Hey, this is the anon from yesterday. So I took your advice and there were two other girls who were really anxious about the bathroom situation who were ALSO fed up with everyone else worrying about not being "sensitive" and "inclusive" of this MAN'S hypothetical gender issues... we all had classes or work or stuff to do at different times yesterday but one of the girls who actually saw him in the bathroom saw him AGAIN in the hallway and figured out his room number, and then the other girl (the bravest of us all lol) called one of the higher level building staff to complain about the situation. turns out he did NOT have gender issues of any kind: he was a guest of some girl who was just giving him her key card to use the bathroom....instead of just coordinating with the staff to enable access to the men's room on the card (which I've done before! It takes less than 5 min and can be done at any time).... and he wasn't even using it because the bathroom door was broken and didn't even work (you didn't have to swipe anymore, you could just go in)

by last night the door was fixed (after waiting over 24h and asking twice, but still). I don't know yet what happened with that guy and his girlfriend who lives here, but from what I understood they were going to be dealt with accordingly.

So while we were being policed and humiliated for being paranoid about someone who is undisputably a man using our bathroom and for not being "sensitive 🥺" to the 0.0000000001% chance that he was transgender, he was out there not giving a damn, using the bathroom like he owned the place. he also acted in a very entitled manner in the bathroom itself; when someone gave him a look, he gave her an attitude, saying "I know" and just walking out. Like...wtf.

Anyway, now me and the two girls have mentally checked out from the rest of the group (those sensitivity criticisms occurred via group chat) and made our own group lol. No point in wasting our time with them in the future

Like you, I'm an Arab woman from the Middle East living in the West (though not the same circumstances, and my current visa is temporary - wishing you the best with your circumstances). Sometimes it feels like you can't really win as a woman anywhere. Back home, I feel suffocated. If I get honor-killed by a family member, he only has to pay about $50 as a consequence; I can't live alone, no abuse shelters in my country, no nothing. Constant pressure to be with and serve men. Marriage pressure. Etc. etc. I'm sure you know what it's like. Here, though, I also feel suffocated. In some respects (especially outside) I think the threat of physical danger can be much worse. But then there is also the exhausting pressure of having to constantly keep yourself in check and make way for men even in spaces and movements (feminism) that are supposed to be for WOMEN. It's ridiculous. Of course added to that are racism and even Islamophobia (though I am not "visibly Muslim" as they say) for being from an Arab/Muslim background.

Thanks so much for listening yesterday, I really felt like I had nowhere to turn to! I think bc of our similar backgrounds I really trust you.

Also if it's ok I'd appreciate if you disabled rbs again, if you post this

I am glad to hear from you again, and also glad this situation was dealt with and you found allies through it. it is frustrating that a woman gave him access to your space and did not even consider or care how you all feel about it, and also really sad that women were trying to silence and gaslight you, you’re right as a woman no matter where you are you always come second, the possibility that a man might be transgender was prioritized over the safety of women and women themselves agree with this message cause we are taught that we are not important.

yeah I get what you mean, I am much safer and happier here, I have more rights for both being a woman and a lesbian, but still I suffer from isolation because lesbians are not allowed their own single-sex spaces anymore, feminist groups don’t really talk about real issues that women go through, it’s fabricated statistics about how TIMs are the Most Oppressed Group ever and so many women are ignored because of this nonsense, I have yet to see a big feminist organization dedicate their funds and time to immigrant women when we need so much help and not just performative activism. if anything their superficial need to alter language to make it more ~inclusive can confuse women who don’t speak English as their first language and they might not access services and resources they qualify for due to that.

I hope your situation whatever it is improves and you stay safe, I hope you make wonderful connection with your new allies and no more males invade your bathrooms and shower. reach out anytime anon!

Anyone want to play good skin/bad skin with me?

Yeah i didnt think so, that game fucking sucks and i was over this whole scene of making you figure it out yourself years ago, like from the jump. Im usually very supportive of doing research but all im going to find out about these guys is a) theyre nazis or b) they adopt the posture of nazis for reasons that are only relevant within the hardcore scene, with a total sense of callousness or adversariality regarding everyone who despises the aestheticization of fascist reactionaryism in and of itself. Like, the hautiness of it, if theyre pulling option b. The self-absorbed, myopically racist and phobic hautiness of it.

I have spent nearly 10 years carefully studying my plausibly crypto hardcoreboy friend, who i met because he lived in a vegan feminist house (mostly terfs it turned out, tho) i went to a party at

And its inconclusive what the fuck he meant in his 20s by all the casual racism and the swastika on his album cover, because that stuff actually all had plausible denials loaded--ALL of it, almost suspiciously so like its a game called youre just paranoid--and because he is fanatically liberal in his personal life (altho of course, he hates the liberal party and neoliberalism in general...which tells me he's either fash or hardleft, its a horseshoe thing with hating justin trudeau and the global capitalism agenda),,,, as far as he will share with me privately or the internet publicly. Ive been to a number of parties where he invited virtually all the guests and he conspicuously tried for diveristy, although his inner circle was all lame white people. (So is mine at the moment but thats because im too ashamed of my psychosis to have kept in touch with any of my other friends; its just really hard for people being around a white person who wont shut up about nazis when thats all you hear from everyone who wont hang out with white people, it gets awkward because you cant really say much because it could be a trap like theyre an undercover cop or something.) Sometimes his grapevine delivers him a highkey crypto conspiracy theory and then he wants to get takes on it because it "somehow" seems implausible or dubiously verified. When his neighbors annoy him he plays his tyler the creator vinyl real loud. He bought tickets for pet shop boys and new order when they played toronto. I am constantly scanning every interaction for tells, to this day; its like the green flag/red flag bateman meme but the tabulations are reversed.

I only have room in my life for ONE hardcore bro puzzlebox, sorry to all the oi bands and skinheads bobbling around like jackasses but i will never see you live and you will never get my money

Just one, sure, but how'd you pick?

Fluke. I didnt know who he was until after i had already asked him out (we got along at the party we met at so i asked him out, i never met someone else who knew that kinks song waterloo sunset, before), and then i had a stake in figuring out how much of a nazi he was because he knew i was nonbinary/queer and hooked up with me anyway instead of trying to kill me or debate me. Then after i was like "yknow what fuck it, i hate this game, youre a nazi" he flew across canada several times to check on me because he could tell i was going off the rails and isolating myself from people. He is the ONLY friend i have left who showed concern, most of them just got mad and stopped talking to me when i psychotically accused them of being abusers. My ex gf checked on me a lot during those years but she's not really my friend anymore (cant stand me now, too mundane)

I refuse to tell him my current address because i dont want him to know where i live because i am still paranoid that he has proud boy friends in bc who he can just call up and convince to burn my house down etc if i become too much of a liability or like if he finally does too many drugs and snaps and decides im causing progressivism as a whole by myself using magic

And the hardcore bros KNOW this is what people who truly hate nazis go through with them, and they dont give a fuck because they think theyre on a higher plane of enlightenment by virtue of a hyperfixation on a niche subculture's 40 year history of repeated infiltrations by nazis

im just gonna post some of these back to back bc why not. this draft is from october 2019 and is aptly titled “ruh roh ghost lad." but this is the one where beej gets stuck as a ghost in the maitland-deetz house

-

-

With a poof, Beetlejuice was on the roof of the Maitland-Deetz house. He groaned, opening his eyes. “Where am I?” He questioned quietly, looking around the area. He was quick to recognize his destination. “Wait what no, how did I get here? God/Satan please send me back,” he muttered to himself. He tried his best to teleport himself away, but he couldn’t go anywhere. He tried to fly away but ended up on Saturn so he was quick to fly back to the roof.

Beetlejuice sunk down to his knees, begging to god/satan- or perhaps the person who sent him there in the first place.

“Dammit!” he shouted in frustration, slamming his hand down on the tiling of the roof.

He heard the window begin to rattle as it was being opened. Muttering a string of curses to himself, Beetlejuice teleported himself to the other side of the roof, hiding. He heard the familiar voice of Barbara Maitland say “I told you there’s nothing out here honey, stop being so paranoid.” With that the window shut once more.

Beetlejuice sighed, slumping down the side of the chimney. He was trapped in the plane of the Maitland/Deetz house. The place he was killed- not that he was still salty about that or anything. He refused to believe he was a simple ghost. He was still a demon- he had to be- maybe he was just trapped.

That’s when an idea struck him- he needed to see Lydia. If she said his name three times, he could return to the living plane like before. Sure, it might be hard to get her to say his name, but the two of them were BFFFFs forever. She had to help him, it was his only choice. He needed to get out of there and Lydia was his ticket home.

Begrudgingly, Beetlejuice floated down to Lydia’s room. The blinds were closed, so he knocked on the window. When she opened the blinds, he was out of sight. He phased through the wall and took a seat at the end of the bed. Beetlejuice watched as the girl narrowed her eyes, peering out the window. “Must’ve been a bird,” she shrugged before turning around to see none other than Lawrence Beetlejuice Shoggoth.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh c’mon Lyds, I know you missed me.” Beetlejuice teased, but the girl merely rolled her eyes, giving him a stern look. “Fine, I missed you- no okay even I didn’t believe that.”

She couldn’t help but smile a little at that, “You love me, don’t try to deny it.” The demon pretended to throw up, which caused Lydia to laugh but she was quick to stop herself. She regained the same serious tone she had earlier, “You know my family isn’t going to want you here.”

“But do you?” He asked, earning a confused look in return. “Lydia, do you want me to leave?”

“I don’t know, Beej. If I say, yes will you go?” The teen asked playfully.

“Nope! But get this- I won’t leave, because I can’t.”

“Wait what?” Lydia’s smug expression fell.

“I am trapped here just like dear old Adam and Barbara. You may wonder ‘how?’ and to that I say- I don't know! But I have an idea on how I might be able to leave, and that involves you, scarecrow. I need you to say my name three times and maybe, just maybe, I can get out of here.”

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“Well then, we just have to test it to find out.”

“Beetlejuice,” the demon clenched his fists in anticipation. “Beetlejuice,” he closed his eyes, preparing himself. “Beetlejuice,” Lydia finished off, watching intently to see what would happen.

The bio-exorcist stayed quiet for a little bit before opening one eye to examine if anything had happened. Groaning, he opened his other eye. “I don’t feel any different.” He tried using his demonic powers but nothing happened, well there were a bit of sparks (which caused Lydia to giggle a little at his failure). He tried teleporting but that was to no avail. “I don’t have my demon powers. I’m… not a demon.” Lydia was understandably shocked. For as long as she knew Beetlejuice he was a demon, she couldn’t even picture him as anything else. “I’m a ghost, Lydia! A fucking ghost!” He shouted angrily, slamming his fist down on her bed post. She shushed him, causing him to take a few deep breaths, “Okay, sorry, sorry. Gotta keep quiet so the fam doesn’t find me, I know.”

Lydia scrunched her nose in disgust at the word ‘fam’ but knew that wasn’t nearly as important as what Beetlejuice just revealed about himself. “How can you no longer be a demon? Is that even possible? And you said you’re trapped here? In that case, it doesn’t matter if you’re quiet or not. It’s not like you can hide forever. Plus, maybe Adam and Barbara can help get you back to normal. Is there a way to get you back to normal? What if-”

The ex-demon placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, causing her to look up at him. “I’ll be honest with you, I zoned out until you said Adam.”

The girl pushed his hand off her shoulder, “This is serious Beej. What if you’re trapped here forever like the Maitlands?”

“Then I’m trapped here forever with the Maitlands” he smirked.

Lydia scoffed, rolling her eyes. “There’s gotta be some reason you’re like this, and there has to be some way to get you back to the way you were.” Beetlejuice nodded in agreement. “First step to figuring this all out is to let everyone know what’s happening.”

She motioned for him to follow her. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Nope but it’s all we got.” She shrugged and he copied the action.

Beetlejuice put his hand on the door before she could open it. “Okay but what if we prank them?”

“You know I’m always down to spook my family, but they’re not gonna be happy that you’re here to begin with. So we should take things easy, don’t overwhelm them, y’know?” He groaned and muttered complaints under his breath as he moved his hand from the door.

Lydia led Beetlejuice downstairs. No one was in the living room, so she loudly screamed for a family meeting.

Charles bolted into the room, Delia excitedly following him. The Maitlands sank down from the ceiling, clearly stressed by the teen’s yelling.

“I can’t believe you called a family meeting, Lydia!” Delia said cheerfully, not noticing the ex-demon standing behind Lydia.

“Get away from her” Charles commanded, glaring angrily at Beetlejuice. Sure, they didn’t leave off on a bad foot, but he was not going to let history repeat itself. Delia flinched at his shouting before seeing who he was talking to.

“Oh c’mon, Chuck. Aren’t you happy to see your son-in-law?” Beej teased, earning death glares from all of the adults in the room. “Too soon?” He asked, feigning innocence. Lydia laughed at the inappropriate joke. “See this guy gets it” Beetlejuice smiled, nudging the teen.

Delia placed a hand on Charles’ arm, a silent plea for him to remain calm. Adam placed his arm out in front of Barbara. She looked to him and he shook his head. With a sigh, she backed down, holding onto her husband’s hand for her emotional stability.

“Beetlejuice is trapped here as a ghost like Barbara and Adam.” Lydia states, breaking the tension in the room. Confusion was plastered on the adults’ features.

“How?” Adam asked slowly, hesitantly.

“Good question, really good question. However, we don’t have a really good answer.” Beetlejuice verbally danced around the answer.

“What does that mean?” Charles furrowed his eyebrows.

“He doesn’t know how this all happened.” The teen clarified with a shrug. “I thought that maybe my resident ghost parents could help us figure out what happened to him.”

Barbara narrowed her eyes at the ex-demon, not buying his act. Adam, however, smiled softly and said, “Of course we’ll help, Lydia.”

“If you’re staying here, we’re gonna need to lay down some ground rules.” Charles stated, eyes locked on Beetlejuice.

He met his eyes with an almost wicked smile, “Of course, Chuck.”

Lydia groaned dramatically, “it’s not like he can do much. He’s a ghost now, not a demon.”

“Ghosts need boundaries too” Barbara retorted.

“I think the most obvious rule is that you cannot marry Lydia again.” Delia said, earning nods from the adults in the room.

Beetlejuice groaned, “how many times do I have to say that it was a green card thing!?! Even I’m not creepy enough to actually try to marry Lydia. She’s like 3!”

“I’m almost 16, Beej.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly you’re 3. Now quiet down tot, the grown ups are talking.” He teased. She stuck her tongue out at him and he stuck his out at her.

“You’re not one to talk about age Beetlejuice. You may be extremely old, but you’re less mature than Lydia.” Charles spoke snidely. Both the ex-demon and his daughter seemed offended by the statement.

“Rule number two: no pranks.” Adam spoke up, trying to change the subject.

“What? That’s not fair!” Beej protested at the same time Lydia asked “Have you met us?”

“The last time you two pulled pranks, you scared people to the point that the passed out!” Barbara explained.

“Just because a couple of cowards couldn’t take a scare, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be able to prank. Plus, That Beautiful Sound was a whole bop and our dance sequence was phenomenal.” Beetlejuice said defensively. Everyone except for Lydia gave him a confused look.

“Please don’t take away our pranks! We’ll tone them down, I promise.” Lydia bartered, giving both sets of parents puppy dog eyes.

Adam cracked first, then Delia, then Barbara. Charles didn’t crack until, with a frown, she muttered a quiet “please dad.”

“Okay fine. Rule number two is no big pranks. Just try not to do anything that will put yourself or others into harm’s way.” Charles amended.

“Rule three: don’t physically harass us, Beetlejuice.” Barbara said, crossing her arms sternly.

“Define physically harass…” BJ said furrowing his brows.

“Don’t grope or touch either of us inappropriately, don’t kiss us, and don’t make inappropriate jokes at our expense. I’m not just gonna take it this time.” Barbara said. Maitlands 2.0!

“Fair enough, Babs. But don’t pretend you didn’t like it.” He joked, earning the most terrifying look from Barbara. “Okay okay sorry, I was just kidding.”

Adam lightly rubbed his thumb in circles on Barbara’s hand, causing her to relax and saving Beetlejuice from her wrath.

“Rule four: no lashing out. In this house we try to maintain a calming aura, all matters can be solved through (calm) communication.” Delia smiled. Beetlejuice resisted to roll his eyes.

“I’d say the final rule is to not go into anyone’s bedroom unless you’re invited in. Snooping or just disturbing the peace is highly frowned upon, so just watch yourself. If any more rules are to be added in the future, you are expected to follow them as well.” Charles concluded.

“As you wish, Chuckles.” Beej said with a posh accent, bowing dramatically. Lydia giggled at his antics, but as usual, she was the only one to appreciate his jokes.

“We will leave you to figure out how all of this happened.” Delia stated with a soft smile, she lead Charles out of the room, and motioning for Lydia to follow. Hesitantly, she did. She mouthed to BJ that she’d be back in a bit.

“I don’t believe you.” Barbara said as soon as she heard the door down the hall close.

“What? What’s there to not believe? Wouldn’t you think I’d prefer to leave than stay somewhere where I’m clearly not wanted?”

“Well you weren’t exactly wanted the first time-“ Adam started, but was cut off by the ex-demon.

“I was selfish then. Goal oriented, if you will. I just wanted to be alive! But I’ve been down that track and seems like life just wasn’t meant for me. But here we are now, and I’m trapped with my killers.”

“Lydia is the one who stabbed you with bad art.” Adam stayed matter-of-factly.

“But you convinced me I was wanted. You kissed me.” He accused Adam. “And you flirted with me.” He pointed at Barbara. “You played to my senses to emotionally manipulate me! And you think I’m here by choice?”

Barbara frowned. He had left so confidently. There didn’t seem to be any hard feelings. But here they were. “Beetlejuice, I believe that you’re stuck here. I just meant that I didn’t believe you were telling the whole truth. But I’m sorry for what we did, we just wanted what was best for Lydia and that seemed like the only option.”

Beej took a breath, remembering Delia’s dumb rule. “What do you mean by you don’t believe I’m telling the whole truth?”

“You have to know how you got here.” Barbara said.

“Okay yeah fair enough. I’m pretty sure I know how and why I’m here but not how I can leave.”

“Wh- it was just that easy?” Adam asked. “All Barbara had to do was call you out?”

“The netherworld is full of paperwork

-

-

and again, an abrupt ending! because past me sucked <3

Advice for the wayward cheater

I want to give tips and info on just some of the things I used to cheat online classes in Highschool. This may be slightly out of date by two years but there are some tips as well that could be useful for the more modern stuff out there.

Ch

Remember that cheating is a victimless crime. should you want to learn and do it legit? yes. but sometimes school classes are hard as shit and im not blaming anybody who takes this route or needs to because they have other stuff going on. so. lets get to it. under a readmore bc its long.

1. Try to avoid looking this stuff up on a school computer. i know this seems odd but school computers often have trackers and it’ll make it easier for you to get caught this way. personally i didnt have a problem with this presumably bc my teachers didnt give a shit but ITS A VALID WORRY and therefor you should focus on looking the answers up on your phone or a personal computer if you work from there. school computers are fucking snitches. ALSO DO NOT TALK ABOUT CHEATING OUT LOUD BECAUSE THEY HAVE MICROPHONES. this may seem paranoid but schools and the like are shady as FUCK and its better to be safe than sorry. cover your mic up too. some shit will still bleed through but its better than nothing.

2. Brainly, Quizlet, ANY manner of answer site is a godsend. if you can find a whole sheet of answers for your subject and they match you’re pretty much set for life. HOWEVER. before you go onto these, i recommend ublock origin, and sometimes youll have to use that or get crafty in order to remove those little blocks that tell you to register or that you get ‘three free answers a day.’ you could also try turning off javascript, but i havent tried that.

3. How to search for the sites above! Google has a search feature where you can put things in quotations, you can search for the exact wording plop a question like “rate of financial decline 1950″ and oftentimes youll find it if you copy and paste the question! this is what primarily got me through highschool

Similarly, if you find a site that you just cant get an answer from and its clogging results, you can do -site (ex. -pinterest) and itl remove it from your results.

4. The searching up answers things has flaws, though. sometimes, you just cant find that math result or you’re dealing with GRAPHS. for this! i highly recommend photomath, its a secure app (afaik) that can recognize equations and you can hold your phone up to the screen to scan them and oftentimes get an answer. just make sure what info you’re inputting looks right. or if you’re lucky, you can find the graft via reverse google search or looking up the question itself if its not just “solve the graph” nonsense

5. Screenshot your correct answers! if you have a test you just cant pass and the above doesnt work and you’re allowed multiple tries, screenshot what answers you know to be right because oftentimes theyll show you your mistakes. multiple choice is very useful in this regard. use this to your advantage! the site my school used, a plus, is very recommended for this

5. Inspect element! you can indeed use inspect element to find the answer/answer key for a question using inspect element for some cases, like ed///men//tum. id suggest looking up if this can work with your schools’ site.

6. If all else fails, just fuckin guess. Sometimes you cant find an answer or cant retry something, in that case, if its multiple choice you can just take a guess at it. with four answers, you have a 25 percent chance of being right, with 2, 50 percent. if you know that c and d are wrong, you can go with your gut.

Ok now for some tips that might be useful to avoid detection.

A. Some shit uses eye/movement tracking. it fucking sucks like you’d expect. now i am not sure how they can get away with this if some people work on personal computers but if you at all can id recommend using one without a webcam, or if it has one, cover it up. if questioned, you can say that your webcam is broken if you’re working on a personal computer or nonexistant, although id recommend the former because idk if they can check that.

B. Wear tinted glasses so that they dont see your eyes moving. they cant force you to take them off, due to the fact some of them are perscription. this varies because idk how many people have tinted glasses.

C. SIMILARLY TRY TO LOOK UP WAYS TO BLOCK REGULAR GLASSES GLARE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT THIS WAY BY TEACHERS PHYSICALLY WALKING BY ME EVEN IF MY BACK IS NOT TO THEM. not a good idea to have them look at your glasses while youve got your head craned down and they see that you’re on another site entirely or using brainly. they can absolutely see the reflection off your glasses.

D. For the above, if you cant physically avoid having teachers look at your screen, wait until they walk past you or look away, then ALT+ TAB. this varies on macs and you might need to change a setting to let you do that or look up the versions of the keys there but alt tabbing is the fastest way bc simply put you just cant click home fast enough. WORK IN ANOTHER WINDOW AND HAVE YOUR CHEAT WINDOW BEHIND THAT. its faster than clicking off.

F. Take advantage of the fact that schools do not control your social life. you could presumably ask other people in your school for answers, or start up a cheating circle. this comes with its own risks like snitches or getting caught so beware for this one, but if you can share answers among yourselves you’re not only giving yourself an advantage but others too. make sure you dont collab on a school site though or message eachother on school email. instead, get their phone number and call or text them or try asking for their social media.

G. Build a faraday cage for your macbook if you’re not using it. idk it just seems like a good idea in general because i hate tracking and school tracking and the idea of being tracked via gps is skeevy as fuck. might as well, and theyre cheap to make.

H. Get creative! actively ask yourself how to give yourself an advantage in a situation and search for ways to get past shit. if you have enough tech knowhow you can do practically anything.

This is all i have for now, addons are appreciated for people who know more about this than I do but this is just what i’ve figured out from my days of going to school. school’s fucking hard and neurodivergent people oftentimes have problems focusing or wanting to do the work and if it helps them at all to be able to cheat and just get past it then I hope its useful.

.

Odd :) numbers :)

You say you don’t care who I do but I’mma do Jesse and Vrox anyway XD

under the cut bc *insert vaguely angry but also just very affectionate ‘my son is a dick but I love him’ eyes here*

questions are from here, send me some if you’d like! :P please try to specify which character tho, less stress for me X’D

1. What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

Jesse: He’s actually very patient. He might jolt his bounce his knee a bit and twiddle his fingers, zone out/daydream. He’d probably have a nap after a while, he can fall asleep anywhere. He could last hours and hours if needed.

Vrox: You don’t leave Vrox alone in a room for a long time. Something will get broken, Even if there’s nothing in the room to break, something will get broken. About two hours at MOST before he starts getting annoyed.

June: They could last a long time if needed, though they would not be happy about it. They like to complain at the best of times.

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Jesse: Normally has a long shower and eats whatever unhealthy shit they have for dinner (normally cereal or take out) and then plays music low in the background to help him nod off, occasionally he’ll replace it with an audio book but he’ll put his earbuds in for that. He and Vrox are both big night owls tho so keep in mind this is usually at about 3AM.

Vrox: Drags Jesse into dancing with him, eats whatever Jesse’s bottomless pit stomach couldn’t hold, and works out for a while (where Jesse can see of course because he’s a show off.) Then he has a very short paranoid shower because his DICK BOYFRIEND used up almost all the hot water, and tumbles into bed. Not gonna lie he and Jess have sex most nights, they’re… incorrigible. 

June: Soaks in the bath for a hundred years and refills it for every one of those years, then pulls on their super expensive silk PJs, does a facemask and pulls out whatever disgusting trashy knock-off romance novel they’re currently reading and pick it apart like the happy little vulture they are. They have a massive bed but they rarely ever sleep in it, most of the time they fall asleep on the couch until the sun wakes them up through the blinds they forgot to shut and they stumble into the bedroom cursing and go back to sleep till Taco wakes them up (they would sleep in all day if he let them.)

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Jesse: It depends on what you do. If you make a mistake, he’ll be fine. If you turn out to be transphobic or generally a dick then woop there goes his trust.

Vrox: hates everyone from the get go and that rarely ever changes, you don’t even have to try dude

June: Them?? Trusting anyone??????? *hysterical laughter*

7: What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

Jesse: Nostalgia for him is bittersweet. Music is the biggest trigger since his dad loved it and had a record player that was like his second child, he used to dance with Jesse’s mom to Let Me Call You Sweetheart. One time Vrox found the old record and played it for him and Jesse absolutely broke down. He tries to think of the good rather than the bad, but it all gets jumbled up a lot: being gay, trans and black in 1910s was not a good life to lead. He’s got to step carefully around his memories.

Vrox: Doesn’t have a lot of nostalgia, but he DOES get weird dream-memories sometimes of back in his ‘baby years’, when he was just a simple hellhound without sapience yet. Jesse always laughs his ass off when Vrox has one of those dreams because Vrox looks so confused and disgruntled - and annoyed and embarrassed when he remembers something humiliating.

June: 99% of their nostalgia is soaked in PTSD, so no, they don’t enjoy it. The sound of the ocean, the smell of roses and citrus, wearing heavy dresses, any kind of grating or grinding on their teeth, and washing clothes by hand are all triggers, they hate it.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Jesse: Said “drat!” once and his mom made him wash all the dishes for three months straight. Needless to say, he doesn’t swear much even now. It gives it more impact when he does… unless in the bedroom, them he swears like, well, a demon.

Vrox: Fuck yes he fucking swears and he’d like any motherfucker to try and fucking stop him. Honestly the first word that came out of his mouth when he evolved was probably a swear of some kind.

June: Swears a lot. They’ll swear in front of you and your grandmother and your 6 year old, they don’t give a shit. They don’t remember their first one tho.

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Jesse: Definitely asks, he’s a responsible bean who’s mature and wants to know exactly what’s going on.

Vrox: Probably doesn’t care enough to ask, unless it’s just him and Jesse, then he’ll ask.

June: They’ll fake it till they make it or ask with a blunt “what the fuck are you talking about?”

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Jesse: Looks fucking fantastic in blue and/or yellow and knows this. Vrox can’t stop kissing him when he wears yellow and it almost reduces his big scary boyfriend to tears because “you look so cute, what the fuck, how are you so cute?!”

Vrox: Red. He loves red. But blue brings out his eyes and suits him better, tho red is also good on him.

June: Black or a dark smokey grey. They know they look damn good. They’re highly allergic to bright colours, you understand.

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Jesse: Is the chillest charasmatic person you’ll ever meet, amazing at putting people at ease and making lasting conversations or small talk. Master people person. He can still talk a little ‘weird’ for our time and some old slang slips out occasionally, but still very confidant. thus i have no idea how to write him LMAO how are you cooler than me i created you wtf

Vrox: No small talk, no rehearsing. He’s intimidating and doesn’t normally talk to people unless absolutely necessary, or he’s trying to pick a fight. Has 0 interest in making people feel at ease or comfortable around him, he wants to be left alone as much as possible. People think he’s got a weird accent when he does talk, one that’s pretty unrecognizable - he spent most of his life in hell, after all, not on Earth.

June: Clipped, concise, they get what they need out of a conversation and then conversation is over. They don’t rehearse, they’re blunt and don’t care about feelings. They have the faintest hint of a cockney accent that gets stronger when they’re drunk/angry/emotional.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

Jesse: Kind of. And he’s easily scandalized, and sometimes not in a funny way. He still forgets that it’s okay for him to hold Vrox’s hand in public where people can see.

Vrox: Only Jesse can really get blushes out of him.

June: Occasionally, but they’ll get irritated faster than they’ll get embarrassed, and when they get flustered they tend to scratch so be careful with that.

19. What is their favorite number?

Jesse: 2.

Vrox: 666.

June: 43.

21. Why do they get up in the morning? 

Jesse: Sometimes he doesn’t. Mostly because he tries to find good little things in every day that he looks forward to. Or because Vrox wheedles him out of bed with breakfast and kisses.

Vrox: Because somebody’s gotta annoy Jesse out of bed. Also because once he wakes up he gets restless and needs to move around, no peaceful lie-ins for him.

June: Because Taco won’t stop drooling and shedding on them, otherwise they wouldn’t. Sleep is like the only thing they enjoy... just not the dreams.

23. How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

Jesse: Gets a bit quiet but tries to feel happy for the person he’s envious of.

Vrox: Angrily. What did you expect. Tries to get the thing and if he can’t have it he tries to ruin it, or he just stalks off.

June: They get pissy and territorial and they sulk. A lot.

25. What are their thoughts on marriage? 

Jesse: Likes the idea, definitely wants to get married one day. His parents were both people of faith (even if it wasn’t SUPER strong) and he doesn’t really like that they would disapprove of him living in sin, ironic as it is. And he just wants to get married as an intimate tie.

Vrox: Doesn’t give a shit but would do anything to make Jesse happy.

June: HhahahAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahAHAHA no.

27. What causes them to feel dread?

Jesse: Any kind of weird looks in public, people he cares about running late, having anything around his neck, sleeping in the same room as other people (asides from Vrox.)

Vrox: Not being able to contact his (admittedly few) loved ones for whatever reason, and really not much else. Vrox doesn’t dread a lot.

June: Literally anything to do with their past, being shown affection, knowing they have to go out to a public gathering bc they are a big introvert, knowing they need to sleep at some point.

29. Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

Jesse: He tries damn hard to. you’re doin great sweetie.

Vrox: Has no real ideals and still disappoints himself on a regular basis.

June: They don’t really have any ideas other than ‘be a snarky asshole’ and they sure live up to that.

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

Jesse: Vrox. He kept him safe when he needed it most, supported him through everything, always encouraged him to kick ass and do what he thinks is right.

Vrox: Jesse. He taught him that it was okay to let people in and to be soft, that just because he was a demon doesn’t mean he has to let it define everything he is.

June: Dante. He showed them a way out and helped them build a life, always there to support them. And Taco, of course.

33: Could they be considered lazy?

Jesse: No. At worst, depressed. He’s definitely not lazy, not by a long shot, very active in human rights, painting, social activities.

Vrox: Not really, he’s somebody who always has to be Doing Something.

June: Absolutely. They enjoy it greatly.

35: How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

Jesse: Super hyped and into it, gonna be asking lots of excited questions and listening to every word.

Vrox: Might playfully tease but always encourages whatever it is

June: Will roll their eyes and put on a show of not being interested but you bet your ass they’ll be paying attention and they will care (and anybody who manages to get close to June would know this)

37. Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

Jesse: He’s got an okay memory but if he really needs to remember something he’ll scribble it in his sketchbook

Vrox: Is one of those people who needs to sing the entire ABCs while looking up a word in the dictionary. But he doesn’t really care.

June: Has a good memory, but if they forget something they don’t give a damn. If they forget somebody’s name they’ll just call them by a bunch of different insulting names and ignore the person trying to correct them.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people? 

Jesse: It really depends on what the flaws are, but mostly he’s pretty chill.

Vrox: Is Vrox. Everything pisses him off, what do you expect. He doesn’t take shit.

June: If they care about you, they will tolerate a lot, though they won’t overlook them. If they don’t care about you, prepare to have all your flaws thrown in your face.

41. How do they feel about children?

Jesse: Not good with little kids and feels awkward around them, but he’s good with older kids/teenagers.

Vrox: Is very good with little kids and likes them more than his scarred angry ass will admit.

June: Loves kids but they make them uncomfortable so they avoid them at all costs.

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Jesse: “Gay, gay, very gay, have you even seen guys? Guys are great, I’m gay, I’m so gay.” (Vrox, in the background: “GAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY”)

Vrox: “I don’t care, if I like you you’re stuck with me.”

June: “The void.”

OMG Ben STFU. Or please illuminate on this great "revenge." FYI no one will believe you or care even if you try to play like it was you & M who were the victims of this charade. You could've ended this whole thing years ago but instead you chose to whine on SM and ride D's coattails as your GF stalked & forced herself on him. BC she'd rather pretend she was engaged to a guy who hates her than have a real relationship with you. JFC I can't with how pathetic it all is

Anon, I was sitting in the theater, we were a little early (i somehow lost my tickets and was crazy paranoid about getting them at the box office but unimportant) and I see Benny Boy’s most pathetic and ridiculous tweet yet.

What revenge?  What does Ben possibly need to get revenge for?  What has anyone done to him?  

This man has been in a relationship for over 3 years with a person that WILLINGLY denies him and chooses another man over him time and time again. And while I am sure at first she claimed “Contracts” “D needs me” at some point, and i would guess fairly quickly, he realized the only person really benefiting from the bearding was M.  And that the people who surrounded her and enabled the bearding also received a small benefit in promo and attention. and he CHOSE to stay with her despite the fact that he will NEVER be number one in her eyes. NEVER.  Her obsession with D has reached, in my opinion, near dangerous levels. Why would one ever willingly choose to be with someone that is obsessed with another person?  Why?

And when I say obsessed, do not misunderstand. I don’t think she has some delusions that they could ever have a great love story.  She knows where she stands. She doesn’t care.  She would choose a marriage of contempt if it meant that she could continue to play this charade and derive second hand fame off of D.  She doesn’t care that D hates her.  Actually I think she derives joy from that fact.  And Ben knows it.

I admit there was a time I actually thought his SM media posts were helpful. That he was using it as a medium to beg her to end this.  But i realize, in retrospect and watching this unfold further, that he was using it as a forum to garner attention from D’s fans.  

I actually have no words for how sad his behavior is. This is a man with a strong resume. He has produced Kay/ne and one of my childhood favs D/uran D/uran along with a whole list of top talent in the industry. What more does he want? And he was a fairly successful singer in the U.K. 

But i guess it wasn’t good enough. So he relocated to the states and moved into another man’s house with a woman who was pretending to live with the owner of the house and publicly ignoring the fact that he lived there. And he has continued to accept that she denies him, by choice, for over 3 years.  She orchestrated a fake engagement and he is still hanging on. Does she were the ring when they go to bed at night?  

So what is he seeking revenge for?  What could he possibly be upset about?  That C overshadowed his lady on Sunday?  Maybe that D seems like he is winning some battles? Shouldn’t that make him happy that maybe, just maybe, someday this nightmare might end and maybe, just maybe she might take Benny to a wedding instead of D, or go on vacation with him instead of following D around the world????????

Or is it as you say and he is trying to turn the tables and make him and M look like the victims?  Are they fucking kidding me? I think the record speaks for itself and it is beyond clear who is responsible for the continued bearding. And he just needs to accept that YES she will fall spectacularly and she will likely take him down with her.  

Pathetic is not strong enough of a word to describe him.  I actually do not understand how he has an ounce of respect for himself at this point.

Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet

JENNET

not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...

(a little later)

feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet

(after eating rice)

i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again

(after taking a dip in the ocean)

immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...

(after polishing the immunity necklace)

realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now

JONES

https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)

LOVELIS

So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈

JENNET

looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable

LINDSAY

12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing

JESSICA

I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay

(a little later)

Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!

JENNET

apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird

JESSICA

LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.

JENNET

so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry

(a little later)

had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game

JAKE

https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face

JENNET

my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go

LINDSAY

videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid

JENNET

:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours

SAMMY

so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.

JENNET

lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt

DAISY

https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo

SAM

https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt

JESSICA

me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!

LOVELIS

I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!

Star Wars oneshot

[beware: long post ahead] Introduction

The Galaxy,for the first time,seems to be at peace: the Republic and Empire have reached a stall and acceptable agreements and both of them are not pinching and nabbing at each other too much. This is also thanks to the just-ended great war, lasting the incredible short period of 5 years, which had ended with a large-scale schism of the Sith order that destabilized the Empire. There are those who say the Sith "rebels" were supported by the Republic, some say they were headed by a Sith lord with powers comparable or even higher than the Emperor himself. The fact is that now the intergalactic forces are more or less in peace. [Characters introductions here]

The scene opens with a Chiss pilot in space. Janos has just finished one of his regular smuggling jobs and he's relaxing while the most recent member of his "one man crew" is being the paranoid of the bunch and he's checking the ship for any evidence or problems that might have happened during the mission. They receive a call on holo from a "private number" basically, and Janos, before letting his "co-pilot" paranoid human hacker answer, checks from where it arrives. It's from Korriban. "AH. EXCELLENT". They are a bit on the defensive but Jaydkan,the hacker knowns as "cresto", or hacker, or paranoid, or simply J says that "curiosity makes him curious" (he's a hacker, not a poet) and they respond. It is a rattataki that calls Janos by name (OK) and tells him that it is the apprentice of his "employer" (GREAT) and that has a job for him, perhaps the last "mandatory" one (actual good), and she basically wants me to pick up two Night Sisters( G L O R I U O S) and a couple of jedi ( SPEC TA CU LAR) to help her Master in a thing. "ah ok, so now I'm taxi service". Of course I accept, I do not have the right to refuse, and I head to the coordinates. The scene moves to the Night Sisters, who are briefly informed about the matter by teh same rattataki woman, even if they already knew what they had to do and they get informed about who and where and when they will be taken to do such work. Madea and Winter are of few words and many facts so when the "taxi" arrives, they introduce themselves - more or less- and they go quietly in their ""lodgings"" on the ship to meditate. New change of scene and we are on Typhon, known planet of jedi temples. Three jedi are digging and working in an archeologic site when one of the three, Sa'Vin, recieves an holo call. From a "private number" She moves away from the tent and answers, finding the same rattataki as before. But she knows her by name ("Tiraka"), and knows who she is and who her Master is, as she had had "dealings" with him in the past. There is a strenuous conversation where Tiraka asks for support from Sa'Vin, and she deduces that it must be a great deal if it is her and not her Master who calls for help. The sith apprentice confirms the situation it's as such. With a sigh, Sa'vin accepts the caller's request for help and closes the call, speaking soon after privately with her padawan Milisendis asking if she would feel comfortable doing a "special" mission. The Miraluka girl seems to be interested academically speaking and, when asked, the other Jedi, a Givin called Iad-aan, appears to be interested as well (there is a samll player-death here bcs the charcter vocie od Iad-aan made me die laughing.). Iad-Aan asks if it is an illegal thing, and when it is confirmed that it is not "technically" he lightly accepts. Sa'vin drives in speeder the two colleagues / companions to the place of randevouz for Tiraka had confirmed that she had already arranged somebody to come and get them near the place of need. The three await the ship in a open grassfield and when the said transport arrives after a a couple of hours, Iad-Aan uses the Force to "see" who is inside and percieves clearly two strong sources of Force not fully trained on but mostly Dark Ways. On the other hand, the Night Sisters perceive themselves to be observed. Landing, Janos comes down from the ship to check his "cargo" and remaining pleasantly surprised by (re)Seeing Sa'vin, cordially greeting Millisendis and remaining a little shocked by the welcoming of the Givin, makes them jump on board, urgently asking not to provoke quarrels with the other two young ladies in the ship. There is a brief chat between Janos and Sa'vin, where she asks him to use the name with which she presented herself and where she whispers that she would like to know where he had met this current employer of his (The sith master she also knows). "I could ask you the same question, Counsellor Sa'vin" "it is not obvious that i will not answer". On the ship they all meet up with a young blue twi'lek and a jawa, who is promptly threatened by Janos who warns the small alien that he is "keeping an eye on him (Zili.. Don't let it touch my droid)". It's obvious that this kind of conversation is now routine on the ship. [Sa'vins player was feeling ill so she left after this point] Before taking off, on the datapad that gave Janos the coordinates for the variosu landings a message compose itself and it suggests to ask the Nighsisters to explain the problem to the new arrivals of the ship. Janos hurriedly gets up (complaining that it could have wrote the message in the 5 seconds before i had sat down on the pilot seat) and he goes, but before he could hear the Night sisters' negative answer, he's already gone. The journey starts... without any of the main groups exchanging covnersations. We arrive at the coordinates set: a moon that looks more like a cemetery of buildings than an inhabited place, with several craters created or from large battles or frequent meteorites. When the ship docks, the landing pod blocks my supports and I find myself very frustrated at the idea of ​​not being able to just get the fuck out. The jedis and the non-Force-users get off board looking at a pyramid liek tomb, stil lwondering what we are doing there since miss onehanded -shotgun-loading-sound Madea has not told us anything about the job yet. Looking around the landing pod we see the door of a pyramidal tomb that is closed by two statues with hands and arms joined. The scavengers notice also some computers with soem data running on the screens and the hacker + twi'lek are observing with great interests the tech there: it's an automatic station for archaeological finds' analysis. J downloads a bit of the just finished analysis on the device and Yewzili pockets some various paddles. I'm like "kid don't do it" and she "it's to repay you: 3" "if you want to repay me by sicking 45 angry Siths because I stole their precious antique night vases, i'll gladly skip that" "they will never notice." While the three smuggler-type pirate things, the jedis use the Force to open the doors, after Madea said, very caustic, that their employer is literally just locked inside (janos: "AH he called us because he got stuck a tomb, this is AMAZING"). The jedi open the door of 50cm and let pass the two Night sisters in front of line, then they go in and finally the mere blaster-holders go at the rear. As soon as we get all inside, Iad-aan uses the Force again to perceive dangerous creatures and finds two or three BIG clustersof negative energy plus a more powerful one of inestimable suffering in the depths of the tomb. We assume that's out quarry. Trying to avoid the clusters of life forms perceived by the mathematical jedi, we start our descent. At the first junction we are attacked by a Kath who is severely mistreated by the force-users (Medea jumps behind him using the wall as a lever hitting his back, ian-aad splats it on the ceiling, Zili electifies it with the vibrosword and finally Medea eviscerates it while iad -aan overkills it with a Force-beheading. Janos kinda just puts away the blaster shrughing). A little further on we find another forkin the road, with both ends going downhill, and an obelisk at the center of a small opening in the cave. The jedi interact with it- in whisper - while Janos  -"feeling lucky" in whisper - gets a very bad feeling from the way on the right. Iad-aan says that the obelisk has "spoken to him" and that we must continue in the way right but "without touching the dead" - something along these lines. There is a brief pseudo-philosophical discussion between iad and medea where medea does not seem particularly inclined to speak, while janos and zili are having an heated covnersation about some potential good stored in Janos' ship that zili may or may not have"resold" or used (spoielr: it was spice. (context: spice in sw its drug basically)). In the fustration, Janos does not realize that he is walking right in the direction of the bad feeling. We arrive in a room full of stacks of skeletons and Iad-Aan assumes these are the dead not to be touched, so with nonchalance levitates wit hthe Force across the room (he's usign a lot of Force powers, he should be more careful). Madea comments caustically that "some" people REALLY like to show "how many things they can do"; the Night Sisters make show of their great agility and the others (Milisendis Zili, and J) simply walk - janos needs a few seconds before deciding to cross the room .  The "bad feeling" really gets to him- [J's player is prone to be very sleepy so he left as well at this poing] Just as we are getting out the blasted room, 6 huge and disgusting humanoids, Rakghouls, jump on us and we start a fight. Janos  -last in the line so first to be attacked- slips his entire arm into the mouth of one of these monsters as it growls and he like unloads his blaster charge in the skull of the disgusting thing, causing it to burst from within. The creature falls to the ground coem a fish without bones, ("Ah ... he bit me ç_c ...") biting janos' arm on the way down; Iad-aan unleashes his levitate to lift himself up into the cavernous room and not get caught by two of them; medea uses, according to old tactics already tried, Winter as jumping pad and twirling in the air with feline grace and shoots in the head to another of the creatures with the blaster incorporated in her mechanical arm; zili jumps back while the attack of the jedi padawan Milisendis doesn't go as good as she would have wanted. In the second round with a bit of Force pushes and blaster shots an classical Force-beheadings, we take the rest out. Medea snaps a bit of acid words to Zili ("Cowardice will not keep you alive") and we contine along the path down (zili is quite offended: "it actually works pretty good to me"). Around the corner we hear heavy steps and Mili, Yewzilin and Janos peek the corridor while Iad-Aan perceives it with Force: it is a fairly large creature known to feed on the Force + force users altogether. Janos comments that "hey, at least three of us are safe!" readily correct that they are nonetheless creatures carinvore and the Force flows in all of us. yadda yadda jedi shit. Janos promptly takes zili for an arm and literally sprints silently across the corridor to where the creature is eating some corpse or carcass. Zili does not make a sound but Janos almost slips and schatters a bone by mistake. Luckly the creature does not seem to care too much. ("DAMN IT YOU OLD MAN" Zili whispers angrly. "Ehy watch your mouth kid, the thing didn' saw us anway!!") Janos was "arguing" with Zili to use the Jawa as a distraction while Milsendis and Medea convinced Iad-aan that usinf the Force -again- to move soem rock in a far away corridoir would have not distracted the creature because it would have felt the source of the Force-usage. Some more or less sucessful sneaking made us avoid the creature complitely. We find now in front of a dor not much different from the one we met earlier and Medea with Winter brute-forcibly try to push it open (Medea: "will you others help us or not?". Janos and zili, together:"no no i think i'l lstay here watchign you two." zili:"I could watch them all day * eyes emoji *") while the jedi reuse the Push to Force it open. The initially percieved source of pain becomes it stronger once we enter the next room. [And hereby we ended the oneshot]

i'm not gonna argue the point abt OP any further bc yeah, you do make a good point about the flippant tone, but i think your sidenote in the tags missed my point? of course abusive women exist, but that One Specific Fear i mentioned is something that men and only men can do. not all men DO do it, and very few do intentionally, but they all can. i too know many kind men, but i also know they could do it, too. it's just something fucked-up that the stucture of western society has allowed to happen

i really don’t mean to put down your experiences at all, i’m very sorry you went through that, i was just making a point about a different set of experiences that relate the the patriarch in a different way

I put it in the tags as a tangibly-related side rant, so while it’s related to why OP’s attitude annoyed me so much it’s not directly related to the book/film itself. while we’re discussing it, though (and I mean this in a completely non-aggressive way) I guess I’m wondering why it’s only men who can induce that fear? I’m assuming you mean the loud, violent behaviour that then results in fear when a victim of abuse hears a man talking loudly, sees a drunk man, etc, which is understandable. but I’m genuinely wondering why that’s apparently unique to men? I get the same rush of unease and discomfort when I hear women yelling, and drunk women of a certain age demographic make me highly uncomfortable. they remind me of a female abuser I had who was very much like Jack – she was a loud, aggressive, sometimes violent alcoholic. I suppose I’m just confused as to how that Specific Fear (of a loud, maybe violent man and the fear of what he can potentially do to you) is only ever levelled at men. I’ve experienced it almost exclusively with women.

however, I know not all women are abusive, and I don’t look at a woman and immediately think about her potential to abuse me. I suppose I’m wondering why this seems to be the norm for men? you say you know kind men but you know they could do it, but what about the kind women? it really does sound, when people say things like that, that the only reason a man’s potential to abuse is considered is because only men have the potential to abuse. I’m sure you understand what a double standard that is.

as for any other feelings around men – any vibes they might give off, for example, you have to wonder where it’s coming from. I see a lot of posts on this site that really scrape the barrel with what’s classed as threatening, and sometimes I wonder if there’s not a level of paranoid projection going on. while anyone has a right to be concerned for their safety, you have to consider if it’s coming from internal or external forces. it’s awful if someone has been abused, but every man shouldn’t be held accountable for it. same way as I don’t hold every woman accountable for the abuse I suffered. a vast majority of them are decent, innocent people. the climate on this website really does blow everything up to be so hyperbolic and extreme and it’s easy to believe every man is a potential rapist if you only listen to what people are saying here, but in the real world men are normal, boring people who just want to do their own thing. a vast majority of them are not abusers or rapists, and they have no more potential to be awful than anyone else.

finally, this kind of all-men-are-abusers narrative is so harmful to anyone, male or female, who has been abused by a woman. the idea that paranoia is alright when it’s directed at men but misogynistic if directed at women is a terrible attitude to have, ans the constant posts about how all men are inherently wired to be abusive and women are strong perfect angels really fucks you up when a ‘strong perfect angel’ has beaten you or starved you or sexually assaulted you. it’s fine to be wary. it’s understandable to be scared if you’ve been abused. but I do wish that this idea that all men and only men give off vibes or have a potential to abuse would stop, because literally everyone has the potential to abuse and tumblr’s numbers are way off, even more so when you consider that many male victims of female abusers are too scared of backlash to speak out.

I’m sorry this got so long and please don’t think it’s all directed at you. I kind of used the opportunity to put all my thoughts on the matter down while we were on the subject, so this is as much a 'this is where I stand’ as a response.

Hi! I was wondering how two people might talk online totally secretly? A supervillain is helping a reporter plan a break in and the supervillain's super paranoid about getting caught. They initially talk through a "private" chat on social media (bc that's the only contact info the reporter has) but the supervillain wants something more secure. Possibly the dark net?? And is there a way to scrub evidence of their initial interaction afterwards? Thanks!

Hallo!

Someone keeping seeeeecrets? Sounds like fun.

Before we dive into this, a quick primer for the sake of covering our bases. The internet is a massive network of computers. The communication and organization of this network is a service provided by a type of company called an Internet Service Provider (ISP). Any information sent to another computer via the internet is sent through that ISP, meaning that if they so wish (and sometimes do) they can look at everything sent. In this sense, nothing ever sent over the internet is ever truly private.

That said, if a character wants to ensure some degree of privacy, they could encrypt (put it through a massively complicated cypher) all their data themselves. This would add a layer of encryption that only them and the intended recipient have the keys for. Decent solution, and some encryptions are really bloody hard to break through. That might suit Supervillain Sneakypants over here, but given enough time, or the right luck, or other reasons, someone who intercepts the communication may crack the encryption and then whoopsiedaisy, Supervillain’s goose is cooked.

(Only tangentially related but I’m a sucker for Spike, gimme a break please don’t hurt me)

So we move on to option two (in my mind, anyway): a Virtual Private Network (VPN). A VPN uses a specialized server called a VPN server (real creative name, nerds) to encrypt a character’s information and allow them to access the internet in a more secure and sneaky way. “But ScriptHacker, that’s what you said before!” Not quite the same thing. A VPN uses a secure, encrypted link called a VPN Tunnel (much better name), which allows a user to access the internet with the IP address of the VPN server instead of their own, and using a well encrypted connection.

This of course means the character is shifting their trust from the ISP to the VPN provider, which has it’s own issues. No matter what a VPN provider says, they will always chose their business over any one customer’s information. While many good VPN providers go to great lengths to make sure they know as little about a customer as possible. Paying anonymously through Bitcoin (which is NOT inherently anonymous, but can be made nearly perfectly so) is another step in the right direction for this to work, and using Tor (a privacy oriented browser, stands for The Onion Router) can boost that bid for anonymity even further. With a VPN, paying the VPN provider with Bitcoin, and accessing it with Tor, your Supervillain can be very close to true anonymity.

But given their paranoia, that might not even suffice.

A truly anonymous way for your characters to communicate would be simply to create their own ‘internet.’ I don’t mean something the same scale as the internet, that would be bananas. No. I mean create their own connection between two devices. Wired is more secure, but depending on your Supervillain’s resources (available workforce, available capital, etc.) running a fiberoptic cable may not be an option. With this method your character really starts to hit the issue of massively diminishing returns.

The ‘dark net’ you speak of, which I covered in this post, is basically just the unindexed part of the internet. It has the same security issues at an ISP level. The characters could set up their own server and call in some of their Evil Misunderstood Contacts™ to make it accessible via the internet but not indexed by a search engine (and hence in the dark web). The server could be set up as part of the Tor network, keyed to only open up when fed a password (for extra security it could be a 256-bit hash generated from the hardware serial numbers in the Supervillain’s computer system), and when it does open up only give out encrypted files (for which the key could be a 256-bit hash of the reporter’s hardware serial numbers, as an idea).

Quick tangent: a hash is an alphanumeric string that is generated from an arbitrarily sized chunk of data. The odds of two generated hashes for two different data sets using a 256-bit hash function is approximately 1/(8.6x10^78). That’s a 1-in-a stupidly-high-number-that-doesn’t-have-a-name chance. Which is ridiculous. Generating this hash from computer hardware serial numbers ensures that getting that same data set to generate the hash is also a redonkulously high amount of unlikely. 

So accessing a ‘dark net’ server using a VPN (paid for with Bitcoin), Tor, an access password, and several layers of file encryption, your Supervillain could achieve a perfectly reasonable level of security and anonymity.

Scrubbing the initial interaction would likely be as simple as deleting the conversation, then deleting the used accounts if that’s an option. Granted, if that conversation has already been flagged or the information sold to someone else, then there’s practically no way of tracking it all down (possible, of course, they aren’t a Supervillain for nothing). They could also try and wipe the Social Media site’s servers and storage sites, but that’s a whole other caper in itself. How strong is their paranoia?

Any of these options seems to work in my mind, and of course there are other options, and strengths and weakness to the ones presented that I haven’t covered. As usual, anyone is welcome to weigh in.

I hope this helped ^^

Disclaimer

~Lotus

Episode 13: "so things went from Guatemala to Guatepeor” - Ahrre

david REALLY GOT BRAVE TRYNA COME FOR ME WHEN HIS ASS AINT IMMUNE HUH. aint it so.. vote me and ur ass gonna go... ijs!! rip my perf game but at least i was the last person to recieve votes so thats kinda cute.. it doesnt change the fact that im winning tho ALMFNBG like. just 3/4 more tribals to survive bitch.. give those immunity wins to me pls x :)))

LOWKEY MY ASS WAS NERVOUSSSS LIKE I DONT WANNA READ MY NAME ON THOSE PIECES OF PAPER AGAIN THO!!! altho my name is cute written out by anna highkey ngl.. maybe she'll write them in cursive for my winner reveal? x

my mind tho. rhys/tobi/ryan r all under my spell. missus mo and ahrre got brave and are gunna get a taste of hell when im not dying under exams lol x ALMFJHBFG

lvoe u gusys. xoxo ur winner scooty toots

Well fuck. David is gone. I’m in the minority. So now it’s just me and Ahrre. But I don’t want to settle for 6th or 5th place. I’ve made it this far I wanna make it to the end. So I’m going to try to wiggle my way through.

http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/41700000/Avengers-Endgame-2019-avengers-infinity-war-1-and-2-41740034-540-225.gif

So the situation is looking pretty grim, Rhys stuck with the majority, David the absolute unit is dead and I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the next one to go.

So right know things change as it's no longer about getting majority but rather get that group of 4 to cannibalize itself. Now the thing is that each of those 4 seem so confident in their position but only 3 make it to the end so that means at least one will end up being left out and that's just with a minimum level of snaking, but we know they are capable of way more shafty shit.

But their overconfidence in their position is not the only problem. It's also kinda hard when I've tried to blindside 3 of them. But hey at least you can't say I didn't try. Tobi is not willing to even tell me anything until tomorrow after we do the challenge. But he also says he's rooting for me as an underdog even if we're in oposite sides... Cheky fecker trying to get my jury vote...

As for the rest well I'll try to talk to them tomorrow, if I can commend Mo for something is that at least they might be more willing to work with him than me, which is clearly not a good thing for my game but eh wadda you do. I know for a fact by now everyone is gonna be saying that the plan is me going home probably 5-1 but if that's gonna end up being true or just a bluff for one of the 4 to get blindsided is still to see.

Either way I'm gonna try to stir some shit up and not be a voulnerable pleb waiting to be taken out or saved. Better dead than a goat.

These fattys are going down one by one... i love it... like highkey david going means that me and scott have to step up our physical games if we wanna take out ryan... someone else has to win immunity and then we can start pinning moves on ryan... I'm slowly repairing my relationship with ahrre by having a frank talk with him about our relationship in the game, which was both awkward but i think it helped??? im trynna work him pretty hard because he's a tough nut to crack but i think i can do it hehe... scott is working on mo but lets be real mo is easier to crack than ahrre, and honestly rhys' performance last tribal was good.. too good imo like.. i previously pinned him as an inactive goat but if he's able to connect with the other side that well and have them believe what he was saying, i have to give him props because that's some good plays in terms of benefiting our alliance for knowledge, bad jury management sure, but good for the alliance... at this point tbh,,, who the fuck cares about jury management... but then again it's important if you wanna win so maybe im just a dumbass

Well right now it’s final 6 and the question of a final 2 or 3 is up for debate because it could be either or.

After that tribal and David left, he tried to expose me when I had exposed myself already to the people he exposed me too. So sis there was no new tea.

Honestly now one of our 4 needs to go. The only one I would feel confident about going to the end with would be Ryan. Just as I feel he has done less. I’m super close with Scott, so I think right now I need to try and convince some people to vote out Ryan.

The only problem is I will probably need to convince Ryan and Scott or mo and ahrre. Mo and ahrre may not that me after lying to them two rounds in a row. And Scott seems to be strong for our alliance sticking to the end. So I’m going for this immunity as if I win it should all the confidence I need to make a move against my own.

I’m not feeling great. I don’t like a conversation I just had. It made me wanna quit. I’m not going to because I wanna do my best.

i really found an idol day 1 and made it to final 6 with it safe and sound.... ctfu how did this even happen, and Scott too we rly did that. the only thing about that is.... at least until we surpass final 5, there's always that worry that im gonna make a fool of myself with it and hnnnng. i feel like our 4 is solid af and yet, i'm still making myself paranoid that Tobi or even Rhys would perk up and randomly try to blindside me or Scott... but anyway yeah thats where my head at rn. i still don't talk to ahrre at all so he's a complete mystery and no idea if anyone else talks to him so that's great. Mo is an oddball still idk what to do w him kfsdfa

So I want to flip on my alliance this round. But 2 people outside my alliance are throwing me hardcore under the bus. Ok. So like how am I gonna make a move now.

pls god... lett this immunity challenge be in my favour alkfjnhfg i just want a win pls pls pls let me be guaranteed f4 lol

I just had a really good conversation with Tobi and it’s making me like really happy because this entire game I’ve gotten the short end of the stick. With people not thinking I don’t deserve to be here, that I’m a goat and people sending me condescending messages about my mistakes. It feels really nice to get praised for the good things. Don’t get me wrong I own up to my mistakes and I do my best to improve and change moving forwardss so I don’t make the same mistakes again. But usually the conversations that happen before that aren’t very happy, they’re needed and they end on a peaceful note but they don’t start out happy. But Tobi just praised me on my gameplay complimenting me and it’s such a good feeling. I think I might end up in fifth or sixth place but I’m still proud of myself and I’m going to keep fighting till the end.

so like... I'm really happy i won immunity but im kinda more annoyed with scott right now like... we had this big plan to take out ryan at 6 which is literally a perfect time now since 1) we can access numbers for it 2) he wont suspect it so the chance of an idol popping up is low 3) we can gain trust with ahrre and mo this way... but NOOOOOOOOO lets play with our emotions instead of our BRAINS and take out someone who has played a bad game and would be EASY to beat in the end like JESUS and i thought ahrre had his head up his ass... also scott is SO fucking confident know like he acts like he will 100% win against anybody in ftc and like sis... that's not the case... not if you're constantly confronting and arguing with mo and ahrre... use. ur. BRAIN.

Cemetery....

Anywho, this vote. Mo & Ahrre are voting me probably. So It seems to be a 4-2 vote. However an Idol may be played now more than ever, as I think this is the first time someone from the bottom hasnt had any hope of staying. (Dani, Felix & Jones were all blindsided , and Michael & David had some chance of staying). So one could easily be played. So ima try to push a 2-2-2 vote to save my ass.

so. (: I lost spelling bee. (: LAMDLFNFG

lowkey feel as if the words are suitable to the player tho. embarrass for ahrre as in that game is embarrassing. accommodate for Mo as in we have to accommodate for the fact that he’s a goat. Cemetary for rhys bc he makes us all wanna die @ tribals. handkerchief for me bc my ass gotta clean up ryan and tobi wanting to target each other.. and rhythm for tobi bc while hes in time rn that time is gonna run out soon :flushed:

i just dont want 6th ):

So I know it’s me and Ahrre on the chopping block. I just kinda wanted to make a quick plea. I really really wanna stay. I want to go as far as I can even if that’s just fifth. Not only to prove people wrong thinking I don’t deserve to be here, but also to prove to myself. Whatever decision you make tonight I respect wholeheartedly. But I’d love to go further.

I CACKLED @ THIS COPY PASTED PLEA.. MO BABY WYD

I’m currently making my plea to the others on why I deserve to stay. I’m proud of myself no matter the outcome but I’d love to go as far as I can.

So ahrre and mo are both kindve pleading for themselves. Mo just wants him to be saved where as ahrre is trying to flip people. He is trying to flip me again which is funny. Lowkey am a little worried just Incase it’s a ploy to get people to vote me or something. But he needs me and tobi to flip. So I think he won’t vote me which is great, incase a surprise idol is played.

soooo final 6 tribal. I definitely want Ahrre to leave finally, so how to make that happen. Scott informed me that mo/ahrre lowkey suspect i have an idol so wig. i would prefer if we went 4 strong on Ahrre bc I really don't think he has any powers, but the thing about that is i don't want to campaign for that to happen and make it look like i feel safe about idols... i don't want tobi or rhys to get suspicious and get the urge to flip on me/scott.. so kinda tricky. we'll see what happens

so recently scott and ryan have really been pounding on mo for his goatness and like... I took advantage of that hehe... I talked to mo and had a real heart to heart with him and like... I told him that he deserves more credit than he's getting and then more wholesome stuff and then BAM we got past the barrier we previously had and now we're totally cool!!... where ryan and scott burn bridges, im gonna build new ones!! so like that wasnt TOTALLY just for strategy like im not that big of an asshole... but its a mix of both. mo is a good kid and he gets too much backlash for his game.. and im gonna take advantage of that by showing up as his guardian angel hehe.. and who knows like this might pay off hugely when i need his vote at f5 to take out a bigger player but for now i'll stick to tending to his wounds that scott and ryan left.. and they really did come for him pretty hard... like REALLY hard so there is no harm in coming to him and helping him with his confidence and who knows, that might be a jury vote right there

Right so things went from Guatemala to guatepeor, I didn't win immunity I actually flopped at it in wonderful fashion it was quite beautiful really. But anyhow Tobi ended up winning it.

So I tried to talk to people and get them to do ANYTHING but to no avail really. Ryan and Scott seem set on stone. I did get Tobi to tell me that if it ties 3-3 he would flip on the revote but that's just playing it safe. Rhys told me he doesn't want to go to rocks so I'm like hey Tobi supposedly flips on the revote so maybe there's no need for that go talk to Tobi.

But they all seem to be giving me the silence threatment right before tribal even Mo has accepted what seems to be me going home.

It's a shame really cause if I do end up going home one of the majority of 4 is gonna regret it the very next week and two more later when the 4th beats them at the end. But hey congrats to that 4th guy whoever it is.

I've tought about doing an idol bluff but it wouldn't make sense for me to tell anyone I have it. Even Mo since if I hipotetically had it he wouldn't help me with it because he would be the one going home probably. Also because I would've definitely played it in a previous round for someone else if I had it and the rest probably knoes that.

Either way rn I'm currently trying to get home in time for tribal since I had to walk a chunk because I almost didn't had enough for the bus fare lel. Who knows maybe I'll survive somehow like the cockroach I am but I don't rate my chances or luck very highly. Either way at the end of the day I'm happy and you can't say I didn't try!

Ahrre is voted out 5-1.

Prepping for FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer)

So many of you have written me DM’s, emails, and left comments asking how we prepped for our Frozen Embryo Transfer (or FET) and I wanted to share with you what I did to prepare. By the time you get to the actual FET, it’s like you can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember going in for my first appointment for to start prep for my second FET and I was literally a ball of emotions and started to hysterically cry to my nurse about the pressure of it working. You have done so much to get to this place if you have been lucky enough to get embryos from your egg retrieval. I wrote about our first failed FET here and one thing I will say is that since this was my second time around, it was easier since I knew some of the “moves.” Easier in terms of, I knew the meds, I knew the process and I knew what I needed to do to get myself in the best possible shape to welcome our little embryo into our lives. So below, I will share what I did to prep for our FET. Please note that it’s so important to come up with a plan with your doctor and that what I share is only what I did and worked for my body based on what I needed. The photos included in this post are a photo of our ACTUAL transfer. This photo marks the beginning of our little miracle baby boy and I will treasure it always.

Supplements and meds I was taking DHEA microionized and CoQ10 were supplements I took (which I bought from wholefoods). These are both longevity supplements that can help to enhance fertility. I don’t know if they made a difference personally, but it’s something I was religious about taking. I also continued to take my prenatal vitamins. Since I don’t love big pills my doctor was able to prescribe me with Vitafol Gummies with Iron. I also took 2000 IU of D3 because of a deficiency. Another supplement that was pretty unique was Trental, which I was taking was for my uterine lining. In previous cycles, I had a hard time getting my lining thick for transfer. My dr wanted to me to be close to 8mm and many times I had a hard time reaching that number and sometimes we didn’t. Something that seemed to help me was also taking Trental to help with bloodflow and to help my uterine lining grow thicker. I did the normal estrogen pills alongside of estrogen patches to also thicken my lining. Unfortunately due to adhesive sensitivities, I had to discontinue use of the patch and stick with the pills orally or vaginally (i know gross! But they absorb better vaginally). I also took 800 iu vitamin E to ensure no fluid build up that would interfere with the transfer. Since sometimes, if you have fluid buildup, it could affect your FET.

Diet I ate a TON of eggs and avocado. I tried to eat as clean as possible but I didn’t force it. If I wanted cupcakes, I had cupcakes. I think it’s all about just making your body feel its best whatever that means for you. I never did the INSANE fertility diets bc they just didn’t work for me. Some of you wrote me about fertility shakes and other diets that really worked for you but again, it wasn’t what my body needed to prepare. We are all SO different and I think the bottom line is to feel like yourself, because sometimes taking such drastic changes from your norm end up stressing you out more than helping. As far as wine, I LOVE my wine, and I wanted to enjoy some before our big transfer. I stuck to no more than 2-3 glasses a week and not all in one sitting. That is what my dr said. Honestly, I think having a glass here and there relaxed me. With this successful FET, my doctor was SHOCKED at how great my lining was. She asked what I did differently this cycle. My answer: RED WINE and lot’s of it. So funny right?! I just stopped all alcohol when I started my progesterone injections. I also decided to cut coffee(even decaf) since I have sensitivities to caffeine. This was a totally personal choice but I wanted to be EXTRA cautious. This is prob the only weird thing I did. I didn’t have decaf coffee again until probably 9 weeks pregnant bc I was paranoid.

Acupuncture I mentioned in all my blogs posts that I did acupuncture for my first egg retrieval and FET but sadly, it didn’t help me get pregnant and stressed me out more. Some people RAVE it helped them get pregnant. So just a suggestion if you are looking for something else to try, a lot of friends loved it. But again, it was not for me and I did NOT do acupuncture for my second FET.

Tips for progesterone injections I always get a lot of questions about how I manage all the injections during IVF. Honestly, my mother to this day is still so shocked and impressed with how many injections I have done to date. It’s not an easy fear to overcome… but honestly these days, needles don’t scare me one bit. But it wasn’t always like that. The progesterone injections are by far the “scariest” of the injectables because the needle is longer (about 1-1.5” long!). Just seeing the needle will make you want to faint. Or at least I wanted to the first day I opened up my box of FET medications. You get bottles of PIO (or Progesterone in Oil) that a pharmacy compounds for you. Mine were compounded in Ethyl Oleate which is apparently the most fluid of the oil compounds. You might also get yours compounded in olive oil or sesame oil. I am allergic to sesame so I had ethyl oleate. The first day of these injections I was freaking out… the needle… how was I going to survive. I read HORROR stories online of how much people hated them which was my first mistake. But in reality, the injection wasn’t the painful part for me. Yes it can be uncomfortable but the injection itself isn’t bad. It is the aftermath of the progesterone getting lump in your butt post injection that was the most painful for me. But I practiced a simple routine to help with the discomfort. I would prop myself up, standing, against our kitchen island. Blake would then use a dart like motion to quickly jab the shot into my butt cheek. He would let me know when it was almost finished (it takes a minute to injection fully because the oil is thick) and then immediately after the injection, he would take a washcloth that had been pre-soaked in hot water and then use that to massage the area of the injection for at least 30 seconds. Massaging the area rigorously helps to distribute the oil and keep it from getting lumpy. After that, I would sit on a heat pad to help also with discomfort and to distribute the oil. I did end up having a sore butt but I think the massage really did help. After the transfer, I refrained from sitting on a heat pad because I was paranoid about the heat. But those are the things I did to help me get through. In the end, the progesterone injections were not as bad as the internet made them out to be but that was my own experience. Hope these tips will help!

Shopping before FET I went to the store and bought lemons/real lemon juice in a bottle for hot water with lemon. Since I wanted to avoid all herbal tea and coffee period, I substituted in hot water with lemon to get lots of warm fluids in my body (because apparently that is great after transfer). You also want to grab all your favorite snacks and stock up on other warm foods like soup to enjoy when you first get home. Stock up on your favorite magazines too since you will be in bed on bed rest. Some people eat a lot of superstitious things but honestly I just ate as well as I could and still indulged in some of my fav treats!

Outfit the day of FET I always lay out my outfit for day of transfer. Loose fitting sweatpants that don’t squeeze the tummy, a tshirt and cozy sweater since it is usually more chilly at the office. My sweater of choice was my vintage Mickey Mouse sweater because it honestly just makes me SO happy. The key is to be comfy and not wear anything too tight fitting.

Pajamas for bedrest I always make sure to do all my laundry and pick out all my favorite cozy pajamas for my bedrest and lay them out so I don’t have to go digging for them when I am supposed to be relaxing. If you really want to treat yourself, order yourself a new “lucky” pair. I love gap body pajamas because they are super soft and really nice loose fitting. I love these two pants in particular because they don’t put any pressure on my stomach and I have worn them through my pregnancy so far.

Movies for bedrest Stock up on some of your fav feel good movies. You want to be HAPPY, CALM (I hate to type that because i literally HATED people telling me to be calm), and just overjoyed excited for little embryo that is getting all cozy inside. So many great things on netflix but if you have that one all time fav rom com that literally makes you happier than anything, do yourself a favor and download it or buy it. You deserve to feel so happy during this bedrest and anything to help will make you feel so good. I tried to stay off my laptop because you don’t want to have that heat on your abdomen after your transfer.

That’s pretty much it! I didn’t do too many crazy things honestly, but there are small simple things you can do to put your mind at ease. The bottom line is you want to be prep for some lazy, guilt-free days of bedrest and keep those positve vibes flowing as the dreaded 2WW (two week wait) begins. That time is one of the longest 2 weeks of your life and starting it with ease and being kind to your body and mind is so important. If you are prepping for a FET, wishing you nothing but zen vibes and fingers, toes, and eyeballs crossed for a successful transfer. Stay strong friends!

If you want to read more about our IVF and infertility journey, below are some links to my other blogposts:

IVF Round #1 // IVF Round #2 // IVF Book Resources

Prep for IVF Egg Retrieval // IVF Round #3

The post Prepping for FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.

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Prepping for FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer)

So many of you have written me DM’s, emails, and left comments asking how we prepped for our Frozen Embryo Transfer (or FET) and I wanted to share with you what I did to prepare. By the time you get to the actual FET, it’s like you can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember going in for my first appointment for to start prep for my second FET and I was literally a ball of emotions and started to hysterically cry to my nurse about the pressure of it working. You have done so much to get to this place if you have been lucky enough to get embryos from your egg retrieval. I wrote about our first failed FET here and one thing I will say is that since this was my second time around, it was easier since I knew some of the “moves.” Easier in terms of, I knew the meds, I knew the process and I knew what I needed to do to get myself in the best possible shape to welcome our little embryo into our lives. So below, I will share what I did to prep for our FET. Please note that it’s so important to come up with a plan with your doctor and that what I share is only what I did and worked for my body based on what I needed. The photos included in this post are a photo of our ACTUAL transfer. This photo marks the beginning of our little miracle baby boy and I will treasure it always.

Supplements and meds I was taking DHEA microionized and CoQ10 were supplements I took (which I bought from wholefoods). These are both longevity supplements that can help to enhance fertility. I don’t know if they made a difference personally, but it’s something I was religious about taking. I also continued to take my prenatal vitamins. Since I don’t love big pills my doctor was able to prescribe me with Vitafol Gummies with Iron. I also took 2000 IU of D3 because of a deficiency. Another supplement that was pretty unique was Trental, which I was taking was for my uterine lining. In previous cycles, I had a hard time getting my lining thick for transfer. My dr wanted to me to be close to 8mm and many times I had a hard time reaching that number and sometimes we didn’t. Something that seemed to help me was also taking Trental to help with bloodflow and to help my uterine lining grow thicker. I did the normal estrogen pills alongside of estrogen patches to also thicken my lining. Unfortunately due to adhesive sensitivities, I had to discontinue use of the patch and stick with the pills orally or vaginally (i know gross! But they absorb better vaginally). I also took 800 iu vitamin E to ensure no fluid build up that would interfere with the transfer. Since sometimes, if you have fluid buildup, it could affect your FET.

Diet I ate a TON of eggs and avocado. I tried to eat as clean as possible but I didn’t force it. If I wanted cupcakes, I had cupcakes. I think it’s all about just making your body feel its best whatever that means for you. I never did the INSANE fertility diets bc they just didn’t work for me. Some of you wrote me about fertility shakes and other diets that really worked for you but again, it wasn’t what my body needed to prepare. We are all SO different and I think the bottom line is to feel like yourself, because sometimes taking such drastic changes from your norm end up stressing you out more than helping. As far as wine, I LOVE my wine, and I wanted to enjoy some before our big transfer. I stuck to no more than 2-3 glasses a week and not all in one sitting. That is what my dr said. Honestly, I think having a glass here and there relaxed me. With this successful FET, my doctor was SHOCKED at how great my lining was. She asked what I did differently this cycle. My answer: RED WINE and lot’s of it. So funny right?! I just stopped all alcohol when I started my progesterone injections. I also decided to cut coffee(even decaf) since I have sensitivities to caffeine. This was a totally personal choice but I wanted to be EXTRA cautious. This is prob the only weird thing I did. I didn’t have decaf coffee again until probably 9 weeks pregnant bc I was paranoid.

Acupuncture I mentioned in all my blogs posts that I did acupuncture for my first egg retrieval and FET but sadly, it didn’t help me get pregnant and stressed me out more. Some people RAVE it helped them get pregnant. So just a suggestion if you are looking for something else to try, a lot of friends loved it. But again, it was not for me and I did NOT do acupuncture for my second FET.

Tips for progesterone injections I always get a lot of questions about how I manage all the injections during IVF. Honestly, my mother to this day is still so shocked and impressed with how many injections I have done to date. It’s not an easy fear to overcome… but honestly these days, needles don’t scare me one bit. But it wasn’t always like that. The progesterone injections are by far the “scariest” of the injectables because the needle is longer (about 1-1.5” long!). Just seeing the needle will make you want to faint. Or at least I wanted to the first day I opened up my box of FET medications. You get bottles of PIO (or Progesterone in Oil) that a pharmacy compounds for you. Mine were compounded in Ethyl Oleate which is apparently the most fluid of the oil compounds. You might also get yours compounded in olive oil or sesame oil. I am allergic to sesame so I had ethyl oleate. The first day of these injections I was freaking out… the needle… how was I going to survive. I read HORROR stories online of how much people hated them which was my first mistake. But in reality, the injection wasn’t the painful part for me. Yes it can be uncomfortable but the injection itself isn’t bad. It is the aftermath of the progesterone getting lump in your butt post injection that was the most painful for me. But I practiced a simple routine to help with the discomfort. I would prop myself up, standing, against our kitchen island. Blake would then use a dart like motion to quickly jab the shot into my butt cheek. He would let me know when it was almost finished (it takes a minute to injection fully because the oil is thick) and then immediately after the injection, he would take a washcloth that had been pre-soaked in hot water and then use that to massage the area of the injection for at least 30 seconds. Massaging the area rigorously helps to distribute the oil and keep it from getting lumpy. After that, I would sit on a heat pad to help also with discomfort and to distribute the oil. I did end up having a sore butt but I think the massage really did help. After the transfer, I refrained from sitting on a heat pad because I was paranoid about the heat. But those are the things I did to help me get through. In the end, the progesterone injections were not as bad as the internet made them out to be but that was my own experience. Hope these tips will help!

Shopping before FET I went to the store and bought lemons/real lemon juice in a bottle for hot water with lemon. Since I wanted to avoid all herbal tea and coffee period, I substituted in hot water with lemon to get lots of warm fluids in my body (because apparently that is great after transfer). You also want to grab all your favorite snacks and stock up on other warm foods like soup to enjoy when you first get home. Stock up on your favorite magazines too since you will be in bed on bed rest. Some people eat a lot of superstitious things but honestly I just ate as well as I could and still indulged in some of my fav treats!

Outfit the day of FET I always lay out my outfit for day of transfer. Loose fitting sweatpants that don’t squeeze the tummy, a tshirt and cozy sweater since it is usually more chilly at the office. My sweater of choice was my vintage Mickey Mouse sweater because it honestly just makes me SO happy. The key is to be comfy and not wear anything too tight fitting.

Pajamas for bedrest I always make sure to do all my laundry and pick out all my favorite cozy pajamas for my bedrest and lay them out so I don’t have to go digging for them when I am supposed to be relaxing. If you really want to treat yourself, order yourself a new “lucky” pair. I love gap body pajamas because they are super soft and really nice loose fitting. I love these two pants in particular because they don’t put any pressure on my stomach and I have worn them through my pregnancy so far.

Movies for bedrest Stock up on some of your fav feel good movies. You want to be HAPPY, CALM (I hate to type that because i literally HATED people telling me to be calm), and just overjoyed excited for little embryo that is getting all cozy inside. So many great things on netflix but if you have that one all time fav rom com that literally makes you happier than anything, do yourself a favor and download it or buy it. You deserve to feel so happy during this bedrest and anything to help will make you feel so good. I tried to stay off my laptop because you don’t want to have that heat on your abdomen after your transfer.

That’s pretty much it! I didn’t do too many crazy things honestly, but there are small simple things you can do to put your mind at ease. The bottom line is you want to be prep for some lazy, guilt-free days of bedrest and keep those positve vibes flowing as the dreaded 2WW (two week wait) begins. That time is one of the longest 2 weeks of your life and starting it with ease and being kind to your body and mind is so important. If you are prepping for a FET, wishing you nothing but zen vibes and fingers, toes, and eyeballs crossed for a successful transfer. Stay strong friends!

If you want to read more about our IVF and infertility journey, below are some links to my other blogposts:

IVF Round #1 // IVF Round #2 // IVF Book Resources

Prep for IVF Egg Retrieval // IVF Round #3

The post Prepping for FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Pesch.