♥️ Fezco Masterlist 1 ♥️

This is strictly my Fezco Masterlist.

Before requesting, take a look at my Masterpost to gain more insight into my DNI and requesting guideline lists. Take a look at my Prompt List for some ideas regarding request too!

la vie en rose (completed)- masterlist

Dangerous Woman (Completed)- masterlist

Soft Place To Land (Complete)- masterlist

Friends With Benefits: Part 1; Part 2

My Boys: Part 1; Part 2

Caught Red Handed: Part 1; Part 2

Cocaine Jesus:

Summary/Request: "Reader and Fez met one day at his store, the girl drawn to him immediately. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel the same, the need to please and spoil her consuming him. She loved the attention too, just wanting to be held and praised by him."

The Accountant:

Summary/Request: "Reader is a successful accountant just like Fezco is a successful business man. He’s only been to her place of work a few times but he felt the need to go support her and catch her alone."

Tell Me It's Okay:

Summary/Request: "After Rue spent all day wandering around, trying to find someone to take her in, the reader witnesses a fight between the two friends. A fight that would have a longer lasting impact than his previous ones.

Safe and Sound:

Summary/Request: "After a big fight with her boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, the reader goes to the familiar corner store in need of support and help from her best friend."

Silent Treatment:

Summary/Request: "Fezco regretted to inform his girlfriend about Faye and her new living situation, which was now their home. She’s a bit pissed off and disappointed, Fez’s obvious disregard for her and Ash’s opinions making both of them equally upset."

Off The Deep End:

Summary/Request: "Reader’s having a difficult time with her mental health so her best friend Fez takes matters into his own hands."

Needy:

Summary/Request: "Just a few little instances where Fez was not able to keep his hands off of his girl."

We're Not Friends:

Summary/Request: "The reader has been friends with Fezco for years. She’s never really been bothered or jealous over the handsome man, until Faye enters the picture."

Fuck To Make Up:

Summary/Request: "Even though they had a child together, the reader and Fez have spent months away from one another. They were amicable when it came to their child and making sure she’s healthy, but their friendship dwindled. One night after their baby goes to sleep, the reader and Fez have an eye opening conversation. And a leg spreading one too."

Fake You Out:

Summary/Request: "Rue and Faye get the reader, Fezco and Ash into a sticky situation with the local gangbanger Laurie."

Little House:

Summary/Request: "Just a ramble of the reader and Fezco’s life stemming from the beginning of their relationship, to the present."

Overwhelming:

Summary/Request: "After a heated night after getting high, the reader uncovers a part of herself to Fezco."

Watch Your Man, Watch Your Mouth:

Summary/Request: "Could you do a Fez x reader imagine where it uses the “watch your man, you should watch your mouth”, like someone tells Y/N, “You should watch your man” n like a bad bitch she does the “you should watch your mouth”:)"

Polite Company:

Summary/Request: "Could you write a fez x reader where she gets jealous cause Lexi keeps hanging around hum and he gets mad at her before she admits that she likes him."

Daddy Dearest:

Summary/Request: "This tells a handful stories of the Reader and her household. Reader has been dating Fez for about a year or two, her being the only girl his daughters ever known."

Friends:

Summary/Request: "could you do about fez girlfriend actually getting along with faye while they're living together and fez being jealous of all the attention shes getting"

Saturday Nights:

Summary/Request: "could you write something for fezco inspired by saturday nights by khalid"

Scared:

Summary/Request: "pregnancy scare with fez?"

Truth or Dare:

Summary/Request: "reader x fezco imagine where they are playing truth and dare and then they start having fun (you know what I mean 😏 ahah). But during the game there is a sort of sexual tension"

Labor Pains:

Summary/Request: "If you have time, I was wondering if I could please have one with fez? The reader is pregnant and goes into labor and he gets to hold and meet his baby girl for the first time? 🥺"

Clean Up:

Summary/Request: "would you mind writing a fez fluff where like the reader is his gf and she’s like doing skincare"

Understood:

Summary/Request: "Can you write fez+reader where the reader is maddy's sister and is pregnant (boy or girl which ever you prefer) and maddy and ash are fighting about whose going to buy what for the baby?"

Everywhere:

Summary/Request: "one of my previous asks about the fez x reader to everywhere by niall horan lowkey doesnt make sense when theyre best friends, so if u wanna make them exes or like they have feelings & tried to get together but didnt last long/didnt even start bc timing was off so they pushed it down & stayed friends idk but still friendly w each other & ash & her still love each other & hang"

Princess:

Summary/Request "fezco is so whipped he treats reader like a princess and everyone teases him about it but he doesn’t care bc in the bedroom 🥵"

Ocean Eyes:

Summary/Request "Fez is sick and needs taken care of."

Rest and Recover:

Summary/Request "Just some headcannons about how a lazy day with Ash and Fez is like."

Sing a Song:

Summary/Request "These are some headcannons for Fez dating a singer."

Cruising:

Summary/Request "Just some headcannons about Fezco dating a skater girl."

Innocence Is Bliss:

Summary/Request "Just some headcannons of how Fez might be with an innocent reader."

Suit Shopping:

Summary/Request "Fez suit shopping for lexis play."

Leading Hand:

Summary/Request "Fez with a dominant girlfriend that like to hold his waist and rub his thighs while driving and stuff"

Sleepwalker:

Summary/Request "Is there anyway you could something where Fez’s girlfriend is a sleep walker? and just the moments him and ash have to deal with when she stays the night"

Tatted:

Summary/Request "what if Fez has a gf who usually wears pants and hoodies but one day is in a tank top and shorts, revealing almost her entire body is covered in bright and colorful tattoos."

Puppy Dog Eyes:

Summary/Request "Could you do nsfw Fezco with prompts 17 and 22?"

Missed:

Summary/Request "anyway can you write a fix about fez and his girlfriend being a celebrity actress/singer and she spends a lot of time away from him but when they are together they are both so so happy and maybe like little blurbs of them missing eachother or blurbs of them together and really happy? thank you!!!!"

Force Feed: 

Summary/Request " fezco x reader where the reader has a fainting problem"

Fezco NSFW Alphabet

Fezco Fluff Alphabet

Hello! I liked your observation about Ralph in your post about Edmund Gosse’s memoirs. It made me think of this comment of Ralph’s when he is talking about his mother: “Her [italics] parents were Plymouth Brethren”. MR must have had something specific in mind here. From your readings, do you have any insights about this and any other thoughts you’d like to share about Ralph’s upbringing in a “ Christian household”?

Thank you so much for this ask @eclare1000, sorry, it’s a long one! I warmly recommend ‘Father and Son’ in its own right, I loved its compassion, humour and insights into childhood, and for me there are many resonances with Ralph.  We get so little, don’t we?  Just the reference to the cruelty of ‘good women’, the PB reference and the bit about Laurie not being brought up in a ‘Christian home’ which is so bitter and angry.

I feel the emphasis with ‘her parents’ suggests his maternal grandparents are distant in some way, perhaps they cut off his mother when she ‘married out’?   It could mean his mother is no longer PB (doesn’t feel likely though)?  Or, it could mean that his father was PB too, but a convert, not born into the faith.  I suppose it means her upbringing was very strict, and it left her at a loss to cope with something perfectly natural (two pre-pubescent children showing curiosity about their bodies).  So he says ‘She couldn’t help how she felt’, as if she’d been programmed and couldn’t just be humane.  I’m struck by her inability to articulate what she felt, which I think is such a major theme in the book. 

In the Gosse, there is a very strong theme, particularly with his mother, of fatalism and letting God decide, a lack of agency.  I wonder if that plays a part, and that’s why he is so bitter, because she abrogated responsibility.  She failed to recognise perhaps that her religious upbringing was urging a kind of un-Christian cruelty on a helpless child.  Is that why he feels so responsible, because religious faith let him down and he has taken all of it on himself? 

I get the feeling that his father came from a less strict (but still Christian) background but went along with whatever his mother wanted to please her, and did the beating for her and the rather clichéd exhortation to ‘learn a clean life’. 

I also wonder if completely unrealistic expectations were loaded onto Ralph as a young child (another theme in the Gosse), making the crimes of 6-year-old Ralph all the more heinous.  And of course there is a similar fall at 19 – his expulsion being all the more scandalous for his immense prestige (as Laurie puts it).

There are some other resonances for me that are fascinating.  I had already started to wonder about Ralph’s love of language and facility for making up stories and telling lies to get out of trouble.  There are also several references to Laurie thinking he is just making things up about himself to please him!  I wondered about the idea of fiction being a ‘forbidden thing’ in a religious household, and was amazed to discover that Edmund Gosse’s mother believed fiction a ‘sin’ and kept it out of the house – he did not have access to literature for much of his childhood.  I sometimes feel that Ralph might have discovered the joys of telling stories relatively late, and relished their power.

Another thing that fascinates me about the Plymouth Brethren is that they are essentially rebellious – they were formed in defiance of organised religion.  So Ralph’s mother grew up in a ‘rebellious household’ but was indoctrinated with ideas from a young age that she couldn’t properly articulate.  Then she ‘rebelled’ on some level.  For me this ties in with that very contradictory aspect of Ralph, that he is desperate to be part of a community, but he also makes up his own rules.

And related to this, bible-study is the key – PB do not accept intermediaries telling them what to believe.  Gosse describes the way his parents spent hours discussing biblical texts together.  I feel Ralph did this as a child, and when he discovered the Phaedrus, I imagine him reading it with the same fervour, poring over every word looking for a moral code he could live by – working up what he was into a religion.

I just checked that bit again about ‘good women’ and found this: “Suddenly he seemed to remember the text of his earlier sermon” Wow!  Ralph is sermonising, but now he has found a new religion!  PB were big on converting people and in ‘Father and Son’, Gosse refers to being expected to ask strangers he meets if they are saved.  Hitherto I have felt that Ralph is in ‘Head boy’ mode or ‘school debate’ mode when he is arguing so forcefully with Laurie.  But now I am seeing a passionate and fervent preacher.  He is a proselytiser all right.  Perhaps Mary wanted to give one of her most attractive and powerful characters a bit of religious fervour when stating his cause.  After all, why should religious people have the monopoly on the right to be a decent human being?

Some time ago I got tagged by the wonderful @aeons-domain and @anikasenkujo on this character inspiration sheet (thank you both so much! It was pretty fun!).

As an Oc that has been with me for 10+ years, Lia has gone through a lot of changes, but I think these characters are the closest to how I've always wanted people to perceive her!

Character descriptions and template under the cut!

Also, tagging whoever wants to join!

Nora Valkyrie (RWBY): A happy-go-lucky, bubbly and playful young woman, Nora is mainly characterized by her boundless enthusiasm. When Nora talks, many of her words may sometimes come out randomly without her actually giving much thought to anything she comes up with. This is caused by her tendency to jump into a different topic most of the time and her rather peculiar imagination. Because of this and her free-spirited attitude, Nora's personality changes according to her mood, and she is prone to becoming a nuisance to the people around her, losing the point of a conversation, or even experiencing anxiety attacks. However, Nora is more insightful than one might think and is capable of being serious when most necessary.

Laurie Strode (Halloween): She’s very methodical, and she stays on task. She’s very head-strong, and she’s very focused. She’s very confident, even though she has a lot of fears, and she’s not easily intimidated. She likes to think everything through, and she’s very sure of herself. She’s very intelligent, and she’s very good at what she does. Laurie is confident in herself, but she’s also very aware of her weaknesses. She’s not perfect, and she knows that she has things that she needs to work on. She’s very determined, and that’s another reason why she’s so successful. She’s very confident in herself, so she doesn’t let anything get under her skin.

Micaiah (Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn): Micaiah is a very caring and empathetic individual, but tends to be somewhat bitter at times, a result of both her treatment as a Branded prior to the story and the abuse of Daein and its citizens by the Begnion Occupational Army. She cares deeply for the people of Daein, and refuses to stand idly by while they suffer under their control. She pays little mind to her own needs or even her health, always putting the people and her country first; indeed, her Sacrifice skill is effectively her self-sacrificing nature manifesting as a magical power.

*You can probably tell, but she was mainly appearance inspiration (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

Fem! Robin (Fire Emblem: Awakening): They are highly ingenious, creating strategies on the fly and even whipping up "crazy" plans or new war tactics out of pure inspiration. Because of their strategic mindset, Robin is highly perceptive to the others' feelings, and can figure out the source of most people's inner turmoils in a matter of a few important conversations. Robin is an avid reader of books. They have a penchant for history, but they're also a fan of reading novels as well. While friendly, they have a tendency of getting exasperated over the antics of some of the more colorful cast members. They generally care about the well being of everyone in army, and not just Chrom.

*Yeah, I know Robin is pretty much an avatar, but as I played Awakening I found myself wanting them to act a bit different, thus starting to get into Ocs for the first time.

Hiyori Iki (Noragami): Hiyori is a kind-hearted and brave individual who will go out of her way to help someone in danger, even if she does so at risk to her own safety. This extends not only to her loved ones, but also to strangers. She has a strong moral compass and is usually willing to speak out against others if she feels their actions are wrong, although she has shown herself to be slightly more lenient at times when the matter concerns a friend. She is very perceptive of those around her, able to see good intentions behind others' seemingly cruel words or actions.

Eirika (Fire Emblem: Sacred Stones): Eirika is a very kindhearted and caring person. She is shown to care deeply for everyone, especially the ones precious to her. Despite her dislike of fighting, she is shown to be very brave in the face of adversity; she will never deny help to anyone who needs it, and she will fight to protect her friends and her kingdom.

One Day In December is such a good novel. I can’t believe I read the scorpio book recommendation and picked this up; whoever the astrologer person from the library is they really hit the mark. My god im literally sobbing. This is so goood!

Laurie and Jack have the most ordinary and mundane yet antsy and frustrating love story ever. I mean, this is a romcom so obviously they’ll end up together but the book spends like +300 pages making it seem impossible for that to happen! So many life moments that really shove them together but also tear them apart. So much unspoken tension!! So much unspoken truths!! so much to lose!! But as it near the ending and they’re both really figuring out their lives instead of finding distractions, or brushing aside feelings and red flags, and BOOM right in the feels. ahhh, i’ve never teared up for a love story before but I did for this! wow!!

“Might as well,” I grumbled. “My love life is official dead.”

Sarah screws up her finished-with fish-and-chip paper. “You’ve only got yourself to blame,” she says.

She’s referring to bus boy, of course. He’s reached near-mythical status now, and I’m on the very edge of giving up on him. Ten months is a long time to look for a complete stranger on the off-chance that they’ll be single, into me, and not an axe murderer. Sarah is of the vocal opinion that I need to move on, by which she means I need to find someone else before I turn into a nun. I know she’s right, but my heart isn’t ready to let him go yet. That feeling when we locked eyes--I’ve never had that before, ever.

i dog-eared this page because this is meeeeeeeeeeeee. not that ive ever had a love at first sight sighting in my entire life (but no one is gonna stop me from not making eye contact on public transport and hoping for the best!!). i love that Laurie is just as wistful; makes me feel better about myself (and makes me foolishly hopeful!!!) lol.

*spoilers*

Anyways, the time passage through this book was speedy; literally years pass as we read on. I was so anxious because its like long stretches of time passes and it literally takes years for them to officially get together. This is very different than other romcom books I’ve read since those generally is more quick to lead to the happy ending. And I guess it’s true. Love develops over time and at the same time, the time needed to *try* to get over someone but also figure yourself out as you age through your twenties. It’s never constantly spending time with someone either; its long stretches of time away from each other too. Most of the things that happen are really really mundane. It’s not grand, its not dramatic and its very quiet. Nobody makes quick decisions here and it’s so drawn out. 

It’s like how working at a job you hate can just escape you and you end up staying for too long. This book covers both the career stalemate and the love portion--staying in a relationship because you’ve built it and its actively choosing to keep it going even though it obvious not going to last. Even when Sarah and Laurie have their fall out, a good distance between time passes and I think that’s very normal. Even when they reunite again, its quiet and just casual and they slowly work back up to being the bestest friends again. Laurie and Jack relationship’s was actively trying not to engage with one another and it really showed--but its not completely radio silence nor intense heated moments. It’s fleeting because they both recognize that if they got together they would hurt Sarah, and then eventually Oscar and probably themselves the mostly. It’s watching them seeing the other person be with someone else or moving through life at a different speed and feeling like they’re too late and then having their paths diverge even more and then connecting at realizing the feelings are still here, and then diverging again and coming again. Their relationship is the definition of missed opportunities!!! But I think this is the most accurate account of adult relationships I’ve ever read so far and its really refreshing.

^ my literal face as i read the last few pages

*personal thoughts*

This gave me a really good insight into the world of dating and relationships and love. I am so used to reading these big grand things happening that the universe allow these two people to meet and create this magic. There’s the hurdles to jump through but they get through in the end and its implied that because they have the biggest element, which is love, means that they will be ok. They might have friends who root for them, they have little mice and birds to help them, so many elements in a typical romcom universe that pushes these two together. But this book was different.

As Jack dates Sarah, we know they don’t fit well but they stick it out. They actively try to date and get to know each other so they spend months to years dating. And its not that Jack only thinks about Laurie but rather its always in the background. Laurie tried to stay out of the way and Jack does the same. It’s wild to think that someone you have an almost instant connection with might not actually be what you want and you have to actively see the reality of the situation and actively live your life. To figure out if what you have with that person can technically work--makes it clear that a relationship IS work. It’s not passionate and fire! it’s very small, its texting every day and slowly giving a piece of yourself to this person. And its inconvenient as hell!!! Even Laurie being with Oscar, and actually getting married and trying to make married life work for them was mundane and average. There was no point where there was a dramatic STOP THE WEDDING, or like screaming “I Love You’s” and such for Laurie and Jack. Nobody was the bad guy and did the bad thing that made people realize that they don’t belong together; none of that! Oscar never cheated or became problematic, even Jack realized that have casual relationships wasn’t for him; nothing dramatic like that at all. Nobody actively objected to Laurie/Oscar’s union and nobody was actively rooting to get Jack and Laurie together. It had to be them, as individuals, choosing each other which is so fucken sweet and such a good expectation to have regarding romance love. Even though it started as a chance love at first sight moment, it ended up being them actively choosing and actively seeking out their own happiness and idea of what they want in life and then declaring it, separately, to each other that made them work as a couple. well there was a bit of a fanfare at the end of the book but it was cute. It was normal people! finding love! for each other!! I love this so much!!!

Songs to include in this Playlist I am 1000% gonna made for this book: invisible strings by Taylor Swift, Enchanted by Taylor Swift, gold rush by Taylor Swift, Speak Now by Taylor Swift, Permanent by Kygo, In Your Eyes by The Weekend, Heat Waves by Glass Animals, Just For A Moment by Gryffin, Iselin, Comeback by Carly Rae Jepsen, Bleachers, Don’t Give Up On Love by Kygo, Losing It Over You by Matoma, Ayme

please i would listen to you talk all you want about the charioteer. thoughts on the characters? favorite part? headcanons?!

ok i have to reread it to probably like align with the themes more lol but here goes !!

LAURIE......very well-rounded character i liked his arc and i think he seems very real and grounded with like. good flaws and good positive traits and like. overall just really well written. I love him so so so much i want to kiss his forehead and give him a cat. i think hes just idk .... i like him SO much and i think hes an absolute darling. i would have more thoughts but im half asleep

ANDREW! i think this ones interesting because apparently the "fandom" if u can call the three ppl that seem to exist in the tag that seem very split on if they would like him to be lauries bf or not.....i personally adore him he deserves to go apple picking but he seems very sheltered and like. idk. someone who u love with ur whole heart but u know it won't work out unless something changes or you'd met at a different time etc. This is he and laurie in my brain ↓

RALPH ❤️ well i am partial to him because i understand about the boats and i understand wanting to take care of people :( Yayyyyy therapist friend hes definitely a cancer as well (sigh.) Same thing with the above w opinions split - i think that hes a really good bf for laurie and i like the ending i think he could just use proper therapy and a bit of a talking-to about boundaries . trying to be helpful to the point that its awful. sigh.. if i had to pick a character to kin i would pick him

NURSE ADRIAN! her and lauries friendship is so so so sweet :( i know she has a crush on him but i think after he leaves and they start writing to each other they become rly rly rly close friends instead and she gets a gf :-)

bunny.......bastard. jackass. im holding him by the scruff of his neck and swinging him around like a naughty cat but there's something about him that's intriguing and endearing ❤️ hes such a guy and so homosexual i adore him

alec - i would have quite liked to see more of him to be honest he seems so sweet but i simply do not remember a lot :( he feels very warm tho i would hug him

sandy - i think this was the sad one. i keep forgetting which is which but same w alec i would have liked to see like more insight into his character he seemed a little. Idk . idk...interesting but :(

reg ! i wish he was not so forgotten about i know ofc that was to highlight laurie moving away from that section of his life and all but i do feel bad for him because they were besties .... i think hes just sweet.

favourite part....i would have to reread to be coherent LOL but this is what i remember

theres a couple really really sweet scenes w ralph and laurie and one in which ralph is just like comforting him. is it too much to ask to be held.....

when andrew and laurie are in the garden and hanging out and it's like that beautiful sunny everything feels fairytale....i love those sorts of scenes

headcanons !!!! Of which i do not have many because it has been 10 hours since i finished the book and i am sooooo sleepy :-)

errrrrmmmmm everyone gets therapy. Yayyyyyyyy

andrew meets up with laurie and ralph a couple years after the war and sporadic letter writing and they sit down to have tea and catch up and then like a couple months later they r . In Love ..... i think its more suitable than trying to change core aspects of andrews character within the book canon itself and instead gives him more time to grow and be his own person and understand a lot more

ALSO THEY R ALL TRANS LOL or at least some flavour thereof. i think andrew is non binery . ralph is transmasc . laurie is like ermmm gender ? Not for me dear lol ❤️ !!!!!!

( nurse adrian is also trans :-) reg is cis but tries his best which is very sweet )

I dont actually recall how old mervyn is but i want to say heslike. 12....idk. Ralph and laurie become honorary uncle figures in his life :-)!!!! i think their friendship is so so so sweet. ralph teaches him interesting things like navigation and boats and tells stories and laurie is good for talking about feelings and interesting books and they all adopt a puppy .

hey what’s up tumblr i’ve now seen hbo’s watchmen all the way through Three Fucking Times and i very well may go for a fourth if given an excuse whoops and apparently i can’t stop thinking about Laurie’s joke in She Was Killed By Space Junk, no i’m not the first person to analyze this and i’m sure i won’t be the last but i sure do have some Thoughts^TM,  so here’s some meta let’s go.

major spoilers ahead for the entire series:

Hey, it’s me again. I’ve got a joke. Stop me if you’ve heard this one. There’s this guy, he’s a bricklayer. He’s really good at it. He’s a real master of his craft. Because he’s precise. Every brick has its place. Anyway this guy has a daughter and he’s gonna teach her to be a bricklayer because after all, all a man has is his legacy. So dad decides to build a barbecue in the backyard. He does the math. He figures out exactly what he needs and he shows the daughter how to do everything. Step by step. And when he finishes, it’s a beauty. It’s a perfect barbecue. Just the way he drew it in blueprints. Only one problem. There’s a brick left over. One single brick. The guy freaks out. He must have done something wrong. He’s gonna have to start all over again. So he picks up his sledgehammer to knock the thing to pieces and his daughter suddenly says ‘daddy wait! I have an idea.’ She picks up the orphan brick and throws it up into the air as high as she can. And then…shit. Messed it up.

Okay forget that joke. Can I tell you another one?

As I said, I’m not the first to break down that Laurie is referring to specific people who have an influence on the story, there’s plenty of meta posts online that’ll say the same thing. I just think this is a Really Clever way to introduce us to her, to the major players in this story, and to the events from the comic that are going to end up being referenced. Anyhow, the bricklayer here is The Comedian. Laurie’s father. I’ll get back to this and how it connects later, but given that one of Watchmen’s major themes is the concept of legacy - who carries it and how, and what happens when that legacy is painful - this is a neat little hook into that idea. Laurie’s dad’s legacy. What she’s done with it, what she’s going to do with it, how she feels about it. Again, coming back to that.

Okay. Forget the brick. New joke. Three heroes die and they all show up at the pearly gates. God’s there and he’s going to decide what their eternal fate shall be: heaven or hell. Our first hero is dressed up like a big owl. God says to him “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. What did you do with this amazing talent?” Owl guy says “I made this really awesome flying ship and lots of cool outfits and weapons so I could bring peace to the city.” God asks, “So how many people did you kill?” Owl guy seems offended. He says “Zero. I didn’t take a single life.” God frowns. “Sorry owl guy, your heart’s in the right place but you’re just too soft.” God snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

I'm not super into the comic so it took me a while to get that she's referencing Nite Owl. I think this is strange since he doesn't appear in the show himself, whereas everyone else she talks about does, but I suppose it gives a more rounded-out view of the different approaches to heroism, and what exactly constitutes it, and also ties in another one of the original Minutemen. They did cut this over her arrest of Mr. Shadow in the bank, which makes me wonder about his role and why he appeared, and I still find it strange that this part of the joke wasn't about someone who had more of a presence in the show. (Though that being said, DC making fun of Batman, their own big-ticket character? 10/10 thank you for this).

Where was I? The pearly gates await our next hero in line for Almighty judgment. Our hero number two is confident he can game this out because that’s his God-given talent: smarts. Some might even say he’s the smartest man in the world. “So what did you do with that big brain I gave you?” asks God. “As a matter of fact, I saved humanity, ”says Smarty Pants. “Well how’d you do that,” asks God.” “Well I dropped a giant alien squid on New York and everybody was so afraid of it they stopped being afraid of each other.” “OK,” says God. “How many people did you kill?” Smarty Pants smiles. “Three million, give or take. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs. “Christ,” God says. “You’re a fucking monster.”  “Am not,” says Smarty Pants. God snaps his fingers and our hero goes to hell.

GOD YES PLEASE DRAG OZYMANDIAS. GET THIS FUCKER’S ASS. Though the line that’s sticking out to me here is “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a couple of eggs.” Watchmen’s got an egg motif - and that’s an entire post on its own - and wow this is a place to drop it. I find it interesting that it’s given to Adrien here. Especially since it comes back later, when Will tells Angela that that’s what Jon said in justification of giving his life to stop the 7th K/Cyclops and Trieu. Eggs are used for a lot of things, but this line ties the motif solidly to a value of life here - how Adrien is the way he is because he refuses to value other peoples’, and maybe how Jon is the way he is because, when you can see the future laid out before you and live knowing how you’re going to die, how do you learn to value your own?

Okay. We’re down to the nitty gritty now. One hero left. God cracks his knuckles ready to administer the final reckoning. Now Hero Number 3 is pretty much a god himself. So for the sake of telling them apart, he’s blue and he likes to stroll around with his dick hanging out. He can teleport, he can see into the future, he blows shit up. He’s got actual superpowers. Regular God asks Blue God what have you done with these gifts?” Blue God says “I fell in love with a woman, I walked across the sun, and then I fell in love with another woman. I won the Vietnam War. But mostly I just stopped giving a shit about humanity.” God sighs. “Do I even need to ask how many people you’ve killed?” Blue guy shrugs. “A live body and a dead body have the same number of particles so it doesn’t matter. And it doesn’t matter how I answer your question because I know you’re sending me to hell.” “How do you know that?” asks God. Blue God sounds very sad when he softly says “Because I’m already there.” And so, a mere piston in the inevitable of time and space God does what he did and will do. He snaps his fingers and the hero goes to hell.

And now, we’ve got Jon. Dr. Manhattan. It's a neat moment of insight into his actions, motives, and how those are perceived by others (namely Laurie), and it's a nice thread of introduction to his previous actions to drop for audiences who haven't read the comics (actually, I can make this point about Adrien’s part of the joke too). Especially because most of what we get of Jon in-show is his relationship with Angela, his entire character arc really revolves around her and we don't see him portrayed as the contentious, unfeeling figure the world sees him as. So this sort of contrast between him as a figure and him as a person is very telling, doubly so coming from someone who it's clear knew him. And I really appreciate that there’s just as much stiffness as there is warmth to the Jon we the audience see - he’s kind, he’s loving, but he’s also very matter-of-fact and deterministic, and that bit of characterization really spans the gap between these two versions of him.

And so it’s been a long day at the pearly gates. All the heroes have gone to hell. His work done, God’s packing up to go home and then he notices someone waiting. But it’s not a hero, it’s just a woman. “Where did you come from?” asks God. “Oh I was just standing behind those other guys the whole time, you just didn’t see me.” “Did I give you a talent,” God asks. “No, none to speak of,” says the woman.  God gives her a good long look. “I’m so sorry. I’m embarrassed. Seriously, this almost never happens but I don’t know who you are.” And the woman looks at God and she quietly says “I’m the little girl who threw the brick in the air.” And a sound from above, something falling: the brick. God looks up but it’s too late. He never saw it coming. It hits him so hard, his brains shoot out his nose. Game over. He’s dead. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. 

Into some Thoughts^TM that I haven’t seen anyone theorize yet(?): I think God is meant to be Lady Trieu, and even if Laurie wouldn’t know this yet that’s some brilliant fucking foreshadowing. It's not as exact, but enough parallels are there that I think they're purposeful. It makes Trieu out as the ultimate judge of everyone - and in a way, she is. She sees herself as the most deserving of power of everyone, and it's her who kills Dr. Manhattan - sends him to hell, you could say, and he knows she's going to do it. It also hints at how she's going to die too, crushed by her machine falling from the sky like the brick, because she didn't expect anyone would be capable of stopping her. And where does God go when he dies? He goes to hell. Trieu isn't ultimately above the others, and she's subject to their justice as they are to hers. 

Fitting too that Laurie is involved with the plan to stop Trieu, since, as I said I’d come back to, the girl who threw the brick is Laurie herself. Her depiction of herself in this way is representative, perhaps, of Laure's own feelings on vigilantism and what justice is, and that she's the force that's going to bring down these overblown personalities and their many incorrect uses of their abilities. Given this, it's interesting to think how the "failed" joke at the beginning connects, given that Laurie's dad is the bricklayer, and he's definitely... not a good person, or at least not in this continuity. But I wonder if it's indicative of what Laurie mentions about her parents training her up to do vigilante stuff (especially since she’s based in part(?) on a member of the Minutemen from the comic), and how she feels about her father and his work. If the brick is symbolic of his work as a vigilante, is Laurie throwing the brick in the air, and ultimately taking down the threat at the top, meant to indicate how she sees herself using what she learned from him, or - maybe and - a disrespect for his work based on her justified hatred of him?

Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Good joke. 

OLIVE AKJSHDAS HELLO AND CONGRATS ON 2.5K!!!! could i request 🔥 with little women & star wars?? i'm bi, a gryffindor, libra & an infp!! i'd say im a bit of an ambivert. i like making people laugh and laughing at my own stupid jokes. i'm studying psychology & creative writing, and my other hobbies include listening to music, trying to teach myself guitar/ukulele, daydreaming, and hanging out with my friends (who i miss very much aksjdha damn u covid). thank u and hope u have a great day :')

Little Women:

I ship you with Jo March!

i think we could see this coming because the two of you are so similar, but honestly! it’s a concept.

you guys are constantly writing together, talking about your characters or just making incredibly ludicrous situations that would never happen in the novel but give you great insight into who the characters are as people.

you are both very people oriented people - you thrive off of spending time with people and swapping jokes and energy with them, so you both can fulfill your needs by hanging out together.

i also think that you and jo both have multitudes to your character - you’re open to a degree, but there are parts of you that are harder to get to know, and you would both find a lot of joy in discovering the other person (while discovering yourself).

jo is confident and you are charming, so together you are a force to be reckoned with  - passion with literally every tool to make your dreams reality - the world better watch out.

and for what jo lacks in understanding people’s emotions, you are very emotionally intelligent™ and can explain things to her. and even if she doesn’t fully understand everything, she’ll agree because it’s you and she can’t exactly fight you, now can she?

i think that you would bring some much needed balance to jo’s life, and she would add so much excitement to yours.

and your music? i think that jo would love it - listening to you play guitar would calm her and help her daydream, even if you’re still not very good. she says she gets a lot of ideas when you are around, just messing around with your music.

i also can see both of you at parties, hanging out with laurie in the corner and making jokes about the people who are dancing. you’d indulge someone and have a dance with them, but you’d be catching jo’s eye the whole time, laughing at the different faces she makes.

jo ca be a little possessive with the people that she loves, but i think you would be able to balance that out. the two of you are independent people, and if anyone can teach her that, it’s you.

you just have so much in common, and i’m a sucker for a good friends to lovers scenario, and the vibes the two of you have exude friends to lovers.

not to mention that the march sisters love you a whole lot and laurie is fond of you, too, so there’s so much to win, in this scenario.

Star Wars:

I ship you with Finn!

i know i said a while ago i shipped you with rey and that was a concept but i spoke to soon.

first of all, you are thoughtful, and i think that’s something that initially draws finn to you. this poor man has literally never had anyone care for him, being a stormtrooper, and the fact that you unselfishly care about him? it’s mind boggling.

he definitely tells you so in quiet moments, when it’s just the two of you, and it’s just very soft and sweet.

he’s so grateful to be in your circle, and he slowly falls in love with every bit of you - finn is so observant (y’know, from years of living in constant fear) and he notices so much about you.

both of you are rather slow to open up, and that’s alright! you’re both wary, and neither blames the other for their feelings which is important and healthy. wow, we stan.

and finn loves your jokes and your daydreaming - there’s just something about having the freedom to express yourself (and do so in a way that is so full) that makes him the literal definition of heart eyes.

and your music! finn would love it - he’s so eager to learn, he’d probably want to learn how to play ukulele/guitar with you. it’s so interesting to him to hear how people express themselves in ways that are so artistic and raw, yet removed from words, alone. he’s intrigued and wants to learn more.

and the little bit of chaos that i mentioned you had? i realized it’s your passion and loyalty to your cause. you believe in things so deeply and you’re creative in your attack of problems! you can definitely teach finn to think outside of the box, and he is loyal enough to trust your crazy plans.

oh! and if you ever feeling self-critical, finn feels you. he’s been there. BUT, he’s also good at walking you out of that place. he’s hit rock bottom a few times before, and he’s patient and caring with you.

and i also think that friends and family is important to finn, so your values match up, and that’s very important to both of you. i like that neither of you would compromise on your beliefs, but you are flexible and smart enough to find a way out of the problems you are in.

and i think as a defector, everyone wants to hear finn’s story, and at first, he isn’t really good with words and laying things out. you help him! you are always open to talk with him through everything, and you probably get him into writing - it’s easier to get your ideas down and there’s something really intimate in writing that finn would love.

finn is writing an autobiography, and i don’t know why that makes me happy, but it does. he deserves his story to be heard, and disney STOLE that from him

but aside from the sadness, i think that both of you could have a lot of fun on missions, together. he’s the practicality to your more emotionally driven decisions, and the two of you would just work really well together.

only the best for you and finn in my headcanons.

take part in my 2.5k celebration

Kermit and Friends: Fun

���It takes a lot of bravery to look around and see the World not as it is, but as it should be. A World where Trumpster Bob gets to be Larry King, where Corey gets to be the most popular guy in high school, where Wendy gets to be the Prom Queen, and where I get to date Paris and Brad. You can be whoever you want to be. That is what Kermit and Friends is all about.” - Elisa Jordana.

Kermit and Friends had a jam packed line-up this week featuring a children’s musician, a life coach, and an actor/filmmaker who often collaborates with Reverend Andy Dick. Let’s talk about it.

Elisa opened the show with a beautiful little monologue explaining how she’s only doing things in the spirit of her beloved precious dog, Kermit. After introducing her co-host Sugar, Elisa brought on her financial adviser Kevin Cao for advice on all the stock market hoopla from this past week. Unfortunately Kevin didn’t have much to offer in terms of stock suggestions, but I’m sure next week he’ll have plenty of hot information to share with Elisa.

Barry Boss called in for the first time in about a month to update us that he’s being released from the mental hospital very soon and that he will be joining Kermit and Friends live in the near future. Yay!!!

After hanging up on Barry, Elisa pulled up the Larry King of our beautiful Kermit and Friends World, Trumpster Bob, who had these three fascinating questions to ask Elisa...

What are you looking for in your next partner?

Are you flat-footed?

Do your boobs remain stiff or bounce around a lot when you’re riding a guy?

After eloquently answering Bob’s questions, Elisa was ready to bring on her first guest of the day, Snooknuk!

Elisa would accidently bring on Snooknuk’s partner E-Bot first, a robot puppet. After exchanging pleasantries and Elisa realizing the mistake she made, the actual Snooknuk graced us with her lovely presence.

Snooknuk is a children’s musician who writes, produces, and creates songs/videos catered towards children. Her most popular video, You Made a Potty, has over 1.5 millions views on Youtube!

Elisa asked Snooknuk all about creating music, how she came up with her name, the relationship with her robot puppet, Snooknuk’s connection to children, etc. The interview was short and sweet but Snooknuk and her E-Bot were very much in the spirit of Kermit, and I hope they will bless the show with another appearance sooner than later. I would absolutely love to learn more about them.

The next guest was Bran Kohn, a ‘Life Coach’ with many accomplishments to his name like 2 Grammy Awards, multi-platinum records, published poems, stuntman credits, British martial arts medals, and tons of other things that would take me all day to type. Very, very impressive résumé, I must say.

Elisa mostly talked to Brad about his Life Coaching theories. Brad was kind enough to share his personal insights to the KAF audience about what it takes to be successful. He went on further to talk about the benefits of meditation, the personal relationships he develops as a life coach, how he has more women than men as clients, and the length it usually takes for his methods to work. Elisa also received some extremely sexual phone calls about Brad during her interview with him from both women and men, which seems to be the norm now whenever someone attractive attends the Kermitarian Church.

I liked Brad. Nice guy, seems sincere. He needs to work on his camera angle as Elisa suggested, but for the most part he seems like he could be a valuable member of the Kermit and Friends Universe if he decides to stick around like I hope he does.

Following Brad, we got three more hard-hitting questions from Trumpster Bob...

Do you ever want to get married to just one guy?

What attracts you to gay men?

Are you open to doing a pornography video where you’re the boss and your sex partner is the slave?

Next up is Paris Dylan!

Paris has collaborated with Andy Dick for many years. They were once roommates and seem like the best of friends. Their newest project is none other than Tiger Dick, a parody of the hit Netflix documentary series Tiger King.

Elisa had lots of questions for Paris regarding Andy and their friendship. She dove into that and even shared a funny video of Andy and Paris cosplaying as Ariel and the Crab from The Little Mermaid.

Besides Andy talk, Elisa also asked Paris about his many other ventures, such as his punk pop band We Tried and his other work in the film industry. What separated Paris from most big guests on KAF is that he actually paid attention to the Youtube chatroom, engaging with both fans and trolls alike.

Paris sincerely gave a fun-spirited interview and seems like an awesome guy. He’s someone I can see really ingraining himself into KAF long-term. His work with Andy is terrific so it would be an absolute blast to see him bring that chemistry to Kermit and Friends on a regular basis.

Kermit also made another great friend yesterday by a gentleman named Dave Robinson. Dave is from the UK and found KAF after becoming curious about what happened to Elisa following her departure from The Howard Stern Show. Dave played two great original songs for us and seems to be very interested into becoming a recurring performer on the show. So a big shout out to Dave, who brilliantly summed up Kermit and Friends as an adult version of Sesame Street that’s looking to bring happiness and laughter to the World. That’s exactly what KAF is.

Laurie has officially become the chef of Kermit and Friends. Elisa debuted Laurie’s latest cooking video where she taught everyone how to properly prepare a nice Honey Mustard Chicken dinner. You can follow Laurie’s new Youtube channel Kermitarian Cooking by clicking here. Good job, Laurie!

Trumpster Bob once again came flying in with even more questions for Elisa...

What did you like most about working with Howard Stern?

Has Marci Turk ruined Howard Stern?

After answering those two questions, Elisa promoted the Kermit and Friends Wrap-Up Show with Corey and then gave a wonderful speech about what Kermit and Friends is all about (which I partially shared at the beginning of this review) to end the show.

Fun was a fantastic episode from start to finish, filled with great guests and colorful bits that made everyone laugh and enjoy themselves. If you have yet to watch it, I highly recommend that you do so asap.

Since you're also in other fandoms, are there any ships/pairings you like? Who's your favourite pairing in POTO? Who are your favourite characters (from POTO to all your other fandoms) and why? Ooh, here's a rather unusual one: who's your favourite side character (name one for all your fandoms!) and why?

Yeah, definitely! Though whether some can be counted as actual “ships” is debatable, as you’ll see in a bit.

For Phantom, my favorite “ship” is the love triangle - E/C/R. Not in a polyamorous, threesome way, but one where I love the dynamics of the characters, the way they affect one another, the ways Erik and Raoul are similar and different. So it’s not quite a “ship” in a traditional sense where I want characters to end up with each other, but more in the sense that I like to explore and analyze them.

As for other “ships” or pairings, I’m just going to list, like, every fandom or random-ass thing I’ve ever loved in semi-chronological order (time to go back to my middle school fandoms!). Under the cut for length.

Harry Potter: Sirius Black and Harry Potter. I adored the godfather-godson bond between the two (absolutely no romance; I clicked on an mpreg fic of the two when I was but a wee lass of twelve and it scarred me): how Harry was the last living reminder of Sirius’s best friend, whose death he still feels responsible for; how Sirius is the parental figure Harry wanted, how they were never able to be happy god damn it Rowling. (You can imagine how much my eleven year old self cried when I read the fifth book. Oh boy, the tears.)

Star Wars: Vader and Luke. Again, totally familial, father-son relationship only. (Speaking of scarring experiences, I once stumbled on a romance fic between the two, where yes, both of them were still father and son, and I have that summary etched into my brain permanently.) The way Vader obsessively hunts down Luke, the first emotional connection he has had with a person in literal decades! The way Luke has just ached all his life for a father figure, to the point where he will take a homicidal Sith lord if that’s who he is! How he never gives up on trying to redeem him! How Luke is right. Loud screeching.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Will Turner and Bootstrap Bill and Will Turner and Henry Turner. More sad father-son dynamics (you may be noticing a pattern here). Repeat what I said with the Star Wars relationships, only with more pirates and less homicide. (And way more parental abandonment guilt.)

Halloween: Michael Myers and Laurie Strode,  remake universe. Yet again, no romance, just a severely messed-up brother-sister relationship. I can’t begin to tell you why I like the horrific relationship between a serial killer and the little sister he was so obsessed with he ruined her life, completely traumatized her, and ended up leading to her death, but I do. Maybe it’s the dark obsession aspect of it, that in the midst of all his murders, there’s still one person Michael Myers longs to have a connection with, the baby sister who represented total innocence in his mind. Maybe it’s the “what could have been” aspect too, as Laurie never recognizes him or realizes their connection until it’s far too late. Maybe I need to re-examine my life choices. I’ll figure it out someday.

Bat Boy The Musical: Bat Boy/Shelley. Yes, this is a romance; yes, they are half-brother and half-sister, yes, you can get on me about this, but in my defense how about you watch the musical and NOT come out of it shipping these two against all your better instincts.

POTO: E/C/R, as stated above and for all those reasons. Oh, and you know what - The Phantom and Gustave from Love Never Dies. Can’t get away from those father-son ships. I actually care about that relationship than E/C or R/C in LND (maybe because both E/C and R/C suck in the sequel so what else am I going to latch onto).

Batman: Listed here, but my heart really lies with three ships. Jaytim is the first: it’s the whole “angry woobie destroyer of worlds who hates everyone meets seemingly well-adjusted and cheerful individual who is secretly hiding their own issues” dynamic. Bane/Talia from The Dark Knight Rises is the second. Doesn’t matter if it’s familial, friendship, protector and protectee, or romantic, I eat it up, and to be fair, it’s never explicitly stated what the relationship is in the movie. All we know is that the two grew up together in a hellhole prison, probably dependent on and solely trusting only one another, and that bond continues even after they leave, and not even death will make them leave one another. Finally, we have Jason Todd/therapy from the Arkham games. Because the poor guy needs it.

MCU: STEVE/BUCKY (aka Stucky). This ship (again, could be friendship or romantic) dominated my thoughts for four years. Steve’s fish-out-of-water status! Bucky’s horrific imprisonment under Hydra. The way the two find each other after and the angst. The fact that Steve refuses to kill Bucky and, even after seventy years, succeeds in breakthing through to him because their connection runs that deep. The fact that Marvel just ruined this relationship so now I have to rely on fanfic. Oh yes, and I also slowly fell into the Kastle ship (Frank Castle aka The Punisher and Karen Page). Another “hardened killer with sad backstory who connects to idealistic young woman with hidden darkness” dynamic.

Terminator: T-800 aka “Uncle Bob” and John Connor. Returning to sad father-son dynamics, I have this from Terminator 2. A robot learning emotions! A boy learning to take his place as a leader and all-loving hero. The bond they form, partially because the T-800 will do nothing else but protect John and partially because John has no father-figure of his own, so his robot bodyguard will do. THE ENDING.

ASOIAF/GOT: I actually have very few ships from here other than Arya/Gendry (and only when they’re older) and, weirdly, Theon/Sansa from the show. The Gendrya ship is just cute, it may well be the most wholesome ship on here, while Theonsa has shades of Stucky in it, I suppose, given that Theon has been tortured so badly he can barely remember his own name, until Sansa turns up and reminds him enough that he breaks out of it to help her.

Favorite characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: My favorite characters from here are probably more side characters, so I’ll just say Hermione Granger. Her focus on academics, fear of failure, and conviction that the library holds all the answers, felt all too reminiscent of myself.

Star Wars: Darth Vader,  no contest whatsoever. Cool mask, cool cape, cool lightsaber, and the absolute worst life one can imagine.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Interestingly, Will Turner. Yeah, I guess Jack Sparrow is cool and Elizabeth is absolutely awesome to watch and has the greatest change in the series, but oh-so-serious Will, with his deep loyalties and slow slide into moral ambiguity because of those loyalties, fascinates me.

Halloween: Laurie Strode, all versions. My favorite final girl, my survivor of trauma (except in the remake, where, well, she doesn’t survive). Also, her daughter in the Thorn trilogy, Jamie Lloyd, the most tragic little girl to walk across a horror movie screen.

Bat Boy The Musical: Ah, wow, haven’t thought about this. I guess Bat Boy and Shelley, more by default than anything.

POTO: Christine Daae, no contest. Love her character, love her arc, love her songs, love her costumes.

Batman: Listed here.

MCU: Bucky Barnes (unless he counts as a side character), but I also love Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Karen Page, Elektra Natchios... and I’ll leave it at that.

Terminator: John Connor. (There’s a reason I haven’t watched Dark Fate yet... or ever.)

ASOIAF/GOT: Three of them! Daenerys Targaryen, who I love because she tries so hard to rule well, who is so observant and cognizant of the things going on around her. Then Sansa Stark, who makes such astounding growth, who retains her empathy and compassion throughout, who is capable of startling perception and insight which most others underestimate. And finally, Cersei Lannister. She’s terrible. I love her.

And favorite side characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: Sirius Black may well have been my first fictional crush. But Remus Lupin is the kind of person (and teacher) I aspire to be.

Batman: I swear, depending on the comic series or movie, everyone is a side character. I’ll just link to my old ask again.

Star Wars: Batman syndrome all over again; every character in Star Wars might be a side character elsewhere, and every side character gets to be the main character of their own comic, book, movie, etc. Erm... I really liked Rose from the sequel trilogy and Chirrut Imwe from Rogue One. I find Mara Jade from the Legends universe fun to read. WAIT I GOT IT - Queen Amidala’s handmaidens from Episode I (Sabe, Rabe, Eirtae, Yane, Sache). Highly trained in both politics, decorum, and weaponry, able to be utterly nondescript or the Queen’s decoy at the drop of a hat? I love.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Hmm... you know what, I thought Syrena the mermaid was pretty cute.

Halloween: Rachel Carruthers! Your typical girl-next-door but well done and with a touching relationship with her foster sister. I will die mad about her death in the fifth movie.

Bat Boy The Musical: Uh.... I’ll get back to you on this...

POTO: Carlotta is super fun.

MCU: Oh heck, Dottie Underwood. (My taste in female characters goes like this: a) intelligent and observant, 2) sweet and compassionate, 3) batsh*t insane. She’s the third.)

Terminator: Not sure how much of a side character she is, but Kate Connor. Wife and second-in-command to John Connor, able to heal wounds and kick butt depending on what the movie requires.

ASOIAF/GOT: I’ll probably think of someone else, but you know what? Queen Rhaenys Targaryen, younger sister and wife to Aegon the Conqueror, whom he wed out of desire. Playful, spirited, loved to fly, sponsored musicians, initiated reforms for the smallfolk, what’s not to love? (Apart from one possibility of her death... but we don’t talk about that.)

Damn Right, It’s Women’s Work: A Random Literary Recommendation

Wow, a whole goddamn day for little ol’ us-es? Well, let’s not waste it. In honor of International Women’s Day and my English B.A., here’s a rec list of all the works created by kick-ass women that helped shape my life. 

Literature is What You Make of It

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that the book you dogeared, accidentally dropped in the tub, left to yellow in the sun, and read year after year doesn’t qualify as “literature.” The entire industry of the written word is completely subjective, and as long as a work is everlasting to you, it counts. 

It fucking counts.

Here’s a list of the works that helped shape my life, for better or for worse:

Murder at the Vicarage by Agatha Christie 

My mom started me early with both Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot in print and on TV. Every time I read one of Christie’s works or see an adaptation onscreen, it’s a nostalgia blast straight to my solar plexus. 

The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

This is basically something every person should read to help understand the history of feminism. It’ll help you think about things differently. Or at the very least, you’ll get a head start on your university’s Gender Studies 101 reading list.

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

All works by Judy Blume are 100% recommended for young teens, but this one pushed the envelope by frankly discussing both religion and sex. I think teens could use a little more openness in these areas. 

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood 

I read this during my junior year at university on a whim. People kept telling me to read Handmaid’s Tale, but I didn’t just to be a contrary bitch (and also because the topic of HT frankly freaked me out with its eery believability). Oryx and Crake is also a little eery, but it’s definitely worth it.  

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson 

Seventh grade was an interesting time to read this, but it honestly helped me discover the uncomfortable truths of being a girl in this world in a healthy way. This is a trauma novel and you should go into it understanding that for the context of its nonlinear structure. 

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston 

This is a story about a black woman’s desire for love in a world designed not to give her any. It’s raw and charged with issues of race, sex, violence, and gender roles. You can’t go wrong with a slow read-through of this novel.

The Giver by Lois Lowry

This book wasn’t actually my favorite. It was a forced read for my eighth grade English class, and it was a bit of a dry end product for what the concept could have been. However, I really do like the novel’s symbolic use of color (and the absence of it). 

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

I’m not fucking crying, you’re fucking crying. Seriously, I thought the book was bad enough, but that goddamn movie? Jesus Christ, that was an early lesson in masochism. 

A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft

This is one of the earliest works of feminist philosophy, and it’s definitely worth the read. Not just to admire, however, but to understand where it falls short and to contextualize how long the feminist movement takes to intersect with other important aspects of life. 

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

She is the mother of science fiction and, arguably, horror. It’s rather short but packed full of a poetically creepy plot. And just so you know, it’s actually the Frankenstein monster. Frankenstein is the doctor. /s (I understand that this is actually a common misconception, but Jesus tapdancing Christ do you know how many nerds have said this to me? Take your condescendingly raised pointer finger and shove it.) 

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

Read this because it’s fucking history, bros and brosettes. Also, it really gets you thinking about the integrity of the average white liberal. 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas 

Yes. Alllll the yes. Do it. 

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Move over Emily, the better Bronte is coming through. No seriously, move over because Wuthering Heights was so goddamn dreary I need to take a depression nap. 

Sandy Keyes and the Hotel Thief by Wendelin Van Draanen

I read every single book in this series. Sandy Keyes was a sassier Nancy Drew and I was here for it. These books filled every spare minute of my elementary and middle school years. I hope other younglings keep her alive. 

A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry

Money, family, poverty, gender roles. This play has everything. I highly recommend reading this work or watching a performance. 

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling 

J.K. Rowling may be a no-good fucking TERF, but the bitch knows how to write an engaging fantasy world. It was a flip on whether she’d go on the Dishonorable list or not, but Harry doesn’t deserve that. Also, the third novel will always be my favorite. 

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I still remember so clearly in my mind my freshman English teacher (whom I hated) in high school asking the class what this book was about. Everyone kept answering with the obvious: racial conflict, the limitations and successes of the law, family, Scout growing up, etc. She kept saying no and then after 10 minutes of guessing and having us squirm she smugly said, “It’s about Jem breaking his arm.” Then she lectured us for 30 minutes about close reading. It’s irrational, but I’ve hated this book ever since. 

The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan

The structure of this novel is absolutely fantastic, and it’s a great insight into the relationships between Chinese-American women and their families.  

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

That goddamn pie. It gets me every time. 

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou 

All Works By Maya Angelou Will Always Be Recommended. 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen 

Jane Austen isn’t really my favorite author, but this is my favorite work of hers. I’m a rather basic bitch that way.  

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen

I cried. I was 14 years old and thought I was long past crying over a book. I was not. 

The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson

Her diction, syntax, and rhythm are wild. Also, John Mulaney was 100% correct. 

The Street by Ann Petry

I read this during my senior year of university in my Black Existentialism class. It was a bit mundane and a little bit sad. Definitely worth a read, though. 

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Believe it or not, this was my first foray into LGBTQ+ literature. I have my own reservations about the book itself, but I’ll always be thankful to this novel for knocking me over the head and leading me down a path that I hadn’t thought to discover. 

The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

This shit was crazy. Literally. 

The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton

The names of the characters are 1000% cringe. And why did you have to do Johnny dirty like that, Susan? Also, am I the only one that kind of hated the movie? 

The Awakening by Kate Chopin

This whole book was so goddamn boring. But when understanding exactly what the book was about and how it ended, I feel like it’s appropriate that it was. 

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

This one is cute and sweet and fit for any teenager to peruse at their leisure. 

Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks 

Another Gender Studies 101 required reading to knock off your list. You won’t regret it. 

(Dis)Honorable Mentions

Jesus Christ, but I hated everything I ever read by these authors. But I still read them. Blurgh.

Stephanie Meyer. She tried, but it all was just so, so bad. I still read each fucking book in the Twilight series, though, so who really won this battle? 

Ayn Rand. Fuck you, Ayn. Nothing further to say, really. 

Cassandra Clare. Her works weren’t actually that bad, but her behavior online soured my grapes until I couldn’t read another page of her Infernal Devices series.

Anne Rice. You made vampires boring to me, Anne. Me, an angsty teenager. And you somehow made vampires boring. Congratulations, I guess. Also, fuck off with your holier than thou shit. Ya make boring books, Anne. 

Little Women reviews are in

I’ve noticed that some reviews are just simply overwhelmingly positive. I just don’t trust that. There has to be something you disliked! The pace, any changes the director has made... Something! Anyway, as always I’ll only post reviews mentioning Emma.

Vanityfair: I won’t go through all the other players in the ensemble, but most of them inhabit their roles with just the right pep and insight. (Only Watson, as dour eldest sister Meg, runs into some flatness.) Gerwig has a lively, natural directorial rapport with actors, creating comfortable spaces in which they can more easily form organic bonds. Little Women is nicely textured in that way, possessed of all the easy chatter and squabble of people who genuinely know one another.

Indiewire: “Little Women” isn’t always perfect: A few line readings fall flat — whenever Watson slips out of her American accent, all bets are off — and a handful of characters aren’t given nearly as much dimension as the sisters. Laura Dern’s soft-hearted Marmee is almost too good to be believed, and Bob Odenkirk’s boisterous initial introduction as the March family patriarch feels out of place (though it’s later redeemed during one of the film’s more amusing final sequences). And yet Gerwig and her girls know the hearts and minds of the sisters through and through. “Little Women” is about them above all else.

Empireonline: And while Meg gets a few good scenes, she’s still underserved compared with her younger sisters.

TheHollywoodreporter: Among the large cast, Watson somewhat fades into the background, possibly because the pretty, vivacious girl makes way so early for the thoroughly good wife who married for love, not material comfort. Dern at times seems a tad contemporary as Marmee, but then that could partly be because her delectable skewering of a quintessential L.A. type in Marriage Story remains so fresh in my mind. But even with limited screen time, all the actors register as fully formed characters.

Variety: A long way from her days as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies, Watson portrays Meg as the sister who most knows what she wants, which makes the character’s choice feel like less of a compromise. Pugh has the tricky part, since so many find Amy’s personality off-putting, whereas she makes it possible to understand the difficulties of living in her sister’s shadow.

Screendaily: But this is an all-star marquee line-up. A somewhat miscast Emma Watson - she’s just too modern a presence - plays Meg, Eliza Scanlen is Beth, Laura Dern is Marmee while Meryl Streep plays Aunt March. On the male side, Timothee Chalamet is Laurie, with Louis Garrel playing Professor Bhaer and James Norton as Mr Brooke, the hard-up apple of Meg’s eye. The hair department must have worked overtime.

Screenrant: But while Jo is perhaps the closest Little Women gets to a single protagonist, and Ronan carries that starring role well, Gerwig's script makes sure to give each of the March sisters' their due. Watson brings a great deal of depth and empathy to Meg, while there's a steel to Pugh's Amy that allows her to hold her own alongside Ronan's Jo in a way that's fascinating to watch. Scanlen's Beth has all the sweet charm that the youngest March sister needs. Dern and Meryl Streep round out the exceptionally strong main female cast, bringing warmth and cold sensibility, respectively.

Dailymail: So the performances are terrific across the board, and that includes Watson (who reportedly replaced Emma Stone). She’s a limited actress magicked by Hermione Granger’s wand into better roles than her talent deserves, but she’s perfectly lovely as Meg, the eldest sister.

Telegraph: Emma Watson, supplying her usual finished charm, has no challenge lending consistency to dutiful-but-dull Meg, the eldest; and Eliza Scanlen gives a pale vulnerability to sickly piano prodigy Beth, “the best of us”.

Nerdist: The film isn’t without its weaknesses. The back-and-forth editing is occasionally confusing, and sometimes hinders the power of Jo’s arc. Her growing dissatisfaction with her work and her isolating loneliness is powerful when chronological, and suffers a bit here interspersed with happy memories of togetherness. There’s also one puzzling addition to her relationship with Laurie that rings false to Alcott’s story and Jo’s character, although not detrimentally. Laura Dern’s Marmee feels a little too sparkly compared to the hard-worn and exhausted character of the book, and Emma Watson’s Meg fails to make much of an impression, though she has a few touching moments that contrast her desires with her sisters’.

Flickeringmyth: If anything, the only noticeable flaw with Little Women is that for anyone that’s not Jo or Amy, it feels like there should be more that was probably edited down to keep the running time from going any higher than 2 hours and 15 minutes. That goes for Meg’s relationship and inevitable marriage, the bad boy behavior of Laurie who doesn’t know how to deal with rejection at first (he decides to pursue Amy following that, with Florence Pugh eliciting a great deal of emotion and making a case for Best Supporting Actress choosing between lovers and what’s best for her own passions), and one or two more scenes centered on Beth.

Moviecitynews: Emily Watson seems to be the #2 little woman as Meg, but she unselfishly lets the second dominant character come slowly into focus through the film in the form of Florence Pugh, whose character, Amy, is not as clear about what she wants. Both just get better and better through the film. And Beth, played by Eliza Scanlen, has the least to do in the film, but still comes through as a fully formed character.

Butwhythopodcast: As Meg, Watson is stunning. She carries a calm emotion, embodying her role as the older sister, the template for the girls behind her. Each of the women carries a burden with them, while they carry it differently, they share it all the same. Gerwig nails the burden of family perfectly, while also showing us how a family carries together.

Lenoirauteur: Speaking of a lack of there there, poor Emma Watson. Her Meg has a really interesting story on face value but the story doesn’t get to really dig into her interior life. Which is a shame, because I felt Meg’s desire to know and want fancy things only to fall in love with a man who doesn’t have much is very interesting! But what good does interesting do me, if we barely spend time with her and everyone else gets a much more epic Laurie moment. It’s in the moments we spend with Meg where Gerwig’s changes strain against what you can do with a text and still maintain its effectiveness.

Timeout: But it’s Midsommar’s Florence Pugh who wows you the most as youngest Amy, gliding from bratty competitiveness to a hard-headed realism. (If Emma Watson and Eliza Scanlen as the other two March girls, Meg and Beth, don’t make the same impression, it’s by intention: Gerwig has designed them more as mirrors.)

Everymoviehasalesson: The titular Chatty Cathys are the four March sisters of the 1860s at different coming-of-age stages. The two youngest, Beth (newcomer Eliza Scanlan of Babyteeth) and Amy (rising star Florence Pugh), look up to their older two sisters, Jo (three-time Academy Award nominee Saoirse Ronan) and Meg (the now nearly-30 Emma Watson) with shifting notes of reverence and jealousy.

Denofgeek: Watson’s Meg, meanwhile, feels like wallpaper despite leading many scenes, although this might simply be the result of Watson’s limited range in comparison to Ronan and Pugh.

 Thespool: Ronan continues to prove a beautiful creative partner for Gerwig; her Jo’s an iconoclast and a spitfire, but that just makes her moments of vulnerability that much more deeply felt. Watson turns in fine, elegant work as Meg, and Scanlan commands the screen with quiet stoicism. But Pugh’s Amy March is a particular standout, her pouty brattiness belying her genuine insight into others, especially Laurie.

Forbes: Watson has perhaps the most challenging (and least audience-friendly) role, as the proverbial straight woman of the sisters who is put on the defensive when her dreams end up being the most conventional of the lot.

Formal Introductions and Female Orgasms

Well hello, welcome to my blog. Some of you may know who I am, and others don’t, and I’m perfectly ok with that. I’m writing this anonymously because I want to. And that’s that. The things that I talk about on this blog are things that many people would consider to be rather controversial; sex, politics, gender equality. etc. The topics I'm going to talk about and give opinions on are just that, opinions. I don't claim to be an expert on any of these things (ok except some of the female sexuality things. I am a female and I have sex, so I have some insider info on that) so don't get mad and offended if they aren't completely accurate in your eyes. People have differing opinions, that's a fact, get over it. That being said, I respect your view and your right to disagree, I'm not going to slam you because we don't agree, that's just stupid. It’s also worth mentioning, I swear like a sailor, so as formal as I’m going to try to be; I’m not going to hide that part of myself. I do intend to do some research on these topics and will cite sources, the people that have done the work to produce the facts deserve recognition. And with that, let's begin!

Disclaimer! This is about female sex with men. I honestly don't have enough experience with women to do this subject justice in regards to them. I had a really interesting conversation yesterday about pleasure between partners and what that should look like, as well as pleasure in general.  The opinion of the person I spoke to was that what got him off was getting the girl off, making sure that she was able to orgasm multiple times and from that he was able to be satisfied. Which I found really interesting because it wasn't the first time, I had heard that from a man. What made it interesting was the fact that I know a multitude of girls who NEVER cum from sex, me included. And it got me curious, how many women suffer from orgasmless sex? Upon doing some research I found a book a called "Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It" By Laurie Mintz, In the first chapter of the book Dr. Mintz addresses something called "The Pleasure Gap". If you've never heard of the Pleasure Gap, let me enlighten you. It is the gap between partners reaching orgasm, more often than not men reaching it and not women. She references a survey that asked thousands of men and women about whether they had reached orgasm in their most recent sexual encounter, 64% of women had reached an orgasm in comparison to the 91% of men. The fact that only 64% of women reported cuming is just sad. Women deserve to cum just as much as men do. I would place myself in the 36% that doesn't cum at all. Do you know how annoying it is to have sex with a guy, have him cum and not get to do that same? There aren't enough words in the English language to describe the mental and physical frustration it causes. Not only does it leave you craving more but it can also leave you feeling unimportant. You ask yourself questions like "Why does he get to cum and I don't?" "Does it even matter to him that I'm not happy?" "Does he even know how to get me off?". Questions like these rapidly lead to self-confidence issues. I know this from experience, I’ve been left feeling like shit because I “couldn’t cum” and felt like I disappointed him because I couldn’t finish. And that feeling of disappointment being confirmed by the look on his face when I told him I didn’t. I’ve also received looks of utter frustration. Guys have gotten legitimately frustrated that I didn’t cum from what he was doing. But the frustration wasn’t with himself, it was with me. Because it was somehow my fault that what he was doing wasn’t enough.

And now to address the elephants in the room, the men! No that is not a weight joke or a comment on the size of your penis. This whole post I’ve been talking about my experiences with men and the inadequacy of my sexual encounters with them. I would like to take a moment and say that it’s not all their fault. Shocker I know, a woman admitting that men aren’t all to blame for female issues. Do I think they deserve to take some of the responsibility for the fact that most of the women who have sex aren’t having an orgasm? Yes. But are they 100% at fault? No. From about age 12 (is that when guys discover porn? I’m not a guy I don’t know, so I’m guesstimating here) they see women getting off almost instantaneously. In all the porn I’ve seen the man humps her into oblivion and then 5 minutes in she has a screaming orgasm as he busts a nut on her chest. News flash, that isn’t real! I don’t know any women who have had that experience. It goes the same way in movies. I’d like to meet the original director who decided to put that in porn and give him a good smack upside the head. Figuratively, I don’t think you should hit anyone ever, unless it’s consensual, and that is a topic for a whole other post. From an early age men see women getting off from penetration alone and that is factually inaccurate. But I don’t think porn alone is to blame for this. I did a little Googling and on the Men’s Health website they have an article titled “Real Women Share 9 Tips For How to Give Them an Orgasm” it brought a smile to my face to see that a website geared towards men had this article. The first tip is getting to know the clitoris. I cannot express how important this is, you know that episode of SpongeBob where he stands on top of his house and yells “I’m ugly and I’m proud”? I want to do that but yell about how important it is to learn about the clit. Guys insider tip here, the clit is the key to unlocking the female orgasm. Most women require clitoral stimulation to get off, so it makes logical sense to start there. I know very few men that are educated on the clit. So, prepare yourself for a crash course on the vagina. Let’s start simple, where the hell is the clit? When you look at a vagina, which I’m sure most of the guys reading this have, you’ll see the labia majora and minora. For those of you that don’t speak medical, it’s the “lips” calling them that makes my skin crawl but for clarity purposes I will refer to them as such. There are big lips (majora) and small lips (minora). You will also see the vaginal opening, i.e. where you stick your fingers, dick, toys, etcetera, a few centimeters above that, is the clit. You’ve probably heard female masturbation referred to as “flicking the bean”, there’s a reason for that. It’s roughly the size of a bean. And covering said bean is what’s called the clitoral hood, the bit of skin that covers the clit. That is where you want to be. Now, the clit is super sensitive. There are 8,000 nerve endings located there in comparison to the 4,000 that are in the tip of the penis. You know how sensitive your dick is after you cum? Yea imagine having that sensation constantly. The magical thing about the clit is that its only purpose is pleasure. Score one for the ladies. There are hundreds of ways to stimulate the clit, too many for me to go over. But I would recommend starting slow. Most girls don’t want you to rub it like you’re rubbing a magic lamp to summon a fucking genie. Start with small circles that then increase in speed. Change up the direction of how you are rubbing it. Her body language and sounds will usually tell you if what you are doing is good.  Which leads us into the next tip in the article, ask her what she wants, I would also like to throw in paying attention to her body and listening to her. I can’t begin to explain the importance of this. How do you expect to get her off if you have no idea what she wants? Now I know this can be daunting and I know a lot of guys that are worried that if they ask, they will seem like they aren’t confident and don’t know what they’re doing. That isn’t true, I speak from experience here. There is nothing hotter than a man asking me what I like and how he can please me more. Not only does that make me feel important but it makes me want to do the same for him. I talked to a BUNCH of my friends about this and the general consensus was that they got off on the fact that their partner got off. Granted 99% of the people I talked to where men. But the one girl who gave me some insight felt the same way as the men. So, guys, don’t be afraid to speak up, your lady will appreciate it and in turn will more often than not return the favor. So, this ultimately boils down to men being given false expectations and not being educated. I’m not expecting guys to get in a football huddle and talk technique, but maybe you should. Information is king, yea?

Ladies! It’s your turn. We have pretty trumped up expectations as well. A very wise woman once told me that I am responsible for my orgasm, that I shouldn’t rely on someone else to get me off. And she was right. I will be the first to admit it, as frustrated as I have been, it’s my body and my job to make sure that my partner knows how to satisfy me. We have this built in idea that all men should know exactly how to please us, which is stupid because there are a fair number of us that don’t even know how to please ourselves. So, before we go shit talking our partners to our friends, we should probably figure out how to do it ourselves. The beauty of it is, it’s not super difficult. If you’re a lady that has struggled with finding your clit, refer to the section in which I describe to the men where this apparently elusive organ is. Figuring out your clit is a really rewarding endeavor because as I said earlier, its only purpose is pleasure. In the Netflix show “Sex Education” the main character Otis acts as a sex therapist for his classmates. And one of his “clients” tells him that she can’t come with her boyfriend. And he prescribes for her what I am prescribing for you. Masturbate. Figure out what you like so you can relay that to your partner. Not only will it be helpful when you have sex but it’s really fucking fun to do on your own. Take ownership of your body. It’s yours, right? Why not do something good for it. Not only is masturbating a god damn pleasure party but it also has health benefits. You know those gut-wrenching cramps you get when you’re on your period that feel like a fat man in stilettos is standing on your uterus? Yea, masturbating can help with those. In the article Orgasms for a Better Life: The Surprising Benefits of Sexual Pleasure they discuss pain management. When you have an orgasm your brain releases endorphins and corticosteroids that help combat pain. So, whether it’s period cramps or a headache, coming can help. Orgasms are also a natural sleep aid and stress reliever, after you cum your system is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin that initiate feelings of deep relaxation. One more thing, it’s a fucking mood booster. I can’t remember a single time that I was sad after coming. Not one. Those are just some of the recorded health benefits. Ladies, get familiar with your body. You’ll be thanking yourself and so will your partner.

Congratulations, you’ve finished…. the post that is (see what I did there? Got to love puns). As you’ve probably gathered, I’m blunt and brutally honest. I have no qualms talking about things that a lot of people find taboo, awkward, and controversial. And that’s why I love this blog. It starts a dialogue about things we should be talking about anyway. I encourage you to comment your thoughts on this. I won’t be surprised or offended if you comment anonymously, shit I’m writing this anonymously. I really would love to hear your feedback. Also, if you are a friend of mine reading this, which I’m pretty sure almost 100% of the people reading this are, please don’t out my identity. I’ll just delete the comment. And I really don’t want to do that. I’m trying to be as honest as possible, and censorship doesn’t fit into that equation. Thank you so much for reading! I don’t have a set posting schedule yet but when I figure that out, I will let you know. I’m really proud of my work and excited to share it with you! See you soon!

Citations (God adding this feels like doing a high school paper, but it’s important)

·      Mintz, Laurie B. Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--and How to Get It. HarperOne, an Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, 2018.

·      Beland, Nicole, and Melissa Matthews. “Real Women Share 9 Tips For How to Give Them an Orgasm.” Men's Health, Men's Health, 8 Nov. 2018, www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19539937/sexual-techniques-for-guaranteed-orgasm/.

·      Donaldson James, Susan. “Female Orgasm May Be Tied to 'Rule of Thumb'.” ABC News, ABC News Network, 4 Sept. 2009, 3:17pm, abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289.

·      “Orgasms for a Better Life: The Surprising Benefits of Sexual Pleasure - Sexual Health Center - Everyday Health.” Stroke Center - EverydayHealth.com, Ziff Davis, LLC, 3 June 2013, www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health-pictures/orgasms-for-a-better-life-the-surprising-benefits-of-sexual-pleasure.aspx.

Lady Bird Isn't Based on Greta Gerwig's Life, but Is Rooted in It

  November 24, 2017, by  Shannon Vestal Robson

source: https://www.popsugar.com/entertainment/Greta-Gerwig-Interview-Lady-Bird-44191525

POPSUGAR: You said nothing in this film has happened other than you also being from Sacramento, but I still wanted to know if there are similarities between you as an adolescent and Lady Bird.

Greta Gerwig: There are certainly things in the movie that are connected to me, but everything has been fictionalized and rearranged. My sister saw the movie and she immediately knows what's real and what's not real, and she can see all the little things that I took from someone and gave to someone else. When your family watches something, they know — my brother, my sister, my parents — they know what it is.

I think the truth is for me, I was not at all like Lady Bird. I never made anyone call me by a different name, I passed my drivers' test the very first time . . . I was much more of a rule follower, people-pleaser kind of kid. I really wanted the gold star, and it would devastate me if I didn't get it. In a way, writing the movie was like exorcising some id or demons or something I didn't have access to at the time, inventing the more untethered version of perhaps who I was, but it was not something I had access to at the time. It feels very personal to me, and it definitely has a core of truth that is very connected to me, even though it's not literally the events of my life and I was not like Lady Bird. 

PS: Can you talk about the casting of Saiorse Ronan?

GG: I've always loved Saoirse as an actor, but I never had her in mind as I was writing, because I try to get the character right on the page. And also, she's Irish, so I didn't even think she'd want to do it or have a relationship to this movie, but then she read the script and she really loved it and had this deep connection to the story, and she really wanted to do it.

She's such a special combination of technical ability, because she's doing an accent. She doesn't look like Lady Bird; she created this whole walk and this physical life for this girl, which is separate from how she is. And also she's just totally alive in the moment; she's both things, both uncontrolled and completely technical, which is why she's one of the greats.

PS: Why did you pick 2003 as the year to set the movie in? GG: 2002, 2003 was a little after I was in high school. I wanted to pick those years because I wanted it to be in a post-9/11 world, and I wanted it to be when were getting into the war in Iraq. It was 18 months after 9/11, and it felt like all these giant global events were happening. It was sort of a televised war, but not the way Vietnam had been, but [there were] these sort of reports on the shock and awe. I feel like in movies, everything is kept separate: personal lives over here and global events over there, and the truth is, it all goes together. You live through the moment you live through.

And also I wanted it in the moment before the internet took over everything. It was coming, but it wasn't quite there yet. You could still not have a cell phone. There was no Facebook. There was no Instagram, there was no Snapchat, and I think so much of how teenagers live their lives now is that way, and I just don't think it's that cinematic. So selfishly I just didn't want to shoot it.

PS: One of the more relatable themes is the hot and cold mother/daughter relationship and how the relationship is during your teen years.

GG: For me, that's the core love story of the movie. It's between this mother [played by Laurie Metcalf] and this daughter, and I think so often in movies you'll have mothers as either being portrayed as monsters or angels, and that's just not the truth. They're humans; they're just people. They make mistakes and they also do well sometimes, just as kids can be total brats and can be incredibly generous and insightful at times. And they're both. For me, that relationship between a mother and daughter, in particularly the teenage years, it's almost like something chemical happens where you just fight in this way. You're so similar, and you're being pulled apart, and I think that makes it more complicated. Because they know that they're losing you. So there's this intensity to it that's unlike anything else.

PS: The one thing I felt that was a little harsh were Marion's comments about how far her daughter could go in life. Did you worry you'd make Marion a little too negative?

GG: No — I don't pull any punches with either of them. Lady Bird's a bit of a d*ck at times, and I wanted her to have an equal sparring partner. My goal the whole time was: I know where that mother's coming from, and I know where that daughter's coming from. They go at each other so hard, but it's because they're two sides of the same coin.

PS: Lady Bird would be 33 now; what would you envision for her life now?

GG: I don't really do that with characters; something I like about films is that they are finite. We only get these people for this amount of time, because that's the story I need to tell. The movie ends on her taking in a breath and then it cuts to black, because to me when she breathes out, that's a new story. And it's a story I'm not going to tell.

I think there's a certain sadness that films have this container and that they don't go on forever. Because you think, that's all we get of these characters. I used to remember when I would watch movies that I loved when I was a teenager; it would kill me when they ended, because I was like, "Wait! Isn't there more?" One of my favorite movies — so romantic — was Good Will Hunting, and when it ends you're like, he's going to California to get her! Why can't we go to California with him?! What's that gonna be like? Are they gonna be happy? And you're like, that wasn't this movie. The whole point of this movie is to get him to the place where he can go get his girl in California. That feeling of "but I want to know how it turns out." To me, to end on that note — it's that ache of you don't know.

Textual Elements- Reception History

           The reception history of Finding Paris by Joy Preble was quite difficult to locate the information apart from the reviews of the novel in general even though it was published in April of 2015. It has been a little over five and half years since its release; however, Finding Paris has a vague amount of criticisms or reviews in terms of its reception from the general public which may correlate to the popularity surrounding the novel during the promotional period prior to its release date. Overall, Finding Paris by Joy Preble received high praise about the novel from those who read the young adult literary work in its entirety as well as bringing awareness to a shush-shush topic of molestation of a stepfather, Tommy Davis, to his teenage stepdaughter, Leo.

           Finding Paris received a vast array of positive reviews considering the subject matter is a controversial subject that many individuals acknowledge is a continuing issue, yet turn a blind eye in hopes of not getting themselves involved in the controversy. Although, it is the presentation of Finding Paris that allows the embedded concept to come to fruition in the final chapters with the build-up of the mystery of understanding why Paris, Leo’s older sister, goes missing after ordering pie at the Heartbreak Hotel Diner that allows the reader to submerge in the novel’s contents before understanding the full picture of the lingering question of ‘why’ in terms of Paris’s disappearance alongside the purpose of the scavenger hunt. In a positive review from Amanda MacGregor, she mentions how “careful readers will quickly understand that this is not just some mystery or caper story [because there] is something else going on...and even if you think you know what that something else is, you are probably wrong” (Book Review: Finding Paris by Joy Preble). Furthermore, Finding Paris by Joy Preble is “fast-paced with intriguing teen characters, a budding relationship and a bit of mystery—curiosity will keep those pages turning” (Kirkus Reviews).

           Despite the positive recognition that Finding Paris by Joy Preble deserves from its critics, the question of the content being influential is a key concept that the majority of the individuals who have reviewed the novel discuss quite heavily on in their original posts. During my reading of the story, the context of the novel influenced the change of my concluding perspective of the characters as well as becoming aware of the implied messages of molestation that I overlooked in the initial readthrough which came to with the revelation in Leo admitting, to the reader, her trauma. It is “the late reveal about the sexual violence, it forces readers to rethink what they think they know about the story and the characters” (MacGregor) that influences the conversation of creating change and bringing a voice to the topic of molestation in the family dynamic, a victim’s silence, and among varying other topics brought to light in the novel. Finding Paris by Joy Preble influences the multiple discussions of “the family dynamics, the silence, the secrets, the distrust, the suspicion, the denial, the shame and more” (MacGregor). It may influence its reader to come forward to a similar trauma or another type of violence like domestic abuse, sexual harassment, rape, etc. through the encouragement of seeking help or inspire them to find themselves a Paris to confide their truth.

           The reception history regarding the reader audience of Finding Paris is that it’s a “great addition to the list of titles that discuss sexual violence” (MacGregor) compared to the thought process of a teen experiencing suicidal symptoms/ thoughts like 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher or a teenager who was raped by another teen at a high school party that became mute in Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. Finding Paris by Joy Preble provides influence through its insight, advice, awareness and hope which is positively shown in its reception history.

2017 Holiday Newsletter

Welcome to the 2017 Politics and Prose Holiday Newsletter. As always, we’re proud to present a selection of some of the year’s most impressive books. Happy holidays to all!

American Fiction

Jennifer Egan’s Manhattan Beach (@scribnerbooks) captures a time and place on the verge of momentous change. Set in Brooklyn in the 1940s, the novel tells the story of Anna Kerrigan, a young woman who has dropped out of Brooklyn College to contribute what she can to the American war effort. Unsatisfied with her job of inspecting and measuring machine parts, she attempts to enter the male-only world of deep-sea diving. Manhattan Beach is rich and atmospheric, highlighting a period when gangs controlled the waterfront, jazz streamed from the doors of nightclubs, and the future for everyone was far from certain. - Mark L.

Shaker Heights is a perfectly planned town full of people with seemingly perfectly planned lives, but when Mia and her daughter Pearl move in they start a series of little fires, small rebellions, that shake the community to its core. Celeste Ng brilliantly explores the nature of art, family, and identity in her second novel, Little Fires Everywhere (@thepenguinpress). The writing is beautifully elegant and layered, and you’ll find yourself immediately swept up in the lives of the characters. At the heart of the story are four mothers: one whose carefully planned family was nearly derailed by a high-risk pregnancy and who watches her youngest daughter so carefully that she forgets to show her love; one who leaves her child at a firehouse to save her life in a hopeless moment; one who longs for a child and fears her chance will be snatched away before she can experience the wonder of motherhood; and one who made a dangerous choice to raise her child on her terms. Whether you are a mother or a child, the story of these women and their families will stay with you long after you turn the last page. - Tori O.

Larry McMurtry has always been ambivalent about the success of the fiction in which he portrays the cowboy myth and the rugged Texas machismo that comes with it, but as you read the three novels collected in Thalia: A Texas Trilogy  (Liveright) you won’t be of two minds. Actually, upon learning that McMurtry wrote all these books in his twenties and that they were the very first three he wrote, you’ll be burning with envy. In Horseman, Pass By, McMurtry sets Lonnie Bannon with his love of his Granddad’s ranch and way of life against Hud, his step-brother, who is endlessly crude and cruel. At the center of Leaving Cheyenne are Gid, Johnny, and Molly, a rancher, his cowboy hand, and the woman they both love. They each take a turn telling the story of their unconventional lives in small-town Texas. Finally, there’s The Last Picture Show, in which we see Thalia as a dead-end place. Of the three, this is perhaps the most darkly comic, as nearly every character engages in self-deception in order to eke out an existence in a town where every day is the same. Amid the fantastic and perhaps unbelievably melodramatic events, McMurtry finds a bottomless well of compassion for his characters. This is one time capsule was worth re-opening. - Sharat B.

Described as an “illustrated novella,” and looking like a quirky coffee table book, A Field Guide to the North American Family (Knopf), by Garth Risk Hallberg, is neither. This work, which Hallberg wrote before his 2015 New York epic, City on Fire, is an ingenious maze of a narrative based on the concept of the North American Family. Reminiscent of Lydia Davis’ seemingly quotidian pieces of pointed brilliance, Hallberg’s work is multi-layered, surprising, and deft. At one level the book uses a series of flash-fictions to recount the story of two families. At another, it’s an index of terms that readers can reference while reading the main plot—or savor for the wisdom they offer on their own. Then there are the photos. Each episode comes not only with its keywords but with a visual image. These are sometimes directly related to the text, like conventional illustrations, but often their relationship to the narrative is more elusive. Some pages look as if they’ve been torn from one scrapbook and pasted into this one, others look fresh and new. Grab this emotional map of North American family life and get ready to wander – it’s sure to be a warm, nostalgic trip. - Justin S.

In Paul La Farge’s The Night Ocean (@penguinrandomhouse), Marina Willett’s husband, a famous-turned-infamous literary historian, has disappeared, seemingly a suicide case but maybe that’s just what he wants people to think. From this hook, the book’s tentacles spread into a kaleidoscopic series of investigations, as Marina double-checks her spouse’s leads to get to the bottom of a mysterious bit of H. P. Lovecraft apocrypha called “The Erotonomicon.” Cameos extend from Lovecraft to William Burroughs, Isaac Asimov, and more, becoming something like “The Savage Detectives of American weird fiction.” To follow this book’s incredible story, you don’t need to like, or even know, these figures, which are all fictionalized creations anyway, despite the author’s deep knowledge of their histories. La Farge critiques and parodies but does not romanticize these writers. He’s deeply attuned to how our human sympathies toward icons we learn about from afar can morph into blind obsession despite our best intentions. His narrative is a seamless combination of trickster humor and utter heartbreak, plumbing the depths to which people will go to forgive, embody, and take revenge upon their former idols, all while preserving their own reputation. The best writing lives inside you —even possesses you. The Night Ocean does just that. - Jonathan W.

Lily Tuck, whose novel The News from Paraguay won the National Book Award in 2004, is one of our finest writers of novels-in-vignettes, and her latest, Sisters (@theatlantic), takes compression to extremes. Its “chapters” are often over in a page, a paragraph, sometimes a sentence, but they’re such vivid shards that you feel like you’re catching all the other pieces in a mosaic without having to see them spelled out. This is the story of a woman reflecting on her shaky marriage, whose trappings—her husband’s children, passions, and memories—all come courtesy of a prior spouse. Tuck centers on her narrator’s relationship with this other woman, who, though living across town, always seems to be in the air. What could turn spiteful in another writer’s hands comes off as gentle and empathetic in Tuck’s, as her lead character seizes on snatches of imagery (“a messy ponytail,” “did not wear rings”), to think through what her ostensible rival’s life must be like. Is it the narrator and not the man who links the two of them who truly understands this woman, she who sees that the bouillabaisse dinner he fondly remembers from France might have made her pregnant body sick? For such a short novel, Sisters is full of these kinds of insights, simply but inimitably framed. - Jonathan W.

One of the most talked about books this autumn, and my favorite, was My Absolute Darling (@riverheadbooks), by Gabriel Tallent. Shocking and unsettling, at times difficult to read, the novel follows fourteen-year-old Turtle Alveston, who feels more at home in nature than she does with her survivalist and damaged father, as she searches for freedom and fights for her soul. Roaming the woods one night, wondering if her father would be able to find her, she meets two lost teenage boys and guides them safely out. And that is the moment she starts questioning her home life. The way Tallent brings you steadily into Turtle’s mind makes you almost feel her pain. He manages to capture her deepest thoughts, her internal struggle, her will to survive. Obviously suffering from Stockholm syndrome, she debates with herself over whether to stay or leave, doubting her worth every step of the way. But she fights and she survives. She is the kind of girl, brave and determined, with whom readers are almost duty-bound to fall in love. Tallent grew up in Mendocino and spent a lot of time outside. His love for the region is evident in Turtle’s view of the place and Mendocino itself is a strong character in the book. This is Tallent’s debut novel. And what a remarkable debut it is! - Marija D.

Friendships seldom get the sustained literary treatment that romances do, but Claire Messud’s insightful novel The Burning Girl (@wwnorton) shows that these relationships strike as deep, stir as many emotions, and do as much to shape a person, for better or worse. They can have special force when formed early in life, and Messud’s protagonists, Julia and Cassie, are best friends from nursery school to roughly seventh grade. Narrating the friendship and its aftermath, Julia, the one who takes paths already there rather than striking out into untrodden territory—the one who sets limits—insists that she and Cassie are as close as sisters. Their two families never mesh, however, and Julia comes to realize that her notion of “home” is not Cassie’s. Much of Cassie’s home life is guesswork, and while Julia does that work, her version of Cassie is partly made up; at times Cassie seems like one of the characters Julia, an aspiring actress, inhabits on stage. Messud uses the inherently self-dramatizing period of adolescence as a lens to view more difficult questions of how well any two people can know each other, and she brilliantly demonstrates how the typical rites of passage—fantasizing about an alternative family, surviving junior high cliques—can suddenly yield “one of those events that that was little and big at the same time,” bringing about the kind of understanding that a person never forgets. - Laurie G.