they really dont tell you how absolutely gutwrenching it is to be a person in your very early 20s that doesnt have the opportunity to be around people your age because you dropped out of school so you're missing getting to do all of the normal young people figuring out life stuff

SWAG ANOTHER DREAM SMP AU FIC IDEA THAT ILL NEVER WRITE POG

this is a very long post please im so sorry my brain it just

(tw for like slight possession n shit)

(sorry its all jumbled i write all of these in discord to my friend and copy paste them here please if u have questions ask me im always willing to talk abt this shit please it haunts me)

(context: i saw a tiktok abt the hc that both dream and techno are gods of some sort bc theyre mentioned in the tales of the smp by karl a time traveller and my brain just ran w it)

going back to the techno and dream are gods thing right so dream is a vessel for the god dream xd (??? work in progress youll know what im talking about at some point its really funny tho uve def seen clips of it) and he was possessed?? by the god after the server started (when he started going from super friendly with everyone to control/power hungry) when he started sacrificing everything for power so no one could have power over him? that was the god making him do it bc the god was terrified of not being in control since theyd lost it all to techno in their past. thats why we never see dream and techno fight and why we see dream extend help and support to him at times as well as respecting his boundaries and such bc theyre scared of techno (again w the best of 10 duel reference, techno killed the god in a past life which is why the god has been forced to use a human vessel to get anything done on the mortal plane) but when something that powerful spends pretty much any amount of time in something mortal and mundane like a person, the host body starts to change (hence the mask) i like to think that the god would be akin to that of a biblically correct angel?? like the ones w multiple eyes n shit yk so after time things start to happen to normal dreams body he gets extra sets of eyes and he gets taller and overall his body seems just Too Small for whatevers inside of him and thats why he (hc) started wearing the mask in the first place he knew something was wrong w him but he didnt want anyone to know even tho they would most likely help him he was ashamed that he was different in the first place so he started wearing the mask once the other eyes showed up. and i think that the god would talk to dream similarly to how technos voices work yk? except its just the one voice instead of many many small ones. and again with the mask thing when he lost to tommy and they took him in, part of his mask broke to the point where u could see just a bit of the right side of his face but enough to see that it Wasnt Right there were two eyes where there shouldve been one and spots on his cheeks bright enough to resemble stars and where the color of his pupil should have been is just a sickeningly neon green with nothing else behind it. so they let him keep the mask even tho they already know something is wrong but it clearly makes him Very Distressed when asked to remove the mask or told to give it up. blah blah blah god harassing its host bc it got them caught and thrown in a prison and dream goes ever so slightly insane having to share a mind and body with a literal ancient god w a vendetta against everything hes built whos forced him to sacrifice everything he loved and cared for out of fear yk the usual prison shit and then techno comes a long and breaks him out or whatever but on their way back to his house he drops a really cryptic line abt how 'its nice to see an old friend again' and 'i thought i got rid of u for good last time' and dream is just ???? what are u talking about?? weve never been friends and youve never gotten rid of me? what. until techno spins around and just 'im not talking to you im talking to the thing inside u' or whatever and dreams eyes flash some brilliant gold or sumn and boom this is ur fellow god speaking how may i help you and dream xd (that feels so wrong to say but) and techno bond or well ig just talk abt how the past centuries have gone and ig while xd is fronting (??? i think itd kinda be like DID in a sense w multiple people being able to front yk?) dream is in a sort of semi conscious state but still hears everything going on around his own body until hes thrown back into the drivers seat (i think that xd would only be able to front for short periods of time due to the vessel n shit that makes sense right) and hes so confused someone please help him hes just a dude who happened to get possessed by a god someone help him so when they finally get back to technos house he sits dream down and explains the best he can without literally melting dreams brain. which would also play into the 'technoblade never dies' bc hes. literally a god. mortals cant kill him unless they have idk some sort of super weapon idk and blah blah blah xd gets what they want and finally has the ability to leave finally leaving dream literally the shell of a man with no home friends materials or anything with techno to basically take care of him until he reaches some semblance of stability again (which would take ages, realistically (wdym realistically) going from normal, to a god sharing a body with you and speaking in you brain living as a single being together and hearing their thoughts, to back to normal but with all the memories of what you did and what they made you do and also no more god speaking in ur head it would take a hot sec to recover from) so he lives with techno (whos, not to mention, another god) for a while until he can fend for himself again and after a good year or so passes and no one hears from dream they start to look for him and see what happened bc he went from the biggest threat on the server to just. gone. no one knows where he went after whatever he did and they want closure. is he dead?? who knows. so george and sap set out looking for him and decide to ask techno for help since hes good w directions n shit also he was the last person to see dream alive so he might have an idea of where he is and they walk up to his house and knock on his door and techno opens it and just stares at them he knows who they are, dreams talked about them before but hes never met them really so he talks to them, getting through the polite hellos how are yous before sap finally asks 'do you know what happened to dream? no one knows where he went and we just want closure' techno huffs and tells them to wait there he (this is the basement door im using his arctic tundra house in my head) goes down the ladder to the second basement, they can hear him talking to multiple people (ranboo phil dream) but cant tell who everyone is before coming back up the ladder, back to the door. he tells them to wait outside he needs to get something first (its dream hes getting dream) theyre standing out by carls stable when the door creaks open and dream steps out looking around for who the fuck could possibly be looking for them he betrayed everyone and most people thought he was dead who could possibly be here asking for himself and not ranboo or philza and when he steps out, his green hoodie (memento made by ranboo to help him cope w the loss of the voice in his head) catching the morning light off the snow and he was happy and then he saw them standing by the house hed grown to call home at least for now he breaks. he missed them so so much it hurt. he never expected to see them ever again much less them come looking to see him but hes scared he realizes he doesnt know what to say there is nothing to say he fucked them all over he ruined everything and then hes being hugged. they missed him too. they dont forgive him jsut yet but they missed him and thats enough for him right now. the three of them stand there just being in each others presences and techno creaks the door open to make sure they arent trying to kill each other and sighs and leans against the frame smiling. hes happy again and thats the best he can do for him. he invites them all in and offers to explain everything to them to try and ease the blame off of dream bc in all honesty it was his fault but xd made it far far worse that it should have been (a bit late but foot note abt xd i think that they would be an idle god until someone w intense feelings of powerlessness and insecurity like awoke them from their techno induced slumber and inhabited dream to help him fulfill his desires for power and control) and by the time he and dream are finished its late at night and sap and george are ??? so u were possessed by a god who techno killed centuries ago in a duel and it amplified ur feelings of insecurity and ur thirst for control to the point of isolating urself from us and destroying everything everyone cared abt?? also technos an ancient god who lusts for bloodshed but also makes turtle farms in his free time?? are we getting this right????? and techno and dream are just yea thats abt it glad this all made sense then they all go to bed (its a small house dream has a lil shack like ranboos and sap and george somehow slept over there for the night) and in the morning sap and george leave again but promise to come back, they still arent ready to forgive and forget bc even tho it wasnt all his fault his emotions getting away from him is what caused this all in the first place so they do need time to process now that they know he isnt dead and dream continues to live near techno in almost full independence and eventually moves back with his friends even tho many still hate him. hes happy and for now thats enough. another foot note; even after xd leaves his being, he still has the extra eyes, glowy freckles n is xtra tall n shit that cant just be reversed but now that hes himself again these things take their tolls on human bodies so i think hed have something at least similar to arthritis bc of how his bones were literally manipulated bc of how strong ethereal magic or whatever is. so he would still wear the broken mask but he takes it off now and is ok with it being off hes working on getting better now that hes himself again and everyone living w/by techno is helping him with that. also i think that he would get blinks of xd's memories like from when techno was killing them and have sumn like ptsd panic attacks from it and techno feels super guilty abt it but theres literally nothing he can do except apologize and after the first few times dream stopped him from apologizing bc it is his fault but he didnt do it to him so it doesnt matter to dream at least and they live in pretty much harmony until dream finally moves back in w george and sap the end. he also started wearing the mask in the first place bc of the extra eyes but he played it off as being uncomfortable around new people and not wanting them to know what he looked like until he trusted them (bc that literally makes sense irl how funky is that) so sap and george never pushed him and when they caught him without it on on the rare occasion they wouldnt pressure him to leave it off or anything even tho they already knew what he looked like (when they respect ur boundaries </3) they just assumed that it was insecurity (it was but also mans had like 3 eyes so) and just left him alone

i just relistened to doctor horrible’s sing along blog and got inspired so. dghda superhero/supervillain au where todd is an up and coming hero vigilante and dirk is the world’s worst villain

now hear me out

okay so dirk’s life is actually very depressing, as per usual. unfortunately, he was adopted by riggins as a child along with other children and trained and brought up to be villains for his supervillain team, Project Blackwing. fortunately, nearly all of the children are terrible at being villains. bart was trained to be a killing machine, but she only ever seems to kill bad guys. the rowdy 3 were trained to be robbers and chaos makers, but they always do robin hood-esque deeds of good. mona is a shapeshifter and riggins makes her transform into giant monsters to attack the city, but usually all she does is curl up on the roads as a giant rabbit and cause traffic. francis didnt like being a villain so when he was ten he just fucked off into an alternate dimension of his creation. dirk was....

dirk didnt have any immediately noticeable powers, but riggins noticed his propensity to see the innerworkings of the universe. he had no idea how to weaponize that though, so he just made dirk learn. learn a lot. dirk becomes the supervillain who makes wacky inventions and ray guns and -inators ala dr. doofenshmirtz from phineas and ferb. riggins wants him to make some really deadly stuff, but dirk always says the universe wants him to make an -inator that makes frogs sing, this will set the universe right this week!!!!

riggins and dirk have a very bad bad relationship where riggins forces dirk to do a lot of things he doesnt want to do and dirk finds a way to do them but ducking under causing any real harm. really, all dirk is is an incredible nuisance, a big enough nuisance that he gets to save himself from riggins’ manipulation for a while. sometimes.

anyway, dirk is known by the city as Icarus (segue to talk about dirk’s supervillain outfit which is absolutely inspired by dr. horrible. colored coats and huge black gloves. dorky looking goggles that are on his face whenever hes out being a villain. he changes color of his coat every appearance) thanks to his first invention which was a pair of mechanical wings he made to help aid the Incubus and Marzanna rob a bank. he very famously fell out of the sky and into a dumpster while holding a gigantic bag of money because his wings failed. he got arrested, but like all of Project Blackwing, theyre easily out of jail in like 3 to 4 days tops, much to the irritation of Detective Farah Black.

speaking of! let’s check out our roster of heroes!!!!

farah is a cop by day but the magnificent Athena at night!! Athena is the city’s most popular and well known superhero. she has super strength and even if shes wearing a mask face mask and a visor, everybody just knows she is beautiful. she fights crime at night to make up for the fact that bad guys keep getting away at her job. she got her power from her last job, being the bodyguard of patrick spring, a retired superhero inventor. one of his experiments went wrong and blasted her with a ray that granted her super strength. okay half the reason i gave farah super strength is because i cannot stop thinking about farah effortlessly lifting a truck.

tina!!!! tina isnt a superhero but she comes from a family of empaths. she works alongside farah as a detective and the empath thing means she can basically tell when somebody is lying or not. tina thus knows that farah is athena and farah knows tina is an empath and tina thinks farah is the coolest thing EVER. tina wants to be farah’s sidekick SO BAAAAD but farah never lets her. tina follows her anyway when farah goes nightwatching as covert backup.

now todd and amanda are complicated. pararibulitis exists in this universe the same way it does in canon, todd lied about it, amanda got it, and hes been wracked with guilt ever since and says he’s been cured. it is a terrible terrible condition until both of them learn, independently, that it’s actually a power. nobody else in the family ever learned this. with enough practice, they can make whatever their hallucinations are real and direct them and lengthen them. getting electrocuted? congrats, you have electricity powers for 20 minutes. however, the downside is that it hurts until you control it. amanda also has cool seer powers, and her discovery of these powers leads her to going out more and meeting the rowdy 3 and realizing theyre pretty cool people!!!

meanwhile todd develops pararibulitis for real and realizes it’s a power and decides the Only Way to make amends for his sins is to become a vigilante superhero. it’s so todd. be a superhero by using a power that deliberately hurts him in the process. hoo boy.

ANYWAYYY. todd becomes a masked vigilante known as Spectrum, dubbed by the public because to an outsider’s perspective, it just look like todd has completely random powers (trending twitter hashtag #SpectrumsPowerOfTheDay. is it gonna be electricity? fire? making wasps appear out of nowhere? pulling knives from thin air?? WHO KNOWS!!!)

todd is SHIT at fighting with any finesse and soon meets Athena who begrudgingly teaches him the ropes. they both dont know their secret identities until todd gets hurt and farah has to drag him to his apartment.

ANYWAY MY WHOLE POINT WITH THIS AU IS THAT ICARUS AND SPECTRUM BECOME RIVALS. icarus is DELIGHTED with spectrum because athena isnt too big on fight banter, but spectrum is SO FUN TO RILE UP. please please please imagine icarus and spectrum just squabbling while fighting on top of a building that has icarus’s new useless ray gun, or something.

icarus and spectrum both become quite attached to each other, and if they werent on different sides, theyd consider each other friends!!! icarus uses a healing ray gun to heal spectrum’s wounds when he gets injured. spectrum protects icarus from a falling telephone pole. their fight banter slowly turns into thinly veiled flirting, and they both can feel the tension. because it is....a Lot.

meanwhile, todd in his normal life, suddenly meets dirk gently at a laundromat. he gets a crush on him immediately. dirk gets a crush on todd too. both of them have a crisis about having a crush on “two different people.”

okay okay im done

okay heres that post i promised

heres a real life account of what “violent alters” in DID systems are actually like, their purpose and the psychological aspects behind them so you can perhaps understand them better, whether for your own system needs or so you can better represent DID in your fiction

note: information is taken both from my experience, experiences of others (both people i know and people i dont, from various walks of life) and general psychology. ofc this info isnt true for everyone but is generally helpful in my experience helping them

also this post might be a little roundabout because tfw language disabilities but bear with me

okay so to begin with, “violent alters” as most people know them are more commonly referred to as persecutors in DID terminology so thats the term ill be using for the rest of this post

i should explain the understanding of DID i’ll be writing this post under. dissociative identity disorder, or DID, is a dissociative mental disorder centered around the ‘splitting’ of one individual into two or more (usually more) ‘parts’ or ‘alters’. DID is almost always a response to trauma, generally during childhood, and is a coping method, if rather extreme at times, for a person who’s undergone trauma to be able to continue life normally by offloading responsibilities and traumatic experiences onto other people. alters in a ‘system’ (the collective term for a set of alters in one headspace), while their own identities and people, are psychologically several parts of a whole. for this reason, no alter is truly independent  of one another, and this info is important for the discussion of persecutor alters

a persecutor alter, is an alter who often takes the form of something monstrous or scary to their host (the ‘default’, day-to-day alter in a system). they represent something a host does not want to face, whether it be self insecurity, trauma, anger issues, or any number of things. they come across as rude, dangerous, even violent. many will attempt to kill/hurt their hosts or other alters in a system during their ‘active period’ (we will call it that). 

it’s not actually common for persecutors to harm people outside the system unless those people directly provoke them, they are preoccupied with their duties in system and often could care less about outside people. they are more dangerous to their hosts than they will ever be to you, some persecutors will even be docile to outsiders while still being violent to their hosts

however, persecutor alters are just as important to their hosts as protectors, caretakers, littles, etc. some persecutors are even protectors in their own right. they have something they want or need to tell the host, and for whatever reason, the only way they know how to get their host’s attention is by acting out violently and putting them and others at risk. it is often true that the more you ignore or think badly of a persecutor, the more violent they will get. they NEED to be noticed, they NEED the validation of their host and for their host to listen to the message they have for them

they are people just like any other alter, and they respond to understanding and being listened to and validated, even if they dont know exactly what is the appropriate response

real life account time. one of my ex-persecutors, named Mars, split when i was around 13-14. i was currently suffering institutional abuse on account of my autism diagnosis. i was adjusting to the confirmation while at the same time being belittled and treated like an object by the adults around me for this knowledge. i was also being abused by my mother for this specific thing. i sufferred a lot of meltdowns and fucked up my social interactions a lot, i was confused and angry. Mars started to come around during my meltdowns, and he would parrot what i was thinking about myself but didn’t want to admit. he was belittling me, calling me words i couldn’t stand to face such as the r-slur, and any number of things. this was, in fact , how i thought of myself but on account of being multiple, it was offloaded onto Mars so i could face it. it’s easier to face these things when they don’t present as yourself

as the years went by i started to adjust, i broke free of the abusive situations, i found support groups and friends with autism and came to better understand myself and my symptoms and how to continue with my teenage life. after a few attempts to kill me and then some other alters, i finally faced Mars and told him i wasn’t scared of him. i’m autistic, i’m proud, and nothing he or anyone else ever said to me was going to change it. he ‘mellowed out’ after that, since his mission was complete and i had faced the fears which he represented. 

now at this point, persecutor alters will either integrate (where they ‘reverse’ the splitting process and fuse back with the member they split from, usually the host) OR they will become an ex-persecutor, and move onto a different role. often a protector, or even a host. they tend to keep their rude, sometimes apathetic attitudes but with their concern for their host channeled into something not so violent. Mars is currently a sort of protector/defender hybrid who will take control if things get SERIOUSLY dire, because he has no concern for anything outside the system and it can’t get past him. he has some friends in system and though he doesn’t show his face as much as he used to, he’s welcome whenever he does now that he’s mellow/docile

a lot of persecutors express frustration that they are misunderstood, it’s not their fault that all they know is anger and violence, they are made that way, so to speak. representing persecutors as being violent killing machines in fiction often serves to fuel their anger, causing more damage to their hosts at times. in a sort of “if thats what they think of me, that’s what ill be” kind of way. but behind the violence they are just as valid as any alter, and have something very very important to teach the host, they are not to be ignored and not to be demonized, it never ever helps when dealing with them 

of course, it’s completely valid for a host to hate and be hurt by their persecutors, often is the point. but if you are an outsider, it’s often not helpful and can worsen the situation, and strengthen tension between a host and their persecutor. ESPECIALLY any sort of “i hate you for taking (host) away” sentiment. lowkey its really annoying dont do that

so for those who have persecutors and are trying to deal, keep yourself safe and keep your protectors close by, but try to talk to your persecutors, try to understand where theyre coming from, potentially let them front with supervision to see if they can express their message through art, music, writing, or their actions. they are trying to help you even if they’re doing it in a very unorthodox way

for those who’s friends and loved ones have persecutors and you want to help, honestly follow the same advice above. sometimes persecutors will threaten to harm the host to get a rise out of you, unless you believe the host to be in serious danger, try not to respond in any meaningful way. sometimes persecutors will mellow out if they have someone to talk to, their hosts rarely understand them and you can potentially be a mediator to help the process go faster and benefit them both

if you are a singlet (that’s someone without a system) writing DID into fiction, or writing DID headcanons, great! hopefully this sort of rambling of information can help you better understand persecutors and what they represent and how they behave, so we can see less and less “OO SCARY VIOLENT PERSECUTOR MURDERING EVERYONE OOOO!” shit like split and everything. positive DID representation is very important, even that including persecutors. systems require every single alter to run smoothly, including persecutors, and they are just as important as any other

thank you for reading if you did and if anything needs clarification let me know. obviously this is very emotion based, theres no way it couldnt be, but i have handled several persecutors in my own system, mellowed out persecutors in my close friends’ systems, and read up and studied a lot on real life accounts of them besides my own. i dont believe in “bad” alters, i believe in misguided alters