#dead &he accidentally joined a pyramid scheme | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gloriousmonsters · 3 years

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filed under ‘fics that i don’t know if i’ll write because i don’t know where it would GO but the idea is just really funny to me’: scenario where xue yang was basically supposed to leave out the front door and come back in thru the back when jgy publicly disowned him, and he got attacked by unrelated/not In the Know people which is how he wound up in that ditch, so jgy’s just been sitting in jinlintai like ‘...is he dead? no, he’s too mean to die. where is he doesn’t he know we have a work contract’ (xy doesn’t think work contracts are real. if he likes you very very much he will consider complying with it, but it’s like. a suggestion)

and in the second-ish year of xy living in Yi City sends su she to look for him like Could You Please Remind Him That As Per My Last Email He Was Supposed To Check In :) Thank You anyway sms manages to successfully hunt him up and is treated to the EXTREMELY fucking baffling sight of xy shopping for groceries. with a blind priest. and an extremely foulmouthed teen girl. xy is making frantic shushing motions at him. is this some kind of elaborate prank

(under the cut bc it got a bit long lol)

of course sms winds up invited to dinner because xxc is like ‘oh, a friend of... my friend! please join us!’ and sms is silently mouthing is that xiao fucking xingchen at xy and a-qing is losing her shit internally over New Suspicious Guy but can’t do anything about it and xy really doesn’t want sms to come to dinner because he’s out of that life now!! he’s gotta think of the family and he doesn’t want to come back for one last job! but he can’t say that without (a) being suspicious and (b) looking uncool so. dinner it is

but like, it’s FINE despite everything being super awkward until a-qing swears at the table and xxc apologizes and sms, without thinking, is like ‘it’s fine. some of my disciples come off the streets, i know what it’s like’

xxc suddenly gets interested and also lights up like--my friend, your friend is a sect leader? one who takes in children from the streets? sms, mildly panicked, is like uhhh yes, i started my sect pretty recently, have my default little speech about how i think inner/outer disciple separations and too much value placed on blood relation are both bad ideas. xxc is vehemently like i absolutely agree and this is about the time xue yang remembers right, he and song lan wanted to start a sect that was all equal and unaffiliated and shit, and his stomach drops. he tries to inject sarcastic commentary but it’s too late. sms and xxc are talking enthusiastically now

It Gets Worse because then sms has to bring up the watchtowers and xxc is like ‘....there’s a chief cultivator who implemented something like that? wow maybe things aren’t as bad as I thought’ which is just an open invitation for sms to wax fucking POETIC about jin guangyao, and xy is on the verge of stabbing him and taking what may come after when sms gets the utterly terrifying look of having had an Idea and says ‘actually, your friend and I met while working for him’

(xy is mouthing both what are you doing and i am going to fucking gut you across the table. sms ignores him, which is annoying. clearly two years have given him an unforgivable amount of confidence)

xxc is like ???! but quickly states that he didn’t want to talk about the past if his friend didn’t (thank you, daozhang) but sms is like ‘of course, we’ve just been quite worried about him--he did important work and then he vanished...’ significant pause ‘around the time jin-zongzhu came into the position and began to try and change things, so we thought...’ and xy is staring at him like. are you trying to imply I wound up in a ditch because someone attacked me due to working for an unpopular humanitarian leader. that’s the stupidest shit I ever--glances to the side, finds out that xxc is clearly coming to that conclusion too, and he looks fucking enchanted. he is clearly forming a whole possible narrative in his head where xy worked to improve the world and was just too humble to mention it or something

at this point xy starts trying to do some calculation in his head for a minute like ‘i mean did my corpse research indirectly contribute to all the front-facing nice shit a-yao does? i guess i killed a fair few political opponents and etc for him’ and doesn’t answer ‘he’s talking shit’ with quite enough conviction when xxc asks ‘my friend, is that true?’. it’s done for. xxc is convinced he had a Secret Noble Past now

and of course this is about the time sms swings into his ‘why don’t all of you come back to koi tower’ pitch with all the subtlety of someone trying to sell them on a pyramid scheme

xy’s pissed but also conflicted like... he did like working with a-yao, and more importantly he guesses that saying no would make things a lot less friendly between them, and xxc is clearly torn between not wanting to get involved in the world again but... if you have important work you could be doing, my friend... and a-qing could go to a Good School... and neither of you want to just. leave me behind (the one thing a-qing and xy are vehemently agreeing on) maybe... maybe we should think about it? a-qing is against it until sms, who’s managed to sink a few skill points into convincing kids that being a cultivator would be cool, actually, suggests that if she learned some cultivational skills she could hit people with her stick way more effectively, and then she’s conflicted too. although this whole thing seems super suspicious

at one point sms accidentally (’accidentally’) calls xy ‘chengmei’ and xxc is just quietly having a Moment over ‘oh my god his name relates to gentlemanly and helpful behavior that’s amazing...’ while xy fumes

this is point where i like. have no idea where it would really Go and a number of the places would be pretty dark, but in some other respects it could be a.... fix-it? fix-some-things-and-make-others-worse? but obv i have spent a While thinking about the first part so hopefully it can be exorcised from my brain now

#xue yang #su she #fic rambling #mainly i just find the idea of xxc getting a Completely inaccurate idea of xy's past very funny #gay necromancy: the show

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mt-words · 3 years

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Ranboo is one of the most successful L’manburg presidential candidates ever and he never even officially ran.

Let’s look at his campaign goals and promises.

Values-

• Primes- reached most subbed to twitch streamer.

• Clout- see above.

• Women- respects all the female streamers on the SMP.

• Funny- obviously.

• Banger tweets- has publicly murdered multiple people with sass.

• Sam- self explanatory.

Type of Government-

• Whichever one works :) - having a government never worked out well for L’manburg and now they don’t have one, so… I call that a win.

Outlaw-

• Arson- our first failure. To be fair his chances weren’t great.

• Tommy- exile.

• Racism- L’manburg is gone now and can therefore no longer be racist if it tried.

• No childenrrren- I’ve never seen a childenrrren, have you? Didn’t think so, that’s a success.

• Killing pets/ Sapnap- Since L’manburg is no longer a place (crater doesn’t count) Sapnap can’t go there anymore, therefore he’s been effectively outlawed.

• Boats just for Dream because he needs to learn how to walk- When was the last time you saw Dream in a boat? Guarantee it has been at least two months.

• Heart attacks- no one has had one since he joined the SMP.

• Ranboob- Tommy is a variable, this goal is doomed to failure.

Relaw-

• Untax Niki- She’s no longer being taxed.

• Ranboo day- I mean, it hasn’t not happened? It could be coming up?

• Techno shack- made a shack next to Techno’s house.

• Accidental muder- has been committed and gone unpunished multiple times, seems relawed to me.

• Make Big Q’s clothes mandatory- He showed up to the Disk War finale naked, unfortunately that’s a failure.

o And Dream too- depends on if this is in reference to him changing his skin or not wearing armor.

General Promises

• Recrown Eret King- yep.

• National Anthem will now be a mix of all star and ymca- strike four, I don’t think I can stretch this one.

• New Flag- strike five.

• Beach episode- the pirate treasure hunt.

• GIVE TECHNO SOME FRIENDS- He has Philza, Ranboo, and Niki now. It’s a good start.

• Make a bank- It’s being worked on.

Goals

• Kill Georgenotfound- I don’t think he’s done this? Correct me if he has.

• Punt Tommy- again, was involved in him being outlawed.

• Give Philza Elytra- failed so far, but it looks like it will happen when he dies. So.

• Give Fundy a dad- Eret sort of adopted him? It didn’t really get followed up on.

• Give Tubbo bees- he did get a hive.

• Somehow make Wilbur even more dead- is currently trying to kill Dream so Wilbur and Schlatt can never come back.

• Find Sally and figure out how the heck THAT happened- failed, but to be fair I’m not sure even Wilbur knows.

• PROTECT THE L’MANTREE- This aged poorly.

• Make TECHNO swear- close but not yet.

• MAKE PURPLED ORANGE- The egg messes with colors, we’ll see?

• Give Tommy his view- they’re making a tower with a great view of the Prison.

• Tax Punz- don't think this has happened yet.

• GIVE GEORGE AN ALARM CLOCK- can’t be done, the universe would break.

• Give Eret some rest- they took a break for a while.

• LET TECHNO AND NIKI SPEAK- they both have room to talk with the Syndicate

• Make new explosives- nukes.

• Enable rain- it has been fixed.

• MAKE MUFFIN A CURSE- multiple streamers on the Dream SMP use muffin to swear now.

• MAKE GEORGE FOUND- George is doing Lore now?!?

Get Money- is now one of the richest members of the server.

• Pyramid scheme/ Girl scout ccokkjgiers- can you prove he hasn’t?

• BAKERY THAT ONLY STEALS MONEY- Ice cream shop, but close enough.

• MERCH- has made merch.

Speech promises-

• Be a better president than any previous by not being in the smp- failed on the day he made the speech. I guess his promises were just too good.

#some of these are scarily specific #like the make new explosives?#I completely forgot about that!#And there are still more goals he could accomplish #the list isn't done yet #maybe i'll update this when everything is completed or impossible to complete #ranboo 2021 #ranboo #l'manburg #ranboo for president #dream smp #mt's words #ranboo appreciation

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cicinicole-14 · 3 years

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Hi for the ship thing and headcanons, please do jolex 🥰

Who is a night owl:

dont get me wrong, they both most definitely will stay up late together or both pass out before 9pm on a Friday night, but some days when the depression hits, its jsut different and Jo is definitely more of the night owl. Alex is more of a morning person and Jo would rather sleep like the dead.

Who is a morning person:

as we’ve discovered, more so Alex esp when they have kiddos. Alex is the one to get up with them early and let Jo sleep, he makes breakfast with the kids’ help and keeps their room quiet for jo to get some extra sleep but will unleash their evil spawns when he deems she’s slept in long enough.

Are they cuddlers:

some days, yes, mostly. jo definitely loves the affection from someone who genuinely loves and wants her back. but there are days where she literally is like “do not come near me with your (temperature) hot body Alexander Michael Karev, you are a heater and I am already too warm”

Who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon:

Alex is def the big spoon. Jo likes cuddling into him because sh feels safe, he feels like home. but she def has big spooned him too it’s a 50/50 relationship we have equal roles people

What is their favourite sleeping position:

no lie, both spread out like starfish in their bed.

Who steals all the blankets:

Jo. Alex is a space heater and doesnt need blankets she freezes and likes being snuggled up and warm

What they wear to bed:

I mean some nights, nothing, but like jo def loves Alex’s old Iowa state shirts or his wrestling shirts from HS that smell like him. an old worn in t-shirt, anything with a pair of booty shorts or his boxers even. and Alex will just wear a t-shirt and boxers or flannels in the winter.

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt:

Alex wholeheartedly loves when jo wears his shirts unless its his favorite flannel and she steals it “come on, jo. you know that’s my favorite one. I wear it all the time.” its exactly why she takes it.

Who falls asleep mid-conversation:

jo, unintentionally. sometimes the insomnia hits and she won’t have slept for a couple days so when life catches back up to her she will fall asleep randomly. even more so while pregnant and right after their daughter is born. she just “night night Josephine”

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares:

they both have their fair share of horrid nightmares. Alex’s deal a lot with his trauma of growing up. his mom pulling various knives on his siblings and dad attacking them. even nightmares of jo leaving him like Izzie did and he wakes up without her.

jo’s are terrifying as well. she dreams that Paul’s death was just an illusion and that hes still out there and he’ll still come and get her. she wakes up drenched in a cold sweat and Alex holds her and they pull up his death certificate on the gsm database to prove it. she also has nightmares about being abandoned again. dreams of herself as a baby, dreams of her mother leaving her at that firestation. horrid nightmares. and Alex just holds her. she also has many nightmares about Alex abandoning her too just like her mother abandoned her but he’s never done that he’s always there when she wakes up and everything is okay again

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep:

jo is an absolute horrible bed partner. she does NOT sleep still. she will move around so much during sleep its dangerous. yes, Alex did wake up with a bruise across his cheek one night from an elbow to the face...

Who can’t keep their hands to themself:

both of them. theyre notorious horndogs no autocorrect they are not corndogs please stop correcting me when you’re wrong

and just because, im throwing in the parenting meme one too bc my heart melts

packs the lunches

Alex. he gets up with the kids in the mornings and also we do not trust jo to make their children food. she’d feed them boxed Mac n cheese and take out the entirety of their lives. and while they love that and Alex wouldn’t care if it was jsut them, their kids need real food. he packs them lunchables and uncrustables but at least its a little more of a variety.

blows raspberries while cuddling

jo, more so. they both do, but jo LOVES a good chunky baby belly she can blow raspberries onto. and yes she leaves maroon lipstick marks on chubby cheeks and bellies.

is the tickle monster

Alex. and she runs to mommy to save her from daddy! “oh, now you want mommy, huh? as soon as daddy is the tickle monster all you want is mommy? not when I wanted cuddles, or we picked you up from daycare or I dont know, I gave birth to you and wanted snuggles you cry and want daddy but now hes the tickle monster you want me?” and jo scoops her up and tries saving her but ultimately they lose and get attacked in their very large bed by the tickle monster.

gives life lesson speeches

they both do just depending on the situations.

when the girls start dating, jo sits them all down separately, and explains to them a bit of her past. letting them know that no man should ever lay hands on them. she teaches them how to defend themselves and Alex ofc shows them in example how women should be treated. Alex makes it clear that if a guy or girl ever should treat his daughters or his son in any other way than he treats jo, that he needs to know and gOD forbiD one of them lay a finger on one of his children there WILL be hell to pay. jo obviously consoles him in front of her children but tells him “u already have a record. if anyone lays hands on our children I will be putting them in the ground not you”

kisses the boo-boos

Alex he is a pushover and 100% makes sure all boo-boos are kissed and even when the kids are way too old for having their boo-boos kissed, he makes sure the bandaids that are no longer avengers or dinosaur or unicorn or princess themed, have been properly kissed. even through protests of “dad, im not five anymore I dont need my bandaids kissed” “how do you expect them to heal, then, CJ? you’re my most clumsy kid, and I have had to kiss all your boo-boos and never once have I not. thats why you’re still in once piece”

breaks the bad news

jo makes Alex do it most times. she claims she’s the fun parent and tries to stay the fun parent by making Alex break bad news like “we cannot get another dog” she blames it on Alex but then brings home a puppy the following week.

joins the PTA

listen. LISTEN. when Greyson started big kid school, in kindergarten, they placed her in private school to give her everything they didnt have growing up. jo was determined to make sure she gave her daughter everything made sure she felt loved and was spoiled it was terrible. so jo, of course, sent her to Seattle Elementary academy and was not paying attention when she signed some forms signing up to be in the PTA. she loathed it so much and “Alex im sorry I cant do this. I know we wanted to give Gracie everything we didnt have growing up but I cant take it I cant take the private school. the volunteer hours the strict dress code violations? she is FIVE. I also have to volunteer FORTY HOURS this year alone. no! I am a surgeon, a mother of two and im pregnant! I do not have time for this! all these PTA moms are stay at home moms who have nothing better to do than gossip about their neighbors and drink wine. and I swear to god if I have to hear about Jessica’s fucking essential oils pyramid scheme one more time I will shove those oils so far up her a––” “Jo! Look, Ali, mommy’s here!” Alex interrupts her just in time. he doesnt blame her. those private school moms are quiet the handful. every time, one of them has the nerve to hit on him. “and I swear, if one more of those moms hits on you in front of me, im going to backhand her with my engagement ring on. no hate to most of them, but theyre too much” they end up ending Gracie, and Ali and the rest of the kids to public school just like they had grown up in and did just fine.

crashes sleepovers with embarrassing stories

oh one hundred and ten percent Alexander Michael Karev. he will find any moment to break out embarrassing stories and photos. hell, even when Zola, Bailey, ellis, Sofia, Harriet, scout, any of the bunch come over he’ll embarrass them too!

gives the crazy nicknames

not really either of them (that ive figured out in the moment) (the kkc kids do not have crazy nicknames yet) (we jsut have Gracie for Greyson, Ali for Alice, and CJ for Cristina Jo. Alexis goes by Sissy because of Alexis and Alexa and Eli usually goes by bubba seeing as how that’s what the twins have called each other growing up with Izzie and that stuck)

thank you so much for these! I loved loved loved doing them! even threw in some KKC universe things so if yall have questions about that feel free to ask I will share! tho there is yet to have a fic out about them yet… its been a bit difficult with writers block /:

#jolex #kkc universe #this turned into partially kkc stuff whoops #cici writes #ask coco

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