#condor the ninja ostrich
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Condor the talking Ninja Ostrich is still the dumbest fucking thing in all of Naruto, for the record.
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i feel like we as a society do not talk about the ninja ostrich Nearly enough
#like it was in Multiple episodes#condor i miss you come back#can you tell im rewatching shippuden#/#humor#condor the ninja ostrich#naruto#naruto shippuden#the filler arcs were so fucking . so much#op
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Walk A Mile [7/?]
Cover & Disclaimer
Chapter Beta: None at the moment, but I’ll send it to my beta when she gets back from vacation.
AN: So, this is a bit of departure from the usual format, but it’s kind of a time-skip. The first week of the swap, with a lot of things needing to be adjusted to hehe. I put a little bit of plot in places...but really, this is totally filler that I had too much fun writing :D Hope you enjoy reading it!
“Kakashi-sensei!”
SLAM!
The sound of a door being thrown open and hitting the wall yanks him from his dreams. Kakashi vaults upward and snaps, “Reinforce the barriers and send the first wave!”
The familiar surroundings of his living room come back to him, and his dream fades away. The panicked, slightly confused face of Sasuke Uchiha swims into view.
No, wait—not Sasuke. Sakura, he remembers. Must not have gotten enough sleep. Head’s still pounding…
“What is it, Sakura?” he mumbles—maybe; his words are rather slurred.
She frowns at him. “You sleep with your mask on?”
“Not usually,” he replies, rubbing at the scar on the left side of his face and squints up at her. “Is there an emergency, or do you just enjoy shouting yourself hoarse before sun-up?”
Sakura’s expression becomes pinched once more.
“I…have a…problem,” she reveals jerkily.
“That’s remarkably self-aware.”
It’s possible the lack of sleep is affecting his normally easy-going manner.
Sakura draws her borrowed mouth into a thin line, emphasising her expression of utter agony, and glances meaningfully downward. It takes a beat before Kakashi follows her gaze, fixing on something in the southern hemisphere of her borrowed body. Once he does, her total panic makes sense.
A very dark part of him wants to laugh, if only at the absurdity of the whole situation, but Sakura would never forgive him for it. Instead, he schools his face into neutrality and says, “Go take a cold shower. It’ll help.”
Horror overtakes her obvious humiliation, probably at the notion of a shower, but it’s early and he’s exhausted and wouldn’t be doing her any favours sugar-coating things.
“Look, you have three options,” he yawns, falling back against the couch cushions. “Either take a cold shower, which you should do anyway because you’re beginning to stink, or you could wait it out. It’ll eventually go away. Or there’s the old-fashioned method…”
He trails off meaningfully. She doesn’t understand him immediately, but when she does, it looks like she might have a nosebleed.
“What the hell is your problem?!” she snarls. “You can’t say stuff like that!”
“Why, because you’re a girl, or because you’re a kid?” Kakashi challenges.
“Either! Both!” she yells in frustration. “And because this isn’t my body! Besides I’d never… I couldn’t—!” Her face is so flushed with blood now he’s surprised she’s still having a below-the-belt issue. She shoves a finger in his direction. “You’re a pervert, Kakashi-sensei!”
And then stalks away once again slamming the door behind her.
He winces.
And I thought it was just the boys I had to worry about property damage with, he thinks tiredly, curling into the couch and hoping he can get back to sleep.
SLAM!
The door is open once again, and he groans, pressing his face into the couch cushions.
If she does that the whole time she’s here, I’ll never get my security deposit back…
“Kakashi-sensei?” her tone is quieter this time, ashamed.
“What, Sakura?”
“Uh…where’s your washing machine?” she asks, in a tiny voice he would never have thought Sasuke capable of. “I might possibly…maybe…sort of have to do a load of wash.”
He cracks an eye open against the couch cushions. Why…?
“And, uh…do you by any chance have any other sheets?” she squeaks.
Kakashi groans, pulling the covers of his head.
Shit.
ナルト
Sakura paces back and forth in front of the chain-link fence of the usual spot, glancing around every now and then for some sign of Kakashi or Sasuke.
She’s not completely sure how she lost track of her teacher that morning, since they left from the same place. One minute he was behind her, and the next she heard him say he’d catch up, and when she turned around he was gone without even a puff of smoke.
As for Sasuke, he’s uncharacteristically late, and Sakura can’t help worrying.
What if he got caught by my parents? What if my mother says something embarrassing to him? What if Dad makes a really tasteless joke and Sasuke punches him? Oh, I’ll be in so much trouble when we switch back, and we’ll have failed Lord Third’s mission, and…
She inhales sharply and tries to clear her mind.
There’s nothing she can do about any of those things right now.
What she can do is stand here and wait for her teammates so that they can go to wherever Naruto is and make sure he and Condor haven’t killed each other yet.
Sakura tries really hard to just sit there and wait – to lean against the uncomfortable fence and meditate (or whatever it is Sasuke does when they’re waiting for the rest of their team to arrive in the morning). But she can’t stop fidgeting. Every few minutes she crosses her arms or shifts her weight or gives into the compulsion to check the very white, baggy shorts for signs of dirt or grease from the fence.
She starts to wonder if Sasuke wears white shorts just to show off how effortless he finds being a shinobi. As if he doesn’t even have to worry about getting dirty unless he feels like it. She always thought he was just naturally cool, but it might just be that Sasuke actually puts energy into it. It’s the only explanation she can come up with for how he always looks so unruffled, and yet twenty-four hours in his body she feels like a mess.
She’s sweating – is it just me, or is his body-temperature higher than mine? – and is hungry again, even though she ate all the leftovers from dinner the night before this morning.
And, of course, there’s the addition of an extra –
Her thoughts flounder for a moment, her cheeks turning red.
Appendage, she supplies, forcing herself to fight back the mortification and think of things in the same distant terms a doctor might.
It’s not really working.
The point is, the new addition makes even walking feel utterly foreign to her, and that’s the absolute least of the problems associated with her new body.
When Sasuke finally does arrive, Sakura’s worried questions die on her lips as she takes in his rumpled, red-cheeked, veiny-eyed form.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she cries in lieu of any greeting, hands on her hips as she looks him over.
Her normally pristine hair is a tangled mess under his care, brushed in the front but a complete matted nightmare in the back. Sasuke’s borrowed cheeks are reddened by infinitesimal scratches, probably from a rough scrubbing with a cloth, and his eyes –
“You slept with my contacts in, didn’t you?” she hisses.
“I forgot, okay?” he barks, not sounding anything like his usual calm self even with the borrowed voice. “I don’t know how to take them out, or put them in for that matter, and until I do I’m not about to walk around bumping into things.”
“My vision’s not that bad!” Sakura snaps.
“Well, I had more important things to worry about,” Sasuke growls, eyes shifting from left to right to ensure they are alone. In a lower voice, he goes on, “I couldn’t find…where do you keep your…” He trails off, frustrated, and then tugs at something beneath the fabric of the tunic he’s wearing. She recognises the thick strap of a sports bra. “I was going to change this when I woke up, but the only ones I could find were…”
Realisation dawns on her, and warmth floods her cheeks too. “You dug through my underwear drawer?!”
“It’s not like I wanted to! Besides, from the look of them there’s no way to get the damn things on or off, at least with this one I can just pull it over my head!”
Sakura decides to take pity on him. “If you can’t find any sports bras in my drawer, you have to go down and check the laundry room. I wear them the most often because of missions, so they have to be washed out a lot. Maybe my mother did a load – wait.” She shoots him a sharp look. “Are you saying you put that thing on again this morning? It’s filthy!”
“I didn’t put anything on, I slept in it.”
“You’re not supposed to sleep in a bra!”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?” he counters. “I shouldn’t even be thinking about bras, let alone yours!”
“Say that a little louder, I don’t think they heard you in Kiri,” a familiar voice says, and a second later Kakashi materialises in a puff of smoke. “Yo.”
Sakura lets out a half-groan, half-wail of humiliation while Sasuke glowers at their teacher.
“So, who’s ready for training?” the jōnin asks mildly.
“I hate you,” Sasuke informs him, and Sakura nods in agreement.
ナルト
Naruto wakes to the sun streaming through a window right into his eyes.
With a groan, stretches and yawns, then freezes as his brain catches up with his current surroundings. He is in the wide-open living area of a farmhouse, perched on a makeshift bed of pillows and blankets. He remembers Captain Yamato offering them to him yesterday when he couldn’t get comfortable on the spare sleeping mat –
Because he has cumbersome wings and claws and the weirdly shaped body of an ostrich now.
“Aw, man, it wasn’t a dream!” he wails, throwing his head backward in frustration. “I thought for sure when I woke up all this would be fixed! Aw, man, this sucks…”
“How do you funny little creatures not break your necks in your sleep with all the tossing and turning you do?” Condor wants to know, sitting up on his own sleep pallet. He shakes his arm. “And why does my arm constantly feel like it’s got pine needles sticking into it?”
“Yeah, well, I feel like I slept standing up in a closet…”
“You both snore,” Yamato informs them with a yawn, also sitting up on his bedding.
Condor sets his hands on his hips in indignation. “I beg your pardon, I do no such thing!”
“Yeah!” Naruto pipes up. “And I couldn’t have snored because I didn’t sleep! So maybe it’s you that was snoring, you creepy faced weirdo!”
Yamato blinks at him, bleary eyed from waking, and then glances at Condor. “What’d he say?”
“He says your mother wears army boots.”
“Oi! I did not!”
A knock on the door interrupts the potential bloodshed, and after a sharp look in Naruto’s direction, Yamato goes to open it. Outside, the rest of Team 7 are standing on the landing; Kakashi expression is drawn and exhausted, while Sakura and Sasuke bicker with one another.
Whoa. Now that’s weird…
To an outside observer, it already looks odd to see Sasuke Uchiha haranguing Sakura Haruno, who is clearly trying to tune him out, arms crossed and face pulled into a scowl. It’s even odder because Naruto knows it’s actually the other way around – with Sakura raving at Sasuke – and that has never happened before.
Condor shivers.
“I don’t even know them that well, and that’s just unnatural,” he says.
Naruto nods. “Funny, though.”
“Sakura, Sasuke,” Kakashi says, putting an end to the very strange argument. The two of them glance up. “This is Captain Yamato. He’s going to be working with Naruto and Condor for the duration of this…situation.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Sakura says, offering a shy wave.
Sasuke frowns and gives the man an appraising up-and-down look. Then he turns to Kakashi. “What’s so special about him? He doesn’t look like much.”
“Sasuke!” Sakura chides.
“Yamato’s Mokuton is going to be very helpful keeping the Nine-Tails under control,” Kakashi explains. “On that note – Condor, have you had any more trouble with the fox spirit?”
“Only in that I didn’t sleep at all last night trying to keep the thing from eating me,” the bird snorts.
“You big liar!” Naruto snaps. “You were snoring the whole night, remember? Stop making things seem more dramatic than they are! If I can’t hear the fox, you can’t hear the fox.”
“I’ve already told you the reason you can’t hear him is because you’re thick.”
Naruto bleats at him in wordless anger, and Kakashi clears his throat.
“Yamato can work with you on that a little then. Meanwhile, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke – it might be best to revisit some basic skills today. Like taijutsu.”
“Are you seriously going to teach a bird taijutsu?” Sasuke deadpans.
“Don’t be like that, he’s still Naruto,” Sakura tells him. “I’m sure he can figure it out.” She smiles hesitantly at Naruto and wanders a little closer. “Hey, Naruto – are you going okay in there?”
He pulls away, shuddering. “No offense, but it’s really weird to have Sasuke look at me like that. No, scratch that, it’s not weird, it’s creepy.”
Sakura frowns in confusion and asks Condor, “What did he say?”
“He’s afraid you were going to kiss him,” Condor informs her with a straight face.
“You idiot bird!” Naruto bellows and vaults across the room, intent on destroying him. Condor, meanwhile, darts out of the way blowing raspberries, while Sakura and Sasuke begin to shout angrily at them both.
He is distantly aware of Yamato and Kakashi exchanging glances.
“Trade you?” they ask each other.
ナルト
When Sasuke returns to the Haruno household later, he is exhausted. Honestly, he doesn’t remember ever feeling this tired before.
Did Sakura not do any training before we switched bodies? These muscles feel like they’re on fire…
He’s barely got the energy to eat the meal Mebuki puts before him (he’s dimly relieved that there’s nothing sweet in it), and he must look as tired as he feels because Sakura’s parents don’t try to talk much with him.
There’s a minor moment of awkwardness afterward when Mebuki reaches over to feel his forehead – he jerks away before he can stop himself, but seeing her mouth can firm in suspicion, Sasuke mutters about having a bad headache.
“Got some mind grains sprouting?” Sakura’s father asks with gentle amusement, while Mebuki tells Sasuke to go up to bed and she’ll bring him some honeysuckle tea.
He trudges up the stairs and once again starts the laborious process to get ready for bed; he’s quicker about it today, once again leaving the lights off the whole time. He only turns them on again to take Sakura’s contacts out, having had her explain the process to him before he returned home.
These things come with containers, right?
That takes him longer to hunt down than he’d like, and the actual removal of the lens leaves him swearing and his eyes twitching in both reflex and annoyance.
Am I even going to be able to get the damned things on again tomorrow?
He waves it off as a future problem, squinting at Sakura’s reflection in the mirror. It’s blurred now, but as she said, not enough to make him blind.
Just annoying, he thinks as he stalks out of the bathroom, just like her.
ナルト
SLAM!
“Kakashi-sensei!”
He grabs his pillow and presses it over his face, groaning into it in dismay.
“Don’t kill her,” he mutters to himself, “Think of the paperwork.”
“I need you to go to Sasuke’s place and sneak in and get some things for me without anyone seeing you, it’s urgent!” she tells him, all panic and tension in her voice.
Kakashi shifts the pillow to one side, shooting her a bleary, exasperated frown with his one good eye. “Sakura…you’re literally walking around in his body. Go get whatever you need from his apartment yourself.”
“But…but I can’t go wandering around his house without him there!”
“Why not? He’s wandering around your house without you there.”
“Well…well even if I wanted to, I can’t exactly go now and I really, really need your help!”
Her bottom lip juts out, eyes wide and teary, and Kakashi thinks it’s just him being stunned that Sasuke could ever look so pathetic and helpless that has him sighing in agreement. “Fine.”
“Thank you!”
“But I’m only doing this the once,” he tells her, going back to press his face back into the pillow and cursing. “Damn it…only the second day…”
Sakura clears her throat. “And Kakashi-sensei?”
“What?”
“I’m hungry.”
ナルト
“Ow!” Sakura cries, ducking an angry beak. “Naruto, stop – ow! I’m sorry!” She holds her hands over her head. “I wasn’t trying to kick you – ow! – I just overshot and you were – ouch! – in the way!”
Her teammate hisses at her, rearing up and flapping his wings at her.
ナルト
“Let’s try this again,” Kakashi says wearily.
Sasuke scowls, but then dutifully pulls his face into a wide smile. The slight narrowing of Kakashi’s right eye tells him he has once again failed.
“This is ridiculous,” he complains, dropping the false visage.
“It was better,” his teacher offers, and when Sasuke raises an eyebrow at him, he shrugs, “Okay, not really. We may be going about this all wrong.”
“If you try to tickle me I will stab you in the throat,” Sasuke informs him pre-emptively.
Kakashi ignores him. “What’s the first thing you notice about Sakura when she smiles?”
“It’s genuine,” Sasuke says immediately, surprising himself with how instinctive the answer is. He’s never really considered the question before, but he knows instantly that it’s true; Sakura’s smile is untarnished by darkness, anger or pain. “Happy.”
The word is foreign to him.
“Alright,” his teacher says. “That in mind, I’m going to ask you to do something difficult. And I know it’s difficult because I have to do it every day, too.” Sasuke shoots him a questioning look, abruptly curious, but Kakashi continues. “Think back. To the last time you felt something like what Sakura feels. Think of happiness. Peace. Something that genuinely made you smile to see.”
“That doesn’t work for me,” Sasuke bites out through gritted teeth, because Kakashi knows full-well the last time he was happy about anything.
“Then work on it, because learning to smile might be your only saving grace in succeeding at this mission.” Kakashi straightens up. “I get that you have your goals, but the mark of a good shinobi is to compartmentalise their emotions.”
“I know this already.”
“Note that I say compartmentalise, not ignore. The more you ignore, the more builds up and the more likely you are to explode with all those pent-up feelings later. Or make stupid choices,” Kakashi goes on. “I really advise against stupid choices, because that gets people killed.”
“I advise against switching bodies,” Sasuke grumbles. “That gets people killed too.”
Kakashi blinks at him. “Did you just make a joke?”
ナルト
Naruto stares down at the large container in front of him, and then looks up at Yamato. “No.”
The jōnin sighs, unable to understand him, but clearly noticing the refusal.
“Come on, Naruto, you have to eat something. You’re not going to keep your strength out without eating healthy.”
Naruto glares at him. “I want ramen.”
“I don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Ramen. I want ramen. Rah-men!”
“I want ramen, too,” Condor pipes up from where he’s watching the exchange.
“You’ve never even eaten ramen,” Yamato reminds him.
“I don’t care, I want it.”
Yamato sighs, shoulders slumping.
ナルト
“Kakashi-sensei!”
SLAM!
“Sakura, if it’s related to food, bodily functions or laundry, I don’t want to hear it,” he tells his pillow.
“No, it’s…um, I think I broke the lid off your electric kettle and…I didn’t mean to, I swear! It’s just…I think I was holding it to tightly, but I didn’t realise, so…”
She trails off, and Kakashi sighs.
He has never pictured having children before, and living with Sakura – who he never in a million years imagined he would live with – has shown him the wisdom in that. It’s like dealing with a teenager and a toddler all in one.
“I’ll pick up a new one on the way home,” he tells her.
“…’Kay.”
Well, at least he doesn’t have to worry about her taking all the hot water…
He feels little guilt at chuckling over that.
ナルト
“How do any of you guys walk properly with one of these?!”
ナルト
“What are you talking about, you don’t want any?” Mebuki demands, hands on her hips. “Anmitsu is your favourite.”
“I’m…watching my weight,” Sasuke mumbles uncomfortably.
“Oh no, none of that,” Sakura’s mother sniffs. “You know how I feel about that dieting nonsense, Sakura. If you’re going to be training so hard, you need to keep your strength up.”
“This isn’t exactly going to help with that,” Sasuke deadpans.
“Well, we can’t always be sensible,” Kizashi says. “Where would the fun in that be?”
They are both watching him now, and Sasuke winces, knowing he has to play along. Swallowing thickly, he takes a spoonful of the jelly dessert and just hopes he can keep it down long enough to throw off suspicion.
ナルト
“Get your butt out of my face!”
“Get your face out of my – oh for goodness sake, must you be so crass?”
“At least I’m not a sissy,” Naruto mutters as they continue their slow trek across the floor. “Now shut up before we get caught.”
“You two wouldn’t be trying to sneak out, would you?” a deceptively calm voice asks behind them.
Condor and Naruto freeze, and then very slowly turn around. There’s a click and a flashlight turns on.
Captain Yamato looms over them, the shadows making his face seem even more hollow than usual.
“It was his idea,” Naruto says immediately, shivering at the sight.
“My idea? Why would I want to sneak out of these lavish accommodations?” Condor asks in a high voice, and then points at Naruto. “He’s the criminal mastermind – not me!”
Yamato’s eyes narrow, and Naruto crack.
“I just want some ramen!” he sobs, throwing himself at the jōnin’s feet (or at least trying to, he still isn’t used to his knees bending backward.”
“What was that about me being a sissy?” Condor asks, contemptuous.
ナルト
“Sakura, if you don’t stop slamming the door in a panic every morning, I will take it off the hinges.”
ナルト
“Your biggest issue is that you’re used to a body that has mastered its ability to control its anger and impulses and channel it into other things,” Kakashi explains to Sakura, while in the background Sasuke impatiently ducks Naruto’s clumsy kicks. Several feet away, Yamato corrects Condor’s grip on a kunai. “Sometimes it seems as if you have a second self that filters all of that for you. When you first switched, you mentioned a voice in your head?”
“Yeah – well, sort of,” she says. “I mean…I always thought it was just my conscience of something.”
“I guarantee you, most people’s consciences aren’t loud enough to have a voice,” Kakashi says dryly. “Both your parents are genin?”
“Well…Dad’s a chūnin. Barely. But they haven’t been active since before I was born, and only because of the war,” Sakura explains.
“And your father’s family?”
“Isn’t from here,” Sakura says. “Mom is, though, but I don’t know much about her side of the family. Grandmother was a Konohako, so…”
“Ah,” Kakashi nods, recognising the term. It’s a surname given to illegitimate children whose legal parents won’t recognise them. “And not even an idea where that lineage came from?”
“I would have to ask my mother.”
“Which you can’t right now,” he sighs.
“And asking Sasuke to find out probably wouldn’t be a good idea,” Sakura agrees.
He’s not exactly tactful…
“Right…”
ナルト
“What the hell is an exfoliator?”
ナルト
“I was just thinking,” Naruto says, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness.
“Did it hurt?”
He snorts, side-eying the bird in his body. “Really? Nothing more creative than that?”
“It’s been a long day. Don’t worry, I’ll reach my stride soon enough.”
“Do you think maybe all this would be easier if we stopped giving each other a tough time and just tried to work together?”
The two of them slowly glance over at each other, sizing one another up. Then, in unison, their turns their backs on each other.
“Nah!”
ナルト
“Kakashi-sensei!”
He cracks one eye open, waiting for the slam of the door, and then smirks when he remembers that he took it off its hinges night before.
ナルト
“I don’t understand,” Sakura says, frustrated. “I mean, it completely defies logic!”
“I know,” Condor nods.
“It’s like…I would understand if I was looking at something…you know…but I’m not looking at anything. I was literally staring at the wall just now, noticing the way the paint is curling and – and it happens!”
“It’s an utterly rubbish system,” Condor agrees. “Obviously it’s faulty – I mean, I don’t even find your species appealing at all. But now I – ” He makes a face and looks at his lap. “Oh damn. It’s happening again.”
“Don’t draw attention to it!” Sakura hisses, pointedly looking away from him.
She notices Sasuke and Naruto standing over them, identical looks of horror on their borrowed faces.
“What?”
ナルト
Sasuke considers the long, wet locks of pink hair spilling down his chest and back, frowning critically.
Keeping all this clean is such a waste of time. If there wasn’t all this hair, I could be in and out of the shower in minutes.
Out of the corner of his eye, he notices a pair of scissors sticking out of a first-aid kit.
ナルト
“I don’t care if you’re used to eating it to help digest your food – if I catch you using my mouth to eat sand, I will sit on you until you pass out!”
ナルト
“What do you mean, you still haven’t found anything?” Kakashi demands early one morning after skipping out on Sakura to visit the graveyard and then the Hokage’s office. He’s trying and failing not to sound exasperated. “It’s going on a week now.”
Inoichi shrugs apologetically. “We’re combing the records as fast as we can, but so far nothing.”
“And our investigations to the shrine have yielded no information either,” Lord Third says gravely. “Inoichi and I have read the Akimichi and Nara clans into the situation, however. Given their ancestors involvement in helping to seal away Noburo, it was thought they might have some insight that was perhaps…misplaced by the Yamanaka.”
“And has it?”
“Not yet.”
“Great,” Kakashi groans. “So what do I tell the kids?”
“Nothing,” Inoichi says. “As before, we’re looking into the matter. They’ll have to be patient.”
“Have you even met my team?”
ナルト
“He’s late.”
“I noticed.”
“He’s later than you. That never happens.”
“There’s a first time for everything.”
Sakura glares at her teacher, wanting more than anything to punch him. She’s not sure if that’s just her annoyance or some inborn reflex that’s part of Sasuke’s body. Either way, she hopes Sasuke arrives soon to keep her from trying something so stupid.
“Oh.” Kakashi says suddenly, his visible eye widening a bit. It flits to Sakura, flashing with something that she’s tempted to call panic, even if she doesn’t know the reason for it. “Oh, fuck…”
“What?” she asks, following his gaze to the familiar figure of Sasuke in her body wandering toward them.
She has a few seconds of trying to figure out why his looks bother her today, and when she makes the realisation, it is as if the bottom of her stomach has dropped out. She goes absolutely still, barely aware of Kakashi’s continuing murmured curses.
“I would’ve been on time if your mother let me out of the house,” Sasuke complains to them in place of a greeting. The accusing explanation is as close to an apology as anyone has ever heard from him. “I had to wait until her back was turned.”
“I can see why she didn’t,” Kakashi blurts out, and then clears his throat when Sakura’s fists clench. “Now, Sakura…”
“My. Hair,” she seethes at Sasuke, eyes fixed on the messy, chin-length monstrosity that has replaced her lovingly grown-out hair.
“Just so you know, this is the opposite of blending in,” Kakashi informs Sasuke. “If Sakura’s parents weren’t suspicious before…”
“It’s fine,” Sasuke shrugs it off. “I said I saw it in a magazine and decided to try it. They seemed to buy it –”
“Are you kidding me?!” Sakura demands – but the sound comes out as a squeaky whine as Sasuke’s voice cracks.
“Stop that!” Sasuke snaps, looking around lest someone be walking by to hear. This just enrages her further.
“WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!” Sakura screams. “I gave you specific instructions and you – just – how – why – it – how dare you?!”
“It’s hair,” Sasuke tells her slowly, like she’s missing something important. “It was getting in the way, and making…washing more inconvenient.”
She’s too angry to even get embarrassed, can only sputter in response.
“It will grow back,” Sasuke goes, taking rare advantage of her incoherence. “Besides, you’re a shinobi, not a princess. You ought to concentrate on improving your battle techniques instead of your looks.” He shrugs. “It’s not like you grew it out for some important reason.”
Sakura opens her mouth and closes it several times.
She knows that he has a point about her hair – that keeping it long is an unnecessary hazard, that every lesson she’s ever had on proper gear and appearance stress the importance of short hair. That only the supremely talented shinobi keep their hair long, showing that they have no fear of it being an impairment in battle.
But at the same time, her hair was hers. It was important to her. And he not only disregarded her wish for him to take care of it, but he hacked it to pieced.
It’s the first truly horrible, mean-spirited act he has ever committed against her. He might be short with her, lack patience and encourage her by way of criticism, might offer her blunt truths which sting at first but which she slowly comes to see are meant to help her –
But he has never been intentionally mean or hurtful to her. And this…
This is a very personal insult, and he doesn’t care.
She can see that he doesn’t care, and this knowledge above everything else makes her suddenly desperate to make him understand.
ナルト
Sakura suddenly turns on her heel and marches off.
“Oh, this isn’t going to be good,” Kakashi mutters, indicating to Sasuke that they ought to follow her. Sasuke tells himself it’s because his teacher told him to, and not because the look in Sakura’s borrowed eyes just now filled him with a very sharp sense of unease.
If she notices them following her, she doesn’t say anything, and before long they come to one of the public training grounds. Several groups of young Academy students are spread out in the area, practicing throwing shuriken and kunai at targets nailed to the posts.
Sakura marches up to the large post right in the middle of all the groups and methodically brings out a few handfuls of shuriken.
“Huh,” Sasuke snorts as he and Kakashi come to a stop several feet behind her. “Now she wants to train?”
If I’d known all it took was to make her mad, I’d have done it ages ago.
“I seriously doubt that’s what this is,” Kakashi says tensely.
The words have hardly left his mouth when, once again methodical very deliberate, Sakura begins to toss the shuriken.
And misses.
Once.
Twice –
Two dozen shuriken later, none of them have hit any part of the target.
“Wait…” Sasuke says, frowning. “What’s going on? Even in my body, she should have better aim than that.”
“Oh, she does,” Kakashi tells him.
When her ninja tools are exhausted, Sakura stomps forward, snatches the shuriken from where they are embedded and returns to her previous position. Then, she repeats the exercise.
“She’s missing on purpose,” Sasuke realises. “Why?”
“Well…technically, she’s not missing anything,” Kakashi reminds him, and Sasuke’s eyes go wide. At the same time, he notices that the lively din in the training grounds has started to go quiet as the other kids begin to take notice. There’s a growing whisper around them, and the sound of chuckles behind people’s hands, and it finally occurs to Sasuke what Sakura is doing.
She is very publicly torpedoing his reputation – a reputation he doesn’t even really care about.
Or rather, one he told himself he was above actually caring about. Right now, watching the pointing and sniggering from a bunch of younger kids, an unfamiliar sense of panic and embarrassment fills him.
“Better hope that doesn’t turn into village gossip,” Kakashi muses out loud. “If it gets around that Sasuke Uchiha can’t even throw a shuriken, we might not be considered for higher ranking missions in the future. Which I’m all for, because I’ve been meaning to catch up my reading, but –”
Sasuke isn’t listening to him anymore, instead stalking forward and grabbing on to Sakura’s wrist before she can throw another volley.
“You’re having an off-day today, aren’t you?” he says loudly, and then drags Sakura from the field.
It irritates him that it’s a lot harder than usual to do, and eventually he has to stop trying even though they aren’t even out of the training field. He hopes there aren’t any prying eyes and ears paying attention; Kakashi lingers in the background with his hands in his pockets.
“Nothing,” she snaps. “Just getting rid of something unimportant. I mean, you don’t care what people think of you, right?”
“This is not the same thing!”
“It is too! It’s something that means a lot to you, right?”
“It’s different from cutting hair!”
“That’s not the point!” she snaps. “It’s something that meant a lot to me, and I told you to take care of it, and you just…cut it all off.”
“But it’s hair,” he protests, still not understanding. “It’s not permanent, it’ll grow back, so it’s not important –”
“But it was to me!” she cries. “And I thought that you’d at least…” She trails off, swallowing and hangs her head. In a quieter voice, she murmurs, “Never mind. You never care about how people feel anyway, I don’t know why I…I don’t know why I thought…”
Her shoulders begin to shake, and Sasuke realises a beat later that she’s really crying now.
He fights down a note of panic, not knowing what he’s supposed to do, glancing around to see if anyone around is paying attention to the fact that Sasuke Uchiha is standing there crying in public! He shoots Kakashi a look pleading for help, but Kakashi shrugs, looking as uncertain as him.
This isn’t exactly an area either of them are comfortable in.
He clenches his fists, then frowns down at them, remembering that he’s in Sakura’s body. And if Sakura noticed him crying, even over something ridiculous, would she just stand there?
No, he realises.
Before he’s even aware of his body moving he approaches Sakura and pulls her into a tight embrace, winding his arms around her borrowed body and fitting his head into the space of her shoulder.
“There are so many worse things in the entire world to cry about, cut hair shouldn’t be one of them,” he murmurs in a low voice, trying to fight off his own discomfort knowing that Kakashi is watching – knowing that the people in the training field are probably watching, too. “But…if it’s important to you…I should have asked your permission first.”
Sakura is tense within his hold, but a moment later relaxes against him. He hears her sniff and then clear her throat.
“Sas…” she begins, and then coughs, straightening up and pulling away. In a loud, exaggerated groan of annoyance, she says, “Sakura, you’re choking me.”
But as she pulls away, he sees a brief flicker of a smile on her face, before she adopts scowl and stalks away from him. Sasuke watches her go, staring at the back of her borrowed neck, which is flushed with colour.
“Huh.” Kakashi is looking down at him now in speculation. “Maybe there’s hope for you after all.”
つづく
Reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! Also, if you are in a supportive mood, I have a tip jar button for ko-fi located at the top of the page - or through this link. Thanks for your interest in my work!
クリ
#naruto fanfiction#genin era#team 7#sasusaku#rating: teen#bodyswap#humour#drama#bodily functions#sasuke uchiha#sakura haruno#naruto uzumaki#kakashi hatake#condor the ninja ostrich
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hey uh what the fuck??
#what is this#naruto#boruto prequel#boruto#condor#condor the ninja ostrich#ninja#ostrich#anime#previous episode was full of feels and then this#I've got whiplash
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The orginal condor/ ninja ostrich episode is. Not what I expected. Sometimes I regret skipping large amounts of filler. Inari looks like he's 12 and he was like 6 in part 1 that weird lol.
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who the fuck is condor the ninja ostrich what the fuck is this
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FEATURE: 7 Anime Birds for Your Turkey Day Celebrations
Although many countries have Thanksgiving holidays, the way people celebrate in the United States is a distinct cultural phenomenon. Nevertheless, anime has no shortage of bird and bird-adjacent characters, and so we here at Crunchyroll felt this is the perfect time of year to be kind to our fine-feathered friends. Below, please find a short list of bird characters (in alphabetical order) to make your Thanksgiving festivities worth two in the bush.
Chuntarou from Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba
The only sparrow among a cadre of messenger crows, little Chuntarou also has the misfortune of being assigned to Zenitsu Agatsuma, an extremely dramatic Demon Slayer whose heroic qualities only manifest when Zenitsu is asleep or knocked unconscious. Like any good hero, Chuntarou persists, and his plucky attitude is a welcome relief in a world overrun with man-eating demons.
The Chickens from Hitoribocchi no Marumaruseikatsu
While Bocchi Hitori — a young girl with severe social anxiety — struggles to befriend the members of her homeroom class, a pair of roosters kept in the school's chicken coop occasionally appear to wax philosophical on their lives, their backgrounds, and their present situation. For a paltry pair of poultry, the chickens make for a surprisingly punchy series of comedic interludes.
Condor the Ninja Ostrich from Naruto Shippuden
A harbinger of misfortune and strange filler episodes, the inexplicably named Condor the Ostrich makes several appearances in Naruto Shippuden, and each time the irascible animal seeks only one thing: freedom. By the time of Condor's final appearance, the irrepressible ostrich has learned how to speak and how to perform ninjutsu techniques such as the creation of Shadow Clones. Condor considers Naruto both a worthy foe and also the instrument of his captivity, and this is a slight that no ostrich will take lying down.
Cocco-kun from ZOMBIE LAND SAGA
The man, the myth, the legend, the mascot for the Drive-In Tori restaurant in Saga Prefecture, Cocco-kun is a local hero to fans of delicious grilled chicken. His overwhelming charisma and undeniable avian appeal are almost too much for the girls of Franchouchou in ZOMBIE LAND SAGA, to the point where the equally legendary Tae Yamada can't resist trying to take a bite. Shine on, o glorious Cocco-kun! May the wings of liberty never lose a feather!
Inko from Toradora!
A parakeet that shares a home with Ryuji Takasu — the male lead in the romantic comedy anime Toradora! — Inko is not so much romantic or comedic as just plain weird. The bird has a bit of a potty mouth and a bizarre disposition, but in a story full of small characters with big personalities, Inko stands out even among the human characters.
Kokopo from Utawarerumono The False Faces
A pack animal resembling a horse-sized pigeon, Kokopo becomes an affectionate supporter and stalwart companion to Haku, the amnesiac protagonist of Utawarerumono The False Faces. Ironically, in a fantastical setting resembling medieval China populated by people with animal features, Kokopo comes across as a pretty ordinary individual, and she's also surprisingly useful both as a mount and as a bodyguard. Don't mess with Kokopo.
Penguin from Polar Bear Cafe
When one's primary companions are a terminally lazy panda bear and a polar bear that is addicted to puns, it falls to the flightless bird in the room to play the role of the “straight man,” and Penguin from Polar Bear Cafe is always present to provide a snappy comeback when the situation strays into the absurd. With an acerbic sense of humor and an unflappable personality, Penguin may be unlucky in love in his own romantic pursuits, but he's guaranteed to steal the audience's respective hearts.
And there you have it, a neat little list of anime bird characters to enjoy during a Thanksgiving holiday. There were plenty of honorable mentions that didn't make the cut, especially if you consider characters such as Crested Ibis from Kemono Friends or bird-human hybrids such as Papi the Harpy from MONSTER MUSUME EVERYDAY LIFE WITH MONSTER GIRLS, but we tried to stick with pure bird as much as possible.
What do you think? Who are your favorite anime bird characters? Who do you think should make the list? How much turkey do you plan on devouring this year? Let us know in the comments section below, and have a safe and happy Turkey Day!
Paul Chapman is the host of The Greatest Movie EVER! Podcast and GME! Anime Fun Time.
Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!
By: Paul Chapman
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Fillers that go bonkers: Yes
Naruto shippuden: Condor ostrich Ninja
“SO this how I die by an Ostrich”
DBS: Dr slump ep
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Walk A Mile [6/?]
Cover & Disclaimer
Chapter Beta: Sakura’s Unicorn
“Stop pacing. It’s making me dizzy.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t care.”
“Rude. I’ve never met anyone more ornery or uncouth in my life.”
“Yeah? Take a look in the mirror, pal!”
Naruto and Condor glare at one another. Naruto sticks out his tongue while Condor pulls down his lower eyelid at him then they turn their backs on one another, resuming their previous behaviours: Naruto paces back and forth while Condor perches irritably on the couch, knees tucked up under his chest and elbows close to his sides.
They’ve been left to their own devices in the Hokage’s chamber while the old man makes their ‘super-secret arrangements.’ At least, that’s what Naruto is calling them in his head because ‘babysitting’ sounds much worse.
“I hate this,” he grumbles. His stomach echoes the sentiment. “And I’m hungry again. And bored. Where the hell is the old guy because I gotta go to the bathroom!”
“Then go,” Condor says, examining his fingernails in a gesture that is way too feminine to be allowed with Naruto’s body.
“I can’t exactly fit in the can with this big bird-ass!”
Condor rolls his eyes like he’s completely missing the point, and fixes him with a pointed stare.
The penny drops and Naruto sniggers. “Oh, man, that’d be a story to tell! Taking a massive crap in the Hokage’s house?!” He giggles and looks around. “I’d have to do it somewhere really hard to find, so it’d stick around for weeks! Like under the couch, or in a cupboard, or something!”
“You’re absolutely charming,” Condor tells him, wrinkling his nose. “Only a human could be pleased at the thought of defecating in a wardrobe.”
“I would appreciate it if you refrained from that sort of behaviour,” the tired voice of the Third Hokage interrupts, and Naruto snaps into standing attention as the old man reappears in the entranceway.
“It was his idea,” he says immediately, pointing at Condor when he remembers that the Hokage can’t actually understand him.
Condor sticks out his tongue.
“I really don’t care whose idea it was, don’t do it,” Lord Third says abruptly. “Now smarten yourselves up. I have someone I want to introduce you to.”
He steps aside, and a second man enters the room. He is much younger with almond-shaped, black eyes and short brown hair that’s tucked behind a happuri-style forehead protector, the like of which Naruto has only ever seen on the great stone face of the Second Hokage.
“This is your handler for the time being,” Lord Third introduces.
“Handler?” Naruto echoes, wrinkling his nose – or beak, or whatever.
Condor shoots the newcomer a piercing, up-down glance and then turns to the old man. “He looks like a weirdo.” The stranger facefaults. “Lord Hokage, I demand someone who looks more imposing than this…this waif.”
“You can call me Yamato,” the man tells him stiffly.
“Can?” Condor challenges.
“Does that mean it isn’t your real name?” Naruto demands. “Yeah, that’s not creepy at all…”
“Lord Third, I really must protest – how am I supposed to trust my protector when I don’t even know his name?” Condor demands. “That’s a mark of polite society, you know. Even among birds, sharing one’s name is a mark of respect!”
“Yeah!” Naruto echoes.
“Shut up. No one was talking to you.”
“You shut up first! You’re the one running your mouth!”
The man known as Yamato blinks and says to Lord Third, “I see what you mean.”
The Hokage sighs wearily then clears his throat. “Captain Yamato will be escorting you to your safe location and keeping an eye on you while you adjust to your…situation. Hopefully, it won’t take very long, but in the event that it does, we’ve procured an abandoned farmhouse for you to –”
“A farmhouse?” Condor interrupts, scandalised.
“A barn?!” Naruto demands. “That’s it? That’s your grand plan for us? To hide out in a shack somewhere until this blows over?!”
“I’m trying not to be insulted,” Condor sneers.
“Screw that! I am insulted! Why don’t we just stay in my apartment?!”
“Yes. Certainly, the smelly one’s hovel would be preferable to a cowshed.”
“No, the location we’ve found for you is better,” Lord Third says. “It’s protected by the same barrier that keeps the village safe, although on a smaller scale. And the property itself is perfect for your unique situation. There’s enough space for you both to adjust to the changes in your bodies, and their respective…er…needs.”
“And there will be space for your teammates to visit and train as well,” Yamato says. “I know Kakashi will want you to keep practicing even more to make up for what’s going on with you guys. More importantly, you two are comrades. You have to learn to get along with each other if you want to have any chance of functioning.”
Naruto scowls at the two men and, after a beat of silence, says, “Tell him I’m going to shit on his foot.”
“Get in line,” Condor growls back, hands on his hips, chin jutting out at Yamato. “You expect me to be comrades with that?” He points at Naruto.
“Hey!”
Lord Third opens his mouth, presumably to say something threatening or to start another lecture, but Yamato raises a hand.
“If I may?” he asks the old man.
Lord Third nods.
Yamato strides forward, a calm expression on his face, until he is within two feet of Naruto and Condor. He looks them both in the eye as he speaks.
“Rest assured, I prefer the kinder, gentler approach. But believe me –” his expression darkens, eyes somehow becoming sinister and hollow, and there’s an ominous tone in his voice that makes Naruto’s feathers ruffle in sudden, inexplicable panic, “ – I’ll use more Draconian methods when it’s necessary. Got it?”
“Waaaaugh!”
Naruto and Condor both stagger back a few steps.
“G-got it,” they both chorus.
What the hell is with the freaky-ass look?!
“Now, would you rather spend the day crammed in a wooden box acquainting yourselves with the meaning of teamwork, or enjoy a night on a quaint homestead with food, a roof, and plumbing?” the man continues.
Condor and Naruto exchange looks, nod stiffly, and chorus, “Homestead.”
Yamato nods, satisfied. “That’s what I thought.”
I’m not going to survive this, Naruto thinks.
ナルト
Sakura is not sure what she expected Kakashi’s apartment to look like, but somehow this was not it.
The place is tiny and surprisingly spartan, consisting of an eat-in kitchen and living area crammed together, a washroom, and one bedroom.
Then again, her experience with men is limited to her own father (an absent-minded layabout) and her teammates (a slob and a perfectionist), so it’s not like she’d have much to compare it to.
“Do you want some tea or a sandwich?” Kakashi asks, wandering over to his fridge to peer inside.
Her stomach growls again – Geez, Sasuke is always hungry! – and she admits, “That would be nice.”
“…because I don’t have either of those things,” her teacher finishes, closing the door and rubbing tiredly at his eye. Apologetically, he continues “I should have gone shopping before we left. I don’t really get a lot of visitors.
“At least, not ones with stomachs,” Sakura suggests.
“Something like that,” he agrees, amused by something, and then shakes his head. “Never mind. I’ll order something in for you. But before that – we should talk. Go put your bag in my room, that’s where you’ll be staying.”
“No. It’s all right, I don’t –”
“I’ve slept on worse things than the couch. It’s not up for discussion. Now hurry up. I want to talk to you before I pass out for the day.”
Sakura does as she’s told, wandering into the room to put her things down, barely taking in the spare furnishings, and hurrying back out. Kakashi is having a quick conversation with one of his ninja hounds who mutters about being turned into a delivery boy before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
“I hope you don’t mind eating yōshoku. He’s got a preference, and since I sent him on such an errand, it seemed best to let him choose,” Kakashi says with a shrug.
“Uh, no. That’s fine.”
“Good.”
“Great.”
They are silent for a long while, and Sakura shifts uncomfortably. It feels weird to be with just Kakashi with neither of her teammates to command his attention. He must feel it, too, because he seems to be going out of his way to be nice to her.
This whole training thing isn’t going to work, if he’s going to treat me different from Sasuke –
“I wanted to apologise,” Kakashi says suddenly, which catches her completely off-guard. “It’s been pointed out to me that I’ve been neglecting your training needs.”
Well. She wasn’t expecting him to address that so quickly.
“Oh. I…” she trails off, not quite sure what to say to that.
It’s reflex to deny it, and to insist she doesn’t need his help, but remembering her conversation with Sasuke earlier, she decides not to. If she’s going to get any stronger, she’s going to have to fight for it, and that includes not being as accommodating and humble as girls are usually taught to be.
“There’s no excuse for it,” Kakashi goes on. “Although, in my defense, you’re talented enough that I didn’t think you needed it. Also…” He shifts uncomfortably here. “You’re the first girl who’s ever been assigned to me, let alone that I’ve had to speak to for prolonged periods of time. It’s required some adaptation.”
Sakura stares at him for a beat and then grins. “Who knew the great Kakashi was afraid of little girls?”
“That’s not – that’s not what I –” Kakashi begins, and even beneath the mask he looks so utterly confused about whether he should be offended or defensive that Sakura laughs. It’s the first thing she’s found truly funny all day, and something tense within her breaks.
Maybe this won’t be so bad.
Kakashi is staring at her now, thoughtful, and then shakes his head. “It’s uncanny…”
“What is?”
“Nothing. I just…haven’t seen that particular smile in many years.”
It takes her a moment to figure it out – he can’t be talking about Sasuke because Sasuke never smiles or laughs (barring the startled chuckles she pried out of him earlier). And he only just met Sasuke when their team formed, so he must mean –
Itachi Uchiha.
“Did you know him?” she asks, almost breathless with curiosity. She doesn’t know anything about Sasuke’s infamous brother, but considering Sasuke has made it his life’s mission to kill the man, she thinks she should probably get informed. He won’t tell her anything, of course, but maybe this is another avenue…
But Kakashi simply shakes his head and says, “That’s a conversation for another time. For now, I want to discuss your plans.”
“My plans?”
“You never gave me a concrete answer and, at the time, I didn’t expect any of you to pass, so I didn’t push it,” Kakashi says, making Sakura scowl because he could at least soften the blow of his words. “But if I’m to help you improve yourself, I need to know what your dreams for the future are.”
“Getting my body back would be a start,” she tells him. “That’s kind of a big one right now.”
“And after that?”
She shrugs, not exactly sure how to answer that.
“Let me put it this way – why do you want to be a shinobi, Sakura?”
“To serve the village,” she answers immediately.
“That’s the standard response that every Academy student is taught before they become genin,” he points out. “Dig deeper.”
“I guess it’s like with Naruto,” she says, hedging a little on the topic. “I want people to acknowledge me for me, even though I come from a civilian family.”
It’s mostly true, even if it’s not exactly for that reason.
A large part of her wish for acknowledgement is still directed as Sasuke, wanting his recognition, and she knows Kakashi knows this, too. It’s embarrassing and simplistic and selfish enough that she doesn’t want to say it out loud. Being a shinobi is supposed to be about more than any one person or any selfish motivations.
Wanting to impress your crush doesn’t feel like the right thing to drive a glowing shinobi career.
At the same time, she doesn’t want to outright admit that she’s been floundering a little lately. With how strong Naruto and Sasuke have been getting, she feels as if she’s holding them back.
Kakashi studies her again, tapping his chin, then nods to himself. “What are you the most afraid of?” he asks, suddenly switching tactics.
“Huh?”
“Just answer the question – don’t think about boys, or make-up, or clothes, or whatever it is girls your age think about –”
“If that’s all you think girls think about, it’s no wonder you suck at teaching me,” she deadpans.
“Focus on you. What is the worst thing that could ever happen to you?”
“Besides being trapped in someone else’s body, you mean?” Kakashi gives her an impatient look, and she sighs, trying to think. “Being left behind, I guess,” she muses slowly. “Or having to be left behind because I can’t be of use. Like…if someone I cared about was in trouble and I couldn’t do anything to help them.”
An image hits her of that day on the bridge in the Land of Waves. Of sitting over Sasuke’s body, staring at his lifeless eyes while blood trickled from his neck, not knowing whether she should remove the senbon or not. Not knowing if he was breathing or if she could – or should – check for a pulse, but knowing that if she didn’t do something, he would die.
“Not being able to do anything would…it is the worse thing that could happen to me.”
She remembers the sense of utter powerlessness as Naruto, the most unskilled of their group, threw his life on the line to avenge their teammate, and Kakashi spilled blood to get the upper hand against Zabuza and Haku.
It was the longest two hours of her life.
The whole time I was useless. Without them backing me up, I’m useless. And that’s the worst feeling in the world.
When she looks up, Kakashi’s eyes are crinkled in the manner she has come to associate with him smiling.
“Why does that make you happy?” she asks, suspicious.
“Because you just reminded me of someone else,” he tells her, and from the lack of ominous tone lacing his words, she suspects it’s not an international murderer like before. “Wanting to protect the people important to you is a far more admirable goal than most. And it’s encouraging that you can come to that conclusion so young. It takes most shinobi years before they realise that – if they do at all.”
“You got that all from me remembering one bad day?” she asks, impressed.
“Give me some credit,” Kakashi deadpans. “I’ve been observing you as much as the others these past few months, even if I’ve had to concentrate more on them. I feel confident enough saying that helping people is part of who you are, whether you choose the life of a shinobi or not.”
Sakura blushes at the praise.
“That being said, the shinobi life is harder for those who strive to protect others because it leads to making very tough decisions,” Kakashi goes on, the complimentary tone fading into warning. “Often, in a split second. They can’t freeze up.”
“Right…” Sakura says, a little uncertain about this because her track record in that respect hasn’t been very good.
“I take it you don’t just want to keep people from getting hurt – you want to help them if they do get hurt,” Kakashi suggests, and when Sakura nods, he goes on, “That makes me think that medical ninjutsu might be an area of interest to you. It can be used effectively to save the lives of those you care about – and when properly trained, it can be used offensively as well.”
Sakura considers it, trying to remember everything she’s ever learned about medical ninjutsu. In theory, it sounds good…
“If it’s something you’re interested in, the earlier you start, the better. Which means discussing it with Sasuke as, while he’s in your body, he’s going to have to do most of the practical work. You’ll have to be familiar enough with the theory that, by the time you get your body back, you don’t have to relearn it all.”
“You think I’ll be able to?” Sakura wonders.
“There isn’t a doubt in my mind. You’re the most intelligent member of this team.”
Sakura shifts, embarrassed. “No. Sasuke is.”
“Sasuke has the best memory on the squad, that’s true. But having a good memory doesn’t necessarily mean having a good understanding or critical thinking skills. When it comes to analysing problems and engineering solutions, you have him beat,” Kakashi tells her, and Sakura doesn’t bother suppressing the pleased smile that breaks out here. “Sasuke is like Naruto in that respect – they both see all problems as nails. They hammer them down, reacting instead of anticipating which, in the short-term, is useful, but in the long-run, can cause additional problems.”
“I…guess I never thought about it like that.”
“Second – when you’re actually in your body, you have excellent chakra control. Quite possibly better than mine, once you’ve perfected it,” Kakashi continues. “Add that to your ability to analyse a situation, you have a proficiency with genjutsu that could be further developed. I know you’ve been speaking to Kurenai lately.”
“A little,” Sakura admits. “But she’s usually busy with her team, so…”
“I’ll help you with what I can,” he promises. “In the meantime, it’s probably good that you and Sasuke will be working together more often, given that the Uchiha clan specialise in genjutsu. You’ll both get a chance to experience a different perspective on it which will be useful in the future.”
“Maybe for me, but I don’t think Sasuke would get anything from it – I mean, isn’t it kind of a downgrade, going from having a Sharingan to relying just on basic genjutsu?” Sakura wonders.
“Right now it doesn’t matter because he hasn’t learned to use any Sharingan genjutsu yet,” Kakashi says. “He operates on instinct – being in your body, he’ll have to learn to deconstruct the process if he wants to achieve results. You, however, have the analytical part down, and so, once you figure out how to activate the Sharingan, you’ll get a better understanding of how it works as you use it. It’s something no other non-Uchiha, besides me, has ever gotten a chance to do. And you’ll still have that knowledge once you get your body back. Can you imagine how seamless your dynamic will be if you have an understanding of his Sharingan? And that’s before we’ve even factored Naruto into the equation.”
Right. Naruto.
Sakura shifts uncomfortably, the truth about her teammate suddenly coming to the forefront.
“Kakashi-sensei,” she begins, uncertain how to broach the subject without sounding utterly callous. A second later, she decides there’s no way to do that properly and just goes on ahead. “If Naruto is…what we said he is, how…is that a good idea? For him to be, um, on a team and allowed out of the village and stuff? I mean, from what little I’ve read about jinchūriki, they can sometimes…uh…lose control? And don’t their villages usually guard them pretty strictly?”
To her surprise, Kakashi doesn’t look as if he is judging her for her question, but is contemplating how to answer it.
“They do,” he agrees, “and in the past, their movements were restricted greatly. But in the last few decades, it’s become more and more apparent that training them is in the best interest of the village. Every village is different, of course…”
“All this makes him sound like a weapon,” Sakura says darkly.
“You’re not wrong,” Kakashi says, and she shivers. “Does this change how you feel? What you said earlier?”
“He might be a total mess, but he’s our mess. Right, Sasuke?”
“No,” Sakura says slowly. “It’s just…really weird to think about. I mean, it’s Naruto. But he’s also got a demon in him…and it all makes sense, but at the same time, it’s just…” She gestures ineffectually, once again unable to articulate exactly how she feels about the whole thing.
“Confusion is natural,” Kakashi says. “It will take time to come to terms with it. You might even feel afraid sometimes when you think too hard on it. When that happens, come talk to me. Or if I’m not around, just remember that he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He wasn’t even a few hours old when the Fourth Hokage sealed the Nine-Tails inside of him.”
Sakura thinks back on all her memories of Naruto during their days at the Academy and the few times she saw him beforehand. She remembers the way people looked at him – the way they still look at him – as if he’s done something horrible when, in fact, he’s the reason the village is still standing. And all of it’s related to an event he can’t even remember.
A huge sense of wrongness hits her.
“How could someone do that to a baby?” Sakura demands. “All the books go on and on about what a hero Lord Fourth was, but that’s horrible! And where were Naruto’s parents? Why didn’t they stop him?”
Kakashi’s eye flashes with something like pain, and he says quietly, “Naruto’s parents were killed in the attack. They also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.”
“Did you know them?” Sakura asks.
Kakashi nods. “I did. And I can tell you that they wanted him to be as normal and happy as possible. And he never had a chance at that until he was placed on the team with you and Sasuke.”
Which of course makes her feel even worse for how she treated Naruto before they were placed on the same squad.
“And now he’s stuck as an ostrich,” she says glumly, for the first time all day thinking maybe she and Sasuke didn’t get the worst consequence of the swap. “Will we be able to see him at all now that he’s off…wherever he is?”
“Of that, I have no doubt,” Kakashi says, standing up heavily. “You’ll need to learn how to work with Condor, after all. As soon as you and Sasuke settle into some kind of routine, we’ll see about arranging some team-training exercises. But until then, you’ve got your own training to do. First and foremost – learning to urinate without dribbling on your or someone else’s feet.”
Sakura’s cheeks are instantly flaming. “Kakashi-sensei!”
ナルト
Wandering down the streets of Konoha, Sasuke decides he should’ve gotten Sakura to write down the directions to her house. He’s never actually been there before, but he figured it would be easy to follow her spoken directives.
He wasn’t counting on being too distracted by people staring at him.
Well, not everyone. Not really. But more people than usual. Villagers he supposes are Sakura’s neighbours and people who know her beam at him, waving and offering greetings. Sasuke still isn’t quite sold on the idea of smiling for no reason, but he mechanically raises his hand to return the wave or juts his head forward in a nod of greeting. If anyone looks like they’re about to engage him in conversation, he speeds up his pace or feigns deafness when they call out Sakura’s name.
Surprisingly, it’s worse when they don’t talk to him, but just try to make eye-contact – which is either really embarrassing or really creepy. He’s never actually considered that this could be a problem. Granted, he’s used to unwanted attention, but generally from a gaggle of girls his own age. Not –
Did the baker just leer at me? What the hell?! I’m thirteen! Sakura is thirteen!
No adult should be staring at a thirteen-year-old girl like that, and Sasuke’s immediate reaction is to shoot a warning glare in the man’s direction. Then he remembers that, at the moment, he can’t back up any threat with force because he has no idea how to use this body properly.
He decides he must be imagining things. He must be exaggerating people’s attention, especially disturbing attention like that, because he’s just hyper-aware of his new circumstances. All the same, he quickens his pace.
It takes far too long to finally arrive at the Haruno household. Even once he gets there, Sasuke stops at the front door and stares at it, abruptly hit by the realisation that, once he enters, there is no going back. There is no possible other strategy but to pretend to be Sakura.
There’s still time to find Kakashi and think up a better plan than this…
He isn’t just worried about the possibility of Sakura’s parents realising that he’s not who he is pretending to be. The fact of the matter is, it’s been five years since he’s interacted with parents of any type. As painful as it is being on his own, he’s gotten used to it. There’s a terrible freedom in not being held accountable to anyone –
And not having anyone nearby to notice when he’s upset.
If Sakura’s parents are anything like his own were, he’s not entirely sure he can maintain his composure, let alone keep them from noticing.
As he lingers uncertainly, trying to decide if he’s supposed to just let himself in or knock – people don’t knock at their own homes, idiot – the door is thrown open, and he is suddenly staring up at a kind-faced woman with blonde hair and Sakura’s green eyes.
“There you are!” she declares, and he finds himself dragged into a hug so quickly that he doesn’t have a chance to fend it off. There’s such a speedy casualness to it that, before he can reflexively tense up, the woman has pulled away. “You were supposed to be home yesterday. I was so worried! I had half a mind to ask Lord Third what was taking so long, but then your Dad reminded me that sometimes missions take a little longer than expected –”
Then the woman, who could only be Sakura’s mother, half-guides, half-pulls him into the house and shuts the door behind him. The smell of cooking and something floral fills the air, and the walls are brightly decorated with a more modern pattern than he is used to seeing in his own home.
Sasuke tries to suppress the instinctual need to make a run for it. If that inclination shows on his face, Mebuki Haruno doesn’t notice because she is still talking.
“ – although, in my day, C-rank missions were a lot more dangerous. So I told him, there’s a reason I’ve been worrying. You’d think that teacher of yours could at least send word that you were on your way – of course, I’ve heard he’s late for everything. I hope he doesn’t pass that bad habit onto you three – Sakura, shoes!”
Sasuke startles, so caught off-guard by the woman’s mile-a-minute ramble that he’s forgotten basic routine.
Damn it…
He slips out of Sakura’s sandals and puts them neatly beside the other pairs in the entrance.
“Hmph. At least I didn’t have to remind you not to leave them in the doorway,” Mebuki Haruno says, hands on her hips and a fond, yet exasperated, smile on her face. “Well, come on then. Say hello to your Dad before he heads off to work.”
The world around Sasuke rushes away for a moment, the warmth and brightness of the Haruno’s home coalescing into a different, long-forgotten warmth.
“Are you going to say ‘good morning’ to your father before he goes to work?” Mother asks as she passes him in the hallway.
“What’s the point?” Sasuke sighs, world-weary at eight-years-old. “He never even notices. He only ever cares about Big Brother.”
“You know that’s not true,” Mother soothes him. “Go on. He’ll have a much better day if he sees you before he leaves.”
“Sakura!”
Sasuke jumps, not realising that Mebuki is calling his borrowed name.
“I’m fine,” he says automatically, coming back to the present.
“Are you sure?” the woman asks, frowning. “You’re quiet – did you catch a cold while you were away from the village? I told you to bundle up at night, sweetheart. Let me check your temperature.”
She reaches for his forehead in a gesture that is eerily reminiscent of Sakura, and Sasuke ducks it with practiced ease.
“I’m fine,” he mumbles, edging toward what he assumes to be the kitchen.
Inside, he finds a lanky, tall man – who appears taller because of his outrageous, gravity-defying hair – who must Sakura’s father. He’s the only other person Sasuke has ever seen with that particular shade of hair, although his is streaked with a lot of grey.
Kizashi Haruno throws his arms wide and beams up at Sasuke. “There’s my little girl! Come give your old man a hug!”
Sasuke freezes like a mouse staring up at a snake.
Shit. Shit! What do I do?!
If this man is anything like Sakura, he’s persistent, and smart. He’ll notice if Sasuke doesn’t hug him, but there is no way – no way! – that he’s going to do that, so the best tactic is –
Distraction!
“Did you two know about Naruto?” he blurts out because if there’s anything that will put an end to any familiar overtures or parental displays of affection, it’s bringing up the village secret that he’s not supposed to know.
Sakura’s parents wear carefully blank looks.
“Know what?” Mebuki asks.
Apparently, that’s where Sakura gets her inability to tell a lie…
“About his special…status,” Sasuke clarifies, narrowing his eyes to watch their reactions. This time the looks are knowing and resigned.
So, I was right about the villagers knowing about Naruto. Even civilians know what happened. It’s just us kids that they kept it from.
“The question is, what do you know?” Kizashi asks, all traces of humour disappearing.
“Sak – Sasuke and I found out today. Because of something to do with the mission,” Sasuke says cautiously.
“Well, that explains your mood today,” Mebuki sighs, going to stand behind her husband, hands on his shoulders like she’s drawing support from him.
“We know it’s a bit of a shock,” Sakura’s father agrees.
Sasuke wants to brush it off like it’s nothing because that’s what he would usually do even if he feels the contrary, but that’s probably not how Sakura would react. Instead, he forces back his natural inclination to stay quiet, and mumbles, “Yeah. Yeah, it was. I’m still…processing.”
Did that sound too technical for Sakura? No, she could easily say something like that, I think.
Besides, it seems like a pretty complete answer, without giving away too much. Furthermore, it has the benefit of being completely true for both him and Sakura. Sasuke noticed earlier from Sakura’s (his!) face that she wasn’t as comfortable about the revelation of Naruto’s status as she pretended in front of Kakashi and the Third Hokage.
“I’m surprised Kakashi mentioned it to you, though it’s probably for the best that you know.”
“I’m not sure about that,” Mebuki says, mouth turning down briefly. Her expression softens as she gazes at Sasuke. “If you want to talk about it, we’re here for you. Or did you want us to speak to someone about having you switch teams? I’m sure if it’s really a problem we can help…”
“What? No,” Sasuke says, a lot quicker than he would have expected from himself. Off their surprised expressions, he tries to backpedal. “Naruto’s an idiot, but he’s not…it’s not a problem.”
“Well, if you’re sure…” Mebuki murmurs doubtfully.
“That’s a change from usual,” Kizashi snorts, “Usually, all you do is complain about him.”
“Shinobi get assigned to teams they don’t like all the time, and they have to adapt,” Sasuke says stiffly, and adds a little defensively, “I can deal with it.” He sees their eyes soften with pride, and it looks like Mebuki might reach for him again, so he hurriedly tries to deflect once more. “It might help to know more about it. All I know comes from what we studied in class.”
He doesn’t remember that night – he was only about four months old when the Nine-Tails attacked. Sakura, being a few months older, probably wasn’t old enough to form many opinions about that night either.
Kizashi’s face sobers and Sasuke is taken aback because, without the wide smile, there is a haunted, grim expression that Sasuke remembers his own father wearing long ago.
“It was a sad day,” the man says. “We lost a lot of good men and women.” He appears troubled for a moment, staring at something invisible to them. Then he shakes it off and, without warning of any kind, brightens. “And Sasuke?”
“What?” Sasuke says immediately before he realises he’s not being addressed, but talked about.
Mebuki playfully smacks her husband’s shoulder. “Kizashi, stop teasing her.”
“But I need to know,” Sakura’s father pretends to whine, cheery demeanour back. “Every day, we get an update. I need to know what absolutely earth-shattering feat the Rookie of the Year has performed today.”
Sasuke glares and opens his mouth before realising that Sakura’s father isn’t speaking with any of the sarcasm or resentment he’s heard from other boys at the Academy. Or from Naruto on a good day. It’s just good-natured teasing, and it makes him feel somewhat flustered.
His reaction appears to be the right one, in any case, because Sakura’s parents burst into amused laughter. He clenches his fist, annoyed that their humour is at his expense, but also at himself for almost forgetting the most obvious way to act like Sakura. He supposes he has to say something on the subject, but he refuses to hyperventilate about himself.
“Sasuke is…fine,” he hedges.
Even though I am anything but fine.
“Hm, she’s downgraded him from ‘amazing, talented, and the epitome of cool’ to just ‘fine,’” Kizashi ponders. “I think there might be trouble in paradise, dear.”
“Sh-sh-hh,” Mebuki giggles.
“I’m going to my room,” Sasuke says tersely because he can’t think of anything else to say.
“Oh, sweetheart. You know we’re only joking with you,” Mebuki soothes. “Honestly, if he’s so important to you, we should have him over for supper –”
“No,” Sasuke says immediately, at the same time that Kizashi says, “That would be awkward. As I would have to kill him.”
Sasuke glares at him. Bring it on, old man.
“Well, then, how about the whole team?” Sakura’s mother goes on. “We haven’t done that yet. I was just chatting with Yoshino the other day, and they’ve had Asuma and the rest of Shikamaru’s team over almost every other week. And those three are always together – the same way you’re always off with Sasuke and Naruto. I think a team dinner night would be fun.”
“It really wouldn’t,” Sasuke tells her unapologetically.
There are few things he can imagine which could be worse than a team dinner. And that’s on a normal day, not one where the entire team has swapped bodies.
“Well, we’ll talk about it later. Go wash up and we’ll have dinner.”
“I’m not hungry,” Sasuke says, even though he is. He supposes he can find something to eat later when Sakura’s parents aren’t around to grill him with questions. When Mebuki shoots him a suspicious, concerned look, he backpedals – Mother used to look at Itachi like that – and says, “We ate before we got back to the village. Besides, I’m…tired.”
“Well, it has been a long few days,” Sakura’s mother muses. “All right, then. You go take a bit of a rest. I’ll leave a cold plate out for you.”
Sasuke sighs in relief and heads for the stairs he’d seen earlier.
“Just make sure you shower off all that road dust before you get into bed,” Mebuki calls after him. “I cleaned your sheets while you were away. Don’t you dare get them grimy!”
Which causes him to wince because, as necessary as it is, bathing is the last thing he wants to do right now.
Still…that could have gone a lot worse, he thinks to himself as he wanders upstairs.
Sasuke peeks into Sakura’s room before gingerly stepping inside, glad to note that the space is not as girly as he assumed it would be. He was preparing himself for pink tunics and other female clothing strewn around and, perhaps, a bed covered with dolls and plush toys. Other than a rose-coloured comforter on the bed, it’s rather plain and neat.
There are pictures on the walls – mostly landscapes – and, of course, her copy of their team photo sitting on her desk. Her largest piece of furniture is a sturdy bookshelf which, he notes with some surprise, is full of the same assortment of shinobi manuals and classic literature that he has in his own library at home.
Don’t know why that’s surprising, the voice in his head grumbles. He’s already acknowledged that Sakura’s smart; it’s just that he imagined she spent her free time reading more fashion magazines and romance novels. There are a few of the former, but not in the amount he expected.
It’s while he inspects the bathroom (and thank the gods for small mercies, it’s an en suite!) that his eyes begin to twitch at the sheer number of bottles and products lining the sink. There are even more containers stuffed into the cabinets, blaring puzzling name at him – primer, toner, foundation, volumizer, dry shampoo –
What the hell is ‘dry’ shampoo? Sasuke wonders, picking up the canister and depressing the button – and then coughing spastically at the cloud of aerosol that fills his lungs. He tosses it back into the cupboard. Poison, obviously…
It seems Sakura’s otherwise neat nature utterly fails when it comes to toiletries.
Eventually, he finds a few familiar items – a toothbrush, soap, and a washcloth – among the sea of bizarre girl-products.
At least, I know what to do with this, he thinks in relief, before glancing at himself in the mirror. Sakura’s face looks back at him, a familiar, apprehensive expression on her face. Except it’s him making it. He scowls, which makes her nose scrunch up and her freckles seem more pronounced than usual, and then takes a deep breath.
“Might as well get this over with,” he tells his reflection, wincing at the voice that isn’t his and turning on the faucet.
A beat later, while brushing Sakura’s teeth, he has a sudden burst of inspiration, and decides to switch off the light. There’s no window in here, and he can no longer see in the dark. It makes things a little better – there’s no chance of seeing any part of Sakura that she wouldn’t want him to see, and body-swap or not, he has enough awareness of his limbs to clean them without looking at them.
Trying not to accidentally brush any unfamiliar part of his body as he moves, he pulls off the grubby tunic and shorts and tosses them into what he assumes is the laundry hamper nearby. For a moment, he considers dealing with the underclothes as well, but shies away when it comes to the bra.
Tomorrow, he tells himself firmly, feeling on the counter for the washcloth and running it under the water.
He settles on a cursory wash, scrubbing away two days’ worth of dirt and grime as best he can with a cloth. Hands, feet, neck, elbows, knees, ears – any visible part of him.
Everything except for those areas.
Because he’s just not mentally ready to tackle that particularly disturbing experience today. Maybe after a good night’s sleep, after the shock wears off and he can think about things more…detachedly.
Satisfied, he leaves the bathroom – still not looking at the mirror there and managing to avoid the one in the bedroom, too – and begins to rummage around in Sakura’s wardrobe. He quickly shuts the first opened drawer, red-faced at the contents there, but the second one yields what appears to be mostly pajamas. Selecting the least feminine items within, he pulls on a light green t-shirt and shorts over Sakura’s underclothes, and spreads her comforter out on her bed. Once the wrinkles are obsessively straightened out, he closes the curtains and dutifully climbs beneath the blanket.
Resting his head on the pillow – her pillow – he stares blankly up at the ceiling. Something tells him sleep is a long way off.
I’m in Sakura’s bed, he thinks, gazing at the shadows cast across the ceiling.
He finds himself fighting the urge to burst into manic laughter.
つづく
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クリ
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#naruto fanfiction#genin era#team 7#eventual sasusaku#rating: teen#bodyswap#humour#drama#action'/adventure#kuriquinn#sasuke uchiha#sakura haruno#naruto uzumaki#kakashi hatake#condor the ninja ostrich
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Walk A Mile [5/?]
Cover & Disclaimer
Chapter Beta: Sakura’s Unicorn
AN: As promised, the beta-read version. I know those of you who follow on FFNet, AO3 and Wattpad have read it already, but this is the updated version.
The door of the Hokage’s office closes with a click, leaving Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi in the empty outer hallway.
“That’s it?” Sakura squeaks, and Sasuke wonders how it’s possible for her to make his voice sound like that. “That’s all we get?”
“I thought it was pretty clear,” Kakashi replies, sounding bored, as he starts down the hallway. With no other recourse, Sasuke and Sakura follow him.
“How can either of you think this is going to work?” Sakura laments. “He’s never going to convince my parents – especially not my mom!” Sasuke bristles at this, not used to being the one that people expect to fail in a task. “We should just…both use henge whenever we’re around other people.”
“All right. If you think you can,” Kakashi says easily. He leans back against the wall and raises an eyebrow. “Let’s see how long you can keep it up.”
At this, Sakura and Sasuke exchange glances and then make their hand signs in unison. Nothing happens.
“And that’s the problem with your cunning plan,” Kakashi says. “Not to mention that for genin of your level, sustaining a transformation over a long period of time is next to impossible. If this little swap lasts longer than Lord Hokage and Inoichi expect, we can reopen the discussion. But for now, we stick to the basics.”
“The basics being lying and subterfuge,” Sakura mutters.
“You wanted to be a ninja,” Kakashi reminds her. “And on that note, I leave you two to work out the kinks yourselves.”
Sasuke thinks their teacher is a little too obvious in his relief at not being around for that experience – or any of the others.
“Ehh?! You’re just leaving? And what, we just…head home now?”
“You should head to Sasuke’s apartment. Pack a bag, seeing as how you’re going to stay with me. I’ve got my own preparations to make.”
There’s a puff of smoke and he’s gone.
“I hate when he does that,” Sakura mutters and Sasuke silently agrees.
With nothing else for it, they head for the Uchiha district.
Luckily for them, it’s still early enough that there aren’t many people walking the streets, and they reach the compound quickly. Sakura has never been to Sasuke’s house before, something both are chiefly conscious of; he doesn’t let anyone inside if he doesn’t have to.
“I can just wait out here,” she says when they reach his front door, folding her elbows in nervously.
Now that they’re alone, she’s reverted to that irritating, awkward, shy-girl front. He hates when she does that – pretending to be demure when he’s seen her put Naruto on his back with a well-placed right hook. Life’s too short for false modesty, and the only good thing to come out of this whole disaster so far was when she started to talk to him like she would anyone else.
“Don’t be stupid. You look like me. You’re expected to go inside,” he tells her harshly.
“Oh. Right.”
“Well, go on. Open the door.” He rolls his eyes, and she hesitantly does. The familiar smell of cedarwood, incense, and tatami washes over them.
Sakura lingers by the door after they close it.
“Well…I’ll just wait in the entrance or –”
“Whatever,” he interrupts, slipping out of his shoes and striding into the apartment. Mentally, he makes a catalogue of things that she will need as him – clothes, weapons, toiletries – anything he can think of to ensure she doesn’t have to come back here and root through his home.
He supposes Kakashi would have extras of anything actually necessary, but still.
As he tracks down an old duffel bag and begins to fill it with items, he tries not to feel hyper-aware of her presence. Even if he couldn’t sense Sakura’s chakra in such close proximity, he would know that there was another human being occupying space in his home. It’s been a long time since anyone actually came this far. When Lord Third drops off his monthly allowance, he only ever comes as far as the entrance; any other rare visitors stop at the door.
It’s relatively quick work to go through his closet and drawers for everyday clothing, but he completely freezes when he reaches his underwear drawer. The absurdity of this whole situation hits him again.
Sakura is in my body. She’s going to be wearing my clothes, my underwear, and –
His brain practically stutters.
If they are really going to be trapped like this for days, Sakura’s earlier worry is an imminent reality. At some point, they’re going to have to bathe. There’s no way around it.
Unless you’re Naruto, who I seriously doubt has taken a shower in the past week.
As lame as their missions are, Sasuke and his teammates usually end up sweaty, dirty, and (sometimes) bloody by the end of them. And while he might be able to avoid looking at this borrowed body of his directly – avoiding mirrors and pretending he doesn’t notice how odd it feels to walk – he won’t be able to ignore it when nature calls.
In fact, he really has to pee right now.
Any kind of bathroom activity means that, at some point, both of them are going to have to touch each other’s…parts.
Sakura, the girl whose crush on him is utterly obvious and inarguable, will get intimately acquainted with his body. If that isn’t the most embarrassing idea in the world, it’s only made that much more unbearable by the knowledge that he’s going to have no choice but to touch a girl’s body parts.
And not just any girl, but Sakura.
Someone he’s been more or less aware of ever since first meeting her. Someone who he’s unconsciously, unwillingly noticed in the past few weeks has started to develop in, well, areas. It’s not like he wants to notice this, considering the information is utterly useless to his goal of revenge, but he’s thirteen.
As Sakura unhelpfully pointed out earlier, a certain measure of it is biological. His own body is changing; there are some things he has no choice but to notice. The fact that his female teammate has started to wear a bra is one of them.
It’s all made even worse considering he is genetically disposed to notice more than the average person. Of any problems caused by his kekkei genkai, this was definitely not one he was expecting –
Wait a minute. Sakura wears a bra. I’m in Sakura’s body. I’m going to have to wear a –
“Sasuke?”
He physically jolts back to the present and glowers up at the imposter using his voice.
Apparently, Sakura couldn’t help her curiosity because she is lingering in the doorway of his room, examining it with wide eyes.
“You’re so organised,” she says tentatively.
He doesn’t reply, furiously grabbing a bunch of boxers and shoving them into his bag in hopes that she’s not watching what he’s packing.
“You’ll have to…um…relax a bit when you’re at my house,” she mumbles, shuffling forward to wander through the room. “I’m not a slob or anything, but…if things start looking too clean, you’ll give yourself away.” She trails her hand across his pristine dresser, and then gives a sudden cry of surprise. “You kept it!”
Sasuke glances up, noting that she is holding his framed copy of their team photograph. He can’t help bristling at her tone, slightly offended. “What’d you think I was going to do with it, throw it out?”
“I don’t know,” she replies. “I mean, you weren’t exactly happy about having to take it…”
“I just happened to put it there when I got home,” Sasuke mutters, though his cheeks heat up a little at her knowing look; his lie isn’t believable.
“Oh.” Sakura says and looks away uncomfortably. She catches sight of something else poking out of the drawer and her fingers reach forward.
Sasuke shoves it back down and closes the drawer tightly before she can grab it. “That’s none of your business.” Bad enough she’s offering commentary on his choice of memorabilia, all he needs is for her to find his old dinosaur plushie!
“S-sorry,” she says, hands behind her back. “You’ll have to, uh, make me a list of things I shouldn’t do. Or shouldn’t touch if I have to come back here. Or what I’m not allowed to say, and…” She shifts, uncomfortable. “And I guess we should make sure we can pass for each other before we leave.”
“Yeah,” Sasuke mutters, throwing a bunch of socks into the bag. “You give that a try.”
He hears her shuffle.
“How’s this?”
Her borrowed voice loses that higher pitch it’s had since they swapped bodies. Sasuke glances up to see that she’s adjusted her posture, shoving her hands on her pockets and slumping her shoulders forward. She’s arranged his face into a scowl.
He mirrors the expression. That’s how she thinks I look?
“Don’t slump,” he says instead. “It makes me look lazy.”
She adjusts her stance. “Like this?”
“No. Now you’re too relaxed. Anyone could take that as an invitation to attack you.”
“Tch. As if you even know what you look like from the outside,” she mutters.
Sasuke blinks. “That actually sounded like me.”
“Really?” she beams.
“Until just then. Look, just don’t talk to anyone and you’ll be fine.”
“Yeah, well, that might be normal for you, but it’s not normal for me,” she sniffs, and finally, the awkward, shrinking violet she’d reverted to disappears. “My vocal chords are going to rust from disuse.”
“They’re used to it.”
“Not these ones. My actual vocal chords,” she clarifies. “If you think you can get away with not talking to people for a few days – or weeks – you’ve never met my family.”
Sasuke tenses at this, the way he usually does when he hears the word family. Sakura’s eyes fly to his clenched fists and her expression softens.
“Don’t look at me like that!” he snaps because that expression on his face is jarringly reminiscent of his mother’s face. He never realised how much he resembled her until just now. It just makes it worse.
“Listen,” Sakura begins gently, “if this is going to be too hard for you, we’ll go back to Lord Hokage and get him to –”
“No,” Sasuke cuts her off, instantly annoyed at being coddled. “He said to treat this as a mission and he’s right. We should be able to do this.”
“Okay. So, we will. Do me. I-I mean, pretend to be me,” she hastily corrects herself, cheeks turning red.
He sighs, throwing the last sock into his bag, frowning as he tries to figure out how to proceed.
“If that’s your attempt –”
“It’s not!” he snaps.
“You’re way too tense. You need to relax.”
“I am relaxed.”
“For you, maybe, but that’s not relaxed for me. So loosen up.”
With a supreme amount of effort, he forces himself to ease the strain in his shoulders and unclench his fists. It feels completely unnatural, like someone could pull him apart if they tried; it’s only his stubbornness that keeps him from tensing again.
Sakura seems to notice, however. “Seriously? We’ve been on the same team for almost a year now and you don’t know me well enough to pretend to be me?” she demands.
“It’s not exactly something I ever figured I was going to need!”
“Well, you need it now.”
His eye twitches and he exhales angrily through his nose. Then he straightens up, squaring his shoulders the way he’s seen her do when she’s gearing up for something mildly unpleasant. With an exaggerated toss of her long pink locks (that are definitely going to need some getting used to!), he adopts an imperious expression as he approximates his version of Sakura’s know-it-all demeanour.
“This is utterly ridiculous,” he complains. “I could be doing something important right now, like catching up on my beauty sleep or painting my nails.”
Sakura’s eye twitches. “I don’t sound like that,” she snaps.
He sneers at her and crosses his arms, unexpectedly filled with the same smug note of satisfaction he feels when needling Naruto. “You do so. Or it’s –” He leans forward now, hands on his hips and chin jutted outward, “Na-ru-to! You are sooooo immature. Could you grow up?”
“Right. And you’re so much better?” Sakura demands. She turns and frowns off into the distance, assuming an excessively low and sinister voice. “I am Sasuke Uchiha. I’m so broody and mysterious that no one could possibly know my pain because I’m too much of a superstar to let anyone in!”
This time it’s his turn to glare. “I don’t do that.”
“Well, now you know how I feel!” They exchange annoyed frowns and then Sakura sighs. “This isn’t working. All we’re doing is making each other mad. Let’s try something else.” She considers for a moment, and then nods. “Okay. What if we come up with some kind of…stock reactions for different possible situations? It’ll be like learning jutsu or formations.”
Sasuke ruminates on this and decides he appreciates the analytical take on it. “That might work.”
“Okay. Let’s start with you, because you need more practise.”
“Tch!”
ナルト
“First of all,” Sakura declares matter-of-factly, “You can probably minimize about fifty percent of all interactions with people if you just smile.”
“I hardly think it’s that important.”
“Well, it is,” she retorts. “My first year in the Academy, our kunoichi instructor said that a woman can use a smile as a weapon. It hides one’s true feelings, and can be used to disarm someone before you even strike. So, think of it that way – a ruse to make people underestimate you.”
It’s a good, practical piece of advice which she thinks will appeal to Sasuke’s purely functional view of the world. He seems to accept it as such because, after giving an annoyed sigh, he offers her his first attempt.
“That’s a smirk, not a smile. It needs to be less…smug.”
“I’m not smug.”
“You look smug. And that’ll definitely get people asking you questions you don’t feel like answering.”
He grumbles and tries to rearrange his expression, forcing atrophied muscles into a clearly unfamiliar gesture. The result is a disaster. Sakura’s eye twitches at the sight.
“You look like you just sat on a pine cone,” she informs him solemnly.
Sasuke turns red, instantly losing the painful looking grimace and snaps, “Shut up! I’m working on it!”
“It’s a smile, not a summoning jutsu. This should be –”
“If you say easy, I’m going to punch you.”
“But it is!”
“Maybe for you. You’re happy all the time. It’s unnatural.”
“I’m not happy all the time,” she exclaims, insulted by the notion. Granted, she hasn’t dealt with the same kind of stuff that he or even Naruto have growing up, but to automatically assume that she has the perfect life shows just how uninterested he’s been in her.
She tries to shove away the hurt at that realisation.
“Look, physiologically speaking, it takes fewer facial muscles to smile than to frown,” she sighs, “It should be easy. Just…think of something funny or something that makes you happy.”
“There’s nothing.”
“Really?” she cajoles. “Nothing? What about…sleeping in on your days off? Or when you trick Naruto into paying the lunch bill? Or when we get assigned a higher-ranking mission?”
He rolls his eyes. “Those things don’t make me happy.”
“Not even a little?”
“No.”
She can’t believe this. “So there’s nothing that you find amusing then? Nothing that makes you laugh? Do you even know how to laugh?”
“It’s not exactly a skill I need for my purposes.”
“Hm.” Sakura frowns at him, tapping her finger on her chin thoughtfully. Then she nods to herself and punches her fist into her palm. “All right. I have an idea. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She steps closer to him, a determined expression on her face.
“What?”
“Don’t you dare hit me,” she commands. “I’m only doing this because I know how I’d react.”
“Wha–”
And then she lurches forward, zeroing in on his sides just below the ribs.
“Hey!” he cries, trying to stagger back, an expression of utter confusion and worry on his face. “Hey – hey stop it!” She ignores him, focussing on the spots of her body that she knows are the most ticklish – and render her utterly useless. “Sakura, what are you – ha! – what are you – ha-ha! Stop that!”
“No,” she replies, feeling a tiny, ruthless element of enjoyment. “You need to get used to how it feels to laugh, so…”
“Not – ha-ha – not this - this way!” he gasps, words interspersed with astonished guffaws. “This – is – ha! – ridiculous!”
But he is laughing, and even though it’s her own face she’s looking down at and her own voice that she’s hearing, there’s an underlying note of surprise and shock in his reaction that isn’t hers. She knows with a sudden clarity that this is probably the first time he’s laughed since his parents died. And even if it’s not as hard won as making him laugh naturally by just saying the right thing, it’s a start.
She continues her ruthless assault until they are both down on the ground, and he has curled his knees into his chest, laughing uncontrollably and trying to avoid her hands.
“Stop it!” he gasps, weakly beating away her fingers. “You’ll make me piss myself!”
Which instantly causes both of them to freeze.
Then they separate very quickly, putting at least six feet of distance between each other.
Sakura supposes it’s time. They have to have the discussion about bathroom usage and bathing habits sooner or later. She doesn’t want to – honestly, she would rather spend a day hunting angry boars than bring it up at all – but she knows, if she doesn’t say anything, he definitely won’t.
Gods, and it’s not just hygiene, either!
She doubts he’s noticed – she is fastidiously careful not to let anyone on the team know – but she’s started getting her monthly cycle. And if this body-swap goes on longer than a month –
I’m going to throw up! How the hell am I supposed to talk about this to a guy?! And not just any guy, but Sasuke Uchiha?!
She groans pressing her face to her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Tell me about it,” Sasuke agrees, mutinous.
“Okay…okay. Let’s just approach this calmly…and rationally,” Sakura declares. “There’s no point in…in us getting embarrassed over stuff we both have to do, right? So we don’t have to…we don’t have to talk about going to the b–”
“No.”
“Okay. Okay. Good,” she exhales in relief.
There’s a long silence.
“Showers,” Sasuke says after a minute through gritted teeth. “Not baths. And only when absolutely necessary.”
“Right,” she agrees. “We can take care of everything important without having to…expose anything we shouldn’t. And even when we have to, we’re just going to be very quick and…and detached about it. No…looking at stuff, or…or touching longer than necessary.”
“Agreed,” Sasuke says with a firmness that suggests he expects to be turned to stone if he considers the alternative.
Another long, awkward silence, both of them avoiding each other’s eye.
“I have to tell you –”
“You should know –”
They both begin to speak at the same time, exchange embarrassed, panicked expressions, and then look away again.
“You first,” Sakura mumbles.
“It’s fine. You go.”
“Oh. Um…okay. I’m just telling you this i-in case. I hope it doesn’t become an issue, but we don’t know how long this will go on and –”
“Spit it out, Sakura.”
“I started my period three months ago,” she blurts out. Sasuke freezes. “It should be another two weeks before…but in case you’re still, uh, there when it happens, just so you’re not surprised by it and, uh…”
“I’ll figure it out,” he replies, voice strangled.
“There’s supplies in the drawer next to my bed, and painkillers, and –”
“I get it.”
“Okay,” she breathes. “But, if you need anything, or have any questions –”
“I won’t,” he interrupts, clearly not wanting to continue this particular line of discussion.
Fine. Just for that, I hope you do have to go through it. It might be a humbling experience for you.
“Make sure you only wear the loose shorts,” Sasuke tells her suddenly, drawing her out of her somewhat vindictive thoughts.
“Huh?”
“Loose shorts,” he repeats stiffly.
“Why?”
He shoots her an expression like she’s dribbled on her shirt. “You’ll know. Trust me. Also, make sure you know where Kakashi keeps his spare sheets. Just in case.”
“Just in…” Sakura’s eyes go wide as the penny drops. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. Are we done?” Sasuke snaps. “Or do you want a diagram, too?”
“Don’t get mad at me. You think I like this any better than you?” she cries.
“If you hadn’t broken open the shrine, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You don’t know that for sure!”
“Got any other explanations then?”
“No…” she murmurs, looking down; she knows he’s probably right, but it doesn’t make her feel any less terrible about the whole thing. Her eyes start to feel tight and there’s a sharp twinge in her nose, the precursor to tears.
“Hey!” Sasuke exclaims, eyes wide and somewhat panicked. “No! Don’t do that! Don’t cry. That’s not…it’s not going to help, okay? So, let’s focus on what we can do to make this easier.”
“It’s not easy. It’s not going to be easy. You’re right, I messed things up for everyone,” Sakura sniffs, rubbing at her eyes. “I get it if you hate me. I hate me right now.”
“I don’t hate you,” he tells her through gritted teeth. “But crying about it isn’t going to help. And you can’t start bursting into tears at everything anymore.”
“What do you mean, anymore?” she cries, self-pity instantly giving way to anger.
Gods, this body has more moods than I do!
“Forget it,” Sasuke sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, just…tell me what I have to do when I get to your house. I’m the one who apparently has to watch myself the most, right?”
“I guess,” she agrees, sullen. “First of all, if you have to call them anything, it’s Mom and Dad. Anything else and they’ll think I’m mad at them or something. Then my Mom won’t leave you alone, and my Dad will make a whole bunch of really terrible jokes to make you feel better.”
“I’ll just avoid addressing them,” he replies stiffly.
“Fine. Just in case you have to, though,” she allows. “Every morning, I have chores – which you shouldn’t have a problem with. Just…every so often, you have to forget to do something…like taking the garbage out or making the bed. I sometimes forget, so you should, too.”
“Hm.”
“Don’t sleep with my contacts in, or your eyes will feel like sandpaper the next day,” she advises. “And don’t eat anything spicy before bed or you will get sick.”
“Fine.”
“And, very important – beauty regimen,” she tells him. “You have to wash my face every day or I’ll get really bad acne. Lukewarm water only – not hot or my skin will dry out, and then you have to use toner and moisturizer. Steam my face once a week to clean out the pores, and every other day it’s a face mask – oh, and my makeup – don’t touch the stuff in the blue case; it’s old and I didn’t get around to throwing it away. But the stuff in the green case is new. Make sure to brush my hair – one hundred brush strokes before bed and a hundred when you get up in the morning. That’s enough to make sure it stays healthy looking. If you notice split ends, you have to see the hairdresser and –”
“Sakura, none of this is important.”
“It is so! Can you imagine what would happen if Ino or the other girls thought I was getting lazy about this sort of thing?” she demands. “They’d know something was up!”
“Or you’d be showing them you have more important things to care about,” he points out.
Sakura glares at him, silently promising him injury if he ignores her. “One. Hundred. Brushstrokes.”
He rolls his eyes. “Whatever. If it’s that important to you…”
“It is. Oh! Speaking of Ino, if she comes up to you, you can insult her however you want. You don’t take any of her garbage,” she continues, inwardly beaming because, even though it will be her mouth doing the talking, the idea of Sasuke telling Ino off makes her giddy with glee.
“I’ll just avoid her.”
“No. You can’t avoid her. That’d make her know something is up. Just treat her like you treat Naruto – wait. No. Don’t treat her like you treat Naruto. Dial it down a bit. Or a lot.” Sakura huffs. “Ino drives me crazy, but I don’t want her dead. The way you are with Naruto, he’d be dead if he didn’t have that whole…thing about him.”
Don’t think about the Nine-Tails right now! Don’t think about the Nine-Tails right now!
“I doubt anything I could do in this body would amount to a quarter of what I’m usually capable of,” he returns coolly, and Sakura winces as that barb hits its mark. “Speaking of, you have your own work to do. I don’t want my body getting weak just because you’re occupying it.”
“Hey, I train!”
“Not enough,” he retorts.
“Oh? And just how much is enough?!”
“Eight hours.”
“Oh. That’s not so bad.” She would’ve thought it was more.
“A day.”
“A day?!”
“Only on days when Kakashi works with us, or we have a mission that doesn’t take long. Weekends, it’s ten.”
“It’s no wonder you don’t know how to laugh! You never have any fun, do you?” Sakura cries in dismay. “You actually expect me to…to do push-ups or jog for eight hours?”
“No. A lot of it’s training the Sharingan which you’ll need because you can’t call it up yet.” He wanders over to a drawer and pulls out a chart. “Kakashi drew up these exercises when I first awakened it. The ocular muscles need to be used or they’ll get frail. The more you use it, the less it will drain you when you need it. And make sure you’re eating. It helps keep your strength up to deal with it – so no dieting.”
“Why would I diet? Your body’s fine.”
“And what exactly is wrong with yours then?” he shoots back. “Because I’m starving right now, and I shouldn’t be after the meal we just had. You do get that you need to eat to become stronger, right? Maybe you’d be a better shinobi if you actually had the energy to fight.”
“And maybe you’d be a better one if you knew how to take it easy,” she retorts, cheeks flaming because she is not going to discuss her personal insecurities with Sasuke Uchiha, especially not when he’s being so mean.
Stupid jerk. He’s just lucky I like him, or I’d be kicking him right now.
It’s a definite change from the usual, where Sasuke’s cold comments usually just inspire a patient decision to ignore him.
“And if you’re so concerned with me being able to fight, maybe you could deign to spar with me every so often,” she continues, irritated. “Naruto’s not the only one trying to improve himself.”
Which you and Kakashi would know if you ever bothered to pay attention.
Sasuke shrugs. “We have to anyway, if we’re going to be of any use in these bodies. You have to know my moves and I have to get used to not relying on the Sharingan again. If we work together, it’ll be less of a transition when we get our bodies back.”
“Okay,” Sakura says, “but only if you promise that when we do get them back, you won’t just start ignoring me again. I want to improve myself. And that means fighting against the best.”
Sasuke blinks, looking oddly uncertain, though whether it’s about her request or her compliment, she isn’t completely sure. It can’t be the latter, she decides, because she’s always complimenting him. But is training with her really so bad that he actually has to think about it?
“Agreed,” he says, cutting off her thoughts. “Of course, before any of that happens, we have to make sure I can pass for you, so…”
“Right,” Sakura says. “Let’s focus on behaviour. We can work on the smiling thing later.”
“Just…as long as you don’t tickle me again,” Sasuke says, shifting uncomfortably.
ナルト
Kakashi arrives home at the conclusion of his very long, very strange day and promptly falls face-first onto his bed.
It will probably be the last time he actually gets to use said bed for a while – he isn’t about to make Sakura sleep on the couch indefinitely. It’s not entirely a chivalrous gesture on his part, more the knowledge that kids her age need all the sleep they can get. He’s used to going without, she isn’t; and in that body, she’s going to have to keep up her strength.
Kakashi’s head throbs and he wonders if that sake was a good idea. At the time, sure, it felt like a blessing, but right now…
He groans.
There is a knock at the door.
He groans again, not wanting to deal with it. Anyone on official shinobi business would use the window, and none of his students would come inside without an invitation. Well, Naruto might, but he’d barge in, making a huge amount of noise, and considering he’s currently an ostrich, it’s obviously not him. Sakura or Sasuke would wait outside, respectively patient and exasperated.
When the lock clicks and he hears it slide open, he knows it’s Manako. He relaxes even more when the smell of smoke, ink, and accelerant fills the room. Not a common reaction to have to that scent, but he’s gotten used to associating it with his…
Well…
His thoughts stall here, as they usually do when he reflects on what to call the Inuzuka woman.
Girlfriend is too childish, lover is too intimate, and anything else he can think of is just crude. They lead completely separate lives, so partner doesn’t exactly fit either. They are both fiercely independent – he’s a jōnin and she’s a former ninja who runs a successful business. Despite an impressive clan lineage, she makes a point of staying out of shinobi matters. He’s never asked why and she’s never volunteered the information; just like she never asks him about his childhood or why he’s remains such a loner.
Kakashi keeps his life carefully compartmentalised into separate spheres. In one, he is a jōnin instructor. In another, a former ANBU. In another, he is a man who has lost his whole family and all of his friends. In another, he is a connoisseur of fine literature. And, in yet another, he is a healthy man in his late twenties with certain biological needs.
The point is, he and Manako have an arrangement: they have sex. And when they aren’t engaged in various naked pursuits, she’s the closest thing he’s had to a confidante in his entire life (he doesn’t count Gai, because Gai is…well, Gai is a special circumstance. He defies all attempts to fit him into a specific category, but Kakashi thinks their relationship is somewhat closer to Sasuke and Naruto’s, only without the need to draw each other’s blood on a regular basis).
“You look like shit,” Manako tells him bluntly, taking a seat next to his head.
He grunts out that he feels like it, too. At least, he thinks he does. It’s possible he just grunts.
With a supreme amount of effort, he turns around until his head sits in its usual indentation on his pillow. “I’m exhausted. It feels like I’ve been operating on full power since this mission started. Which should tell you something because we were escorting a damn bird from Point A to Point B.”
“And then it got complicated?” she offers, amused.
“Got it in one,” he grumbles.
“Ah, complications,” she muses. “Yeah, I actively avoid those.”
“What’s your secret?”
“Blowing things up.”
He laughs then moans, instantly regretting it when the movement jars his head.
“Wuss,” she says, but reaches over to massage his temples.
It’s both the best and worst feeling in the world, and he lets out an incomprehensible gurgle which might be a protest or a plea to continue.
“You know what the best cure for a headache is?” Manako asks, bringing him back to the present. He knows that tone in her voice and the familiar way one of her fingers begins to trail down his chest. In reaction, a warm, tight sensation builds in certain lower regions of his body. For a minute, he even considers it because if anyone deserves release after the day he’s had…
Instead, he groans and pushes himself into a seated position.
“Can’t,” he says, apologetic. “Sak-Sasuke is going to be here in a little while.”
She shrugs, looking unbothered. “Okay. Later then.”
“Probably not for a while,” Kakashi says, hesitates, and then adds, “not here, anyway. He’s going to be staying here for a bit.”
This makes Manako’s eyebrows rise. “Okay. That I didn’t expect.”
Kakashi reflects on what he should tell her. As a rule, they don’t lie to each other. Manako because she doesn’t see the point of it, and Kakashi because it’s just too much trouble to keep his heartrate and breathing steady or worry if he’s giving off some kind of scent that she’ll pick up – Inuzuka are pretty much human lie detectors.
However, telling her would be in direct violation of an order, and so, he resigns himself to making the effort. As usual in situations like this, he settles on the truth as much as possible.
“The Chūnin Exam is coming up,” he explains. Even though he has no intention of entering his students until their bodies are swapped back, he had been contemplating it. “There’s bound to be a lot of interest in Sasuke. Sometimes he feels held down by the others, and this way, I can give him some guidance. I know he’s been feeling stuck lately, and I thought some one-on-one training would get his mind off things.”
“Which you could do with him still living at home,” she points out and smirks teasingly. “You just want to keep an eye on him.”
Which, even without the strange circumstances, is essentially correct. Kakashi does check up on Sasuke a lot, even going so far as to watch over him when the boy is off-duty. He tells himself it’s because it’s his responsibility as the only other Sharingan user in the village, but he knows it’s because he sees a lot of himself in the kid – alone, no family, a genius dogged by an infamous family reputation.
“You got me,” he says, shooting her a hopeful glance. She rolls her eyes, but allows him to lie back down, head in her lap, as she continues to massage his aching cranium.
“What about the others?” she asks. “They’re on your team, too. Are they getting one-on-one time with you as well?”
“Not exactly,” he yawns. “Sasuke and I are of similar temperaments and, I suspect, similar chakra natures. I can achieve the best results with him. As for Naruto –” He thinks of the boy-turned-ostrich working with Tenzō who will, no doubt, teach him a few much-needed lessons in chakra control. “– he’s got alternate plans.”
“And Sakura?”
“Huh?”
“Has anyone been helping her train?” Manako clarifies. “It’s a lot harder, coming from a civilian background.”
Kakashi shrugs. “I’m not worried about her. She’s smart. She’ll excel at whatever written test they give her, and she’s devoted enough to the others that teamwork won’t be an issue.” Of his three students, Naruto is the only one he could imagine screwing up.
Manako snorts and her fingers stop moving. “So, the boys get guidance and the girl gets to figure it out herself. The way of the shinobi world continues.”
He is confused by her tone. “What are you talking about?”
“That mentality right there is why you don’t have very many women who are shinobi,” she tells him. “At the Academy, in squads, in exams…their instructors are much more concerned with making sure the boys succeed than worrying about the girls.” She adopts a mocking deep voice. “‘Oh, they’re so much more disciplined. They don’t need my help.’ And then you people are surprised when only a fraction of girls go on to become chūnin or jōnin.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“The hell it isn’t. I see it all the time – I lived it. On my genin squad, we had two girls and a guy, and our sensei constantly spent any extra time with him. I was the screw-up he couldn’t be bothered with, and Izumi was…well…” Manako trails off here, a pained look on her face that Kakashi doesn’t need to ask about.
Izumi was an Uchiha. Greatness was expected of her with minimal effort, yet it was destined to never be achieved in the wake of the clan massacre.
Manako shakes this off and picks up her train of thought as if nothing happened. “It also doesn’t help that the judges of these things are biased against women. But you’ll figure out all of this in time, I guess. The point is, don’t assume just because a girl is intelligent and talented, she wouldn’t like or need a mentor.”
Kakashi is quiet, reflecting on this.
She has a point, he realises, and it’s one he didn’t really bother thinking about before. Casting his mind back to his own team, he remembers Minato taking an interest in him much the same way he is now interested in Sasuke.
Natural talent and a damaged psyche. Gods! It’s like history repeating itself.
And after him, it was Obito, who always needed whatever extra help he could get. Minato used to encourage him with tips and tricks and compliments. But he never needed to help Rin because she was just naturally hardworking and smart. She taught herself basic medical ninjutsu and sought out teachers to help her improve on her own. She was the only one Minato was “not worried about.”
And she ended up kidnapped and killed for her trouble.
Kakashi decides right then that this won’t happen to Sakura. He’ll do his best to offer her guidance while she’s under his roof, and as soon as her body is swapped back, he’ll find a mentor for her.
She’s a genjutsu type, and he suspects she’s been talking to Kurenai, but the Yuhi woman has her hands full with her own team. Sakura will need someone who can devote the time just to her. Kakashi might as well start looking now, since Sasuke is going to be in her body and he’ll want to keep busy.
Which means finding someone that Sasuke won’t antagonise.
Easier said then done.
“Well, you look sufficiently distracted,” Manako says, standing up. “I guess I’ll just be going if you’ve got company coming. I hope you have enough food stocked for a teenaged boy. If he’s anything like Kiba, you may have to get a second job while he stays with you.”
Kakashi suddenly stumbles from his bed and scrambles to his feet. “Damn it! I forgot!”
He hurries over to his shelves and cabinets, frantically collecting every third or fourth item that has been neatly tucked away. Within minutes, he has a bundle of magazines and videotapes with lurid covers.
“I need you to keep this stuff at your place for a while,” he tells her, trying for nonchalant despite his earlier panic.
Manako raises an eyebrow, looks down at what he is offering, and then snorts. “Are you seriously giving me your porn collection?”
“It’s erotica. And I can’t have it here with a minor in the apartment.”
“Right. Because the first thing Sasuke Uchiha is going to do is snoop around your house to find your titty magazines?”
Kakashi shifts uncomfortably; Sasuke might not be the snooping type, but Sakura is easily bored and very curious. It’s bad enough she scolds him for reading his favourite series. He doesn’t want to have to live with the constant disapproval if she finds the other stuff.
“Oh, come on – you’re serious?” Manako laughs. “Relax. Maybe seeing it would do him some good. Kid needs to loosen up.”
Kakashi shoots her an unimpressed look. “This is why you should never have children.”
“On this point we both agree.”
“Would you just take these?”
“Fine,” Manako huffs with the air of someone acquiescing to a major burden. “Do you want me to also take the Icha Icha –”
“Excuse me, that’s literature,” Kakashi sniffs. “It stays with me.”
“There’s something wrong with you,” she informs him, adjusting her hold on the bundle of contraband and heading for the door. “Well, fine. I’ll take one for the team – wuss.”
Kakashi exhales as he hears the door close, and grudgingly sets about trying to put his apartment into some kind of order to accommodate two people. Seconds later, something occurs to him, so he hurries to the door, yanks it open, and shouts down the stairwell, “And if you watch any of them, have the courtesy to rewind this time!”
“Rewind what?”
Kakashi jumps and turns to see Sasuke – Sakura – standing in front of him with a duffle bag.
And I’m clearly more tired than I thought if I didn’t even notice her standing there.
“Nothing,” he lies, moving aside. “Come in.”
つづく
AN: I know, no Naruto this time, but there was a lot of heavy stuff that had to be gotten out of the way and I figured doing it earlier was better than later. But we’ll see him again next chapter :)
Reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! Also, if you are in a supportive mood, I have a tip jar button for ko-fi located at the top of the page - or through this link. Thanks for your interest in my work!
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#naruto fanfiction#genin era#team 7#eventual sasusaku#rating: teen#bodyswap#humour#drama#action/adventure#kuriquinn#sasuke uchiha#sakura haruno#naruto uzumaki#kakashi hatake#condor the ninja ostrich
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Walk A Mile [4/?]
General Disclaimer
This chapter was beta-read by: Sakura’s Unicorn
The Third Hokage is already in his office when Team 7 trudge into Hokage Tower which doesn't surprise Naruto in the least. He's pretty sure the old man lives there and maybe even sleeps sitting at his desk.
If he even sleeps at all!
"Kakashi," the old man greets, nodding at the jōnin and then considering the others gathered beside him. His eyes rest on Naruto in ostrich form, and he sighs. "You just can't do anything half-way, can you, Naruto?"
"Hey!" he cries, offended. Sakura and Sasuke make noises of amazement, but Naruto isn't really surprised the old man is already up to speed.
Condor doesn't feel the same. "Wait! How does he know?"
"I know everything," the old man says importantly.
"He was probably using his hokey crystal ball to keep track of us," Naruto dismisses. "The old fart is always spying on me." He lowers his head conspiratorially. "He's a bit of a perv, you know?"
"How rude," Condor determines while the Hokage coughs in disapproval.
"So, you know what's happened to us?" Sakura asks in a hopeful tone.
"I observe events as they play out, not causes," the Hokage replies, "but given what I saw Kakashi discover, I already pursued the proper course of action."
"Yeah, that sounds only a little creepy," Naruto grumbles.
"Before we get to that, Lord Hokage," Kakashi says, "there's another minor situation that needs wrapping up. Before we arrived here, we encountered…some trouble."
"I'm aware," the old man says, waving off whatever mission report Kakashi is about to give. Naruto's crystal ball theory is looking even more plausible. "Given the circumstances, I understand why you left the bandits behind. I've already ordered Izumo and Kotetsu to gather an extraction team. The men who attacked you will be dealt with."
"See?" Naruto points out to Condor. "Creepy."
Condor nods in agreement, fixing the Hokage with a suspicious glare.
"Good to know. My hounds weren't too pleased at being put on bandit-sitting duty," Kakashi says, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.
"Hey, who cares about that!" Naruto demands. Getting back to the village undetected already took a lot more effort and patience than he usually has. There's none left to put up with adults making small talk. "I want my body back, now!"
"Hush, Naruto. We're addressing the matter as fast as we can," the Hokage chides. There's a knock at the large door. "Ah, and here he is. Come in."
A tall man with long blond hair appears in the doorway behind them. Naruto has never met the guy, but he looks like a male version of Ino, so it's obvious who he is.
I hope he's nicer than she is. She knows where to dig in the knife and make it hurt – and not just with words…
"Lord Hokage," he greets then nods at the other jōnin. "Kakashi."
"Inoichi."
"Condor," the stupid bird pipes up, earning unimpressed glares from everyone else. "What? I thought we were supposed to throw random names out there?"
"Could you make me sound like a bigger idiot?" Naruto complains.
"Probably not."
Inoichi makes a confused face, but instead of asking, waits for the old man to speak.
"Considering the matter, I've asked the head of head of the Yamanaka clan to assess the situation," the latter tells them as he closes the door to the office.
"You didn't exactly explain the situation," Inoichi points out, his voice calm but with a definite note of curiosity. His gaze falls on Sasuke and his mouth quirks a little. "Hello, Sakura. It's nice to see you again."
Oh, yeah. She would know him. She and Ino used to be friends. Or are still. I don't even know…
"Hello, Uncle," Sakura chirps with a nervous grin. "Sorry to get you up so early."
Inoichi's eyes widen when those words come from the sullen, pale boy instead of the pink-haired girl. Naruto suspects Sasuke has never spoken directly to Ino's father, let alone referred to him so respectfully.
When Sasuke audibly smacks himself in the forehead, he's sure that suspicion is right.
"What did I tell you?" Sasuke hisses at Sakura, one green eye twitching.
"It's not like it has to stay a big secret in here," Sakura replies, sounding annoyed and defensive. "He's here to help us, so he has to know, so stop getting mad at me!"
Naruto grins.
In a span of mere hours, their team's sudden body-swap has broken down whatever unwritten rule has always existed whereby Sakura lets Sasuke get away with being a grouchy asshole. For once, she's venting her temper on Sasuke instead of Naruto.
Maybe she'll finally realise what a douchebag the guy is and start seeing me…once I'm human again, of course.
Inoichi considers Sasuke and Sakura for a second then says to Kakashi, "That's all? They've switched?"
"Oh, it's more than that," Kakashi says, inclining his head toward Condor and Naruto.
"I hope you're saying 'that's all' as a good thing," Naruto grumbles.
"Speak for yourself. I was hoping for a little more time to test this worthless hide out," Condor replies, considering his fingers. "Opposable thumbs – such possibilities!"
"Please! You didn't even know your fingers could bend until two hours ago!"
"And in that time, I've added to my list of activities I would like to try."
This time, Inoichi's eyes bulge. His head moves back and forth, trying to follow Condor's quips and Naruto's nonsensical bird noises, before offering the Third Hokage a pleading look. "Please tell me you're joking," he says flatly.
The old man makes a noise of disagreement and shakes his head. "Now you see why I did not give you the specifics until you got here. I'm sure you realise the delicate situation we're in. The fate of the village itself could be in jeopardy."
"What? Seriously?" Condor wants to know, sounding impressed.
"I honestly don't see how it's different from usual," Sasuke mutters. "Either the demon's sharing headspace with an ostrich, or the village idiot. At least one of them is housetrained."
"Why you – asshole!" Naruto howls, trying to lunge at the other boy. Strong hands wrap around his body, keeping him still, and he twists around to glower at Kakashi. Inoichi is just as annoyed with the man.
"You told them? I know you have questionable methods, Kakashi, but coming right out and disclosing sensitive information!"
"It didn't exactly happen that way."
"Don't get mad at Kakashi-sensei. It really wasn't his fault," Sakura defends loyally.
"Yeah! That jerk bird is the one with the big mouth!" Naruto agrees.
"That's eye snot laughing at nose snot," Condor retorts.
"What does that even mean?!"
"Once you get the facts and you think about it, it's really not much of a secret," Sakura continues in a louder voice to drown them out. "Anyone with half a brain can make the connection between Naruto's age and the disappearance of the fox demon. Add to it the time since the attack and the general attitude of people in the village, and the answer is obvious."
"The only reason no one's said anything is because you probably put a gag order on it, right?" Sasuke adds, addressing the Hokage. "No one's allowed to talk about it, so no one our age or younger knows. Logically, it's sound. Within half a generation, no one would even know the secret, so any enemy hoping to find out could torture us and never discover the truth."
"Oh," Sakura says, eyes wide. "I never thought of that…"
"That's because you're not a morbid psycho like him," Naruto mutters.
"Tell me about it," Condor says, bemusedly shaking his head at Sasuke.
The Hokage appears to be smiling, but Inoichi continues to look stunned. "You're taking this oddly well," he finally manages, eyeing the group of them.
"Yeah, well, Naruto's our teammate and he's saved our lives a bunch of times. Even if we've saved him more," Sakura says matter-of-factly. "He might be a total mess, but he's our mess. Right, Sasuke?"
Sasuke crosses his arms, and only grunts out a terse, "Hm," which in Sasuke-speak could mean, 'yes,' 'no,' or 'I'm throwing myself into a potentially deadly situation to show off how awesome I am.'
Naruto chooses to believe it's the foremost option and is immediately hit by a wave of gratitude toward his teammates.
Since the stupid bird opened his mouth, Naruto has been angry and terrified because he never wanted his team to know. He has enough trouble recognising the truth about the Nine Tails for himself and, despite their relatively easy-going reactions earlier, he's still anxious they might decide to avoid him. Or worse, abandon him and the team – the only true friends he's ever had. Without them, he'll never become a great ninja or Hokage, and if they were to share the information with other people? Everyone knows that there's something wrong with him, but they don't know what it is. And the idea that his teammates might be the ones to reveal that information? There would be nothing worse.
Except they've done the exact opposite. Even that ass, Sasuke, is sticking by him.
Tears well in his eyes. For the first time in his life, he feels as if there's one less burden that he needs to worry about.
Except the whole being an ostrich thing.
That still sucks.
Kakashi side-eyes Inoichi and, even with the mask, it's clear he's smirking. "You were saying about my methods?"
Inoichi mumbles something unintelligible while Naruto strides toward his teammates, tears in his eyes. "You guys…you guys are so great!"
"Ew, Naruto! Your eyes are leaking all over me!" Sakura cries, shoving the large bird body into Sasuke.
"Cut it out, moron!" Sasuke snaps and then, as Naruto accidentally treads on his foot, "Shit!"
"Sasuke, are you okay?"
"Just leave me alone…"
Kakashi emits a long-suffering sigh. "Never mind."
ナルト
"If you've all finished," the Third Hokage says dryly. "I would think this was a matter you'd want resolved sooner rather than later?"
"Hell yes!" Sakura declares, and then flushes when she realises how loud she was. "Sorry."
"Inoichi, see to Naruto and Condor first," Lord Sarutobi says, "as the issue is more pressing."
Even though she understands why (ostrich guarding a demon, after all), Sakura can't help but be impatient. Judging from the commiserating look Sasuke shares with her, he's of the same opinion.
Ino's father steps forward and places a hand on Naruto's head. When Condor makes no move to come any closer, Kakashi not-so-discreetly elbows him forward, causing him to stumble, and his head lands neatly in Inoichi's other hand.
The blond man shuts his eyes and concentrates, his expression utterly identical to the one Sakura has seen on Ino's face dozens of times. Although it's impossible for her to actually see minds switch places, when she and Ino were friends, she used to let Ino train by practicing on her and, inevitably, there is always a sudden tensing of muscles and straightening of the spine when one's mind gets moved or supplanted.
Probably a delayed neurological reaction.
It's because of this lack of response in Naruto or Condor that Sakura is the first observer to realise that Inoichi's attempt has not worked. A sinking feeling enters her stomach, growing all the worse when Inoichi removes his hands and looks grim.
"I can't," he says tensely to a chorus of disbelief. He raises a hand to silence them and continues, "It's possible the greater difficulty is because cross-species mind transfers are different. We don't use them very often for exactly this purpose. It's hard to reverse."
Yeah, no kidding. Ino once got stuck in a frog for days…
"So how do you get around that normally?" Kakashi asks.
"We'll just have to bring in more members of the clan to boost the power of the jutsu," Inoichi dismisses. "In the meantime, let's reverse the other two. Human-to-human should be no problem."
Naruto makes a complaining noise, but Condor is smug. "So, I might get a chance to eat human food before all this is over after all?"
"Don't look so pleased," Kakashi chides as Sakura and Sasuke hurry forward. Sasuke, who hates to be touched, all but fixes Inoichi's hand on his forehead himself. Sakura doesn't really blame him; she's never really liked her body, but being trapped in someone else's is a nightmare.
I promise I will never try to change the way I look ever again if I can have my own skin back! I'll never diet again! I'll stop complaining about how easy I freckle! I'll…I don't know!
Again Inoichi closes his eyes and, out of reflex, Sakura does the same, clenching her eyelids tight. She tries to focus, imagining that maybe if her mind is really intent on getting back to where it's supposed to be, it will ease the process.
It appears to be working.
There's a dizzying, pulling sensation in her head, almost like standing up too quickly. The world feels like it's tilting and there's a rush of sound in her ears –
And then she feels a disconcerting jerk throughout her entire body and her eyes spring open.
Inoichi staggers back, blood trickling from his nose, eyes wide in disbelief. "That's not possible," he says, and Sakura whirls around to stare at Sasuke to see if it worked, only to realise she's still staring out at him from his eyes. Sasuke's expression is stricken, and before he manages to force her features into a blank mask, she recognizes panic there.
"It's not just Naruto and Condor, is it?" Lord Hokage says quietly as if he expected as much.
"The technique is stronger than any I know of," Inoichi says, wiping his face. "Whatever it is, it was designed for permanence."
"'Permanence?'" Sakura whispers, horrified. It feels like an icy hand has gripped her heart.
"It isn't just your minds that have been swapped, but your souls," Inoichi says, his expression stormy. "Explain how this happened."
Sasuke's jaw is set, as if he doesn't trust himself to speak out loud without cursing or worse. Naruto is effectively mute, and Condor is smirking about the whole thing. Considering Kakashi wasn't there to witness what happened, Sakura finds herself the only one capable of telling the tale.
Forcing down her mounting fear, she quickly explains about finding the tomb with Sasuke and the fight that ensued. Guiltily, she recounts how it was her temper which shattered the shrine and likely set off the wards. At this point, she can't look her teammates in the eye or continue, so Kakashi takes over, relaying the discovery they made afterward.
"It sounds as if you stumbled on the lost tomb of Noboru Yamanaka," Inoichi tells them. "In which case, it will definitely take more than a few additional clan members to boost the jutsu. We'll need to find the exact technique to switch you back – and that will take a while."
"Define 'a while,'" Sasuke utters through gritted teeth.
"More than a few hours, I can tell you that. There are a lot of records to go through. It could be days. It could be weeks."
Sakura thinks she's having a minor heart attack because she is going to be stuck in Sasuke's body for days…possibly weeks?! Condor laughs in delight as if it's the funniest thing in the world and, finally losing his patience, Sasuke growls and lunges at the blond.
"What do you think you're doing, you lunatic?!" Condor yelps while Naruto flaps his wings angrily, yelling and pecking at them (he doesn't seem to care who he hits). With no other recourse, Sakura has to throw herself forward as well, if only to keep Naruto from gouging holes into her body.
"Enough, all of you!" Lord Third booms with enough command in his voice that even Condor freezes and looks slightly ashamed. "This is not helping the matter."
The guys all slide away from each other, and Sakura takes deep breaths. There's no point to passing out from hyperventilation.
"There's a way to reverse it and we won't give up until we do. It's just a matter of research and patience," Inoichi tells them. He glances at the Hokage. "It will definitely take a while, however. Our old clan records are written in a different dialect. We'll need a translator working on it."
"I'll have someone from cryptology assigned to the case," Lord Third acknowledges.
"While we're waiting for that, I'll speak to the older members of the clan. They might have a clue where to start."
"That's a good idea," Sakura says. "Maybe we should do that, too?"
"Sorry, Sas–Sakura. They won't speak to outsiders," Ino's father says, offering her a tentative, comforting smile. "You guys will just have to sit tight for a bit."
"'Sit tight?' That's your great advice?" Sasuke snaps. "I'm stuck in a girl's body and all you can come up with is 'sit tight?' This is supposed to be your clan's speciality. You'd think you could come up with something better!"
"Sasuke," Kakashi reprimands and Sasuke scowls, but doesn't apologise.
Sakura, on the other hand, is annoyed; surprisingly, it's not with Inoichi.
"Well, it's not exactly fun being stuck in a boy's body, either," she tells Sasuke, her hands on her hips. "Want to ask Kakashi-sensei just how 'not fun' it is?"
Her teacher makes a choking noise, but Sasuke simply turns red and shuts up. They both know she's referring to her surreal yet necessary trip to empty her bladder. What Sasuke doesn't know is that she accidentally peed on Kakashi's feet trying to figure out how to do it right, but she's so upset right now that even the fact that he's Sasuke doesn't erase her emotions spinning wildly out of control.
Also, it's somehow easier to talk back to him right now. It's like the things that bother her about Sasuke are easier to notice when he's wearing her face instead of his own. She ignores what that says about her.
"Well, we might not be able to ask the Yamanaka clan elders, but perhaps we can approach it another way," Kakashi points out quickly, evidently trying to avoid further outbursts from Sakura. "Starting with the Noboru tomb. Why was it lost in the first place?"
"Knowing the story might help us see it from a different angle," Sasuke agrees tensely, refusing to look at anyone.
"I doubt you'll find out much from that. It's just stories that were passed down by the family. A lot of it could be wrong," Inoichi warns.
"It's still a start."
"Not much of one," Ino's father sighs.
"If enough dust is piled up, it too becomes a mountain," Lord Third pronounces sagely. "You will tell us what you can – and I have some scrolls in my residence on the different clans who have joined Konoha. Perhaps there is something there as well." He considers the body-swap victims. "And perhaps I can offer you all something to eat. You must be hungry."
At that moment, Sakura's borrowed stomach give a loud protest. Both Sasuke and Condor reflexively clutch their stomachs, and Naruto gives a groan of agreement.
"And I imagine Kakashi could use a cup of sake."
"Kakashi could," their sensei admits wearily.
ナルト
Sasuke stares down at the bowl of tsumire in front of him, swallowing the lump in his throat.
On the one hand, he really is hungry. They haven't eaten since leaving that village yesterday; the impromptu body-swap made dinner a little bit less of a priority. On the other hand, there's the natural consequence of eating that he really, really wants to avoid.
He's already feeling a tightness in his bladder that doesn't bode well.
Beside him, Sakura is looking at her own bowl as if she expects it to attack. Across from them, Condor and Naruto are dedicatedly digging in to bowls of hijiki that have been placed before them. They're making an equally big mess of the Hokage's dining table, causing Inoichi Yamanaka to regard them with mild repulsion.
Kakashi, used to Naruto's eating habits, barely flinches, calmly sipping his sake.
Through that damned mask, too. Wouldn't that affect the taste?
It occurs to Sasuke that he might be the only sane person in the room besides the Hokage. And if Naruto's stories about the guy's secret perversions are true, maybe not so much.
Sasuke's stomach gives a yowling complaint and he winces. He feels a lot hungrier than he should – almost nauseous – which is odd even with how long it's been since they last stopped for food. He suspects Sakura might not have consumed as much as she should have back in the village.
She's always making throwaway comments about watching her weight, but he never thought it was more than something girls just said.
If she's been eating like a bird this whole time, no wonder she always gets in some kind of trouble. She doesn't have enough energy built up to fight!
Shinobi need to keep their strength up and, considering some of the abilities they are capable of, that means eating quite a lot. He and Naruto put away at least three times the calories of a civilian kid their age on a normal day of training; after missions that require them to use even the most basic of jutsu, Sasuke has been known to completely demolish whatever sustenance is left in his pantry.
He glowers down at the food in front of him once more and emits a resigned sigh. They're going to be stuck in these bodies for a while. If it was guaranteed they only had a day or two, maybe he could tough it out. But Inoichi effectively put the kibosh on that.
Just get it over with already!
He picks up his chopsticks and starts eating.
Sakura makes a noise of surprise, as if she either wasn't expecting this, or was waiting all along. Then, adopting a similar expression of resignation, also begins to eat. Slowly, and daintily, and taking such small bites she might as well be at a formal ceremony for all the nutritional value she's getting.
If this keeps up, he's going to have to be around her at meal times just to make sure she's eating enough to keep his body's metabolism from getting screwed up.
He shoots Naruto and the bird an annoyed look as they continue to polish off their dinner, and thinks that maybe they got the best deal after all.
"Here it is." The Third Hokage's voice brings Sasuke out of his resentful thoughts as the old man returns to the main room, balancing a large, aged scroll in his hands. "There isn't much on the subject, I'm afraid. Information that predates the village is hard to come by – until Konoha was founded, information was passed on orally."
"And still is," Inoichi says. "I'm sure the only information on the Yamanaka in those records pertains to the clan since we've been part of the village."
"That's less than seventy years worth," Sakura protests, pausing with her chopsticks halfway to her mouth. "Ino said your family didn't settle here until her grandfather was a baby."
Inoichi nods. "Yes. Which is a problem for us because Noboru existed about three centuries ago."
"That was during the Warring States period – there's no one alive who remembers that!"
"No. But most of us have been told the stories."
"Then would you mind telling us instead of beating around the bush?" Sasuke grumbles.
"Sasuke." It's the Hokage who reprimands him this time, and so he doesn't pursue it.
Inoichi shoots him a frown of dislike, but continues nonetheless.
"During the Warring States, the Yamanaka were one of the most feared clans due to their ability to possess the minds of others," Inoichi explains. Their talent was known far and wide and often used to the advantage of other clans. Even the Senju and the Uchiha commissioned us for their feuds."
Sasuke blinks at the sound of his name.
"However, what none of those other clans knew back then was that the Yamanaka used their gift to maintain a kind of immortality."
"I don't understand," Condor says. "How does your ability allow for immortality?"
"The strongest of the clan would give birth to the new generation and raise those children with the sole purpose of transferring their minds and souls. Those children effectively died as soon as they reached maturity, their bodies becoming the vessels for their elders."
"That's horrible!" Sakura gasps.
"It's a dark time in our history," Inoichi agrees. "It wouldn't have changed, except for one man—Inosuke Yamanaka."
"Wait. I know that name. I read it in a book, I think. Wasn't he the first Yamanaka clan leader to establish ties with the Nara and the Akimichi?"
"Yes. But that wasn't what he was destined to become when he was born. His father, Noboru, was the most powerful of the Yamanaka Elders. On his eighteenth birthday, Inosuke was forced to undergo the mind transference ritual. Somehow, though, he escaped."
"How?" Sasuke asks.
"No one knows. Our stories say that he was as talented as his father. Considering he defeated the ritual, I'd say he was more. However he did it, he got his freedom. Inosuke fled his people's land and lived for a time in ignominy. News spread of the growing might of the Yamanaka, who were now beginning to take prisoners from surrounding clans; people they intended to reduce to their basic functions in order to use them as vessels."
Sakura looks a little sick at the idea, but Sasuke is unsurprised. He knows that every shinobi clan has some kind of dark history and anyone who pretends otherwise is a hypocrite. His own clan is steeped in dark deeds, if the secrets he found beneath the Naka shrine are any indication. Still, the idea of robbing future generations of their bodies and wills is mildly unsettling even for him.
"Inosuke felt it was his duty to stop his people. He wandered to the clans and settlements in the area, trying to explain the root of the Yamanaka's power. He tried to rally a force to defeat the clan and end the practice that took so many lives. But those who believed him did not have the force to help him, and those who didn't believe thought he was a spy and chased him from their midst. Opposing the Yamanaka was considered suicide. Some even hoped that if they returned him to the Yamanaka, they would gain immunity."
"You humans are rather thick," Condor muses.
"Can I hurt him?" Sakura asks Sasuke. "Please?"
"I'm not stopping you."
"I am," Kakashi says, warning in his tone. He indicates Inoichi should keep talking. "So he was captured?"
"Yes. And when that happened, he decided that even if he died in the process, he would still try to destroy the clan. He didn't fight when he was brought before the elders, making them believe he had given up. They gathered everyone together to make an example of him. But when Noboru attempted to take him over, he dragged his elder into a battle in the aether –"
"The what?" Condor asks and, judging by the inquisitive whine, Naruto also wants to know.
"It's a bit like a separate plane of existence," Kakashi puts in. "The Yamanaka ability is based on their ability to navigate it."
"Exactly," Inoichi confirms. "It's said they both battled for hours but, in the end, Noboru was still too strong. Inosuke was doomed to die – until the village was attacked."
"Wait – what?!" Sakura demands.
"While the Yamanaka were busy making an example of Inosuke, two of the clans he visited – the Nara and the Akimichi – arrived in the dead of night. By combining their own special techniques, they completely decimated the Yamanaka clan holdings and wiped out the older generation."
"And that's why your clans are always together," Sakura concludes.
Inoichi nods. "Yes. After the destruction of the elders, the particular technique they used for immortality was classified as forbidden. Along with Inosuke and his descendants, the Nara and the Akimichi agreed to stand as guardians to ensure that power was never abused again."
"And Noboru?" Kakashi wants to know.
"Because of how old and powerful he was – after all, he had lived and taken many lives before his defeat – his soul couldn't simply be freed from a body. He would just possess the nearest one, without even needing to use jutsu. So, by the efforts of Inosuke and the heads of the other two clans, he was entombed in a shrine that was warded against his escape."
The silence that follows is a thoughtful one.
"But if that's what happened, what does that have to do with us getting switched?" Sakura asks.
"A defense against anyone attempting to open the shine," Inoichi clarifies. "In days of old, intruders would have been incapacitated and dealt with. As time went on, however, it was believed that Noboru had long ago wasted away and his soul passed on."
"So the shrine was abandoned," Kakashi notes.
"Yes."
"Hold on," Sasuke says suddenly, brows creased in a frown. "If we opened it and set it off, and we were the nearest bodies…"
Sakura gasps, catching on. "How do we know Noboru didn't get into one of us and he's just pretending?"
"No," Inoichi dismisses easily. "I would have noticed before when I tried to switch you back. You likely only set off the trap. I image his spirit is still locked in the shrine."
"But we will be sending a team to ensure that right away," Lord Third speaks up. "Should his escape be likely, we'll deal with it appropriately. But for you four, it's not the immediate concern. Your current circumstances are."
"You've got that right," Sakura mutters. "We've got to do something! We can't just stand around here and wait!"
"That's exactly what you're going to do."
There's a ringing silence, broken once the words sink in.
"What?!"
"CAW?!
ナルト
Following Lord Third's mandate of inaction, it's as if a room full of explosive tags has just been detonated. The three kids and the ostrich protest, their voices rising from indignant to utterly furious.
"Enough," the Hokage commands, the one word not shouted, but still able to pierce through the din. "At this point, there is no choice but to wait for headway to be made."
Kakashi winces at the mutinous expressions on his students' faces. They look like they want to throttle the old man right now and although he knows that in their current state, taking them down would be easy, he really doesn't want to have to.
"So we're supposed to just sit here. And do nothing. For days. Possibly weeks," Sasuke repeats, incredulous. "That's it? That's all you can give us?"
"It would also be best if your present circumstances were kept secret," Lord Third says, and although the wording makes it sound like a suggestion, everyone in the room knows that it's anything but.
"Why? So we don't bother you with our problems?"
"Well, that too," Kakashi speaks up, thinking quickly. He needs to diffuse the situation before his student crosses the boundary of acceptable attitude. He ignores the venomous glare trained on him, knowing that if it weren't for the new body, an activated Sharingan would be focussed on him right now.
The term 'slay with a look' makes a lot more sense once you've been subjected to one from Sasuke. He has it down to an art form – contemptuous, cold, and so full of anger that, even if his clan wasn't known for their fire jutsu, it could possibly melt shuriken…or the flesh from the bones of someone annoying him. In most cases, it's Naruto, but Kakashi has gotten a few of those looks.
He privately hopes that he never has to see what Sasuke looks like when he's truly furious.
"More practically speaking," he goes on, "it's good training and it will protect you all."
"How do you figure?" Sakura asks stiffly.
"If anyone discovers you are occupying each other's bodies, it might suggest vulnerability," Inoichi says, catching on to Kakashi's thinking. "Not just on a personal scale, but for the village as well."
"Sasuke is the last of an old and distinguished shinobi clan," Lord Third admonishes. Clearly the three adults in the room are all on the same page. Good to know. "There are many who would attempt to get their hands on him to discover the secrets of the Uchiha. Perhaps even try to take possession of his eyes."
Sakura gulps, and even Sasuke looks cautious at this.
"Without being able to move properly in his body, Sakura might leave him open to attack." The lone female member of their team hangs her head at this and Lord Third continues, "As for Sakura, she's very intelligent and knows more about Konoha and its history than many jōnin do. It's a wealth of information if she's taken unawares and, at the moment, Sasuke, your responsiveness is not up to your usual standard."
Sasuke clenches his fist.
"Foremost, of course, there's the issue of the Nine-Tails," Inoichi says. "If enemies were to discover the village's jinchūriki –"
"The village's what?" Condor interrupts, the question chorusing with Naruto's confused squawk. Well, as confused as an ostrich can sound anyhow.
Inoichi shoots Kakashi a look of disbelief.
"That actually didn't come up," Kakashi tells the blond man helpfully. Sasuke looks a little nonplussed, but Sakura seems thoughtful. She doesn't appear confused by the concept of a jinchūriki, but considering how she studies Naruto, it's possible she hasn't really thought through the exact ramifications of her teammate being one.
Inoichi pinches the bridge of his nose. "For all intents and purposes, it's an individual with a tailed beast inside of them."
"A tailed beast? You mean there are more…giant super predators out there?!" Condor demands.
"Caw?!"
"We'll discuss it later," Kakashi interjects. "If anyone knew that the Nine-Tails is currently in a body with nothing but an ostrich soul guarding it –"
"Excuse you! What's that supposed to mean?" Condor challenges. "There's that speciesism I was talking about! You humans, thinking you're the top of the food chain. My ancestors walked the planet picking their teeth with your bones!"
"It's not a matter of superiority or inferiority in this case," Inoichi says quietly. "A soul is a soul. But the complexity of the seal needed to contain a tailed beast – it involves not just melding a chakra monster with the body of its host, but also its soul."
"Let me put it another way," Lord Third says. "The seal was custom made with Naruto's soul in mind – not Condor's. And while they might be equal in every other respect, Condor's is still not the one that's tied into keeping the Nine-Tails contained."
"So, he's like a ticking time bomb right now?" Sasuke asks suspiciously. Naruto hisses at him.
"Not exactly. The seal can't be broken unless the jinchūriki allows it to weaken or some outside force does so. As I suspect Condor is not keen on interacting with the Nine-Tails –"
"You've got that right!"
"- the only thing we have to worry about is someone on the outside learning about what's happened. They could capture him and forcibly extract it."
"That doesn't sound too bad," Condor muses. "Getting rid of the fox in my head might make enjoying this meat sack a little easier."
"In previous instances where extraction of the tailed beast has occurred, the jinchūriki usually die."
"That means you, moron," Sasuke tells the bird.
Condor pales. "Oh. Well. Let's not do that then."
"Furthermore, if this ostrich is returned to his owner or even to one of our reserves, we might lose track of Naruto," Lord Third says. "Possibly forever, if a poacher were to stumble upon him at the right time."
"The point is, you guys can't show that you're vulnerable," Kakashi concludes. "Just pretend like everything is normal until we figure this out."
"Normal," Sasuke repeats, staring at him as if he has two heads. "What part of any of this is normal?!"
"What about telling our…I mean, I should tell my parents, shouldn't I?" Sakura speaks up hesitantly.
Kakashi notices how delicate she's trying to be, but even so, Sasuke and Naruto both tense up. He knows from experience that neither likes the reminder that they have no other family.
"No, you can't," he tells her. "I've met your parents –"
"What? When?!"
" – and knowing you're in Sasuke's body probably won't stop them from wanting you to stay in their house. Which would lead to questions because, to my knowledge, that's never happened before."
"Not to mention everyone else we know would ask why I was staying at your house," Sasuke adds in resignation.
"So, no, you won't tell your parents. Sasuke will simply have to stay at your home and pretend he's you, and vice versa."
"Yeah, but…" Sakura hesitates again, glancing at her teammate apologetically, and then saying, "They're going to notice if I start, um, not acting like myself."
"You mean acting like a pretentious clot," Condor supplies while Naruto nods fervently in agreement beside him.
"That is so not what I meant!" Sakura cries defensibly. "I just – it's only…we're really different, and my mother is definitely going to know, and –"
"This is a horrible plan," Sasuke interrupts.
"Look at it as continued training," Kakashi suggests. "A means of practicing your ability to insert yourself into a situation. You've all mastered the Transformation jutsu, but none of you have managed to pull off acting like your intended target after the fact."
"In undercover missions, shinobi often have to take out and replace the enemy in a way that can't be detected. Sometimes for months at a time," Inoichi adds. "There are even some who are so skilled at infiltration that they can hold out under even the most skilled interrogators."
Sasuke's face has finally smoothed slightly and, although he still isn't impressed, Kakashi finally seems to have gotten through to the logical part of him.
Good. If there were ever a day he decided to lose it and set someone on fire, it would probably be today. And I really, really don't need that.
His head throbs in agreement. As soon as he gets home, he is going to sleep. He won't even finish rereading Icha Icha Paradise beforehand.
Well…maybe just one chapter…
"You've known Sakura long enough and being on the same team has put you in close quarters," Kakashi goes on. "Even Naruto should have the ability to pretend to be her."
"Hey!" Sakura cries, offended. Kakashi isn't sure if it's on Naruto's behalf or the idea that her teammates could pull off pretending to be her.
To be honest, Naruto would have an easier time pretending to be Sakura. I doubt Sasuke even noticed until today that she wears contact lenses. For a kid with a Sharingan, he's remarkably short-sighted…
"And what's she going to be doing in all this time?" Sasuke wants to know. "Staying in my apartment?"
Sakura suddenly goes rigid, face blossoming with colour. Kakashi imagines he can see steam pouring out of her ears at the prospect of living in the home of the boy she has a crush on.
Best nip that in the bud right away. She might have an aneurysm or something.
"No. I think during this time, Sakura should stay with me," Kakashi decides. "I don't think wandering around the Uchiha compound alone is a good idea. And I can be on hand in case you have any other…" He coughs. "…issues."
This time, it's both Sakura and Sasuke that turn the colour of ripe tomatoes. They immediately stare in the exact opposite direction.
Kakashi is also very conscious of the shoes he will be throwing out once he returns home.
"B-b-but Sasuke's never stayed with you alone before! Won't someone ask questions?" Sakura inquires quickly, her borrowed voice cracking again. Sasuke's entire body shudders and Naruto cackles.
"If anyone does, our story will be that you and I are working on advanced Sharingan techniques," Kakashi answers. "In fact, if this lasts as long as Inoichi suggests, all of you could benefit from working with one another to improve your abilities. Just encountering those bandits, I've seen several areas that need improvement."
"No kidding," Sasuke mutters.
"That means no high level techniques until you are in control of yourselves," Lord Third cautions. "Even then, I would avoid all but the basic abilities."
They are all quiet at that, although the silence is more speculative than angry this time.
Naruto begins a loud, angry diatribe of grunts and bleeps. Condor rolls his eyes and sighs. "As monosyllabic as our knuckleheaded companion here is, he makes a good point. Exactly what is to be done about our situation? Am I to reside with him in his…nest? Or are we to return to that twit who believes himself to be my owner?"
"Neither," Lord Third says. "Naruto and Condor, you must stick together until a solution is discovered. I'll deal with your…well, with the individual who hired Team 7 for the mission. It seems someone promised I would remove Condor to a nature preserve, anyhow."
He eyes Sakura meaningfully.
She clears her throat and shuffles her feet.
"I will arrange for a safe location where you can both stay. I doubt Naruto's landlady will be pleased with a…guest staying with him," Lord Third continues. "And, given the serious nature of having the Nine-Tails in Condor's body, it would be prudent to add a failsafe or two to ensure the seal isn't compromised. From now until the situation resolves itself, I will be assigning a second jōnin to Team 7."
"Lord Hokage, I don't think that's a good idea," Kakashi says. "The fewer people know about what's happened, the safer."
"Yes. And under regular circumstances, I would agree. However, with the possibility of the Nine-Tails breaking free, we can't afford to make mistakes. There is one among our corps who excels at chakra repression and would be invaluable to this mission."
Kakashi's eyes widen. "You mean…"
"Yes," Lord Third says shortly. "I will send for him as soon as he returns from his latest mission."
Naruto chirrups an inquiry.
"We'll discuss it later," Kakashi tells him. He has a feeling he's going to be saying that a lot in the future.
"In the meantime, I will reiterate that this is to remain secret," Lord Third admonishes, looking straight at Sasuke. "And if it helps keep you properly focussed, consider this your next mission. A B-rank infiltration of each other's lives. Guard your secret as if your lives depend on it – because they could."
"Lord Hokage?" Sakura questions.
He offers her a grim smile. "It isn't only outsiders who might take advantage of your…condition. Don't allow them to."
"If this is such a big security issue, why don't you just send us all to a secure facility and tell people we're on a long-term mission until we're fixed?" Sasuke asks.
"Because we're genin," Sakura answers, "and our missions aren't supposed to last more than a few days. People would notice."
"And...can you imagine you four, locked away somewhere for longer than a week?" Kakashi points out.
His students give a collective shudder.
"As we learn more about the situation, we will amend our approach," Lord Hokage says. "Until then..." He trails off, orders already given, then gestures at Naruto and Condor. "You two, stay here. We have arrangements to make. The rest of you should go. I have no doubt you're tired from your journey, and you have your own preparations to make."
With that, he turns and heads back to his desk, ostensibly to begin notifying Condor's owner and calling in backup. Inoichi gives Kakashi one last commiserating look and joins the Hokage in his search for a cryptologist to be sent for immediately.
Kakashi sighs.
This is going to be fun…
つづく
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#sandaime is a wise ass#naruto fanfiction#walk a mile#bodyswap#sasuke uchiha#naruto uzumaki#sakura haruno#condor the ninja ostrich#kakashi hatake#inoichi is not amused#humour#big damn plot
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When I see your username I mostly think about Walk a Mile 😊
That story emerged ENTIRELY because I had just seen the filler episode with Condor the Ninja Ostrich and the total ridiculousness of his interactions with Naruto and Sasuke. Just their expressions. I wanted a reason to have to have an ostrich follow Team 7 around for a while. And they hadn’t done bodyswaps on Naruto as far as I knew, so...it happened like that lol.
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Still
Disclaimer & Masterpost
Summary: Kakashi can’t help the whimsical smile on his face as he watches his former students, interacting with one another as if no time has passed. This peace won’t last long, he knows. But for right now, in this tiny medical tent, they can all pretend for a little longer that everything is going to work out perfectly. [NarutoWeek2017 – Day 1 - Prompt: “Team 7”]
While the rest of the world is busy combing the battlefields for the wounded and burying their dead, the original members of Team 7 are forcibly put on bedrest. None of them are very happy about it, but no one is really in the right condition to fight it.
And Tsunade Senju is not a woman to be argued with.
“That’s all we need now, is for the saviours of the Shinobi World to drop dead from exhaustion,” she remarks imperiously, stepping back into a command role with ease. “You’re all going to sit tight and recover your mental and physical faculties before you even think of dealing with other matters – yes, Sakura, that means you too!”
And she stalks out of the tent leaving her apprentice silently fuming.
“Thanks, Sasuke,” Naruto sneers, albeit without true malice. “This is all your fault for trying to look cool! And making Sakura have to carry your unconscious ass back here, too! Looks like things haven’t changed since we were kids!”
A hand slaps the back of his head, and he winces. “Owww…Sakura, I’m injured! You can’t go hitting people in the head that are already hurt!”
“Then don’t pretend like you’re any better than Sasuke,” Sakura chides. “I had to carry you both back here because you hyperventilated yourself into unconsciousness!”
Sasuke smirks. “Loser.”
“Honestly, I told you two to take it easy, that was not taking it easy,” she goes on, hands on her hips. “I know you had to dispel the Infinite Tsukuyomi, but wouldn’t it have made more sense to eat a few ration pills to get your strength up beforehand? Honestly, the two of you are so short-sighted sometimes, I don’t even know how you’ve managed to survive so long. And another thing…”
Kakashi can’t help the whimsical smile on his face as he watches his former students, interacting with one another as if no time has passed.
This peace won’t last long, he knows.
There’s the matter of rebuilding the world following the war, a task he knows he’s going to get saddled with (Tsunade has made it pretty plain to him she has no intention of taking back the mantle of Hokage after this is all over). If that’s the case, it means he has to invest in getting Naruto rehabilitated and ready to take over as soon as humanly possible, which is a whole other headache. Then there’s sorting out all the trouble Sasuke’s been causing (he has no idea how he’s going to talk the kid out of that metaphorical nest of vipers), and being there for Sakura when the post-traumatic stress finally hits (Naruto and Sasuke have been dealing with this in one form or another their entire lives; Kakashi’s not sure how his lone female student will cope).
But for right now, in this tiny medical tent, they can all pretend for a little longer that everything is going to work out perfectly.
Several cots have been squeezed into the small structure, along with trays of bandages and other equipment set aside for their use. Yamato has been brought here as well, and lies utterly still, while IV lines stream medicine and nutritional fluids into his weakened body.
If anyone deserves some rest and relaxation after all this, it’s Tenzou…
Kakashi lies supine, his limbs heavy like lead and every thought making his head spin; he’s a little dizzy, as well, not used to seeing out of two eyes after so many years forced to rely only on his right. Naruto is a ball of barely contained energy, cross-legged on his cot and bouncing up and down nervously; he’s still running on adrenaline. And Sasuke…is twitchy for an altogether different reason.
Despite being in the company of those he considers precious for the first time in years, he looks utterly vulnerable. As if he can’t quite figure out how he came to be here or what his next move is meant to be. For someone whose entire life is a series of steps taken to reach a new goal, Kakashi imagines he’s feeling a little lost right now.
Sakura paces back and forth, practically chomping at the bit in her concern for the people outside their tent. Every now and then she sits down beside Naruto or Sasuke and rechecks their arms, muttering about their idiocy and all the medical procedures they’re going to have to go through once they return to Konoha. Neither boy complains, though, taking her mile-a-minute fretting with heretofore unseen patience.
So much for Tsunade ordering her to rest…
Every now and again, Sakura will suddenly go utterly still and gaze over at Sasuke. Her expression blooms into an expression of such utter joy and love that Kakashi feels as if he is intruding simply by observing it. But before he can look away, it is replaced with something cold and hollow, like she’s remembering something horrible, and then she’s once more a whirling dynamo of fretting and rambling.
She might not notice the way Sasuke’s eyes follow her when she moves around, but Kakashi does. There’s no discernable intent behind it, no sudden epiphany or understanding, but Kakashi gets the sense that the foundation for something are being laid in this moment.
He hopes to one day see it come to fruition.
No one talks about the bevvy of guards surrounding the tent, the express purpose of their presence being to ensure that Sasuke Uchiha doesn’t go anywhere.
Not that he has any intention of doing so; he surrendered himself to the closest authority the minute the Infinite Tsukuyomi was dispelled, and intends to accept any punishment that he is due.
(That the closest authority was acting Hokage Kakashi Hatake is only coincidence and proximity; Sasuke didn’t really get a chance to move much farther from him before passing out due to the combined effects of chakra depletion and blood-loss.)
When Sai arrives, carrying an armful of clothing and rations, he is practically ambushed by Sakura and Naruto (“Naruto, what the hell are you doing! Get back to bed, you’re not supposed to be standing!” “But Sakura, he brought ramen! It’s crappy military ramen, but still!” “I don’t care! Sit down before I make you sit down!” “Huh. It seems being a war hero hasn’t made your bedside manner any better, Ugly – ow!”). Kakashi is also curious about the state of affairs, but he can bide his time while Naruto relieves Sai of his burden (ramen first, of course!) and Sakura envelops him in a tight hug.
“I’m glad you’re alright,” she tells him warmly. “Everything happened so fast before, we lost track of you.”
“It’s thanks to you guys that I am,” Sai replies evenly, and then looks over her shoulder to see Sasuke observing the entire interchange silently. There’s a subtle down-turn of Sai’s lips, and he slowly pulls away from Sakura.
Approaching the missing-nin with the same wary air of someone facing off against a lion, Sai wanders over to stand before the surviving Uchiha. Naruto and Sakura immediately go still, as if anticipating the need to protect someone – but unsure who should merit that.
“I have read that first impressions tend to irrevocably influence future relationships,” Sai begins quietly. “Yet since knowing Naruto and Sakura, I have learned different. I would…not be averse to seeing if my first impressions of you were wrong. At some point in the future, of course.”
The tiniest frown appears in Sasuke’s forehead at this, not quite sure how to respond.
Sai holds out a spare Allied Shinobi Force uniform and flak-jacket. “This should be in your size, Coward.”
Naruto makes a choking noise, and Sakura’s cheeks turn an angry red; Kakashi wonders if he’s going to have to intervene in yet another teen-angst-fueled altercation.
A moment later, however, something unspoken appears to pass between the two, because Sasuke nods once and replies, “These will be sufficient.”
And the tense atmosphere dissipates.
At least he didn’t call him “traitor”, I guess…
Sakura wastes no time dragging Sai away to lecture him about tact, before switching gears, demanding updates on the world beyond their little tent. She wants to know the status of the wounded, the current supply situation, whether they have to worry about clean drinking water, are any outbreaks of sickness being properly quarantined, and have transports back to the various villages been organized –
“Ino said if I told you anything while you were supposed to be resting that she’d hurt me, and honestly, she scares me more than you do,” Sai replies dutifully, causing Sakura to erupt into a furious, anti-Ino rant.
Meanwhile, Naruto has brought back two of the tiny ramen rations to where Sasuke is sitting, and as he waits for the tiny field kettle to boil, chats idly about how he can’t wait to return home for Ichiraku ramen.
He regales his friend with stories about the new menu, changes in flavour, the new premises – which leads to a long, drawn-out explanation of how the village was destroyed in Pein’s attack. Sasuke listens gravely, no doubt thinking of his own recent goals, and for a wonder Naruto notices, because he quickly changes the subject to happier topics – reuniting with Tazuna and Inabi, how he and Sakura defeated Kakashi’s bell test (“Really?” Sasuke says, staring over Kakashi like he doesn’t know if he should be judgemental or amused about the entire thing.) and how even after everything, Condor the Ninja ostrich is still alive and kicking.
(Sasuke looks comically disgruntled at this news.)
The warm reminisces are interspersed with good-natured teasing. It feels a little bit forced, but everyone appreciates it all the same.
Naruto grumbles. “Real asshole move, Sasuke, taking the hand I use to hold my chopsticks…”
“Tch. It’s your own fault for not becoming ambidextrous,” Sasuke retorts, and then utterly invalidates his argument by slopping his own ration down his front.
“Come on, Sai,” Sakura sighs out loud, “let’s help them before someone ends up with chopsticks up their nose…”
“Is such a thing an actual medical concern?” Sai wonders, although he dutifully follows Sakura and proceeds to help Naruto; it isn’t even a question that Sakura will see to Sasuke.
Kakashi chuckles and pulls himself into a sitting position, reaching for the pile of clean clothing. Bathing is a long way off, but he wants to get rid of the sticky, itching sensation of dried blood against his skin.
He thinks nothing of stripping off his blood-stained, torn clothing right there. Battlefield conditions leave little room for modesty, and besides – they’re all men here, and Sakura is a medic that’s changed his bedpans and seen him in various states of undress over the years thanks to his propensity for landing himself in the hospital.
They’re a far cry from the easily embarrassed youngers he was responsible so long ago –
“Kakashi-sensei,” Sakura says suddenly, while he is in the process of tossing aside his ruined flak jacket, “you should really take off that mask. There’s got to be a lot of blood and other toxins on it that have dried. You don’t want to be breathing that in while you’re recovering.”
Her words are delivered in the usual matter-of-fact manner of a physician, and yet there’s something entirely too innocent about it.
Dimly, Kakashi notices that Naruto and Sasuke have gone utterly and completely still, though their gazes have abruptly zeroed in on his face.
A long-forgotten memory hits him then, bringing with it a tidal wave of nostalgia, and Kakashi can’t help smirk.
Ah. So that’s what this is…
“You’re right,” he says, solemnly, surreptitiously sneaking a nearby surgical mask into his hand. “I definitely don’t want to breathe anymore toxins in, especially in my weakened state.”
He reaches for the bottom of his shirt to pull it and his mask over his head, and in a move that even Sasuke’s Sharingan couldn’t track, he fits it over his face.
“Much better,” he declares to his staring former genin squad.
The so-called Neo Sannin all slouch forward, exhaling in united frustration.
“Still?” Sasuke asks.
“Still,” Naruto and Sakura chorus.
Sai just looks confused.
We’re going to be alright, Kakashi realises.
終わり
Reviews and constructive criticism are appreciated!
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#narutoweek2017#naruto shippuden#naruto week#naruto fanfiction#team 7#team 7 reunited#team 7 forever#naruto uzumaki#sakura haruno#sasuke uchiha#kakashi hatake#sai#captain yamato#chapter 699#sasusaku hints
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