#but since it's the anniversary i'm cool with it
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One Year
A/N: Hey guys!!! Sorry its been ages and ages and ages since my last fic. Genuinely so sorry. Idk how I feel about this one and the next one I'm posting, so let me know what you think. I live off of comments, reblogs and likes btw!!! Also this is NOT BETAD. SORRY!!
Simon stands next to you, hands shoved deep in his pockets. For a long while, neither of you says anything. After a few minutes, days, months, years, he breaks the silence with a mumbled "Remember when we got our first house?"
When you dont respond, he continues.
"You were so happy. I was so happy. We were young and in love and everything was good."
He says 'we were in love' as if he ever fell out of love with you.
A deeply sad and bitter chuckle sounds from him.
"It was just a shitty flat. Not even safe to live in, probably. But it was ours."
It was really yours, if he was being honest. Everything in his life was yours. But once he'd puttered about the place, tightening screws and greasing hinges, it felt like it could be a little bit his. Just a little.
He pauses, swallows, squeezes his eyes shut.
"I fucked you in every room of that house."
His voice is hoarse, pained.
"We called it fucking because we wanted to be, I dunno, mature. Cool. But it was making love. Everything we did together was making love."
His voice gets quieter and quieter before finally cracking.
"You got pregnant. It was the singular best moment of my life when you told me." He makes a choked sound, "A kid would have been lucky to have you as a mom. We would have been lucky to have a id. But luck was never on our side for long, was it?"
He shakes his head sharply, moves on.
"Remember when we bought our house? When we got married? When we went to the ocean for our honeymoon? I do. I remember every blissfully happy moment."
He chuckles again, but this time its actually a slightly happy sound.
"Every time I looked at you I was struck dumb by how beautiful you were. How lucky I was to have you."
He snorts.
"I say 'was' as if you ever got less beautiful."
"You always used to asked me if I was okay, if I was having flashbacks. But most of the time I was just stunned by how perfect you were."
He takes a deep breath, opens his eyes.
"Remember all our anniversaries? The flowers and the smiles and the photo albums and the extra kisses?"
He waits for a second, as if he expects you to say something. When you dont, he continues.
"I loved our anniversaries, but really they were just like any other day. We always loved each other. We would always go do things together."
His voice drops again like he's admitting something shameful.
"I dont know what to do with my days anymore."
He confesses.
"I'm re-enlisting, I think. If they'll take me. Maybe as a training officer. Although I always did hate the rookies..."
He pauses, almost smiles.
"I remember whenever I came home complaining about them, you'd just give me a kiss on the forehead and say they 'just wanted to be me'."
"I always told you that that was stupid, because why would anyone want to be me? I'm nothing."
"And you would always say 'you're mine' and then I had to agree: all the rookies probably did want t be me. Anyone would."
The silence creeps back in, thick and suffocating.
"I have too many things at home now."
He whispers.
"Too many florals. I dont know what to do with 'em."
His voice is barely audible.
"I miss you. I love you."
He gently caresses your headstone and lets a few tears fall.
Its been a year since you died, but he still visits you daily. After all, the both of you had promised to talk every day, even if you were mad at each other. Who was he to break that?
#simon ghost riley x reader#cod x reader#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#ghost x you#ghost x y/n#simon ghost riley x you#call of duty x you#call of duty#call of duty x y/n#simon riley x y/n#simon ghost riley x female reader#ghost x female reader#call of duty x female reader#cod x female reader
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edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer edward shimmer e
on occasion - edward nashton x gn!reader headcanons
elijah's anniversary celebration: post one!
✨ shimmer prompt: give me a character, and i will write a piece on how they would handle having a crush. ✨
{contains: edward being flustered and obsessive, general fluffy butterfly feelings!}
note: i am so sorry it took me so long to get to these. you can expect quite a few pieces to be published in the coming days! thank you for reading and supporting my work. xoxo, eli <3
♡ It would all be far simpler if Edward had the ability to admire in moderation. If only he could offer you the smallest speck of his heart, the littlest share of his love. That was just his problem. Edward Nashton did not love, but when he did, moderation was not possible. He loved all-encompassingly, with wide, sparkling eyes full of hope and a wildly skipping heart doused in desperate desire. There was nothing he could do to shake you from his thoughts. He simply wasn't able to rip you away from his brain.
♡ You didn't even do anything special; you just lived your life. But that was enough. Your pure, unfiltered existence was enough to have him entranced. Ever since you moved into his complex, he spent his days going crazy, waiting by his cellphone for a text or call. Hey, Ed, I'm off work! Wanna hang out? Hey, Edward, I'm going to the store! Want me to pick a treat up for you at the bakery section? God, you were so thoughtful. So caring. So funny and witty and so irresistibly you. Everything about you had him begging for scraps. Any piece of your backstory or future goals only fueled the crackling fire burning in his soul.
♡ Edward recognizes that the enormity of his longing could be perceived as overbearing or creepy. That's the last thing he would want, to scare you away. He can barely survive each day in his skin as is; he couldn't live with himself if he made you uncomfortable. So he does what he can to hold back. He declines your invitations to hang out sometimes so as to not seem clingy. He leaves you on delivered for a little while, even though he's practically glued to his phone, the intense, monstrous ghoul of FOMO looming over his shoulder.
♡ Even still, his crush is pretty pathetically obvious. He laughs hard and loud each time you tell a stupid joke. He blushes deeply when you compliment him, and his anxious finger-fiddling and lip biting isn't lost on you.
♡ Crystal clear, grade A anxiety. That's how he deals with a crush. He feels a rush of wildflowers bloom colorfully and brightly in his heart each time your name appears on his phone or he sees you in the complex's hallway. His stomach churns and his palms get clammy and goodness, he feels like an awkwardly love-drunk adolescent when he sees you: your glittering, smiling eyes, the way you walk and talk and smile at him...it all swirls around through his body like a whipping windstorm.
♡ He doesn't have the option of not overthinking every interaction, either. Did I say the right thing? Did I act the right way? Was I...cool? Jesus, he really did sound like a teenager, not a grown, mature man in his thirties with a real adult job and real adult responsibilities.
♡ The occasional high of courage shoots through him. He'll occasionally initiate a hang out session. He'll occasionally drop off a gift, maybe a baked pastry or a little trinket he found at the thrift that made him think of you. He'll occasionally write letters and practice speeches confessing his feelings towards you, and he'll occasionally rip the papers up and cringe into his pillow at the quivering in his voice.
♡ Maybe Edward doesn't know what to do with these monstrous feelings of adoration now, but it'll come to the tipping point where he can't bear the feeling of those blooming flowers in his heart anymore. They will outgrow their cage eventually, and he can only pray that you'll accept them and tend to them with him.
#eli's writing#danonation#paul dano#edward nashton#the riddler#the batman#edward nashton x reader#the riddler x reader#edward nashton x you#the riddler x you#edward nashton x y/n#the riddler x y/n#elijah's anniversary celebration 24
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It's true— she told me herself! 💞
(Blank template under the cut!)
#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Pizza Tower#Brick the Rat#Brick Pizza Tower#Sprite Art#Aseprite#Meme Template#Coolness#SHE/HER BRICK BELIEVERS RISE UP!!!#I've had this sitting around for a couple of months now...#... but with Pizza Tower's first anniversary coming up I figured now would be a good enough time to post it!#I have a drawing planned for the big day too even if it's nothing too spectacular. I'm sure y'all will love it nonetheless#But yeah since I posted that collection of Brick doodles I've exclusively been referring to Brick with she/her pronouns#You look at her and tell me she DOESN'T radiate girlypop vibes.#I might be projecting a bit as a trans woman myself... but Brick being a girl just feels a lot more natural and right to me#Brick to my knowledge isn't addressed with any set of pronouns in-game so as far as I'm aware it's fair game#This of course is merely my own interpretation!#People are allowed to have their own headcanons and anyone who starts discourse over this will be blocked on sight 💕#🏳️⚧️ Brick the Rat says trans rights! 🏳️⚧️
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happy birthday to the cultural event that is the pochapal umineko liveblog
#umineko liveblog#the celebration plan is to read all of chapter 14 today#since i wanna be considerate of audience timezones and stuff i'm aiming to begin in about two or three hours from now#it probably would have been better if i was doing chapter 13 instead so i could do a cool dramatic murderchapter on the anniversary#but deeplore question provoking thematically dense aftermath chapters can also be fun in their own way
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welp back to bed with me.. beenn up for literally like 5 hours and I've been told my internship will probably fall through, though I won't know until literal days before I'm supposed to start. had to cancel what little plans I had for my birthday because of the weather and I haven't eaten anything in like 48 hours..
#vent post#you think you have some things settled and then everything just falls apart#I was fine with grilling alone with my parents and wife because at least I'd get to eat that day without feeling guilty for spending money#but since it's gonna be raining for the next week straight I think I'm just gonna cancel it all together#like wow you'll buy food to grill as a birthday present but not give me money for groceries.. just letting us starve... cool.. fuck you too#i also really wanted to go to the new queer bar for my birthday because they're doing their 1 year anniversary event the same day#but i have like... no friends#to the point that i only found out that a queer bar had been open in this town for 11 months a week ago#after a literal decade with no lgbt spaces in this part of the country#but hey what do you expect when your last interaction with an irl friend you had was “hey do y'all wanna go to this concert together”#just to be told they had bought tickets weeks in advance and didn't feel like telling you lol... last december
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Typed “15 years of PnF” into my notes app where I jot down ideas for gifsets, and man, that was a jarring phrase to write
#ANYWAY i'm gonna do something cool#i haven't posted enough about this show ever since i moved blogs#the anniversary is in august if you don't know but alas i am a slow editor
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Really really specific but hear me out: have you ever been looking for an item to buy--maybe it's a specific item, like something for a collection that you've been chasing for a while, maybe it's something more general, like a new book to read-- and you're out at a store browsing, not even looking for anything in particular, and all of a sudden you find Exactly what you were looking for? And not only that, but maybe you were also thinking of your f/o while you were shopping. Maybe it happens to be your anniversary with them (or within a few days), maybe it's your birthday, or maybe you were just taking a day to yourself to relax and have fun and you were imagining your f/o tagging along with you. And somehow the timing of it, combined with finding something that's exactly what you've been searching for, without even really looking for it, almost feels like your f/o sending you a present. They know exactly what you would like and the things you wanted to find, and they wanted to send you a little something to let you know they love you and they're thinking of you.
(Sure, you still have to pay for it yourself, but they would absolutely have bought it for you if they were with you and stores accepted whatever currency they have on hand in their dimension)
#ellie rambles#inspired by that time I found a black label copy of Jak II with the booklet in a comic store on my first anniversary with Errol#and also by today's 'go to marshall's to get out of the house' trip where I unexpectedly stumbled upon a lone 'day out' Draculaura doll#the same one that I've been trying to find in person for months#I'm not even a doll collector I just think the new MH dolls are cool and really pretty and I kinda wanted to get some of them#anyway she was $15 and I bought her immediately and I couldn't help but think that she was a cross-dimensional present from one of my boys#however I can't figure out if it would be from Anti since our anniversary is Friday#or if it's from Julian since he's the newest and the one occupying all my thoughts lately
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UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer.
1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea.
2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved.
So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it.
Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last.
He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st.
Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th.
Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box.
I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of.
He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore.
I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me.
OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man.
Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world
PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox
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Happy birthday to the number one princess in the world!! 💖
~from her biggest fans :)
ramble of my scattered thoughts on the piece under cut as usual cuz i love talking ��
This has been an idea I've been cookin for a while, and it was so cluttered and unlike any other ensemble piece I've made... and I decided I oughta do it anyway. I love Miku, I love Vocaloid, and I wanted to do something really ambitious and crazy for her anniversary. Crazy that she's turning her "canon" age this year TwT
I had the idea floating around since like, May...? And then finally started acting on it around June 18. I'm terrible with deadlines, obvious with how I can never make a silly birthday post in time, so I started wayyyy ahead to make sure I have some room to be lazy lol, especially with an idea as ambitious as this.
This was finished on July 12! So I had to sit on this for an annoying amount of time. Very difficult for someone like me who just wants to talk about everything I'm working on to the masses. But at the very least, that gave me the time to work on the draft for this post.
~~~
Here's some ~behind the scenes~ scribbles leading up to the finished piece!
Left is the chicken scratch plan i made in my handy dandy notebook (whenever things are getting real and ambitious, i always made a rough ROUGH plan in there. Usually I'd do a rough pass of the full thing, but this was too complicated for me to do traditionally. I majorly benefited from digital tools to make this possible). CyberDiva and CyberSongman were considered, but I ended up cutting them cuz I just didn't feel like drawing them sorry-- (just pretend they're off to the side. They gave Ruby and Clara the pizza lol).
Right is the "final" completed sketch (before I decided to include Chika mid-way through coloring and VY1 and VY2 near the finish line). I started by drawing the main "groups" separated on a different canvas so I can plop them into the main canvas for easy rearranging and transforming. However I got lazy and ended up drawing everyone in the bottom right corner directly on the canvas since I liked seeing the big picture of everyone's positions. Y'know.
Almost excluded Chika! But I like her design so much that I just felt like including her last-minute. You win this time, Chika fans.
VY1 and VY2 were very close to being cut! I added them when I began doing the banner and thought "eh why not". I figured their non-human designs would be pretty easy to include pushed back in the bg. Ik VY1 is more commonly associated with the fan design, but I referenced the hairpin cuz it was simpler and the fan looked very annoying to draw 😭
Sorry to the fans of many Vocaloids I had to cut because this composition was insane enough as is. I promise I wanted to include fellas like CUL, LUMi and Sachiko 😭 I will admit I was a little biased on who I wanted to include over others. Like, I don't normally care for Bruno and Clara, but I wanted to get some more international 'loids in the mix. Also wanted to stick in the realm of official designs and not fan-designs since, as much as I can appreciate those, are just a whole "wait who is that guy supposed to be" situation I didn't wanna deal with.
I also did wanna include even more character references through the balloons, but they ended up being kind of ugly and overcomplicated the BG :,)
(Oh, and while this was originally planned to be a Vocaloid-only piece, I did end up including Teto, Neru, and Haku 'cuz those are Miku's besties dude!!! They may not be Officially in the club but they're her girls and it would be criminal to not invite them to her birthday).
Anyway, this project marks the first time I've drawn a lot of Vocaloids. Lily, Piko, Rana, Yuki, Yukari, Miki, Maika, and many more lol. All of 'em I've heard or seen in passing, but now I actually drew them, and some have really cool and fun designs!! I got into a habit of drawing Merli after this since I just love her design for example. And I'll probably be drawing more lol!!
Oh and the last thing I'll add for now!! The cake is indeed made up of various song references!! I wanted to reference the "big four" producers, just absolute icons in Vocaloid history. The pink/black checkerboard is "World is Mine" (Ryo), the crescents on the side is "Rolling Girl" (Wowaka), the smiley faces is "Matryoshka" (Hachi), and the three hearts on the side is "The Vampire" (DECO*27, which is sort of a symbol of his whole Mannequin album tbh). I know "The Vampire" is a bit modern but I couldn't think of anything else off the top of my head. I'm a fake DECO fan I know 😔 "Matryoshka" was originally going to be referenced in the colors of the candles but believe me it looked like shit so I just went for something else last minute 😭
That's all I have to say!!! Hope you didn't mind the text wall if you made it here. I hope you like it as much as I do!!!! Happy freakin' birthday Miku!!!!
I have to deal with tagging all these characters now for my page,,, in the drafts my tags got cut off after a certain point so I think I'm massively breaching the tag limit 😭 um... I'll figure that out later...
not losing sleep that i can't tag everyone, even for page organization purposes because some characters have pretty generic names and some are a little hard to see in full yknow. If you're one of those people who tag every character in the art piece you reblog... I am very sorry.
#mayor doidles#fanart#vocaloid#hatsune miku#miku#kagamine rin#kagamine len#rin and len#meiko#kaito#megurine luka#gumi#kamui gakupo#ia#vflower#mayu#kaai yuki#oliver#otomachi una#fukase#sf-a2 miki#utatane piko#yohioloid#big al#sweet an#kasane teto#i literally dont think i can tag everyone. um. so you get the idea right#digital art#cell shaded
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On this very day four years ago, beloved baby boy Casey Treverton was drawn for the very first time, inevitably giving way to me starting to conceptualize for Override.
Which means today is somebody's very special day! 💙✨⭐
#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Star's OCs#Override#Casey Treverton#Coolness#Ladies and gentlemen and all in-between... HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!#I figured since today is plenty a special day that I would draw Casey again for the first time in a long while#... and I ended up with an artstyle fit for Override!#Surely a few of my followers have been with me long enough to remember both him and his friends right?#Well I've decided that I'm most certainly going to be making more Override content later this year as well as early next year!#Which means that not one but two OC universes I haven't done a lot with recently are going to be getting attention... 👀#I do intend on drawing a new reference for Casey as well as the other three in this exact style#Most excited for MacKenzie in particular since I've been wanting to draw a ref of her for my bestie Organ#I suppose you could consider September 20th the official Override anniversary day...#... though I feel like the true day I first mentioned anything about it is a few days earlier. I'll have to check the archives!#But yeah... with all of that said... HAPPY BIRTHDAY CASEY!!!!!!!!
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the phantom mask i got at goodwill! :D
#it's so cool to have a phantom mask! :D#the website on the back is from australia!!! :o#and i didn't expect there to be ribbons! :D#just like rewrite erik's mask :)#and it's a big version of plushie phantom's mask! ;D#edit: i went to the playbill au website through wayback machine since the url changed in 2016 and alas! all i could find were 3 lnd things#all those years to look through and no phantom mask in sight :/#ooh maybe someone went to the show in australia and bought the mask there! :o#that would be so awesome!!! :D#i found the mask on the poto broadway shop and the box is the 25th anniversary design (and the promo pic is weird)#it looks to be the same one though! ;)#no matter when it's from i'm so happy to have a mask of my own! :D
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November Magma "1st Anniversary" results!!
Main event: Anniversary Party!
It's already been a year since I started running these monthly events, would you believe that!! For this special occassion we invited Pokémon characters for a big party in the Battle Subway, and it turned out fantastic!! Check it out!!
There are many cool references to our previous Magma events in these scenes! Can you spot them all?
Two of the amazing backgrounds (the train entrance) contributed by @beastkonohaworld and the plushie showcase is by @fishmanfishman3 (on Twitter)!
The other half of the event is under the cut!
Mini-event: Zoroark Party!
This lovely forest party venue was made by @wafflecat2!
Mini-event: Chemmet's 1st Birthday Party!
This cute little guy @beastkonohaworld created has appeared in every single doodle session since the very beginning and has been bringing cheer and love for numerous artists and their works!! Likes and comments are always very much appreciated, but it's really something else when someone actually interacts with your art! Chemmet has given so much for us, so now it's his turn to receive all the love!
And finally: November free doodle session results!
So much wonderful art here!! Some folks did something really cool and redrew their earliest Magma pieces here!! To see the improvement so concretely is very exciting and rewarding to see, you've all worked really hard on your art throughout the year!!
I am proud of these results, I'm proud of your hard work, and I'm proud to have been your monthly event host for 13 months straight! It has been quite the personal challenge but it has also been a great pleasure: seeing you all draw, connect, have fun and create amazing things together has very much been worth the effort!! Once again:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING MY MAGMA EVENTS!!!
I hope to see you all in our next event on December 25-30th!
#jun's magma events#submas#pokemon ingo#pokemon emmet#chemmet#pokemon elesa#pokemon n#pokemon hilda#pokemon hilbert#team rocket#pokemon giovanni#pokemon proton#pokemon flannery#pokemon barry#pokemon volo#pokemon melli#pokemon adaman#pokemon guzma#pokemon gladion#pokemon cyrus#pokemon evelyn#pokemon leon#pokemon hop#pokemon victor#pokemon gloria#pokemon bede#pokemon cilan#pokemon allister#zorua#zoroark
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✩ LIKE A DOG WITH A BIRD AT YOUR DOOR
toxic!ellie x reader (modern)
a/n: will post to ao3: baptismsbaby
warnings: ANGST. cannot stress it enough. cheater!ellie i'm so sorry for that, reader is super jealous and it's hinted she can be possessive, ellie isn't super toxic but i mean.. she cheats that's toxic enough lmao, brief mention of s*mno and drugs. brief mention of vomiting as well. no smut just depressing sorry
songs to listen to: moon song by phoebe bridgers, i know it's over by the smiths, i bet on losing dogs by mitski, become the warm jets by current joys
creds to elliesgalaxy on pinterest for the ellie pic
wc: 3.5k<3
Ellie had made a new friend.
You and Ellie were at a college party a couple months ago. It was a part of y’all’s routine. Classes Monday-Thursday, party Friday and Saturday, and use Sunday to recover from the hangover. You would go and dance, drink, smoke, and on the occasion do a couple lines of coke. Ellie didn’t dance but loved watching you from the bar. A girl your age sat next to Ellie and striked a conversation with her. When you noticed, you immediately power walked on over. Ellie was beautiful, a lot of girls wanted her. Ellie would turn them away. She didn’t care about anyone else but you. Why is she talking to this stranger?
Come to find out, her name was Lila. Ellie and Lila went to the same high school years ago and wanted to catch up with Ellie. Lila had a long term boyfriend and majored in psychology. Once you knew she was straight, you left them alone after shaking Lila’s hand. You were no longer worried and just wanted to get as crossed as you could.
The next morning, Ellie woke you up with a finger inside of you. The entire time you couldn’t focus due to the constant beeping of her phone. You asked her to stop and reached for Ellie’s phone, tapping the screen to see Lila had texted Ellie eight times. You thought it was strange but according to Ellie, instead of saying everything she wanted in a single text, she’d send multiple. She had been texting Lila since she got you back to your dorm. You found it strange that Ellie had already caught on to her texting patterns but told yourself Lila was straight, nothing is wrong, Ellie made a friend and they’re getting to know each other. You were afraid of losing Ellie. So many girls would tell you how lucky you were. You knew it but saw red when being told that. To you, it meant they would throw themselves at Ellie if you weren’t in the picture.
Ellie began hanging with Lila in her dorm, which was a floor above yours. She’d text you every five minutes to keep you updated and even gave you Lila’s number so the two of you could become friends. She came off as clingy but was super sweet. Ellie made plans to go out to the bar with you and invited Lila so you could hit it off. You did, you actually adored her so much. She was super cool and funny. She’d talk shit to guys who tried to hit on her and would come to you or Ellie’s defense if anyone tried flirting with either of you. You liked that about her. She was loyal, a girl’s girl, overall a fun person to be around. The three of you would hang out often, sometimes just Ellie and Lila, sometimes you and Lila. Lila would boast about her boyfriend and ask a lot of questions about your relationship with Ellie. The sex, fights, anniversaries, little things Ellie would do, etc. It all fascinated Lila. She’d talk about how her boyfriend Josh was silent and off putting but gentle towards her. You enjoyed bonding with her.
You felt it had been awhile since you went on a date with Ellie. You decided to surprise her by showing up to her dorm, tossing rose petals all over the floor and lighting candles for an intimate setting. You knew Ellie would love it. But she never came. You had called beforehand and told her that you would stay the night in her dorm so she knew not to go to yours. You texted her and asked where she was. She said she was having a movie night with Lila. You thought it was weird you weren’t invited. You and Ellie would only hang out with her alone if the other had a class or was busy. If the three of you were free, y’all were together. You felt hurt and cleaned up the mess. You argued with her about it the next day and found out it was Lila’s idea. You texted her and expressed how uncomfortable it made you. She was apologetic and made you promise not to tell Ellie that she was telling you a secret. Ellie was planning a big surprise for you since an anniversary was coming up. You felt guilty and apologized to Ellie. You asked to have dinner Saturday, which was supposedly when the surprise was going to take place.
You waited for Ellie at her favorite diner. The minutes kept passing by and by, Ellie never showing up. You were blowing up her phone but she wasn’t responding. You never told Ellie, who preferred having her read receipts off, that you turned hers on secretly for you. She read every one and still no response. About an hour later, you were bawling your eyes out and decided it was time to leave. In walked Ellie, who was surprised to see you so emotional.
“Baby, what is it?”
“You were supposed to be here an hour ago.”
You made sure to bump her shoulder as you stormed past her. Once you made it outside of the diner, Ellie had caught up with you and grabbed your arm. “Let go!” you yelled.
People around started to stare. Ellie gave you a dirty look and pulled you closer. “Stop causing a fucking scene, these people think I’m hurting you,” she growled under her breath. “Calm down.”
She shoved your wrist away and stepped back, running a hand through her short hair. You tried to calm yourself down but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. “I thought it was at seven. I’m so sorry baby,” she apologized.
“I reminded you a million times that it was at six.”
Ellie took her phone out and sighed at the text messages, acting as if she was guilty for not “seeing them.” You were starting to get pissed off but knew you couldn’t reveal that you knew she was lying.
“Sweetheart… I’m so sorry. I was over at Lila’s to-”
“Lila’s again?!” you nearly shrieked. Ellie made a face at you.
“She’s our friend. I was hanging out with our friend. She was helping me get ready because I wanted to look nice for you.”
The more you thought about it, the more you realized that Ellie would text less and less the more she hung out with Lila. She wouldn’t really text you much either.
“I’m starting to think she’s interfering with our relationship, Ellie. It feels like we barely talk. We don’t do anything together anymore. All you wanna do is hang out with her. ”
“She’s not interfering!” defended Ellie. You ignored her and walked away as she called out your name.
When you were finally in the comfort of your bed, you decided to text Lila to see if you could talk to her privately. Your text didn’t deliver. You hoped either she had no service at the moment or her phone was turned off. You set it down next to you and shut your eyes, the emotions of the day coming to hit you all at once. You cried yourself to sleep.
You saw a flower and note on your dresser the next day from Ellie. She told you how sorry she was and that she didn’t want to fight anymore. Then there was an anniversary card next to it where she wrote an extremely long paragraph for you. She must have come by early in the morning to leave it for you before her class. You sent a text and let her know to swing by your dorm once she was finished. You didn’t have classes until the evening, so you sat around waiting.
Her class ended at 11 a.m. and it would take her five-ten minutes to make it to your room. 11:05 came and went. 11:10, you started to think she might have stopped to talk to the professor or went to the restroom before leaving. You checked your phone and saw she read the text at eleven on the dot. You slammed the phone down on the bedside table and laid down. You fought tears as you started asking yourself where things went wrong. You wished you had told Lila to back off anyway that night at the bar. Things would be different. Ellie would be holding you, kissing you and whispering sweet nothings in your ear right now if it wasn’t for Lila.
-
You didn’t know you had fallen back to sleep until you woke up and realized you had missed your evening class. When you had checked the time, you also noticed Ellie sent a short text: “Not feeling so great today babe. I’m good though, no need to check in on me. Hope u liked your card. Love you:)”
You sighed. You’ve had enough. Ellie was lying and avoiding you for sure at this point. She was such a baby when she didn’t feel well, calling you and begging you to come by and take care of her. You shoved your phone in your back pocket and slid your shoes on, leaving your dorm room to go down the hall to Ellie’s. You tried opening the door but it was locked as if she wasn’t there. You pulled your phone out to call Lila. You swore to yourself that if they were hanging out that you would sit them both down and force them to hear how you feel. Set boundaries and make sure it’s clear that no one is allowed to hang one on one with each other anymore.
After dialing, you brought your cell to your ear and froze when the automated voice said the number wasn’t available. It didn’t ring at all, which explained why your text never delivered. She blocked you. And all you knew was that her dorm was a floor up but couldn’t remember which one. You felt stupid for not memorizing it. You didn’t want to bang on every door until you found her so you called Dina who was on the same floor as Lila.
“Hey,” she answered.
“Dina, hey, which dorm is Lila’s?”
“Oh, I’m good thanks for asking,” Dina said sarcastically “It’s like four doors down from mine. Why?”
“Ellie’s there right?”
“I mean.. I saw her this morning but kinda assumed she was back at her dorm or yours. Is she not?”
“Shit!” you hissed. “Fuck. Something is going on, I can feel it. Thanks, Dina. I’ll give you a couple of free joints for your help. Love you.”
You hung up and rushed for the stairs. You practically ran up them, skipping steps and getting nasty looks from other students who you nearly ran into. You opened the door and speed walked through the hallway to Dina’s door. It was cracked open and her head was poked out. She sent you a thumbs up as a way of saying good luck. You counted the doors and glanced back at her. She shook her head no to the door you were pointing at then nodded when you finally landed on the correct door. You felt your stomach turn. Your mouth salivated as if you were gonna throw up.
“You got this girl, I’m gonna keep watch in case I have to jump in,” Dina whispered loudly. You gave her an awkward smile, appreciative of her support but the sick feeling was getting worse.
You slammed the door open and nearly collapsed. They were fully clothed but Ellie was on top of Lila and kissing her. Ellie turned around, her mouth falling open and her brows furrowing upwards. Lila was giggling until she made eye contact with you. Her eyes went wide with fear. You staggered backwards, your hand gripping your stomach tightly.
“E-Ellie,” you whimpered.
Ellie jumped off of Lila and held her hands out towards you. She said something but you couldn’t hear due to the ringing in your ears. You started to sprint back to the exit, catching a glimpse of Dina leaving her room to go to Lila’s. You skipped down the stairs, busted through another door and barely made it to your dorm in time to vomit in the trash can you had sitting beside your desk. You picked it up and took it to the bathroom so you could clean it later. You stepped out, your hands on your knees as you tried to catch your breath. You could feel a panic attack coming on as the image of Ellie kissing Lila replayed in your brain on repeat. You could hear a voice in the distance calling your name. A hand touched your shoulder and you slapped it away, looking up to see Ellie.
There were tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she repeated your name over and over, as if she was begging you to speak.
“I-I can’t believe you,” you said quietly. “This isn’t… real.”
“Please, it’s not what it looks like honey.”
You kept fighting to catch your breath, trying to figure out how to feel and what to say. You heard a creak and looked up to see Lila slowly stepping in. Rage went through your entire body as if it was an adrenaline rush. There was so much you wanted to do to hurt her. You wanted to scream at her, rip her hair out, strangle her, all of the above.
“Get the fuck out!” you screeched. “I swear to God, Lila, if you don’t get out of my goddamn dorm, I will go to prison for the rest of my life after I’m finished with you!”
Lila turned to Ellie, expecting her to jump to her defense. Ellie didn’t take her eyes off you, her face twisted in pain and guilt.
“Ellie!” Lila whined.
You stepped forward without even thinking about it. Ellie turned and grabbed Lila. She pushed her out the door, slammed it shut then locked it. You stood there, glaring at Ellie as she rested her head against the cool wood. “Fuck,” she mumbled. Her chest ached. She knew she had ruined the one good thing in her life which was you. The only girl she ever loved, who dealt with her bullshit and held her while she cried and laughed with her afterwards. Ellie risked it for no reason. She wasn’t entirely sure how everything got so fucked up.
Ellie backed away from the door, slowly rotating with each step so she was facing you. You were no longer angry. You were watching her but Ellie felt it was as if you were staring through her. You were zoned out completely, your entire body shaking and your breathing fast.
“I’m sorry for avoiding you and… spending so much time with her. It was an accident, I swear,” said Ellie.
“How could you accidentally… kiss someone?” you asked. You decided to focus on the floor instead, Ellie’s face was too much to look at right now.
Ellie stayed silent, pacing back and forth in the room muttering to herself.
“When did it start?”
“Um, when she invited me to movie night,” responded Ellie.
Your heart sank. “Oh.”
“But nothing actually… started. I fucked up, baby, but there was nothing between us. She kissed me that night and I felt weird and awful. She was crying, complaining about her boyfriend and randomly kissed me. I didn’t reciprocate it that night. I stopped her, talked to her about it, and told her she’s just upset.”
Ellie stepped closer to you until she was a couple inches away from you. “Before our date, she was helping me pick out something to wear. I didn’t lie about that. But she’d kiss me on the cheek and I let her. When you left because I was late, I confided in Lila and we did… some stuff.”
“Stuff?” your voice cracked.
“Over the clothes,” Ellie sniffled as a tear fell down her cheek. “I felt awful so I got you that card.”
“So awful you had to go back.”
“It wasn’t for that at first, please believe me. I went to tell her we had to stop being friends. Then, I went back to my dorm to be alone. I wanted to figure out how to tell you so I was gonna call you but I left my fucking phone,” she sighed. “Goddamn it. I’m so fucking stupid. She invited me in. I should’ve waited outside.”
You felt a buzzing in your pocket and pulled it out to see a text from Lila. You chuckled dryly. “That’s funny, Lila just texted me. She had me blocked when I tried calling before I came by.”
Ellie’s eyes widened. You could see the panic written all over her face, her shoulders moving up and down quickly as her breath sped up.
“W-What is it?”
“A video?”
Ellie reached out to take your phone but you slapped her hand away and stepped back. “Why do you wanna see it so bad?”
“Just-Just let me see and I’ll delete it for you!”
“No, I want to watch.”
Ellie’s hands went to her stomach, watching as you played the video. You dropped your phone to the ground, realizing Lila sent you a video of Ellie kissing Lila’s body all the way down until… well, you didn’t watch that far.
“Please,” Ellie sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re wearing the same outfit right now that you were wearing in that video.”
Ellie grabbed your wrists, bringing it up to her chest as she continued to plead with you. “It was only one time. I swear, I’m so sorry. I love you s’ much. I-I’d die without you. Baby, look at me. Please.”
Ellie pulled your face up to hers, your neck and body stiff as it settled in that Ellie was probably fucking Lila before today. Ellie peppered kisses all over your forehead and temple, muttering between each one how much she loved you and wanted to spend her life with you.
“I-I love how red your cheeks get when you-when you get embarrassed,” whispered Ellie as she planted a kiss on each one. “I love how you’re always putting chapstick on so that your lips are soft for me.” She kissed you but you didn’t do it back. “I-I love the way your chin wobbles so much when you cry over cat v-videos.”
She looked down at your arms, her tears now landing on them. “I love how you wrap your arms around me when you s-sleep. Your hands, God, I love how soft your hands feel o-on my body.”
Ellie closed the space between the two of you and slowly laid you on the bed, crawling over you and staring deep in your lifeless eyes. “You always looked at me so full of love.”
Ellie leaned forward, little whimpers falling out of her lips. “Where did it go?”
Ellie’s lips were soaked as she kissed you. You finally opened your mouth and kissed her back, her tears seeping between your lips and landing on your tongue.
“God sent his favorite angel to save me,” she whispered between kisses.
You broke the kiss to cry, Ellie using a finger to brush off each drop. She gently shushed you. “Please don’t cry,” she said. Her voice was raspy. She sounded completely broken.
“You kiss me and I taste someone else, Ellie…”
Ellie’s face dropped in anguish as she bawled harder.
“You have to go,” you weeped. “You c-can’t do this to me.”
“But I love you. I-I’m gonna make it right.”
“I’m not sure if you can, Ellie.”
Her name used to taste so sweet in your mouth. Now, it made your throat burn.
You gently pushed Ellie off of you. “You lied to me,” you uttered. “It’s unforgivable.”
Ellie turned away so you couldn’t see her break down. She looked around the room to see some of her clothes littered on the floor. She began to gather them together, sobbing softly.
Before she turned the knob, she stopped and glanced behind her shoulder at you. “I’m going to make this right. No matter what you say, even if thirty years from now you hate me. I will keep trying until I die.”
She left, the air in the room thickening as your brain replayed memories of the good times with Ellie. The flowers she’d pick for you on walks, her smile, her laugh, her cooking the nastiest food you ever ate. You squeezed your eyes shut as a desperate attempt to just live in those memories. You’d wake up tomorrow and none of this would’ve ever happened. You’d tell Ellie about your nightmare and she’d assure you that you were the only girl for her. You got up and picked up a shirt she had forgotten. You held it to your face, breathing in deeply and losing yourself in her scent. You slowly started to fall to your knees and onto your side. You curled up with her shirt and slowly drifted to sleep, the sweetest dream of Ellie hugging you taking the ache in your chest away.
#ellie williams#ellie williams x you#tlou2#ellie williams tlou2#ellie williams x reader#ellie x fem reader#the last of us#the last of us part two#ellie williams angst#angst#ellie williams x reader angst
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More serious summary of the livestream
Unfortunately I can't provide a full translation because the entire time I was watching in autistic excitement like 😊🥰🤩 whilst my brain melted out my ears and didn't pick up on a lot
Luckily, I have a feeling someone will get around to translating this stream eventually since they finally had the BGM on a lower volume so everyone was audible the whole time
Without further ado:
We started with introductions
seating order is Yamanaka, Yurina (Es' VA), Minami (Amane's VA), Ryouta (Kazui's VA) and DECO (who dyed his hair blonde)
They each have one of the 4th anniversary acrylic stands in front of them
The actors have their characters
but Yamanaka has Haruka and DECO has Muu
Yamanaka admitted to being a Haruka oshi/fan
Then Minami talks about being a Fuuta fan (she calls him cool) and she's handed the Fuuta stand and she pushes the Fuuta and Amane stand next to each other (and jokes about their height difference then imitates Fuuta going zenbu zenbu zenbu!)
But then Yurina sticks her Es stand in between them to separate them
And then they move the Amane stand next to the Kazui one and everyone coos
Before moving Amane and Fuuta back together in front of Minami
Then they basically just lift all of the stands up on to the table and continue on
They discuss their thoughts on the trial
Looking at who got voted inno and guilty
Minami is happy Amane got inno but has no idea how Mikoto wasn't guilty
They note that the audience wasn't very happy with Kotoko for beating up the other prisoners
Then they give some thoughts on the MVs from Daisuki to Deep cover
They get most excited talking about Cat and Purge March
Kazui says that he was able to put the right emotions into Cat because he recorded the voice drama first
Yurina and Minami actually caused the microphone to peak with their excited shrieks at one point (ow)
They answer some audience submitted questions
One question was answered along the lines of "Be prepared"
One was submitted in English and they tried to but couldn't read it
Then they got a question (in Japanese) from someone from 韓国/South Korea
[side note: I feel like the south korean milgram fandom has gotten more prominent recently, its always been there but it feels bigger than ever and that's pretty cool]
After audience questions they made a few announcements
Some things we already knew, the gratte cafe crossover, the Kotoko line stickers, Earbuds are still on sale (and they're making badges and stuff based on the earbud promo art) the 4th anniversary art/acrylici stands literally in front of them
Then some new things:
Minigram LINE stamps (everyone was especially pleased for the Kazui XP stamp)
There's going to be a part 2 to the Karaoke collab (no details yet other than its coming)
They also announce this year's perk for annual members
[the pain of being an annual member but living outside of Japan so you can't get these 😭]
Blank lamenated cards of the prisoner's interrogations and a whiteboard pen so you can write your own interro questions and answers
They bring out the cards for Kazui and Amane and do some examples
"Do you like cake?" "I don't eat it."
"What did you have for lunch today?" "Gyudon." [a beef and rice dish]
Then Minami just writes "Toilet paper" in katakana and everyone laughs (Then she writes Toilet paper rap/lap/wrap and I'm not sure what she means)
Most exciting is script books for the Hallucenation liveshow (scripts of the voice dramas and songs)
The live show uses condensed versions of the voice dramas but this is the first time we'll have official transcripts of key moments to help check translations with
Then they start saying that T2 was hellish, but T3 is going to go beyond hell: They're going to send everyone to Super Hell
And at this point my brain fries and overloads on eeby deeby memes as they all go back and forth talking about Super Hell
They all start doing their outros/saying goodbye
Yurina talks about upcoming challenges we have as guards meanwhile Yamanaka ominously holds the Haruka stand up in frame
Then that's basically it, not much going on because a lot of stuff (like Hallucenation, the plushes, earbuds) came out right before the 4th anniversary
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normaltown pt 2 also HOW HAS IT ALREADY BEEN 1 YEAR
IT HAS BEEN. SO LONG SINCE I LAST DREW THESE TWO. and it's barely even them tbh WHATEVER
i had the brilliant idea to combine the personality swaps with my anniversary post, so bam. the ship that got me playing the sims 2 in the first place and instead here i am frolicking the fields with tanmeric and tycutio every single day 😭 sighhhh i have tarnished their name, their reputation... how will they ever recover... i'm sorry pasnerv nervscal pavorious anxious-curiosity pascal x nervous i love you i love you
neways. it's been a rocky 2023 irl, but on here everyone was literally so damn kind. there was such COOL inspiring art i saw (i literally would not have improved as much as i did without it) and i ended up making the bestest buds ever and met other awesome people too ^_^!! so thank you to everyone in this gay ass fandom 💝💘💗
here's the og art btw OMG DON'T LOOK!!!!!! 🤢🤢😬😓
who gave this old man the camera smh
HE'S SO 😞😞💓💓💓💓
#ts2 fanart#<- throwback to when i used to tag my art this. i became so lazy 🥱#nervous subject#pascal curious#tycho curious#strangetown#shart#sims 2#i don't think it's really registered in my mind that it's ACTUALLY BEEN A YEAR. THAT'S INSANE#i remember checking my phone a while after posting my og fanart and seeing those first 4 notifications... legendary feeling#coming from twitter where 0 people gave a SHIT and it was so isolating 😢 (plus there barely was/is a sims 2 fandom there anyway)#just realized nerv's left arm is in the exact same position in both pieces#art imitates art i guess
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Thank you, for everything (it takes a village) - Lewis Hamilton ft. Ayrton Senna
Little something for the 30th Anniversary of Senna's legacy
pairing: Senna! Reader X Lewis Hamilton
warnings: mentions of death, mourning, 30th anniversary of Senna's legacy
wordcount: +4k
song: In your arms - Birdy
a/n: People in Brasil don't say is the anniversary of his death but rather of his legacy, and it's such a beautiful way to see it. I hope Ayrton knows, wherever he is, how loved he still is.
a/n.2: Ayrton was known as Beco/Becão by his family and friends
As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi! (Also, my written portuguese is a bit rusty, so if there's anything weird, please let me know)
______________________________________________________________
When hope went away I still held on, to the love that you gave, it’s all I’ve got of you now. I will never know you, don’t get to understand, no answers to questions. It’s too late for that. But I was in your arms, once
A pre-dawn Miami humidity clung to y/n like a second skin, even inside the automatically cooled hotel room. The city slept, but the salty air carried a raw energy that mirrored the turmoil brewing within her. Today, the 1st of May, was a day she always needed to face alone.
She laid there, staring at the ceiling, the weight growing with each passing moment. Today, the air itself seemed thick with an unspoken grief, a shared memory of loss that resonated across the globe. 30 years. Three decades since the world had watched in horror as lives changed forever, hers included.
The sheets felt too restrictive, the silence too loud. Pulling them back, she tiptoed past the rumpled form of Lewis, still fast asleep. He'd offered to come with her, to run by the beach together, but she needed this. Needed the solitude, the rhythmic pounding of her feet against the pavement to chase away the ghosts of a past she barely remembered.
Miami slept, bathed in the faint glow of pre-dawn light, but Y/N felt wide awake, her mind a whirlwind of emotions. Stepping out onto the balcony, the salty air stung her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she gazed out at the vast expanse of the ocean, the darkness slowly giving way to a canvas of vibrant oranges and pinks.
A single tear traced a path down her cheek, a silent tribute to a love stolen too soon. Every year on this day, it was as if the world held its breath, waiting for her grief to surface. This anniversary wasn't a celebration; it was a stark reminder of the void that had forever shaped her life.
The need to move, to outrun the memories that threatened to consume her, became an insistent ache. With each step, a memory flickered to life, but one always stood out the most, the one few people knew of.
She was four, piloting her tiny kart around a makeshift track at Interlagos. The familiar scent of burnt rubber and exhaust fumes flooded her senses, transporting her back to a time before tragedy struck. Y/n grinned, her hair whipping in the wind, as she pushed her little kart to its limits.
A wild turn, a sickening jolt, and the world tilted sideways. Then, strong arms scooped her up. "Tudo bem aí, filha?" (Everything okay there, darling?) Her father's voice, warm and reassuring. He checked her over, a playful glint in his dark brown eyes. "Você tava indo bem, se assustou?" (You were doing great, did you scare yourself?)
Y/n shook her head, a defiant tear clinging to her cheek. “Eu acho que tá bom por hoje já.” (I think that’s enough for today) Ayrton ruffled her hair, a conforting glint in his eyes. “Não pai, eu quero baixar o tempo da volta”(No dad, I wanna lap faster) little y/n stood her ground, already half way back into her kart. "Vamos voltar lá e mostrar como se faz então, Senninha” (Let’s go back there and show who’s boss then, Senninha).
The memory faded, replaced by the rhythmic sound of the waves. Anya stopped, chest heaving. Frustration gnawed at her. She would never know that feeling of hearing him cheer her on in that deep, familiar voice again. All she had were these fleeting snippets, these echoes of a life stolen too soon.
Each stride was a battle cry against the past, a desperate attempt to find some semblance of peace. She ran until the sun climbed higher, painting the sky in vibrant hues, until her lungs burned and her legs screamed for mercy. Finally, Y/n slowed to a walk, chest heaving, sweat stinging her eyes.
Collapsing onto a weathered bench, she leaned forward, hands on her knees, gasping for breath. As the initial wave of exhaustion subsided, a new clarity washed over her. The memories would always be there, a bittersweet reminder of a love lost.
But today, she would celebrate his life, his passion, his legacy that lived on, not just in her name, but in the hearts of countless who still chanted his name at races.
Returning to the hotel, Y/n showered, the steam slowly clearing the remnants of the run and the emotional turmoil. Opening the bathroom door, she found Lewis propped up on the bed, scrolling through his phone. He looked up, a concerned look in his warm brown eyes.
"Morning," he said, his voice slightly raspy. "Early run?"
She offered a tired smile. "Needed to clear my head." She sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling a towel around her damp hair. "Big day ahead"
Lewis put down his phone, his gaze intent on her. "Yeah," he agreed, his voice softer now. "You alright?"
Taking another deep breath, she met his gaze. "Yeah, I'll be okay. Just… emotional, even more so this year"
Lewis reached out and took her hand, his touch a warm anchor in the storm of her emotions. "No judgment," he said quietly. "Today isn't easy for you, I know."
Y/n leaned into his touch, finding comfort in his understanding. "Interviews all day and the dinner at night" she sighed. "They want me to relive it all – the memories, the grief. It gets exhausting sometimes."
Lewis nodded. "Then maybe you should have your people reschedule them. There's no need to—"
She cut him off with a gentle shake of her head. "No, Lew. I can't hide from it. Today may be hard, but it's important. It's a chance to celebrate his life, to keep his memory alive." she squeezed his hand, a newfound determination strengthening her resolve. "I just…" she hesitated, her voice thick with emotion, "I wish I could remember more."
Lewis's gaze softened further. "You may not have years of childhood memories, but you carry his spirit in you. His passion, his strength, that's part of who you are."
Y/n looked out the window, at the city slowly waking up to a new day. His words held truth. She may not have clear memories of her father, but his legacy, his love, was woven into the fabric of her being.
Taking another deep breath, she met Lewis's gaze, a small smile danced in her eyes "I hope so.”
Today would be impossibly hard. As people celebrated a hero, she would mourn a loss, but they would all be facing the future nonetheless. He may have been gone, but the love he gave her remained, with her and in her.
"I remember you my way, It’s not perfect or fair, I paint you with colours, That weren’t ever there. Feels harder these days after so long, ‘Cause my memory fades"
The sterile hotel conference room felt strangely warm, the air thick with a mix of anticipation and unspoken grief. Y/n sat opposite Galvão Bueno, the legendary Brazilian motorsport commentator, his kind eyes reflecting a lifetime of witnessing triumphs and tragedies on the track. This wasn't just another interview. Galvão knew Ayrton. Knew him not just as a driver, but as a friend, a competitor, a kindred spirit who left a void in Brazilian hearts, and most acutely, in Y/n's.
The interview began, a dance between formality and shared history. Galvão's questions flowed, laced with a quiet respect that Y/n appreciated. "O Ayrton" he began, a nostalgic smile playing on his lips "sempre teve uma maneira diferente de cativar o público” (always had a way of captivating a room"
Y/n nodded, a flicker of curiosity sparking in her eyes. "Ele tinha” (He did) she admitted "Mas para ser bem honesta, eu lembro de sempre ficar puxando ele para sair dos lugares porque ele parava para conversar com todo mundo” (But to be honest, I remember always dragging him out of place since he would stop and talk to everyone)
A warm chuckle escaped Galvão's lips at her confession. He leaned forward, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Você sabia que antes de toda corrida, ele fazia um ritualzinho? Ele parava na frente do carro, fechava os olhos, e... bom, ninguém sabe direito o que ele fazia. Mas ele tocava o carro em três lugares específicos – o nariz, a roda direita dianteira, e aqui” (Did you know that before every race, he'd have this little ritual? He'd stand by his car, close his eyes, and…well, no one knew exactly what he did, but he'd touch the car in three specific places – the nose cone, the front right wheel, and then, right here) Galvão tapped his chest over his heart.
Y/n smiled, surprised that someone still remembered that sequence. But, although this was the Ayrton Senna she knew from the countless documentaries and newsreels, how he recounted that from memory was a glimpse of a private Ayrton, a man seeking solace and strength before the roar of the engines began, not something she would notice while watching a video.
"E tem mais, Senninha” (There's more, Senninha) he said, using the affectionate nickname many Brazilians called her. "Você sabe que ele era muito supersticioso. Ele nunca usava um capacete novo pela primeira vez em um final de semana de corrida. Sempre insistia em um mais velho, mesmo que estivesse ruim para usar.” (He was fiercely superstitious, you see. He wouldn't wear a new helmet for the first time on a race weekend. Always insisted on the old one, even if it was a little worse for wear.)
Y/n couldn't help but let out a small laugh, a welcome sound that broke the tension in the room. "Parece exatamente algo que ele faria” (That sounds exactly like something he’d do) she said, a newfound appreciation blooming in her chest.
Galvão continued, weaving a tapestry of anecdotes. He spoke of Ayrton's meticulous work ethic, his relentless pursuit of perfection, and then, with a twinkle in his eye, of his playful side. "Ele sempre arrastava os reporters brasileiros para o kart em Interlagos, lá onde você aprendeu a pilotar” (He'd always drag Brazilian reporters to go-kart at Interlagos, right there where you learned how to race" he reminisced, a fond smile creasing his face. "E deixa eu te contar, seu pai sempre ganhava da gente, por muito!" (And let me tell you, your father would always bet us, by far)
Y/n listened, captivated. These were stories of a man, not just a legend. A man who found joy in competition, even outside the high-pressure world of Formula One. As the interview progressed, a kaleidoscope of Ayrton unfolded before her, a man filled with complexities and contradictions, yet undeniably her father.
Stepping out of the stifling conference room, Y/n felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. Galvão's interview had stirred a potent cocktail of emotions within her – a heady mix of pride, nostalgia, and a gnawing sense of loss. Back in her hotel room, she found her ant Viviane unpacking a basket of goodies as she waited for her youngest niece. The scent of warm pão de queijo filled the air, a familiar comfort amidst the whirlwind of emotions.
"Você chegou, florzinha" (You’re here, little flower) the elder woman said, her voice as warm as the sun, pulling Y/n into a tight embrace. "Como foi?” (How did it go)
Y/n sank into the hug, the scent of lavender and her ant’s comforting embrace temporarily pushing aside the weight of the interview. "Foi bom” (It was good) she mumbled, pulling away slightly. “Galvão knew Dad well, that's for sure” y/n’s changed to English, hoping it’d be okay to use the language she didn’t have to think so hard to answer back in.
Both women sat by the outdoor sitting area of the room, the crash of the waves a comforting distraction as y/n ate the last bits of the cheese bread that were being served all day during the interviews on the anniversary and promotions for the new Netflix show.
"I believe everything's going well for the dinner latter tonight” the younger offered, more out of obligation than conviction. Viviane’s gaze sharpened, the lines around her eyes crinkling with a quiet understanding. She held Y/n’s gaze until she asked "But something troubles you, doesn't it?"
Y/n hesitated, her fingers fiddling with the edge of her shirt. It was a familiar pattern her family knew all too well, the switch to English, the fiddling, the lack of glint in the eyes she had inherited from Ayrton.
Taking a deep breath, y/n confessed, "It's just…all these interviews, all these stories about Dad. I feel like everyone knew a part of him I never did."
A shadow flickered across Viviane’s face, a brief echo of the grief they both still carried. She reached out, gently squeezing Y/n's hand. "My love" she began, her voice soft yet firm “Beco was a complex man. Even those closest to him couldn't fully grasp him. He was a whirlwind, a force of nature on the track, but off it…" she paused, a wistful smile gracing her lips. "He was a private man, and yes, perhaps a little distant at times. He lived for his racing, dedicating every fiber to it."
Y/n nodded, a familiar ache tightening her chest. "It's not that I blame him," she said quietly. "He was the best."
Viviane’s smile softened. "He was, my darling. But being the best came at a cost. It left little room for the mundane, the everyday things that build memories."
A flicker of a childhood memory sparked in Y/n's mind – the faint scent of her father's cologne, the warmth of his hand enveloping hers as they walked through a park. They weren't grand gestures, but they were hers, proof of a love that existed beyond trophies and championships.
The elder saw the shift in Y/n's eyes, the glimmer of a forgotten memory. "Não se compare com o Galvão ou com qualquer outro, meu amor” (Don't compare yourself to Galvão or the others, my love) she said gently. "Você é a filha dele. Você conheceu o Beco, o homem com o mesmo olhar que o seu” (You are his daughter. You knew Beco, the man with the same eyes as yours)
Y/n's gaze drifted out to the bustling Miami cityscape, a blur compared to the vivid image forming in her mind's eye – a playful smile on her father's face as he taught her how to say pão de queijo. It was a fleeting memory, but a precious one nonetheless.
The stories, though fragmented, were pieces of a larger puzzle, a picture of her father that was starting to take shape, not just as a legendary driver, but as a man capable of love, laughter, and quiet moments of joy.
As they finished their lunch, Viviane placed a comforting hand on Y/n's cheek. "Go now, my darling," she said, her voice soft yet strong. "Celebrate your father, honor his memory. But don't forget to celebrate the love you shared, the love that lives on within you."
Y/n nodded, tears welling up in her eyes, this time tears of gratitude for the woman who had been a constant source of love and support throughout her life. Leaning in, they embraced tightly. "Obrigada, tia. Por tudo" (Thank you, antie. For everything) she whispered, the words thick with emotion.
As she left the hotel room later, for another round of interviews before the official dinner, Y/n went to the window, gazing out at the ocean once again, taking a deep breath, she whispered, "Obrigada, pai. Por tudo.” (Thank you, dad. For everything). It was a simple phrase, but for her, it held the weight of a lifetime of love and an unspoken promise to keep his legacy alive.
"And these aren’t tears because you’re gone, But for all the years that we lost, All those times I missed that love, Had it just for a moment"
As the night dawned in Miami, the heat dissipated but the humidity continued to clung to the city like a second skin. Y/n bustled around the room, a flurry of nervousness. The dinner to celebrate Ayrton Senna’s legacy started in a couple of hours and although the event had been meticulously planned for weeks, and by at least 30 people, the weight of the world felt concentrated on Y/n shoulder’s, the formal host to the dinner.
Lewis emerged from the shower, a towel wrapped around his lower waist, beads of water clinging to his dark braids. He stopped short at the sight of Y/n, a smile spreading across his face as he took sight of her sat perched on the edge of the bed, a faded white t-shirt of his hanging loosely on her slender frame, a white towel turbaned around her wet hair.
"Planning on hitting the town like that?" he teased, a playful glint in his eyes. "Although" he added, his voice dropping a touch lower, "I do love the look."
Y/n laughed, a sound that banished the last vestiges of worry from Lewis's heart. "Not quite," she said, her smile widening. "I’m trying to figure out what to post"
He noticed her phone held open on the bed, displaying two video options. As he walked closer, his bare chest brushing against hers for a fleeting moment – a small reminder of the intimacy they shared – Y/n looked up at him, her eyes sparkling with a light he hadn't yet seen earlier in the day.
"Help me choose" she said, her voice filled with a newfound energy.
He picked her up and sat her on his laps, occupying her place by the edge of the bed, the scent of his shower gel a subtle but pleasant counterpoint to the sweet aroma of the lotion she had applied. He leaned over to see the two videos.
The first one, showed a baby Y/n, barely a year old, toddling through a sun-dappled garden, her chubby arms flailing as she chased a flurry of brightly colored butterflies. In the background, Ayrton with a gentle smile on his face, playfully swatting the butterflies away from his daughter with a swatting motion.
The second video, showed a slightly older Y/n, around two years-old, in a swimming pool. Ayrton, submerged in the water next to her, was demonstrating how to blow bubbles. Y/n, a mischievous glint in her eyes, mimicked his actions, creating a flurry of glistening bubbles that danced around her face.
"The bubble one. Something about that mischievous gleam in your eyes always has me hooked” Lewis said, amusement dancing in his voice
Y/n laughed, a sound so genuine and unburdened that it made Lewis's heart skip a beat. "I was always a rowdy thing" she admitted, a playful glint in her own eyes.
"A charming one, at that," Lewis confirmed, reaching out to kiss her shoulder. Picking the video, Lewis handed the phone back to her. "Let the world see that side to you" Y/n grinned, tapping on the screen to schedule the post.
She got up and disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed, and a few minutes later Lewis walked into Y/n intently listening to her phone on speaker, as she fiddled with a stray curl as she spoke.
"Adriane" she soothed; her voice laced with a warmth that cut through the phone's static. "Você está indo como minha convidada, lembra?” (You're coming as my guest, remember?)
A nervous laugh tinkled on the other end. “Eles sabem disso?” (Do they know that?). Andriane, Ayrton's last girlfriend and a prominent Brazilian television personality.
Y/n bit her lip, a pang of sympathy shooting through her. "Eu sei.” (I do know) she sighed. "Eu sei que eles nunca realmente te aceitaram, mas você era diferente. Você foi a única que ele me apresentou” (I know they never really accepted you, but you were different. You were the only one he introduced me."
A brief silence followed, then Adriane spoke, her voice softer now. "Ele queria uma família, Y/n. Uma família para você. Ele sempre falava isso, seu futuro, com ele” (He wanted a family, Y/n. A family for you. He talked about it all the time, your future, with him)
Y/n's heart clenched. Memories flickered – fleeting glimpses of her father smiling at her from across a dinner table, his eyes holding a tenderness she hadn't quite understood at the time. Perhaps, she thought, there had been more to those moments than she'd realized.
"Obrigada Adriane, por tudo. Por ter sido parte da vida dele, e por ser parte da minha, do seu jeito.” (Thank you Adriane, for everything. For being a part of his life, and for being a part of mine, in your own way) she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.
Adriane sniffled softly and then laughed “Você é tão charmosa quanto ele, Senninha” (You are as much of a charmer as he was, Senninha) a sound that banished the last traces of tension. "Vai dar tudo certo.” (Everything will be alright)
With a final exchange of goodbyes, Y/n hung up. Glancing over at Lewis, who was attempting to understand the few Portuguese words he could understand. She took a deep breath. "My family’s not gonna make this any easier" she sighed, her voice hesitant.
Lewis turned and reached for her, pulling her by the waist with a questioning look etched on his face. Y/n, feeling a flicker of anxiety, explained the conversation, but mostly of the unwavering loyalty she felt towards the woman who held such a significant piece of her father's story.
As she finished, Lewis placed a gentle hand on her cheek. "You miss him, don't you?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with understanding as you gave him a sad smile and nod
"It doesn't matter how long it's been" Lewis continued, his voice firm yet gentle. "Grief doesn't have a deadline."
Y/n remained silent, the weight of his words settling in. He knew the anniversary was a constant reminder, a punch to the gut every year. He could only imagine the whirlwind of emotions it brought – the bittersweet memories mixed with the crushing weight of what could have been.
"It feels unfair, sometimes…" she started, her voice catching signaling she wouldn’t complete her thoughts. Lewis tightened his hold on her, pulling her closer. "It is unfair," he agreed, his voice a low rumble against her ear
Y/n leaned into his touch, seeking solace in his words and the steady beat of his heart. The dam finally broke, and a light sob went thought her body. Tears streamed down her face, hot and silent. Lewis held her close, whispering reassurances against her hair, letting her feel without judgment.
"Every year," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, "it's like a punch to the gut. A reminder of all the birthdays, holidays, just…everyday moments I missed with him." Her voice cracked. "Everyone has stories, memories. They remember his laugh, his jokes, his warmth. All I have are these…flashes of moments, barely enough to string together a semblance of who he was."
Lewis didn't try to fix it, to offer empty platitudes. He simply held her gaze as she spoke, a silent promise etched in his eyes. He wouldn't try to replace the memories she never had, but he would be a part of her future, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold.
“It's okay to mourn the future that was stolen from you” he whispered, his voice gentle, as Y/n leaned into his touch, a flicker of something akin to peace flickering in her eyes. "Do you think he would have liked me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
The question hung heavy in the air. It was a question she'd probably grappled with for years, a silent fear gnawing at the edges of her grief. Lewis knew he couldn't give her a definitive answer, but he could offer her the solace of a possibility.
"There's no doubt he would have loved you fiercely." he said, his voice firm with conviction. “And he would have been so proud of the woman you've become."
Silence settled between them once more, but this time it was a comfortable silence, filled with a newfound understanding. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "For being here, for listening, for understanding."
Y/n turned, her eyes meeting his in the mirror, a fresh wave of tear forming in her eyelids. A faint smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
"These aren't sad tears" she explained, wiping away at her eyes "They're just…wish you were here' kind of tears… For this" Y/n gestured at the phone on the counter. "For the celebration, for being surrounded by people who loved him. I just wish he could be here too."
Her voice softened, an acceptance in her eyes. The pain and loss would always be there, a part of her story. But there was also space for joy, for celebrating his life, and for building a future for herself.
As he pulled her into a warm embrace, Lewis whispered into her ear, "He is here, Y/n. In you, in your strength, in the mischief you still carry in your eyes. Every step you take forward is partly because of his love for you."
They stood there for a moment longer, a silent conversation passing between them. Y/n pulled away, wiping the last vestiges of moisture from her cheeks.
"Alright then" she said, a playful glint back in her eyes. "Let's go celebrate Dad. And show Miami a little Brazilian hospitality."
Lewis grinned. "Lead the way" his arms wrapping her and turning her around so he could kiss her.
The 30th anniversary of his death, although grim and a meticulously planned affair, held a significance that went beyond events, interview and RSVPs. It was a celebration of a life well-lived, a father cherished, and a daughter determined to carry his legacy forward, one mischievous bubble at a time.
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#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton x you#lewis hamilton imagine#senna!reader#ayrton senna#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#lewis hamilton#formula 1
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