hesitate to buy primogems and kits 🤩 it's a secret though

I don't think he'd main himself, it's kind of awkward for him so he uses whatever new character he gets and builds them

He's friends with Jean irl so she's probably a regular on his team tbh

Kaeya gets ignored (he says it's bc he hates him but he actually just finds it as awkward as using his own character)

Zhongli

help 😭 this grandpa does not know how to play.

As mentioned in the hcs, he only plays on set where Xiao and Hutao are there to help him

Co-ops a lot because that's the only way he can go on with the game tbh

Xiao and Hutao piloting for him like it's their second account 😔

Finds his character super useful, Xiao helped him build his Zhongli, he's smart enough to know that he only needs to long press his elemental skill for a shield

Shield = protection = no die = wait for Xiao and Hutao to defeat whatever for him

He mains whoever Xiao and Hutao left on his party list tbh

Childe

Mains himself, pretty obvious 🤨

His party can go from all of the tall women or all of the tall men tbh

Did not pull for the Ayato banner. He's scared to ever lose 50/50 to an Ayato. Needless to say, he doesn't want one ever

Hates it if another character gets artifacts better than his so he has to work on his build all over again

Will definitely put the other Harbingers on his team once they become playable

Signora didn't tell him she'll die and leave the cast :( so he was pretty disappointed when her episode was released

Thoma

Tries to have everyone on friendship level 10 🥺

Please don't ask him who he mains, he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings

He probably has all the characters on at least level 50 just in case they see his account, so no one feels left out

In truth, he played the starters for a while before switching to Ayato, Ayaka, himself, and geo Aether (a rare Aether main!!)

Feeds the stray dogs in Liyue and Dragonspine

Ayato

I feel like he would main Ayaka just because they have a sibling bond on set. He also has Thoma on his team!

Ayaka probably also mains him and Thoma and they do co ops a lot

Also whales 🐳

He built himself to lvl 90 and really good artifacts but he doesn't use his character as often, kind of like Diluc

But whenever he co ops with Ayaka and Thoma, they each use their respective character!! Goes with the "travel together with friends" trope on genshin

Itto

He's kind of like Childe. Mains himself and works extra hard on his build.

But he also tries to level up all the other characters!! Doesn't care if it's a 4 star or 5 star, Itto will make you shine!!

Does damage showcase of 4 stars just to prove how all of them can be super strong

#genshin #ayato #diluc #thoma #kaeya #itto #childe #zhongli #genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin hcs #genshin fluff #genshin fanfic #genshin diluc #genshin ayato #genshin thoma #genshin zhongli #genshin childe #genshin headcanons

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mooifyourecows · 3 years

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moo…you can’t just tell us you have a top five for sharks and not give us the list. i must know. share with the people.

okay okay okay here it comes

Coming in at number 5, we have the Wobbegong

This boy made it on the list partly because of his great name, which sounds like some sorta monster from a Lewis Caroll poem, and partly because he looks like someone's spooky grandpa

just look at this guy, why didn't HE make an appearance in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest as one of Davy Jones' crew?

Wobbegongs are bottom dwellers who blend in to their surroundings in order to snack on unsuspecting fish and yeah that makes sense. I would be wary of this mother effer if I saw him drift out of the darkness of a dirty alleyway on my way home late at night.

These guys are also very lazy and chill and spend most of their time just SITTIN there, which I relate to on a very intimate level.

"But Moo, how dangerous are they to me, a human being, personally?"

Well if you're a bitch about it then they're kinda dangerous. Because these babes are known to bite unsuspecting swimmers who get too close to them. But can you blame them? There you are, chillin' on the ocean floor and then some fuckin honkey in a snorkel is STEPPIN on your turf man I'd bite too if some stranger was traipsing all over my lawn and chasing away my lunch.

Also, they have a habit of biting and not letting go, because clearly people need some time for the weight of their transgressions to sink in. I agree. You go, funky little wobbegongs, I support you

At number 4, we have the Thresher Shark

Just look at that tail. It's very much giving me drama, mystery, intrigue. It's like a pretty lady at a red carpet event with a long ass train on her dress. Elegant, beautiful, stunning

Thresher sharks are vulnerable to extinction because they're very popular sport fishing prey. This, understandably, makes Moo CATACLYSMICALLY VIOLENT TOWARDS HIS FELLOW MAN!!

how can you hunt something so glorious? That whip like tail they use to swat the everloving shit out of fish they're tryna score for a midday meal... that dopey, somewhat confused and uncomfortable expression on their face... every underwater photo of these bitches looks like a poorly rendered 3d model that can't believe it exists

Also, these cutie patooties are some of the only sharks that actually breach, like whales or dolphins. And that tail is to thank for the ability i mean LOOK at the air this guy gets:

somebody sign this guy up for the OLYMPICS, he's a star!

Number 3, we got the Greenland Shark

this bitch WILD!!!! Greenland sharks have the longest lifespans than ANY OTHER ANIMAL IN THE WORLD. These zombie torpedos can live between 250-500 years are you KIDDING me????

They're slow moving (same), ugly (same), and toxic (same). Eating their flesh without properly treating it first can give the effect of extreme drunkenness. Sign me UP. EXCEPT DON'T ACTUALLY SIGN ME UP BECAUSE THESE OLD ASS FISH ARE VULNERABLE DUE TO CLIMATE CHANGE RAISING THE TEMPERATURE OF THEIR ARCTIC WATER HABITATS. Not to mention it takes them like 150 years to mature sexually and then it takes another like... 8-18 years for their pups to gestate.

Also, Greenland sharks are scavengers and scavenger animals are famously my favorite types of animals (lookin' at you, hyenas... lookin at you 😌). That being said, they're also apex predators who will literally eat like... anything. There have even been cases where a greenland shark's stomach was cut open and they found MOOSE and REINDEER in there. Like damn boy i respect the hustle, get that meal 👏

"But Moo," you're thinking. "They're so ugly, Moo."

And? What of it? Like they care? They're basically blind, bro. they don't even know what mirrors are, bro. Work on yourself before slinging your warped perception of beauty on my guy here

For number 2, you already know it's the Whale Shark babeeyyy

I, like so many others, am a big fan of gentle giants. And that's exactly what the whale shark is. This girl is the largest known fish and also a filter feeder, eating mostly plankton and shit.

and she's BEAUTIFUL. literally i would take this total smokin babe out for a fancy night on the town, it's what she deserves. Those spots? The shape of that sleek tail? Mmm chef's kiss, stunning

Whale sharks like to play with divers too, isn't that adorable? And because of their size and diet, these beauties gotta eat like... constantly. I, too, like to eat constantly, so obviously i feel a strong kinship to whale sharks

what more can i say? 10/10, great fish 👌

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for, despite it being very obvious what was going to happen...

My number 1 shark is the Tiger Shark

they are just ocean puppies and nobody can change my mind!!!

They're named tiger sharks because of the stripes on their skin that fade as they age.

And baby they got RANGE. they will eat basically anything (same) including garbage (...same?). Also, dolphins avoid them because they will absolutely fuck those bottle nosed pussies UP. and if there's one thing i want to be in this world, it's avoided by dolphins.

Tiger sharks are considered very dangerous to humans despite not being aggressive towards them because they have, on occasion, fucked a human's shit all the way up. Honestly? Deserved.

they're just the best. absolutely gorgeous. Best sharks ever, feel free to quote me on that because i'm right

And that's my list! Hope you enjoyed it Babe 🖤 Sharks are such cute and amazing creatures and we should all do our part to spread the love of them so we can stop people from killing them needlessly. so tell your moms and dads and uncles and etc. Sharks are good! Friends!

#sharks #i'm not a shark professional #so if any of my info is inaccurate #mind your business

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