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mearnsblog · 4 years

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“The Black Cauldron” (1985)

It has been written time and time again that "The Black Cauldron" represented the nadir for Disney animation, and I am here to bring you my thoughts. My findings are as follows:

A-yup.

Many of the struggles of "Black Cauldron" were inevitable. The story behind it is probably more fascinating than the movie itself. It had been in the works for years at Disney, dating back to 1971, and the company went through multiple leadership changes at this time, most crucially in 1984, when Michael Eisner and Frank Wells took over for Disney's struggling son-in-law, Ron Miller. Since that transition happened while "Black Cauldron" was very late in production, it led to a mixed vision of what the film would be. A test screening was actually ready in '84, but upon seeing the results, chairman Jeffrey Katzenberg pushed it back a year and ordered major edits.

A long battle was waged between Katzenberg and "Black Cauldron" producer Joe Hale over the studio interference, and the victim was the movie itself. Given how boring and poorly developed the characters and story proved to be in the final version, maybe that '84 test screening was doomed regardless, even if over a fifth of the movie was cut. Its Welsh literary inspiration, "The Chronicles of Prydain," is a five-book series, and trying to adapt even a portion of it for an hour and a half movie was likely a losing fight.

As for the movie itself? There are no songs, leaving any potential intrigue all to the weak plot. It somehow manages to be dreadfully slow while simultaneously zooming through the story at warp speed. There's a magical pig who can see the future while drinking water! There are tiny fairies under a whirlpool who just so happen to know exactly where the titular cauldron is! The Horned King has an army of baddies but he wants his old zombie baddies to take over the world! Yeah, it's not great.

The lead, Taran, does not have a personality to win over an audience and comes across as an occasionally well-meaning, arrogant boy. His allies and the magic sword he improbably finds (he almost literally stumbles across it in a crypt) are the only things bailing him out. The villain isn't even killed by him! Even though Taran is closer to the cauldron itself when it's going haywire at the climax, it sucks in the Horned King instead. What a hero.

Taran's only actual heroic act is turning down the witches' offer of restoring his sword at the very end, choosing to instead have them bring Gurgi back to life. Even that could be interpreted as guilt since Gurgi sacrificed himself to the cauldron over Taran's objections.

Oh, you might be asking, "Who's Gurgi?" Dear reader, I wish you didn't know.

Gurgi is this weird fuzzball who pops in and out of the story at random times, primarily to annoy Taran and mumble in the third person like Gollum. His voice is painfully grating. It is kind of sad to see him sacrifice himself, but that's mainly because it'd be sad to see anyone do that. Gurgi doesn't do himself any favors. Even the dumb "Aristocats" geese were less irritating.

I have deep respect for Princess Eilonwy and the bard, Fflewddur Fflam, for having the most Welsh names imaginable, but as side characters go, they're also quite boring. Eilonwy has a Navi-like bauble fluttering around her when Taran first meets her during the easiest jailbreak in movie history, and that could've been fun to track. But it just disappears, and Eilonwy only exists to flirt and squabble with Taran. Also, Fflewddur does nothing. He's just... there with them. Oh, and one of the witches lusts after him, turning him into a frog and dropping him into her chest. Thrilling. Thanks, Disney.

The Horned King himself gets points for having one of the most menacing villain designs in Disney's history, and he's voiced by the legendary John Hurt. Whenever he speaks, it sends a little chill up your spine. Sadly, the Horned King is also not very compelling and frankly, is probably too scary for most Disney movies. The scene where he uses the cauldron to raise his undead soldiers is probably a bit much, and that's even after Katzenberg's slashing edits. The dude monologues like a bandit, too. Save it for Shakespeare.

If "The Black Cauldron" was made by any company other than Disney, it would've been forgotten a long time ago. That's what normally happens with films that are more of a snooze than outright bad. It would just be another slog of a kids' movie. Since it's a Disney product though, it will always have its infamous place in Disney animation history.

Updated ranking

1. “Cinderella” (review) 2. “Sleeping Beauty” (review) 3. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (review) 4. “One Hundred and One Dalmatians” (review) 5. “The Jungle Book” (review) 6. “Fantasia” (review) 7. “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” (review) 8. “Alice in Wonderland” (review) 9. “Lady and the Tramp” (review) 10. “Pinocchio” (review) 11. “Robin Hood” (review) 12. “The Rescuers” (review) 13. “The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad” (review) 14. “Bambi” (review) 15. “The Aristocats” (review) 16. “Dumbo” (review) 17. “Peter Pan” (review) 18. “Fun and Fancy Free” (review) 19. “The Fox and the Hound” (review) 20. “The Sword in the Stone” (review) 21. “The Three Caballeros” (review) 22. “Make Mine Music” (review) 23. “The Black Cauldron” 24. “Saludos Amigos” (review) 25. “Melody Time” (review)

#disney

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