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#did i ever tell yall abt how im the reason a choir i was in couldnt post a nice video. i singlehandedly ruined it
silverislander · 4 months
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i know my anxiety is irrational and comprised of previous negative experiences instead of an accurate prediction of the future bc it still tries to make me feel bad about objectively funny things that no longer even align with my morals as a person
#did i ever tell yall abt how im the reason a choir i was in couldnt post a nice video. i singlehandedly ruined it#they were recording us reacting to the big revelation of where we would be going on our choir trip next year and we were HYPED UP#or at least i was. they were dragging it out and i was super excited#finally after 3 separate speeches and like 10mins of buildup (im not kidding) they told us we were going to...#literal drum roll. a guy in the drum section of the brass band was doing a drum roll. really funny guy i remember he was cool#... toronto!! (this was very exciting i had never been to toronto and i love getting to travel anywhere new)#and everyone was reacting positively and i loudly went 'OH MY GOD' bc i was excited#now the thing is. i had been trying not to swear anymore bc i felt like i did it too much (i was deep in religion at this point in my life#(the worst thing i would ever say was hell and that felt like a slur) (i was miserable 24/7 bc i had such high standards for myself)#and the other thing is. this was a church choir. we were IN the sanctuary at the time#multiple people turned to GLARE/stare at me and istg i felt smth inside me die a little i was beyond mortified#and i know they were recording our reaction bc i saw multiple people doing it. but no video was ever posted in the end 😭#i know 100% that was my fault bc i am very loud. you could absolutely hear me on that video + nobody else had that huge reaction#anyway. in the moment i was embarrassed but nowadays its so funny considering how i and those people turned out#i didnt even go on that trip i dropped out of the choir 3mos later bc i hated it there lmao#levi.txt#and now i think the fuck word is like top five most used words in my vocabulary and im not religious anymore. character growth#im nice to people and not weirdly judgemental abt whether their choices fit my moral standards#and most importantly of all im reasonably happy these days bc i dont try to make myself act like someone im not all the time!#i cant believe my brain still pulls that memory out sometimes to try and make me feel bad bc it just. does not work anymore
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cas-rivaille · 3 years
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Heyyyyyyy I’d like to request a matchup if that’s okay 👌
I’m Aspen it’s nice to meet you- I go by they/them pronouns but I really want to switch to they/he but my anxiety has been stopping me. I’m a Sagittarius and an INFP 4w3 (yes, I know I’m so sorry 🤕) and I also have ADHD and possibly autism.
I absolutely adore anything creative, I like to draw & write but I really wanna get back into acting, as the pandemic kinda fucked that up. Music. I LOVE music with a passion. I’ve always wanted to learn bass guitar but the cost of one has always shut that down. When I was a kid I’d preform solos at Christmas concerts, and I did choir for a short amount of time. Sadly dysphoria messed me up singing wise but I’d love to get back into it if I ever get to go on testosterone. So I’m hoping I can get back into music & acting this year
I make an obscene amount of sex jokes, like at this point there should be a counter cause I make ATLEAST 30 a day. The funniest part is that I’m on the ace spectrum. (I’m panromantic and a sex positive gray-ace, let’s go gamers 🦾) I’m a massive fucking fruitcup, like im as straight at a wet spaghetti noodle and it really shows in my personality. I’m very flamboyant.
I’m extremely hyperactive and social when I’m not around my family, and I’m always up to talk to someone as long as they respect my boundaries (heck I’ve had a history of being too much and scaring others away, it was kinda depressing). Even though I love to talk to people I have a bad habit of stumbling and stuttering when I get excited, so people tend to mistake that for me being shy or awkward.
I have wicked bad dysphoria and self confidence issues, but I try not to show it so I say, fake it till you make it 🦾 I also fidget ALOT in public and that I’m not ashamed of. Im trying to find a chewy fidget toy so I don’t constantly bite my hand in public 🤕
Sorry this is all over the place but quick description of myself I guess. I’m built like a twink, at the “tall” height of 5’2 or 157 cm. I have fluffy/curly hair that was originally brown, but I dyed to black after a good old fashion mental breakdown. I have blue eyes and glasses, and most typically you’ll find me in a grunge or emo aethsetic. Although I can’t stick to one for more then a month so I tend to find ways to reuse my clothes and change my aesthetic 🦾
Im so sorry this is all over the place, I just got home from work and I’m wicked tired- thank u for reading and have a good day or night 🦾🦾
AHHH OMG THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST I GOTCHU BESTIE (the way i related to half of this so much help) REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OKAY AND ITS VERY NICE TO MEET YOU TOO okay lemme tell you my first thought and then i started building on that..
i match you with... *badabadaba drum roll pls* SATAN
okay so one, he would love your username (so do i LMAO). with the amount of reading satan does, i totally hc that he reads romance and drama and stuff like shakespeare so he would TOTALLY BE A SIMP FOR YOU AND YOUR ACTING BBY. he'd love your musical side to the MAX. i'm talking like will literally go to your room (would buy you a guitar) bring said guitar, and ask you to play something for him. we all know he's a needy cat bby.
(i'm totally gonna be all over the place w this request sorry).
HE LOVES YOUR HEIGHT THO LIKE JAHSHSJS THATS A WHOLE FOOT DIFFERENCE. love your style and would so be down to dye your hair whenever. let's be honest you'd need to help him with his style which ends up with you two looking like the ULTIMATE POWER COUPLE
you guys would be so c u t e i cant this man would literally do anything for you- i feel like a big chunk of the reason being your personalities mesh so well ?? i have the same personality type as satan and i have a t o n of infp people i get along with and i feel like it would be the same w him and you. he would v much appreciate your social aspect because he doesn't like people lmao. and he would find your stuttering SO CUTE AHH. all the sex jokes you make would fluster THE SHIT out of him. he would hide his blushing face in a book as you sit there with a smug look on your face LOL.
bby would totally help you with your self confidence and you two would grow together (bc we all know he's trying so hard to work on himself too we love that) and you guys would cuddle for emotional support i feel like.
totally would get you fidget stuff and is supportive of you 100%
he would also leave you love letters/notes and give you books with annotations of things that remind him of you
expect for cat boy to be completely and hopelessly in love with you and you two would match so WELL AJSJJS
(i had to throw this in but)
STUDY DATES AND COZY NIGHTS IN WINTER GRUNGE AESTHETIC VIBE AHH
pls let him try on your glasses
overall yall are SO CUTE
SORRY IF THIS WAS TOO MUCH TO READ IK HOW ADHD CAN BE I HAVE IT TOO BESTIE AND IF YOU EVER WANNA TALK ABT ANYTHING DONT BE SHY TO DM ME AND WE CAN TALK ILY BBY THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST I HOPE YOU LIKED IT
-cas :)
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