The church always felt like another version of theatre to me. I never felt what other people apparently felt. No presence of God or otherwise made Themself apparent to me. It was like Santa or the Tooth Fairy. A piece of make-believe I just had to pretend and act my way through lest anyone think I was weird or a demon or something. The high ceiling, the red carpets, the altar, the pews, the many candles, the chandeliers, the confession box - they were all set pieces to set an eerie yet grandiose feeling about the place. The only chills I ever got was from the reverent way people spoke of Him, when as a kid, I thought these people were mad and I was the only sane one, which was a frightening idea, because it also meant I was on the Outside of whatever was going on. So I had to pretend. When I went to confession, I had no clue what to confess about. Was I some inherently horrible person who committed sins weekly and should feel shame over it and beg for forgiveness and advice? I used to wrack my brain for something I had done wrong, anything. I'd come up with yelling at my sister or something over a matter she and I already made peace on. The priest on the other side of the curtain would say something like, "ah yes, it is difficult having siblings. You must make it up to her, for the Lord is watching. And He will absolve you once you earn His forgiveness." I would exit feeling heavier, because participating in any of this felt like a lie. Because I did not believe in God. Did not understand how anyone could. I lied a lot as a kid. Mostly to fit in or avoid trouble. I would never confess that to a priest. He was just a man, a man who could speak with others, and I did not need others to know I was the lying sort as a child. That seemed more sinful than yelling at my sister.

Maybe it's because I was raised to be distrustful and sceptical. Maybe the church is only one half of the things that instilled shame in me as a child. But the church was like theatre. It was all a performance, all the time, built on stories, ones people just chose to believe wholeheartedly in and judge themselves by. I didn't understand it then and I still struggle to now. But not as much. To me, it is still a performance, but one people partake in for the sake of community, belonging, and meaning. But I cannot fathom such deep faith in something like that. I do not mean to insult anyone by this either. I am speaking of my own complicated relationship with religion and the church. Religion and worship can be many things. In the end, I would rather humble myself before the earth and all its life than any single god who would command I solely dedicate myself to Themself. Because respect and gratitude I understand. And I hold that for this planet.

guys I’m literally sobbing 😭 my mom surprised me with this gorgeous lovely cardigan in the bisexual flag colors, and she got a matching one to show support and I just. yeah. I never ever ever ever thought I’d have this moment with her Yk? We’ve had a complicated and close relationship and I didn’t come out to her for so long because I didn’t want to disappoint her and at BEST I thought we could get a tolerate it moment but like??? my flag?? my colors??? celebration??? ahhh?!?!??? cRYING

very unpopular trigun fandom opinion but. i really Don’t like when people write/draw wolfwood as being genuinely religious. like wearing rosary and praying every night and saying grace before eating and shit. HE SHOOTS PEOPLE AND KILLS THEM and smokes and drinks and curses and wears his collar as wide open as possible and is a Literal Hitman who was kidnapped by a religious cult as a child. do you guys sincerely believe he’s a good christian boy or something

If you have an explanation for your preference, I'd love to hear it! Either in tags or reblogs <3

No offense but trans-masc/trans-man headcanons about Arya are so incorrect, I'm sorry. I can't even take them seriously considering this fandom's desire to separate Arya from girlhood/womanhood. I would love it if people would stop trying to divorce female characters (and real women) from their identities as women just because they aren't traditionally feminine.

If we're talking about actual good-faith interpretations, ones that actually work with how Arya is written, then trans-femme is a much better fit. Arya has never had the desire to be a boy or be seen as one, she is fiercely insistent on her identity as a girl and corrects people several times, she doesn't consider herself a "real" Lady because she's not one in the same way her mother and sister are (!!!), she has self-esteem issues from her looks and ability to perform feminine tasks, she actually spends time pretending to be a boy but never considers herself one or enjoys doing it, as time progresses she loses the ability to pass as a boy (!!!), etc. Look at the material!! There's so much there to discuss from that perspective! Arya's non-conformity and how that fits into a society with such strict gender norms is fascinating and there's a lot to discuss there, but calling her trans-masc is one of the laziest interpretations to come up with.

me sitting here trying to word words while exhausted on cold medicine that knocks you out: Minthara.. still religious person-.. grieving loss of religion., Bhaal .. compensation of … would cling to any religion willing to accept her easily.. grief makes person conflict themselves … no time to grieve.. rebound religions????

I’m gonna be real with you guys, I kind of dread the idea of trying to raise any future kids in this church

omg so one thing i noticed about the latest his man 2 eps was, like you said in another ask reply, seonwoo stuck his nose into hyungjun and minsung's business for absolutely no reason AND spilled stuff to hyungjun that minsung told him. he even told sungho what junsung said in the kitchen - the whole "i don't like people touching what's mine" and okay yeah whatever, apparently he loves creating drama even though he says he doesn't. however, on the other hand, when jeongwook asked junsung if he was the one yoonghee called, junsung just explained the whole misunderstanding and didn't even reveal who yoonghee actually wanted to call. isn't that common courtesy? isn't that also something seonwoo absolutely just doesn't think of doing? i'm really trying my best not to dislike seonwoo but every time he pulls someone to the side or corners them into a room to talk to them/reveal stuff people said to him, i just have to pause and ask myself "was that really necessary? why? what was the reason?" he's trying so hard to be the main character and it's getting on my nerves because this is a dating show. please focus on the person you're interested in, not your "rival" that you're forcing him to be and just let everyone else do their own thing naturally. god. anyway sorry for the rant, just needed to get this off my chest. 😭

this might just be my favourite his man 2 anon so far bc my dear you are so completely right and correct and valid for all of this I’m screaming for you 👏👏👏 like “was that really necessary?” is exactly what’s going through my head every time seonwoo has a conversation with someone

this comparison of how seonwoo and junsung handle information in the house is so beyond telling ESPECIALLY when you consider how they both handle sharing their own feelings vs sharing gossip/drama about other people, bc junsung handled that whole yonghee situation so perfectly, which sounds like an exaggeration bc it also wasn’t especially difficult, like yes if you know an error has been made, just sort it out with that person so they can do what they want with it and don’t share it with anyone else. you’re exactly right, it’s common curtesy, but also shows how seriously good hearted he is bc it never once ever occurred to him to use it against anyone or share it around as gossip. no, he just simply resolved the situation bc he does not care for the drama. let me say it again; HE DOES NOT CARE FOR THE DRAMA. seonwoo keeps trying to get under his skin and start shit and it gets on his nerves that junsung remains unphased. he entered this house and said I’m here for sungho, everyone else can do whatever, I’m gonna do my shit and just try and stop me. bc that’s the thing, he won’t disclose anyone else’s information or gossip but with his own feelings he will be so forward and direct and clear, precisely bc he doesn’t care for drama or misunderstandings, and bc he remains primarily concerned with himself and what he’s doing, knowing that if he stays true to himself and does what he wants, whatever happens at least then he won’t have any regrets.

seonwoo, on the other hand, will play so high and fast with other people’s words and gossip and drama and yet will hardly say a word about how he’s actually feeling. he will stick his nose into any situation and finds it so easy to just share not just what he’s said but what others have said in private conversations to others, and from what we see he doesn’t clarify whether this is information he can share. so yeah, sure, it’s cute he’s playing matchmaker for minsung and hyungjun, but did either of them ever ask him to? did either of them say hey can you help me out and be the go between telling him what I just said? bc minsung is still considering two options, and seonwoo just seems to be pushing hyungjun down his throat for i don’t even know what or if there is an ulterior motive, but no one is intruding on his situation with sungho and junsung so why he’s doing this I truly don’t know. I’m glad he seems to have a good friendship with minsung but at what point does he just start looking like a stirrer, like I swear how many of the conversations in eps 6 and 7 started bc seonwoo pulled someone to the side. and on top of that, from how many of those conversations did we actually learn how he feels about people. whenever he talks about sungho or yonghee, he says nice things that encourage his relationship with them, sure, but there’s only so many times I can hear “he’s special and not what I expected” and “I would like to try and date you sometime” before I’m asking ok but what does that mean?? how much are you interested and to what extent are you committed/willing to commit to this person??? the stuff that actually matters to the other people involved in these relationships. every conversation with him reminds me of jaewon in the eighth sense saying I’m not just gonna tell you my trauma, you have to coax it out of me and I’m sorry but you do not get the jaewon trauma pass.

and just to say… sungho isn’t out here starting drama either. in the kitchen, he simply says I talked to seonwoo to junsung, and doesn’t really go into anymore detail, bc he doesn’t feel the need to disclose everything. and in that conversation, they both hold a level of respect, junsung respecting the privacy of sungho’s conversation with seonwoo and sungho respecting the privacy of what seonwoo said. and yet without disclosing anything they manage to have a fruitful conversation that establishes where they’re all at, which is what the situation needs, clarity. and it just makes me mad that seonwoo doesn’t afford that same privacy to either of them. like it’s gone past a matter of intent for me, like whether he intends to or not, he is starting drama, and it’s too much.

but really how lovely it is to be being made always. to be in a constant state of creation. to be actively participating in your own Becoming. God made me transsexual for the same reason he made grain and not bread; for me to share in creation, and in creating, show how i was made in his image. to create is to be holy and i am learning how to be holy every day i become myself. how lovely to be loved for the way i create myself!

a sequence of events.

judas mention no.1 in try again, try again, try again judas mention no.2 in the merits of your unholy wounds judas actually shows up in shooting star (coming soon)

Me: I’m going to try to be fair to all of the women of Westeros and if I cannot, I just won’t talk about that one 🌸🥰🌸🥰🌸🥰🌸

Daemon or Viserys chews food in an annoying way: AND THATS WHY THEY SHOULD BE SENT STRAIGHT TO JAIL RIGHT AWAY

Olivine still feeling like he needs to atone for what he did in chapter 4 wah,,

I have feelings I can't put into words about Olivine still being devout after everything he's lived through and the way he sees Eiden not just as the man who saved him from his loneliness, but also as his redemption in a religious sense - and also how all of that is allowed to (and in fact has to) coexist with Olivine figuring out who he is and what he's worth outside of his role as a priest. he's got such a complicated relationship with the church he serves and the fact that he never had a choice to be anything but a priest, but in the end his faith is treated as a good thing. the narrative condemns the cruelty and hypocrisy of the church, but it celebrates the comfort and joy Olivine continues to find in his faith, and he does so while being fully accepting of people who follow other faiths or no faith at all. I think about that a lot.

since the christmas post i have had an influx of ex-catholics follow me i just want to say this:

you are all very brave. choosing to empower yourself even against your faith community, your family, and christian hegemony is courageous and you must be commended for doing so. if no one else is proud of you i am.

I should sleep soon but listen to me. it's implied in certain places [have to dig up the codices] that the Elvhen had some contact with the Evanuris after the Veil went up. You could take this as delusion or deceit; they believe they're communicating with the Evanuris in the Void, but they're mistaken or spirits are lying to them. You could also take this as politics; remaining leadership says they're in contact with the Evanuris to maintain order and legitimize their power.

But, you could say they had genuine contact. It would be limited for sure and potentially unclear [and of course it was eventually lost], but it's not impossible. The Void is not wholly inaccessible. It would be extremely dangerous to access, but perhaps some Dreamers were able and/or the Evanuris still had enough power at the time to send out messages. Then captivity in the Void weakened them or the proper pathways were lost. There are also the eluvians and their pathways. In theory, the Elvhen could get close to communicate with the Evanuris to some extent. This is especially true if my theory about there being eluvians designed to access / look in on the Void is true. So there are options for how it could be accomplished [and eventually lost], and there are definitely people who would risk the blight and/or getting lost in the Void to contact their gods in the aftermath of the fucking apocalypse.

If any of this is true . . . very interesting to consider Merrill's work with the eluvians and specifically the network to which Audacity was connected potentially leading to contact with the Evanuris. Probably really spotty contact but like . . . it could happen . . .

ok i wanna elaborate some on one of my answers for that question i asked like a week ago. the troy DLC that exists in my head. the story being framed as him recounting the events of sr1 during confession to a priest.

it opens on him getting in the confessional, admitting that he hasn’t been to church in a long time, but feeling as if he has no where else to turn to. he worries that this is a sin that cannot be forgiven, that he betrayed people he cares about, even letting one die in his arms. caught between his duties in his career or doing what is morally right; in other words, his faith is being tested. he tells the priest what happened, and it fades into him at his house being woken up by a call from chief monroe, telling him he needs an update by the end of the week. the story begins on the day that julius and troy will save playa. the game starts with troy at his house reviewing his files and reports he’s made thus far, until eventually jules calls him and tells him to be ready for their plan tonight—the plan that led members of the three gangs to take each other out…the same plan that playa got caught in the middle of.

gameplay would be largely the same as sr1, just playing as troy and seeing/doing things from his POV. but i think there’d be a bit of a typical mystery game element to it as well, with having to look over things like reports he’s made. each character has one, and things get added to them as the story progresses. i’ve always appreciated the original sr1 game manual, so i think his writings have the same tone. similarly i think he has a small notepad with him as well. he’s a detective after all, he’s gotta be taking notes somewhere.

anyway y’all know the plot of sr1. it goes through the major beats (namely the defeat of the three gangs, with a bit more emphasis on the carnales and rollerz since he was actively involved in those + he has some Thoughts when it comes to lin’s situation). it ends with him being the one to pull playa out of the water. fades back to him in the confessional. he’s not sure how he feels anymore. it’s the first time he’s really talked about what happened. maybe he hoped talking about it would help him process this grief. maybe god would hear him and perform a miracle. but the one thing he knows is that he’s sick of churches.

other early buffy bi-coding includes: both her heart & spirit being initially coded as gay/bisexual (the writers weren’t sure which till tara came into the picture, & according to a semi-recent article, of which label pretty much until willow came out) & were intended as such, as the writers always knew one of them was going to come out.