#but that's second and third and fourth to shinjis way out being a girl with no interiority that he more than anything. does not know | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ariesgender · 5 years

Text

Character Analysis: Asuka Langley Sohryu

disclaimer:

this was originally written by @ritsumaya in 2014 but most of the post was lost due to them deleting. (and that was devastating personally as their meta posts were amazing. we lost the equivalent of the nge library of alexandria) this is what i’ve been able to salvage / copy over from various archives.

i will edit / delete this post and relink it to their own if ritsumaya ever decides to reupload this again themselves.

also, if you’re not interested in reading this essay, press J on your keyboard to advance to the next post on desktop. if you’re on mobile... i’m so sorry.

onto the original text:

Buckle up. It’s time to go on a massive analysis of Asuka Langley Sohryuu, or How Most of the Casual Fandom Gets Her Wrong.

Featuring!

The importance of pilothood to Asuka.

Her relationships with Kaji, Shinji, and Rei.

The meaning of the “Hell Kitchen” scene in End of Evangelion.

An explanation of histrionic personality disorder.

And so much more!

Warnings for suicide, gore, choking, mentions / allegories of rape and pregnancy, discussions of mental illness, thanatophobia, menstruation, nudity, basically any trigger warnings for Evangelion etc. etc.

It’s also very long, clocking in at twelve thousand four hundred forty-seven words. If I miss anything, let me know.

I’m limiting the discussion to Sohryu, from the anime series, rather than Shikinami, from the film series, because Shikinami is a wholly separate character that bears only a physical and superficial personality resemblance to Sohryu.

Okay, so lets get goin'!

As part of the Contact Experiments, Asuka’s mother, Kyouko Zeppelin Sohryu, was stripped of part of her soul, specifically of the “motherly” part. Rather than the tragedy of Yui’s full absorption into the EVA, NERV believed that they could activate the EVA whilst still keeping the mother alive. They didn’t intend to be complete monsters, you know.

Other than Rei and Shinji, explicitly selected from the beginning, Asuka was the first non-Gendo-essential pilot to be chosen out of the candidate pool. Note that none of the students at Shinji’s school has a mother, as Kensuke points out in the fourth episode because NERV has harvested their mothers’ souls in case a pilot is required. She clearly had talent and she intended to use it.

(By the way, the facts that Unit 00 and Unit 02 are Adam-based and do not possess full souls explain the rapid increase in Shinji’s synchronization scores. Asuka is indeed the best pilot; what occurred prior to the actual sync in End of Evangelion was mostly out of her hands.)

Unfortunately, the removal of part of her soul drove Kyouko insane. She began to talk to a small doll and take care of the doll in place of Asuka. In the meantime, Asuka’s father began an affair with Kyouko’s doctor, whom he would later marry.

By the time Asuka becomes the Second Child, she is absolutely desperate for her mother’s affection. She’s willing to break down rules and dismantle the world if it means that her mother will look at her. Just once. Just one look at her.

Her mother, having gone insane without the possession of the entirety of her soul, goes, well, insane. This has a horrific effect on young Asuka. Firstly, Asuka despises dolls. Secondly, and more importantly, Asuka has a desperate desire for attention, a desperate need for isolation, and a desperate ambition to prove herself independent. She doesn’t want to depend upon anyone ever again. She doesn’t intend to ever be put in the position of killing herself for anyone, ever again.

Quick recap: because her mother paid attention to a doll instead of her, Asuka became simultaneously starved for attention but also terrified of becoming dependent upon anyone. As a result, Asuka focuses her efforts on becoming akin to an adult.

But, because society is fucked up, Asuka interprets growing up (for a woman) as being recognized as an adult by others. She also internalizes this by staking all of her worth upon her skills at piloting the EVA. In fact, the neural interface that links up the pilot to the EVA is a part of her typical design, to the point where, during Asuka’s version of the “step out naked from the shower” scene, she apparently showers with them on. Neither Shinji nor Rei, nor the other two pilots seen briefly in the anime, do the same. Only Asuka. While Shinji and Rei also stake their worth on piloting EVA, they do not do so at the visual intensity that Asuka does.

Now, I want to get a common misconception out of the way. Contrary to how quite a few fans would “diagnose” her, Asuka is not narcissistic. A little bit of the opposite, in fact: Asuka suffers from histrionic personality disorder, which can better be likened to dependent personality disorder in terms of root cause. Kaji’s another example of someone who has a histrionic personality; however, he is functional: While his personality contains histrionic elements, he does not have histrionic personality disorder like Asuka does.

Let’s take a quick look at the symptoms and behaviors associated with HPD. For this, I’m going to use Wikipedia, because we only need a basic overview (since we’re not actually diagnosing so much as comparing a fictional character’s personality):

Provocative (or seductive) behavior

Relationships are considered more intimate than they actually are

Attention-seeking

Influenced easily

Speech (style) wants to impress; lacks detail

Emotional liability; shallowness

Make-up; physical appearance is used to draw attention to self

Exaggerated emotions; theatrical

Using the mnemonic device PRAISE ME, we can examine some of the common elements of HPD. To generalize and paraphrase, whereas someone suffering from narcissistic personality disorder would actually believe themself to be better than anyone else, someone with histrionic personality disorder would only present themself as better than anyone else, while actually, internally, hating themself and so on and so forth.

Asuka very visibly refers to herself as the best pilot and takes sincere pride in that distinction. Likewise, she takes pride in the distinction of herself as the most popular girl in school, as when she notably calls herself that while speaking to Shinji. Yet, as we all know, Asuka in reality hates herself, which she repeats over and over again, especially over the later arcs of the series. But before we start a case by case analysis of HPD, let’s go back to her backstory.

Even before Kyouko actually performed the contact experiments, she did not pay much attention to her child, in the same manner of Ritsuko’s mother or Misato’s father, raising a child starved for attention.

Kyouko was driven insane by only having part of her soul within her, and Asuka’s father left to have an affair and marry the doctor. While Asuka appears very vicious and angry as she watches her mother coddle the young doll, she nonetheless is happy to see her mother and continuously attempts to perform to capture her mother’s attention.

Subsequently, Asuka became a pilot, and she informed her mother. However, her mother decided to commit suicide. In those final, chilling moments, we see the mother asking for Asuka (the doll) to commit suicide with her. Asuka’s response is forever etched into the memory of anyone who watches the scene:

She agrees to commit suicide along with her mother as long as her mother does not abandon her. While Asuka does not actually end up committing suicide, the experience shocks her to the core (pun not intended): She was perfectly and completely willing to die for the sake of someone else. At the funeral, Asuka tells herself that she will now become an adult so that she never has to depend upon anyone, ever again. Of course, being neglected as a child is one of the theorized causes of HPD. In order to compensate for the attention that she never received as a child, Asuka says that she’s going to be become an independent adult, and yet she decides to become an adult via external validation (a major theme of EVA, that: external validation will never actually assist you in attaining your own happiness; validation and love must be built internally up, in the entire idea of “How can you love others if you never even learned to love yourself?” and so on, but that’s another post for another time).

There’s a two-fold issue with her reasoning: first, she considers adulthood as sexual maturity. Herein lies a major crux of the issue, especially with regards to her relationships to Kaji and Shinji. Asuka can’t wait to grow up. In her impatience she intends to validate her attainment of adulthood via the validation of men around her, because such is what society taught her, and such is what her experiences with her father abandoning her mother and remarrying taught her (I would argue for a closeted lesbian Asuka myself).

Prior to arriving in Japan, Asuka and Kaji have an extremely telling exchange on the boat. Chronologically, this takes place just before episode eight. We begin with Asuka talking about Misato, saying that Asuka didn’t like Misato very much (this will be important for later, concerning Asuka’s relationship with Misato and her own relationship with herself). Kaji informs Asuka that she’ll probably make lots of new boyfriends in Japan and that the Third Child (e.g. Shinji) is a boy. Now, here’s the interesting part about that implication: Asuka has had boyfriends in Germany. And many of them, according to Kaji, as Asuka goes from boyfriend to boyfriend seeking validation and becoming increasingly frustrated when that doesn’t actually make her feel better.

Note: Kaji, and I, don’t literally mean “boyfriends”, but boys interested in Asuka as they are when she arrives in Tokyo-3. She is validated by the sheer number of people interested in her even as she snubs them and acts superior, but nonetheless none of them actually makes her feel validated. Remember that Asuka goes from the sole pilot in Germany to not even the best pilot in Japan, and consider how that works into the attention she receives and so on. Whenever I mention her “German boyfriends” again, keep this in mind: effortless boyfriends that she could make. Realistically, any attempts at dating would have gone down akin to the whole thing with Hikari’s friend—the unwanted boy stranded at a roller coaster.

Actually, this is an important point: Just like how Misato utilized sex in order to fulfill herself, so too does Asuka in a manner of speaking. However, the reasoning behind Misato’s and Asuka’s “deriving pleasure in lieu of actual happiness” is significantly different. Misato has wild sex because, as she explains, it’s nice to be needed, even if physically. Asuka does so because she herself wants to be validated. She doesn’t want to be “needed.” She wants people to pay attention to her and for her not to have to care about them, in essence. She wants to be “needed” but not in the way that Misato does (in an actual need) but in a manner that causes people to pay attention to her without her having to “need” them back. Misato wants a two-way street and settles for being needed physically when she can’t have said two-way street. Asuka wants a one-way street and when that still doesn’t make her happy, because that doesn’t exist, she can’t handle it.

Note: When I refer to Misato’s sexuality, I refer to the sexuality that Asuka sees, from her point of view / perspective. Misato, as revealed in her talk to Kaji, hasn’t actually been having wild sex, but Asuka assumes her to (and continues to assume that into Instrumentality).

Other analysts have pointed out the Three Faces of Eve / Three Faces of Adam symbolism that is repeated over and over again in EVA, from the MAGI supercomputers to Kaji-Gendo-Fuyutsuki. I won’t go too far into depth here, but essentially, Kaji represents the young, virile male; Gendo represents the cruel, warmongering male; and Fuyutsuki represents the old, wise male. It’s akin to the seven stages of man poem written by Shakespeare, and it’s also another post for another time. The most vital part of this is that Kaji represents the young, virile male, who is clearly the most sexually desirable of the three. Unlike the random boyfriends whom Asuka ensnares easily and who would probably go for anyone, Kaji is a Grown Adult. He drinks; he smokes; he has lots and lots of sex, and if he is interested in her, then surely Asuka will become the True Adult.

And so Asuka, inappropriately, attempts to seduce him.

Of course, he rejects her advances, because while Kaji is not the ideal guardian (as he has never truly been able to nurture positive relationships), he is neither a pedophile nor a hebephile. Unfortunately, to Asuka, this isn’t merely a rejection: It’s a denial of Asuka’s status as an adult. Kaji tells her, “You’re still a child.”

There is literally nothing that could cut Asuka more deeply than being called a child, because being a child is what almost killed her, what actually caused her to agree to commit suicide with her mother, driven to insanity. She can’t stand the thought of being dependent, of being a child. She’s going to grow up quickly now, isn’t she?

To reiterate: Asuka doesn’t actually love Kaji. Well, perhaps she does have a puppy crush on him, in the manner of young girls to attractive younger men (and, arguably, she probably has more of a hetero-compulsory “crush” on him than on Shinji).

I want to point out the entirely childish way that she says that. “Kissing, and even the stuff after that,” which is basically something repeated in some form or fashion by every sub upon which I could get my hands (to properly analyse EVA, I watched it using several different subs, from the official English release to crappy direct translations to fansubs, such that I could get a sense of the show overall, where one sub might mistranslate a given line). She can’t even start to talk about sex. She’s not actually ready for sex.

The framing of this shot is very interesting, because we’re treated to a full-frontal cleavage shot of Asuka. Now, Asuka has the smallest breast size of the three “EVA girls” (ugh), but in some of the other shots, such as the “Wall of Jericho” moment, her breasts look larger. On the other hand, in this shot she looks almost entirely flat-chested. The usage of the simple white bra simply furthers this point: She’s not an adult. She’s still a child, barely having grown out of her childhood, trying to become an adult far too soon. Now, she wants to become an adult in order to never have to become dependent upon anyone again. And yet, when she’s rejected instead of validated, she reverts back to her original basics of need:

Yeah. Look at her. Look at her, because her mother never did, because her father never did, because her mother substituted a doll for her, because at the end of it all, she feels like she doesn’t mean anything to anyone. And for that, she hates everyone. She hates other human beings. Most of all, of course, she hates herself.

So here’s the set-up: Asuka seeks validation for her becoming an adult, so that she can be independent and never have to depend on anyone again. This is what she tells herself on the outside. In reality, she craves attention. And this is why she hates herself, because of the paradox between her inherent hate of humanity and desire for isolation, and her desperate need for people to look at her because of the attention that she never received as a child.

Kaji rejects her. Ah, but a new contender rises upon the horizon: The Third Child. Shinji. Who is the only other boy around who is also a pilot, and a good one. When Kaji, the Actual Adult, fails her, she moves on to try to seduce Shinji, because he’s a good substitute (as a saviour of humanity and so on).

And speaking of Shinji, it’s about time to get into Asuka’s adventures in Japan.

Now interestingly enough, at the beginning of episode nine, wherein Asuka finally arrives in Japan, we get this interesting, prophetic exchange of students talking about Asuka:

It seems to me from this that there’s a clear implication that Asuka undoubtedly made sure to carry herself so that the rumour would be true: She wants people to think that she matured early. And this, remember, is prior to us really getting a sense of who Asuka was, so it’s interesting to see the writers throw us this early tidbit. Of course, the other students reply pretty forcefully that she’s probably just here out of a broken heart.

Now, at first, Shinji is not that happy to see Asuka. After all, she has been little but abusive to him. On the other hand, Asuka, who clearly thinks of herself as gorgeous (and the student body would agree), immediately responds to his unease by hurting him. Off to a great start.

The point of this, of course, is that Asuka is only interacting with Shinji because he is the Third Child; in much the same way, Asuka only interacts with Rei because Rei is the First Child and for no other reason.

Afterwards, at the apartment, Asuka is apparently convinced that Shinji is about to be dunked into the trash. She barely gives him a second thought, instead remarking about how he’s going to be replaced. And, of course, because she doesn’t see him as worth her time.

We also take this opportunity to remind our viewers of the man about whom Asuka truly cares, being Kaji, complete with a small heart and all.

We also in this sequence see a rather interesting line from Asuka:

She remarks upon the fact that the Japanese do not have locks on their doors, and there’s really no way to barricade them, either. In essence, anyone can come and go through the doors as they please.

Now, think back to the Arael fight for a moment and to Asuka’s insistence that the angel not look deeper into her mind or dig deeper into her heart. Asuka only wants others to see the “outer shell,” the “gorgeous Asuka,” the perfect Asuka. Later on in this episode, Asuka complains about the fact that her Japanese debut made her appear “uncool.” She is obsessed with the idea of projecting only the best to others. Hence, the concept of simply allowing anyone inside frightens and irritates her. There’s no sense of privacy. While for the rest of her life in Germany, Asuka was able to keep her inner self locked away, in Japan, she will no longer be able to do so the same.

Oh, hey, remember what I was saying about Asuka having a fairly small breast size? Check out the screencap above. Compare it to the scene on the boat, and you’ll see what I mean.

Speaking of this sequence, Asuka is challenging Shinji, because, just like in Germany, she intends to validate herself through the use of local boys. Now that Misato has confirmed for Asuka that Shinji is not being replaced, Asuka is suddenly interested in him, since he’s a fellow EVA pilot and a saviour of humanity. His standing means something.

And so she offers the “challenge”. The Wall of Jericho, by the way, fell. She’s trying to get Shinji to want her, trying to get Shinji to desire her and give her attention so that she can laugh at him and ignore him, thus validating. Just like how Asuka’s initial response was to put him down, here Asuka attempts to create a relationship in which she is in the superior position via emotional weight.

When Shinji fails to respond, she decides to take matters a step further. She lies down next to him with her breasts in full view. He’ll have to reply to this. Not to mention the fact that she was having nightmares.

Either way, she falls asleep. Shinji panics, his gaze focused on her breasts (Shinji’s attraction to Asuka is almost entirely if not entirely sexual in nature, as we’ll see when we get to End of Evangelion and so forth), and he decides to take the bait, as Asuka thought he would. He prepares to kiss her, but in the quiet of the night, Asuka reveals the true self that she has never wanted to reveal:

Even though Asuka wants nothing more than to become an adult, she’s still a child. She can’t wait to grow up (even in the screenshot above, you can clearly see her breasts), but she cannot escape the sheer levels of dependency and need for attention that her mother’s lack thereof left. Deep scars gouged into her psyche.

Her need for attention drives her for the next few episodes, too, as well as her need to absolutely be the best. In the ninth episode, she’s able to “synchronize” with Shinji, showcasing her capability to do so, and yet they still suffer the breakdown above (because you can be functional externally without being functional internally, like most of the adults on the show). In the tenth episode, she can’t stand the thought of Shinji not paying attention to her when he glances over at Rei in her swimsuit and so not only points out her breasts but also calls back to him to watch her jump. Later on, she would rather die in the volcano than fail the mission. In the subsequent episode, she gets even with Shinji by taking the hit, because she can’t stand the thought of not being number one, of not being the person upon whom people depend and to whom people give all of their attention (similarly, she takes charge of the group during the blackout), and so on.

And eventually we end up at the infamous asushin kiss, the kiss which many fans of asushin herald as a great proof of the canon nature of asushin. Let’s take a look, shall we?

In the beginning of the episode, Asuka tries to call Kaji again, this time pretending that she’s being sexually assaulted in an attempt to get him interested. If that’s not desperation on an incredible level, then I don’t know what is. Later, she goes on a date with a boy, but she apparently skips out on said date because she claims that he was boring (read: not as high in her internal standing as Shinji or the master of validation, Kaji).

Misato goes on a date with Kaji. Technically speaking, she has gone out with Kaji and Ritsuko, but Asuka clearly processes this as a date between Misato (whom she doesn’t entirely like) and Kaji. At this point, Asuka is clearly somewhat uncomfortable with these proceedings, because Misato, an adult is being validated, whereas Kaji has left Asuka in the dust.

At this point, Asuka turns to the other boy in her life whose body and validation are mostly immediately accessible to her: Shinji. She asks him what he thinks Misato and Kaji are doing, at which point he tries to get out of the conversation. Then she inquires whether or Shinji’s ever been kissed. He says that he hasn’t, and she pushes him. But take a look at her face: When she asks him, she doesn’t seem to be happy or even content, but rather melancholy, wishful. She’s thinking about Kaji and about validation.

Note: Asuka is also a teenage girl, and she’s probably not being so calculating here as the presentation of my analysis would appear. Part of this is just simple experimentation, and she is probably drawn to Shinji in the typical “allosexual boy and girl existing within an environment at their age” type of way. Nonetheless, let’s move beyond that and see the kiss within the framework of Asuka’s overall arc within Evangelion.

Shinji doesn't look too happy at the prospect of such a kiss.

When he refuses, Asuka prods him. Asuka has become excellent, as I mentioned, at turning her hate of humanity into a weapon: She drives a stake into his heart, pointing out the death of his mother and asking him if he’s scared. At the defilement of his mother’s name, Shinji responds that of course he’s not scared of a little kiss, and Asuka stands up. Threateningly. She’s taller than him, and the shot of her coming towards him is framed in a manner that is more threatening and towering than romantic.

As Shinji and Asuka approach one another, Shinji takes on a faint blush (considering that he thinks Asuka hot, there’s little surprise here), while Asuka looks more serious than anything. She hesitates in kissing him and tells him to stop breathing. Him being human, apparently, distracts her on some level.

She then grabs his nose and kisses him suddenly. They stay that way for a while without moving, locked in a fairly awkward kiss.

Poor Shinji can’t breathe, and he begins to turn red, then blue, as Asuka literally suffocates him.

Now the first time that I saw this scene, I thought that this was a simple erection joke, with Shinji balling his hand into a fist in order to cover up the, ahem, tenting in his pants. And perhaps that was Shinji’s initial reaction (after all, he’s a fourteen-year-old boy and he’s kissing an exceedingly attractive young woman to whom he is obviously sexually attracted, whose breasts he has seen before, and to whom, as we later find out, he masturbates to). But as the kiss goes on without break:

Poor Shinji literally begins to suffocate. He’s turning blue from an utter lack of breath. He’s not exactly having fun. Finally, unable to stand the rather deadly lack of breath, he pulls away from Asuka, gasping, and starts to pant heavily, relieved that he’s not actually going to die from asphyxiation.

To Asuka, however, this is more than a rejection. There are a lot of things happening in this scene: First of all, kissing the Third Children didn’t actually make Asuka feel better. Second of all, Shinji clearly had no idea what he was doing and was incapable of pressing forward with Asuka, instead standing there until he could no longer stand it and stumbling away. Hence, he’s not exactly a virile “player” like Kaji and is lower on the “validating” list for Asuka. Third of all, he didn’t continue and he actually left her, implicitly rejecting her. Fourth of all, no, he’s not Kaji. Picture this from Asuka’s perspective for a second: While the man of your dreams is on a date with a woman whom you don’t like very much, you kiss a boy, and you continue to kiss that boy while thinking to yourself, ‘Why don’t I feel happy yet? Why don’t I feel happy yet? How long do I have to wait to feel happy?’ Then the boy you’re kissing abruptly breaks away with you and starts gasping for breath, obviously relieved that he’s no longer kissing you.

It’s not like you were just rejected by Kaji. You were just rejected by the Third Child, a regular fourteen-year-old boy of the sort that you could get by the bushel in Germany and most of the least aggressive boys you’ve ever seen in your entire fucking life.

Asuka turns away and runs to the bathroom to gargle.

Asuka immediately tries to save face by pinning the blame on Shinji, because of course her upset-ness has nothing to do with the fact that she’s just suffered one of the worst rejections and least validating experiences in her life and everything to do with Shinji being a bad kisser (hint: it’s the other way around). Asuka’s not an adult. Asuka’s still a child, and when push comes to shove, she responds her own failings by blaming Shinji. When Shinji pointedly asks Asuka what’s wrong, Asuka shoves it back in his face and proclaims that she’s upset because she kissed him. Which is true, but not in the way that she means for Shinji to interpret events.

All of this, by the way, is framed within the context of Kaji and Misato reconnecting after a departure of eight years, a true kiss of love to contrast this muddled kiss of two teenagers failing to communicate.

Later on, Kaji arrives home at last, Misato in tow. Kaji puts Misato to bed, ensuring that she’ll be all right, and walks out. Asuka immediately jumps on the chance and seems to be in much better spirits after seeing her dear Kaji-san again.

Kaji kindly declines the offer, pointing out that he needs to go home, and Asuka insists. Shinji might be useless trash, but surely Kaji will save the day.

Unfortunately, while Asuka might be putting the uttermost “deredere” that she can around Kaji, he refuses and quits the apartment, leaving Asuka standing by herself. And notice how utterly heartbroken she is in the subsequent shot, while she makes an important observation:

This, the smell of lavender, of course, is a callback to an earlier part of the episode, right before Asuka’s date with Hikari’s friend, wherein Asuka asks Misato if she can use Misato’s perfume. The program going on in the background, by the way, is seemingly about a former couple arguing, with one of them declaring that (he) still loves (her) and the other one saying that it’s impossible, that (she) isn’t the person that (she) once was, and that it took (her) three years to forget (him). Of course, the immediate analysis is that this relates to Misato and Kaji’s relationship. But could it also refer, perhaps, to the fact that Asuka is trying desperately to become something she isn’t, e.g. the idea that people and time can’t turn back to what they once were?

At any rate, Asuka requests that she use Misato’s perfume, and Misato refuses her.

“It’s not for kids,” Misato says, implying blatantly that Asuka’s just a kid and that she’s an adult and hence can use the perfume. Naturally, Kaji validates Misato. Yes, Misato is an adult; yes, Misato is worthy of receiving Kaji’s love and attention.

Asuka isn’t.

Asuka’s a child, unworthy of the perfume and unworthy, it seems, of Kaji’s attention or affection. In later episodes, Asuka continues to try to draw Kaji’s attention, such as when she barges into his office only to find out that Toji has been selected as the Fourth Children, and when he shuts her down yet again.

Far from the romantic kiss that most fans of asushin seem to consider this occasion in EVA, the kiss is one of those moments wherein we’re reminded that Shinji and Asuka don’t understand one another. Shinji can’t think of why Asuka is upset. Asuka doesn’t care about Shinji and is only using him to validate herself, rather than out of any actual romantic reasoning beyond the sexual tension faced by allosexuals of their age.

(Now, I’m going to do a bit of a topic change so that I can talk about Rei and Misato, and how they relate to Asuka.)

In the beginning of episode nine, we see Asuka, as I mentioned earlier, considering herself to be the best of the best. She asks Shinji where the First Child is and proceeds to speak to the First Child.

When Asuka approaches Rei, her shadow covers the book that Rei is reading. The First Child responds by shifting the book, as if Asuka’s presence doesn’t bother Rei whatsoever and Rei couldn’t care less about Asuka. In other words, the opposite of the attention that Asuka seeks.

Now, a word on the framing of this scene. They’re outside, in public, surrounded by students. Asuka is extremely popular and a new student. Literally everyone is staring at Asuka and Rei when Asuka loudly declares herself to be the Unit 02 pilot. Now, notice that she specifically refers to Rei as the pilot of the prototype. Before Rei has even said a word, Asuka is immediately setting up the First Child to be inferior.

There are students everywhere. Asuka has put Rei, who clearly doesn’t care, on the spot. Rei, very rightfully, asks why.

Now, Asuka doesn’t reply that she wants to be friends with Rei, or that she finds Rei interesting, or, in reality, anything that one would normally say. No. Asuka responds:

'Because it’d be convenient, in lots of ways.’ Of course, Asuka is understandably simply being Asuka. Asuka doesn’t really know how to interact with other people except by establishing herself as dominant and very clearly and obviously setting up a one-way relationship in which they pay attention to her and she gives the appearance of not giving a shit about them. However, let’s give Asuka props for reaching out to Rei. Asuka doesn’t want to strike up a hatred of Rei, which is something that people tend to miss: Asuka doesn’t just walk around looking for conflict. She genuinely tried to become friends with Rei.

Unlike everyone else at the school, however, Rei doesn’t care for Asuka’s status. Rei doesn’t really care about anything at all.

Asuka is pretty dumbfounded at this. 'If I’m ordered to, I will.’ Instead of trying desperately to become an adult as Asuka is doing, Rei is essentially akin to a robot from Asuka’s perspective, simply waiting for orders.

Asuka thereafter refers to Rei as a doll. As we know, Asuka hates dolls, because her mother spoke to a doll and because she agreed to take the doll’s place and kill herself with her mother as long as Kyouko didn’t stop being her mother. And so Asuka comes to associate Rei with everything that she hates: a doll only capable of listening to its master, utterly dependent upon its master for everything, completely unable to think for itself. Actually, the entire willing to die thing comes back to bite later, as we’ll see in the all-important elevator sequence.

At any rate, from this initial issue and fracture within their relationship, Asuka actually does try to reach out to Rei a few more times. For example, in the episode with Sahaquiel, Asuka is the one to drag Rei to dinner with herself, Shinji, and Misato; she even foregoes what she was originally planning in order to go to a place where Rei, a vegetarian, would be satisfied. Similarly, after the attack with Matarael, Asuka good-naturedly responds to Rei’s philosophizing, not even insulting or making fun of her for it, but responding in an Asuka-like way. And so forth.

Asuka does have her reasons to dislike Rei, however. For example, Asuka believes that Rei is the favorite, as she explains during the black-out, calling Rei a “wondergirl”. Rei, of course, replies that no, Rei isn’t the favorite; Rei knows that quite well. But from Asuka’s perspective, Rei is the favored pilot, which is partially why Asuka dislikes Rei, because Rei is essentially taking—from Asuka’s POV—the title of “best pilot.” Rei and Shinji actually. But we’ll get to that.

To some extent, Asuka also dislikes Rei because Asuka perceives Shinji as trying for the First Child even as he avoids her like the plague. While the love stuff / love triangle stuff doesn’t really affect Rei and Asuka’s relationship, it is important to warrant a mention: Kaji doesn’t validate her; Shinji only cares about her for her body (he also cares about her as a friend, but Asuka rarely sees that, and we’re looking at this from her perspective) but seemingly cares quite a bit about Rei. It’s a matter of validation, and it’s another reason that Asuka dislikes Rei.

Okay, so to recap: Rei is a doll; Rei has attracted the attention of a boy whose Asuka was unable to capture in a way that suits her; Rei is willing to die for others; and Rei is favored as a pilot above Asuka.

As we know, as the series progresses, Asuka slowly loses her synchronization rate while Shinji starts to catch up, culminating in “You are number one!” at the start of episode sixteen. Asuka places her entire worth upon being a pilot, because she has nothing else. Her mother died just as Asuka was selected to become a pilot. Asuka decided never to cry again and put forth her everything into being a pilot. She became the pilot of the first combat-ready unit and achieved the highest sync rate of all. She cares so much about piloting and about looking good while piloting that she wears, as I mentioned, the neural interface headset at all times, even in the shower.

And then Shinji takes over.

Now, for a bit of EVA science, I have to mention that the reasons behind the sync rate were partially her fault and partially not. On one hand, while Unit 00 and Unit 02 are based upon Adam and contain within them only partial souls, Unit 01 is based upon Lilith and contains within it a full soul. Naturally Shinji is going to outpace all of them. The other fact, which is “her fault” (insofar that it could be avoided) is a result of the whole validation / mental unraveling thing.

Asuka does not take well to Shinji becoming number one. Rei, however, doesn’t seem to care. This boils over in the infamous elevator scene. Asuka and Rei are going down for a while when Rei tries to speak to Asuka.

Rei explains that Asuka has to open her heart to EVA, to which Asuka responds very negatively, exclaiming that of course she opens her heart to EVA. This is untrue, of course: Asuka keeps her innermost thoughts and feelings locked away, even from her mother / the EVA (in fact, part of her entire breakthrough in End of Evangelion, as we’ll see later, is due to the fact that she finally revealed her innermost self during her actual suicide / subsequent desire to live and so on). Rei genuinely reaches out and Asuka rejects the First Child, illustrating both of their developments: how high Rei has come, and how low Asuka has fallen.

She singles out Shinji as the root cause of these issues, because she’s no longer number one. She always perceived Rei to be the favored child, and now Shinji is also the favored child by the numbers.

Asuka refers to Rei as a mechanical puppet (translated as a doll in other subs, to further the point), stressing the entire idea of how much she hates dolls. In fact, Asuka even compares herself to have “lost her edge” because of the fact that she’s sunk so low so as to be comparable to a puppet, to a doll.

Asuka doesn’t actually believe herself to be above Shinji and Rei. Asuka pretends that she does as a defense mechanism. Many on Tumblr could probably relate, the entire “yes I am perfect / yes I am garbage” thing. She pretends that she’s the best because it’s easier than actually accepting herself, and she seeks for others to support this. Unfortunately, the rest of the world seems to have a different belief, and as someone with HPD, Asuka cannot handle that.

When Rei continues to try to genuinely help her, Asuka desperately screams out:

She expects for Rei to assure her that of course not, of course the First Child is capable of making her own decisions and of course the First Child would not simply die if ordered to do so. And why? Because Asuka doesn’t want to believe that she actually could have died had her mother told her to do so. Since Commander Ikari is essentially Rei’s equivalent to a parent / guardian, it’s a direct comparison. To Asuka’s shocked horror, Rei admits that the First Child would die if ordered.

Asuka slaps Rei. Asuka is personally offended at Rei’s words, because the First Child’s decision preys upon her largest fear. Asuka is capable of committing suicide and as such she’s terrified of the thought of herself actually killing herself for any reason.

Rei confirms her fear. Rei confirms that an excellent pilot, loved by the world, at the top of the game, favored (from Asuka’s perspective), and even validated by Shinji, would still be willing to die if ordered. Like a puppet. Like a doll.

Later on, during her entire mind break with Arael, Rei saves her. Rei, the doll, the culmination of everything that Asuka fears, saves her. Asuka believed that she was an adult, believed that she could handle anything by herself, but at her lowest low, while all of her fears are dredged out by Arael, the mechanical puppet doll—the thing from which Asuka has been trying to escape forever—saves her.

In the end, Asuka isn’t independent. Asuka is dependent and unable to save herself. And Asuka, at the end of the day, is saved by the most (from her point of view) dependent doll of all.

It’s a slap in the face (sorry, babe). It’s a complete destruction of everything for which Asuka stands. Arael utterly destroys her and what saves her is the thing that she hates most.

But more on Arael later. First, it’s time to discuss her relationship with Misato.

I’ve already covered most of her relationship with Misato in sections above and in sections below, so consider this to be a quick recap: In essence, Misato represents what Asuka both wants and doesn’t want. Misato is a validated adult woman who has sex and wins the "Kaji Bowl". Asuka wants to be like Misato on the surface because she wants to be akin to Misato in terms of being an independent adult (she kisses Shinji partially because she believes, rightfully, that that’s what Kaji and Misato are doing on their date). And yet Asuka is disgusted by Misato; she’s disgusted when she asks if she’ll grow up to be like Misato, and she shames Misato for all of the sex. She doesn’t actually want to be Misato; she doesn’t actually, deep in her heart want to grow up.

(Back to validation / etc.)

Speaking of the Arael incident, now is an absolutely excellent to go ahead and recap everything that has happened thus far. Prior to the Arael sequence, we see Asuka trying to call Kaji yet again but being unable to do so, followed by her noticing that Shinji is talking to Rei. Note the yoking of Kaji and Shinji yet again: When her primary focus is unavailable (Kaji), she turns to the secondary substitute (Shinji) of validation. This time, she interprets him speaking to the First Children as herself having lost. She barely reacts to this. Having been pushed out of place in terms of both being the top EVA pilot and in terms of validation (she used to be with Kaji and her German boyfriends all of the time, but all of that has left her), she’s crumbling down.

At the beginning of episode twenty-two, known rightfully in the fandom as the “Asuka mindfuck” episode, Unit 01 has essentially been put into stasis due to the fact that she managed to consume Zeruel’s core, therefore making herself an actualised god. SEELE, which has no time or patience for Gendo’s shenanigans, places Unit 01 and Shinji on the bench. Asuka is sent out to investigate, confront, and defeat Arael. She knows what’s at stake in this encounter. She knows that, most likely, her reputation and status as being able to pilot at all rides on this. And hell, if she’s lost her status in terms of validation, then she can move past that and continue to ride on the waves of her being the best EVA pilot. She can climb back.

As a perfectionist (something also common to HPD), Asuka won’t allow herself to look bad.

However, Arael starts to probe deep into her mind. After the attacks of the other angels, Arael doesn’t seek to harm anyone (indeed, other than Asuka, they don’t actually hurt anyone else, and even in the case of Asuka, it’s less of a malicious attack and more of a child attempting to probe a small animal and not realising that a shovel is not the best tool with which to do so).

Misato orders for Asuka to retreat. But to Asuka, retreating from what she perceives to be her last chance at the spotlight is paramount to utter failure, to death. To walk away now, to run away now, will be to lose the attention forever.

She can’t have that. In a very Shinjiesque moment, she resolves not to run away.

When Arael continues to probe, we get the same thing that Asuka has always said: Asuka can’t stand others looking into her mind, her heart, her soul. Asuka very carefully cultivates this external image that is oh so easily broken to reveal the depressed, suicidal child within. Arael, who is capable of literally ripping out all of Asuka’s worst memories and repressed self, is Asuka’s worst nightmare, so of course this is the angel that unintentionally rips her from the inside out.

Actually, I’m going to take a random quick aside to say that the animations of characters in Evangelion putting their faces in their hands are some of my favorite of the series, if not anime in general, because the way that the hair bounces up and moves. I’d make some gifs, but just capping everything and writing analysis is taking enough. Back to the analysis.

The worst part about all of this is that everyone else is hearing this. While we don’t know if the things that Asuka says in her mind to Arael are heard by the people in Central Dogma, it’s not impossible and is actually quite likely, what with the fact that she’s screaming all of her words with everything that she has.

Keep that in mind, given what we’re about to see her say. Picture her, after coming out of this nightmare, being fully aware that not only did she actually have a breakdown, but everyone heard her break down, audibly, crying and broken, and since saving the world is clearly a public event, something like this would likely be reported on the news as well to some extent (of course SEELE and NERV would massage the information, but the important part is that Asuka would think that it’s everywhere).

Arael starts out by reminding Asuka of her childhood: how her mother used to always work at Gehirn and never particularly had time for her daughter or her husband (which is a parallel between Asuka to Misato, as well as to Ritsuko, but I could write a completely another post about Asuka-Ritsuko parallels and the rejected love interest archetype that repeats itself again and again in Evangelion); how her mother finally became mother-like after being driven insane by only having a piece of her soul within her; how her father came to have an affair with her mother’s doctor and abandoned her mother; how her mother in turn abandoned her for a doll; how she agreed to die if it meant that her mother would not abandon her; how her mother actually committed suicide; how Asuka decided that she would never cry again (important). All of this, according to her, is something that she never wanted to think about again.

And of course not. She’s supposed to be the perfect one. She’s not supposed to have a backstory like this, not supposed to suffer and cry like this, not supposed to be this wounded attention-seeking child inside.

Most horrifyingly of all, the apparition of her mother-doll doesn’t recognize Asuka. In the ultimate blow to Asuka, who is so fiercely independent and craving of attention, the mother-doll asks who she is.

Because who is Asuka? The outer shell that she puts out (and that much of the fandom gobbles up), or the broken Asuka?

So we have an Asuka confidently introducing herself, complete with a little hair motion there to emphasize her beauty and to bring the attention to her with a large fanfare; an Asuka immediately putting others with her standard catchphrase of “あんたバカ?” / “anta baka?” because anyone who might possibly see through her must be placed in a subordinate position immediately, since Asuka has to be at the top, has to be the one to whom attention is given; an Asuka smugly talking about her “chance” to show off her piloting skills and hence gain attention; and, finally, that shot from the boat scene with Kaji. So look at me. That sexualised, sexualised shot that actually shows off just how young and unprepared she is.

Asuka claims that this isn’t the real her (which is true, because it isn’t the real her).

Immediately she’s dumped into a horrorscape wherein she seeks a figure whom she recognises as Kaji. She begs for Kaji (here, representative of all validating figures in general) to save her from this mindless crowd. She wants to stand out. She’s wearing her pilot outfit to emphasize her piloting skills as being a reason that she can rise out of the rabble. And yet that alone can’t bring her from the monotonous crowd that threatens to consume her: She begs for validation to save her, but it doesn’t, just like in real life.

Now, quite a few fans (I’m looking at you, EvaGeeks) ascribe Asuka’s line asking what Shinji is doing in her nightmare to be with romantic intent (e.g. she’s thinking of him because she likes him romantically). But not quite. The shot below pans from Kaji to Shinji, because it’s not about Shinji but about yet again yoking Kaji to Shinji. She can’t have Kaji. She can’t even have Shinji, and Shinji is a memetically beta, passive boy with very feminine qualities.

Worse, Shinji has a very apathetic Rei-like expression here. He just doesn’t give a shit about this. And him not giving a shit about her is what breaks her. She needs attention. She needs someone to pay attention to her, because she relies on other people for her happiness.

After this nightmare, we’re treated to the following shot of the true Asuka, usually the same line as from her earlier trying-to-be-an-adult look at me shot, but this time, as a crying child (and she told herself that she would never cry again, too):

The next shot is Asuka, naked, by herself, while Arael speaks to her, asking her if she’s lonely. Asuka, however, rejects Arael (whom she perceives to be her younger self). Basically, Asuka would be happier if Asuka accepted who she was and tried to build up based upon her own happiness rather than the false happiness from others (which ties into another Evangelion message concerning not relying upon false confidence, as Shinji does throughout the action arc only for everything to come crashing down on him during the incident with Leliel), but Asuka rejects that. Instead of admitting her weaknesses, Asuka repeats her maxims to herself, because they’re all that she has, even if they’re false and won’t make her happy (much like Shinji’s “I mustn’t run away”). All of this over Arael asking if Asuka ever loved (her mother).

Because if Asuka didn’t love herself, clearly she can’t love someone else, as she tells Shinji in End of Evangelion (by that point point, she’ll have figured out how to love herself, as we’ll see).

By the way, please note that the child Asuka’s hairclips are designed deliberately to evoke Unit 02’s four-eyed design, because Asuka isn’t merely rejecting her past self, but also her mother / Unit 02’s soul, which is why her synchronization plummets so intensely. In contrast, when Asuka accepts her failing and her mother as of End of Evangelion, she manages to sync well enough to go berserk, but we’ll get to that.

Of course, Arael, much like Leliel before them, isn’t having any of this shit.

So Arael completely and utterly rips up Asuka while Rei destroys them using the Lance of Longinus, which results in Asuka lying there, shell-shocked, in the plug. She’s curled in on herself in fetal position (what with the womb symbolism of EVA and all) even while she tries to reject all of her mistakes thrown up in her face.

And at the end of it all, she calls out to Kaji. There’s a reason that fans refer to Arael’s actions as a “mind rape” (a term I personally hate): Asuka says that she’s been defiled. The presence of the angel having reminded her of all of her faults from which she can’t escape has defiled her. Moreover, she failed in her “final attempt” as a pilot. She’s done and she knows it. There’s nothing there left for her.

And worst yet, of course, is how she was saved. Just like in the elevator, what ultimately saves Asuka isn’t herself or her independence or even her skills at piloting, but the doll, the doll who would die if the parent analogue ordered death. Not only is Asuka herself fucked over, but the very ideals upon which she has built her entire world are fucked over.

After this, Asuka is essentially finished. Shinji stands there, unable to do anything whatsoever. In the following episode, when Rei needs back-up, Asuka is completely unable to help her but simply sits there, entirely desynchronized from EVA. She’s useless. No one needs her whatsoever (except for the fact that they do; Shinji and Rei care about her as friends, and everyone else very much cares for her well-being, as we see in episode twenty-four and in End of Evangelion).

Following this, she apparently runs away and manages to do so without anyone interfering. Part of this is because Misato believes that Shinji and Asuka should be able to make their own decisions, which is an excellent parenting strategy except for the fact that she goes too far. Just as how Shinji ran off in the fourth episode only to be barely found by Kensuke and later by NERV agents, Asuka leaves, clearly with the intent of suicide.

Some people argue exactly how she intended to commit suicide. Some argue that she did so by slitting her wrists (hence her sitting in a bathtub), while others point out the fact that she clearly hasn’t been eaten for goodness knows how long, considering the clear shading at her cheeks, the prominent ribs, and the thigh gap that is far wider than even her typical skinny anime girl look. This scene isn’t fanservicey. It’s horrifying.

We also see her clothes neatly folded up next to her, which is something very common in suicide cases. She’s in the bathtub because a) that’s also a place associated with suicides and b) her entire “I hate everyone” scene (see below, just after this section) takes place, of course, with her standing over the bathtub. Throughout Evangelion, water comes up again and again, as a general aesthetic choice that encompasses life, happiness, escapism, thought, the inner world, all of that; here, Asuka is in an empty bathtub entirely dry, symbolizing the lack of life. In fact, the bathtub, and the entire house, is broken. Useless. No one would come to look at such a decrepit shack, which, of course, is the point.

Asuka doesn’t die, however. She survives because NERV agents find her, just as they did with Shinji. As we know, Asuka ends up in the hospital and is later placed in Unit 02. She’s surprised to find herself alive and so on and so forth. We’ll get to that in End of Evangelion.

Asuka’s part during Instrumentality is pretty much review at this point, so I’ll just leave the screencaps here and allow you to draw upon what you’ve learned from the rest of this to drive home the points that I’ve been making all along.

You know, Asuka and Shinji aren’t that different at their cores (heheh). They both rely upon others for false happiness and end up getting smacked in the face for it until they learn to rely upon their own happiness, at which point they can begin to understand each other.

(Ahaha, the doll Rei telling her off again, because Rei understands her even if Asuka doesn’t want Rei to understand her. Check out that character development for Rei, by the way. The sheer amount of development from the Rei that we see in the first episode, incapable of even understanding the feelings that lurk within the soul, to the Rei we see here and in End of Evangelion, gently guiding Shinji and the rest of humanity through Instrumentality and rejection thereof.)

In the case of the Second Children, Instrumentality simply repeats what we already know what her in explicit detail for those who missed it.

Confounding all of this seeking of validation is the fact that Asuka, in reality, wants to be isolated. Underneath the HPD and underneath that flirty, lively personality with which she seeks attention, Asuka is hostile in a manner that keeps others away from her. When she’s alone, and sometimes when she’s particularly upset, she hates humanity and she’s cruel. I don’t mean cruel in the “anta baka?” sense, but in a sense that Asuka can transform her own hate for herself into a deep fuel with which to destroy others.

Here, she laments having to so much as interact with other human beings. She doesn’t want to use the same toilet or wash her underwear in with Misato and Shinji’s, wherein Misato and Shinji represent the people that inhabit the world around her. Interestingly, both the toilet and the underwear reference are very personal. Asuka has no issues “sharing” that flirty outer shell that she has created, but everything that lies within is hers and hers alone. Most of all, however, she hates herself.

In this sequence, and throughout this episode, Asuka complains about suffering from menstrual cramps. She mentions that she doesn’t want to be a mother (her dislike of being a mother and yet menstruating in contrast to Rei’s mother-like qualities and lack of menstruation is a topic worthy of its own post) and that most of all she hates herself, again. There are many reasons as to why Asuka would not want to be a mother. For instance, there’s the obvious fact that her mother committed suicide, which surely has left a sour taste in Asuka’s mouth (a taste, we find, that appears during the nightmare sequence with Arael). But there’s another aspect of motherhood: the idea of sharing your body and later your entire life with another human being. And that, I think, is the aspect of motherhood that terrifies Asuka most.

In End of Evangelion, Asuka is surprised to discover that she is alive when she awakens deep below the lake, uttering, “I’m … alive?”. As I mentioned earlier, Asuka killed herself because she did not believe that she held any worth to anyone. She talks about how no one will look at her now. Without the validation of others, she has nothing, and there is no purpose to anything. However, deep within the bowels of the EVA, Asuka finally synchronizes with the partial soul in Unit 02.

Here, she discovers two things: first, that her mother is always watching over her and protecting her and consequently will act as a constant “source of light” for the attention that she requires so desperately, and second, that the A.T. Field is in fact what separates the walls of human hearts. But instead of replying in a negative manner in the way that Kaworu did in episode twenty-four or in the way that Shinji did at first, Asuka is overjoyed at the news.

She has her A.T. Field. She has no need of anyone else, because she, her inner self, will always be protected by an impenetrable barrier. To Asuka, who represents the true extreme of human isolation (in sharp contrast to the true extreme of human union represented by Rei), the A.T. Field is more than a blessing. Instrumentality, by contrast, would be the greatest curse that Asuka could experience. Wielding this A.T. Field, Asuka is capable of destroying both SEELE’s forces and the EVA Series, until the S2 engines allow the MPEs to regenerate. And here the battle takes a turn for the worse, in the worst possible way.

As seen in the fight with Arael, Asuka associates both her success and her defeat in a sexual manner, specifically because she associates her subconscious sexually. Just as she commented that Arael’s exploration into her mind had resulted in her mind and herself being “defiled”, so too does her ultimate defeat in End of Evangelion feature heavy sexual symbolism.

Firstly, she is stabbed by the Lance of Longinus, in context symbolically transformed into a phallic weapon. The MPEs themselves, whose appearances are also quite phallic, produce anti-A.T. Fields which later aid in bringing about Instrumentality. They attack in unison rather than independently, and hence they represent everything that Asuka despises so much. All of them swarm her in a ritualistic (and here come the trigger warnings, guys) gang rape. They descend upon her, violate her, mutilate her, and leave. Notably, if one looks past the gore, one will observe that the damage done to Unit 02 almost makes the EVA appear pregnant, with the swollen at the stomach, or as if the EVA is in process of / has just given birth. There’s that fear of pregnancy, rearing its ugly head.

This is only exacerbated by the shot of Asuka screaming and grabbing her abdomen.

Naturally, it’s merely an injury. But the styling of the injury looks very much like that whole pregnancy thing. The EVA Series, representative of all which Asuka despises, has assaulted her and rid her of the very isolation that she so craves. When she manages to reactivate the EVA, going berserk for the first time in the series, the MPEs respond by piercing her with multiple phallic weapons, leaving her not quite crucified so much as stabbed, dominated, conquered repeatedly. Not in the relatively clean crucifixion, but as messy and horrible as possible.

Why, then, do the MPE cause her such an ultimate humiliation? Because even though she has identified with her happiness in human isolation and her happiness with her A.T. Field, she did so within Unit 02. Part of Evangelion is the rejection of the mother and of the womb-like plug and of standing by herself (because from within the womb, we can filter reality in a manner that causes the Hedgehog’s Dilemma). Hence, the narrative punishes Asuka for going about human isolation in the “wrong manner”. When she rematerialises herself in the last moments of End of Evangelion, she is doing so without EVA, the EVA having been destroyed. Shinji chokes her because Asuka cannot escape human contact. As part of the resolution of the Hedgehog’s Dilemma, Asuka must understand that she ultimately must interact with humanity, but she also now understands, loves, and accepts herself.

At this point, presumably a quantum Rei appears to collect Asuka’s soul. We don’t see her again until the pre-Instrumentality sequence. Just as a random aside, but I’d like to take the opportunity to point out that the Adam-Lilith complex, who appears as the person with whom the soul-to-be-harvested wishes to become one, took on Kaworu’s appearance for Shinji, not Asuka’s. Anyway: we next see Asuka while she and Shinji are “attempting” to communicate.

While Instrumentality is in its opening stages, we have this wonderful sequence of shots between Shinji and Asuka, with Shinji painted in the blue traditionally associated with masculinity and boyhood and Asuka painted in the pink traditionally associated with femininity and girlhood, neither of which particularly suits either one. While Asuka yells at him for not understanding her (and very rightfully calls him out), we’re treated to a series of flashes of Shinji’s eyes, sad and drooping, coupled with obviously objectified shots of Asuka.

Shinji doesn’t care about Asuka at this point except for her body (note that these shots don’t contain her face; of course Shinji does care about Asuka as a friend, but in terms of their strict ego-to-ego communication to one another, here’s what we get):

While Shinji gives himself half-defenses, Asuka points out that he literally just used her for her body. He can’t handle the actual living, breathing Asuka and so focuses on a projection of her made inside of his mind, a projection that would lie there two-dimensionally while she does nothing at all. [Anno looks directly at the camera like in The Office]

This climaxes with Asuka thrusting her chest into Shinji’s face (note the lack of her face in the first shot, cutting off her individuality and will in favor of simply offering her body, which could be any body at all, to Shinji) on the Hell Train.

She has realised that validation renders her, like Misato, as simply a body, when what she wanted to be validated as an individual. Now that she loves herself (regarding the entire “accepting her mother and isolation” bit above), she can validate herself and doesn’t need anyone else (hence, human isolation), but she also understands what Shinji is feeling.

We see Asuka next in the Hell Kitchen. Now, the Hell Kitchen is Asuka’s equivalent to Shinji’s Hell Train, which we just witnessed about.

The Hell Train is where we meet Shinji multiple times as he struggles with his mental thoughts and feelings. The train, because on a train one is surrounded by people yet constantly alone (just think about that shot from one of the initial episodes, wherein we see Shinji listening to his music on a steadily emptying train) and because, while a train ostensibly has a destination, one can technically remain on a train forever, being merely moved from place to place to some destination without exerting any force of one’s own. In this manner, the Hell Train represents both Shinji’s inherent issues (his avoidant personality disorder, the hedgehog’s dilemma, and the idea of drifting through life without purpose) and his current state.

Asuka’s hell is the Hell Kitchen. First of all, it’s Misato’s kitchen. Asuka wants nothing more than to grow up and become independent already, and yet there she is, sitting in the kitchen of the guardian upon whom she is dependent. Second of all, it’s a kitchen. The kitchen is the heart of the home, heavily associated with dependency and, dare I say, motherhood. Yeah. It’s definitely Asuka’s hell, and yet one from which she isn’t entirely able to escape.

There are also two vital aspects of this scene that deserve. The first one is pretty obvious and most people have noticed it: Asuka and Shinji are wearing the same outfits that they wore during the kiss sequence described earlier, a major aspect of a case in which Asuka was not validated. The second one is less obvious: The seemingly random broken coffee pot that spills across the floor is actually symbolism lifted from the scene in which Shinji informs Asuka that her beloved Kaji is dead, another major aspect of lack of validation. To recap: the symbols in the Hell Kitchen remind Asuka not only of her consistent inability to actually become independent but only of her failures in validation as a sexual adult.

(Above is coffee cup during Instrumentality [rewatch the scene if you don’t believe me]. Below is the coffee cup from the Kaji’s death revelation scene.)

Asuka exists in this pre-Instrumentality state completely isolated. Here, she’s happy. There’s no one. She’s by herself and she can’t imagine a better existence. Then Shinji pops up out of nowhere (note that this is prior to full Instrumentality. In episodes twenty-five and twenty-six, we see the slow progression of Instrumentality, and they mention that Instrumentality had been ongoing for months if not years, as people’s egos interacted and slowly stripped down to the very essences of their beings). He runs over to Asuka and offers to stay with her forever, offering her his help.

Too little, too late.

While Asuka sought validation in the past, after her experiences with the A.T. Field, she no longer has any need whatsoever of Shinji’s validation. Hence, she tells Shinji to leave her alone. After this, all Shinji says is “Help me,” because even his initial offering of assistance to her solely hurt her, and In reality, he was being selfish and merely attempting to get her to help him. He wasn’t there for her when Asuka needed him.

As Asuka points out, Shinji doesn’t need her. Shinji just needs someone. And Asuka doesn’t simply want to be someone; Asuka wants to be, well, herself, specifically. She wants to be valued for who she is, not because circumstances left her the least of all evils, especially for Shinji, whose first choice, per Instrumentality, was Kaworu anyway.

Asuka calls him out on his bullshit. Asuka points out that he doesn’t love himself, because she’s been there. She hated herself, but through the understanding of her mother and her A.T. Field, she’s okay. But she is rejecting his presence. She is rejecting him entering her mind, because she wants to be by herself. She wants to be isolated.

He continues to ask for help. She refuses. I’m going to interject right here one second and say that Shinji repeatedly, brokenly, whispering and then yelling, “助けて” / “Tasukete,” while Asuka calls him out (the framing of the scene would make it appear at first that Shinji is the protagonist and Asuka is the antagonist, but if you pay attention to the words and emotions, it’s the opposite). Instrumentality is her worst nightmare: As the literal symbol of human isolation, she can’t take the intrusion.

And so, in the act of causing Instrumentality to occur (by becoming one with Kaworu), Shinji chokes her. Shinji murders her in the process of Instrumentality because Asuka cannot stand the thought of being erased, of being one of many. And yet Asuka merely stares at him, apathetically, as if she could not care less about the proceedings if she tried. Shinji is killing her, and she still doesn’t give a fuck about him now that she no longer needs him to validate herself. (The opening ceremonies of the Komm, susser Tod sequence relate this is to Akagi Naoko choking Rei I.)

I’m going to point out one thing before we move on: this shot.

In this shot we see two very important things: Shinji on the ground and the coffee cup on the ground. Shinji and Kaji. The two men from whom she attempted to receive validation. And she says, “How pitiful,” not at them so much as at herself for needing validation from them. She’s moved beyond that now.

Instrumentality goes on. I’m not going to talk about the original drafted version of the live action sequences, because they were excluded from the final product and I don’t find them worthy of being analysed myself. Typically, when I analyse extraneous material, it’s because the material was cut due to censorship. In this case, however, there didn’t appear to be any censorship involved. So, I’ll just jump right in to what’s probably the single largest misconception about End of Evangelion.

The ending is 100% optimistic hopeful happy, even happier than EoTV / the original anime ending.

No, really.

Rei and Kaworu explain to Shinji, and the audience, that every single being that has the will to come back, will come back.

(Holy shit, just look at those visuals. [wipes brow])

Contrary to the (asushin-friendly) interpretation of the “new Adam and Eve”, Asuka and Shinji will not be stranded together on the beach forever. Rather, every lifeform that wishes to come back from the LCL can come back. Poignantly, we hear Yui’s often-repeated quote again:

That’s the message of Neon Genesis Evangelion, gentlefolks: Even if you’re at the very brink of suicide, even if you’re at the very brink of escapism, as long as you have a will to live, you can return. What does that mean for Asuka?

Shinji’s the first back simply because he was in control of Instrumentality, thanks to both Rei and Kaworu (and Yui) deciding to place the future of the world into the hands of a depressed, avoidant, suicidal fourteen-year-old child who was capable, deep within his heart, of choosing to life. And the very second one back is Asuka, because, again, Asuka represents ultimate human isolation. Asuka represents the strongest will to live out of anyone. Asuka is driven to suicide when the external validation she had set up fails around her. But then she sets up her own internal ones. And now, now, she is the girl who screams, “I don’t want to die,” the girl who declares to her enemies that she’ll kill them all, the girl who reaches for the sun and is laid low by powers outside of her control.

But LCL? Perfectly within her control. And thus she exits first, exhausted from the process of having to reform herself, akin to Shinji in episode twenty. Shinji notices her. Between the quantum Rei sent out at the instant of the Third Impact and the sudden appearance of Asuka, Shinji is terrified for a moment that he somehow is still in Instrumentality. Hence, he chokes her.

(*Disclaimer: I need to say, right now and right here, that I am not defending this nor the earlier choking of Asuka. Shinji is violent and misogynistic, and what he did was completely wrong. Which is part of the reason that the thought of Shinji anywhere near Asuka romantically causes my hackles to rise, because they harm one another on so many levels.)

If Instrumentality is truly over, then Asuka should be able to feel pain. And she does. After apathetically staring at Shinji for a few seconds, Asuka touches his face, indicating that she now understands his pain and that she can feel her own, confirming that Instrumentality happened but is over. Shinji stops choking her, but observe his fingers jittering over her throat here. If you watch the actual film, you’ll notice that there’s an extended shot of his fingers shivering as he decides whether or not to continue strangling her.

Interestingly enough, in this final shot, we see Shinji straddling Asuka in a manner akin to a (cis) woman straddling a (cis) man lying down. In fact, they’re much exactly mirroring the Shinji-Rei allegorical sex scene from just a few moments prior. Gender roles swapping, morphing. Becoming more attuned to their actual selves.

He breaks down crying, partially out of relief that he has rejected Instrumentality and that he is again alive, and partially out of disgust at himself. Likewise, Asuka says her famous line, “気持悪い“ / “Kimochi warui,” which can be translated as “How disgusting,” or “I feel sick.” What’s interesting here is that depending upon the translation, Asuka might actually be referring to herself, or to Shinji, or to both of them. I’m inclined to take on a more general interpretation. Asuka has this sick feeling because she has just crawled up onto the shore, reforming herself entirely via her mind from the LCL, only to find none other than Shinji with her once more. But she’s also saying it in regard to the pathetic state of humanity: herself, injured, having failed; Shinji, sobbing over her. And so on. A disgusting feeling, in general, at the proliferation of life once again.

Because that’s something else about Evangelion. Anywhere can be heaven, but not necessarily so. Still, I would argue that this is the most uplifting of all endings, because life will return to normal, and this time, Shinji and the others will be far better equipped to pursue their happiness.

If you have any questions, comments, or dissents, please message me! This was all basically a very bang and rush job, so I’m certain that it’s not perfect, and English isn’t my first language. Still, if you managed to read all of that, Congratulations!

#neon genesis evangelion #nge #asuka langley sohryu #evangelion #nge meta #asuka meta #tw: pregnancy #tw: gore #tw: suicide #tw: menstruation #tw: rape #i formatted it a bit for readability just to be transparent lol #nge spoilers #anti asushin #long post

1K notes · View notes

exhakunobest · 4 years

Text

Fate/EXTELLA ZERO Plot

Original text from http://www.typemoon.org/bbb/diary/log/201611.html

translation from: https://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread.php/5875-The-BAMBOO-BROOM-DIARY-%28Nasu-and-Takeuchi-blog%29?p=2540101&viewfull=1#post2540101

Fate/EXTRA/EXTELLA Character Outline ※ There's only one route, so Nero takes the role of saving, guiding, and helping Hakuno grow. Don't forget that this is a boy-meets-girl story. ・ Kishinami Hakuno (Protagonist) The archetypal protagonist who wakes up in SE.RA.PH to find himself caught up as a participant in the Holy Grail War. He has memories of life (daily school life), but no other memories. His abilities are extremely mediocre as a wizard. Fortunately, he has a personality that never gives up, holds no grudges, and always tries to do the right thing. Miraculously, he attains victory. In short, he's someone who can't quit. 　→→ First Spoiler (revealed in the middle and later half of the story) His identity is the same as that of the NPCs on campus, merely "recreated data from past humans." (It is less expensive for the Moon Cell to model NPCs after past humans, but the Moon Cell fundamentally cannot understand humans (intelligent life forms)) He gained a self and passed the preliminary round as a human, so he was registered as a Master. 　→→ Second Spoiler (revealed at the end of the story) The human he was recreated from is in cold sleep on Earth, neither alive nor dead. This is why the NPC managed to gain an ego and autonomy. (This has to do with where souls reside in TYPE-MOON, but that isn't explained in this story.) ・ Saber (Nero) The Servant who was summoned in response to Hakuno's call. (Summoning details are in Material, under Saber's entry.) A female knight who acts as she pleases and whole-heartedly glorifies life. Her speech and attitude are pompous, but at her core, she respects all that is beautiful. She appears condescending, but actually reacts to most things with a "wow, that's amazing. How impressive! But I won't lose, either!" attitude. Her physical abilities are below average for a Servant, but her Skill "Imperial Privilege" is powerful. A true genius displays her talents in all areas. Red Saber's strength can be considered her ability to learn anything that is possible through human levels of effort or talent. Saber is reluctant to reveal her true name. It is not because she wishes to conceal her identity as the infamous tyrant Nero, but because she is afraid that Hakuno will dislike or be disappointed with her if he knows her name. During the fifth round, she moves past this hesitation and reveals it herself. ・ Girl Classmate (Female Protagonist) A girl who occasionally crosses paths with Hakuno, leaving him a casual word of advice. She's always eating a noodle sandwich. She wasn't in the PSP version, so the audience would misread her as "a new heroine!?" 　→→ 　Spoiler (Round 7) The same entity as Hakuno. Personnel data: a NPC created by SE.RA.PH, modeled after Kishinami Hakuno. However, she was configured as a female due to overlapping identity. She gained an ego in connection with the same event for Hakuno, and advanced as a Master. (※ She didn't gain a soul. Hakuno gained a soul, and the aftermath of this awakened her ego.) Because her data was modified further after recreation, she quickly becomes aware that she is not a legitimate being. As a degraded copy, she cannot withstand the installation of an ego (soul), so she is destined to disintegrate. (※ Even if she wins the seventh round, she will then disappear. Only Archer deduces this.) ・Archer (Nameless) The Female Protagonist's Servant. He is a Servant summoned to a Master without a soul, so his summoning circumstances are also irregular. Half of his body is crumbling and burned. Knowing the Female Protagonist's situation, he helps her fight to the bitter end. 　→ Every time Hakuno is alone and in a pinch, Archer saves him. As for why he does this, if Hakuno dies, so does the female protagonist. Archer is trying to give his Master a conclusion where she doesn't lose until the very end, and accepts her end even though she couldn't survive. 　→→ Archer is partially destroyed, so Nero and Tamamo don't recognize him in the world of EXTELLA. Also, the Nameless that appears in EXTELLA comes from a world where the Female Protagonist won. ・ Rin & Rani Fewer appearances than in the PSP version, but their position is unchanged. ・ Leo The heir to the Western European Conglomerate. A perfect prince. The strongest foe in the PSP version. His role is the same in the PSP version, but this time he is defeated in the sixth round. 　→→ Foreshadowing Out of curiosity, Leo talks to Kishinami Hakuno many times, but several of the conversations are inconsistent. "Oh, didn't we talk about this before?" "Yes, I'm interested in you, too." He says things like that, because he's interacted with the Female Protagonist in the same way. Leo loses to the Female Protagonist in the sixth round, so this time, he realizes that the Female Protagonist has the potential to defeat him. ・ Saber (Gawain) Leo's Servant. Unchanged from the PSP version. ・ Julius Leo's older brother. An assassin who handles the dirty work. On Earth, he doesn't have much time left to live. He eliminates Leo's enemies without regard for his own survival. His position is unchanged from the PSP version. He is openly hostile to Hakuno, and is Hakuno's greatest rival. Julius' special animosity towards Hakuno (and the Female Protagonist) is because Hakuno is the same type of person as Julius. On a deeply subconscious level, Julius rejects the notion that a normal person, possessing nothing and chosen by nobody, could rise to become Leo's greatest enemy. It also stems from Julius' irritation that he was unable to do the same. ・ Assassin (Li Shuwen) Julius' Servant. Position is unchanged from the PSP version. ・ Matou Shinji ・ Rider (Drake) The opponent in the first round, which has the theme of fighting a friend. Unchanged from the PSP version. ・ Atrum The opponent in the fourth round. His Servant is Caster (Tamamo no Mae). A new Master for the EXTRA storyline that was reorganized for EXTELLA. A user of sacrificial magic that kills and creates life. Acquainted with Leo on Earth. In the world of EXTRA where fossil fuel resources have run dry, he lacks the cockiness and carelessness of his Fate/stay night counterpart. However, his basic personality is the same. A self-proclaimed feminist, but it's obvious in reality that he views women only as tools. He speaks respectfully to Caster, but also looks down on her. After the Moratorium of Round 4, he sends Caster to seduce Hakuno (to gain his sympathy). "You don't need win the boy over. As long as you can ensnare him, it'll be a windfall for us." "Me? I have things to do. Dirty jobs are a Servant's duty, right?" Casko wearily follows his order, replying "By your command." After dispatching Casko, Atrum accesses a proprietary hidden circuit to Earth to find data on Kishinami Hakuno, but fails to turn up anything. This troubles him. After Atrum loses to Hakuno in their duel, Atrum uses Caster as a scapegoat to avoid the destruction of his own body, and flees. After he escapes from the firewall, he is dealt with by Julius or the Moon Cell. ・ Caster (Tamamo no Mae) Appears as Atrum's Servant. From the start, she is aware that she is expendable to Atrum, but she does not resist fulfilling their pact. (Of course, if Atrum were to sever their contract, it would be a different story.) When she comes to Hakuno on Atrum's orders to seduce him, Hakuno asks, "...Umm, I don't understand why you're doing this," which confuses her. Fox: "I suppose, in short, that my Master's naive strategy is to have me drown you in my charms and end you in your sleep. Failing that, sympathy might still move you to carelessness during your final duel..." Having heard Casko's circumstances and taking issue with them, Hakuno becomes serious. Hakuno: "Have a seat, Caster." Hakuno kneels across from Caster. Casko does the same. Hakuno begins to give her a stern lecture out of concern for her well-being. This is the first event that leads to Caster falling in love. After their duel, Casko burns away, as Atrum's scapegoat. The protagonist then uses his Command Spell to try and save her. Casko is restored, without a scratch. "Ah, I'm finally free!" The way she easily withstands the assault of the firewall is similar to Arcueid's scene. Afterwards, she cooperates with Hakuno as his (self-declared) true Servant. Nero: "Damn you -- who let this raccoon- no, this fox into our den!?" Fox: "That's obvious. As if the curse of a third-rate Master could roast me!" ・ Dan ・ Archer (Robin) The opponent in the second round, which has the theme of defeating one's senior and mentor in life. Position is unchanged from the PSP version. ・ Twice Pieceman The final Master who awaits Hakuno in front of the Moon Cell's core, after the seventh round. Position is unchanged from the PSP version. However, to make his appearance less sudden, he would appear frequently throughout the story. ※ He could also interact with the Female Protagonist instead of Hakuno. PART II Continuing on... 　　◆ ■ Reorganization ※ This is basically meant to be a shorter version of the plot, so it only contains the essentials. Unfortunately, I have to cut the excess fat. ※ That said, in the end this is a reorganization of the Nero route. There are differences from the Tamamo no Mae and Nameless routes. For example, in the Tamamo route, the event that occurs on the path to the core is completely opposite. ・ Awakening ~ Preliminary Round ~ Servant Summoning From the top... "A girl falls on the water's surface, lying face up. It's the Female Protagonist before she disappears, after losing to Hakuno in the sixth round." This scene would be interesting to include. The audience would be misled to believe she was someone who died in the preliminaries, but the truth would be revealed in after the sixth round. ※ This is just meant to be a surprise scene, without any bearing on the story. It doesn't have to be included. The protagonist notices the incongruity in school life, escapes from the Inside of the World (the Inside of the Texture), fights a doll, and summons a Servant. Unchanged from the introduction to the PSP version. ・ Round 1, Beginning Round 1 begins while the mood is still carefree, while explaining SE.RA.PH., the Moon Cell, the Holy Grail War, and the state of Earth. The atmosphere of Round 1 is "this is a game," "this is a proxy war," and "this feels like a game." The opponent in the first round is announced. Hakuno faces Shinji. → In the PSP version, the opponent in each round was announced on a bulletin board, but if we have the budget, I'd like to make it more flashy this time. We could show the audience the tournament brackets and where each character is. Also, the Masters can casually face off in in the halls, and we can also have Casko smugly appear. ・ Round 1, Conclusion Events from the competition against Shinji, to the elevator ride, until the final duel. Demonstrates that this isn't a game, but rather a ruthless battle for survival. Drake: "Don't you all realize that you were dead as soon as you got here?" They were all a great herd of fools lured in by the colorful promise that their wishes would be granted. Of course, some were staking their lives on the competition, but the majority of them had been deceived. Even Hakuno is troubled. "What reason and wish do I have for fighting in this war for survival?" 　　→→ Point It left a bad taste in his mouth to join this tournament with neither convictions nor goals, and fight his own friend. It struck him that unmindful murder and innocent fights to the death → Real death. Shinji: "I thought it just granted wishes! Why do I have to die!?" Drake: "Look, that's just what it means to live. All people are unaware that they trample on the wishes of others." ・ Round 2 The heartbroken protagonist fights Dan, the old soldier. The old man who fights with regrets about his life, and the Heroic Spirit Robin who died in regret. ・ Round 3 Round 3 is unchanged from the PSP version. After Hakuno wins, his next opponents Atrum and Casko appear to put on haughty airs. "You face us next, oh ho ho." ・ Round 4 Atrum is a character related to both Leo and Earth, so he serves the supporting but important role of explaining much of the setting, such as the state of Earth, and how it ended in the 2030s. Atrum affects goodwill, taking the "you should lose, so that I can live to save the world" approach to sway Hakuno's resolve. Hakuno, who has no identity, hesitates. However, he overcomes Atrum's intimidation by realizing that although Atrum's words are true, Atrum himself is not. They fight as Masters. As a result of the duel against Atrum, Casko decides to help Hakuno while avoiding detection by the Moon Cell. She becomes a useful and helpful friend. Of course, she schemes to defeat Nero and take her place as the main Servant, given an opening. Nero is aware of this, naturally. Casko and Nero share a friendly, combative relationship. →Their relationship is changed from "heroines of different worlds" to "heroines in the same world." ・ Round 5 Hakuno fights Julius in the fifth round. Nero is rendered unable to fight by Assassin's Noble Phantasm. With Casko's assistance, Hakuno challenges Julius and Assassin on his own. Thanks to Hakuno's efforts, Nero recovers, and the story proceeds as it does in the latter half ot the PSP version. After Nero recovers, she tells Hakuno her true name. Her Noble Phantasm is finally unsealed. ・ Missing Chapter This is when CCC takes place. Casko remembers all of it. Nero only remembers, "Elizabeth is my lifelong rival. But which round did we fight in?" ・ Round 6 ~ early Round 7 Rin and Rani are defeated in round 6, and say their farewells. Hakuno anticipates a showdown with Leo next... but Leo is reported to have been defeated. Leo has fallen, but the name of the Master who proceeded to round 7 is hidden by jamming, and the Master is nowhere to be found. Casko and Saber attempt to investigate, but they are unable to either locate the Master or remove the mosaic obscuring its name. In a dramatic development, they realize, "what if they aren't hiding? What if their name was always this way to begin with?" They proceed on the assumption that their next opponent is nameless. They report this irregularity to the priest, but the priest answers, "No. In a sense, your next battle is fair." Hakuno enters the elevator, not knowing who his next foe will be. No one is next to him. When he arrives at the arena, it's a wasteland resembling the Grand Canyon. Hakuno and the Female Protagonist face off, separated by a valley. The enemy Master was his classmate. "Ah, I knew it," Hakuno says in understanding. The girl: "Let's begin, Archer. This is my final fight." Archer appears in response to her order, facing Nero. The girl dispels the texture concealing her true face. There she stands, aloof, her hair blowing in the wind. For a moment, the story switches to the girl's perspective. It's the story of a girl who suddenly woke up like Hakuno did, and strove to move forward in spite of her lack of self and her impending collapse. The Female Protagonist's fight against Leo is the same as Round 7 of the PSP version. → Even though it was against the Female Protagonist, Leo still lost to "Kishinami Hakuno." Round 7 concludes. Archer disappears along with the girl. The Male Protagonist inherits the girl's memories and details of her fight with Leo as his own. ・ End of Moratorium ~ On the way to the core While traveling the path to the core of the Moon Cell, Hakuno is attacked by a debugging program. Its target is Casko, not Hakuno. The Moon Cell is enraged that a Servant which should have been defeated is still intact. → Hakuno parts ways with Casko. The tone is similar to parting with Casko in the CCC Route of CCC. The debugging is powerful enough to actually erase her in CCC, but the debugging is light in this case, so Casko won't disappear. Casko schemes to capture the Protagonist's heart and affections by risking her life (which is in no actual danger) in a heart-rending farewell, after sharing a tender scene with him. Nero sees right through it. "Come back out here!" "I'll beeeeee baaaaaaaack!" "She'll live," remarks Hakuno, as he dons his sunglasses. Hakuno and Saber arrive at the Moon Cell's core. There, they face Twice. ・ Moon Cell Core ~ Savior Hakuno confronts Twice. Twice gives a long speech. ※ The events here are described in the final entry of the Material glossary. His thoughts breaking down, Hakuno has a showdown with Twice. T: "No Servant can reach me. After all, heroes are little more than flowers that bloom in each age. He who saves the world. My answer is he who saves humanity." The Servant Savior appears. The duel against Twice becomes a reflection on human history in the Common Era. "All this consumption and bloodshed, and this is the conclusion we reach?" laments Twice solemnly. "So what!?" roar Nero and Hakuno in defiance. Twice is correct. Humanity is not. Yet, the final role and responsibility to decide and enforce what is right belongs to the people living in the current era. It would be even more unacceptable to have it decreed by a ghost from the past. After Twice is defeated, the ending of the PSP version proceeds to the Saber Route ending of CCC, and the story feels like it connects to EXTELLA. It leads to a new beginning that collects all of the previous components.

#fate/extra #fate/extra ccc #fate/extella #kishinami hakuno

17 notes · View notes

freezing-kaiju · 4 years

Text

a stupid stubborn sort of vow

an AsuRei fic, 1.5k words

Summary: After an emotional confrontation between Asuka and Hikari over the latter’s moving away, a confession goes badly and Rei finds herself having to comfort a miserable Asuka, her sworn rival. Vows are exchanged, of a sort.

(au detail: modern au, set during community college, no evangelions, au to be named soon)

It was precisely 7:32 PM, Friday, a mild September night. Rei left her window open, as ever. She didn’t have a particular fondness for the night air; she was indifferent, as she was with a laundry list of things.

That list was waning, though, thanks to the person who was now occupying her thoughts, as she did jarringly often nowadays.

Asuka Langley Soryu. Her rival. Nemesis. Adversary. Enemy, opponent, opposite... match, even. The first time Asuka declared she hated her, Rei had expected their petty rivalry to stop in a month. Asuka’d move on to the next annoyance, the next thing to be furious on, and Rei would be left behind as ever, ready to proceed on her way.

But Asuka stuck. Through third grade, fourth, fifth, all of middle school and now two years of high, Asuka was a thorn in Rei’s side, and Rei a thorn in hers. Rei supposed Asuka was, aside from her brother, the closest thing she had to a friend.

And Asuka loved to argue.

So the duo whiled away the nights over the years making up a host of feuds. Any topic that came to mind, Asuka’d take a stand on, Rei’d pick something opposing and stick to it as much as Asuka stuck to hers.

Asuka loved pop music, the kind she could dance to. Rei picked classical, the only kind she listened to. Asuka preferred magical girl anime, Rei decided she prefers shonen. Asuka argued the best fruit was apples, Rei countered with pomegranate. Sometimes they’d spend a whole evening trying to come up with what to fight over and end up dozing off side by side on Rei’s bedroom floor.

Tonight though... well, tonight, Rei hoped Asuka wouldn’t come. Not that she didn’t look forward to another bout with her, of course. But, well...

She put her book down for a moment, marking it with one of Monday’s completed worksheets, and picked up her phone. No texts from Asuka. She tapped the contact regardless, and stared at their brief exchange from that afternoon.

Asuka: sayin googbye 2 hikari 2nite Asuka: *goodbye, FUCK Rei: Ah. Asuka: leave the window open ncase i fuckup Rei: I will. Good luck. Asuka: fuck u wonder girl Asuka: dont need ur luck Asuka: seeya, h8 u 4ever Rei: You too.

Rei treasured those interactions. But she knew Hikari was more important to Asuka. Sometimes, when they went on hikes to out-endure each other or exploring abandoned buildings to see who chickens out first, Asuka’d ramble about how long she’d had a crush on her best friend. How much she wanted to kiss her, hold her hand, how she was sure Hikari’d be the one to always stick with her, the one she could spend the rest of her life with.

Needless to say, Asuka had been pretty pissed about it. And paranoid, and stressed, and panicked, and above all sad. Rei knew by now how to tell apart the various shades of anger on her emotional palette, but the past week had seen a roiling blend of all the worst.

Rei placed her phone back down on her desk, an island in the void of mostly empty space, and picked her book back up. The Horse’s Song, another in her carefully organized shelf of nondescript books. So far it failed to provoke anything, but the clipped pace and strange dialogue kept her attention well enough. Asuka would tear the book a new one, if Rei convinced her to read it. She’d save that idea for another topic-less day.

Seven pages further in, a sound split Rei’s concentration. The clang of someone tripping over that bucket Shinji still hadn’t found a place for. A scream of “FUCK!” Hard footsteps on the grass.

Rei put aside her book, turned her chair to the window and placed her hands on her lap.

After a few moments and a series of loud slams, Asuka’s hands slammed onto the windowsill. The paint on her nails was chipped. She groaned and slowly lifted herself up, eyes fixing right on Rei’s. Her expression twisted into her customary glare, but wavered, unable to stick in its natural state. Her makeup ran like a storm drain down her face, blue eyes red from crying, hair clips barely holding on. Her cheek bore an unexpected bruise.

“I’m here.” Rei softened her monotone, hoping that the sentiment overcame her blank expression. Evidently it passed muster; Asuka’s glare shifted slightly, her grimace twisting into a sweet sneer.

“Yeah, I can— Ugh,” Asuka grunted as she clambered the rest of the way through the window, “I can see that, Wonder Girl.” She kicked off her shoes and flopped back-first onto Rei’s bed.

“Your makeup’s running.”

“I know.”

“You were crying.”

“I know.”

“You have a bruise.”

“I KNOW!” Asuka snapped, bolting upright. “God, you really are a robot, you know that? ‘Scanning rival, injuries detected, initiate snide remark protocol’. Ever thought about talking like a person? Asking what’s wrong?! Or hell, maybe I’m lucky you’re a robot in a meat suit, any rational human would’ve slammed the window on my goddamn hands so thanks for being a freak I guess!”

Rei paused for a moment, weighed her responses, and settled on, “I trust you too.”

Asuka took this about as well as a sucker punch. She gaped, eyes wide, balled fists going slack.

“You— wh, what even, I’m— what?!”

“The bruise,” Rei veered the subject ninety degrees, “where’d it come from?”

“Wh— oh.” Asuka covered her cheek with her hand, staring pointedly at the nothing on Rei’s walls. “...Hikari.”

“You fucked up?”

“No!” Asuka snapped. “...well, I did, sure,” she admitted with a glower, “but so did she!”

“How.”

A miserable smirk cracked across Asuka’s face. She spread her hands as if to announce exactly what wasn’t up her sleeve. “So, picture. Me, helping lug all her stupid luggage into her dad’s car. Hikari sticks behind, looking up at me, class-prez poise and a shy little grin on her, okay, gorgeous face. I’m trying not to cry. Turn to her, about to ask if she’s gonna keep in touch.”

Rei nodded, eyes focused on Asuka’s.

“And...and, like a stupid jerk, she fucking— she kissed me!” Asuka said, with the same level of incredulity as someone discovering they’re an elf. “She kissed me, and she said that she l...lov...lo...” Asuka sputtered, “liked me!”

“Oh no.” Rei could already tell where this was headed.

“And being me, I just had to panic. I don’t remember everything that happened, it was kinda a blur! But I remember...my hands were on her shoulders and I was...god, I think I was begging her not to go.” She tch-ed. “Pathetic of me. Disgusting, really. No wonder she clocked me.”

“Liar.”

Asuka gave Rei an utterly withering look, but Rei continued. “You aren’t pathetic. Or disgusting. You’re Asuka. Those words aren’t compatible with Asuka.”

Asuka’s look softened instantly; Rei could see the beginnings of tears prick her eyes again. “Goddamnit, Wonder Girl. No, you know what? Get over here.” Asuka patted the spot next to her on the bed. Rei obliged, leaving her chair to nestle in just close enough to not upset Asuka. To her shock, though, she felt Asuka’s fingers ghost along her palm... then grasp it like a lifeline to her last hope of salvation.

“Wonder Girl. Ayanami. ...Rei,” Asuka began, and Rei could tell her teeth were gritted. “You and me. Our whole...our whole rivalry. How the fuck long are we gonna keep this up?”

“When you stop caring,” Rei said instantly, the response one of the few she never thought she’d need but prepared for the sake of it. “When I’m no longer useful. When it doesn’t matter to you.”

Asuka’s answering laugh was the hollowest Rei’d ever heard.

“Right then. Then... then I’ve got an idea.”

Rei tilted her head and Asuka took it as her cue to continue. “What if... what if we swear on it?”

“How?”

“Easy, stupid. Here, I’ll go first.” Asuka scoffed, then put on her most arrogant affectation and proclaimed, “I, Asuka Langley Soryu, promise to forever be your rival, your foe, your most trusted enemy, to hate and to keep. I swear to follow you, Rei Ayanami, to the end of the world, through thick and thin, of spite and sheer devotion.”

Rei hummed for a few moments in response. “...I, Rei Ayanami, promise to forever be your rival, your foe, your most trusted enemy, to hate and to keep. I swear to follow you, Asuka Langley Soryu, to the end of the world, through thick and thin, of spite and sheer devotion,” she parroted back, meaning every word with her whole, dull, robotic heart.

Rei knew Asuka would never let her see it, but she could feel her smile radiating out at her.

The two girls laid there, for what could have been a minute or an eternity (but was precisely eighty-seven seconds).

It was a vow they both intended to keep.

#asurei #reisuka #asuka langley soryu #rei ayanami #nge #neon genesis evangelion #nge horror au #my fics #soryu asuka langley #ayanami rei

26 notes · View notes

takerfoxx · 5 years

Text

IM Swiftly Descending Darkness, Chapter 3

As it turned out, there was more than a simple fight going on. It was an all-out brawl, one consisting of mostly children.

A ring had been cleared in the crowd, and in it was a confusion of bodies, all of them rolling about in a flurry of blows and holds. There seemed to be around seven kids involved, three of which were wearing the grey Children’s Home uniforms. Rumia identified Noba, Tomohiro, and Shinji, who were among the eldest of the children. The other four, who looked to be nearly almost men, were probably from one of the nearby villages. In the thick of it was Miss Haruhi, who was desperately trying to get them to separate while she yelled for help to no avail.

All around them several things seemed to be happening all at once. In the innermost ring of onlookers the rest of the other orphans were gathered. Chubby Keiichi was sitting with Yoshi and Hiro standing on either side, a dazed look on his face and his nose a bloody mess. Haruko, Hayate, and Eiko were frantically running about screaming at everyone to stop, while Kazuchika was holding little Akito in his arms, anxiously trying to comfort the wailing child. As for the two remaining boys, Dai and Yuuki, they weren’t anywhere to be seen.

And around them were the market-goers. It took Rumia less than a second to gauge that none of them were going to be any help. Some of them looked distressed, and many of them were calling out for everyone to stop fighting. But most were hanging back, unwilling to get involved, while still others were laughing, a few even shouting encouragement.

Rumia felt her cheeks grow hot. So many grown-ups around, and the only one actually doing anything was Miss Haruhi.

Well, at least they had brought Mister Joshua and Miss Mokou, who were also on the very short list of useful grown-ups. If anyone could stop this, they could.

Then several things happened in very quick succession.

First of all, despite the brawling orphans being outnumbered, three more local kids, all of them older and bigger than even Noba, pushed their way through the crowd and ran into the fray.

The second was Miss Haruhi hastily trying to put herself between the newcomers and the fighters. She held her hands out as she begged them to not join the fight.

The third was one of the newcomers contemptuously smacking her across the cheek and sending her reeling. He then grabbed Shinji by the hair, hauled him up, and punched him squarely in the face.

The fourth was caused by the third. Watching someone as nice as Miss Haruhi get roughed up like that killed any inhibitions that the rest of the orphans might have had, and the dam broke.

Haruko, Hayate, and Eiko were the closest, so they set upon the new roughnecks with reckless abandon, punching and clawing at them despite being totally outmatched. Rumia even saw Eiko trying to bite the one that had hit Miss Haruhi in the arm.

Yoshi and Hiro were next. Despite only being eight and ten years old respectively, they left Keiichi and ran in as well, kicking shins and punching groins, or attempting to at least, which got Yoshi an elbow to the nose for his effort.

Then wonder of wonders, Keiichi himself got up and tried to join the fight. He didn’t make a very impressing showing of it. In fact, it mainly consisting of him getting up, waddling over to the boy still tangled up with Tomohiro, and pounding ineffectively on the boy’s back with his fists. In the end, Kazuchika was the only one not joining in, and that was because he had his hands full with Akito.

Unfortunately, there was nothing stopping the rest of the locals from jumping in as well.

Rumia saw several young men make toward the fray with purposeful strides and dark looks. A few were stopped by their neighbors, but not all. It wouldn’t be long before the other orphans were outnumbered.

Well, screw that!

Without waiting for any kind of context as to what had kicked the whole thing off, Rumia bolted forward. She pushed her way through the crowd, zeroing in on the first combatant she could find not wearing a grey uniform. She didn’t need to look to see if her friends were with her; she didn’t need to. They simply were.

She managed to break through the crowd into the fight circle. Then she sprinted toward a boy a few years older than herself who was wearing a green outfit and fist fighting with Shinji. She leapt right onto his back and snarled while raining down blows onto his neck.

He lurched back in surprise, allowing Shinji to catch him with a solid jab into his stomach. A moment later Kohta appeared, tackling his knee from behind and driving him down.

It was a nicely coordinated attack, but unfortunately their numbers advantage did not last, as several other bodies converged on them. A hand grabbed Rumia by the hair and pulled hard. She felt herself being hauled into the air, but before she was, she lunged forward one last time and snapped her teeth. Her mouth filled with the green-clad boy’s ear, and he cried out in pain.

A moment later Rumia was facedown in the dust while some asshole kicked her in the ribs. She gasped in pain, and tried to turned away from the blows.

“Get away from her!” she heard Kohta yell. This was followed by the meaty sound of a punch connecting with flesh. Rumia hoped that it was his hand doing the punching.

Unfortunately, the opposite proved true, and a moment later Kohta was lying next to her. The two locked eyes for just a second, and then they grabbed one another and tried to keep each other’s heads shielded as the kicking resumed in earnest.

It occurred to Rumia then that she might actually die, and not at the hands of any youkai or other kind of monster, but beaten to death by her fellow Humans. And the worst of it all was that she didn’t even know why things had broken down like they did. She had just seen her family in danger, and had run to help, and now it might cost her and Kohta their lives.

That sucked.

But before they had taken more than three blows, there came another sound of knuckles slamming into flesh. Then there was a loud crack, and an unfamiliar male voice cried out in pain.

A moment later the one that had done most of the kicking was simply gone, though Rumia could here someone warbling in fear as…was he flying away? Or had he been thrown?

Despite having picked up several new bruises, Rumia found herself grinning. She had figured out what had happened. Oh, those assholes were in trouble now!

She eased herself onto her back, expecting to find Miss Mokou standing over them like a spirit of vengeance.

She…wasn’t.

But Keine was.

Keine was there, all two-thirds of a meter of her, spindly little legs splayed, tiny little fists clenched and trembling. Though she was seething with rage, she also looked a little shocked at what she had done.

But she wasn’t backing down.

Rumia was quite impressed, but she was also sort of dismayed. There was something deeply gratifying about watching her scrawny little friend sending all of their assailants running, but Keine was also blowing the big secret that the three of them had worked so hard to hide, not only from those outside the orphanage, but within as well.

And judging by how Keine’s face was quickly changing from angry pink to horrified white, she had also figured out the danger she was in.

Fortunately, that was when Miss Mokou finally joined the fray.

If anyone had noticed that the tiny little girl was hitting harder than she ought to, it was immediately forgotten when the strange woman wearing strange clothes suddenly touched down in the middle of the violence. The three boys teaming up on Noba found themselves swept aside when a leg swung around into each of their faces. The four girls that were kicking Haruko, Eiko, and Hayate into submission were abruptly launched into the air in four different directions. Two men that had apparently decided to grab onto Yoshi and Hiro found themselves the ones grabbed onto as a hand suddenly seized each of them by the hair and slammed their skulls together.

This all takes time to explain, but the fact of the matter is that within mere seconds the entire circle was cleared of anyone not from the Children’s Home, leaving nothing but the orphans, a dazed Miss Haruhi, and an absolutely enraged Miss Mokou.

All expect for one.

One of the boys that had been fighting Noba at the beginning had found himself with a hand wrapped around his throat, a hand with fingers more unrelenting than steel shackles attached to an arm harder than an oak beam, an arm that was hoisting him into the air with his legs dangling and forcing him to stare terrified down at a pair of eyes that seemed to be made of raging hellfire.

Several of the young men that had been hurled from the fight had collected themselves and were now readying themselves to come to their friend’s defense. Apparently sensing this, Miss Mokou’s head snapped around to turn her death glare at them, stopping them in their tracks.

“Try it,” she growled. “See what happens.”

Mokou was a tall woman, sure, but she wasn’t that much taller than any of them, and she didn’t seem to be particularly muscular. At a glance, one that did not know better might assume that with the benefit of surprise gone, it would be an easy task to overwhelm her and beat her down.

Rumia absolutely knew better. And she really, really wanted to see what happens.

Unfortunately, the young men probably sensed what a colossal error that would be, and took a few steps back.

Damn.

That done, Miss Mokou returned her attention to her hostage. “So, you’re the one that started this, right?” she said. “Aren’t you?”

“Let him go, you animal!” some lady yelled. She was ignored.

“Please!” the boy cried. “I’m sorry! Don’t hurt me!”

“Sorry? Sorry for what? What did you do?”

“I didn’t mean it! I was just playing!”

“What. Did. You. Do?”

“Mokou, stop!”

Miss Mokou paused, but she didn’t let the boy go. The crowd parted, and Miss Satoko appeared, accompanied by the previously absent Dai and Yuuki, who apparently had gone to find her when the fighting had started.

Miss Satoko looked more frantic and distraught than any time Rumia had seen her. Her face was pink, her mouth gaping open, her hat was gone, and she was grabbing at her own hair with both hands.

“What…what are you doing?” she sputtered as she took in the scene. “How…what…what happened here?”

“What happened?” said some guy that Rumia didn’t recognize. “I’ll tell you what happened! Your little devils assaulted our boys, that’s what happened!”

“That’s not true!” Tomohiro shouted. He looked pretty roughed up, with both of his eyes blackened, his uniform torn and dirty, a darkening purple bruise on his cheek, and scratches all over his neck. However, of the original group of brawlers, he had come off better than Shinji or Noba. “They’re the ones who started it!”

“Shut your mouth, you little savage!” said some woman, who looked like she was the mother of one of the local boys, if the way she was cradling her arms around him was any indication. “We all know this was your doing!”

“It was not!”

“Lies! We all know what your kind is like!”

Tomohiro stared at her in complete befuddlement. “What do you mean, my kind? We’re all Human!”

“Are you? Are you really?”

“You know, we can clear this up right now,” Miss Mokou said. She gave the boy she was still holding aloft a slight shake. “So, how about it, buddy? How’d this all get started?”

The boy still looked terrified of her, and who could blame him? But seeing that one woman speak up on his behalf seemed to have given him enough courage to hold his tongue, which was really stupid as far as Rumia was concerned. If Miss Mokou decided to snap his neck, then she could probably do it long before anyone got close enough to save him.

Since he wasn’t talking and Noba still looked completely out of it, Shinji spoke up. “We were just talking, then they all got right into our faces and wouldn’t leave,” he said, slurring his words slightly through swollen lips. “They said…they said…”

“Nothing!” Miss Mokou’s captive suddenly shouted. “We didn’t say anything to them!”

“You did! You asked if Noba cried when his mom and dad got eaten! You said that you bet that he helped them eat them, that he’s probably half youkai already! You said that we’re only here to see who’s the fattest to eat later!”

“I was just joking!” wailed the culprit.

“Thought you said that you didn’t say anything,” Miss Mokou pointed out.

“Then when we tried to walk away, they just grabbed us and pulled us back!” Shinji continued. “They said that they’re not gonna let us take anyone, that we shoulda gotten eaten with our families!”

“Oh?” Miss Mokou said. “Then that’s when you punched them?”

“No! We just pushed them away, and they pushed us back!”

“You liar!” the boy yelled!

“He did!” Haruko broke in. “We heard them! Then when they saw us, they said…” She shivered. “They said that we should go with them, that they wanted to see how wild the youkai had made us!”

Miss Satoko looked like she was going to be ill.

“Oh, is that right?” Miss Mokou said, her gaze traveling up to her squirming captive with deadly purpose.

“Mokou, don’t,” Miss Satoko whispered.

Then someone called out from the crowd, “Yeah, let him go!”

“He didn’t mean any harm! What, can’t you youkai lovers take a joke?”

Miss Mokou’s gaze slipped from her captive to the crowd. “A joke.”

“A joke?” Mister Joshua sputtered. “You call something like that a joke?”

“Hell yeah! Boys will be boys, you know. That’s no reason to punch anyone!”

Rumia suddenly found herself wishing that she really was youkai-cursed or at the very least half-youkai like Keine. Then she might have been able to make . Then she might be able to wipe a few smirks off the faces she saw.

“Boys will be boys?!” Mister Joshua repeated, aghast. “Listen to yourself, man! That’s horrific! What kind of boys are you raising?”

“You’re the ones with one of ours by the throat!” came the reply.

“You wanna replace him?” Miss Mokou said.

The guy in question, a middle-aged man with a big chest, big arms, and an even bigger beard shoved his way to the front of the crowd. “Try me, bitch.”

“Mokou, please,” Miss Satoko begged. “Don’t.”

Miss Mokou didn’t so much as glance at her. “Okay,” she said. She opened her hand, and the boy dropped. He looked around in bewilderment, and then fled as fast as his feet could take him.

“All right, asshole,” Miss Mokou said as she strode toward the big man as Miss Satoko ineffectively grabbed at her arm. She didn’t even slow Miss Mokou down. “Your wish is my command. I’ll try you right-”

“ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS!”

The new voice was loud, but kind of squeaky and cracked a bit in the middle. Still, it brought everything to an abrupt stop.

Four tough looking men were shoving their way through the crowd, making a path as they went. And between them was some short, fat guy with a big hat. “What is the meaning of this?” he demanded.

Rumia frowned. “Who’s that?” she said.

“Seriously?” Kohta whispered back. “That’s Master Sonozika, the Human Leader!”

“Oh.”

Keine winced. “Shit,” she muttered.

Master Sonozika hadn’t had to have walked far to reach the center of the commotion, but judging by the way he was heaving and gasping one might have thought he had just ran a marathon. “Satoko Yume, this is an outrage! Is this how you mean to convince me to allow your little monsters into the Human Village? They can’t go five minutes without attacking somebody!”

Rumia bristled, and she wasn’t the only one. “What did he call us?” she hissed.

“Steady,” Keine said.

“Master Sonozika, I know thing got out of hand, but the orphans didn’t start it,” Miss Satoko protested.

“That’s right,” said Miss Haruhi, speaking for the first time. She still looked kind of rocked by the blow she had taken, but she was up and talking at least. “A group of boys deliberately picked a fight with us! They insulted their dead families, and made sexual passes at some of the girls!”

“And for that you attack us!” Master Sonozika screeched.

“They were provoked!”

“They’re just words! Get over it!”

“Words, huh?” Miss Mokou said. “Disparaging children’s dead parents is just words now, are they? Threatening to rape little girls are just words? So hey, if I were to say that you look like what you get if a syphilis-ridden toad fucked a wad of pig fat, would that just be words?”

Now that Miss Mokou mentioned it, the resemblance was kind of uncanny. Rumia giggled a bit in spite of herself. So did Haruko. The two glanced at each other, instinctively resistant to sharing any kind of comradery, but then they both remembered that for now at least they were on the same side, so they both laughed again.

Master Sonozika, however, did not find it quite so humorous. “How…how dare you, you disrespectful harlot! Don’t you know who I am?”

“Mokou, do not,” Miss Satoko said.

Again she was ignored. “Sure, Sonozika. That snout is unmistakable. Runs in the family.” Miss Mokou glanced down at Master Sonozika’s jiggling belly. “Among…other things.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Eh, who cares?” Miss Mokou said with a shrug. “I mean, they’re just words, right?”

Mister Joshua tugged on her sleeve. “Mokou, this isn’t helping. You should stop.” Again, he was ignored.

Master Sonozika gnashed his teeth. “Hold your tongue, woman. Or I’ll have it cut out.”

“That I would like to see. Hey, you know what?” Miss Mokou walked right up to him. He went pale and retreated a few step, while his guard immediately stepped between him and Miss Mokou, their hands on the hilts of their swords.

However, Miss Mokou wasn’t going to attack him. Quite the opposite, really. “If you want to, I’ll give you one free shot,” she said, leaning over and turning her head to offer her cheek. “Come on, Fatty. You know you want it.”

“Mokou, what are you doing?” Miss Haruhi screamed.

“Don’t do this!” Mister Joshua agreed.

Master Sonozika was practically steaming with fury and embarrassment, but didn’t take the bait, but then, he didn’t have to. He merely shot a glare at one of his guards, who stepped forward to do it for him.

“No!” Miss Satoko yelled.

The guard was of the same height as Miss Mokou, and considerably more heavily muscled. Plus, he was wearing leather armor over his arms and the back of his hands that was studded with iron balls. He slammed the back of his hand right across her face with enough force to shatter bone.

Rumia winced. Kohta gasped. Keine covered her eyes.

But Miss Mokou didn’t fall under the blow. In fact, she didn’t give at all. The hand hit her cheek…and just stopped, the iron balls digging into her skin but not breaking it. She didn’t even have to shift her balance.

Instead, she just remained crouched as her dark maroon eyes rolled around up to lock gazes with the stupefied guard. She smiled. “Okay,” she said as she straightened up. “I guess that clears up a thing or-”

“That will be quite enough.”

This time, the new voice wasn’t nearly as loud or as frantic as Master Sonozika’s had been, but it cut through the crowd just the same. The locals started murmuring to one another, and many quickly moved out of the way of the newcomer of their own accord as he strode into the din.

It was Mister Joshua’s not-friend, the tall weird guy dressed in brown. He was walking forward with less speed but considerably more confidence than Master Sonozika had, both hands wrapped around that t-shaped thing on his necklace.

“Friends, friends, what is this?” he said. “Why are we fighting like children? Come on, you’re better than this.”

Then he glanced at Miss Mokou, and his brow furrowed behind his stupid dark glasses. “Well, some of us anyway.”

“Okay, yeah, I do not care for you,” Miss Mokou said.

“Feeling’s mutual.” Then he looked over to Master Sonozika, who looked quite realized at his arrival. “Gendou, Gendou, Gendou, what is all this? I knew things outside of the Human Village were…rough, but not an hour after our arrival and things devolve into a brawl!”

Master Sonozika sighed. “Well, Skinner, that’s the thing. It seems that some of the local children were set upon by these!” He motioned toward the orphans and their caretakers, all of which were still in the circle and surrounded on by all sides.

“We did not!” Tomohiro shouted as he came forward. “They’re the ones who-”

The man identified as “Skinner” suddenly thrust a glove-covered palm into Tomohiro’s face. “Do not interrupt your elders, son,” he chided.

Tomohiro stumbled back. “I’m not your son! And your hand stinks!”

Skinner’s head jerked back as if he had been physically struck. He looked down at his hand, as if he were contemplating taking a swing of his own at Tomohiro’s face.

Noticing this, Miss Mokou sidled up between him and Tomohiro. “Yeah, don’t,” she said flatly.

Skinner’s hand flexed into a fist, uncurled, and flexed again. Despite his earlier calmness, he looked like he was about to fly into a rage of his own and kick up the brawl all over again. To be honest, now that Miss Mokou was here, Rumia kind of hoped that he would.

But then he relaxed, and reached up to clasp both hands over his necklace again. “Brother Joshua, I am again disappointed,” he said as he stepped around Miss Mokou to turn toward Mister Joshua. “I knew that your time spent with this type had been bad for you, but I didn’t know how bad. Violent youths, disrespectful women, and-”

Suddenly he stopped. And he stared. Not as Mister Joshua, but past him.

To where Rumia, Kohta, and Keine were standing.

“I could say the same,” Mister Joshua said. “I can already see what great things you’re teaching the people here, the good news you’re spreading. Fear, superstition, and lies. Very Christlike indeed.”

Skinner didn’t answer. He just kept staring in a way that made Rumia’s skin crawl.

So she spread her hands, glowered back, and mouthed, What?

Skinner tilted his head, but it didn’t seem to be in response to Rumia.

It was then that Rumia realized that he wasn’t looking at her. Close to, but not quite. Rather, he was looking at Keine.

Rumia felt cold ice sweep down her spine. He knew. She didn’t know how he knew, but he did.

Gritting her teeth behind her grimace, Rumia held her defiant stance, refusing to back down.

“Nathaniel?” Mister Joshua said.

Skinner didn’t move.

Mister Joshua glanced over his shoulder at the trio, scowled, and positioned himself right in front of Skinner. It wasn’t an impressive sight, as the top of his head only came up to the taller man’s chest, but he was doing what he could. “Nathaniel! Stop looking at them and look at me.”

“Better do what he says, Skinny,” Miss Mokou said. She laid a firm hand on Skinner’s shoulder.

Skinner reacted immediately to the touch, wrenching his shoulder away and seizing her by the wrist.

“Don’t you dare touch me,” he seethed. “Don’t you dare…”

He tried to hurl her to one side, but when he yanked on her arm, she merely clenched up her muscles and stayed where he was.

Frowning, Skinner tried again. Miss Mokou’s arm barely moved.

“You finished?” she drawled.

“Hmmm.” Skinner released her wrist. “You are…surprisingly strong.”

“I work out.”

“So I see.” Then he brushed himself off and backed away from her. “Regardless, this little spat is pointless. The main source of conflict is the riot.”

“Fight,” Miss Mokou corrected. “It was a fight.” She tilted her head toward the original group that had been brawling with Noba, Shinji, and Tomohiro. “Those boys over there tried to provoke some of ours, and it worked. Things escalated.”

“Thanks to you, I presume.”

“Nah. I got here just in time to see a whole bunch of grown-ass men surrounding a bunch of boys beating up on a bunch of orphans and doing nothing to break it up. They didn’t even try to stop the young girls that were trying to stop it from getting hit. It wasn’t until the rest of our kids ran in to help their friends that anyone decided to do something.” She swept her eyes past Skinner and over the crowd. “Mainly by rushing in to beat up a bunch of kids. So I put a stop to it.”

Rumia suddenly found herself very glad that she and her friends had dishes duty for the rest of the week, because as far as she was concerned, Miss Mokou was now officially the coolest person in the world and she wanted to hang out with her as much as possible.

In fact, her words of shame were having an effect. As Rumia looked around, she saw more than one previously angry face now start to wilt, a few even looking away. Ha! Take that!

“Really?” Skinner said. “All by yourself?”

“Pretty much, yeah. So, you gonna continue this little interrogation, or can we move on? Because obviously you’re the one in charge here.”

“Ah, h-h-hold on a moment!” Master Sonozika suddenly sputtered. “Now, Nathaniel Skinner is a dear friend and a highly valuable advisor, but let’s not presume!”

“Then why is he doing all the talking then?” Miss Mokou turned to the rest of the crowd. “What about you guys, huh? Does the turd-coat here speak for all of you too?”

There was a pause, and then a woman called, “He’s with the Leader!”

“So?” someone else countered. “I’ve never seen him before.”

“Yeah, who is he, anyway?”

“Shut your mouth, you backwaters!” called a well-dressed man that obviously came from the Village. “That’s Brother Nathaniel Skinner, a man of very high reputation!”

“Reputation for what? Dressing like a pile of horse shit?”

Everyone laughed at that. The spell Skinner had had over the crowd was fading.

Skinner noticed, but he kept his cool. Rather than retort, he merely cleared his throat and walked over to Master Sonozika. Leaning over, he whispered into the stout man’s ear.

Master Sonozika seemed surprised. He whispered something back, and Skinner responded. Master Sonozika nodded.

“All right, I think we’ve heard enough,” Master Sonozika said. “Regardless of whoever started it, things clearly have gotten out of hand. But even so, children will fight. So, let us all put this business behind us and go on with our lives. Mistress Yume, I trust you will discipline the children you claim to care for and try to rein in their wild impulses?”

Miss Satoko went white with indignation. “Wait, they were the ones who-”

“Good! For now, you should take them home. We wouldn’t want another, ahem, incident now, would we?”

Miss Satoko looked like she was going to argue the point further, but then Miss Mokou tapped her on the shoulder. Miss Satoko looked at her in confusion. In response, Miss Mokou just shook her head.

Taking the message, Miss Satoko said, “All right. Children, two lines please. Mokou, could you please help Noba? Haruhi, keep close to me. Joshua, bring up the rear.”

The family slowly and in some cases painfully gathered together. Those who needed help walking got it, and the youngest and those who were hurt worse were brought to the middle while the rest formed a shell around them.

The crowd opened up, and they filed walked out of the market. Rumia realized that her right leg was limping a little, but she refused to give in to it and walked as straight and steady as she could. As she did, she made sure to glower at each and every face she passed. In some cases the glower was returned, but in most people refused to meet her eyes. Good. They ought to be ashamed.

Then she glanced the other way, toward her family. Haruko, Eiko, and Hayate were walking close to her. She caught Haruko’s eye for just a moment.

A beat passed, and then Haruko gave her the slightest of nods and glanced away. The message was clear. They were still enemies, but in this specific case, they were enemies on the same side, and Rumia would be glad to fight side-by-side with a stupid cow like Haruko any day if it meant standing up to all those assholes.

Finally they passed over a hill and were fully out of sight of the market. When that happened, everyone relaxed just a little. Straightened shoulders slumped, heads that were held up high dropped, and those in pain allowed themselves to show it. Still, nobody said anything, though some of the younger ones were crying a little, as was Miss Haruhi.

Rumia couldn’t blame them. She was hurting. It wasn’t that bad, and she had been hurt worse in the past through various accidents and mishaps, but there was a difference between falling out of a tree or getting into a fistfight with Shinji because she had caught him cheating at Mahjong and being outright assaulted like that!

…okay, fine, she had technically been the one doing the assaulting, but that was just because her family had been assaulted first, or at least she was pretty sure they had been. Regardless, getting thrown to the ground and kicked at by complete strangers was something that she was still struggling to process.

Kohta had taken worse. One eye was swollen up, and he was limping even worse than she was. Keine was between them, providing support with both of their arms thrown across her shoulders. Under normal circumstances, Rumia’s pride would have dissuaded her from accepting that much help, but today she just took it without complaining. Or at least, she had waited until they were out of sight of the market before accepting it. Her pride was still there, but she was now a bit more specific about who she was allowing herself to appear weak in front of. And after everything they had endured together, the rest of her family got a one-day pass.

The rest of the kids were in various stages of beaten up. Noba had taken the worse; in fact he was barely conscious. Miss Mokou had his arm over her shoulder while she held onto his waist. Rumia was fairly certain that she could have thrown him over her shoulder if she wanted, but he would have been mortified to have been carried away like that, and Miss Mokou was the sort to know that. Shinji and Tomohiro were pretty bad off as well. They were walking under their own power, but Shinji’s face was still a bloody, swollen mess, while Tomohiro had two black eyes and was cradling his left arm. And while Keichii had to stop every few steps to spit out blood.

Yoshi and Hiro had taken a few hits, with Yoshi having a very prominent purple lump on his forehead. Still, they seemed okay overall, and judging by the way they were swaggering, they were probably proud of the hits they had taken and given, the little savages. Rumia had to smile. They had earned that right as far as she was concerned.

As for the others, specifically Melissa, Kana, Kazuchika, Akito, Dai, and Yuuki, they hadn’t been hurt on account of having not joined in for various reasons, but that didn’t mean they were all right. Melissa looked absolutely mortified. Since she hadn’t been born in Gensokyo like the others, there was a lot she was still getting used to, and while she found most of it to be wonderful, the darker parts tended to scare her, and Rumia was willing to bet that she had never expected the worse to come from other Humans. Hell, Rumia herself hadn’t expected that. Maybe her family hadn’t been killed by youkai after all. Maybe it had been a bunch of assholes like the ones back there, and they had just blamed it on youkai.

Kazuchika seemed to be in a daze. He was holding onto Akito while leading Dai and Yuuki along. As the older kid who most often looked after the younger ones, he was probably really messed up over Yoshi and Hiro getting hurt. And as for Kana…

Kana looked…weird. Well, okay, she always looked weird, but unlike the others she didn’t look scared, sad, betrayed, angry, or even proud. Instead, she was thoughtfully staring at the sky with a sort of seriousness she usually reserved for staring at dust motes, and she was fingerings with something in her pocket, probably a trinket she had picked up in the chaos. Hopefully it wasn’t something someone would coming looking for. That was the last thing they needed.

All in all, they were a sorry bunch, but they had survived. And Rumia was glad that they had fought back instead of running away. She smirked, though doing so upset one of her bruises. Life had done them no favors, but it sure had made them tough.

They continued on, Miss Satoko in the lead, Mister Joshua in the back, beginning what promised to be a long and painful walk home.

But then they heard someone call out to them. “Hey! Satoko Yume! Wait a moment!”

Everyone immediately tensed up in anticipation of another attack, but it wasn’t an angry mob coming after them, it was only three men flying their way. Rumia quickly scanned them. She didn’t remember seeing them in the fight, but that could swiftly change.

The one that had called to them was the oldest and biggest, a big man with a barrel-sized chest, large arms, a wide face, and a thin beard. He touched and the other two touched down in front of the group.

“Watanabe?” Miss Satoko said.

Watanabe nodded. “Look. I don’t know what happened back there or why, but…” He sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to help. We were heading home we heard the shouting, and when we got back everything was so confusing and-”

“Watanabe, it’s fine,” Miss Satoko said. “And it’s somewhat heartening to hear that not everyone approved of what happened back there.”

Watanabe scowled. “It’s that man Skinner. Ever since he and his kind showed up, people in the big village have just been getting strange. And it’s spreading.”

Rumia glanced over her shoulder at Mister Joshua, who sort of fell in the category of “his kind.” For his part, Mister Joshua didn’t react in one way or the other.

“Well, he certainly helped, but the rest of them are still responsible for their actions,” Miss Satoko said.

“Yes, I don’t know what’s happening. But let me help make it up to you.” Watanabe pointed. “My farm’s not far. Please, rest a while, see to your injuries, get something to eat.”

Miss Satoko hesitated. “Watanabe, I don’t-”

“Your children are hurt, and people I count among my friends are to blame. Let me do this much for you.”

“Well…” Miss Satoko looked back toward the group. Most of the kids were too tired to really make much of a response, but nobody objected.

“All right,” she sighed. “That would be very much appreciated. Thank you.”

Honestly Rumia really just wanted to go home, but making the trip on her aching leg did not sound fun, and there were others worse off than she was. And if Miss Satoko trusted this guy, then fine.

The group changed direction, moving off the path and across the field. As they went, Rumia was struck by a sudden thought, something that had gone amiss through the whole brawl, something that nobody else had pointed out.

With everything that had been going on, what had happened to their guards?

…

Watanabe Umino’s farm wasn’t far from either the market nor the orphanage, so it made for a convenient waypoint between the two. Rumia had seen it several times in trips past, though she had never actually set foot on its borders. But today seemed an excellent day to break that trend.

Finally everyone was seated in a circle. Missus Umino and all the Umino kids brought out warm cider for everyone. Rumia accepted hers with a nod of thanks and cautiously gave it a sip. It was good.

Mister Joshua and Miss Haruhi were both sitting at the head of the circle, whispering to one another. Miss Haruhi had stopped crying, but she still looked pretty upset, while Mister Joshua mostly looked deeply disturbed, like he knew something about what had happened that the rest of them didn’t. Rumia really hoped that he was going to spill, and if he didn’t, she made a point to ask him directly.

Just…not now.

As for Miss Satoko and Miss Mokou, they were still outside, talking to one another. Rumia couldn’t make out what they were saying, but judging by how animated they looked through the door, it was probably very…dramatic. Rumia really hoped that Miss Mokou wasn’t going to get into trouble. If there was one bright spot of this whole disastrous day, it was watching her be a total badass.

Suddenly Mister Joshua cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention.

“I want everyone to understand something here,” he said. “No matter what any of those people said back there, no matter what anyone might say about you in the future, this wasn’t your fault. Okay? We all understand that?”

“Yes, Mister Joshua,” said most of the younger kids. Some of the older ones just nodded. A few did nothing at all.

“And don’t listen to that garbage about curses or taints or something like that. That’s just fools talking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of you, no matter what they say.”

“But…” Eiko started to say, but then her voice caught. She swallowed, and tried again. “But why are they saying that at all? Why do they think that?”

Mister Joshua hesitated, and then said, “Because they’re afraid. They’re afraid and they’re stupid. As wrong as it sounds, people sometimes become afraid of other people’s problems, because they think that it’ll spread to them. So they’re somehow become convinced that just because most of you lost your families to youkai, it means that youkai are more likely to attack you and anyone that talks to you, or some such nonsense. But it is nonsense, understand?”

“But my parents didn’t get eaten by youkai,” Dai said. “They died in a landslide!”

“And mine got burned in a fire!” Hayate added.

Keine said nothing, but her fingers clenched up. Rumia quickly glanced around. Good, nobody was looking at her. Her secret was still safe. Hopefully.

“Like I said, it’s complete stupidity,” Mister Joshua said. “When people get a little scared, it doesn’t take much to get them to listen to stupid ideas.”

Maybe so, but Rumia was more worried about something else, something very dangerous and very real.

She glanced over to Keine, who was staring off at nothing. Rumia still remembered how Skinner had stared at her, like he was able to see deep into her heart and mind. And that was a problem.

As it so happened, Keine was the only child that wasn’t actually an orphan, not entirely. Her mother had died giving birth to her, but presumably her father, if he could be called that, was still out there somewhere, and he had been a youkai. That was why she looked half as old as she really was. Youkai lived forever, and when they had kids with Humans, their offspring’s lifespans were twice as long as those fully Human. And that was why she was so strong and fast despite being so small and skinny.

Of all the kids that Rumia lived with, only she and Kohta knew Keine’s secret, and they had long swore to keep it safe. They knew that Keine’s conception had been…less than consensual, and there were those that would consider that alone to mean she had been born evil, to say nothing of having youkai blood. It was all bullshit of course. Keine was Rumia’s friend, and she was easily the least monstrous of their little trio, but like Mister Joshua had said all it took was a little fear for people to start being stupid and dangerous.

As for the grown-ups, well, Miss Satoko presumably knew, though she had never mentioned it, and if she had told the others Rumia had never heard. And Miss Mokou had figured it out literally the second she saw Keine, but like Rumia and Kohta she had also sworn to never tell anyone.

But that man Skinner had also figured it out. Rumia didn’t know how, but he had. And that scared her.

…

If the whole of Mokou’s life were to be laid out in a book, then the story would be dark, bloody, unceasingly violent, and take up an entire library. As such, the two years in which she had lived in the Aoki Yume’s Children’s Home and known Satoko Yume would be contained in only a few short sentences, a barely perceptible drop of happiness in an ocean of pain and hate.

And yet it somehow felt so much longer than it was. Suddenly, her life had gone from having just enough room for herself and one other person in it to having over twenty, and unlike that one other person, they were people she actually cared about rather than wished to murder violently and often. She had gotten to know these kids and their vibrant personalities, from their quirks to their preferences to their aspirations to their petty little rivalries to their intense friendships. Those little people were just so strangely fascinating, at once simple and uncomplicated and yet full of depth, and Mokou had thoroughly enjoyed getting to know them, even if she had done so rather quickly. She had always been a fast learner, after all.

And she knew Satoko. She could read the younger woman’s emotions like a book, could tell at a glance how she was feeling and why. And at that moment, Satoko was very, very angry.

Satoko didn’t often get angry. She had spent her entire life looking after children who had every reason to act out, and as such her well of patience, tolerance, and understanding seemed to be bottomless at times. However, there was a very specific list of situations that set her off. Apparently, Mokou had triggered several of them.

“How could you, Mokou?” Satoko said as she anxiously paced back and forth, her hands unceasingly wringing each other. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? What you’ve done to us, to me, to them?”

“Sure,” Mokou said, unperturbed. “I stopped our kids from getting beaten to death.”

“You were going to kill that boy!”

“No, not kill, not even hurt. Just scare him a little.”

“Scare? You wanted to scare him?” Satoko let out a bitter chuckle. “I’ll say you did. Right there, in front of his family, his friends, his neighbors, in front of godsdamned everyone! You’ve gone and made us an enemy of everybody!”

Mokou folded her arms. “I’d say that already happened. You saw how everybody was treating us when we got there.”

“Not everybody! Some, yes, but not everybody! But oh, they sure are now!” Satoko stopped pacing, though her hands didn’t stop twisting against each other. “Mokou, I know you have a dark past, I know you’ve…done things that you don’t like talking about, and I’ve been content to leave things at that. I’ve left your secrets alone, and you have been nothing but a boon until now.”

Mokou quirked an eyebrow. “But?”

“But you promised me that your past wouldn’t put the children in danger! That was the one condition of letting you stay! The one condition!”

“And it hasn’t,” Mokou said. “This had nothing to do with that.”

“Hasn’t it?” Satoko laughed again. “Oh, sure, those people that tried to kill you haven’t shown up, but the person they had a quarrel with sure did! Admit it, Mokou. This wasn’t the first time you’ve had your hands around someone’s neck like that.”

That was true enough. Hell, it wasn’t even the hundredth. Maybe not even the thousandth. “No, it wasn’t. But I needed him to admit what he had done.”

“What he had done? It was a cruel comment, yes, but not deserving of strangling!”

“No? What about him perving at Haruko, Eiko, and Hayate? Besides, all most of those people saw was our kids fighting theirs, with no way of telling who started it.” She shrugged. “Well, now they do.”

“And what good did that do?” Satoko demanded. “They were looking for a fight, yes, but-”

“They were attacking our kids,” Mokou said again, making sure to emphasize the our. “They were even hitting Haruhi. Noba’s got a concussion, Shinji and Keiichi both have broken noses, and many more have black eyes, split lips, and more bruises than I care to count. Satoko, this wasn’t just a scuffle over some childish insult that got out of hand, this was an assault!”

“But-”

“No, listen to me. All those people wouldn’t have rushed to join in if they weren’t already ready to go off at the slightest excuse. Nobody other than Haruhi and the girls tried to break it up until I got there, and they were attacked for it. Satoko, something is wrong. Something is actively working to isolate us, to turn everyone against us. And I think I know what it is.”

At this, Satoko sighed. “So do I. It’s that man.”

Mokou tilted her head. “Nathaniel Skinner, right? That big tall bastard dressed mostly in brown?”

“That’s him.”

“Joshua said that he was from the Outside World too, that the two of them used to be friends.”

Satoko nodded. “Yes, I know. He and Joshua came over with a small group. They wandered into our land one night, and we gave them shelter. Most of them went to the Human Village after that, but Joshua came back. Said that his God would have wanted him to help us.”

“Oh yeah? Something tells me that he and that Skinner guy get very different messages from their God. And really, you put them up when they were lost and alone, and this is how they repay you?”

“I know, Mokou,” Satoko said wearily.

“Well, we should do something about him.”

“No!” Satoko looked horrified. “Are you insane? You can’t just kill someone!”

“I didn’t say kill him,” Mokou said, though to be perfectly honest she had been thinking that exact thing. In fact, if it came down to it, she was reasonably certain that she could get into the Human Village, conveniently “vanish” Skinner, dispose of all evidence, and get out again with nobody being the wiser. “I said do something about him.”

Satoko wasn’t buying it. “Mokou, do not. You’ve already made things bad enough already.”

“How? By saving the kids? If that would have gone on much longer, then someone could have died!”

“And I’m grateful for that, I really am! But you should have just driven them off and left it at that! But no, you had to hold one of them hostage and threaten his life in front of everyone!”

“So? He had it coming!”

Satoko stared at her. “Mokou, that doesn’t matter! Why do you think so many ran in once the other kids ran to their friends’ defense! It’s pack mentality at work! If you had just stuck to defending the children and prevented anyone else from attacking, then we could have sorted things out once everyone had calmed down. But you had to keep things hot and angry!”

“Sorted things out?” Mokou repeated in disbelief. “Satoko, what the hell? They attacked us! There is a line, and they crossed it! There’s no sorting anything after that!”

Satoko honestly looked like she wanted to slap Mokou. “Mokou, you’ve been with us for only two years. I’ve been doing this literally my entire life! Do you honestly think this is a first time one of ours got into a fight with some rowdy locals? Maybe not quite as bad as this, but it’s happened before! And when it does, you break it up, get everyone separated, and calm things down! Then you figure out who did what and who was responsible! But you…you just had to throw oil all over that fire and keep them angry! You gave them a reason to hate us! What are we supposed to do now? We’re already banned from the Human Village, and now you’ve turned the other settlements against us too?”

Mokou opened her mouth to retort, but Satoko wasn’t having it. “Think, Mokou! Think about it! Skinner’s been spreading his poison, telling people lies about us, getting them to hate orphans of all things, and you just confirmed it! You, a woman that none of them knew, just showed up out of nowhere and drove off several men twice your size! You held up a young man at least your own weight, if not heavier, with one hand and showed no signs of strain! You took that blow from Gendou’s guard without even upsetting your balance! You refused to be move by Skinner, someone who ought to have easily picked you up as if you were a child!”

“Well, now they know what they’re getting into if they mess with us again.”

“No, Mokou! You’re still not thinking! Skinner’s apparently been filling people’s heads with stories about us consorting with youkai and being tainted by them and probably getting strange and dangerous powers from them. And then you show up, doing what you did, challenging everyone to their face and demonstrating abilities that a woman of your size ought not to have! Even if most people think that Skinner’s stories are nonsense, you just gave them a reason to rethink that! Maybe, they’re wondering now, maybe there’s something to those stories! Maybe Skinner might have a point!”

Mokou frowned. When it was put like that, Satoko did have a point. Still… “So, what, I’m supposed to just bow my head and suck up to those idiots just because they’re afraid? I’m supposed to just stand aside and let them hurt our kids?”

“Of course not! I’m not upset about what you rescuing Noba and the others, I’m upset about what you did after! Tell the truth, Mokou. That wasn’t just about making a point. You were enjoying yourself.”

Mokou grimaced. It was true, she had enjoyed that burst of violence, brief as it had been. Two years were an incredibly insignificant amount of time to her, but she hadn’t gone that long without hurting another person in a long, long time. Breaking herself out of that cycle had given her nothing but relief, but part of her still craved it.

“That’s what scares me, Mokou,” Satoko said. “You know that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect the kids. But if you’re going to escalate things just…just for the fun of it, then I can’t have that. I can’t have you making yourself a danger.”

Mokou breathed in and out. “Well, maybe you have a point,” she admitted.

“I know.”

Shuffling her feet a little, Mokou put her hands in her pockets and said, “Look, if you want me to go then I’ll go. But right now, I don’t think that you should.”

Satoko sighed. “I know. Despite my…frustration, you did save them, and it would be…unbecoming of me to throw you out after that. Besides, what’s done is done, and if things are really getting that bad, then…then we might need someone like you.”

Now that was sort of scary to hear, and Mokou found herself wondering if Skinner might not accidentally have a point. Granted, all that business about being tainted by youkai was complete nonsense, but Mokou had been at the orphanage for only two years and already it was under the threat of…invasion? War? Maybe there was a curse at play. Maybe violence just followed her wherever she went.

“That’s…disturbing,” she said. “But we can deal with that when it comes. Right now though, we have another problem.”

“Oh?”

Mokou nodded toward the barn, where the kids were trying to recover. “Yeah. Them. They just had the fright of their lives. Even the ones that didn’t get hurt just saw what probably looked like all the Humans in Gensokyo turning on them. They’ve already lost their families, and now their own species is after them. They’re scared, they’re confused, and they’re angry.”

“I know that, Mokou.”

“Do you? Look, you know people better than I do, but I know fear better than you. Get mad at me for losing it if you must, but don’t show it in front of them. Because right now, we’re the only ones that seem like we’re on their side. We need to present a unified front, show them that we’re all working together to protect them.”

Satoko thought on that for a moment, and then nodded. “Okay, that makes sense. What else?”

Mokou frowned. “Well, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Obviously this is going to come up again, and you’re going to try to work something out. But in the meantime…” She shrugged. “Look, I left my past life behind, sure, but I still, uh, know a few people, people who have their ears to the ground. In fact, just last night I was given a sort of head’s up from one of them.”

“What?”

“Look, I’m not saying it has anything to do with what happened, but I got word that some sort of shenanigans is brewing in the Youkai Forest. I don’t know anything in specific, but apparently the nasty things that live in there are up to something.”

Satoko looked incredulous. “Wait, are you saying that are problems really are youkai related, only…from them instead of us? You think youkai might be behind whatever Skinner and Sonozika are doing?”

“No clue. Might be a coincidence, but the timing’s suspect. Anyway, I’m thinking I should look up some old friends, see if they’ve heard anything.”

“Wait, what kind of friends?” Satoko said, alarmed.

“Well, the Hakurei Shrine Maiden for one. We’ve worked together a couple of times in the past. There’s also a hermit or two of my acquaintance, might go poking around the inhabitants of the Youkai Mountain as well. They don’t have much to do with the Youkai Forest despite having pretty much the same name, but they are nothing but relentless when it comes to sniffing out gossip. If anything’s up, they would have at least heard of it.” Mokou frowned. “In fact, that brawl back there will probably be making headlines on their papers tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Satoko said. “Well, I guess that…makes sense.”

Truth be told, Mokou had left a few names off that list. It was better if Satoko didn’t know everything about what she was up to. “In the meantime though, we should prepare the kids for a worst-case scenario. Flying lessons are coming up, in fact. I know it’s just going to be the kids in the twelve to fourteen range, but the younger ones ought to learn as well. We should also look to see if anyone’s got any neat powers we could use, and start drilling them to-”

“No!” Satoko snapped. “We are not turning them into an army!”

Mokou paused, and then said, “Satoko, we may not have a choice.”

“I don’t care,” Satoko said stubbornly. “My family started the Children’s Home so that they could have something resembling a normal life, and I intend to give it to them. They need to have things return to normal as soon as possible.”

“Normal? Satoko, you told me to think, now it’s your turn! I already told you, this wasn’t just some idiots being idiots! I’m telling you, something is wrong! There’s something in motion, something that’s going after us, after our kids. And I’ll bet my bottom yen that that Skinner guy is at the center of it!”

…

Back in the washroom of his house in the Human Village, Nathaniel Skinner dipped a washcloth in the bowl of soapy water and carefully cleaned the sweat off his face.

He was standing bare-chested in front of the half-length mirror set in the wall. Obtaining it had been ridiculously difficult. This godforsaken country was so out of touch with civilization that glass was considered a luxury, at least where he was stuck. But he had gotten his hands on one, and now could see his profile in full.

He did not like what he saw.

His face was flushed, and his body glistened with sweat. He had managed to keep his cool, but it had been a close thing. That strange woman had upset him far greater than he could have expected. That was a problem. She was just a woman, after all. She ought not have that much of an effect on him.

But he knew better than that. She was more than just a woman. He wasn’t sure what she was exactly, but he meant to find out.

Sighing, he set to work wiping himself down. Then he gingerly dipped his right hand into another basin, this one filled with warm water treated with herbs. He winced as the pins and needles erupted all over his palm and wrist, but he kept it submerged until the pain was too much to bear. Then he carefully dried it, though even the touch of the soft cloth was painful.

He then picked up a set of clean linens and began to bind up his right hand. Tighter and tight he wound the cloth, until it was completely encased.

From outside, he heard a fervent knock at the front door. Skinner started at the sudden sound, and then he cursed. Who was it now?

A moment later the Mai, the housekeeper, knocked hesitantly at the door. “Master Skinner?” she said. “Master Sonozika is here to see you.”

Of course he was. “Let him in, and offer refreshments!” he called through the wooden door. “I’ll be along shortly!”

Skinner hastily pulled on his clothes, starting with his long-sleeved shirt, then his heavy leather coat, and finally the thick gloves. He finished buttoning up his shirt, repositioned his silver crucifix, and checked himself in the mirror.

It would have to do.

Gendou was fretting in the front room. That was no surprise; Gendou was always fretting. It got aggravating at times, but on the plus side it did make him quite receptive to just about anything Nathaniel had to say.

When he saw Nathaniel enter the room, he perked up immediately. “Ah, Skinner. Good. Sorry for popping by on such short notice, but-” Then his piggish eyes narrowed. “Good gods, man! Do you even wear that thing indoors? You must be sweltering!”

Quite the opposite, really. “I often find myself called away on the Lord’s work on short notice,” Nathaniel said. “So I find it easier to always be dressed for an unexpected journey.”

“Journey to where? You never leave the village!” Then before Nathaniel could respond, Gendou just shrugged and said, “Oh, never mind. It doesn’t matter. But we have to talk about what happened at the market! That was outrageous!”

On that, Nathaniel agreed. “But not at all unexpected. It is, after all, what I’ve been telling you.”

“No, not at all. And you were right, of course.” With a sigh, Gendou settled down into a nearby chair. “Still, it’s so hard to believe. They’re just children, after all. Wild, savage, totally ungovernable children, but children nevertheless.”

“Well, that’s how they operate. The evil ones, I mean. Corrupt the children, go after the parents. And when parents are lacking, go after the good men and women. It is the same back in my world as well.” Skinner then changed the subject. “Still, as troublesome as all of this was, it was…very illuminating.”

“I’ll say it was! They were like animals! Especially that one woman, the one with the red pants. Do you know her?”

“Not until today. Apparently she’s the orphanage’s cook, which says something about them. Joshua Stump said that her name was Fujiwara no Mokou. Does that name mean anything to you?”

Gendou didn’t respond.

“Gendou?”

The small man had gone completely pale. He face was sweat even at the best of times, but now his pores were practically gushing.

Nathaniel frowned. “Gendou, are you all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Which, to be fair, was something of a literal occurrence around those parts.

“What? No, I…” Gendou licked his lips. “Well, maybe.”

“You recognize that name?”

“Er, ah, I have heard of someone with that name before, but…” He shook his head. “No, it must be a coincidence. That person lived long before Gensokyo was even created! She would have been dead and buried for centuries by now!”

“Unless she became a youkai,” Nathaniel pointed out. He didn’t have any idea who Gendou was talking about, but he was now very curious.

Gendou gasped. “Is it her, then? Is she the youkai?”

No, she was not. There were youkai that looked incredibly Human, enough to fool the unwise and unlearned perhaps, but Nathaniel was able to tell at a glance whether or not someone was Human or something else. And this woman, this “Mokou” was certainly no youkai, though she wasn’t exactly Human either. Still, while falsehood were explicitly against his faith, he felt that God would forgive him this one, as it served a higher purpose. “Without any doubt,” he said solemnly.

“No,” Gendou whispered. “No, it can’t be. She…she murdered my ancestors. The stories about her…and now she’s here for me!”

Nathaniel still didn’t know what Gendou was talking about, but he knew an opportunity when he saw it. “It makes sense then, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. All of it. How could I have been so blind?”

Nathaniel sat down next to him and placed his left hand on Gendou’s shoulder, his right squeezing his crucifix. “You see, then, the importance of acting quickly.”

“Right. Right. You have a plan, then?”

“That I do, but there are some things that I need to set in motion first.” He rubbed the bristles of his beard with his left hand, the right still gripping his cross.

“What things?” Gendou asked.

Nathaniel smiled. “Don’t worry yourself, my old friend. Leave it to me.”

“Right, of course,” Gendou said. He stood up. “Just…keep me informed…of anything that I ought to be informed of.”

The implicit meaning was clear. If you have to do anything that will upset my people, then I’d damn well better not hear about it. “Don’t worry yourself, Gendou,” Nathaniel said. “The Lord’s plan may not seem clear at first, but it has never failed me yet.”

“Yes, well, here’s hoping it stays that way,” Gendou said albeit a bit skeptically. He was respectful of Nathaniel and his parishioners’’ faith, but he did not share it himself. “Though speaking of which, what of your friend?”

Nathaniel sighed. “I pray that God opens Brother Joshua’s eyes before it is too late. He always had a soft spot for children, and doesn’t always see the dangers of corruption.”

“Well, that’s too bad,” Gendou said as he stood up and headed for the door. “In the meantime, I’ve got those country people lined up at my door demanding some kind of explanation, like it was my fault!”

“God go with you, Gendou,” Nathaniel said. “Though, ah, by the by…”

“Hmmm?”

“Back during that ruckus, did you by any chance notice one of the orphans in particular? Specifically, a small girl with short silver hair?”

Gendou frowned. “Ah, no, most of my attention was on that…that woman. Why?”

“No reason,” Nathaniel said. “No reason at all.”

…

I can’t think of anything to say, other than this chapter was kind of a headache due to having so many moving parts present in a relatively short scene. Oh well.

Until next time, everyone.

#touhou project #touhou #fanfic #imperfect metamorphosis #rumia #keine #fujiwara no mokou

6 notes · View notes

mayflyinspace · 5 years

Text

Character Analysis: Asuka Langley Sohryu

disclaimer: I stole this so i could put a read more, the original borrowed post is from ariesgender

this was originally written by @ritsumaya in 2014 but most of the post was lost due to them deleting. @ritsumaya2 is an archive of some of their posts

Buckle up. It’s time to go on a massive analysis of Asuka Langley Sohryuu, or How Most of the Casual Fandom Gets Her Wrong.

Featuring!

The importance of pilothood to Asuka.

Her relationships with Kaji, Shinji, and Rei.

The meaning of the “Hell Kitchen” scene in End of Evangelion.

An explanation of histrionic personality disorder.

And so much more!

It’s also very long, clocking in at twelve thousand four hundred forty-seven words. If I miss anything, let me know.

Okay, so lets get goin’!

Provocative (or seductive) behavior

Relationships are considered more intimate than they actually are

Attention-seeking

Influenced easily

Speech (style) wants to impress; lacks detail

Emotional liability; shallowness

Make-up; physical appearance is used to draw attention to self

Exaggerated emotions; theatrical

And so Asuka, inappropriately, attempts to seduce him.

And speaking of Shinji, it��s about time to get into Asuka’s adventures in Japan.

Now interestingly enough, at the beginning of episode nine, wherein Asuka finally arrives in Japan, we get this interesting, prophetic exchange of students talking about Asuka:

We also take this opportunity to remind our viewers of the man about whom Asuka truly cares, being Kaji, complete with a small heart and all.

We also in this sequence see a rather interesting line from Asuka:

Oh, hey, remember what I was saying about Asuka having a fairly small breast size? Check out the screencap above. Compare it to the scene on the boat, and you’ll see what I mean.

And eventually we end up at the infamous asushin kiss, the kiss which many fans of asushin herald as a great proof of the canon nature of asushin. Let’s take a look, shall we?

Shinji doesn’t look too happy at the prospect of such a kiss.

She then grabs his nose and kisses him suddenly. They stay that way for a while without moving, locked in a fairly awkward kiss.

Poor Shinji can’t breathe, and he begins to turn red, then blue, as Asuka literally suffocates him.

Asuka turns away and runs to the bathroom to gargle.

Kaji kindly declines the offer, pointing out that he needs to go home, and Asuka insists. Shinji might be useless trash, but surely Kaji will save the day.

At any rate, Asuka requests that she use Misato’s perfume, and Misato refuses her.

Asuka isn’t.

(Now, I’m going to do a bit of a topic change so that I can talk about Rei and Misato, and how they relate to Asuka.)

There are students everywhere. Asuka has put Rei, who clearly doesn’t care, on the spot. Rei, very rightfully, asks why.

Now, Asuka doesn’t reply that she wants to be friends with Rei, or that she finds Rei interesting, or, in reality, anything that one would normally say. No. Asuka responds:

‘Because it’d be convenient, in lots of ways.’ Of course, Asuka is understandably simply being Asuka. Asuka doesn’t really know how to interact with other people except by establishing herself as dominant and very clearly and obviously setting up a one-way relationship in which they pay attention to her and she gives the appearance of not giving a shit about them. However, let’s give Asuka props for reaching out to Rei. Asuka doesn’t want to strike up a hatred of Rei, which is something that people tend to miss: Asuka doesn’t just walk around looking for conflict. She genuinely tried to become friends with Rei.

Unlike everyone else at the school, however, Rei doesn’t care for Asuka’s status. Rei doesn’t really care about anything at all.

Asuka is pretty dumbfounded at this. ‘If I’m ordered to, I will.’ Instead of trying desperately to become an adult as Asuka is doing, Rei is essentially akin to a robot from Asuka’s perspective, simply waiting for orders.

And then Shinji takes over.

When Rei continues to try to genuinely help her, Asuka desperately screams out:

In the end, Asuka isn’t independent. Asuka is dependent and unable to save herself. And Asuka, at the end of the day, is saved by the most (from her point of view) dependent doll of all.

It’s a slap in the face (sorry, babe). It’s a complete destruction of everything for which Asuka stands. Arael utterly destroys her and what saves her is the thing that she hates most.

But more on Arael later. First, it’s time to discuss her relationship with Misato.

I’ve already covered most of her relationship with Misato in sections above and in sections below, so consider this to be a quick recap: In essence, Misato represents what Asuka both wants and doesn’t want. Misato is a validated adult woman who has sex and wins the “Kaji Bowl”. Asuka wants to be like Misato on the surface because she wants to be akin to Misato in terms of being an independent adult (she kisses Shinji partially because she believes, rightfully, that that’s what Kaji and Misato are doing on their date). And yet Asuka is disgusted by Misato; she’s disgusted when she asks if she’ll grow up to be like Misato, and she shames Misato for all of the sex. She doesn’t actually want to be Misato; she doesn’t actually, deep in her heart want to grow up.

(Back to validation / etc.)

As a perfectionist (something also common to HPD), Asuka won’t allow herself to look bad.

She can’t have that. In a very Shinjiesque moment, she resolves not to run away.

Because who is Asuka? The outer shell that she puts out (and that much of the fandom gobbles up), or the broken Asuka?

Asuka claims that this isn’t the real her (which is true, because it isn’t the real her).

Of course, Arael, much like Leliel before them, isn’t having any of this shit.

In the case of the Second Children, Instrumentality simply repeats what we already know what her in explicit detail for those who missed it.

This is only exacerbated by the shot of Asuka screaming and grabbing her abdomen.

We see Asuka next in the Hell Kitchen. Now, the Hell Kitchen is Asuka’s equivalent to Shinji’s Hell Train, which we just witnessed about.

(Above is coffee cup during Instrumentality [rewatch the scene if you don’t believe me]. Below is the coffee cup from the Kaji’s death revelation scene.)