Shatter
(Ghost x Soap)
Ghost has a breakdown after he accidentally hurts Soap. He does the only thing he knows - he runs.
Chapter 38 excerpt from Don't Let Me Go.
It was in each other’s arms that they stayed kneeling on the hard tile. Ghost’s body shook with jerky movements as silent tears continued to pour from his eyes. Soap carved circles into Ghost’s lower back and peppered the side of Ghost’s face and the bridge of his nose with gentle kisses.
“I’m sorry…” Ghost whispered again and again. “I’m so sorry.”
After a while, Ghost’s shuddering breaths eventually slowed, only interrupted by the occasional quick inhale. The tears dried against his face and stopped falling onto Soap’s shoulder.
The momentary peace between them was fragile. Soap didn’t dare let go.
Ghost finally shifted his head against Soap’s neck and his arms loosened slightly. He started to untangle them from around Soap’s body and transfer his weight onto one foot to stand. Soap followed him, keeping a reassuring hand on his forearm.
Before Soap could stop him, Ghost stepped back and out from Soap’s grip. He naturally reached out at the loss of touch but pulled back when Ghost flinched away from him. Startled and unsure, Soap’s hand hovered in the space between them apprehensively. It fell flat back down against his side.
“Ghost…?” Soap said weakly.
His body was tense and practically crumbling in on itself. Ghost still refused to meet his eye and remained silent.
Soap had never felt more useless than he did right now.
“I shouldn’t have done this…” Ghost spat out with quiet fury. His words were laced with hatred and disgust.
“It was an accident,” Soap replied quickly.
Ghost shook his head curtly. “No, this.” He took another breath. “I’ve been so selfish in thinking I could get what I wanted…” Ghost was muttering, practically speaking to himself.
“What are you talking about?” Soap asked, getting worried.
“I don’t deserve this,” Ghost continued to mutter, distress evident in his voice. “I don’t deserve good things.”
“That’s not true,” Soap asserted forcefully. “You are just as deserving as anyone else.”
Ghost dragged his eyes up painfully slowly until they locked onto Soap’s neck. A flicker of sadness flashed in his eyes and his jaw clenched underneath the mask. He quickly ripped his eyes away again.
Soap’s heart cried out, wanting to comfort Ghost but having no clue on how to start. He anxiously rubbed the palm of his hand.
“I’m not,” Ghost replied angrily. “I can’t do it. I can’t do this. It was dumb and selfish and has taken my focus away from the job."
Soap shook his head in disbelief at what he was hearing. His heart felt like it was going to leap out of his throat and a heavy pit in his stomach made him feel like he was going to be sick. He could feel himself getting overwhelmed again very quickly.
“Wait, wait,” Soap said, the words tumbling from his mouth. He tried to reach out towards Ghost again.
“This was a mistake," Ghost said, moving away from his touch again.
“Simon, no… w-wait,” Soap stuttered. “We…uh…we can work this out. We can.”
"No. No!" Ghost shouted, bringing his hands up to dig into the side of his temples and shaking his head vigorously.
“Simon…” Soap said, his voice wavering. “You’re scared and-and I’m scared too but we can be scared togeth-”
For the first in what felt like forever, Ghost finally glanced up to look into Soap’s eyes. Uncertainty flashed behind them almost imperceptibly before hardening fully as he stared at Soap.
“You were a mistake," Ghost spit out, vitriol dripping from each word.
As soon as those words pierced Soap’s ears, he felt as though a knife had been plunged straight into his chest. He froze in place, his arm hovering as he reached out towards Ghost. His mouth dropped open in shock as the words rang out over and over in his mind, each time the knife twisting deeper.
The pain that surged through him hurt more than any wound he’d endured. The betrayal that he felt hearing those words from the one person he cared most about in the world was suffocating.
Ghost rushed past Soap, trying to escape. Still in shock, Soap couldn’t muster up the energy to turn around. He heard the front door open then slam shut, causing him to flinch.
This wasn’t real. Nothing felt real. He needed to wake up.
Full chapter ao3.
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It’s not a new observation that the dates in The Count of Monte Cristo are not particularly rigorous. Even as important an event as Edmond’s arrest at the beginning of the novel has several different dates attached to it in various chapters, although mostly the novel agrees with itself that it happened on 28 February 1815.
My current favourite, though, is the Carnival in Rome. It’s explicitly stated to start on Tuesday, the twenty-second of February, but a few chapters later, on the day after Carnival ends, a character looks at a calendar and announces that it’s now the twenty-first of February.
If that wasn’t ridculous enough, neither of these dates fit the calendar for 1838 in real life, in which 22 February was a Thursday and the day after Carnival ended was 28 February.
…wait, that date seems familiar.
If Alexandre Dumas had cared a bit more about dates, we could have had a Count of Monte Cristo in which Edmond launches his vengeance by rescuing his enemy’s son from captivity on the anniversary of the day his enemy had him imprisoned.
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