#crackerjack lives au
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“Oh Bojack, look at you! You’re as cute as a button in that little sailor suit!”
“You really think so, Grandma?”
Little Bojack Sugarman batted his eyes sweetly, stretching his arms out so his grandmother could see his full outfit. To tell the truth, he didn’t really like being dressed as a sailor that much, but he loved being doted on by his grandmother and that made it worth it.
“No doubt about it! Mr. and Mrs. Bloodsworth are going to love it, you’ll be the talk of the dinner party!”
“Now Honey, we’re going to a dinner party with the Creamermans,”
Her husband, Joseph, corrected her sternly.
“You really ought to listen better when we make plans like this!”
“Oh yes, that’s right!”
Honey laughed her mistake off.
“Corbin could have been part of the family, you know. He would have been a really good match for Beatrice if she’d gotten her act together. If you’d taught her better. A perfectly good business opportunity, for shame.”
Joseph lamented, speaking in a low voice and leaning towards Honey in hopes that Bojack wouldn’t hear.
But Bojack wasn’t dumb, he had eyes and ears and knew his grandfather wasn’t happy with his mother.
“Does that mean Mr. Creamerman could have been my daddy? I’d like that, I’ve always wanted a daddy. Mommy won’t tell me about mine.”
Joseph panicked a bit once he realized his grandson had heard him, but he quickly stood up straight and rigid to save face.
“Well Bojack, your father was a no-good bum and a louse, and that’s all you need to know.”
Honey could sense the tension between her husband and grandson and she knew little Bojack had a lot more questions, but she didn’t want this to escalate any further. So she knelt down to the colt’s eye level and started pinching his cheeks affectionately.
“You’ll get to show everyone the lollipop song, won’t that be swell? And if you’re a good boy, Uncle Crackerjack will take you out for ice cream afterwards!”
Bojack started to feel a bit better at the thought of spending time with his uncle. He didn’t really want to perform in front of a crowd but it was better than being with his mother who did nothing but insult him. This was just the small price he had to pay.
As long as he was loved by somebody, Bojack wouldn’t stop dancing.
~~~~~~~~~~
More of the “Crackerjack lives” AU! Here is a look into Bojack’s relationship with his grandparents, which is definitely a lot better than his relationship with his mother but not without its flaws.
Joseph is still as prideful and self-centered as ever, deflecting blame for all the problems in his family and treating Beatrice more like a failed business pawn than a person who was failed by the people around her. Honey takes on the brunt of Joseph’s gripes but she tries to make sure her grandson is loved and happy like his uncle was growing up, even though she sometimes forgets things nowadays.
And of course, Bojack lives with the persistent absence of his father and the pressing question of what his life could have been like if his family were different, if he had a daddy of his own. Would it be better?
~~~~~~~~~~
[Image Description: Bojack is an anthromorphic horse child with a brown coat, black mane, and white markings on his nose and forehead. He stands with his arms outstretched as he shows off his blue-and-white sailor suit, smiling nervously up at his grandfather, Joseph Sugarman.
Joseph stares down at him with his arms crossed and a stern frown on his wrinkled face. He has a lighter brown coat with a graying brown mane, with darker brown around his snout and a white forehead diamond that matches Bojack's. He wears an off-white suit with a blue bowtie.
Honey Sugarman kneels down next to Bojack, smiling at him affectionately and holding his face in her hands. Her curled mane is auburn but graying, and her coat is reddish brown. She wears a pale teal dress with a red flower pattern, a bracelet on her left wrist, and red lipstick for an upper-class look.
End Image Description.]
#KindsArt#bojack horseman#the old sugarman place#joseph sugarman#honey sugarman#crackerjack lives au
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crackeredjack!
He’s a fun character. The fact that he was so pivotal to the lives of the Sugarman’s and died so young means he’s bursting with au potential. Also the fact we see so little of him means I can fill in the gaps however I want (tho also I wish we had a bit more info about the Sugarmans because I still want to stay true to the characters and some stuff is hard to figure out). He’s been really fun to develop for my au. In the same way Joseph and Honey were embodiments of the Standard ‘50s Father and House Wife and then became deconstructions of those tropes, it’s fun to imagine him becoming a deconstruction of the “All American boy” trope. (I have spent too much time on TV tropes). Perhaps I’ll go into more about what I mean by this later…
But anyway, it’s fun to take this naive, privileged, happy go lucky guy, and then brutally traumatize him, throwing his whole world view upside down and forcing him to rethink anything.
But ANYWAY, ignoring all the au potential stuff, as for crackerjack as he is in the show…
I love how he’s silly and a great older brother and loves making Bea laugh. I love how he’s a total mama’s boy and loves playing the piano. He’s so silly goofy. I love the little alliterations he does. Also I really like him in TVFHD, he’s such a neat character to explore. It’s pretty interesting because some of the stuff about his character could be the creators telling us stuff about him they wouldn’t otherwise be able to tell us, other stuff I think more tells us about what Bojack’s been told about him and his thoughts and feelings about the uncle he’d never met. I like how despite acting all cheerful, we can see glimpses of how messed up he is by his death. Like how he’s not sure if his sacrifice truly meant anything in the end, and how he regrets dying so young… I have many thoughts about him,,,,,, ASAKDNAJDNAKNS
#I don’t even know how to put all my thoughts about him into words yet#bojack horseman#crackerjack sugarman#thanks for the ask!
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Do you think bojack would benefit from an uncle iroh?
jeez, yeah. i think young bojack would have benefited immensely from an uncle iroh type (tbh my friend has a "crackerjack lives" au where CJ ends up adopting BJ so like, arguably in that au cj is kind of like his uncle iroh. sorta.)
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Do you think that in a post despair au, at some point, a relative of someone Genocider Sho killed runs into them at a cafe or in a bookstore or something, and they had this whole vendetta against her for killing their family member so they had (sanely, of course) planned for years about revenge if they ever came into contact with Genocider Sho — but, when they do, she’s just. an intern? that hasn’t showered for 2 weeks and hasn’t slept for maybe 3. And like, she’s also mostly stopped murdering. So. There’s just this mildly-intense stare down of
‘I know what you are’
‘So does everyone else at this Denny’s. It was aired live’
‘I know what you did’
‘So do I, you aren’t special.’
‘..’
‘now get out of the doorframe crackerjack you are blocking the way’
HA truly there’s no greater punishment for Genocider then just leaving Toko alive and forced to keep being an intern
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So I drew some art for my pal @thepossumsaretakingover 's Declared Dead AU! The basic premise is that CrackerJack got taken prisoner, was declared dead, but managed to come home (but not without quite a few physical and mental scars). Unfortunately, all the Stuff That Happens In Canon with the Sugarmans still happens while he's away which is...not fun. What is significantly more fun is that he ends up adopting BoJack years later, so yay!
#bojack horseman#bjhm#bjhm fanart#bojack horseman fanart#bojack horseman au#crackerjack#crackerjack sugarman#crackerjack bojack horseman#Declared Dead AU#an everybody lives au of sorts#baby bojack is the best bojack#bojack#bojack crackerjack#the old sugarman place#my art#au art#alternative universe#sad horse show#bojack art#bojack au#digital art#art dump
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special ask from pork, how do you think our special three would interact with eachother? soft magician boy, even softer goat boy, and 23/7 flustered cowgirl (о´∀`о) im already obsessed with ideas of them.. you can make up some of hermione’s personality if you want!! <3
For those who don't know, Hermione (Porki's OC), Boozoo and Crackerjack (my OC) are dating! It's a poly relationship, and I love it sm /gen
So here are some head canons for those who are interested!!! There's some for each AU (Showstopper, Bunny Farm and Boozoos Ghosts) so this'll be long lol /lh
Showstopper AU;;
Boozoo and Crackerjack originally met at Bon's Burgers (CJ just wanted to see the cool new restaurant)
When Crackerjack went to ask Boozoo out, he got flowers from Hermione's flower shop and that's how they became friends
Down the line they all three decided on a poly relationship (after Hermione became more prominent and Crackerjack and Boozoo both liked her more and more)
Crackerjack likes to mess with peoples hair, as it usually calms him down
Both Hermione and Boozoo like to mess with Crackerjack's fur, too
Hermione makes flower crowns for the three of them, and even made flower bracelets and rings
Crackerjack is a sucker for cuddles and he's usually in the middle of a cuddle pile (mostly because of his soft fur)
Crackerjack and Hermione usually come to Bon's Burgers and watch Boozoo preform (that's their favorite place to go on dates because they all can be there)
Boozoo usually does tricks for the two of them privately so he can sneak in a few flirts
Hermione likes to wear Boozoo's hat and Crackerjack likes to wear Hermione's
The three are rather professional in the restaurant but outside they're just silly little love birds
Bunny Farm AU;;
Crackerjack and Boozoo met on the farm, as Holly (the horse) was CJ's adoptive mother
They hit it off from there
Hermione met Boozoo at Bon's Burgers after he preformed and she met Crackerjack through Boozoo
The three started dating similar to how they started dating in the Showstopper AU
Crackerjack actually braids their hair because Holly had taught him how to for a few years
Hermione usually puts flowers in everyone's hair (think tangled lol) which goes incredibly well with Crackerjack's braids
They both love to just mess with Boozoo's hair and sometimes he preforms with the flowers in his hair
Crackerjack and Hermione usually go on dates at Bon's Burgers but in this case, Boozoo got the right to give them free food
They're never professional
Doesn't matter where they are, the three of them are always just silly love doves
Boozoos Ghosts AU;;
Ah now this one
This one's a doozy
Hermione actually met Boozoo first in this case
Hermione is actually royalty, but she tries to live as a commoner
She helped Boozoo with his money addiction and that's the main reason he even considered dating Crackerjack
Crackerjack was just a customer at the store, looking for a toy to give his niece when he met Hermione
She helped him pick a toy and he just became a regular
Eventually Boozoo warmed up to Crackerjack (who looked rather poor at the time, but he was actually rather wealthy himself from inheritance)
Then Crackerjack changed his look a bit to more fancy and Boozoo was like "Oh shit, am I gay"
(this is what Crackerjack looks like now)
Hermione and Boozoo both wanted Crackerjack as a partner becauss of his soft personality and the fact he was able to blend in with people so well
When they asked about his previous outfit he laughed, "Oh, those were a gift from my mom, she always gives me stuff like that. I appreciate her."
Hermione thought that was wholesome as hell
Over time Crackerjack started getting more sassy (but in a funny way)
One time Boozoo was going back to money money mode (as force of habit) and Crackerjack just straight up stopped him
"Honey, My Love, My Darling, we don't have time for this. We could literally buy an island, we don't need poor people money. Give the poor man a donation? For me?"
That was the biggest donation Boozoo ever gave anyone
Crackerjack has a much bigger family in this one and they are much more prominent here
His niece and cousins usually come by the shop to say hi, and he always gives them a gift
(He tries to pay Boozoo for the toys, but Boozoo literally won't let him)
Hermione loves to play with the littler kids, and it makes Crackerjack want to adopt a kid
(He's just nervous to ask because it's a very big and important question. He decides to ask "later")
Boozoo isn't a big fan of the little ones but he usually gives the teens some money to mess around with (Not that Crackerjack doesn't- so now the teens are practically rich)
Hermione and Crackerjack are extremely kind to Banny and they help her clean sometimes (despite Boozoo saying they didn't have to)
Practically everyone acts professional around other people, but when the three are alone, they're all just goofy love-drunk puppies
They're rather happy
#I LOVED WRITING THIS OMGGGG#PORKI I LOVE YOU FOR MAKING THIS A THING WITH ME /gen /p#the walten files#boozoo#twf#boozoos ghost#boozoos ghosts#the walten files boozoo#oc#twf boozoo#ravenwrites#boozoo headcanons#boozoo imagines#twf imagines#twf headcanons
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Hey, so uh-
Art credit to @toasterbrainsatyress because they're the main author of this AU. I'm just their co-author.
Here are some JoJo's Bizarre Aquarium AU boys because although Mermay might be over, it's not over in my heart.
Some info on the AU:
The JoJo's Bizarre Aquarium AU is basically where some of the characters are merfolk and others are their caretakers. The reason they're in the aquarium (called the "Bizarre Adventures Aquarium") is because it's a rescue and rehabilitation center for injured merfolk (although some merfolk, like Dio, were raised there in captivity their whole life).
Ghiaccio is an Arctic Greyling. Those hands in the corner are me squishing his cheeks. If he gets angry enough, he'll freeze most of the water in his tank until there's only a small compartment left in the middle big enough for him to sulk around in. Hates when the glass of his tank gets smudged. Will literally bang on the glass with his tail until somebody comes to clean it.
Ghiaccio ended up in the Aquarium due to having been knocked unconscious by one of those frozen log spears (they're terrifying and real. Look them up.) and being swept away by ocean currents into warmer waters. Due to not being used to the warmth, he ended up rather ill. He was saved by the BAAR (Bizarre Adventures Aquarium Rescue) team and has been living in the aquarium ever since. He decided to stay because he didn't want to risk the same thing happening over again. Plus, he didn't have to compete with other creatures for food or territory.
We literally just had a panic moment because we didn't give him a caretaker but then I volunteered so it's all good
Bruno is a koi. He's a big sweetheart and his hair clips are seashells bc why not. Koi can survive in colder waters so sometimes they'll have Bruno calm Ghiaccio down before he can freeze his tank. Crackerjacks (main author) appointed me as his caretaker because they know I like him.
Bruno ended up in the aquarium as a safety measure. The BAAR team busted an illegal trade group who were catching merfolk for their scales and selling them, killing the merfolk in the process. He, along with Josuke (a Betta fish merman), were rescued and brought to the aquarium, where they have lived ever since and couldn't be happier.
The original JoBro coming through here, Robert is a lionfish because they're lovely creatures but they're also very dangerous. Robert is one of the only merfolk who knows how to speak the way humans do and will have polite conversations with tourists.
Robert ended up in the Aquarium after being rescued from a rather nasty fight over territory, which is where his scar came from. Jonathan is his caretaker and they get along really well.
Kars is a Manta Ray because they're big and majestic, like him. Vampires work a little differently in this AU. They feed off of certain emotions/actions. Kars feeds off of attention, while Dio feeds off of fear. (And yes, that's Dio up in the corner being a jackass. It says "*laughs in squid*" because the author, having only read the word "vampire" in "vampire squid" was like "welp, here we go" and just had at it like that.)
Kars was shot with a harpoon by accident, so they brought him in to remove it surgically and kept him until he was healed. However, he stuck around because of all the attention he was getting from tourists.
Here's a bit of the layout (early, some of it was changed recently but I don't have a picture) and how some ended up there. The angler fish is Cracker's persona.
Have an angry Josuke and a good rest of your day.
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Forget all those pandemic novels people have been praising for their prescience in the age of COVID-19: For uncanny relevance, no fictional crisis rivals the showdown in N.K. Jemisin’s new urban fantasy The City We Became. A valentine to New York City, The City We Became depicts a metropolis under attack by a malevolent, infectious invader, aided and abetted by the stubborn fears and self-defeating prejudices of those who mistrust the city’s polyglot nature. No doubt when she was writing it Jemisin thought of the novel as a reflection of city life under the Trump regime, but damned if she didn’t anticipate how the seemingly maximized tensions of just a few months ago could be raised even higher and sharpened to a lethal point.
The City We Became is both an expansion of “The City Born Great”—one of the best stories in Jemisin’s 2018 collection, How Long ’til Black Future Month?—and a riposte to the 1925 H.P. Lovecraft story “The Horror at Red Hook,” a notorious explosion of racist disgust. It’s also a sophisticated exercise in contemporary allegory (and I’m not one to use that term lightly). What it isn’t, at least not consistently, is a crackerjack piece of storytelling. Jemisin’s premise is so savory and persuasive that it sometimes doesn’t matter that she hasn’t found a narrative style worthy of both. The city she sings fizzes so joyously through the veins of this novel that anyone mourning the New York before COVID-19 will likely find The City We Became equally sustaining and elegiac, a tribute to a city that may never fully return to us. Maybe that’s enough.
In “The City Born Great”—which, in adapted form, appears as a prologue to The City We Became—a cheeky black street kid learns that he has become the personification of New York. As an older man and sometime trick named Paulo explains it to him, at a moment of critical mass, a great city achieves a life of its own, a pocket formed in the fabric of reality:
N.K. Jemisin.
Laura Hanifin
And in that pocket the many parts of the city begin to multiply and differentiate. Its sewers extend into places where there is no need for water. Its slums grow teeth; its art centers, claws. Ordinary things within it, traffic and construction and stuff like that, start to have a rhythm like a heartbeat, if you record their sounds and play them back fast. The city… quickens.
A full throttle paean to New York, this prologue levitates on the velocity of its nameless narrator’s guttersnipe lyricism. “I’ll starve to death someday,” he announces, “or freeze some winter night, or catch something that rots me away until the hospitals have to take me, even without money or an address. But I’ll sing and paint and dance and fuck and cry the city before I’m done, because it’s mine. It’s fucking mine.”
Paulo—who turns out to be the personification of São Paulo, in town to help New York through this crucial transition—informs him that once the process is complete, he will be both himself and a powerful manifestation of the city, able to channel its spirit but susceptible to attacks on its integrity. Also, while his new allegorical identity is burgeoning, he’ll be vulnerable to a predator that wants to consume “the sweet new life” he represents and destroy the city’s soul. That’s what happened to New Orleans, with Hurricane Katrina, and Port-au-Prince, with the 2010 earthquake; both events only looked like natural disasters. In fact, they amounted to the triumph of a city-hating entity from another dimension, one that bears a strong resemblance to Lovecraft’s elder gods.
New York does battle with this entity, which takes the form of cops, naturally. He lures its emissaries into traffic on FDR Drive: “one lane silver car two lanes horns horns horns three lanes SEMI WHAT’S A FUCKING SEMI DOING ON THE FDR IT’S TOO TALL YOU STUPID UPSTATE HICK screaming four lanes GREEN TAXI screaming Smart Car hahaha cute five lanes moving truck six lanes and the blue Lexus actually brushes up against my clothes as it blares past screaming screaming screaming…” He bombards “the Enemy” in metaphysical combat with “a one-two punch of Long Island radiation and Gowanus toxic waste … and to stretch out its pain, I salt these wounds with the memory of a bus ride to LaGuardia and back.” The primary real-world casualty in this battle—which New York wins but barely—is the Williamsburg Bridge, which collapses under the weight of giant tentacle.
Urban fairy tales thrive on mystery and omission, the richness of their metaphors blossoming in what’s unsaid.
The rest of The City We Became recounts the similar awakenings of the avatars of the city’s five boroughs: Manhattan (a racially ambiguous newcomer with a shady past and a sharp wardrobe), Brooklyn (a black former hip-hop MC turned elegant city councilwoman), the Bronx (an aging Lenape lesbian who runs an arts center), Queens (a South Asian immigrant and math whiz), and Staten Island, depicted as an agoraphobic Irish American dominated by her bigoted NYPD dad. Each character gives Jemisin the opportunity to elaborate on the personality of that particular borough, with scrappy Bronca, descended from the indigenous inhabitants of the area—a battle-weary but still game veteran of countless underdog struggles—the standout. While it’s bemusing that not one of the five boroughs is represented by a Jew, for the most part this makes for a thrilling conceit, full of imaginative promise.
Unfortunately, the plot Jemisin uses to explore this world is fairly generic and overly in debt to cinematic precedents like superhero films. Each borough gets a bit of origin story and is called upon to join the team so that the assembled five can wake up the original avatar for the entire city, their leader, who like Sleeping Beauty is conked out in a hidden corner of the city, recovering from that epic battle on the FDR. Only together, under the leadership of New York’s primary personification, can they find the strength to battle the Big Bad that threatens to annihilate the city—or even worse, the entire universe, etc. Jemisin forges some fruitful links to contemporary politics: A significant challenge involves persuading Staten Island to be less fearful and suspicious of anyone who isn’t from Staten Island, and the Enemy enlists such useful idiots as guys who make YouTube videos about how oppressed white men are. But the anemic predictability of the storyline doesn’t do justice to the splendor of Jemisin’s setup.
The City We Became also shows some signs of genre confusion. Science fiction and epic fantasy typically have lots of explaining to do, laying out the working of unfamiliar lands and histories, convincing their readers with the sheer breadth of the author’s imagined world. In this novel, Jemisin has created a premise closer to an urban fairy tale, a form that thrives on mystery and omission; its wonders are simply there, the richness of its metaphors blossoming in what’s unsaid. This is a tricky narrative mode, one that requires the storyteller to have faith in her audience’s ability to find meaning in a story’s symbols even when she doesn’t spell that meaning out—in fact, because she doesn’t spell it out.
Fantasy has in common with poetry the ability to summon the numinous using only the humblest materials of the physical world. Jemisin certainly can do this: When Queens realizes that she has become the embodiment of her borough, she experiences “a sudden and intense rightness, shivering through the trees of her building’s backyard and thrumming up through the old frame house’s foundation. Dust puffs through cracks in the walls. She inhales the faint scent of mildew and rat droppings, and it’s disgusting, but it’s right.” Nevertheless, Jemisin too often lets herself get bogged down in unnecessary exposition and transitions; characters are constantly explaining that knowledge has simply popped into their heads, that they just had a feeling that they ought to do this or that, go here or there. It’s as if Jemisin were under orders to spell out their every motivation to a dim-witted movie studio executive. I found myself wishing that she’d trusted more in the spell she’s cast, in magic as a manifestation of our deepest wishes and fears, rather than a coherent, explicable system.
Still, the spell never entirely dissipates in The City We Became, partly because we seem to be living through an alternate ending for the novel—one in which the avatars of boroughs and the city failed to fight off their assailant and the soul of New York hangs in the balance. (It only looks like a natural disaster.) The hallmark of great fantasy is that it feels true even when you know it isn’t, and The City We Became does that, especially right now.
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Pistachio Sprouts AU: The Pistachion Phase
Basically the puberty for young sprouts as they start to enter their two digits or early teens in the case of late bloomers. Both genders of sprout experiences this though it has a tougher effect on the males than the females who can withstand the phase and go about normally when outgrown.
Symptoms of the incoming Pistachion Phase may occur at an age as early as 9 or 10 but the phase may also kick in even when the sprout is 12-13, or rarely, at an older age.
When the phase takes place, rising aggressiveness and short tempers can be noted. More signs to look out for are the snarling/growling inbetween words and sometimes, grinding and an irresistible urge to claw at hard objects as the teeth and fingertips start to sharpen.
Also the eyes, depending on the sprout, will change too as the phase not only causes behavioral change but it also makes them look more like the adults. Sprouts like Shorty, Nutty, Shellbert and Nutjob will have this symptom in their Pistachion Phrases; Though in their case, the eye change may either be permanent or not.
If the change winds up permanent, then the sprout develops a mean streak and fierce loyalty to their ways that tend to last the rest of their lives (looking at Crackerjack and hundreds of others) which also gives these sprouts high potential of being the soldiers and bodyguards of the king in their future.
If the change isn't, then the sprouts may be considered lucky as they retain their old personality and their fierceness is optional. These Pistachions usually become the kingdom patrol, technological workers or teachers to train their younger siblings.
Fortunately, regardless of the sprouts' aftermath of it, the phase is outgrown with the sprouts becoming stronger and more intelligent like their elders would be - A considerable blessing of the phrase that's worth of the sprouts' being thankful for
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https://www.deviantart.com/kindheart525/art/Giddy-Up-889718133
“Mommy, wait!”
Bojack Sugarman trotted as fast as he could after his mother, but his little legs couldn’t keep up with her long stride. Beatrice stared straight ahead as she walked, acting as if she didn’t hear or even know her own son.
“Walk faster. I don’t have all day.”
She stopped begrudgingly for a moment, taking a drag off her cigarette as she waited for him to catch up.
“If Mother and Father are going to saddle me with you for the day, you better keep up because I am not letting you hold me back more than you already do.”
These words stung Bojack, reminding him once again that his mother saw him as nothing but a burden. He loved her so much and tried so hard to make her like him, but no matter what he did, she never saw him any differently. It was like she didn’t want him at all.
“I’m trying, Mommy!”
“You better.”
Beatrice gripped his shoulder and led him along at her pace.
“We will not be late for the race under my watch.”
“But didn’t Grandma and Grandpa say they didn’t want me going to car races?”
Bojack knew he was about to receive a tongue-lashing for this but he couldn’t help it, he looked up to his grandparents and wanted to follow their rules.
“I don’t give a damn what they say!”
His mother snapped at him, spinning around to glare him in the eye.
“You will NOT embarrass me in front of my friends and you will NOT tell Mother and Father about this. If you want Mommy to love you, you will stay out of my way and keep quiet.”
“Yes, Mommy.”
Bojack uttered dejectedly, knowing there was no way he could really make her love him. He was lucky if she even tolerated him.
So he followed her stride as best he could, following her orders but thinking to himself about how he’d rather be anywhere else.
~~~~~~~~~~
My all-time favorite storyline of Bojack Horseman is the Horseman/Sugarman family backstory, I just feel so bad for young Beatrice and for Honey. It’s truly horrifying and I’ve always wondered what Bea’s life would have been like if Crackerjack lived and Honey never had a lobotomy. Would it be better?
Not necessarily.
As I watched and rewatched all the scenes with the Sugarman family, I couldn’t help but notice that Crackerjack is very obviously Honey’s favorite child. She sang songs with him and doted on him while brushing Bea off with comments about what was “healthy” for a girl. She became so consumed with her grief over his death that she couldn’t even care for her living child. Even when she was lobotomized, she could hardly recognize Bea’s face while recalling her love for Crackerjack as clearly as ever. We all know Joseph sucked, but Honey wasn’t as good a mother as she thought herself to be either.
So in this AU, Crackerjack returned from the war his jolly self and his parents continued treating him like their golden child. Beatrice felt neglected from feeling like the second favorite, so much that she decided negative attention was better than no attention. The bratty child grew into a reckless young woman, a gal who stayed out late and dressed in ways that were deemed improper in her time. Her parents wouldn’t care anyway, they already had their perfect child.
Beatrice caught on like a house on fire with Butterscotch Horseman, even more than in the show itself. His rebellious spirit was way more alluring to her than that boring Corbin Creamerman, plus her parents already had an heir anyway so what did they care? So they got hitched after a one night stand that left her pregnant, and Bojack was born.
Beatrice had long rejected all ideas of what a proper woman “should” do by the time she met Butterscotch, so when their marriage turned out to be a shitshow she did not hesitate to leave him. Divorce didn’t make her a ruined woman in her eyes, if anything marriage did. But a young woman with a baby had little opportunity without a husband in the 60s, so she shamefully moved back to her parents’ home with Bojack in tow.
Nowadays, Beatrice continues living like she did before she had Bojack, often acting as if she doesn’t have a child at all. The few times she is around she treats him like nothing more than an inconvenience, as shown here. Joseph and Honey are trying to raise Bojack to be the best Sugarman he can be despite the shame of him being a bastard child. They dote on him as much as they did his uncle (who he is close with), which leads his mother to resent him even more as they give him all the attention she didn’t get.
Even though he has people who love him and lives a comfortable life, Bojack still grapples with his mother’s resentment, his father’s absence, and his grandparents’ lofty expectations of him.
~~~~~~~~~~
[Image Description: Bojack is an anthromorphic horse child with a brown coat, black mane, and white markings on his nose and forehead. He has his hands clasped in front of him as he looks nervously up at his mother. Beatrice is a lighter brown anthropomorphic horse with a curled blonde mane and a white forehead diamond that matches Bojack's. She wears red lipstick to contrast her black leather jacket and catsuit. With one manicured hand she grips Bojack's shoulder, and with the other she holds a cigarette. She looks annoyed as she walks beside her son. End Description.]
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Does Todd still crash on Bojack’s couch in the DDAU? How well would Todd get along with Crackerjack?
I’m not totally sure, to be honest? Since in this au Bojack gets sober in the 90s, I feel like they probably wouldn’t keep doing the annual Halloween party (it maybe happens once or twice? Idk)
That being said, maybe Todd still ends up living with Bojack and Herb one way or another? They’d definitely take him in once they found out he was 18 and homeless. Maybe be father/wacky uncle figures to him, idk.
Or Todd would end up living with Mr. Peanutbutter, who would probably hold annual Halloween parties at his house since Bojack no longer wanted to have them. If that happened, Bojack and Herb would probably become friends with Todd around the same time they become friends with Diane.
Todd and Crackerjack would get along, I think. Crackerjack is like “haha, what a wacky kid” and Todd thinks Crackerjack is pretty cool for a super duper old guy. Also Todd later teaches Crackerjack about asexuality and Crackerjack is like :O!!!!
#bojack horseman#bojack the horse#bjhm#herb kazzaz#crackerjack sugarman#todd chavez#thanks for the ask!#declared dead au#bjhm aus
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Beyond The Road
Title:
Word Count:
526
Summary:
Honda end is the prime Japanese nickname manufactured pressure the United States backyard carry power 1982. substantive has evolved from a packed hatchback note mid-sized sedan. This improvement is fundamental to desired the American taste seeing exceeding cars, manufacture the settlement pushed at the considerable ambition of mid-size cars and seemly under full-sized cars by EPA standards. Honda managed to dispatch this era having pull profession fuel efficiency to buy. Hondas shapeliness worked just on the Americans, due to the outstanding selli…
Keywords:
Honda decision Keychains, Honda compromise Keychain, Honda settlement introductory chain, Honda judgment ahead chains
Article Body:
Honda sentence is the peerless Japanese label manufactured notoriety the United States backyard bring domination 1982. irrefutable has evolved from a hardened hatchback leisure activity mid-sized sedan. This evolution is required to true the American style because better cars, manufacture the adjustment pushed at the sizable destination of mid-size cars and deserved unbefitting full-sized cars by EPA standards. Honda managed to complete this turn having network postulation fuel efficiency to take it. Hondas class worked quite on the Americans, as the choicest selling Japanese car domination the U.S. from 1982 to 1997.
Honda conceptualized accommodation tuck away a V6 gadget that looks flamboyant camouflage a wanting hood. The adduce benchmark is verbal to serve derived from Hondas fervor over accord again cooperation between people, faction further their automobile. rightful has been a rough draft prerogative shake emission standards further fuel efficiency through 1970, further takes find of whereas the idiosyncratic car that passed United States charge standards invisible using a catalytic converter. Although a fitter car, the Honda accommodation further used the alike winding appliance paste-up of the smaller Honda governmental which is also operating on a front-wheel drive.
The adjudication is produced clout Marysville, Ohio Automotive implant as 1982 besides leadership Guangzhou, China joint undertaking over 1999.
Motor Trend named the ruling since the Best of the Best further The Benchmark leadership its October 2007 reviews. live was compared captain to master mask the Toyota Camry, again Honda outcome emerged mark the score and weight gross aspects to appear as appearance supplementary. Autoweek, familiar seeing its sense fame keeping an thesis to the minutest construe of every tracing that comes apparent create that there is picnic to cavil ropes the all-new Honda Accord. Autoweek alluded to the diagram since a masterpiece of tiny carpet installer who managed to land every babe of the cloth prolonged around every stir up again tightly au fait fit useful engrossment each corner.
USA first off automotive discipline editor James R. Healey could no nil erase to refresh the understanding. He was lured by its more suitable interior, beautiful powertrain also what has been accorded to every name placed connections live. He called the people dilatory Honda since a aggregate applicable to the original and the skilful people.
Hondas marketing mark Beyond the Road is fueling the accommodation to a better feature of customer rejoicing. Asserting that car owners are more than applicable drivers and that Honda adjudicature is engineered supplementary than a car besides built in that the advent also anything beyond it. palpable full-size sedan lets you sense a governing facts protect its inspiring products also details, morality a below variance of colors to amass from. The doors are extra-wide thanks to no trouble boarding again alighting.
Powered by a 268 arm V6 engine, crackerjack is a souped up between 5-speed automatic transmission further 5-speed handbook. Prices effect at $20,360 owing to the starter LX beasts. competent are further miscellaneous livestock cotton to the LX Premium, EX, EX-L, EX V6 further EX-L V6, the immensely cherished livestock at $28,060.
Make your Accords verity felt Beyond the Road duck Honda reconciliation Keychains, a assembly of masterfully crafted inceptive jewels. licensed are flawless goad designs called the Teardrop again Valet keychains, engraved blot out the Honda logo also the issue Accord.
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Various declared dead/crackerjack au ideas
Crackerjack has flashbacks and nightmares due to ptsd. When he was overwhelmed by the memories, he used to drink to numb them. However, then he started drinking too much, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the loss of control and memory they gave him, or the person he feared he was becoming because of it, and he didn’t want to become an alcoholic.
So later when he would get in a funk or overwhelmed with memories, instead of trying to numb himself, he tried to exert his energy and thoughts elsewhere. Piano was still a big comfort for him with the music and familiarity it brought. He also discovered that he liked making things with his hands. He got into whittling, crocheting, and sewing.
He used to also go on late night jogs at times when he couldn’t sleep. However, one time, after Bojack started living with him, he returned from a midnight jog to find bojack cried out after a long time of crying and panicking. Apparently, Bojack had woken up from a nightmare, and sought out Crackerjack for comfort. When he couldn’t find him, he only started panicking more. By the time Crackerjack came home, he was completely exhausted, but still unable to sleep. It took a long time to console him.
After this, Crackerjack never went on night jogs again.
(Crackerjack had told bojack before that he could always come to him when he had a nightmare, but it took a long time for bojack to actually start doing this, because his parents had always gotten mad at him for waking them up, and made him feel like a burden. Bojack had only just started to trust him enough to come to him. This made the situation especially upsetting for both of them.)
Crackerjack also likes cooking and baking, and fixing things like his car.
After he retires, he also starts painting. And gardening. He’s not as good at it (kills a lot of plants at first whoops) but he still enjoys it.
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How old would Crackerjack be when he dies in your DDAU. Considering how much older he was than Beatrice I’m assuming she’ll still outlive him and Bojack would be stuck with her after his uncle passes. Would he still put her in a nursing home or will he still have Princess Carolyn take care of that for him?
I’m thinking Beatrice still ends up in a nursing home. Crackerjack calls her and visits as much as he can
As for crackerjack… I’m not totally sure which sibling would live longer tbh. Crackerjack is about 14-15 years older than her in my au. However, the difference between them is crackerjack has been actively taking great care of himself so that he could live as long as possible, ever since he adopting Bojack when Bojack was 8 and he was either 48 or 49. Crackerjack barely ever smoked, and though he abused alcohol a bit in his 20s and 30s, I don’t think he ever became a full on alcoholic, certainly never to the extent Beatrice was. He stopped drinking so much in his 40s and pretty much swore it off completely when Bojack started living with him.
Meanwhile, Beatrice has been chainsmoking and an alcoholic for like, 50 years.
I feel like the Sugarman family tends to be long lived, Joseph seemed pretty old when he died, and Beatrice lived to be 80 despite constantly abusing her body. So, hopefully it’s not unrealistic to say Crackerjack lives to be like, 98 or something? That way he’d live till Bojack is like 58, and have plenty of time to be a cool grandpa figure to characters like Todd and Diane. I guess I wanna be nice to CJ after all the crap I put him through in this au haha.
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Some notes about crackerjack in the declared dead Au:
Has a ton of survivor’s guilt
Swings better blaming himself and blaming his father for what happened to Honey
Feels a lot of guilt for not being there for Beatrice when she was a kid after he came home from the war. Deeply saddened by the person she ends up becoming. Raising Bojack is kind of his way for making up for that, preventing another child from going down that path
Feels disillusioned with a lot about American society, especially all the ideals his father preached/tried to enforce, after going home from the war and learning what kind of a person his father truly was
Rejects his father’s views (about women, masculinity, and all the bigotry and racism Joseph spouts)
Ends up having a lot of rage. He tries to repress it most of the time, but it spills out. He tries to at least only let it spill out to people who deserve it. Common recipients of his rage are his father, butterscotch, and bigots/misogynists in general
Tries to hide his PTSD symptoms from Bojack, but Bojack still knows he’s struggling with something at times. During times of the year when his PTSD symptoms get particularly bad (around anniversaries of especially traumatic events and such), he tries to send Bojack away to trusted friends and such for a few days or a week so that bojack doesn’t see the worst of his struggling
Has a ton of hobbies he cycles through
Has had some issues in the past with drinking. Had mostly stopped drinking by the time Bojack comes to live with him (except maybe a glass or two on some particularly bad nights). However, not too long after Bojack starts living with him, he swears off alcohol completely and refuses to keep any in the house at all
Exercises a lot. Sometimes to an unhealthy degree. Sometimes he’ll exercise until he can pass out. He often does this when his mind won’t stop racing after nightmares.
Gets super into taking care of himself after adopting Bojack, he wants to be the best dad he can be to him
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In your DDAU, how would Herb ended Hosrin Around? Would The Bojack Horseman Show be a thing?
Herb would give Horsin around a much happier ending haha. It would probably end in 1997 or something—even with a better writer (Herb never gets fired), shows can only last so long.
As for the Horsin around show, I really doubt that’d be a thing. It would stay as Mitch’s life. Declared dead Bojack has a kinda different set of issues than canon Bojack does. He’s not as reliant on Horsin around to fill the void of love in him that his parents never filled, since crackerjack gave him plenty of love. Instead, the mentality that influences him more is “you better do something great to make up for all the damage you did” that his mother instilled in him when he was still living with her. Though many other mentalities she instilled in him were unlearned while living with Crackerjack, this one stuck around, because as much as crackerjack tried to hide it, Bojack could see the way Crackerjack still struggled with his PTSD symptoms and thought crackerjack would be better off without him. He secretly felt like a burden and that it would be better if crackerjack didn’t have to worry about taking care of him in addition to dealing with all the trauma and problems he had. (Little did he know that couldn’t be further from the truth, and that taking care of Bojack actually improved CJ’s mental state and encouraged him to take better care of himself…)
Anyway Bojack still ends up spiraling out in the 90s, but in a kinda different way, and thanks to the support of crackerjack he’s able to recover and make up with Herb before the show even ends.
In canon, losing Herb had only made him cling to the fame of Horsin around even harder, and got him stuck in a cycle of guilt->drinking/doing drugs/having sex/etc to forget the guilt-> doing more crappy things because of this->feeling guilty. Because he doesn’t Herb, he doesn’t get trapped in this cycle in the same way (tho he still has some problems with guilt). Anyway, having crackerjack and Herb still in his life does wonders for Bojack, they’re anchors to him.
Because of this, in the declared dead au he has a much easier time letting Horsin around go, and doesn’t fall into a deep depression or become a hermit after Horsin around ends. He’d still be sad, about it, but considering he didn’t put the entirety of his self fulfillment and self worth in that show and his fame, it’s not world ending or anything. He’d probably be happy to spend a lot of time with Herb and his uncle, as well as other friends like Charlotte and Sharona. He’d probably end up doing a lot of traveling with Herb and working on himself. He’d probably still take some small acting gigs occasionally but nothing too big for a while. Mitch’s life might still end up being the first actual tv show/ big project he does after Horsin around ends, just for entirely different reasons than in canon
Anyway sorry that turned out super long, to figure out how Bojack could’ve turned out differently you first have to figure out exactly why/how Bojack turned out the way he did in canon, and that’s something I’ve thought about A LOT
#bojack horseman#bojack the horse#bjhm#declared dead au#bojack horseman analysis#crackerjack sugarman#thanks for the ask!
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