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rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip · 3 years

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what have I created?

idk if yall like this, but they just exist not i guess :/

ok the the first one is Royalty AU

first things first, when I say Royalty AU, I don't mean the classic shit we've all become accustomed to. Im talking about the good old Chinese royalty! And I want to emphasize that these guys will/should be dressed in century appropriate attire. As someone thats read a handful of 'marinette, princess of china' fics from the ML Fandom, I've noticed a common trend. Marinette wouldn't be in the culturally appropriate clothes, always ballgowns. Not that there's something wrong with it, its just most of if not all these fic are set in China, so I'd expect Chinese royalty to dress as THERE dress code calls for. And since this AU takes place far in the past like, it won't make sense for any of the characters to be in royal clothing that wasn't from there region. I'm not trying to white knight/gatekeeping. Im Guyanese not Chinese. But since JTTW and Monkie Kid take place in China, it's only right. In my opinion that it. You don't have to outright agree with me.

With out of the way, it's time for that good old AU crack

- Wukong is the king of the Flower Fruit kingdom(or a different one if you'd like, again I'm only familiar with what western culture has taught me, but I'll try my hardest)

- he’s single but rumor has it he used to/still is dating the Vigilante/thief The Six Eared Macaque

- *chants ShadowPeach violently*

- no one know whether it true or not

- On of his wanders around the kingdom he finds an abandoned baby in a basket.

- and no shit sherlock it's fucking baby Xiaotian

- I think we all know where this is going because i'm a simp for Monkey Dad & Monkie Son shenanigans

- Xiaotian becomes prince

Shit, ill be referring to Xiaotian as Mk from now on, I mentioned this before in a fic I wrote for lmk that Mk's a nickname for Xiaotian for some reason- wait i don't have to explain my self to you people!

- Sun loves his son

- MK is treated differently by staff and others because he's not blood related to the king

- no one mistreats MK per say, because there King loved his adopted son, but words are said behind his back

- Sometimes MK hears what’s said, and he feels as if he won't live up to his dad’s legacy.

- He meets Mei during a festival

- Mei is from a noble family, that wouldn't mind if they got a connection into the royal family.

- but it becomes hella clear to Mei’s family very fast that the two are just friends, and will always will be. but hey there daughter is bffs with the prince so that's a plus.

- the Demon Bull Family is rules a kingdom as well, I dont/am not creative enough to think of a name I leave that to you.

- It's a common misconception that DBK is a tyrant, when he’s not.

- most of the time...

- they have been at war with the Monkey King for some time now and settled for a peace agreement.

- that agreement being there sons to marry

- oooo original i know

- MK and Red Son are roughly the same age, Mk being 20 and RS 22

- RS is revolted/disgusted at the idea of being wed to the Monkey Kings child, even more so when he realizes MK is adopted,

- but, that all changes the second he meets MK while he meets him by accident when he gets kinda lost in the palace when he and his parents go to discuss the arrangements.

- the second he looks at MK, he's instantly in love. MK less so, he's nervous and honestly kinda bummed he's not marrying someone he loves but it's for the good of his ppl, and he'll do anything for them.

- RS isn't even aware that MK is Suns adopted son until MK walks him back to the meeting room.

"Oh There you are MK! I was about to have a servant go fetch you!" Sun Wukong says, gesturing for his boy to come sit with him.

"S-sorry for keeping you waiting I got caught up in my lessons with Mr. Tang" MK responds, sitting next to his father. Red Son looked gobsmacked. The beautiful young man he had bumped into, was the prince of this land? Damn, life truly blessed him. Or cursed him depending on how you looked at it.

- the two are left alone in a separate room for a while.

- And MK straight up tells RS why he's agreeing to this union.

"Look Red Son. I've dreamed about meeting my one true love for a while. And I would give almost anything for that dram to be real. But I wouldn't ever dare give up my people, for as there price they mean more to me. I'm doing this for them, no other reason" MK says, his back straight and hands folded neatly in his lap. The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness, but that was drowned out by loyalty and determination. It just made Red Son fall for him even harder. Clearing his throat Red spoke.

"I understand, for im doing this for the betterment of my people to. But I propose a wager"

"A wager?"

"Yes, if i can make you fall in love with me by years end, before our marriage, we can live together like in the fairy tales from far away. But if I fail, in a years time afterwards you will be permitted to find your own path in life" Red Son stated. MK took a moment to process what was happening.

"So, if you succeed in making me fall in love with you, before our marriage we can live happily ever after?" Red Son nodded in response, letting the younger continue.

"And if I shouldn't fall for you, in a years time after our union, im free to leave?" Red Son nodded once more.

"So, what do you say?"

...

"Deal"

In the end, your free to choose their fate, should Red Son win the hart of Mk? Will he fail? Or will he let him go, and let him travel the country, after all Mk's a free spirit and keeping him trapped in a big house is like keeping a cannery trapped in a cage only for its song, only for it to dul. Or will the unthinkable happen and will both boys find their freedom? together or appart? I don't know, because that's all up to you 😉

personally, I’m partial to where MK and Red Son both find freedom together. Like they straight up run away together to somewhere far away and just live out there lives together.

this could also be genderbent thing as well. MK or Red as their respective counterparts. Again it doesn't have to be, but it’s whatever bro. im just spitting out the idea.

Also, there is a main side plot that they fight the WBS throughout the year as well, along with other shenanigans you wanna throw in.

____

The second is a My Hero Academia/BNH/MHA AU

truth be told i'm not a big fan of MHA i think it to over hyped(this is also coming from the same person that’s a Fairy Tail fan lol), and the fandom i don't even know how to describe that mess, but I will admit not the whole of its toxic since every fandom has some toxic members, some even more so.

I just sometimes find myself enjoying MHA AUs like the Fullmetal Alchemist, Danny Phantom, Evil!Deuk AU and several others.

to make it clear I don't see this AU taking place the same time as the main plot of the actual Anime/Manga. This could be either like 6-10 years before or after the plot idk bro. But i’ll do this after the main story plot of MHA, so keep that in mind ya? another thing, the gang is still in China, the top hero school in the world just so happens to be in Japan, and it’s only ever mentioned by Sun wukong and other pro heros. So MK never attended AU. in short it’s only ever mention/ reference.

- Mk was considered Quirkless as a kid.

- he was just a late blumer, i swear

- Mai’s Quirk is called Dragon.

- it pretty much works the same way as it does in the show(duh)

- Tang’s got a knowledge Quirk,

- my man can retain information and he’s basically an archive of information drawback being his personality lol

- Piggsy is a Animal that gained a Quirk

- in cannon to my current knowledge, there are two other characters that can confirm animals can become sentient. the characters being Fumikage Tokoyami, & Nezu the principal at the school UA.

- Sandy is just Conner Kent, aka he like superman but can't fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes. And blue.

I have two scenarios for Macaque and Wukong

*- The first one is that, Sun Wukong & Macaque are brothers. twins to be exact.

- they where legit people, but have mutation quirks that made them too like monkeys.

- the added powers were just a boues.

- Sun and Mac are close growing up, like there brothers but also best friends.

- the draw back to there quirks could honestly be whatever you want bro idk, same with the others tbh. Personally I like to think Sun just has lack of motivation, and Macaque needs to draw on other people's energy.

- Sun is a hero, Monkey KIng and Mac is a villain Six Eared.

- Sun was always treated has the golden child in the family, Mac always resented that, but there shitty up bring didn’t stop the two from being good brothers to one another.

- soon tho the resentment became hatred when Sun was able to attend UA in Japan, while Mac didn't.

- Mac be angy

- so he became a villain, and joined the Chinese branch of the LOV(league of villains)

- Sun doesn't know this till he finds out during the all out war during the main story. and by that time he’s a full on hero with is own agency(The Flower Fruit agency)

- when the hero's ultimately win and Mac is arrested

- This ultimately hurts Sun a lot, his brother was in jail now, arrested for his involvement and wrong doings, he knew nothing about this! this brother, his blood. A bad guy? why? he hadn't seen his brother since he left for UA, he hadn’t seen him when he came home, and started his agency.

- this just puts Sun into a funk so he’s not as active as he used to be, and he starts thinking he might need a successor

*- The second one is that they were two separate people that had similar quirks and both attended UA but Sun ended up in the hero corse. so 1A.

- Both Macaque and Sun have similar quirks, Sun’s is obviously more light based while Macaque’s is more shadow based(this applies to the first one as well)

- Macaque was placed in class 1B, U.A.’s High's Heroics Department, I believe, you can correct me.

- In cannon Class 1A and 1B both went to the training camp. I can see the teachers pinning Sun and Macaque against each other to hone their skills.

- And because of that they become great friends

- In fact when they graduate they both co-found there hero agency together in China and are a duo.

- But due to Monkey King’s popularity and Six Eared's association with shadows(people sometimes saying he has more of a villains quirk than a heros) the public see’s Macaque as Sun’s sidekick when thats far from the truth.

- now it’s up to you whether you think that Wukong and Macaque would be in a relationship together, but knowing how cooked we all are, ShadowPeach is a thing here more than likely.

- If you do or don’t support/ like the ShadowPeach aspect, the two would be living together regardless since its more cost efficient.

- They my be heroes but living costs are expensive!

- I would imagine there would have been a huge fight/argument between the two in privet of course, at there home.(or in there shared office if you want the extra angst of the other people they work with hearing them fight)

- If the two are dating, then this would either lead to an out right breakup, or Macaque just up and leaving with Wukong thinking he’ll come back once he’s cooled off. But after a week, with no sign of his partner, or him answering texts or calls, not even coming into work. Wukong gets worried that something might have happened to him. so there wouldn't be a confirmation if they were still a thing or not.

- But Wukong remains hopeful, despite the nagging at the back of his head, and gut telling him to go find Macaque, or atleast make a public statement, or even just tell another pro hero about it.

- on the not so shippy side, Macaque and Wukong still have there argument, and much like the ShadowPeach esc side, Macaque up and leaves, and isn't seen for weeks. the only difference here is that when Wukong comes home one night to there flat, most if not all of Macaques stuff is gone.

- where as if this was the ShadowPeach side, Macaque leaves all of his possession in the flat he and wukong share. for the simple reason being, he still loves him and wants to go back, but Macaque being Macaque can’t bring himself to do it, especially after seeing just how hurt Wukong looked when he yelled at him just before he left.

- in other words, ANGST DIALED UP TO A 10 BABY

- in either case, its a news report that confirms Wukong's suspicions that he desperately didn’t want to believe, and that is Macaque turning into a villain.

- much like if the two were brothers, Wukong just can’t take it and is no longer as active as he once was, and is thinking about, either A) Retirement B) Saying, “Fuck Society, Be Gay Do Crime” and join Macaque as a villain himself, or C) find a successor, and a way to bring Macaque back to there side, but most importantly, back to him.

- also extra points if you're after people's hearts and want to make them suffer; - If there dating, Wukong curle’s up in the bed he and Macaque shared, holding/wearing something of great value to Macaque and just crying himself to sleep, where as Macaque is getting wasted on alcohol, as he stumbles out of the bar he’s in, he either see’s something that reminds him of Wukong or while he’s trying to put his wallet back into his pocket, a photo of them on their first date fall’s out. and Macaque just cries in a nearby alley way. And it’s there where he gets indoctrinated into the League.

- If there just friends, macaque heads to the nearest forest and just levels it, where as Wukong just gets engrossed into his work, trying not to think about it. you could add you own spin on this, again i'm just spitballing.

- NOW BACK TO MK! :D

- Obviously MK is a huge Monkey King fan

- at Twenty MK has come to terms he's quirkless (HE’S NOT)

-for ANGST reasons MKs fokes kicked him out at this realization at 13.

- he works at Piggsy's Noodle shop, and has been since he was 14.

- don't need a quirk to drive or cook!

- the boy lives a content life with his new family, till DBK happens :D

- DBK runs a Mafia(in conjunction with TLOV) and has been in jail for like 5 years thanks to Monkey King, PIF and RS brake him out one night when MK's out making a late night delivery since Piggsy had the bright idea to go 24/7 service!

- one thing leads to another and Mk somehow manifest what looks like the Monkey King's staff, but its not, it’s MKs powers, it just so happens to be the same power the Monkey King has. And it practically goes down the same way in the pilot.

- but unlike the pilot Mk and Mei go straight to the FF Agency, after making a panicked call to Pigsy and Tang.

- one way or another Mk are lead into Wukongs office. Mei being forced to stay in the lobby.

- they have there convo, butterfly monkey squishing included.

- "And so, I want you do be my success-" BOOM 💥

- from there they rush downstairs and see that the lobby has been infiltrated by the DB fam, and you know fight.

- once the DB family seems like there down, PIF wisks them away. Much to Monkey King’s displeasure.

From there stuff kind plays out like cannon, the calabash ep is just a conjoint quirk the Demon bros have. As for EP9, ill have to script that one out myself lol. I'll get onto it as soon as my will to commit stabs me in the face. Till then have a dancing Kermit the frog.

Now if you'll excuse me, am about to Kermit a felony :D

(For legal reasons thats a joke)

Psst @writingamongther0ses its done

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lego monkie kid au #rip a dip dip wrights

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jazajas · 4 years

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okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

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botseeksbot · 5 years

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sorry 4 a lot lol but spy/heavy/sniper/soldier

im just gonna answer all of them here bc bruce repeated the same characters other people sent me but ty everyone who sent one ily

also read more bc i fucking cant shut up

spy

favorite thing about them

ghfkldjshkj i have a soft spot for trying dads :pensive: also he’s so fucking funny and i love how he talks ?? he’s such a fucking asshole but also he’s like sweet when he needs to be [like to Miss Pauling in the comics and when Scout was dying. also just the whole thing he says to Scout when he thinks hes dying makes me so fucking emo i fucking love one dad]

least favorite thing about them

ok real i like never get angrier playing in game than when im constantly being backstabbed by spies / my shit it getting sapped [but playing engie makes me so aggressive to begin w gfdghlksdhg] . about his actual character though ? uh . IDK REALLY LKJGHLKSJG

favorite line

god he’s so fucking funny sometimes but really the whole speech he gives to scout in the comics when scout’s dying . also whatever he tells that baby in the smissmas comic is good . thats a dad !

brOTP

i was gonna try to pick out my fave buddies for him but i was really just listing all of the rest of the mercs glkhfdsjk but if i must limit myself Miss Pauling and Scout [his lesbian daughter and gay son]

OTP

SNIPERSPY ! close second is . literally like everyone else except pyro [and obvs anything deplorable]

nOTP

ok ignoring anything deplorable [including Pyro] . uhhh nothing rly . Spy ships are good

random headcanon

his first name is Léon ! and he’s in stealth abt being trans except to Sniper [obvs], Scout, Medic [Medic knows bc hes . the medic], and Heavy . also he learns tht he actually likes doing “dad” stuff with Scout [and Miss Pauling] through doing stupid shit with both of them . he also enjoys singing [and gets drunk during the holidays to sing holiday songs + play the piano] . also he’s half Japanese + wears colored contacts [bc i’ll die the day i give any of the mercs natural blue eyes]

unpopular opinion

UH idk many opinions about Spy bc i try to avoid most fandom spaces [despite running a discord server kjglhl] but i think . most of the time he’s overhyped [along with the other skinny white characters frm tf2] and theres a lot more interesting characters

song i associate with them

fuck idk man Love by Of Monsters and Men or Killer Queen by Queen

favorite picture of them

im not looking for anything new ths is just what i have saved .

heavy

favorite thing about them

sweet giant russian man . also a bear [thank god] . also i love his family ?? and he’s just a cool dude ?? what’s not to love GOD I LOVE HEAVY

least favorite thing about them

not enough fan content for him :[

favorite line

he doesnt talk much but tht one line where he’s like “in russia, if hand is sick, you cut of hand, etc” tht ones so funny lkfdshlkjh i love heavy

brOTP

again literally everyone all the mercs are best friends =__=

OTP

BABEY YOU ALREADY KNOW ITS HEAVYMEDIC

nOTP

again nothing weird [Scout or Pyro and obviously Miss Pauling]

random headcanon

autistic legend . he’s really bad at reading the room / people’s feelings and he feels bad about it sometimes . really bad at displaying emotions too . also in stealth about being trans [only out to Medic and Spy] . he smokes with Spy when he’s stressed and doesn’t drink that often . also one of the neater mercs [he was the oldest sibling !!] and had one of the cleanest rooms on base .

unpopular opinion

heavy is NOT just Medic’s bear boyfriend PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD give him more solo content @ the fandom . also he’s trans and theres like no art of it even tho he’s like . trans man legend.

song i associate with them

lemon boy - cavetown . shrug .

favorite picture of them

idk HOW i dont have ANY pics saved of Heavy besides pride icons but here you go

sniper

favorite thing about them

stinky australian man . he has such creepy voice lines lgkjlkj . what is not to love ? also sexy .

least favorite thing about them

stinky . and creepy voice lines gkldhlkjds NO i love sniper sm again what is there not to love

favorite line

god his voice lines are so fucking good . all of them .

brOTP

SNIPER SCOUT BABY ! but really him w the rest of the mercs is good

OTP

SNIPERSPY . but again everyone else is good too . DemoSniper ?? very good .

nOTP

SPEEDINGBULLET . ITS SO FUCKING POPULAR TOO I WANNA DIE

random headcanon

he likes walking around a lot !! cant sit still very well . always smells like the outdoors [though not always in the best way .] can sleep almost anywhere . also not really good at picking up social cues but can wing it . cant socialize for very long periods of time without getting tired . really affectionate to people who know him . can catch any animal with his bare hands . sunglasses make it harder to see [esp in the base] but he wont admit it . really self reliant . has a lot of weird talents he just picked up while he was growing up . also he’s maori bc fuck canon .

unpopular opinion

THAT MAN IS NOT 30 YEARS OLD AND ALSO SPEEDINGBULLET IS SHIT . also like i said abt spy overhyped bc he’s white twink .

song i associate with them

UH vagabonds - misterwives or the wanderer - dion dimucci or rose colored boy - paramore

favorite picture of them

idk if i have it saved but theres that one sexy panel frm the comic

i just have ths edit but u get it . sexy .

soldier

favorite thing about them

STUPID RACCOON MAN !!!! he’s so fucking funny and i love him so much he’s so sweet .

least favorite thing about them

UH not popular enough and some of his voice lines are dumb

favorite line

literally everything Soldier says is comedy gold esp the comics w Merasmus

brOTP

again literally anyone

OTP

DEMOSOLDIER !! and also his 2nd boyfriend is Merasmus . soldier has two hands

nOTP

soldier/engie makes me wanna die

random headcanon

he’s really as dumb as rocks but has a heart of gold . he’s smart in where it counts [THE HEART] . he likes helping people even if he fucks up . he collects different things but eventually gets bored of it and moves onto something else . kinda shy about his appearance ?? hence the helmet . one of the more outspoken mercs, he’s not afraid to speak up if someone needs him to . doesnt understand any of Medic/Engie/Demo’s inventions/work but he admires them for it anyway . a beacon of joy for the base . they all love soldier even if he gets violent accidentally

unpopular opinion

HELMETPARTY IS NOT GOOD . idk much else about what the fanbase thinks of him

song i associate with them

god im running out of songs frm character playlists i made months ago tht arent tf2 related at all but We All Die Young - The Decemberists or Buzzcut Season - Lorde

favorite picture of them

HE HAS SUCH A GOOD SMILE

pyro - bruce sent me another ask w pyro on it but im lazy so im doing it here

favorite thing about them

LITTLE ARSON BABY !!!! I LOVE PYRO SO MUCH

least favorite thing about them

??????????? idk people hate pyro a lot for gameplay reasons but i could never be angry :]

favorite line

all of pyro’s lines are good esp the ones where it has multiple interpretations

brOTP

ENGIE !! THATS HIS DAD !! also Scout . and really the rest of the mercs

OTP

none .

nOTP

really anything except ig Scout . engiepyro ? exceptionally bad imo

random headcanon

the youngest of the mercs !! self conscious about his appearance . looks up to Spy bc MASK BUDDIES . gnc nb trans man [he/they pronouns] . sees engie as a dad figure and uses the muffledness of his speech to call him “dad” sometimes >:] !! really affectionate . doesnt have many talents besides setting things on fire but willing to learn any . hates talking about his past . has the worst sleep schedule out of the mercs [medic being a close 2nd] . speaking of medic, medic is the only one who knows what he looks like [secret buddies !!] . also calls spy “dad” sometimes .

unpopular opinion

im so fucking sorry i dont know how to play pyro besides wm1 but also i really dont give a shit if other people do it . let people play however they want .

song i associate with them

little pistol - mother mother / machine - misterwives / lost boy - ruth b

favorite picture of them

#im doing this whilst i wait for minecraft to update #c.txt #ask #long #tripleprey

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lettertoyoutwo · 3 years

Text

I’m going to preface this by saying I love you both, and I’m going to try to refrain from making blanket statements and stick to what I’m feeling, by saying specifically that I feel this way or it seems like something. Feelings aren’t always accurate, of course. The only thing I’ll make statements on is what my therapist has told me as fact; and I’m only putting so much weight in what was pointed out to me strictly because it directly echoes the things my previous 3 therapists have taught me. It leads me to believe this single therapist isn’t randomly really off base. And something I have always valued my entire life is understanding other people, and growth. So this text is more about me coming into an understanding of the bigger picture, seeing areas where growth can happen, where growth has happened, and to explain my thought process in conjunction with my therapy plan this last year. This isn’t an attack by any means even if I do get emotional. Nor is this a woe is me, I’m not in the wrong at all letter - you guys had every opportunity to express your issues with me. I’m simply asking for the time and respect to have my feelings heard out.

Long story short: my therapist pointed out ways that you two have been breaching my boundaries, doing triangulation and black & white thinking, attempting to manipulate me, and showing a pattern for devaluing and discarding. I don’t believe you guys are doing it on purpose, or even aware of it, I think you’re doing what you think is right - unfortunately it’s not healthy. I was completely unaware of it and how much it’s been effecting me. If you’re not interested in hearing what I have to say about how this has been hurting me, and likely poorly explaining what my therapist saw that I didn’t, then don’t read any further I guess. Honestly with how you guys have been acting recently, I don’t expect to be heard out with an open mind and understanding of compassionate heart. I expect you guys to take something I say in here out of context/misunderstand it, and run with it; but maybe that’s my trauma history with a specific toxic ex friend causing me to be scared.

I’m hurt, and have been hurt for some time now. It didn’t make sense to me, and all I kept telling my therapists was “my friends are looking out for me/want the best for me.”

My therapist and I were discussing my recent stint of ‘should I leave kyle’ feelings while I was deep in PTSD mode these last couple months, and she asked me ‘it seems like we keep coming back to this from time to time, why do you consider it?’ And of course, I replied with my list of issues I’ve had with him. She then asked me like what all has he done in response, has he done this or that blah blah. And I’m like okay here’s how the convos go, he’s really stubborn and frustrating and defensive sometimes, he struggles seeing things from other ppls perspectives, this is how the convos go after talking to therapist about it, this is how he realizes things, this is what he does to implement what we talked about. And my therapist goes, “well, what else can he do? Thats a pretty healthy response” and how all we can do as people is learn and put effort into correcting it for next time. I’m like. Oh, idk then. And she asks me something along the lines of, “So do we think you keep coming back to this question because you’re scared, or do you feel pressured in some way to break things off?” And I go “I mean yeah maybe I’m scared to be vulnerable and trust someone is actually putting effort in to be better for me instead of just saying words like my ex, but my friends don’t like him, don’t think he’s a good person, and it’s effecting how they view me.”

My therapist was taken aback, to say the least.

So we spent some sessions going over how you guys have responded and acted since the very start. Previously I’ve only ever focused on Kai and what he did wrong and how it bothered me, and she would suggest how to approach it in a discussion and the talks would go well and she would be like yeah he responded like a healthy adult after the original disagreement. We never really talked about you guys, because I never really saw much issues. I genuinely believed you guys cared about me and wanted only what was best for me. Maybe you guys believed that too. Maybe you guys do, but your approach has been..less than ideal, to put it lightly. Actively harmful, to put it how my Therapist said.

Things have been obviously stressed between us for some time now. I’ve been feeling it probably since nov, definitely December. told myself you guys were maybe busy and going through stuff, especially at first with the holidays, that maybe you were feeling like I was being off and distant first, so I was patient and put more effort into talking to you guys and letting you know how much you meant to me. It felt like it got better for a bit, only to resurface a few more times. I’ve cried about it plenty, I sucked it up because I know it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel better or give me reassurance and I’m trying to be more emotionally self sufficient, even though a couple times I broke down and asked for it from you guys. I didn’t want to be a burden. I however didn’t realize I was scared to confront you guys and express how I was feeling and why.

At this point, I don’t feel like you guys like me. As a friend, or a person for that matter. I’ve known since like nov/dec yall were talking without me present, you stopped interacting with my on fb for the most part even after Ez got back from post block, you guys made plans to hangout with me repeatedly. It sucked, I tried to not read into it because of COURSE that’s okay. But there was a reason for it and it kept eating at me. I know why, or at least I know some of it. I might not be privy to everything you guys have felt, because you don’t communicate that with me. Maybe you’re scared, too. Maybe you feel like nothing you say will get through to me. Maybe you’ve been done with me and you’re just doing that thing Ez does where they...kinda basically ghost the person instead of talking about what the person did that upset them, and wait for the person to stop sending them PMs. Apparently, this is considered part of the silent treatment. I didn’t know that. Color me surprised. I’m assuming it’s because confrontation is scary, but only you can look inside yourself and question if there’s an underlying feeling of maintaining control in some way that goes along with it that you haven’t admitted to yourself yet.

I know the original stressor was Halloween, when permission was given to touch some butts and Kai said something really fucking insensitive he shouldn’t have. His opinion wasn’t needed. All because he’s used to jealous people and he didn’t want me to think he was into Ez or enjoying touching their ass that much, after they had flirted before. I literally couldn’t care less even if you guys had hooked up, it’s a nice butt, enjoy it. It’s not an excuse, but it’s the reason for his comment that hurt you. I understand his mental process, I do not accept it, and he accepts he fucked up.

Since the Stressor in our “friendship” has been Kai, and your guys’ response to that stressor and your actions toward me has been what my therapist has the issue with, I’m unfortunately going to have to go over some things that do include him. I hope you read it over from a place of wanting to understand me, and how I don’t understand why, and not feeling like it’s an attack that you need to get defensive over, or like I’m defending him. I’m not, maybe it has felt that way though. Maybe there’s been a misunderstanding between us in that regard.

Was it shitty? Yes. Should he have apologized? Absolutely. I still believe he should, personally, because I think everyone should get an apology whenever the people are ready. You guys probably don’t agree, which is fine. Regardless, from what my therapist has said: That journey to apologizing is his, not mine. What he needs to go through to work up the nerve to face someone is his. Not mine. He wasn’t at a place where he could face his embarrassment and give the apology he owed. Does it say something about where he was at as a person then? Yes of course. Does it affect our relationship to this day? Of course.

Ez immediately told me that it hurt their feelings and they were crying! I was fuming, and couldn’t not say something, and talked to him about hurting my friends feelings. I blindsided him, and he was embarrassed and got defensive. Something my therapist pointed out that he needs to work on, and he is. It almost ended that night because that’s how much Ez meant to me, but my therapist told me: their relationship is not yours. Friends having a falling out has nothing to do with me.

Ez you never reached out to him to address the fact you were hurt, and I only asked clarification so I wasn’t assuming or in case Kai lied to me. As my therapist said, if such were the case: you inadvertently triangulated and turned me into a mediator in that moment whether you meant to or not. You confided in me knowing me well enough to know I was going to have to say something. Previously when you guys were at odds with eachother, I had already talked with my therapist and then expressed and set the boundary with both of you that I was done mediating, that it’s toxic for me and something I need to unlearn. My therapist said to stop mediating completely prior to the Halloween thing. Teaching me that people’s friendships are their own and completely separate to their friendships/relationships with me. You guys didn’t need to be friends in order to have friendships/relationships with me (I appreciated the effort on your part, of course). Essentially, you guys were adults, it was your guys’ to figure out. Confront him. If he was a whole douchebag and a half when he was confronted by the person he hurt, I’d have ended it right then and there. My therapist pointed out how probably unintentionally, you disrespected my boundary - and that this was classic triangulation. Eye opener for me, I didn’t think anything you had done was wrong. And part of it is my fault, I shouldn’t have said anything to Kai because it wasn’t my place nor my responsibility to inform him that he had hurt your feelings, it was yours. He would have been completely unaware that what he said hurt your feelings, I didn’t even think anything of it until you told me it hurt you.

Then you guys told me in I think November he still hadn’t apologized, meaning Ez was upset he never gave you the respect of an apology, which leads my therapist to speculate you must have wanted or expected one, otherwise why get so upset and handle this convo how you did. Wanted/expected an apology despite not communicating to him you were hurt and would like one - my therapist takes yet another issue with this lack of communication and putting me in the middle. You should have gotten one, of course. You and Alexa then brought up all these hypotheticals (which let me know you guys had been discussing it outside of the group chat, which was fine, but the start of some hurtful stuff) that made me angry with him and put me into super anxiety mode - what if he does really terrible hurtful even abusive things to me and doesn’t even think it’s important to apologize! I remember it so clearly, I was sitting at his DND during our convo and didn’t want him to even touch me. It was hard to breathe, I went to the bathroom to cry. You guys encouraged me to break it off with him. Apparently, this was capitalizing on my trauma history. A discussion happens between Kyle and I regarding this topic, he says how he wants to apologize in person and all this shit and I angrily inform him it’s too late, he majorly fucked up and waited too long to ever have a chance of repairing that. He apparently assumed from that there was no point and that Ez didn’t want to hear from him. He thought giving them space was the best option because he had hurt them so bad without meaning. That’s on him.

Because Ez you never went TO him. That’s on you.

You have no idea how much of a hot button topic this is in my relationship and how I hold it against him. How it’s a really blazingly red learning curve for him, that he could still lose me over it if at any point I decide I decide it’s too much.

I remember not too long after that talk, Ezra then made a “I thought we were breaking up with him” comment when I didn’t end things after a talk with my therapist at the time. It made me feel...weird. Something was wrong, and I didn’t know what it was. But now I understand that the whole conversation, capitalizing on my trauma history, making me scared of all the hypothetical what if’s, making me scared of the guy I was seeing, was pressuring me to leave him. I’m not sure if you guys even realize that or not? Like it was maybe entirely unintentional...but maybe deep down it wasn’t. You guys made some blanket statements at the time eluding to ‘he’s not a good person’ (I have zero idea if Ez was the one saying that in private chats first, or if Alexa was telling Ez that his actions made him a bad person - you guys know the answer to that between yourselves). I reasoned with myself that you were looking out for me, that you wanted the best for me, and so you were worried. I genuinely believed that, and took this as a show of love from my friends. Even if it were true, it doesn’t take away from the fact that it wasn’t okay.

Ez, you probably feel like I chose sides. You did with Isaac, for good reason. If Kai had assaulted you, or he had done this on purpose to hurt you, I absolutely would have ended things right then and there, and if it ever does come out that it was intentional with the motive to hurt you, I would end it. But he hurt your feelings on a supposed accident because he doesn’t think through what he says all the time and didn’t want me to be jealous. That’s not an excuse, it’s a reason for a mistake that he’s taking to heart and working on, because it’s a huge issue for him. You don’t have to believe it or trust him, he’s hurt you. It was stupid and insensitive. The thing is, I wasn’t mediating, I wasn’t ‘picking sides,’ it was your guys’ semi-friendship to sort out and communicate through and end if the damage was too much. It was personal between you two. Maybe you feel hurt and betrayed because I didn’t choose ‘your side,’ I don’t know. If you do, I’m sorry. Alexa if you see me not choosing Ez’s side as a betrayal, it would make sense the way you’ve felt/acted towards me, betrayal is a big trigger for you, and maybe you have a belief that only bad people betray. Idk, I always try to think of what reasons others have for the way they’re feeling/acting and take their stuff into account. Reasons for people’s actions are important to me. Understanding what’s going through their head is important to me.

But it’s something my therapist takes issue with again: picking sides, and/or wanting your friends to pick sides between personal fights is extremely unhealthy. Like, it’s toxic to expect that out of your friend. This was a thought I had had back then as a possibility, but I brushed it off. But, asking someone to pick sides in scenario’s like this is a part of triangulation and Black and White Thinking, apparently. Making blanket statements and labeling someone as a ‘bad person’ is part of Black and White Thinking. It’s a defensive strategy (sometimes due to being raised in a narcissistic abusive environment) but many people do it without realizing it’s an issue. Mentally ill people with a trauma history (gang gang) tend to do it the most. These are often actions that are normalized by abusers to their children and/or victims who then inherit the normalized habits without realizing that it’s wrong. I know from experience, and I had to unlearn wanting/expecting people to pick sides or putting labels on people instead of their actions and thinking of them as ‘bad people’ or ‘shitty people’ or ‘against me.’ These weren’t even cohesive thoughts I had, but I realized they were beliefs I held in my body over time in therapy. It’s toxic. One that reminds me all too well of my mom honestly. I still struggle with b&w thinking, but usually on the opposite end of the spectrum, seeing people as good despite their faults and making excuses for things that they never put effort into getting better, both SOs and friends. I’m learning to set boundaries and I need to expect them to be respected, but my boundary of not being mediator wasn’t. Ez told me so that in a way I would inform Kai whether they realize it or not, because they expected an apology and got more upset that they didn’t receive one when they didn’t reach out to him themself, immediately turning me into the mediator. That wasn’t fair to me, and it wasn’t fair to expect me to pick a side when it was a personal thing. Of course it made me view him differently. It also made me view Ez a little differently, but again I tried to brush that off. You guys were looking out for me, is all. You guys care about me, that’s all

Triangulation and B&W Thinking, being a huge way narcissists deal with things, and realizing you guys were doing that even a tiny bit is probably triggering and this is where I start getting emotional and jumbled. I grew up with it my whole life, my mom going to my siblings to talk about me and get validation from them when I did something to upset her, or her coming to me to talk about my siblings or a family member and get validation from me when they did something to upset her. Because she thinks in b&w and immediately labels people as bad and wants everyone else within close proximity to her to agree with her. You’re either with, or against her. It’s 100% unhealthy. She turned siblings and family against eachother. It’s usually not a conscious choice to do it, and most people aren’t aware they’re doing it.

Some people even have Core Belief System that makes them think that this is normal and right to label someone after a mistake, or choose sides, etc. Core Beliefs vary, they’re often times stuff we learned in childhood that we have to unlearn as adults, like negative self talk. Kai and I have done some exercises evaluating his Core Belief systems and which ones are immediately unhealthy, and it was such a huge eye opener for him. I know when I started therapy, learning about the Grey Area blew my whole fucking mind and flipped the world upside down.

Honestly, I’ve stopped talking about Kyle much at all because your guys’ response is: no response if it’s something cute or positive he did, or you try to convince me I should end things, that I seem to want to end things, or that he’s a bad person when I’m frustrated. Or you say I’m making excuses for him when I explain what’s going on and what he’s become self aware of and has started working on, or tell me I’m doing too much when I explain what conversations we’ve had and how it’s progressing to better understanding and a plan to make it better in the future. Everything since Nov/Dec has been negative when I’ve tried, so I stopped unless I was at my wits end and couldn’t talk to my therapist first. I don’t tell you about all the ins and outs of our conversations we have after getting advice from my therapist, I don’t tell you how he literally does everything my therapist says a healthy person should do in specific circumstances. You only want to see and convince me of the negative. Which means, you guys have actually been manipulative in that aspect, and I’m not sure you guys realize it.

An example that stood out to me was when Ezra attempted to tell me, on I think two occasions, that him being jealous AT ALL is toxic and grounds to leave him. If you genuinely believe this, then this is a Core Belief you have about the word and it’s actually not correct. Jealousy is not inherently toxic, it doesn’t mean the relationship ‘is doomed’ or thst you need to get rid of it immediately, it is a normal human emotion. It depends on how your jealousy manifests and what you do/act on/how you communicate through it and work on it that makes it toxic or a healthy interaction. Every step of the way Kai has communicated through his insecurities and any jealousy he has had in a healthy way. But I feel like this isn’t one of your Core Beliefs ez, because you’ve straight up been jealous of him in the past and have felt jealousy in general, because you’re human and it’s normal to feel from time to time. I’m not sure if you’re struggling with self-shame for feeling jealous at times in your life, but it also feels like projection on your part. Regardless it was manipulative of you to try to tell me that and encourage me to leave the person you don’t like.

Something I noticed, especially after my therapist started pointing out some of this stuff, is how you guys kind of...blacklist people when they do something you don’t like. It made sense to me when it was something that hurt yall, but it was still a trend. I explained a handful of instances I watched this happen, and my therapist pointed out the Devaluing and Discarding that takes place each time, alongside some triangulation and b&w thinking. And like, I get it, because I’ve lived it, dealt with it, been in therapy for years discussing it and undoing it, unlearning habits I picked up from childhood and trauma defense mechanisms. Someone does something wrong, that you guys don’t like it don’t approve of, and you talk about them and make broad generalizations about them, get petty, cut them off or ghost them, and you feel justified because of what they did while you put a Label on them. Of course you’re allowed to feel how you feel, you’re allowed to not like whoever for whatever reason, but you guys (and I say this broadly bc I don’t know who’s the one doing it and who’s encouraging it?) do it to a degree that’s unhealthy to my therapist. I’m not perfect either, I’m not saying I am, so don’t put words in my mouth or assume that’s what I’m saying. I’m saying I’ve noticed a trend with you guys. And frankly I was naive to think you wouldn’t do it to me after watching you guys do it to a handful of people.

Something I’ve learned in therapy over the years is that yes feelings are always valid, but they aren’t always accurate, or correct. I’m not gaslighting you and saying your feelings are somehow wrong, its just a fact about feelings. And this is often what leads people into b&w thinking, and devaluing. Have your feelings been right at times? Of course, and these defense mechanisms protect you from getting hurt again by someone, especially someone who’s shown they’re not on your side or they disrespect you. People will talk, and without realizing it make generalizations and put labels on others together, thus convincing the friend group to side with them. The “bad” person, who is a perceived threat is ‘not trustworthy/safe’ anymore, starts to get left out. They’re no longer considered, they no longer receive any understanding or empathy. Often everything they do is now judged with a ‘they have bad intentions/are being a bad person’ view. This NARCISSISTIC triangulation. It’s part of the Devaluing process. It’s an unhealthy, toxic, and harmful defense mechanism so you won’t be hurt by the target again. And if you can’t tell you’ve started doing it to me, idk how to open your eyes to that habit of yours.

There’s a difference between personal and DANGEROUS. Kyle hurt ezra’s feelings, he made a mistake and didn’t make it right, thus its personal between the two of you. He wasn’t immediately dangerous like You Know Who, who had assaulted Ezra.

A big problem is you guys have started Devaluing me; it’s not that it feels like it, you guys are. It’s been going on for a long time and I didn’t realize how bad or toxic it was until it was pointed out to me. I have become the new target, the new ‘bad person’ because I didn’t agree with you guys or give in to... manipulation? How fucking sad is that, I was defending you guys for so long, meanwhile you’ve been actively disrespecting me, ignoring my boundaries, and hurting me. Triangulating further within a new group chat, I’m sure.

Because you’re hurt and upset by my action of not choosing a side? Or not leaving him when you thought I should? Of making so-called excuses for him (there’s a difference between listing reasons for what lead someone to making a mistake that they’re working on, vs listing excuses for actions they made with zero effort and intention to work on - something I learned in therapy that my therapist reiterated to me when I was concerned that maybe I was making excuses for Kai. Him not apologizing excluded, that was done and too long to make right, so he’s putting effort into working on confronting people when he does something wrong so he never does it again, hence working on it). Maybe you feel like I actually chose his side, which is so not true - we just communicated over and over again through the issues his shitty actions caused between him and I. You can feel hurt, it’s so valid, and I’m sorry if I ever did anything to ever hurt either of you that I don’t realize or make you feel unimportant. However it genuinely feels like that it’s over me not doing something that is inherently unhealthy, and you guys have responded in a really toxic way...while at one point trying to convince me Kyle is the sole toxic one. You see how wrong that is?

We all are unhealthy in some way. We’ve all got our shit. I’m thankful to have been in therapy going on 6 years now and have gotten perspectives from multiple different therapists. I’m not perfect and I’m still learning and working on my unhealthy habits, there’s things I could have done better - and that’s okay. It doesn’t make me bad because I wasn’t perfect. Mistakes don’t make people bad just because it wasn’t ideal or perfect. You’re not inherently bad for reacting in toxic ways due to your childhood, either. Even if you guys read this and scoff and get defensive and put words in my mouth or misconstrue what I’m saying in order to support your Core Belief system that I must be the bad person who’s solely in the wrong, I still dont think you’re bad people deep down. Obviously you’d be not ready to give yourself a long hard look and work on yourselves if that WAS the case, but whether you do or don’t isnt my business, it’s your personal journey.

Yet you guys think I’m shitty. A shitty friend. That I’m defending a shitty person. That I’m making excuses for him - when understanding and helping him work through his shortcomings and mistakes and learn to be better isn’t making excuses or being shitty. Was I shitty because I dated my abuser after he raped me, because I thought if he was open to it I could help him unlearn some stuff? No. This is part of that devaluing process, one I’ve been sitting here for months knowing full well it’s happening, watching my ‘friends’ exclude me, leave me on read countless times (dude it’s a form of Silent Treatment, you realize that?), being left out, avoided, triangulated against, and vague posted about. I’ve cried so many more times over how you guys have been treating me under the guise of ‘love and care and friendship’ than anything Kyle has done to me. And anything he’s done to me was a one time mistakes he learned from, and immediately implemented ways to avoid it in the future; asking questions and looking things up and learning. A healthy response to mistakes. The sociopolitical stuff took time to identify what was holding him back from seeing and learning, and now he’s working through that. That’s effort and progress. We APPLAUD effort and growth, do we not? We ENCOURAGE learning and growing, do we not?

Anything I say and do now is being interpreted as wrong/bad. You guys are putting words in my mouth and assuming the worst from me instead of giving me any understanding or being like ‘I know she didn’t have bad intentions with how that was worded, so I must be interpreting it wrong’ - it’s literally triangulation and devaluation. Both toxic narcissistic habits. Alexa, you can stop vague posting about me. And Kyle. You’ve done it quite a bit, and have for a while. It’s so passive aggressive. You can confront me through text like an adult and be like ‘it feels like this, did you mean it that way’. I wasn’t expecting yall to sit down at the exact time I laid out to have a full in depth convo with me - I just needed to say what I was thinking and feeling, and let you guys know about when I would be sending you guys whatever I had to say, that way if you happened to be free or done with work and whatever you got going on, maybe you could set some time aside to read it, instead of days later. Because as “friends” I feel like my feelings should be important enough to try to get to my text within a reasonable timeframe, instead of leaving me hanging. That’s not feeling ‘entitled’ to your time dude. That felt like when I said I was free at this time and would be sending something, that you guys assumed I expected something from you guys at that time frame. Which wasn’t true. And, I didn’t make excuses for Kai’s actions, I understood where he is at in his growing process and why, and I’ve held him accountable for his shit and he’s working on it. Again, “Reasons imply that fault is sincerely recognized and accepted, that you take accountability for your actions. An excuse is used to justify, blame or defend a fault with the intent to absolve oneself of accountability.” One involves effort, the other doesn’t. How would you guys know what he has and hadn’t realized and accepted and started working on with me and my therapist? You guys have wanted zero to do with him, so he’s followed that wish and he’s doing his own inner work. You be posting all this stuff about being a better person when you’re being petty asf and passive aggressive, and he’s literally working to accept and take accountability for stuff and be better next time around. And acting like he’s that ‘devils advocate’ meme yall posted? Must be projecting that he’s that kind of person because he’s been similar in some ways to people who do that. You’re projecting those people on to him. He’s never once played devils advocate in our discussions, his goal has never been to frustrate anyone, he just didn’t get it. He thought being “just the way he was” was a good thing for people to be because it was a Core Belief of his, that sticking to whatever you think or feel no matter what was a good quality in people. He’s past that now, and he’s going to continue to be better. Petty of you to equate him to my mother and project that onto him, when you guys have been not super self aware of how toxic you’re being.

I’ve dealt with Mean-G!rl friends who go and make group chats without me, talk about me behind my back, vague post about me, don’t put much effort into hanging out or even replying, and don’t confront me to talk through things or just.. end the friendship. I think we all have dealt with that. What I haven’t had is a partner who treats me nicely, as a priority, puts effort into loving me the way I feel cared for, who isn’t perfect but he’s trying to be better, being open to seeing things from other views, changing his actions and thoughts so he can be a better more sympathetic and less insensitive person, looks things up and reads about stuff and starts conversations with his own self realizations and creates plans on how to be better or how he will implement the things we discuss, and then acts on it. No one is perfect and we all have flaws and toxic traits. I’m not ready to give up on the only person I’ve met who really does try to change things to be better despite not being entirely self aware of everything he needs to work on, I’m not ready to give up on someone’s ability to become a better person just like I wasn’t ready to give up on your guys ability to do so. Maybe one day my meter of shit I can take will be full and I’ll be done, but that’s my process within my healing and growth.

This was an important part from my therapist: What you think is right regarding boundaries might not be right for me, and that’s okay. You don’t need to try to convince me what I SHOULD be thinking or doing, because you’re not my therapist, you’re not me, you’re not perfect either. You definitely don’t need to be trying to convince me, or manipulate me, and then getting upset with me and devaluing me when I don’t adhere to your way or thinking. I was raised with that, and one of the biggest themes in my therapy journey is learning how NOT OKAY that is, how it’s toxic and ABUSIVE, and I need to form my own sense of what I want and can and can’t handle and set boundaries for me and my life. That’s my journey. You guys have been getting in the way of that.

Has he said some racist stuff from a place of ignorance? Yes. Has he previously been defensive and not open to hearing out others? Yes. Have I almost ended things over it? Yes. Did I discuss it with my therapist before making any decisions? Yes. Did he and I have multiple calm and collected discussions about it afterwards before I made any decisions, where progress was made? Yes. He gets it now and sees how he was wrong and insensitive. He gets how even if he didn’t mean it that way, that’s how it gets interpreted by literally everyone, and so it’s wrong and there’s better ways to communicate his utopian desire for ‘everyone getting along.’ He said ALM as his own view that he sees everyone just as important as the other and wants the world to be that way one day, not realizing that too many people use ALM to silence black people. Now he’s out telling his coworkers that All lives don’t matter until Black Lives Matter. People will evolve over time when someone takes the time to educate them. That’s the beauty of human nature. And that’s the one thing he did, he’s been pretty adamantly ACAB and talking about how corrupt and racist the government and police are since he and I started talking. When he makes a post about it is up to him, that’s part of his journey and growth, we can’t dictate when someone should be ready to do something.

Ezra you tried to say how ‘we we both grew up in conservative houses and we unlearned that stuff quick.’ Per my therapist: Great! We were lucky! We had resources and people to teach us when we were young and we understood the bigger picture! Not everyones journey will look like ours and that’s OKAY. It doesn’t make their journey or process less valid or wrong because it wasn’t just like ours. That was pretty close minded of you honestly.

You also mentioned how he’s a centrist, and that it’s basically right wing. Yeah, sure. It doesn’t mean his views might not change after being educated more, especially now that he’s open to it. You’ve called Cassi a centrist and talked about how annoying it is, yet I watched you not too long ago defend her in a comment and call her ‘one of your best friends.’ So her being a centrist or basically right wing doesn’t make her a bad person, or a shitty person, but it does him? What has he done besides hurt your feelings on accident and not apologize, and be a centrist? Being insensitive? People struggle with different things. Some people genuinely lack empathy from being on the spectrum that has them make mistakes, are they automatically shitty people for being insensitive? That makes your feelings toward Kyle being a bad person seem EXTREMELY personal, like you’re possibly holding a grudge. Which then only makes the manipulation and triangulation you’ve done in response so much worse.

I don’t want to hear about how his ALM comment and lack of understanding makes him a complete racist and that it now makes me a bad person for staying and trying to get through to him and educate him, from someone who stayed with an abuser who said the N word all the time. That seems like cognitive dissonance. I’m shitty, but you’re not? Right it’s Alexa who says it makes me shitty, so Ez isn’t shitty, but I am? Ez learned their lesson with P*t, but I’m not allowed to learn my own? It makes me shitty? Or he’s shitty for now learning his mistake and being open to learning more? Like, Matthew was on one of my posts a couple months ago saying some ignorant absolutely borderline racist shit, then started actually attacking one of my islander friends over a misunderstanding he had when we were trying to educate him on what he was talking about, and Samantha came on the comments defending him saying ‘he’s being dumb but he’s not racist I promise.’ But she and Matthew aren’t shitty people, right? Or are they, because Matthew was being shitty to my POC friend and calling him names, and Samantha “excused his shitty behavior”? Guys I’m at a loss here, and it really feels like nothing he says or does can be ‘right’ to you, and so now I’m turning into the target because I’m not agreeing with that.

I’m sorry he’s done something to hurt your feelings and he never made it right. That was between the two of you. You don’t know what I hold against him and what I don’t, and to what degree it’s damaged our relationship or not. My relationship is mine to sort out, it is ultimately up to me to work through whatever thoughts and feelings I have regarding it with my therapist and when I no longer can continue for whatever reasons I have, I will end it. My therapists have been adamant on not allowing myself to be swayed by your guys’ opinions on ‘you’re doing too much work’ ‘that sounds like a lot’ ‘I wouldn’t be able to do that.’ Their response has been: Great! You’re not me, and this wouldn’t be a relationship for you. That’s okay! I absolutely do not need to adhere to your idea of a healthy relationship for YOU, because I am not you, and that’s okay! This is ultimately my journey of healing and figuring out what’s right for me and where I draw my lines and boundaries. I’m still figuring that out - that’s okay. I will be figuring that out for years to come thanks to my childhood and ex abusers, but the way you guys kept trying to convince me is actually counter productive to my healing and serves as a way to put me back into someone else’s box that they built for me. You guys ended up trying to put me in a box you built for me. In my opinion, that’s shitty. My abusers did that to me. Why would you ever do that to someone?

It FEELS like you guys don’t even like me, and have just hung around to try to convince me Kyle is bad and I should leave him, which is so manipulative and means you guys have been.. really fake to me. Those times Alexa would inquire about him and seem interested in how things were going? Feels like you were trying to get info to take back to the group chat and talk shit about me. You’ve told me you love and care about me despite being passive aggressive, petty, vague posting your true feelings about me, and probaxmy saying bad stuff about me in private. That feels fake asf and super two faced. Honestly it makes me doubt the whole friendship, like you never even liked me and only put up with me because I was friends with Ez. That sucks. As much as I try not to label or say people are bad people... someone who takes my effort for friendship while secretly thinking I’m a shitty person for being understanding of someone and trying to get through to him, and then pretending they love and care for me to my face, isn’t exactly being a good person in the situation. Could I have brought this up and expressed my feelings and concerns at any time? Of course. But I think I was kind of scared to, like I could sense the devaluation going on.

Your adamant dislike of him is rooted in something pretty obviously personal from my point of view, which is fine, but your reactions to such have been toxic, hurtful, and harmful to me directly - your “friend.” Alexa chose a side, and engaged in the triangulation and the manipulation when she felt it was justified after he had done something to hurt Ezra, you’re defending Ezra and probably feel like this makes you a good friend/person. I get it, and a younger, less healed version of me would have done the same - but it’s genuinely unhealthy. All of this these past few months has been void of any understanding on your guys’ part for his own journey as a human on this planet, and even for MINE, all due to the fact you decided you didn’t like him and clung to any reason you had to label him as a Bad Person. You see that right? And like, you didn’t have to give him any more chances in your lives. He was cut out of yours. That’s fine. But now I’m guilty by association, because I gave him the chance to learn? What the fuck guys.

Excuses are giving reasons without putting effort into any change.

Explanations are giving reasons for what happened before the change.

Explaining and understanding someone’s psychology and what lead them to make mistakes is not making excuses, so long as the person is making changes. There’s a difference, one I had to learn in therapy. Kai is learning, growing, and changing his thoughts and views and he deserves a chance to do so even if it’s under scrutiny. We praise growth around here, I thought? But I’m a “shitty” person for doing so? I deserve the disrespect from you guys? The triangulation? The manipulation? The silent treatment? The devaluation? What the fuck is the excuse for your guys’ behavior? I’m thinking about it and getting hurt all over again. This isn’t an attack on you guys at any point, I’m just fucking distraught to be informed by my therapist that the people I thought loved me have been HARMING me.

Perhaps you think he’s had too many chances and you’re telling yourself you’re ‘looking out for me.’’ And that’s fine, neither of you are dating him. You’re not friends with him any longer, you haven’t been. There’s no reason for either of you to give him chances. My boundaries for relationships aren’t the same as yours either, and it’s not necessarily right or wrong; it’s a process. But this clearly isn’t about keeping me safe anymore, and I’m not convinced it ever really was. The hurtful, toxic things you’ve both done say otherwise about your concern for my well being and safety. And if you’re only concerned or care so long as I’m doing what you think is right/best, then your ‘love’ and ‘care’ is completely conditional. If you only value my friendship when I’m agreeing with you, then you only valued my validation. You guys told me I deserve better and shouldn’t settle for how Kyle is, but why do I deserve how my supposed friends have been behaving and treating me for months now?

A big part of my therapy journey is learning to see unhealthy and healthy people and put my effort into the right people. I’m so fuckin proud of that boy, and even if it doesn’t last I’m still going to be happy that he’s more self aware and can work on improving himself, he has had a lot of stuff he learned in childhood and his Core Beliefs that were unhealthy. Things make so much more sense to me now realizing that I didn’t choose a side, because subconsciously I knew it was toxic and that something wasn’t quite right. I think that shows a level of growth for me, even if I didn’t handle things perfectly, even if this essay is messy and full of emotion and paints me in a bad light for confronting you guys on the things you’ve been doing that have been hurting me.

Obviously, in my therapists opinion, and something that I’m realizing... you guys have been really toxic towards me in ways that make you currently not good friends for me. Once upon a time, yes, but it seems like you guys started to resent me somewhere down the road and never communicated that to me. This is all of what I’m aware of, that might explain WHY you guys have acted this way toward me, projecting and taking your stuff out on me. Again it’s genuinely not an attack, I’m not saying you’re bad people, I’m informing you guys that you’ve done some bad stuff I’m not sure you realized (worse if you did) and also communicating how you guys hurt me, and what seems to be the downfall of our friendship. I hope that you’ll see it and self reflect instead of trying to justify your actions, but that journey is yours and yours alone. Maybe you’re more comfortable triangulating and getting validation that you’re in the right, it serves to protect the person who did it. But the way you’ve both handled things has been really unhealthy in general, but especially for me and my growth. You could have just said months ago, ‘I don’t feel comfortable being friends with someone who won’t pick sides, or continues to try to give chances to someone I think is a Bad Person,’ and left it at that. Sucky, it would have hurt, still a little toxic regardless, but you’re allowed to set boundaries for your life and they’re ALWAYS valid. You didn’t do that. You didn’t confront anyone about anything, just tried to sprinkle in your opinion of him and what you think I should do whenever you got the chance. Maybe because you wanted to get through to me and convince me to end things with the Bad Person so maybe we could continue our friendship, or maybe so yall would get the satisfaction of being rid of him completely, or being Right, but since I haven’t now I’m turning into target that you talk about and hold resentment towards. Manipulation. Triangulation. Devaluing stage. Discarding process. Instead of bringing up your issues with me, to me. You guys understand how shitty that is, right?

A shitty, toxic environment I brushed off and dissociated from and tried to not let it effect my love and care for you guys, hoping you would understand that the place I’m coming from is one I have worked SO HARD through therapy to get to, and that setting boundaries with you guys and with Kyle was a healthy step in my healing and learning process, and that you don’t know better for me or my relationship than my therapists. That I need to explore for myself what I’m willing to put up with and live with or put effort into working on to find my personal happy, because all relationships are work, even friendships. A shitty toxic environment that has turned into resentment on your guys’ parts, and now started brewing in me over how you guys have treated me. A shitty toxic environment that could have been avoided in soo many ways, by literally any of us communicating properly. A shitty toxic environment that I don’t want to be a part of.

I love you both with all my heart. I will always be rooting for you and your success, and I’ll always be here to genuinely help you with whatever if you need it, not to try to get some tea and push a narrative on you. You did things that hurt me but it doesn’t mean I think less of you or that you’re overall bad or toxic people with terrible motives, you just happen to have toxic traits that came out when you felt hurt and wronged. Alexa, I hope you continue to enjoy therapy and I believe so much in your growth and I know one day you’ll be past the trauma. You’ve got this. Ezra, if it’s still something you want, I hope u can one day find an inclusive therapist that will be covered by your insurance. I hope you guys have wonderful fulfilling careers and relationships. I believe in you guys so much. I really hope Levi continues to be amazing and gives Ez all the love they deserve and that finally they have something healthy and rewarding, I hope the VA helps him and he can get a lot out of therapy and his anxiety gets better so he can live freely. I want you guys to be healthy and happy in your lives.

Please understand this friendship isn’t ending because of Kyle - he is entirely separate from my relationships with the two of you - it’s ending because my therapist opened my eyes to extremely harmful behaviors and how somewhere down the road the negative thoughts and devaluation got to the point that you both started being shitty towards me. It seems you guys haven’t wanted to be friends for a while, and it sucks you drug it out instead of just communicating that. Honestly even if you guys did acknowledge what you have been doing to me this whole time and apologized for it, I feel like you don’t even like me enough anymore to work on the friendship and communicate ways I could be better for you guys too, and you’re more comfortable surrounding yourself with people who don’t challenge your Core Beliefs. It was silly of me to hope you wouldn’t do all this to me, but here we are. Friends come and go. It’s the bittersweet part of life that I’ve worked for years to accept without hard feelings.

I’m genuinely sorry for any hurt I’ve caused you guys, know that it was never ever intentional. I’m sorry for anything I’ve done that had felt like I’m not being a good friend, or to make you think I deserved the way you guys think or talk about me. I tried setting boundaries and being understanding, thats all I felt like I could do, but I see where I could have been better in some areas. Life is about learning and growing, so I’ll take this as a way to be better in my future friendships too.

If you actually read all of it and tried to understand where I’m coming from, I do appreciate it.

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rationalthings · 6 years

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Hey. Jordy. Hey Jordy. Hey. Hey. All the numbers you haven’t done please 😊

Ugh you suck houses

1. Are looks important in a relationship?Based off of previous relationships, no 2. Are relationships ever worth it?I would like to think so, but so far no3. Are you a virgin?No lmao4. Are you in a relationship?No lmao 6. Are you single this year?Yes lmao7. Can you commit to one person?Absolutely 8. Describe your crushMmmm nah no thanks they know lmao ((also beautiful and amazing))9. Describe your perfect mateLike friend????? Idk someone that doesnt hate me lmao10. Do you believe in love at first sight?Lowkey yes but also nah bc thats ridiculous(br /> 12. Do you forgive betrayal?Constantly, it has backfired on me numerous times14. Do you have a crush on anyone?Hella lmao15. Do you have any piercings?Yeah, normal ear lobes and nose 16. Do you have any tattoos?Yep, triceratops on my thigh and a deathly hallows on the inside of my foot 17. Do you like kissing in public?Definitely, but not like so much that it grosses everyone out yknow 20. Do you shower every day?I shower after sport, so nearly every day i guess 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Definitely 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?The aim is married by 26 so probably not 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I dont think so? 28. Have you ever been cheated on?No, not that i know of, thankfully 29. Have you ever cheated on someone?No 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?Yes, considered getting smaller boobs so i can actually dance 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?More times than I’d care to admit32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?Lmao so many times 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?Yes34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?Yes 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?So many times lmao 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Yes lmao 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?I dont think so? Maybe not approved of but not hated 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yes lmao 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes lmao, everyone who hasnt wanted me ever lmao 41. Have you had sex so far this year?Yes 43. How long was your longest relationship?Just over 2 years 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?2 boyfriends 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?1 lmao 46. How many times did you have sex last year?Maybe like a 3 times? 47. How old are you?19 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Sounds about right lmao 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?Don’t have one right at this moment 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? So many people. Literally any of my friends, I’d do anything they wanted me to 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Yes, because they gave up on me first 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?No?? 54. Is there someone you will never forget?Yes, so many 55. Share a relationship story.God idk, i dont really have any stories that arent mildly sad. I guess the reason my last bf and i started dating is because he made really good banana bread?? 56. State 8 facts about your body8??!! So many idkI’m 5 foot 5, chubby, blue hair, brown eyes, hips dont work, back is constantly sore, wonky eyebrows, button nose 58. What are five ways to win your heart?Idk just attention and actually liking me i dont need anything else 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)Ugh there are pictures on my tagged/me or whatever i have tagged. I havent changed other than in hair colour in about 5 years 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?3 years between me and a boyfriend 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?How kind they are 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?Honestly I’m a sucker for absent minded running of fingers down my back/leg etc 63. What is your definition of “having sex”?Idk honestly, still trying to figure that out 64. What is your definition of cheating?When you’re emotionally involved with someone else or have become emotionally uninvolved with your partner i think 66. What is your favourite roleplay?Idk I’ve never tried any?? 67. What is your idea of the perfect date?Being with someone who actually likes my company lmao. I dont mind what activity it is 68. What is your sexual orientation?Bisexual 70. What turns you on?Turning someone else on 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?Honest to god i dont think I’ve ever had a wet dream i remember 72. What words do you like to hear during sex?Idk my name i guess, that they’re enjoying it or something idk I’m too inexperienced lmao 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?Idk, like me for a start, that’d be nice 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?As in like that i want in a partner?????? Idk I’d just like to not date terrible people? 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Depends on the relationship 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?Idk man I’ll tell anyone anything if they ask 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?God idk constantly of every friend i ever have talking to someone else, I’m v insecure lmao ((i have gotten better though i stg)) 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Literally seconds ago, i tell everyone as much as i can 81. Who are five people you find attractive?God idk most people i know are attractive wtf 82. Who is the last person you hugged?Sister i think?? It was a pity hug bc I’m still drunk lmao 83. Who was your first kiss with?My first boyfriend 84. Why did your last relationship fail?Because i realised i needed more and deserved more than i was getting 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?Likeeeeeeeeee idk probably not honestlyStill v drunk, pls message if you want explanation lmaoooooooo

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lastbluetardis · 6 years

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2017 Fic Writing in Review

I was tagged by the lovely @chocolatequeennk, @jemsauce, and @aneclipsedhabitue to do a look back on the fic I wrote this year.

total number of completed stories:

102! And this number only counts completed stories, and so A Kiss a Day, A Kiss and More, and Lost and Found (coauthor: @chocolatequeennk) don’t count. This number also isn’t counting individual chapters, so keep in mind that there are several multi-chapter stories contained in that total.

total word count:

271,029

These are only the words I have published. But in addition, I have 74,112 unpublished words (90% of which are part of my Soulmates series), so technically, I wrote 345,141 words! And this count doesn’t reflect any words I have deleted in the many false starts I’ve had with some stories.

(And here is where I piggyback off of Nancy’s plug about using Word Keeper Alpha. This is such a useful website, and it has so many functions and ways of sorting/organizing your writing projects. It’s so helpful with keeping track of word counts.)

fandoms written in:

Doctor Who

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

In some ways I wrote less than expected, but in others I wrote more. As far as numbers go, I wrote far fewer fic this year than I did last year. However, I believe the quality of the stories I wrote and published are of a much high caliber than last year. And writing decent-quality stories often takes time. Also, I’ve been so focused on my soulmates series that I sort of let other projects fall to the side. And I wrote more multi-chapter fics than last year.

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

Oh, so many. I can’t possible just pick one, so have a couple:

And Baby Makes Three -- I really loved giving James and Rose a baby. Ainsley had become my baby, so any fic with her (or her siblings) in it are my favorite.

And Baby Makes Four -- Ditto as above. It was fun giving James and Rose a second baby, and giving Ainsley a sibling, and to write about the changing family dynamics that comes with a new baby.

A Marriage of (In)convenience -- I’d never written any sort of historical romance before, and it was loads of fun.

In a Heartbeat -- Yet another soulmate AU story that was a lot of fun to write. I took a spin on the oft-portrayed perfect first meeting, and instead had it be one of fear and anxiety as Rose suffered injuries from a car accident just moment after they found each other.

did you take any writing risks this year?

Hmmm... my biggest risk was deciding to expand Perfect Match into a series. I’ve never tried conquering a series, and I’ve been nervous about the time commitment, and whether or not my brain will stay interested and focused on the series so it won’t become abandoned. But so far so good!

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

Hmm, not so much. Which is probably a bad thing to admit... I should probably have goals. Okay, so on the fly, my fic goals are:

To write and publish the next story in the soulmates series

To continue my Kisses ‘Verse

To write and publish the Beauty and the Beast AU I’ve been sitting on for nearly a year

To write the next next story in the soulmates series

To coordinate with @chocolatequeennk and maybe finish Lost and Found

best story of the year?

My best stories are also my some of my favorites. This is probably very telling: if I really really like what I’m writing/wrote, it’s often my best writing quality, too.

And Baby Makes Four

A Marriage of (In)convenience

In a Heartbeat