First time I ever came across the multigender label and it's been a nice discovery as I was kind of seeing my gender identity as a contradictory chaotic mess. Even without the vocabulary for it I've always felt completely agender, neutral - no matter what my body looks like, what society tells me to be like and what I wear I remain just me, a complete indipendent person. As a kid I hated being a girl, but now I'm done rejecting something that is just as good and positive as any other gender. That's still true at all times, I use she/her and, save from occasional episodes of blatant sexism, I don't mind being gendered like that as I feel it's neutral. Recently though I realised that a more masc presentation and attitude is more natural for me and it just feels better. I like the term butch. I've always been a tomboy and when I was told to be spontaneous at school I ended up being very gallant, with boys and girls. Ladies give me a lot of feelings and variations on the theme of the butch/femme dynamic feel so right. And while my attraction to men is mostly aesthetic (the "I want what he's wearing" kind) I do find myself wanting to get closer sometimes - but like a man approaching another man, not as a woman, as an agender person or as a butch woman approaching a guy (and incidentally that may be why the one time I tried dating a guy he got uncomfortable as I, what did he say, wasn't acting like a girl and was treating him like one). So to me that label is very useful to see that I don't have to overthink it really - I can be agender, accept the pronouns that language gives me, be a butch woman and also feel a definite kinship with men. And I threw in attraction and sexuality because that's how I realise things about gender too, in relation to others. Does this make sense? Also when I say ladies or men I include trans people, of course. This was just to share and I hope it's okay that I voted on one of your polls!

This ask is pretty old, sorry about that, but I'm glad you found the multigender label a nice discovery! You can be agender and a butch woman and a man and do whatever you want forever :)

For slight insight into the he/him lesbian discourse, speaking as someone who used to use the label, my first step into queer spaces, especially offline, were wlw spaces because they were more relatable to me. I am not a woman, but I felt more kinship with women who liked women because that was a greater reflection of what my relationships would look like if I dated a woman (or someone who would be read as one) than if I dated a man (or someone read as one) - where I’m from, gender transition, especially on the legal and medical side, is not an option at all so there wouldn’t be a situation where I could be read as anything else in the public sphere. Even when I realized that my attraction skews more towards the achillean side, the very phallo-centric atmosphere that I noticed with the mlm spaces in my hometown made me feel very dysphoric and inadequate, and I have more in common with (some of) my offline sapphic friends than with (some of) my offline achillean friends.

My gender, at the end of the day, is still masculine and he/him reaffirms that [for me! I know they aren’t mutually exclusive]. So this crossroads of “I am masc in a way that butch doesn’t quite cover for me” and “sapphic spaces feel like home for me even if they aren’t a perfect fit” made the label pretty appealing to me. Even though I’ve now found trans-friendly mlm spaces, the label did use to have a use for me. Heck, maybe there are trans women who like women but still find some part of being masc appealing. Some people are multigender and express this by using he/him pronouns and being in sapphic places. There are lots of reasons why someone would be a he/him lesbian.

Yep, another reason why the labels are important even if someone personally doesn't understand them, because to many people like yourself, they do mean something and should be respected.

30DayTheri 24: Questioning

I’ve been asked for advice before on questioning a kintype. I’ll elaborate another day on things I questioned and realized weren’t right, because I think sharing experiences of “false alarms” and “I thought this was X but it was actually Y” is a really really helpful thing for the questioning process. But for today, here is my general advice on the process of questioning a nonhuman identity, regardless of type: Research!

I mean I’ve worked in research, so I have a bias here. I can’t find too many faults in having too much information. I would break down research into a few different subcategories: Research yourself Journal. Track your shifts or experiences. Try not to attach an assumed type to them right away. For example, if you feel a phantom tail, go with “I felt a flexible, curling tail” instead of “I felt a monkey tail”. The latter makes an assumption that might be wrong, predisposes you to certain conclusions, and ignores other options that might fit the bill (e.g. a chameleon). Try to be as open in your data collection as possible- remember, you’re gathering information, period. Try not to ignore some and weigh others more heavily, analysis comes later. Research animals/creatures Learn about the thing you suspect you might be! With animals especially there tends to be a difference between their real-life behavior and their cultural associations (Do you know wolves are anxious and neophobic? Do you know hyenas hunt more than lions, and lions scavenge?). Like with self-research, try not to box yourself in too early. If you think you’re a rodent, research birds and dolphins anyway. You never know what you might find, and it’s fun. Research humans I swear, the amount of people that neglect this part. How will you know you’re not human if you don’t know things about humans? “But I’ve been living as a human among humans forever!” you might say. That is not the same thing as understanding humans as a species, as one animal among many. The amount of times I’ve seen someone confidently claim an animalistic trait that’s just... normal human stuff. “I cock my head to the side when confused!” You have two ears and that helps localize sound next question. “I saw motion/a shadow out of the corner of my eye” Your peripheral vision is adapted for night vision and motion more than your central vision. “Smells are really important to me” Smell is the only sense that bypasses your thalamus (sort of a processing hub) and your olfactory bulb (smell) has a direct line to your hippocampus (memory). Frankly, I’m of the “everything I do is a thing a human can do because I, a human person with a human body, am doing it”. But still, I’d love to see more people actually research humans and not mistake completely standard things as some other species trait. Cool? Cool. Consider other options It’s not questioning if you treat it as a foregone conclusion with one answer. I’m personally of the “exhaust other options first” mindset but people can disagree with me on that.

Accept not all traits are indicative of a kintype. You have a lot of signs of a wolf theriotype but also like fruit? It doesn’t necessarily mean you are a fruit bat. You can just like fruit. 

Accept it might be a different label. Your experiences might be a copinglink, or otherhearted, or just a favorite character. That’s not an insult, just like it’s not an insult to every other nationality that I am and call myself Lithuanian. Terminology is for community-finding, not hierarchy. Your experiences might not be alterhuman at all, and that’s valid too. 

Accept you might not be what you want/think. Likewise, if you do find you have a kintype, it might be one you don’t like. We don’t choose our kintypes. Don’t try to force connections to your favorite animal, and try to appreciate whatever you find for what it is.

Accept that you might make mistakes. You could be wrong, try one label and find it doesn’t fit, think you’re one thing and find your another. It’s ok. It’s fine. Try not to cling to something out of attachment or some sort of principle. You��ll be happier if you can be yourself. 

Give yourself space

Questioning almost always leads to a spike in shifts, even if one isn’t otherkin/therian. I love research., But if you spend all day researching a particular animal, of course you’re more likely to dream about it, or think about it, or notice coincidental signs and similarities. If you’re a therian/otherkin, you’ll be that even when you’re not on tumblr or forums looking up shift terminology. Take some time to not be actively engaged. Heck, take some time off from thinking about it at all. And I mean months-years not days-weeks. It is way too easy to confirmation-bias your way into something. What persists even in different contexts (work, school, home, play, stressed, relaxed, alone, with others)? What persists months later? What persists without needing others to encourage it? What persists without you having to think about it?

What works?

Ultimately, no label is perfect and there are always overlaps between similar communities. What will matter most is your experience. For example, there is overlap between GNC women and trans men/transmasculine folks. When questioning my gender, I found both relatable, and questioned whether I was trans or a gender non-conforming woman. But being perceived as a butch woman was uncomfortable and dysphoric for me, and trying out trans spaces felt right (not that I agreed with everyone, but I found more kinship feelings there), so I came to identify as trans. When questioning the otherkin/therian identity, I felt ambivalent about my initial impression through tumblr, but on my first therian forum found people who described experiences exactly like my own, and that helped me embrace the label. The right label can act as a framework- recontextualizing other things, or giving you new tools that help you function better. So the question isn’t necessarily “which of these dictionary definitions applies to you” because that can be hard to be sure of when questioning. That’s the point of questioning. I’d posit instead: Where do you most find people that make you think “yes, exactly, that’s how I feel”? What label helps make other things in your life make sense? Follow that thread and see where it leads.

Ranking the Sisters

10. Lily: Again, while I do like Lily, she doesn't have that much of a personality besides being cute. Really, I feel that Lily is pointless at some points; her only purpose is to be cute, and to say "poo poo."

9. Lisa: Now, I have said this before, so I'll keep it brief. I mainly dislike Lisa because she comes off as a conceited girl who looks down on her siblings and others. I mean, I get that she's supposed to be a genius and all, but does she really need to put others down? Besides that, she also came off as a killjoy to me, especially in episodes like "Snow Bored" in which she was planning to melt the snow so that the schools would be open that day. That's not even getting into the fact that she performs experiments on her own siblings at points, much like how she gave Luan a cookie that caused her to temporarily glow in the dark, or that one time that she accidentally caused Leni's head to swell up. And then she nearly electrocuted Lily. No, Lisa, it doesn't matter that you were going to give Lily a sucker afterwards; that was just messed up. Oh, and the whole thing with taking stool samples....thankfully, one fanfic passes that off as her just being concerned about their health so that's okay, I guess.

8. Lynn: You all know how I feel about her. Even as season 2 is nearing its end, nothing has made me come to like Lynn. Really, the one word that I can think of when I'm thinking about Lynn is bully. Now while I get that some people may not like Lori or Lola because they're jerks, at the very least, they have moments that show that they're not terrible at heart. With Lynn, you barely get that. I mean if threatening to beat Lincoln, karate chopping him, doing the Dutch Oven on him, etc. is her definition of affection, I want no part in that. I still think her worst episode was definitely "Space Invader." She acts ungrateful to Lincoln after she was kicked out of her own room and he begrudgingly allowed her to stay in his. I guess what I mean is while I personally believe that she does all this to Lincoln without any ill intention, she is never made to realize that enough is enough. And then theres' the fandom....Lynn has to be one of the most overrated of the sisters, well besides one that'll appear later in the list. I mean, I don't get it; why do people like her? I mean, besides the normal art, you of course have Loudcest, which I blame "Space Invader" for. I tried....I really tried to like Lynn, but after everything, especially NSL (which I did not hate; I still think that Lincoln was at fault), I just don't think I'll ever like her. I don't hate her, but I also think she's one of the weakest of the sisters as she has yet to have any noticeable character development.

7. Lori: Now, while I do agree with some blogs that say that there's more to Lori than meets the eye, I still don't find her interesting. Out of the sisters, she doesn't have any noticeable talents. She just comes off as being kind of average. And then there's those moments where she gets mad. Some are understandable, but then there are some moments where she comes off as a bratty little child. Case in point, "Save the Date." She forces Lincoln to go on a double date without his consent, all because Bobby dumped her when Lincoln accidentally offended his sister. Really? Does Lori even value Lincoln as a brother? I just get the sense that had Lincoln not have been born into their family, they might not want much to do with him. I don't mean to say it that way, but if you care more that your boyfriend dumped you than your own sibling....

6. Luan: I find Luan annoying at some points. Just getting that out of the way. She's energetic, almost happy all the time, etc. but I just tend to find her irritating especially with her puns. While some of them are funny, a lot of her puns are the death of comedy. And that's not even getting into how she becomes criminally unhinged whenever April Fools' Day is on the horizon. She can give even the Joker a run for his money. However, as I have said, I didn't hate "April Fools' Rules." I am still amused with how much thought Luan puts into her pranks. Really, they seem like a lot of them required meticulous planning. As for a "Fool's Paradise....." she was a borderline serial killer in that episode. Of course no one died, but she seemed to be even more psychotic in that episode. I'm just really worried for Luan's mental state. She seems to bubble all of this up, only to go all out on one day. However even then, I wouldn't label Luan as "evil." She just comes off as someone who just wants to have fun, but she just doesn't think it through enough.

5. Lana: Lana is an okay character. For the most part, I like her because of how she likes to get her hands dirty, as well as how she likes things like mud, frogs, reptiles, bugs, etc. Of course, my absolute favorite episode regarding Lana is still "Toads and Tiaras." I really loved the bonding she had with Lincoln, and how she ends up winning because she chose to be herself. However, I do sometimes get a little nauseous regarding Lana because of her eating habits. She ate worms once, she eats dog food (but her comment about dog biscuits keeping her "coat" clear was pretty funny), and she even ate a wadded piece of gum she got from a garbage can. It's really a miracle that the only time this girl got sick was when she contracted the flu.

4. Luna: I don't really know how to go about discussing Luna. For the most part, I like her; I mean, while I'm not much of a music guy, I do often like hearing Luna jam on her bass guitar or playing other instruments. I also find her to be one of the more kind sisters (no, I'm not going to use that nice sister crap if you think I'm going to), and I just ultimately found her to be kind of cool. If I had an older sister, I would definitely want her to be kind of like Luna. On the other hand...sometimes I get annoyed with Luna's voice. It's like scratching nails across a chalkboard. I mean, not necessarily when she uses that pseudo-British accent. When she's singing or something like that...really, Luna isn't one of those types that should sing. I mean at some points I'd be like "Dude, turn it down a couple volumes, please?" Seriously; besides her short hair and butch appearance, no wonder my mom confused Luna as a boy. She can seriously pass herself off as one. And as you would've probably guessed if you've read this far without chucking your computer out the window: I feel that she's way overrated. Besides that nicer sister nonsense, her reveal as a bisexual. I have spoken to death about how I feel on the subject; while I love the twist...it doesn't really make Luna better in my eyes. I mean, 99.9% of comments on "L" is for Love amount to "OMG! Luna likes girls! Best. Character. Ever!" I mean, who cares? Well besides those who dumped the show for that stupid reason. Just because a characters' gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans does not make them an automatic good character. There should be more depth to their character. We know about the character, but we don't know anything about that character. Just because Luna's bi does not make her automatically good. She's not a bad character, but she comes off as pretty hollow overall.

3. Lola: OK, while I love parading that Lola is a sociopath, but I don't ultimately believe that to be the case. In regards to who is the more visibly entertaining of the sisters, Lola has that in spades. She's hammy with how self-centered she is, she overreacts a lot. I mean, remember how she was in "Out of the Picture?" She was overly dramatic about her bad yearbook photo. Besides that, I also love her "evil" moments. They're over the top and funny with how terrified the other siblings get around her, etc. Besides that, she has moments where she can be pretty nice. Especially with "Out of the Picture" where she voices her gratitude towards Lincoln and Clyde for changing the photo, saying that if anything, she'd remember what they did for her. And then JFMStudios ruined that heartwarming moment by making an alternate ending. Curse you, JFMStudios (jk)!!

2. Leni: I just love how innocent Leni can often be with her cluelessness. Amongst the sisters, I find Leni as one of the more quotable. I also like how she's generally one of the more kind of the sisters, and how she can be thoughtful at some points. If you're worried that she may get too played as dumb frequently, they always manage to have a moment where Leni is smart in her own way to the point that some of her ideas could pass as outright ingenious.

1. Lucy: Again. Much like with my first list, Lucy ended up scoring the number one spot somehow. If I ranked the sisters by which personality suited me the most, I somehow ended up scoring under Lucy. I mean I'm serious; I once did a personality quiz based on the show, and I somehow ended up getting Lucy. At some points, I do kind of feel like I understand Lucy the most, because I feel the same way about certain things myself. Sometimes I feel unhappy, sometimes I feel that others ignore me or see me as invisible, or sometimes I feel that life isn't fair. I guess that's what often drifts me towards liking Lucy the most. Not in some kinship, obviously, but I find her relatable. On another note, one thing I have in common with Lucy is how I seemingly appear in other places of my house without my parents or grandmother noticing, and then unintentionally scaring them. Of course, that's because I walk fast, sometimes without making a sound, but that's beside the point.

Your favorites from best to worse?