this has been on my mind a while (and i think its one of the main reasons the overseas menhera comm is almost dead) but i think that what is "anti recovery" vs what is "pro recovery" vs what is considered those things on social media are very different.

"pro recovery" isnt "dont talk about the ugly side of your illness, dont vent, dont make art thats graphic, and ur not allowed to just exist unless ur constantly every day making the effort for improvement and trying to prove it thru what u post!! and ofc, dont be negative!! uwu medical motifs ONLY in menhera so you dont romanticize", its "do what you need to do to survive the day. use art to cope with your feelings, talk about it, you are allowed to exist and while getting better is a noble goal, its okay to just survive right now".

"anti recovery" isnt just... having a restrictive ED, a self harm addiction, or using drugs, its not "ugh i feel like giving up", its not making fucked up art or talking with others about the more intense of your issues and posting damage reduction. its not making aesthetic textposts to vent out your feelings and urges so you dont actually do the bad thing. it is not anti-recovery to struggle with those things, but it is ableist to shame people who struggle with them. what IS anti-recovery is actively encouraging others to cut deeper, lash out at their loved ones, sending suibait to people, and peddling the idea that making progress in recovery at all makes you less yourself. its okay to vent ab wanting to do those things and feeling those ways, as long as you arent actually encouraging others to do them. but assuming that every coping mechanism people have thats "problematic" makes them a horrible person is anti recovery as hell. we are mentally ill, of course some of us will cope in ways that arent ideal, but its better than nothing.

yet people in mental health spaces somehow have totally changed the meanings of the terms, just like they have with "glorifying" and "demonizing", so that its harder for those of us who struggle with highly stigmatized things to have a place. it almost feels like these "safe spaces" demonize and stigmatize people with EDs, active self harmers, and drug users & addicts more than the outside world sometimes. we are treated like we are somehow problematic for having those symptoms, and as anti-recovery if we dare to talk about them.

and most of all, if you go into mental illness related tags... dont bitch and moan when u see someone acting mentally ill you fucking weirdo

So i read a few stan post that were about nesta saying that rice was not ooc because it makes sense with his character to hate on her bc he never liked her and his connection with fayre makes him more likely to hate those who hurt her. And they also said that, bc in fanfic he is portrayed as an angel people had a certain image of him (i dont read fanfic about him when he is there its more as a bg character but even so he is portrayed that way bc that’s how he was in the books but moving on) 1/4?

and the fact that he had a sister makes him unable to love people who hurt their siblings ( ELAIN anyone ?!?!) and it irks me but i cant really put it into words except to say that its bullshit so i was wondering if you could help. There is one thing i kinda agree on its tho, its the fact that nesta is an addict and as such she needed an intervention. BUT that one was CRAP. You do not have people who hate the addict there (rice and apparently amrin) 2/4

only cossian and fayre and elayn should have been there. And there was no acknowledging the pb, telling the person that she was loved and shit NADA. Just a summoning, then insults, then banishing. The part where i disagree here is the fact that they said it was normal bc we should not have expected better of fayre and its like you have to chose she can’t be the best at everything and be excused when she’s wrong cause she doesn’t know any better. Its crap. And it still doesn’t excuse it. ¾

Ok a lil more 😅 what bothered me the most was that the stan said that he/she was pissed at what happened but they calmed down bc: knowing smess its all going to come back into play to be the most epic thing ever and i cant wait for the next book!!! 😒 4/4 okay rant over 

i was in the middle of answering this when the page crashed and i lost all the stuff i’d typed out (tumblr needs to come up with an autosave feature), but i’ll try to include everything i’d written before

i’d heard about the “she’s an addict and needs an intervention” argument before and it’s difficult to fathom the stupidity of such an idea. i’ve mentioned this before, but i grew up with an alcoholic parent, so i think i have reasonable experience to say that interventions never work, long-term or short-term. an alcoholic might say they’ll stop, but then a few days later they’ll relapse and try to hide it, which ever works bc it’s easy to see when they’ve had a drink, and it’s often easy to detect. something that i don’t think is ever mentioned in stories about alcoholic parents is that when you are around alcohol a lot, you become extremely sensitive to it. it’s easy to detect on the person’s breath, on their skin, even the movement of air as they walk past you. so while an alcoholic might try to hide it, it never works as well as they think. plus, it’s easy to tell when they’ve relapsed, bc they start to act like someone different. 

and if they don’t say they’ll try to stop, they’ll get angry that you tried to intervene and take away their drink. and that anger will only be amplified when they get more alcohol into their system. there’s a reason that i have severe insomnia and ptsd, and it’s bc of the rhythms of alcoholism. someone might drink little sips throughout the day, and those will build up, so when they finally get their fix later (either in the late evening or at night, as is typical–at least in my case) it’s going to explode. and when it explodes, you likely won’t recognize the person at all. we used to say that this parent became possessed, so to speak, bc they never looked like themselves. possessed was the best way we could describe it. 

i’m lucky in that my alcoholic parent is now sober (going on three years now) and we’re working to rebuild our relationship, but even this part is hard bc the parent wants us to get over our ptsd quickly but when your earliest memories are of an argument fueled by alcohol, it’s easier said than done. 

and i need to stop bc i’m getting triggered. sorry about that. heh. 

so basically, i think sj/m just decided to make nesta an alcoholic by name, rather than to actually turn her into a study of the dangers of addiction and, specifically, alcohol as your coping mechanism. she just wanted an easy way to not only make faerug and co mock and belittle her, but another way to make her lose weight. (sj/m has a fucked up skinny fetish.) and for people to think that the “brutal love” tactic will work, they’re fooling themselves. that tactic never works, as explained above, so for faerug and co to treat nesta this way? i can’t really understand it, bc it contradicts sj/m’s fervent need to make her favs infallible, so everyone else looks small and trashy in comparison. it’s one of those situations that confuses me, bc sj/m seems both self-aware and with her head stuck in the sand. 

and the stans are just the worst parts of all sj/m’s characters mashed into one mob with a single mentality. i’m never really confused about them bc they’re almost never self-aware. and if someone with a different opinion decides to speak up, they’re tossed onto a spit. 😑