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achubbydumpling · 2 years

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A Little Extra: Cruise Ship

Rating: Explicit Words: 1000 Pairing: Andy Barber/Ransom Drysdale Additional Tags: Darkfic, Noncon, Dark Andy Barber, Drugging, Alcohol, Stuffing, Thigh Fucking

[on AO3]

Ransom Drysdale doesn’t do things by halves. When he turned 21, he gifted himself a two week luxury cruise. Technically, it was his granddad’s money, but he did pay with the credit card Harlan had given him.

Boarding was predictably annoying even with dozens of employees zipping around collecting luggage and handing out drinks. Social norms would dictate that he limits himself to one or two, but Ransom was pleasantly buzzed by the time he was finally on board.

But it was his birthday (week) so that was completely fine.

Ransom had that same attitude when he discovered there was an open bar on the top deck. Apparently compensatory, since boarding took so long. Ransom happily drank his fill. More than that.

He was pretty drunk by the time dinner rolled around. His balance failed him, and he stumbled straight into the arms of another passenger, who grabbed him tightly to steady him.

“What the hell?” Ransom pushed the guy away. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

Infuriatingly, he only smiled patiently at Ransom.

“I must’ve gotten in your way. Why don’t I make it up over dinner? I’m Andy.” He reached his hand out in greeting.

Is this guy serious? But, hey, Ransom wasn’t someone to turn down an invitation like that. Who wouldn’t want to spend their time in his company?

Andy gently steadied Ransom with a hand on his lower back. He led them under deck and to one of the restaurants. Seafood. Disgusting.

But Andy had already pushed another glass of prosecco in Ransom’s hand which quickly mellowed him out enough to stay. Their waiter brought a basket of bread and butter to the table.

Ransom kept to his drink until Andy buttered him up a slice and pushed it in his hand. Like on autopilot he started eating. The entire basket was empty by the time the waiter came back with their appetizers.

Andy kept refilling Ransom’s glass. First, prosecco, then wine and finally vodka cocktails. A few drops of dronabinol were hardly noticeable in those. Ransom didn’t question why Andy kept taking the glasses from the waiter instead of letting him put them down in front of Ransom. Too buzzed already to notice Andy pushing more food and drink on him either.

“You’re a really good listener,” Ransom slurred when their dessert arrived at the table. Andy smiled amusedly, he hadn’t gotten in a word edgewise in over an hour, but sure whatever made Ransom feel better.

“Why don’t you eat and then we can keep talking.”

“Yeah... I’m really— I’m hungry,” Ransom said like he’d just noticed it.

He dug in like he hadn’t just eaten two appetizers and most of two main courses. Both desserts to “share” ended up in Ransom’s belly too.

“Shit, I’m full,” Ransom dug his knuckles into the sides of his overstretched belly. They actually sunk in a bit.

The high-life had already left some small marks on his body. His teenage metabolism finally gone to shit, he straddled the line of actually softening up. Now, though he looked nice and bloated. Andy couldn’t wait to take him back to his cabin.

“Ready to go?”

“Huh?” Ransom blinked up at Andy. He looked so fucking dumb Andy almost burst out laughing.

“Back to your room.” Andy obviously talked down to him, but Ransom didn’t even notice. He patted Ransom’s cheek and then pulled him up to his feet.

It took a good few minutes for them to reach Andy’s cabin because Ransom kept stumbling over his own feet.

“How much longer?”

“Almost there.”

“I’m hungry.”

“I know,” Andy reassured Ransom and once he’d led him inside to the bed, he handed Ransom some peanuts from the mini-bar.

“Are you gonna be good for me or do you need some more to drink?”

Ransom blindly reached for the tiny Vodka bottle (topped off with more dronabinol) Andy was holding out and downed it in one gulp.

“’s not water.”

“I know. Why don’t you turn over for me now, honey?”

Ransom started to form a question but when Andy helped turn him over, he went without much struggle. Even when Andy started pulling his trousers down, Ransom didn’t have the wherewithal to do anything about it.

“Would you look at that,” Andy groaned when he saw how thick and soft Ransom’s thighs were. This rich boy was definitely spending most of his time sitting on his ass. Pasty white and doughy. Andy couldn’t resist but grab two handfuls and knead them roughly.

Ransom actually started grinding against the bed. Andy palmed himself through his slacks while he watched Ransom writhe around completely uncoordinated. His original plan had been to have his fun and dump Ransom back in his cabin at the end of the night, but fuck if this wasn’t the prettiest thing he’d seen.

Andy had been itching for a proper fuck but seeing the way Ransom’s legs rubbed together gave him a different idea and his patience was wearing thin. He leant over Ransom’s back and got a bottle of lube out of the bed side table.

“Who— What are you doing?”

“It’s ok, honey. Don’t worry about it.” Andy smoothed his hands down Ransom’s back until he relaxed and then wandered further down until he’d reached Ransom’s thighs again. He slicked up the tight space between them, not caring about the mess on the sheets.

Ransom squirmed under the touch. Torn between pulling away and pushing back.

With one hand Andy undid his slacks and pushed his briefs down enough to get his cock out. Two, three strokes were enough to get him fully hard. The anticipation was driving him crazy.

Andy prepared for some resistance, but he slid in easily. Fuck, he didn’t think he could walk away from this like usual.

+++

“C’mere, drink something. I think you’re a bit confused.”

“’S weird.”

“Must be because it’s filtered. Do you want to sleep some more?”

Ransom shook his head. That dumb, doe-eyed expression was back.

“Hungry?”

#I made this :D #Darkfic #Stuffing #noncon/dubcon #chubby Ransom #dark feeder Andy #Get Beached #Get Beached 2022

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mylevisdontfitanymore · 10 months

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I must admit that I think about this dark fic that Dumpling (@achubbydumpling) wrote a while back with chubby Ransom and feeder Andy like... all the time.

There's just something about them 🤌🏻🤌🏻

They're both so attractive, and I can so easily see Ransom being such a bitch brat that winds Andy up at first. But the longer and longer they stay together, the more and more submissive Ransom gets; the more and more he heels to Andy's dominance.

Well...

Not all the time, though.

Warning for Andy × Ransom belly kink, alcohol consumption (beer bloating), animal play (the nickname "puppy"), orgasm denial, teasing, etc.

The brat inside Ransom still comes out every now and again. He can't help it. Rich boy was raised to get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it. It's only natural that when he's denied, even if he's denied for good reason, he can't always take it. He's always had the silver spoon in his mouth, only taking it out to get another spoonful of food to have another bite. Not being allowed to swallow the next bite is unfamiliar territory that leaves Ransom whining and huffing and puffing if it happens too many times.

When he can no longer stand it, he's such a brat about it, throwing a tantrum. He might as well stop his foot and cross his arms over his chest, pouting.

Years of having whatever he wants, whether it's food, sexual partners, vacations, etc. and vainly, intensely caring about his appearance has left him chubby but without stretch marks.

Ransom's rich fat. Perfectly sculpted, round, and plush. Pale all over. He hardly has any dimpled flesh. He's just... perfect. Round. Curves all over. And he's got light freckles here and there. But, he doesn't have an angry, red line in sight, not unless he's just stuffed himself out of another pair of pants and the fabric cut into him. Leaving a red line that will fade.

Instead of having stretch marks, he's always perfectly soft and smooth. Rubbing lotion into his skin always. Getting massages all the time. Grooming his body hair religiously. Taking loooong, hot showers.

Vain.

One of the sure-fire ways to get Ransom to brat is for Andy to deny him from having orgasms. Ransom started his bitch-fest all on his own this time - mad at someone or something that didn't go his way, Andy isn't actually too sure this time - so Andy doesn't appreciate having it taken out on him. Ransom is being bad. And he'll get punished.

He won't be allowed to come.

Simple as that.

Andy can come as many times as he wants to. He can fuck Ransom and come inside him or come across his ample backside or come between his fat thighs. He can fuck Ransom's plush, annoying fucking mouth until Ransom is crying from choking, then come down his throat. He can fuck Ransom's swollen moobs and paint his heaving, blushing chest.

Andy can do whatever he wants.

Ransom can't. He's been bad. And he's gonna be more bad because it's not fair! No matter how much he whines or sweet talks Andy... he won't budge.

Sure, Ransom could just sneak off and jerk off, but that's not anywhere near as satisfying as having Andy crumble and admit that he wants him to come now. Not at all because Ransom really just wants Andy's approval. His dominant. Nope. So, instead, Ransom comes up with a little plan to get Andy to fuck him and let him come on his dick.

When Andy has already settled down for the night, lying back against the headboard in bed, clothed in his customary t-shirt and sweatpants, watching some TV quietly, Ransom gets up. He peels himself away from Andy's side. Walking to the bathroom in his little athletic shorts and tight, white tank top.

Andy makes a sound at being left alone, no one to cuddle with, but he doesn't stop Ransom from going. Assuming he has to use the bathroom.

He doesn't.

Ransom has a plan.

Earlier in the week, he bought himself some beer and then stored it under the sink. Not because he's not allowed to drink, so he has to hide it. But, because of this.

Ransom shuts the bathroom door behind him.

He opens the cabinet and pulls out the six-pack. The noise of the TV, while low, is enough to hide the pop of the first bottle.

Ransom's mouth waters. He's still pretty heavy and stuffed from dinner, but he's got a little room. He's going to make room, too.

The first beer goes down.

The whole bottle.

He just chugs it.

"Ah," he sighs quietly.

He barely feels it. Really.

It's not bubbly and sloshy already. No way. He didn't bite off more than he can chew, he assures himself, looking down wearly at the five other bottles he has to get through. Sitting on the bathroom counter.

Next one.

Ransom feels his belly start to stretch again. Topping himself off after dinner. It doesn't take much. When he planned this, he forgot about dinner. He told himself if six bottles of flavourful beer wasn't enough, he could just stick his head in the sink and chug from the faucet until he was full enough to be pulled unsteadily forward by his sloshy gut. He won't need it, though.

"Oh," Ransom heaves with effort as he looks at himself in the mirror. His pale cheeks glow pink. When he walked into the bathroom, his tank top was already tight around his round middle from all the food he stuffed into himself throughout the day, but now, already, his gut is growing. Stretching his tank top. The fabric isn't transparent yet, but... it's getting there.

He should make it tighter. He wants his top to be more transparent as he stretches its limits. He wants to see it stretch and stretch until it rolls up his beer belly.

Ransom whimpers as he chugs the third beer. He needs to go fast. Before Andy gets suspicious. His plan to get fucked depends on it coming out of nowhere and getting under Andy's skin - making himself so irresistible that Andy can't control himself, so touchable and tight and full that Andy loses himself and doesn't make Ransom hold back.

It's like he can feel the beer going down his throat, pouring down his throat, and collecting in his barrel of a stomach on top, bloating the upper part of his belly out painfully, only to slowly settle in between the nooks and crannies of the food inside him. He goes from looking like he'll pop, over inflated, to looking stuffed. Stuffed, but not about to burst.

Another.

Ransom has the fourth beer, hardly taking a pause to breathe between.

He moans softly around the flow of beer into his mouth. He's beginning to feel fuzzy and dizzy and hazy. Warm with beer.

Swaying gently on his feet.

Ransom grips the bathroom counter hard with one hand and leans more of his weight forward so as not to fall over. But all it does is make him more hazy. He's so hard, his dick pressing into the counter painfully. He's been denied. He needs release. And here he is, doing something that turns him on like crazy.

He's a glutton for more than food.

He's a glutton for punishment.

More.

Ransom is outright panting, mouth open, lips wet and buzzing, when he finishes the fourth bottle. He can't stop.

He pops open the fifth bottle and downs it.

His stomach suddenly feels so much heavier. Five bottles of beer will do that to you, but as he gets the last of the bottle down, it's like his gut lurches forward. Growing all at once. Heavy and swollen. There's a strong, unhappy sounding gurgle in it that builds down low and rises up through his tummy. He barely has time to stifle what would have been a huge belch ending in a ragged moan. Releasing the pressure. But, he doesn't let it out. He keeps it inside.

His gut keeps gurgling.

His gut stays just as swollen.

All that gas inside him, oh, Christ, it feels good. Tight. Gurgly. Swollen.

Ransom has to stop himself from moaning. Instead, he placates himself by taking a quick breather to rub his growing middle.

After a drunk moment, pure pleasure, enjoying the drag of his hands heavily over his tortured body, it occurs to Ransom that he needs some lotion.

He can spare enough time to take a pump in his hand and smooth it all around the ball attached to his front.

The tank top he's wearing has rolled up, so he just has to tug it up a little farther to expose all of his engorged belly. It's pink. Straining around all the contents inside it. Against the tile floor, his toes curl. His chest heaves. Sparks shoot through him as he touches the cold, expensive lotion to his hot, tight, and full stomach.

Without meaning to, he lets one moan escape. It’s short. He stops himself the moment he realizes what he's doing, but he still moans.

Shit.

He hopes Andy didn't hear.

Ransom finishes rubbing his tummy and stares down the last beer. His vision is blurry. Despite the beer sitting on top of so much food - heavy carbs that are expanding, swelling with the alcohol - he's starting to feel it.

One more.

He needs one more.

He wants one more.

He'll pretend his belly is gurgling in hunger, not in protest as he chugs. It doesn't matter if chugging actually leaves him with more bubbles and more air in his system, he can't stop himself from going as fast as possible. And, God, isn't this just how he's always been - always satiated, always with more than enough, filthy rich, yet craving more? No wonder he loves stuffing and gaining and bloating 🥵 it's in his nature.

Once the last beer is down, Ransom can see his stomach at the top of his gut. It's bulging through the plush, un-stretch-marked fat.

Ransom rubs his hands down the ball of his gut, silently moaning, his mouth hanging open. His skin is even more pink now. Actually, it's closer to red.

Jesus.

With another pump or two of lotion in his palm, Ransom keeps rubbing. In his little sleep shorts, he can feel his cock throb. Swelling alongside his gut. Attached together, his gluttony and his sex drive.

And speaking of sex drive...

Ransom takes a baby step, testing his body, seeing how it feels.

Again, he has to restrain himself from moaning out loud. It feels good. Sloshing and gurgling. Heavy and round. His gut is throwing off his center of gravity, pulling him forward and forcing him to waddle like the bloated pig he is.

Yes.

Ransom leaves his hands on either side of his rotund belly, supporting himself where his skin aches with the stretch and heft. His heart is beating dizzingly fast.

Before he leaves the bathroom, though, Ransom takes a moment to pull his tank top down over the impressively large bulge of his now stuffed and bloated gut.

The drag of fabric over his stretched skin feels incredible.

Dimly, he realizes that his tank top doesn't fully cover him anymore. Before, it was stretched tight. Now, it doesn't touch the waistband of his shorts (that are also cutting into him).

Oh.

Grinning at himself like a wolf in the mirror, Ransom pats his solid gut one more time, then he turns around, staggering, and waddles out of the bathroom. Belly first. Unashamed with how full and big he's become.

Every step has his gut sloshing and a breathy moan coming out of his mouth. He can't stop himself now. The overall indulgence and alcohol have left him weak - body uncoordinated, lips loose, speech slurring, eyes heavily lidded, and red in the face. Whether it's placebo from knowing what alcohol does or whether the beer has hit his bloodstream already, he's drunk.

Andy's eyes are instantly on him when Ransom enters the room after his belly.

From across the room, Ransom can feel the lust coming off of him.

Andy is trying to keep it cool, though, raising an eyebrow and asking in an almost bored voice, "is that why you took so long in the bathroom, brat? Did you blow yourself up? Aw," he coos, like Ransom is a chubby puppy, not a fat, grown man. "And here I was thinking you just got lost in there."

Ransom snorts and stumbles a little. Suddenly, he falls forward, onto the bed, arms out to stop himself. His gut wobbles with the sudden movement, and Ransom feels his knees go weak. Nngh. He's so big. So full. His gut is underneath him. Hanging.

Christ.

His head hangs between his shoulders. The position is hard on his drunk, overfull body, but he can't move. "Aaandyyy," Ransom whines. He never whines!

"Yeah?" Andy still sounds so bored.

This isn't how it was supposed to go! Andy was supposed to get up and grab him and throw him down and take him, unable to control himself, the moment he saw him all full and bloated out of nowhere! But rather than being even more of a brat and making a scene like he usually would -

"Pl-pleaz'!" Ransom blurts out before he realizes what he's saying. He's still braced against the bed, belly heavy and swinging below him, arms shaking. He can't take it!

"What?" Andy asks.

Rather than saying it again, Ransom climbs up onto the bed clumsily, flopping onto his back and groaning with how it puts pressure on his lungs.

Another frustrated, wordless groan careens out of him the longer he lays there - he's all full and heavy and ready! And Andy isn't doing anything! He hasn't come in so long! He wants to come! He wants to be fucked and get to enjoy it! He wants!

"Aw, poor, pup-" his voice is laced with faux sympathy, talking like he finds him pathetic.

Ransom whimpers.

"Are you too fat to move?"

Ransom can't stop himself from admitting it. He nods. There are actual tears in his eyes. What is happening to him? Why isn't he still being a brat? Why'd he fold so easily?

"Aw, what a poor thing," Andy's weight shifts on the bed, coming closer, "well, it'd be a shame if someone were to... I don't know... do whatever they want with such a fat, helpless, sloppy puppy, huh?"

Ransom shivers all over, making his gut slosh. He nods again, head jerking up and down.

Suddenly, Andy's strong hands are on his ankles and are pulling him roughly into the center of the bed, messing up their sheets and leaving Ransom yelping, his head is spinning. Drunk and not understanding what is happening to him.

"Look at you, puppy," Andy's hands slide up his legs, over his thick thighs, and bypass his chubby hips to go right for his weak spot. His belly. "Aren't you nice and plump?" He asks rhetorically, growling a little as he digs his hands into his belly.

"AH!" Ransom moans, trying to squirm to get anyway and being unable to go literally anywhere.

He can't take it! That hurts! His hands are grabbing his sensitive belly, groping him, kneading him like dough. Pale, soft dough.

"Aw, poor puppy," Andy laughs. "Made yourself too big..." he pauses, getting lost in Ransom's body, playing with his gut, "how'd you do it, boy? Did you attach yourself to the shower hose, turn the water on, and sit there and swell up like a greedy water balloon? Did you get too thirsty and stick your head under the faucet, drinking and swelling up until you thought you were going to pop? Did you not want to stop? Or, hmm, I wonder..." Andy pinches his hip, Ransom squeals, "could it have been all that beer under the sink that you thought you so cleverly hid from me?"

Ransom lets out a pathetic little sob.

"Yeah. That was it, wasn't it puppy?" Andy smirks, rubbing his belly roughly, making all the liquid and food inside him shift around.

"Uh-huh," Ransom admits.

"Made yourself a nice big beer belly," Andy groans, "it's gonna make you fatter, yanno? Gonna make you, fuck, bigger until you can't walk at all, no- no matter if you're bloated full or not. You're gonna be too heavy. And then. Then, puppy, 'm gonna have my fun with you. You'll never get to move. I'm gonna do what-whatever I want with you. And you'll just have to t-take it like you're gonna take thiss-"

Ransom lifts his head weakly, bleary-eyed, just in time to watch Andy strip his cock once, twice, three times more and come all over the top of his so-tight-it's-shiny gut. It happens so fast that it gives Ransom whiplash. What? How? When did he even get his cock out? When did he start touching himself? When-

All the thoughts leave his head as Andy recovers a little - he's still swearing some, but he's got it together enough to start rubbing his hot come into his stretched skin, claiming him as, "my puppy. Yeah. Fuck. Lookit you. All fat and helpless and shit."

Ransom whimpers. His head drops back onto the bed. "C-can," he breaks his words with a sob, "c'n, ngh, come?"

Andy slaps his gut hard enough to jostle a moaning burp out of him. "No, brat," he laughs. "Why would I let you come?"

Ransom may start crying. He's so full! His belly and his balls - Andy's gonna kill him of blue balls! 😫😫

I don't know where this came from 😳

#mylevisdontfitanymore #belly kink #text #beer bloating #bloating #stuffing #weight gain #ransom drysdale #andy barber #andy × ransom #chubby ransom #animal play #dog #alcohol consumption #intox kink #andy barber × ransom drysdale

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darkrpfinder · 5 months

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🕊️ hello! 28 she/her, looking for an rp partner for some dark themes/smut with an around 70/30 to 60/40 smut to plot ratio (i love a good plot). i do not roleplay with minors. 25+ partners are preferred. themes i'm interested in writing include:

noncon, degradation, dirty talk (filthier the better), legal age gaps, cheating/blackmail, omegaverse, horror, enemies to lovers/enemies with benefits, object insertion, cnc/dub con, daddy kinks, breeding, bdsm

hard limits: scat, vore, any other bathroom kinks, feet, feeding/feeder

i'm open to mxm, mxf, and fxf ships, with a strong preference to playing characters who are bottoms/submissives. i'm open to both fandom and original universe roleplays, with some of my favorite genres being fantasy, crime, supernatural, and historical (french revolution, victorian, ancient eras (vikings, ancient greek, etc.) being some of my favorite).

fandoms/ships i'd love to roleplay include (i've bolded the characters i'd love to play, characters ordered as top dominant/bottom submissive):

ekko x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

sevika x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

silco x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

yelena belova x kate bishop (marvel)

eddie brock/venom x felicia hardy (marvel)

kraven the hunter x felicia hardy (marvel)

eddie munson x chrissy cunningham (stranger things)

eros x psyche (greek mythology)

dionsus x ariadne (greek mythology)

thanatos x minthe (greek mythology)

achilles x patroclus x briseis (the illiad)

misc fandoms (no set canons, though i'd love ocs): hunger games, the grisha universe, the acotar fandom, star wars, the last of us

plots i'd love to do:

your character is a wealthy patron of the parisian opera, who has elected to sponsor a soloist of the parisian opera. are they wealthy? are they secretly a criminal mastermind? either way, she's indebted to do whatever he wants

your character is a supernatural creature who kidnapped my character, but my character escaped. they're now stuck in a cat and mouse chase

vague ideas that i'd love to explore but can't think of a specific plot for: a/b/o verse anything (i'd would love to play an omega character, especially for an mxf or fxf plot), plots involving the hunger games (perhaps two former victors, or a victor and a capitol citizen), anything involving the assassin's creed fandom (perhaps a templar/assassin ship?), enemies to lovers, anything with criminal characters, etc.

faces i love using: cindy mello, lorena rae, ashley moore, archie renaux, golshifteh farahani, christina nadin, rachel zegler, chantel jeffries, kelly gale, madison beer, braydee cardinal, yovanna ventura, holly lim, shonali singh, josie canseco, madelyn cline, savio de chiara, grace van dien, rocio crusset

faces i love playing against: barry keoghan, stephen james, winston duke, florian montaneau, giuseppe maggio, patrick gibson, theo james, dev patel, andy biersack, richard madden, max irons, reece king, ben dahlhaus, folkwin wolfspeer, cillian murphy, jack o'connell, post malone, dichen lachman, sydney sweeney, honestly any and all faces i'm open to.

i range from large posts to small posts, and would love to do this via discord. maybe even make a server for us to write in! please like this post and i'll reach out. (sorry this is so long, i've never written one of these before and thought to cover as many bases as possible).

#arcane rp #marvel rp #omegaverse rp #stranger things rp #the illiad rp #hunger games rp #the grisha universe rp #acotar rp #star wars rp #the last of us rp #assassin's creed rp #rp search #dark roleplay #dark rp #spicy rp #18+ mun

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prpfs · 5 months

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🕊️ ♡ hello! 28 she/her, looking for a discord rp partner for some dark themes/smut with an around 70/30 to 60/40 smut to plot ratio (i love a good plot, but i'm also trying to do other stuff). i do not roleplay with minors. 25+ partners are preferred. themes i'm interested in writing include:

hard limits: scat, vore, any other bathroom kinks, feet, feeding/feeder

fandoms/ships i'd love to roleplay include (i've bolded the characters i'd love to play, characters ordered as top dominant/bottom submissive):

ekko x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

sevika x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

silco x jinx (arcane/league of legends)

yelena belova x kate bishop (marvel)

eddie brock/venom x felicia hardy (marvel)

kraven the hunter x felicia hardy (marvel)

eddie munson x chrissy cunningham (stranger things)

eros x psyche (greek mythology)

dionsus x ariadne (greek mythology)

thanatos x minthe (greek mythology)

achilles x patroclus x briseis (the illiad)

misc fandoms (no set canons, though i'd love ocs): hunger games, the grisha universe, the acotar fandom, star wars, the last of us

plots i'd love to do:

your character is a supernatural creature who kidnapped my character, but my character escaped. they're now stuck in a cat and mouse chase

like if you're interested and anon will get back to you

#arcane rp #league of legends rp #marvel rp #stranger things rp #greek myth rp #the illiad rp #fandom rp #fandom roleplay #dead dove

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antiquatedfuture · 5 years

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Antiquated Future Fall Newsletter

NEW ZINES

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Hope That Clears Things Up: Six Ideas Rejected by Warby Parker- A series of strange and confrontational pitches to online glasses retailer Warby Parker. In the tradition of Joe Wenderoth's Letters to Wendy's, Jim Joyce (of Let it Sink zine) creates something strange, uncomfortable, and oddly hilarious. ($2) How Restaurants Work- An art zine about working restaurant jobs. Weird food photos, strange receipts, and words about the reality and injustices of food service. ($10) Lizard Men- A short collection of men posing with reptiles on Tinder. ($2)

Radical Domesticity #2: The Sewing Issue- How to sew on a button, how to sew in a zipper, the differences between scissors, how to measure yourself correctly, and so much more. ($3) Radical Domesticity #3: Summers Up- Herbs and flowers to save the bees, ice-cube tray recipes, communal living, and more. ($3) Radical Domesticity #4: Wintering- Preparing for the fall and winter months. A guide to deciduous leaves, DIY bird feeders and seed, recipes for hot beverages and warming foods, how to keep a cold at bay. ($3) Reclaiming Dreams for Survivors- A short zine to assist abuse survivors that have issues around sleeping and dreaming. Going through herbs that can assist in this process, the zine offers a range of techniques and possibilities. Available in English and Spanish versions. ($7) Reclaiming Our Ancient Wisdom- The new edition of Reclaiming Our Ancient Wisdom is a deeply researched "guide for practiced herbalists and midwives to better serve the women of their communities." Benefits and safety issues, historical context, herbal implantation inhibitors, and so much more. ($7)

Starvation Mode- Seattle's Elissa Washuta mini-memoir on struggling for culinary control. ($6)

Tin Can Telephone #7- Various delves into the obscure: an in-depth of '60s Doctor Who novelty records, a primer on library music, interviews with Unread Records and Andy Rench, zine reviews, great photos. It's always such a treat. ($5) User Not Found- A pocket-sized chapbook on social media and life in the digital age. In a single, long-form lyric essay, Felicity explores our collective addiction from a variety of angles. It's a many-layered joyride of a think-piece. ($6) We, the Drowned #4: The Inevitable- The latest in Jonas Cannon's continued series of odd and hopeful stories about connection and disconnection. The highlight: a conversation between Jonas, Cindy Crabb (Doris), and Alex Wrekk (Brainscan) about regret (or the lack thereof) and the many possible paths that could have been. ($3) Women of Color Zine #15- Place-based representation in children's publishing, Black women bookworms, and so much more. ($5)

NEW BOOKS

Excavation: A Memoir- The debut memoir from the great Wendy C. Ortiz. ($15) Incandescent: A Color Film Zine, Issue 16- Hay, high chairs, salt mines, forsythia, dried flowers, things on fire. All of this and more in the latest issue of our favorite photography journal. ($14) Liar: A Memoir- When Rob Roberge learns that he’s likely to have developed a progressive memory-eroding disease from years of hard living and frequent concussions, he is terrified by the prospect of becoming a walking shadow. ($15) Pretend We Live Here: Stories- In her debut collection of stories, Genevieve Hudson explores the idea of home and what it means to find one: in the body, in the world, in other people. ($13)

NEW MUSIC

Antiquated Future Records: The First Seven Years compilation- Nineteen songs from the first seven years of our label. Slightly-skewed pop, indie rock, lo-fi folk, oddball electronic, and soundscape wizardry. (cassette + digital download) ($5) Dorothy Carter- Troubador- Otherworldly hammered dulcimer lushness. Surprising, largely instrumental, with splashes of Dorothy Carter's mystical Malvina Reynolds-esque vocals. (cassette) ($6) Indira Valey- Yemas- A series of seven short rituals offering brief peeks into alternate dimensions, past lives, and dream worlds. (cassette + digital download) ($7) Nicomo- Views- A smart six-song EP of breezy pop songs soaked in an ethereal haze. An early-morning hangout album meets complex after-dark mood music. For fans of Mega Bog, City Center, Shaggy Sample, Karl Blau, and Stephen Steinbrink. (CD) ($10)

#zine distro #music distro #new zines #new music #new books #cassette culture #zine culture

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eddycurrents · 5 years

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For the week of 18 February 2019

Quick Bits:

Aquaman #45 gives us a new creation story with Father Sea and Mother Salt. It’s interesting world-building for what’s going on on this island. Robson Rocha, Daniel Henriques, and Sunny Gho seem to level up on their art again. This book is gorgeous.

| Published by DC Comics

Avengers #15 continues the vampire civil war, with the Shadow Colonel basically kidnapping Ghost Rider. Jason Aaron is definitely taking this series in weird places, but it remains highly entertaining. Especially with collaborators like David Marquez and Erick Arciniega who deliver some incredible artwork.

| Published by Marvel

Avengers: No Road Home #2 reveals how Nyx and her family took Olympus. There’s also a neat parallel narration for Hawkeye explaining how the guy with just a bow and arrows can take on gods and monsters. The art from Paco Medina, Juan Vlasco, and Jesus Aburtov is gorgeous, they really seem to pushing themselves with their storytelling. It’s just a shame that none of the artists are credited on the cover.

| Published by Marvel

Barbarella/Dejah Thoris #2 is ridiculously impressive. Leah Williams, Germán García, Addison Duke, and Crank! are delivering an intelligent, humorous, and compelling adventure tale here that reminds me a lot of some of what Alan Moore and Chris Sprouse did in Tom Strong. It’s incredibly inventive and the artwork is amazing. Highly recommended.

| Published by Dynamite

Batman #65 gives us the penultimate chapter of “The Price”, featuring an all out battle between Flash, Gotham Girl, and Gotham. The artwork from Guillem March and Tomeu Morey is stunning, with some incredible layouts as the action continues.

| Published by DC Comics

Black Widow #2 is fairly bloody and violent as Natasha racks up a body count tracking down the people running “No Restraints Play”, a site that specializes in depravity. Flaviano’s line art seems scratchier than the first issue, but it works for the violent tone of story.

| Published by Marvel

Bloodborne #9 begins the third arc, “A Song of Crows”, as Aleš Kot, Piotr Kowalski, Brad Simpson, Aditya Bidikar, and Jim Campbell spotlight Eileen the Crow. This is a bit of return to the kind of abstract storytelling and embrace of oblique existentialism of the first arc as Eileen investigates the ritual murder of a hunter, but is confounded by time and holes in the narrative.

| Published by Titan

Catwoman #8 is ostensibly the “conclusion” to “Something Smells Fishy”, but it doesn’t actually end the story in any way and leaves the reader at a cliffhanger of continuing elements. That being said, it’s still an entertaining issue from Joëlle Jones, Elena Casagrande, Fernando Blanco, John Kalisz, and Josh Reed. Wonderful action sequences, and more questions as to the nature of a reliquary that seems to contain resurrective powers.

| Published by DC Comics

Delver #1 begins a new Comixology Original series from MK Reed, C. Spike Trotman, Clive Hawken, Maarta Laiho, and Ed Dukeshire. It’s a very intriguing and unique take on the fantasy gaming theme of a dungeon full of treasure and monsters with delvers working to plumb the depths. But it’s from the perspective of the townsfolk whose land the door to the dungeon appears in and how it changes and impacts their lives.

| Published by Iron Circus Comics

Doctor Strange #11 concludes the battle with Dormammu and the Faltine, for now at least, from Mark Waid, Jesús Saiz, Javier Pina, Rachelle Rosenberg, and Cory Petit. Some very nice art as usual from Saiz, Pina, and Rosenberg.

| Published by Marvel

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #3 continues “Mother of Exiles” from Tom Taylor, Juann Cabal, Nolan Woodard, and Travis Lanham as Peter finds out a bit about the rumours regarding his neighbour and Under York, another duplicate New York City under New York City, that oddly isn’t the Monster Metropolis. Great humour from Taylor in the dialogue.

| Published by Marvel

Guardians of the Galaxy #2 takes a somewhat different approach as Peter Quill drunk dials Kitty as he tries to make sense of what’s going on with Thanos, Gamora, everyone who’s dead, and the current state of the Guardians. Donny Cates, Geoff Shaw, Marte Gracia, and Cory Petit are really taking this series into interesting offbeat territory, while still delivering some excellent humour and an ominous feel to Starfox’s new band of “guardians”.

| Published by Marvel

Incursion #1 begins a new mini picking up on where the Eternal Warrior and Geomancer are since Harbinger Wars 2 and Ninja-K, and pit them against Imperatrix Virago, a cosmic villain that is devouring worlds (kind of like if Galactus were pestilence), from Andy Diggle, Alex Paknadel, Doug Braithwaite, José Villarrubia, Diego Rodriguez, and Marshall Dillon. The art is incredible, the stakes seem pretty high, and the outlook after this first issue look pretty grim for Earth.

| Published by Valiant

James Bond 007 #4 sees Stephen Mooney join Greg Pak, Tríona Farrell, and Ariana Maher for the art chores for three issues, continuing the tale of Bond and “Oddjob”’s team-up. Like Marc Laming, Mooney seems to be born to draw Bond and espionage themed stories.

| Published by Dynamite

Judge Dredd: Toxic #4 concludes what has been an excellent series dealing with xenophobia and hateful rhetoric from Paul Jenkins, Marco Castiello, Vincenzo Acunzo, Jason Millet, Shawn Lee, and Robbie Robbins. I’ve always found non 2000 AD Judge Dredd stories to be a bit of crapshoot, but IDW have been delivering well with the past two mini-series, this and Under Siege.

| Published by IDW

Justice League #18 is the latest excursion into the Legion of Doom territory from James Tynion IV, Pasqual Ferry, Hi-Fi, and Tom Napolitano. It works with some of the revelations from last issue regarding Martian Manhunter and builds a new narrative for Lionel Luthor’s past and his work with Vandal Savage. It’s interesting to see Tynion working with variations on discarded continuities in this way, building a new past that synthesizes pre-Flashpoint ideas with the current batch of backstories.

| Published by DC Comics

Middlewest #4 only seems to be getting better and better as more of this world and how it seems to work get fleshed out by Skottie Young, Jorge Corona, Jean-Francois Beaulieu, and Nate Piekos. There’s something incredibly magical and special about this series that taps into the feeling of some of the best coming-of-age fantasies as it blends Ray Bradbury, JM Barrie, and Carlo Collodi into this magical realist adventure.

| Published by Image

Miles Morales: Spider-Man #3 concludes the opening arc from Saladin Ahmed, Javier Garrón, David Curiel, and Cory Petit by adding Captain America to Miles & Rhino’s team-up. This has been a very entertaining start to the series, with a nice mix of Miles’ personal life and superheroics.

| Published by Marvel

Naomi #2 reasserts that Jamal Campbell is a powerhouse of an artist and one of the best kept secrets of the past few years who really should have a higher profile. His art is amazing. It also helps that the story he, Brian Michael Bendis, David F. Walker, and Carlos M. Mangual are telling is as compelling as this, as Naomi confronts Dee as she tries to learn about the day of her adoption. It’s very widescreen and epic as it hints at the broader DC Universe, but at the same time this is very deeply personal.

| Published by DC Comics

Old Man Quill #2 gives the Guardians a taste of the depravity and despair that Earth has fallen to in this post-superhero world. Ethan Sacks shows there’s still a bit of humour left, though, in that Piledriver’s descendent thinks that Piledriver was one of the all-time greats. Also the art from Robert Gill and Andres Mossa gives a wonderful amount of detail to the wastelands.

| Published by Marvel

Relay #4 returns after a delay with new artist Dalibor Talajić (I believe Andy Clarke had to bow out due to illness, but I’m not 100% sure on that). Talajić’s art style is not as bright and clean as Clarke’s, giving a darker, shadowy approach that results in the bleak, horror elements of the story coming further into focus.

| Published by AfterShock

Seven to Eternity #13 returns from its own lengthy delay to conclude the arc in Skod, with the revelation of part of Adam’s choice to save the Mud King. It reiterates the theme since the beginning that there seem to be no good choices in this world, that everything tainted, despite Adam’s father believing the world black and white. While we are going into another trade break, Rick Remender, Jerome Opeña, Matt Hollingsworth, and Rus Wooton consistently make this worth the wait.

| Published by Image / Giant Generator

Sharkey: The Bounty Hunter #1 is the latest of Mark Millar’s Netflix feeder series, after The Magic Order and Prodigy, with Simone Bianchi and Peter Doherty rounding out the team. This one feels a bit like if Warren Ellis were writing Strontium Dog, and it works. The artwork from Bianchi is worth it on its own. Gorgeous character designs.

| Published by Image

Venom #11 is another holy crap issue from Donny Cates, Ryan Stegman, Joshua Cassara, JP Mayer, Frank Martin, and Clayton Cowles. There are some really big revelations about Eddie and his family that really need to be read firsthand. Amazing work.

| Published by Marvel

X-O Manowar #24 reminds us again just how good of an artist and storyteller Tomás Giorello is. The action sequences and battle between Aric and Hesnid is incredible, with fairly inventive layouts that just elevate the overall impact of the pages. Giorello and Diego Rodriguez really make this something joyous to behold.

| Published by Valiant

Other Highlights: American Carnage #4, Bitter Root #4, Black Badge #7, The Black Order #4, Breakneck #3, Coda #9, Death Orb #5, DuckTales #18, East of West #41, Evolution #14, Exorsisters #5, Go Bots #4, Grumble #4, High Level #1, Hot Lunch Special #5, Jessica Jones: Purple Daughter #2, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #5, Jim Henson’s Labyrinth: Discovery Adventure, Jughead: The Hunger #12, Lightstep #4, The Lone Ranger #5, Lucifer #5, Lumberjanes #59, Mars Attacks #5, Monstress #20, Outpost Zero #7, Rainbow Brite #4, Shuri #5, Solo: A Star Wars Story #5, Star Wars Adventures #18, Starcraft: Soldiers #2, Stronghold #1, Sukeban Turbo #4, Superb #17, TMNT: Urban Legends #10, Teen Titans #27, Turok #2, The Unstoppable Wasp #5, The Witcher: Of Flesh and Flame #3

Recommended Collections: Amazing Spider-Man - Volume 2: Friends & Foes, Bedtime Games, The Beauty - Volume 5, Black Lightning: Brick City Blues, Captain America - Volume 1: Winter in America, Days of Hate - Volume 2, High Crimes, Infinity 8 - Volume 3: The Gospel According to Emma, Old Man Hawkeye - Volume 2: The Whole World Blind, The Punisher - Volume 1: World War Frank, West Coast Avengers - Volume 1: Best Coast

d. emerson eddy would do anything for a Klondike bar, but he won’t do that.

#This Week in Comics

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arplis · 4 years

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Arplis - News: Day 8 of Hanging Around The House

Well, it's day 8 of our self quarantine. It's dreary and dark and starting to snow again. Doesn't he look sad? Actually it's only day 6 for Steve. He spent last Thursday helping his dad with a particularly important situation that needed person-to-person contact. But from then on, he's been home with me and no contact anywhere else. He is working on a few projects, as well as helping with some of the things that I am doing. He is finding a lot of little things to take care of around here. Yesterday, though, we had kind of a sluggish "lay around day" and didn't get a lot accomplished. Why???? It's because of the TV! Since we are self quarantined, we splurged and upgraded to a thing called "Spectrum Stream TV" for $24.99 a month. We already have Spectrum Internet for $45 a month. So this will be added to the monthly bill. We have only had broadcast antenna tv to watch since moving here with limited stations. But we do have a Smart TV so we can get online for free things to watch. That is limited too, but we don't watch that much tv anyhow. There is really nothing on the major prime time tv networks that interests us. Mostly just the old shows on MeTV like Andy Griffith and Hogans Heros etc and PBS shows. We are located 40+ miles from the nearest tv towers, so our antenna isn't always the best, and goes out during rain and snow and ice. This Spectrum Stream TV app lets us watch unlocked episodes now of all the stuff on History and HGTV and about 25 other stations as well as all of our local stations. So when the broadcast TV antenna acts goofy in bad weather, we will still get all of our local stations. It doesn't have as many stations as the regular (more expensive) Spectrum cable, but it's good enough for what we only want to watch. We can watch live tv, or on demand shows too now. We sat around yesterday and watched a bunch of shows of Steve's favorite American Pickers, as well as a bunch of HGTV shows and caught up on one of our other home fixing favorites, Home Town with Ben and Erin of Laurel Mississippi. Sadly, we don't get DIY. Because then we would catch up on all of the episodes of Rehab Addict with Nicole Curtis of Detroit. I love her shows the most! So that is why we didn't get a lot of other things done.... The sun was out yesterday and even though it was only about 40 degrees it was very pleasant. We spent some time sitting out on the front porch in the sunshine, just soaking in the vitamin D. We took the dogs for a walk up and down the road for about half of mile, practicing our "social distancing" by just waving at people as they drove by. We did take the dogs out in the backyard for a while too. The snow is melting and it's reduced itself to a crystal like sparkly sugar snow that kind of rustles andf tinkles out of the way when you walk on it. It's really actually pretty and sparkles in the sun. I made this slow-motion video of the dogs running around and I think it's really cool. They sure had fun, and slept well last night. I think we wore them out. Steve helped me reconfigure the pull cord on the bird feeder. We added a pulley up on the branch and a cord with two loops on it. The one loop is for the really high position and the other loop is for when I lower it down to an adequate height to fill it. I screwed a hook into the tree to hang the loops on. Look at the big holes in the bark from the damage caused by the deer hooves... from balancing against the tree to get their heads up near the bird feeder! Now it will be too high and there's no way they can reach it. While I was filling the bird feeder, a huge flock of red-winged blackbirds were angrily chirping at me from up in the tallest pine tree. They wanted me to get out of the way so they could get back down to the seeds that they were gobbling up. We are filling all of the bird feeders everyday, and a suet block at least every other day for the woodpeckers. Spring is finally here. Felt good to be out in the fresh air and sunshine. Even though there's things we could be doing in the house, it's nice to do those on a day that you can't get outside. We appreciate the sunshine, even if it is still cool. ~~~~~~~~ We did do one silly thing inside of the house which might show that we are getting kind of bored. We rearranged our bedroom! It meant crawling under the king sized bed and hand screwing up the three center support legs. Then we could rotate the entire bed 180 degrees without dismantling it. Yes, the doggies thought that was fun! Since Steve has redone the electrical wiring he was able to relocate the wall switch for the ceiling light from a really inconvenient spot in the middle of a wall section, to a better place that makes more sense by the door. Now the wall switch has been moved, I decided I wanted the headboard of the bed put against that wall where the original switch had been. I have a devious plan in mind... When we get around to replacing the windows all around the house, I would like to install two NEW windows on the East wall opposite the foot of the bed. The new windows would be overlooking the beautiful backyard! We could have the sun streaming in the morning right into the bedroom. We had that in Chilton and I really enjoyed starting out the day that way. I even have this crazy fantasy about an electronically remote controlled window blind that I can just hit the button and have the blind go up to reveal the day. This would be so nice while we have our little bit of coffee before we get up and get moving!! We already have a powered windshield shade in our motorhome and is just one of the most delightful things to press that button and open up the window to expose the day. Kind of a crazy little thrill, but hey, I think it would be kind of nice??? #SelfQuarantine #DogsSloMoVideo #SpectrumStreamTv #HangingBirdFeeder #Day8

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/day-8-of-hanging-around-the-house-1

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callunavulgari · 6 years

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YEAR-IN-BOOKS

I’m gonna go ahead and do this again this year, because I really like end of year reflection things and it was fun last year, so hey.

1. a book you loved?

I was fond of most of the books that I read this year and all in different ways. Last year was an absolute goldmine of awesome, amazing love this book forever types. This year I definitely had less of those, but I read more, and what’s maybe even better is that I also read a lot of books that I normally wouldn’t have. I wanna say that my favorites of the ones that I read were either The Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo or Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel.

2. a book you hated?

UGH. Artemis by Andy Weir. It is the first book that I have ever given only one star to on goodreads, and was a total waste of time. I’ve read a good half of The Martian, and even though I’ve yet to finish it, I liked what I read well enough. But as I said in my scathing goodreads review, The Martian worked for Weir because it’s one dude alone on Mars. Artemis, unfortunately, requires a full cast of characters and has a female protagonist. Weir does not know how to write women OR realistic dialogue, and following along with middle school grade humor and a woman that is basically a lady-sized cut-and-paste of Weir’s ideal wet dream. Which wouldn’t be bad, necessarily, if she wasn’t so obviously a man’s ‘idea’ of a woman, instead of an actual three dimensional character.

3. a book that made you cry?

There’s a scene at the end of Victoria Schwab’s Our Dark Duet that involves a cat. No, the cat does not die, and I don’t want to get into it because the whole reason the scene is sad is because of spoilery context, but I did end up tearing up because of that damn cat.

4. a book that made you happy?

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers is an absolute delight. It has legitimate funny moments, really well drawn out characters including several species that are so perfectly crafted that you can envision them, right down to the feathers and claws, and the story, while a little meandering, is totally great.

5. the best sequel?

I read kind of a lot of sequels this year, but then, I also finished a lot of series this year, period. My gut reaction is to say Siege and Storm, because it’s one of the ones that I read the fastest, and the series that sticks out the most. But I’m going to say The Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo. And honestly, second up is probably Waking Gods, because holy wow, those books.

6. most anticipated release for the new year?

I’m really looking forward to Only Human, Thunderhead, and Vengeful, which are the sequels and triquels (is that a thing? that word should be a thing) to Sleeping Giants, Scythe, and Vicious, all of which I read this year and adored. The book that isn’t a sequel that I’m most looking forward to is Feeder by Patrick Weekes, which is basically about a lady that hunts monsters. It looks right up my alley and I’m super psyched.

7. favorite new author?

Technically I discover Schwab last year, but I did a lot of exploring of the books that she’s written this year and she is definitely a new favorite of mine. The other one that I’m keeping my eye on is Sylvain Neuvel, who wrote Sleeping Giants and Waking Gods. More on those books later.

8. favorite book to film adaptation?

So, the only reason that I reread A Wrinkle In Time is because of the trailer for the new movie that is coming out in March. I got incredibly excited, and am probably, if I can afford it, flying down south to watch the movie with my mom when it comes out. The Annihilation trailer also looks pretty cool, but I’m anticipating serious changes there. I did end up watching the film adaptation of Me Before You this year, which I’d read last summer. I ended up crying like a baby, and was pleasantly surprised by how much of the book they kept.

9. the most surprising book?

A Natural History of Dragons, by Marie Brennan. I’m not sure what I was expecting when I borrowed the book from the library, but it wasn’t the Pride and Prejudice with dragons that I got, and stupidly delighted by.

10. the most interesting villain?

The Grisha Trilogy, for sure. Honestly, Alina and the Darkling’s relationship was the only thing that kept me reading these books, and I was thrilled by the Darkling from the moment I realized he was the villain in Shadow and Bone all the way to the end. “Make me your villain,” indeed.

11. the best makeouts?

Okay, so Love For the Cold-Blooded was about a million times pornier than I imagined it would be, so that would get my vote for best sex, but there weirdly wasn’t much actual kissing involved. Also the fact that I didn’t like the characters or story very much probably didn’t help things. So honestly? Probably Shadow and Bone. That [SPOILER, though not much of one] scene where Alina and the Darkling make out against a wall was probably the most exhilarating scene of the entire series. Like, trust me. I know he’s the villain, bad wrong, etc. etc. but I shipped them hard.

12. a book that was super frustrating?

Slaughterhouse Five. I didn’t actually get around to finishing it, because the version that I got was an audio cd narrated by James Franco and I just. Didn’t want to fall asleep in the middle of traffic. I don’t know if it was the story, his voice, or a combination of both but I was super uninterested in the entire situation. I gave up somewhere in the middle of the second cd.

13. a book you texted about, and the text was IN CAPSLOCK?

Okay, so the thing is. I don’t really have any friends. Not ones that I can talk to about books anyway, which is super tragic, because I love books and I miss being able to talk (read: rant) about whatever I’ve just read. I do it with Nick occasionally, but he doesn’t ‘get’ fiction so it’s mostly just me waving my hands a lot and talking rapidly in his direction as he nods and takes a couple steps back so I don’t accidentally smack him in the nose. I did, however, have a conversation with my roommate about Wool, and all the reasons why she should read it.

14. a book for the small children in your life?

Okay, but every kid should read A Wrinkle In Time. The sequels are a little... stranger than I remember, but I loved reading them as a kid, and I really loved rereading the first one as an adult.

15. a book you learned from?

Spunk & Bite was a guide to ‘punchier’ writing, and while I wouldn’t say that I really learned anything that I didn’t already know, some things were expanded on that I found interesting. I also read some of The Islamic Enlightenment, which was pretty decent from what I read of it but a bit much for my poor ADHD brain. I think I need to stick to fiction.

16. a book you wouldn’t normally try?

A lot of the books that I read this year were things that I wouldn’t normally pick up. I think the ones that were most out of my element were Less by Andrew Sean Greer and Before the Fall by Noah Hawley. The first book is about an aging author who, when upon invited to his ex’s wedding, takes a trip around the globe in order to get out of going. My manager, who I talk to about books a lot, asked about it and was incredibly confused since it’s so far from what I usually read. Despite this, it’s probably the book that I will remember most from this year a decade down the line. Before the Fall is similarly not my usual cup of tea, about a man and a boy who survive an airplane crash. It’s a thriller/mystery, but the characters are so beautifully fleshed out that it hooked me anyway.

17. a book with something magical in it?

Technically a good half of them have magic of some sort, because that is the usual type of book that I read. I’m going to go with All The Crooked Saints by Maggie Stiefvater though, because all of her books are magical.

18. the best clothes?

As much as I would love to get away with wearing the brightly colored reaper’s robes from Scythe, I really, really adored the description of Arthur’s suit in Less.

19. the most well-rounded characters?

That was a theme of the books that I read this year. They all had really gorgeously well-rounded characters with intricate backstories and relationships. Before the Fall was really, really good about it, as was Station Eleven, and The Secret History, though in the case of that last one you almost don’t want to get to know the characters better by the end of it.

20. the best world-building?

I really liked the world building in A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet. I seriously can’t even begin how to describe how cool all the different species and space jargon was in this book. This is the space-faring book that I wanted Artemis to be.

21. the worst world-building?

Love For The Cold-Blooded? It’s a world of superheroes and villains, but it’s so slapstick that it takes away from the book a lot. Like, honestly if it wasn’t for the fact that I was vaguely intrigued by the hero bangs evil minion side of it, I wouldn’t have even kept reading.

22. a book with a good sidekick?

Gut-punch reaction is A Crooked Kingdom, but it’s hard to call any of those characters a sidekick. I’m going to go with The Archived, by Victoria Schwab, because I haven’t talked about the series yet and Roland and Wesley are both fantastic sidekicks. I loved them both immensely, most of the time more than the main character herself. The Unbound, its sequel, made those two even more compelling.

23. the most insufferable narrator?

Ugh, ugh, ugh, definitely Jazz from Artemis. Again, it isn’t her fault, she could have been super cool. Genius, tech-savvy, Muslim girl who lives on the moon and smuggles shit? Definitely could have been a cool character. But seriously, that dude cannot write ladies. She is literally just Mark Watney.

24. a book you were excited to read for months beforehand?

All The Crooked Saints. But I think I’ll always be excited for Stiefvater books.

25. a book you picked up on a whim?

I picked up almost all of these because they had been recommended to me in some capacity. Spunk & Bite and The Islamic Enlightenment were both books that I picked up in the library because they simply caught my eye. Slaughterhouse Five I actually only grabbed because it was one of the only audiobooks in stock that wasn’t either Danielle Steel or Christian talky shows.

26. a book that should be read in a foreign country?

Less. I read it in a pool in North Carolina this summer and though it scratched the itch, it should entirely be read in a foreign country.

27. a book cassian andor would like?

Sleeping... Giants? Or A Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet?

28. a book gina linetti would like?

I legitimately have no idea what this character is like.

29. your favorite cover art?

A Conjuring of Light or All The Crooked Saints. They’re both very aesthetic™

30. a book you read in translation?

None of them. Clearly I’m not getting diverse enough.

31. a book from another century?

Hah. Haha. Technically A Wrinkle In Time was written last century. Oh god, I’m getting old.

32. a book you reread?

Other than A Wrinkle In Time, which I read so long ago that it shouldn’t even be counted as a reread, I didn’t actually do any full rereads this year. I’ve been itching to reread both The Raven Cycle and Uprooted though, so maybe I’ll do those when I make my way through my library pile.

33. a book you’re dying to talk about, and why?

Okay, but seriously. Less and Station Eleven were fucking phenomenal and should be read even if you’re unsure that you will like them. I loved both of them immensely and again, I can’t rant to any of my friends and work friends about books because they look at me like I’m stupid. Also, Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman. Those were some damn good short stories.

#new year's memes #2017 #books to read #heather says what #fuck yeah recs!

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neilthechiseler · 7 years

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This Story Used To Be About Joan

(Or “How To Finish Writing A Story In Ten Easy Years”)

[Reveries of a wannabe writer after the cut.]

This story used to be about Joan.

That was about a dozen drafts ago. For the purposes of this testimony, I’ve moved past Joan as a character, but since this used to be her story, I feel compelled to tell you that Joan was a sweet-natured, mildly trippy woman in her mid-to-late 20s who had just given up smoking and her boyfriend of seven years. It was over a clash of life approaches. For Joan, life was about singing the song of herself, because she contained multitudes, and what was true for her was good for anybody. Dennis, on the other hand, was hung up on the world. Petty things like keeping the power bill paid. Food in the refrigerator. You know, crap like that.

Since Joan was a free woman again, she’d gone back to her default mode of dressing like the best rack at Goodwill and furnishing her apartment like the worst end of large item pick-up day on the garbage route. She had dark bangs that she’d finally gotten right, just like the woman on TV. She was going to get an iPhone just like her (and that should tell you how long this has been on the to-do pile) until she realized that she’d screwed up her credit rating several years ago when she wasn’t paying attention to what she was signing. You see, she was really into textures at that particular moment, and the feel of the paper was a monumental distraction. Besides, minimum service agreements were tools of corporate hostility, and she felt the same way about paying early termination fees. Sunk again by philosophical differences.

In fact, it was as she was walking back from the cell phone store, tripping along to music that only she could hear, that she found a puppy, the kind her mom used to call a “Heinz 57 mutt”. It was sitting in a cardboard box which was apparently its current home, foraging in the garbage for its breakfast…which, being in the bin behind an appliance store, is drilling a dry hole, but dogs find a way. Joan picked up the little guy and got a flood of instant-validation affection. The decision was made. The dog was coming home.

From there, Joan’s story would be heading into the adventures being a single pixie in a fair-to-middling town and how she has to adjust to the puppy way of doing things, pulling Joan out of herself and dealing with the needs of another living thing for the first time in her life—never mind that she’d just shared a life with another living thing for seven years, because continuity is for cowards. The story would’ve been warm and kind, full of the wonderful lessons that animals can teach us, because they’re so like us, you know? In other words, it would’ve been a copy of Chicken Soup For The Soul soaked overnight in an indie rock soundtrack until it was a soggy mess that just fell apart in your hands.

So you see why I had to ditch that crap with great speed.

Then I started thinking about the previous owner of the puppy. After all, somebody finds a puppy, somebody loses a puppy. Either that or somebody tells a puppy to get lost. So now we were on the story of a brown-haired boy with skinned knees and a crooked smile who promised his dad that yes, he could take care of a dog. His mom went behind the old man’s back and helped the boy pick out a dog from the shelter.

While the boy was in the process of losing his mind, Liz, mother of one (“but some days it feels like two,” she usually tells her friends), noticed that her husband was looking on with an almost rictus grin. “It’s going to be fine, Tony,” she said, resting her head on his shoulder as they settled into the porch swing. “A boy that age needs something to get out of his own head. Care about things other than himself. Y’know?”

Tony finally snapped out of it, just enough to wrap his arm around Liz. “Yeah. We’ll just see about that.”

The first three days were filled with the type of kid/dog romping that used to be underscored in family movies with a lonesome harmonica and guitar accompaniment. On day number four, however, the boy left the back gate open, and the puppy (who, even as a puppy, had become rightly freaked out by the boy’s strenuous, hands-on type of love) made a break for it.

It took the boy awhile to notice his mistake. He was busy burning ants with a magnifying glass, and wondering how long it would take to burn the squirrel that had ruined his pine cone bird feeder. When he finally figured out what had happened, an ungodly piercing wail of misery went through the air. The old man was on deck first. “What’s got into you, champ?”

“Daaaaaaddy, the (blub) puppy (blub) got (snort) awaaaaay!” Through blubbing and snorting and snot bubbles, he relayed an edited version of the past hour that he thought would let him off the hook. “Help me find him?”

A kind of hardness crept into the father’s face, possibly because he had heard nothing but the puppy and the puppy and the puppy all week, and he was the one feeding the dog and cleaning its “peeps and poops”, as the rest of the household insisted on calling them. If this is a test, the boy’s failing, he told himself. And here comes a teachable moment. “I dunno, champ, this dog is your responsibility, so maybe it should be your responsibility to bring him home.” Then, just to twist the knife, “Better get your umbrella. Looks like a storm’s coming.”

What was coming was a torrential downpour that flipped the child’s cheap plastic Ninja Turtle umbrella inside-out almost instantly. Because of the miserable visibility, he ended up walking well past his “safety zone”, calling for the dog with a name the animal would never recognize because the baby genius had never bothered to tell the dog what its name was. That was the least of his worries, though, because when he was barely 100 yards from his subdivision, the driver of a tractor-trailer, fresh as a chemically-preserved daisy on his 30th working hour without sleep, suddenly lost control of his rig.

And at this point, with the steel behemoth close to spilling its presumably-toxic-to-humans cargo all over the suburbs, its indifferent headlights staring down a child who didn’t think he’d have cause to regret not mulling over his life insurance options this early in the school year, and two years away from the divorce hearings that would take the boy upstate with his mother while the dad dedicated his basement to a massive train set that he was convinced would make everything right again, let’s take a brief intermission.

You might have noticed that I never named that child, and there’s a good reason for that: the little punk was a unsentimental aggravation. In a “write what you know” sort of way, I used to be that kid…and I couldn’t stand me either. At the same time, if I actually did the kid in, I’d either be drawn and quartered by a sentimental public, or I’d run the risk of clicking with an audience who kind of gets off on stories about kids being run over by diesel-fueled death. Since their money spends just as well as anybody else’s, I’d have to find new and “exciting” ways to flatten children, and who wants that on his head? If that makes me a coward, then fine, I lost my nerve.

(Occasionally someone reminds me that there’s a third much more likely option, that people could continue to ignore all this noise. My response is always the same: “Who the hell gave you this address?”)

Anyway, this is the point where I started thinking about the truck driver. At the time there were reality shows, news reports, and darkly amusing YouTube videos about truckers and the grueling lives they lead. Why not the truck driver?

His name was “Sweet William” Dallas, entering his second decade of cross-country freight hauling. William’s nickname was from a Leon Redbone song, and he had a tattoo of the man himself from the cover of Double Time on his left bicep, both of which he regretted once he decided Lynyrd Skynyrd was a better fit for him.

Bill, as he now begged friends and coworkers to call him (which was the primary reason why they didn’t), was trying to finish a big-money run a day ahead schedule because his silver-haired mother was fading fast. At least that’s the way she put it after spending a week dealing with his aggravating brother, who had broken an arm trying to fish the TV remote out from behind the big dresser. "Get Richie out of here,” she had texted him a few days ago. “He’s really screwing up the schedule for my krav maga lessons.”

That gave William at least two deadlines to beat, and to that end, a twitchy neighborhood kid sold him a cluster bomb of caffeine pills and other stimulants, which our driver had been popping like M&Ms since Fredericksburg. Bill was either so tweaked or so zonked that he thought Unnamed Kid was a deer (a deer in jeans and a Polo shirt) when his truck told him to screw off and turned itself into a telephone pole flattener.

(At which point I tell myself “Now that’s a pathetic way to put a button on a story. What about the drug dealer? Yeah, the dealer, let’s roll with that for awhile.”)

Andy was as thin as nothing squared, wearing a Make America Great Again cap pulled down tight over his sweaty forehead and an army jacket from the dumpster behind Goodwill buttoned to his neck, even in summertime. As far back as he could remember—that’d be last Tuesday—he wanted to launch a career in recreational pharmaceuticals, and attempted to jump-start a weed concern. Unfortunately, not only did he have a “black thumb” for agriculture, but no sense of effective camouflage, as his arresting officer told him. So he ended up in the bottom-feeding world of ordering pills from the ads in the back of High Times and selling them with a markup to people who couldn’t find a better connection. His primary clientele was desperate people on a deadline (mostly reckless college students), but sometimes he got special cases, like a young twentysomething woman who was just coming off of a long-term relationship…

Hold on a minute. That’s Joan, isn’t it? You do remember Joan, don’t you? This used to be her story, you know.

Not only is Joan more tenacious than I thought, but she turned out to have a few more jagged angles than she appeared to on first blush. She claims that her plot refused to launch because it kept blowing sunshine up my ass. No argument there, but to remedy that, she decided to go dancing on a patch of ice, screw her back up, and get hooked on under-the-counter pain killers...a shocking number of them homeopathic, which is a hell of a trick if you can pull it off. Joan insists all that had nothing to do with me, but there’s this hopeful look in her eyes when she says it that, under the circumstances, scares the crap out of me. So negotiations with Joan have resumed, because as much as I don’t want fictional people to wreck themselves for attention, there’s a mercenary streak in me that wants to see if this goes anywhere marketable.

So watch this space. Maybe the next time you read this, it’ll be about Joan again. Who knows?

That kid’s not coming back, though.

--enw

#fiction #metafiction #original work #things that I'll definitely regret later #me trying to be David Sedaris #humor #or at least that's what it says on the box

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booknista · 7 years

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The Bachelor S21E9: This Episode Doesn't Even Deserve a Title

The episode of the Bachelor that follows hometowns can be pretty hit or miss, depending on the group of women remaining—you know, because of the whole fantasy suite thing. But this season has everything screwed up, and I’m upset about it.

I can’t even do my normal rundown of the episode, with its categories and order! Ugh, ABC, why did you do this to us, your loyal Bachelor viewers? It’s just torturous. Here’s what happened in episode 9—nothing. I mean, TECHNICALLY, some stuff happened, but nothing of note.

Act 1: The Nick and Andi Show

At the end of last week’s episode, Andi shows up at Nick’s hotel room. They try to make this dramatic, but it’s just not. Remember—Andi wrote that book that included how weird Nick was in bed? Yeah, I bet Nick remembers—especially since he CONTINUALLY brought up Andi’s book in Paradise last summer. So, we know that it’s not one of those “I want you back” things. It’s just Andi wanting to be on TV again. I mean, she looks great. But she can go home now.

They chat about Nick’s time on the show. Andi asks him if he’s expecting to get engaged, and he says only if he finds the right person.

Are you doubting yourself that much, Nick? Because HELLO. That’s the reason you’re here right now?!?! Remember?!

She then asks if he’s going to have sex with the three remaining women in the ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ and he tries really hard not to say “DUH.”

All around, it’s a pretty stupid scene. Sorry Andi, I love you, but no. Go home.

Act 2: Corinne Finds Herself

So we finally get that post-hometowns rose ceremony. Can I say that it was worth the wait? No. Not even a little bit. They built it up so much, it was ridiculous. They made those girls wait there for Nick for so long! In the end, the roses were given out in this order: Raven, Rachel, Vanessa. Which means our sweet, innocent (LOL) Corinne is headed back to Miami. All of that is fine. It was what happened in the moments after she didn’t get a rose that stuck with me.

What was the first thing that Corinne did when Nick was walking her to the limo? She apologized. Yes, you read that right—she apologized to him after he dumped her. Now, if you’ve been reading these recaps throughout the entire season, you’ll know that I make fun of Corinne. A lot. But that doesn’t mean that I forget that she’s a human person with feelings who has grown up in probably a slightly out-of-touch household. So she apologized to him when he dumped her.

And then she became empowered.

Watching Corinne say that she wasn’t going to go out of her way for any more men who didn’t treat her like she deserved was a treat. And that isn’t sarcasm—I was actually pretty impressed with her growth. It was a joy and a heartwrencher to watch her. I hope she’s going to bring that newly empowered attitude to paradise to throw it all away again.

Act 3: Raven Thinks Turtlenecks are Sexy

The three remaining women go to Finland with Nick for ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ week. Raven has the first date, and they go to a bar? And play darts? Yawn. Then they have dinner somewhere fancy and Nick is wearing a god-awful turtleneck that he keeps itching at. So it’s neither cute nor comfortable—why are you wearing it?!

Anyway, Raven confesses that she’s never had an ~*oRgAsM*~ before, and Nick is like “What the what?!” and her ex-boyfriend is like “you mean you were faking it that whole time?!” So the ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ is important to her. She builds it up in her head all day, and therefore, we are building it up, too. She accepts the key. They go to the ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ and start kissing. AND THEN THE EPISODE ENDS. What the heck, ABC???

So we have to wait until next week to see if Raven visits cloud nine, along with the other two dates. Not to mention Rachel is still around, even though we know she’s not going to win! So at this point, we know it’s either Raven or Vanessa, and it’s hardly even suspenseful anymore.

Bonus (I think?) for next week? We also get the Women Tell All episode, usually a gem. Except… that means three hours of the Bachelor. I better buy some wine.

The Bachelor airs on Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. Next week is a 3 hour episode. Can you tell how excited I am? Meep.

Images/(6) Giphy